GLEANINGS 

FOR  THE  CURIOUS 


HARVEST-FIELDS  OF  LITERATURE. 

A  MELANGE  OF  EXCERPTA, 


C.   C.   BOMBAUGH,   A.M.,  M.  D. 

WITH  STEEL-PLATE  PORTRAIT. 

"  So  she  gleaned  in  the  field  until  even,  and  beat  out  that  she  had  gleaned: 
and  it  was  about  an  ephah  of  barley.'1'1  —  RUTH  n.  17. 

"/  har'S  here  made  a  nosegay  of  culled  flowers,  and  have  brought  nothing  of 
my  own  but  the  string  that  ties  them." — MONTAIGNE. 


AUTHOR'S   UNABRIDGED    EDITION. 
[FIRST  SERIES.] 


[PUI 


HARTFORD,     CONN.: 

A.    D.    WORTHINGTON     &    Co.,    PUBLISHERS. 

Louis  LLOYD  &  Co.,  CHICAGO.    A.  L.  BANCROFT  &  Co.,  SAN  FRANCISCO. 

A.  G.  NBTTTBTON  &  Co.,  CINCINNATI,  O.,  AND  ST.  Louis,  Mo. 

I87S- 


Entered,  according  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  the  year  1874,  by 

A.  D.  WOETHINGTON  &  CO. 
in  the  Office  of  the  Librarian  of  Congress,  at  Washington. 


iPrefatotg. 


$  am  not  ignorant,  ne  unsure,  ti)at  mang  tfjere  aw, 
before  tofjose  sigf)t  tf)is  i3oofe  sfjall  untie  small  grace, 
anti  lesse  fabour.  ^o  ijartu  a  tiling  it  is  to  torite  or 
incite  ang  matter,  tofjatsoeber  it  be,  tf)at  s^oultr  be  able 
to  sustaine  anti  abibe  tf)e  bariable  judgement,  antr  to 
obtaine  or  totnne  tl)c  constant  lobe  anto  allowance  of 
eberg  man,  especially  if  it  containe  in  it  ang  nobeltg  or 
untoontefc  strangenesse. — RAYNALD'S  WOMAN'S  BOOK. 


415185 


Bid  him  welcome.    This  is  the  motley-minded  gentleman. 

As  You  LIKE  IT. 

A  fountain  set  round  with  a  rim  of  old,  mossy  stones,  and 

paved  in  its  bed  with  a  sort  of  mosaic  work  of  variously-colored 
pebbles.  HOUSE  op  SEVEN  GABLES. 

A  gatherer  and  a  disposer  of  other  men's  stuff. 

WOTTON. 

A  running  banquet  that  hath  much  variety,  but  little  of  a  sort. 

BUTLER. 

They  have  been  at  a  great  feast  of  languages,  and  stolen  the 
scraps-  LOVE'S  LABOR  LOST. 

There's  no  want  of  meat,  sir ;  portly  and  curious  viands  are 
prepared  to  please  all  kinds  of  appetites.  MASSINGER 

A  dinner  of  fragments  is  said  often  to  be  the  best  dinner.  So 
are  there  few  minds  but  might  furnish  some  instruction  and  en- 
tertainment out  of  their  scraps,  their  odds  and  ends  of  thought. 
They  who  cannot  weave  a  uniform  web  may  at  least  produce  a 
piece  of  patchwork ;  which  may  be  useful  and  not  without  a  charm 
of  its  own.  GUESSES  AT  TRUTH. 

It  is  a  regular  omnibus ;  there  is  something  in  it  to  every- 
body's taste.  Those  who  like  fat  can  have  it ;  so  can  they  who 
like  lean;  as  well  as  those  who  prefer  sugar,  and  those  who 
choose  pepper.  MYSTERIES  OF  PAats. 

Read,  and  fear  not  thine  own  understanding :  this  book  will 
create  a  clear  one  in  thee ;  and  when  thou  hast  considered  thy 
purchase,  thou  wilt  call  the  price  of  it  a  charity  to  thyself. 

SHIRLEY. 

In  winter  you  may  reade  them  ad  ignem,  by  the  fireside,  and 
in  summer  ad  umbram,  under  some  shadie  tree ;  and  therewith 
passe  away  the  tedious  howres.  SALTONSTALL. 


INTRODUCTION. 


AN  earlier  edition  of  GLEANINGS  having  attracted  the  hearty  appro- 
val of  a  limited  circle  of  that  class  of  readers  who  prefer  "  a  running 
banquet  that  hath  much  variety,  but  little  of  a  sort,"  the  present  pub- 
lisher requested  the  preparation  of  an  enlargement  of  the  work.  In 
the  augmented  form  in  which  it  is  now  offered  to  the  public,  the  con- 
tents will  be  found  so  much  more  comprehensive  and  omnifarious 
that,  while  it  has  been  nearly  doubled  in  size,  it  has  been  more  than 
doubled  in  literary  value. 

Miscellanea  of  the  omnium-gatherum  sort  appear  to  be  as  accep- 
table to-day  as  they  undoubtedly  were  in  the  youthful  period  of  our 
literature,  though  for  an  opposite  reason.  When  books  were  scarce, 
and  costly,  and  inaccessible,  anxious  readers  found  in  "scripscrap- 
ologia"  multifarious  sources  of  instruction ;  now  that  books  are  like 
the  stars  for  multitude,  the  reader  who  is  appalled  by  their  endless 
succession  and  variety  is  fain  to  receive  with  thankfulness  the  cream 
that  is  skimmed  and  the  grain  that  is  sifted  by  patient  hands  for 
his  use.  Our  ancestors  were  regaled  with  such  olla-podrida  as  "  The 
Galimaufry :  a  Kickshaw  [Fr.  quelque  chose}  Treat  which  comprehends 
odd  bits  and  scraps,  and  odds  and  ends ;"  or  "  The  Wit's  Miscellany : 
odd  and  uncommon  epigrams,  facetious  drolleries,  whimsical  mottoes, 
merry  tales,  a~nd  fables,  for  the  entertainment  and  diversion  of  good 
company."  To  the  present  generation  is  accorded  a  wider  field  for 
excursion,  from  the  Curiosities  of  Disraeli,  and  the  Commonplaces  of 
Southey,  to  the  less  ambitious  collections  of  less  learned  collaborators. 

"Into  a  hotch-potch,"  says  Sir  Edward  Coke,  "  is  commonly  put  not 
one  thing  alone,  but  one  thing  with  other  things  together."  The 
present  volume  is  an  expedient  for  grouping  together  a  variety  which 
will  be  found  in  no  other  compilation.  From  the  nonsense  of  literary 
trifling  to  the  highest  expression  of  intellectual  force;  from  the 
anachronisms  of  art  to  the  grandest  revelations  of  science;  from 
selections  for  the  child  to  extracts  for  the  philosopher,  it  will  accom- 
modate the  widest  diversity  of  taste,  and  furnish  entertainment  for  all 
ages,  sexes,  and  conditions.  As  a  pastime  for  the  leisure  half-hour,  at 
1*  5 


6  INTRODUCTION. 

home  or  abroad  ;  as  a  companion  by  the  fireside,  or  the  seaside,  amid 
the  hum  of  the  city,  or  in  the  solitude  of  rural  life ;  as  a  means  of  re- 
laxation for  the  mind  jaded  by  business  activities,  it  may  be  safely 
commended  to  acceptance. 

The  aim  of  this  collation  is  not  to  be  exhaustive,  but  simply  to  be 
well  compacted.  The  restrictive  limits  of  an  octavo  require  the 
winnowings  of  selection  in  place  of  the  bulk  of  expansion.  Gar- 
gantua,  we  are  told  by  Rabelais,  wrote  to  his  son  Pantagruel, 
commanding  him  to  learn  Greek,  Latin,  Chaldaic,  and  Arabic;  all 
history,  geometry,  arithmetic,  music,  astronomy,  natural  philosophy, 
etc.,  "  so  that  there  be  not  a  river  in  the  world  thou  dost  not  know 
the  name  and  nature  of  all  its  fishes ;  all  the  fowls  of  the  air ;  all  the 
several  kinds  of  shrubs  and  herbs ;  all  the  metals  hid  in  the  bowels  of 
the  earth,  all  gems  and  precious  stones.  I  would  furthermore  have 
thee  study  the  Talmudists  and  Cabalists,  and  get  a  perfect  knowledge 
of  man.  In  brief,  I  would  have  thee  a  bottomless  pit  of  all  knowl- 
edge." While  this  book  does  not  aspire  to  such  Gargantuan  compre- 
hensiveness, it  seeks  a  higher  grade  of  merit  than  that  which  attaches 
to  those  who  "chronicle  small  beer,"  or  to  him  who  is  merely  "a 
snapper-up  of  unconsidered  trifles." 

Quaint  old  Burton,  in  describing  the  travels  of  Paulus  Emilius, 
says,  "  He  took  great  content,  exceeding  delight  in  that  his  voyage,  as 
who  doth  not  that  shall  attempt  the  like?  For  peregrination  charms 
our  senses  with  such  unspeakable  and  sweet  variety,  that  some  count 
him  unhappy  that  never  traveled,  a  kind  of  prisoner,  and  pity  his 
case  that  from  his  cradle  to  his  old  age  beholds  the  same  still ;  still, 
still,  the  same,  the  same."  It  is  the  purpose  of  these  GLEANINGS  to 
compass  such  "  sweet  variety"  by  conducting  the  reader  here,  through 
the  green  lanes  of  freshened  thought,  and  there,  through  by-paths 
neglected  and  gray  with  the  moss  of  ages;  now,  amid  cultivated 
fields,  and  then,  adown  untrodden  ways;  at  one  time,  to  rescue  from 
oblivion  fugitive  thoughts  which  the  world  should  not  "  willingly  let 
die,"  at  another,  to  restore  to  sunlight  gems  which  have  been  too  long 
"  underkept  and  down  supprest."  The  compiler  asks  the  tourist  to 
accompany  him,  because  with  him,  as  with  Montaigne  and  Hans 
Andersen,  there  is  no  pleasure  without  communication,  and  though 
all  -men  may  find  in  these  Collectanea  some  things  which  they  will 
recognize  as  old  acquaintances,  yet  will  they  find  many  more  with 
which  they  are  unfamiliar,  and  to  which  their  attention  has  never 
been  awakened. 


of  ©entente* 


rj^HE  literary  follies  known  as  Lipogrammata  and  Pangrammata  ;  — 
1  In  the  first,  a  particular  letter  is  dropped;  in  the  second,  all  the 
letters  of  the  alphabet  are  crowded  into  single  verses  or  sentences  ;  or, 
one  vowel  may  be  retained,  to  the  exclusion  of  all  the  other  vowels.  — 
Diversions  of  alphabetic  humor,  especially  of  the  aspirate  H.  —  TJni- 
vocalic  Verse.  —  Alliteration.—  Acrostic  ;  artificial  arrange- 
ment of  this  old-fashioned,  yet  still  popular  form  of  verse  ;  sometimes 
doubled  in  the  middle  or  reversed  in  the  end,  as  in  the  telistich  ;  some- 
times used  to  point  alliteration  or  pasquinade  ;  sometimes  constructed 
in  emblematic  forms.  —  Anagram,  with  its  transposition  of  the  letters 
of  a  name,  so  as  to  frame  a  new  word,  caustic,  or  complimentary,  or 
purely  whimsical.  —  Chronogram,  by  means  of  which  a  date  or 
epoch  is  expressed  in  the  Roman  numeral  letters  which  occur  in  the 
course  of  an  inscription,  title,  or  dedication  ............  .  .  25> 

^altnirromes. 

FEW  words  in  any  language  spelled  backwards.  the  same  as  for- 
.  wards,  although  every  language  offers  facilities  for  reversible  lines 
or  verses.  —  Specimens  of  the  palindromic  writing  of  literary  triflers.  — 
Sometimes  called  Sotatic  verse,  from  Sotadcs,  the  inventor.  —  The  com- 
plete reversal  of  meaning  which  frequently  occurs  on  the  backward  read- 
ing, also  called  Sidonian  verse,  such  having  been  first  constructed  by 
Sidonius  .................................  59 


/^ROSS-READINGS  with  their  two-fold  meaning,  a  convenient 
v_y  vehicle  for  the  transmission  of  messages  under  the  disguise  of  ex- 
pressions of  opposite  signification.—  Illustrative  of  this  form  of  mots  a 


Vlll  CONTENTS. 

double  entente,  are  Richelieu's  letter  of  introduction.— Love-letter  subter- 
fuges.— The  Jesuit's  Creed,  as  it  was  formerly  called. — Verses  adapted 
to  either  side  in  the  American  Revolutionary  war,  the  English  conten- 
tion between  the  Stuart  party  and  the  Hanover  party,  the  French  Rev- 
olution, and  the  late  sectional  war  in  the  United  States. — The  ingenui- 
ties of  non-committal 64 

(Eento. 

~T~  ITERARY  Mosaics  afford  instructive  as  well  as  entertaining  pas- 
JLj  time.  In  framing  such  patch  work,  so  many  authors  must  be 
consulted  that  the  labor  is  both  pleasing  and  profitable.  The  cento  de- 
serves to  be  assigned  a  higher  rank  than  that  of  mere  literary  confec- 
tionery  "' 73 

iftlacaronic  Uerge. 

"  rTlHE  writing  of  macaronic  poetry,"  says  Hallam,  (Middle  Ages,) 
I  "  is  a  folly  with  which  every  nation  has  been  inoculated  in  its 
tarn." — The  sandwiching  or  intermingling  of  one  language  with  an- 
other said  to  bear  the  same  relation  to  literature  that  opera  bouffe  does 
to  music. — Dr.  Maginn's  pleasant  expedient  of  translating  alternate 
lines  of  a  favorite  poem,  as  a  sort  of  burlesque  on  its  stately  march.  78 

(ftijam  Uerse. 

FEW  good  specimens  extant  of  this  conceit,  in  which  the  last  word 
of  every  line  or  verse  is  used  as  the  first  word  of  the  following 
line.     Claimed  as  a  French  singularity,  but  never  favorite  with  the 
poets 85 

Bouts  iftimes. 

1  )HYMED  ends,  to  be  filled  up  as  agreed  upon,  at  one  time  a  fash- 
_1_\  ionable  pastime.  As  an  intellectual  amusement,  worthy  of  more 
attention  in  social  life  than  is  accorded  to  it  at  the  present  time.  .  .  88 

iSmWemattc 

THE  fashion  of  torturing  verses  into  fantastic  forms  mostly  in  vogue 
two  centuries  ago,  when  it  was  a  common  custom  among  the  wits 
and  scribblers  to  shape  their  effusions  in  the  form  of  hearts,  wings,  altars, 
love-knots,  and  all  sorts  of  grotesques ;  the  device,  of  course,  adapted 
to  the  subject. — Curious  piece  of  antiquity  on  the  crucifixion  of  our 
Saviour  and  the  two  thieves.— The  humors  of  cypher  or  typographic 
symbol  writing 92 


CONTENTS.  IX 

JHmtosgllaWes. 

FORCE   and  impressiveness  of  monosyllabic  words.—  Examples 
from  hymnology,  from  the  holy  scriptures,  from  poetry  and  dra- 
matic writings.  —  Short  words,  instead  of  producing  dullness,  may  be 
used  to  impart  "  strength,  and  life,  and  fire  to  the  verse  of  those  who 
know  how  to  use  them."  —  Lines  on  the  "power  of  short  words."  .     98 

&ije  ISitie. 

ACCURACY  of  the  historical  books  of  the  Old  Testament.  — 
Their  confirmation  by  the  progressive  results  of  modern  explora- 
tion and  discovery.  —  Testimony  as  to  the  wisdom  and  sublimity  of  the 
Bible  from  Sir  William  Jones,  Rousseau,  Wilberforce,  Bolingbroke, 
Daniel  Webster,  J.  Q.  Adams,  Addison,  and  others.  —  The  various  Eng- 
lish translations,  from  Wickliff's,  in  1384,  to  the  version  of  King  James 
in  1611.—  Numerical  dissection  of  the  Old  and  New  Testaments.—  The 
distinctions  particularly  observable  in  the  gospels.  —  Books  referred  to 
in  the  Bib,le  which  have  been  lost.  —  The  word  "  Selah"  in  the  Psalms.  — 
Hexametric  rhythm  in  the  sacred  writings.  —  The  parallelism  of  the 
Hebrew  poetry,  with  illustrations  of  the  artificial  structure  which  aims 
at  a  regular  and  impressive  alternation  and  correspondence  of  parts.  — 
Parallels  between  Shakspeare  and  the  Bible,  showing  how  the  greatest 
dramatic  poet  of  all  time  was  largely  indebted  to  the  sacred  scriptures 
for  many  of  his  illustrations,  feelings,  and  expressions.  —  Superiority  of 
sacred  composition  shown  in  answer  to  the  question,  who  is  the  true 
gentleman  ?  —  Misquotations  from  the  scriptures.  —  References  to  the 
humor  which  is  to  be  found  in  the  Bible—  The  form  of  divination  called 
Bibliomancy,  which  was  abolished  centuries  ago  ...........  103 

Cfje  Name  of  <£otr. 

THE  name  of  God  spelled  with  four  letters  in  almost  every  language. 
—The  Hebrew  appellations  of  Deity  in  the  Old  Testament,  and 
their  distinctive  points.  —  Frequent  use  of  the  name  of  the  Divine  Being 
in  Shakspeare's  works.  —  The  emblematic  Sun  of  theParsee,  the  Jehovah 
Adonai  of  the  Israelite,  the  Father  of  the  Christian  ..........  127 


THE  initial  letters  of  Jesus  Hominum  Salvator,  designed  by  St.  Ber- 
nardine;  first  used  in  1347,  over  the  principal  entrance  of  Santa 
Croce,  in  Florence.  —  The  Flower  of  Jesse  —  verses  in  homely  phrase  thai 
were  popular  three  and  a  half  centuries  ago.  —  Legend  of  the  fair-haired 


X  CONTENTS. 

boy  of  twelve  who  astonished  the  doctors  in  the  court  of  the  Temple.— 
Eastern  fable  to  show  that  the  compassionate  Jesus  could  find  something 
to  pity  and  approve  even  in  a  dead  dog.  —  Personal  appearance  of  the 
Saviour.  —  The  warrant  signed  by  Pontius  Pilate  for  the  crucifixion.  — 
Symbol  of  the  cross  known  and  used  in  Central  America  long  before  the 
arrival  of  Cortez  ............................  130 


THE  two  divisions  of  the  prayer,  —  one  relating  to  the  glory  of  God, 
the  other  to  the  wants  of  man,  especially  man's  need  of  spiritual 
blessings  in  preference  to  temporal  good.  —  The  admirable  and  compre- 
hensive spirit  of  the  prayer.  —  Gothic  version  of  the  fourth  century.  — 
Metrical  versions  and  paraphrases,  in  which  the  several  parts,  the  invo- 
cations, the  petitions  and  the  conclusion  or  doxology,  are  carefully  pre- 
served. —  Scriptural  illustrations.  —  Acrostical  and  Echo  paraphrases.  136 


HI  yflNISTERIAL  civility  and  servility  in  the  reign  of  Charles  II.— 
1VI  Laconic  sermons  on  the  texts,  "  He  that  giveth  tojhe  poor 
lendeth  to  the  Lord,"  and  "  Man  is  born  to  trouble."  —  Dodd's  extem- 
pore sermon  on  "Malt."  —  Oratorical  style  of  Bascom,  the  Kentucky 
preacher.  —  Psalm  cxiv.  in  the  Wiltshire  dialect.  —  Absurd  fashions  pre- 
vailing among  the  preachers  of  Cromwell's  time  ;  —  "  Ornaments  "  of 
speech  which  to-day  would  provoke  contemptuous  laughter.  —  Origin 
of  texts  traceable,  according  to  the  book  of  Nehemiah,  to  Ezra.  —  Ridicu- 
lous blunders  of  ignorant  clergymen.  —  Stealing  a  sermon  and  its  detec- 
tion. —  Whitefield's  dramatic  power  in  the  pulpit.  —  John  Knox's  formula 
for  Protestant  excommunication  ....................  143 

puritan  ^peculiarities. 

O  INGULARITIES  in  the  manners  and  habits  of  the  English  non- 
|vj  conformists  ;  one  of  the  most  noticeable  a  fondness  for  names 
expressive  of  favorite  qualities  or  principles.  —  Similes  used  in  their  daily 
prayers  and  exhortations.  —  Forms  of  punishment  inflicted  in  Massachu- 
setts for  departure  from  the  observances  of  the  sect.  —  Penalties  pre- 
scribed in  Virginia  for  disregard  of  church  discipline.  —  Extracts  from 
the  Blue  Laws  of  Connecticut  showing  the  nature  of  their  injunctions 
and  prohibitions  ............................  1  50 

paronomasia. 

THE  philosophy  of  punning.  —  The  place  of  the  pun  in  the  realm  of 
wit.  —  Common  among  the  ancients,  and  still   common   among 


CONTENTS.  XI 

Oriental  nations.  —  A  pun-gent  chapter,  with  amusing  and  felicitous 
illustrations  in  prose  and  verse;  especially  noticeable  is  the  Plaint  of 
the  Old  Pauper,  Book-Larceny,  the  Vegetable  Girl,  Epitaph  on  an  Old 
Horse,  and  a  Grand  Scheme  of  Emigration.  —  In  Theodore  Hook's 
"  Perilous  Practice  of  Punning,"  the  humorist  is  particularly  happy  in 
the  number  and  variety  of  the  puns  which  he  has  congregated  together. 
Dean  Swift's  Latin  puns,  which  consist  of  a  jumble  of  Latin  words 
running  into  each  other;  pronounced  as  English,  they  make  good 
sense.  —  Classical  puns  and  mottoes  —  Punning  mottoes  of  the  English 
peerage.  —  Jeux-de-mots,  exhibiting  ingenious  iteratives,  and  other 
playful  liberties  with  words  ......................  155 

IBngltsJ)  SHortis  antr  jFnrtns  of  iEzptession. 

"TA  IFFERENCE  between  dictionary  English  and  colloquial  English; 
I  J  the  words  used  in  common  speaking  less  than  five  thousand  in 
number.  —  The  Latin  and  Anglo-Saxon  elements  of  the  language  com- 
pared. —  Sources  of  the  language.  —  Curiosities  of  nouns  of  multitude.  — 
Disraeli's  inexcusably  rude  handling  of  the  mother  tongue.  —  The  words 
ye  for  the  '  its  ;  that,  etc.  —  The  multiform  pronunciation  of  ough.  —  The 
words  excise;  pontiff;  rough.  —  Words  mistakenly  accounted  as  Ameri- 
canisms. —  The  misunderstood  phrases,  "  no  love  lost  between  them," 
and  "  the  forlorn  hope."  —  The  word  "  quiz."  —  Tennyson's  English.  — 
Misapplication  of  the  quotation,  "  That  mine  adversary  had  written  a 
book."  —  Odd  changes  of  signification  in  various  other  words.  —  The  in- 
fluence of  names  upon  human  action  or  inaction.  —  The  old  use  of  com- 
pound epithets,  or  words-in-one-breath-unutterable,  as  Ben  Johnson 
called  them  ....................  ...........  182 


Mutiny 

THE  tenebrosity  versus  the  illuminosity  of  pomposity  in  verbosity,  as 
shown  in  the  Domicile  erected  by  John.  —  In  advertising  and  episto- 
lary exuberance  of  language.  —  In  the  flashes  of  a  mad  poet.  —  In  Foote's 
funny  farrago.  —  In  burlesque  of  the  style  of  Samuel  Johnson.  —  In  eulogy 
and  correspondence.  —  In  the  brillant  effusions  of  the  Autocrat  of  the 
Breakfast-Table.  —  In  the  form  of  a  chemical  and  an  anatomical  valen- 
tine. —  In  a  lawyer's  ode  to  spring.  —  And  in  some  of  our  pristine 
proverbs  re-dressed  ...........................  212 


H 


OW   prose  writers  sometimes  involuntarily  slide  into  rhythmic 
measure.  —  Cowper's  jocular  rhyming  letter  to  his  friend  Newton. 


Xii  CONTENTS. 

— "Poetic-prose  passages  from  Irving  and  Disraeli.— Dickens'  tendency  to 
lapse  into  blank  verse  of  irregular  metre,  as  shown  in  his  descriptions  of 
Nelly's  funeral,  and  Niagara. — Involuntary  versification  in  our  transla- 
tion of  the  Bible. — Amusing  instances  of  unintentional  rhyming.  .  223 

&ije  J&umors  of  Uemficatiou. 

nnHE  story  of  the  lovers  in  different  moods  and  tenses. — The  funny 
I  turns  that  may  be  given  to  the  defects  of  stammering,  as  illustrated 
by  Saxe. — A  song  dove-tailed  by  recitative. — Thoughts  suggested  by 
cradle  rocking. — Whately's  elegy  on  the  geologist  Buckland. — A  reminis- 
cence of  Troy,  touching  upon  vegetarianism. — The  poet  Bryant  in  the 
character  of  a  successful  caricaturist. — Acknowledgment  of  the  receipt 
of  a  rare  pipe. — A  lesson  in  acoustics  and  the  mechanism  of  the  human 
ear. — Sir  Tray;  a  very  clever  burlesque  on  Tennysonian  idyllics — The 
catalogue  of  ologies  from  A  to  Z. — Variations  of  musical  composition 
adapted  by  Punch  to  poetry. — Reiterations  of  vocal  music,  and  their 
unexpected  effects  upon  listeners. — The  curse  of  the  harper  O'Kelly.  230 

^fterntana. 

A  string  of  Hibernicisms  in  a  letter  of  an  Irish  M.  P.  to  a  friend. — 
The  Irish  propensity  to  blunder  matched  elsewhere. — Not  only 
exhibited  in  ordinary  conversation  and  writing,  but  in  the  works  of  the 
best  authors. — Irish  bulls  and  bulls  that  are  not  Irish 252 

Mtmirers. 

SLIPS  of  the  press ;  illustrations  of  typographic  error. — Mistakes 
of  telegraphic  communication. — How  novelists  sometimes  forget- 
fully make  statements  in  one  chapter  irreconcilable  with  statements  in 
a  succeeding  chapter.— Mistakes  of  ignorance  and  illiteracy.— Blunders 
made  by  translators 259 

i&tequotatums. 

THE  mistakes  in  quotation  frequently  made  by  writers. — Volumi- 
nous authors  particularly  noticeable  for  errors  of  this  sort — Nagler 
on  Cruikshank. — Byron  misquoting  Sou  they 266 

^fabrications. 

HUARTE'S  description  of  the   Saviour's  person. — Clever  hoax 
on  Walter  Scott.— The  famous  Moon  Hoax.— Fun  at  the  ex- 
pense of  the  American    devotees  of  Carlylc. — Mrs.  Ileman's  capital 
"  Forgeries."— Sheridan's  improvised  Greek.— Spurious  ballads.— Frank- 


xiii 

lin's  Parable  pretendedly  quoted  from  the  Book  of  Genesis.  —  Ireland's 
Shakspeare  Forgeries  ..........................  269 

jhttemipteii  gzmttnm. 

riMHE  amusing  effects  sometimes  resulting  from  momentarily  inter 
JL  rupted  sentences  in  dialogue,  or  from  concluding  a  sentence  upon 
the  following  page  of  a  letter.  —  The  old  illustration  of  the  silly  and 
trivial  causes  which  sometimes  lead  to  long  and  exhausting  wars.  —  The 
favorite  joke,  "  to  lie  —  under  a  mistake."  —  Amusing  interruption  in  the 
British  House  of  Commons  ......................  277 


"T^  EM  ARKS  upon  this  favorite  old  conceit.  —  Introduction  into  a 
.  L\  juvenile  address  to  Queen  Elizabeth.  —  London  before  the  Resto- 
ration. —  A  song  of  Addison.  —  A  Netherland  pasquinade.  —  Echo  show- 
ing the  true  teachings  of  the  "  Gospel  plan."  —  Echo  answering  the 
lover.  —  Dean  Swift's  verses  on  woman.  —  Napoleon's  interview  with 
echo,  which  cost  a  Nuremburg  publisher  his  life.  —  Echo  answerings.  — 
Mention  of  the  localities  of  the  most  remarkable  echoes  known.  —  Extra- 
ordinary instances  of  prolonged  transmission  of  sound.  .......  281 


THE  utility  as  well  as  the  entertainment  of  puzzles  ;  their  solution 
exercise  for  the  mind  as  gymnastics  are  for  the  body.  —  Fondness 
of  the  French  for  this  species  of  amusement.  —  Key  to  the  cipher  used 
by  Bonaparte  in  confidential  correspondence.  —  A  case  for  the  lawyers. 
—  Riddles  of  Newton,  Cowper  and  Canning.  —  The  prize  enigma.  — 
Quincy's  comparison.  —  Singular  results  of  intermarriage.  —  Mysterious 
number  of  the  apocalyptic  beast  in  Rev.  ch.  xiii.  —  Galileo's  logograph 
on  the  rings  of  Saturn.  —  Persian  riddles  —  Punch's  Chinese.  —  Ben 
Johnson's  ridicule  of  the  rebus  in  The  Alchemist.  —  The  "  Book  of  Merry 
Riddles"  referred  to  by  Shakspeare.  —  Wilberforce's  puzzle.  —  Curiosities 
of  Cipher  writing,  with  illustrations  .................  290 


~TTT"HY  the  Germans  eat  Sauer-Kraut  —  Why  Pennsylvania  settled. 
V  V  —  Why  Huguenots  so  called.  —  Why  Boston  so  named.  —  Sj'm- 
bolism  of  weathercocks.  —  Reason  for  disinheritance  with  a  shilling.  — 
The  red  hat.—  How  Queen  Bess  "banged"  the  Armada.—  Why  the 
quack  succeeds.  —  Genealogical  distinctions  —  Solution  of  a  juggler's 
mystery  .................................  310 


CONTENTS. 


THE  rhyming  calendar.  —  The  Salmonia  of  Sir  Humphrey  Davy.— 
Weather  signs  from  Jenner,  the  Shepherd's  Calendar  of  1683,  and 
other  sources.  —  The   "  evil  days  in   each  month,"    from   the    Sarum 
Missal  ..................................  317 


THE  Gregorian  calendar,  a  correction  of  the  Julian  Calendar.  —  Not 
adopted   in   England    until    1752.  —  Humerous    address    to    the 
patrons  of  "  Poor  Job's  Almanac  "  on  the  result  of  the  change  in  the 
style  ...................................  325 

i&emorta  Serijntca, 

fTlHE  names  and  order  of  the  books  of  the  Old  and  New  Testaments 
I  rhymed  to  facilitate  recollection.  —  Also  the  plays  of  Shakspeare, 
the  Sovereigns  of  England,  the  Presidents  of  the  United  States,  the 
Decalogue,  the  grammatical  parts  of  speech,  and  the  number  of  days 
in  each  month  .............................  327 

©tigin  of  STfjings  ^Familiar. 

THE  reputed  origin  of  the  following  phrases,  customs,  uses  and 
usages,  ways  and  means  :  —  Mind  your  P's  and  Q's  ;  All  Fools' 
Day  ;  cards  ;  sub  rosa  ;  over  the  left  ;  kicking  the  bucket  ;  bumper  ; 
dun  ;  humbug  ;  pasquinades  ;  bottled  ale  ;  the  potato  ;  tarring  and 
feathering  ;  stockings  ;  the  garter  ;  drinking  healths  ;  feather  in  one's 
cap  ;  the  word  book  ;  nine  tailors  make  a  man  ;  viz.  ;  signature  of  the 
Cross  ;  the  Turkish  crescent  ;  postpaid  envelopes  ;  Old  Hundred  ;  La 
Marseillaise  ;  Yankee  Doodle  ;  the  American  Flag  ;  Brother  Jonathan  ; 
Uncle  Sam  ;  the  dollar  mark  ;  origin  of  various  inventions  and  cus- 
toms ;  cock-fighting  ;  turncoat  ;  India-rubber  ;  friction  matches  ;  the 
flag  of  England;  blue-stocking;  skedaddle;  foolscap  paper.  —  First 
things,  including  notices  of  the  first  of  the  following  :  —  forged  bank- 
notes; piano-fortes;  doctors;  thanksgiving  proclamations  ;  prayers  in 
Congress;  reporters;  epigrams;  newspapers;  steam  printing;  tele- 
graphic messages  ............................  331 


Neto  &Jtttrer  dje  gun. 

STRADA'S  description  of  the  loadstone  and  its  power  of  communi- 
cating intelligence  ;  the  latter  based  upon  the  erroneous  idea  of 
the  communication  to  magnetized  needles  of  a  homogeneous  impuls 


CONTENTS.  XV 

leading  to  sympathetic  correspondence  of  motion.  —  Losmond's  alphabet 
of  motions.  —  Blasco  de  Guerere's  steamboat  in  1543.  —  Solomon  de  Coste's 
experiments  with  steam-powev  in  1637.  —  James  Watt's  patent  in  1769.  — 
John  Gregorie's  demonstration  of  the  navigability  of  the  air.  —  Lana's 
scheme  of  an  air-ship.  —  The  circulation  of  the  blood  pointed  out  by 
Longinus  long  before  the  Christian  era.  —  The  employment  of  anaesthe- 
tic agents  referred  to  by  Herodotus,  and  numbers  of  subsequent  writers. 
—  The  boomerang  noticed  by  Pliny.  —  Early  observations  of  the  attrac- 
tion of  gravitation.  —  Early  invention  of  rifling.  —  Table-moving  and 
alphabet-rapping  in  the  fourth  century.  —  Robert  Hook's  intimations  of 
the  value  of  auscultation.  —  The  stereoscope  anticipated.  —  Predictions  of 
the  discovery  of  America  .......................  375 


~T~  EVERRIER'S  discovery  of  the  planet  Neptune.—  Lescarbeault's 
JLJ  discovery  of  the  intra-Mercurial  planet  Vulcan.  —  Columbus'  lucky 
use  of  his  calculation  of  an  eclipse  of  the  moon.  —  Great  results  from 
Small  beginnings.  —  Choice  of  a  ruler.  —  Ballad  of  King  John  and  the 
Abbot,  showing  how  the  latter  was  extricated  from  a  serious  diffi- 
culty ...............................  ....  395 

&ije  Joannes  of  Jfact 

rj^HE  anatomical  position  of  Caesar's  wounds.  —  The  curiosities  of 
1  painters'  and  carpenters'  church  bills.  —  Law  logic.  —  Reciprocal 
conversion  of  Protestant  and  Romanist.  —  Astley's  prayer  on  the  eve 
of  battle.  —  Sunlight  view  of  Melrose  Abbey.  —  Legal  dexterity.  —  Audi- 
toriums of  the  last  century.  —  True  form  of  the  Cross.  —  Cases  of  singu- 
lar coincidence.  —  Formative  process  of  the  chick  in  the  egg.  —  An 
observant  Indian  snake-tamer.  —  Alligators  increasing  their  weight  by 
swallowing  stones.  —  Imitative  habits  of  sheep.  —  Remarkable  equestrian 
performances.  —  Banks's  horse  Morocco,  referred  to  in  Shakspeare's 
Love's  Labor  Lost,  I.  2.  —  Combination  lock.  —  Wonderful  rapidity  in 
the  manufacture  of  cloth.  —  Difference  between  the  value  of  crude  mate- 
rial and  that  of  wrought  material.  —  Relation  of  value  to  quantity.  — 
Amount  of  gold  in  the  world.  —  Evidences  of  the  immense  wealth  of  the 
Romans.—  Wine  at  two  millions  a  bottle.—  The  tuns  of  Heidelberg  and 
Koningstein.  —  Unnatural  development  of  the  faculties  short-lived.  — 
Black  Hole  of  Calcutta,  in  which  a  captured  English  garrison  was 
asphyxiated.  —  Finland  barometer.  —  Bitterness  of  strychnia.  Blunders 
and  anachronisms  of  painters.  —  Achievements  in  minute  mechanism.  — 


XVI  CONTENTS. 

Ratio  of  the  diameter  to  the  circumference.—  Mathematical  prodigies.— 
Instances  of  wonderful  memory.  —  Delicate  compliment.  —  Calculation 
of  the  dimensions  of  heaven.  —  Estimate  of  the  cost  of  Solomon's  Temple. 

—  Curiosities  of  the  numbers  seven,  three,  and  nine.  —  Kaleidoscopic  ca- 
pacity. —  Size  of  Noah's  ark  compared  with  that  of  the  Great  Eastern.  — 
Vast  diversity  in  colors.  —  Meteoric  stones.  —  Fate  of  America's  discov- 
erers. —  Facts  about  the  Presidents.  —  The  crown  of  England.  —  Female 
army  in  China.  —  The  Star  in  the  East  astronomically  considered  — 
Franklin's  costume  at  the  court  of  Louis  XVI.  —  Instances  of  remarkable 
longevity.  —  Methods  and  means  of  recognition  in  doubtful  cases.  —  An 
old  form  of  matrimonial  vow.  —  Composition  during  dreams.  —  Singular 
facts   about  sleep.  —  Effects  of  opium  and  East  Indian  hemp  on  the 
brain.  —  Effects  of  imaginative  fear.  —  Facial   expression.  —  A   literally 
broken  heart.  —  Alleged  instances  of  sensation  and  intelligence  after  be- 
heading. —  Strange  and  unaccountable  character  of  many  special  antip- 
athies. —  A  case  of  constitutional  sympathy.  —  Walking  while  blindfolded. 

—  Cat's-eye  time-keepers.  —  A  relic  of  modern   superstition.  —  A  skull 
with  a  tongue  of  betrayal.  —  A  sentimental  highway  robber  .....  406 


THE  skeleton  on  the  ancient  Egyptian  banquet  table.  —  The  messen- 
ger bird  of  the  Senecas.  —  Extreme  fondness  for  beauty  in  Carazan. 
—  The  substratum  of  the  foundations  of  the  temples  of  the  Druids.  — 
Fresh  meat  in  Abyssinia.  —  Ostiak  compliments  to  slaughtered  bears.  — 
Braman  method  of  rhinoplasty.  —  Catching  lions  by  the  tail  in  South 
Africa.  —  The  daily  avocations  of  high  life  in  the  fifteenth  century.  — 
The  insertion  of  hair  in  waxen  seals.  —  Failure  of  marriage,  after 
publication  of  the  bands,  scorning  the  church.  —  Old  time  matrimonial 
advertisements  ............................  477 

Jfacctte. 

HOOD'S  amusing  titles  for  a  sham  library  door.  —  Some  of  the 
jests  commonly  attributed  to  Hierocles,  the  Alexandrian  humor- 
ist. —  Illustrations  of  brevity  in  communication.  —  The  point  of  a  joke 
presented  in  different  forms.  —  Old  Harry  and  Old  Nick.  —  The  syllogism 
of  Themistocles.  —  A  treacherous  friend.  —  How  the  Gascons  flourish 
their  trumpets.  —  Charles  Mathews's  astonishing  metamorphosis.  —  How 
an  Eastern  monarch  took  Seidlitz  powders.  —  A  relic  of  darkness.  — 
Juvenile  association  of  ideas.  —  Sheridan's  hit  at  Mr.  Robinson.  —  The 
Russian  jester,  Balakireff,  and  his  practical  jokes.  ....  .....  482 


CONTENTS.  XVU 

dflasijes  of  Mepartee. 

/^URRAN  and  Boyle  Roche.—  Wilkes  and  the  tishwoman.—  Cobden 
Vy  reproved.  —  Napoleon  and  the  Prussian  officer.  —  Making  game  of  a 
lady.  —  No  pedlar's  road  to  Heaven.  —  The  Quaker  and  the  thinly  clad 
lady.  —  Curran  at  the  Greenwich  inn.  —  Theodore  Hook's  ready  wit.  — 
Rochester  and  Barrow.  —  Sheridan  and  the  windy  M.  P.  —  Walk  and 
conversation.  —  Onslow's  answer  to  an  appeal.  —  Penn's  aversion  to 
smoking.  —  Expressiveness  of  letters.  —  Keppel  and  the  Dey  of  Algiers. 
—  Thaceray  and  the  beggar-woman.  —  Dr.  Reid.  —  Scribe  and  the  French 
millionaire.  —  Voltaire  and  Haller.  —  Bacon  and  Hogg.  —  Eldon's  judg 
ment.  —  Thackeray  handsomely  snubbed.  —  Spurgeon's  simile.  —  Ellen- 
borough's  crushing  particularity  ...................  495 


VIRTUES  and  vices  not  essentially  masculine  or  feminine;  not 
the  quality  itself,  but  the  modification  of  the  quality  which  is 
masculine  or  feminine.  —  Wordsworth's  "  Character  of  the  Happy  War- 
rior "  altered  for  illustration  by  the  substitution  of  the  word  woman  for 
warrior,  and  by  the  corresponding  change  in  the  pronouns.  —  Old  ballad 
in  praise  of  women.  —  Parallel  of  the  sexes.  —  John  Randolph's  opinion 
of  female  society.  —  The  terms  wife  —  mistress  —  lady,  and  a  German 
discrimination  between  them.  —  St.  Leon's  toast  to  his  mother.  —  Touch- 
ing letter  to  a  bride  ..........................  501 


THE  just  judgment  of  Ali  in  the  settlement  of  a  dispute.  —  Ali's  ten 
answers  to  as  many  questions  as  to  the  relative  desirability  of  , 
wisdom  and  wealth.  —  Turkish  homicide  without  felonious  intent.  — 
Omar's  reason  for  destroying  the  library  at  Alexandria.  —  The  dervise's 
expedient  for  the  equitable  division  of  property  according  to  the 
puzzling  direction  of  the  testator  ...................  508 

fSicerpta  from  Persian  ^oetrg. 

~VT\  ARTH  an  illusion.  —  Heaven  an  echo  of  earth.  —  A  moral  atmos- 

||J   phere.  —  Fortune  and  worth.  —  Broken  hearts.  —  The  generous  man. 

—  Beauty's  prerogative.  —  Proud  humility.  —  Self-neglect.  —  The  impossi- 

bility. —  Sober  drunkenness.  —  A   wine-drinker's   metaphors.  —  Couplets 

from  Mirtza  Schaffy.—  The  double  plot.—  The  world's  unappreciation 

of  good  men.  —  Satan  rebuking  the  Caliph   for   slighted  prayer,  the 

2 


CONTENTS. 


explanation  being  that  he  preferred  proud  mouth-service  to  the  peni- 
tence that  would  follow  neglect  of  duty 511 


iSptgrams. 


MARTIAL  on  epigrams. — Midas  and  modern  statesmen. — To 
sleep. — To  a  writer  of  tedious  epitaphs. — Fool  and  poet. — Dum 
vivimus. — To  Molly  Aston. — To  our  bed. — Ignorance  and  arrogance. — 
late  repentance. — Pale  and  red. — Melting  snowflakes. — To  Milton. — 
Butler's  monument. — Compliment  to  Pope. — Athol  brose. — Eternity. — 
Stolen  sermons. — To  an  author. — Frugal  Queen. — A  thick  pericranium. 
Giving  and  taking. — Ready-made  angel. — A  present  of  a  mirror. — To 
a  capricious  friend. — Mendax. — On  Fell. — An  ill-read  lawyer. — Wo- 
man's will. — The  duke's  nose. — Reciprocity. — Bad  songster. — A  bad 
fiddle. — Foot-man  us.  toe-man. — Lady  Lovejoy. — Hot  corn.— r "Wheat - 
sheaves  for  bonnet  plumes. — Original  sin. — Writing  verses. — Prudent 
simplicity. — To  a  friend  in  distress. — Hog  vs.  bacon. — A  warm  recep- 
tion.— Medical  advice. — A  dentist. — Goodenough. — What  might  have 
been. — A  reflection. — The  woman  in  the  case. — The  shear  blades. — 
Dux  and  Drakes. — Invisibility. — Impersonality. — Affinity. — The  crier 
who  could  not  cry. — Parson  and  butcher. — The  clock. — Masculine 
attire. — Bow  and  quiver. — Widows. — Speeches  by  heart. — Webb  and 
Gould. — Cause  and  effect. — Same  jawbone. — Funny  determination. — 
Marriage  a  la  mode. — Quid  pro  quo. — Woman,  pro  and  con. — Abund- 
ance of  fools. — The  world. — Terminer  sans  oyer. — Double  vision  util- 
ized   .515 


Impromptus. 


DR.  Young's  felicitous  improvise  on  reluctantly  leaving  attractive 
companionship. — Ben  Johnson  smartly  wiping  out  his  score  at  the 
Falcon. — Melville's  ingenious  reply  to  Elizabeth. — Burns's  droll  spon- 
taneous hits. — Warren  Hastings  on  Burke. — Dr.  Johnson's  definition 
of  a  note  of  admiration,  and  his  extemporaneous  rhvming  in  the  old 
ballad  style. — Fox's  off-hand  reply  to  a  lady's  inelegancy  of  expres- 
sion.— Barty  Willard's  remarkable  facility  in  rhyming  on  the  spur  of 
the  moment. — A  tilt  between  Oxford  and  Cambridge. — Give  the  devil 
his  due. — Scribblings  on  window-glass — The  embassador's  delicate 
flattery. — Cowper's  conversion  of  uncomplimentary  designations  into 
compliments  at  an  evening  party.  -The  Catholic's  reply  to  the  Protes- 
tant inscription  at  Bandon. — Burns's  grace  at  dinner 528 


CONTENTS. 


CANNING'S  rhyme  for  Julianna.  —  Brougham's  rhyme  for  Mor- 
ris. —  Monogomphe.  —  The  difficulty  of  finding  rhymes  for  month, 
chimney,  liquid,  carpet,  window,  garden,  porringer,  orange,  lemon,  pil- 
grim, widow,  Timbuctoo,  Niagara,  Mackonochie.  —  Barham's  fantastic 
rhymes  in  the  Ingoldsby  Legends,  matched  by  Coleridge,  by  Byron,  and 
by  Butler  in  Hudibras.  —  Punch's  spelling  rhymes.  —  Chapin's  handling 
of  an  intractable  word.  —  The  young  lover's  difficulties  in  completing 
his  stanzas.  —  Hood's  Nocturnal  Sketch,  each  line  ending  with  three 
rhyming  words  ............................  534 

Valentines. 

A  STRATEGIC  love-letter,  providing  for  retreat  in  good  order, 
if  needful.  —  A  valentine  written  in  sympathetic  ink.  —  An  invi- 
tation cryptographically  concealed  —  Macaulay's  beautiful  verses  to  the 
daughter  of  Lord  and  Lady  Mahon.  —  Burns's  endearments.  —  Teutonic 
alliteration.  —  A  lover  to  his  sweetheart  in  short  metre.  —  Loving  lines 
written  with  blood.  —  A  macaronic  valentine.  —  Dighy's  graceful  wooing. 
—  Practical  joke  on  a  colored  man  who  loved  not  wisely.  —  Unpublished 
verses  of  Moore.  —  Egyptian  serenade.  —  Petition  of  sixteen  maids  of 
Charleston  to  the  Governor  of  South  Carolina  to  restrain  the  widows 
from  captivating  bachelors.  —  The  maladroit  petition  of  a  priest  of 
Cuiseanx  to  Madame  de  Maintenon  .................  544 


"TTTRITING  a  sonnet.—  Thoughts  in  a  fashionable  church.—  The 

VV     proxy  at  St.  Peter's  gate.  —  About  a  nose.  —  The  mischiefs  of 

dyspepsia.  —  The  grace  of  humility.  —  Ave  Maria  ...........  551 

OTonformitg  of  Sense  to  S?ouno. 

ARTICULATE  imitation  of  inarticulate  sounds,  with  examples 
from  the  poets.  —  Imitations  of  time  and  motion.  —  Imitations 
of  difficulty  and  ease.    ...  .....  .................  554 

^familiar  Quotations  from  ^Unfamiliar 
Sources. 

A  VARIETY  of  quotations  traced  to    their  original  source  in 
ancient  and  modern  writings.  —  The  following  are  accompanied 
with  special  remark  :  —  Consistency  a  jewel.  —  Cleanliness  next  to  godli" 


XX  CONTENTS. 

ness. — He's  a  brick. — Do  as  Romans  do. — Nation  of  shop-keepers. — 
What  will  Mrs.  Grundy  say  ? — Though  lost  to  sight,  to  memory  dear. — 
The  worse  for  the  facts. — Conspicuous  by  absence. — Do  as  I  say,  not  as 
I  do 556 

Utteratute. 

"TT^PITAPHS  of  eminent  men. — Tombstone  inscriptions  peculiarly 
lU  eulogistic,  apt,  and  appropriate. — Touching  memorials  of  children. 
— Historical  and  biographical  epitaphs. — Self-written  inscriptions. — 
Moralizing  and  admonitory  verses. — Advertising  notices. — Unique  and 
ludicrous  epitaphs. — Mortuary  punning. — Curious  and  puzzling  inscrip- 
tions.— Curious  parallels. — Specimens  of  bathos,  transcendental  writing, 
cento,  and  acrostic. — Ethnologic  differences,  Indian,  African,  Hiber- 
nian, Greek. — Antithesis  extraordinary. — The  printer's  epitaph. — Speci- 
mens of  brevity. — Laudatory  verses. — Miscellaneous  epitaphs — Earth  to 
earth. — Byron's  monumental  inscription  on  his  dog 564 

inscriptions. 

THE  strange  inscriptions  on  old  English  tavern  sign-boards. — Their 
corruptions  and  meanings. — Tap-room  and  beer-jug  mottoes. — In- 
scriptions graved  on  inn  window-panes. — Inscriptions  and  mottoes  on 
bells — church,  alarm,  and  clock  bells — drawn  from  a  variety  of  sources. 
— Old-fashioned  fly-leaf  inscriptions  in  books,  chiefly  school-books. — 
Clock,  watch-paper,  and  sun-dial  epigraphs. — Forms  of  inscription  for 
a  spring,  a  harp,  a  cemetery,  a  dwelling  and  public  houses. — Memorial 
verses  and  golden  mottoes. — A  collection  of  posies  from  wedding- 
rings 615 

parallel  passages. 

ACKNOWLEDGED  imitations,  sly  plagiarisms,  and  accidental 
coincidences,  from  authors  of  every  clime  and  every  age,  both  in 
the  current  of  thought,  and  in  the  form  of  expression.— .Shaksperean 
resemblances. — The  boldness  of  Charles  Reade's  plagiarisms. — Histor- 
ical similitudes: — unwillingness  of  barbarians  to  separate  from  their 
kindred  hereafter;  sacrificing  a  husband  and  son  to  save  a  brother, 
because  the  latter  can  never  be  replaced. — The  corresponding  mistake 
of  Cardinal  Wolsey  and  Sir  James  Hamilton. — The  judgment  of  Solo- 
mon frequently  repeated. — The  Brahmanical  Beth-Gelert. — Parallels  in 
art  stories;  in  ballads  and  legends;  in  burial  alive;  in  ring  stories; 


CONTENTS.  XXi 

in   death  prophecies;    in  battles.  —  The  Bishop   Hatto  legend   dupli- 
cated ..................................  640 


THE  oldest  proverb.  —  A  Calvinistic  lady's  blunder  anticipated  by 
Shakspeare's  Aguecheek.  —  Cinderella  in  the  person  of  lihodopis, 
a  Thracian  slave.  —  Mrs.  Caudle's  curtain  lectures.  —  The  metre  of  Ten- 
nyson's Charge  of  the  Light  Brigade.  —  The  starting-point  of  the  Faust 
legends.  —  Air  cushions.  —  Adage  quoted  by  Lady  Macbeth.  —  Cork  legs.  — 
The  Pope's  bull  against  the  comet.  —  Swapping  horses  while  fording  a 
stream.  —  Wooden  nutmegs.  —  Trade  unions.  —  Inferential  damages.  — 
The  original  Shylock.  —  Druid  decree  of  excommunication.  —  Character 
and  fall  of  Napoleon.  —  Lanark  and  Lodore.  —  Turgot's  ephigraph  on 
Franklin  traced  to  its  original.  —  The  Mechlenburg  Declaration  of  Inde- 
pendence. —  The  Know  Nothings.  —  The  main  idea  of  Bunyan's  Allegory 
anticipated.  —  Crusoe  and  Selkirk.  —  Proverb  of  DeFoe  traced  to  earlier 
sources.  —  Talleyrand's  mot  on  the  use  of  speech  anticipated.  —  Scandina- 
vian scull  cups.  —  Paley's  Natural  Theology  a  plagiarism.  Old  ballads 
and  their  prototypes.  —  The  story  of  the  Wandering  Jew  ......  669 

(JTuruius  iSaofcs. 

ODDITY  of  the  titles  of  books  in  the  time  of  Cromwell  ;  a  fashion- 
able eccentricity  of  that  period.  —  A  bibliographic  curiosity,  the 
letters  of  the  text  being  cut  out  of  the  vellum  pages  and  interleaved  with 
blue  paper.  —  A  silver  book—  the  Codex  Argenteus.  —  Distinctions  among 
book  amateurs.    .  .  •  .........................    720 

Hiterartana. 

THE  mysterious  authorship  of  the  Letters  of  Junius  ;  the  views  of 
Canning  and  Macaulay.  —  Gray's  Elegy  ;  corrections  of  the  original 
MS.;  omitted  stanzas;  incidents;  imitations  of  the  elegy..  —  Pope's 
alterations  and  emendations  shown  in  a  passage  of  the  translation  of  the 
Iliad.  —  Mechanical  structure  of  Pope's  versification.  —  Importance  of 
punctuation,  and  the  serious  errors  that  may  arise  from  its  neglect.  — 
Indian  heraldry  as  pointed  out  by  a  genealogical  enthusiast.  —  Shaks- 
peare's anachronisms  ;  his  heroines  ;  his  familiarity  with  typography. 
His  sonnets.  —  Hamlet's  age.  —  Hamlet's  insanity.  —  Additional  verses  to 
Payne's  Home,  Sweet  Home.—  The  stereotyped  falsities  of  history.— 
Conflicting  testimony  of  eye-witnesses  of  a  transaction.  —  The  distinction 
between  wit  and  humor.  —  A  rhyming  newspaper.  —  Ruskin's  comfort 


Xxii  CONTENTS. 

for  book  lovers. — The    endings    of   letters. — Bacon   on   studies    and 
Books • 723 

Utteratt 

THE  attainments  of  famous  linguists ;  the  extraordinary  case  of 
Mezzofanti,  who  understood  one  hundred  and  eleven  languages. — 
Literary  oddities,  and  the  singularities  of  their  habits. — The  war  of  cul- 
ture upon  ignorance,  and  its  perpetual  sacrifices  in  the  strife. — Sharon 
Turner's  contemptible  meanness,  and  outrageous  disregard  of  the  value 
of  the  time  of  compositors. — Dryden  bringing  his  publisher,  Jacob 
Tonson,  to  terms 756 

personal  gfcetrfjes  antr  Enetfrotes. 

-fHTT-ASHINGTON'S  dignified  composure.— Lafayette's  republican 
W  proclivities. — The  name  Napoleon  in  Greek  characters. — Mil- 
ton's strategy  of  Satan  borrowed  at  Austerlitz. — Personal  appearance 
of  Napoleon  as  described  by  Maitland  ;  his  opinion  of  suicide. — Frank- 
lin's frugal  wife. — Major  Andre's  Cow  chase. — An  English  view  of  Andre 
and  Arnold. — Flamsteed's  involuntary  magic.  Lord  Nelson's  imper- 
turbable coolness. — Martin  Luther,  the  dreamer  and  the  man  of  action ; 
the  Marsellaise  of  the  Reformation. — Queen  Elizabeth  as  described  by 
Sir  John  Hayward  and  Paul  Heintzner. — Shakspeare's  orthodoxy  as 
shown  in  his  writings. — Oliver  Cromwell;  character  sketched  in  a 
letter  to  Governor  Win throp ;  embalmed  head  in  possession  of  a  lady.— 
Pope's  skull  in  a  private  museum. — Wickliffe's  ashes  not  scattered  be- 
yond recall. — Talleyrandiana. — One  of  Person's  diversions 763 

i^tetoricai  fBemoranfca. 

ri^HE  first  blood  of  the  Revolution  shed  thirty-seven  days  before  that 
I  -  of  Lexington. — The  tea-burning  at  Annapolis  two  months  before 
the  tea-party  at  Boston. — Preliminary  estimates  for  the  United  States 
Navy. — Cotton  Mather  desirous  of  capturing  William  Penn. — A  peti- 
tion for  an  American  monarchy. — The  symbolic  significance  of  the  flag 
of  the  Union. — The  French  tricolor  not  a  revolutionary  flag. — Bona- 
partean  newspaper  scale. — The  flight  of  Eugenie  from  France  to  Chisel- 
hurst. — Predictions  in  a  sonnet. — L'Empire  c'est  la  Paix.  Jefferson's 
impressions  of  Marie  Antoinette. — Blucher's  delirium. — The  atrocious 
treatment  of  the  mother  of  Charles  V. — The  traditional  Mary  Mag- 
dalene.— The  original  Mother  Goose. — How  history  is  modified  by 
fiction. — Contemporary  criticism  in  the  light  of  subsequent  revelation. — 


CONTENTS.  Xxlli 

Historical  illustrations  of  the  manner  in  which  great  events  frequently 
result  from  little  causes.  The  story  of  the  ballads  Annie  Laurie  and 
Robin  Adair — The  doubts  as  to  the  alleged  execution  of  Joan  of  Arc. — 
The  death  of  Amy  Robsart  accidental.— The  William  Tell  series  of 
stories. — The  extremes  of  society  in  Europe  in  the  time  of  Louis  XIV. — 
Cromwell's  chaplain  married  against  his  will. — The  last  night  of  the 
Girondists. — Queen  Elisabeth  and  the  ring  given  to  Essex 782 

Jftuitum  in  ^atbo. 

/COMPREHENSIVE  fact  and  striking  sentiment  compressed  into 
V_y  the  narrowest  forms  of  expression 823 

Hife  auto  Beat!). 

BISHOP  HEBER'S  illustrations  of  the  voyage  of  life.— Aphorisms 
of  Bishop  Home. — Peters'  rule  of  living. — Franklin's  moral  code. 
The  proper  distribution  of  time. — Sir  Thomas  Browne  on  living  life 
over  again. — Rhyming  definitions. — Answers  to  the  question,  what  is 
Earth 7-r-Rhyming  grant  of  William  the  Conquerer. — Puzzling  questions 
for  lawyers. — The  bone  denominated  Luz. — Dying  words  of  distin- 
guished persons. — The  last  prayer  of  Mary,  Queen  of  Scots,  before  her 
execution. — A  remarkable  case  of  suspended  animation. — Questions  for 
the  discussion  of  the  learned. — Preservation  of  dead  bodies. — The  folly 
of  embalming  corpses. — A  whimsical  will. — The  life  tripod. — The  impre- 
catory epitaph  of  Shakspeare  paralleled  in  Iceland.— The  significance 
of  the  Fleur-de-lis. — The  plagues  of  Egypt. — Jean  Ingelow's  story  of 
long  ago. — The  earth  not  man's  abiding  place. — 111  success  in  life. — 
Futurity. — Pity  for  the  sin  and  the  suffering  of  the  erring. — Evening 
prayer. — Echoes  of  a  heavenly  home. — Life's  parting. — Destiny. — 
Sympathy. — After. — Death's  final  conquest. — The  common  heritage; 
euthanasia « 826 


G-lean  not  in  barren  soil  these  offal  ears, 

Since  reap  thou  may'st  whole  harvests  of  delight. 

SOUTHWELL. 


which  we  garnered  in  our  eager  youth 
Becomes  a  long  delight  in  after  years.  —  ETHEL  CHURCHILL. 
CZb  the  man  of  robust  and  healthy  intellect,  who  gathers  the 
harvest  of  literature  into  his  barn,  thrashes  the  straw,  winnows 
the  grain,  grinds  it  in  his  own  mill,  bakes  it  in  his  own  oven,  and 
then  eats  the  true  bread  of  knowledge,  we  bid  a  cordial  welcome. 

SOUTHEY. 

j2  hope  has  crossed  me,  in  the  course 
Of  this  self-pleasing  exercise,  that  ye 
]&y  zeal  to  his  would  liken,  who,  possessed 
Of  some  rare  gems,  or  pictures  finely  wrought, 
Unlocks  his  cabinet,  and  draws  them  forth, 
One  after  one,  soliciting  regard 
(To  this  and  this.  WORDSWORTH. 

Why  are  not  more  gems  from  our  great  authors  scattered  over 
the  country?  G-reat  books  are  not  in  everybody's  reach;  and  though 
it  is  better  to  know  them  thoroughly  than  to  know  them  only  here 
and  there,  yet  it  is  a  good  work  to  give  a  little  to  those  who  have 
neither  time  nor  means  to  get  more.     Let  every  booTc-worm,  when 
in  any  fragrant  scarce  old  tome  he  discovers  a  sentence,  a  story,  an 
illustration,  that  does  his  heart  good,  hasten  to  give  it.  —  COLERIDGE. 
Jllislike  me  not  that  I've  essayed  to  please  ye  : 
Some  things  herein  may  not  offend.  —  FLETCHER. 
What  song  the  Syrens  sang,  or  what  name  jichilles  assumed  when 
Tie  hid  himself  among  women,  though  puzzling  questions,  are  not 
beyond  all  conjecture.  —  SIR  THOMAS  BROWNE. 

IE  fontibus  eorum,  judicio  arbitrioque  nostro,  quantum  quoque 
modo  videbitur,  hauriemus.  —  ClCERO. 

Quidquid  agunt  homines  votum,  timor,  ira,  voluptas, 

Q-audia,  discursus,  nostri  est  farrago  libelli.  —  JUVENAL. 

J£ven  shavings  of  gold  are  carefully  to  be  Tcept.  —  FULLER. 


LIPOGRAMMATA  AND  PANGRAMMATA. 


•,N  No.  59  of  the  Spectator,  Addison, 
descanting  on  the  different  species  of 
wit,  observes,  "  The  first  I  shall  pro- 
duce are  the  Lipogrammatists,  or  letter 
droppers  of  antiquity,  that  would  take  an 
( exception,  without  any  reason,  against  some 
•particular  letter  in  the  alphabet,  so  as  not  to 
admit  it  once  in  a  whole  poem.  One  Try- 
phiodorus  was  a  great  master  in  this  kind  of 
'writing.  He  composed  an  Odyssey,  or  Epic 
•Poem,  on  the  adventures  of  Ulysses,  con- 
?sisting  of  four-and-twenty-books,  having  en- 
j  tirely  banished  the  letter  A  from  his  first 
.book,  which  was  called  Alpha,  (as  lucus  a 
non  lucendo,')  because  there  was  not  an  alpha 
in  it.  His  second  book  was  inscribed  Beta,  for  the  same  reason. 
In  short,  the  poet  excluded  the  whole  four-and-twenty  letters 
in  their  turns,  and  showed  them  that  he  could  do  his  business 
without  them.  It  must  have  been  very  pleasant  to  have  seen 
this  Poet  avoiding  the  reprobate  letter  as  much  as  another 
would  a  false  quantity,  and  making  his  escape  from  it,  through 
the  different  Greek  dialects,  when  he  was  presented  with  it  in 
any  particular  syllable ;  for  the  most  apt  and  elegant  word  in 
3  25 


26  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

the  whole  language  was  rejected,  like  a  diamond  with  a  flaw  in 
it,  if  it  appeared  blemished  with  the  wrong  letter." 

In  ND.  63,  Addison  has  again  introduced  Tryphiodorus,  in 
his  Vision  of  the  Region  of  False  Wit,  where  he  sees  the  phan- 
tom of  this  poet  pursued  through  the  intricacies  of  a  dance  by 
four-and-twenty  persons,  (representatives  of  the  alphabet,)  who 
are  unaJble  to  overtake  him. 

Addison  should,  however,  have  mentioned  that  Tryphiodorus 
is  kept  in  countenance  by  no  less  an  authority  than  Pindar, 
who,  according  to  Athenseus,  wrote  an  ode  from  which  the 
letter  sigma  was  carefully  excluded. 

This  caprice  of  Tryphiodorus  has  not  been  without  its  imi- 
tators. Peter  de  Riga,  a  canon  of  Rheiuis,  wrote  a  summary 
of  the  Bible  in  twenty -three  sections,  and  throughout  each  sec- 
tion omitted,  successively,  some  particular  letter. 

Gordianus  Fulgentius,  who  wrote  "  De  ^Etatibus  Mundi  et 
Hominis,"  has  styled  his  book  a  wonderful  work,  chiefly,  it 
may  be  presumed,  from  a  similar  reason ;  as  from  the  chapter 
on  Adam  he  has  excluded  the  letter  A ;  from  that  on  Abel, 
the  B ;  from  that  on  Cain,  the  C ',  and  so  on  through  twenty- 
three  chapters. 

Gregorio  Letti  presented  a  discourse  to  the  Academy  of  Hu- 
morists at  Rome,  throughout  which  he  had  purposely  omitted 
the  letter  R,  and  he  entitled  it  the  exiled  R.  A  friend  having 
requested  a  copy  as  a  literary  curiosity,  (for  so  he  considered 
this  idle  performance,)  Letti,  to  show  it  was  not  so  difficult  a 
matter,  replied  by  a  copious  answer  of  seven  pages,  in  which 
he  observed  the  same  severe  ostracism  against  the  letter  R. 

Du  Chat,  in  the  "Ducatiana,"  says  "there  are  five  novels  in 
prose,  of  Lope'de  Vega,  similarly  avoiding  the  vowels;  the 
first  without  A,  the  second  without  E,  the  third  without  I,  the 
fourth  without  0,  and  the  fifth  without  U." 

The  Orientalists  are  not  without  this  literary  folly.  A  Per- 
sian poet  read  to  the  celebrated  Jami  a  ghazel  of  his  own  com- 
position, which  Jami  did  not  like;  but,  the  writer  replied  it  was, 
notwithstanding,  a  very  curious  sonnet,  for  the  letter  Aliff  waa 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS.  27 

not  to  be  found  in  any  of  the  words !  Jami  sarcastically  an- 
ewered,  "  You  can  do  a  better  thing  yet ;  take  away  all  the 
letters  from  every  word  you  have  written." 

This  alphabetical  whim  has  assumed  other  shapes,  sometimes 
taking  the  form  of  a  fondness  for  a  particular  letter.  In  the 
Ecloga  de  Calvis  of  Hugbald  the  Monk,  all  the  words  begin 
with  a  C.  In  the  Nugae  Venales  there  is  a  Poem  by  Petrus 
Placentius,  entitled  Pugna  Porcorum,  in  which  every  word  be- 
gins with  a  P.  In  another  performance  in  the  same  work,  en- 
titled Canum  cum  cattis  certamen,  in  which  "apt  alliteration's 
artful  aid"  is  similarly  summoned,  every  word  begins  with  a  C. 

Lord  North,  one  of  the  finest  gentlemen  in  the  Court  of 
James  I.,  has  written  a  set  of  sonnets,  each  of  which  begins 
with  a  successive  letter  of  the  alphabet.  The  Earl  of  Rivers, 
in  the  reign  of  Edward  IV.,  translated  the  Moral  Proverbs  of 
Christiana  of  Pisa,  a  poem  of  about  two  hundred  lines,  almost 
all  the  words  of  which  he  contrived  to  conclude  with  the  letter  E. 

The  Pangrammatists  contrive  to  crowd  all  the  letters  of  the 
alphabet  into  every  single  verse.  The  prophet  Ezra  may  be 
regarded  as  the  father  of  them,  as  may  be  seen  by  reference  to 
ch.  vii.,  v.  21,  of  his  Book  of  Prophecies.  Ausonius,  a  Ro- 
man poet  of  the  fourth  century,  whose  verses  are  characterized 
by  great  mechanical  ingenuity,  is  fullest  of  these  fancies. 

The  following  sentence  of  only  48  letters,  contains  every 
letter  of  the  alphabet: — John  P.  Brady,  give  me  a  black  wal- 
nut box  of  quite  a  small  size. 

The  stanza  subjoined  is  a  specimen  of  both  lipogrammatic 
and  pangrammatic  ingenuity,  containing  every  letter  of  the 
alphabet  except  e.  Those  who  remember  that  e  is  the  most 
indispensable  letter,  being  much  more  frequently  used  than 
any  other,*  will  perceive  the  difficulty  of  such  composition. 

*  The  relative  proportions  of  the  letters,  in  the  formation  of  words,  have 
been  pretty  accurately  determined,  as  follows: — 

A  85         E  120         I    80         M  30         Q    5         U  34         Y  20 
B  16         F     25        J     4        N   80         R  62        V  12         Z    2 
C   30        G     17         K     8         0    80        S    80        W  20 
D  44        H    64        L   40         P    17        T   90         X    4 


28  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

A  jovial  swain  may  rack  his  brain, 

And  tax  his  fancy's  might, 
To  quiz  in  vain,  for  'tis  most  plain, 

That  what  I  say  is  right. 

The  Fate  of  Nassau  affords  another  example,  each  stanza 
containing  the  entire  alphabet  except  e,  and  composed,  as  the 
writer  says,  with  ease  without  e's. 

Bold  Nassau  quits  his  caravan, 
A  hazy  mountain-grot  to  scan  ; 
Climbs  jaggy  rocks  to  spy  his  way, 
Doth  tax  his  sight,  but  far  doth  stray. 

Not  work  of  man,  nor  sport  of  child, 
Finds  Nassau  in  that  mazy  wild ; 
Lax  grow  his  joints,  limbs  toil  in  vain — 
Poor  wight !  why  didst  thou  quit  that  plain  ? 

Vainly  for  succor  Nassau  calls. 
Know,  Zillah,  that  thy  Nassan  falls: 
But  prowling  wolf  and  fox  may  joy 
To  quarry  on  thy  Arab  boy. 

LORD  HOLLAND,  after  reading  the  five  Spanish  novels 
already  alluded  to,  in  1824,  composed  the  following  curious 
example,  in  which  all  the  vowels  except  E  are  omitted : — 

EVE'S   LEGEND. 

Men  were  never  perfect ;  yet  the  three  brethren  Veres  were  ever  esteemed, 
respected,  revered,  even  when  the  rest,  whether  the  select  few,  whether  the 
mere  herd,  were  left  neglected. 

The  eldest's  vessels  seek  the  deep,  stem  the  element,  get  pence;  the  keen 
Peter,  when  free,  wedded  Hester  Green, — the  slender,  stern,  severe,  erect 
Hester  Green.  The  next,  clever  Ned,  less  dependent,  wedded  sweet  Ellen 
Heber.  Stephen,  ere  he  met  the  gentle  Eve,  never  felt  tenderness :  he  kept 
kennels,  bred  steeds,  rested  where  the  deer  fed,  went  where  green  trees, 
where  fresh  breezes,  greeted  sleep.  There  he  met  the  meek,  the  gentle  Eve : 
she  tended  her  sheep,  she  ever  neglected  self:  she  never  heeded  pelf,  yet 
she  heeded  the  shepherds  even  less.  Nevertheless,  her  cheek  reddened 
when  she  met  Stephen;  yet  decent  reserve,  meek  respect,  tempered  her 
speech,  even  when  she  shewed  tenderness.  Stephen  felt  the  sweet  effect : 
he  felt  he  erred  when  he  fled  the  sex,  yet  felt  he  defenceless  when  Eve 
seemed  tender.  She,  he  reflects,  never  deserved  neglect ;  she  never  vented 
spleen;  he  esteems  her  gentleness,  her  endless  deserts;  he  reverences  her 
steps ;  he  greets  her  : — 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  29 

"Tell  me  whence  these  meek,  these  gentle  sheep, — whence  the  yet 
meeker,  the  gentler  shepherdess  ?" 

"Well  bred,  we  were  eke  better  fed,  ere  we  went  where  reckless  men 
seek  fleeces.  There  we  were  fleeced.  Need  then  rendered  me  shepherdess, 
need  renders  me  sempstress.  See  me  tend  the  sheep ;  see  me  sew  the 
wretched  shreds.  Eve's  need  preserves  the  steers,  preserves  the  sheep ; 
Eve's  needle  mends  her  dresses,  hems  her  sheets;  Eve  feeds  the  geese; 
Eve  preserves  the  cheese." 

Her  speech  melted  Stephen,  yet  he  nevertheless  esteems,  reveres  her.  He 
bent  the  knee  where  her  feet  pressed  the  green ;  he  blessed,-he  begged,  he 
pressed  her. 

"  Sweet,  sweet  Eve,  let  me  wed  thee ;  be  led  where  Hester  Green,  where 
Ellen  Heber,  where  the  brethren  Vere  dwell.  Free  cheer  greets  thee  there ; 
Ellen's  glees  sweeten  the  refreshment;  there  severer  Hester's  decent  reserve 
checks  heedless  jests.  Be  led  there,  sweet  Eve  I" 

"  Never !  we  well  remember  the  Seer.  We  went  where  he  dwells — we 
entered  the  cell — we  begged  the  decree, — 

'  Where,  whenever,  when,  'twere  well 
Eve  be  wedded  ?   Eld  Seer,  tell.' 

"He  rendered  the  decree;  see  here  the  sentence  decreed!"     Then  she 
presented  Stephen  the  Seer's  decree.     The  verses  were  these : — 
"  Ere  the  green  reed  be  red, 
Sweet  Eve,  be  never  wed  ; 
Ere  be  green  the  red  cheek, 
Never  wed  thee,  Eve  meek." 

The  terms  perplexed  Stephen,  yet  he  jeered  the  terms ;  he  resented  the 
senseless  credence,  "  Seers  never  err."  Then  he  repented,  knelt,  wheedled, 
wept.  Eve  sees  Stephen  kneel ;  she  relents,  yet  frets  when  she  remembers 
the  Seer's  decree.  Her  dress  redeems  her.  These  were  the  events : — 

Her  well-kempt  tresses  fell ;  sedges,  reeds,  bedecked  them.  The  reeds 
fell,  the  edges  met  her  cheeks ;  her  cheeks  bled.  She  presses  the  green 
sedge  where  her  cheek  bleeds.  Red  then  bedewed  the  green  reed,  the 
green  reed  then  speckled  her  red  cheek.  The  red  cheek  seems  green,  the 
green  reed  seems  red.  These  were  e'en  the  terms  the  Eld  Seer  decreed 
Stephen  Vere. 

HERE  ENDETH  THE  LEGEND. 


ALPHABETICAL   ADVERTISEMENT. 

TO    WIDOWERS     AND    SINGLE    GENTLEMEN.— 

WANTED   by  a  lady,  a   SITUATION -to  superintend  the 

household  and  preside  at  table.     She  is  Agreeable,  Becoming, 

Careful,  Desirable,  English,  Facetious,  Generous,  Honest,  In- 

3* 


30  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

dustrious,  Judicious,  Keen,  Lively,  Merry,  Natty,  Obedient, 
Philosophic,  Quiet,  Regular,  Sociable,  Tasteful,  Useful,  Viva- 
cious, Womanish,  Xantippish,  Youthful,  Zealous,  &c.  Address 
X.  Y.  Z.,  Simrnond's  Library,  Edgeware-road.  —  London  Times, 
1842. 

JACOBITE   TOAST. 

THE  following  remarkable  toast  is  ascribed  to  Lord  Duff,  and 
was  presented  on  some  public  occasion  in  the  year  1745. 
A.  B.  C.     .     .     .     A  Blessed  Change. 
D.  E.  F.     .     .     .     Down  Every  Foreigner. 
G-.  H.  J.     .     .     .     God  Help  James. 
K.  L.  M.    .     .     .     Keep  Lord  Marr. 
N.  0.  P.     .     .     .     Noble  Ormond  Preserve. 
Q.  R.  S.     .     .     .     Quickly  Resolve  Stewart. 
T.  U.  V.  W.  .     .     Truss  Up  Vile  Whigs. 
X.  Y.  Z.     .     .     .     'Xert  Your  Zeal. 

THE   THREE   INITIALS. 

THE  following  couplet,  in  which  initials  are  so  aptly  used, 
was  written  on  the  alleged  intended  marriage  of  the  Duke  of 
Wellington,  at  a  very  advanced  age,  with  Miss  Angelina  Bur- 
dett  Coutts,  the  rich  heiress  :  — 

The  Duke  must  in  his  second  childhood  be, 
Since  in  his  doting  age  he  turns  to  A.  B.  0. 


THE  letter  E  is  thus  enigmatically  described  :  — 

The  beginning  of  eternity, 

The  end  of  time  and  space, 
The  beginning  of  every  end, 

The  end  of  every  place. 

The  letter  M  is  concealed  in  the  following  Latin  enigma  by 
an  unknown  author  of  very  ancient  date  : 

Ego  sum  principium  mundi  et  finis  seculornm: 
Ego  sum  trinus  et  unus,  et  tamen  non  sum  Deuu. 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS.  3J 

THE    LETTER    H. 

THE  celebrated  enigma  on  the  letter  H,  commonly  attributed 
to  Lord  Byron,*  is  well  known.  The  following  amusing  petition 
is  addressed  by  this  letter  to  the  inhabitants  of  Kidderminster, 
England — Protesting : 

Whereas  by  you  I  have  been  driven 

From  'ouse,  from  'ome,  from  'ope,  from  'eaven, 

And  placed  by  your  most  learned  society 

In  Hexile,  Hanguish,  and  Hanxiety ; 

Nay,  charged  without  one  just  pretence, 

With  Harrogance  and  Himpudence — 

I  here  demand  full  restitution, 

And  beg  you'll  mend  your  Helocution. 

Rowland  Hill,  when  at  college,  was  remarkable  for  the  fre- 
quent wittiness  of  his  observations.  In  a  conversation  on  the 
powers  of  the  letter  H,  in  which  it  was  contended  that  it  was  no 
letter,  but  a  simple  aspiration  or  breathing,  Rowland  took  the 
opposite  side  of  the  question,  and  insisted  on  its  being,  to  all 
intents  and  purposes,  a  letter;  and  concluded  by  observing  that, 
if  it  were  not,  it  was  a  very  serious  affair  to  him,  as  it  would 
occasion  his  being  ILL  all  the  days  of  his  life. 

When  Kohl,  the  traveller,  visited  the  Church  of  St.  Alex- 
ander Nevskoi,  at  St.  Petersburg,  his  guide,  pointing  to  a  cor- 
ner of  the  building,  said,  "  There  lies  a  Cannibal."  Attracted 
to  the  tomb  by  this  strange  announcement,  Kohl  found  from 
the  inscription  that  it  was  the  Russian  general  Hannibal ;  but 
as  the  Russians  have  no  H,f  they  change  the  letter  into  K; 
and  hence  the  strange  misnomer  given  to  the  deceased  warrior. 

*Now  known  to  have  been  written  by  Miss  Catherine  Fanshawe. 

f  The  Sandwich  Island  alphabet  has  twelve  letters;  the  Burmese,  nineteen; 
the  Italian,  twenty ;  the  Bengalese,  twenty-one ;  the  Hebrew,  Syriac,  Chaldee, 
and  Samaritan,  twenty-two  each;  the  French,  twenty-three;  the  Greek, 
twenty-four;  the  Latin,  twenty-five;  the  German,  Dutch,  and  English,  twenty- 
six  each;  the  Spanish  and  Sclavonic,  twenty -seven  each;  the  Arabic, 
twenty -eight ;  the  Persian  and  Coptic,  thirty-two;  the  Georgian,  thirty-five; 
the  Armenian,  thirty-eight;  the  Russian,  forty-one;  the  Muscovite,  forty- 
three  ;  the  Sanscrit  and  Japanese,  fifty ;  the  Ethiopic  and  Tartarian,  two  hun- 
dred and  two  each. 


32  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

A  city  knight,  who  was  unable  to  aspirate  the  H,  on  being 
deputed  to  give  King  William  III.  an  address  of  welcome,  ut- 
tered the  following  equivocal  compliment : — 

"  Future  ages,  recording  your  Majesty's  exploits,  will  pro- 
nounce you  to  have  been  a  Nero  !" 

Mrs.  Crawford  says  she  wrote  one  line  in  her  song,  Kathleen 
Mavourneen,  for  the  express  purpose  of  confounding  the  cock- 
ney .warblers,  who  sing  it  thus  : — 

The  'orn  of  the  'unter  is  'eard  on  the  'ill. 

Moore  has  laid  the  same  trap  in  the  Woodpecker  : — 
A  'eart  that  is  'umble  might  'ope  for  it  'ere. 

And  the  elephant  confounds  them  the  other  way : — 
A  helephant  hcasily  heats  at  his  hease, 
Hunder  humbrageous  humbrella  trees. 

ON  THE  MARRIAGE  OP  A  LADY  TO  A  GENTLEMAN  NAMED  GEB, 

Sure,  madam,  by  your  choice  a  taste  we  see  : 

What's  good  or  great  or  grand  without  a  G  ? 

A  godly  glow  must  sure  on  G  depend, 

Or  oddly  low  our  righteous  thoughts  must  end : 

The  want  of  G  all  gratitude  effaces ; 

And  without  G,  the  Graces  would  run  races. 

ON    SENDING    A   PAIR   OF   GLOVES. 

Prom  this  small  token  take  the  letter  G, 
And  then  'tis  love,  and  that  I  send  to  thee. 

UNIVOCALIC   VERSES. 

A. — THE    RtJSSO-TURKISH    WAE. 

•  Wars  harm  all  ranks,  all  arts,  all  crafts  appall : 
At  Mars'  harsh  blast,  arch,  rampart,  altar,  fall  I 
Ah  !  hard  as  adamant,  a  braggart  Czar 
Arms  vassal  swarms,  and  fans  a  fatal  war ! 
Rampant  at  that  bad  call,  a  Vandal  band 
Harass,  and  harm,  and  ransack  Wallach-land. 
A  Tartar  phalanx  Balkan's  scarp  hath  past, 
And  Allah's  standard  falls,  alas!  at  last. 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

E. — THE    FALL    OF    EVE. 

Eve,  Eden's  Empress,  needs  defended  be ; 
The  Serpent  greets  her  when  she  seeks  the  tree. 
Serene,  she  sees  the  speckled  tempter  creep  ; 
Gentle  he  seems, — perversest  schemer  deep, — 
Yet  endless  pretexts  ever  fresh  prefers, 
Perverts  her  senses,  revels  when  she  errs, 
Sneers  when  she  weeps,  regrets,  repents  she  fell  ; 
Then,  deep  revenged,  reseeks  the  nether  hell ! 

I. — THE   APPROACH    OF    EVENING. 

Idling,  I  sit  in  this  mild  twilight  dim, 
Whilst  birds,  in  wild,  swift  vigils,  circling  skim. 
Light  winds  in  sighing  sink,  till,  rising  bright, 
Night's  Virgin  Pilgrim  swims  in  vivid  light ! 

O. — INCONTROVERTIBLE   FACTS. 

No  monk  too  good  to  rob,  or  cog,  or  plot. 
No  fool  so  gross  to  bolt  Scotch  collops  hot. 
From  Donjon  tops  no  Oronoko  rolls. 
Logwood,  not  Lotos,  floods  Oporto's  bowls. 
Troops  of  old  tosspots  oft,  to  sot,  consort. 
Box  tops,  not  bottoms,  school-boys  flog  for  sport. 
No  cool  monsoons  blow  soft  on  Oxford  dons, 
Orthodox,  jog-trot,  book-worm  Solomons  ! 
Bold  Ostrogoths,  of  ghosts  no  horror  show. 
On  Condon  shop-fronts  no  hop-blossoms  grow. 
To  crocks  of  gold  no  dodo  looks  for  food. 
On  soft  cloth  footstools  no  old  fox  doth  brood. 
Long  storm-tost  sloops  forlorn,  work  on  to  port. 
Rooks  do  not  roost  on  spoons,  nor  woodcocks  snort, 
Nor  dog  on  snow-drop  or  on  coltsfoot  rolls, 
Nor  common  frogs  concoct  long  protocols. 

U. — THE  SAME  SUBJECT,  CONTINUED. 

Dull  humdrum  murmurs  lull,  but  hubbub  stuns.     • 
Lucullus  snuffs  no  musk,  mundungus  shuns. 
Puss  purrs,  buds  burst,  bucks  butt,  luck  turns  np  tramps  j 
But  full  cups,  hurtful,  spur  up  unjust  thumps. 


A  young  English  lady,  on  observing  a  gentleman's  lane  newly 
planted  with  lilacs,  made  this  neat  impromptu : — 
Let  lovely  lilacs  line  Lee's  lonely  lane. 


34  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 


ALPHABETICAL   ALLITERATION. 

THE   SIEGE    OF   BELGRADE. 

An  Austrian  army,  awfully  arrayed, 

Boldly,  by  battery,  besieged  Belgrade ; 

Cossack  commanders  cannonading  come — 

Dealing  destruction's  devastating  doom ; 

Every  endeavor,  engineers  essay, 

For  fame,  for  fortune — fighting  furious  fray : — 

Generals  'gainst  generals  grapple — gracious  God  ! 

How  honors  Heaven,  heroic  hardihood  ! 

Infuriate, — indiscriminate  in  ill, 

Kindred  kill  kinsmen,— kinsmen  kindred  kill ! 

Labor  low  levels  loftiest  longest  lines — 

Men  march  'mid  mounds,  'mid  moles,  'mid  murderous  mines: 

Now  noisy,  noxious,  noticed  nought 

Of  outward  obstacles  opposing  ought : 

Poor  patriots,  partly  purchased,  partly  pressed  : 

Quite  quaking,  quickly  quarter,  quarter  quest, 

Reason  returns,  religious  right  redounds, 

Suwarrow  stops  such  sanguinary  sounds. 

Truce  to  thee,  Turkey — triumph  to  thy  train  ! 

Unjust,  unwise,  unmerciful  Ukraine  ! 

Vanish  vain  victory,  vanish  victory  vain  ! 

Why  wish  ye  warfare  ?     Wherefore  welcome  were 

Xerxes,  Ximenes,  Xanthus,  Xaviere  ? 

Yield !  ye  youths  !  ye  yeomen,  yield  your  yell ! 

Zeno's,  Zapater*s,  Zoroaster's  zeal, 

And  all  attracting — arms  against  acts  appeal. 


THE  BUNKER  HILL  MONUMENT  CELEBRATION. 

Americans  arrayed  and  armed  attend; 

Beside  battalions  bold,  bright  beauties  blend. 

Chiefs,  clergy,  citizens  conglomerate, — 

Detesting  despots, — daring  deeds  debate ; 

Each  eye  emblazoned  ensigns  entertain, — 

Flourishing  from  far, — fan  freedom's  flame. 

Guards  greeting  guards  grown  grey, — guest  greeting  guest. 

High-minded  heroes,  hither,  homeward,  haste. 

Ingenuous  juniors  join  in  jubilee, 

Kith  kenning  kin, — kind  knowing  kindred  key. 

Lo,  lengthened  lines  lend  Liberty  liege  love, 

Mixed  masses,  marshaled,  Monumentward  move. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  35 

Note  noble  navies  near, — no  novel  notion,— 
Oft  our  oppressors  overawed  old  Ocean ; 
Presumptuous  princes,  pristine  patriots  paled, 
Queens'  quarrel  questing  quotas,  quondam  quailed. 
Rebellion  roused,  revolting  ramparts  rose. 
Stout  spirits,  smiting  servile  soldiers,  strove. 
These  thrilling  themes,  to  thousands  truly  told, 
Usurpers'  unjust  usages  unfold. 
Victorious  vassals,  vauntings  vainly  veiled, 
Where,  whilesince,  Webster,  warlike  Warren  wailed. 
'Xcuse  'xpletives  'xtra-queer  'xpressed, 
Yielding  Yankee  yeomen  zest. 


SCTED    BY   FLORA   MACDONALD. 


All  ardent  acts  affright  an  Age  abased 

By  brutal  broils,  by  braggart  bravery  braced. 

Craft's  cankered  courage  changed  Culloden's  cry ; 

"  Deal  deep"  deposed  "  deal  death" — "  decoy,"  "  defy  ? 

Enough.     Ere  envy  enters  England's  eyes, 

Fancy's  false  future  fades,  for  Fortune  flies. 

Gaunt,  gloomy,  guarded,  grappling  giant  griefs, 

Here,  hunted  hard,  his  harassed  heart  he  heaves ; 

In  impious  ire  incessant  ills  invests, 

Judging  Jove's  jealous  judgments,  jaundiced  jests  ! 

Kneel,  kirtled  knight!  keep  keener  kingcraft  known, 

Let  larger  lore  life's  levelling  lessons  loan : 

Marauders  must  meet  malefactors'  meeds ; 

No  nation  noisy  non-conformists  needs. 

0  oracles  of  old !  our  orb  ordain 

Peace's  possession — Plenty's  palmy  plain ! 

Quiet  Quixotic  quests  ;  quell  quarrelling ; 

Rebuke  red  riot's  resonant  rifle  ring. 

Slumber  seems  strangely  sweet  since  silence  smote 

The  threatening  thunders  throbbing  through  their  throat. 

Usurper  !  under  uniform  unwont 

Vail  valor's  vaguest  venture,  vainest  vaunt. 

Well  wot  we  which  were  wise.     War's  wildfire  won 

Ximenes,  Xerxes,  Xavier,  Xenophon  : 

Yet  you,  ye  yearning  youth,  your  young  years  yield 

Zuinglius'  zealot  zest — Zinzendorf  zion-zealed. 


COUPLET    ON    CARDINAL   WOLSKT. 


Begot  by  butchers,  but  by  bishops  bred, 
How  high  his  honor  holds  his  haughty  head ! 


36  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

ADDRESS    TO    THE    AURORA,  WRITTEN    IN   MID-OCBAM. 

Awake  Aurora !  and  across  all  airs 

By  brilliant  blazon  banish  boreal  bears. 

Crossing  cold  Canope's  celestial  crown, 

Deep  darts  descending  dive  delusive  down. 

Entranced  each  eve  Europa's  every  eye 

Firm  fixed  forever  fastens  faithfully, 

Greets  golden  guerdon  gloriously  grand  ; 

How  Holy  Heaven  holds  high  his  hollow  hand ! 

Ignoble  ignorance,  inapt  indeed — 

Jeers  jestingly  just  Jupiter's  jereed  : 

Knavish  Kamschatkans,  knightly  Kurdsmen  know, 

Long  Labrador's  light  lustre  looming  low; 

Midst  myriad  multitudes  majestic  might 

No  nature  nobler  numbers  Neptune's  night. 

Opal  of  Oxus  or  old  Ophir's  ores 

Pale  pyrrhic  pyres  prismatic  purple  pours, — 

Quiescent  quivering,  quickly,  quaintly  queer, 

Rich,  rosy,  regal  rays  resplendent  rear ;  - 

Strange  shooting  streamers  streaking  starry  skies 

Trail  their  triumphant  tresses — trembling  ties. 

Unseen,  unhonored  Ursa, — underneath 

Veiled,  vanquished — vainly  vying — vanisheth  : 

Wild  Woden,  warning,  watchful — whispers  wan 

Xanthitic  Xeres,  Xerxes,  Xenophon, 

Yet  yielding  yesternight  yule's  yell  yawns 

Zenith's  zebraic  zigzag,  zodiac  zones. 

Pulci,  in  his  Morgante  Maggiore,  xxiii.  47,  gives  the  following 
remarkable  double  alliterations,  two  of  them  in  every  line  : — 

La  casa  cosa  parea  bretta  e  brittta, 
Viitta  dal  vento,  e  la  natta  e  la  notte, 
Stilla  le  stelle,  ch'a  tetto  era  tutta, 
Del  pane  append  ne  dette  ta'  dotte  ; 
Pere  avea  pure  e  qualche/ratta/r««a, 
E  sm'na  e  svena   di  lotto  una  botte  ; 
Poscia  per  pesci  latche  prese  &U'esca, 
Ma  il    letto  &llotta  alla/ra*ca  fu/resca. 

In  the  imitation  of  Laura  Matilda,  in  the  Refected  Addresses 
occurs  this  stanza  : — 

Pan  beheld  Patroclus  dying, 

Nox  to  Niobe  was  turned  ; 
From  Busiris  Bacchus  flying, 

Saw  his  Semele  inurned. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  37 


TITLE-PAGE    FOR   A   BOOK    OP   EXTRACTS    FROM    MANY    AUTHORS. 

Astonishing  Anthology  from  Attractive  Authors. 

Broken  Bits  from  Bulky  Brains. 

Choice  Chunks  from  Chaucer  to  Channing. 

Dainty  Devices  from  Diverse  Directions. 

Echoes  of  Eloquence  from  Eminent  Essayists. 

Fragrant  Flowers  from  Fields  of  Fancy. 

Gems  of  Genius  Gloriously  Garnished. 

Handy  Helps  from  Head  and  Heart. 

Illustrious  Intellects  Intelligently  Interpreted. 

Jewels  of  Judgment  and  Jets  of  Jocularity. 

Kindlings  to  Keep  from  the  King  to  the  Kitchen. 

Loosened  Leaves  from  Literary  Laurels. 

Magnificent  Morsels  from  Mighty  Minds. 

Numerous  Nuggets  from  Notable  Noodles. 

Oracular  Opinions  Officiously  Offered. 

Prodigious  Points  from  Powerful  Pens. 

Quirks  and  Quibbles  from  Queer  Quarters. 

Rare  Remarks  Ridiculously  Repeated. 

Suggestive  Squibs  from  Sundry  Sources. 

Tremendous  Thoughts  on  Thundering  Topics. 

Utterances  from  Uppermost  for  Use  and  Unction. 

Valuable  Views  in  Various  Voices. 
Wisps  of  Wit  in  a  Wilderness  of  Words. 

Xcellent  Xtracts  Xactly  Xpressed. 

Yawnings  and  Yearnings  for  Youthful  Yaakees. 

Zeal  and  Zest  from  Zoroaster  to  Zimmerman. 


COMPLIMENTARY    CONSIDERATIONS    CONCERNING   CHESS. 

Cherished  chess!  The  charms  of  thy  checkered  chambers  chain  me 
changelessly.  Chaplains  have  chanted  thy  charming  choiceness;  chief- 
tains have  changed  the  chariot  and  the  chase  for  the  chaster  chivalry  of  the 
chess-board,  and  the  cheerier  charge  of  the  chess-knights.  Chaste-eyed 
Caissa!  For  thee  are  the  chaplets  of  chainless  charity  and  the  chalice  of 
childlike  cheerfulness.  No  chilling  churl,  no  cheating  chafferer,  no  chatter- 
ing changeling,  no  chanting  charlatan  can  be  thy  champion ;  the  chival- 
rous, the  charitable,  and  the  cheerful  are  the  chosen  ones  thou  cherishest. 
Chance  cannot  change  thee:  from  the  cradle  of  childhood  to  the  charnel- 
house,  from  our  first  childish  chirpings  to  the  chills  of  the  church-yard, 
thou  art  our  cheery,  changeless  chieftainess.  Chastener  of  the  churlish, 
chider  of  the  changeable,  cherisher  of  the  chagrined,  the  chapter  of  thy 
chiliad  of  charms  should  be  chanted  in  cherubic  chimes  by  choicest  choris 
ters,  and  chiselled  on  chalcedon  in  cherubic  chirography. 
4 


4.15185 


38  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

Hood,  in  describing  the  sensations  of  a  dramatist  awaiting 
his  debut,  thus  uses  the  letter  F  in  his  Ode  to  Perry : — 

All  Fume  and  Fret, 

Fuss,  Fidget,  Fancy,  Fever,  Funking,  Fright, 
Ferment,  Fault-fearing,  Faintness — more  F's  yet : 
Flushed,  Frigid,  Flurried,  Flinching,  Fitful,  Flat, 
Add  Famished,  Fuddled,  and  Fatigued  to  that; 
Funeral,  Fate-Foreboding. 

The  repetition  of  the  same  letter  in  the  following  is  very  in- 
genious : — 

FELICITOUS    FLIGHT    OF   FANCY. 

"A  famous  fish-factor  found  himself  father  of  five  flirting  females — 
Fanny,  Florence,  Fernanda,  Francesca,  and  Fenella.  The  first  four  were 
flat-featured,  ill-favored,  forbidding-faced,  freckled  frumps,  fretful,  flippant, 
foolish,  and  flaunting.  Fenella  was  a  fine-featured,  fresh,  fleet-footed  fairy, 
frank,  free,  and  full  of  fun.  The  fisher  failed,  and  was  forced  by  fickle 
fortune  to  forego  his  footman,  forfeit  his  forefathers'  fine  fields,  and  find  a 
forlorn  farm-house  in  a  forsaken  forest.  The  four  fretful  females,  fond  of 
figuring  at  feasts  in  feathers  and  fashionable  finery,  fumed  at  their  fugitive 
father.  Forsaken  by  fulsome,  flattering  fortune-hunters,  who  followed  them 
when  first  they  flourished,  Fenella  fondled  her  father,  flavored  their  food, 
forgot  her  flattering  followers,  and  frolicked  in  a  frieze  without  flounces. 
The  father,  finding  himself  forced  to  forage  in  foreign  parts  for  a  fortune, 
found  he  could  afford  a  faring  to  his  five  fondlings.  The  first  four  were  fain 
to  foster  their  frivolity  with  fine  frills  and  fans,  fit  to  finish  their  father's 
finances;  Fenella,  fearful  of  flooring  him,  formed  a  fancy  for  a  full  fresh 
flower.  Fate  favored  the  fish-factor  for  a  few  days,  when  he  fell  in  with  a 
fog ;  his  faithful  Filley's  footsteps  faltered,  and  food  failed.  He  found  him- 
self in  front  of  a  fortified  fortress.  Finding  it  forsaken,.and  feeling  himself 
feeble,  and  forlorn  with  fasting,  he  fed  on  the  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl  he  found, 
fricasseed,  and  when  full  fell  flat  on  the  floor.  Fresh  in  the  forenoon,  he 
forthwith  flew  to  the  fruitful  fields,  and  not  forgetting  Fenella,  he  filched  a 
fair  flower;  when  a  foul,  frightful,  fiendish  figure  flashed  forth  :  'Felonious 
fellow,  fingering  my  flowers,  I'll  finish  you !  Fly ;  say  farewell  to  your  fine 
felicitous  family,  and  face  me  in  a  fortnight!'  The  faint-hearted  fisher 
fumed  and  faltered,  and  fast  and  far  was  his  flight.  His  five  daughters 
flew  to  fall  at  his  feet  and  fervently  felicitate  him.  Frantically  and  fluently 
he  unfolded  his  fate.  Fenella,  forthwith  fortified  by  filial  fondness,  followed 
her  father's  footsteps,  and  flung  her  faultless  form  at  the  foot  of  the  fright- 
ful figure,  who  forgave  the  father,  and  fell  flat  on  his  face,  for  he  had 
fervently  fallen  in  a  fiery  fit  of  love  for  the  fair  Fenella.  He  feasted  her 
till,  fascinated  by  his  faithfulness,  she  forgot  the  ferocity  of  his  face,  form, 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS.  39 

and  features,  and  frankly  and  fondly  fixed  Friday,  fifth  of  February,  for 
the  affair  to  come  off.  There  was  festivity,  fragrance,  finery,  fireworks, 
fricasseed  frogs,  fritters,  fish,  flesh,  fowl,  and  frumentry,  frontignac,  flip, 
and  fare  fit  for  the  fastidious ;  fruit,  fuss,  flambeaux,  four  fat  fiddlers  and 
fifers ;  and  the  frightful  form  of  the  fortunate  and  frumpish  fiend  fell  from 
him,  and  he  fell  at  Fenella's  feet  a  fair-favored,  fine,  frank,  freeman  of  the 
forest.  Behold  the  fruits  of  filial  affection. 

A    BEVY   OP    BELLES. 

The  following  lines  are  said  to  have  been  admirably  de- 
scriptive of  the  five  daughters  of  an  English  gentleman, 
formerly  of  Liverpool : — • 

Minerva-like  majestic  Mary  moves. 
Law,  Latin,  Liberty,  learned  Lacy  loves. 
Eliza's  elegance  each  eye  espies. 
Serenely  silent  Susan's  smiles  surprise. 
From  fops,  fools,  flattery,  fairest  Fanny  flies. 

MOTIVES   TO    GRATITUDE. 

A  remarkable  example  of  the  old  fondness  for  antithesis 
and  alliteration  in  composition,  is  presented  in  the  following 
extract  from  one  of  Watts'  sermons : — 

The  last  great  help  to  thankfulness  is  to  compare  various  circumstances 
and  things  together.  Compare,  then, your  sorrows  with  you  sins;  com- 
pare your  mercies  with  your  merits ;  compare  your  comforts  with  your 
calamities  ;  compare  your  own  troubles  with  the  troubles  of  others ;  com- 
pare your  sufferings  with  the  sufferings  of  Christ  Jesus,  your  Lord ;  com- 
pare the  pain  of  your  afflictions  with  the  profit  of  them ;  compare  your 
chastisements  on  earth  with  condemnation  in  hell;  compare  the  present 
hardships  you  bear  with  the  happiness  you  expect  hereafter,  and  try 
whether  all  these  will  not  awaken  thankfulness. 


ACROSTICS. 

THE  acrostic,  though  an  old  and  favorite  form  of  verse,  in 
our  own  language  has  been  almost  wholly  an  exercise  of  inge- 
nuity, and  has  been  considered  fit  only  for  trivial  subjects,  to 
be  classed  among  'nugx  literarise.  The  word  in  its  derivation 
includes  various  artificial  arrangements  of  lines,  and  many  fan- 
tastic conceits  have  been  indulged  in.  Generally  the  acrostic 
has  been  formed  of  the  first  letters  of  each  line  ;  sometimes  of 
the  last ;  sometimes  of  both  ;  sometimes  it  is  to  be  read  down- 


40  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

ward,  sometimes  upward.  An  ingenious  variety  called  the 
Telestich,  is  that  in  which  the  letters  beginning  the  lines  spell 
a  word,  while  the  letters  ending  the  lines,  when  taken  together, 
form  a  word  of  an  opposite  meaning,  as  in  this  instance : — 

U  nite  and  untie  are  the  same — so  say  yo  U. 
N  ot  in  wedlock,  I  ween,  has  this  unity  bee  N. 
I  nthedramaof  marriage  each  wandering<70M  T 
T  o  a  new  face  would  fly — all  except  you  and  I — 
E  ach  seeking  to  alter  the  s/je/£  in  their  seen  E. 

In  these  lines,  on  the  death  of  Lord  Hatherton,  (1863),  the 
initial  and  final  letters  are  doubled : — 

H  ard  was  his  final  fight  with  ghastly  Beat  h, 
H  e  bravely  yielded  his  expiring  breat  h. 
A  s  in  the  Senate  fighting  freedom's  pie  a, 
A  nd  boundless  in  his  wisdom  as  the  se  a. 
T  he  public  welfare  seeking  to  direc  t, 
T  he  weak  and  undefended  to  protec  t. 
H  is  steady  course  in  noble  life  from  birt  h, 
H  as  shown  his  public  and  his  private  wort  h. 
E  vincirig  mind  both  lofty  and  sedat  e, 
E  ndowments  great  and  fitted  for  the  Stat  e, 
R  eceiving  high  and  low  with  open  doo  rt 
R  ich  in  his  bounty  to  the  rude  and  poo  r. 
T  he  crown  reposed  in  him  the  highest  trus  t, 
T  o  show  the  world  that  he  was  wise  and  jus  t. 
On  his  ancestral  banners  long  ag  o, 
0  urs  willingly  relied,  and  will  do  s  o. 
N  or  yet  extinct  is  noble  Hatherto  n, 
N  ow  still  he  lives  in  gracious  Littleto  n. 

Although  the  fanciful  and  trifling  tricks  of  poetasters  have 
been  carried  to  excess,  and  acrostics  have  come  in  for  their 
share  of  satire,  the  origin  of  such  artificial  poetry  was  of  a 
higher  dignity.  When  written  documents,  were  yet  rare,  every 
artifice  was  employed  to  enforce  on  the  attention  or  fix  on  the 
memory  the  verses  sung  by  bards  or  teachers.  Alphabetic 
associations  formed  obvious  and  convenient  aids  for  this  pur- 
pose. In  the  Hebrew  Psalms  of  David,  and  in  other  parts  of 
Scripture,  striking  specimens  occur.  The  peculiarity  is  not 
retained  in  the  translations,  but  is  indicated  in  the  common 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS.  41 

version  of  the  119th  Psalm  by  the  initial  letters  prefixed  to  its 
divisions.  The  Greek  Anthology  also  presents  examples  of 
acrostics,  and  they  were  often  used  in  the  old  Latin  language. 
Cicero,  in  his  treatise  "  De  Divinatione,"  has  this  remarkable 
passage  : — "  The  verses  of  the  Sybils  (said  he)  are  distinguished 
by  that  arrangement  which  the  Greeks  call  Acrostic ;  where, 
from  the  first  letters  of  each  verse  in  order,  words  are  formed 
which  express  some  particular  meaning;  as  is  the  case  with 
some  of  Ennius's  verses,  the  initial  letters  of  which  make 
'  which  Ennius  wrote  !'  " 

Among  the  modern  examples  of  acrostic  writing,  the  most 
remarkable  may  be  found  in  the  works  of  Boccaccio.  It  is  a 
poem  of  fifty  cantos,  of  which  Guinguene  has  preserved  a  speci- 
men in  his  Literary  History  of  Italy. 

A  successful  attempt  has  recently  been  made  to  use  this  form 
of  verse  for  conveying  useful  information  and  expressing  agree- 
able reflections,  in  a  volume  containing  a  series  of  acrostics  on 
eminent  names,  commencing  with  Homer,  and  descending 
chronologically  to  our  own  time.  The  alphabetic  necessity  of 
the  choice  of  words  and  epithets  has  not  hindered  the  writer 
from  giving  distinct  and  generally  correct  character  to  the  bio- 
graphical subjects,  as  may  be  seen  in  the  following  selections, 
which  are  as  remarkable  for  the  truth  and  discrimination  of  the 
descriptions  as  for  the  ingenuity  of  the  diction : 

GEORGE  HERBERT. 

G  ood  Country  Parson,  cheerful,  quaint, 
E  ver  in  thy  life  a  saint, 
0  'er  thy  memory  sweetly  rise 
R  are  old  Izaak's  eulogies, 
G  iving  us,  in  life-drawn  hue, 
E  ach  loved  feature  to  our  view. 
H  oly  Herbert,  humble,  mild, 
E  'en  as  simple  as  a  child, 
R  eady  thy  bounty  to  dispense, 
B  earning  with  benevolence, 
E  ver  blessing,  ever  blest, 
R  escuing  the  most  distrest  ; 
T  hy  "  Temple"  now  is  Heaven's  bright  rest. 
4* 


42  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

DRYDBN. 

D  eep  rolls  on  deep  in  thy  majestic  line. 
R  ich  music  and  the  stateliest  march  combine ; 
T  et,  who  that  hears  its  high  harmonious  strain 
D  eems  not  thy  genius  thou  didst  half  profane? 
E  xhausting  thy  great  power  of  song  on  themes 
N  ot  worthy  of  its  strong,  effulgent  beams. 

REYNOLDS.  . 

R  are  Painter !  whose  unequall'd  skill  could  trace 
E  ach  light  and  shadow  of  the  changeful  face ; 
Y  oung  "  Samuel's,"  now,  beaming  with  piety, 
N  ow  the  proud  "  Banished  Lord's"  dark  misery, 
0  r  "Ugolino's"  ghastly  visage,  wild, 
L  ooking  stern  horror  on  each  starving  child; 
D  elights  not  less  of  social  sort  were  thine, 
S  uch  as  with  Burke,  or  e'en  with  Johnson  shine. 


B  rilliant  thy  genius  'mongst  a  brilliant  throng; 
TJ  nique  thy  eloquence  of  pen  and  tongue ; 
R  ome's  Tully  loftier  flights  could  scarce  command, 
K  indling  thy  soul  to  thoughts  that  matchless  stand 
E  ver  sublime  and  beautiful  and  grand. 

HUBER. 

H  ow  keen  thy  vision,  e'en  though  reft  of  sight ! 
U  sing  with  double  power  the  mind's  clear  light: 
B  ees,  and  their  hives,  thy  curious  ken  has  scanned, 
E  ach  cell,  with  geometric  wisdom  planned, 
R  ich  stores  of  honeyed  knowledge  thus  at  thy  command. 

CRABBE. 

C  opyist  of  Nature — simply,  sternly  true, — 
R  eal  the  scenes  that  in  thy  page  we  view. 
'A  mid  the  huts  where  poor  men  lie"  unknown, 
B  right  humor  or  deep  pathos  thou  hast  thrown. 
B  ard  of  the  "  Borough"  and  tire  "  Village,"  see — 
E  'en  haughty  Byron  owns  he's  charm'd  by  thee. 

WALTER   SCOTT. 

W  ondrous  Wizard  of  the  North, 
A  rmed  with  spells  of  potent  worth  ! 
L  ike  to  that  greatest  Bard  of  ours 
T  he  mighty  magic  of  thy  powers  : 
E  'en  thy  bright  fancy's  offspring  find 
R  esemblance  to  his  myriad  mind. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  43 

8  uch  the  creations  that  we  see— 

C  haracter,  manners,  life  in  thee — 

0  f  Scotia's  deeds,  a  proud  display, 

T  he  glories  of  a  bygone  day; 

T  by  genius  foremost  stands  in  all  her  long  array. 

WORDSWORTH. 

W  andering,  through  many  a  year,  'mongst  Cumbria's  hills, 

0  'er  her  wild  fells,  sweet  vales,  and  sunny  lakes, 

R  ich  stores  of  thought  thy  musing  mind  distils, 

D  ay-dreams  of  poesy  thy  soul  awakes : — 

S  uch  was  thy  life — a  poet's  life,  I  ween ; 

W  orshippe,r  thou  of  Nature  !  every  scene 

0  f  beauty  stirred  thy  fancy's  deeper  mood, 
B,  eflection  calmed  the  current  of  thy  blood : 
T  hus  in  the  wide  "  Excursion"  of  thy  mind, 

H  igh  thoughts  in  words  of  worth  we  still  may  find. 

IRVING. 

1  n  easy,  natural,  graceful  charm  of  style, 

B,  esembling  Goldy's  "Vicar," — free  from  guile: 

V  ein  of  rich  humor  through  thy  "  Sketch-Book"  flows. 

I  magination  her  bright  colors  shows. 

N  o  equal  hast  thou  'mongst  thy  brother  band, 

G  enial  thy  soul,  worthy  our  own  loved  land. 


M  aster  Tragedian !  worthy  all  our  praise. 

A  ction  and  utterance  such  as  bygone  days 

C  ould  oftener  boast,  were  thine.    Need  we  but  name 

B,  oman  Virginius  ?  while  our  Shakspeare's  fame 

E  ver  'twas  thy  chief  joy  and  pride  to  uprear, 

A  nd  give  us  back  Macbeth,  Othello,  Lear. 

D  elight  to  thousands  oft  thou  gav'st,  and  now 

Y  ears  of  calm  lettered  ease  'tis  thine  to  know. 

LONGFELLOW. 

L  ays  like  thine  have  many  a  charm ; 

0  ft  thy  themes  the  heart  must  warm. 

N  ow  o'er  Slavery's  guilt  and  woes, 

G  rief  and  shame's  deep  hues  it  throws; 

F  ar  up  Alpine  heights  is  heard 
'  E  xcelsior,"  now  the  stirring  word ; 
'L  ife's  Psalm,"  now,  onward  is  inviting, 

L  ongings  for  nobler  deeds  exciting ; 

0  'er  Britain  now  resounds  thy  name, 

W  hile  States  unborn  shall  swell  thy  fame. 


44  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

SOUTHEY. 

6  erenely  bright  thy  life's  pure  stream  did  glide, 
0  n  sweet  romantic  Derwentwater's  side. 
U  nder  great  Skiddaw — there,  in  Epic  lays, 
T  hou  dream'dst  a  poet's  dreams  of  olden  days, 
H  ow  Madoc  wandered  o'er  the  Atlantic  wave, 
E  astern  Kehama,  Roderic  the  brave, 
Y  ears  cannot  from  our  fondest  memory  lave. 

HACAULAT. 

M  asterly  critic!  in  whose  brilliant  style 

A  nd  rich  historic  coloring  breathes  again — 

C  lothed  in  most  picturesque  costume  the  while — 

A  11  the  dim  past,  with  all  its  bustling  train. 

U  nder  this  vivid,  eloquent  painting,  see 

L  ife  given  anew  to  our  old  history's  page; 

A  nd  in  thy  stirring  ballad  poetry, 

Y  outh's  dreams  of  ancient  Rome  once  more  our  minds 


OLIVER'S  IMPROMPTU. 

OLIVER,  a  sailor  and  patriot,  with  a  merited  reputation  for 
extempore  rhyming,  while  on  a  visit  to  his  cousin  Benedict 
Arnold,  after  the  war,  was  asked  by  the  latter  to  amuse  a 
party  of  English  officers  with  some  extemporaneous  effusion, 
whereupon  he  stood  up  and  repeated  the  following  Ernulphus 
curse,  which  would  have  satisfied  Dr.  Slop*  himself: — 

B  orn  for  a  curse  to  virtue  and  mankind, 

B  arth's  broadest  realm  ne'er  knew  so  black  a  mind. 

N  ight's  sable  veil  your  crimes  can  never  hide, 

E  aeh  one  so  great,  'twould  glut  historic  tide. 

D  efunct,  your  cursed  memory  will  live 

I  n  all  the  glare  that  infamy  can  give. 

C  urses  of  ages  will  attend  your  name, 

T  raitors  alone  will  glory  in  your  shame. 

A  Imighty  vengeance  sternly  waits  to  roll 

K  ivers  of  sulphur  on  your  treacherous  soul : 

N  ature  looks  shuddering  back  with  conscious  dread 

0  n  such  a  tarnished  blot  as  she  has  made. 

L  et  hell  receive  you,  riveted  in  chains, 

D  oomed  to  the  hottest  focus  of  its  flames. 

*  Tristram  Shandy. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  45 


ALLITERATIVE   ACROSTIC. 

THE  following  alliterative  acrostic  is  a  gem  in  its  way.  Miss 
Kitty  Stephens  was  the  celebrated  London  vocalist,  and  is  now 
the  Dowager  Countess  of  Essex  : —  , 

S  he  sings  so  soft,  so  sweet,  so  soothing  still 

T  hat  to  the  tone  ten  thousand  thoughts  there  thrill  ; 

E  lysian  ecstasies  enchant  each  ear — 

P  leasure's  pure  pinions  poise — prince,  peasant,  peer, 

H  ushing  high  hymns,  Heaven  hears  her  harmony, — 

E  arth's  envy  ends;  enthralled  each  ear,  each  eye; 

N  umbers  need  ninefold  nerve,  or  nearly  name, 

S  oul-stirring  STEPHENS'  skill,  sure  seraphs  sing  the  same. 


CHRONOGRAMMATIC   PASQUINADE. 

ON  the  election  of  Pope  Leo  X.,  in  1440,  the  following  sati- 
rical acrostic  appeared,  to  mark  the  date 
M  c  c  C  C  x  L. 

Multi  Coeci  Cardinales  Creaverunt  Ccecum  Decimum  (X)  Leonem. 
MONASTIC   VERSE. 

THE  merit  of  this  fine  specimen  will  be  found  in  its  being  at 
the  same  time  acrostic,  mcsostic,  and  telestic. 

Inter  cuncta  micans  Igniti       sidera      coell 

Expellit  tenebras  E  to  to  Phoebus  ut  orbE ; 

Sic  cacas  removet  JESUS  caliginis  umbraS, 

Vivificansque  simul  Vero  praecordia    motV, 

Solem  justitise  Sese  probat  esse  beatiS. 

The  following  translation  preserves  the  acrostic  and  mesostio, 
though  not  the  telestic  form  of  the  original: — 

In  glory  see  the  rising  sun,  Illustrious  orb  of  day, 

Enlightening  heaven's  wide  expanse,  Expel  night's  gloom  away. 
So  light  into   the   darkest    soul,  JESUS,  Thou  dost  impart, 
Uplifting  Thy  life-giving  smiles          Upon  the  deadened  heart : 
Sun  Thou  of  Righteousness  Divine,     Sole  King  of  Saints  Thou  art 


46  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 


THE  figure  of  a  FISH  carved  on  many  of  the  monuments  in 
the  Roman  Catacombs,   is    an  emblematic  acrostic,   intended 
formerly  to  point  out  the  burial-place  of  a  Christian,  without 
revealing  the  fact  to  the  pagan  persecutors.     The  Greek  word 
for  fish  is  tyOvs,  which  the  Christians  understood  to  mean  Jesus 
Christ,  the  Son  of  God,  the  Saviour,  —  the  letters  forming  the 
initials  of  the  following  Greek  words  :  — 
Irjffous  —  Jesus 
Xptaros  —  Christ, 
of  God, 
—      Son, 

Saviour. 


NAPOLEON   FAMILY. 

THE  names  of  the  male  crowned  heads  of  the  extinct  Napo- 
leon dynasty  form  a  remarkable  acrostic  :  — 

N  apoleon,  Emperor  of  the  French. 

I   oseph,  King  of  Spain. 

H  ieronymus,  King  of  Westphalia. 

I   oachim,  King  of  Naples. 

L  ouis,  King  of  Holland. 

RACHEL. 

RACHEL,  on  one  occasion,  received  a  most  remarkable  present. 
It  was  a  diadem,  in  antique  style,  adorned  with  six  jewels.  The 
stones  were  so  set  as  to  spell,  in  acrostic  style,  the  name  of  the 
great  artiste,  and  also  to  signify  six  of  her  principal  r6les,  thus  : 

R  uby,  R  oxana, 

A  methyst,  A  men  aide, 

C  ornelian,  C  amille, 

H  ematite,  H  ermione, 

E  merald,  E  milie, 

L  apis  Lazuli,  L  aodice. 

This  mode  of  constructing  a  name  or  motto  by  the  initial 
letters  of  gems  was  formerly  fashionable  on  wedding  rings. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  47 

MASONIC   MEMENTO. 

THE  following  curious  memento  was  written  in  the  early  part 
of  last  century  : — 

M — Magnitude,  Moderation,  Magnanimity. 

A— Affability,  Affection,  Attention. 

S — Silence,  Secrecy,  Security. 

0 — Obedience,  Order,  (Economy. 

N— Noble,  Natural,  Neighborly. 

R — Rational,  Reciprocative,  Receptive. 

Y— Yielding,  Ypight  (fixed),  Yare  (ready). 
Which  is  explained  thus  : — 

Masonry,  of  things,  teaches  how  to  attain  their  just  Magnitude. 

To  inordinate  affections  the  art  of     -  Moderation. 

It  inspires  the  soul  with  true  -        -        -  Magnanimity. 

It  also  teaches  us       ------  Affability. 

To  love  each  other  with  true      -  Affection, 

And  to  pay  to  things  sacred  a  just     -  Attention. 

It  instructs  us  how  to  keep         -  Silence, 

To  maintain       - Secrecy, 

And  preserve     - Security ; 

Also,  to  whom  it  is  due, Obedience, 

To  observe  good Order, 

And  a  commendable  -----  OZconomy. 

It  likewise  teaches  us  how  to  be  worthily  -  Noble, 

Truly         -----  Natural, 

And  without  reserve  -----  Neighborly. 

It  instils  principles  indisputably  -  Rational, 

And  forms  in  us  a  disposition     -  Reciprocative, 

And  --------  Receptive. 

It  makes  us,  to  things  indifferent,      -  Yielding, 

To  what  is  absolutely  necessary,  perfectly          -  Ypight, 

And  to  do  all  that  is  truly  good,  most  willingly  Yare. 

HEMPE. 

BACON  says, "  The  trivial  prophecy  which  I  heard  when  I  was 
a  child  and  Queen  Elizabeth  was  in  the  flower  of  her  years  was — 

When  Hempe  is  spun 
England's  done  j 

whereby  it  was  generally  conceived  that  after  the  sovereigns 
had  reigned  which  had  the  letters  of  that  word  HEMPE, 
(which  were  Henry,  Edward,  Mary,  Philip,  Elizabeth,) 
England  should  come  to  utter  confusion ;  which,  thanks  be 
to  God,  is  verified  in  the  change  of  the  name,  for  that  the 
King's  style  is  now  no  more  of  England,  but  of  Britain." 


48  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

THE   BREVITY  OP   HUMAN   LIFE. 

Behold,  alas  !  our  days  we  spend  : 
How  vain  they  be,  how  soon  they  end! 

BEHOLD 

How  short  a  span 

Was  long  enough  of  old 

To  measure  out  the  life  of  man ; 

In  those  well-tempered  days  his  time  was  then 

Surveyed,  cast  up,  and  found  but  threescore  years  and  ten, 

ALAS! 

What  is  all  that  ? 

They  come  and  slide  and  pass 

Before  my  tongue  can  tell  thee  what 

The  posts  of  time  are  swift,  which  having  run 

Their  seven  short  stages  o'er,  their  short-lived  task  is  done. 

OUR  DAYS 

Begun,  we  bend 

To  sleep,  to  antic  plays 

And  toys,  until  the  first  stage  end; 

12  waning  moons,  twice  5  times  told,  we  give 

To  unrecovered  loss :  we  rather  breathe  than  live. 

WE  SPEND 

A  ten  years'  breath 

Before   we   apprehend 

What  'tis  to  live  in  fear  of  death  ; 

Our  childish  dreams  are  filled  with  painted  joys 

Which  please  our  sense,  and  waking  prove  but  toys. 

HOW  VAIN, 

How  wretched  is 

Poor  man,  that  doth  remain 

A  slave  to  such  a  state  as  this ! 

His  days  are  short  at  longest ;  few  at  most ; 

They  are  but  bad  at  best,  yet  lavished  out,  or  lost 

THEY  BE 

The  secret  springs 

That  make  our  minutes  flee 

On  wings  more  swift  than  eagles'  wings ! 

Our  life's  a  clock,  and  every  gasp  of  breath 

Breathes  forth  a  warning  grief,  till  time  shall  strike  a  death. 

HOW  SOON 

Our  new-born  light 

Attains  to  full-aged  noon ! 

And  this,  how  soon  to  gray-haired  night  ; 

We  spring,  we  bud,  we  blossom,  and  we  blast, 

Ere  we  can  count  our  days,  our  days  they  flee  so  fast 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS.  49 

THEY  END 

When  scarce  begun, 

And  ere  we  apprehend 

That  we  begin  to  live,  our  life  is  done. 

Man,  count  thy  days ;  and  if  they  fly  too  fast 

For  thy  dull  thoughts  to  count,  count  every  day  the  last 

A   VALENTINE. 

THE  reader,  by  taking  the  first  letter  of  the  first  of  the  follow- 
ing lines,  the  second  letter  of  the  second  line,  the  third  of  the 
third,  and  so  on  to  the  end,  can  spell  the  name  of  the  lady  to 
whom  they  were  addressed  by  Edgar  A.  Poe. 

For  her  this  rhyme  is  penned  whose  luminous  eyes, 

BRightly  expressive  as  the  twins  of  Loeda, 
ShAll  find  her  own  sweet  name,  that  nestling  lies 

UpoN  the  page,  enwrapped  from  every  reader. 
SearCh  narrowly  the  lines  ! — they  hold  a  treasure 

DivinE — a  talisman — an  amulet 
That  muSt  be  worn  at  heart.     Search  well  the  measure — 

The  wordS — the  syllables  !     Do  not  forget 
The  triviAlest  point,  or  you  may  lose  your  labor ! 

And  yet  theRe  is  in  this  no  Gordian  knot 
Which  one  miGht  not  undo  without  a  sabre, 

If  one  could  mErely  comprehend  the  plot. 
Enwritten  upoN  the  leaf  where  now  are  peering 

Eyes  scintillaTing  soul,  there  lie  perdus 
Three  eloquent  wOrds,  oft  uttered  in  the  hearing 

Of  poets,  by  poets — aS  the  name's  a  poet's,  too. 
Its  letters,  althouGh  naturally  lying 

Like  the  knight  PintO — Mendez  Ferdinando — 
Still  form  a  synonym  fOr  Truth.     Cease  trying  ! 

You  will  not  read  the  riDdle,  though  you  do  the  best  you  can  do. 


ANAGRAMS. 

But  with  still  more  disordered  march  advance 
(Nor  march  it  seemed,  but  wild  fantastic  dance) 
The  uncouth  Anagrams,  distorted  train, 
Shifting  in  double  mazes  o'er  the  plain. — Scribleriad. 

CAMDEN,  in  a  chapter  in  his  Remains,  on  this  frivolous  and 
now  almost  obsolete  intellectual  exercise,  defines  Anagrams  to 
D  5 


50  ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

be  a  dissolution  of  a  name  into  its  letters,  as  its  elements ;  and 
a  new  connection  into  words  is  formed  by  their  transposition,  if 
possible,  without  addition,  subtraction,  or  change  of  the  letters  : 
and  the  words  should  make  a  sentence  applicable  to  the  person 
or  thing  named.  The  anagram  is  complimentary  or  satirical ; 
it  may  contain  some  allusion  to  an  event,  or  describe  some  per- 
sonal characteristic.  Thus,  Sir  Thomas  Wiat  bore  his  own 
designation  in  his  name : — 

Wiat— A  Wit. 

Astronomer  may  be  made  Moon-star -er,  and  Telegraph,  Great 
Help.  Funeral  may  be  converted  into  Real  Fun,  and  Presby- 
terian may  be  made  Best  in  prayer.  In  stone  may  be  found 
tones,  notes,  or  seton ;  and  (taking  j  and  v  as  duplicates  of  t 
and  «)  the  letters  of  the  alphabet  may  be  arranged  so  as  to 
form  the  words  back,  frown'd,  phlegm,  quiz,  and  Styx.  Roma 
may  be  transposed  into  amor,  armo,  Maro,  mora,  oram,  or 
ramo.  The  following  epigram  occurs  in  a  book  printed  in  1660  : 

Hate  and  debate  Rome  through  the  world  has  spread ; 
Yet  Roma  amor  is,  if  backward  read  : 
Then  is  it  strange  Rome  hate  should  foster?  No; 
For  out  of  backward  love  all  hate  doth  grow. 

It  is  said  that  the  cabalists  among  the  Jews  were  professed 
anagrammatists,  the  third  part  of  their  art  called  themuru 
(changing)  being  nothing  more  than  finding  the  hidden  and 
mystical  meaning  in  names,  by  transposing  and  differently 
combining  the  letters  of  those  names.  Thus,  of  the  letters  of 
Noah's  name  in  Hebrew,  they  made  grace  ;  and  of  the  Messiah 
they  made  he  shall  rejoice. 

Lycophron,  a  Greek  writer  who  lived  three  centuries  before 
the  Christian  era,  records  two  anagrams  in  his  poem  on  the 
siege  of  Troy  entitled  Cassandra.  One  is  on  the  name  of 
Ptolemy  Philadelphus,  in  whose  reign  Lycophron  lived : — 

UTOAEMAI2.    AHO  MEAITO2— Made  of  honey. 

The  othei  is  on  Ptolemy's  queen,  Arsinoe: — 

AP2INOE.    EPA2  ION— Juno's  violet. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  51 

Eustachius  informs  us  that  this  practice  was  common  among 
the  Greeks,  and  gives  numerous  examples  j  such,  for  instance, 
as  the  transposition  of  the  word  Apsrrf,  virtue,  into  Eparrj,  lovely. 

Owen,  the  Welsh  epigrammatist,  sometimes  called  the  British 
Martial,  lived  in  the  golden  age  of  anagrammatism.  The 
following  are  fair  specimens  of  his  ingenuity  : — 

GALENUS — ANGKLUS. 

Angelas  es  bonus  anne  mains  ;   Galene  !  salutis 
Humana  custos,  angelua  ergo  bonus, 

DB  FIDE — ANAGUAMMA  QUINCUPLEX. 
Recta  fides,  certa  eat,  arcet  mala  schismata,  non  est, 
Sicut  Greta,  fides  fictilis,  arte  caret. 

BREVITAS — ANAGRAMMA  TRIPLEX. 
Perspicua  brevitate  nihil  magis  afficit  aures 
In  verbis,  ubi  res  postulat,  esto  brevis. 

In  a  New  Help  to  Discourse,  12mo,  London,  1684,  occurs 
an  anagram  with  a  very  quaint  epigrammatic  "  exposition :" — 

TOAST — A    SOTT. 

A  toast  is  like  a  sot ;  or,  what  is  most 
Comparative,  a  sot  is  like  a  toast ; 
For  when  their  substances  in  liquor  sink, 
Both  properly  are  said  to  be  in  drink. 

Cotton  Mather  was  once  described  as  distinguished  for — 

"  Care  to  guide  his  flock  and  feed  his  lambs 
By  words,  works,  prayers,  psalms,  alms,  and  anagrams." 

Sylvester,  in  dedicating  to  his  sovereign  his  translation  of 
Du  Bartas,  rings  the  following  loyal  change  on  the  name  of  his 
liege  : — 

James  Stuart — A  just  master. 
Of  the  poet  Waller,  the  old  anagrammatist  said : — 

His  brows  need  not  with  Lawrel  to  be  bound, 
Since  in  his  name  with  Lawrel  he  is  crowned. 

The  author  of  an  extraordinary  work  on  heraldry  was  thus 
expressively  complimented : — 

Handle  Holmes. 
Lo,  Men's  Herald  1 


52  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

The  following  on  the  name  of  the  mistress  of  Charles  IX.  of 
France  is  historically  true  : — 

Marie  Touchet, 
Je  charme  tout. 

In  the  assassin  of  Henry  III., 

Frere  Jacques  Clement, 

they  discovered 

C'est  1'enfer  qui  m'a  cr6e. 

The  French  appear  to  have  practised  this  art  with  peculiar 
facility.  A  French  poet,  deeply  in  love,  in  one  day  sent  his 
mistress,  whose  name  was  Magdclaine,  three  dozen  of  ana- 
grams on  her  single  name. 

The  father  Pierre  de  St.  Louis  became  a  Carmelite  monk  on 
discovering  that  his  lay  name — 

Ludovicus  Bartelemi — 
yielded  the  anagram — 

Carmelo  se  devovet. 

Of  all  the  extravagances  occasioned  by  the  anagrammatio 
fever  when  at  its  height,  none  equals  what  is  recorded  of  an 
infatuated  Frenchman  in  the  seventeenth  century,  named  Andre" 
Pujom,  who,  finding  in  his  name  the  anagram  Pendu  d  Riom, 
(the  seat  of  criminal  justice  in  the  province  of  Auvergne,)  felt 
impelled  to  fulfill  his  destiny,  committed  a  capital  offence  in 
Auvergne,  and  was  actually  hung  in  the  place  to  which  the 
omen  pointed. 

The  anagram  on  General  Monk,   afterwards  Duke  of  Albe- 
marle,  on  the  restoration  of  Charles  II.,  is  also  a  chronogram, 
including  the  date  of  that  important  event : — 
Georgius  Monke,  Dux  de  Aumarlo, 
Ego  Regem  reduxi  Ano.  Sa.  MDCLW. 

The  mildness  of  the  government  of  Elizabeth,  contrasted  with 
her  intrepidity  against  the  Iberians,  is  thus  picked  out  of  her 
title :  she  is  made  the  English  lamb  and  the  Spanish  lioness. 

Eiizabetha  Regina  Angliae, 
Anglis  Agna,  Hiberiae  Lea. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  53 

The  unhappy  history  of  Mary  Queen  of  Scots,  the  depriva- 
tion of  her  kingdom,  and  her  violent  death,  are  expressed  in 
the  following  Latin  anagram  : — 

Maria  Steuarda  Scotorum  Regina. 

Trusa  vi  Regnis,  morte  amara  cado. 

In  Taylor's  Suddaine  Turne  of  Fortune's  Wheele,  occurs  the 
following  very  singular  example  : — 

But,  holie  father,  I  am  certifyed 

That  they  your  power  and  policye  deride  ; 

And  how  of  you  they  make  an  anagram, 

The  best  and  bitterest  that  the  wits  could  frame. 

As  thus  : 
Supremus  Pontifex  Romanus. 

Annagramma : 
0  non  sum  super  petram  fixus. 

The  anagram  on  the  well-known  bibliographer,  William 
Oldys,  may  claim  a  place  among  the  first  productions  of  this 
class.  It  was  by  Oldys  himself,  and  was  found  by  his  execu- 
tors among  his  MSS. 

In  word  and  WILL  i  AM  a  friend  to  you ; 
And  one  friend  OLD  is  worth  a  hundred  new. 

The  following  anagram,  preserved  in  the  files  of  the  First 
Church  in  Roxbury,  was  sent  to  Thomas  Dudley,  a  governor 
and  major-general  of  the  colony  of  Massachusetts,  in  1645. 
He  died  in  1653,  aged  77. 

THOMAS   DUDLEY. 

Ah  !  old  must  dye. 

A  death's  head  on  your  hand  you  neede  not  weare, 
A  dying  head  you  on  your  shoulders  beare. 
You  need  not  one  to  mind  you,  you  must  dye, 
You  in  your  name  may  spell  mortalitye. 
Younge  men  may  dye,  but  old  men,  these  dye  must ; 
'Twill  not  be  long  before  you  turne  to  dust. 
Before  you  turne  to  dust !  ah!  must!  old!  dye! 
What  shall  younge  doe  when  old  in  dust  doe  lye  ? 
When  old  in  dust  lye,  what  N.  England  doe  ? 
When  old  in  dust  doe  lye,  it's  best  dye  too. 
5* 


54  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

In  an  Elegy  written  by  Rev.  John  Cotton  on  the  death  of 
John  Alden,  a  magistrate  of  the  old  Plymouth  Colony,  who 
died  in  1687,  the  following  phonetic  anagram  occurs  : — , 
John  Alden — End  al  on  hi. 

The  Calvinistic  opponents  of  Arminius  made  of  his  name  a 
not  very  creditable  Latin  anagram : — 

Jacobus  Arminius, 

Vani  orbis  ainicus; 

(The  friend  of  a  false  world.) 

while  his  friends,  taking  advantage  of  the  Dutch  mode  of  writ- 
ing it,  .flarminius,  hurled  back  the  conclusive  argument, 

Habui  curam  Sionis. 
(I  have  had  charge  of  Zion.) 

Perhaps  the  most  extraordinary  anagram  to  be  met  with,  is 
that  on  the  Latin  of  Pilate's  question  to  the  Saviour,  "  What 
is  truth  ?" — St.  John,  xviii.  38. 

Quid  est  veritas  ? 

Est  vir  qui  adest. 

(It  is  the  man  who  is  before  you.) 

Live,  vile,  and  evil,  have  the  self-same  letters ; 

He  lives  but  vile,  whom  evil  holds  in  fetters. 
If  you  transpose  what  ladies  wear — VEIL, 
'Twill  plainly  show  what  bad  folks  are — VILE. 
Again  if  you  transpose  the  same, 
You'll  see  an  ancient  Hebrew  name — LBVI. 
Change  it  again,  and  it  will  show 
What  all  on  earth  desire  to  do — LIVE. 
Transpose  the  letters  yet  once  more, 
What  bad  men  do  you'll  then  explore — EVIL. 

PERSIST. 

A  lady,  being  asked  by  a  gentleman  to  join  in  the  bonds  of 
matrimony  with  him,  wrote  the  word  "  STRIPES,"  stating  at 
the  time  that  the  letters  making  up  the  word  stripes  could  be 
changed  so  as  to  make  an  answer  to  his  question.  The  result 
proved  satisfactory. 


ALPHABETICAL    WHIMS. 

When  /  cry  that  I  sin  is  transposed,  it  is  clear, 
My  resource  Chrintianity  soon  will  appear. 

The  .two  which,  follow  are  peculiarly  appropriate  : — 

Florence  Nightingale,  John  Abernethy, 

Flit  on,  charming  angel.         Johnny  the  bear. 

TIME 
ITEM 
METI 
EMIT 

This  word,  Time,  is  the  only  word  in  the  English  language 
which  can  be  thus  arranged,  and  the  different  transpositions 
thereof  are  all  at  the  same  time  Latin  words.  These  words,  in 
English  as  well  as  in  Latin,  may  be  read  either  upward  or 
downward.  Their  signification  as  Latin  words  is  as  follows : — 
Time — fear  thou;  Item — likewise;  Meti — to  be  measured; 
Emit — he  buys. 

Some  striking  German  and  Latin  anagrams  have  been  made 
of  Luther's  name,  of  which  the  following  are  specimens. 
Doctor  Martinus  Lutherus  transposed,  gives  0  Rom,  Luther 
ist  der  schwan.  In  D.  Martinus  Lutherus  may  be  found  ut 
turris  das  lumen  (like  a  tower  you  give  light).  In  Martinus 
Lutherus  we  have  vir  multa  struens  (the  man  who  builds  up 
much),  and  ter  matris  vulnus  (he  gave  three  wounds  to  the 
mother  church).  Martin  Luther  will  make  lehrt  in  Armuth 
(he  teaches  in  poverty). 

Jablonski  welcomed  the  visit  of  Stanislaus,  King  of  Poland, 
with  his  noble  relatives  of  the  house  of  Lescinski,  to  the  an- 
nual examination  of  the  students  under  his  care,  at  the  gymna- 
sium of  Lissa,  with  a  number  of  anagrams,  all  composed  of  the 
letters  in  the  words  Domus  Lescinia.  The  recitations  closed 
with  a  heroic  dance,  in  which  each  youth  carried  a  shield  in- 
scribed with  a  legend  of  the  letters.  After  a  new  evolution,  the 
boys  exhibited  the  words  Ades  incolumis ;  next,  Omnis  es 
lucida ;  next,  Omne  sis  lucid  a ;  fifthly,  Mane  sidus  loci; 
sixthly,  Sis  columna  Dei;  and  at  the  conclusion,  I  scande 
solium. 


56  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 


A  TELEGRAM  ANAGRAMMATISED. 

Though  but  a  late  germ,  with  a  wondrous  elation, 

Yet  like  a  great  elm  it  o'ershadows  each  station. 

Et  malgre  the  office  is  still  a  large  fee  mart, 

So  joyous  the  crowd  was,  you'd  thought  it  a  glee  mart; 

But  they  raged  at  no  news  from  the  nation's  belligerent, 

And  I  said  let'm  rage,  since  the  air  is  refrigerant. 

I  then  met  large  numbers,  whose  drink  was  not  sherbet, 

Who  scarce  could  look  up  when  their  eyes  the  g&s-glare  met; 

So  when  I  had  learned  from  commercial  adviser 

That  mere  gait  for  sand  was  the  great  fertilizer, 

I  bade  Mr.  Eaglet,  although  'twas  ideal, 

Get  some  from  the  clay-pit,  and  so  get'm  real; 

Then,  just  as  my  footstep  was  leaving  the  portal, 

I  met  an  elm  targe  on  a  great  Highland  mortal, 

With  the  maid  he  had  woo'd  by  the  loch's  flowery  margelet, 

And  row'd  in  his  boat,  which  for  rhyme's  sake  call  bargelet, 

And  blithe  to  the  breeze  would  have  set  the  sail  daily, 

But  it  blew  at  that  rate  which  the  sailors  term  gale,  aye  ; 

I  stumbled  against  the  fair  bride  he  had  married, 

When  a  merle  got  at  large  from  a  cage  that  she  carried ; 

She  gave  a  loud  screech  !  and  I  could  not  well  blame  her, 

But  lame  as  I  was,  I'd  no  wish  to  get  lamer; 

So  I  made  my  escape — ne'er  an  antelope  fleeter, 

Lest  my  verse,  like  the  poet,  should  limp  through  lag  metre. 

Anagrams  are  sometimes  found  in  old  epitaphial  inscriptions. 
For  example,  at  St.  Andrews  : — 

Catharine  Carstairs, 
Casta  rara  Christiana. 
Chaste,  rare  Christian. 

At  Newenham  church,  Northampton : — 

William  Thorneton. 
0  little  worth  in  man. 

At  Keynsham  :— 

Mrs.  Joane  Flover. 
Love  for  anie. 

At  Mannington,  1631  : — 

Katherine  Lougher, 
Lower  taken  higher. 


ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS.  57 

Maitland  has  the  following  curious  specimen  : — 
How  much  there  is  in  a  word — monastery,  says  I :  why,  that 
makes  nasty  Rome;  and  when  I  looked  at  it  again,  it  was  evi- 
dently more  nasty — a  very  vile  place  or  mean  sty.  Ay,  mon- 
ster, says  I,  you  are  found  out.  What  monster?  said  the  Pope. 
What  monster?  said  I.  Why,  your  own  image  there,  stone 
Mary.  That,  he  replied,  is  my  one  star,  my  Stella  Maris,  my 
treasure,  my  guide !  No,  said  I,  you  should  rather  say,  my 
treason.  Yet  no  arms,  said  he.  No,  quoth  I,  quiet  may  suit 
best,  as  long  as  you  have  no  mastery,  I  mean  money  arts.  No, 
said  he  again,  those  are  Tory  means ;  and  Dan,  my  senator, 
will  baffle  them.  I  don't  know  that,  said  I,  but  I  think  one 
might  make  no  mean  story  out  of  this  one  word — monastery. 


CHRONOGRAMS. 

ADDISON,  in  his  remarks  on  the  different  species  of  false  wit, 
(Spect.  No.  60,)  thus  notices  the  chronogram.  "  This  kind 
of  wit  appears  very  often  on  modern  medals,  especially  those 
of  Germany,  when  they  represent  in  the  inscription  the  year- in 
which  they  were  coined.  Thus  we  see  on  a  medal  of  Gustavus 
Adolphus  the  following  words  : — 

CHRIST Vs  DuX  ERGO  TRlYMpnVs. 

If  you  take  the  pains  to  pick  the  figures  out  of  the  several 
words,  and  range  them  in  their  proper  order,  you  will  find  they 
amount  to  MDCXVVVII,  or  1627,  the  year  in  which  the 
medal  was  stamped;  for  as  some  of  the  letters  distinguish 
themselves  from  the  rest  and  overtop  their  fellows,  they  are  to 
be  considered  in  a  double  capacity,  both  as  letters  and  as 
figures.  Your  laborious  German  wits  will  turn  over  a  whole 
dictionary  for  one  of  these  ingenious  devices.  A  man  would 
think  they  were  searching  after  an  apt  classical  term;  but  in- 
stead of  that  they  are  looking  out  a  word  that  has  an  L,  an  M, 
or  a  D,  in  it.  When  therefore  we  meet  with  any  of  these  in- 


58  ALPHABETICAL   WHIMS. 

scriptions,  we  are  not  so  much  to  look  in  them  for  the  thought 
as  for  the  year  of  the  Lord." 

Apropos  of  this  humorous  allusion  to  the  Germanesque 
character  of  the  chronogram,  it  is  worthy  of  notice  that  Euro- 
pean tourists  find  far  more  numerous  examples  of  it  in  the  in- 
scriptions on  the  churches  on  the  banks  of  the  Rhine  than  in 
any  other  part  of  the  continent. 

On  the  title-page  of  "Hugo  Grotius  his  Sophompaneas," 
the  date,  1652,  is  not  given  in  the  usual  form,  but  is  included 
in  the  name  of  the  author,  thus  : — 

FRANCIS   GOLDSMITH. 

Howell,  in  his  German  Diet,  after  narrating  the  death  of 
Charles,  son  of  Philip  II.  of  Spain,  says  : — 
If  you  desire  to  know  the  year,  this  chronogram  will  tell  you: 

FILIVS    ANTE    DIEM    PATRlOS    iNQVInlT   IN  ANNOS. 

MDLVVIIIIIIII,  or  1568. 
The  following  commemorates  the  death  of  Queen  Elizabeth : — 

My   Day  Is   Closed  In   Immortality.      (1603.) 
A  German  book  was  issued  in  1706,   containing  fac-similes 
and  descriptions  of  more  than  two  hundred  medals  coined  in 
honor  of  Martin  Luther.     An  inscription  on  one  of  them  ex- 
presses the  date  of  his  death,  1546,  as  follows : — 

ECCe  nVnc  MorltVs  IVstVs  In  paCe  ChrlstI  esItV  tVto  et  beato. 

The  most  extraordinary  attempt  of  this  kind  that  has  yet 
been  made,  bears  the  following  title  : — 

Ohronographica  Gratulatio  in  Felicissimum  adventum  Se- 
renissimi  Cardinalis  Ferdinandi,  Hispaniarum  Infantis,  a 
Collegia  Soc.  Jesu. 

A  dedication  to  St.  Michael  and  an  address  to  Ferdinand  are 
followed  by  one  hundred  hexameters,  every  one  of  which  is  a 
chronogram,  and  each  gives  the  same  result,  1634.  The  first 
and  last  verses  are  subjoined  as  a  specimen. 

AngeLe  CasLIVogl  MIChaeL  LUX  UnICa  CsetUs. 
VersICULIs  InCLUsa,  fLUent  In  sseCULa  CentUM. 


PALINDROMES. 


RECURRENT,   RECIPROCAL,   OR   REVERSIBLE  WORDS   AND 
VERSES. 

THE  only  fair  specimen  we  can  find  of  reciprocal  words,  or 
those  which,  read  backwards  or  forwards,  are  the  same,  is  the 
following  couplet,  which,  according  to  an  old  book,  cost  the 
author  a  world  of  foolish  labor : — 

Odo  tenet  mulum,  madidam  mulum  tenet  Odo. 
Anna  tenet  mappam,  madidam  mappam  tenet  Anna. 

The  following  admired  reciprocal  lines,  addressed  to  St.  Mar- 
tin by  Satan,  according  to  the  legend,  the  reader  will  find  on 
perusal,  either  backwards  or  forwards,  precisely  the  same : — 

Signa  te  signa ;  temere  me  tangis  et  angis; 

Roma  tibi  subito  motibus  ibit  amor. 

[St.  Martin  having  given  up  the  profession  of  a  soldier,  and  having  been 
made  Bishop  of  Tours,  when  prelates  neither  kept  carriages  nor  servants, 
had  occasion  to  go  to  Rome,  in  order  to  consult  the  Pope  upon  ecclesiastical 
matters.  As  he  was  walking  along  the  road  he  met  the  devil,  who  politely 
accosted  him,  and  ventured  to  observe  how  fatiguing  and  indecorous  it  was 
for  him  to  perform  so  long  a  journey  on  foot,  like  the  commonest  pilgrim. 
The  Saint  understood  the  drift  of  Old  Nick's  address,  and  commanded  him 
immediately  to  become  a  beast  of  burden,  or  jumentum;  which  the  devil 
did  in  a  twinkling  by  assuming  the  shape  of  a  mule.  The  Saint  jumped 
upon  the  fiend's  back,  who  at  first  trotted  cheerfully  along,  but  soon  slack- 
ened his  pace.  The  bishop  of  course  had  neither  whip  nor  spurs,  but  was 
possessed  of  a  much  more  powerful  stimulus,  for,  says  the  legend,  he  made 
the  sign  of  the  cross,  and  the  smarting  devil  instantly  galloped  away.  Soon 
however,  and  naturally  euough,  the  father  of  sin  returned  to  sloth  and  ob- 
stinacy, and  Martin  hurried  him  again  with  repeated  signs  of  the  cross, 
till,  twitched  and  stung  to  the  quick  by  those  crossings  so  hateful  to  him, 
the  vexed  and  tired  reprobate  uttered  the  foregoing  distich  in  a  rage, 
meaning,  Cross,  cross  yourself;  you  annoy  and  vex  me  without  necessity;  for 
owing  to  my  exertions,  Rome,  the  object  of  your  wishes,  will  toon  be  near.] 

The  Palindrome  changes  the  sense  in  the  backward  reading; 
the  Versus  Cancrinus  retains  the  sense  in  both  instances  un- 
changed, as  in  this  instance  : — 

Bei  Leid  lieh  stets  Heil  die  Lieb. 
(In  trouble  comfort  is  lent  by  love.) 


60  PALINDROMES. 

Similarly  recurrent  is  the  lawyer's  motto, — 

Si  nummi  immunis, 

translated  by  Camden,  "  Give  me  my  fee,  I  warrant  you  free." 

The  Greek  inscription  on  the  mosque  of  St.  Sophia,  in  Con- 
stantinople, 

Nitfiov  toofujftara  fiy  ftovav  o^tv* 

presents  the  same  words,  whether  read  from  left  to  right,  or 
from  right  to  left.     So  also  the  expressions  in  English, —      - 

Madam,  I'm  Adam.  (Adam  to  Eve.) 

Name  no  one  man. 
Able  was  I  ere  I  saw  Elba.     (Napoleon  loq.) 

Snug  &  raw  was  I  ere  I  saw  war  &  guns. 
Red  rum  did  emit  revel  ere  Lever  time  did  murder. 

Red  root  put  up  to  order. 

Trash  ?  even  interpret  Nineveh's  art. 

Lewd  did  I  live,  evil  I  did  dwel. 

Draw  pupil's  lip  upward. 

This  enigmatical  line  surrounds  a  figure  of  the  sun  in  the 
mosaic  pavement  of  Sa.  Maria  del  Fiori,  at  Florence: — 

En  giro  torte  sol  cielos  ct  rotor  igne. 

These  lines  are  supposed  to  be  addressed  to  a  young  man  de- 
tained at  Rome  by  a  love  affair : — 

Roma  ibi  tibi  sedes — ibi  tibi  Amor; 
Roma  etsi  te  terret  et  iste  Amor, 
Ibi  etsi  vis  te  non  esse — sed  es  ibi, 
Roma  te  tenet  et  Amor. 

At  Rome  you  live — at  Rome  you  love ; 

Prom  Rome  that  love  may  you  affright, 
Although  you'd  leave,  you  never  move, 

For  love  and  Rome  both  bar  your  flight. 

Dean  Swift  wrote  a  letter  to  Dr.  Sheridan,  composed  of  Latin 
words  strung  together  as  mere  gibberish  but  each  word,  when 

*  Meaning  in  substance,  Purify  the  mind  as  well  as  the  body. 


PALINDROMES.  61 

read  backwards,  makes  passable  English.     Take  for  example 
the  following  short  sentences  : — 

Mi  sana.     Odioso  ni  mus  rem.     Moto  ima  os  illud  dama  nam  ? 

(I'm  an  ass.  0  so  I  do  in  summer.  0  Tom.  am  I  so  dull,  I  a  mad  man  ?) 

Inscription  for  a  hospital,  paraphrased  from  the  Psalms  : — 
Acide  me  malo,  sed  non  desola  me,  medica. 

The  ingenious  Latin  verses  subjoined  are  reversible  verbally 
only,  not  literally,  and  will  be  found  to  embody  opposite  mean- 
ings by  commencing  with  the  last  word  and  reading  back- 
wards : — 

Prospicimus  modo,  quod  durabunt  tempore  longo, 
Fcedera,  nee  patrise  pax  cito  diffugiet. 

Diffugiet  cito  pax  patrise,  nee  foedera  longo, 
Tempore  durabunt,  quod  modo  prospicimus. 

The  following  hexameter  from  Santa  Marca  Novella,  Flo- 
rence, refers  to  the  sacrifice  of  Abel  (Gen.  iv.  4).  Reversed, 
it  is  a  pentameter,  and  refers  to  the  sacrifice  of  Cain  (iv.  3). 

Sacrum  pingue  dabo  non  macrum  sacrificabo, 
Sacrificabo  macrum  non  dabo  pingue  sacrum. 

The  subjoined  distich  arose  from  the  following  circumstance. 
A  tutor,  after  having  explained  to  his  class  one  of  the  odes  of 
Horace,  undertook  to  dictate  the  same  in  hexameter  verses,  as 
an  exercise  (as  he  said).  It  cost  him  considerable  trouble  :  he 
hesitated  several  times,  and  occasionally  substituted  other  words, 
but  finally  succeeded.  Some  of  his  scholars  thought  he  would 
not  accomplish  his  task ;  others  maintained  that,  having  begun, 
it  was  a  point  of  honor  to  complete  it. 

Retro  mente  labo,  non  metro  continuabo  ; 
Continuabo  metro ;  non  labo  mente  retro. 

Addison  mentions  an  epigram  called  the  Witches'  Prayer, 
that  "fell  into  verse  when  it  was  read  either  backward  or  for- 
ward, excepting  only  that  it  cursed  one  way,  and  blessed  the 
other." 

6 


62  PALINDROMES. 

One  of  the  most  remarkable  palindromes  on  record  is  the 
following.  Its  distinguishing  peculiarity  is  that  the  first  letter 
of  each  successive  word  unites  to  spell  the  first  word ;  the 
second  letter  of  each,  the  second  word ;  and  so  on  throughout  j 
and  the  same  will  be  found  precisely  true  on  reversal. 
SATOR  AREPO  TENET  OPERA  ROTAS. 

But  the  neatest  and  prettiest  specimen  that  has  yet  appeared 
comes  from  a  highly  cultivated  lady  who  was  attached  to  the 
court  of  Queen  Elizabeth.  Having  been  banished  from  the 
court  on  suspicion  of  too  great  familiarity  with  a  nobleman 
then  high  in  favor,  the  lady  adopted  this  device, — the  moon 
covered  by  a  cloud, — and  the  following  palindrome  for  a 
motto : — 

ABLATA  AT  ALBA. 

(Secluded  but  pure.) 

The  merit  of  this  kind  of  composition  was  never  in  any 
example  so  heightened  by  appropriateness  and  delicacy  of 
sentiment. 

Paschasius  composed  the  recurrent  epitaph  on  Henry  IV. : — 

Area  serenum  me  gere  regain,  munere  sacra, 
Solem,  areas,  aniinos,  omina  sacra,  melos. 

A  very  curious  continuous  series  of  palindromes  was  printed 
in  Vienna  in  1802. '  It  was  written  in  ancient  Greek  by  a 
modern  Greek  named  Ambrosius,  who  called  it  I16n)/j.n  xapxwxdv. 
It  contains  455  lines,  every  one  of  which  is  a  literal  palin- 
drome. A  few  are  selected  at  random,  as  examples : — 

'\aa    vain  Er;  re  yn,  2u  6  Novanjyerri;  is  airaat, 
Nrax  ao<a  /uXujxovov,  o  <j>i\t,  Mawac  aw. 
'fl  \cuccaviKC,  at  jiovm  rco  No/<c,  at  Kivia  /caAai. 
'Apera  vrfyaat  at  aa  yn  irartpa. 
Scorjjp  <7i>  £<ro,  <5  c\u  Stct  \tu  o;  EVJ  PTJTOJJ. 

The  following  line  is  expressive  of  the  sentiments  of  a 
Roman  Catholic ;  read  backwards,  of  those  of  a  Huguenot : — 

Patrum  dicta  probo,  nee  sacris  belligerabo. 
Belligerabo  sacris,  nee  probo  dicta  patruin. 


PALINDROMES.  63 

These  lines,  written  to  please  a  group  of  youthful  folk, 
serve  to  show  that  our  English  tongue  is  as  capable  of  being 
twisted  into  uncouth  shapes  as  is  the  Latin,  if  any  one  will 
take  the  trouble : — 

One  winter's  eve,  around  the  fire,  a  cozy  group  we  sat, 
Engaged,  as  was  our  custom  old,  in  after-dinner  chat; 
Small-talk  it  was,  no  doubt,  because  the  smaller  folk  were  there, 
And  they,  the  young  monpolists !  absorbed  the  lion's  share. 
Conundrums,  riddles,  rebuses,  cross-questions,  puns  atrocious, 
Taxed  all  their  ingenuity,  till  Peter  the  precocious — 
Old  head  on  shoulders  juvenile— cried,  "Now  for  a  new  task: 
Let's  try  our  hand  at  Palindromes  !"    "Agreed !    But  first,"  we  ask, 
"Pray,  Peter,  what  are  Palindromes?"     The  forward  imp  replied, 
"  A  Palindrome  's  a  string  of  words  of  sense  or  meaning  void, 
Which  reads  both  ways  the  same :  and  here,  with  your  permission, 
I'll  cite  some  half  a  score  of  samples,  lacking  all  precision 
(But  held  together  by  loose  rhymes,  to  test  my  definition): — 
"A  milksop,  jilted  by  his  lass,  or  wandering  in  his  wits, 

Might  murmur,  'Stiff,  0  dairy -man,  in  a  myriad  of  Jits!' 
"A  limner  by  photography  dead-beat  in  competition, 

Thus  grumbled,  'No,  it  is  opposed  ;  art  sees  trade's  opposition  !' 
"A  nonsense-loving  nephew  might  his  soldier-uncle  dun 

With  '  Now  stop,  major-general,  are  negro  jam-pots  won?' 
"A  supercilious  grocer,  if  inclined  that  way,  might  snub 

A  child  with  'But  regusa  store,  babe,  rots  a  siigar-tub.' 
"  Thy  spectre,  Alexander,  is  a  fortress,  cried  Hephaestion. 

Great  A.  said,  'No,  it's  a  bar  of  gold,  a  bad  log  for  a  bastion  !' 
"  A  timid  creature,  fearing  rodents — mice  and  such  small  fry — 
'  Stop,  Syrian,  I  start  at  rats  in  airy  spots,'  might  cry. 
"A  simple  soul,  whose  wants  are  few,  might  say,  with  hearty  zest, 
'  Desserts  I  desire  not,  so  long  no  lost  one  rise  distressed.' 
%"  A  stern  Canadian  parent  might  in  earnest,  not  in  fun, 

Exclaim,  'No  sot  nor  Ottawa  law  at  Toronto,  son  !' 
"A  crazy  dentist  might  declare, 'as  something  strange  or  new, 

That  'Paget  saw  an  Irish  tooth,  sir,  in  a  waste  gap  !'     True ! 
"  A  surly  student,  hating  sweets,  might  answer  with  elan, 
'Name  tarts?  no,  medieval  slave,  I  demonstrate  man!' 
"  He  who  in  Nature's  bitters  findeth  sweet  food  every  day, 
'Eureka  !  till  I  pull  up  ill  I  take  rue,'  well  might  say." 


(14 


EQUIVOQUE. 


COPY   OF   A   LETTER   WRITTEN    BY   CARDINAL   RICHELIEU   TO   THE 
FRENCH    AMBASSADOR    AT    ROME. 

if^llf!^!!;:!:"!1^ 

3     D" 

w  g 

*'  "  2  fr  S*  |  g-  ^ 


l§^:'^^H,f 

H  H>  5*  5'  5    -'o   c-  2-  5"  S 


EQUIVOQUE.  65 

A   LOVE-LETTER. 

The  reader,  after  perusing  it,  will  please  read  it  again,  com- 
mencing on  the  first  line,  then  the  third  and  fifth,  and  so  on, 
reading  each  alternate  line  to  the  end. 

To  Miss  M . 

— The  great  love  I  have  hitherto  expressed  for  you 

is  false  and  I  find  my  indifference  towards  you 
— increases  daily.     The  more  I  see  of  you,  the  more 

you  appear  in  my  eyes  an  object  of  contempt. 
— I  feel  myself  every  way  disposed  and  determined 

to  hate  you.     Believe  me,  I  never  had  an  intention 
— to  offer  you  my  hand.     Our  last  conversation  has 

left  a  tedious  insipidity,  which  has  by  no  means 
— given  me  the  most  exalted  idea  of  your  character. 

Your  temper  would  make  me  extremely  unhappy 
-and  were  we  united,  I  should  experience  nothing  but 

the  hatred  of  my  parents  added  to  the  anything  but 
— pleasure  in  living  with  you.     I  have  indeed  a  heart 

to  bestow,  but  I  do  not  wish  you  to  imagine  it 
— at  your  service.     I  could  not  give  it  to  any  one  more 

inconsistent  and  capricious  than  yourself,  and  less 
—capable  to  do  honor  to  my  choice  and  to  my  family. 

Yes,  Miss,  I  hope  you  will  be  persuaded  that 
— I  speak  sincerely,  and  you  will  do  me  a  favor 

to  avoid  me.     I  shall  excuse  you  taking  the  trouble 
—to  answer  this.     Your  letters  are  always  full  of 

impertinence,  and  you  have  not  a  shadow  of 
— wit  and  good  sense.    Adieu !  adieu !  believe  me 

so  averse  to  you,  that  it  is  impossible  for  me  even 
— to  be  your  most  affectionate  friend  and  humble 

servant.  L . 

INGENIOUS    SUBTERFUGE. 

A  young  lady  newly  married,  being  obliged  to  show  to  her 
husband  all  the  letters  she  wrote,  sent  the  following  to  an  inti- 
mate friend.  The  key  is,  to  read  the  first  and  then  every 
alternate  line  only. 

— I  cannot  be  satisfied,  my  dearest  friend ! 

blest  as  I  am  in  the  matrimonial  state, 
— unless  I  pour  into  your  friendly  bosom, 

which  has  ever  been  in  unison  with  mine, 
—the  various  sensations  which  swell 
E  6* 


66  EQUIVOQUE. 

with  the  liveliest  emotion  of  pleasure, 
— my  almost  bursting  heart.     I  tell  you  my  dear 

husband  is  the  most  amiable  of  men, 
—I  have  now  been  married  seven  weeks,  and 

never  have  found  the  least  reason  to 
— repent  the  day  that  joined  us.     My  husband  is 

both  in  person  and  manners  far  from  resembling 
— ugly,  cross,  old,  disagreeable,  and  jealous 

monsters,  who  think  by  confining  to  secure — 
— a  wife,  it  is  his  maxim  to  treat  as  a 

bosom  friend  and  confidant,  .and  not  as  a 
— plaything,  or  menial  slave,  the  woman 

chosen  to  be  his  companion.     Neither  party 
—he  says,  should  always  obey  implicitly; 

but  each  yield  to  the  other  by  turns. 
— An  ancient  maiden  aunt,  near  seventy, 

a  cheerful,  venerable,  and  pleasant  old  lady, 
—lives  in  the  house  with  us;  she  is  the  de- 
light of  both  young  and  old ;  she  is  ci- 
— vil  to  all  the  neighborhood  round, 

generous  and  charitable  to  the  poor. 
— I  am  convinced  my  husb'and  loves  nothing  more 

than  he  does  me;  he  flatters  me  more 
— than  a  glass;  and  his  intoxication 

(for  so  I  must  call  the  excess  of  his  love) 
—often  makes  me  blush  for  the  unworthiness 

of  its  object,  and  wish  I  could  be  more  deserving 
—of  the  man  whose  name  I  bear.     To 

say  all  in  one  word,  my  dear,  and  to 
— crown  the  whole— my  former  gallant  lover 

is  now  my  indulgent  husband ;  my  husband 
— is  returned,  and  I  might  have  had 

a  prince  without  the  felicity  I  find  in 
— hiui.     Adieu  !  may  you  be  blest  as  I  am  un- 
able to  wish  that  I  could  be  more 
—happy. 


DOUBLE-FACED   CREED. 

The  following  cross-reading  from  a  history  of  Popery,  pub- 
lished in  1679,  and  formerly  called  in  New  England  The 
Jesuits'  Creed,  will  suit  either  Catholic  or  Protestant  accord- 
ingly as  the  lines  are  read  downward  in  single  columns  or 
across  the  double  columns : — 


EQUIVOQUE.  67 

Pro  fide  teneo  sana  Quae  docet  Anglicana, 

Affiruiat  quas  Romana  Videntur  mihi  vana. 

Suprcmus  quando  rex  est  Turn  plebs  est  fortunata, 

Erraticus  turn  Grex  est  Cum  caput  fiat  papa. 

Altari  cum  ornatur  Communio  fit  inanis, 

Populus  turn  beatur  Cum  inensa  viua  panis. 

Asini  nomen  meruit  Eunc  morem  qui  non  capit, 

Missam  qui  deseruit  Catholicus  est  et  sapit 

I  hold  for  faith  What  England's  church  allows, 

What  Rome's  church  saith,  My  conscience  disavows. 

Where  the  king  is  head  The  flock  can  take  no  shame, 

The  flock's  misled,  Who  hold  the  pope  supreme. 

Where  the  altar's  drest  The  worship's  scarce  divine, 

The  people's  blest,  Whose  table's  bread  and  wine. 

He's  but  an  ass  Who  their  communion  flies, 

Who  shuns  the  mass,  Is  Catholic  and  wise. 


REVOLUTIONARY   VERSES. 

The  author  of  the  following  Revolutionary  double  entendre, 
which  originally  appeared  in  a  Philadelphia  newspaper,  is  un- 
known. It  may  be  read  in  three  different  ways, — 1st.  Let  the 
whole  be  read  in  the  order  in  which  it  is  written ;  2d.  Then 
the  lines  downward  on  the  left  of  each  comma  in  every  line ; 
and  3d.  In  the  same  manner  on  the  right  of  each  comma.  By 
the  first  reading  it  will  be  observed  that  the  Revolutionary  cause 
is  condemned,  and  by  the  others,  it  is  encouraged  and  lauded  : — 

Hark !  hark !  the  trumpet  sounds,    the  din  of  war's  alarms, 

O'er  seas  and  solid  grounds,   doth  call  us  all  to  arms ; 

Who  for  King  George  doth  stand,    their  honors  soon  shall  shine ; 

Their  ruin  is  at  hand,   who  with  the  Congress  join. 

The  acts  of  Parliament,  in  them  I  much  delight, 

I  hate  their  cursed  intent,  who  for  the  Congress  fight, 

The  Tories  of  the  day,   they  are  my  daily  toast, 

They  soon  will  sneak  away,    who  Independence  boast; 

Who  non-resistance  hold,    they  have  my  hand  and  heart. 

May  they  for  slaves  be  sold,    who  act  a  Whiggish  part; 

On  Mansfield,  North,  and  Bute,  may  daily  blessings  pour, 

Confusion  and  dispute,   on  Congress  evermore; 

To  North  and  British  lord,  may  honors  still  be  done, 

I  wish  a  block  or  cord,  to  General  Washington. 


68  EQUIVOQUE. 

THE   HOUSES   OF   STUART  AND   HANOVER. 

I  love  with  all  my  heart  The  Tory  party  here 

The  Hanoverian  part  Most  hateful  do  appear 

And  for  that  settlement  I  ever  have  denied 

My  conscience  gives  consent  To  be  on  James's  side 

Most  righteous  is  the  cause  To  fight  for  such  a  king 

To  fight  for  George's  laws  Will  England's  ruin  bring 

It  is  my  mind  and  heart  In  this  opinion  I 

Though  none  will  take  my  part  Resolve  to  live  and  die. 

Lansdowne  MSS.  852 

THE    NEW   REGIME. 

The  following  equivoque  was  addressed  to  a  republican  at 
the  commencement  of  the  French  Revolution,  in  reply  to  the 
question,  "  What  do  you  think  of  the  new  constitution  ?" 

A  la  nouvelle  loi  Je  veux  6tre  fidele 

Je  renonce  dans  Tame  Au  regime  ancien, 

Comme  gpreuve  de  ma  foi  Je  crois  la  loi  nouvelle 

Je  crois  celle  qu'on  blame  Opposee  a  tout  bien ; 

Dieu  vous  donne  la  paix  Messieurs  les  democrats 

Noblesse  desolle  Au  diable  allez-vous  en ; 

Qu'il  confonde  a  jamais  Tous  les  Aristocrats 

Messieurs  de  PAssemblce  Ont  eux  seuls  le  bon  sens. 

The  newly  made  law  'Tis  my  wish  to  esteem 

From  my  soul  I  abhor  The  ancient  regime 

My  faith  to  prove  good,  I  maintain  the  new  code 

I  maintain  the  old  code  Is  opposed  to  all  good. 

May  God  give  you  peace,  Messieurs  Democrats, 

Forsaken  Noblesse,  To  the  devil  go  hence. 

May  He  ever  confound  All  the  Aristocrats 

The  Assembly  all  round  Are  the  sole  men  of  sense. 

FATAL   DOUBLE    MEANING. 

Count  Valavoir,  a  general  in  the  French  service  under  Tu- 
renne,  while  encamped  hefore  the  enemy,  attempted  one  night 
to  pass  a  sentinel.  The  sentinel  challenged  him,  and  the 
count  answered  "  Va-la-voir,"  which  literally  signifies  "Go  and 
see."  The  soldier,  who  took  the  words  in  this  sense,  indig- 
nantly repeated  the  challenge,  and  was  answered  in  the  same 
manner,  when  he  fired;  and  the  unfortunate  Count  fell  dead 
upon  the  spot, — a  victim  to  the  whimsicality  of  his  surname. 


EQUIVOQUE. 


61) 


A  TRIPLE  PLATFORM. 

Among  the  memorials  of  the  sectional  conflict  of  1861—5,  is 
an  American  platform  arranged  to  suit  all  parties.  The  first 
column  is  the  Secession ;  the  second,  the  Abolition  platform ; 
and  the  whole,  read  together,  is  the  Democratic  platform  :— - 

Hurrah  for  The  Old  Union 

Secession  Is  a  curse 

We  fight  for  The  Constitution 

The  Confederacy  Is  a  league  with  hell 

We  love  Free  speech 

The  rebellion  Is  treason  '    0. 

We  glory  in  A  Free  Press 

Separation  Will  not  be  tolerated 

We  fight  not  for  The  negro's  freedom 

Reconstruction  Must  be  obtained 

We  must  succeed  At  every  hazard 

The  Union  We  love 

We  love  not  The  negro 

We  never  said  Let  the  Union  slide 

We  want  The  Union  as  it  was 

Foreign  intervention  Is  played  out 

We  cherish  The  old  flag 

The  stars  and  bars  Is  a  flaunting  lie 

We  venerate  The  heabtts  corpus 

Southern  chivalry  Is  hateful 

Death  to  Jeff  Davis 

Abe  Lincoln  Isn't  the  Government 

Down  with  Mob  law 

Law  and  order  Shall  triumph. 

LOYALTY,   OR   JACOBINISM? 

This  piece  of  amphibology  was  circulated  among  the  United 
Irishmen,  previous  to  the  Rebellion  of  1798.  First,  read  the 
lines  as  they  stand,  then  according  to  the  numerals  prefixed : — 

1.  I  love  my  country — but  the  king, 

3.  Above  all  men  his  praise  I  sing, 

2.  Destruction  to  his  odious  reign, 

4.  That  plague  of  princes,  Thomas  Paine; 

5.  The  royal  banners  are  displayed, 

7.  And  may  success  the  standard  aid 

6.  Defeat  and  ruin  seize  the  cause 

8.  Of  France  her  liberty  and  laws. 


70  EQUIVOQUE. 

NON    COMMITTAL. 

NEAT   EVASION. 

Bishop  Egerton,  of  Durham,  avoided  three  impertinent 
questions  by  replying  as  follows : — 

1.  What  inheritance  he  received  from  his  father? 

"  Not  so  much  as  he  expected." 

2.  What  was  his  lady's  fortune  ? 

"  Less  than  was  reported." 

3.  What  was  the  value  of  his  living  of  Ross? 

"  More  than  he  made  of  it." 

A   PATRIOTIC   TOAST. 

Most  readers  will  remember  the  story  of  a  non-committal 
editor  who,  during  the  Presidential  canvass  of  1872,  desiring  to 
propitiate  subscribers  of  both  parties,  hoisted  the  ticket  of 

"  Gr and n"  at  the  top  of  his  column,  thus  giving 

those  who  took  the  paper  their  choice  of  interpretations  be- 
tween "Grant  and  Wilson"  and  "Greeley  and  Brown."  A 
story  turning  on  the  same  style  of  point — and  probably  quite 
as  apocryphal — though  the  author  labels  it  "historique" — is 
told  of  an  army  officers'  mess  in  France.  A  brother-soldier 
from  a  neighboring  detachment  having  come  in,  and  a  cham- 
penoise  having  been  uncorked  in  his  honor,  "Gentlemen," 
said  the  guest,  raising  his  glass,  "  I  am  about  to  propose  a 
toast  at  once  patriotic  and  political."  A  chorus  of  hasty 
ejaculations  and  of  murmurs  at  once  greeted  him.  "Yes, 
gentlemen,"  coolly  proceeded  the  orator,  "  I  drink  to  a  thing 
which — an  object  that — Bah !  I  will  out  with  it  at  once.  It 
begins  with  an  R  and  ends  with  an  e" 

"  Capital !"  whispers  a  young  lieutenant  of  Bordeaux  pro- 
motion. "He  proposes  the  Republique,  without  offending  the 
old  fogies  by  saying  the  word." 

"Nonsense!  He  means  the  Radicak"  replies  the  other, 
an  old  Captain  Cassel. 

"Upon  my  word,"  says  a  third,  as  he  lifts  his  glass,  "our 
friend  must  mean  la  Royautt." 


EQUIVOQUE.  -  71 

"I  see!"  cries  a  one-legged  veteran  of  Froschweiler :  "we 
drink  to  la  Revanche." 

In  fact  the  whole  party  drank  the  toast  heartily,  each  in- 
terpreting it  to  his  liking. 

In  the  hands  ot  a  Swift,  even  so  trivial  an  instance  might 
be  made  to  point  a  moral  on  the  facility  with  which,  alike  in 
theology  and  politics — from  Athanasian  creed  to  Cincinnati 
or  Philadelphia  platform— men  comfortably  interpret  to  their 
own  diverse  likings  some  doctrine  that  "begins  with  an  R 
and  ends  with  an  e,"  and  swallow  it  with  great  unanimity  and 


THE   HANDWRITING   ON    THE    WALL. 

During  the  war  of  the  Rebellion,  a  merchant  of  Milwaukee, 
who  is  an  excellent  hand  at  sketching,  drew  most  admirably 
on  the  wall  of  his  store  a  negro's  head,  and  underneath  it 
wrote,  in  a  manner  worthy  of  the  Delphic  oracle,  "  Dis-Union 
for  eber."  Whether  the  sentence  meant  loyalty  to  the  Union 
or  not,  was  the  puzzling  question  which  the  gentleman  him- 
self never  answered,  invariably  stating  to  the  inquirers,  "  Read 
it  for  yourselves,  gentlemen."  So  from  that  day  to  this,  as 
the  saying  goes,  "no  one  knows  how  dat  darkey  stood  on  de 
war  question." 

Another  question  is  puzzling  the  young  ladies  who  attend 
a  Western  Female  College.  It  seems  that  one  of  them  dis- 
covered that  some  person  had  written  on  the  outer  wall  of  the 
college,  "  Young  women  should  set  good  examples ;  for  young 
men  will  follow  them."  The  question  that  is  now  perplexing 
the  heads  of  several  of  the  young  ladies  of  the  college  is, 
whether  the  writer  meant  what  he  or  she  (the  handwriting  was 
rather  masculine)  wrote,  in  a  moral  sense  or  in  an  ironical  one. 

HOW    FRENCH    ACTRESSES   AVOID    GIVING    THEIR   AGE. 

A  servant  robbed.  Mile.  Mars  of  her  diamonds  one  evening 
while  she  was  at  the  theatre.  Arrested,  he  was  put  upon 
trial,  and  witnesses  were  summoned  to  bear  testimony  to  his 
guilt.  Among  these  was  Mile.  Mars.  She  was  greatly  an- 


72  •  EQUIVOQUE. 

noyed  at  this,  as,  according  to  the  rules  of  French  practice, 
the  witness,  after  being  sworn,  gives  his  age.  Now  the  age 
of  Mile.  Mars  was  an  impenetrable  mystery,  for  it  was  a 
theme  she  never  alluded  to,  and  she  possessed  the  art  of 
arresting  time's  flight,  or  at  least  of  repairing  its  ravages  so 
effectually  that  her  face  never  revealed  acquaintance  with 
more  than  twenty  years.  She  was  for  some  days  evidently 
depressed;  then,  all  at  once,  her  spirits  rose  as  buoyant  as 
ever.  This  puzzled  the  court — for  people  in  her  eminent 
position  always  have  a  court;  parasites  are  plenty  in  Paris — 
they  did  not  know  whether  she  had  determined  frankly  to 
confess  her  age,  or  whether  she  had  hit  upon  some  means  of 
eluding  this  thorny  point  of  practice. 

The  day  of  trial  came,  and  she  was  at  her  place.  The 
court-room  was  filled,  and  when  she  was  put  in  the  witness- 
box  every  ear  was  bent  towards  her  to  catch  the  age  she  would 
give  as  her  own.  "Your  name?"  said  the  presiding  judge. 
"Anne  Francoise  Hippolyte  Mars."  "What  is  your  profes- 
sion?" "An  .actress  of  the  French  Comedy."  "What  is 
your  age?"  " ty  years."  "What?"  inquired  the  pre- 
siding judge,  leaning  forward.  "  I  have  just  told  your  honor!" 
replied  the  actress,  giving  one  of  those  irresistible  smiles  which 
won  the  most  hostile  pit.  The  judge  smiled  in  turn,  and 
when  he  asked,  as  he  did  immediately,  "  Where  do  you  live  ?" 
hearty  applause  long  prevented  Mile.  Mars  from  replying. 

Mile.  Cico  was  summoned  before  a  court  to  bear  witness  in 
favor  of  some  cosmetic  assailed  as  a  poison  by  victims  and 
their  physicians.  All  the  youngest  actresses  of  Paris  were 
there,  and  they  reckoned  upon  a  good  deal  of  merriment  and 
profit  when  Mile.  Cico  came  to  disclose  her  age.  She  was 
called  to  the  stand — sworn — gave  her  name  and  profession. 
When  the  judge  said  "How  old  are  you?"  she  quitted  the 
stand,  went  up  to  the  bench,  stood  on  tip-toe,  and  whispered 
in  the  judge's  ear  the  malicious  mystery.  The  bench  smiled, 
and  kept  her  secret. 


THE    CENTO. 


73 


A  CENTO  primarily  signifies  a  cloak  made  of  patches.  In 
poetry  it  denotes  a  work  wholly  composed  of  verses,  or  passages 
promiscuously  taken  from  other  authors  and  disposed  in  a  new 
form  or  order,  so  as  to  compose  a  new  work  and  a  new  mean- 
ing. According  to  the  rules  laid  down  by  Ausonius,  the  author 
of  the  celebrated  Nuptial  Cento,  the  pieces  may  be  taken  from 
the  same  poet,  or  from  several ;  and  the  verses  may  be  either 
taken  entire,  or  divided  into  two,  one  half  to  be  connected  with 
another  half  taken  elsewhere ;  but  two  verses  are  never  to  be 
taken  together. 

The  Empress  Eudoxia  wrote  the  life  of  Jesus  Christ  in  centos 
taken  from  Homer.  Proba  Falconia,  and,  long  after  him, 
Alexander  Ross,  both  composed  a  life  of  the  Saviour,  in  the 
same  manner,  from  Virgil.  The  title  of  Ross'  work,  which 
was  republished  in  1769,  was  Virgilius  Evangelizans,  sive  his- 
toria  Domini  et  Salvatoris  nostri  Jesu  Christi  Virgilianis 
verbis  et  versibus  descripta. 

Subjoined  are  some  modern  specimens  of  this  literary  con- 
fectionery, called  in  modern  parlance 

MOSAIC   POETRY. 

I  only  knew  she  came  and  went  Lowell. 

Like  troutlets  in  a  pool ;  Hood. 

She  was  a  phantom  of  delight,  Wordsworth. 

And  I  was  like  a  fool.  Eastman. 

"  One  kiss,  dear  maid,"  I  said  and  sighed,  Coleridge. 

"  Out  of  those  lips  unshorn."  Longfellow. 

She  shook  her  ringlets  round  her  head,  Stoddard. 

And  laughed  in  merry  scorn.  Tennyson. 

Ring  out,  wild  bells,  to  the  wild  sky !  Tennyson. 

You  hear  them,  oh  my  heart  ?  Alice  Cory. 

'Tis  twelve  at  night  by  the  castle  clock,  Coleridge. 

Beloved,  we  must  part !  Alice  Gary. 

"Come  back!  come  back!"  she  cried  in  grief,  Campbell. 

"My  eyes  are  dim  with  tears —  Bayard  Taylor 

How  bhall  I  live  through  all  the  days,  Mrs.Osgood. 

All  through  a  hundred  years  ?"  T.  S.  Perry 

7 


74  THE    CENTO. 

'Twas  in  the  prime  of  summer  time,  Hood. 

She  blessed  me  with  her  hand;  Hoyt. 

We  strayed  together,  deeply  blest,  Mrs.  Edwards. 

Into  the  Dreaming  Land.  Cornwall. 

The  laughing  bridal  roses  blow,  Patmore. 

To  dress  her  dark  brown  hair ;  Bayard  Taylor. 

No  maiden  may  with  her  compare,  Brailsford. 

Most  beautiful,  most  rare  !  Read. 

I  clasped  it  on  her  sweet  cold  hand,  Browning. 

The  precious  golden  link  ;  Smith. 

I  calmed  her  fears,  and  she  was  calm,  Coleridge. 

"  Drink,  pretty  creature,  drink !"  Wordsworth. 

And  so  I  won  my  Genevieve,  Coleridge. 

And  walked  in  Paradise  ;  Hervey. 

The  fairest  thing  that  ever  grew  Wordsworth. 

Atween  me  and  the  skies.  Osgood. 


Breathes  there  a  man  with  soul  so  dead, 
Who  never  to  himself  hath  said, 

Shoot  folly  as  it  flies  ? 
Ah,  more  than  tears  of  blood  can  tell, 
Are  in  that  word  farewell,  farewell ; 

'Tis  folly  to  be  wise. 

And  what  is  Friendship  but  a  name 
That  burns  on  Etna's  breast  of  flame? 

Thus  runs  the  world  away. 
Sweet  is  the  ship  that's  under  sail 
To  where  yon  taper  points  the  vale 

With  hospitable  ray. 

Drink  to  me  only  with  thine  eyes 
Through  cloudless  climes  and  starry  skies, 

My  native  land,  good-night. 
Adieu,  adieu,  my  native  shore ; 
'Tis  Greece,  but  living  Greece  no  more. 

Whatever  is  is  right. 

Oh,  ever  thus  from  childhood's  hour, 
Daughter  of  Jove,  relentless  power, 
In  russet  mantle  clad. 


THE   CENTO.  75 

The  rocks  and  hollow  mountains  rung 
While  yet  in  early  Greece  she  sung, 
I'm  pleased,  and  yet  I'm  sad. 

In  sceptred  pall  come  sweeping  by, 
0,  thou,  the  nymph  with  placid  eye, 

By  Philip's  warlike  son  ; 
And  on  the  light  fantastic  toe 
Thus  hand-in-hand  through  life  we'll  go; 

Good-night  to  Marmion. 

LIFE. 

1. — Why  all  this  toil  for  triumphs  of  an  hour? 

2. — Life's  a  short  summer,  man  a  flower. 

3. — By  turns  we  catch  the  vital  breath  and  die — 

4. — The  cradle  and  the  tomb,  alas  !  so  nigh. 

5. — To  be  is  better  far  than  not  to  be, 

6.— Though  all  man's  life  may  seam  a  tragedy. 

7. — But  light  cares  speak  when  mighty  griefs  are  dumb; 

8. — The  bottom  is  but  shallow  whence  they  come. 

9. — Your  fate  is  but  the  common  fate  of  all, 
10. — Unmingled  joys,  here,  to  no  man  befall. 
11. — Nature  to  each  allots  his  proper  sphere, 
12. — Fortune  makes  folly  her  peculiar  care. 
13. — Custom  does  not  often  reason  overrule 
14. — And  throw  a  cruel  sunshine  on  a  fool. 

15. — Live  well,  how  long  or  short  permit,  to  heaven  ; 

16. — They  who  forgive  most,  shall  be  most  forgiven. 

17. — Sin  may  be  clasped  so  close  we  cannot  see  its  face— 

18. — Vile  intercourse  where  virtue  has  not  place. 

19. — Then  keep  each  passion  down,  however  dear, 

20. — Thou  pendulum,  betwixt  a  emile  and  tear; 

21. — Her  sensual  snares  let  faithless  pleasure  lay, 
22.— With  craft  and  skill,  to  ruin  and  betray. 
23. — Soar  not  too  high  to  fall,  but  stop  to  rise  ; 
24. — We  masters  grow  of  all  that  we  despise. 
25. — Oh  then  renounce  that  impious  self-esteem  ; 
26. — Riches  have  wings  and  grandeur  is  a  dream. 
27. — Think  not  ambition  wise,  because  'tis  brave, 
28. — The  paths  of  glory  lead  but  to  the  grave. 


76 


THE   CENTO. 


29. — What  is  ambition  ?     'Tis  a  glorious  cheat, 
30. — Only  destructive  to  the  brave  and  great. 
31.— What's  all  the  gaudy  glitter  of  a  crown  ? 
32. — The  way  to  bliss  lies  not  on  beds  of  down. 
33. — How  long  we  live,  not  years  but  actions  tell ; 
34. — That  man  lives  twice  who  lives  the  first  life  well. 

35. — Make  then,  while  yet  ye  may,  your  God  your  friend, 
36. — Whom  Christians  worship,  yet  not  comprehend. 
37. — The  trust  that's  given  guard,  and  to  yourself  be  just; 
38. — For,  live  we  how  we  can,  yet  die  we  must. 

1.  Young.  2.  Dr.  Johnson.  3.  Pope.  4.  Prior.  5.  Sewell.  6.  Spenser.  7.  Daniel. 
8.  Sir  Walter  Baleigh.  9.  Longfellow.  10.  Southwell.  11.  Congreve.  12.  Churchill. 
13.  Rochester.  14.  Armstrong.  15.  Milton.  16.  Baily.  17.  Trench.  18.  Somervillc. 
19.  Thompson.  20.  Byron.  21.  Smollet.  22.  Crabbe.  23.  Massinger.  24.  Crowley. 
25.  Beattie.  26.  Cowper.  27.  Sir  Walter  Davenant.  28.  Grey.  29.  Willis.  30.  Addi- 
son.  31.  Dryden.  .32.  Francis  Quarles.  33.  Watkins.  34.  Herrick.  35.  William 
Mason.  36.  Hill.  37.  Dana.  38.  Shakespeare. 

CENTO   FROM   POPE. 

'Tis  education  forms  the  common  mind ;  Moral  Essays. 

A  mighty  maze  !  but  not  without  a  plan.  Essay  on  Man. 

Ask  of  the  learned  the  way  ?     The  learned  are  blind ;       "  " 

The  proper  study  of  mankind  is  man.  "  " 

A  little  learning  is  a  dangerous  thing ;  Essay  on  Criticism. 

Some  have  at  first  for  wits,  then  poets  passed —  "                " 

See  from  each  clime  the  learned  their  incense  bring,  "                " 

For  rising  merit  will  buoy  up  at  last. 

Tell  (for  you  can)  what  is  it  to  be  wise. —  Essay  on  Man. 

Virtue  alone  is  happiness  below  ; 
Honor  and  shame  from  no  condition  rise, 

And  all  our  knowledge  is  ourselves  to  know. 

Who  shall  decide  when  doctors  disagree  ?  Moral  Essay. 

One  truth  is  clear,  whatever  is,  is  right.  Essay  on  Man. 

Since  men  interpret  texts,  why  should  not  we  January  and  May. 

Read  them  by  day  and  meditate  by  night?  Essay  on  Criticism. 


BIBLICAL   CENTO. 

Cling  to  the  Mighty  One,  Ps.  Ixxxix.  19. 

Cling  in  thy  grief;  Heb.  xii.  11. 

Cling  to  the  Holy  One,  Ps.  xxxix.  18. 

He  gives  relief;  Ps.  Ixxxvi.  7. 


THK    CENTO. 


77 


Cling  to  the  Gracious  One, 

Cling  in  thy  pain  ; 
Cling  to  the  Faithful  One, 

He  will  sustain. 

Cling  to  the  Living  One, 

Cling  in  thy  woe; 
Cling  to  the  Loving  One, 

Through  all  below : 
Cling  to  the  Pardoning  One, 

He  speaketh  peace ; 
Cling  to  the  Healing  One, 

Anguish  shall  cease. 

Cling  to  the  Bleeding  One, 

Cling  to  His  side; 
Cling  to  the  Risen  One, 

In  Him  abide; 
Cling  to  the  Coming  One, 

Hope  shall  arise : 
Cling  to  the  Reigning  One. 

Joy  lights  thine  eyes. 


Ps.  cxvi.  5. 
Ps.  Iv.  4. 
1  Thess.  v.  24. 
Ps.  xxviii.  8. 

Heb.  vii.  25. 
Ps.  Ixxxvi.  7. 
1  John  iv.  16. 
Rom.  viii.  38,  39. 
Isa.  Iv.  7. 
John  xiv.  27. 
Exod.  xv.  26. 
Ps.  cxlvii.  3. 

1  John  i.  7. 
John  xx.  27. 
Rom.  vi.  9. 
John  xv.  4. 
Rev.  xxii.  20. 
Titus  ii.  13. 
Ps.  xcvii.  1. 
Ps.  xvi.  11. 


THE   RETURN    OF   ISRAEL. 
I  will  surely  gather  the  remnant  of  Israel. — MICAH  ii.  12. 

And  the  Temple  again  shall  be  built, 

And  filled  as  it  was  of  yore ; 
And  the  burden  be  lift  from  the  heart  of  the  world, 

And  the  nations  all  adore ; 
Prayers  to  the  throne  of  Heaven, 

Morning  and  eve  shall  rise, 
And  unto  and  not  of  the  Lainb 

Shall  be  the  sacrifice. —  FKSTUS. 

In  many  strange  and  Gentile  lands  Micah  v.  8. 

Where  Jacob's  scattered  sons  are  driven,  Jer.  xxiii.  8. 

With  longing  eyes  and  lifted  hands,  Lam.  i.  17. 

They  wait  Messiah's  sign  from  heaven.  Matth.  xxiv.  30. 

The  cup  of  fury  they  have  quaffed,  Isa.  Ii.  17. 

Till  fainted  like  a  weary  flock ;  Isa.  Ii.  20. 

But  Heaven  will  soon  withdraw  the  draught,  Isa.  Ii.  22. 

And  give  them  waters  from  the  rock;  Exod.  xvii.  6. 

What  though  their  bodies,  as  the  ground,  Isa.  Ii.  23. 

Th'  Assyrian  long  has  trodden  o'er !  Isa.  Hi.  4. 

Zion,  a  captive  daughter  bound,  Isa.  Hi.  2. 

Shall  rise  to  know  her  wrong  no  more.  Isa.  liv.  3,  4. 


78  MACARONIC    VERSE. 

The  veil  is  passing  from  her  eyes,  2  Cor.  Hi.  16. 

The  King  of  Nations  she  shall  see;  Zech.  xiv.  9. 

Judea !  from  the  dust  arise !  Isa.  lii.  2. 

Thy  ransomed  sons  return  to  thee !  Jer.  xxxi.  17. 

How  gorgeous  shall  thy  land  appear,  Isa.  liv.  12. 

When,  like  tho  jewels  of  a  bride,  Isa.  xlix.  18. 

Thy  broken  bands,  all  gathered  there,  Zech.  xi.  14. 

Shall  clothe  thy  hills  on  every  side !  Isa.  xlix.  18. 

When  on  thy  mount,  as  prophets  taught,  Isa.  xxiv.  23. 

Shall  shine  the  throne  of  David's  Son ;  Ezek.  xxxvii.  22. 

The  Gospel's  latest  triumphs  brought  Micah  iv.  2. 

Where  first  its  glorious  course  begun.  Luke  xxiv.  47. 

Gentiles  and  Kings,  who  thee  oppressed,  Isa.  Ix.  14. 

Shall  to  thy  gates  with  praise  repair;  Isa.  Ix.  11. 

A  fold  of  flocks  shall  Sharon  rest,  Isa.  Ixv.  10. 

And  clustered  fruits  its  vineyard  bear.  Joel  ii.  22. 

Then  shall  an  Eden  morn  illume  Isa.  li.  3. 

Earth's  fruitful  vales,  without  a  thorn :  Isa.  Iv.  13. 

The  wilderness  rejoice  and  bloom,  Isa.  xxxv.  1. 

And  nations  in  a  day  be  born.  Zech.  ii.  11. 

The  LOUD  his  holy  arm  makes  bare;  Isa.  lii.  10. 

Zion  !  thy  cheerful  songs  employ !  Zeph.  iii.  14. 

Thy  robes  of  bridal  beauty  wear,  Isa.  lii.  1. 

And  shout,  ye  ransomed  race,  for  joy !  Isa.  lii.  9. 


Jiflacatottic  Tsetse. 


"  A   TREATISE   OF   WINE. 

THE  following  specimen  of  macaronic  verse,  from  the  com- 
monplace book  of  Richard  Hilles,  who  died  in  1535,  is  probably 
the  best  of  its  kind  extant.  The  scriptural  allusions  and  the 
large  intermixture  of  Latin  evidently  point  to  the  refectory  of 
some  genial  monastery- as  its  source  : — 

The  best  tree  if  ye  take  intent, 

Inter  ligna  fructifera, 
Is  the  vine  tree  by  good  argument, 

Dulcia  ferens  pondera. 


MACARONIC    VERSE.  79 


Saint  Luke  saith  in  his  Gospel, 

Arbor  fructu  noscitur, 
The  vine  beareth  wine  as  I  you  tell, 

Iliuc  aliis  praeponitur. 

The  first  that  planted  the  vineyard, 

Manet  in  coeli  gaudio, 
His  name  was  Noe,  as  I  am  learned, 

Genesis  testimonio. 

God  gave  unto  him  knowledge  and  wit, 

A  quo  procedunt  omnia, 
First  of  the  grape  wine  for  to  get, 

Propter  magna  mysteria. 

The  first  miracle  that  Jesus  did, 

Erat  in  vino  rubeo, 
In  Cana  of  Galilee  it  betide, 

Testante  Evangelio. 

He  changed  water  into  wine, 

Aquae  rubescunt  hydriae, 
And  bade  give  it  to  Archetcline, 

Ut  gustet  tune  primarie. 

Like  as  the  rose  exceedeth  all  flowers, 

Inter  cuncta  florigera, 
So  doth  wine  all  other  liquors, 

Dans  multa  salutifera. 

David,  the  prophet,  saith  that  wino 

Laetificat  cor  hominis, 
It  maketh  men  merry  if  it  be  fine, 

Est  ergo  digni  nominis. 

It  nourisheth  age  if  it  be  good, 

Facit  ut  esset  juvenis, 
It  gendereth  in  us  gentle  blood, 

Nam  venas  purgat  sanguinis. 

By  all  these  causes  ye  should  think 

Quae  sunt  rationabiles, 
That  good  wine  should  be  best  of  all  drink 

Inter  potus  potabiles. 

Wine  drinkers  all,  with  great  honor, 

Semper  laudate  Dominum, 
The  which  sendeth  the  good  liquor 

Propter  saluteiu  hominuin. 


80  MACARONIC   VERSE. 

Plenty  to  all  that  love  good  wine, 

Donet  Deus  largius, 
And  bring  them  some  when  they  go  hence, 

Ubi  non  sitient  amplius. 

THE   SUITOR   WITH   NINE   TONGUES. 
Ti  ooi  \eya>,  /ttipaKiov, 
Now  that  this  fickle  heart  is  won  ? 
Me  semper  amaturam  te 
And  never,  never,  never  stray? 
Herzschatzchen,  Du  verlangst  zu  viel 
When  you  demand  so  strict  a  seal. 
N'est-ce  pas  assez  que  je  t'aime 
Without  remaining  still  the  same? 
Gij  daarom  geeft  u  liefde  niet 
If  others  may  not  have  a  treat. 
Muy  largo  es  mi  corazon, 
And  fifty  holds  as  well  as  one. 
Non  far  nell'  acqua  buco  che 
I  am  resolved  to  have  my  way  ; 
Im  lo  boteach  atta  bi, 
I'm  willing  quite  to  set  you  free : 
Be  you  content  with  half  my  time, 
As  half  in  English  is  my  rhyme. 

MAGINN'S  ALTERNATIONS — HORACE,  EPODE  n. 

Blest  man,  who  far  from  busy  hum, 

Ut  prisca  gens  mortalium, 

Whistles  his  team  afield  with  glee 

Solutus  omni  fenore : 

He  lives  in  peace,  from  battles  free, 

Nee  horret  iratum  mare ; 

Ar-^.  shuns  the  forum,  and  the  gay 

Potentiorum  liinina. 

Therefore  to  vines  of  purple  gloss 

Altas  maritat  populos, 

Or  pruning  off  the  boughs  unfit 

Feliciores  inserit. 

*  *  *  * 

Alphius  the  usurer,  babbled  thus, 

Jam  jam  futurus  rusticus, 

Called  in  his  cast  on  th'Ides— but  he 

Quaerit  Kalendis  ponere. 


.  MACARONIC   VERSE.  81 

CONTENTI   ABEAMUS. 

Come,  jocund  friends,  a  bottle  bring, 

And  push  around  the  jorum : 
We'll  talk  and  laugh,  and  quaff  and  sing, 

Nunc  suavium  amorum. 
While  we  are  in  a  merry  mood, 

Come,  sit  down  ad  bibendum; 
And  if  dull  care  should  dare  intrude, 

We'll  to  the  devil  send  him. 
A  moping  elf  I  can't  endure 

While  I  have  ready  rhino; 
And  all  life's  pleasures  centre  still 

In  venere  ac  vino. 

Be  merry  then,  my  friends,  I  pray, 

And  pass  your  time  in  joco, 
For  it  is  pleasant,  as  they  say, 

Desipere  in  loco. 
He  that  loves  not  a  young  lass 

Is  sure  an  arrant  stultus, 
And  he  that  will  not  take  a  glass 

Deserves  to  be  sepultus. 

Pleasure,  music,  love  and  wine 

Res  valde  sunt  jucundae, 
And  pretty  maidens  look  divine, 

Provided  ut  sunt  mundae. 
I  hate  a  snarling,  surly  fool, 

Qui  latrat  sicut  canis, 
Who  mopes  and  ever  eats  by  rule, 

Drinks  water  and  eats  panis. 

Give  me  the  man  that's  always  free, 

Qui  finit  molli  more, 
The  cares  of  life,  what'er  they  be; 

Whose  motto  still  is  "  Spero." 

Death  will  turn  us  soon  from  hence,  ' 

Nigerrimas  ad  sedes; 
And  all  our  lands  and  all  our  pence 

Ditabunt  tune  heredes. 

Why  should  we  then  forbear  to  sport  ? 

Dum  vivamus,  vivamus, 
And  when  the  Fates  shall  cut  us  down 

Content!  abeamus. 


82  MACARONIC   VERSE. 

FLY-LEAF   SCRIBBLING. 

Iste  liber  pertinet, 
And  bear  it  well  in  mind, 

Ad  me,  Johannern  Rixbrum, 
So  courteous  and  so  kind. 

Quein  si  ego  perdam, 
And  by  you  it  shall  be  found, 

Kedde  mihi  iterum, 
Your  fame  I  then  will  sound. 

Sed  si  mini  redeas, 
Then  blessed  thou  shalt  be, 

Et  ago  tibi  gratias 
Whenever  I  thee  see. 


THE   CAT   AND   THE   RATS. 

Felis  sedit  by  a  hole, 
Intentus  he,  cum  omni  soul, 

Prendere  rats 

Mice  cucurrerunt  trans  the  floor, 
In  numero  duo,  tres,  or  more — 

Obliti  cats. 

Felis  saw  them,  oculis; 

"I'll  have  them,"  inquit  he,  "I  guess, 

Dum  ludunt." 

Tune  ille  crept  toward  the  group, 
"Habeam,"  dixit,  "good  rat  soup — 

Pingues  sunt." 

Mice  continued  all  ludere, 
Intenti  they  in  ludum  vere, 

Gaudenter. 

Tune  rushed  the  felis  into  them, 
Et  tore  them  omnes  limb  from  limb, 

Violenter. 

MORAL. 

Mures  omnes,  nunc  be  shy, 
Et  aurem  praebe  mihi, 

Benigne. 

Sit  hoc  satis — "verbum  sat," 
Avoid  a  whopping  big  tom-cat 

Studiose. 


MACARONIC    VERSE.  83 

POLYGLOT   INSCRIPTION. 

The  following  advertisement  in  five  languages,  is  inscribed 
on  the  window  of  a  public  house  in  Germany : — 

In  questa  casa  trovarete 

Toutes  lea  choses  que  vous  souhaitez  ; 

Vinum  bonum,  costas,  carnes, 

Neat  post-chaise,  and  horse  and  harness. 

Sou?,  opvties,  IX?  ug,  apves- 

PARTING    ADDRESS   TO'  A   FRIEND, 

Written  by  a  German  gentleman  on  the  termination  of  a  very 
agreeable,  but  brief  acquaintance. 

I  often  wished  I  had  a  friend, 

Dem  ich  mich  anvertrauen  kb'nnt', 

A  friend  in  whom  I  could  confide, 

Der  mit  mir  theilte  Freud  und  Leidj 

Had  I  the  riches  of  Girard— 

Ich  theilte  mit  ihm  Haus  und  Heerdj 

For  what  is  gold  ?  'tis  but  a  passing  metal, 

Der  Henker  hoi'  fur  mich  den  ganzen  BetteL 

Could  I  purchase  the  world  to  live  in  it  alone, 

Ich  gab'  dafiir  nicht  eine  hohle  Bohn'; 

I  thought  one  time  in  you  I'd  find  that  friend, 

Und  glaubte  schon  mein  Sehnen  hat  ein  End  ; 

Alas!  your  friendship  lasted  but  in  sight, 

Doch  meine  grenzet  an  die  Ewigkeit. 

AM    RHEIN. 

Oh,  the  Rhine— the  Rhine— the  Rhine— 
Comme  c'est  beau !  wie  schon  !  che  bello ! 

He  who  quaffs  thy  Luft  und  Wein, 
Morbleu  !    is  a  lucky  fellow. 

How  I  love  thy  rushing  streams, 

Groves  of  ash  and  birch  and  hazel, 
From  Schaffhausen's  rainbow  beams 

Jusqu'a  l'6cho  d'Oberwesel ! 

Oh,  que  j'aime  thy  Briichen  when 

The  crammed  Dampfschiff  gayly  passes ! — 


84  MACARONIC   VERSE. 

Love  the  bronzed  pipes  of  thy  men, 
And  the  bronzed  cheeks  of  thy  lasses ! 

Oh,  que  j'aime  the  "  oui,"  the  "  bah," 
From  thy  motley  crowds  that  flow, 

With  the  universal  "ja,' 
And  the  allgemeine  "  so" ! 


THE   DEATH   OP   THE   SEA   SERPENT. 

Anna  virumque  cano,  qui  first  in  Monongahela 

Tarnally  squampushed  the  sarpent,  mittens  horrentia  tella. 

Musa,  look  sharp  with  your  Banjo !     I  guess  to  relate  this  event,  I 

Shall  need  all  the  aid  you  can  give ;  so  nunc  aspirate  canenti. 

Mighty  slick  were  the  vessels  progressing,  Jactata  per  aequora  ventis, 

But  the  brow  of  the  skipper  was  sad,  cum  solicitudine  mentis ; 

For  whales  had  been  scarce  in  those  parts,  and  the  skipper,  so  long  as 

he'd  known  her, 

Ne'er  had  gathered  less  oil  in  a  cruise  to  gladden  the  heart  of  her  owner. 
"Darn  the  whales,"  cries  the  skipper  at  length,  "with  a  telescope  forte 

videbo 
Aut  pisces,  aut  terras."     While  speaking,  just  two  or  three  points  on  the 

lea  bow, 
He   saw   coming   towards   them   as   fast  as  though  to  a  combat  'twould 

tempt  'em, 

A  monstrum  horrendum  informe  (qui  lumen  was  shortly  ademptnm). 
On  the  taffrail  up  jumps  in  a  hurry,  dux  fortis,  and  seizing  a  trumpet, 
Blows  a  blast  that  would  waken  the  dead,  mare  turbat  et  aera  rumpit — 
"Tumble  up  all  you  lubbers,"   he  cries,  "tumble   up,  for  careering   be- 
fore us 

Is  the  real  old  sea  sarpent  himself,  cristis  maculisque  decorus." 
"  Consarn  it,"  cried  one  of  the  sailors,  "  if  e'er  we  provoke  him  he'll  kill  us, 
He'll  certainly  chaw  up  hos  morsu,  et  longis,  implexibus  illos." 
Loud  laughs  the  bold  skipper,  and  quick  premit  alto  corde  dolorem  ; 
(If  he  does  feel  like  running,  he  knows  it  won't  do  to  betray  it  before  'em). 
"  0  socii ",  inquit.     "  I'm  sartin  you're  not  the  fellers  to  funk,  or 
Shrink  from  the  durem  certamen,  whose  fathers  fit  bravely  at  Bunker 
You,  who  have  waged  with  the  bears,  and  the  buffalo,  proelia  dura, 
Down  to  the  freshets,  and  licks  of  our  own  free  enlightened  Missourer; 
You  could  whip  your  own  weight,  catulus  saevis  sine  telo, 
Get  your  eyes  skinned  in  a  twinkling,  et  ponite  tela  phsesello !" 
Talia  voce  refert,  curisque  ingentibus  seger, 

Marshals  his  cute  little  band,  now  panting  their  foes  to  beleaguer 
Swiftly  they  lower  the  boats,  and  swiftly  each  man  at  the  oar  is, 
Excipe  Britanni  timidi  duo,  virque  coloris. 


CONCATENATION    OR   CHAIN   VERSE.  80 

(Blackskin,  you  know,  never  feels,  how  sweet,  'tis  pro  patria  mori ; 

Ovid  had  him  in  view  when  he  said,  "  Nimium  ne  crede  colori.") 

Now  swiftly  they  pull  towards  the  monster,  who   seeing  the  cutter  and 

gig  nigh, 

Glares  at  them  with  terrible  eyes,  suffectis  sanguine  et  igni, 
And,  never  conceiving  their  chief  will  so  quickly  deal  him  a  floorer, 
Opens  wide  to  receive  them  at  once,  his  linguis  vibrantibis  ora ; 
But  just  as  he's  licking  his  lips,  and  gladly  preparing  to  taste  'em, 
Straight  into  his  eyeball  the  skipper  stridentem  conjicit  hastam. 
Straight;  as  he  feels  in  his  eyeball  the  lance,  growing  mightly  sulky, 
At  'em  he  comes  in  a  rage,  ora  minax,  lingua  trusulca. 
"  Starn   all,"   cry   the   sailors    at   once,   for   they  think  he  has  certainly 

caught  'em, 

Prassentemque  viris  intentant  omnia  mortem. 
But  the  bold  skipper  exclaims,  "  0  terque  quaterque  beati ! 
Now  with  a  will  dare  viam,  when  I  want  you,  be  only  parati; 
This  boss  feels  like  raising  his  hair,  and  in  spite  of  his  scaly  old  cortex, 
Full  soon  you  shall  see  that  his  corpse  rapidus  vorat  aequore  vortex." 
Hoc  ait,  and  choosing  a  lance  :  "  With  this  one  I  think  I  shall  hit  it, 
He  cries,  and  straight  into  his  mouth,  ad  intima  viscera  mittit. 
Screeches  the  creature  in  pain,  and  writhes  till  the  sea  is  commotum, 
As  if  all  its  waves  had  been  lashed  in  a  tempest  per  Eurum  et  Notum. 
Interea  terrible  shindy  Neptunus  sensit,  et  alto 

Prospiciens  sadly  around,  wiped  his  eye  with  the  cuff  of  his  palet&t ; 
And,  mad  at  his  favorite's  fate,  of  oaths  uttered  one  or  two  thousand, 
Such  as  "  Corpo  di  Bacco  !    Meherclel    Sacre  !    Mille    Tonnerres  !     Potz- 

tausend !" 

But  the  skipper,  who  thought  it  was  time  to  this  terrible  fight  dare  finem, 
"With  a  scalping-knife  jumps  on  the  neck  of  the  snake  secat  et  dextra 

crinem, 

And  hurling  the  scalp  in  the  air,  half  mad  with  delight  to  possess  it, 
Shouts  "  Darn  it — I've  fixed  up  his  flint,  for  in  ventos  vita  recessit !" 


Concatenation  or  (Efjatn 


LASPHRISE'S  NOVELTIES. 


LASPHRISE,  a  French  poet  of  considerable  merit,  claims  the 
invention  of  several  singularities  in  verse,  and  among  them  the 
following,  in  which  it  will  be  found  that  the  last  word  of  every 
line  is  the  first  word  of  the  following  line  :  — 


86          CONCATENATION  OR  CHAIN  VERSE. 

Falloit-it  que  le  ciel  me  rendit  amoureux, 
Amoureaux,  jouissant  d'une  beaut6  craintive, 
Craintive  a  recevoir  douceur  excessive, 
Excessive  au  plaisir  qui  rend  1'amant  heureux? 
Heureux  si  nous  avions  quelques  paisibles  lieux, 
Lieux  ou  plus  surement  Pami  fulele  arrive, 
Arrive  sans  soupcon  de  quelque  ami  attentive, 
Attentive  a  vouloir  nous  surprendre  tous  deux. 

Subjoined  are  examples  in  our  own  vernacular : — 

TO   DEATH. 

The  longer  life,  the  more  offence ; 

The  more  offence,  the  greater  pain ; 
The  greater  pain,  the  less  defence ; 

The  less  defence,  the  lesser  gain — 
The  loss  of  gain  long  ill  doth  try, 
Wherefore,  come,  death,  and  let  me  die. 

The  shorter  life,  less  count  I  find  j 
The  less  account,  the  sooner  made; 

The  count  soon  made,  the  merrier  mind ; 
The  merrier  mind  doth  thought  in 

Short  life,  in  truth,  this  thing  doth  try, 

Wherefore,  come,  death,  and  let  me  die. 

Come,  gentle  death,  the  ebb  of  care; 

The  ebb  of  care  the  flood  of  life ; 
The  flood  of  life,  the  joyful  fare ; 

The  joyful  fare,  the  end  of  strife — 
The  end  of  strife  that  thing  wish  I, 
Wherefore,  come,  death  and  let  me  die. 

TRUTH. 

Nerve  thy  soul  with  doctrines  noble, 

Noble  in  the  walks  of  Time, 
Time  that  leads  to  an  eternal, 

An  eternal  life  sublime ; 
Life  sublime  in  moral  beauty, 

Beauty  that  shall  ever  be, 
Ever  be  to  lure  thee  onward, 

Onward  to  the  fountain  free; 
Free  to  every  earnest  seeker, 

Seeker  at  the  Fount  of  Youth, 
Youth  exultant  in  its  beauty, 

Beauty  found  in  the  quest  of  Truth. 


CONCATENATION    OR   CHAIN   VERSE.  87 


TRYING    SKYING. 

Long  I  looked  into  the  sky, 

Sky  aglow  with  gleaming  stars, 
Stars  that  stream  their  courses  high, 

High  and  grand,  those  golden  cars, 
Cars  that  ever  keep  their  track, 

Track  untraced  by  human  ray, 
Ray  that  zones  the  zodiac, 

Zodiac  with  milky-way, 
Milky-way  where  worlds  are  sown, 

Sown  like  sands  along  the  sea, 
Sea  whose  tide  and  tone  e'er  own, 

Own  a  feeling  to  be  free, 
Free  to  leave  its  lowly  place, 

Place  to  prove  with  yonder  spheres, 
Spheres  that  trace  athrough  all  space, 

Space  and  years — unspoken  years. 


A    RINGING   SONG. 

The  following  gem  is  from   an   old  play  of   Shakspeare' 
time,  called  The  True  Trojans : — 

The  sky  is  glad  that  stars  above 

Do  give  a  brighter  splendor ; 
The  stars  unfold  their  naming  gold, 

To  make  the  ground  more  tender : 
The  ground  doth  send  a  fragrant  smell, 

That  air  may  be  the  sweeter ; 
The  air  doth  charm  the  swelling  seas 

With  pretty  chirping  metre; 
The  sea  with  rivers'  water  doth 

Feed  plants  and  flowers  so  dainty  ; 
The  plants  do  yield  their  fruitful  seed, 

That  beasts  may  live  in  plenty ; 
The  beasts  do  give  both  food  and  cloth, 

Thatjnen  high  Jove  may  honor; 
And  so  the  World  runs  merrily  round, 

When  Peace  doth  smile  upon  her! 
Oh,  then,  then  oh  !  oh  then,  then  ob ! 

This  jubilee  last  forever: 
That  foreign  spite,  or  civil  fight, 

Our  quiet  trouble  never ! 


BOUTS   RIMfiS. 


BOUTS  BIMES,  or  Rhyming  Ends,  afford  considerable  amuse- 
ment. They  are  said  by  Groujet  to  have  been  invented  by 
Dulot,  a  French  poet,  who  had  a  custom  of  preparing  the 
rhymes  of  sonnets,  leaving  them  to  be  filled  up  at  leisure. 
Having  been  robbed  of  his  papers,  he  was  regretting  the  loss 
of  three  hundred  sonnets.  His  friends  were  astonished  that 
he  had  written  so  many  of  which  they  had  never  heard.  "They 
were  blank  sonnets,"  said  he,  and  then  explained  the  mystery 
by  describing  his  "Bouts  Rime's."  The  idea  appeared  ridicu- 
lously amusing,  and  it  soon  became  a  fashionable  pastime  to 
collect  some  of  the  most  difficult  rhymes,  and  fill  up  the  lines. 
An  example  is  appended  : — 

nettle, 

pains. 

mettle. 

remains. 

natures. 

rebel. 

graters. 

well. 

The  rhymes  may  be  thus  completed  : — 

Tender-handed  stroke  a  nettle, 

And  it  stings  you  for  your  pains ; 
Grasp  it  like  a  man  of  mettle, 

And  it  soft  as  silk  remains. 
'Tis  the  same  with  common  natures, 

Use  them  kindly,  they  rebel; 
But  be  rough  as  nutmeg-graters, 

And  the  rogues  obey  you  well. 

A  sprightly  young  belle,  who  was  an  admirer  of  poetry,  would 
often  tease  her  beau,  who  had  made  some  acquaintance  with  the 
muses,  to  write  verses  for  her.  One  day,  becoming  quite  im- 
portunate, she  would  take  no  denial.  "  Come,  pray,  do  now 
write  some  poetry  for  me — won't  you  ?  I'll  help  you  out.  I'll 


BOUTS   RIM^S.  89 

furnish  you  with   rhymes  if  you  will  make  lines  for  them. 
Here  now : — 

please,  moan, 

tease,  bone." 

He  at  length  good-humoredly  complied,  and  filled  up  the 
measure  as  follows : — 

To  a  form  that  is  faultless,  a  face  that  must — please, 
Is  added  a  restless  desire  to — tease ; 
0,  how  my  hard  fate  I  should  ever  be — moan, 
Could  I  but  believe  she'd  be  bone  of  my — bone! 

Mr.  Bogart,  a  young  man  of  Albany,  who  died  in  1826,  at 
the  age  of  twenty-one,  displayed  astonishing  facility  in  im- 
promptu writing. 

It  was  good-naturedly  hinted  on  one  occasion  that  his  "  im- 
promptus" were  prepared  beforehand,  and  he  was  asked  if  he 
would  submit  to  the  application  of  a  test  of  his  poetic  abilities. 
He  promptly  acceded,  and  a  most  difficult  one  was  immediately 
proposed. 

Among  his  intimate  friends  were  Col.  J.  B.  Van  Schaick 
and  Charles  Fenno  Hoffman,  both  of  whom  were  present.  Said 
Van  Schaick,  taking  up  a  copy  of  Byron,  "The  name  of  Lydia 
Kane"  (a  lady  distinguished  for  her  beauty  and  cleverness, 
who  died  a  few  years  ago,  but  who  was  then  just  blushing  into 
womanhood)  "has  in  it  the  same  number  of  letters  as  a  stanza 
of  Childe  Harold  has  lines :  write  them  down  in  a  column." 
They  were  so  written  by  Bogart,  Hoffman,  and  himself. 
"Now,"  he  continued,  "I  will  open  the  poem  at  random;  and 
for  the  ends  of  the  lines  in  Miss  Lydia's  Acrostic  shall  be  used 
the  words  ending  those  of  the  verse  on  which  my  finger  may 
rest."  The  stanza  thus  selected  was  this  : — 

And  must  they  fall,  the  young,  the  proud,  the  brave, 

To  swell  one  bloated  chief's  unwholesome  reign  ? 

No  step  between  submission  and  a  grave  ? 

The  rise  of  rapine  and  the  fall  of  Spain  ? 

And  doth  the  Power  that  man  adores  ordain 

Their  doom,  nor  heed  the  suppliant's  appeal  ? 

Is  all  that  desperate  valor  acts  in  vain? 

And  counsel  sage,  and  patriotic  zeal, 

The  veteran's  skill,  youth's  fire,  and  manhood's  heart  of  steel? 


90  BOUTS   RIMES. 

The  following  stanza  was  composed  by  Bogart  within  the 
succeeding  ten  minutes, — the  period  fixed  in  a  wager, — finished 
before  his  companions  had  reached  a  fourth  line,  and  read  to 
them  as  here  presented  :* — 

L   ovely  and  loved,  o'er  the  unconquered  brave 

Y   our  charms  resistless,  matchless  girl,  shall  reign! 

D   ear  as  the  mother  holds  her  infant's  grave 

I    n  Love's  own  region,  warm,  romantic  Spain  ! 

A   nd  should  your  fate  to  court  your  steps  ordain, 

K  ings  would  in  vain  to  regal  pomp  appeal, 

A  nd  lordly  bishops  kneel  to  you  in  vain, 

N  or  valor's  fire,  law's  power,  nor  churchman's  zeal 

E  ndure 'gainst  love's  (time's  up !)  untarnished  steel. 

The  French  also  amuse  themselves  with  bouts  rimis  retournts, 
in  which  the  rhymes  are  taken  from  some  piece  of  poetry,  but 
the  order  in  which  they  occur  is  reversed.  The  following  ex- 
ample is  from  the  album  of  a  Parisian  lady  of  literary  celebrity, 
the  widow  of  one  of  the  Crimean  heroes.  The  original  poem  is 
by  Alfred  de  Musset,  the  retournis  by  Marshal  Pelissier,  who 
improvised  it  at  the  lady's  request.  In  the  translation  which 
ensues,  the  reversed  rhymes  are  carefully  preserved. 

BY   DE   MUSSET. 

Quand  la  fugitive  esperance 

Nous  pousse  le  coude  en  passant, 

Puis  a  tire  d'ailes  s'61ance 

Et  se  retourne  en  souriant, 

Oil  va  1'homme?  ou  son  coeur  1'appelle; 

L'hirondelle  suit  le  zSphir, 

Et  moins  16gere  est  1'hirondelle 

Quo  Thornine  qui  suit  son  dfisir. 

Ah  !  fugitive  enchanteresse, 

Sais-tu  seulement  ton  chernin? 

Faut-il  done  quo  le  vieux  destin 

Ait  une  si  jeune  maitresse ! 

BY    PELISSIEE,    DUC   DE   MA.LAKOFF. 

Pour  chanter  la  jeune  maitresse 
Que  Musset  donne  au  vieux  destin, 

*The  truth  of  this  circumstance  was  subsequently  confirmed  by  Mr. 
Hoffman  (whose  memory  is  still  vigorous)  in  the  course  of  a  conversation 
at  the  Pennsylvania  State  Lunatic  Hospital. 


BOUTS   RIMfiS.  91 

J'ai  trop  parcouru  de  chemin 
Sans  atteindre  1'enchanteresse ; 
Toujours  vers  cet  ancien  desir 
J'ai  tendu  comme  1'hirondelle, 
Mais  sans  le  secours  du  zlphir 
Qui  la  porte  ou  son  coeur  1'appelle. 
Adieu,  fant6me  souriant, 
Vers  qui  la  jeunesse  s'61ance, 
.          La  raison  me  crie  en  passant ; 
Le  souvenir  vaut  1'esperance. 

TRANSLATION. 

When  Hope,  a  fugitive,  retreating 
Elbows  us,  as  away  she  flies, 
Then  swift  returns,  another  greeting 
To  offer  us  with  laughing  eyes. 
Man  goeth  when  his  heart  is  speaking, 
The  swallows  through  the  zephyrs  dart, 
And  man,  who's  every  fancy  seeking, 
Hath  yet  a  more  inconstant  heart. 
Enchantress,  fugitive,  coquetting ! 
Know'st  thou  then  true,  alone,  thy  way  ? 
Hath  then  stern  Fate,  so  old  and  gray, 
So  young  a  mistress  never  fretting? 

REVERSED    RHYMES. 

To  sing  the  mistress,  never  fretting, 
Mussel  gives  Fate,  so  old  and  gray, 
Too  long  I've  travelled  on  my  way, 
And  ne'er  attained  her  dear  coquetting. 
To  find  that  longing  of  the  heart, 
I've  been,  like  yonder  swallow,  seeking, 
Yet  could  not  through  the  zephyrs  dart, 
Nor  reach  the  wish  the  heart  is  speaking. 
Adieu  then,  shade,  with  laughing  eyes, 
Towards  whom  youth  ever  sends  its  greeting; 
Better,  cries  Reason,  as  she  flies, 
Remembrance  now,  than  Hope  retreating. 

Among  the  eccentricities  of  literature  may  be  classed  Rhopalic  versa, 
which  begin  with  a  monosyllable  and  gradually  increase  the  length  of  each 
successive  word.  The  name  was  suggested  by  the  shape  of  Hercules'  club, 
p6na\ov.  Sometimes  they  run  from  the  butt  to  the  handle  of  the  club.  Take 
as  an  example  of  each, — 

Rem  tibi  confeci,  doctissime,  dulcisonoram. 
Vectigalibus  arinamenta  referre  jubet  Rex. 


92  EMBLEMATIC   POETRY. 


IBmfclemattc 

A  pair  of  scissors  and  a  comb  in  verse. — BEN  JOXSON. 

On  their  fair  standards  by  the  wind  displayed, 

Eggs,  altars,  wings,  pipes,  axes,  were  portrayed. — ScriUeriad. 

THE  quaint  conceit  of  making  verses  assume  t  grotesque 
shapes  and  devices,  expressive  of  the  theme  selected  by  the 
writer,  appears  to  have  been  most  fashionable  during  the  seven- 
teenth century.  Writers  tortured  their  brains  in  order  to  tor- 
ture their  verses  into  all  sorts  of  fantastic  forms,  from  a  flower- 
pot to  an  obelisk,  from  a  pin  to  a  pyramid.  Hearts  and  fans 
and  knots  were  chosen  for  love-songs ;  wineglasses,  bottles, 
and  casks  for  Bacchanalian  songs;  pulpits,  altars,  and  monu- 
ments for  religious  verses  and  epitaphs.  Tom  Nash,  according 
to  Disraeli,  says  of  Gabriel  Harvey,  that  "he  had  writ  verses 
in  all  kinds  :  in  form  of  a  pair  of  gloves,  a  pair  of  spectacles, 
a  pair  of  pot-hooks,  &c."  Puttenham,  in  his  Art  of  Poesie, 
gives  several  odd  specimens  of  poems  in  the  form  of  lozenges, 
pillars,  triangles,  &c.  Butler  says  of  Beulowes,  "  the  excel- 
lently learned,"  who  was  much  renowned  for  his  literary 
freaks,  "  As  for  temples  and  pyramids  in  poetry,  he  has  out- 
done all  men  that  way;  for  he  has  made  a  grid-iron  and  a 
frying-pan  in  verse,  that,  besides  the  likeness  in  shape,  the 
very  tone  and  sound  of  the  words  did  perfectly  represent  the 
noise  made  by  these  utensils !  When  he  was  a  captain,  he 
made  all  the  furniture  of  his  horse,  from  the  bit  to  the  crupper, 
the  beaten  poetry,  every  verse  being  fitted  to  the  proportion  of 
the  thing,  with  a  moral  allusion  to  the  sense  of  the  thing :  as 
the  bridle  of  moderation,  the  saddle  of  content,  and  the  crup- 
per of  constancy;  so  that  the  same  thing  was  the  epigram 
and  emblem,  even  as  a  mule  is  both  horse  and  ass."  Mr.  Alger 
tells  us  that  the  Oriental  poets  are  fond  of  arranging  their  poems 
in  the  form  of  drums,  swords,  circles,  crescents,  trees,  &c.,  and 
that  the  Alexandrian  rhetoricians  used  to  amuse  themselves  by 
writing  their  satires  and  invectives  in  the  shape  of  an  axe  or  a 


EMBLEMATIC  POETRY.  93 

spear.  He  gives  the  following  erotic  triplet,  composed  by  a 
Hindu  poet,  the  first  line  representing  a  bow,  the  second  its 
string,  the  third  an  arrow  aimed  at  the  heart  of  the  object  of 
his  passion : — 


I 


I  v 

Those  charms  to  win,  with  all  my  empire  I  would  gladly  part. 


THE   WINE   GLASS. 

Who  hath  woe?     Who  hath    sorrow? 

Who     hath     contentions  ?        Who 

hath      wounds    without     cause? 

Who   hath    redness    of    eyes? 

They  that  tarry  long  at  the 

wine!     They    that    go    to 

seek  mixed  wine.    Look 

not    thou    upon     the 

wine  when  it  is  red, 


hen  it  giv 
color    in 


the 

CUP; 

when    it 

moveth  itself 

aright. 

At 

the    last 

it  biteth  like  a 

serpent,  and  stingeth  like  an  adder. 


94  EMBLEMATIC   POETRY. 

The  following  specimen  of  this  affectation  was  written  'by 
George  Wither,  who  lived  from  1588  to  1677.  It  is  called  by 
Mr.  Ellis  a 

EHOMBOIDAL   DIRGE. 

Farewell, 

Sweet  groves,  to  you ! 

You  hills  that  highest  dwell, 

And  all  you  humble  vales,  adieu ! 

You  wanton  hrooks  and  solitary  rocks, 

My  dear  companions  all,  and  you  my  tender  flocks! 

Farewell,  my  pipe !  and  all  those  pleasing  songs  whose  moving  strains 

Delighted   once   the   fairest   nymphs   that  dance    upon    the    plains. 

You  discontents,  whose  deep  and  over-deadly  smart 

Have  without  pity  broke  the  truest  heart, 

Sighs,  tears,  and  every  sad  annoy, 

That  erst  did  with  me  dwell, 

And      others     joy, 

Farewell! 

The  Christian  monks  of  the  Middle  Ages,  who  amused  them- 
selves similarly,  preferred  for  their  hymns  the  form  of 

THE    CROSS. 

Blest   they  who   seek, 

While  in  their  youth, 

With      spirit      meek, 

The    way     of     truth. 

To  them  the  Sacred  Scriptures  now  display, 
Christ  as  the  only  true  and  living  way: 
His  precious  blood  on  Calvary  was  given 
To  make  them  heirs  of  endless  bliss  in  heaven. 
And  e'en  on  earth  the  child  of  God  can  trace 
The  glorious  blessings  of  his  Saviour's  face. 

For    them    He    bore 

His     Father's     frown, 

For    them    He     wore 

The     thorny    crown ; 

Nailed    to    the    cross, 

Endured      its      pain, 

That    his     life's    loss 

Might   be   their  gain. 

Then  haste   to  choose 

That     better     part — 

Nor        dare        refuse 

The  Lord  your  heart, 

Lest     He     declare,— 

"  I    know    you    not ;" 

And      deep       despair 

Shall     be    your    lot. 

Now      look      to      Jesus      who      on      Calvary      died, 
And    trust    on    Him    alone  who   there   was    crucified. 


EMBLEMATIC   POETRY. 


95 


CURIOUS    PIECE   OP   ANTIQUITY,    ON   THE    CRUCIFIXION 
OUR   SAVIOUR   AND   THE   TWO   THIEVES. 


OP 


I  come 

•-»  »»•»»•  ?•••?•?•?• 
" 
to  Thee; 

< 
< 

/^^"^^"^•^"^"^  ^-•^^^T-^' 
1  bow  down  thy  blessed  ears 

To  hea 

r  me  wretch,  oh, 

< 

'  let  thine  eyes,  which  sleep 

Did  ne 

fer  close. 

4 

'  behold   a  sinner  weep. 

Let  no 

t,  OGod!                               I 

[  my  God  !  my  faults,  though  great 

And  n 

imberless,  b*>t                        <. 

w    ( 

',  een  thy  mercy-seat 

And  11 

y  poor  soul  be  t 

h    < 

,  rown,  since  we  are  taught, 

n     * 

O 

t? 

>Wt    ¥<t<t*t*» 

»               f    I 
<§*t>t>i4    ••••« 

Thou,     f 

4* 

Lord  !  remember  ^  est  th    ' 

>A»-£>4»                  <fc   AvAxAxA 

|    y    ^  ne,         ;*     If  thou   beest    T  sought 

I   CO 

Than 
Be  th 
My  crown 

»                       • 

f>me« 

l~i 

his  f'thl 

not,  Lord,  wit 
*  at  I  by  my  S    < 
»  his  wound 
orns.  my  dea    1 

>          Zany  o                 f>the< 
>        i'Ttonr              f-Ch' 
>>          4-  my  halm,  his  stTri   < 

r  merit 
rist  inherit: 
pes  my  bliss, 

in    his. 

And  th 

OH    ' 

my  bles            1'         ^Redeemer,         ^ 

>a 

i  viour  God! 

Quit  my  a 

e-     < 

!  CO  d 

unts,  with        Z          Zold   thy             < 

,  engeful  rod; 

0  beg  for 

.  me  « 

my   h                 <*.          4>  pea   on  the       ^ 

.  are  set, 

Thou  Chri 

'   St    « 

forgi                  4          4  e,  as  well  as  pay  < 

e  debt. 

The  liv 
And  but 

;  to  " 

g  fount,  the  li  « 
thee 

•f  e,  the  wa 
f  whither 

I  know; 
'hould  I  go? 

All  o 

I  h   ' 

er  helps  a 

Te   vain,   giv      , 

'  thine  to  me; 

For  by  th 

'  y  f 

,  cross    my 

Taving  hea         , 

,  th  must   be. 

Oh   hear 

',  k  ( 

,  en   then,   wh 

Zt  I   with          < 

,aith  implore, 

Lest  s 

>  in  < 

>  and  death  sin 

,          4>  me  forev           < 

.  r  more. 

Oh   Lord! 
In 

my  < 

»  a  t 

»  d   < 

>  od  !  my  way      < 
•eath   defe          < 

)    e    f.8  direct            < 
•    n    4d.thatfromtheel< 

^ 

•  nd   keep, 
'e'er    slip; 

And  at  the 

do  ; 

h  uiii  ' 

Met 

f    m  "f  e  be  raise 

'  d  • 

;  then, 

To  liY 

*•* 

>ith  the          2    e-    ^  Sweet  Jes        ; 

4<t4'tK*>                 .  ' 

*•*• 

;  say,  Amen! 

EXPLANATION. 

The  middle  cross  represents  our  Saviour ;  those  on  either  side,  the  two 
thieves.  On  the  top  and  down  the  middle  cross  are  our  Saviour's  expression, 
"My  God!  My  God!  why  hast  thou  forsaken  me?"  and  on  the  top  of  the 
cross  is  the  Latin  inscription,  "  INRI" — Jesus  Nazarenus  Rex  Judaeorum, 
i.e.  Jesus  of  Nazareth,  King  of  the  Jews.  Upon  the  cross  on  the  right  hand 
•s  the  prayer  of  one  of  the  thieves : — "  Lord !  remember  me  when  thou  comest 
Into  thy  kingdom."  On  the  left-hand  cross  is  the  saying,  or  reproach,  of  the 
other :— "  If  thou  beest  the  Christ,  save  thyself  and  us."  The  whole,  comprised 
together,  makes  a  piece  of  excellent  poetry,  which  is  to  be  read  across  all  the 
columns,  and  makes  as  many  lines  as  there  are  letters  in  the  alphabet.  It  is 
perhaps  one  of  the  most  curious  pieces  of  composition  to  be  found  on  record. 


96  EMBLEMATIC  COMPOSITION. 

INGENIOUS   CYPHER 

The  following  was  written  by  Prof.  Whewell  at  the  request 

of  a  young  lady  : — 

U  0  a  0  but  I  0  U, 

0  0  no  0  but  0  0  me; 

0  let  not  my  0  a  0  go, 

But  give  0  0  I  0  U  so. 

Thus  de-cyphered  : 

(You  sigh  for  a  cypJier,  but  I  sigh  for  you ; 
0  sigh  for  no  cypher,  but  0  sigh  for  me: 
0  let  not  my  sigh  for  a  cypher  go, 
But  give  sigh  for  sigh,  for  I  sigh  for  you  so.) 

TYPOGRAPHICAL. 

We  once  saw  a  young  man  gazing  at  the  *ry  heavens,  with  a 
t  in  1  J8@"  and  a  /— *— N  of  pistols  in  the  other.  We  endeavored 
to  attract  his  attention  by  .ing  to  a  ^[  in  a  paper  we  held  in  our 
JKP",  relating  2  a  young  man  in  that  §  of  the  country,  who  had 
left  home  in  a  state  of  mental  derangement.  He  dropped  the 
•j"  and  pistols  from  his  B^*""^S  with  the  ! 

"It  is  I  of  whom  U  read.  I  left  home  be4  my  friends  knew 
of  my  design.  I  had  sO  the  B@"  of  a  girl  who  refused  2  lislO 

2  me,  but  smiled  b9nly  on  another.  I ed  madly  from  the 

house,  uttering  a  wild  '  2  the  god  of  love,  and  without  replying 
2  the  ???  of  my  friends,  came  here  with  this  f  &  ,-*-.  of  pis- 
tols, 2  put  a  .  2  my  existence.  My  case  has  no  ||  in  this  §." 

OXFORD   JOKE. 

A  gentleman  entered  the  room  of  Dr.  Barton,  Warden  of 
Merton  College,  and  told  him  that  Dr.  Vowel  was  dead. 
"What!"  said  he,  "Dr.  Vowel  dead!  well,  thank  heaven  it 
was  neither  U  nor  I." 

In  an  old  church  in  Westchester  county,  N.  Y.,  the  following 
consonants  are  written  beside  the  altar,  under  the  Ten  Com- 
mandments. What  vowel  is  to  be  placed  between  them,  to 
make  sense  and  rhyme  of  the  couplet? 

P.  R.  S.  V.  R.  Y.  P.  R.  F.  C.  T.  M.  N. 
V.  R.  K.  P.  T.  H.  S.  P.  R.  C.  P.  T.  S.  T.  N. 


EMBLEMATIC   POETBY.  97 

ESSAY   TO    MISS   CATHARINE   JAY. 
An  S  A  now  I  mean  2  write 

2  U  sweet  K  T  J, 
The  girl  without  a  ||, 

The  belle  of  U  T  K. 

I  1  der  if  U  got  that  1 

I  wrote  2  U  B  4 
I  sailed  in  the  R  K  D  A, 

And  sent  by  L  N  Moore. 

My  M  T  head  will  scarce  contain 

A  calm  IDA  bright 
But  A  T  miles  from  U  I  must 

M-*-  this  chance  2  write. 

And  1st,  should  N  E  N  V  U, 

B  E  Z,  mind  it  not, 
Should  N  E  friendship  show,  B  true; 

They  should  not  B  forgot 

From  virt  U  nev  R  D  V  8  ; 

Her  influence  B  9 
A  like  induces  10  dern  S, 

Or  40  tude  D  vine. 

And  if  U  cannot  cut  a 

Or  cut  an  ! 
I  hope  U'll  put  a  . 

21?. 

R  U  for  an  X  ation  2, 

My  cous  N  ? — heart  and  @&~ 
He  off  R's  in  a  f 

A  §  2  of  land. 

He  says  he  loves  U  2  X  S, 

U  R  virtuous  and  Y's, 
InXLNCUXL 

All  others  in  his  i's. 

This  S  A,  until  U  I  C, 

I  pray  U  2  X  Q's, 
And  do  not  burn  in  F  E  G 

My  young  and  wayward  muse. 

Now  fare  U  well,  dear  K  T  J, 

I  trust  that  U  R  true — 
When  this  U  C,  then  you  can  say, 

An  S  A  I  0  U. 


98  MONOSYLLABLES. 


"  And  ten  low  words  oft  creep  in  one  dull  line." 

SOME  of  our  best  writers  have  very  properly  taken  exception 
to  the  above  line  in  Pope's  Essay  on  Criticism,  and  have  shown, 
by  reference  to  abundant  examples,  that  many  of  the  finest  pass- 
ages in  our  language  are  nearly,  if  not  altogether,  monosyllabic. 
Indeed,  it  could  not  well  be  otherwise,  if  it  be  true  that,  as 
Dean  Swift  has  remarked,  the  English  language  is  "  over- 
stocked with  monosyllables."  It  contains  more  than  five 
hundred  formed  by  the  vowel  a  alone;  four  hundred  and  fifty 
by  the  vowel  e  ;  nearly  four  hundred  by  the  vowel  i  ;  more 
than  four  hundred  by  the  vowel  o;  and  two  hundred  and  sixty 
by  the  vowel  u;  besides  a  large  number  formed  by  diphthongs. 
Floy  has  written  a  lengthy  and  very  ingenious  article,  entirely 
in  monosyllables,  in  which  he  undertakes,  as  he  says,  to  "prove 
that  short  words,  in  spite  of  the  sneer  in  the  text,  need  not 
creep,  nor  be  dull,  but  that  they  give  strength,  and  life,  and 
fire  to  the  verse  of  those  who  know  how  to  use  them." 

Pope  himself,  however,  has  confuted  his  own  words  by  his 
admirable  writings  more  effectively  than  could  be  done  by 
labored  argument.  Many  of  the  best  lines  in  the  Essay  above 
referred  to,  as  well  as  in  the  Essay  on  Man,  —  and  there  are  few 
"dull"  or  "creeping"  verses  to  be  found  in  either,  —  are  made 
up  entirely  of  monosyllables,  or  contain  but  one  word  of  greater 
length,  or  a  contracted  word  pronounced  as  one  syllable.  The 
Universal  Prayer  —  one  of  the  most  beautiful  and  elaborate 
pieces,  both  in  sentiment  and  versification,  ever  produced  in 
any  language  —  contains  three  hundred  and  four  words,  of  which 
there  are  two  hundred  and  forty-nine  monosyllables  to  fifty-five 
polysyllables,  thus  averaging  but  one  of  the  latter  to  every  line. 
A  single  stanza  is  appended  as  a  specimen  :  — 

If  I  am  right,  thy  grace  impart 

Still  in  the  right  to  stay; 
If  I  am  wrong,  oh,  teach  my  heart 
To  find  that  better  way  ! 


MONOSYLLABLES.  99 

Rogers,  conversing  on  this  subject,  cited  two  lines  from 
Eloi&a  to  Abelard,  which  he  declared  could  not  possibly  be 
improved : — 

Pant  on  thy  lip,  and  to  thy  heart  be  pressM ; 
Give  all  thou  canst — and  let  me  dream  the  rest. 

Among  the  illustrations  employed  by  Floy,  are  numerous 
selections  from  the  hymnology  in  common  congregational  use, 
such  as  the  following : — 

Sweet  is  the  work,  my  God,  my  King, 

To  praise  thy  name,  give  thanks,  and  sing  j 

To  show  thy  love  by  morning  light, 

And  talk  of  all  thy  truth  at  night— WATTS. 

Are  there  no  foes  for  me  to  face  ? 

Must  I  not  stem  the  flood  ? 
Is  this  vile  world  &  friend  to  grace 

To  help  me  on  to  God  ? — WATTS. 
Save  me  from  death ;  from  hell  set  free ; 
Death,  hell,  are  but  the  want  of  thee : 
My  life,  my  only  heav'n  thou  art, — 
0  might  I  feel  thee  in  my  heart ! — C.  WESLEY. 

The  same  writer,  to  show  Shakspeare's  fondness  for  small 
words,  and  their  frequent  subservience  to  some  of  his  most 
masterly  efforts,  enters  upon  a  monosyllabic  analysis  of  King 
Lear,  quoting  from  it  freely  throughout.  Those  who  read  the 
play  with  reference  to  this  point  will  be  struck  with  the  re- 
markable number  of  forcible  passages  made  up  of  words  of  one 
syllable  :— 

Thou  know'st  the  first  time  that  we  smell  the  air, 

We  wawl  and  cry :  I  will  preach  to  thee ;  mark  me. 

When  we  are  born,  we  cry  that  we  are  come 

To  this  great  stage  of  fools. — This  a  good  block? — Act  IV.  So.  6. 

The  following  occurs  in  the  play  of  King  John,  where  the 
King  is  pausing  in  his  wish  to  incite  Hubert  to  murder 
Arthur : — 

Good  friend,  thou  hast  no  cause  to  say  so  yet ; 

But  thou  shalt  have ;  and  creep  time  ne'er  so  slow, 

Yet  it  shall  come,  for  me  to  do  thee  good. 

I  had  a  thing  to  say. — But  let  it  go. — Act  III.  Sc.  3. 


100  MONOSYLLABLES. 

But  who  I  was,  or  where,  or  from  what  cause, 
Knew  not;  to  speak  I  tried,  and  forthwith  spake 

Thou  sun,  said  I,  fair  light, 

And  thou  enlightened  earth,  so  fresh  and  gay, 

Ye  hills,  and  dales,  ye  rivers,  woods,  and  plains, 

And  ye  that  live  and  move,  fair  creatures,  tell, 

Tell,  if  ye  saw  how  I  came  thus,  how  here  ? — 

Tell  me,  how  may  I  know  Him,  how  adore, 

From  whom  I  have  that  thus  I  move  and  live  ? — Paradise  Lost,  B>  VIII. 

Herrick  says,  in  his  address  to  the  daffodils : — 

We  have  short  time  to  stay  as  you, 

We  have  as  short  a  spring; 
As  quick  a  growth  to  meet  decay 

As  you  or  any  thing. 

We  die 
As  your  hours  do,  and  dry 

Like  to  the  rain, 

Or  as  the  pearls  of  dew. 

Now  I  am  here,  what  thou  wilt  do  for  me, 

None  of  my  books  will  show ; 
I  read,  and  sigh,  and  wish:!  were  a  tree, 

For  sure  I  then  should  grow 
To  fruit  or  shade :  at  least  some  bird  might  trust 
Her  household  to  me,  and  I  should  be  just—  GEORGE  HERBERT 

Thou  who  hast  given  me  eyes  to  see 

And  love  this  sight  so  fair, 
Give  me  a  heart  to  find  out  Thee, 

And  read  Thee  everywhere. — KEBLE. 

The  bell  strikes  one.     We  take  no  note  of  time 
Save  by  its  loss ;  to  give  it  then  a  tongue 
Were  wise  in  man. — YOUNG. 

Ah,  yes !  the  hour  is  come 
When  thou  must  haste  thee  home, 

Pure  soul !  to  Him  who  calls. 
The  God  who  gave  thee  breath 
Walks  by  the  side  of  death, 

And  naught  that  step  appalls. — LANDOR. 

New  light  new  love,  new  love  new  life  hath  bred ; 

A  life  that  lives  by  love,  and  loves  by  light; 
A  love  to  Him  to  whom  all  loves  are  wed ; 

A  light  to  whom  the  sun  is  darkest  night: 


MONOSYLLABLES.  101 

Eye's  light,  heart's  love,  soul's  only  life,  He  (3  ; 

Life,  soul,  love,  heart,  light,  eyes,  and  all  are  His  ; 

He  eye,  light,  heart,  love,  soul ;  He  all  my  joy  and  bliss. — 

FLETCHER'S  Purple  Island. 

Bailey's  Festus,  that  extraordinary  poem  the  perusal  of  which 
makes  the  reader  feel  as  if  he  had4  "  eaten  of  the  insane  root 
that  takes  the  reason  prisoner/'  abounds  with  examples  : — 

Night  brings  out  stars  as  sorrow  shows  us  truths : 

Though  many,  yet  they  help  not ;  bright,  they  light  not. 

They  are  too  late  to  serve  us ;  and  sad  things 

Are  aye  too  true.     We  never  see  the  stars 

Till  we  can  see  naught  but  them.     So  with  truth. 

And  yet  if  one  would  look  down  a  deep  well, 

Even  at  noon,  we  might  see  those  same  stars 

Life's  more  than  breath,  and  the  quick  round  of  blood — 
We  live  in  deeds,  not  years ;  in  thoughts,  not  breaths—- 
We should  count  time  by  heart-throbs.     He  most  lives 
Who  thinks  most — feels  the  noblest — acts  the  best 
Life's  but  a  means  unto  an  end — 

HELEN  (sings.)  Oh!  love  is  like  the  rose, 

And  a  month  it  may  not  see, 
Ere  it  withers  where  it  grows — 
Rosalie ! 

I  loved  thee  from  afar  ; 

Oh !  my  heart  was  lift  to  thee 

Like  a  glass  up  to  a  star — 


Thine  eye  was  glassed  in  mine 
As  the  moon  is  in  the  sea, 
And  its  shine  is  on  the  brine — 
Eosalie! 

The  rose  hath  lost  its  red, 
And  the  star  is  in  the  sea, 
And  the  briny  tear  is  shed- 
Rosalie  ! 

FESTUS.      What  the  stars  are  to  the  night,  my  love, 
What  its  pearls  are  to  the  sea, 
What  the  dew  is  to  the  day,  my  love, 
Thy  beauty  is  to  me. 

We  may  say  that  the  sun  is  dead,  and  gone 
Forever;  and  may  swear  he  will  rise  no  more  ; 


102  MONOSYLLABLES. 

The  skies  may  put  on  mourning  for  their  God, 
And  earth  heap  ashes  on  her  head ;  but  who 
Shall  keep  the  sun  back  when  he  thinks  to  rise  ? 
Where  is  the  chain  shall  bind  him  ?    Where  the  cell 
Shall  hold  him  ?    Hell  he  would  burn  down  to  embers, 
And  would  lift  up  the  world  with  a  lever  of  light 
Out  of  his  way :  yet,  know  ye,  'twere  thrice  less 
To  do  thrice  this,  than  keep  the  soul  from  God. 

Many  of  the  most  expressive  sentences  in  the  Bible  are  mono- 
syllabic. A  few  are  subjoined,  selected  at  random  : — 

And  God  said,  Let  there  be  light:  and  there  was  light.  And  God  saw  the 
light,  that  it  was  good. — Gen.  I. 

At  her  feet  he  bowed,  he  fell,  he  lay  down :  at  her  feet  he  bowed,  he  fell : 
where  he  bowed,  there  he  fell  down  dead. — Judges  V. 

0  Lord  my  God,  I  cried  unto  thee,  and  thou  hast  healed  me.  0  Lord,  thou 
hast  brought  up  my  soul  from  the  grave :  thou  hast  kept  me  alive,  that  I 
should  not  go  down  to  the  pit.  Sing  unto  the  Lord,  0  ye  saints  of  his,  and 
give  thanks.— Psalm  XXX. 

And  he  said  unto  me,  Son  of  man,  can  these  bones  live  ? — Ezek.  XXXVII. 

Prove  all  things ;  hold  fast  that  which  is  good. — 1  These.  V. 

For  if  we  be  dead  with  him,  we  shall  also  live  with  him. — 2  Tim.  II. 

For  the  great  day  of  his  wrath  is  come ;  and  who  shall  be  able  to  stand  ? 
— Rev.  VI. 

And  the  gates  of  it  shall  not  be  shut  at  all  by  day ;  for  there  shall  be  no 
night  there.— Rev.  XXI. 

THE   POWER   OP   SHORT  WORDS. 

Think  not  that  strength  lies  in  the  big  round  word, 

Or  that  the  brief  and  plain  must  needs  be  weak. 
To  whom  can  this  be  true  who  once  has  heard 

The  cry  for  help,  the  tongue  that  all  men  speak, 
When  want  or  woe  or  fear  is  in  the  throat, 

So  that  each  word  gasped  out  is  like  a  shriek 
Pressed  from  the  sore  heart,  or  a  strange  wild  note, 

Sung  by  some  fay  or  fiend  ?     There  is  a  strength 
Which  dies  if  stretched  too  far  or  spun  too  fine, 

Which  has  more  height  than  breadth,  more  depth  than  length. 
Let  but  this  force  of  thought  and  speech  be  mine, 

And  he  that  will  may  take  the  sleek  fat  phrase 
Which  glows  and  burns  not,  though  it  gleam  and  shine — 

Light,  but  no  heat — a  flash,  but  not  a  blaze ! 


THE    BIBLE.  103 

Nor  is  it  mere  strength  that  the  short  word  boast* : 

It  serves  of  more  than  fight  or  storm  to  tell, 
The  roar  of  waves  that  clash  on  rock-bound  coasts, 

The  crash  of  tall  trees  when  the  wild  winds  swell, 
The  roar  of  guns,  the  groans  of  men  that  die 

On  blood-stained  fields.     It  has  a  voice  as  well 
For  them  that  far  off  on  their  sick-beds  lie  j 

For  them  that  weep,  for  them  that  mourn'  the  dead ; 
For  them  that  laugh  and  dance  and  clap  the  hand ; 

To  joy's  quick  step,  as  well  as  grief's  slow  tread, 
The  sweet,  plain  words  we  learnt  at  first  keep  time, 

And  though  the  theme  be  sad,  or  gay,  or  grand, 
With  each,  with  all,  these  may  be  made  to  chime, 

In  thought,  or  speech,  or  song,  in  prose  or  rhyme. 

DR.  ALEXANDER,  Princeton  Magazit)*.  ' 


God's  cabinet  of  revealed  counsel  'tis, 
Where  weal  and  woe  are  ordered  so 
That  every  man  may  know  which  shall  be  his ; 
Unless  his  own  mistake  false  application  make. 

It  is  the  index  to  eternity. 

He  cannot  miss  of  endless  bliss, 

That  takes  this  chart  to  steer  by, 

Nor  can  he  be  mistook,  that  speaketh  by  this  book. 

It  is  the  book  of  God.     What  if  I  should 

Say,  God  of  books,  let  him  that  looks 

Angry  at  that  expression,  as  too  bold, 

His  thoughts  in  silence  smother,  till  he  find  such  another. 

ACCURACY   OP  THE   BIBLE. 

ONE  of  the  most  remarkable  results  of  modern  research  is 
the  confirmation  of  the  accuracy  of  the  historical  books  of  the 
Old  Testament.  The  ruins  of  Babylon  and  Nineveh  shed  a 
light  on  those  books  which  no  skepticism  can  invalidate.  What 
surprises  us  most  is  their  marvellous  accuracy  in  minute  details, 
which  are  now  substantiated  by  recent  discoveries.  The  fact 
seems  to  be  that  when  writing  was  laboriously  performed  on 


104  THE   BIBLE 

stone,  men  had  an  almost  superstitious  conscientiousness  in 
making  their  records  true,  and  had  not  learned  the  modern  in- 
difference to  truth  which  our  facile  modes  of  communicating 
thought  have  encouraged.  A  statement  to  be  chiselled  on  rock 
must  be  correct;  a  statement  which  can  be  written  in  five 
minutes  is  likely  to  embody  only  first  impressions,  which  may 
be  amended  in  five  minutes  thereafter.  Hence  it  comes  to  pass 
that  we  know  more  exactly  many  things  which  took  place  in 
the  wars  between  Sennacherib  and  Hezekiah,  than  we  know 
what  is  the  precise  truth  with  regard  to  some  of  the  occur- 
rences in  the  battle  of  Bunker's  Hill.  Sir  Henry  Kawlinson, 
speaking  of  his  researches  in  Babylon,  states  that  the  name 
and  situation  of  every  town  of  note  in  ancient  Assyria,  men- 
tioned in  the  Bible,"  can  be  substantiated  by  the  ruins  of  that 
city.  The  visit  of  the  Queen  of  Sheba  to  Solomon  is  perfectly 
verified.  The  prosecution  of  the  researches  will  be  regarded 
with  great  interest  as  corroborating  the  truth  of  Scripture. 

An  astonishing  feature  of  the  word  of  God  is,  notwithstand- 
ing the  time  at  which  its  compositions  were  written,  and  the 
multitude  of  the  topics  to  which  it  alludes,  there  is  not  one 
physical  error, — not  one  assertion  or  allusion  disproved  by  the 
progress  of  modern  science.  None  of  those  mistakes  which 
the  science  of  each  succeeding  age  discovered  in  the  books  pre- 
ceding ;  above  all,  none  of  those  absurdities  which  modern 
astronomy  indicates  in  such  great  numbers  in  the  writings  of 
the  ancients, — in  their  sacred  codes,  in  their  philosophy,  and 
even  in  the  finest  pages  of  the  fathers  of  the  Church, — not  one  of 
these  errors  is  to  be  found  in  any  of  our  sacred  books.  Nothing 
there  will  ever  contradict  that  which,  after  so  many  ages,  the 
investigations  of  the  learned  world  have  been  able  to  reveal  to 
us  on  the  state  of  our  globe,  or  on  that  of  the  heavens.  Peruse 
with  care  the  Scriptures  from  one  end  to  the  other,  to  find  such 
blemishes,  and,  whilst  you  apply  yourselves  to  this  examina- 
tion, remember  that  it  is  a  book  which  speaks  of  every  thing, 
which  describes  nature,  which  recites  its  creation,  which  tells 
us  of  the  water,  of  the  atmosphere,  of  the  mountains,  of  the 


THE    BIBLE.  105 

animals,  and  of  the  plants.  It  is  a  book  which  teaches  us  the 
first  revolutions  of  the  world,  and  which  also  foretells  its  last. 
It  recounts  them  in  the  circumstantial  language  of  history,  it 
extols  them  in  the  sublimest  strains  of  poetry,  and  it  chants 
them  in  the  charms  of  glowing  song.  It  is  a  book  which  is  full 
of  Oriental  rapture,  elevation,  variety,  and  boldness.  It  is  a 
book  which  speaks  of  the  heavenly  and  invisible  world,  whilst 
it  also  speaks  of  the  earth  and  things  visible.  It  is  a  book 
which  nearly  fifty  writers,  of  every  degree  of  cultivation,  of 
every  state,  of  every  condition,  and  living  through  the  course 
of  fifteen  hundred  years,  have  concurred  to  make.  It  is  a  book 
which  was  written  in  the  centre  of  Asia,  in  the  sands  of  Arabia, 
in  the  deserts  of  Judea,  in  the  court  of  the  Temple  of  the  Jews, 
in  the  music-schools  of  the  prophets  of  Bethel  and  Jericho,  in 
the  sumptuous  palaces  of  Babylon,  and  on  the  idolatrous  banks 
of  Chebar;  and  finally,  in  the  centre  of  Western  civilization,  in 
the  inidst  of  the  Jews  and  of  their  ignorance,  in  the  midst  of 
polytheism  and  its  sad  philosophy.  It  is  a  book  whose  first 
writer  had  been  forty  years  a  pupil  of  the  magicians  of  Egypt, 
in  whose  opinion  the  sun,  the  stars,  and  elements  were  en- 
dowed with  intelligence,  reacted  on  the  elements,  and  governed 
the  world  by  a  perpetual  illuvium.  It  is  a  book  whose  first 
writer  preceded,  by  more  than  nine  hundred  years,  the  most 
ancient  philosophers  of  ancient  Greece  and  Asia, — the  Thaleses, 
and  the  Pythagorases,  the  Zaleucuses,  the  Xenophons,  and  the 
Confuciuses.  It  is  a  book  which  carries  its  narrations  even  to 
the  hierarchies  of  angels — even  to  the  most  distant  epochs  of 
the  future,  and  the  glorious  scenes  of  the  last  day.  Well : 
search  among  its  fifty  authors,  search  among  its  sixty-six 
books,  its  eleven  hundred  and  eighty-nine  chapters,  and  its 
thirty-one  thousand  one  hundred  and  seventy-three  verses; 
search  for  only  one  of  those  thousand  errors  which  the  ancients 
and  moderns  have  committed  in  speaking  of  the  heavens 
or  of  the  earth — of  their  revolutions,  of  their  elements ;  search 
— but  you  will  find  none. 


106  THE    BIBLE. 

THE    TESTIMONY    OF   LEARNED    MEN. 

SIR  WILLIAM  JONES'  opinion  of  the  Bible  was  written  on 
the  last  leaf  of  one  belonging  to  him,  in  these  terms  : — "  I  have 
regularly  and  attentively  read  these  Holy  Scriptures,  and  am 
of  opinion  that  this  volume,  independently  of  its  Divine  ori- 
gin, contains  more  sublimity  and  beauty,  more  pure  morality, 
more  important  history  and  finer  strains  of  poetry  and  elo- 
quence, than  can  be  collected  from  all  other  books,  in  whatever 
age  or  language  they  may  have  been  composed." 

ROUSSEAU  says,  "This  Divine  Book,  the  only  one  which  is 
indispensable  to  the  Christian,  need  only  be  read  with  reflec- 
tion to  inspire  love  for  its  author,  and  the  most  ardent  desire 
to  obey  its  precepts.  Never  did  virtue  speak  so  sweet  a  lan- 
guage ;  never  was  the  most  profound  wisdom  expressed  with  so 
much  energy  and  simplicity.  No  one  can  arise  from  its  perusal 
without  feeling  himself  better  than  he  was  before." 

WILBERFORCE,  in  his  dying  hour,  said  to  a  friend,  "Read 
the  Bible.  Let  no  religious  book  take  its  place.  Through  all 
my  perplexities  and  distresses,  I  never  read  any  other  book, 
and  I  never  knew  the  want  of  any  other.  It  has  been  my 
hourly  study;  and  all  my  knowledge  of  the  doctrines,  and  all 
my  acquaintance  with  the  experience  and  realities,  of  religion, 
have  been  derived  from  the  Bible  only.  I  think  religious  peo- 
ple do  not  read  the  Bible  enough.  Books  about  religion  may 
be  useful  enough,  but  they  will  not  do  instead  of  the  simple 
truth  of  the  Bible." 

LORD  BOLINGBROKE  declared  that  "the  Gospel  is,  in  ail 
cases,  one  continued  lesson  of  the  strictest  morality,  of  justice, 
of  benevolence,  and  of  universal  charity." 

Similar  testimony  has  been  accorded  in  the  strongest  terms 
by  LOCKE,  NEWTON,  BOYLE,  SELDEN,  SALMASIUS,  SIR  WAL- 
TER SCOTT,  and  numberless  others. 

DANIEL  WEBSTER,  having  been  commended  for  his  eloquence 
on  a  memorable  occasion,  replied,  "  If  any  thing  I  have  ever 
said  or  written  deserves  the  feeblest  encomiums  of  my  fellow- 


THE    BIBLE.  107 

countrymen,  I  have  no  hesitation  in  declaring  that  for  their 
partiality  I  am  indebted,  solely  indebted,  to  the  daily  and  at- 
tentive perusal  of  the  Holy  Scriptures,  the  source  of  all  true 
poetry  and  eloquence,  as  well  as  of  all  good  and  all  comfort." 

JOHN  QUINCY  ADAMS,  in  a  letter  to  his  son  in  1811,  says, 
"I  have  for  many  years  made  it  a  practice  to  read  through  the 
Bible  once  every  year.  My  custom  is  to  read  four  or  five  chap- 
ters every  morning,  immediately  after  rising  from  my  bed.  It 
employs  about  an  hour  of  my  time,  and  seems  to  me  the  most 
suitable  manner  of  beginning  the  day.  In  whatsoever  light 
we  regard  the  Bible,  whether  with  reference  to  revelation,  to 
history,  or  to  morality,  it  is  an  invaluable  and  inexhaustible 
mine  of  knowledge  and  virtue." 

ADDISON  says,  in  relation  to  the  poetry  of  the  Bible, 
"After  perusing  the  Book  of  Psalms,  let  a  judge  of  the  beau- 
ties of  poetry  read  a  literal  translation  of  Horace  or  Pindar, 
and  he  will  find  in  these  two  last  such  an  absurdity  and  con- 
fusion of  style,  with  such  a  comparative  poverty  of  imagination, 
as  will  make  him  sensible  of  the  vast  superiority  of  Scripture 
style."  !._• 

LORD  BYRON,  in  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Sheppard,  said,  in  refer- 
ence to  the  truth  of  Christianity,  "Indisputably,  the  firm 
believers  in  the  Gospel  have  a  great  advantage  over  all  others, 
for  this  simple  reason : — that,  if  true,  they  will  have  their  re- 
ward hereafter;  and  if  there  be  no  hereafter,  they  can  be  but 
with  the  infidel  in  his  eternal  sleep,  having  had  the  assistance 
of  an  exalted  hope  through  life,  without  subsequent  disappoint- 
ment, since  (at  the  worst,  for  them)  out  of  nothing  nothing 
can  arise, — not  even  sorrow."  The  following  lines  of  Walter 
Scott  are  said  to  have  been  copied  in  his  Bible  : — 

Within  this  awful  volume  lies 

The  mystery  of  mysteries. 

Oh  !  happiest  they  of  human  race, 

To  whom  our  God  has  given  grace 

To  hear,  to  read,  to  fear,  to  pray, 

To  lift  the  latch,  and  force  the  way; 

But  better  had  they  ne'er  been  born, 

Who  read  to  doubt,  or  read  to  scorn. — Monastery. 


108  THE   BIBLE. 

ENGLISH   BIBLE   TRANSLATIONS. 

OUR  version  of  the  Bible  is  to  be  loved  and  prized  for  this,  as  for  a  thou- 
sand other  things, — that  it  has  preserved  a  purity  of  meaning  to  many  terms 
of  natural  objects.  Without  this  holdfast,  our  vitiated  imaginations  would 
refine  away  language  to  mere  abstractions.  Hence  the  French  have  lost  their 
poetical  language ;  and  Blanco  White  says  the  same  thing  has  happened  to 
the  Spanish. — COLERIDGE. 

Wickliffe's  Bible. — This  was  the  first  translation  made  into 
the  language.  It  was  translated  by  John  Wickliffe,  about  the 
year  1384,  but  never  printed,  though  there  are  manuscript 
copies  of  it  in  several  public  libraries. 

Tyndale's  Bible. — The  translation  of  William  Tyndale,  as- 
sisted by  Miles  Coverdale,  was  the  first  printed  Bible  in  the 
English  language.  The  New  Testament  was  published  in 
1526.  It  was  revised  and  republished  in  1530.  In  1532,  Tyn- 
dale and  his  associates  finished  the  whole  Bible,  except  the 
Apocrypha,  and  printed  it  abroad. 

Matthews'  Bible. — While  Tyndale  was  preparing  a  second 
edition  of  the  Bible,  he  was  taken  up  and  burned  for  heresy  in 
Flanders.  On  his  death,  Coverdale  and  John  Rogers  revised 
it,  and  added  a  translation  of  the  Apocrypha.  It  was  dedicated 
to  Henry  VIII.,  in  1537,  and  was  printed  at  Hamburg,  under 
the  borrowed  name  of  Thomas  Matthews,  whence  it  was  called 
Matthews'  Bible. 

Cranmer's  Bible. — This  was  the  first  Bible  printed  by  author- 
ity in  England,  and  publicly  set  up  in  the  churches.  It  was 
Tyndale's  version,  revised  by  Coverdale,  and  examined  by  Cran- 
mer,  who  added  a  preface  to  it,  whence  it  was  called  Cranmer's 
Bible.  It  was  printed  by  G-rafton,  in  large  folio,  in  1539. 
After  being  adopted,  suppressed,  and  restored  under  successive 
reigns,  a  new  edition  was  brought  out  in  1562. 

The  Geneva  Bible. — In  1557,  the  whole  Bible  in  quarto  was 
printed  at  Geneva  by  Rowland  Harte,  some  of  the  English 
refugees  continuing  in  that  city  solely  for  that  purpose.  The 


THE   BIBLE.  109 

translators  were  Bishop  Coverdale,  Anthony  Gilby,  William 
Whittingham,  Christopher  Woodman,  Thomas  Sampson,  and 
Thomas  Cole — to  whom  some  add  John  Knox,  John  Bodleigh, 
and  John  Pullain,  all  zealous  Calvinists,  both  in  doctrine  and 
discipline.  But  the  chief  and  most  learned  of  them  were  the 
first  three.  Of  this  translation  there  were  about  thirty  editions, 
mostly  printed  by  the  King's  and  Queen's  printers,  from  1560 
to  1616.  In  this  version,  the  first  distinction  in  verses  was 
made.  The  following  is  a  copy  of  the  title-page  of  the 
edition  of  1559,  omitting  two  quotations  from  the  Scrip- 
tures : — 

THE  BIBLE. 
THAT  IS.  THE  HO- 
LY SCRIPTURES  CONTEI- 
NED  IN  THE  OLDE  AND  NEWB 

TESTAMENT. 

Translated  According 

to  the  Ebrew  and  Greeke,  and  conferred  with  the 

best  translations  in  divers  languages. 
With  most  profitable  Annotations  vpon  all  the  hard 

places, 
and  other  things  of  Great  importance. 

IMPRINTED  AT  LONDON 

by  the  Deputies  of  Christopher  Barker,  Printer  to  the 
Queenes  most  excellent  Maiestie, 

1599. 
Cum  priuilegio. 

To  some  editions  of  the  Geneva  Bible,  one  of  which  is  this 
of  1599,  is  subjoined  Beza's  translation  of  the  new  text  into 
English  by  L.  Tomson,  who  was  under-secretary  to  Sir  Francis 
Walsingham.  But,  though  he  pretends  to  translate  from  Beza. 
he  has  seldom  varied  a  word  from  the  Geneva  translation.  Dr. 
Geddes  gives  honorable  testimony  to  the  last  Geneva  version,  as 
he  does  not  hesitate  to  declare  that  he  thinks  it  in  general 
better  than  that  of  the  King  James  translators.  Our  readers 
will  hardly  agree  with  him  when  they  read  some  extracts  from 
it  appended  in  a  succeeding  paragraph. 
10 


HO  THE   BIBLE. 

The  typographical  appearance  of  this  work  is  quite  a  curi- 
osity. Like  most  of  the  old  books,  it  is  well  printed,  ai.3  is 
ornamented  with  the  pen.  The  head  and  foot  rules,  as  well  as 
the  division  of  the  columns,  are  made  with  the  pen  in  red  ink. 
The  title-page  is  quite  profusely  ornamented  with  red  lines. 

This  translation  of  the  Bible  is  known  as  "  the  breeches 
Bible,"  from  the  following  rendering  of  Genesis  iii.  7  : — 

Then  the  eyes  of  them  both  were  opened,  and  they  knew  that  they  were 
naked;  and  they  sewed  fig  tree  leaves  together,  and  made  themselves 
breeches. 

A  peculiarity  in  this  Bible  is  the  substitution  of  the  letter  v 
for  «,  and,  vice  versa,  u  for  v.  The  name  of  Eve  is  printed 
Heuah  (Hevah) ;  Cain  is  printed  Kain ;  Abel,  Habel ;  Enoch, 
Henock;  Isaac,  Ishak;  Hebrew,  Ebrew,  &c.  The  translations 
of  many  of  the  passages  differ  materially  from  our  received 
version.  The  following  will  serve  as  illustrations  : — 

Thus  he  cast  out  man ;  and  at  the  East  side  of  flie  garden  of  Eden  ho 
set  the  cherubims,  and  the  blade  of  a  sword  shaken,  to  keep  the  way  of  the 
tree  of  life.— Genesis  iii.  24. 

Then  it  repented  the  Lorde  that  he  had  made  man  in  the  earth,  and  he 
was  sorie  in  his  heart. — Gen.  vi.  6. 

Make  thee  an  Arkee  of  pine  trees;  thou  shalt  make  cabins  in  the  Arkee, 
and  shalt  pitch  it  within  and  without  with  pitch.  Thou  shalt  make  it  with 
the  lower,  second  and  third  roome. — Gen.  vi.  14,  16. 

And  he  said,  Hagar,  Sarais  maide,  whence  comest  thou  ?  &  whether  wilt 
thou  go  ?  and  she  said,  I  flee  from  my  dame  Sarai. — Gen.  xvi.  8. 

When  Abram  was  ninetie  years  old  &  nine,  the  Lord  appeared  to  Abram, 
and  said  unto  him,  I  am  God  all  sufficient,  walke  before  me,  and  be  thou  up- 
right— Gen.  xvii.  1. 

Then  Abraham  rose  vp  from  the  sight  of  his  corps,  and  talked  with  the 
Hittites,  saying,  I  am  a  stranger  and  a  forreiner  among  you,  Ac. — Gen. 
xxiii.  3,  4. 

Then  Abraham  yielded  the  spirit  and  died  in  a  good  age,  an  olde  man. 
and  of  great  yeeres,  and  was  gathered  to  his  people. — Gen.  xxv.  8. 

As  many  were  astonied  at  thee  (his  visage  was  so  deformed  of  men,  and 
his  forme  of  the  sonnes  of  men)  so  shall  hee  spunckle  many  nations. — Isa.  Hi. 
14.  This  chapter  has  but  fourteen  verses  in  it. 


THE    BIBLE.  HI 

Can  the  blacke  Moore  change  his  skinne  ?  or  the  leopard  his  spots  ?— 
Jer.  xiiL  23. 

And  after  those  days  we  trussed  up  our  fardles,  and  went  up  to  Jeru- 
salem.— Acts  xxi.  15. 

But  Jesus  sayde  vnto  her,  Let  the  children  first  bee  fed  ;  for  it  is  not  good 
to  take  the  childrens  bread,  and  to  cast  it  unto  whelps.  Then  shee  answered, 
and  said  unto  him,  Truthe,  Lorde ;  yet  in  deede  the  whelps  «ate  under  the 
table  of  the  childrens  crummes. — Mark  vii.  27,  28. 

And  she  broght  forth  her  fyrst  begotten  sonne,  and  wrapped  him  in  swad- 
lyng  clothes,  and  layd  him  in  a  cretche,  because  there  was  no  rowme  for 
them  with  in  the  ynne. — Luke  ii.  7. 

The  Bishops'  Bible. — Archbishop  Parker  engaged  bishops 
and  other  learned  men  to  bring  out  a  new  translation.  They 
did  so  in  1568,  in  large  folio.  It  made  what  was  afterwards 
called  the  great  English  Bible,  and  commonly  the  Bishops' 
Bible.  In  1589  it  was  published  in  octavo,  in  small,  but  fine 
black  letter.  In  it  the  chapters  were  divided  into  verses,  but 
without  aqy  breaks  for  them. 

Matthew  Parker's  Bible. — The  Bishops'  Bible  underwent 
some  corrections,  and  was  printed  in  large  folio  in  1572,  and 
called  Matthew  Parker's  Bible.  The  version  was  used  in  the 
churches  for  forty  years. 

The  Douay  Bible. — The  New  Testament  was  brought  out 
by  the  Roman  Catholics  in  1582,  and  called  the  Rhemish  New 
Testament.  It  was  condemned  by  the  Queen  of  England,  and 
copies  were  seized  by  her  authority  and  destroyed.  In  1609 
and  1610,  the  Old  Testament  was  added,  and  the  whole  pub- 
lished at  Douay,  hence  called  the  Douay  Bible. 

King  James's  Bible. — The  version  now  in  use  was  brought  out 
by  King  James's  authority  in  1611.  Fifty-four  learned  men 
were  employed  to  accomplish  the  work  of  revising  it.  From 
death  or  other  cause,  seven  of  them  failed  to  enter  upon  it. 
The  remaining  forty-seven  were  ranged  under  six  divisions,  and 
had  different  portions  of  the  Bible  assigned  to  those  divisions. 
They  commenced  their  task  in  1607.  After  some  three  or 
four  years  of  diligent  labor,  the  whole  was  completed.  This  ver- 
sion was  generally  adopted,  and  the  other  translations  fell  into 
disuse.  It  has  continued  in  use  until  the  present  time. 


112  THE    BIBLE. 


DISSECTION    OF   THE   OLD   AND    NEW   TESTAMENTS. 


Books  in  the  Old    1      „« 
Testament          J  -6V 

Chapters 929 

Verses 23,214 

Words 592,439 

Letters 2,728,100 


In  the  New 27 

«        «     260 

"        "     7,959 

"        "     181,253 


Total 68 

"     1,189 

"     31,173 

"     773,692 

"     3,566,480 


APOCRYPHA. 

Chapters 183  |  Verses 6,081  |  Words 152,185 

The  middle  chapter  and  the  least  in  the  Bible  is  Psalm  cxvii. 

The  middle  verse  is  the  eighth  of  Psalm  cxviii. 

The  middle  line  is  in  2d  Chronicles,  4th  chapter,  16th  verse. 

The  word  and  occurs  in  the  Old  Testament  35,5-43  times. 

The  same  in  the  New  Testament,  10,684. 

The  word  Jehovah  occurs  6,855  times. 

OLD   TESTAMENT. 

The  middle  book  is  Proverbs. 

The  middle  chapter  is  Job  xxix. 

The  middle  verse  is  in  2d  Chronicles,  20th  chapter,  between 
the  17th  and  18th  verses. 

The  least  verse  is  in  1st  Chronicles,  1st  chapter,  and  25th 
verse. 

NEW   TESTAMENT. 

The  middle  book  is  the  2d  epistle  to  Thessalonians. 

The  middle  chapter  is  between  the  13th  and  14th  of 
Romans. 

The  middle  verse  is  the  17th  chapter  of  Acts,  and  17th 
verse. 

The  least  verse  is  the  llth  chapter  of  John,  verse  35. 

The  21st  verse  of  the  7th  chapter  of  Ezra  has  all  the  letters 
of  the  alphabet  in  it. 

The  19th  chapter  of  the  2d  book  of  Kings,  and  the  37th  of 
Isaiah,  are  alike. 

N.B. — Three  years  are  said  to  have  been  spent  in  this  curi- 
ous but  idle  calculation. 


THE   BIBLE.  113 

DISTINCTIONS    IN   THE    GOSPELS. 

1.  In  regard  to  their  external  features  and  characteristics: 
The  point  of  view  of  the  first  gospel  is  mainly  Israelitic; 

of  the  second,  Gentile ;  of  the  third,  universal ;  of  the  fourth, 
Christian. 

The  general  aspect,  and  so  to  speak,  physiognomy  of  the 
first,  mainly,  is  oriental;  of  the  second,  Roman;  of  the  third, 
Greek;  of  the  fourth,  spiritual. 

The  style  of  the  first  is  stately  and  rhythmical;  of  the 
second,  terse  and  precise;  of  the  third,  calm  and  copious;  of 
the  fourth,  artless  and  colloquial. 

The  striking  characteristic  of  the  first  is  symmetry ;  of  the 
second  compression;  of  the  third,  order;  of  the  fourth,  system. 

The  thought  and  language  of  the  first  are  both  Hebraistic; 
of  the  third,  both  Hellenistic;  while  in  the  second,  thought 
is  often  accidental  though  the  language  is  Hebraistic;  and  in 
the  fourth,  the  language  is  Hellenistic,  but  the  thought 
Hebraistic. 

2.  In  respect  to  their  subject-matter  and  contents : 

In  the  first  gospel,  narrative;  in  the  second,  memoirs;  in 
the  third,  history;  in  the  fourth,  dramatic  portraiture. 

In  the  first  we  often  have  the  record  of  events  in  their  ac- 
complishment; in  the  second,  events  in  detail;  in  the  third, 
events  in  their  connection;  in  the  fourth,  events  in  relation 
to  the  teaching  springing  from  them. 

Thus  in  the  first  we  often  meet  with  the  notice  of  impres- 
sions; in  the  second,  of  facts;  in  the  third,  of  motives;  in 
the  fourth,  of  words  spoken. 

And,  lastly,  the  record  of  the  first  fe  mainly  collective,  and 
often  antithetical ;  of  the  second,  graphic  and  circumstantial ; 
of  the  third,  didactic  and  reflective  ;  of  the  fourth,  selective 
and  supplemental. 

3.  In  respect  to  their  portraiture  of  our  Lord : 

The  first  presents  him  to  us  mainly  as  the  Messiah ;  the 
second,  mainly  as  the  God-man;  the  third,  as  the  Redeemer; 
the  fourth,  as  the  only  begotten  Son  of  God. 


114  THE   BIBLE. 

BOOKS    MENTIONED   IN    THE   BIBLE    NOW  LOST   OR  UNKN.OWN. 

1.  The  Prophecy  of  Enoch.     See  Epistle  to  Jude,  14. 

2.  The  Book  of  the  Wars  of  the  Lord.    See  Numb.  xxi.  14. 

3.  The  Prophetical   Gospel  of  Eve,  which  relates  to  the 
Amours  of  the  Sons  of  God  with  the  Daughters  of  Men.     See 
Origen  cont.  Celsum,  Tertul.  &c. 

4.  The  Book  of  Jasher.     See  Joshua  x.  13  j  and  2  Samuel 
i.  18. 

5.  The  Book  of  Iddo  the  Seer.     See  2  Chronicles  ix.  29, 
and  xii.  15. 

6.  The  Book  of  Nathan  the  Prophet.     See  as  above. 

7.  The  Prophecies  of  Ahijah,  the  Shilonite.     See  as  above. 

8.  The  acts  of  Rehoboam,  in  Book  of  Shemaiah.     See  2 
Chronicles  xii.  15. 

9.  The  Book  of  Jehu  the  Son  of  Hanani.     See  2  Chronicles 
xx.  34. 

10.  The  Five  Books  of  Solomon,  treating  on  the  nature  of 
trees,  beasts,  fowl,  serpents,  and  fishes.  See  1  Kings  iv.  33. 

11.  The  151st  Psalm. 

THE   WORD   "SELAH." 

The  translators  of  the  Bible  have  left  the  Hebrew  word 
Selah,  which  occurs  so  often  in  the  Psalms,  as  they  found  it, 
and  of  coiirse  the  English  reader  often  asks  his  minister,  or 
some  learned  friend,  what  it  means.  And  the  minister  or 
learned  friend  has  most  often  been  obliged  to  confess  ignorance, 
because  it  is  a  matter  in  regard  to  which  the  most  learned 
have  by  no  means  been  of  one  mind.  The  Targums,  and  most  of 
the  Jewish  commentators,  give  to  the  word  the  meaning  of  eter- 
nally forever.  Rabbi  Kimchi  regards  it  as  a  sign  to  elevate  the 
voice.  The  authors  of  the  Septuagint  translation  appear  to  have 
considered  it  a  musical  or  rhythmical  note.  Herder  inclines  to 
the  opinion  that  it  indicates  a  change  of  tone,  which  is  expressed 
either  by  increase  of  force,  or  by  a  transition  into  another  time 
and  mode.  Matheson  thinks  it  is  a  musical  note,  equivalent, 
perhaps,  to  the  word  repeat.  According  to  Luther  and  others, 


THE    BIBLE. 


115 


it  means  silence.  G-esenius  explains  it  to  mean,  "  Let  the  in- 
struments play  and  the  singers  stop."  Wocher  regards  it  as 
equivalent  to  sursum  corda, — up,  my  soul !  Sommer,  after  ex- 
amining all  the  seventy-four  passages  in  which  the  word  occurs, 
recognizes  in  every  case  "an  actual  appeal  or  summons  to  Je- 
hovah." They  are  calls  for  aid,  and  prayers  to  be  heard,  ex- 
pressed either  with  entire  directness,  or  if  not  in  the  impera- 
tive, Hear,  Jehovah  !  or  Awake,  Jehovah,  and  the  like,  still, 
earnest  addresses  to  God  that  he  would  remember  and  hear, 
&c.  The  word  itself  he  considers  indicative  of  a  blast  of  trum- 
pets by  the  priests,  Selah  being  an  abridged  expression  for 
Higgaion  Selah, — Higgaion  indicating  the  sound  of  the  stringed 
instruments,  and  Selah  a  vigorous  blast  of  trumpets. 

HEXAMETERS    IN    THE   BIBLE. 

In  the  Psalms. 

God  came  |  up  with  a  |  shout:  our  |  Lord  with  the  |  sound  Sf  a  |  trumpet.|| 
There  is  a  |  river  the  |  flowing  where-  |  of  shall  |  gladden  the"  |  clty\|j 
Halle-  |  lujah  the  |  city  of  |  God !  Je-  |  hovah  hath  |  blest  her.|| 

In  the  New  Testament. 

Art  thou  he  |  that  should  \  come,  or  |  do  we  |  look  f5r  a-  |  notber?|| 
Husbands,  |  love  your  |  wives,  and  |  be  not  |  bitter  a-  |  gainst  them.|| 
Bless'd  are  the  |  poor  In  |  spirit,  for  |  theirs  is  the  |  kingdom  of  |  heaven.|| 

Mr.  Coleridge,  whose  enthusiastic  and  reverential  admiration 
of  the  rhetorical  beauty  and  poetic  grandeur  with  which  the 
Bible  abounds, — all  the  more  beautiful  and  the  more  sublime 
because  casual  and  unsought  by  the  sacred  writers, — took  great 
delight  in  pointing  out  the  Tiexametrical  rhythm  of  numerous 
passages,  particularly  in  the  book  of  Isaiah  : — 

Hear,  0  heavens,  and  give  ear,  |  0  earth :  for  the  Lord  hath  spoken. 

£  have  nourished  and  brought  up  children,  |  and  they  have  rebelled  against 

me. 

The  ox  knoweth  his  owner,  |  and  the  ass  his  master's  crib : 
But  Israel  doth  not  know,  |  my  people  doth  not  consider. 


116  THE   BIBLE. 

Winer  points  out  the  following  hexameters  in  the  original 
Greek  version  of  the  New  Testament : — 

Kpnrcs  d  I  A  !//«•  I  arat,  KOKOL  \  5i7pi'a  |  yaortfss  \  dpya.'.— -Titus  i.  12. 
flara  66  |  <rt{  dya  |  3ij  -cat  |  *8i>  tu  \  pn/ta  rk  \  Awov,— James  i.  17. 
Koi  Tfax.i  |  aj  dp  |  Saj  not  \  wars  \  roij  mxnv  \  V//<JK, — Heb.  xiL  13. 

PARALLELISM   OF   THE   HEBREW  POETRY. 

The  prominent  characteristic  of  the  Hebrew  poetry  is  what 
Bishop  Lowth  entitles  Parallelism,  that  is,  a  certain  equality, 
resemblance,  or  relationship,  between  the  members  of  each 
period ;  so  that  in  two  lines,  or  members  of  the  same  period, 
things  shall  answer  to  things,  and  words  to  words,  as  if  fitted 
to  each  other  by  a  kind  of  rule  or  measure.  The  Psalms,  Pro- 
verbs, Solomon's  Song,  Job,  and  all  the  Prophets,  except  Daniel 
and  Jonah,  abound  with  instances. 

It  is  in  a  great  measure  owing  to  this  form  of  composition 
that  our  admirable  authorized  version,  though  executed  in 
prose,  retains  so  much  of  a  poetical  cast;  for,  being  strictly 
word  for  word  after  the  original,  the  form  and  order  of  the  ori- 
ginal sentences  are  preserved;  which,  by  this  artificial  struc- 
ture, this  regular  alternation  and  correspondence  of  parts, 
makes  the  ear  sensible  of  a  departure  from  the  common  style 
and  tone  of  prose. 

The  different  kinds  of  parallels  are  illustrated  in  the  follow- 
ing examples : — 

Parallels  Antithetic. — Prov.  x.  1,  7. 
A  wise  son  maketh  a  glad  father; 
But  a  foolish  son  is  the  heaviness  of  his  mother. 
The  memory  of  the  just  is  blessed ; 
But  the  name  of  the  wicked  shall  rot. 

Parallels  Synthetic.— Prov.  vi.  16-19. 
These  six  things  doth  the  Lord  hate; 
Yea,  seven  are  an  abomination  unto  him: 
A  proud  look,  a  lying  tongue, 
And  hands  that  shed  innocent  blood, 
A  heart  that  deviseth  wicked  imaginations, 
Feet  that  be  swift  in  running  to  mischief. 
A  false  witness  that  speaketh  lies, 
And  he  that  soweth  discord  among  brethren. 


THE    BIBLE.  U7 

Constructive. — Psalm  xix.  7-9. 
The  law  of  the  Lord  is  perfect,  converting  the  soul ; 
The  testimony  of  the  Lord  is  sure,  making  wise  the  simple; 
The  statutes  of  the  Lord  are  right,  rejoicing  the  heart; 
The  commandment  of  the  Lord  is  pure,  enlightening  the  eyes; 
The  fear  of  the  Lord  is  clean,  enduring  forever; 
The  judgments  of  the  Lord  are  true,  and  righteous  altogether. 

Parallels  Synonymous. — Psalm  xx.  1-4. 
The  Lord  hear  thee  in  the  day  of  trouble ; 
The  name  of  the  God  of  Jacob  defend  thee; 
Send  thee  help  from  the  sanctuary, 
And  strengthen  thee  out  of  Zion ; 
Remember  all  thine  offerings, 
And  accept  thy  burnt  sacrifice ; 
Grant  thee  according  to  thine  own  heart, 
And  fulfil  all  thy  counsel. 

Gradational. — Psalm  i.  1. 
Blessed  is  the  man 

That  walketh  not  in  the  counsel  of  the  ungodly, 
Nor  standeth  in  the  way  of  sinners, 
Nor  sitteth  in  the  seat  of  the  scornful. 

Parallels  Introverted. — Prov.  xxiiL  15,  16. 
My  son,  if  thy  heart  be  wise, 

My  heart  shall  rejoice,  even  mine ; 

Yea,  my  reins  shall  rejoice 
When  thy  lips  speak  right  things. 

It  may  be  objected  to  Hebrew  poetry,  says  Grilfillan,  that  it 
has  no  regular  rhythm  except  a  rude  parallelism.  What  then? 
Must  it  be,  therefore,  altogether  destitute  of  music  ?  Has  not 
the  rain  a  rhythm  of  its  own,  as  it  patters  on  the  pane,  or  sinks 
on  the  bosom  of  its  kindred  pool  ?  Has  not  the  wind  a  har- 
mony, as  it  bows  the  groaning  woods,  or  howls  over  the  man- 
sions of  the  dead  ?  Have  not  the  waves  of  ocean  their  wild 
bass  ?  Has  not  the  thunder  its  own  deep  and  dreadful  organ- 
pipe  ?  Do  they  speak  in  rhyme  ?  Do  they  murmur  in  blank 
verse  ?  Who  taught  them  to  begin  in  Iambics,  or  to  close  in 
Alexandrines  ?  And  shall  not  God's  own  speech  have  a  pecu- 
liar note,  no  more  barbarous  than  is  the  voice  of  the  old  woods 
or  the  older  cataracts  ? 


118  THE   BIBLE. 

Besides,  to  call  parallelism  a  coarse  or  uncouth  rhythm,  be- 
trays an  ignorance  of  its  nature.  Without  entering  at  large 
on  the  subject  of  Hebrew  versification,  we  may  ask  any  one 
who  has  paid  even  a  slight  attention  to  the  subject,  if  the 
effect  of  parallels  such  as  the  foregoing  examples,  perpetually 
intermingled  as  they  are,  be  not  to  enliven  the  composition, 
often  to  give  distinctness  and  precision  to  the  train  of  thought, 
to  impress  the  sentiments  upon  the  memory,  and  to  give  out  a 
harmony  which,  if  inferior  to  rhyme  in  the  compression  pro- 
duced by  the  difficulty  (surmounted)  of  uniting  varied  sense 
with  recurring  sound,  and  in  the  pleasure  of  surprise ;  and  to 
blank  verse,  in  freedom,  in  the  effects  produced  by  the  va- 
riety of  pause,  and  in  the  force  of  long  and  linked  passages, 
as  well  as  of  insulated  lines,  is  less  slavish  than  the  one,  and 
less  arbitrary  than  the  other  ?  Unlike  rhyme,  its  point  is  more 
that  of  thought  than  of  language ;  unlike  blank  verse,  it  never 
can,  however  managed,  degenerate  into  heavy  prose.  Such  is 
parallelism,  which  generally  forms  the  differential  quality  of  the 
poetry  of  Scripture,  although  there  are  many  passages  in  it 
destitute  of  this  aid,  and  which  yet,  in  the  spirit  they  breathe, 
and  the  metaphors  by  which  they  are  garnished,  are  genuine 
and  high  poetry.  And  there  can  be  little  question  that  in  the 
parallelism  of  the  Hebrew  tongue  we  can  trace  many  of  the 
peculiarities  of  modern  writing,  and  in  it  find  tbe  fountain  of 
the  rhythm,  the  pomp  and  antithesis,  which  lend  often  such 
grace,  and  always  such  energy,  to  the  style  of  Johnson,  of  Ju- 
nius,  of  Burke,  of  Hall,  of  Chalmers, — indeed,  of  most  writers 
who  rise  to  the  grand  swells  of  prose-poetry. 

SIMILARITY   OP   SOUND. 

There  is  a  remarkable  similarity  of  sound  in  a  passage  in  the 
Second  Book  of  Kings,  ch.  iii.  v.  4,  to  the  metrical  rhythm  of 
Campbell's  Battle  of  the  Baltic : — 

A  hundred  thousand  lambs, 
And  a  hundred  thousand  rams, 
With  the  wool. 


THE    BIBLE.  119 

By  each  gun  the  lighted  brand, 
In  a  bold  determined  hand, 
And  the  Prince  of  all  the  land 
Led  them  on. 

PARALLEL   PASSAGES   BETWEEN    SHAKSPEARE   AND   THE 
BIBLE. 

An  English  minister,  Rev.  T.  R.  Eaton,  has  written  a  work 
entitled  ShaJcspeare  and  the  Bible,  for  the  purpose  of  showing 
how  much  Shakspeare  was  indebted  to  the  Bible  for  many  of 
his  illustrations,  rhythms,  and  even  modes  of  feeling.  The 
author  affirms  that,  in  storing  his  mind,  the  immortal  bard 
went  first  to  the  word,  and  then  to  the  works,  of  God.  In 
shaping  the  truths  derived  from  these  sources,  he  obeyed  the 
instinct  implanted  by  Him  who  had  formed  him  Shakspeare. 
Hence  his  power  of  inspiring  us  with  sublime  affection  for  that 
which  is  properly  good,  and  of  chilling  us  with  horror  by  his 
fearful  delineations  of  evil.  Shakspeare  perpetually  reminds 
us  of  the  Bible,  not  by  direct  quotations,  indirect  allusion,  bor- 
rowed idioms,  or  palpable  imitation  of  phrase  or  style,  bu-t  by  an 
elevation  of  thought  and  simplicity  of  diction  which  are  not  to 
be  found  elsewhere.  A  passage,  for  instance,  rises  in  our 
thoughts,  unaccompanied  by  a  clear  recollection  of  its  origin. 
Our  first  impression  is  that  it  must  belong  either  to  the  Bible 
or  Shakspeare.  No  other  author  excites  the  same  feeling  in  an 
equal  degree.  In  Shakspeare's  plays  religion  is  a  vital  and 
active  principle,  sustaining  the  good,  tormenting  the  wicked, 
and  influencing  the  hearts  and  lives  of  all. 

Although  the  writer  carries  his  leading  idea  too  far,  by  strain- 
ing passages  to  multiply  the  instances  in  which  Shakspeare  has 
imitated  scriptural  sentences  in  thought  and  construction,  and 
by  leading  his  readers  to  infer  that  it  was  from  the  Bible  Sbak- 
Bpeare  drew  not  only  his  best  thoughts,  but  in  fact  his  whole 
power  of  inspiring  us  with  affection  for  good  and  horror  for 
evil,  it  is  certainly  true  that  some  hundreds  of  Biblical  allu- 
sions, however  brief  and  simple,  show  Shakspeare's  conversance 
with  the  Bible,  his  fondness  for  it,  and  the  almost  unconscious 


120  THE    BIBLE. 

recurrence  of  it  in  his  mind.     The  following  examples  of  his 
parallelisms  will  be  found  interesting  : — 

-  Othello. — Rude  am  I  in  my  speech. — i.  3. 
But  though  I  be  rude  in  speech. — 2  Cor.  xi.  6. 

~  Witches. — Show  his  eyes  and  grieve  his  heart. — Macbeth,  iv.  1. 
Consume  thine  eyes  and  grieve  thine  heart. — 1  Sam.  ii.  33. 

-  Macbeth. — Lighted  fools  the  way  to  dusty  death. — v.  5. 
Thou  hast  brought  me  into  the  dust  of  death. — Ps.  xxii.  15. 

Dusty  death  alludes   to   the   sentence  pronounced  against 
Adam  :— 

Dust  thou  art,  and  unto  dust  shalt  thou  return. — Gen.  iii.  19. 
3facleth. — Life's  but  a  walking  shadow. — v.  5. 
Man  walketh  in  a  vain  show. — Ps.  xxxix.  6. 
Prince  of  Morocco. — Mislike  me  not  for  my  complexion, 

The  shadow*d  livery  of  the  burnished  sun. — Merch.Ven.  ii.  1. 
Look  not  upon  me,  because  I  am  black,  because  the  sun  hath  looked  upon 

me. — Sol.  Song,  i.  6. 

Othello. — I  took  by  the  throat,  the  circumcised  dog,  and  smote  him. — v.  2. 
I  smote  him,  I  caught  him  by  his  beard  and  smote  him,  and  slew  him.— 

1  Sam.  xvii.  35. 
Macbeth. — Let  this  pernicious  hour  stand  aye  accursed  in  the  calendar. — 

iv.  1. 
Opened  Job  his  mouth  and  cursed  his  day ;  let  it  not  be  joined  unto  the  days 

of  the  year,  let  it  not  come  into  the  number  of  the  months. — Job  iii.  1,  6. 
Hamlet. — What  a  piece  of  work  is  man  !    How  noble  in  reason,  how  infinite 

in  faculties  !     In  form  and  moving,  how  express  and  admirable !    In  ac- 
tion, how  like  an  angel !    In  apprehension,  how  like  a  God !   The  beauty 

of  the  world,  the  paragon  of  animals  ! — ii.  2. 
What  is  man,  that  thou  art  mindful  of  him  ?     For  thou  hast  made  him  a 

little  lower  than  the  angels,  and  hast  crowned  him  with  glory  and  honor. 

Thou  madest  him  to  have  dominion  over  the  works  of  thy  hands.— 

Ps.  viii.  4,  5,  6. 

-Macbeth. — We  will  die  with  harness  on  our  back. — v.  5. 
Nicanor  lay  dead  in  his  harness. — 2  Maccabees  xv.  28. 

-  Banqno. — Woe  to  the  land  that's  governed  by  a  child. 

Woe  to  thee,  0  land,  when  thy  king  is  a  child.— Eccles.  x.  16. 
Banquo. — In  the  great  hand  of  God  I  stand. — Macbeth  ii.  3. 
Thy  right  hand  hath  holden  me  up. — Ps.  xviii.  35. 
Man  the  image  of  his  Maker.— Henry  VIII.,  iii.  2.— Gen.  I.  27. 
Blessed  are  the  peacemakers.— 2  Henry  VI.,  ii.  1.— Matt.  V.  29. 


THE    BIBLE.  121 

-  And  when  he  falls  he  falls  like  Lucifer.— Henry  VIII.,  iii.  2. 

How  art  thou  fallen  from  heaven,  0   Lucifer,  son  of  the  morning  !— 

Isaiah  xiv.  12. 
<    No,  Bolingbroke,  if  ever  I  were  traitor, 

My  name  be  blotted  from  the  book  of  life. — Richard  II.,  i.  3. 
Whose  names  were  not  written  in  the  book  of  life. — Rev.  xx.,  xxi. 

-  Swear  by  thy  gracious  self. — Romeo  and  Juliet,  ii.  2. 

He  could  swear  by  no  greater,  he  sware  by  himself. — Heb.  vi.  13.- 

My  stay,  my  guide,  and  lantern  to  my  feet. — 2  Henry  VI.,  ii.  3. 

Thy  word  is  a  lamp  unto  my  feet,  and  a  light  unto  my  path. — Ps.  cxix.  105. 

-  Who  can  call   him   his   friend  that  dips  in  the  same  dish? — Timon  of 

Athens,  iii.  2. 
He  that  dippeth  his  hand  with  me  in  the  dish,  the  same  shall  betray  me. — 

Matt.  xxvi.  23. 
,   You  shall  see  him  a  palm  in  Athens  again,  and  flourish  with  the  highest. 

—  Timon  of  Athens,  \.  I. 
The  righteous  shall  flourish  like  the  palm-tree.— Ps.  xcii.  12. 

-  It  is  written,  they  appear  to  men  like  angels  of  light. — Com.  of  Errors,  iv.  3. 
Satan  himself  is  transformed  into  an  angel  of  light. — 2  Cor.  xi.  14. 

And  lose  my  way 

Among  the  thorns  and  dangers  of  this  world. — King  John,  iv.  3. 
Thorns  and  snares  are  in  the  way  of  the  froward. — Prov.  xxii.  5. 
•>-  When  we  first  put  this  dangerous  stone  a  rolling, 
'Twould  fall  upon  ourselves. — Henry  VIII.,  v.  2. 
He  that  rolleth  a  stone,  it  will  return  upon  him. — Prov.  xxvi.  27. 

The  speech  of  Ulysses,  in  "  Troilus  and  Cressida,"  i.  3,  is 
almost  a  paraphrase  of  St.  Luke  xxi.  25,  26  : — 

But  when  the  planets 
In  evil  mixture  to  disorder  wander, 
What  plagues,  and  what  portents !    What  mutiny ! 
What  raging  of  the  sea !    Shaking  of  earth ! 
Commotion  in  the  winds !  frights,  changes,  horrors, 
Divert  and  crack,  rend  and  deracinate 
The  unity  and  married  calm  of  states 
Quite  from  their  fixture. 

And  there  shall  be  signs  in  the  sun, and  in  the  moon,  and  in  the  stars; 
and  upon  the  earth  distress  of  nations,  with  perplexity ;  the  sea  and 
the  waves  roaring ;  men's  hearts  failing  them  for  fear,  and  for  looking 
after  those  things  which  are  coming  on  the  earth ;  for  the  powers  of 
heaven  shall  be  shaken. 

11 


122  THE   BIBLE. 

ffermia  and  Lear  both  use  an  expression  derived  from  the 
same  source : — 

Hernia. — An  adder  did  it ;  for  with  doubler  tongue 

Than  thine,  thou  serpent,  never  adder  stung. — Mid.  N.  Dream,  iii.  2. 
Lear. — Struck  me  with  her  tongue, 

Most  serpent-like,  upon  the  very  heart. — ii.  4. 
They  have  sharpened  their  tongues  like  a  serpent ;  adders'  poison  is  under 

thejr  lips. — Ps.  cxl.  3. 
Lear. — All  the  stored  vengeances  of  heaven  fall  on  her  ingrateful  top.— 

ii.  4. 
As  for  the  head  of  those  that  compass  me  about,  let  the  mischief  of  their 

own  lips  cover  them. — Ps.  cxl.  9. 
Fool  to  King  Lear. — We'll    set  thee   to    school   to  an  ant,  to  teach  thee 

there's  no  laboring  in  the  winter. — ii.  4. 

The  ants  are  a  people  not  strong,  yet  they  prepare  their  meat  in  the  sum- 
mer.— Prov.  xxx.  25.     See  also  Prov.  vi.  6. 

WHO   IS   THE   TRUE   GENTLEMAN? 

The  answer  to  this  question  will  afford  one  of  numberless 
instances  that  can  be  adduced  to  show  the  superiority  of  in- 
spired composition.  Compare  Bishop  Doane's  admired  defini- 
tion with  that  of  the  Psalmist: — 

A  gentleman  is  but  a  gentle,  man — no  more,  no  less ;  a  diamond  polished 
that  was  a  diamond  in  the  rough:  a  gentleman  is  gentle;  a  gentleman  is 
modest:  a  gentleman  is  courteous;  a  gentleman  is  generous;  a  gentleman 
is  slow  to  take  offence,  as  being  one  that  never  gives  it;  a  gentleman  is  slow 
to  surmise  evil,  as  being  one  that  never  thinks  it;  a  gentleman  goes  armed 
only  in  consciousness  of  right;  a  gentleman  subjects  his  appetites;  a  gentle- 
man refines  his  tastes;  a  gentleman  subdues  his  feelings;  a  gentleman  con- 
trols his  speech ;  and  finally,  a  gentleman  deems  every  other  better  than 
himself. 

In  the  paraphrase  of  Psalm  xv.  it  is  thus  answered  : — 
'Tis  he  whose  every  thought  and  deed 

By  rules  of  virtue  moves; 
Whose  generous  tongue  disdains  to  speak 

The  thing  his  heart  disproves. 
Who  never  did  a  slander  forge, 

His  neighbor's  fame  to  wound, 
Nor  hearken  to  a  false  report, 
By  malice  whispered  round. 
Who  vice,  in  all  its  pomp  and  power, 
Can  treat  with  just  neglect, 


THE    BIBLE.  123 

And  piety,  though  clothed  in  rags, 

Religiously  respect. 
Who  to  his  plighted  vows  and  trust 

Has  ever  firmly  stood  ; 
And  though  he  promise  to  his  loss, 

He  makes  his  promise  good. 
Whose  soul  in  usury  disdains 

His  treasure  to  employ ; 
Whom  no  rewards  can  ever  bribe 

The  guiltless  to  destroy. 

MISQUOTATIONS   FROM    SCRIPTURE. 

"  God  tempers  the  wind  to  the  shorn  lamb."*  From  Sterne's  Sentimental 
Journey  to  Italy.  Compare  Isaiah  xxvii.  8. 

"  In  the  midst  of  life  we  are  in  death."  From  the  Burial  Service ;  and  this, 
originally,  from  a  hymn  of  Luther. 

"  Bread  and  wine  which  the  Lord  hath  commanded  to  be  received."  From 
the  English  Catechism. 

"  Not  to  be  wise  above  what  is  written."    Not  in  Scripture. 

"That  the  Spirit  would  go  from  heart  to  heart  as  oil  from  vessel  to  vessel." 
Not  in  Scripture. 

"  The  merciful  man  is  merciful  to  his  beast."  The  scriptural  form  is,  "A 
righteous  man  regardeth  the  life  of  his  beast." — Prov.  xii.  10. 

"A  nation  shall  be  born  in  a  day."  In  Isaiah  it  reads,  "  Shall  a  nation  be 
born  at  once?"— Ixvi.  8. 

"As  iron  sharpeneth  iron,  so  doth  a  man  the  countenance  of  his  friend." 
"Iron  sharpeneth  iron;  so  a  man  sharpeneth  the  countenance" of  his  friend." 
Prov.  xxvii.  17. 

"  That  he  who  runs  may  read."  "  That  he  may  run  that  readeth." — Hab.  ii.  2. 

"Owe  no  man  any  thing  but  love."  "Owe  no  man  any  thing,  but  to  love 
one  another." — Rom.  xiii.  8. 

"  Prone  to  sin  as  the  sparks  fly  upward."  "  Born  unto  trouble,  as  the 
sparks  fly  upward." — Job  v.  7. 

"  Exalted  to  heaven  in  point  of  privilege."     Not  in  the  Bible. 

Eve  was  not  Adam's  helpmate,  but  merely  a  help  meet  for  him ;  nor  was 
Absalom's  long  hair,  of  which  he  was  so  proud,  the  instrument  of  his  destruc- 
tion ;f  his  head,  and  not  the  hair  upon  it,  having  been  caught  in  the  boughs 
of  the  tree.  (2  Samuel  xviii.  9.) 

*  In  a  collection  of  proverbs  published  in  1594,  we  find,  "  Vieu  mesure  If 
vent  d  la  brebis  tondue,"  and  Herbert  has  in  his  Jacula  Prudentum,  "To  a 
close  shorn  sheep  God  gives  wind  by  measure." 

f  A  London  periwig-maker  once  had  a  sign  upon  which  was  painted  Absa- 
lom suspended  from  the  branches  of  the  oak  by  his  hair,  and  underneath  the 
following  couplet : — 

If  Absalom  hadn't  worn  his  own  hair, 
He'd  ne'er  been  found  a  hanging  there. 


124  THE    BIBLE. 

"  Money  is  the  root  of  evil."  Paul  said,  I.  Timothy,  vi.  10,  "  The  love 
of  money  is  the  root  of  all  evil." 

"  In  the  sweat  of  thy  face  shalt  thou  eat  bread,"  Gen.  iii.  19.  Commonly 
quoted  "brow." 

"  Cleanliness  akin  to  godliness."    Not  in  the  Bible. 

Our  Lord's  hearing  the  doctors  in  the  Temple,  and  asking  them  questions, 
is  frequently  called  his  disputing  with  the  doctors. 

A    SCRIPTURAL    BULL. 

In  the  book  of  Isaiah,  chapter  xxxvii.  verse  36,  is  the  follow- 
ing confusion  of  ideas:  — 

Then  the  angel  of  the  Lord  went  forth,  and  smote  in  the  camp  of  the 
Assyrians  a  hundred  and  fourscore  and  five  thousand:  and  when  they 
arose  early  in  the  morning,  behold,  they  were  all  dead  corpses. 


WIT   AND    HUMOR    IN    THE   BIBLE. 

"Shocking!"  many  a  good  old  saint  will  cry,  at  the  very 
thought  of  it.  "  The  Bible  a  jest-book!  What  godless  folly 
shall  we  have  up  next?"  No,  the  Bible  is  not  a  jest-book. 
But  there  is  wit  in  it  of  the  first  quality;  and  a  good  reason 
why  it  should  be  there.  Take  a  few  specimens. 

Job,  in  his  thirtieth  chapter,  is  telling  how  he  scorned  the 
low-lived  fellows,  who  pretend  to  look  down  on  him  in  his 
adversities.  They  are  fools.  They  belong  to  the  long-eared 
fraternity.  Anybody,  with  less  wit,  might  come  out  bluntly 
and  call  them  asses.  But  Job  puts  it  more  deftly  (xxx.  7): 
"  Among  the  bushes  they  brayed;  under  the  nettles  they  were 
gathered  together."  If  that  is  not  wit,  there  is  no  such  thing 
as  wit.  And  yet  the  commentators  don't  see  it,  or  won't  see 
it.  They  are  perfectly  wooden  when  they  come  to  any  such 
gleam  of  humor. 

Take  another  instance  —  Elijah's  ridicule  of  the  prophets 
of  Baal.  They  are  clamoring  to  their  god,  to  help  them  out 
of  a  very  awkward  predicament.  And,  while  they  are  at  it,  the 
prophet  shows  them  up  in  a  way  that  must  have  made  the 


THE   BIBLE.  125 

people  roar  with  laughter.  The  stiff,  antiquated  style  of  our 
English  Bible  tames  down  his  sallies.  Take  them  in  modern 
phrase.  These  quack  prophets  have  worked  themselves  into 
a  perfect  desperation,  and  are  capering  about  on  the  altar  as 
if  they  had  the  St.  Vitus's  dance.  The  scene  (I.  Kings  xviii. 
26,  27)  wakes  up  all  Elijah's  sense  of  the  ridiculous.  "  Shout 
louder!  He  is  a  god,  you  know.  Make  him  hear!  Perhaps 
he  is  chatting  with  somebody,  or  he  is  off  on  a  hunt,  or  gone 
traveling.  Or  maybe  he  is  taking  a  nap.  Shout  away!  Wake 
him  up ! "  Imagine  the  priests  going  through  their  antics  on 
the  altar,  while  Elijah  bombards  them  in  this  style,  at  his 
leisure. 

Paul  shows  a  dry  humor  more  than  once,  as  in  II.  Cor.  xii. 
13:  "Why  haven't  you  fared  as  well  as  the  other  churches? 
Ah !  there  is  one  grievance — that  you  haven't  had  me  to  sup- 
port. Pray  do  not  lay  it  up  against  me !" 

These  instances  might  be  multiplied  from  the  Old  and  New 
Testaments  both.  What  do  they  show?  That  the  Bible  is, 
on  the  whole,  a  humorous  book  ?  Far  from  it.  That  religion 
is  a  humorous  subject — that  we  are  to  throw  all  the  wit  we 
can  into  the  treatment  of  it?  No.  But  they  show  that  the 
sense  of  the  ludicrous  is  put  into  a  man  by  his  Maker;  that 
it  has  its  uses,  and  that  we  are  not  to  be  ashamed  of  it,  or 
to  roll  up  our  eyes  in  a  holy  horror  of  it. 

THE  OLD  AND  THE  NEW  TESTAMENT. 

The  name  Old  Testament  was  applied  to  the  books  of  Moses 
by  St.  Paul  (II.  Cor.  iii.  14),  inasmuch  as  the  former  covenant 
comprised  the  whole  scheme  of  the  Mosaic  revelation,  and  the 
history  of  this  is  contained  in  them.  The  phrase  "  book  of 
the  covenant,"  taken  from  Exod.  xxiv.  7,  was  transferred  in 
the  course  of  tune  by  metonymy  to  signify  the  writings  them- 
selves. The  term  New  Testament  has  been  in  common  use 
since  the  third  century,  and  was  employed  by  Eusebius  in  the 
sense  in  which  it  is  now  applied. 


126  THE   BIBLE. 

A   SCRIPTURAL   SUM. 

Add  to  your  faith,  virtue ; 

And  to  virtue,  knowledge  ; 

And  to  knowledge,  temperance: 

And  to  temperance,  patience; 

And  to  patience,  godliness  ; 

And  to  godliness,  brotherly  kindness; 

And  to  brotherly  kindness,  charity. 

The  Answer : — For  if  these  things  be  in  you  and  abound,  they  make  you 
that  ye  shall  neither  be  barren  nor  unfruitful  in  the  knowledge  of  our  Lord 
Jesus  Christ.— 2  Peter  i.  5,  8. 

BIBLIOMANCT. 

Bibliomancy,  or  divination  by  the  Bible,  had  become  so  com 
mon  in  the  fifth  century,  that  several  councils  were  obliged  ex- 
pressly to  forbid  it,  as  injurious  to  religion,  and  savoring  of 
idolatry. 

This  kind  of  divination  was  named  Sortes  Sanctorum,  or  Sor- 
tes  Sacrse,  Lots  of  the  Saints,  or  Sacred  Lots,  and  consisted  in 
suddenly  opening,  or  dipping  into,  the  Bible,  and  regarding  the 
passage  that  first  presented  itself  to  the  eye  as  predicting  the 
future  lot  of  the  inquirer.  The  Sortes  Sanctorum  had  suc- 
ceeded the  Sortes  Homericse  and  Sortes  Virgilianse  of  the  Pagans; 
among  whom  it  was  customary  to  take  the  work  of  some  famous 
poet,  as  Homer  or  Virgil,  and  write  out  different  verses  on 
separate  scrolls,  and  afterwards  draw  one  of -them,  or  else,  open- 
ing the  book  suddenly,  consider  the  first  verse  that  presented 
itself  as  a  prognostication  of  future  events.  Even  the  vagrant 
fortune-tellers,  like  some  of  the  gypsies  of  our  own  times, 
adopted  this  method  of  imposing  upon  the  credulity  of  the 
ignorant.  The  nations  of  the  East  retain  the  practice  to  the 
present  day.  The  famous  usurper,  Nadir  Shah,  twice  decided 
upon  besieging  cities,  by  opening  at  random  upon  verses  of  the 
celebrated  poet  Hafiz. 

This  abuse,  which  was  first  introduced  into  the  church  about 
the  third  century,  by  the  superstition  of  the  people,  afterwards 
gained  ground  through  the  ignorance  of  some  of  the  clergy,  who 
permitted  prayers  to  be  read  in  the  churches  for  this  very  pur- 


THE    NAME   OP   GOD.  127 

pose.  It  was  therefore  found  necessary  to  ordain  in  the  Coun- 
cil of  Vannes,  held  A.D.  465,  "  That  whoever  of  the  clergy 
or  laity  should  be  detected  in  the  practice  of  this  art  should 
be  cast  out  of  the  communion  of  the  church."  In  506,  the 
Council  of  Agde  renewed  the  decree ;  and  in  578,  the  Council 
of  Auxerre,  amongst  other  kinds  of  divination,  forbade  the 
Lots  of  the  Saints,  as  they  were  called,  adding,  "Let  all  things 
be  done  in  the  name  of  the  Lord;"  but  these  ordinances  did 
not  effectually  suppress  them,  for  we  find  them  again  noticed 
and  condemned  in  a  capitulary  or  edict  of  Charlemagne,  in  793. 
Indeed,  all  endeavors  to  banish  them  from  the  Christian 
church  appear  to  have  been  in  vain  for  ages. 


Name  of  Oiotr. 

Tell  them  I  AM,  JEHOVAH  said 

To  Moaes,  while  earth  heard  in  dread ; 

And,  smitten  to  the  heart, 
At  once,  above,  beneath,  around, 
All  nature,  without  voice  or  sound, 

Replied,  0  LORD!  THOU  ART! 

Christopher  Smart,  an  English  Lunatic. 

IT  is  singular  that  the  name  of  God  should  be  spelled  with 
four  letters  in  almost  every  known  language.  It  is  in  Latin, 
Deus ;  Greek,  Zeus ;  Hebrew,  Adon  ;  Syrian,  Adad ;  Arabian, 
Alia;  Persian,  Syra;  Tartarian,  Idga;  Egyptian,  Aumn,  or 
Zeut ;  East  Indian,  Esgi,  or  Zenl ;  Japanese,  Zain ;  Turkish, 
Addi;  Scandinavian,  Odin;  Wallachian,  Zenc;  Croatian, 
Doga;  Dalmatian,  Rogt;  Tyrrhenian,  Eher;  Etrurian,  Chur; 
Margarian,  Oese;  Swedish,  Codd;  Irish,  Dich;  German,  Gott; 
French,  Dieu  ;  Spanish,  Dios ;  Peruvian,  Lian. 

The  name  God  in  the  Anglo-Saxon  language  means  good, 
and  this  signification  affords  singular  testimony  of  the  Angio- 
Saxon  conception  of  the  essence  of  the  Divine  Being.  He  is 


128  THE    NAME   OP    GOD. 

goodness  itself,  and  the  Author  of  all  goodness.  Yet  the  idea 
of  denoting  the  Deity  by  a  term  equivalent  to  abstract  and  ab- 
solute perfection,  striking  as  it  may  appear,  is  perhaps  less  re- 
markable than  the  fact  that  the  word  Man,  used  to  designate  a 
human  being,  formerly  signified  wickedness  ;  showing  how  well 
aware  were  its  originators  that  our  fallen  nature  had  become 
indentified  with  sin. 

JEHOVAH. 

The  wor&^Elohim,  as  an  appellation  of  Deity,  appears  to 
have  been  in  use  before  the  Hebrews  had  attained  a  national  ex- 
istence. That  Jehovah  is  specifically  the  God  of  the  Hebrews 
is  clear,  from  the  fact  that  the  heathen  deities  never  receive  this 
name ;  they  are  always  spoken  of  as  Elohim.  Both  the  pronun- 
ciation and  the  etymological  derivation  of  the  word  Jehovah 
are  matters  of  critical  controversy.  The  Jews  of  later  periods 
from  religious  awe  abstained  from  pronouncing  it,  and  whenever 
it  occurred  in  reading,  substituted  the  word  Adonai  (my  Lord)  ; 
and  it  is  now  generally  believed  that  the  sublinear  vowel  signs 
attached  to  the  Hebrew  tetragrammaton  Jhvh  belong  to  the 
substituted  word.  Many  believe  Jahveh  to  be  the  original  pro- 
nunciation. The  Hebrew  root  of  the  word  is  believed  to  be 
the  verb  havah  or  hayah,  to  be ;  hence  its  meaning  through- 
out the  Scriptures,  "the  Being,"  or  "the  Everlasting." 

GOD    IN    SHAKSPEARE. 

Michelet  (Jeanne  cTArc,}  speaking  of  English  literature,  says 
that  it  is  "  Sceptique,  judaique,  satanique.  "  In  a  note  he  says, 
"  I  do  not  recollect  to  have  seen  the  word  GOD  in  Shakspeare. 
If  it  is  there  at  all,  it  is  there  very  rarely,  by  chance',  and  with- 
out a  shadow  of  religious  sentiment."  Mrs.  Cowden  Clarke, 
by  means  of  her  admirable  Concordance  to  Shakspeare,  enables 
us  to  weigh  the  truth  of  this  eminent  French  writer's  remark. 
The  word  GOD  occurs  in  Shakspeare  upwards  of  one  thousand 
times,  and  the  word  heaven,  which  is  so  frequently  substituted 
for  the  word  GOD — more  especially  in  the  historical  plays — occurs 
about  eight  hundred  times.  In  the  Holy  Scriptures,  according 


THE    NAME   OP    GOD.  129 

to  Cruden,  it  occurs  about  eight  hundred  times.  It  is  true  that 
the  word  often  occurs  in  Shakspeare  without  a  reverential  senti- 
ment ;  but  M.  Michelet  says  it  never  occurs  with  a  religious 
feeling  (un  sentiment  religieux.}  This  statement  is  almost  as 
erroneous  as  that  regarding  the  absence  of  the  word.  It  would 
be  easy  for  an  English  scholar  to  produce  from  Shakspeare  more 
passages  indicative  of  deep  religious  feeling  than  are  to  be  found 
in  any  French  writer  whatever. 

THE    PARSEE,    JEW,    AND    CHRISTIAN. 

A  Jew  entered  a  Parsee  temple,  and  beheld  the  sacred  fire. 
"What!"  said  he  to  the  priest,  "do  you  worship  the  fire  ?" 

"Not  the  fire,"  answered  the  priest :  "it  is  to  us  an  emblem 
of  the  sun,  and  of  his  genial  heat." 

"  Do  you  then  worship  the  sun  as  your  god  ?"  asked  the  Jew. 
"  Know  ye  not  that  this  luminary  also  is  but  a  work  of  that 
Almighty  Creator?" 

"We  know  it,"  replied  the  priest:  "but  the  unqultivated 
man  requires  a  sensible  sign,  in  order  to  form  a  conception  of 
the  Most  High.  And  is  not  the  sun  the  incomprehensible 
source  of  light,  an  image  of  that  invisible  being  who  blesses 
and  preserves  all  things  ?" 

"Do  your  people,  then,"  rejoined  the  Israelite,  "distinguish 
the  type  from  the  original  ?  They  call  the  sun  their  god,  and, 
descending  even  from  this  to  a  baser  object,  they  kneel  before 
an  earthly  flame  !  Ye  amuse  the  outward  but  blind  the  inward 
eye;  and  while  ye  hold  to  them  the  earthly,  ye  draw  from  them 
the  heavenly  light !  '  Thou  shalt  not  make  unto  thyself  any 
image  or  any  likeness.' " 

"How  do  you  name  the  Supreme  Being?"  asked  the  Parsee. 

"  We  call  him  Jehovah  Adonai,  that  is,  the  Lord  who  is, 
who  was,  and  who  will  be,"  answered  the  Jew. 

"  Your  appellation  is  grand  and  sublime,"  said  the  Parsee; 
"but  it  is  awful  too." 

A  Christian  then  drew  nigh,  and  said, — 

"We  call  him  FATHER.  " 
I 


130 

The  Pagan  and  (he  Jew  looked  at  each  other,  and  said, — 
"  Here  is  at  once  an  image  and  a  reality :  it  is  a  word  of  the 
heart." 

Therefore  they  all  raised  their  eyes  to  heaven,  and  said,  with 
reverence  and  love,  "OuR  FATHER!"  and  they  took  each 
by  the  hand,  and  all  three  called  one  another  brothers  1 


DB   NOMINE   JESU. 

I  n  rebus  tantis  trina  conjunctio  mund  I 
E  rigit  humanum  sensum,  laudare  venust  E 
.  S  ola  salus  nobis,  et  mundi  summa,  potesta  S 
V  enit  peccati  nodum  dissolvere  fruct  V 
S  umina  salus  cunctas  nituit  per  secula  terra  S.* 

The  letters  I.  H.  S.  so  conspicuously  appended  to  different 
portions  of  Catholic  churches,  are  said  to  have  been  designed 
by  St.  Bernardino  of.  Sienna,  to  denote  the  name  and  mission 
of  the  Saviour.  They  are  to  be  found  in  a  circle  above  the 
principal  door  of  the  Franciscan  Church  of  the  Holy  Cross, 
(Santa  Crocej)  in  Florence,  and  are  said  to  have  been  put  there 
by  the  saint  on  the  termination  of  the  plague  of  1347,  after 
which  they  were  commonly  introduced  into  churches.  The 
letters  have  assigned  to  them  the  following  signification  : — 

Jesus  hominum  Salvator — Jesus,  the  Saviour  of  men. 

In  hoc  salus — In  him  is  salvation. 

•In  times  momentous  appeared  the  world's  triple  conjunction, 
E  ncouraging  human  hearts  to  shout  melodious  praises. 
S  ole  salvation  for  us,  that  power  exalted  'bove  measure, 
U  nloosed  the  bonds  of  sin  through  the  precious  atonement 
S  alvation  illumines  all  earth  through  ages  unceasing. 


I.    H.    S.  131 

A  maker  of  playing-cards,  which,  like  missels,  were  illumi- 
nated in  those  times,  was  one  day  remonstrated  with  by  St.  Ber- 
nardine,  upon  the  sinfulness  of  his  business.  The  card-maker 
pleaded  the  needs  of  his  family.  "  Well,  I  will  help  you," 
said  the  saint,  and  wrote  the  letters  I.  H.  S.,  which  he  advised 
the  card-maker  to  paint  and  gild.  The  new  card  "took,"  and 
the  saint  himself  travelled  about  the  country  as  a  poster  of  these 
little  sacred  handbills  of  the  Church. 

THE   FLOWER   OP   JESSE. 

1520. 

There  is  a  flower  sprang  of  a  tree, 
The  root  of  it  is  called  Jesse, 
A  flower  of  price, — 
There  is  none  such  in  Paradise. 

Of  Lily  white  and  Rose  of  Ryse, 
Of  Primrose  and  of  Flower-de-Lyse, 
Of  all  flowers  in  my  devyce, 
The  flower  of  Jesse  beareth  the  prize, 

For  most  of  all 
To  help  our  souls  both  great  and  small. 

I  praise  the  flower  of  good  Jesse, 
Of  all  the  flowers  that  ever  shall  be, 
Uphold  the  flower  of  good  Jesse, 
And  worship  it  for  aye  beautee  ; 

For  best  of  all 
That  ever  was  or  ever  be  shall. 

BEAUTIFUL  LEGEND. 

One  day  Rabbi  Judah  and  his  brethren,  the  seven  pillars  of 
Wisdom,  sat  in  the  Court  of  the  Temple,  on  feast-day,  disputing 
about  REST.  One  said  that  it  was  to  have  attained  sufficient 
wealth,  yet  without  sin.  The  second,  that  it  was  fame  and 
praise  of  all  men.  The  third,  that  it  was  the  possession  of 
power  to  rule  the  State.  The  fourth,  that  it  consisted  only  in 
a  happy  home.  The  fifth,  that  it  must  be  in  the  old  age  of  one 
who  is  rich,  powerful,  famous,  surrounded  by  children  and 
children's  children.  The  sixth  said  that  all  that  were  vain, 
unless  a  man  keep  all  the  ritual  law  of  Moses.  And  Rabfr 


132  i.  H.  s. 

Judah,  the  venerable,  the  tallest  of  the  brothers,  said,  "Ye 
have  spoken  wisely ;  but  one  thing  more  is  necessary.  He  only 
can  find  rest,  who  to  all  things  addeth  this,  that  he  keepeth  the 
tradition  of  the  elders." 

There  sat  in  the  Court  a  fair-haired  boy,  playing  with  some 
lilies  in  his  lap,  and,  hearing  the  talk,  he  dropped  them  with  asto- 
nishment from  his  hands,  and  looked  up — that  boy  of  twelve — 
and  said,  "  Nay,  nay,  fathers :  he  only  findcth  rest,  who  lovcth 
his  brother  as  himself,  and  God  with  his  whole  heart  and  soul. 
He  is  greater  than  fame,  and  wealth,  and  power,  happier  than 
a  happy  home,  happy  without  it,  better  than  honored  age ;  he 
is  a  law  to  himself,  and  above  all  tradition."  The  doctors  were 
astonished.  They  said,  "When  Christ  cometh,  shall  He  tell 
us  greater  things  ?"  And  they  thanked  God,  for  they  said, 
"  The  old  men  are  not  always  wise,  yet  God  be  praised,  that 
out  of  the  mouth  of  this  young  suckling  has  His  praise  be- 
come perfect." 

PERSIAN   APOLOGUE. 

In  Sir  William  Jones's  Persian  Grammar  may  be  found  the 
following  beautiful  story  from  NISAMI.  Mr.  Alger  gives  a  me- 
trical translation  in  his  Poetry  of  the  East. 

One  evening  Jesus  arrived  at  the  gates  of  a  certain  city,  and 
sent  his  disciples  forward  f.o  prepare  supper,  while  he  himself, 
intent  on  doing  good,  walked  through  the  streets  into  the  mar- 
ket-place. 

And  he  saw  at  the  corner  of  the  market  some  people  gathered 
together,  looking  at  an  object  on  the  ground;  and  he  drew  near 
to  see  what  it  might  be.  It  was  a  dead  dog,  with  a  halter  around 
his  neck,  by  which  he  appeared  to  have  been  dragged  through 
the  dirt;  and  a  viler,  a  cnore  abject,  a  more  unclean  thing 
never  met  the  eyes  of  man. 

And  those  who  stood  by  looked  on  with  abhorrence. 

"  Faugh  !"  said  one,  stopping  his  nose :  "  it  pollutes  the  air." 
"  How  long,"  said  another,  "  shall  this  foul  beast  offend  our 
sight  ?"  "  Look  at  his  torn  hide,"  said  a  third  :  "  one  could 


i.  H.  s.  133 

not  even  cut  a  shoe  out  of  it."  "  And  his  ears,"  said  a  fourth, 
"  all  draggled  and  bleeding."  "  No  doubt/'  said  a  fifth,  "  he 
has  been  hanged  for  thieving." 

And  Jesus  heard  them,  and  looking  down  compassionately 
on  the  dead  creature,  he  said,  "  Pearls  are  not  equal  to  the 
whiteness  of  his  teeth  !" 

Then  the  people  turned  towards  him  with  amazement,  and 
said  among  themselves,  "Who  is  this?  It  must  be  Jesus  of 
Nazareth,  for  only  HE  could  find  something  to  pity  and  approve 
even  in  a  dead  dog."  And  being  ashamed,  they  bowed  their 
heads  before  him  and  went  each  on  his  way. 

DESCRIPTION    OF   THE   PERSON   OF   JESUS    CHRIST. 

The  following  description  is  alleged  to  be  derived  from  an 
ancient  manuscript  sent  by  Publius  Lentulus,  President  of 
Judea,  to  the  Senate  of  Rome  : — 

"  There  lives  at  this  time  in  Judea,  a  man  of  singular  cha- 
racter, whose  name  is  Jesus  Christ.  The  barbarians  esteem  him 
as  their  prophet ;  but  his  followers  adore  him  as  the  immediate 
offspring  of  the  immortal  God.  He  is  endowed  with  such  un- 
paralleled virtue  as  to  call  back  the  dead  from  their  graves  and 
to  heal  every  kind  of  disease  with  a  word  or  a  touch.  His 
person  is  tall  and  elegantly  shaped ;  his  aspect,  amiable  and 
reverend;  his  hair  flows  in  those  beauteous  shades  which  no 
united  colors  can  match,  falling  in  graceful  curls  below  his 
ears,  agreeably  couching  on  his  shoulders,  and  parting  on  the 
crown  of  his  head ;  his  dress,  that  of  the  sect  of  Nazarites ;  his 
forehead  is  smooth  and  large ;  his  cheeks  without  blemish, 
and  of  roseate  hue ;  his  nose  and  mouth  are  formed  with  ex- 
quisite symmetry;  his  beard  is  thick  and  suitable  to  the  hair  of 
his  head,  reaching  a  little  below  his  chin,  and  parting  in  the 
middle  below;  his  eyes  are  clear,  bright,  and  serene. 

"  He  rebukes  with  mildness,  and  invokes  with  the  most  ten- 
der and  persuasive  language, — his  whole  address,  whether  in 
word  or  deed,  being  elegantly  grave,  and  strictly  characteristic 
of  so  exalted  a  being.  No  man  has  seen  him  laugh,  but  the 


134  i.  H.  s. 

whole  world  beholds  him  weep  frequently,  and  so  persuasive 
are  his  tears  that  the  whole  multitude  cannot  withhold  their 
tears  from  joining  in  sympathy  with  him.  He  is  moderate, 
temperate,  and  wise  :  in  short,  whatever  the  phenomenon  may 
turn  out  in  the  end,  he  seems  at  present  to  be  a  man  of  excel- 
lent beauty  and  divine  perfection,  every  way  surpassing  man." 

DEATH-WARRANT    OF   JESUS   CHRIST. 

Of  the  many  interesting  relics  and  fragments  brought  to  light 
by  the  persevering  researches  of  antiquarians,  none  could  be 
more  interesting  to  the  philanthropist  and  believer  than  the  fol- 
lowing,— to  Christians,  the  most  imposing  judicial  document 
ever  recorded  in  human  annals.  It  has  been  thus  faithfully 
transcribed : — 

Sentence  rendered  by  Pontius  Pilate,  acting  Governor  of 
Lower  Galilee,  stating  that  Jesus  of  Nazareth  shall  suffer 
death  on  the  cross. 

In  the  year  seventeen  of  the  Emperor  Tiberius  Caesar,  and 
the  27th  day  of  March,  the  city  of  the  holy  Jerusalem — Annas 
and  Caiaphas  being  priests,  sacrificators  of  the  people  of  God — 
Pontius  Pilate,  Governor  of  Lower  Galilee,  sitting  in  the  presi- 
dential chair  of  the  praetory,  condemns  Jesus  of  Nazareth  to 
die  on  the  cross  between  two  thieves,  the  great  and  notorious 
evidence  of  the  people  saying  : 

1.  Jesus  is  a  seducer. 

2.  He  is  seditious. 

8.  He  is  the  enemy  of  the  law. 

4.  He  calls  himself  falsely  the  Son  of  God. 

5.  He  calls  himself  falsely  the  King  of  Israel. 

6.  He  entered  into  the  temple  followed  by  a  multitude  bear- 
ing palm  branches  in  their  hands. 

Orders  the  first  centurion,  Quilius  Cornelius,  to  lead  him  to 
the  place  of  execution. 

Forbids  any  person  whomsoever,  either  poor  or  rich,  to  op- 
pose the  death  of  Jesus  Christ. 
The  witnesses  who  signed  the  condemnation  of  Jesus  are — 

1.  Daniel  Robani,  a  Pharisee. 

2.  Joannus  Robani. 


i.  H.  s.  135 

3.  Raphael  Robani. 

4.  Capet,  a  citizen. 

Jesus  shall  go  out  of  the  city  of  Jerusalem  by  the  gate  of 

Struenus. 

The  foregoing  is  engraved  on  a  copper  plate,  on  the  reverse 
of  which  is  written,  "  A  similar  plate  is  sent  to  each  tribe." 
It  was  found  in  an  antique  marble  vase,  while  excavating  in 
the  ancient  city  of  Aquilla,  in  the  kingdom  of  Naples,  in  the 
year  1810,  and  was  discovered  by  the  Commissioners  of  Arts 
of  the  French  army.  At  the  expedition  of  Naples,  it  was  en- 
closed in  a  box  of  ebony  and  preserved  in  the  sacristy  of  the 
Carthusians.  The  French  translation  was  made  by  the  Commis- 
sioners of  Arts.  The  original  is  in  the  Hebrew  language. 

DOUBLE   HEXAMETER. 


ANTICIPATORY  USE  OF  THE  CROSS. 

Madame  Calderon  de  la  Barca,  in  her  Life  in  Mexico  (pub. 
184&),  says  that  the  symbol  of  the  Cross  was  known  to  the. 
Indians  before  the  arrival  of  Cortez.  In  the  island  of  Cozumel, 
near  Yucatan,  there  were  several  ;  and  in  Yucatan  *  itself  there 
was  a  stone  cross.  And  there  an  Indian,  considered  a  prophet 
among  his  countrymen,  had  declared  that  a  nation  bearing  the 
same  as  a  symbol  should  arrive  from  a  distant  country.  More 
extraordinary  still  was  a  temple  dedicated  to  the  Holy  Cross  by 
the  Toltec  nation  in  the  city  of  Cholula,  Near  Tulansingo  there 
is  also  a  cross  engraved  on  a  rock  with  various  characters.  In 
Oajaca  there  was  a  cross  which  the  Indians  from  time  immemo- 
rial had  been  accustomed  to  consider  as  a  divine  symbol.  By 
order  of  Bishop  Cervantes  it  was  placed  in  a  chapel  in  the 
cathedral.  Information  concerning  its  discovery,  together  with 
a  small  cup,  cut  out  of  its  wood,  was  sent  to  Rome  to  Paul  V., 
who  received  it  on  his  knees,  singing  the  hymn  Vexilla  regis,  etc. 

See  also  Prescott's  Conquest  of  Mexico,  Vol.  I.  Bk.  II.  Chap.  4;  and 
Stephens'  Incidents  of  Travel  in  Yucatan,  Vol.  II.  Chap.  20. 


136  THE  LORD'S  PRAYER. 


The  Lord's  Prayer  alone  is  an  evidence  of  the  truth  of  Christianity, — to  ad- 
mirably is  that  prayer  accommodated  to  all  our  wants. — LORD  WELLINGTON. 

THY   AND    US. 

The  two  divisions  of  the  Lord's  Prayer — the  former  relating 
to  the  glory  of  God,  the  latter  to  the  wants  of  man — appear  very 
evident  on  a  slight  transposition  of  the  personal  pronouns : — 

Thy  name  be  hallowed. 

Thy  kingdom  come. 

Thy  will  be  done,  &c. 

Us  give  this  day  our  daily  bread. 

Us  forgive  our  debts,  Ac. 

Us  lead  not  into  temptation. 

Us  deliver  from  evil. 

SPIRIT    OP   THE   LORD'S   PRAYER. 

The  spirit  of  the  Lord's  Prayer  is  beautiful.  This  form  of 
petition  breathes : — 

A  filial  spirit— Father. 
A  catholic  spirit — Our  Father. 
A  reverential  spirit — Hallowed  be  Thy  name. 
A  missionary  spirit — Thy  kingdom  come. 

An  obedient  spirit — Thy  will  be  done  on  earth  as  it  is  in  heaven. 
A  dependent  spirit — Give  us  this  day  our  daily  bread. 
A  forgiving  spirit — And  forgive  our  debts  as  we  forgive  our  debtors. 
A  cautious  spirit — And  lead  us  not  into  temptation,  but  deliver  us  from  evil. 
A  confidential  and  adoring  spirit — For  thine  is  the  kingdom,  and  the 
power,  and  the  glory,  forever.     Amen. 

GOTHIC   VERSION. 

Ulphilas,  who  lived  between  the  years  310  and  388,  was 
bishop  of  the  Western  Goths,  and  translated  the  greater  part  of 
the  Scriptures  into  the  Gothic  language.  The  following  is  his 
rendering  of  the  Lord's  Prayer : — 


THE  LORD'S  PRATER  137 

Atta  unsar  thu  in  himinam.  Weihnai  namo  thein.  Quimai  thiudinassus 
sijaima,  swaswe  jah  weis  afletam  thaim  skulam  unsaraim.  Jah  ni  briggais 
uns  in  fraistubujai.  Ak  lausei  uns  af  thamma  ubilin,  unte  theina  ist  thiu- 
dangardi,  jah  maths,  jah  wulthus  in  aiwins.  Amen. 

METRICAL   VERSIONS. 

Father  in  heaven,  hallowed  be  thy  name; 
Thy  kingdom  come :  thy  will  be  done  the  same 
In  earth  and  heaven.     Give  us  daily  bread; 
Forgive  our  sins  as  others  we  forgive. 
Into  temptation  let  us  not  be  led ; 
Deliver  us  from  evil  while  we  live. 
For  kingdom,  power,  and  glory  must  remain 
For  ever  and  for  ever  thine :     Amen. 

Here  the  sixty-six  words  of  the  original,  according  to  the 
authorized  translation  of  St.  Matthew's  version,  are  reduced  to 
fifty-nine,  though  the  latter  is  fully  implied  in  all  points  except 
two.  "This  day"  is  omitted;  but,  if  anything,  the  Greek  is 
slightly  approached,  for  ixiouffiov  refers  rather  to  to-morrow 
than  to  to-day.  The  antithesis  in  "But  deliver  us"  does  not 
appear:  if  the  word  deliver  be  sacrificed,  we  may  read,  "But 
keep  us  safe." 

The  subjoined  metrical  version  of  the  Prayer  is  at  least  two 
and  a  half  centuries  old.  and  was  written  for  adaptation  to 
music  in  public  worship : — 

Our  Father  which  in  heaven  art, 
All  hallowed  be  thy  name ; 

Thy  kingdom  come, 

On  earth  thy  will  be  done, 
Even  as  the  same  in  heaven  is. 
Give  us,  0  Lord,  our  daily  bread  this  day : 

As  we  forgive  our  debtors, 

So  forgive  our  debts,  we  pray. 
Into  temptation  lead  us  not, 

From  evil  make  us  free : 
The  kingdom,  power,  and  glory  thine, 

Both  now  and  ever  be. 

The  Prayer  is  commended  for  its  authorship,  its  efficacy,  its 
perfection,  the  order  of  its  parts,  its  brevity,  and  its  necessity. 
12* 


138  THE  LORD'S  PRAYER. 

The  following  paraphrase,  which  has  been  set  to  music  as  a 
duett,  is  of  more  recent  origin  : — 

Our  Heavenly  Father,  hear  our  prayer : 

Thy  name  be  hallowed  everywhere; 

Thy  kingdom  come ;  on  earth,  thy  will, 

E'en  as  in  heaven,  let  all  fulfill ; 

Give  this  day's  bread,  that  we  may  live; 

Forgive  our  sins  as  WA  forgive ; 

Help  us  temptation  to  withstand  ; 

From  evil  shield  us  by  Thy  hand ; 

Now  and  forever,  unto  Thee, 

The  kingdom,  power,  and  glory  be.     Amen. 

THE    PRAYER    ILLUSTRATED. 

Our  Father.— Isaiah  Ixiii.  16. 

1.  By  right  of  creation.  Malachi  ii.  10. 

2.  By  bountiful  provision.  Psalm  cxlv.  16. 

3.  By  gracious  adoption.  Ephesians  i.  5. 

Who  art  in  Heaven. — 1  Kings  viii.  43. 

1.  The  throne  of  thy  glory.  Isaiah  Ixvi.  1. 

2.  The  portion  of  thy  children  1  Peter  i.  4. 

3.  The  temple  of  thy  angels.  Isaiah  vi.  1. 
Hallowed  be  thy  Name. — Psalm  cxv.  1. 

1.  By  the  thoughts  of  our  hearts.         Psalm  Ixxxvi.  11. 

2.  By  the  words  of  our  lips.  Psalm  li.  15. 

3.  By  the  works  of  our  hands.  1  Corinthians  x.  31. 

Thy  Kingdom  come. — Psalm  ex.  2. 

1.  Of  Providence  to  defend  us.  Psalm  xvii.  8. 

2.  Of  grace  to  refine  us.  1  Thessalonians  v.  23. 

3.  Of  glory  to  crown  us.  Colossians  iii.  4. 
Thy  will  be  done  on  Earth  as  it  i»  in  Heaven. — Acts  xxxi.  14. 

1.  Towards  us,  without  resistance.  1  Samuel  iii.  18. 

2.  By  us,  without  compulsion.  Psalm  cxix.  36. 

3.  Universally,  without  exception.  Luke  L  6. 

4.  Eternally,  without  declension.  Psalm  cxix.  93. 

Give  us  this  day  our  daily  bread. 

1.  Of  necessity,  for  our  bodies.  Proverbs  xxx.  8. 

2.  Of  eternal  life,  for  our  souls.  John  vi.  34. 
And  forgive  us  our  trespasses. — Psalm  xxv.  11. 

1.  Against  the  commands  of  thy  law.  1  John  iii.  4. 

2.  Against  the  grace  of  thy  gospel.      1  Timothy  L  13. 


THE  LORD'S  PRAYER.  139 

As  we  forgive  them  that  trespass  against  us. — Matthew  vi.  15. 

1.  By  defaming  our  characters.  Matthew  v.  11. 

2.  By  embezzling  our  property.  Philemon  18. 

3.  By  abusing  our  persons.  •  Acts  vii.  60. 

And  lead  us  not  into  temptation,  but  deliver  us  from  evil. — Matthew  xxvi.  41. 

1.  Of  overwhelming  afflictions.  Psalm  cxxx.  1. 

2.  Of  worldly  enticements.  1  John  ii.  16. 

3.  Of  Satan's  devices.  '  1  Timothy  iii.  7. 

4.  Of  error's  seduction.  1  Timothy  vi.  10. 

5.  Of  sinful  affections.  Romans  i.  26. 

For  thine  is  the  kingdom,  and  the  power,  and  the  glory,  forever. — Jude  25. 

1.  Thy  kingdom  governs  all.  Psalm  ciii.  19. 

2.  Thy  power  subdues  all.  Philippians  iii.  20,  21. 

3.  Thy  glory  is  above  all.  Psalm  cxlviii.  13. 

Amen. — Ephesians  i.  11. 

1.  As  it  is  in  thy  purposes.  Isaiah  xiv.  27. 

2.  So  is  it  in  thy  promises.  2  Corinthians  i.  20. 

3.  So  be  it  in  our  prayers.  Kevelation  xxii.  20. 
t.  So  shall  it  be  to  thy  praise.  Revelation  xix.  4. 

ACROSTICAL   PARAPHRASE. 

OUR  Lord  and  King,  Who  reign'st  enthroned  on  high, 
FATHER  of  Light!  mysterious  Deity! 
WHO  art  the  great  I  AM,  the  last,  the  first, 
ART  righteous,  holy,  merciful,  and  just. 
IN  realms  of  glory,  scenes  where  angels  sing, 
HEAVEN  is  the  dwelling-place  of  God  our  King. 
HALLOWED  Thy  name,  which  doth  all  names  transcend, 
BE  Thou  adored,  our  great  Almighty  Friend  ; 
THY  glory  shines  beyond  creation's  bound  ; 
NAME  us  'mong  those  Thy  choicest  gifts  surround. 
THY  kingdom  towers  beyond  Thy  starry  skies ; 
KINGDOM  Satanic  falls,  but  Thine  shall  rise. 
COME  let  Thine  empire,  0  Thou  Holy  One, 
THY  great  and  everlasting  will  be  done. 
WILL  God  make  known  his  will,  his  power  display? 
BE  it  the  work  of  mortals  to  obey. 
DONE  is  the  great,  the  wondrous  work  of  love ; 
ON  Calvary's  cross  he  died,  but  reigns  above; 
EARTH  bears  the  record  in  Thy  holy  word. 
As  heaven  adores  Thy  love,  let  earth,  0  Lord ; 
IT  shines  transcendent  in  the  eternal  skies, 
Ts  praised  in  heaven — for  man,  the  Saviour  dies. 


140  THE  LORD'S  PRAYER. 

IN  songs  immortal,  angels  land  his  name ; 

HEAVEN  shouts  with  joy,  and  saints  his  love  proclaim. 

GIVE  us,  0  Lord,  our  food,  nor  cease  to  give 

Us  needful  food  on  which  our  souls  may  live ! 

THIS  be  our  boon  to-day  and  days  to  come, 

DAY  without  end  in  our  eternal  home. 

OUR  needy  souls  supply  from  day  to  day; 

DAILY  assist  and  aid  us  when  we  pray ; 

BREAD  though  we  ask,  yet,  Lord,  Thy  blessings  lend. 

AND  make  us  grateful  when  Thy  gifts  descend. 

FORGIVE  our  sins,  which  in  destruction  place 

Us,  the  vile  rebels  of  a  rebel  race ; 

OUR  follies,  faults,  and  trespasses  forgive, 

DEBTS  which  we  ne'er  can  pay,  nor  Thou  receive. 

As  wo,  0  Lord,  our  neighbor's  faults  o'erlook, 

WE  beg  Thou  'd'st  blot  ours  from  Thy  memory's  book. 

FORGIVE  our  enemies,  extend  Thy  grace 

OUR  souls  to  save,  e'en  Adam's  guilty  race. 

DEBTORS  to  Thee  in  gratitude  and  love, 

AND  in  that  duty  paid  by  saints  above, 

LEAD  us  from  sin,  and  in  thy  mercy  raise 

Us  from  the  tempter  and  his  hellish  ways. 

NOT  in  our  own,  but  in  His  name  who  bled, 

INTO  Thine  ear  we  pour  our  every  need. 

TEMPTATION'S  fatal  charm  help  us  to  shun, 

BUT  may  we  conquer  through  Thy  conquering  Son ; 

DELIVER  us  from  all  that  can  annoy 

Ua  in  this  world,  and  may  our  souls  destroy. 

FROM  all  calamities  that  man  betide, 

EVIL  and  death,  0  turn  our  feet  aside, — 

FOR  we  are  mortal  worms,  and  cleave  to  clay,— 

THINE  'tis  to  rule,  and  mortals  to  obey. 

Is  not  thy  mercy,  Lord,  forever  free? 

THE  whole  creation  knows  no  God  but  Thee. 

KINGDOM  and  empire  in  Thy  presence  fall; 

THE  King  eternal  reigns  the  King  of  all. 

POWER  is  Thine — to  Thee  be  glory  given, 

AND  be  thy  name  'adored  by  earth  and  heaven. 

THE  praise  of  saints  and  angels  is  Thy  own ; 

GLORY  to  Thee,  the  Everlasting  One. 

FOREVER  be  Thy  holy  name  adored. 

AMEN !  Hosannah !  blessed  be  the  Lord 

TRIFLING    OP   BIBLE    COMMENTATORS. 

Dr.  Gill,  in  his  Expository,  seriously  tells  us  that  the  word  ABBA  read 
backwards  or  forwards  being  the  same,  may  teach  us  that  God  is  the  father 
of  his  people  in  adversity  as  well  as  iu  prosperity. 


THE   LORD'S    PRAYER.  141 

THE  PRAYER  ECHOED. 

IP  any  be  distressed,  and  fain  would  gather 
Some  comfort,  let  him  haste  unto 

Our  Father. 

For  we  of  hope  and  help  are  quite  bereaven 
Except  Thou  succor  us 

Who  art  in  heaven. 

Thou  showest  mercy,  therefore  for  the  same 
We  praise  Thee,  singing, 

Hallowed  be  Thy  name. 
Of  all  our  miseries  cast  up  the  sum  ; 
Show  us  thy  joys,  and  let 

Thy  kingdom  come. 

We  mortal  are,  and  alter  from  our  birth ; 
Thou  constant  art; 

Thy  will  be  done  on  earth. 

Thou  madest  the  earth,  as  well  as  planets  seven, 
Thy  name  be  blessed  here 

As  'tis  in  heaven. 

Nothing  we  have  to  use,  or  debts  to  pay, 
Except  Thou  give  it  us. 

Give  us  this  day 

Wherewith  to  clothe  us,  wherewith  to  8e  fed, 
For  without  Thee  we  want 

Our  daily  bread. 

We  want,  but  want  no  faults,  for  no  day  passes 
But  we  do  sin . 

Forgive  us  our  trespasses. 
No  man  from  sinning  ever  free  did  live 
Forgive  us,  Lord,  our  sins, 

As  we  forgive. 

If  we  repent  our  faults,  Thou  ne'er  disdain'st  us  ; 
We  pardon  them 

That  trespass  against  us : 
Forgive  us  that  is  past,  a  new  path  tread  us ; 
Direct  us  always  in  Thy  faith, 
And  lead  us — 

Us,  Thine  own  people  and  Thy  chosen  nation, 
Into  all  truth,  but 

Not  into  temptation. 

Thou  that  of  all  good  graces  art  the  Giver, 
Suffer  us  not  to  wander, 

But  deliver 

TTs  from  the  fierce  assaults  of  world  and  devil 
And  flesh ;  so  shalt  Thou  free  us 

From  all  evil. 

To  these  petitions  let  both  church  and  laymen 
With  one  consent  of  heart  and  voice,  say, 
Amen. 


142          THE  LORD'S  PRAYER. 

THE  PRAYER  IN  AN  ACROSTIC. 

In  the  following  curious  composition  the  initial  capitals  spell, 
"  My  boast  is  in  the  glorious  Cross  of  Christ."  The  words  in 
italics,  when  read  from  top  to  bottom  and  bottom  to  top,  form 
the  Lord's  Prayer  complete: — 

Make  known  the  Gospel  truths,  Our  Father  King; 

Yield  up  thy  grace,  dear  Father  from  above ; 
Bless  us  with  hearts  which  feelingly  can  sing, 

"  Our  life  thou  art  for  ever,  God  of  Love  !" 
Assuage  our  grief  in  love  for  Christ,  we  pray, 

Since  the  bright  prince  of  Heaven  and  glory  died, 
Took  all  our  sins  and  hallowed  the  display, 

Infinite  6e-ing — first  man,  and  then  the  crucified. 
Stupendous  God !  thy  grace  and  power  make  known  ; 

In  Jesus'  name  let  all  the  world  rejoice. 
Now  all  the  world  thy  heavenly  kingdom  own, 

The  blessed  kingdom  for  thy  saints  the  choice. 
How  vile  to  come  to  thee  is  all  our  cry, 

Enemies  to  thy  self  and  all  that's  thine, 
Graceless  our  will,  we  live  for  vanity, 

Lending  to  sin  our  6e-ing,  evil  in  our  design. 
0  God,  thy  will  be  done  front  earth  to  Heaven; 

Reclining  on  .the  Gospel  let  us  live, 
In  earth  from  sin  deliver-eA  and  forgiven, 

Oh  !  as  thyself  but  teach  us  to  forgive. 
Unless  it's  power  temptation  doth  destroy, 

Sure  is  our  fall  into  the  depths  of  woe, 
Carnal  in  mind,  we've  not  a  glimpse  of  joy 

Raised  against  Heaven;  in  us  no  hope  can  flow. 
0  give  us  grace  and  lead  us  on  thy  way; 

Shine  on  us  with  thy  love  and  give  us  peace ; 
Self  and  this  sin  that  rise  against  us  slay; 

Oh !  grant  each  day  our  trespass-es  may  cease. 
Forgive  our  evil  deeds  that  oft  we  do ; 

Convince  us  daily  of  them  to  our  shame ; 
Help  us  with  heavenly  bread,  forgive  us,  too, 

Recurrent  lusts,  and  we'll  adore  thy  name. 
In  thy  forgive-ness  we  as  saints  can  die, 

Since  for  us  and  our  trespasses  so  high, 
Thy  son,  our  Saviour,  blpd  on  Calvary. 


ECCLESIASTICS.  143 

IScclestasttcee. 

EXCESSIVE   CIVILITY. 

TOM  BROWN,  in  his  Laconics,  says  that  in  the  reign  of 
Charles  II.  a  certain  worthy  divine  at  Whitehall  thus  ad- 
dressed himself  to  the  auditory  at  the  conclusion  of  his  sermon : 
u  In  short,  if  you  don't  live  up  to  the  precepts  of  the  gospel, 
but  abandon  yourselves  to  your  irregular  appetites,  you  must 
expect  to  receive  your  reward  in  a  certain  place,  which  'tis 
not  good  manners  to  mention  here."  This  suggested  to  Pope 
the  couplet, 

"  To  rest,  the  cushion  and  soft  dean  invite, 
Who  never  mentions  hell  to  ears  polite." 


SHORT    SERMONS. 

DEAN  SWIFT,  having  been  solicited  to  preach  a  charity  ser- 
mon, mounted  the  pulpit,  and  after  announcing  his  text,  "He 
that  giveth  to  the  poor  lendeth  to  the  Lord,"  simply  said, 
"Now,  my  brethren,  if  you  are  satisfied  with  the  security, 
down  with  the  dust."  He  then  took  his  seat,  and  there  was  an 
unusually  large  collection. 

The  following  abridgment  contains  the  pith  and  marrow, 
sum  and  substance,  of  a  sermon  which  occupied  an  hour  in 
delivery : — 

"  Man  is  born  to  trouble." 
This  subject,  my  hearers,  is  naturally  divisible  into  four  heads: — 

1.  Man's  entrance  into  the  world; 

2.  His  progress  through  the  world  ; 

3.  His  exit  from  the  world ;   and 

4.  Practical  reflections  from  what  may  be  said. 
First,  then  :— 

1.  Man's  ingress  in  life  is  naked  and  bare, 

2.  His  progress  through  life  is  trouble  and  care, 

3.  His  egress  from  it,  none  can  .tell  where. 

4.  But  doing  well  here,  he  will  be  well  there. 
Now,  on  this  subject,  my  brethren  dear, 

I  could  not  tell  more  by  preaching  a  year. 


144  ECCLESIASTICS. 

A   SEP&ON   ON   MALT. 

The  Rev.  Dr.  Dodd  lived  within  a  few  miles  of  Cambridge, 
(England,)  and  had  offended  several  students  by  preaching  a 
sermon  on  temperance.  One  day  some  of  them  met  him. 
They  said  one  to  another, — 

"  Here's  Father  Dodd  :  he  shall  preach  us  a  sermon."  Ac- 
costing him  with, — 

"  Your  servants." 

11  Sirs  !  yours,  gentlemen  !"  replied  the  Doctor. 

They  said,  ''We  have  a  faror  to  ask  of  you,  which  must  be 
granted."  The  divine  asked  what  it  was. 

"  To  preach  a  sermon,"  was  the  reply. 

"Well,"  said  he,  "appoint  the  time  and  place,  and  I  will." 

"  The  time,  the  present;  the  place,  that  hollow  tree,"  (point- 
ing to  it,)  said  the  students. 

"'Tis  an  imposition!"  said  the  Doctor:  ".there  ought  to 
be  consideration  before  preaching." 

"  If  you  refuse,"  responded  they,  "  we  will  put  you  into  the 
tree  !"  Whereupon  the  Doctor  acquiesced,  and  asked  them  for 
a  text. 

"  Malt !"  said  they. 

The  reverend  gentleman  commenced  : — 

"Let  me  crave  your  attention,  my  beloved  ! 

"  I  am  a  little  man,  come  at  a  short  warning,  to  preach  a 
short  sermon,  upon  a  short  subject,  to  a  thin  congregation,  in 
an  unworthy  pulpit.  Beloved  !  my  text  is  '  MALT.'  I  can- 
not divide  it  into  syllables,  it  being  but  a  monosyllable :  there- 
fore I  must  divide  it  into  letters,  which  I  find  in  my  text  to  be 
four : — M-A-L-T.  M,  my  beloved,  is  moral — A,  is  allegorical 
— L,  is  literal — T,  is  theological. 

"  1st.  The  moral  teaches  such  as  you  drunkards  good  man- 
ners ;  therefore  M,  my  masters — A,  all  of  you — L,  leave  off — 
T,  tippling. 

"  2d.  The  allegorical  is,  when  one  thing  is  spoken  and  an- 
other meant ;  the  thing  here  spoken  is  Malt,  the  thing  meant 


ECCLESIASTICS.  145 

the  oil  of  malt,  which  you  rustics  make  M,  your  masters — A, 
your  apparel — L,  your  liberty — T,  your  trusts. 

"  3d.  The  theological  is  according  to  the  effects  it  works, 
which  are  of  two  kinds — the  first  in  this  world,  the  second  in  the 
world  to  come.  The  effects  it  works  in  this  world  are,  in  some, 
M,  murder — in  others,  A,  adultery — in  all,  L,  looseness  of  life 
— and  particularly  in  some,  T,  treason.  In  the  world  to  come, 
the  effects  of  it  are,  M,  misery — A,  anguish — L,  lamentation 
— T,  torment — and  thus  much  for  my  text,  '  Malt/ 

"  Infer  1st :  As  words  of  exhortation  :  M,  my  masters — A, 
all  of  you — L,  leave  off — T,  tippling. 

"  2d.  A  word  for  conviction  :  M,  my  masters — A,  all  of  you 
— L,  look  for — T,  torment. 

"  3d.  A  word  for  caution,  take  this :  A  drunkard  is  the  an- 
noyance of  modesty — the  spoiler  of  civility — the  destroyer  of 
reason — the  brewer's  agent — the  alewife's  benefactor — his 
wife's  sorrow — his  children's  trouble — his  neighbor's  scoff — a 
walking  swill-tub — a  picture  of  a  beast — a  monster  of  a  man." 

The  youngsters  found  the  truth  so  unpalatable,  that  they 
soon  deserted  their  preacher,  glad  to  get  beyond  the  reach  of 
his  voice. 

ELOQUENCE   OF   BASCOM. 

The  following  passages  will  serve  to  illustrate  the  peculiar 
oratorical  style  of  Rev.  Henry  B.  Bascom,  the  distinguished 
Kentucky  preacher : — 

"  Chemistry,  with  its  fire-tongs  of  the  galvanic  battery, 
teaches  that  the  starry  diamond  in  the  crown  of  kings,  and  the 
black  carbon  which  the  peasant  treads  beneath  his  feet,  are 
both  composed  of  the  same  identical  elements;  analysis  also 
proves  that  a  chief  ingredient  in  limestone  is  carbon.  Then 
let  the  burning  breath  of  God  pass  over  all  the  limestone  of 
the  earth,  and  bid  its  old  mossy  layers  crystalize  into  new 
beauty;  and  loj  at  the  Almighty  fiat  the  mountain  ranges  flash 
into  living  gems  with  a  lustre  that  renders  midnight  noon,  and 
eclipses  all  the  stars!" 

K  13 


146  ECCLESIASTICS. 

He  urged  the  same  vierr  by  another  example,  still  better 
adapted  to  popular  apprehension  : — 

"Look  yonder,"  said  the  impassioned  orator,  pointing  a 
motionless  finger  towards  the  lofty  ceiling,  as  if  it  were  the 
sky.  "  See  that  wrathful  thunder-cloud — the  fiery  bed  of  the 
lightnings  and  hissing  hail — the  cradle  of  tempests  and  floods  ! 
— What  can  be  more  dark,  more  dreary,  more  dreadful  ?  Say, 
scoffing  skeptic,  is  it  capable  of  any  beauty  ?  You  pronounce, 
'  no.'  Well,  very  well  j  but  behold,  while  the  sneering  denial 
curls  your  proud  lips,  the  sun  with  its  sword  of  light  shears 
through  the  sea  of  vapors  in  the  west,  and  laughs  in  your  in- 
credulous face  with  his  fine  golden  eye.  Now,  look  again  at 
the  thunder-cloud  !  See  !  where  it  was  blackest  and  fullest  of 
gloom,  the  sunbeams  have  kissed  its  hideous  cheek ;  and  where 
the  kiss  fell  there  is  now  a  blush,  brighter  than  ever  mantled 
on  the  brow  of  mortal  maiden — the  rich  blush  of  crimson  and 
gold,  of  purple  and  vermilion — a  pictured  blush,  fit  for  the 
gaze  of  angels — the  flower-work  of  pencils  of  fire  and  light, 
wrought  at  a  dash  by  one  stroke  of  the  right  hand  of  God ! 
Ay,  the  ugly  cloud  hath  given  birth  to  the  rainbow,  that  per- 
fection and  symbol  of  unspeakable  beauty  I" 

.    THE  LORD   BISHOP. 

The  following  incident  is  said  to  have  occurred  in  the  parish 
church  of  Bradford,  England,  during  a  special  service,  on  the 
occasion  of  a  visit  from  the  bishop  of  the  diocese  : — 

The  clerk,  before  the  sermon,  gave  out  the  psalm  in  broad 
Wiltshire  dialect,  namely  : — "  Let  us  zing  to  the  praayze  an' 
glawry  o'  God,  three  varsses  o*  the  hundred  and  vourteen  zaam 
— a  varsion  'specially  'dapted  to  the  'caasion, — by  meself :" — 

Why  hop  ye  zo,  ye  little  hills, 

An'  what  var  de'e  skip? 
Is  it  'cas  you'm  proud  to  see 

His  grace  the  Lard  Bishipf 

Why  skip  ye  zo,  ye  little  hilla, 
An'  what  var  de'e  hop  ? 


ECCLESIASTICS.  147 

Is  it  'cas  to  preach  to  we 

Is  com'd  the  Lard  Bishop? 
Eese ; — he  is  com'd  to  preach  to  we : 

Then  let  us  aul  strick  up, 
An'  zing  a  glawrious  zong  of  praayze, 

An'  bless  the  Lard  Bishup  / 

THE   PREACHERS    OF   CROMWELL*  8   TIME. 

Dr.  Echard  says  of  the  preachers  who  lived  in  the  time  of 
Cromwell, — "  Coiners  of  new  phrases,  drawers-out  of  long  godly 
words,  thick  pourers-out  of  texts  of  Scripture,  mimical  squeak- 
ers and  bellowers,  vain-glorious  admirers  only  of  themselves, 
and  those  of  their  own  fashioned  face  and  gesture ;  such  as 
these  shall  be  followed,  shall  have  their  bushels  of  China 
oranges,  shall  be  solaced  with  all  manner  of  cordial  essences, 
and  shall  be  rubbed  down  with  Holland  of  ten  shillings  an  ell." 

One  of  the  singular  fashions  that  prevailed  among  the 
preachers  of  those  days  was  that  of  coughing  or  hemming  in 
the  middle  of  a  sentence,  as  an  ornament  of  speech ;  and  when 
their  sermons  were  printed,  the  place  where  the  preacher 
coughed  or  hemmed  was  always  noted  in  the  margin.  This 
practice  was  not  confined  to  England,  for  Olivier  Maillard,  a 
Cordelier,  and  famous  preacher,  printed  a  sermon  at  Brussels 
in  the  year  1500,  and  marked  in  the  margin  where  the  preacher 
hemmed  once  or  twice,  or  coughed. 

ORIGIN   OP   TEXTS. 

The  custom  of  taking  a  text  as  the  basis  of  a  sermon  origin- 
ated with  Ezra,  who,  we  .are  told,  accompanied  by  several 
Levites  in  a  public  congregation  of  men  and  women,  ascended 
a  pulpit,  opened  the  book  of  the  law,  and  after  addressing  a 
prayer  to  the  Deity,  to  which  the  people  said  Amen,  "read  in 
the  book  in  the  law  of  God  distinctly,  and  gave  the  sense,  and 
caused  them  to  understand  the  reading."  (Nehemiah  viii.  8.) 

Previous  to  the  time  of  Ezra,  the  Patriarchs  delivered,  in 
public  assemblies,  either  prophecies  or  moral  instructions  for 
the  edification  of  the  people;  and  it  was  not  until  the  return 


148  ECCLESIASTICS. 

of  the  Jews  from  the  Babylonish  captivity,  during  which  time 
they  had  almost  lost  the  language  in  which  the  Pentateuch  was 
written,  that  it  became  necessary  to  explain,  as  well  as  to  read, 
the  Scriptures  to  them.  In  later  times,  the  book  of  Moses  was 
thus  read  in  the  synagogues  every  Sabbath  day.  (Acts  xv.  21.) 
To  this  custom  our  Saviour  conformed :  in  the  synagogue  at  Na- 
zareth he  read  a  passage  from  the  prophet  Isaiah,  then  closing 
the  book,  returned  it  to  the  priest,  and  preached  from  the  text. 

CLERICAL    BLUNDERS. 

In  an  old  book  of  Sermons  by  a  divine  named  Milsoin,  we 
are  told  that  it  is  one  among  many  proofs  of  the  wisdom  and 
benevolence  of  Providence  that  the  world  was  not  created  in 
the  midst  of  winter,  when  Adam  and  Eve  could  have  found 
nothing  to  eat,  but  in  harvest-time,  when  there  was  fruit  on 
every  tree  and  shrub  to  tempt  the  willing  hand. 

Another  commentator  praises  Divine  Goodness  for  always 
making  the  largest  rivers  flow  close  by  the  most  populous  towns. 

St.  Austin  undertook  to  prove  that  the  ten  plagues  of  Egypt 
were  punishments  adapted  to  the  breach  of  the  ten  command- 
ments,— forgetting  that  the  law  was  given  to  the  Jews,  and  that 
the  plagues  were  inflicted  on  the  Egyptians,  and  also  that  the 
law  was  not  given  in  the  form  of  commandments  until  nearly 
three  months  after  the  plagues  had  been  sent. 

PROVING   AN   ALIBI. 

A  clergyman  at  Cambridge  preached  a  sermon  which  one  of 
his  auditors  commended.  "  Yes,"  said  a  gentleman  to  whom  it 
was  mentioned,  "it  was  a  good  sermon,  but  he  stole  it."  This 
was  told  to  the  preacher.  He  resented  it,  and  called  on  the 
gentleman  to  retract  what  he  had  said.  "I  am  not,"  replied  the 
aggressor,  "  very  apt  to  retract  my  words,  but  in  this  instance  I 
will.  I  said,  you  had  stolen  the  sermon;  I  find  I  was  wrong; 
for  on  returning  home,  and  referring  to  the  book  whence  I 
thought  it  was  taken,  I  found  it  there." 


ECCLESIASTICS.      ~>  149 

WHITEFIELD   AND   THE   SAILORS. 

Mr.  Whitefield,  whose  gestures  and  play  of  features  were  so 
full  of  dramatic  power,  once  preached  before  the  seamen  at  New 
York,  and,  in  the  course  of  his  sermon,  introduced  the  following 
hold  apostrophe : — 

"  Well,  my  boys,  we  have  a  clear  sky,  and  are  making  fine 
headway  over  a  smooth  sea  before  a  light  breeze,  and  we  shall 
soon  lose  sight  of  land.  But  what  means  this  sudden  lowering 
of  the  heavens,  and  that  dark  cloud  arising  from  the  western 
horizon  ?  Hark !  Don't  you  hear  the  distant  thunder  ?  Don't 
you  see  those  flashes  of  lightning?  There  is  a  storm  gathering! 
Every  man  to  his  duty.  How  the  waves  rise  and  dash  against 
the  ship  !  The  air  is  dark !  The  tempest  rages !  Our  masts 
are  gone.  The  ship  is  on  her  beam  ends  !  What  next?"  The 
unsuspecting  tars,  reminded  of  former  perils  on  the  deep,  as  if 
struck  by  the  power  of  magic,  arose  and  exclaimed,  "  Take  to 
the  long  boat." 

PROTESTANT    EXCOMMUNICATION. 

John  Knox,  in  his  Liturgy  for  Scotch  Presbyterians,  sets 
forth  the  following  form  for  the  exercise  of  such  an  attribute 
of  ecclesiastical  authority  in  Protestant  communities  as  excom- 
munication : — 

"  0  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  thy  expressed  word  is  our  assurance, 
and  therefore,  in  boldness  of  the  same,  here  in  thy  name,  and 
at  the  commandment  of  this  thy  present  congregation,  we  cut 
off,  seclude,  and  excommunicate  from  thy  body,  and  from  our 
society,  N.  as  a  pround  contemner,  and  slanderous  person,  and 
a  member  for  the  present  altogether  corrupted,  and  pernicious 
to  the  body.  And  this  his  sin  (albeit  with  sorrow  of  our  hearts) 
by  virtue  of  our  ministry,  we  bind  and  pronounce  the  same  to 
be  bound  in  heaven  and  earth.  We  further  give  over,  into  the 
hands  and  power  of  the  devil,  the  said  N.  to  the  destruction  of 
his  flesh ;  straitly  charging  all  that  profess  the  Lord  Jesus,  to 
whose  knowledge  this  our  sentence  shall  come,  to  repute  and 
13* 


150  PURITAN   PECULIARITIES. 

hold  the  said  N.  accursed  and  unworthy  of  the  familiar  society 
of  Christians;  declaring  unto  all  men  that  such  as  hereafter 
(before  his  repentance)  shall  haunt,  or  familiarly  accompany 
him,  are  partakers  of  his  impiety,  and  subject  to  the  like  con- 
demnation. 

"This  our  sentence,  0  Lord  Jesus,  pronounced  in  thy  name, 
and  at  thy  commandment,  we  humbly  beseech  thee  to  ratify 
even  according  to  thy  promise. 


IJurttan  peculiarities. 

BAPTISMAL   NAMES. 

A  PURITAN  maiden,  who  was  asked  for  her  baptismal  name, 
replied,  " '  Through-much-tribulation-we-enter-the-kingdom-of- 
Heaven,'  but  for  short  they  call  me  '  Tribby.' " 

The  following  names  will  be  found  in  Lower's  English  Sir- 
names,  and  in  the  Lansdowne  Collection.  Most  of  them  are 
taken  from  a  jury-list  of  Sussex  County,  1658.  The  favorite 
female  baptismal  names  among  the  Puritans  were  Mercy,  Faith, 
Fortune,  Honor,  Virtue ;  but  there  were  among  them  those  who 
preferred  such  high-flown  names  as  Alethe,  Prothesa,  Euphro- 
syne,  Kezia,  Keturah,  Malvina,  Melinda,  Sabrina,  Alpina, 
Oriana. 

The-gift-of-God  Stringer,  The-work-of-God  Farmer. 

Repentant  Hazel,  More-tryal  Goodwin, 

Zealous  King,  Faithful  Long, 

Be-thankful  Playnard,  Joy-from-above  Brown, 

Live-in-peace  Hillary,  Be-of-good-comfort  Small, 

Obediencia  Cruttenden,  Godward  Freeman, 

Goodgift  Noake,  Thunder  Goldsmith. 


PURITAN    PECULIARITIES.  151 

Faint-not  Hewett,  Accepted  Trevor, 

Redeemed  Compton,  Make-peace  Heaton, 

God-reward  Smart,  Stand-fast-on-high  Stringer, 

Earth  Adams,  Called  Lower, 

Meek  Brewer,  Be-courteous  Cole, 

Repentance  Avis,  Search-the-scriptures  Moreton. 

Kill-sin  Pimple,  Return  Spelman, 

Be-faithful  Joiner,  Fly-debate  Roberts, 

More-fruit  Flower,  Hope-for  Bending, 

Grace-ful  Harding,  Weep-not  Billing, 

Seek-wisdom  Wood,  Elected  Mitchell/ 
Fight-the-good-fight-of-faith  White,    The-peace-of-God  Knight. 

SIMILES. 

Prayer  is  Faith's  pump,  where  't  works  till  the  water  come ; 
If 't  comes  not  free  at  first,  Faith  puts  in  some. 
Prayer  is  the  sacred  bellows ;  when  these  blow, 
How  doth  chat  live-coal  from  God's  altar  glow ! 

Faithful  Teate's  Ter.  Tria.,  1658. 

Walking  in  the  streets,  I  met  a  cart  that  came  near  the  wall; 
BO  I  stepped  aside,  to  avoid  it,  into  a  place  where  I  was  secure 
enough.  Reflection :  Lord,  sin  is  that  great  evil  of  which  thou 
complainest  that  thou  art  pressed  as  a  cart  is  pressed :  how 
can  it  then  but  bruise  me  to  powder? — Caleb  Trenchfield's 
Chris.  Chymestree. 

EARLY    PUNISHMENTS    IN    MASSACHUSETTS. 

From  the  early  records  of  Massachusetts  we  learn  that  the 
following  singular  punishments  were  inflicted  in  that  colony 
two  hundred  years  ago  : — 

Sir  Richard  Salstonstall,  fined  four  bushels  of  malt  for  his 
absence  from  the  court. 

Josias  Plaistdwe,  for  stealing  four  baskets  of  corn  from  the 
Indians,  to  return  them  eight  baskets  again,  to  be  fined  £5,  and 
hereafter  to  be  called  Josias,  not  Mr.  as  he  used  to  be. 

Thomas  Peter,  for  suspicions  of  slander,  idleness,  and  stub- 
bornness, is  to  be  severely  whipped  and  kept  in  hold. 


152  PURITAN    PECULIARITIES. 

Capt.  Stone,  for  abusing  Mr.  Ludlow  by  calling  him  jitstass, 
fined  £100,  and  prohibited  coming  within  the  patent. 

Joyce  Dradwick  to  give  unto  Alexander  Becks  20s.,  for 
promising  him  marriage  without  her  friends'  consent,  and  now 
refusing  to  perform  the  same. 

Richard  Turner,  for  being  notoriously  drunk,  fined  £2. 

Edward  Palmer,  for  his  extortion  in  taking  32s.  Id.  for  the 
plank  and  work  of  Boston  stocks,  fined  £5,  and  sentenced  to 
sit  one  hour  in  the  stocks. 

John  White  bound  in  £10  to  good  behavior,  and  not  come 
into  the  company  of  his  neighbor  Thomas  Bell's  wife  alone. 

VIRGINIA   PENALTIES   IN   THE   OLDEN    TIME. 

From  the  old  records  in  the  Court  House  of  Warwick  County, 
Virginia,  we  extract  some  entries  of  decisions  by  the  court  under 
date  of  October  21,  1663.  It  may  be  worth  while  to  remark 
that  at  that  early  period  tobacco  was  not  only  a  staple  commodity 
but  a  substitute  for  currency. 

"  Mr.  John  Harlow,  and  Alice  his  wife,  being  by  the  grand 
inquest  presented  for  absenting  themselves  from  church,  are, 
according  to  the  act,  fined  each  of  them  fifty  pounds  of  tobacco; 
and  the  said  Mr.  John  Harlow  ordered  forthwith  to  pay  one 
hundred  pounds  of  tobacco  to  the  sheriff,  otherwise  the  said 
sheriff  to  levy  by  way  of  distress." 

"  Jane  Harde,  the  wife  of  Henry  Harde,  being  presented  for 
not  'tending  church,  is,  according  to  act,  fined  fifty  pounds  of 
tobacco  ;  and  the  sheriff  is  ordered  to  collect  the  same  from  her, 
and,  in  case  of  non-payment,  to  distress." 

"  John  Lewis,  his  wife  this  day  refusing  to  take  the  oath  of 
allegiance,  being  '  ordered  her,  is  committed  into  the  sheriff's 
custody,  to  remain  until  she  take  the  said  oath,  or  until  further 
ordered  to  the  contrary." 

"  John  Lewis,  his  wife  for  absenting  herself  from  church,  is 
fined  fifty  pounds  of  tobacco,  to  be  collected  by  the  sheriff  from 
her  husband;  and  upon  non-payment,  the  said  sheriff  to  distress." 


PURITAN    PECULIARITIES.  153 

"  George  Harwood,  being  prosecuted  for  his  absenting  him- 
self from  church,  is  fined  fifty  pounds  of  tobacco,  to  be  levied 
by  way  of  distress  by  the  sheriff  upon  his  non-payment  thereof." 

"  Peter  White  and  his  wife,  being  presented  for  common 
swearing,  are  fined  fifty  pounds  of  tobacco,  both  of  them;  to  be 
collected  by  the  sheriff  from  the  said  White,  and,  upon  non- 
payment of  the  same,  to  distress." 

"  Richard  King,  being  presented  as  a  common  swearer,  is 
fined  fifty  pounds  of  tobacco,  to  be  levied  by  the  sheriff,  by  way 
of  distress,  upon  his  non-payment." 

EXTRACTS    FROM    THE   CONNECTICUT   BLUE   LAWS. 

When  these  free  states  were  colonies 

Unto  the  mother  nation, 
And  in  Connecticut  the  good 

Old  Blue  Laws  were  in  fashion. 

The  following  extracts  from  the  laws  ordained  by  the  people 
of  New  Haven,  previous  to  their  incorporation  with  the  Say- 
brook  and  Hartford  colonies,  afford  an  idea  of  the  strange  cha- 
racter of  their  prohibitions.  As  the  substance  only  is  given  in 
the  transcription,  the  language  is  necessarily  modernized : — 

No  quaker  or  dissenter  from  the  established  worship  of  the 
dominion  shall  be  allowed  to  give  a  vote  for  the  election  of 
magistrates,  or  any  officer. 

No  food  or  lodging  shall  be  afforded  to  a  quaker,  adamite,  or 
other  heretic. 

If  any  person  turns  quaker,  he  shall  be  banished,  and  not 
suffered  to  return,  but  upon  pain  of  death. 

No  priest  shall  abide  in  the  dominion  :  he  shall  be  banished, 
and  suffer  death  on  his  return.  Priests  may  be  seized  by  any 
one  without  a  warrant. 

No  man  to  cross 'a  river  but  with  an  authorized  ferryman. 

No  one  shall  run  on  the  sabbath-day,  or  walk  in  his  garden, 
or  elsewhere,  except  reverently  to  and  from  meeting. 

No  one  shall  travel,  cook  victuals,  make  beds,  sweep  house, 
cut  hair  or  shave,  on  the  sabbath-day. 


154  PUK1TAN    PECULIAKITIES. 

No  woman  shall  kiss  hei  child  on  the  sabbath  or  fasting- day. 

The  sabbath  shall  begin  at  sunset  on  Saturday. 

To  pick  an  ear  of  corn  growing  in  a  neighbor's  garden  shall 
be  deemed  theft. 

A  person  accused  of  trespass  in  the  night  shall  be  judged 
guilty,  unless  he  clear  himself  by  oath. 

When  it  appears  that  an  accused  has  confederates,  and  he 
refuses  to  discover  them,  he  may  be  racked. 

No  one  shall  buy  or  sell  lands  without  permission  of  the 
selectmen. 

A  drunkard  shall  have  a  master  appointed  by  the  selectmen, 
who  are  to  debar  him  the  liberty  of  buying  and  selling. 

Whoever  publishes  a  lie  to  the  prejudice  of  his  neighbor, 
shall  sit  in  the  stocks  or  be  whipped  fifteen  stripes. 

No  minister  shall  keep  a  school. 

Men-stealers  shall  suffer  death. 

Whoever  wears  clothes  trimmed  with  gold,  silver,  or  bone 
lace,  above  two  shillings  by  the  yard,  shall  be  presented  by  the 
grand  jurors,  and  the  selectmen  shall  tax  the  offender  at  £300 
estate. 

A  debtor  in  prison,  swearing  he  has  no  estate,  shall  be  let 
out,  and  sold  to  make  satisfaction. 

Whoever  sets  a  fire  in  the  woods,  and  it  burns  a  house,  shall 
suffer  death;  and  persons  suspected  of  this  crime  shall  be  im- 
prisoned without  benefit  of  bail. 

Whoever  brings  cards  or  dice  into  this  dominion  shall  pay 
a  fine  of  £5. 

No  one  shall  read  common -prayer,  keep  Christmas  or  saint- 
days,  make  minced  pies,  dance,  play  cards,  or  play  on  any  in- 
strument of  music,  except  the  drum,  trumpet,  and  Jews-harp. 

No  gospel  minister  shall  join  people  in  marriage  j  the  magis- 
trates only  shall  join  in  marriage,  as  they  may  do  it  with  less 
scandal  to  Christ's  church. 

When  parents  refuse  their  children  convenient  marriages,  the 
magistrate  shall  determine  the  point. 

The  selectmen,  on  finding  children  ignorant,  may  take  them 


PARONOMASIA.  155 

away  from  their  parents,  and  put  them  into  better  hands,  at 
the  expense  of  their  parents. 

A  man  that  strikes  his  wife  shall  pay  a  fine  of  £10 ;  a  woman 
that  strikes  her  husband  shall  be  punished  as  the  court  directs. 

A  wife  shall  be  deemed  good  evidence  against  her  husband. 

Married  persons  must  live  together,  or  be  imprisoned. 

No  man  shall  court  a  maid  in  person,  or  by  letter,  without 
first  obtaining  consent  of  her  parents  :  £5  penalty  for  the  first 
offence;  ,£10  for  the  second  ;  and  for  the  third,  imprisonment 
during  the  pleasure  of  the  court. 

Every  male  shall  have  his  hair  cut  round  according  to  a  cap. 


^Paronomasia. 

Hard  is  the  job  to  launch  the  desperate  pun; 

A  pun-job  dangerous  as  the  Indian  one. — HOLMES. 

Life  and  language  are  alike  sacred.  Homicide  and  verbicide — that  is,  vio- 
lent treatment  of  a  word  with  fatal  results  to  its  legitimate  meaning,  which  is 
its  life — are  alike  forbidden.  Manslaughter,  which  is  the  meaning  of  the  one, 
is  the  same  as  man's  laughter,  which  is  the  end  of  the  other. — IBID. 

THE  quaint  Cardan  thus  defineth  : — "  Punning  is  an  art  of 
harmonious  jingling  upon  words,  which,  passing  in  at  the  ears 
and  falling  upon  the  diaphragma,  excites  a  titillary  motion  in 
those  parts ;  and  this,  being  conveyed  by  the  animal  spirits  into 
the  muscles  of  the  face,  raises  the  cockles  of  the  heart." 

"  He  who  would  make  a  pun  would  pick  a  pocket,"  is  the 
stereotyped  dogma  fulminated  by  laugh-lynchers  from  time  im- 
memorial;.  or,  as  ( the  Autocrat  hath  it,  "To  trifle  with  the 
vocabulary  which  is  the  vehicle  of  social  intercourse  is  to  tam- 
per with  the  currency  of  human  intelligence.  He  who  would 
violate  the  sanctities  of  his  mother  tongue  would  invade  the  re- 
cesses of  the  paternal  till  without  remorse,  and  repeat  the  ban- 
quet of  Saturn  without  an  indigestion."  The  "inanities  of  this 


156  PARONOMASIA. 

working-day  world"  cannot  perceive  any  wittiness  or  grace  in 
punning;  and  yet,  according  to  the  comprehensive  definition  of 
wit  by  Dr.  Barrow,  the  eminent  divine,  it  occupies  a  very  con- 
siderable portion  of  the  realm  of  wit.  He  says,  "  Wit  is  a  thing 
so  versatile  and  multiform,  appearing  in  so  many  shapes,  so 
many  postures,  so  many  garbs,  so  variously  apprehended  by 
several  eyes  and  judgments,  that  it  seemeth  no  less  hard  to 
settle  a  clear  and  certain  notion  thereof,  than  to  make  a  por- 
trait of  Proteus,  or  to  define  .the  figure  of  the  fleeting  air. 
Sometimes  it  lietb  in  pat  allusions  to  a  known  story,  or  in 
seasonable  application  of  a  trivial  saying,  or  in  feigning  an 
apposite  tale ;  sometimes  it  playeth  in  words  and  phrases, 
taking  advantage  of  the  ambiguity  of  their  sense,  or  the  affinity 
of  their  sound;  sometimes  it  is  wrapped  in  a  dress  of  humorous 
expression,  sometimes  it  lurketh  under  an  odd  similitude; 
sometimes  it  is  lodged  in  a  sly  question,  in  a  smart  answer,  in 
a  guirkish  reason,  in  a  shrewd  intimation,  in  cunningly, 
divertingly,  or  cleverly  retorting  an  objection ;  sometimes  it  is 
couched  in  a  bold  scheme  of  speech,  in  a  tart  irony,  in  a  lusty 
hyperbole,  in  a  startling  metaphor,  in  a  plausible  reconciling 
of  contradictions,  or  in  acute  nonsense;  sometimes  a  scenic  re- 
presentation of  persons  or  things,  a  counterfeit  speech,  a  mimic 
look  or  gesture,  passeth  for  it.  Sometimes  an  affected  simpli- 
city, sometimes  a  presumptuous  bluntness,  giveth  it  being. 
Sometimes  it  riseth  only  from  a  lucky  hitting  upon  what  is 
strange;  sometimes  from  a  crafty  wresting  of  obvious  matter 
to  the  purpose.  Often  it  consisteth  of  one  knows  not  what, 
and  springeth  up  one  can  hardly  tell  how.  Its  ways  are  unac- 
countable and  inexplicable,  being  answerable  to  the  numberless 
rovings  of  fancy  and  windings  of  language." 

If  this  definition  be  true,  there  is  truth  as  well  as  wit  in  the 
punster's  reply  to  the  taunt  of  the  rhetorician  that  "punning 
is  the  lowest  species  of  wit."  "  Yes,"  said  he,  "  for  it  is  the 
foundation  of  all  wit."  But,  whatever  may  be  said  of  the 
practice  by  those  who  affect  to  despise  it,  it  has  been  much  in 
vogue  in  all  ages.  Home,  in  his  Introduction  to  the  Critical 


PARONOMASIA.  157 

Study  of  the  Holy  Scriptures,  tells  us  that  it  was  a  very  favorite 
figure  of  rhetoric  among  the  Hebrews,  and  is  yet  common 
among  most  of  the  Oriental  nations.  Professor  Stuart,  in  his 
Hebrew  grammar,  gives  numerous  examples  of  it  in  the  Old 
Testament,  and  Winer  and  Home  point  out  others  in  the  New 
Testament,  especially  in  the  writings  of  St.  Paul.  These  can- 
not, of  course,  be  equivalently  expressed  in  English. 

Many  of  the  Greek  authors  exhibit  a  fondness  for  this  rheto- 
rical figure,  and  some  of  the  most  excellent  puns  extant  are  to 
be  found  in  the  Greek  Anthologies.  As  a  specimen,  the  follow- 
ing is  given  from  Wesseling's  Diodorus  Siculus : — 

Dioscurus,  an  Egyptian  bishop,  before  he  began  the  service, 
had  the  common  custom  of  saying  stp-^vrj  xafftv,  (irene  pasin,) 
peace  be  to  all.  It  was  notorious  that  the  pious  churchman 
had  at  home  a  favorite  mistress,  whose  name  was  Irene,  which 
incident  produced  the  following  smart  epigram  :— 

"Eiprjvrj  itavTtcaiv  EJIIOKOKOS  earev  &F£\$0)v 
ricoj  Avvarai  -rraaiv,  f/v  pavo;  sv&ov  sxfi; 

(The  good  bishop  wishes  peace — Irene — to  all ; 

But  how  can  he  give  that  to  all,  which  he  keeps  to  himself  at  home  ?) 

A   PUN-GENT   CHAPTER. 

At  one  time  there  was  a  general  strike  among  the  working- 
men  of  Paris,  and  Theodore  Hook  gave  the  following  amusing 
account  of  the  affair  : — tl  The  bakers,  being  ambitious  to  extend 
their  eZo-mains,  declared  that  a  revolution  was  needed,  and, 
though  not  exactly  bred  up  to  arms,  soon  reduced  their  crusty 
masters  to  terms.  The  tailors  called  a  council  of  the  board  to 
see  what  measures  should  be  taken,  and,  looking  upon  the 
bakers  as  the  flmoer  bf  chivalry,  decided  to  follow  suit;  the  con- 
sequence of  which  was,  that  a  cereous  insurrection  was  lighted 
up  among  the  candle-makers,  which,  however  wick-ed  it  might 
appear  in  the  eyes  of  some  persons,  developed  traits  of  charac- 
ter not  unworthy  of  ancient  Greece." 
14 


158  PARONOMASIA. 

Why  should  no  man  starve  on  the  deserts  of  Arabia  ? 

Because  of  the  sand  which  is  there. 

How  came  the  sandwiches  there  ? 

The  tribe  of  Ham  was  bred  there,  and  mustered. 

A  clergyman  who  had  united  in  marriage  a  couple  whose 
Christian  names  were  Benjamin  and  Annie,  on  being  asked  by 
a  mutual  friend  how  they  appeared  during  the  ceremony,  re- 
plied that  they  appealed  both  annie-mated  and  6ene-fitted. 

Mr.  Manners,  who  had  but  lately  been  created  Earl  of  Rut- 
land, said  to  Sir  Thomas  More,  just  made  Lord  Chancellor, — 

"  You  are  so  much  elated  with  your  preferment  that  you 
verify  the  old  proverb, — 

Honores  mutant  MORES.  "  '    . 

"  No,  my  lord,"  said  Sir  Thomas  :  "  the  pun  will  do  much 
better  in  English  : — 

Honors  change  MANNERS." 

An  old  writer  said  that  when  cannons  were  introduced  as 
negotiators,  the  canons  of  the  church  were  useless;  that  the 
world  was  governed  first  by  mitrum,  and  then  by  nitrum, — first 
by  St.  Peter,  and  then  by  saltpetre. 

Colman,  the  dramatist,  on  being  asked  whether  he  knew 
Theodore  Hook,  replied,  "  Oh,  yes :  Hook  and  Eye  are  old 
associates." 

Punch  says,  "the  milk  of  human  kindness  is  not  to  be 
found  in  the  pail  of  society."  If  so,  we  think  it  is  time  for 
all  hands  to  "  kick  the  bucket." 

Judge  Peters,  formerly  of  the  Philadelphia  Bench,  observed 
to  a  friend,  during  a  trial  that  was  going  on,  that  one  of  the 
witnesses  had  a  vegetable  head.  "  How  so  ?"  was  the  inquiry. 
"  He  has  carroty  hair,  reddish  cheeks,  a  turnup  nose,  and  a 
sage  look." 

Tom  Hood,  seeing  over  the  shop-door  of  a  beer-vendor, — 

Bear  Sold  Here, 
said  it  was  spelled  right,  because  it  was  his  own  Bruin. 


PARONOMASIA.  159 

Charles  Mathews,  the  comedian,  was  served  by  a  green-gro- 
cer, named  Berry,  and  generally  settled  his  bill  once  a  quarter. 
At  one  time  the  account  was  sent  in  before  it  was  due,  and 
Mathews,  laboring  under  an  idea  that  his  credit  was  doubted, 
said,  "  Here's  a  pretty  mull,  Berry.  You  have  sent  in  your 
bill,  Berry,  before  it  is  due,  Berry.  Your  father,  the  elder 
Berry,  would  not  have  been  such  a  goose,  Berry ;  but  you  need 
not  look  so  black,  Berry,  for  I  don't  care  a  straw,  Berry,  and 
eha'n't  pay  you  till  Christmas,  Berry." 

Sheridan,  being  dunned  by  a  tailor  to  pay  at  least  the  interest 
on  his  bill,  answered  that  it  was  not  his  interest  to  pay  the 
principal,  nor  his  principle  to  pay  the  interest. 

In  the  "Old  India  House"  may  still  be  seen  a  quarto  volume 
of  Interest  Tables,  on  the  fly-leaf  of  which  is  written,  in  Charles 
Lamb's  round,  clerkly  hand, — 

"A  book  of  much  interest." — Edinburgh  Review. 
"A  work  in  which  the  interest  never  flags." — Quarterly  Review. 
"  We  may  say  of  this  volume,  that  the  interest  increases  from  the  begin- 
ning to  the  end." — Monthly  Review. 

Turner,  the  painter,  was  at  a  dinner  where  several  artists, 
amateurs,  and  literary  men  were  convened.  A  poet,  by  way 
of  being  facetious,  proposed  as  a  toast,  "  The  Painters  and 
Glaziers  of  England."  The  toast  was  drunk;  and  Turner, 
after  returning  thanks  for  it,  proposed  "Success  to  the  Paper- 
Stainers,"  and  called  on  the  poet  to  respond. 

SHORT   ROAD   TO   WEALTH. 
I'll  tell  you  a  plan  for  gaining  wealth, 

Better  than  banking,  trade,  or  leases ; 
Take  a  bank-note  and  fold  it  across, 

And  then  you  will  find  your  money  IN-CUEASES  ! 
This  wonderful  plan,  without  danger  or  loss, 

Keeps  your  cash  in  your  hands,  and  with  nothing  to  trouble  it ; 
And  every  time  that  you  fold  it  across, 

'Tis  plain  as  the  light  of  the  day  that  you  DOUBLE  IT  ! 

"  I  cannot  more,"  the  plaintive  invalid  cries, 
"  Nor  sit,  nor  stand." — If  he  says  true,  he  lie*. 


160  PARONOMASIA. 

Dr.  Johnson  having  free^  expressed  his  aversion  to  punning, 
Boswell  hinted  that  his  illustrious  friend's  dislike  to  this  species 
of  small  wit  might  arise  from  his  inability  to  play  upon  words. 
"Sir",  roared  Johnson,  "if  I  were  punish-ed  for  every  pun  I 
shed,  there  would  not  be  left  a  puny  shed  of  my  punnish  head." 
Once,  by  accident,  he  made  a  singular  pun.  A  person  who 
affected  to  live  after  the  Greek  manner,  and  to  anoint  himself 
with  oil,  was  one  day  mentioned  to  him.  Johnson,  in  the  course 
of  conversation  on  the  singularity  of  his  practice,  give  him  the 
denomination  of  this  man  of  Grease. 

Sydney  Smith — so  Lord  Houghton  in  his  Monographs  tells 
us — has  written  depreciatingly  of  all  playing  upon  words ;  but 
his  rapid  apprehension  could  not  altogether  exclude  a  kind  of 
wit  which,  in  its  best  forms,  takes  fast  hold  of  the  memory, 
besides  the  momentary  amusement  it  excites.  His  objection 
to  the  superiority  of  a  city  feast :  "  I  cannot  wholly  value  a 
dinner  by  the  test  you  do  (testudo');" — his  proposal  to  settle  the 
question  of  the  wood  pavement  around  St.  Paul's :  "  Let  the 
Canons  once  lay  their  heads  together  and  the  thing  will  be  done  ;" 
— his  pretty  compliment  to  his  friends,  Mrs.  Tighe  and  Mrs. 
Cuffe  :  "Ah !  there  you  are :  the  cuff  that  every  one  would  wear, 
the  tie  that  no  one  would  loose" — may  be  cited  as  perfect  in 
their  way. 

Admiral  Duncan's  address  to  the  officers  who  came  on  board 
his  ship  for  instructions,  previous  to  the  engagement  with  Ad- 
miral de  Winter,  was  laconic  and  humorous  :  "  Gentlemen,  you 
see  a  severe  Winter  approaching ;  I  have  only  to  advise  you  to 
keep  up  a  good  fire." 

Theodore  Hook  plays  thus  on  the  same  name : — 

Here  comes  Mr.  Winter,  inspector  of  taxes ; 

I  advise  you  to  give  him  whatever  he  axes; 

I  advise  you  to  give  him  without  any  flummery, 

For  though  his  name's  Winter  his  actions  are  summary, 

Henry  Erskine's  toast  to  the  mine-owners  of  Lancashire  : — 

Sink  your  pits,  blast  your  mines,  dam  your  rivers,  consume  your  manu- 
factures, disperse  your  commerce,  and  may  your  labors  be  in  vein. 


PARONOMASIA.  161 

TOM    MOORE. 
When  Limerick,  in  idle  whim, 

Moore  as  her  member  lately  courted, 
'  The  boys,'  for  form's  sake,  asked  of  him 

To  state  what  party  he  supported. 

When  thus  his  answer  promptly  ran, 

(Now  give  the  wit  his  meed  of  glory :) 
"  I'm  of  no  party  as  a  man, 

But  as  a  poet  am-a-tory." 

TOP   AND   BOTTOM. 

The  following  playful  colloquy  in  verse  took  place  at  a  din- 
ner-table, between  Sir  George  Kose  and  James  Smith,  in  allu- 
sion to  Craven  street,  Strand,  where  the  latter  resided : — 

J.  S. — At  the  top  of  my  street  the  attorneys  abound, 
And  down  at  the  bottom  the  barges  are  found : 
Fly,  honesty,  fly  to  some  safer  retreat, 
For  there's  craft  in  the  river,  and  craft  in  the  street 
Sir  Q.  R. — Why  should  honesty  fly  to  some  safer  retreat, 
From  attorneys,  and  barges,  od-rot  'em  ? 
For  the  lawyers  are  just  at  the  top  of  the  street, 
And  the  barges  are  ju»t  at  the  bottom. 

OLD   JOKE    VERSIFIED. 

Says  Tom  to  Bill,  pray  tell  me,  sir, 

Why  is  it  that  the  devil, 
In  spite  of  all  his  naughty  ways, 

Can  never  be  uncivil  ? 

Says  Bill  to  Tom,  the  answer's  plain 

To  any  mind  that's  bright : 
Because  the  imp  of  darkness,  sir, 

Can  ne'er  be  imp  o'  light. 

A  PRINTER'S  EPITAPH. 

Here  lies  a  form — place  no  -imposing  stone 

To  mark  the  head,  where  weary  it  is  lain ; 
'Tis  matter  dead  ! — its  mission  being  done, 

To  be  distributed  to  dust  again. 
The  body's  but  the  type,  at  best,  of  man, 

Whose  impress  is  the  spirit's  deathless  pur/e  ; 
Worn  out,  the  type  is  thrown  to  pi  again, 

The  impression  lives  through  an  eternal  age. 
L  14* 


162  PARONOMASIA. 

STICKY. 
I  want  to  seal  a  letter,  Dick, 

Some  wax  pray  give  to  me. — 
I  have  not  got  a  single  stick, 

Or  whacks  I'd  give  to  thee. 

WOMEN. 
When  Eve  brought  woe  to  all  mankind, 

Old  Adam  called  her  wo-man  ; 
But  when  she  woo'd  with  love  so  kind, 

lie  then  pronounced  her  woo-man. 
But  now  with  folly  and  with  pride, 

Their  husbands'  pockets  trimming, 
The  ladies  are  so  full  of  whims, 

The  people  call  them  whim-men. 

BEN,   THE   SAILOR. 
His  death,  which  happened  in  his  berth, 

At  forty  odd  befell : 
They  went  and  told  the  sexton,  and 

The  sexton  tolled  the  bell.— HOOD'S  Faithless  Sally  .Brown. 

WHISKERS   VERSUS   RAZOR. 
With  whiskers  thick  upon  my  face 

I  went  my  fair  to  see ; 
She  told  me  she  could  never  love 

A  bear-faced  chap  like  me. 

I  shaved  then  clean,  and  called  again, 

And  thought  my  troubles  o'er  ; 
She  laughed  outright,  and  said  I  was 

More  bare-faced  than  before  ! 

COMPLIMENT   OF   SHERIDAN   TO    MISS   PAYNE. 
'Tis  true  I  am  ill ;  but  I  cannot  complain, 
For  he  never  knew  pleasure  who  never  knew  Payne. 

FROM  DR.  HOLMES'    "MODEST  REQUEST." 

Thus  great  Achilles,  who  had  shown  his  zeal 
In  HEALING  WOUNDS,  died  of  a  WOUNDED  HEEL; 
Unhappy  chief,  who,  when  in  childhood  doused, 
Had  saved  his  BACON  had  his  feet  been  SOUSED  ! 
Accursed  heel,  that  killed  a  hero  stout ! 
Oh,  had  your  mother  known  that  you  were  out, 


PARONOMASIA.  163 

Death  had  not  entered  at  the  trifling  part 
That  still  defies  the  small  chirurgeon's  art 
With  corn  and  BUNIONS, — not  the  glorious  JOHN 
Who  wrote  the  book  we  all  have  pondered  on, — 
But  other  BUNIONS,  bound  in  fleecy  hose, 
To  "PILGRIM'S  PROGRESS"  unrelenting  foes! 

PLAINT   OF   THE   OLD   PAUPER. 

Some  boast  of  their  FORE-fathers — I — 

I  have  not  ONE  ! 
I  am,  I  think,  like  Joshua, 

The  son  of  NONE  ! 

Heedless  in  youth,  we  little  note 

How  quick  time  passes, 
For  then  flows  ruby  wine,  not  sand, 

In  OUR  glasses ! 

Rich  friends  (most  pure  in  honor)  all  have  fled 

Sooner  or  later ; 
Pshaw  !  had  they  India's  spices,  they'd  not  be 

A  nutmeg-GRATER ! 

I've  neither  chick  nor  child;  as  I  have  nothing, 

Why,  'tis  lucky  rather  ; 
Yet  who  that  hears  a  squalling  baby  wishes 

Not  tO  be  FATHER? 

Some  few  years  back  my  spirits  and  my  youth 

Were  quite  amazin'; 
Brisk  as  a  pony,  or  a  lawyer's  clerk, 

Just  fresh  from  GRAY'S  INN  ! 

What  am  I  now?  weak,  old,  and  poor,  and  by 

The  parish  found ; 
Their  PENCE  keeps  me,  while,  many  an  ass 

Enjoys  the  parish  POUND  ! 

TO   MY   NOSE. 

Knows  he  that  never  took  a  pinch, 

Nosey  !  the  pleasure  thence  which  flows? 
Knows  he  the  titillating  joy 

Which  my  nose  knows  ? 

Oh,  nose  !  I  am  as  fond  of  thee 

As  any  mountain  of  its  snows ! 
I  gaze  on  thee,  and  feel  that  pride 

A  Roman  knows ! 


164  PARONOMASIA. 

BOOK-LARCENY. 

Sir.  Walter  Scott  said   that  some  of  his  friends  were  bad 
accountants,  but  excellent  book-keepers. 

How  hard,  when  those  who  do  not  wish 

To  lend— that's  lose— their  books, 
Are  snared  by  anglers — folks  that  fish 
With  literary  hooks ; 

Who  call  and  take  some  favorite  tome, 

But  never  read  it  through ; 
They  thus  complete  their  sett  at  home, 

By  making  one  of  you. 

I,  of  my  Spenser  quite  bereft, 

Last  winter  sore  was  shaken  ; 
Of  Lamb  I've  but  a  quarter  left, 

Nor  could  I  save  my  Bacon. 

They  picked  my  Locke,  to  me  far  more 

Than  Bramah's  patent  worth ; 
And  now  my  losses  I  deplore, 

Without  a  Home  on  earth. 

Even  Glover's  works  I  cannot  put 

My  frozen  hands  upon  ; 
Though  ever  since  I  lost  my  Foote, 

My  Bunyan  has  been  gone. 

My  life  is  wasting  fast  away ; 

I  suffer  from  these  shocks ; 
And  though  I've  fixed  a  lock  on  Gray, 

There's  gray  upon  my  locks. 

They  still  have  made  me  slight  returns, 

And  thus  my  grief  divide ; 
For  oh !  they've  cured  me  of  my  Burns, 

And  eased  my  Akenside. 

But  all  I  think  I  shall  not  say, 

Nor  let  my  anger  burn  ; 
For  as  they  have  not  found  me  Gay, 

They  have  not  left  me  Sterne. 

THE   VEGETABLE   GIRL. 
Behind  a  market  stall  installed, 

I  mark  it  every  day, 
Stands  at  her  stand  the  fairest  girl 

I've  met  with  in  the  bay ; 


PARONOMASIA.  165 


Her  two  lips  are  of  cherry  red, 

Her  hands  a  pretty  pair,  ' 
With  such  a  pretty  turn-up  nose, 

And  lovely  reddish  hair. 

'Tis  there  she  stands  from  morn  till  night 

Her  customers  to  please, 
And  to  appease  their  appetite 

She  sells  them  beans  and  peas. 
Attracted  by  the  glances  from 

The  apple  of  her  eye, 
And  by  her  Chili  apples,  too, 

Each  passer-by  will  buy. 

She  stands  upon  her  little  feet, 

Throughout  the  livelong  day, 
And  sells  her  celery  and  things,  — 

A  big  feat,  by  the  way. 
She  changes  off  her  stock  for  change, 

Attending  to  each  call  ; 
And  when  she  has  but  one  beet  left, 

She  says,  "Now  that  beats  all." 

EPITAPH    ON    AN    OLD    HORSE. 

Here  lies  a  faithful  steed, 
A  stanch,  uncompromising  ''  silver  gray;" 
Who  ran  the  race  of  life  with  sprightly  speed, 

Yet  never  ran  —  away. 

Wild  oats  he  never  sowed, 
Yet  masticated  tame  ones  with  much  zest  : 
Cheerful  he  bore  each  light  allotted  load, 

As  cheerfully  took  rest. 

Bright  were  his  eyes,  yet  soft, 
And  in  the  main  his  tail  was  white  and  flowing; 
And  though  he  never  sketched  a  single  draught, 

He  showed  great  taste  for  drawing. 

Lithe  were  his  limbs,  and  clean, 
Fitted  alike  for  buggy  or  for  dray, 
And  like  Napoleon  the  Great,  I  ween, 

He  had  a  martial  neigh. 

Oft  have  I  watched  him  grace 
His  favorite  stall,  well  littered,  warm,  and  fair, 
With  such  contentment  shining  from  his  face, 

And  such  a  stable  air! 


166  PARONOMASIA. 

With  here  and  there  a  speck 
Of  roan  diversifying  his  broad  back, 
And,  martyr-like,  a  halter  round  his  neck, 

Which  bound  him  to  the  ra«k. 

Mors  omnibus !  at  length 
The  hay-day  of  his  life  was  damped  by  death;, 
So,  summoning  all  his  late  remaining  strength, 

He  drew  his — final  breath. 

GRAND   SCHEME   OP   EMIGRATION. 

The  Brewers  should  to  Malt-a  go, 
The  Loggerheads  to  Stilly, 

The  Quakers  to  the  Friendly  Isles, 
The  Furriers  all  to  Chili. 

The  little  squalling,  brawling  brats, 
That  break  our  nightly  rest, 

Should  be  packed  off  to  Baby-Ion, 
To  Lap-land,  or  to  Brest. 

From  Spit-head  Cooks  go  o'er  to  Greece ; 

And  while  the  Miser  waits 
His  passage  to  the  Guinea  coast, 

Spendthrifts  are  in  the  Straits. 

Spinsters  should  to  the  Needles  go, 
Wine-bibbers  to  Burgundy  ; 

Gourmands  should  lunch  at  Sandwich  Isles, 
Wags  in  the  Bay  of  Fun-dy. 

Musicians  hasten  to  the  Sound, 
The  surpliced  Priest  to  Some; 

While  still  the  race  of  Hypocrites 
At  Cant-on  are  at  home. 

Lovers  should  hasten  to  Good  Hope  ; 

To  some  Cape  Horn  is  pain  ; 
Debtors  should  go  to  Oh-i-o, 

And  Sailors  to  the  Main-e. 

Hie,  Bachelors,  to  the  United  State*  ! 

Maids,  to  the  Isle  of  Man; 
Let  Gardeners  go  to  Botany  Bay. 

And  Shoeblacks  to  Japan. 

Thus,  emigrants  and  misplaced  men 
Will  then  no  longer  vex  us ; 

And  all  that  a'n't  provided  for 
Had  better  go  to  Texas. 


PARONOMASIA.  167 

THE    PERILOUS    PRACTICE    OP    PUNNING. 

Theodore  Hook  thus  cautions  young  people  to  resist  provo- 
cation to  the  habit  of  punning: — 

My  little  dears,  who  learn  to  read,  pray  early  learn  to  shun 

That  very  silly  thing  indeed  which  people  call  a  pun. 

Read  Entick's  rules,  and  'twill  be  found  how  simple  an  offence 

It  is  to  make  the  self-same  sound  afford  a  double  sense. 

For  instance,  ale  may  make  you  ail,  your  aunt  an  ant  may  kill, 

You  in  a  vale  may  buy  a  vail,  and  Bill  may  pay  the  bill, 

Or  if  to  France  your  bark  you  steer,  at  Dover  it  may  be, 

A  peer  appears  upon  the  pier,  who,  blind,  still  goes  to  sea. 

Thus  one  might  say  when  to  a  treat  good  friends  accept  our  greeting, 

'Tis  meet  that  men  who  meet  to  eat,  should  eat  their  meat  when  meeting. 

Brawn  on  the  board  's  no  bore  indeed,  although  from  boar  prepared  ; 

Nor  can  the  fowl  on  which  we  feed  foul  feeding  be  declared. 

Thus  one  ripe  fruit  may  be  &  pear,  and  yet  be  pared  again, 

And  still  be  one,  which  seemeth  rare,  until  we  do  explain. 

It  therefore  should  be  all  your  aim  to  speak  with  ample  care; 

For  who,  however  fond  of  game,  would  choose  to  swallow  hair  f 

A  fat  man's  gait  may  make  us  smile,  who  has  no  gate  to  close ; 

The  farmer  sitting  on  his  stile  no  stylish  person  knows; 

Perfumers  men  of  scents  must  be;  some  Scilly  men  are  bright; 

A  brown  man  oft  deep  read  we  see — a  black  a  wicked  wight. 

Most  wealthy  men  good  manners  have,  however  vulgar  they, 

And  actors  still  the  harder  slave  the  oftener  they  play ; 

So  poets 'can't  the  baize  obtain  unless  their  tailors  choose, 

While  grooms  and  coachmen  not  in  vain  each  evening  seek  the  mews. 

The  dyer  who  by  dying  lives,  a  dire  life  maintains ; 

The  glazier,  it  is  known,  receives  his  profits  from  his  panes  ; 

By  gardeners  thyme  is  tied,  'tis  true,  when  Spring  is  in  its  prime, 

But  time  or  tide  won't  wait  for  you,  if  you  are  tied  for  time. 

There  now  you  see,  my  little  dears,  the  way  to  make  a  pun ; 

A  trick  which  you,  through  coming  years,  should  sedulously  shun. 

The  fault  admits  of  no  defense,  for  wheresoe'er  'tis  found, 

You  sacrifice  the  sound  for  sense,  the  sense  is  never  sound. 

So  let  your  words  and  actions  too,  one  single  meaning  prove, 

And,  just  in  all  you  say  or  do,  you'll  gain  esteem  and  love  : 

In  mirth  and  play  no  harm  you'll  know,  when  duty's  task  is  done; 

But  parents  ne'er  should  let  you  go  unpunished  for  a  pun. 

The  motto  of  the  Pilotage  Commission  of  the  river  Tyne  : — 

In  portu  salus. 

In  port  you  sail  us. 


168  PARONOMASIA. 

SONNET 

On  a  youth  who  died  from  a  surfeit  of  fruit. 
Currants  have  checked  the  current  of  my  blood, 
And  berries  brought  me  to  be  buried  here ; 
Pears  have  pared  off  my  body's  hardihood, 
And  plums  and  plumbers  spare  not  one  so  spare : 
Fain  would  I  feign  my  fall;  so  fair  a  fare 
Lessens  not  fate,  but  'tis  a  lesson  good : 
Gilt  will  not  long  hide  guilt ;  such  thin-washed  ware 
Wears  quickly,  and  its  rude  touch  soon  is  rued. 
Grave  on  my  grave  some  sentence  grave  and  terse, 
That  lies  not,  as  it  lies  upon  my  clay ; 
But,  in  a  gentle  strain  of  unstrained  verse, 
Prays  all  to  pity  a  poor  patty's  prey  j 
Rehearses  I  was  fruit-full  to  my  hearse, 
Tells  that  my  days  are  told,  and  soon  I'm  toll'd  away ! 

Previous  to  the  battle  of  Culloden,  when  Marshal  Wade  and 
Generals  Cope  and  Hawleywere  prevented  by  the  severity  of  the 
weather  from  advancing  as  far  into  Scotland  as  they  intended, 
the  following  lines  were  circulated  among  their  opposers : — 

Cope  could  not  cope,  nor  Wade  wade  through  the  snow, 
Nor  Hawley  haul  his  cannon  to  the  foe. 

When  Mrs.  Norton  was  called  on  to  subscribe  to  a  fund  for 
the  relief  of  Thomas  Hood's  widow,  which  had  been  headed 
by  Sir  Robert  Peel,  she  sent  a  liberal  donation  with  these 
lines : — 

To  cheer  the  widow's  heart  in  her  distress, 
To  make  provision  for  the  fatherless, 
Is  but  a  Christian's  duty,  and  none  should 
Resist  the  heart-appeal  of  widow-Hood. 

M.  Mario's  visit  to  this  country  recalls  to  mind  the  sharpest 
witticism  of  Madame  Grisi,  at  the  time  his  wife,  and  one  of 
the  best  bits  of  repartee  on  record.  Louis  Phillippe,  passing 
through  a  room  where  Grisi  stood,  holding  two  of  her  young 
children  by  the  hand,  said  gaily :  "Ah !  Madame,  are  those, 
then,  some  of  your  little  Grisettes?"  "No,  Sire,"  was  the 
quick  reply,  perfect  in  every  requirement  of  the  pun,  "  No, 
Sire,  these  are  my  little  Marionettes." 


PARONOMASIA.  169 

A  learned  judge,  of  facetious  memory,  is  reported  to  have 
said,  in  an  argument  in  arrest  of  the  judgment  of  death,  "I 
think  we  had  better  let  the  subject  drop." 

SWIFT'S  LATIN  PUNS. 

Among  the  nugse,  of  Dean  Swift  are  his  celebrated  Latin 
puns,  some  of  which  are  well  known,  having  been  frequently 
copied,  and  having  never  been  excelled.  The  following  selec- 
tions will  serve  as  specimens.  They  consist  entirely  of  Latin 
words ;  but,  by  allowing  for  false  spelling,  and  running  the  words 
into  each  other,  the  sentences  make  good  sense  in  English  : — 
Mollis  abuti,  (Moll  is  a  beauty, 

Has  an  acuti,  Has  an  acute  eye, 

No  lasso  finis,  No  lass  so  fine  is, 

Molli  divinis.  Molly  divine  is. 

Omi  de  armis  tres,  0  my  dear  mistress, 

,     Imi  na  dis  tres,  I'm  in  a  distress, 

Cantu  disco  ver  Can't  you  discover 

Meas  alo  ver  ?  Me  as  a  lover  ?) 

In  a  subsequent  epistolary  allusion  to  this,  he  says : — 
I  ritu  a  verse  o  na  molli  o  mi  ne, 
Asta  lassa  me  pole,  a  laedis  o  fine ; 
I  ne  ver  neu  a  niso  ne  at  in  mi  ni  is ; 
A  manat  a  glans  ora  sito  fer  diis. 
De  armo  lis  abuti  hos  face  an  hos  nos  is, 
As  fer  a  sal  illi,  as  reddas  aro  sis ; 
Ac  is  o  mi  molli  is  almi  de  lite; 
Illo  verbi  de,  an  illo  verbi  nite. 

(I  writ  you  a  verse  on  a  Molly  o'  mine, 
As  tall  as  a  may-pole,  a  lady  so  fine; 
I  never  knew  any  so  neat  in  mine  eyes ; 
A  man,  at  a  glance  or  a  sight  of  her,  dies. 
Dear  Molly  's  a  beauty,  whose  face  and  whose  nose  is 
As  fair  as  a  lily,  as  red  as  a  rose  is ; 
A  kiss  o'  my  Molly  is  all  my  delight; 
I  love  her  by  day,  and  I  love  her  by  night.) 

Extract  from  the  consultation  of  four  physicians  on  a  lord 

that  was  dying. 

1st  Doctor  Is  his  honor  sic?  Prae  laetus  felis  pulse.  It  do 
es  beat  veris  loto  de. 

15 


170  PARONOMASIA. 

2d  Doctor.  No  notis  as  qui  cassi  e  ver  f'el  tu  metri  it.  Inde 
edit  is  as  fastas  an  alarum,  ora  tire  bellat  nite. 

3d  Doctor.  It  is  veri  hei! 

4th  Doctor.  Noto  contra  dictu  in  my  juge  mentitis  veri  loto 
de.  It  is  as  orto  maladi,  sum  callet.  [Here  e  ver  id  octo  reti 
resto  a  par  lori  na  mel  an  coli  post  ure.J 

1st  D.  It  is  a  me  gri  mas  I  opi  ne. 

2d  D.  No  docto  rite  quit  fora  quin  si.  Heris  a  plane  sim 
tomo  fit.  Sorites  Paracelsus.  Prae  re  adit. 

1st  D.  Nono,  Doctor,  I  ne  ver  quo  te  aqua  casu  do. 

2d  D.  Sum  arso;  mi  autoris  no  ne. 

3d  D.  No  quare  lingat  prse  senti  de  si  re.  His  honor  is  sic 
offa  colli  casure  as  I  sit  here. 

4th  D.  It  is  aether  an'atro  phi  ora  colli  casu  sed :  Ire  mem- 
bri  re  ad  it  in  Doctor  me  ades  esse,  here  it  is. 

3d  D.  I  ne  ver  re  ad  apage  in  it,  no  re  ver  in  tendit. 

2d  D.  Fer  ne  is  offa  qui  te  di  ferent  noti  o  nas  i  here. 

1st  D.  It  me  bea  pluri  si;  avo  metis  veri  pro  perfor  a  man 
at  his  age. 

1st  D.  Is  Ms  honor  sick  ?  Pray  let  us  feel  his  pulse.  It  does  beat  very 
alow  to-day. 

2d  D.  No,  no,  'tis  as  quick  as  ever  I  felt ;  you  may  try  it.  Indeed,  it  is  as 
fast  as  an  alarum,  or  a  fire-bell  at  night 

3d  D.  It  is  very  high. 

4tth  D.  Not  to  contradict  you,  in  my  judgment  it  is  very  slow  to  day.  It 
is  a  sort  of  malady,  some  call  it.  (Here  every  doctor  retires  to  a  parlor  in  a 
melancholy  posture.) 

1st  D.  It  is  a  megrim,  as  I  opine. 

2d  D.  No,  doctor,  I  take  it  for  a  quinsy.  Here  is  a  plain  symptom  of  it. 
So  writes  Paracelsus.  Pray  read  it. 

1st  D.  No,  no,  doctor,  I  never  quote  a  quack  as  you  do. 

2d  D.  Some  are  so ;  my  author  is  none. 

3d  D.  No  quarrelling  at  present,  I  desire.  His  honor  is  sick  of  a  colic  as 
sure  as  I  sit  here. 

4<A  Z>.  It  is  either  an  atrophy,  or  a  colic,  as  you  said.  I  remember  I  read 
it  in  Dr.  Mead's  Essay :  here  it  is. 

3d  D.  I  never  read  a  page  in  it,  nor  ever  intend  it. 

2d  D.  Ferne  is  of  a  quite  different  notion,  as  I  hear. 

1st  D.  It  may  be  a  pleurisy;  a  vomit  is  very  proper  for  a  man  at  his  age. 


PARONOMASIA.  171 

2d  D.  lire  par  donat  prsesanti  des  ire;  His  dis  eas  is  a  cata 
ride  clare  it. 

3d  D.  Atlas  tume  findit  as  tone  in  his  quid  ni  es. 

4th  D.  Itis  ale  pro  si  fora  uti  se.  Ab  lis  ter  me  bene  cessa 
risum  de  cens.  Itis  as  ure  medi  in  manicas  es. 

3d  D.  I  findit  isto  late  tot  hinc  offa  reme  di ;  fori  here  his 
honor  is  de  ad. 

2d  D.  His  ti  meis  cum. 

1st  D.  Is  it  trudo  ut  hinc? 

4th  D.  It  is  veri  certa  in.  His  Paris  his  belli  sto  ringo  ut 
foris  de  partu  re. 

3d  D.  Nae  i  fis  ecce  lens  is  de  ad  laetus  en  dum  apri  esto 
prse  foris  sole. 

2d  D.  Your  pardon  at  present  I  desire.  His  disease  is  a  catarrh,  I  declare  it. 
3d  D.  At  last  you  may  find  it  a  stone  in  his  kidneys. 
4:th  D.  It  is  a  leprosy  for  aught  I  see.     A  blister  may  he  necessary  some 
days  hence.     It  is  a  sure  remedy  in  many  cases. 

3d  D.  I  find  it  is  too  late  to  think  of  a  remedy ;  for  I  hear  his  honor  is  dead. 
Id  D.  His  time  is  come. 
lut  D.  Is  it  true,  do  you  think  ? 

4cth  D.  It  is  very  certain.     His  parish  bell  is  to  ring  out  for  his  departure. 
3d  D.  Nay,  if  his  excellency's  dead,  let  us  send  'em  a  priest  to  pray  for 
his  soul. 

UNCONSCIOUS   OR    UNINTENTIONAL    PUNS. 

Elizabeth's  sylvan  dress  was  therefore  well  suited  at  once  to  her  height 
and  to  the  dignity  of  her  mein,  which  her  conscious  rank  and  long  habits 
of  authority  had  rendered  in  some  degree  too  masculine  to  be  seen  to  the 
best  advantage  in  ordinary  female  weeds. — Kenilworth,  iii.  9. 
I'll  gild  the  faces  of  the  grooms  withal 
That  it  may  seem  their  guilt, — Macbeth. 
While  underneath  the  eaves 

The  brooding  swallows  cling, 
As  if  to  show  their  sunny  backs 

And  twit  me  with  the  spring. — Song  of  the  Shirt. 

RUSSIAN   DOUBLE    ENTENDRE. 

The  following  message  was  sent  to  the  Emperor  Nicholas 
by  one  of  his  generals : — 

Volia  Vascha,  a  Varschavoo  vsi'at  nemogoo. 
{  Your  iilTto3l.pow.riU,  }  but  War8aW  T  C 


172  PARONOMASIA. 

CLASSICAL   PTJNS   AND    MOTTOES. 

Sydney  Smith  proposed  as  a  motto  for  Bishop  Burgess,  bro- 
ther to  the  well-known  fish-sauce  purveyor,  the  following  Vir- 
gilian  pun  (JEn.  iv.  1), — 

Gravi  jamdudum  saucia  cur&. 

A  London  tobacconist,  who  had  become  wealthy,  and  deter- 
mined to  set  up  his  carriage,  applied  to  a  learned  gentleman  for 
a  motto.  The  scholar  gave  him  the  Horatian  question, — 

QUID    RIDES? 

(Why  do  you  laugh  ?— Sat.  I.  69)— 
which  was  accordingly  adopted,  and  painted  on  the  panel. 

A  pedantic  bachelor  had  the  following  inscription  on  his  tea- 
caddy  : — 

TTT   DOCES. 

(Thou  Tea-chest.) 
Epitaph  on  a  Cat,  ascribed  to  Dr.  Johnson  (Hor.  lib.  i.,  c.  12): — 

MI-CAT  INTER   OMNES. 

Two  gentlemen  about  to  enter  an  unoccupied  pew  in  a 
church,  the  foremost  found  it  locked.  His  companion,  not 
perceiving  it  at  the  moment,  inquired  why  he  retreated.  "  Pit- 
dor  vetat,"  said  he.  (Modesty  forbids.) 

A  gentleman  at  dinner  requested  a  friend  to  help  him  to  a 
potato,  which  he  did,  saying,  "I  think  you  will  find  that  a  good 
mealy  one."  "Thank  you,"  quoth  the  other:  "it  could  not 
be  melior"  (better). 

A  student  of  Latin,  being  confined  to  his  room  by  illness, 
was  called  upon  by  a  friend.  "  What,  John,"  said  the  visitor, 
"sick,  eh?"  "Yes,"  replied  John,  "sic  sum"  (so  I  am). 

In  King's  College  were  two  delinquents  named  respectively 
Payne  and  Culpepper.  Payne  was  expelled,  but  Culpepper 
escaped  punishment.  Upon  this,  a  wit  wrote  the  following  apt 

line  •.— 

Pcena  perire  potest;   Culpa  perenms  est 


PARONOMASIA.  173 

Andrew  Borde,  author  of  the  Breviary  of  Health,  called 
himself  in  Latin  Andreas  Perforatus.  This  translation  of  a 
proper  name  was  according  to  the  fashion  of  the  time,  but  in 
this  instance  includes  a  pun, — perforatus,  bored  or  pierced. 

Joseph  II.,  Emperor  of  Germany,  during  a  visit  to  Home, 
went  to  see  the  princess  Santacroce,  a  young  lady  of  singular 
beauty,  who  had  an  evening  conversazione.  Next  morning 
appeared  the  following  pasquinade.  "  Pasquin  asks,  '  What 
is  the  Emperor  Joseph  come  to  Rome  for  ?'  Marforio  answers, 
'Abaciar  la  Santa  Croce' " — to  kiss  the  Holy  Cross. 

On  the  trial  of  Garnett,  the  Superior  of  the  Jesuits,  for  his 
participation  in  the  Gunpowder  Plot,  Coke,  then  Attorney- 
General,  concluded  his  speech  thus: — Qui  cum  Jesu  itis,  non 
itis  cum  Jesuitis. 

A  few  years  ago,  several  Jesuits  came  into  the  lecture-room 
of  an  Italian  professor  in  the  University  of  Pisa,  believing  he 
was  about  to  assail  a  favorite  dogma  of  theirs.  He  commenced 
his  lecture  with  the  following  w6rds, — 

"  Quanti  Gesuiti  sono  all'  inferno  !" 
(How  many  Jesuits  there  are  in  hell !) 

When  remonstrated  with,  he  said  that  his  words  were — 

"  Quanti — Gesu ! — iti  sono  all'  inferno !" 
(How  many  people,  0  Jesus !  there  are  in  hell !) 

D'Israeli  says  that  Bossuet  would  not  join  his  young  com- 
panions, and  flew  to  his  solitary  tasks,  while  the  classical  boys 
avenged  themselves  by  a  schoolboy's  pun ;  applying  to  Bossuet 
Virgil's  bos  suet-us  aratro — the  ox  daily  toiling  in  the  plough. 

John  Randolph  of  Virginia,  and  Mr.  Dana  of  Connecticut, 
while  fellow-members  of  Congress,  belonged  to  different  po- 
litical parties.  On  one  occasion  Mr.  Dana  paid  some  hand- 
some compliments  to  Mr.  Randolph.  When  the  latter  spoke 
in  reply,  he  quoted  from  Virgil  (JEn.  ii.)  : — 

Timeo  Danaos  et  dona  ferentes. 


174  PARONOMASIA. 

A  lady  having  accidentally  thrown  down  a  Cremona  fiddle 
with  her  mantua,  Dean  Swift  instantly  remarked, — 

"Mantua  vae  miserae  nimium  vicina  Cremonce." 

Ah,  Mantua,  too  near  the  wretched  Cremona.  (Virg.  Eel.  ix.  28.) 
To  an  old  gentleman  who  had  lost  his  spectacles  one  rainy 
evening,  the  Dean  said,  "  If  this  rain  continues  ah1  night,  you 
will  certainly  recover  them  in  the  morning  betimes : 

"Nocte  pluit  tota — fedeunt  spectacula  mane."  (Virgil.) 
Quid  facies  facies  veneris  si  veneris  ante  ? 
Ne  pereas  pereas,  ne  sedeas,  sedeas. 

(What  will  you  do  if  you  shall  come  before  the  face  of  Venus  ?  Lest  you 
should  perish  through  them,  do  not  sit  down,  but  go  away.) 

Sir  William  Dawes,  Archbishop  of  York,  was  very  fond  of 
a  pun.  His  clergy  dining  with  him  for  the  first  time  after  he 
had  lost  his  wife,  he  told  them  he  feared  they  did  not  find 
things  in  so  good  order  as  they  used  to  be  in  the  time  of  poor 
Mary;  and,  looking  extremely  sorrowful,  added  with  a  deep 
sigh,  "she  was  indeed  mare padficum."  A  curate  who  knew 
pretty  well  what  her  temper  had  been,  said,  "  Yes,  my  lord, 
but  she  was  mare  mortuum  first." 

That  Homer  should  a  bankrupt  be, 

Is  not  so  very  ODD  D'YE  SEE, 

If  it  be  true  as  I'm  instructed, 

So  ILL  HE  HAD  his  books  conducted. 

PUNNING   MOTTOES   OF   THE   ENGLISH   PEERAGE. 

Ne  vile.  FANO— Disgrace  not  the  altar.    Motto  of  the  FANES. 

NE  VILE  velis — Form  no  mean  wish.     The  NEVILLES. 

CAVENDO  tutus — Secure  by  caution.     The  CAVENDISHES. 

FORTE  scutum,  solus  ducum — A  strong  shield  the  safety  of 
leaders.  Lord  FORTESCUE. 

VER  NON  semper  viret — The  spring  is  not  always  green. 
Lord  VERNON. 

VERO  nihil  verius — Nothing  truer  than  truth.     Lord  VERB. 

TEMPLA  quam  delecta — Temples  how  beloved.     Lord  TEM- 


PARONOMASIA.  175 

JEUX-DE-MOTS. 

SPIRITUAL. 

A  wag  decides — 

That  whiskey  is  the  key  by  which  many  gain  an  entrance 
into  our  prisons  and  almshouses. 

That  brandy  brands  the  noses  of  all  who  cannot  govern  their 
appetites. 

That  wine  causes  many  a  man  to  take  a  winding  way  home. 

That  punch  is  the  cause  of  many  unfriendly  punches. 

That  ale  causes  many  ailings,  while  beer  brings  many  to  the 
bier. 

That  champagne  is  the  source  of  many  a  real  pain. 

That  gin-slings  have  "  slewed"  more  than  the  slings  of  old. 

That  the  reputation  of  being  fond  of  cock-tails  is  not  a 
feather  in  any  man's  cap. 

That  the  money  spent  for  port  that  is  supplied  by  portly 
gents  would  support  many  a  poor  family. 

That  porter  is  a  weak  supporter  for  those  who  are  weak  in 
body. 

ANAGRAMMATIC. 

The  following  sentence  is  said  to  be  taken  from  a  volume  of 
sermons  published  during  the  reign  of  James  I. : — 

This  dial  shows  that  we  must  die  all;  yet  notwithstanding, 
all  houses  are  turned  into  ale  houses;  our  cares  into  cates;  our 
paradise  into  a  pair  o'  dice;  matrimony  into  a  matter  of 
money,  and  marriage  into  a  merry  age;  our  divines  have  be- 
come dry  vines:  it  was  not  so  in  the  days  of  Noah, — ah!  no. 

ITERATIVE. 

A  clerical  gentleman  of  Hartford,  who  once  attended  the 
House  of  Representatives  to  /read  prayers,  being  politely  re- 
quested to  remain  seated  near  the  speaker  during  the  debate, 
found  himself  the  spectator  of  an  unmarrying  process,  so  alien 
to  his  own  vocation,  and  so  characteristic  of  the  readiness  of 


176  PARONOMASIA. 

the  Legislature  of  Connecticut  to  grant  divorces,  that  the  result 
was  the  following  impromptu: — 

For  c»<-ting  all  connections  famed, 
Conneet-i-cut  is  fairly  named  ; 
I  twain  connect  in  one,  but  you 
Cut  those  whom  I  connect  in  two. 
Each  legislator  seems  to  say, 
What  you  Connect  I  cut  away. 

Finn,  the  comedian,  issued  the  following  morceau  upon  the 
announcement  of  his  benefit  at  the  Tremont  Theatre,  Boston  : — 

Like  a  grate  full  of  coals  I  burn, 

A  great,  full  house  to  see ; 
And  if  I  should  not  grateful  prove, 

A  great  fool  I  should  be. 

A   FAIR   LETTER. 

The  following  letter  was  received  by  a  young  lady  at  the 
post-office  of  a  Fair  held  for  the  benefit  of  a  church  : — 

Fairest  of  the  Fair.  When  such  fair  beings  as  you  have 
the  fair-ness  to  honor  our  Fair  with  your  fair  presence,  it  is 
perfectly  fair  that  you  should  receive  good  fare  from  the  fair 
conductors  of  this  Fair,  and  indeed  it  would  be  very  -on-fair  if 
you  should  not  fare  well,  since  it  is  the  endeavor  of  those 
whose  wel-/are  depends  upon  the  success  of  this  Fair,  to  treat 
all  who  come  fair-ly,  but  to  treat  with  especial  fair-ness 
those  who  are  as  fair  as  yourself.  We  are  engaged  in  a  fair 
cause,  a  sacred  war-fare;  that  is,  to  speak  without  un-/aiV-ness, 
a  war-/are,  not  against  the  fair  sex,  but  against  the  pockets 
of  their  beaux.  We  therefore  hope,  gentle  reader,  "  still  fair- 
est found  where  all  is  fair,"  that  you  will  use  all  fair  exer- 
tions in  behalf  of  the  praiseworthy  af-fair  which  we  have  fair-ly 
undertaken.  If  you  take  sufficient  interest  in  our  wel-fare  to 
lend  your  fair  aid,  you  will  appear  fair-ev  than  ever  in  our 
sight ;  we  will  never  treat  you  un-fair-ly,  and  when  you  with- 
draw the  light  of  your  fair  countenance  from  our  Fair,  we 
will  bid  you  a  kind  Fare-well. 


PARONOMASIA.  177 

The  following  was  written  on  the  occasion  of  a  duel  in  Phila- 
delphia, several  years  ago : — 

Schott  and  Willing  did  engage 

In  duel  fierce  and  hot; 
Schott  shot  Willing  willingly, 

And  Willing  he  shot  Schott 

The  shot  Schott  shot  made  Willing  quite 

A  spectacle  to  see; 
While  Witling's  willing  shot  went  right 

Through  Schott's  anatomy. 

WRITE   WRITTEN   RIGHT. 

Write  we  know  is  written  right^ 
When  we  see  it  written  write; 
But  when  we  see  it  written  wright, 
We  know  it  is  not  written  right : 
For  write,  to  have  it  written  right, 
Must  not  be  written  right  or  wright, 
Nor  yet  should  it  be  written  rite; 
But  write,  for  so  'tis  written  right 

TURN   TO   THE   LEFT   AS   THE    (ENGLISH)   LAW   DIRECTS. 

The  laws  of  the  Road  are  a  paradox  quite : 

For  when  you  are  travelling  along, 
If  you  keep  to  the  LEFT  you're  sure  to  be  RIGHT, 

If  you  keep  to  the  RIGHT  you'll  be  WRONG. 

I  cannot  bear  to  see  a  bear,  bear  down  upon  a  hare, 

When  bare  of  hair  he  strips  the  hare,  for  hare  I  cry,  "forbear!" 

ON   THE   DEATH   OF   THE   EARL   OF   KILDARE. 
Who  killed  Kildare  f     Who  dared  Kildare  to  Ml  f 

Death  answers, — 

I  killed  Kildare,  and  dare  kill  whom  I  will. 

A    C"a£ALECTTC   MONODY. 
A  cat  I  sing  of  famous  memory, 
Though  cataehrestical  my  song  may  be : 
In  a  small  garden  catacomb  she  lies, 
And  cataclysms  fill  her  comrades'  eyes  ; 
Borne  on  the  air,  the  cotacoustic  song 
Swells  with  her  virtues'  catalogue  along ; 
No  cataplasm  could  lengthen  out  her  years, 
Though  mourning  friends  shed  cataracts  of  tears. 


178  PARONOMASIA. 

Once  loud  and  strong  her  catechist-like  voice, 

It  dwindled  to  a  catcall's  squeaking  noise; 

Most  categorical  her  virtues  shone, 

By  catenation  joined  each  one  to  one; — 

But  a  vile  catchpoll  dog,  with  cruel  bite, 

Like  carting's  cut,  her  strength  disabled  quite; 

Her  caterwauling  pierced  the  heavy  air, 

As  cotaphracts  their  arms  through  legions  bear; 

'Tis  vain  !  as  caterpillars  drag  away 

Their  lengths,  like  cattle  after  busy  day, 

She  lingering  died,  nor  left  in  kit  kat  the 

Embodiment  of  this  catastrophe. 

NOVEMBER. 

(The  humorous  lines  of  Hood  are  only  applicable  to  the 
English  climate,  where  the  closing  month  of  autumn  is  syno- 
nymous with  fogs,  long  visages,  and  suicides.) 

No  sun — no  moon ! 

No  morn — no  noon — 
No  dawn — no  dusk — no  proper  time  of  day — 

No  sky — no  earthly  view — 

No  distance  looking  blue — 
No  roads — no  streets — no  t'other  side  the  way — 

No  end  to  any  row — 

No  indication  where  the  crescents  go — 

No  tops  to  any  steeple — 
No  recognition  of  familiar  people — 

No  courtesies  for  showing  'em — 

No  knowing  'em — 
No  travellers  at  all — no  locomotion — 
No  inkling  of  the  way — no  motion — 

'  No  go'  by  land  or  ocean — 

No  mail — no  post — 

No  news  from  any  foreign  coast — 
No    park— no  ring — no  afternoon  gentility — 

No  company — no  nobility — 
No  warmth — no  cheerfulness — no  healthful  ease — 

No  comfortable  feel  in  any  member — 
No  shade — no  shine — no  butterflies — no  bees — 
No  fruits— no  flowers — no  leaves — no  birds — 

NO-VEMBER ! 

The  name  of  that  monster  of  brutality,  Caliban,  in  Shakspeare's  Tempest, 
is  supposed  to  be  anagramniatic  of  Canibal,  the  old  mode  of  spelling  Cannibal. 


PARONOMASIA  179 

A   SWARM   OP   BEES. 
B  patient,  B  prayerful,  B  humble,  B  mild, 
B  wise  as  a  Solon,  B  meek  as  a  child; 

tudious,  B  thoughtful,  B  loving,  B  kind; 

ure  you  make  matter  subservient  to  mind. 


B 


B 


autious,  B  prudent,  B  trustful,  B  true, 
ourteous  to  all  men,  B  friendly  with  few. 
emperate  in  argument,  pleasure,  and  wine, 


B  careful  of  conduct,  of  money,  of  time. 

B  cheerful,  B  grateful,  B  hopeful,  B  firm, 

B  peaceful,  6enevolent,  willing  to  learn; 

B  courageous,  B  gentle,  B  liberal,  B  just, 

B  aspiring,  B  humble,  Because  thou  art  dust; 

B  penitent,  circumspect,  sound  in  the  faith, 

B  active,  devoted;  B  faithful  till  death. 

B  honest,  B  holy,  transparent,  and  pure; 

B  dependent,  B  Christ-like,  and  you'll  B  secure. 

THE   BEES   OP   THE   BIBLE. 

Bo  kindly  affectioned  one  to  another. 

Be  sober,  and  watch  unto  prayer. 

Be  content  with  such  things  as  ye  have. 

Be  strong  in  the  Lord. 

Bo  courteous. 

Be  not  wise  in  your  own  conceits. 

Bo  not  forgetful  to  entertain  strangers. 

Bo  not  children  in  understanding. 

Bo  followers  of  God,  as  dear  children. 

Be  not  weary  in  well-doing. 

Be  holy  in  all  manner  of  conversation. 

Bo  patient  unto  the  coming  of  the  Lord. 

Bo  clothed  with  humility. 

FRANKLIN'S  "RE'S." 

Dr.  Franklin,  in  England  in  the  year  1775,  was  asked  by  a 
nobleman  what  would  satisfy  the  Americans.  He  answered 
that  it  might  easily  be  comprised  in  a  few  "  Re's,"  which  he 
immediately  wrote  on  a  piece  of  paper,  thus : — 

Re-call  your  forces. 

Re-store  Castle  William.       ' 

Re-pair  the  damage  done  to  Boston. 

Re-pcal  your  unconstitutional  acts. 

Re-nounce  your  pretensions  to  taxes. 

Re-fund  the  duties  you  have  extorted. 


180  PARONOMASIA. 

After  this— 

Re-quire,  and 

Re-ceive  payment  for  the  destroyed  tea,  with  the  voluntary  grants  of  th» 

Colonies ;  and  then 
Re-joice  in  a  happy 
Re-conciliation. 

THE   MISS-NOMERS. 

After  the  manner  of  Horace  Smith's  "Surnames  ever  yo  by  contraries." 
Miss  Brown  is  exceedingly  fair. 

Miss  White  is  as  brown  as  a  berry  ; 
Miss  Black  has  a  gray  head  of  hair, 

Miss  Graves  is  a  flirt  ever  merry; 
Miss  Lightbody  weighs  sixteen  stone, 

Miss  Rich  scarce  can  muster  a  guinea; 
Miss  Hare  wears  a  wig,  and  has  none, 

And  Miss  Solomon  is  a  sad  ninny ! 
Miss  Mildmay's  a  terrible  scold, 

Miss  Dove's  ever  cross  and  contrary ; 
Miss  Young  is  now  grown  very  old, 

And  Miss  Heavyside's  light  as  a  fairy  1 
Miss  Short  is  at  least  five  feet  ten, 

Miss  Noble's  of  humble  extraction ; 
Miss  Love  has  a  hatred  towards  men, 

Whilst  Miss  Still  is  forever  in  action. 
Miss  Green  is  a  regular  blue, 

Miss  Scarlet  looks  pale  as  a  lily ; 
Miss  Violet  ne'er  shrinks  from  our  view, 

And  Miss  Wiseman  thinks  all  the  men  silly  I 
Miss  Goodchild's  a  naughty  young  elf, 

Miss  Lyon's  from  terror  a  fool ; 
Miss  Mee's  not  at  all  like  myself, 

Miss  Carpenter  no  one  can  rule. 
Miss  Sadler  ne'er  mounted  a  horse, 

While  Miss  Groom  from  the  stable  will  run; 
Miss  Kilmore  can't  look  on  a  corse, 

And  Miss  Aimwell  ne'er  levelled  a  gun; 
Miss  Greathead  has  no  brains  at  all, 

Miss  Heartwell  is  ever  complaining: 
Miss  Dance  has  ne'er  been  at  a  ball, 

Over  hearts  Miss  Fairweather  likes  reigning  ! 
Miss  Wright,  she  is  constantly  wrong, 

Miss  Tickell,  alas!  is  not  funny; 
Miss  Singer  ne'er  warbled  a  song, 

And  alas !  poor  Miss  Cash  has  no  money ; 


PARONOMASIA.  181 

Miss  Hateman  would  give  all  she's  worth, 

To  purchase  a  man  to  her  liking  ; 
Miss  Merry  is  shocked  at  all  mirth, 

Miss  Boxer  the  men  don't  find  striking  I 
Miss  Bliss  does  with  sorrow  o'erflow, 

Miss  Hope  in  despair  seeks  the  tomb ; 
Miss  Joy  still  anticipates  wo, 

And  Miss  Charity's  never  "  at  home !" 
Miss  Hamlet  resides  in  the  city, 

The  nerves  of  Miss  Standfast  are  shaken; 
Miss  Prettyinan's  beau  is  not  pretty, 

And  Miss  Faithful  her  love  has  forsaken  ! 
Miss  Porter  despises  all  froth, 

Miss  Scales  they'll  make  icait,  I  am  thinking; 
Miss  Meekly  is  apt  to  be  wroth, 

Miss  Lofty  to  meanness  is  sinking; 
Miss  Seymore's  as  blind  as  a  bat, 

Miss  Last  at  a  party  is  first ; 
Miss  Brindle  dislikes  a  striped  cat, 

And  Miss  Waters  has  always  a  thirst! 
Miss  Knight  is  now  changed  into  Day, 

Miss  Day  wants  to  marry  a  Knight; 
Miss  Prudence  has  just  run  away, 

And  Miss  Steady  assisted  her  flight; 
But  success  to  the  fair, — one  and  all ! 

No  miss-apprehensions  be  making; — 
Though  wrong  the  dear  sex  to  miss-call, 

There's  no  harm,  I  should  hope,  in  MISS-TAKING. 

CROOKED   COINCIDENCES. 

A  pamphlet  published  in  the  year  1703  has  the  following 
.strange  title:  "The  Deformity  of  Sin  cured;  a  Sermon 
preached  at  St.  Michael's,  Crooked-lsme,  before  the  Prince  of 
Orange,  by  the  Rev.  J.  Crookshanks.  Sold  by  Matthew 
Denton,  at  the  Crooked  Billet  near  Cripple-gple,  and  by  all 
other  booksellers."  The  words  of  the  text  are,  "Every 
crooked  path  shall  be  made  straight;"  and  the  prince  before 
whom  it  was  preached  was  deformed  in  person. 

THE  COURT-FOOL'S  PUN  ON  ARCHBISHOP  LAUD. 

Great  praise  to  God,  and  little  Laud  to  the  devil. 
16 


182         ENGLISH    WOEDS   AND   FORMS   OP   EXPRESSION. 


antr  Jforms  of 

DICTIONARY  Englisli  is  something  very  different  not  only 
from  common  colloquial  English,  but  even  from  that  of  ordinary 
written  composition.  Instead  of  about  forty  thousand  words, 
there  is  probably  no  single  author  in  the  language  from  whose 
works,  however  voluminous,  so  many  as  ten  thousand  words 
could  be  collected.  Of  the  forty  thousand  words  there  are 
certainly  many  more  than  one-half  that  are  only  employed,  if 
they  are  ever  employed  at  all,  on  the  rarest  occasions.  We  should 
be  surprised  to  find,  if  we  counted  them,  with  how  small  a 
number  of  words  we  manage  to  express  all  that  we  have  to  say, 
either  with  our  lips  or  with  the  pen.  Our  common  literary 
English  probably  hardly  amounts  to  ten  thousand  words;  our 
common  spoken  English  hardly  to  five  thousand. 

Odd  words  are  to  be  found  in  the  dictionaries.  Why  they  are 
kept  there  no  one  knows ;  but  what  man  in  his  senses  would  use 
such  words  as  zythepsary  for  a  brewhouse,  and  zymologist  for  a 
brewer ;  would  talk  of  a  stormy  day  as  procellous  and  himself  as 
madefied ;  of  his  long-legged  son  as  increasing  in  procerity  but 
sadly  marcid ;  of  having  met  with  such  procacity  from  such  a 
one ;  of  a  bore  as  a  macrologist ;  of  an  aged  horse  as  macrobi- 
otic ;  of  important  business  as  moliminous,  and  his  daughter's 
necklace  as  moniliform ;  of  some  one's  talk  as  meracious,  and 
lament  his  last  night's  nimiety  of  wine  at  that  dapatical  feast, 
whence  he  was  taken  by  ereption  ?  Open  the  dictionary  at  any 
page,  and  you  will  find  a  host  of  these  words. 

By  a  too  ready  adoption  of  foreign  words  into  the  currency  of 
the  English  language,  we  are  in  danger  of  losing  much  of  its 
radical  strength  and  historical  significance.  Marsh  has  compared 
the  parable  of  the  man  who  built  his  house  upon  the  sand,  as 
given  by  Matthew  and  Luke.  Matthew  uses  the  plain  Saxon 
English.  The  learned  Evangelist,  Luke,  employed  a  Latinized 


ENGLISH    WORD&  AND    FORMS    OF    EXPRESSION.         183 

dictionary.  "Now,"  he  says,  '' compare  the  two  passages  and 
say  which  to  every  English  ear,  is  the  most  impressive : " 

"  And  the  rain  descended,  and  the  floods  came,  and  the  winds 
blew,  and  beat  upon  that  house,  and  it  fell,  and  great  was  the  fall 
of  it." — Matthew. 

"Against  which  the  stream  did  beat  vehemently,  and  imme- 
diately it  fell;  and  the  ruin  of  that  house  was  great." — LuJce. 

There  can  scarcely  be  a  difference  of  opinion  as  to  the 
relative  force  and  beauty  of  the  two  versions,  and  consequently 
we  find,  that  while  that  of  Matthew  has  become  proverbial,  the 
narrative  of  Luke  is  seldom  or  never  quoted. 

Trench  says  that  the  Anglo-Saxon  is  not  so  much  one  ele- 
ment of  the  English  language,  as  the  foundation  of  it — the  basis. 
All  its  joints,  its  whole  articulation,  its  sinews  and  its  ligaments, 
the  great  body  of  articles,  pronouns,  conjunctions,  prepositions, 
numerals,  auxiliary  verbs,  all  smaller  words  which  serve  to  knit 
together  and  bind  the  larger  into  sentences,  these — not  to  speak 
of  the  grammatical  structure  of  the  language — are  exclusively 
Saxon.  The  Latin  may  contribute  its  tale  of  bricks,  yea,  of 
goodly  and  polished  hewn  stones  to  the  spiritual  building,  but 
the  mortar,  with  all  that  holds  and  binds  these  together,  and 
constitutes  them  into  a  house,  is  Saxon  throughout."  As  proof 
positive  of  the  soundness  of  the  above  affirmation,  the  test  is 
submitted  that — "you  can  write  a  sentence  without  Latin,  but 
you  cannot  without  Saxon."  The  words  of  the  Lord's  Prayer 
are  almost  all  Saxon.  Our  good  old  family  Bible  is  a  capital 
standard  of  it,  and  has  done  more  than  any  other  book  for  the 
conservation  of  the  purity  of  our  language.  Our  best  writers, 
particularly  those  of  Queen  Anne's  time, — Addison,  Steele, 
Swift,  &c., — were  distinguished  by  their  use  of  simple  Saxon. 

SOURCES  OF  THE 'LANGUAGE. 

Some  years  ago,  a  gentleman,  after  carefully  examining  the 
folio  edition  of  Johnson's  Dictionary,  formed  the  following  table 
of  English  words  derived  from  other  languages : — 


184         ENGLISH   WORDS   AND   FORMS   OP   EXPRESSION. 


Latin  
French  
Saxon  
Greek  

6,732 
4,812 
1,665 
1,148 
...691 
...211 
...116 
....95 

Swedish  
Gothic 

..34 
..31 

Irish  and  Erse. 
Turkish 

2 

9 

Hebrew  
Teutonic  
Arabic  
Irish  
Runic  
Flemish  
Erse  
Syriac  
Scottish.... 

..16 
.  15 
..13 
...6 
....4 
...A 
....4 
....3 
,  3 

Irish  tmd  Scottish.... 
Portuguese  

Dutch  
Italian  
German  
Welsh  ..  . 

Persian  

Frisi  
Persic  
Uncertain  

Total  

15,784 

Danish  
Spanish  
Icelandic  

....75 
....56 
....50 

NOUNS   OF    MULTITUDE. 

A  foreigner  looking  at  a  picture  of  a  number  of  vessels,  said, 
"  See  what  a  flock  of  ships."  He  was  told  that  a  flock  of  ships 
was  called  a  fleet,  and  that  a  fleet  of  sheep  was  called  a  flock. 
And  it  was  added,  for  his  guidance,  in  mastering  the  intricacies 
of  our  language,  that  a  flock  of  girls  is  called  a  bevy,  that  a 
bevy  of  wolves  is  called  a  pack,  and  a  pack  of  thieves  is  called 
a  gang,  and  that  a  gang  of  angels  is  called  a  host,  and  that  a 
host  of  porpoises  is  called  a  shoal,  and  a  shoal  of  buffaloes  is 
called  a  herd,  and  a  herd  of  children  is  called  a  troop,  and  a 
troop  of  partridges  is  called  a  covey,  and  a  covey  of  beauties  is 
called  a  galaxy,  and  a  galaxy  of  ruffians  is  called  a  horde,  and  a 
horde  of  rubbish  is  called  a  heap,  and  a  heap  of  oxen  is  called  a 
drove,  and  a  drove  of  blackguards  is  called  a  mob,  and  a  mob 
of  whales  is  called  a  school,  and  a  school  of  worshippers  is  called 
a  congregation,  and  a  congregation  of  engineers  is  called  a  corps, 
and  a  corps  of  robbers  is  called  a  band,  and  a  band  of  locusts  is 
called  a  swarm,  and  a  swarm  of  people  is  called  a  crowd. 


DISRAELIAN    ENGLISH. 

Mr.  Disraeli  gives  us  some  queer  English  in  his  novel  of 
Lothair,  as  may  be  seen  in  the  following  examples : — "  He 
guarded  over  Lothair's  vast  inheritance;"  "Lothair  observed 
on"  a  lady's  singing;  "of  simple  but  distinguished  mien,  with  a 
countenance  naturally  pale,  though  somewhat  bronzed  by  a  life 
of  air  and  exercise,  and  a  profusion  of  dark,  auburn  hair;"  "he 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OF    EXPRESSION.         185 

engaged  a  vehicle  and  ordered  to  be  driven  to  Leicester  Square; " 
"  he  pointed  to  an  individual  seated  in  the  centre  of  the  table;" 
"their  mutual  ancestors;"  "  Is  there  anything  in  the  Tenebrw 
why  I  ought  not  to  be  present  ?  " ;  "  thoughts  which  made  him 
unconscious  how  long  had  elapsed ; "  "  with  no  companions  than 
the  wounded  near  them;"  "The  surgeon  was  sitting. by  her 
side,  occasionally  wiping  the  slight  foam  from  her  brow."  We 
have  heard  of  people  foaming  at  the  mouth,  but  never  before  of 
a  lady  foaming  at  the  brow. 

"YE"  FOR  "THE." 

Ye  is  sometimes  used  for  the  in  old  books  wherein  the  is 
the  more  usual  form,  on  account  of  the  difficulties  experienced 
by  the  printers  in  "  spacing  out."  When  pressed  for  room  they 
put  ye ;  when  they  had  plenty  of  room  they  put  the.  Many 
people  in  reading  old  books  pronounce  the  abbreviation  ye.  But 
the  proper  pronunciation  is  the,  for  the  y  is  only  a  corruption 
of  the  old  thorn-letter,  or  symbol  for  th. 

ITS. 

His  is  the  genitive  (or  as  we  say,  possessive)  of  he,  (he's, — 
his,')  and  it  or  hit,  as  it  was  long  written,  is  the  neuter  of  he, 
the  final  t  being  the  sign  of  the  neuter.  The  introduction  of 
its,  as  the  neuter  genitive  instead  of  his,  arose  from  a  mis- 
conception, similar  to  that  which  would  have  arisen  had  the 
Romans  introduced  illudius  as  the  neuter  genitive  of  ille,  instead 
of  illius.  Its  very  rarely  occurs  in  our  authorized  version  of  the 
Bible,  his  or  her  being  used  instead — occurs  but  a  few  times  in 
all  Shakspeare — was  unknown  to  Ben  Jonson — was  not  admitted 
into  his  poems  by  Milton — and  did  not  come  into  common  use 
until  sanctioned  by  Dryden.  , 

THAT. 

The  use  of  the  word  That  in  the  following  examples  is 
strictly  in  accordance  with  grammatical  rules : — 


186         ENGLISH    WORDS   AND    FORMS   OF    EXPRESSION. 

The  gentleman  said,  in  speaking  of  the  word  that,  that  that 
that  that  thatl&dy  parsed,  was  not  that  that  that  that  gentleman 
requested  her  to  analyze. 

Now,  that  is  a/  word  that  may  often  be  joined, 
For  that  that  may  be  doubled  is  clear  to  the  mind ; 
And  that  that. that  is  right,  is  as  plain  to  the  view, 
As  that  that' that  that  we  use,  is  rightly  used  too, 
And  that  that  that  that  that  line  has  in  it,  is  right- 
In  accordance  with  grammar — is  plain  in  our  sight. 


A  gentleman  who  was  in  the  habit  of  interlarding  his  dis- 
course with  the  expression  "  I  say,"  having  been  informed  by  a 
friend  that  a  certain  individual  had  made  some  ill-natured  re- 
marks upon  this  peculiarity,  took  the  opportunity  of  addressing 
him  in  the  following  amusing  style  of  rebuke : — "  I  say,  sir,  I 
hear  say  you  say  I  say  '  I  say'  at  every  word  I  say.  Now,  sir, 
although  I  know  I  say  'I  say'  at  every  word  I  say,  still  I  say, 
sir,  it  is  not  for  you  to  say  I  say  '  I  say'  at  every  word  I  say." 

PATH-OLOGY. 

There  once  resided  in  Ayrshire  a  man  who,  like  Leman,  pro- 
posed to  write  an  Etymological  Dictionary  of  the  English  lan- 
guage. Being  asked  what  he  understood  the  word  pathology 
to  mean,  he  answered,  with  great  readiness  and  confidence. 
"Why,  the  art  of  road-making,  to  be  sure." 

THE   PRONUNCIATION   OF   OUGH. 

The  difficulty  of  applying  rules  to  the  pronunciation  of  our 
language  may  be  illustrated  in  two  lines,  where  the  combination 
of  the  letters  ough  is  pronounced  in  no  less  than  seven  different 
ways,  viz.:  as  o,  u/,  ojf:  up,  ow,  oo,  and  ock : — 

THOUGH  the  TOUGH  COUGH  and  HICCOUGH  PLOUGH  me  THROUGH, 
O'er  life's  dark  LOUGH  my  course  I  still  pursue. 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS   OP    EXPRESSION.        187 

The  following  attempts  to  show  the  sound  of  ough}  final,  are 
ingenious  :  — 

Though  from  rough  cough  or  hiccough  free, 

That  man  has  pain  enough 
Whose  wounds  through  plough,  sunk  in  a  slough, 

Or  lough  begin  to  slough. 

'Tis  not  an  easy  task  to  show, 
How  o,  u,  g,  h,  sound  ;  since  though, 
An  Irish  lough,  an  English  slough, 
And  cough,  and  hiccough,  all  allow 
Differ  as  much  as  tough  and  through, 
There  seems  no  reason  why  they  do. 


Husband,"  says  Joan,  "'tis  plain  enough 
That  Roger  loves  our  daughter; 

And  Betty  loves  him  too,  although 
She  treats  his  suit  with  laughter. 

For  Roger  always  hems  and  coughs, 
While  on  the  field  he's  ploughing; 

Then  strives  to  see  between  the  boughs, 
If  Betty  heeds  his  coughing. 


The  following  jeu  d'esprit,  entitled  "  A  Literary  Squabble 
on  the  pronunciation  of  Monckton  Milnes's  Title,"  is  stated 
to  have  been  the  production  of  Lord  Palmerston  :  — 

The  Alphabet  rejoiced  to  hear, 

That  Monckton  Milnes  was  made  a  peer; 

For  in  the  present  world  of  letters, 

But  few,  if  any,  were  his  betters. 

So  an  address,  by  acclamation, 

They  voted,  of  congratulation. 

And  0  U  G  H  T  and  N 

Were  chosen  to  take  up  the  pen, 

Possessing  each  an  interest  (vital 

In  the  new  Peer's  baronial  title. 

'Twas  done  in  language  terse  and  telling, 

Perfect  in  grammar  and  in  spelling. 

But  when  'twas  read  aloud  —  oh,  mercy  ! 

There  sprung  up  such  a  controversy 


188          ENGLISH    WORDS   AND    FORMS   OF    EXPRESSION. 

About  the  true  pronunciation 

Of  said  baronial  appellation. 

The  vowels  0  and  U  averred 

They  were  entitled  to  be  heard. 

The  consonants  denied  the  claim, 

Insisting  that  they  mute  became. 

Johnson  and  Walker  were  applied  to, 

Sheridan,  Bailey,  Webster,  tried  too; 

But  all  in  vain — for  each  picked  out 

A  word  that  left  the  case  in  doubt. 

0,  looking  round  upon  them  all, 

Cried,  "If  it  be  correct  to  call 

THROUGH  throo, 

HOUGH  must  be  Hoo  ; 

Therefore  there  must  be  no  dispute  on 

The  question,  we  should  say  Lord  Hooton." 

U  then  did  speak,  and  sought  to  show 

He  should  be  doubled,  and  not  0, 

For  sure  if  ought  and  awt,  then  nought  on 

Earth  could  the  title  be  butHawton. 

H,  on  the  other  hand,  said  he, 

In  cough  and  trough,  stood  next  to  G, 

And  like  an  F  was  then  looked  oft  on, 

Which  made  him  think  it  should  be  Ho/ton. 

But  G  corrected  H,  and  drew 

Attention  other  cases  to : 

Lough,  Row/h  and  Chowjh,  more  than  enough 

To  prove  0  U  G  H  spelled  n/, 

And  growled  out  in  a  sort  of  gruff  tone 

They  must  pronounce  the  title  Hvfton. 

N  said  emphatically  No; 

For  D  0  U  G  H  is  Doh, 

And  though  (look  there  again)  that  stuff 

At  sea  for  fun,  they  nickname  Duff, 

He  should  propose  they  took  a  vote  on 

The  question  should  it  not  be  Hoton  ? 

Besides,  in  French  'twould  have  such  foroe, 

A  Lord  must  be  haut  ton,  of  course. 

High  and  more  high  contention  rose, 

From  words  they  almost  came  to  blows, 

Till  S,  as  yet,  who  had  not  spoke, 

And  dearly  loved  a  little  joke, 

Put  in  his  word,  and  said,  "Look  here, 

Plnugh  in  this  row  must  have  a  share." 

At  this  atrocious  pun,  each  page 


ENGLISH    WORDS   AND   FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION.        18$ 

Of  Johnson  whiter  grew  with  rage. 

Bailey  looked  desperately  cut  up, 

And  Sheridan  completely  shut  up. 

Webster,  who  is  no  idle  talker, 

Made  a  sign  signifying  Walker. 

While  Walker,  who  had  been  used  badly, 

Shook  his  old  dirty  dog-ears  sadly. 

But  as  we  find  in  prose  or  rhyme, 

A  joke,  made  happily  in  time, 

However  poor,  will  often  tend 

The  hottest  argument  to  end, 

And  smother  anger  in  a  laugh, 

So  S  succeeded  with  his  chaff, 

Containing,  as  it  did,  some  wheat, 

In  calming  this  fierce  verbal  heat. 

Authorities  were  all  conflicting, 

And  S  there  was  no  contradicting. 

P  L  0  U  G  H  was  Plow 

Even  enough  was  called  enow, 

And  no  one  who  preferred  enough 

Would  dream  of  saying  "Speed  the  Fluff." 

So  they  considered  it  was  wise 

With  S  to  make  a  compromise, 

To  leave  no  loop  to  hang  a  doubt  on 

By  giving  three  cheers  for  Lord  Houghton  (Howton). 

EXCISE. 

The  following  curious  document  gives  the  opinion  of  Lord 
Mansfield,  when  Attorney-General,  upon  Dr.  Johnson's  defini- 
tion of  the  word  Excise :  — 

Case. 

Mr.  Samuel  Johnson  has  lately  published  a  book,  entitled  A 
Dictionary  of  the  English  Language,  in  which  the  words  are 
deduced  from,  their  originals,  and  illustrated  in  their  different 
significations  by  examples  from  the  best  writers.  To  which  are 
prefixed  a  history  of  the  Language,  and  an  English  grammar. 

Under  the  title  "Excise"  are  the  following  words: — 

EXCISE,  n.  s.  (accijs  Dutch  ;  excisnm,  Latin,)  a  hateful  lax  levied  upon  commodities 
and  adjudged  not  by  the  common  judges  of  property,  but  wretches  hired  by  those  to 
whom  Excise  is  paid. 


190         ENGLISH   WORDS   AND   FORMS   OP   EXPRESSION. 

The  people  should  pay  a  ratable  tax  for  their  sheep,  and  an 
Excise  for  every  thing  which  they  should  eat. — HAYWARD. 

Ambitious  now  to  take  excise 

Of  a  more  fragrant  paradise. — CLEVELAND. 


With  hundred  rows  of  teeth  the  shark  exceeds, 

And  on  all  trades,  like  Cassowar,  she  feeds. — MARVEL. 

Can  hire  large  houses  and  oppress  the  poor 
By  farmed  Excise. — DRYDEN,  Juvenal,  Sat.  S. 

The  author's  definition  being  observed  by  the  Commissioners 
of  Excise,  they  desire  the  favor  of  your  opinion : 

Qu, — Whether  it  will  not  be  considered  as  a  libel j  and,  if 
so,  whether  it  is  not  proper  to  proceed  against  the  author,  print- 
ers, and  publishers  thereof,  or  any  and  which  of  them,  by  in- 
formation or  how  otherwise? 

Opinion. 

I  am  of  opinion  that  it  is  a  libel ;  but,  under  all  the  circum- 
stances, I  should  think  it  better  to  give  him  an  opportunity  of 
altering  his  definition  j  and,  in  case  he  don't,  threaten  him  with 
an  information.  w  MTJRBAY. 

29th  Nov.  1755. 

PONTIFF. 

Mr.  Longfellow,  in  his  Golden  Legend,  thus  refers  to  the 
derivation  of  this  word  from  pons  (a  bridge)  and/acere  (to 
make) : — 

Well  has  the  name  of  Pontifex  been  given 
Unto  the  Church's  head,  as  the  chief  builder 
And  architect  of  the  invisible  bridge 
That  leads  from  earth  to  heaven. 


ROUGH. 

Mr.  Motley,  in  his  History  of  the  United  Netherlands,  IV. 
138,  thus  ascribes  the  use  of  this  word  to  Queen  Elizabeth,  of 
England,  in  her  last  illness : — 


ENGLISH    WORDS   AND    FORMS   OP    EXPRESSION.         191 

The  great  queen,  moody,  despairing,  dying,  wrapt  in  profoundest 
thought,  with  eyes  fixed  upon  the  ground  or  already  gazing  into  infinity 
was  besought  by  the  counsellors  around  her  to  name  the  man  to  whom  she 
chose  that  the  crown  should  devolve. 

"  Not  to  a  Rough,"  said  Elizabeth,  sententiously  and  grimly. 

These  particulars  are  apparently  given  on  the  authority  of 
the  Italian  Secretary,  Scaramelli,  whose  language  is  quoted  in  a 
foot-note,  and  who  says  that  the  word  Rough  "  in  lingua  inglese 
significa  persona  bassa  e  vile." 

Charles  Dickens  said,  "  I  entertain  so  strong  an  objection  to 
the  euphonious  softening  of  ruffian  into  roiigh,  which  has  lately 
become  popular,  that  I  restore  the  right  word  to  the  heading  of 
this  paper."  (Tlie  Ruffian,  by  the  Uncommercial  Traveler,  All 
the  Year  Round.")  "  Lately  popular"  does  not  mean  popular  for 
two  hundred  and  eighty  years  past,  A  word  that  has  escaped 
the  notice  of  the  Glossarists  cannot  have  been  in  use  early  in 
the  seventeenth  century.  That  it  should  have  been  used  in  its 
modern  sense  by  Queen  Elizabeth,  passes  all  bounds  of  belief. 
With  all  her  faults  she  did  not  make  silly  unmeaning  remarks ; 
and  it  would  have  been  extremely  silly  in  her  to  say  she  did  not 
wish  a  low  ruffian  to  succeed  her  on  the  throne.  If  she  uttered 
a  word  having  the  same  sound,  it  might  possibly  have  been  ruff. 
The  "ruff,"  though  worn  by  men  of  the  upper  class,  was  in 
Queen  Elizabeth's  time  an  especially  female  article  of  dress,  and 
the  queen  might  have  said,  "I  will  have  no  ruff  to  succeed  me," 
just  as  now-a-days  one  might  say,  "I  will  have  no  petticoat 
government."  We  want  better  authority  than  that  of  Scara- 
melli before  we  can  believe  that  Elizabeth  used  either  the  word 
rough  or  ruff,  when  consulted  as  to  her  wishes  respecting  her 


NOT   AMERICANISMS. 

i 

In  Bartlett's  Dictionary  the  term  "  stocking-feet "  is  given  as 
an  Americanism.  But  the  following  quotation  from  Thackeray's 
Newcomes  (vol.  i.  ch.  viii.)  shows  that  this  is  an  error : — 


192          ENGLISH   WORDS  AND   FORMS    OF    EXPRESSION. 

"Binnie  found  the  Colonel  in  his  sitting-room  arrayed  in  what  are  called 
in  Scotland  his  stocking-feet." 

Professor  Tyndall,  at  the  farewell  banquet  given  in  his  honor 
by  the  citizens  of  New  York,  prior  to  his  departure,  in  referring 
to  his  successful  lecture-course  in  the  United  States,  said  he  had 
had — to  quote  his  words — "  what  you  Americans  call  '  a  good 
time' " 

But  this  expression  is  not  an  Americanism.  It  is  used  by 
Dean  Swift  in  his  letter  to  Stella,  (Feb.  24, 1710-11);  "  I  hope 
Mrs.  Wells  had  a  good  time." 

That  not  very  elegant  adjective  bully,  though  found  in  Bart- 
lett,  and  used  by  Washington  Irving  cannot  be  claimed  as  an 
Americanism.  Friar  Tuck  sings,  in  Scott's  Ivanhoe : — 

"  Come  troll  the  brown  bowl  to  me,  bully  boy, 
Come  troll  the  brown  bowl  to  me." 

But  to  go  further  back,  we  find  it  in  the  burden  of  an  old 
three-part  song,  "We  be  three  poor  Mariners,"  in  Ravenscroft's 
Deuteromelia,  1609  : 

"Shall  we  go  dance  the  round,  the  round, 
Shall  we  go  dance  the  round; 
And  he  that  is  a  bully  boy, 
Come  pledge  me  on  the  ground." 

One  of  the  words  which  the  English  used  to  class  among 
Americanisms — ignorant  that  it  was  older  and  better  English 
than  their  own  usage — was  Fall,  used  as  the  name  of  the  third 
of  the  seasons.  The  English,  corrupted  by  the  Johnsonese  of 
the  Hanoverian  reigns,  call  it  by  the  Latinism,  Autumn.  But 
the  other  term,  in  general  use  on  this  side  of  the  Atlantic,  is  the 
word  by  which  all  the  old  writers  of  the  language  know  it. 
"  The  hole  yere,"  says  scholarly  Roger  Ascham  in  his  Toxo- 
philus,  "  is  divided  into  iiii.  partes,  Spring  tyme,  Sommer,  Faule 
of  the  leafe,  &  Winter,  whereof  the  hole  winter  for  the  rough- 
nesse  of  it,  is  cleane  taken  away  from  shoting :  except  it  be  one 
day  amonges  xx.,  or  one  yeare  amonges  xi." 


ENGLISH   WORDS   AND   FORMS   OF    EXPRESSION.        193 

This  statement,  by  the  way,  that  exceptionally  mild  winters 
were  in  the  ratio  of  one  to  eleven,  is  worth  noting  with 
reference  to  the  recent  announcement  of  science  that  the  spots 
on  the  sun  have  an  eleven-year  period  of  maximum  frequency. 

NO    LOVE   LOST    BETWEEN    THEM. 

In  the  ordinary  acceptation  of  the  words,  "  No  love  was  lost 
between  the  two,"  we  are  led  to  infer  that  the  two  were  on 
very  unfriendly  terms,  But  in  the  ballad  of  The  Babes  in  the 
Wood,  as  given  in  Percy's  Reliques,  occur  the  following  lines, 
which  convey  the  contrary  idea : — 

No  love  between  this  two  was  lost, 

Bach  was  to  Other  kind  : 
In  love  they  lived,  in  love  they  died, 

And  left  two  babes  behind. 


THE   FORLORN   HOPE. 

Military  and  civil  writers  of  the  present  day  seem  quite  ignorant 
of  the  true  meaning  of  the  words  forlorn  hope.  The  adjective 
has  nothing  to  do  with  despair,  nor  the  substantive  with  the 
"charmer  which  lingers  still  behind ; "  there  was  no  such  poetical 
depth  in  the  words  as  originally  used.  Every  corps  marching 
in  an  enemy's  country  had  a  small  body  of  men  at  the  head 
(haupt  or  hope}  of  the  advanced  guard  ;  and  which  was  termed 
theforlorne  hope  (lorn  being  here  but  a  termination  similar  to 
ward  in  forward,}  while  another  small  body  at  the  head  of 
the  read-guard  was  called  the  rere-lorn  hope.  A  reference  to 
Johnson's  Dictionary  shows  that  civilians  were  misled  as  early 
as  the  time  of  Dryden  by  the  mere  sound  of  a  technical  military 
phrase;  and,  in  process  of  time,  even  military  men  forgot  the 
true  meaning  of  the  words.  Arid  thus  we  easily  trace  the  foun- 
dation of  an  error  to  which  we  are  indebted  for  Byron's  beautiful 
line : — 

The  full  of  hope,  misnamed  forlorn. 


194        ENGLISH   WORDS  AND   FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION. 
QUIZ. 

This  word,  which  is  only  in  vulgar  or  colloquial  use,  and 
which  some  of  the  lexicographers  have  attemped  to  trace  to 
learned  roots,  originated  in  a  joke.  Daly,  the  manager  of  a 
Dublin  play-house,  wagered  that  a  word  of  no  meaning  should 
be  the  common  talk  and  puzzle  of  the  city  in  twenty-four  hours. 
In  the  course  of  that  time  the  letters  quiz  were  chalked  on 
all  the  walls  of  Dublin  with  an  effect,  that  won  the  wager. 

TENNYSON'S  ENGLISH. 

Probably  no  poet  ever  more  thoroughly  comprehended  the 
value  of  words  in  metrical  composition  than  Mr.  Tennyson,  but 
he  has  issued  a  new  coinage  which  is  not  pure.  Compound 
epithets  are  modelled  after  the  Greek  or  revived  from  the  un- 
critical Elizabethan  era.  Thus,  where  we  should  naturally  say 
"  The  bee  is  cradled  in  the  lily,"  Mr.  Tennyson  writes,  "  The  bee 
is  lily-cradled."  When  a  man's  nose  is  broken  at  the  bridge 
or  a  lady's  turns  up  at  the  tip,  the  one  is  said  to  be  "  a  nose 
bridge-broken,"  and  the  other  (with  much  gallantry)  to  be  "tip- 
tilted,  like  the  petal  of  a  flower." 

The  movement  of  the  metre  again  is  very  peculiar.  .Discard- 
ing Milton's  long  and  complex  periods,  Mr.  Tennyson  has  re- 
stored blank  verse  to  an  apparently  simple  rhythm.  But  this 
simplicity  is  in  fact  the  result  of  artifice,  and,  under  every  variety 
of  movement,  the  ear  detects  the  recurrence  of  a  set  type. 
One  of  the  poet's  favorite  devices  is  to  pause  on  a  monosyllable 
at  the  beginning  of  a  line,  and  this  affect  is  repeated  so  often 
as  to  remind  the  reader  of  Euripides  and  his  unhappy  "oil 
flask"  in  The  Frogs.  Take  the  following  instances: — 

And  the  strange  sound  of  nn  adulterous  race, 

Against  the  iron  grating  of  her  cell 

Beat. 

A  sound 

As  of  a  silver  horn  across  the  hills 

Blown. 
And  then  the  music  faded,  and  the  Grail 

Passed. 

His  eyes  became  so  like  her  own  they  seemed 

Hers. 


ENGLISH  WORDS  AND  FORMS  OP  EXPRESSION.      195 

"THAT  MINE  ADVERSARY  HAD  WRITTEN  A  BOOK." 

This  passage  from  Job  xxxi.  35,  is  frequently  misapplied, 
being  interpreted  as  if  it  had  reference  to  a  book  or  writing  as 
commonly  understood.  It  means  rather,  according  to  Gesenius, 
a  charge  or  accusation.  Pierius  makes  it  "libellum  accusa- 
tionis,"  and  Grotius,  "  scriptam  accusationem  "  Scott  expresses 
this  in  his  Commentary: — 

"Job  challenged  his  adversary,  or  accuser,  to  produce  a  libel 
or  written  indictment  against  him :  he  was  confident  that  it 
would  prove  no  disgrace  to  him,  but  an  honor;  as  every  article 
would  be  disproved,  and  the  reverse  be  manifested." 

Other  commentators  understand  it  as  meaning  a  record  of 
Job's  life,  or  of  his  sufferings.  Coverdale  translates  : — "  And 
let  him  that  my  contrary  party  sue  me  with  a  lybell."  In  the 
Genevan  version  it  is,  "  Though  mine  adversarie  should  write  a 
book  against  me."  In  the  Bishop's  Bible,  1595,  "Though 
mine  adversarie  write  a  book  against  me."  The  meaning  seems 
to  have  become  obscured  in  our  version  by  retaining  the  English 
book  instead  of  the  Latin  libel,  but  omitting  the  words  in  italics, 
"against  me." 

ECCENTRIC   ETYMOLOGIES. 

To  trace  the  changes  of  form  and  meaning  which  many  of 
the  words  of  our  language  have  undergone  is  no  easy  task. 
There  are  words  as  current  with  us  as  with  our  forefathers,  the 
significance  of  which,  as  we  use  them,  is  very  different  from 
that  of  their  primitive  use.  And,  in  many  instances,  they  have 
wandered,  by  courses  more  or  less  tortuous,  so  far  from  their 
original  meaning  as  to  make  it  almost  impossible  to  follow  the 
track  of  divergence.  Hence,  it  is  easy  to  understand  why  it 
has  been  said  that  the  etymologist,  to  be  successful,  must  have 
"an  instinct  like  the  special  capabilities  of  the  pointer."  But 
there  are  derivations  which  are  only  revealed  by  accident,  or 
stumbled  upon  in  unexpected  ways,  and  which,  in  the  regular 


196         ENGLISH   WORDS   AND   FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION. 

course  of  patient  search,  would  never  have  been  elicited.     The 
following  illustrative  selections  will  interest  the  general  reader. 

Bombastic. — This  adjective  has  an  odd  derivation.  Origin- 
ally bombast  (from  the  Latin  bombax,  cotton)  meant  nothing 
but  cotton  wadding,  used  for  filling  or  stufiing.  Shakspeare 
employs  it  in  this  sense  in  Love's  Labor  Lost,  v.  2. 

As  bombast  and  as  living  to  the  time. 

Decker,  in  his  Satyromastix,  says,  "  You  shall  swear  not  to 
bombast  out  a  new  play  with  the  old  linings  of  jests."  And 
Guazzo,  Civile  Conversation,  1591, — "  Studie  should  rather 
make  him  leane  and  thinne,  and  pull  out  the  bombast  of  his 
corpulent  doublet." 

Hence,  by  easy  transition  from  the  falseness  of  padding  or 
puffing  out  a  figure,  bombast  came  to  signify  swelling  preten- 
tiousness of  speech  and  conduct  as  an  adapted  meaning;  and 
gradually  this  became  the  primary  and  only  sense. 

Buxom. — This  word  is  simply  bow-some  or  bough-some,  i.  e., 
that  which  readily  bows,  or  bends,  or  yields  like  the  boughs  of 
a  tree.  No  longer  ago  than  when  Milton  wrote  loughsome, 
which  as  gh  in  English  began  to  lose  its  guttural  sound, — that 
of  the  letter  chi  in  Greek, —  came  to  be  written  buxom,  meant 
simply  yielding,  and  was  of  general  application. 


;  and,  this  once  known,  shall  soon  return, 


And  bring  ye  to  the  place  where  thou  and  Death 

Shall  dwell  at  ease,  and  up  and  down  unseen 

Wing  silently  the  buxom  air."— Paradise  Lost,  II.  840. 

But  aided,  doubtless,  as  Dr.  Johnson  suggests,  by  a  too  liberal 
construction  of  the  bride's  promise  in  the  old  English  marriage 
ceremony,  to  be  "obedient  and  buxom  in  bed  and  board,"  it 
came  to  be  applied  to  women  who  were  erroneously  thought 
likely  to  be  thus  yielding;  and  hence  it  now  means  plump, 
rosy,  alluring,  and  is  applied  only  to  women  who  combine  those 
qualities  of  figure,  face  and  expression. 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION.        197 

Cadaver. — An  abbot  of  Cirencester,  about  1216,  conceived 
himself  an  etymologist,  and,  as  a  specimen  of  his  powers,  has 
left  us  the  Latin  word  cadaver,  a  corpse,  thus  dissected: — "Ca," 
quoth  he,  is  abbreviated  for  caro;  "da"  for  data;  "ver"  for 
vennibus.  Hence  we  have  "  caro  data  vermibus,"  flesh  given 
to  the  worms. 

Yet  while  the  reader  smiles  at  this  curious  absurdity,  it  is 
worth  while  to  note  that  the  word  alms  is  constructed  upon  a 
similar  principle,  being  formed  (according  to  the  best  authority) 
of  letters,  taken  from  successive  syllables  of  the  cumbrous  La- 
tinized Greek  word  ekemosyna. 

Canard. — This  is  the  French  for  duck,  and  the  origin  of  its 
application  to  hoaxing  is  said  to  be  as  follows: — To  ridicule  a 
growing  extravagance  in  story-telling  a  clever  journalist  stated 
that  an  interesting  experiment  had  just  been  made,  calculated 
to  prove  the  extraordinary  voracity  of  ducks.  Twenty  of  these 
animals  had  been  placed  together,  and  one  of  them  having  been 
killed  and  cut  up  into  the  smallest  possible  pieces,  feathers  and 
all,  and  thrown  to  the  other  nineteen,  had  been  gluttonously 
gobbled  up  in  an  exceedingly  brief  space  of  time.  Another  was 
taken  from  the  remaining  nineteen,  and  being  chopped  small 
like  its  predecessor,  was  served  up  to  the  eighteen,  and  at  once 
devoured  like  the  other ;  and  so  on  to  the  last,  which  was  thus 
placed  in  the  remarkable  position  of  having  eaten  his  nineteen 
companions  in  a  wonderfully  short  space  of  time !  All  this, 
most  pleasantly  narrated,  obtained  a  success  which  the  writer 
was  far  from  anticipating,  for  the  story  ran  the  rounds  of  all 
the  journals  in  Europe.  It  then  became  almost  forgotten  for 
about  a  score  of  years,  when  it  came  back  from  America,  with 
an  amplification  which  it  did  not  boast  of  at  the  commence- 
ment, and  with  a  regular  certificate  of  the  autopsy  of  the  body 
of  the  surviving  animal,  whose  esophagus  was  declared  to  have 
been  seriously  injured!  Since  then  fabrications  of  this  cha- 
racter have  been  called  canards. 
17* 


198         ENGLISH   WORDS   AND   FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION. 

Chum. — A  schoolboy's  letter,  written  two  centuries  ago,  has 
lately  revealed  that  chum  is  a  contraction  from  ''chamber- 
fellow."  Two  students  dwelling  together  found  the  word  un- 
wieldly,  and,  led  by  another  universal  law  of  language,  they 
shortened  it  in  the  most  obvious  way. 

Dandy. — Bishop  Fleetwood  says  that  "  dandy "  is  derived 
from  a  silver  coin  of  small  value,  circulated  in  the  reign  of 
Henry  VIII.,  and  called  a  "  dandy-prat." 

Dunce. — This  word  comes  to  us  from  the  celebrated  Duns 
Scotus,  chief  of  the  Schoolmen  of  his  time.  He  was  "  the 
subtle  doctor  by  preeminence;"  and  it  certainly  is  a  strange 
perversion  that  a  scholar  of  his  great  ability  should  give  name 
to  a  class  who  hate  all  scholarship.  When  at  the  Reformation 
and  revival  of  learning  the  works  of  the  Schoolmen  fell  into 
extreme  disfavor  with  the  Reformers  and  the  votaries  of  the 
new  learning,  Duns,  the  standard-bearer  of  the  former,  was  so 
often  referred  to  with  scorn  and  contempt  by  the  latter  that  his 
name  gradually  became  the  by-word  it  now  is  for  hopeless  ig- 
norance and  invincible  stupidity.  The  errors  and  follies  of  a 
Bet  were  fastened  upon  their  distinguished  head.  Says  Tyn- 
dale,  1575,— 

"  Remember  ye  not  how  within  this  thirty  years,  and  far 
less,  and  yet  dureth  unto  this  day,  the  old  barking  curs, 
Dunce's  disciples,  and  like  draff  called  Scotists,  the  children 
of  darkness,  raged  in  every  pulpit  against  Greek,  Latin  and 
Hebrew?" 

Eating  humble-pie. — The  phrase  "eating  humble-pie"  is 
traced  to  the  obsolete  French  word  "ombles"  entrails;  pies  for 
the  household  servants  being  formerly  made  of  the  entrails  of 
animals.  Hence,  to  take  low  or  humble  ground,  to  submit  one's 
self,  came  familiarly  to  be  called  eating  "humble"  or  rather 
"  umble  "  pie.  The  word  "  umbles"  came  to  us  from  the  Nor- 
man conquest,  and  though  now  obsolete,  retains  its  place  in 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OF  EXPRESSION.         199 

the  lexicons  of  Worcester  and  Webster,  who,  however,  explain 
the  entrails  to  be  those  of  the  deer  only. 

Fiasco. — A  German,  one  day,  seeing  a  glassblower  at  his  oc- 
cupation, thought  nothing  could  be  easier  than  glassblowing, 
and  that  he  could  soon  learn  to  blow  as  well  as  the  workman. 
He  accordingly  commenced  operations  by  blowing  vigorously, 
but  could  only  produce  a  sort  of  pear-shaped  balloon  or  little 
flask  (fiasco).  The  second  attempt  had  a  similar  result,  and  so 
on,  until  fiasco  after  fiasco  had  been  made.  Hence  arose  the 
expression  which  we  not  infrequently  have  occasion  to  use  when 
describing  the  result  of  our  undertakings. 

Fudge. — This  is  a  curious  word,  having  a  positive  personality 
underlying  it.  Such  at  least  it  is,  if  Disraeli's  account  thereof 
be  authentic.  He  quotes  from  a  very  old  pamphlet  entitled 
Remarks  upon  the  Navy,  wherein  the  author  says,  "  There  was 
in  our  time  one  Captain  Fudge>  commander  of  a  merchantman, 
who  upon  his  return  from  a  voyage,  how  ill  fraught  soever  his 
ship  was,  always  brought  home  his  owners  a  good  crop  of  lies ; 
so  much  that  now,  aboard  ship,  the  sailors  when  they  hear  a 
great  lie  told,  cry  out,  '  You  fudge  it'."  The  ship  was  the 
Black  Eagle,  and  the  time,  Charles  IE. ;  and  thence  the  mono- 
syllabic name  of  its  untruthful  captain  comes  to  us  for  excla- 
mation when  we  have  reason  to  believe  assertions  ill-founded. 

Gossip. — This  is  another  of  that  class  of  words  which  by 
the  system  of  moral  decadence  that  Trench  has  so  ably  illustra- 
ted as  influencing  human  language,  has  come  to  be  a  term  of 
unpleasant  reproach.  In  some  parts  of  the  country,  by  the 
"gossips"  of  a  child  are  meant  his  god-parents,  who  take  vows 
for  him  at  his  baptism.  The  connection  between  these  two  actual 
uses  of  the  word  is  not  so  far  to  seek  as  one  might  suppose. 
Chaucer  shows  us  that  those  who  stood  sponsors  for  an  infant 
were  considered  "si'6,"  or  kin,  to  each  other  in  God:  thus  the 
double  syllables  were  compounded.  Verstigan  says: — 


200        ENGLISH  -WORDS   AND    FORMS   OP   EXPRESSION. 

"  Our  Christian  ancestors  understanding  a  spirituall  affinitie 
for  to  grow  between  the  parents,  and  such  as  undertooke  for  the 
childe  at  baptisme,  called  each  other  by  the  name  of  God-sib, 
which  is  as  much  as  to  say  as  that  they  were  sib  together,  i.  e. 
of  kin  together,  through  God." 

The  Roman  church  forbids  marriage  between  persons  so  united 
in  a  common  vow,  as  she  believes  they  have  contracted  an 
essential  spiritual  relationship.  But  from  their  affinity  in  the  in- 
terests of  the  child  they  were  brought  into  much  converse  with 
one  another ;  and  as  much  talk  almost  always  degenerates  into 
idle  talk,  and  personalities  concerning  one's  neighbors,  and  the 
like,  so  "  gossips  "  finally  came  to  signify  the  latter,  when  the 
former  use  of  it  was  nearly  forgotten.  It  is  remarkable  that 
the  French  "commerage"  has  passed  through  identically  the 
same  perversion. 

Grog. — Admiral  Vernon,  whose  ardent  devotion  to  his  profes- 
sion had  endeared  him  to  the  British  naval  service,  was  in  the 
habit  of  walking  the  deck,  in  bad  weather,  in  a  rough  grogram 
cloak,  and  thence  had  obtained  the  nickname  of  Old  Grog. 
Whilst  in  command  of  the  West  India  station,  and  at  the  height 
of  his  popularity  on  account  of  his  reduction  of  Porto  Bello 
with  six  men-of-war  only,  he  introduced  the  use  of  rum  and  water 
among  the  ship's  company.  When  served  out,  the  new  beverage 
proved  most  palatable,  and  speedily  grew  into  such  favor  that 
it  became  as  popular  as  the  brave  admiral  himself,  and  in  honor 
of  him  was  surnamed  by  acclamation  "  Grog." 

Hocus-pocus. — According  to  Tillotson,  this  singular  expres- 
sion is  believed  to  be  a  corruption  of  the  transubstantiating 
formula,  Hoc  est  corpus  meum,  used  by  the  priest  on  the 
elevation  of  the  host.  Turner,  in  his  history  of  the  Anglo- 
Saxons,  traces  it  to  Ochus  Bochus,  a  magician  and  demon  of 
the  northern  mythology.  We  should  certainly  prefer  the  latter 
as  the  source  of  this  conjurer's  catch-word,  which  the  usage  of 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS   OF    EXPRESSION.        201 

ordinary  life  connects  with  jugglery  or    unfair  dealing,   but 
preponderant  evidence  is  in  favor  of  the  former. 

Malingerer. — This  word,  brought  much  into  use  by  the  exi- 
gencies of  our  civil  war,  is  from  the  French  "  malin  gre,"  and 
signifies  a  soldier  who  from  "evil  will"  shirks  his  duty  by 
feigning  sickness,  or  otherwise  rendering  himself  incapable :  in 
plain  words,  a  poltroon. 

Mustard. — Etymologists  have  fought  vigorously  over  the 
derivation  of  this  word.  "  Multum  ardet,"  says  one,  or  in  old 
French,  "  moult  arde,"  it  burns  much.  "  Mustum  ardens,  hot 
must,  says  another,  referring  to  the  former  custom  of  preparing 
French  mustard  for  the  table  with  the  sweet  must  of  new  wine. 
A  picturesque  story  about  the  name  is  thus  told: — Philip  the 
Bold,  Duke  of  Burgundy,  granted  to  Dijon  certain  armorial 
bearings,  with  the  motto  "  Moult  me  tarde" — I  long  or  wish 
ardently.  This  was  sculptured  over  the  principal  gate.  In  the 
course  of  years,  by  some  accident,  the  central  word  was  effaced. 
The  manufacturers  of  sinapi  or  seneve  (such  were  the  former 
names  of  mustard),  wishing  to  label  their  pots  of  condiment 
with  tho  city  arms,  copied  the  mutilated  motto;  and  the  un- 
learned, seeing  continually  the  inscription  of  "  moult-tarde," 
fell  into  the  habit  of  calling  the  contents  by  this  title. 

Navvy. — Many  persons  have  been  puzzled  by  the  application 
of  this  word,  abbreviated  from  navigator,  to  laborers.  Why 
should  earth-workers  be  called  navigators  ?  They  whose  busi- 
ness is  with  an  element  antipodean  to  water,  why  receive  a 
title  as  of  seafaring  men  ?  At  the  period,  when  inland  naviga- 
tion was  the  national  rage,  and  canals  were  considered  to  involve 
the  essentials  of  prosperity,  as  railways  are  now,  the  workmen 
employed  on  them  were  called  "navigators,"  as  cutting  the 
way  for  navigation.  And  when  railways  superseded  canals,  the 
name  of  the  laborers,  withdrawn  from  one  work  to  the  other, 
was  unchanged,  and  merely  contracted,  according  to  the  dis- 


202        ENGLISH    WORDS   AND    FOEMS    OP    EXPRESSION. 

like  of  our  Anglo-Saxon  tongues  to  use  four  syllables  where  a 
less  number  will  suffice. 

Neighbor. — Formerly  this  familiar  word  was  employed  to 
signify  "the  boor  who  lives  nigh  to  us."  And  just  here  is  an- 
other of  those  words  which  have  been  degraded  from  their 
original  sense;  for  boor  did  not  then  represent  a  stupid,  igno- 
rant lout,  but  simply  a  farmer,  as  in  Dutch  now. 

Poltroon. — In  the  olden  days  the  Norman-French  "poltroon" 
had  a  significance  obsolete  now:  days  when  Strongbow  was  a 
noble  surname,  and  the  yew-trees  of  England  were  of  impor- 
tance as  an  arm  of  national  defence;  then  the  coward  or  malin- 
gerer had  but  to  cut  off  the  thumb  ("pollice  truncus"  in  Latin) 
— the  thumb  which  drew  the  bow,  and  he  was  unfit  for  service, 
and  must  be  discharged. 

Porpoise. — The  common  creature  of  the  sea,  whose  gambols 
have  passed  into  a  jest  and  a  proverb,  the  porpoise,  is  so  named 
because  of  his  resemblance  to  a  hog  when  in  sportive  mood. 
"  Porc-poisson,"  said  somebody  who  watched  a  herd  of  them 
tumbling  about,  for  all  the  world  like  swine,  except  for  the 
sharp  dorsal  fin ;  and  the  epithet  adhered. 

Scrape. — Long  ago  roamed  through  the  forests  the  red  and 
fallow  deer,  which  had  a  habit  of  scraping  up  the  earth  with 
their  fore-feet  to  the  depth  of  several  inches,  sometimes  even  of 
half  a  yard.  A  wayfaring  man  through  the  olden  woods  was 
frequently  exposed  to  the  danger  of  tumbling  into  one  of  these 
hollows,  when  he  might  truly  be  said  to  be  "in  a  scrape." 
Cambridge  students  in  their  little  difficulties  picked  up  and  ap- 
plied the  phrase  to  other  perplexing  matters  which  had  brought 
a  man  morally  into  a  fix. 

Sterling. — This  word  was  originally  applied  to  the  metal 
rather  than  to  a  coin.  The  following  extract  from  Camden  points 
out  its  origin  as  applied  to  money : — 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OP    EXPRESSION.         203 

In  the  time  of  his  sonne  King  Richard  the  First,  monie 
coined  in  the  east  parts  of  Germanie  began  to  be  of  especiall 
request  in  England  for  the  puritie  thereof,  and  was  called 
Easterling  monie,  as  all  the  inhabitants  of  those  parts  were 
called  Ea&terlincfS)  and  shortly  after  some  of  that  countrie,  skil- 
ful in  mint  matters  and  alloies,  were  sent  for  into  this  realme  to 
bring  the  coins  to  perfection,  which,  since  that  time,  was  called 
of  them  sterling  for  Easterlings. 

Surplice. — That  scholastic  and  ministerial  badge,  the  sur- 
plice, is  said  to  derive  its  name  from  the  Latin  "  superpelliceum," 
because  anciently  worn  over  leathern  coats  made  of  hides  of 
beasts ;  with  the  idea  of  representing  how  the  sin  of  our  first 
parents  is  now  covered  by  the  grace  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 
BO  that  we  are  entitled  to  wear  the  emblem  of  innocence. 

Sycophant. — The  original  etymology  of  the  word  sycophant 
is  curious.  The  word  aozoyavriui  (from  GUXOV,  a  fig,  and  yaivat, 
to  show,)  in  its  primary  signification,  means  to  inform  against 
or  expose  those  who  exported  figs  from  Athens  to  other  places 
without  paying  duty,  hence  it  came  to  signify  calumnior,  to 
accuse  falsely,  to  be  a  tale-bearer,  an  evil  speaker  of  others. 
The  word  sycophanta  means,  in  its  first  sense,  no  more  than 
this.  We  now  apply  it  to  any  flatterer,  or  other  abject  depen- 
dant, who,  to  serve  his  own  purposes,  slanders  and  detracts 
from  others. 

Tariff. — Because  payment  of  a  fixed  scale  of  duties  was  de- 
manded by  the  Moorish  occupants  of  a  fortress  on  Tarifa 
promontory,  which  overlooked  the  entrance  to  the  Mediterra- 
nean, all  taxes  on  imports  came  to  be  called  a  tariff. 

Treacle. — A  remarkable  curiosity  in  the  way  of  derivations 
is  one  traced  by  that  indefatigable  explorer,  Archbishop  Trench, 
which  connects  treacle  with  vipers.  The  syrup  of  molasses 
with  the  poison  of  snakes!  Never  was  an  odder  relationship; 
yet  it  is  a  case  of  genuine  fatherhood,  and  embodies  a  singular 
superstition.  The  ancients  believed  that  the  best  antidote  to 


204        ENGLISH    WORDS   AND   FORMS   OP   EXPRESSION. 

the  bite  of  the  viper  was  a  confection  of  its  own  flesh.  The 
Greek  word  fyptaxq,  flesh  of  the  viper,  was  given  first  to  such 
a  sweetmeat,  and  then  to  any  antidote  of  poison,  and  lastly  to 
any  syrup ;  and  easily  corrupted  into  our  present  word.  Chaucer 
has  a  line — 

Christ,  which  that  is  to  every  harm  triacle. 

Milton  speaks  of  the  "sovran  treacle  of  sound  doctrine."  A 
stuff  called  Venice  Treacle  was  considered  antidote  to  all  poisons. 
"  Vipers  treacle  yield,"  says  Edmund  Waller,  in  a  verse  which 
has  puzzled  many  a  modern  reader,  and  yet  brings  one  close  to 
the  truth  of  the  etymology,  and  shows  that  treacle  is  only  a 
popular  corruption  of  therictc. 

Wig. — This  word  may  be  cited  as  a  good  example  to  show 
how  interesting  and  profitable  it  is  to  trace  words  through  their 
etymological  windings  to  their  original  source.  Wig  is  abridged 
from  periwig,  which  comes  from  the  Low  Dutch  peruik, 
which  has  the  same  meaning.  When  first  introduced  into  the 
English  language,  it  was  written  and  pronounced  perwick,  the 
u  being  changed  into  «:,  as  may  still  be  seen  in  old  English 
books.  Afterwards  the  i  was  introduced  for  euphony,  and  it 
became  periwick;  and  finally  the  ck  was  changed  into  g, 
making  it  periwig,  and  by  contraction  wig. 

The  Dutch  word  peruik  was  borrowed  from  the  French  pe r- 
ruque.  The  termination  uik  is  a  favorite  one  with  that  nation, 
and  is  generally  substituted  in  borrowed  words  for  the  French 
uque  and  the  German  auch.  The  French  word  pcrruque  comes 
from  the  Spanish  peluca,  and  this  last  from  pelo,  hair,  which 
is  derived  from  the  Latin  pihs.  Hence  the  Latin  word  pilus, 
hair,  through  successive  transformations,  has  produced  the 
English  word  wig. 

Windfall. — Centuries  ago  a  clause  was  extant  in  the  tenure 
of  many  English  estates,  to  the  effect  that  the  owners  might 
not  fell  the  trees,  as  the  best  timber  was  reserved  for  the  Royal 
Navy;  but  any  trees  that  came  down  without  cutting  were  the 


ENGLISH   WORDS   AND   FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION.        205 

property  of  the  tenant.  Hence  was  a  storm  a  joyful  and  a 
lucrative  event  in  proportion  to  its  intensity,  and  the  larger  the 
number  of  forest  patriarchs  it  laid  low  the  richer  was  the  lord 
of  the  land.  He  had  received  a  veritable  "  windfall."  Ours  in 
the  nineteenth  century  come  in  the  shape  of  any  unexpected 
profit;  and  those  of  us  who  own  estates  rather  quake  in  sym- 
pathy with  our  trembling  trees  on  windy  nights. 

ODD    CHANGES   OF   SIGNIFICATION. 

The  first  verse  of  Dean  Whittingham's  version  of  the  114th 
Psalm  may  be  quoted  as  a  curious  instance  of  a  phrase  origin- 
ally grave  in  its  meaning  become  strangely  incongruous: — 

When  Israel  by  God's  address 

From  Pharaoh's  land  was  bent, 
And  Jacob's  house  the  strangers  left 

And  in  the  same  train  went. 

Since  the  completion  of  the  Pacific  Railway,  some  intro- 
ductory lines  in  Southey's  Thalaba  require  correction : — 

Who  at  this  untimely  hour 
Wander  o'er  the  desert  sands? 
No  station  is  in  view. 

If  the  author  would  revisit  the  earth,  he  would  find  numerous 
"stations"  on  the  railway  route  across  the  Great  American 
Desert. 

Among  funny  instances  of  wresting  from  a  text  a  meaning 
to  suit  a  particular  purpose,  is  that  of  the  classical  scholar  who 
undertook  to  prove  that  the  word  "smile"  was  used  as  a  euphe- 
mism for  a  drink  in  ancient  times,  by  quoting  from  Horace's 
Odes:— 

Amara  lento  temperat  risu. 


Which  is  rendered  by  Martin : — 


Meets  life's  bitters  with  a  jest, 
And  smiles  them  down. 
18 


206       ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OF    EXPRESSION. 

By  lento  risu,  it  was  argued,  is  clearly  meant  a  slow  smile,  or 
one  taken  through  a  straw ! 

The  meaning  of  the  word  Wretch  is  one  not  generally  under- 
stood. It  was  originally,  and  is  now,  in  some  parts  of  England, 
used  as  a  term  of  the  softest  and  fondest  tenderness.  This  is 
not  the  only  instance  in  which  words  in  their  present  general 
acceptation  bear  a  very  opposite  meaning  to  what  they  did  in 
Shakspeare's  time.  The  word  Wench,  formerly,  was  not  used 
in  the  low  and  vulgar  acceptation  that  it  is  at  present.  Damsel 
was  the  appellation  of  young  ladies  of  quality,  and  Dame  a 
title  of  distinction.  Knave  once  signified  a  servant;  and  in  an 
early  translation  of  the  New  Testament,  instead  of  "  Paul,  the 
Servant,"  we  read  "Paul,  the  Knave  of  Jesus  Christ,"  or, 
Paul,  a  rascal  of  Jesus  Christ.  Varlet  was  formerly  used  in  the 
same  sense  as  valet.  On  the  other  hand,  the  word  Companion^ 
instead  of  being  the  honorable  synonym  of  Associate,  occurs 
in  the  play  of  Othello  with  the  same  contemptuous  meaning 
which  we  now  affix,  in  its  abusive  sense,  to  the  word  "Fellow;" 
for  Emilia,  perceiving  that  some  secret  villain  had  aspersed  the 
character  of  the  virtuous  Desdemona,  thus  indignantly  ex- 
claims : — 

0  Heaven  !  that  such  Companions  thou'dst  unfold, 

And  put  in  every  honest  hand  a  whip, 

To  lash  the  rascal  naked  through  the  world. — iv.  2. 

Villain  formerly  meant  a  bondman.  In  feudal  law,  according 
to  Blackstone,  the  term  was  applied  to  those  who  held  lands  and 
tenements  in  villenage, — a  tenure  by  base  services. 

Pedant  formerly  meant  a  schoolmaster.  Shakspeare  says  in 
his  Twelfth  Night, — 

A  pedant  that  keeps  a  school  in  the  church. — iii.  2. 

Bacon,  in  his  Pathway  unto  Prayer,  thus  uses  the  word 
Imp:  "Let  us  pray  for  the  preservation  of  the  King's  most 
excellent  Majesty,  and  for  the  prosperous  success  of  his  entirely 
beloved  son  Edward  our  Prince,  that  most  angelic  imp" 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OF    EXPRESSION.        207 

The  word  brat  is  not  considered  very  elegant  now,  but  a 
few  years  ago  it  had  a  different  signification  from  its  present 
one.  An  old  hymn  or  Deprofundis,  by  Gascoine,  contains 
the  lines, — 

"  0  Israel,  0  household  of  the  Lord, 
0  Abraham's  brats,  0  brood  of  blessed  scod, 
0  chosen  sheep  that  loved  the  Lord  indeed." 

It  is  a  somewhat  noticeable  fact,  that  the  changes  in  the 
signification  of  words  have  generally  been  to  their  deteriora- 
tion; that  is,  words  that  heretofore  had  no  sinister  meaning 
have  acquired  it.  The  word  cunning,  for  example,  formerly 
meant  nothing  sinister  or  underhanded;  and  in  Thrope's  con- 
fession in  Fox's  "Book  of  Martyrs"  is  the  sentence,  "  I  believe 
that  all  these  three  persons  [in  the  Godhead]  are  even  in 
power,  and  in  cunning,  and  in  might,  full  of  grace  and  of  all 
goodness."  Demure  is  another  of  this  class.  It  was  used  by 
earlier  writers  without  the  insinuation  which  is  now  almost 
latent  in  it,  that  the  external  shows  of  modesty  and  sobriety 
rest  on  no  corresponding  realities.  Explode  formerly  meant 
to  drive  off  the  stage  with  loud  clappings  of  the  hands,  but 
gradually  became  exaggerated  into  its  present  signification. 
Facetious,  too,  originally  meant  urbane,  but  now  has  so  degene- 
rated as  to  have  acquired  the  sense  of  buffoonery;  and  Mr. 
Trench  sees  indications  that  it  will  ere  long  acquire  the  sense 
of  indecent  buffoonery. 

Frippery  now  means  trumpery  and  odds  and  ends  of  cheap 
finery;  but  once  it  meant  old  clothes  of  value,  and  not  worth- 
less, as  the  term  at  present  implies.  The  word  Gossip  for- 
merly meant  only  a  sponsor  in  baptism.  Sponsors  were  sup- 
posed to  become  acquainted  at  the  baptismal  font,  and  by  their 
sponsorial  act  to  establish  an  indefinite  affinity  towards  each 
other  and  the  child.  Thus  the  word  was  applied  to  all  who 
were  familiar  and  intimate,  and  finally  obtained  the  meaning 
which  is  now  predominant  in  it. 

Homely  once  meant  secret  and  familiar,  though  in  the  time 
of  Milton  it  had  acquired  the  same  sense  as  at  present.  Idiot, 


208        ENGLISH    WORDS   AND    FORMS    OF   EXPRESSION. 

from  the  Greek,  .originally  signified  only  a  private  man  as  dis- 
tinguished from  one  in  public  office,  and  from  that  it  has  de- 
generated till  it  has  come  to  designate  a  person  of  defective 
mental  powers.  Incense  once  meant  to  kindle  not  only  anger, 
but  good  passions  as  well;  Fuller  uses  it  in  the  sense  of  "to 
incite."  Indolence  originally  signified  a  freedom  from  passion 
or  pain,  but  now  implies  a  condition  of  languid  non-exertion. 
Insolent  was  once  only  "  unusual." 

The  derivation  of  lumber  is  peculiar.  As  the  Lombards 
were  the  bankers,  so  they  were  also  the  pawnbrokers,  of  the 
Middle  Ages.  The  "  lumber-room"  was  then  the  place  where 
the  Lombard  banker  and  broker  stored  his  pledges,  and  lumber 
gradually  came  to  mean  the  pledges  themselves.  As  these 
naturally  accumulated  till  they  got  out  of  date  or  became  un- 
serviceable, it  is  easy  to  trace  the  steps  by  which  the  word 
descended  to  its  present  meaning. 

Obsequious  implies  an  unmanly  readiness  to  fall  in  with  the 
will  of  another;  but  in  the  original  obsequium,  or  in  the 
English  word  as  employed  two  centuries  ago,  there  was  nothing 
of  this  :  it  rather  meant  obedience  and  mildness.  Shakspeare, 
speaking  of  a  deceased  person,  says, — 

"  How  many  a  holy  and  obsequious  tear 
Hath  dear  religious  love  stolen  from  mine  eye, 
As  interest  of  the  dead." 

Property  and  propriety  were  once  synonymous,  both  refer- 
ring to  material  things,  as  the  French  word  propriete  does  now. 
Foreigners  do  not  often  catch  the  distinction  at  present  made 
in  English  between  the  two  words;  and  we  know  a  French 
gentleman  who,  recently  meeting  with  some  pecuniary  reverses, 
astonished  his  friends  by  telling  them  that  he  had  lost  all  his 
"  propriety." 

A  poet  is  a  person  who  writes  poetry,  and,  according  to  the 
good  old  customs,  a  proser  was  a  person  who  wrote  prose,  and 
simply  the  antithesis  of  poet.  The  word  has 'now  a  sadly  differ- 
ent signification ;  and  it  would  not  be  considered  very  respect- 
able to  term  Addison,  Irving,  Bancroft,  or  Everett  "prosers.'' 


ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OP    EXPRESSION.        209 
.    *  INFLUENCE    OF    NAMES. 

The  .Romans,  from  the  time  they  expelled  their  kings,  could 
never  endure  the  idea  of  being  governed  by  a  king.  But  they 
submitted  to  the  most  abject  slavery  under  an  emperor.  And 
Oliver  Cromwell  did  not  venture  to  risk  disgusting  the  repub- 
licans by  calling  himself  king,  though  under  the  title  of  Pro- 
tector he  exercised  regal  functions. 

The  American  colonies  submitted  to  have  their  Commerce 
and  their  manufactures  crippled  by  restrictions  avowedly  for 
the  benefit  of  the  mother-country,  and  were  thus  virtually 
taxed  to  the  amount  of  all  that  they  in  any  instance  lost  by 
paying  more  for  some  article  than  it  would  cost  to  make  it 
themselves,  or  to  buy  it  of  foreigners.  But  as  soon  as  a  tax 
was  imposed  under  that  name,  they  broke  out  into  rebellion. 

It  is  a  marvel  to  many,  and  seems  to  them  nearly  incredible, 
that  the  Israelites  should  have  gone  after  other  gods ;  and  yet 
the  vulgar  in  most  parts  of  Christendom  are  actually  serving 
the  gods  of  their  heathen  ancestors.  But  then  they  do  not 
call  them  gods,  but  fairies  or  bogles,  etc.,  and  they  do  not 
apply  the  word  worship  to  their  veneration  of  them,  nor  sacri- 
fice to  their  offerings.  And  this  slight  change  of  name  keeps 
most  people  in  ignorance  of  a  fact  that  is  before  their  eyes. 

Others,  professed  Christians,  are  believed,  both  by  others 
and  by  themselves,  to  be  worshippers  of  the  true  God,  though 
they  invest  him  with  the  attributes  of  one  of  the  evil  demons 
worshipped  by  the  heathen.  There  is  hardly  any  professed 
Christian  who  would  not  be  shocked  at  the  application  of  the 
word  caprice  to  the  acts  of  the  Most  High.  And  yet  his 
choosing  to  inflict  suffering  on  his  creatures  "for  no  cause" 
(as  some  theologians  maintain)  "  except  that  such  is  his  will," 
is  the  very  definition  of  caprice. 

But  when  Lord  Byron  published  his  poem  of  "  Cain," 
which  contains  substantially  the  very  same  doctrine,  there  was 
a  great  outcry  among  pious  people,  including,  no  doubt,  many 
who  were  of  the  theological  school  which  teaches  the  same, 
under  other  nain.es. 

0  1 8* 


210        ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS    OF    EXPRESSION. 

Why  and  how  any  evil  comes  to  exist  in  the  universe,  reason 
cannot  explain,  and  revelation  does  not  tell  us.  But  it  does 
show  us  what  is  not  the  cause.  That  it  cannot  be  from  ill  will 
or  indifference,  is  proved  by  the  sufferings  undergone  by  the 
beloved  Son. 

Many  probably  would  have  hesitated  if  it  had  been  proposed 
to  them  to  join  a  new  Church  under  that  name,  who  yet 
eagerly  enrolled  themselves  in  the  Evangelical  Alliance, — 
which  is  in  fact  a  church,  with  meetings  for  worship,  and 
sermons  under  the  name  of  sjjceches,  and  a  creed  consisting  of 
sundry  Articles  of  Faith  to  be  subscribed ;  only  not  called  by 
those  names. 

Mrs.  13.  expressed  to  a  friend  her  great  dread  of  such  a 
medicine  as  tartar-emetic.  She  always,  she  said,  gave  her 
children  antimonial  wine.  He  explained  to  her  that  this  is 
tartar-emetic  dissolved  in  wine;  but  she  remained  unchanged. 

Mrs.  H.  did  not  like  that  her  daughters  should  be  novel- 
readers  ;  and  all  novels  in  prose  were  indiscriminately  prohi- 
bited ;  but  any  thing  in  verse  was  as  indiscriminately  allowed. 

Probably  a  Quaker  would  be  startled  at  any  one's  using  the 
very  icurds  of  the  prophets,  "  Thus  saith  the  Lord :"  yet  he 
says  the  same  things  in  the  words,  "  The  Spirit  movcth  me  to 
say  so  and  so."  And  some,  again,  who  would  be  shocked  at 
this,  speak  of  a  person, — adult  or  child, — who  addresses  a  con- 
gregation in  extempore  prayers  and  discourses,  as  being  under 
the  influence  of  the  Holy  Spirit;  though  in  neither  case  is 
there  any  miraculous  proof  given.  And  they  abhor  a  claim 
to  infallibility;  only  they  arc  quite  certain  of  being  under  the 
guidance  of  the  Spirit  in  whatever  they  say  or  do. 

Quakers,  again,  and  some  other  dissenters,  object  to  a  Jiired 
ministry,  (in  reality,  an  fwhired;)  but  their  preachers  are  to 
be  supplied  with  all  they  need;  like  the  father  of  Molicre's 
Bourgeois,  who  was  no  shopkeeper,  but  kindly  chose  (joods  for 
his  friends,  which  he  let  them  have  for  money. 


ENGLISH    WORDS   AND    FORMS   OF   EXPRESSION.        211 
COMPOUND   EPITHETS. 

The  custom  of  using  hard  compounds  furnished  Ben  Jonson 
opportunities  of  showing  his  learning  as  well  as  his  satire.  He 
used  to  call  them  "words  un-in-one-breath-utterable."  Redi 
mentions  an  epigram  against  the  sophists,  made  up  of  com- 
pounds "a  mile  long."  Joseph  Scaliger  left  a  curious  exam- 
ple in  Latin,  part  of  which  may  be  thus  rendered  into  Eng- 
lish:— 

Loftybrowflourishers, 

Noseinbeardwallowers, 

Brigiindbeardnourishers, 

Dishandallswallowers, 

Oldcloakinvestitors, 

Barefootlookfashioners, 

Nightprivatefeasteaters, 

Cnif'tlucubrationers ; 

Youthcheaters,  Wordeatchers,  Vaingloryosophers, 
Such  arc  your  seekersofvirtuo  philosophers. 

The  old  naturalist  Lovell  published  a  book  at  Oxford,  in 
1661,  entitled  Panzooloijicomineralogia.  Rabelais  proposed 
the  following  title  for  a  book : — Antlpcricatametaparhengedam- 
phicribrativne*.  The  reader  of  Shakspearc  will  remember  Cos- 
tard's lionorlficalilitiuUnitatibus,  in  Love's  Labor  Lost,  v.  1. 
There  was  recently  in  the  British  army  a  major  named  Teyo- 
ninhokarawen.  In  the  island  of  Mull,  Scotland,  is  a  locality 
named  Drimtaidhorickhillicliattan.  The  original  Mexican  for 
country  curates  is  Notlazomahnitztcopixcatatzins.  The  longest 
Nipmuck  word  in  Eliot's  Indian  Bible  is  in  St.  Mark  i.  40, 
WuttejyMstitiikqussuiinooicchtun/cquoh,  and  signifies  "  kneeling 
to  him." 

OUR   VERNACULAR   IN   CHAUCER'S   TIME. 

But  redo  that  bowcth  down  for  every  biasto 

Ful  lyghtly  ccsse  wynde,  it  wol  aryso 

But  so  nyle  not  an  oke,  when  it  is  caste 

It  nedeth  me  nought  longe  the  forvyse 

Men  shiill  reioysen  of  a  great  einpriso 

Atchewed  wel  and  slant  withouten  dout 

Al  haue  uiec  beu  the  longer  there  about. — Troylia,  iL 


212  TALL   WRITING. 


Call  Writing. 

DEFINITION   OF  TRANSCENDENTALISM. 

THE  spiritual    cognoscence  of   psychological    irrefragibility 
connected  with  concutient  ademption  of  incolumnient  spiritual- 
ity and  etherialized  contention  of  subsultory  concretion. 
Translated  by  a  New  York  lawyer,  it  stands  thus : — 
Transcendentalism   is   two   holes   in  a  sand-bank  :  a  stortu 
washes  away  the  sand-bank  without  disturbing  the  holes. 

THE   DOMICILE   ERECTED   BY   JOHN. 

Translated  from  the  Vulgate. 
Behold  the  Mansion  reared  by  daedal  Jack. 

See  the  malt  stored  in  many  a  plethoric  sack, 
In  the  proud  cirque  of  Ivan's  bivouac. 

Mark  how  the  Rat's  felonious  fangs  invade 
The  golden  stores  in  John's  pavilion  laid. 

Anon,  with  velvet  foot  and  Tarquin  strides, 
Subtle  Grimalkin  to  his  quarry  glides,— 
Grimalkin  grim,  that  slew  the  fierce  rodent 
Whose  tooth  insidious  Johann's  sackcloth  rent. 

Lo !  now  the  deep-mouthed  canine  foe's  assault, 
That  vexed  the  avenger  of  the  stolen  malt, 
Stored  in  the  hallowed  precincts  of  that  hall 
That  rose  complete  at  Jack's  creative  call. 

Here  stalks  the  impetuous  Cow  with  crumpled  horn, 
Whereon  the  exacerbating  hound  was  torn, 
Who  bayed  the  feline  slaughter-beast  that  slew 
The  Rat  predacious,  whose  keen  fangs  ran  through 
The  textile  fibers  that  involved  the  grain 
Which  lay  in  Hans'  inviolate  domain. 

Here  walks  forlorn  the  Damsel  crowned  with  rue, 
Lactiferous  spoils  from  vaccine  dugs,  who  drew, 
Of  that  corniculate  beast  whose  tortuous  horn 
Tossed  to  the  clouds,  in  fierce  vindictive  scorn, 
The  harrowing  hound,  whose  braggart  bark  and  stir 
Arched  the  lithe  spine  and  reared  the  indignant  fur 


TALL   WRITING.  213 

Of  Puss,  that  with  verminicidal  claw 
Struck  the  weird  rat  in  whose  insatiate  maw 
Lay  reeking  malt  that  erst  in  Juan's  courts  we  saw, 
Eobed  in  senescent  garb  that  seems  in  sooth 
Too  long  a  prey  to  Chronos'  iron  tooth. 

Behold  the  man  whose  amorous  lips  incline, 
Full  with  young  Eros'  osculative  sign, 
To  the  lorn  maiden  whose  lact-albic  hands 
Drew  albu-lactic  wealth  from  lacteal  glands 
Of  that  immortal  bovine,  by  whose  horn 
Distort,  to  realm  ethereal  was  borne 
The  beast  catulean,  vexer  of  that  sly 
Ulysses  quadrupedal,  who  made  die 
The  old  mordacious  Rat  that  dared  devour 
Antecedaneous  Ale  in  John's  domestic  bower. 

Lo,  here,  with  hirsute  honors  doffed,  succinct 

Of  saponaceous  locks,  the  Priest  who  linked 

In  Hymen's  golden  bands  the  torn  unthrift, 

Whose  means  exiguous  stared  from  many  a  rift, 

Even  as  he  kissed  the  virgin  all  forlorn, 

Who  milked  the  cow  with  implicated  horn, 

Who  in  fine  wrath  the  canine  torturer  skied, 

That  dared  to  vex  the  insidious  muricide, 

Who  let  auroral  effluence  through  the  pelt 

Of  the  sly  Rat  that  robbed  the  palace  Jack  had  built. 

The  loud  cantankerous  Shanghae  comes  at  last, 

Whose  shouts  arouse  the  shorn  ecclesiast, 

Who  sealed  the  vows  of  Hymen's  sacrament, 

To  him  who,  robed  in  garments  indigent, 

Exosculates  the  damsel  lachrymose, 

The  emulgator  of  that  horned  brute  morose, 

That  tossed  the  dog,  that  worried  the  cat,  that  kilt 

The  rat,  that  ate  the  malt,  that  lay  in  the  house  that  Jack  built 

FROM   THE   CURIOSITIES   OP   ADVERTISING. 

TO  BE  LET, 

To  an  Oppidan,  a  Ruricolist,  or  a  Cosmopolitan,  and  may  be 
entered  upon  immediately : 

The  House  in  STONE  Row,  lately  possessed  by  CAPT.  SIREE. 
To  avoid  Verbosity,  the  Proprietor  with  Compendiosity  will 
give  a  Perfunctory  description  of  the  Premises,  in  the  Compa- 
gination  of  which  he  has  Sedulously  studied  the  convenience  of 


214  TALL  WRITING. 

the  Occupant.  It  is  free  from  Opacity,  Tenebrosity,  Tumidity, 
and  Injucundity,  and  no  building  can  have  greater  Pcllucidity 
or  Translucency — in  short,  its  Diaphaneity  even  in  the  Cre- 
puscle  makes  it  like  a  Pharos,  and  without  laud,  for  its  Agglu- 
tination and  Amenity,  it  is  a  most  Delectable  Commoranccj 
and  whoever  lives  in  it  will  find  that  the  Neighbors  have  none 
of  the  Truculence,  the  Immanity,  the  Torvity,  the  Spinosity, 
the  Putidness,  the  Pugnacity,  nor  the  Fugacity  observable  in 
other  parts  of  the  town,  but  their  Propinquity  and  Consanguinity 
occasion  Jocundity  and  Pudicity — from  which,  and  the  Redo- 
lence of  the  place  (even  in  the  dog-days),  they  are  remarkable 
for  Longevity.  For  terms  and  particulars  apply  to  JAMES 
HUTCHINSON,  opposite  the  MARKET-HOUSE. — J)ub.  News. 

FROM   THE   CURIOSITIES   OF   THE   POST-OFFICE. 

The  following  is  a  genuine  epistle,  sent  by  an  emigrant  coun- 
try schoolmaster  to  a  friend  at  home  : — 

MR  M  CONNORS 

With  congruous  gratitude  and  decorum  I  accost  to  you  this 
debonnaire  communication.  And  announce  to  you  with  ami- 
cable Complacency  that  we  continually  enjoy  competent  lauda- 
ble good  health,  thanks  to  our  omnipotent  Father  for  it.  We 
are  endowed  with  the  momentous  prerogatives  of  respectable 
operations  of  a  supplement  concuity  of  having  a  fine  brave 
and  gallant  youthful  daughter  the  pendicity  ladies  age  is 
four  months  at  this  date,  we  denominated  her  Margaret 
Connolly. 

I  have  to  respond  to  the  Communication  and  accost  and  re- 
mit a  Convoy  revealing  with  your  identity  candor  and  sincerity. 
If  your  brother  who  had  been  pristinely  located  and  stationed 
in  England  whether  he  has  induced  himself  with  ecstasy  to  be 
in  preparation  to  progress  with  you.  I  am  paid  by  the  re- 
spectable potent  loyal  nobleman  that  I  work  for  one  dollar 
per  day.  Announce  to  us  in  what  Concuity  the  crops  and  the 
products  of  husbandry  dignify,  also  predict  how  is  John  Carroll 
and  his  wife  and  family.  My  brother  and  Myself  are  continu 


TALL    WRITING.  215 

ally  employed  and  occupied  in  similar  work.  Living  and  doing 
good.  Dictate  how  John  Mahony  wife  and  family  is 

Don't  you  permit  oblivion  to  obstruct  you  from  inserting  this. 
Prognosticate  how  Mrs  Harrington  is  and  if  she  accept  ruy  in- 
telligence or  any  convoy  from  either  of  Her  2  progenies  since 
their  embarkation  for  this  nation.  If  she  has  please  specify 
with  congruous  and  elysian  gratitude  with  validity  and  veracity 
to  my  magnanimous  self. 

I  remit  my  respects  to  my  former  friends  and  acquaintances. 
I  remain  D.  CONNOLLY. 

P.  S.     Direct  your  Epistle  to  Pembroke,  State  of  Maine. 

Dear  brother-in-law 

I  am  determined  and  candidly  arrive  at  Corolary,  as  I  am 
fully  resolved  to  transfer  a  sufficient  portion  of  money  to  you 
to  recompense  your  liabilities  from  thence  to  hence.  I  hope 
your  similar  operations  will  not  impede  any  occurrence  that 
might  obstruct  your  progression  on  or  at  the  specified  time  the 
17  of  March  next. 

SPANISH    PLAY-BILL, 

Exhibited  at  Seville,   1762. 

To  the  Sovereign  of  Heaven — to  the  Mother  of  the  Eternal 
World — to  the  Polar  Star  of  Spain — to  the  Comforter  of  all 
Spain — to  the  faithful  Protectress  of  the  Spanish  nation — to 
the  Honor  and  Glory  of  the  Most  Holy  Virgin  Mary — for  her 
benefit  and  for  the  Propagation  of  her  Worship — the  Company 
of  Comedians  will  this  day  give  a  representation  of  the  Comic 
Piece  called—  NANINE. 

The  celebrated  Italian  will  also  dance  the  Fandango,  and  the 
Theatre  will  be  respectably  illuminated. 

In  a  medical  work  entitled  The  Breviarie  of  Health,  pub- 
lished in  1547,  by  Andrew  Borde,  a  physician  of  that  period, 
is  a  prologue  addressed  to  physicians,  beginning  thus : — 

Egregious  doctors  and  masters  of  the  eximious  and  arcane 
science  of  physic,  of  your  urbanity  exasperate  not  yourselves 
against  me  for  making  this  little  volume. 


216  TALL   WRITING. 

THE   MAD   POET. 

McDonald  Clarke,  commonly  called  the  mad  poet,  died  a 
few  years  ago  in  the  Lunatic  Asylum  on  Blackwell's  Island, 
New  York.  He  wrote  those  oft-quoted  lines, — 

Now  twilight  lets  her  curtain  down, 
And  pins  it  with  a  star. 

In  his  wilder  moments  he  set  all  rules  at  defiance,  and  min- 
gled the  startlingly  sublime  and  the  laughably  ridiculous  in  the 
oddest  confusion.  He  talks  thus  madly  of  Washington  : — 

Eternity — give  him  elbow  room ; 

A  spirit  like  his  is  large; 
Earth,  fence  with  artillery  his  tomb, 

And  fire  a  double  charge 
To  the  memory  of  America's  greatest  man  : 
Match  him,  posterity,  if  you  can. 

In  the  following  lines,  he  sketches,  with  a  few  bold  touches, 
a  well-known  place,  sometimes  called  a  rum-hole : — 

Ha !  see  where  the  wildjblazing  grogshop  appears, 

As  the  red  waves  of  wretchedness  swell ; 
How  it  burns  on  the  edge  of  tempestuous  years, 

The  horrible  light-house  of  hell ! 

FOOTE'S  FARRAGO. 

The  following  droll  nonsense  was  written  by  Foote,  the  dra- 
matist, for  the  purpose  of  trying  the  memory  of  Macklin,  who 
boasted  that  he  could  learn  any  thing  by  heart  on  hearing  it 
once: — 

So  she  went  into  the  garden  to  cut  a  cabbage-leaf  to  make  an 
apple-pie ;  and,  at  the  same  time,  a  great  she-bear  coming  up 
the  street  pops  its  head  into  the  shop — What !  no  soap  ?  So  he 
died;  and  she  very  imprudently  married  the  barber:  and  there 
were  present  the  Picninnies,  and  the  Joblilies,  and  the  Garyu- 
lies,  and  the  great  Panjandrum  himself,  with  the  little  round 
button  at  top.  And  they  all  fell  to  playing  the  game  of  "catch 
as  catch  can,"  till  the  gunpowder  ran  out  of  the  heels  of  their 
boots  ! 


TALL    WRITING.  217 


BURLESQUE    OF   THE    STYLE    OF   DR.  JOHNSON. 

While  I  was  admiring  the  fantastical  ramifications  of  some 
umbelliferous  plants  that  hung  over  the  margin  of  the  LifFey, 
the  fallacious  bank,  imperceptibly  corroded  by  the  moist  tooth 
of  the  fluid,  gave  way  beneath  my  feet,  and  I  was  suddenly 
submerged  to  some  fathoms  of  profundity.  Presence  of  mind, 
in  constitutions  not  naturally  timid,  is  generally  in  proportion 
to  the  imminence  of  the  peril.  Having  never  learned  to  move 
through  the  water  in  horizontal  progression,  had  I  desponded, 
I  had  perished;  but,  being  for  a  moment  raised  above  the  ele- 
ment by  my  struggles,  or  by  some  felicitous  casualty,  I  was 
sensible  of  the  danger,  and  immediately  embraced  the  means 
of  extrication.  A  cow,  at  the  moment  of  my  lapse,  had  en- 
tered the  stream,  within  the  distance  of  a  protruded  arm ;  and 
being  in  the  act  of  transverse  navigation  to  seek  the  pasture  of 
the  opposite  bank,  I  laid  hold  on  that  part  of  the  animal  which 
is  loosely  pendent  behind,  and  is  formed  by  the  continuation  of 
the  vertebrae.  In  this  manner  I  was  safely  conveyed  to  a  ford- 
able  passage,  not  without  some  delectation  from  the  sense  of 
the  progress  without  effort  on  my  part,  and  the  exhilarating 
approximation  of  more  than  problematical  deliverance.  Though 
in  some  respects  I  resembled  the  pilot  of  G-yas,  Jam  senior 
madidaque  fluens  in  veste,  yet  my  companions,  unlike  the  bar- 
barous Phrygian  spectators,  forbore  to  acerbitate  the  uncouth- 
ness  of  embarrassment  by  the  insults  of  derision.  Shrieks  of 
complorance  testified  sorrow  for  my  submersion,  and  safety  was 
rendered  more  pleasant  by  the  felicitations  of  sympathy.  As 
the  danger  was  over,  I  took  no  umbrage  at  a  little  risibility  ex- 
cited by  the  feculence  of  my  visage,  upon  which  the  cow  had 
discharged  her  gramineous  digestion  in  a  very  ludicrous  abun- 
dance. About  this  time  the  bell  summoned  us  to  dinner;  and, 
as  the  cutaneous  contact  of  irrigated  garments  is  neither  plea- 
sant nor  salubrious,  I  was  easily  persuaded  by  the  ladies  to 
divest  myself  of  mine.  Colonel  Manly  obligingly  accommo- 
dated me  with  a  covering  of  camlet.  I  found  it  commodious, 


218  TALL    WRITING. 

and  more  agreeable  than  the  many  compressive  ligaments  of 
modern  drapery.  That  there  might  be  no  violation  of  decorum, 
I  took  care  to  have  the  loose  robe  fastened  before  with  small 
cylindrical  wires,  which  the  dainty  fingers  of  the  ladies  easily 
removed  from  their  dresses  and  inserted  into  mine,  at  such 
proper  intervals  as  to  leave  no  aperture  that  could  awaken  the 
susceptibility  of  temperament,  or  provoke  the  cachinnations  of 
levity.* 

NEWSPAPER   EULOGY. 

The  following  alliterative  eulogy  on  a  young  lady  appeared, 
many  years  ago,  in  a  newspaper  : — 

If  Boundless  Benevolence  be  the  iasis  of  ieatitude,  and  harm- 
less /iumanity  a  /tarbinger  of  /tallowed  heart,  these  Christian 
concomitants  composed  her  characteristics,  and  conciliated  the 
esteem  of  her  cotemporary  acquaintances,  who  mean  to  ?/iodel 
their  manners  in  the  mould  of  their  meritorious  monitor. 

CLEAR   AS    MUD. 

In  a  series  of  Philosophical  Usxays  published  many  years 
ago,  the  author}"  gives  some  definitions  of  human  knowledge, 
the  following  of  which  he  considers  "least  obnoxious  to  com- 
prehension :" — 

A  coincidence  between  the  association  of  ideas,  and  the 
order  or  succession  of  events  or  phenomena,  according  to  the 
relation  of  cause  and  effect,  and  in  whatever  is  subsidiary,  or 
necessary  to  realize,  approximate  and  extend  such  coincidence; 
understanding,  by  the  relation  of  cause  and  effect,  that  order  or 

*  The  peculiar  statcliness  and  dignity  of  Johnston's  style,  when  applied  to 
the  smaller  concerns  of  life,  makes,  as  will  be  seen  from  the  above  caricature,  a 
very  hulic-ruus  appearance.  A  judicious  imitation  of  his  phraseology  on  tri- 
fling  subjects  was  a  favorite  manner  of  .attack  among  the  critics.  Erskine's 
account  of  the  Btixton  baths  is  one  of  the  most  amusing.  When  several  ex- 
amples of  this  sort  were  shown  to  Johnson,  at  Edinburgh,  he  pronounced  that 
of  Lord  Dregborn  the  best :  "  but,"  said  he,  "  I  could  caricature  niy  own 
style  much  better  myself." 

T-  Ogilvie. 


TALL    WRITING.  219 

succession,  the  discovery  or  development  of  which  empowers 
an  intelligent  being,  by  means  of  one  event  or  phenomenon,  or 
by  a  series  of  given  events  or  phenomena,  to  anticipate  the  re- 
currence of  another  event  or  phenomenon,  or  of  a  required 
series  of  events  or  phenomena,  and  to  summon  them  into  exist- 
ence, and  employ  their  instrumentality  in  the  gratification  of 
his  wishes,  or  in  the  accomplishment  of  his  purposes. 

INDIGNANT   LETTER. 

Addressed  to  a  Louisiana  clergyman  by  a  Virginia  corre- 
spondent. 

SIR  : — You  have  behaved  like  an  impetiginous  acroyli — like 
those  inquinate  orosscrolest  who  envious  of  my  moral  celsitude 
carry  their  mugacity  to  the  height  of  creating  symposically  the 
fecund  words  which  my  polymathic  genius  uses  with  uberity  to 
abligate  the  tongues  of  the  weightless.  Sir,  you  have  corassly 
parodied  my  own  pet  words,  as  though  they  were  tangrams.  I 
will  not  conceroate  reproaches.  I  would  obduce  a  veil  over  the 
atramental  ingratitude  which  has  chamiered  even  my  undiscep 
tible  heart.  I  am  silent  on  the  foscillation  which  my  coadful 
fancy  must  have  given  you  when  I  offered  to  become  your  fan- 
ton  and  adminicle.  I  will  not  speak  of  the  liptitude,  the  ab- 
lepsy  you  have  shown  in  exacerbating  me ;  one  whose  genius 
you  should  have  approached  with  mental  discalceation.  So,  1 
tell  you,  Sir,  syncophically  and  without  supervacaneous  words, 
nothing  will  render  ignoscible  your  conduct  to  me.  I  warn 
you  that  I  will  vellicate  your  nose  if  I  thought  your  moral  dia- 
thesis could  be  thereby  performed.  If  I  thought  that  I  should 
not  impigorate  my  reputation  by  such  a  degladiation.  Go 
tagygraphic ;  your  oness  inquinate  draws  oblectation  from  the 
greatest  poet  since  Milton,  and  draws  upon  your  head  this 
letter,  which  will  drive  you  to  Webster,  and  send  you  to  sleep 
over  it. 

"  Knowledge  is  power,"  and  power  is  mercy;  so  I  wish  you 
no  rovose  that  it  may  prove  an  external  hypnotic. 


220  TALL    WRITING. 

INTRAMURAL  AESTIVATION. 

In  candent  ire  the  solar  splendor  flames ; 
The  foles,  languescent,  pend  from  arid  rames ; 
His    humid  front  the  cive,  anheling,  wipes, 
And  dreams  of  erring  on  ventiferous  ripes. 

How  dulce  to  vive  occult  to  mortal  eyes, 
Dorai  on  the  herb  with  none  to  supervise, 
Carp  the  suave  berries  from  the  crescent  vine, 
And  bibe  the  flow  from  longicaudate  kine ! 

To  me,  alas !  no  verdurous  visions  come, 
Save  yon  exiguous  pool's  conferva-scum  ; 
No  concave  vast  repeats  the  tender  hue 
That  laves  my  milk-jug  with  celestial  blue ! 

Me  wretched  !     Let  me  curr  to  quercine  shades ! 
Effund  your  albid  hausts,  lactiferous  maids  ! 
Oh,  might  I  vole  to  some  umbrageous  clump, — 
Depart, — be  off, — excede, — evade, — erump  ! 

Autocrat  of  the  Breakfast- Table- 

A   CHEMICAL   VALENTINE. 

I  love  thee,  Mary,  and  thou  lovest  me, 

Our  mutual  flame  is  like  the  affinity 

That  doth  exist  between  two  simple  bodies. 

I  am  Potassium  to  thy  Oxygen ; 

'Tis  little  that  the  holy  marriage  vow 

Shall  shortly  make  us  one.     That  unity 

Is,  after  all,  but  metaphysical. 

Oh  !  would  that  I,  my  Mary,  were  an  Acid — 

A  living  Acid;  thou  an  Alkali 

Endowed  with  human  sense ;  that,  brought  together, 

We  both  might  coalesce  into  one  Salt, 

One  homogeneous  crystal.     Oh  that  thou 

Wert  Carbon,  and  myself  were  Hydrogen  ! 

We  would  unite  to  form  olefiant  gas, 

Or  common  coal,  or  naphtha.  Would  to  heaven 

That  I  were  Phosphorus,  and  thou  wert  Lime, 

And  we  of  Lime  composed  a  Phosphuret ! 

I'd  be  content  to  be  Sulphuric  Acid, 

So  that  thou  mightst  be  Soda.     In  that  case, 

We  should  be  Glauber's  Salt.    Wert  thou  Magnesia 

Instead,  we'd  form  the  salt  that's  named  from  Epsom. 

Couldst  thou  Potassa  be,  I  Aquafortis, 

Our  happy  union  should  that  compound  form, 


TALL    WRITING.  ,- 

Nitrate  of  Potash— otherwise  Saltpetre. 

And  thus,  our  several  natures  sweetly  blent, 

We'd  live  and  love  -together,  until  death 

Should  decompose  this  fleshly  Tertium  Quid, 

Leaving  our  souls  to  all  eternity 

Amalgamated  !     Sweet,  thy  name  is  Briggs, 

And  mine  is  Johnson.  Wherefore  should  not  we 

Agree  to  form  a  Johnsonate  of  Briggs  ? 

We  will !  the  day,  the  happy  day  is  nigh, 

When  Johnson  shall  with  beauteous  Briggs  combine 

THE   ANATOMIST    TO    HIS    DULCINEA. 

I  list  as  thy  heart  and  ascending  aorta 
Their  volumes  of  valvular  harmony  pour ; 

And  my  soul  from  that  muscular  music  has  caught  a 
New  life  'mid  its  dry  anatomical  lore. 

Oh,  rare  is  the  sound  when  thy  ventricles  throb 
In  a  systolic  symphony  measured  and  slow, 

When  the  auricles  answer  with  rhythmical  sob, 
As  they  murmur  a  melody  wondrously  low  ! 

Oh,  thy  cornea,  love,  has  the  radiant  light 

Of  the  sparkle  that  laughs  in  the  icicle's  sheen ; 

And  thy  crystalline  lens,  like  a  diamond  bright, 
Through  the  quivering  frame  of  thine  iris  is  seen ! 

And  thy  retina,  spreading  its  lustre  of  pearl, 
Like  the  far-away  nebula,  distantly  gleams 

From  a  vault  of  black  cellular  mirrors  that  hurl 
From  their  hexagon  angles  the  silvery  beams. 

Ah !  the  flash  of  those  orbs  is  enslaving  me  still, 
As  they  roll  'neath  the  palpebrse,  dimly  translucent, 

Obeying  in  silence  the  magical  will 

Of  the  oculo-motor — pathetic — abducent. 

Oh,  sweet  is  thy  voice,  as  it  sighingly  swells 
From  the  daintily  quivering  chordae  vocales, 

Or  rings  in  clear  tones  through  the  echoing  cells 
Of  the  antrum,  the  ethmoid,  and  sinus  frontales! 

ODE    TO    SPRING. 

WRITTEN   IN   A   LAWYER'S    OFFICE. 

Whereas  on  sundry  boughs  and  sprays 
Now  divers  birds  are  heard  to  sing, 

A.nd  sundry  flowers  their  heads  upraise — 
Hail  to  the  coming  on  of  Spring ! 


221 


TALL   WRITING. 

The  birds  aforesaid,  happy  pairs ! 

Love  midst  the  aforesaid  boughs  enshrine; 
In  household  nests,  themselves,  their  heirs, 

Administrators,  and  assigns. 
The  songs  of  the  said  birds  arouse 

The  memory  of  our  youthful  hours. 
As  young  and  green  as  the  said  boughs, 

As  fresh  and  fair  as  the  said  flowers. 
0  busiest  term  of  Cupid's  court! 

When  tender  plaintiffs  actions  bring; 
Season  of  frolic  and  of  sport, 

Hail,  as  aforesaid,  coming  Spring! 


PRISTINE    PROVERBS    PREPARED    FOR    PRECOCIOUS    PUPILS. 

Observe  yon  plumed  biped  fine! 

To  effect  his  captivation, 
Deposit  particles  saline 

Upon  his  termination. 
Cryptogamous  concretion  never  grows 
On  mineral  fragments  that  decline  repose. 
Whilst  self-inspection  it  neglects, 

Nor  its  own  foul  condition  sees, 
The  kettle  to  the  pot  objects 

Its  sordid  superficies. 
Decortications  of  the  golden  grain 
Are  set  to  allure  the  aged  fowl,  in  vain. 
Teach  not  a  parent's  mother  to  extract 

The  embryo  juices  of  an  egg  by  suction  : 
That  good  old  lady  can  the  feat  enact, 

Quite  irrespective  of  your  kind  instruction. 

Pecuniary  agencies  have  force 

To  stimulate  to  speed  the  female  horse. 

Bear  not  to  yon  fumed  city  upon  Tyne 

The  carbonaceous  product  of  the  mine. 

The  mendicant,  once  from  his  indigence  freed, 

And  mounted  aloft  on  the  generous  steed, 

Down  the  precipice  soon  will  infallibly  go, 

And  conclude  his  career  in  the  regions  below. 

It  is  permitted  to  the  feline  race 

To  contemplate  even  a  regal  face. 


METRIC    PROSE.  223 

ffletric  $rose. 

Quid  tentabam  scribere  versus  erat. — OVID. 
COWPER'S    LETTER    TO    NEWTON. 

The  following  letter  was  written  to  Rev.  John  Newton,  by 
William  Cowper,  in  reference  to  a  poem  On  Charity,  by  the 
latter : — 

My  very  dear  friend,  I  am  going  to  send,  what  when  you 
have  read,  you  may  scratch  your  head,  and  say  I  suppose, 
there's  nobody  knows,  whether  what  I  have  got,  be  verse  or 
not; — by  the  tune  and  the  time,  it  ought  to  be  rhyme;  but  if 
it  be,  did  ever  you  see,  of  late  or  of  yore,  such  a  ditty  before? 

I  have  writ  "  Charity,"  not  for  popularity,  but  as  well  as  I 
could,  in  hopes  to  do  good;  and  if  the  "Reviewer"  should  say 
to  be  sure,  the  gentleman's  muse  wears  Methodist  shoes,  you 
may  know  by  her  pace,  and  talk  about  grace,  that  she  and  her 
bard  have  little  regard  for  the  tastes  and  fashions,  and  ruling 
passions,  and  hoydening  play,  of  the  modern  day ;  and  though 
she  assume  a  borrowed  plume,  and  now  and  then  wear  a  titter- 
ing air,  'tis  only  her  plan,  to  catch  if  she  can,  the  giddy  and 
gay,  as  they  go  that  way,  by  a  production  of  a  new  construc- 
tion ;  she  has  baited  her  trap,  in  the  hope  to  snap  all  that  may 
come,  with  a  sugar-plum.  His  opinion  in  this  will  not  be 
amiss ;  'tis  what  I  intend,  my  principal  end ;  and  if  I  succeed, 
and  folks  should  read,  till  a  few  are  brought  to  a  serious  thought, 
I  shall  think  I  am  paid  for  all  I  have  said,  and  all  I  have  done, 
although  I  have  run,  many  a  time,  after  a  rhyme,  as  far  as 
from  hence  to  the  end  of  my  sense,  and  by  hook  or  by  crook, 
write  another  book,  if  I  live  and  am  here  another  year. 

I  have  heard  before  of  a  room  with  a  floor,  laid  upon  springs, 
and  such-like  things,  with  "so  much  art  in  every  part,  that  when 
you  went  in,  you  were  forced  to  begin  a  minuet  pace,  with  an 
air  and  a  grace,  swimming  about,  now  in  and  now  out,  with  a 


224  METRIC    PROSE. 

deal  of  a  state,  in  a  figure  of  eight,  without  pipe  or  string,  or 
any  such  thing;  and  now  I  have  writ,  in  a  rhyming  fit,  what 
will  make  you  dance,  and,  as  you  advance,  will  keep  you  still, 
though  against  your  will,  dancing  away,  alert  and  gay,  till  you 
come  to  an  end  of  what  I  have  penned,  which  that  you  may 
do,  ere  madam  and  you  are  quite  worn  out  with  jigging  about, 
I  take  my  leave,  and  here  you  receive  a  bow  profound,  down 
to  the  ground,  from  you  humble  me — W.  C. 

EXAMPLE   IN    IRVING'S   NEW  YORK. 

The  following  remarkable  instance  of  involuntary  poetic 
prose  occurs  in  Knickerbocker's  humorous  history  of  New  York, 
near  the  commencement  of  the  Sixth  Book : — 

The  gallant  warrior  starts  from  soft  repose,  from  golden 
visions  and  voluptuous  ease;  where,  in  the  dulcet  "piping 
time  of  peace,"  he  sought  sweet  solace  after  all  his  toils.  No 
more  in  beauty's  siren  lap  reclined,  he  weaves  fair  garlands 
for  his  lady's  brows ;  no  more  entwines  with  flowers  his  shining 
sword,  nor  through  the  livelong  summer's  day  chants  forth 
his  love-sick  soul  in  madrigals.  To  manhood  roused,  he  spurns 
the  amorous  flute,  doffs  from  his  brawny  back  the  robe  of  peace, 
and  clothes  his  pampered  limbs  in  panoply  of  steel.  O'er  his 
dark  brow,  where  late  the  myrtle  waved,  where  wanton  roses 
breathed  enervate  love,  he  rears  the  beaming  casque  and  nod- 
ding plume;  grasps  the  bright  shield  and  ponderous  lance,  or 
mounts  with  eager  pride  his  fiery  steed,  and  burns  for  deeds  of 
glorious  chivalry. 

In  D'Israeli's  Wondrous  Tale  of  Alvoy,  are  remarkable 
specimens  of  prose  poetry.  For  example : — 

Why  am  There?  are  you  not  here?  and  need  I  urge  a  stronger  plea? 
Oh,  brother  dear,  I  pray  you  come  and  mingle  in  our  festival !  Our  walls 
are  hung  with  flowers  you  love ;  I  culled  them  by  the  fountain's  side ;  the 
holy  lamps  are  trimmed  and  set,  and  you  must  raise  their  earliest  flame. 
Without  the  gate  my  maidens  wait  to  offer  you  a  robe  of  state.  Then, 
brother  dear,  I  pray  you  come  and  mingle  in  our  festival. 


METRIC   PROSE.  225 

NELLY'S  FUNERAL. 

In  Home's  New  Spirit  of  the  Age, — a  series  of  criticisms 
on  eminent  living  authors, — we  find  an  admirable  example  of 
prose  poetry  thus  noticed  : — 

A  curious  circumstance  is  observable  in  a  great  portion 
of  the  scenes  of  tragic  power,  pathos,  and  tenderness  contained 
in  various  parts  of  Mr.  Dickens's  works,  which  it  is  possible 
may  have  been  the  result  of  harmonious  accident,  and  the 
author  not  even  subsequently  conscious  of  it.  It  is  that  they 
are  written  in  blank  verse,  of  irregular  metre  and  rhythms, 
which  Southey,  and  Shelley,  and  some  other  poets,  have  occa- 
sionally adopted.  Witness  the  following  description  from  The 
Old  Curiosity  Shop. 

And  now  the  bell — the  bell 
She  had  so  often  heard  by  night  and  day 
And  listened  to  with  solid  pleasure, 

E'en  as  a  living  voice — 
Rung  its  remorseless  toll  for  her, 
So  young,  so  beautiful,  so  good. 

Decrepit  age,  and  vigorous  life, 
And  blooming  youth,  and  helpless  infancy, 
Poured  forth — on  crutches,  in  the  pride  of  strength 

And  health,  in  the  full  blush 
Of  promise — the  mere  dawn  of  life — 
To  gather  round  her  tomb.     Old  men  were  there 

Whose  eyes  were  dim 

And  senses  failing — 

Granddames,  who  might  have  died  ten  years  ago, 
And  still  been  old— the  deaf,  the  blind,  the  lame, 

The  palsied, 

The  living  dead  in  many  shapes  and  forms. 
To  see  the  closing  of  this  early  grave  ! 

What  was  the  death  it  would  shut  in, 
To  that  which  still  would  crawl  and  creep  above  it ! 

Along  the  crowded  path  they  bore  her  now; 

Pale  as  the  new-fallen  snow 
That  covered  it ;  whose  day  on  earth 

Had  been  so  fleeting. 
P 


226  METRIC   PROSE. 

Under  that  porch  where  she  had  sat  when  Heaven 
In  mercy  brought  her  to  that  peaceful  spot, 

She  passed  again,  and  the  old  church 

Received  her  in  its  quiet  shade. 

Throughout  the  whole  of  the  above,  only  two  unimportant 
words  have  been  omitted — m  and  its;  "  granddamcs"  has  been 
substituted  for  "grandmothers,"  and  "e'en"  for  "almost." 
All  that  remains  is  exactly  as  in  the  original,  not  a  single  word 
transposed,  and  the  punctuation  the  same  to  a  comma.  The 
brief  homily  that  concludes  the  funeral  is  profoundly  beautiful. 

Oh !  it  is  hard  to  take 
The  lesson  that  such  deaths  will  teach, 

But  let  no  man  reject  it, 
For  it  is  one  that  all  must  learn 
And  is  a  mighty  universal  Truth. 
When  Dc;ith  strikes  down  the  innocent  and  young, 
For  every  fragile  form  from  which  ho  lets 
The  parting  spirit  free, 
A  hundred  virtues  rise, 
In  shapes  of  mercy,  charity,  and  love, 
To  walk  the  world  and  bless  it. 

Of  every  tear 

That  sorrowing  mortals  shed  on  such  green  graves, 
Some  good  is  born,  some  gentler  nature  comes. 

Not  a  word  of  the  original  is  changed  in  the  above  quo- 
tation, which  is  worthy  of  the  best  passages  in  Wordsworth, 
and  thus,  meeting  on  the  common  ground  of  a  deeply  truthful 
sentiment,  the  two  most  unlike  men  in  the  literature  of  the 
country  arc  brought  into  close  proximation. 

The  following  similar  passage  is  from  the  concluding  para- 
graph of  Nicholas  Nicldcby  : — 

The  grass  was  green  above  the  dead  hoy's  grave, 

Trodden  by  feet  so  small  and  light, 

That  not  a  daisy  drooped  its  head 
Beneath  their  pressure. 

Through  all  the  spring  and  summer  time 
Garlands  of  fresh  flowers,  wreathed  by  infant  hands, 

Hosted  upon  the  stone. 


METRIC    PROSE.  227 

NIAGARA. 

The  same  rhythmic  cadeuce  is  observable  in  the  following 
passage,  copied  verbatim  from  the  American  Notes : — 

I  think  in  every  quiet  season  now, 

Still  do  those  waters  roll,  and  leap,  and  roar, 

And  tumble  all  day  long; 
Still  are  the  rainbows  spanning  them 

A  hundred  feet  below. 
Still  when  the  sun  is  on  them,  do  they  shine 

And  glow  like  molten  gold. 
Still  when  the  day  is  gloomy  do  they  fall 

Like  snow,  or  seem  to  crumble  away, 

Like  the  front  of  a  great  chalk  cliff, 
Or  roll  adown  the  rock  like  dense  white  smoke. 

But  always  does  this  mighty  stream  appear 

To  die  as  it  comes  down. 
And  always  from  the  unfathomable  grave 
Arises  that  tremendous  ghost  of  spray 
And  mist  which  is  never  laid: 

Which  has  haunted  this  place 
With  the  same  dread  solemnity, 

Since  darkness  brooded  on  the  deep 
And  that  first  flood  before  the  Deluge — Light 

Came  rushing  on  Creation  at  the  word  of  God. 

To  any  one  who  reads  this  we  need  not  say  that  but  three 
lines  in  it  vary  at  all  from  the  closest  requisitions  of  an  iambic 
movement.  The  measure  is  precisely  of  the  kind  which  Mr. 
Southey  so  often  used.  For  the  reader's  convenience,  we  copy 
from  Thalala  his  well  remembered  lines  on  Night,  as  an  in- 
stance : — 

How  beautiful  is  Night! 

A  dewy  freshness  fills  the  silent  air, 
No  mist  obscures,  nor  cloud,  nor  speck,  nor  stain 

Breaks  the  serene  of  heaven. 
In  full  orbed  glory  yonder  Moon  divine 

Rolls  through  the  dark  blue  depths. 

Beneath  her  steady  ray 

The  desert  circle  spreads, 
Like  the  round  ocean,  girdled  with  the  sky. 

How  beautiful  is  Night! 


228  •  METRIC   PROSE. 

INVOLUNTARY  VERSIFICATION  IN  THE  SCRIPTURES. 

The  hexametric  cadence  in  the  authorized  translation  of  the 
Bible  has  been  pointed  out  in  another  portion  of  this  volume. 
It  is  very  noticeable  in  such  passages  as  these,  for  example,  from 
the  Second  Psalm : — 

Why  do  the  heathen  rage  and  the  people  imagine  a  vain  thing  ? 

Kings  of  the  earth  set  themselves  and  the  rulers  take  counsel  together. 

The  anapaestic  cadence  prevalent  in  the  Psalms  is  also  very 
remarkable : — 

That  will  bring  forth  his  fruit  in  due  season. — v.  6 
Whatsoever  he  doth  it  shall  prosper. — v.  4. 
Away  from  the  face  of  the  earth. — v.  5. 
Be  able  to  stand  in  the  judgment. — v.  6. 
The  way  of  th'  ungodly  shall  perish. — v.  7. 

Couplets  may  be  drawn  from  the  same  inspired  source,  as 
follows : — 

Great  peace  have  they  that  love  thy  law : 

And  nothing  shall  offend  them. — Psalm,  cxix.  165. 

Thou  wilt  keep  him  in  perfect  peace 

Whose  mind  is  stayed  on  thee. — Isaiah,  xxvi.  3. 

When  his  branch  is  yet  tender,  and  putteth  forth  leaves, 
Ye  know  that  the  summer  is  nigh. — Matthew,  xxiv.  32. 

UNINTENTIONAL  RHYMES  OF  PROSERS. 

The  delicate  ear  of  Addison,  who  would  stop  the  press  to  add 
a  conjunction,  or  erase  a  comma,  allowed  this  inelegant  jingle 
to  escape  his  detection: — 

What  I  am  going  to  mention,  will  perhaps  deserve  your  attention. 

Dr.  Whewell,  when  Master  of  Trinity  College,  fell  into  a 
similar  trap,  to  the  great  amusement  of  his  readers.  In  his 
work  on  Mechanics,  he  happened  to  write  literatim  and  verbatim, 
though  not  lineatim,  the  following  tetrastich : — 

There  is  no  force,  however  great, 
Can  stretch  a  cord,  however  fine, 
Into  a  horizontal  line, 
Which  is  accurately  straight. 


METRIC   PROSE.  229 

A  curious  instance  of  involuntary  rhythm  occurs  in  President 
Lincoln's  Second  Inaugural  Address : — 

Fondly  do  we  hope, 

Fervently  do  we  pray, 
That  this  mighty  scourge  of  war 

May  speedily  pass  away : 
Yet  if  be  God's  will 
That  it  continue  until —  " 

but  here  the  strain  abruptly  ceases,  and  the  President  relapses 
into  prose. 

In  the  course  of  a  discussion  upon  the  involuntary  metre 
into  which  Shakspeare  so  frequently  fell,  when  he  intended  his 
minor  characters  to  speak  prose,  Dr.  Johnson  observed; 

"  Such  verse  we  make  when  we  are  writing  prose  ; 
We  make  such  verse  in  common  conversation." 

Kemble  and  Mrs.  Siddons,  from  their  habit  of  committing 
to  memory  and  reciting  dramatic  blank  verse,  unconsciously 
made  their  most  ordinary  observations  in  that  measure.  Kemble, 
for  instance,  on  giving  a  shilling  to  a  beggar,  thus  answered 
the  surprised  look  of  his  companion : — 

"  It  is  not  often  that  I  do  these  things, 
But  when  I  do,  I  do  them  handsomely." 

And  once  when,  in  a  walk  with  Walter  Scott  on  the  banks  of 
the  Tweed,  a  dangerous  looking  bull  made  his  appearance,  Scott 
took  the  water,  Kemble  exclaimed : — 

"  Sheriff,  I'll  get  me  up  in  yonder  tree." 

The  presence  of  danger  usually  makes  a  man  speak  naturally, 
if  anything  will.  If  a  reciter  of  blank  verse,  then,  fall  uncon- 
sciously into  the  rhythm  of  it  when  intending  to  speak  prose, 
much  more  may  an  habitual  writer  of  it  be  expected  to  do  so. 
Instances  of  the  kind  from  the  table-talk  of  both  Kemble  and 
his  sister  might  be  multiplied.  This  of  Mrs.  Siddons, — 

"I  asked  for  water,  boy;  you've  brought  me  beer, " 

is  one  of  the  best  known. 

20 


THE    HUMORS   OF    VERSIFICATION. 


of  T^erstficatton. 


THE    LOVERS. 

IN   DIFFERENT   MOODS  AND   TENSF.S. 

Sally  Salter,  she  was  a  young  teacher  who  taught, 

And  her  friend,  Charley  Church,  was  a  preacher,  who  praught! 

Though  his  enemies  called  him  a  screecher,  who  scraught. 

His  heart,  when  he  saw  her,  kept  sinking,  and  sunk; 
And  his  eye,  meeting  hers,  began  winking,  and  wunk; 
While  she,  in  her  turn,  fell  to  thinking,  and  thunk. 

He  hastened  to  woo  her,  and  sweetly  he  wooed, 
For  his  love  grew  until  to  a  mountain  it  grewed, 
And  what  he  was  longing  to  do,  then  he  doed. 

In  secret  he  wanted  to  speak,  and  he  spoke, 

To  seek  with  his  lips  what  his  heart  long  had  soke; 

So  he  managed  to  let  the  truth  leak,  and  it  loke. 

He  asked  her  to  ride  to  the  church,  and  they  rode; 

They  so  sweetly  did  glide,  that  they  both  thought  they  glode, 

And  they  came  to  the  place  to  be  tied,  and  were  tode. 

Then  homeward  he  said  let  us  drive,  and  they  drove, 
And  soon  as  they  wished  to  arrive,  they  arrove; 
For  whatever  he  couldn't  contrive,  she  controve. 

The  kiss  he  was  dying  tp  steal,  then  he  stole ; 

At  the  feet  where  he  wanted  to  kneel,  then  he  knole; 

And  he  said,  "I  feel  better  than  ever  I  fole." 

So  they  to  each  other  kept  clinging,  and  clung, 
While  Time  his  swift  circuit  was  winging,  and  wung; 
And  this  was  the  thing  he  was  bringing  and  brung : 

The  man  Sally  wanted  to  catch,  and  had  caught — 

That  she  wanted  from  others  to  snatch,  and  had  snaught — 

Was  the  one  she  now  liked  to  scratch,  and  she  scraught. 

And  Charley's  warm  love  began  freezing  and  froze, 

While  he  took  to  teasing,  and  cruelly  toze 

The  girl  he  had  wished  to  be  squeezing,  and  squoze. 

"  Wretch  !"  he  cried,  when  she  threatened  to  leave  him,  and  left, 

"How  could  you  deceive,  as  you  have  deceft?" 

And  she  answered,  "  I  promised  to  cleave,  and  I've  cleft." 


THE   HUMORS   OF    VERSIFICATION.  231 

A   STAMMERING   WIFE. 
When  deeply  in  love  with  Miss  Emily  Pryne, 
1  vowed  if  the  lady  would  only  be  mine, 

I  would  always  be  ready  to  please  her; 
She  blushed  her  consent,  though  the  stuttering  lass 
Said  never  a  word  except  "You're  an  ass — 

An  ass — an  ass— iduous  teazer !" 

But  when  we  were  married,  I  found  to  my  ruth 
The  stammering  lady  had  spoken  the  truth ; 

For  often,  in  obvious  dudgeon, 
She'd  say — if  I  ventured  to  give  her  a  jog 
In  the  way  of  reproof—"  You're  a  dog — dog — dog — 

A  dog — a  dog — matic  curmudgeon !" 

And  once,  when  I  said,  "  We  can  hardly  afford 
This  immoderate  style  with  our  moderate  board/' 

And  hinted  we  ought  to  be  wiser, 
She  looked,  I  assure  you,  exceedingly  blue, 
And  fretfully  cried,  "  You're  a  Jew 

A  very  ju-dicious  adviser!" 

Again,  when  it  happened  that,  wishing  to  shirk 
Some  rather  unpleasant  and  arduous  work, 

I  begged  her  to  go  to  a  neighbor, 
She  wanted  to  know  why  I  made  such  a  fuss, 
And  saucily  said,  "  You're  a  cuss — cuss — cuss — 

You  were  always  ac — cus — tomed  to  labor !" 

Out  of  temper  at  last  with  the  insolent  dame, 
And  feeling  the  woman  was  greatly  to  blame, 

To  scold  me  instead  of  caressing, 
I  mimicked  her  speech,  like  a  churl  as  I  am, 
And  angrily  said,  "  You're  a  dam — dam — dam — 

A  dam-age  instead  of  a  blessing." 


A    SONG    WITH    VARIATIONS. 

[SCENE. — Wife  at  the  piano ;  brute  of  a  husband,  who  has  no  more  soul 
for  music  than  his  boot,  in  an  adjoining  apartment,  making  his  toilet.] 
Oh  !  do  not  chide  me  if  I  weep ! — 

Come,  wife,  and  sew  this  button  on. 
Such  pain  as  mine  can  never  sleep ! — 
Zounds:  as  I  live,  another's  gone! 
For  unrequited  love  brings  grief, — 

A  needle,  wife,  and  bring  your  scissors. 


232  THE   HUMORS   OF    VERSIFICATION. 

And  Pity's  voice  gives  no  relief — 

The  child  !  good  Lord !  he's  at  my  razors ! 
No  balm  to  ease  the  troubled  heart, — 

Who  starched  this  bosom  ?     I  declare 
That  writhes  from  hate's  envenomed  dart  !— 

It's  enough  to  make  a  parson  swear! 
When  faith  in  man  is  given  up — 

How  plaguey  shiftless  are  some  women ! 
Then  sorrow  fills  her  bitter  cup — 

I'll  have  to  get  my  other  linen. 
And  to  its  lees  the  white  lips  quaff — 

Smith  says  he's  coming  in  to-night, 
While  Malice  yields  her  mocking  laugh! — 

With  Mrs.  S.,  and  Jones  and  Wright. 
Oh!  could  I  stifle  in  my  breast — 

And  Jones  will  bring  some  prime  old  sherry. 
This  aching  heart,  and  give  it  rest, — 

We'll  want  some  eggs  for  Tom-and-Jerry 
Could  Lethe's  waters  o'er  me  roll, — 

These  stockings  would  look  better  mended ! 
And  bring  oblivion  to  my  soul, — 

When-will-you-have-that-ditty-ended? 
Then  haply  I,  in  other  skies, — 

We'd  better  have  the  oysters  fried. 
Might  find  the  love  that  earth  denies! 

There !  now  at  last  my  dickey's  tied ! 

THOUGHTS   WHILE   SHE   ROCKS   THE   CRADLE. 
What  is  the  little  one  thinking  about? 
Very  wonderful  thing,  no  doubt, 
Unwritten  history ! 
Unfathomable  mystery ! 

But  he  laughs  and  cries,  and  eats  and  drinks, 
And  chuckles  and  crows,  and  nods  and  winks, 
As  if  his  head  were  as  full  of  kinks, 
And  curious  riddles,  as  any  sphinx ! 
Warped  by  colic  and  wet  by  tears, 
Punctured  by  pins,  and  tortured  by  fears, 
Our  little  nephew  will  lose  two  years ; 
And  he'll  never  know 
Where  the  summers  go : 
He  need  not  laugh,  for  he'll  find  it  so ! 

Who  can  tell  what  the  baby  thinks? 
Who  can  follow  the  gossamer  links 


THE    HUMORS    OF    VERSIFICATION.  233 

By  which  the  manikin  feels  his  way 
Out  from  the  shores  of  the  great  unknown, 
Blind,  and  wailing,  and  alone, 

Into  the  light  of  day  ? 
Out  from  the  shores  of  the  unknown  sea, 
Tossing  in  pitiful  agony  ! 
Of  the  unknown  sea  that  reels  and  rolls, 
Specked  with  the  barks  of  little  souls — 
Barks  that  were  launched  on  the  other  side, 
And  slipped  from  heaven  on  an  ebbing  tide ! 

And  what  does  he  think  of  his  mother's  eyes  ? 
What  does  he  think  of  his  mother's  hair  ? 

What  of  the  cradle  roof  that  flies 
Forward  and  backward  through  the  air? 

What  does  he  think  of  his  mother's  breast- 
Bare  and  beautiful,  smooth  and  white, 
Seeking  it  ever  with  fresh  delight — 

Cup  of  his  joy  and  couch  of  his  rest  ? 
What  does  he  think  when  her  quick  embrace 
Presses  his  hand  and  buries  his  face 
Deep  where  the  heart-throbs  sink  and  swell 
With  a  tenderness  she  can  never  tell, 

Though  she  murmur  the  words 

Of  all  the  birds- 
Words  she  has  learned  to  murmur  well  ? 

Now  he  thinks  he'll  go  to  sleep ! 

I  can  see  the  shadow  creep 

Over  his  eyes,  in  soft  eclipse, 

Over  his  brow,  and  over  his  lips, 

Out  to  his  little  finger  tips, 

Softly  sinking,  down  he  goes ! 

Down  he  goes !  down  he  goes ! 

[Rising  and  carefully  retreating  to  her  seat."] 

See !  he  is  hushed  in  sweet  repose ! 

A    SERIO-COMIC    ELEGY. 

WHATELY   ON   BUCKLAND. 

In  his  "  Common-Place  Book,"  the  late  Archbishop  Whately 
records  the  following  Elegy  on  the  late  geologist,  Dr.  Buckland: 

Where  shall  we  our  great  professor  inter, 

That  in  peace  may  rest  his  bones  ? 
If  we  hew  him  a  rocky  sepulchre 

He'll  rise  and  break  the  stones, 
And  examine  each  stratum  which  lies  around, 
For  he's  quite  in  his  element  underground. 
20* 


234  THE    HUMORS    OF    VERSIFICATION. 

If  with  mattock  and  spade  his  body  we  lay 

In  the  common  alluvial  soil, 
He'll  start  up  and  snatch  these  tools  away 

Of  his  own  geological  toil; 
In  a  stratum  so  young  the  professor  disdains 
That  embedded  should  lie  his  organic  remains. 

Then  exposed  to  the  drip  of  some  case-hardening  spring, 

His  carcase  let  stalactite  cover, 
And  to  Oxford  the  petrified  sage  let  us  bring, 

When  he  is  encrusted  all  over; 

There,  'mid  mammoths  and  crocodiles,  high  on  a  shelf, 
Let  him  stand  as  a  monument  raised  to  himself. 


A    REMINISCENCE   OF   TROY. 

FROM   THE  SCHOLIAST. 

It  was  the  ninth  year  of  the  Trojan  war — 

A  tedious  pull  at  best: 
A  lot  of  us  were  sitting  by  the  shore — 

Tydides,  Phocas,  Castor,  and  the  rest — 
Some  whittling  shingles  and  some  stringing  bows, 
And  cutting  up  our  friends,  and  cutting  up  our  foes. 

Down  from  the  tents  above  there  came  a  man, 
Who  took  a  camp-stool  by  Tydides'  side. 

Ho  joined  our  talk,  and,  pointing  to  the  pan 
Upon  the  embers  where  our  pork  was  fried, 

Said  he  would  cat  the  onions  and  the  leeks, 

But  that  fried  pork  was  food  not  fit  for  Greeks. 

"Look  at  the  men  of  Thebes,",  he  said,  "and  then 
Look  at  those  cowards  in  the  plains  below  : 

You  see  how  ox-like  are  the  ox-fed  men; 
You  see  how  sheepish  mutton -eaters  grow. 

Stick  to  this  vegetable  food  of  mine: 

Men  who  eat  pork  grunt,  root  and  sleep  like  swine." 

Some  laughed,  and  some  grew  mad,  and  some  grew  red : 
The  pork  was  hissing ;  but  his  point  was  clear. 

Still  no  one  answered  him,  till  Nestor  said, 
"One  inference  that  I  would  draw  is  here: 

You  vegetarians,  who  thus  educate  us.  . 

Thus  far  have  turned  out  very  small  potatoes." 


THE    HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION.  235 

THE    POET    BRYANT    AS    A    HUMORIST. 

Those  who  are  familiar  with  Mr.  Lowell's  Fable  for  Critics, 
will  remember  the  lines : — 

There  is  Bryant,  as  quiet,  as  cool,  and  as  dignified, 

As  a  smooth,  silent  iceberg,  that  never  is  ignified, 

Save  when  by  reflection  'tis  kindled  'o  nights 

With  a  semblance  of  flame  l>y  the  chill  Northern  Lights. 

He  may  rank  (Griswold  says  so)  first  bard  of  your  nation; 

(There's  no  doubt  he  stands  in  supreme  ice-olation,) 

Your  topmost  Parnassus  he  may  set  his  heel  on, 

But  no  warm  applauses  come,  peal  following  peal  on — 

He's  too  smooth  and  too  polished  to  hang  any  zeal  on; 

Unqualified  merits,  I'll  grant,  if  you  choose,  he  has  'em, 

But  he  lacks  the  one  merit  of  kindling  enthusiasm ; 

If  he  stir  you  at  all,  it  is  just,  on  my  soul, 

Like  being  stirred  up  by  the  very  North  Pole. 

The  Cambridge  wit  has  either  misjudged  the  character  of 
Bryant's  genius,  or  he  has  sacrificed  a  man  to  an  epigram,  and 
subordinated  fact  to  ajeu  d'esprit.  Though  "quiet  and  digni- 
fied," Mr.  Bryant  possesses  a  rare  vein  of  humor,  but  its 
bubbling  fancies  are  not  generally  known  or  suspected  for 
the  reason  that  he  unbends  anonymously.  Only  one  of  the 
diversions  of  his  muse  appears  in  his  published  works — and 
that  is  his  invocation  "To  a  Mosquito,"  which  begins  thus: — 

Fair  insect!  that  with  thread-like  legs  spread  out, 
And  blood-extracting  bill  and  filmy  wing, 

Dost  murmur,  as1  thoti  slowly  snil'st  about, 
In  pitiless  ears  full  many  a  plaintive  thing, 

And  tell  how  little  our  large  veins  would  bleed, 

Would  we  but  yield  them  to  thy  bitter  need. 

One  day,  when  Mr.  Bryant  discovered  in  a  fresh  number 
of  the  Atlantic  Monthly  a  so-called  poem,  which  struck  him  as 
uncommonly  absurd,  he  sat  down  and  produced  a  travesty  of 
it,  which  was  much  more  effective  in  its  ridicule  than  any 
sharper  criticism  could  have  been  made.  Here  are  the  two 
in  conjunction : — 


236  THE    HUMORS    OF    VERSIFICATION. 


THE    "ATLANTIC       POEM. 

Bellying  earth  no  anchor  throws 
Stouter  than  the  breath  that  blows ; 
Night  and  sorrow  cling  in  vain; 
It  must  toss  in  day  again. 

Hospital  and  battle-field, 
Myriad  spots  where  fate  is  sealed, 
Brinks  that  crumble,  sins  that  urge, 
Plunge  again  into  the  surge. 

How  the  purple  breakers  throw 
Round  me  their  insatiate  glow. 
Sweep  my  deck  of  hideous  freight, 
Pour  through  fastening  and  grate. 

BRYANT'S  TRAVESTY. 

Squint-eyed  bacchanals  at  play, 
Keep  a  Lybian  holiday, 
Leading  trains  of  solemn  apes, 
Tipsy  with  the  blood  of  grapes. 

Forty  furies — thirty  more 
Than  old  Milton  had  before- 
Scattering  sparkles  from  their  hair, 
Swing  their  censers  in  the  air. 

Toss  the  flaming  goblet  off, 
Heed  not  ocean's  windy  scoff; 
Let  him  dash  against  the  shore, 
Gape  and  grin,  and  sweat  and  roar. 

Since  which  time  nothing  has  been  heard  of  the  Atlantic 
poet!  Only  those  who  were  "beh'ind  the  scenes,"  in  the 
office  of  the  Evening  Post,  in  the  year  1863,  knew  the  author- 
ship of  the  burlesque — and  the  burlesque  itself  will  never 
appear  in  the  poet's  "collected  works." 


ON    RECEIPT   OF   A   RARE   PIPE. 
I  lifted  off  the  lid  with  anxious  care, 

Removed  the  wrappages,  stripe  after  stripe, 
And  when  the  hidden  contents  were  laid  bare, 

My  first  remark  was  :  "  Mercy,  what  a  pipe ! " 


THE   HUMORS    OF   VERSIFICATION. 


237 


A  pipe  of  symmetry  that  matched  its  size, 
'Mounted  with  metal  bright — a  sight  to  see — 
With  the  rich  umber  hue  that  smokers  prize, 
Attesting  both  its  age  and  pedigree. 

A  pipe  to  make  the  Royal  Friedrich  jealous, 
Or  the  great  Teufelsdrock  with  envy  gripe  ! 

A  man  should  hold  some  rank  above  his  fellows 
To  justify  his  smoking  such  a  Pipe! 

What  country  gave  it  birth?     What  blest  of  cities 

Saw  it  first  kindle  at  the  glowing  coal? 
What  happy  artist  murmured,  "Nunc  dimittia," 

When  he  had  fashioned  this  transcendent  bowl? 

Has  it  been  hoarded  in  a  monarch's  treasures? 

Was  it  a  gift  of  peace,  or  prize  of  war? 
Did  the  great  Khalif  in  his  "House  of  Pleasures" 

Wager,  and  lose  it  to  the  good  Zaafar? 

It  may  have  soothed  mild  Spenser's  melancholy, 
While  musing  o'er  traditions  of  the  past, 

Or  graced  the  lips  of  brave  Sir  Walter  Raleigh 
Ere  sage  King  Jamie  blew  his  Counterblast. 

Did  it,  safe  hidden  in  some  secret  cavern, 

Escape  that  monarch's  pipoclastic  ken? 
Has  Shakespeare  smoked  it  at  the  Mermaid  Tavern, 

Quaffing  a  cup  of  sack  with  rare  old  Ben? 

Ay,  Shakespeare  might  have  watched  his  vast  creations 
Loom  through  its  smoke — the  spectre-haunted  Thane, 

The  Sisters  at  their  ghastly  invocations, 
The  jealous  Moor  and  melancholy  Dane. 

'Round  its  orbed  haze  and  through  its  mazy  ringlets 

Titania  may  have  led  her  elfin  rout, 
Or  Ariel  fanned  it  with  his  gauzy  winglets, 

Or  Puck  danced  in  the  bowl  to  put  it  out. 

Vain  are  all  fancies — questions  bring  no  answer; 

The  smokers  vanish,  but  the  pipe  remains; 
He  were  indeed  a  subtle  necromancer 

Could  read  their  records  in  its  cloudy  stains. 

Nor  this  alone :  its  destiny  may  doom  it 

To  outlive  e'en  its  use  and  history — 
Some  plowman  of  the  future  may  exhume  it 

From  soil  now  deep  beneath  the  Eastern  sea — 


238 


THE    HUMORS    OP    VERSIFICATION. 


And,  treasured  by  some  antiquarian  Stultus, 

It  may  to  gaping  visitors  be  shown, 
Labeled,  "The  symbol  of  some  ancient  Cultus, 

Conjecturally  Phallic,  but  uuki.wn." 

Why  do  I  thus  recall  the  ancient  quarrel 

'Twixt  Man  and  Time,  that  marks  all  earthly  things? 
Why  lubor  to  re-word  the  hackneyed  moral, 

'flt  <!>\>\\w  -ycvcf),  as  Homer  sings  ? 

For  this:  Some  links  we  forge  are  never  broken  ; 

Some  feelings  claim  exemption  from  decay  ; 
And  Love,  of  which  this  pipe  was  but  the  token, 

Shall  last,  though  pipes  and  smokers  pass  away. 


THE   HUMAN   EAR. 

A  sound  came  booming  through  the  air — 
"What  is  that  sound?"  quoth  I. 

My  blue-eyed  pet,  with  golden  hair, 
Made  answer  presently, 

"  Papa,  you  know  it  very  well — 

That  sound — it  was  Saint  Pancras  Bell." 

My  own  Louise,  put  down  the  cat, 

And  come  and  stand  by  me; 
I'm  sad  to  hear  you  talk  like  that, 

Where's  your  philosophy? 
That  sound — attend  to  what  I  tell — 
That  sound  was  nut  Saint  Pancras  Bell. 

"  Sound  is  the  name  the  sage  selects 

For  the  concluding  term 
Of  a  long  series  of  effects, 

Of  which  that  blow's  the  germ. 
The  following  brief  analysis 
Shows  the  interpolations,  Miss. 

"The  blow  which,  when  the  clapper  slips, 

Falls  on  your  friend  the  Bell, 
Changes  its-circle  to  ellipse, 

(A  word  you'd  better  spell), 
And  then  comes  elasticity, 
Restoring  what  it  used  to  be. 

"Nay,  making  it  a  little  more, 
The  circle  shifts  about. 


THE   HUMORS   OF    VERSIFICATION. 

As  much  as  it  shrunk  in  before 
The  Bell,  you  see,  swells  out; 
And  so  a  new  ellipse  is  made, 
(You're  not  attending,  I'm  afraid). 

"This  change  of  form  disturbs  the  air, 

Which  in  its  turn  behaves 
In  like  elastic  fashion  there, 

Creating  waves  on  waves; 
Which  press  each  other  onward,  dear, 
Until  the  outmost  finds  your  ear. 

"Within  that  ear  the  surgeons  find 

A  tympanum,  or  drum, 
Which  has  a  little  bone  behind,— 

Malleus,  it's  called  by  some; 
But  those  not  proud  of  Latin  Grammar 
Humbly  translate  it  as  the  hammer. 

"  The  wave's  vibrations  this  transmits 

On  to  the  incus  bone, 
( fneus  means  anvil,  which  it  hits),         * 

And  this  transfers  the  tone 
To  the  small  01  orbiculare, 
The  tiniest  bone  that  people  carry. 

"  The  stupes  next — the  name  recalls 
A  stirrup's  form,  my  daughter — 

Joins  three  half-circular  canals, 
Each  filled  with  limpid  water; 

Their  curious  lining,  you'll  observe, 

Made  of  the  auditory  nerve. 

"This  vibrates  next — and  then  we  find 

The  mystic  work  is  crowned  ; 
For  then  my  daughter's  gentle  Mind 

First  recognizes  sound. 
See  what  a  host  of  causes  swell 
To  make  up  what  you  call  '  the  Bell.' " 

Awhile  she  paused,  my  bright  Louise, 

And  pondered  on  the  case: 
Then,  settling  that  he  meant  to  teaze, 

She  slapped  her  father's  face. 
"You  bad  old  man,  to  sit  and  tell 

Such  gibberygosh  about  a  Bell!" 


240  THE  HUMORS  OF  VERSIFICATION. 

SIR  TRAY:   AN  ARTHURIAN  IDYL. 

The  widowed  Dame  of  Hubbard's  ancient  line 
Turned  to  her  cupboard,  cornered  anglewise 
Betwixt  this  wall  and  that,  in  quest  of  aught 
To  satisfy  the  craving  of  Sir  Tray, 
Prick-eared  companion  of  her  solitude, 
Red-spotted,  dirty  white,  and  bare  of  .rib, 
Who  followed  at  her  high  and  pattering  heels, 
Prayer  in  his  eye,  prayer  in  his  slinking  gait, 
Prayer  in  his  pendulous  pulsating  tail. 
Wide  on  its  creaking  jaws  revolved  the  door, 
The  cupboard  yawned,  deep-throated,  thinly  set 
For  teeth,  with  bottles,  ancient  canisters, 
And  plates  of  various  pattern,  blue  or  white; 
Deep  in  the  void  she  thrust  her  hooked  nose 
Peering  near-sighted  for  the  wished-for  bone, 
Whiles  her  short  robe  of  samite,  tilted  high, 
The  thrifty  darnings  of  her  hose  revealed; — 
The  pointed  feature  travelled  o'er  the  delf 
Greasing  its  tip,  but  bone  or  bread  found  none 
Wherefore  Sir  Tray  abode  still  dinnerless, 
Licking  his  paws  beneath  the  spinning-wheel, 
And  meditating  much  on  savoury  meats. 

Meanwhile  the  Dame  in  high-backed  chair  reposed 
Revolving  many  memories,  for  she  gazed 
Down  from  her  lattice  on  the  self-same  path 
Whereby  Sir  Lancelot  'mid  the  reapers  rode 
When  Arthur  held  his  court  in  Camelot, 
And  she  was  called  the  Lady  of  Shalott 
And,  later,  where  Sir  Hubbard,  meekest  knight 
Of  all  the  Table  Round,  was  wont  to  pass, 
And  to  her  casement  glint  the  glance  of  love. 
(For  all  the  tale  of  how  she  floated  dead 
Between  the  city  walls,  and  how  the  Court 
Gazed  on  her  corpse,  was  of  illusion  framed, 
And  shadows  raised  by  Merlin's  magic  art, 
Ere  Vivien  shut  him  up  within  the  oak.) 
There  stood  the  wheel  whereat  she  spun  her  thread; 
But  of  the  magic  mirror  nought  remained 
Save  one  small  fragment  on  the  mantelpiece, 
Reflecting  her  changed  features  night  and  morn. 

But  now  the  inward  yearnings  of  Sir  Tray 
Grew  pressing,  and  in  hollow  rumblings  spake, 


THE  HUMORS   OP   VERSIFICATION.  241 

As  in  tempestuous  nights  the  Northern  seas 
Within  their  cavern  cliffs  reverberate. 
This  touched  her :  "  I  have  marked  of  yore,"  she  said, 
"When  on  my  palfry  I  have  paced  along 
The  streets  of  Camelot,  while  many  a  knight 
Ranged  at  my  rein  and  thronged  upon  my  steps, 
Wending  in  pride  towards  the  tournament, 
A  wight  who  many  kinds  of  bread  purveyed—- 
Muffins, and  crumpets,  matutinal  rolls, 
And  buns  which  buttered,  soothe  at  evensongj 
To  him  I'll  hie  me  ere  my  purpose  cool, 
And  swift  returning,  bear  a  loaf  with  me, 
And  (for  my  teeth  be  tender  grown,  and  like 
Celestial  visits,  few  and  far  between) 
The  crust  shall  be  for  Tray,  the  crumb  for  me." 
This  spake  she;  from  their  peg  reached  straightway  down 
Her  cloak  of  sanguine  hue,  and  pointed  hat 
From  the  flat  brim  upreared  like  pyramid 
On  sands  Egyptian  where  the  Pharaohs  sleep, 
Her  ebon-handled  staff  (sole  palfry  now) 
Grasped  firmly,  and  so  issued  swiftly  forth ;      •» 
Yet  ere  she  closed  the  latch  her  cat  Elaine, 
The  lily  kitten  reared  at  Astolat, 
Slipped  through  and  mewing  passed  to  greet  Sir  Tray. 

Returning  ere  the  shadows  eastward  fell, 
She  placed  a  porringer  upon  the  board, 
And  shred  the  crackling  crusts  with  liberal  hand, 
Nor  noted  how  Elaine  did  seem  to  wail, 
Rubbing  against  her  hose,  and  mourning  round 
Sir  Tray,  who  lay  all  prone  upon  the  hearth. 
Then  on  the  bread  she  poured  the  mellow  milk — 
"  Sleep'st  thou  ?"  she  said,  and  touched  him  with  her  staff; 
"What,  ho  !  thy  dinner  waits  thee!"     But  Sir  Tray 
Stirred  not  nor  breathed :  thereat,  alarmed,  she  seized 
And  drew  the  hinder  leg :  the  carcase  moved 
All  over  wooden  like  a  piece  of  wood — 
"Dead?"  said  the  Dame,  while  louder  wailed  Elaine; 
"  I  see,"  she  said,  "  thy  fasts  were  all  too  long, 
Thy  commons  all  too  short,  which  shortened  thus 
Thy  days,  tho'  thou  mightst  still  have  cheered  mine  age 
Had  I  but  timelier  to  the  city  wonned. 
Thither  I  must  again,  and  that  right  soon, 
For  now  'tis  meef  we  lap  thee  in  a  shroud, 

21 


242  THE   HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION. 

And  lay  thee  in  the  vault  by  Astolat, 

Where  faithful  Tray  shall  by  Sir  Hubbard  lie." 

Up  a  by -lane  the  Undertaker  dwelt; 
There  day  by  day  he  plied  his  merry  trade, 
And  all  his  undertakings  undertook : 
Erst  knight  of  Arthur's  Court,  Sir  Waldgrave  bight, 
A  gruesome  carle  who  hid  his  jests  in  gloom, 
And  schooled  his  lid  to  counterfeit  a  tear. 
With  cheerful  hammer  he  a  coffin  tapt, 
While  hollow,  hollow,  hollow,  rang  the  wood, 
And,  as  he  sawed  and  hammered,  thus  he  sang : — 

Wood,  hammer,  nails,  ye  build  a  house  for  him, 
Nails,  hammer,  wood,  ye  build  a  house  for  me, 
Paying  the  rent,  the  taxes,  and  the  rates. 

I  plant  a  human  acorn  in  the  ground, 

And  therefrom  straightway  springs  a  goodly  tree, 

Budding  for  me  in  bread  and  beer  and  beef. 

0  Life,  dost  thou  bring  Death  or  Death  bring  thee? 
Which  of  the  twain  is  bringer,  which  the  brought? 
Since  men  must  die  that  other  men  may  live. 

0  Death,  for  me  thou  plump'st  thine  hollow  cheeks, 
Mak'st  of  thine  antic  grin  a  pleasant  smile, 
And  prank'st  full  gaily  in  thy  winding  sheet. 

This  ditty  sang  he  to  a  doleful  tune 

To  outer  ears  it  sounded  like  a  dirge, 

Or  wind  that  wails  across  the  fields  of  death. 

'Ware  of  a  visitor,  he  ceased  his  strain, 

But  still  did  ply  his  saw  industrious. 

With  withered  hand  on  ear,  Dame  Hubbard  stood ; 

"  Vex  not  mine  ears,"  she  grated,  "  with  thine  old 

And  creaking  saw  !"     "  I  deemed,"  he  said,  and  sighed, 

"  Old  saws  might  please  thee,  as  they  should  the  wise." 

"Know,"  said  the  Dame,  "Sir  Tray  that  with  me  dwelt 

Lies  on  my  lonely  hearthstone  stark  and  stiff; 

Wagless  the  tail  that  waved  to  welcome  me." — 

Here  Waldgrave  interposed  sepulchral  tones, 

"Oft  have  I  noted,  when  the  jest  went  round, 

Sad  'twas  to  see  the  wag  forget  his  tale — 

Sadder  to  see  the  tail  forget  its  wag." 

"Wherefore,"  resumed  she,  "take  of  fitting  stuff, 

And  make  therewith  a  narrow  house  for  him." 

Quoth  he,  "  From  yonder  deal  I'll  plane  the  bark, 


THE   HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION,  243 

So  'twill  of  Tray  be  emblematical; 

For  thou,  'tis  plain,  must  lose  a  deal  of  bark, 

Since  he  nor  bark  nor  bite  shall  practice  more." 

"And  take  thou,  too,"  she  said,  "a  coffin-plate, 

And  be  his  birth  and  years  inscribed  thereou 

With  letters  twain  '  S.  T.'  to  mark  Sir  Tray, 

80  shall  the  tomb  be  known  in  after  time." 

"This,  too,"  quoth  Waldgrave,  "shall  be  deftly  done; 

Oft  hath  the  plate  been  freighted  with  his  bones, 

But  now  his  bones  must  lie  beneath  the  plate." 

"Jest'st  thou?"  Dame  Hubbard  said,  and  clutched  her  crutch, 

For  ill  she  brooked  light  parlance  of  the  dead; 

But  when  she  saw  Sir  Waldgrave,  how  his  face 

Was  all  drawn  downward,  till  the  curving  mouth 

Seemed  a  horseshoe,  while  o'er  the  furrowed  cheek 

A  wandering  tear  stole  on,  like  rivulet 

In  dry  ravine  down  mother  Ida's  side, 

She  changed  her  purpose,  smote  not,  lowered  the  staff; — 

So  parted,  faring  homeward  with  her  grief. 

Nearing  her  bower,  it  seemed  a  sepulchre 
Sacred  to  memory,  and  almost  she  thought 
A  dolorous  cry  arose,  as  if  Elaine 
Did  sound  a  caterwauling  requiem. 
With  hesitating  hand  she  raised  the  latch, 
And  on  the  threshold  with  reluctant  foot 
Lingered,  as  loath  to  face  the  scene  of  woe, 
When  lo  !  the  body  lay  not  on  the  hearth, 
For  there  Elaine  her  flying  tail  pursued, — 
In  the  Dame's  chair  Sir  Tray  alive  did  sit, 
A  world  of  merry  meaning  in  his  eye, 
And  all  his  face  agrin  from  ear  to  ear. 

Like  one  who  late  hath  lost  his  dearest  friend, 
And  in  his  sleep  doth  see  that  friend  again, 
And  marvels  scarce  to  see  him,  putting  forth 
A  clasping  hand,  and  feels  him  warm  with  life, 
And  so  takes  up  his  friendship's  broken  thread — 
Thus  stood  the  Dame,  thus  ran  she,  pattering  o'er 
The  sanded  tiles,  and  clasped  she  thus  Sir  Tray, 
Unheeding  of  the  grief  his  jest  had  wrought 
For  joy  he  was  not  numbered  with  the  dead. 

Anon  the  Dame,  her  primal  transports  o'er, 
Bethought  her  of  the  wisdom  of  Sir  Tray, 
And  his  fine  wit,  and  then  it  shameful  seemed 
That  he  bareheaded  'neath  the  sky  should  go 


244  THE   HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION. 

While  empty  skulls  of  fools  went  thatched  and  roofed; 

"A  hat,"  she  cried,  "would  better  fit  those  brows 

Than  many  a  courtier's  that  I've  wotted  of; 

And  thou  shall  have  one,  an'  my  tender  toes 

On  which  the  corns  do  shoot,  and  these  my  knees 

Wherethro'  rheumatic  twinges  swiftly  dart, 

Will  bear  me  to  the  city  yet  again, 

And  thou  shalt  wear  the  hat  as  Arthur  wore 

The  Dragon  of  the  great  Pendragonship." 

Whereat  Sir  Tray  did  seem  to  smile,  and  smote 

Upon  the  chair-back  with  approving  tail. 

Then  up  she  rose,  and  to  the  Hatter's  went, — 
"Hat  me,"  quoth  she,  "your  very  newest  hatj" 
And  so  they  hatted  her,  and  she  returned 
Home  through  the  darksome  wold,  and  raised  the  latch, 
And  marked,  full  lighted  by  the  ingle-glow, 
Sir  Tray,  with  spoon  in  hand,  and  cat  on  knee, 
Spattering  the  mess  about  the  chaps  of  Puss. 


THE  OLOGIES. 

We're  going  to  begin  with  an  ample  Apology; 
You'll  end,  we  are  sure,  by  a  hearty  Doxology, 
If,  all  undeterred  by  oUr  strange  Phraseology, 
You  chose  to  sit  down  to  a  dish  of  Tautology. 

One's  pestered  in  these  days  by  so  many  'ologies, 
We  thought  we  would  fain  see  the  tale  of  our  foes ; 

A  niche  of  -your  own  in,  the  new  Martyrologies 
You'd  earn  if  you'd  only  go  halves  in  our  woea. 

We'v   counted  some  forty !  but  how  many  more 

there  are, 

We're  even  now  wholly  unable  to  say; 
We  fear  that  at  least  the  same  number  in  store 

there  are, 
You'll  say  we  have  found  quite  enough  for  one  day. 


'So  now  for  our  Catalogue :  first  comes  Anthology — 

A  bouquet  of  flowers,  a  budget  of  rhymes; 
That's  pleasant — not  so  the  next,  called  Anthropology, 
The  science  of  man  in  all  ages  and  climes. 


THE   HUMORS  OF   VERSIFICATION.  245 

"Then  comes  a  most  useful  pursuit,  Arachnology; 

They're  bipeds,  the  spiders  who  weave  the  worst  webs; 
But  when  one  is  asked  to  go  in  for  Astrology, 
And  Zadkiel !  one's  courage  most  rapidly  ebbs. 

"  The  next  on  our  roster  is  old  Archaeology, 

A  science  that's  lately  been  much  in  repute ; 
One  can't  say  as  much  for  Electro-biology, 
Which  now-o'-days  no  one  seems  ever  to  bruit. 

"  But  none  can  afford  to  make  light  of  Chronology, 

Tho'  ladies  are  apt  to  be  dark  upon  dates  ; 
We  most  of  us  make  rather  light  of  Conehology 
Except  when  the  oyster-shell  gapes  on  our  plates. 

"  The  Devil's  deposed  they  say,  and  Demonology 

Would  certainly  seem  to  hare  gone  to  the  De'il; 
Some  savants,  like  Hooker,  still  swallow  Dendrology, 
But  tree-names  are  somewhat  too  tough  for  my  meaL 

"  The  parsons  are  great  upon  Eeclesiology, 

And  prate  about,  proper  pyramidal  piles ;          ^ 
Few  travelers  care  to  neglect  Entomology, 
Their  wakefulness  often  its  study  beguiles. 

"'Twould  take  you  a  life-time  to  learn  Etymology, 
And  dabblers  get  into  most  marvellous  scrapes; 
And  Huxley  would  tell  you  as  much  of  Ethnology, — 
Who  really  believes  we  are  cousins  of  apes  ? 

"Dean  Buckland  it  was  who  first  started  Geology, 

And  traced  the  rock  pedigrees,  fixing  their  ranks; 
And  Frank  has  of  late  taken  up  Ichthyology, 
The  salmon  already  have  voted  him  thanks. 

"Von  Humboldt  had  fairly  exhausted  Kosmology, 

But  Nature  's  a  quite  inexhaustible  mine ; 
Napoleon  has  fulfilled  a  new  Martyrology, 

Imbrued  with  the  purest  blue-blood  of  the  Rhine. 

"  We  all  of  us  thought  we  were  deep  in  Mythology, 

Till  Cox  and  Max  Muller  both  deepened  its  well; 
Our  sons  may  learn  something  of  Meteorology — 
The  weather  our  prophets  all  fail  to  foretell. 

"  The  study  of  life  is  bound  up  with  Necrology, 

And  we  shall  have  one  day  to  enter  its  lists, — 
And  furnish  some  specimens  for  Osteology, 
The  science  of  bones,  on  which  Owen  exists. 

21* 


246  THE   HUMORS   OP   VERSIFICATION. 

"At  breakfast  we're  seldom  averse  to  Oology, 

Or  lunch,  when  the  plovers  are  pleased  to  lay  eggs  ; 
But  then  one  would  bar  embryonic  Ontology, 

Preferring  fowls  full-grown  with  breast,  wings,  and  legs! 

"  For  oh  !  we  decidedly  like  Ornithology 

And  chiefly  the  study  of  grouse  on  the  wing ; 
We'd  leave  it  to  doctors  to  study  Pathology  ; 
The  study  of  pain  is  a  troublesome  thing. 

"  We  all  of  us  need  a  small  dose  of  Philology, 

If  caring  to  make  the  best  use  of  our  tongues; 
A  careful  attention  to  strict  Phraseology 
Involves  a  most  notable  saving  of  Inngs. 

"  The  study  of  heads  has  been  christened  Phrenology, 

Professors  would  call  it  the  study  of  brain  j 
But  take  my  advice,  and  avoid  Pneumatology, 
For  spirits  are  apt  to  treat  brains  with  disdain. 

"  For  much  the  same  reason,  we'd  banish  Psychology, — 

What  savant  can  give  an  account  of  his  soul? 
And  if  we  could  only  abolish  Theology, 

The  parsons  alone  would  be  hard  to  console! 

"  If  ever  you  happened  to  study  Splanchnology, 

You'd  know  what  it  is  theologians  lack, — 
Inquisitors  never  complain  of  Tautology, 
So  long  as  rank  heretics  roar  on  the  rack. 

"  And  now  is  the  time  to  strike  up  your  Doxology, 

For  we  would  no  longer  detain  you,  my  friend; — 
On  Sunday  we  all  have  a  turn  for  Zoology, 
So  here  is  our  Catalogue  come  to  an  end." 


THE    VARIATION    HUMBUG. 

The  London  Charivari  thinks  that  there  is  more  humbug 
talked,  printed,  and  practiced  in  reference  to  music  than  to 
anything  else  in  the  world,  except  politics.  And  of  all  the 
musical  humbugs  extant  it  occurs  to  Mr.  Punch  that  the 
variation  humbug  is  the  greatest.  This  party  has  not  even 
the  sense  to  invent  a  tune  for  himself,  but  takes  else's,  and 
starting  therefrom,  as  an  acrobat  leaps  from  a  spring-board, 


THE   HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION.  247 

jumps  himself  into  a  musical  reputation  on  the  strength  of 
the  other  party's  ideas.  Mr.  Punch  wonders  what  would  be 
thought  of  a  poet  who  should  try  to  make  himself  renown  by 
this  kind  of  thing — taking  a  well-known  poem  of  a  prede- 
cessor and  doing  variations  on  it  after  this  fashion : — 

BUGGINS'    VARIATIONS   ON   THE   BUSY  BEE. 

How  doth  the  Little  Busy  Bee 

Improve  each  shining  hour, 
And  gather  honey  all  the  day 

From  every  opening  flower, 

From  every  opening  flower,  flower,  flower, 

That  sparkles  in  a  breezy  bower, 

And  gives  its  sweetness  to  the  shower, 

Exhaling  scent  of  gentle  power, 

That  lasts  on  kerchief  many  an  hour, 

And  is  a  lady's  graceful  dower, 

Endeared  alike  to  cot  and  tower, 
Round  which  the  Little  Busy  Bee 

Improves  each  shining  hour, 
And  gathers  honey  all  the  day 

From  every  opening  flower, 

From  every  opening  flower,  flower,  flower, 

From  every  opening  flower. 

How  skillfully  she  builds  her  cell, 

How  neat  she  spreads  her  wax, 
And  labors  hard  to  store  it  well, 

With  the  sweet  food  she  makes, 

With  the  sweet  food  she  makes, 

With  the  sweet  food  she  makes,  makes,  makes, 

When  rising  just  as  morning  breaks, 

The  dewdrop  from  the  leaf  she  shakes, 

And  oft  the  sleeping  moth  she  wakes, 

And  diving  through  the  flower  she  takes, 

The  honey  with  her  fairy  rakes, 

And  in  her  cell  the  same  she  cakes, 

Or  sports  across  the  silver  lakes, 

Beside  her  children,  for  whose  sakes 
How  skillfully  she  builds  her  cell, 

How  neat  she  spreads  her  wax, 
And  labors  hard  to  store  it  well, 

With  the  sweet  food  she  makes. 


248  THE    HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION. 

In  works  of  labor  or  of  skill, 

I  would  be  busy  too, 
For  Satan  finds  some  mischief  still 

For  idle  hands  to  do, 

For  idle  hands  to  do, 

For  idle  hands  to  do,  do,  do. 

Things  which  thereafter  they  will  rue, 

When  Justice  fiercely  doth  pursue, 

Or  conscience  raises  cry  and  hue, 

And  evil-doers  look  quite  blue, 

When  Peelers  run  with  loud  halloo, 

And  magistrates  put  on  the  screw, 

And  then  the  wretch  exclaims,  Boo-hoo, 
In  works  of  labor  or  of  skill 

I  wish  I'd  busied  too, 
For  Satan's  found  much  mischief  still, 

For  my  two  hands  to  do. 

There  !  Would  a  poet  get  much  reputation  for  these  variations,  which 
are  much  better  in  their  way  than  most  of  those  built  upon  tunes  ?  Would 
the  poetical  critics  come  out,  as  the  musical  critics  do,  with  "Upon  Watts' 
marble  foundation  Buggins  has  raised  a  sparkling  alabaster  palace;"  or, 
"  The  old-fashioned  Watts  has  been  brought  into  new  honor  by  the  etin- 
cellant  Bnggins ; "  or,  "  We  love  the  old  tune,  but  we  have  room  in  our 
hearts  for  the  fairy-like  fountains  of  bird-song  which  Buggins  has  bid 
start  from  it?"  Mr.  Punch  has  an  idea  that  Buggins  would  have  no  such 
luck;  the  moral  to  be  deduced  from  which  fact  is,  that  a  musical  prig  is 
luckier  than  a  poetical  prig. 

REITERATIVE   VOCAL   MUSIC. 

A  well-known  reviewer,  in  an  article  on  Hymnology, 
says : — 

Who  could  endure  to  hear  and  sing  hymns,  the  meaning 
and  force  of  which  he  really  felt— set,  as  they  frequently  have 
been,  to  melodies  from  the  Opera,  and  even  worse,  or  massa- 
cred by  the  repetition  of  the  end  of  each  stanza,  no  matter 
whether  or  not  the  grammar  and  sense  were  consistent  with  it. 
Take  such  memorable  cases  of  incongruity  as : — 

"My  poor  pol — 
My  pool  pol — 
My  poor  polluted  heart." 


THE   HUMORS   OF   VERSIFICATION.  249 

To  which  he  might  have  added  from  Dr.  Watts : — 

"And  see  Sal — see  Sal — see  Salvation  nigh." 
Or  this  to  the  same  common  metre  tune,  "  Miles' s  Lane" : — 

"  Where  my  Sal — my  Sal — my  Salvation  stands." 
Or  this  when  sung  to  "Job": — 

"  And  love  thee  Bet— 

Aud  love  thee  better  than  before." 
Or— 

"  Stir  up  this  stu — 
Stir  up  this  stupid  heart  to  pray." 

Or  this  crowning  absurdity : — 

"And  more  eggs — more  eggs — more  exalts  our  joys." 

This  to  the  tune  of  "Aaron"  7's: — 

"  With  thy  Benny— 

With  thy  benediction  seal." 

> 

This  has  recently  been  added  in  a  fashionable  metropolitan 
church : — 

"And  take  thy  pil— 
And  take  thy  pilgrim  home." 

And  further  havoc  is  made  with  language  and  sense  thus: — 

"  Before  his  throne  we  bow — wow — wow — ow — wow." 
And— 

"  I  love  to  steal 

I  love  to  steal — awhile  away." 
And— 

"  0,  for  a  man — 
0,  for  a  mansion  in  the  skies." 

To  which  we  may  add : — 

"And  we'll  catch  the  flea — 
And  we'll  catch  the  flee — ee — eeting  hour." 

Two  trebles  sing,  "And  learn  to  kiss";  two  trebles  and  alto, 
"And  learn  to  kiss";  two  trebles,  alto,  and  tenor,  "And  learn 
to  kiss";  the  bass,  solus,  "the  rod." 

This  is  sung  to  a  tune  called  "  Boyce": — 

"  Thou  art  my  bull — 
Thou  art  my  bulwark  and  defence." 


250  THE   HUMORS   OF    VERSIFICATION. 

THE   CURSE   OP   O'KELLY. 

Carmac  0' Kelly,  the  celebrated  Irish  harper,  went  to 
Doneraile,  in  the  county  of  Cork,  where  his  watch  was 
pilfered  from  his  fob.  This  so  roused  his  ire  that  he  cele- 
brated the  people  in  the  following  unexampled  "string  of 
curses : " — 

Alas !  how  dismal  is  my  tale, 

I  lost  my  watch  in  Doneraile, 

My  Dublin  watch,  my  chain  and  seal, 

Pilfered  at  once  in  Doneraile. 

May  fire  and  brimstone  never  fail 

To  fall  in  showers  on  Doneraile ; 

May  all  the  leading  fiends  assail 

The  thieving  town  of  Doneraile. 

As  lightnings  flash  across  the  vale, 

So  down  to  hell  with  Doneraile; 

The  fate  of  Pompey  at  Pharsale, 

Be  that  the  curse  of  Doneraile. 

May  beef  or  mutton,  lamb  or  veal, 

Be  never  found  in  Doneraile, 

But  garlic  soup  and  scurvy  kale, 

Be  still  the  food  for  Doneraile, 

And  forward  as  the  creeping  snail, 

Industry  be  at  Doneraile. 

May  Heaven  a  chosen  curse  entail, 

On  ragged,  rotten  Doneraile. 

May  sun  and  moon  forever  fail 

To  beam  their  lights  on  Doneraile  ; 

May  every  pestilential  gale 

Blast  that  cursed  spot  called  Doneraile; 

May  no  sweet  cuckoo,  thrush  or  quail 

Be  ever  heard  in  Doneraile ; 

May  patriots,  kings,  and  commonweal 

Despise  and  harass  Doneraile  ; 

May  every  post,  gazette  and  mail, 

Sad  tidings  bring  of  Doneraile ; 

May  vengeance  fall  on  head  and  tail, 

From  north  to  south  of  Donerailo 

May  profit  small,  and  tardy  sale, 

Still  damp  the  trade  of  Doneraile : 

May  fame  resound  a  dismal  tale, 

Whene'er  she  lights  on  Doneraile ; 


THE    HUMORS    OF  VERSIFICATION.  2-51 

May  Egypt's  plagues  at  once  prevail, 

To  thin  the  knaves  at  Doneraile  ; 

May  frost  and  snow,  and  sleet  and  hail, 

Benumb  each  joint  in  Donefaile; 

May  wolves  and  bloodhounds  race  and  trail 

The  cursed  crew  of  Doneraile; 

May  Oscar  with  his  fiery  flail 

To  atoms  thrash  all  Doneraile ; 

May  every  mischief,  fresh  and  stale, 

May  all  from  Belfast  to  Kinsale, 

Scoff,  curse  and  damn  you,  Doneraile. 

May  neither  flour  nor  oatmeal, 

Be  found  or  known  in  Doneraile  ; 

May  want  and  woe  each  joy  curtail, 

That  e'er  was  known  in  Doneraile; 

May  no  one  coffin  want  a  nail, 

That  wraps  a  rogue  in  Doneraile ; 

May  all  the  thieves  who  rob  and  steal, 

The  gallows  meet  in  Doneraile  ; 

May  all  the  sons  of  Gramaweal, 

Blush  at  the  thieves  of  Doneraile  ; 

May  mischief  big  as  Norway  whale, 

O'erwhelrn  the  knaves  of  Doneraile ; 

May  curses  whole  and  by  retail, 

Pour  with  full  force  on  Doneraile ; 

May  every  transport  wont  to  sail, 

A  convict  bring  from  Doneraile; 

May  every  churn  and  milking-pail 

Fall  dry  to  staves  in  Doneraile; 

May  cold  and  hunger  still  congeal, 

The  stagnant  blood  of  Doneraile; 

May  every  hour  new  woes  reveal, 

That  hell  reserves  for  Doneraile; 

May  every  chosen  ill  prevail 

O'er  all  the  imps  of  Doneraile; 

May  th'  inquisition  straight  impale, 

The  Rapparees  of  Doneraile; 

May  curse  of  Sodom  now  prevail, 

And  sink  to  ashes  Doneraile; 

May  Charon's  boat  triumphant  sail, 

Completely  manned  from  Doneraile; 

Oh  !  may  my  couplet  never  fail 

To  find  new  curse  for  Doneraile ; 

And  may  grim  Pluto's  inner  jail 

Forever  groan  with  Doneraile. 


252  HIBERNIANA. 


MARIA  EDGEWORTH,  in  her  Essay  on  Irish  Bulls,  remarks 
that  "the  difficulty  of  selecting  from  the  vulgar  herd  a  bull 
that  shall  be  entitled  to  the  prize,  from  the  united  merits  of 
pre-eminent  absurdity  and  indisputable  originality,  is  greater 
than  hasty  judges  may  imagine." 

Very  true ;  but  if  the  prize  were  offered  for  a  latch  of  Irish 
diamonds,  we  think  the  following  copy  of  a  letter  written  dur- 
ing the  Rebellion,  by  S ,  an  Irish  member  of  Parliament, 

to  his  friend  in  London,  would  present  the  strongest  claim  : — 

"  My  dear  Sir : — Having  now  a  little  peace  and  quietness,  I 
sit  down  to  inform  you  of  the  dreadful  bustle  and  confusion  we 
are  in  from  these  blood-thirsty  rebels,  most  of  whom  are  (thank 
God  !)  killed  and  dispersed.  We  are  in  a  pretty  mess ;  can  get 
nothing  to  eat,  nor  wine  to  drink,  except  whiskey;  and  when 
we  sit  down  to  dinner,  we  are  obliged  to  keep  both  hands 
armed.  Whilst  I  write  this,  I  hold  a  pistol  in  each  hand  and 
a  sword  in  the  other.  I  concluded  in  the  beginning  that  this 
would  be  the  end  of  it ;  and  I  see  I  was  right,  for  it  is  not 
half  over  yet.  At  present  there  are  such  goings  on,  that  every 
thing  is  at  a  stand  still.  I  should  have  answered  your  letter  a 
fortnight  ago,  but  I  did  not  receive  it  till  this  morning.  Indeed, 
hardly  a  mail  arrives  safe  without  being  robbed.  No  longer 
ago  than  yesterday  the  coach  with  the  mails  from  Dublin  was 
robbed  near  this  town  :  the  bags  had  been  judiciously  left  be- 
hind for  fear  of  accident,  and  by  good  luck  there  was  nobody 
in  it  but  two  outside  passengers  who  had  nothing  for  thieves  to 
take.  Last  Thursday  notice  was  given  that  a  gang  of  rebels 
were  advancing  here  under  the  French  standard;  but  they  had 
no  colors,  nor  any  drums  except  bagpipes.  Immediately  every 
man  in  the  place,  including  women  and  children,  ran  out  to 
meet  them.  We  soon  found  our  force  much  too  little  ;  and  we 
were  far  too  near  to  think  of  retreating.  Death  was  in  every 


HIBERNIANA.  253 

face ;  but  to  it  we  went,  and  by  the  time  half  our  little  party 
were  killed  we  began  to  be  all  alive  again.  Fortunately,  the 
rebels  had  no  guns,  except  pistols,  cutlasses,  and  pikes ;  and  as 
we  had  plenty  of  guns  and  ammunition,  we  put  them  all  to  the 
sword.  Not  a  soul  of  them  escaped,  except  some  that  were 
drowned  in  an  adjacent  bog ;  and  in  a  very  short  time  nothing 
was  to  be  heard  but  silence.  Their  uniforms  were  all  different 
colors,  but  mostly  green.  After  the  action,  we  went  to  rum- 
mage a  sort  of  camp  which  they  had  left  behind  them.  All 
we  found  was  a  few  pikes  without  heads,  a  parcel  of  empty 
bottles  full  of  water,  and  a  bundle  of  French  commissions 
filled  up  with  Irish  names.  Troops  are  now  stationed  all  around 
the  country,  which  exactly  squares  with  my  ideas.  I  have  only 
time  to  add  that  I  am  in  great  haste. 

"Yours  truly, . 

"P.  S. — If  you  do  not  receive  this,  of  course  it  must  have 
miscarried  :  therefore  I  beg  you  will  write  and  lef  me  know." 

Miss  Edgeworth  says,  further,  that  "  many  bulls,  reputed  to 
be  bred  and  born  in  Ireland,  are  of  foreign  extraction  ;  and 
many  more,  supposed  to  be  unrivalled  in  their  kind,  may  be 
matched  in  all  their  capital  points."  To  prove  this,  she  cites 
numerous  examples  of  well-known  bulls,  with  their  foreign  pro- 
totypes, not  only  English  and  Continental,  but  even  Oriental  and 
ancient.  Among  the  parallels  of  familiar  bulls  to  be  found 
nearer  our  American  home  since  the  skillful  defender  of  Erin's 
naivete"  wrote  her  Essay,  one  of  the  best  is  an  economical 
method  of  erecting  a  new  jail : — 

The  following  resolutions  were  passed  by  the  Board  of  Coun 
oilmen  in  Canton,  Mississippi  : — 

1.  Resolved,  by  this  Council,  that  we  build  a  new  Jail. 

2.  Resolved,  that  the  new  Jail  be  built  out  of  the  materials 
of  the  old  Jail. 

3.  Resolved,  that  the  old  Jail  be  used  until  the  new  Jail  is 
finished. 

22 


254  HIBERNIANA. 

It  was  a  Frenchman  who,  in  making  a  classified  catalogue 
of  books,  placed  Miss  Edgeworth's  Essay  in  the  list  of  works 
on  Natural  History;  and  it  was  a  /Scotchman  who,  having 
purchased  a  copy  of  it,  pronounced  her  "  a  puir  silly  body,  to 
write  a  book  on  bulls,  and  no  ane  word  o'  horned  cattle  in  it  a', 
forbye  the  bit  beastie  [the  vignette]  at  the  beginning."  Exam- 
ples from  the  common  walks  of  life  and  from  periodical  litera- 
ture may  readily  be  multiplied  to  show  that*  these  phraseologi- 
cal peculiarities  are  not  to  be  exclusively  attributed  to  Ireland. 
Kut  if  we  adopt  Coleridge's  definition,  which  is,  that  "  a  bull 
consists  in  a  mental  juxtaposition  of  incongruous  ideas,  with 
the  sensation,  but  without  the  sense,  of  connection,"  we  shall 
find  frequent  instances  of  its  occurrence  among  standard  au- 
thors. Take  the  following  blunders,  for  examples  : — 

Adam,  the  goodliest  man  of  men  since  born 
Hie  sons — the  fairest  of  her  daughters,  Eve. 

Milton's  Paradise  Lost. 
The  loveliest  pair 
That  ever  since  in  love's  embraces  met — Ib.  B.  iv. 

Swift,  being  an  Irishman,  of  course  abounds  in  blunders, 
some  of  them  of  the  most  ludicrous  character;  but  we  should 
hardly  expect  to  find  in  the  elegant  Addison,  the  model  of 
classical  English,  such  a  singular  inaccuracy  as  the  following : — 

So  the  pure  limpid  stream,  when  foul  with  stains 
Of  rushing  torrents  and  descending  rains. — Cato. 

He  must  have  seen  in  a  blaze  of  blinding  light  (this  is  "  ip- 
sis  Hibernis  Hibernior")  the  vanity  and  evil,  the  folly  and 
madness,  of  the  worldly  or  selfish,  and  the  grandeur  and  truth 
of  the  disinterested  and  Christian  life. — Gilfittan's  Bards  of 
the  Bible. 

The  real  and  peculiar  magnificence  of  St.  Petersburgh  con- 
sists in  thus  sailing  apparently  upon  the  bosom  of  the  ocean f 
into  a  city  of  palaces. — Sedgwick's  Letters  from  the  Baltic. 

The  astonished  Yahoo,  smoking,  as  well  as  he  could,  a  cigar, 
with  which  he  hadjilled  all  his  pockets. —  Warrer's  Ten  Thou- 
sand a  Year. 


HIBERNIANA.  255 

The  following  specimens  are  from  the  works  of  Dr.  John- 
son : — 

Every  monumental  inscription  should  he  in  Latin;  for  that 
being  a  dead  language,  it  will  always  live. 

Nor  yet  perceived  the  vital  spirit  fled, 

But  still  fought  on,  nor  knew  that  he  was  dead. 

Shakspeare  has  not  only  shown  human  nature  as  it  is,  but  as 
it  would  be  found  in  situations  to  which  it  cannot  be  exposed. 

Turn  from  the  glittering  bribe  your  scornful  eye, 
Nor  sell  for  gold  what  gold  can  never  buy. 

These  observations  were  made  by  favor  of  a  contrary  wind. 
The  next  two  are  from  Pope  : — 

Eight  callow  infants  filled  the  mossy  nest, 
Herself  the  ninth.      • 

When  first  young  Maro,  in  his  noble  mind, 
A  work  t'  outlast  immortal  Rome  designed. 

Shakspeare  says, — 

I  will  strive  with  things  impossible, 

Yea,  get  the  better  of  them. — Julius  Gxsar,  ii.  1. 

A  horrid  silence  first  invades  the  ear. — DRYDEN. 

Beneath  a  mountain's  brow,  the  most  remote 

And  inaccessible  by  shepherds  trod. — HOME  :  Douglass. 

In  the  Irish  Bank-bill  passed  by  Parliament  in  June,  1808, 
is  a  clause  providing  that  the  profits  shall  be  equally  divided 
and  the  residue  go  to  the  Governor. 

Sir  Richard  Steele,  being  asked  why  his  countrymen  were 
so  addicted  to  making  bulls,  said  he  believed  there  must  be 
something  in  the  air  of  Ireland,  adding,  "  I  dare  say  if  an 
Englishman  were  born  there  he  would  do  the  same." 

Mr.  Cunningham,  to  whom  we  are  indebted  for  the  interest- 
ing notes  to  Johnson's  "  Lives  of  the  Poets,"  pronounces  his 
author  the  most  distinguished  of  his  cotemporaries. 


256  HIBERNIANA. 

Sir  Walter  Scott  perpetrates  a  curious  blunder  in  one  of  his 
novels,  in  making  certain  of  his  characters  behold  a  sunset  over 
the  waters  of  a  seaport  on  the  eastern  coast  of  Scotland. 

The  following  occurs  in  Dr.  Latham's  English  Language. 
Speaking  of  the  genitive  or  possessive  case,  he  says, — 

"  In  the  plural  number,  however,  it  is  rare ;  so  rare,  indeed, 
that  whenever  the  plural  ends  in  s  (as  it  always  does)  there  is 
no  genitive." 

Byron  says, — 

I  stood  in  Venice  on  the  Bridge  of  Sighs, 
A  palace  and  a  prison  on  each  hand. 
(He  meant  a  palace  on  one  hand,  and  a  prison  on  the  other.) 

Dr.  Johnson,  in  his  Dictionary,  defines  a  garret  as  "  a  room 
on  the  highest  floor  in  the  house,"  and  a  cock-loft  as  "  the 
room  over  the  garret." 

For  the  sake  of  comparison,  we  recur  to  the  favorite  pasture 
of  the  genuine  thorough-bred  animal : — 

An  Irish  member  of  Parliament,  speaking  of  a  certain  min- 
ister's well-known  love  of  money,  observed,  "  Let  not  the  hon- 
orable member  express  a  contempt  for  money, — for  if  there  is 
any  one  office  that  glitters  in  the  eyes  of  the  honorable  member, 
it  is  that  of  purse-bearer :  a  pension  to  him  is  a  compendium 
of  all  the  cardinal  virtues.  All  his  statesmanship  is  compre- 
hended in  the  art  of  taxing ;  and  for  good,  better,  and  best,  in 
the  scale  of  human  nature,  he  invariably  reads  pence,  shillings, 
and  pounds.  I  verily  believe,"  continued  the  orator,  rising  to 
the  height  of  his  conception,  "  that  if  the  honorable  gentleman 
were  an  undertaker,  it  would  be  the  delight  of  his  heart  to  see 
all  mankind  seized  with  a  common  mortality,  that  he  might 
have  the  benefit  of  the  general  burial,  and  provide  scarfs  and 
hat-bands  for  the  survivors." 

The  manager  of  a  provincial  theatre,  finding  upon  one  occa- 
sion but  three  persons  in  attendance,  made  the  following  ad- 
dress : — "  Ladies  and  gentlemen — as  there  is  nobody  here,  I'll 
dismiss  you  all.  The  performances  of  this  night  will  not  be 
performed ;  but  they  will  be  repeated  to-morrow  evening." 


HIBERNIANA.  257 

A  Hibernian  gentleman,  when  told  by  his  nephew  that  he 
had  just  entered  college  with  a  view  to  the  church,  said,  "I 
hope  that  I  may  live  to  hear  you  preach  my  funeral  sermon." 

An  Irishman,  quarrelling  with  an  Englishman,  told  him  if  he 
didn't  hold  his  tongue,  he  would  break  his  impenetrable  head, 
and  let  the  brains  out  of  his  empty  skull. 

"  My  dear,  come  in  and  go  to  bed,"  said  the  wife  of  a  jolly 
son  of  Erin,  who  had  just  returned  from  the  fair  in  a  de- 
cidedly how-come-you-so  state :  "  you  must  be  dreadful  tired, 
sure,  with  your  long  walk  of  six  miles."  "  Arrah  !  get  away 
with  your  nonsense,"  said  Pat :  "  it  wasn't  the  length  of  the  way, 
at  all,  that  fatigued  me  :  'twas  the  breadth  of  it." 

A  poor  Irishman  offered  an  old  saucepan  for  sale.  His  chil- 
dren gathered  around  him  and  inquired  why  he  parted  with  it. 
"  Ah,  me  honeys,"  he  answered,  "  I  would  not  be  afther  part- 
ing with  it  but  for  a  little  money  to  buy  something'to  put  in  it." 

A  young  Irishman  who  had  married  when  about  nineteen 
years  of  age,  complaining  of  the  difficulties  to  which  his  early 
marriage  subjected  him,  said  he  would  never  marry  so  young 
again  if  he  lived  to  be  as  ould  as  Methuselah. 

In  an  Irish  provincial  paper  is  the  following  notice: — 
Whereas  Patrick  O'Connor  lately  left  his  lodgings,  this  is  io- 
give  notice  that  if  he  does  not  return  immediately  and  pay  for 
the  same,  he  will  be  advertised. 

"  Has  your  sister  got  a  son  or  a  daughter  ?"  asked  an  Irish- 
man of  a  friend.  "Upon  my  life,"  was  the  reply,  "I  don't' 
know  yet  whether  I'm  an  uncle  or  aunt." 

"  I  was  going,"  said  an  Irishman,  "over  Westminster  Bridge 
the  other  day,  and  I  met  Pat  Hewins.  '  Hewins,'  says  I,  'how 
are  you?'  'Pretty  well,'  says  he,  'thank  you,  Donnelly.' 
'  Donnelly  !'  says  I :  '  that's  not  my  name.'  '  Faith,  no  more  is 
mine  Hewins,'  says  he.  So  we  looked  at  each  other  again,  and 
sure  it  turned  out  to  be  nayther  of  us;  and  where's  the  bull 
of  that,  now?" 

R  22* 


258  HIBERNIANA. 

"India,  my  boy,"  said  an  Irish  officer  to  a  friend  on  his 
arrival  at  Calcutta,  "  is  the  finest  climate  under  the  sun ;  but  a 
lot  of  young  fellows  come  out  here  and  they  drink  and  they  eat, 
and  they  drink  and  they  die:  and  then  they  write  home  to 
their  parents  a  pack  of  lies,  and  say  it's  the  climate  that  has 
killed  them." 

In  the  perusal  of  a  very  solid  book  on  the  progress  of  the 
ecclesiastical  differences  of  Ireland,  written  by  a  native  of  that 
country,  after  a  good  deal  of  tedious  and  vexatious  matter,  the 
reader's  complacency  is  restored  by  an  artless  statement  how  an 
eminent  person  "  abandoned  the  errors  of  the  church  of  Rome, 
and  adopted  those  of  the  church  of  England." 

Here  is  an  American  Hibernicism,  which  is  entitled  to  full 
recognition: — Among  the  things  that  Wells  &  Fargo's  Express 
is  not  responsible  for  as  carriers  is  one  couched  in  the  following 
language  in  their  regulations:  "Not  for  any  loss  or  damage  by 
fire,  the  acts  of  God,  or  of  Indians,  or  any  other  public  enemies 
of  the  government.'1 

George  Selwyn  once  declared  in  company  that  a  lady  could 
not  write  a  letter  without  adding  a  postscript.  A  lady  present 
replied,  "  The  next  letter  that  you  receive  from  me,  Mr.  Selwyn, 
will  prove  that  you  are  wrong."  Accordingly  he  received  one 
from  her  the  next  day,  in  which,  after  her  signature  was  the 
following : — 

"P.  S.     Who  is  right,  now,  you  or  I?" 

The  two  subjoined  parliamentary  utterances  are  worthy  to 
have  emanated  from  Sir  Boyle  Roche: — 

"  Mr.  Speaker,  I  boldly  answer  in  the  affirmative — No." 
"Mr.  Speaker,  if  I  have  any  prejudice  against  the  honorable  member, 
it  is  in  his  favor." 

A   PAIR   OP   BULLS. 

When  my  lord  he  came  wooing  to  Miss  Ann  Thrope, 

He  was  then  a  "  Childe"  from  school; 
He  paid  his  addresses  in  a  trope, 

And  called  her  his  sweet  bul-bul: 
But  she  knew  not,  in  the  modern  scale,    , 

That  a  couple  of  bulls  was  a  nightingale. 


BLUNDERS.  259 


SLIPS   OP   THE   PRESS.  ' 

LORD  BROUGHAM  was  fond  of  relating  an  instance  which  was 
no  joke  to  the  victim  of  it.  A  bishop,  at  one  of  his  country 
visitations,  found  occasion  to  complain  of  the  deplorable  state  of 
a  certain  church,  the  roof  of  which  was  evidently  anything  but 
water-tight;  after  rating  those  concerned  for  their  neglect,  his 
lordship  finished  by  declaring  emphatically  that  he  would  not 
visit  the  damp  old  church  again  until  it  was  put  in  decent 
order.  His  horror  may  be  imagined  when  he  discovered  him- 
self reported  in  the  local  journal  as  having  declared:  "I  shall 
not  visit  this  damned  old  church  again."  The  bishop  lost  no 
time  in  calling  the  editor's  attention  to  the  mistake  ^whereupon 
that  worthy  set  himself  right  with  his  readers  by  stating  that 
he  willingly  gave  publicity  to  his  lordship's  explanation,  but  he 
had  every  confidence  in  the  accuracy  of  his  reporter.  The 
editor  of  an  evening  paper  could  hardly  have  had  similar  confi- 
dence in  his  subordinate  when  the  latter  caused  his  journal  to 
record  that  a  prisoner  had  been  sentenced  to  "four  months  im- 
prisonment in  the  House  of  Commons!"  In  this  case,  we 
fancy  the  reporter  must  have  been  in  the  same  exhilarated  con- 
dition as  his  American  brother,  who  ended  his  account  of  a  city 
banquet  with  the  frank  admission:  "It  is  not  distinctly  remem- 
bered by  anybody  present  who  made  the  last  speech!" 

In  a  poem  on  the  "  Milton  Gallery,"  by  Amos  Cottle,  the 
poet,  describing  the  pictures  of  Fuseli,  says: — 

"  The  lubber  fiend  outstretched  the  chimney  near, 
Or  sad  Ulysses  on  the  larboard  Steer." 

Ulysses  steered  to  the  larboard  to  shun  Charybdis,  but  the 
compositor  makes  him  get  upon  the  back  of  the  bullock,  the  left 
one  in  the  drove !  After  all,  however,  he  only  interprets  the 
text  literally.  "Steer,"  as  a  substantive,  has  no  other  meaning 


260  BLUNDERS. 

than  bullock.  The  substantive  of  the  verb  "to  steer"  is  steerage. 
"He  that  hath  the  steerage  of  my  course,"  says  Shakspeare. 
The  compositor  evidently  understood  that  Ulysses  rode  an  ox ; 
he  would  hardly  else  have  spelt  Steer  with  a  capital  S. 

The  following  paragraphs,  intended  to  have  been  printed 
separately,  in  a  Paris  evening  paper,  were  by  some  blunder  so 
arranged  that  they  read  consecutively : — 

Doctor  X.  has  been  appointed  head  physician  to  the  Hospital 
de  la  Charite.  Orders  have  been  issued  by  the  authorities  for 
the  immediate  extension  of  the  Cemetery  of  Mont  Parnasse. 
The  works  are  being  executed  with  the  utmost  dispatch. 

The  old  story  of  Dr.  Mudge  furnishes  one  of  the  most 
curious  cases  of  typographical  accident  on  record.  The  Doctor 
had  been  presented  with  a  gold-headed  cane,  and  the  same  week 
a  patent  pig-killing  and  sausage-making  machine  had  been  tried 
at  a  factory  in  the  place  of  which  he  was  pastor.  The  writer 
of  a  report  of  the  presentation,  and  a  description  of  the 
machine,  for  the  local  paper,  is  thus  made  to  "mix  things  mis- 
cellaneously:"— 

"  The  inconsiderate  Caxtonian  who  made  up  the  forms  of  the 
paper,  got  the  two  locals  mixed  up  in  a  frightful  manner;  and 
when  we  went  to  press,  something  like  this  was  the  appalling 
result:  Several  of  the  Rev.  Dr.  Mudge's  friends  called  upon 
him  yesterday,  and  after  a  brief  conversation,  the  unsuspicious 
pig  was  seized  by  the  hind  legs,  and  slid  along  a  beam  until  he 
reached  the  hot  water  tank.  His  friends  explained  the  object 
of  their  visit,  and  presented  him  with  a  very  handsome  gold- 
headed  butcher,  who  grabbed  him  by  the  tail,  swung  him 
round,  slit  his  throat  from  ear  to  ear,  and  in  less  than  a  minute 
the  carcass  was  in  the  water.  Thereupon  he  came  forward,  and 
said  that  there  were  times  when  the  feelings  overpowered  one ; 
and  for  that  reason  he  would  not  attempt  to  do  more  .than 
thank  those  around  him  for  the  manner  in  which  such  a  huge 
animal  was  cut  into  fragments  was  simply  astonishing.  The 


BLUNDERS.  261 

Doctor  concluded  his  remarks  when  the  machine  seized  him, 
and  in  less  time  than.it  takes  to  write  it,  the  pig  was  cut  into 
fragments  and  worked  up  into  delicious  sausages.  The  occasion 
will  long  be  remembered  by  the  Doctor's  friends  as  one  of  the 
most  delightful  of  their  lives.  The  best  pieces  can  be  procured 
for  tenpence  a  pound ;  and  we  aj*e  sure  that  those  who  have 
sat  so  long  under  his  ministry  will  rejoice  that  he  has  been 
treated  so  handsomely." 

SLIPS    OP   THE   TELEGRAPH. 

The  Prior  of  the  Dominican  Monastery  of  Voreppe,  in  France, 
recently  received  the  following  telegram: — "Father  Ligier  is 
dead  (est  morf);  we  shall  arrive  by  train  to-morrow,  at  three. — 
LABOREE."  The  ecclesiastic,  being  convinced  that  the  deceased, 
who  was  highly  esteemed  in  the  locality,  had  selected  it  for  his 
last  resting-place,  made  every  preparation.  A  grave  was  dug,  a 
hearse  provided,  and  with  the  monks,  a  sorrowing  crowd  waited 
at  the  station  for  the  train.  It  arrived,  andj  to  the  astonish- 
ment of  every  one,  the  supposed  defunct  alighted,  well  and 
hearty.  The  matter  was  soon  explained.  The  reverend  father, 
returning  from  a  visit  to  Rome,  where  he  had  been  accompanied 
by  the  priest  Laboree,  stopped  to  visit  some  monks  at  Saint- 
Jean-de-Maurienne,  and  requested  his  companion  to  telegraph 
the  return  to  his  monastery.  The  message  sent  was:  "Father 
Ligier  and  I  (et  mot)  will  arrive,"  &c.  The  clerks  inadvertent- 
ly changed  the  et  moi  into  est  rnort,  with  what  result  has 
already  been  told. 

A  firm  in  Cincinnati  telegraphed  to  a  correspondent  in  Cleve- 
land, as  follows: — "Cranberries  rising.  Send  immediately  one 
hundred  barrels  per  Simmons."  '  Mr.  Simmons  was  the  agent 
of  the  Cincinnati  house.  The  telegraph  ran  the  last  two 
words  together,  and  shortly  after,  the  firm  were  astonished  to 
find  delivered  at  their  store  one  hundred  barrels  of  per- 
simmons. 


262  BLUNDERS. 

SERIAL"  INCONSISTENCY. 

In  Mrs.  Oliphant's  interesting  story, of  "Onibra,"  there  is  a 
curious  contradiction  between  the  end  of  Chapter  XLV.  and 
the  beginning  of  Chapter  XLVI.  A  domestic  picture  is  given, 
an  interior,  with  the  characters  thus  disposed: — 

"One  evening,  when  Kate  was  at  home,  and,  as  usual,  ab- 
stracted over  a  book  in  a  corner ;  when  the  Berties  were  in  full 
possession,  one  bending  over  Onibra  at  the  piano,  one  talking 
earnestly  to  her  mother,  Francesca  suddenly  threw  the  door 
open,  with  a  vehemence  quite  unusual  to  her,  and  without  a 
word  of  warning — without  even  the  announcement  of  his  name 
to  put  them  on  their  guard — Mr.  Courtenay  walked  into  the 
room." 

Thus  ends  Chapter  XLV.,  and  thus  opens  Chapter  XLVI. : — 
"  The  scene  which  Mr.  Courtenay  saw  when  he  walked  in 
suddenly  to  Mrs.  Anderson's  drawing-room,  was  one  so  different 
in  every  way  from  what  he  had  expected  that  he  was  for  the 
first  moment  as  much  taken  aback  as  any  of  the  company. 
The  drawing-room,  which  looked  out  on  the  Lung' 
Arno,  was  not  small,  but  it  was  rather  low — not  much  more 
than  an  entresol.  There  was  a  bright  wood-fire  on  the  hearth, 
and  near  it,  with  a  couple  of  candles  on  a  small  table  by  her 
side,  sat  Kate,  distinctly  isolated  from  the  rest,  and  working 
diligently,  scarcely  raising  her  eyes  from  her  needle-work.  The 
centre-table  was  drawn  a  little  aside,  for  Ombra  had  found  it  too 
warm  in  front  of  the  fire ;  and  about  this  the  other  four  were 
grouped — Mrs.  Anderson,  working  too,  was  talking  to  one  of 
the  young  men ;  the  other  was  holding  silk,  which  Ombra  was 
winding;  a  thorough  English  domestic  party — such  a  family 
group  as  should  have  gladdened  virtuous  eyes  to  see.  Mr. 
Courtenay  looked  at  it  with  indescribable  surprise." 

MISTAKES    OP    MISAPPREHENSION. 

Soon  after  Louis  XIV.  appointed  Bossuet,  Bishop  of  Meaux, 
he  inquired  how  the  citizens  liked  their  new  Bishop,  to  which 


BLUNDERS.  263 

they  answered,  doubtfully :  "Pretty  well."  "But,"  asked  his 
Majesty,  "what  fault  do  you  find  with  him?"  "To  say  the 
truth,"  they  replied,  "we  should  have  preferred  a  Bishop  who 
had  finished  his  education;  for,  whenever  we  wait  upon  him, 
we  are  told  that  he  is  at  his  studies." 

There  lived  in  the  west  of  England,  a  few  years  since,  an 
enthusiastic  geologist,  who  was  presiding  'judge  of  the  Quarter 
Sessions.  A  farmer,  who  had  seen  him  presiding  on  the  bench, 
overtook  him  shortly  afterwards,  while  seated  by  the  roadside 
on  a  heap  of  stones,  which  he  was  busily  breaking  in  search  of 
fossils.  The  farmer  reined  up  his  horse,  gazed  at  him  for  a 
minute,  shook  his  head  in  commiseration  of  the  mutability  of 
human  things,  then  exclaimed,  in  mingled  tones  of  pity  and 
surprise:  "What,  your  Honor!  be  you  come  to  this  a'  ready?" 

Cottle,  in  his  Life  of  Coleridge,  relates  an  essay  at  grooming 
on  the  part  of  that  poet  and  Wordsworth.  The  servants  being 
absent,  the  poets  had  attempted  to  stable  their  horse,  and  were 
almost  successful.  With  the  collar,  however,  a  difficulty  arose. 
After  Wordsworth  had  relinquished  as  impracticable  the  effort 
to  get  it  over  the  animal's  head,  Coleridge  tried  his  hand,  but 
showed  no  more  grooming  skill  than  his  predecessor;  for,  after 
twisting  tne  poor  horse's  neck  almost  to  strangulation,  and  to 
the  great  danger  of  his  eyes,  he  gave  up  the  useless  task,  pro- 
nouncing that  the  horse's  head  must  have  grown  (gout  or 
drppsy)  since  the  collar  was  put  on,  for  he  said  it  was  downright 
impossibility  for  such  a  huge  os  frontis  to  pass  through  so 
narrow  a  collar !  Just  at  this  moment  a  servant  girl  came  up, 
and  turning  the  collar  upside  down,  slipped  it  off  without 
trouble,  to  the  great  humility  and  wonderment  of  the  poets,  who 
were  each  satisfied  afresh  that  there  were  heights  of  knowledge 
to  which  they  had  not  attained. 

BLUNDERS   OP   TRANSLATORS. 

A-  most  entertaining  volume  might  be  made  from  the  amusing 
and  often  absurd  blunders  perpetrated  by  translators.  For 


264  BLUNDERS. 

instance,  Miss  Cooper  tells  us  that  the  person  who  first  rendered 
her  father's  novel,  "The  Spy,"  into  the  French  tongue,  among 
other  mistakes,  made  the  following: — Headers  of  the  Revolu- 
tionary romance  will  remember  that  the  residence  of  the  Whar- 
ton  family  was  called  "The  Locusts."  The  translator  referred 
to  his  dictionary,  and  found  the  rendering  of  the  word  to  be 
Les  Sauterelles,  "The  Grasshoppers."  But  when  he  found 
one  of  the  dragoons  represented  as  tying  his  horse  to  one  of 
the  locusts  on  the  lawn,  it  would  appear  as  if  he  might  have 
been  at  fault.  Nothing  daunted,  however,  but  taking  it  for 
granted  that  American  grasshoppers  must  be  of  gigantic  dimen- 
sions, he  gravely  informs  his  readers  that  the  cavalryman 
secured  his  charger  by  fastening  the  bridle  to  one  of  the  grass- 
hoppers before  the  door,  apparently  standing  there  for  that 
purpose. 

Much  laughter  has  deservedly  been  raised  at  French  littera- 
teurs who  professed  to  be  "doctus  utriusque  linguse."  Gibber's 
play  of  "Love's  Last  Shift"  was  translated  by  a  Frenchman 
who  spoke  "Inglees"  as  "Le  Dernitre  Chemise  de  F  Amour;" 
Congreve's  "  Mourning  Bride,"  by  another,  as  "L'Epouse  du 
Matin;"  and  a  French  scholar  recently  included  among  his 
catalogue  of  works  on  natural  history  the  essay  on  "  Irish  Bulls," 
by  the  Edgeworths.  Jules  Janin,  the  great  critic,  in  his  trans- 
lation of  "Macbeth,"  renders  "Out,  out,  brief  candle!"  as 
"Sortez,  clianddlr."  And  another,  who  traduced  Shakspeare, 
commits  an  equally  amusing  blunder  in  rendering  Northumber- 
land's famous  speech  in  "Henry  IV."  In  the  passage 

"  Even  such  a  man,  so  faint,  so  spiritless, 
So  dull,  so  dead  in  look,  so  woe-begone." 

the  words  italicized  are  rendered,  "ainsi  douleur!  va-t'en!" — 
"so grief,  be  off  with  you!"  Voltaire  did  no  better  with  his 
translations  of  several  of  Shakspeare's  plays ;  in  one  of  which 
the  "myriad-minded"  makes  a  character  renounce  all  claim  to  a 
doubtful  inheritance,  with  an  avowed  resolution  to  carve  for 


BLUNDERS.  265 

himself  a  fortune  with  his  sword.  Voltaire  put  it  in  French, 
which,  retranslated,  reads,  "  What  care  I  for  lands  ?  With  my 
sword  I  will  make  a  fortune  cutting  meat." 

The  late  centennial  celebration  of  Shakspeare's  birthday  in 
England  called  forth  numerous  publications  relating  to  the 
works  and  times  of  the  immortal  dramatist.  Among  them  was 
a  new  translation  of  "  Hamlet,"  by  the  Chevalier  de  Chatelain, 
who  also  translated  Halleck's  "Alnwick  Castle,"  "  Burns,"  and 
"Marco  Bozzaris."  Our  readers  are,  of  course,  familiar  with 
the  following  lines  : — 

"  How  weary,  stale,  flat,  and  unprofitable 
Seem  to  me  all  the  uses  of  this  world ! 
Fie  on't !     Oh,  fie  !  'tis  an  unweeded  garden 
That  grows  to  seed ;  things  rank,  and  gross  in  nature, 
Possess  it  merely." 

The  chevalier,  less  successful  with  the  English  £han  with  the 
modern  American  poet,  thus -renders  them  into  French  : — 

" Fi  done!  fi  done  !   Ces  joura  qu'on  nous  montrons  superbea 
Sont  un  vilain  jardin  rempli  de  folles  herbes, 
Qui  donnent  de  I'ivraie,  et  certea  rien  de  plus 
Sice  n'est  lea  engins  du  cholera-morbua." 

Some  of  the  funniest  mistranslations  on  record  have  been 
bequeathed  by  Victor  Hugo.  Most  readers  will  remember  his 
rendering  of  a  peajacket  as  paletot  a  la  purfe  de  pois,  and  of 
the  Frith  of  Forth  as  le  ciiiquieme  de  le  quatrieme. 

The  French  translator  of  one  of  Sir  Walter  Scott's  novels, 
knowing  nothing  of  that  familiar  name  for  toasted  cheese, 
"  a  Welsh  rabbit,"  rendered  it  literally  by  "  tin  lapin  du  pays 
de,  Gattes"  or  a  rabbit  of  Wales,  and  then  informed  his  readers 
in  a  foot-note  that  the  lapins  or  rabbits  of  Wales  have  a  very 
superior  flavor,  and  are  very  tender,  which  cause  them  to  be  in 
great  request  in  England  and  Scotland.  A  writer  in  the 
Neapolitan  paper,  II  Giornale  della  due  Sicilie,  was  more 
ingenuous.  He  was  translating  from  an  English  paper  the 
account  of  a  man  who  killed  his  wife  by  striking  her  with  a 


266  MISQUOTATIONS. 

poker;  and  at  the  end  of  his  story  the  honest  journalist,  with 
a  modesty  unusual  in  his  craft,  said,  "JVb/i  sappiamo  per  certo 
se  questo  pokero  Inglese  sia  ww  strumento  domestico  o  bensi 
chirurgico" — "  We  are  not  quite  certain  whether  this  English 
poker  [pokcrd]  be  a  domestic  or  surgical  instrument." 

In  the  course  of  the  famous  Tichborne  trial,  the  claimant, 
when  asked  the  meaning  of  laus  Deo  semper,  said  it  meant 
"the  laws  of  God  forever,  or  permanently."  An  answer  not 
less  ludicrous  was  given  by  a  French  Sir  Roger,  who,  on 
being  asked  to  translate  numero  Deus  imparc  gaudet,  unhesita- 
tingly replied,  "Le  numero  deux  se  rejouit  d'etre  impair." 

Some  of  the  translations  of  the  Italian  operas  in  the 
librettos,  which  are  sold  to  the  audience,  are  ludicrous  enough. 
Take,  for  instance,  the  lines  in  Roberto  il  diavolo, — 

Egli  era,  dicessi 

Abitatore 

Del  tristo  Imperio. 

Which  some  smart  interpreter  rendered — 

"  For  they  say  he  was 
A  citizen  of  the  black  emporium." 


Jftisquotations. 

IN  Mr  Collins'  account  of  Homer's  Iliad,  in  Blackwood's 
Ancient  Classics  for  English  Readers,  occurs  the  following: — 

"  The  spirit  horsemen  who  rallied  the  Roman  line  in  the 

great  fight  with  the  Latins  at  Lake  Regillus,  the  shining  stars 
who  lighted  the  sailors  on  the  stormy  Adriatic,  and  gave  their 
names  to  the  ship  in  which  St.  Paul  was  cast  away." 

If  the  reader  will  take  the  trouble  to  refer  to  the  Acts  of  the 
Apostles,  xxviii,  11,  he  will  find,  that  the  ship  of  Alexandria, 
'•whose  sign  was  Castor  and  Pollux,"  was  not  the  vessel  in 
which  St.  Paul  was  shipwrecked  near  Malta,  but  the  ship  in 


MISQUOTATIONS.  267 

which  he  safely  voyaged  from  the  island  of  "the  barbarous 
people"  to  Puteoli  for  Home. 

The  misquotations  of  Sir  Walter  Scott  have  frequently  at- 
tracted attention.  One  of  the  most  unpardonable  occurs  in 
The  Heart  of  Mid-Lothian,  chapter  xlvii.: — 

"The  least  of  these  considerations  always  inclined  Butler  to 
measures  of  conciliation,  in  so  far  as  he  could  accede  to  them, 
without  compromising  principle ;  and  thus  our  simple  and  un- 
pretending heroine  had  the  merit  of  those  peacemakers,  to  whom 
it  is  pronounced  as  a  benediction,  that  they  shall  inherit  the 
earth" 

On  turning  to  the  gospel  of  Matthew,  v.  9,  we  find  that  the 
benediction  pronounced  upon  the  peacemakers  was  that  "  they 
shall  be  called  the  children  of  God."  It  is  the  meek  who  are  to 
"  inherit  the  earth,"  (ver.  5). 

Another  of  Scott's  blunders  occurs  in  Ivankoe.  The  date 
of  this  story  "  refers  to  a  period  towards  the  end  of  the  reign 
of  Richard  I."  (chap,  i.)  Kichard  died  in  1199.  Neverthe- 
less, Sir  Walter  makes  the  disguised  Wamba  style  himself  "a 
poor  brother  of  the  Order  of  St.  Francis,"  although  the  Order 
was  not  founded  until  1210,  and,  of  course,  the  saintship  of 
the  founder  had  a  still  later  date. 

Again  in  Waverley  (chap,  xii.)  he  puts  into  the  mouth  of 
Baron  Bradwardine  the  words  "  nor  would  I  utterly  accede  to 
the  objurgation  of  the  younger  Plinius  in  the  fourteenth  book 
of  his  Historia  Naturalis."  The  great  Roman  naturalist  whose 
thirty-seven  books  on  Natural  History  were  written  eighteen 
centuries  ago,  was  the  Elder  Pliny. 

Alison,  in  his  History  of  Europe,  speaks  of  the  Grand  Duke 
Constantine  of  Russia,  the  Viceroy  of  Poland,  as  the  son  of 
the  emperor  Paul  I.  and  the  celebrated  empress  Catherine. 
This  Catherine  was  the  mother  of  Paul,  and  wife  of  Peter  III., 
Paul's  father.  Constantino's  mother,  i.e.  Paul's  wife,  was  a 
princess  of  Wiirtemberg. 


268  MISQUOTATIONS. 

Another  of  Archibald's  singular  errors  is  his  translation  of 
droit  du  timbre  (stamp  duty)  into  "  timber  duties."  This  is  about 
as  sensible  as  his  quoting  with  approbation  from  De  Tocqueville 
the  false  and  foolish  assertion  that  the  American  people  are 
"  regardless  of  historical  records  or  monuments,"  and  that  future 
historians  will  be  obliged  "to  write  the  history  of  the  present 
generation  from  the  archives  of  other  lands."  Such  ignorance 
of  American  scholarship  and  research  and  of  the  vigorous 
vitality  of  American  Historical  Societies,  is  unpardonable. 

Disraeli  thus  refers  to  a  curious  blunder  in  Nagler's  Kunst- 
ler-Lexicon,  concerning  the  artist  Cruikshank: — 

Some  years  ago  the  relative  merits  of  George  Cruikshank 
and  his  brother  were  contrasted  in  an  English  Review,  and 
George  was  spoken  of  as  "the  real  Simon  Pure" — the  first 
who  had  illustrated  "  Scenes  of  Life  in  London."  Unaware  of 
the  real  significance  of  a  quotation  which  has  become  prover- 
bial among  us,  the  German  editor  begins  his  memoir  of  Cruik- 
shank by  gravely  informing  us  that  he  is  an  English  artist 
"whose  real  name  is  Simon  Pure!"  Turning  to  the  artists  un 
der  letter  P.  we  accordingly  read,  "Pure  (Simon),  the  real 
name  of  the  celebrated  caricaturist,  George  Cruikshank." 

This  will  remind  some  of  our  readers  of  the  index  which  re- 
fers to  Mr  Justice  Best.  A  searcher  after  something  or  other, 
running  his  eye  down  the  index  through  letter  B,  arrived  at  the 
reference  "  Best — Mr.  Justice — his  great  mind."  Desiring  to 
be  better  acquainted  with  the  particulars  of  this  assertion,  he 
turned  to  the  page  referred  to,  and  there  found,  to  his  entire 
satisfaction,  "Mr.  Justice  Best  said  he  had  a  great  mind  to 
commit  the  witness  for  prevarication." 

In  the  fourth  canto  of  Don  Juan,  stanza  CX.,  Byron  says: 

Oh,  darkly,  deeply,  beautifully  blue, 

As  some  one  somewhere  sings  about  the  sky. 

Byron  was  mistaken  in  thinking  his  quotation  referred  to  the 
sky.  The  line  is  in  Southey's  Madoc,  canto  V.,  and  describes 
fish.  A  note  intimates  that  dolphins  are  meant. 


FABRICATIONS.  269 

"  Though  in  blue  ocean  seen, 
Blue,  darkly,  deeply,  beautifully  blue, 
In  all  its  rich  variety  of  shades, 
Suffused  with  glowing  gold." 


^fabrications. 

THE   DESCRIPTION   OF   THE   SAVIOUR'S   PERSON. 

CHALMERS  charges  upon  Huarte  (a  native  of  French  Navarre) 
the  publication  (as  genuine  and  authentic)  of  the  Letter  of 
Lentulus  (the  Proconsul  of  Jerusalem)  to  the  Roman  Senate, 
describing  the  person  and  manners  of  our  Lord,  and  for  which, 
of  course,  he  deservedly  censures  him.  A  copy  of  the  letter  will 
be  found  in  the  chapter  of  this  volume  headed  I.  H.  S. 

A   CLEVER   HOAX   ON   SIR   WALTER   SCiOTT. 

The  following  passage  occurs  in  one  of  Sir  Walter  Scott's 
letters  to  Southey,  written  in  September,  1810: — 

A  witty  rogue,  the  other  day,  who  sent  me  a  letter  subscribed 
"  Detector,"  proved  me  guilty  of  stealing  a  passage  from  one 
of  Vida's  Latin  poems,  which  I  had  never  seen  or  heard  of; 
yet  there  was  so  strong  a  general  resemblance  as  fairly  to 
authorize  "  Detector's"  suspicion. 

Lockhart  remarks  thereupon : — 

The  lines  of  Vida  which  "  Detector"  had  enclosed  to  Scott, 
as  the  obvious  original  of  the  address  to  "  Woman,"  in  Mar- 
mion,  closing  with — 

"When  pain  and  anguish  wring  the  brow, 
A  ministering  angel  thou !" 

end  as  follows :  and  it  must  be  owned  that  if  Vida  had  really 
written  them,  a  more  extraordinary  example  of  casual  coinci- 
dence could  never  have  been  pointed  out. 
23* 


270  FABRICATIONS. 

"Cum  dolor  atque  supercilio  gravis  imminet  angor, 
Fungeris  angelico  sola  ministerio." 

"Detector's"  reference  is  Vida  ad  Eranen,  El.  ii.  v.  21;  but 
it  is  almost  needless  to  add  there  are  no  such  lines,  and  no  piece 
bearing  such  a  title  in  Vida's  works. 

It  was  afterwards  ascertained  that  the  waggish  author  of  this 
hoax  was  a  Cambridge  scholar  named  Drury. 

THE   MOON   HOAX. 

The  authorship  of  the  "  Moon  Hoax,"  an  elaborate  descrip- 
tion (which  was  first  printed  in  the  New  York  Sun)  of  men, 
animals,  &c.,  purporting  to  have  been  discovered  in  the  moon 
by  Sir  John  Herschel,  is  now  disputed.  Until  recently  it  was 
conceded  to  R.  A.  Locke,  now  dead ;  but  in  the  Budget  of  Para- 
doxes,  by  Professor  De  Morgan,  the  authorship  is  confidently 
ascribed  to  M.  Nicollet,  a  French  savant,  once  well  known  in 
this  country,  and  employed  by  the  government  in  the  scientific 
exploration  of  the  West.  He  died  in  the  government  service. 
Professor  De  Morgan  writes  as  follows : — "  There  is  no  doubt 
that  it  (the  '  Moon  Hoax')  was  produced  in  the  United  States 
by  M.  Nicollet,  an  astronomer  of  Paris,  and  a  fugitive  of  some 
kind.  About  him  I  have  heard  two  stories.  First,  that  he 
fled  to  America  with  funds  not  his  own,  and  that  this  book 
was  a  mere  device  to  raise  the  wind.  Secondly,  that  he  was  a 
protegi  of  Laplace,  and  of  the  Polignac  party,  and  also  an  out- 
spoken man.  The  moon  story  was  written  and  sent  to  France, 
with  the  intention  of  entrapping  M.  Arago — Nicollet's  especial 
foe — in  the  belief  of  it."  It  seems  not  to  have  occurred 
to  the  sage  and  critical  professor  that  a  man  who  could 
steal  funds,  would  have  little  scruple  about  stealing  a  lite- 
rary production.  It  is,  hence,  more  than  probable  that  Nicol- 
let translated  the  article  immediately  after  its  appearance  in 
the  New  York  Sun,  and  afterwards  sent  it  to  France  as  his 
own. 


FABRICATIONS.  271 

A    LITERARY    SELL. 

A  story  is  told  in  literary  circles  in  New  York  of  an  enthu- 
siastic Carlyle  Club  of  ladies  and  gentlemen  of  Cambridge  and 
Boston,  who  meet  periodically  to  read  their  chosen  prophet  and 
worship  at  his  shrine.  One  of  them,  not  imbued  with  suffi- 
cient reverence  to  teach  him  better,  feloniously  contrived  to 
have  the  reader  on  a  certain  evening  insert  something  of  his 
own  composition  into  the  reading,  as  though  it  came  from  the 
printed  page  and  Carlyle's  hand.  The  interpolation  was  as 
follows: — "  Word -spluttering  organisms,  in  whatever  place — 
not  with  Plutarchean  comparison,  apologies,  nay  rather,  without 
any  such  apologies — but  born  into  the  world  to  say  the  thought 
that  is  in  them — antiphoreal,  too,  in  the  main — butchers, 
bakers,  and  candlestick-makers;  men,  women,  pedants.  Verily, 
with  you,  too,  it's  now  or  never."  This  paragraph  produced 
great  applause  among  the  devotees  of  Carlyle.  The  leader 
of  the  Club  especially,  a  learned  and  metaphysical  pundit, 
who  is  the  great  American  apostle  of  Carlyle,  said  nothing 
Carlyle  had  ever  written  was  more  representative  and  happy. 
The  actual  author  of  it  attempted  to  ask  some  questions 
about  it,  and  elicit  explanations.  These  were  not  wanting, 
and,  where  they  failed,  the  stupidity  of-  the  questioner  was  the 
substitute  presumption,  delicately  hinted.  It  reminds  us  of 
Dr.  Franklin's  incident  in  his  life  of  Abraham,  which  he  used 
to  read  off  with  great  gravity,  apparently  from  an  open  Bible, 
though  actually  from  his  own  memory.  This  parable  is  proba- 
bly the  most  perfect  imitation  of  Scripture  style  extant. 

MRS.   HEMANS'S    "FORGERIES." 

A  gentleman  having  requested  Mrs.  Hemans  to  furnish  him 
with  some  authorities  from  the  old  English  writers  for  the  use  of 
the  word  l(  barb,"  as  applied  to  a  steed,  she  very  shortly  supplied 
him  with  the  following  imitations,  which  she  was  in  the  habit 
of  calling  her  "  forgeries."  The  mystification  succeeded  com- 
pletely,  and  was  not  discovered  for  some  time  afterwards : — 


272  FABRICATIONS. 

The  warrior  donn'd  his  well-worn  garb 

And  proudly  waved  his  crest; 
He  mounted  on  his  jet-black  barb 

And  put  his  lance  in  rest. 

PEKCT,  Reliquei. 

Eftsoons  the  wight  withouten  more  delay 

Spurr'd  his  brown  barb,  and  rode  full  swiftly  on  his  way. 

SPENSER. 

Hark !  was  it  not  the  trumpet's  voice  I  heard  ? 
The  soul  of  battle  is  awake  within  me ! 
The  fate  of  ages  and  of  empires  hangs 
On  this  dread  hour.     Why  am  I  not  in  arms? 
Bring  my  good  lance,  caparison  my  steed  ! 
Base,  idle  grooms !  are  ye  in  league  against  me  ? 
Haste  with  my  barb,  or  by  the  holy  saints, 
Ye  shall  not  live  to  saddle  him  to-morrow. 

MASSINGEB. 

No  sooner  had  the  pearl-shedding  fingers  of  the  young  Aurora  trem- 
ulously unlocked  the  oriental  portals  of  the  golden  horizon,  than  the 
graceful  flower  of  chivalry,  and  the  bright  cynosure  of  ladies  eyes — he  of 
the  dazzling  breast-plate  and  swanlike  plume —  sprang  impatiently  from 
the  couch  of  slumber,  and  eagerly  mounted  the  noble  barb  presented  to 
him  by  the  Emperor  of  Aspromontania. 

SIR  PHILIP  SIDNEY,  Arcadia. 

See'st  thou  yon  chief  whose  presence  seems  to  rule 
The  storm  of  battle  ?    Lo  !  where'er  he  moves 
Death  follows.     Carnage  sits  upon  his  crest- 
Fate  on  his  sword  is  throned —  and  his  white  barb, 
As  a  proud  courser  of  Apollo's  chariot, 
Seems  breathing  fire. 

POTTER,  JEschyltu. 
Oh  !  bonnie  looked  my  ain  true  knight, 

His  barb  so  proudly  reining  ; 

I  watched  him  till  my  tearfu'  sight 

Grew  amaist  dim  wi'  straining. 

Border  Minttrelsy. 

Why,  he  can  heel  the  lavolt  and  wind  a  fiery  barb  as  well  as  any  gallant 
in  Christendom.  He's  the  very  pink  and  mirror  of  accomplishment. 

SHAKSPBARB. 
Fair  star  of  beauty's  heaven !  to  call  thee  mine, 

All  other  joy's  I  joyously  would  yield; 
My  knightly  crest,  my  bounding  barb  resign 
For  the  poor  shepherd's  crook  and  daisied  field! 


FABRICATIONS.  273 

For  courts,  or  camps,  no  wish  my  soul  would  prove, 
So  thou  would'st  live  with  me  and  be  my  love. 

EARL  OP  SURREY,  Poems. 
For  thy  dear  love  my  weary  soul  hath  grown 
Heedless  of  youthful  sports  :  I  seek  no  more 
Or  joyous  dance,  or  music's  thrilling  tone, 
Or  joys  that  once  could  charm  in  minstrel  lore, 
Or  knightly  tilt  where  steel-clad  champions  meet, 
Borne  on  impetuous  barbs  to  bleed  at  beauty's  feet ! 

SHAKSPEARE,  Sonnets, 
As  a  warrior  clad 

In  sable  arms,  like  chaos  dull  and  sad, 
But  mounted  on  a  barb  as  white 
As  the  fresh  new-born  light, — 

So  the  black  night  too  soon 
Came  riding  on  the  bright  and  silver  moon 

Whose  radiant  heavenly  ark 
Made  all  the  clouds  beyond  her  influence  seem 

E'en  more  .than  doubly  dark, 
Mourning  all  widowed  of  her  glorious  beam. 

C<WLEY. 

SHERIDAN'S  GREEK. 

In  Anecdotes  of  Impudence,  we  find  this  curious  story : — 
Lord  Belgrave  having  clenched  a  speech  in  the  House  of  Com- 
mons with  a  long  Greek  quotation,  Sheridan,  in  reply,  admitted 
the  force  of  the  quotation  so  far  as  it  went;  "but"  said  he,  "if 
the  noble  Lord  had  proceeded  a  little  farther,  and  completed 
the  passage,  he  would  have  seen  that  it  applied  the  other  way!" 
Sheridan  then  spouted  something  ore  rotunda,  which  had  all  the- 
ais,  ois,  kons,  and  kois  that  give  the  world  assurance  of  a  Greek 
quotation :  upon  which  Lord  Belgrave  very  promptly  and  hand- 
somely complimented  the  honorable  member  on  his  readiness  of 
recollection,  and  frankly  admitted  that  the  continuation  of  the 
passage  had  the  tendency  ascribed  to  it  by  Mr.  Sheridan,  and 
that  he  had  overlooked  it  at  the  moment  when  he  gave  his 
quotation.  On  the  breaking  up  of  the  House,  Fox,  who  piqued 
himself  on  having  some  Greek,  went  up  to  Sheridan,  and  said, 
"  Sheridan,  how  came  you  to  be  so  ready  with  that  passage  ?  It 
certainly  is  as  you  state,  but  I  was  not  aware  of  it  before  you 


274  FABRICATIONS. 

quoted  it."     It  is  unnecessary  to   observe  that  there  was  no 
Greek  at  all  in  Sheridan's  impromptu. 

BALLAD  LITERATURE. 

John  Hill  Burton,  in  his  Book  Hunter,  after  speaking  of  the 
success  with  which  Surtus  imposed  upon  Sir  Walter  Scott  the 
spurious  ballad  of  the  Death  of  Featherstonhaugh,  which  has  a 
place  in  the  Border  Minstrelsy,  says: — 

Altogether,  such  affairs  create  an  unpleasant  uncertainty  about 
the  paternity  of  that  delightful  department  of  literature — our 
ballad  poetry.  Where  next  are  we  to  be  disenchanted  ?  Of  the 
way  in  which  ballads  have  come  into  existence,  there  is  one  sad 
example  within  my  own  knowledge.  Some  mad  young  wags, 
wishing  to  test  the  critical  powers  of  an  experienced  collector, 
sent  him  a  new-made  ballad,  which  they  had  been  enabled  to 
secure  only  in  a  fragmentary  form.  To  the  surprise  of  its  fabri- 
cator, it  was  duly  printed ;  but  what  naturally  raised  his  surprise 
to  astonishment,  and  revealed  to  him  a  secret,  was,  that  it  was 
no  longer  a  fragment,  but  a  complete  ballad, — the  collector,  in 
the  course  xof  his  industrious  inquiries  among  the  peasantry, 
having  been  so  fortunate  as  to  recover  the  missing  fragments ! 
It  was  a  case  where  neither  could  say  anything  to  the  other, 
though  Cato  might  wonder,  quod  non  rideret  haruspex, 
haruspicem  cum  vidisset.  This  ballad  has  been  printed  in 
more  than  one  collection,  and  admired  as  an  instance  of  the 
inimitable  simplicity  of  the  genuine  old  versions ! 

Psalmanazar  exceeded  in  powers  of  deception  any  of  the 
great  impostors  of  learning.  His  island  of  Formosa  was  an  illu- 
sion eminently  bold,  and  maintained  with  as  much  felicity  as 
erudition ;  and  great  must  have  been  that  erudition  which  could 
form  a  pretended  language  and  its  grammar,  and  fertile  the 
genius  which  could  invent  the  history  of  an  unknown  people. 
The  deception  was  only  satisfactorily  ascertained  by  his  own  peni- 
tential confession ;  he  had  defied  and  baffled  the  most  learned. 


FABRICATIONS.  275 

FRANKLIN'S  PARABLE. 

Dr.  Franklin  frequently  read  for  the  entertainment  of  com- 
pany, apparently  from  an  open  Bible,  but  actually  from  memory, 
the  folio  wing  chapter  in  favor  of  religious  toleration,  pretendedly 
quoted  from  the  Book  of  Genesis.  This* story  of  Abraham  and 
the  idolatrous  traveler  was  given  by  Franklin  to  Lord  Kainies 
as  a  "Jewish  Parable  on  Persecution,"  and  was  published  by 
Kaimes  in  his  Sketches  of  the  History  of  Man.  It  is  traced, 
not  to  a  Hebrew  author,  but  to  a  Persian  apologue.  Bishop 
Heber,  in  referring  to  the  charge  of  plagiarism,  raised  against 
Franklin,  says  that  while  it  cannot  be  proved  that  he  gave  it  to 
Lord  Kaimes  as  his  own  composition,  it  is  "  unfortunate  for  him 
that  his  correspondent  evidently  appears  to  have  regarded  it  as 
his  composition ;  that  it  had  been  published  as  such  in  all  the 
editions  of  Franklin's  collected  works  ;  and  that,  with  all  Frank- 
lin's abilities  and  amiable  qualities,  there  was  a  degree  of  quack- 
ery in  his  character  which,  in  this  instance  as  well  £s  that  of  his 
professional  epitaph  on  himself,  has  made  the  imputation  of  such 
a  theft  more  readily  received  against  him,  than  it  would  have 
been  against  most  other  men  of  equal  eminence." 

1.  And  it  came  to  pass  after  those  things,  that  Abraham  sat  in  the  door 
of  his  tent,  about  the  going  down  of  the  sun. 

2.  And  behold  a  man,  bowed  with  age,  came  from  the  way  of  the  wilder- 
ness, leaning  on  a  staff. 

3.  And  Abraham  arose,  and  met  him,  and  said  unto  him,  Turn  in,  I  pray 
thee,  and  warm  thy  feet,  and  tarry  all  night,  and  thou  shalt  arise  early  on 
the  morrow,  and  go  on  thy  way. 

4.  But  the  man  said,  Nay,  for  I  will  abide  under  this  tree. 

5.  And  Abraham  pressed  him  greatly ;  so  he  turned,  and  they  went  into 
the  tent;  and  Abraham  baked  unleavened  bread,  and  they  did  eat. 

6.  And  when  Abraham  saw  that  the  man  blessed  not  God,  he  said  unto 
him,  Wherefore  dost  thou  not  worship  the  most  High  God,  Creator  of  Heaven 
and  Earth  ? 

7.  And  the  man  answered  and  said,  I  do  not  worship  the  God  thou  speak - 
est  of,  neither  do  I  call  upon  his  name ;  for  I  have  made  to  myself  a  God, 
which  abideth  always  in  mine  house,  and  provideth  me  with  all  things. 

8.  And  Abraham's  zeal  was  kindled  against  the  man,  and  he  arose  and 
fell  upon  him,  and  drove  him  forth  into  the  wilderness. 


276  FABRICATIONS. 

9.  And  at  midnight  God  called  unto  Abraham,  saying,  Abraham,  where 
is  the  stranger? 

10.  And  Abraham  answered  and  said,  Lord,  he  would  not  worship  Thee, 
neither  would  he  call  upon  Thy  name;  therefore  have  I  driven  him  out 
from  before  my  face  into  the  wilderness. 

11.  And  God  said,  Have  I  borne  with  him  these  hundred  and  ninety  and 
eight  years,  and   nourished   him  and  clothed    him,  notwithstanding   his 
rebellion  against  Me ;  and  couldst  not  thou,  that  art  thyself  a  sinner,  bear 
with  him  one  night? 

12.  And  Abraham  said,  Let  not  the  anger  of  my  Lord  wax  hot  against 
His  servant:    Lo,  I  haved  sinned;  forgive  me,  I  pray  Thee. 

13.  And   he   arose,   and   went  forth   into   the  wilderness,  and   sought 
diligently  for  the  man,  and  found  him : 

14.  And  returned  with   him  to  his  tent;   and  when   he  had  entreated 
him  kindly,  he  sent  him  away  on  the  morrow  with  gifts. 

15.  And  God  spake  again  unto  Abraham,  saying,  For  this  thy  sin  shall 
thy  seed  be  afflicted  four  hundred  years  in  a  strange  land: 

16.  But  for  .thy  repentance  will  I  deliver  them ;   and  they  shall  come 
forth  with  power,  and  with  gladness  of  heart,  and  with  much  substance. 

THE   SHAKSPEARE   FORGERIES. 

In  1795-96  William  Henry  Ireland  perpetrated  the  remark- 
able Shakspeare  Forgeries  which  gave  his  name  such  infamous 
notoriety.  The  plays  of  "  Vortigern"  and  "  Henry  the  Second" 
were  printed  in  1799.  Several  litterateurs  of  note  were  deceived 
by  them,  and  Sheridan  produced  the  former  at  Drury  Lane 
theatre,  with  John  Kemble  to  take  the  leading  part.  The  total 
failure  of  the  play,  conjoined  with  the  attacks  of  Malone  and 
others,  eventually  led  to  a  conviction  and  forced  confession  of 
Ireland's  dishonesty.  For  an  authentic  account  of  the  Shak- 
speare Manuscripts  see  The  Confessions  of  W.  ff.  Ireland; 
Chalmers'  Apology  for  the  Believers  of  the  Shakspeare  Papers; 
Malone's  Inquiry  into  the  Authenticity,  &c  ;  Wilson's  Shakspe- 
riana;  Gentleman's  Magazine,  1796-97  \Eclectic  Magazine,  xvi. 
476.  One  of  the  original  manuscripts  of  Ireland,  that  of  Hen- 
ry the  Second,  has  been  preserved.  The  rascal  seems  to  have 
felt  but  little  penitence  for  his  fraud. 


INTERRUPTED  SENTENCES.  277 


Sentences. 

A  JUDGE,  reprimanding  a  criminal,  called  him  a  scoundrel. 
The  prisoner  replied :  "  Sir,  I  am  not  as  big  a  scoundrel  as  your 
Honor" — here  the  culprit  stopped,  but  finally  added — "takes 
me  to  be."  "Put  your  words  closer  together,"  said  the  Judge. 

A  lady  in  a  dry  goods  store,  while  inspecting  some  cloths, 
remarked  that  they  were  "part  cotton."  "  Madam,"  said  the 
shopman,  "  these  goods  are  as  free  from  cotton  as  your  breast 
is" — (the  lady  frowned)  he  added — "free  from  guile." 

A  lady  was  reading  aloud  in  a  circle  of  friends  a  letter  just 
received.  She  read,  "  We  are  in  great  trouble.  Poor  Mary  has 
been  confined" — and  there  she  stopped  for  that  was  the  last  word 
on  the  sheet,  and  the  next  sheet  had  dropped  and  fluttered  away, 
and  poor  Mary,  unmarried,  was  left  really  in  a  delicate  situation 
until  the  missing  sheet  was  found,  and  the  next  continued — "to 
her  room  for  three  days,  with  what,  we  fear,  is  suppressed  scarlet 
fever." 

To  all  letters  soliciting  his  "subscription"  to  any  object 
Lord  Erskine  had  a  regular  form  of  reply,  viz.: — "  Sir,  I  feel 
much  honored  by  your  application  to  me,  and  beg  to  subscribe" 
— here  the  reader  had  to  turn  over  the  leaf — "  myself  your  very 
obedient  servant." 

Much  more  satisfactory  to  the  recipient  was  Lord  Eldon's 
note  to  his  friend,  Dr.  Fisher,  of  the  Charter  House : — "  Dear 
Fisher — I  cannot  to  day  give  you  the  preferment  for  which  you 
ask.  Your  sincere  friend,  Eldon.  (  Turn  over} — I  gave  it  to 
you  yesterday." 

At  the  Virginia  Springs  a  Western  girl  name  Helen  was 
familiarly  known  among  her  admirers  as  Little  Hel.  At  a  party 
given  in  her  native  city,  a  gentlemnn,  somewhat  the  worse  for  his 
supper,  approached  a  very  dignified  young  lady  and  asked: 


278  INTERRUPTED  SENTENCES. 

"Where's  my  little  sweetheart?  You  know, — Little  Hel?" 
"Sir?"  exclaimed  the  lady,  "you  certainly  forgot  yourself." 
"Oh,"  said  he  quickly,  "you  interrupted  me;  if  you  had  let 
me  go  on  I  would  have  said  Little  Helen."  "I  beg  your 
pardon,"  answered  the  lady,  "when  you  said  Little  Hel,  I 
thought  you  had  reached  your  final  destination." 

The  value  of  an  explanation  is  finely  illustrated  in  the  old 
story  of  a  king  who  sent  to  another  king,  saying,  "  Send  me  a 

blue  pig  with  a  black  tail,  or  else ."     The  other,  in  high 

dudgeon  at  the  presumed  insult,  replied :  "  I  have  not  got  one, 

and  if  I  had ."     On  this  weighty  cause  they  went  to  war 

for  many  years.  After  a  satiety  of  glories  and  miseries,  they 
finally  bethought  them  that,  as  their  armies  and  resources  were 
exhausted,  and  their  kingdoms  mutually  laid  waste,  it  might  be 
well  enough  to  consult  about  the  preliminaries  of  peace;  but 
before  this  could  be  concluded,  a  diplomatic  explanation  was 
first  needed  of  the  insulting  language  which  formed  the  ground 
of  the  quarrel.  "What  could  you  mean,"  said  the  second  king 
to  the  first,  "  by  saying,  '  Send  me  a  blue  pig  with  a  black  tail, 

or  else ?'"     "Why,"  said  the  other,  "I  meant  a  blue  pig 

with  a  black  tail,  or  else  some  other  color.  But,"  retorted  he, 
"  what  did  you  mean  by  saying,  '  I  have  not  got  one,  and  if  I 

had ?'  "     "Why,  of  course,  if  I  had,  I  should  have  sent 

it."  An  explanation  which  was  entirely  satisfactory,  and  peace 
was  concluded  accordingly. 

It  is  related  of  Dr.  Mansel,  that  when  an  undergraduate  of 
Trinity  College,  Cambridge,  he  chanced  to  call  at  the  rooms  of 
a  brother  Cantab,  who  was  absent,  but  who  had  left  on  his 
table  the  opening  of  a  poem,  which  was  in  the  following  lofty 
strain  : — 

"  The  sun's  perpendicular  rays 

Illumine  the  depths  of  the  sea," 

Here  the  flight  of  the  poet,  by  some  accident,  stopped  short, 
but  Mansel,  who  never  lost  an  occasion  for  fun,  completed  the 
stanza  in  the  following  facetious  style : — 


INTERRUPTED  SENTENCES.  279 

"And  the  fishes  beginning  to  sweat, 

Cried,  '  Goodness,  how  hot  we  shall  be.' " 

That  not  very  brilliant  joke,  "  to  lie — under  a  mistake,"  is 
sometimes  indulged  in  by  the  best  writers.  Witness  the  follow- 
ing. Byron  says: — 

If,  after  all,  there  should  be  some  so  blind 
To  their  own  good  this  warning  to  despise, 

Led  by  some  tortuosity  of  mind 

Not  to  believe  my  verse  and  their  own  eyes, 

And  cry  that  they  the  moral  cannot  find, 
I  tell  him,  if  a  clergyman,  he  lies; 

Should  captains  the  remark,  or  critics  make, 

They  also  lie  too — under  a  mistake. 

Don  Juan,  Canto  I. 

Shelley,  in  his  translation  of  the  Magico  Prodigioso  of  Cal- 
deron,  makes  Clarin  say  to  Moscon: — 

You  lie — under  a  mistake —  * 

For  this  is  the  most  civil  sort  of  lie 
That  can  be  given  to  a  man's  face.     I  now 
Say  what  I  think. 

And  De  Quincey,  Milton  versus  Southey  and  Landor, 
says : — 

You  are  tempted,  after  walking  round  a  line  (of  Milton) 
threescore  times,  to  exclaim  at  last, — Well,  if  the  Fiend  himself 
should  rise  up  before  me  at  this  very  moment,  in  this  very 
study  of  mine,  and  say  that  no  screw  was  loose  in  that  line, 

then  would  I  reply:  "Sir,  with  due  submission,  you  are ." 

"What!"  suppose  the  Fiend  suddenly  to  demand  in  thunder, 
"  What  am  I  ?"  "  Horribly  wrong,"  you  wish  exceedingly  to 
say ;  but,  recollecting  that  some  people  are  choleric  in  argu- 
ment, you  confine  yourself  to  the  polite  answer — "  That,  with 
deference  to  his  better  education,  you  conceive  him  to  lie" — 
that's  a  bad  word  to  drop  your  voice  upon  in  talking  with  a 
friend,  and  you  hasten  to  add — "  under  a  slight,  a  very  slight 
mistake." 


280  INTERRUPTED   SENTENCES. 

Mr.  Montague  Mathew,  who  sometimes  amused  the  House  of 
Commons,  and  alarmed  the  Ministers,  with  his  brusquerie,  set 
an  ingenious  example  to  those  who  are  at  once  forbidden  to 
speak,  and  yet  resolved  to  express  their  thoughts.  There  was 
a  debate  upon  the  treatment  of  Ireland,  and  Mathew  having 
been  called  to  order  for  taking  unseasonable  notice  of  the  enormi- 
ties attributed  to  the  British  Government,  spoke  to  the  following 
effect : — "  Oh,  very  well ;  I  shall  say  nothing  then  about  the 
murders — (Order,  order!) — I  shall  make  no  mention  of  the 
massacres — (Hear,  hear!  Order!) — Oh,  well;  I  shall  sink  all 
allusion  to  the  infamous  half-hangings — (  Order,  order!  Chair  /) 

Lord  Chatham  once  began  a  speech  on  West  Indian  affairs, 
in  the  House  of  Commons,  with  the  words:  "Sugar,  Mr. 

Speaker "  and  then,  observing  a  smile  to  prevail  in  the 

audience,  he  paused,  looked  fiercely  around,  and  with  a  loud 
voice,  rising  in  its  notes,  and  swelling  into  vehement  anger,  he 
is  said  to  have  pronounced  again  the  word  "  Sugar !"  three  times  ; 
and  having  thus  quelled  the  House,  and  extinguished  every 
appearance  of  levity  or  laughter,  turned  around,  and  disdain- 
fully asked,  "  Who  will  laugh  at  sugar  now  ?" 

Our  legislative  assemblies,  under  the  most  exciting  circum- 
stances, convey  no  notion  of  the  phrenzied  rage  which  some- 
times agitates  the  French.  Mirabeau  interrupted  once  at  every 
sentence  by  an  insult,  with  "  slanderer,"  "  liar,"  "  assassin," 
"  rascal,"  rattling  around  him,  addressed  the  most  furious  of  his 
assailants  in  the  softest  tone  he  could  assume,  saying,  "  I  pause, 
gentlemen,  till  these  civilities  are  exhausted." 

Mr.  Marten,  M.  P.,  was  a  great  wit.  One  evening  he  de- 
livered a  furious  philippic  against  Sir  Harry  Vane,  and  when  he 
had  buried  him  beneath  a  load  of  sarcasm,  he  said  : —  "  But  as 

for  young  Sir  Harry  Vane "  and  so  sat  down.  The  House 

was  astounded.  Several  members  exclaimed :  "  What  have  you 
to  say  against  young  Sir  Harry  ?  "  Marten  at  once  rose  and  ad- 
ded :  "  Why,  if  young  Sir  Harry  lives  to  be  old,  he  will  be  old 
Sir  Harry." 


ECHO   VERSE.  281 


IBcfjo 

ADDISON  says,  in  No.  59  of  the  Spectator,  "  I  find  likewise 
in  ancient  times  the  conceit  of  making  an  Echo  talk  sensibly 
and  give  rational  answers.  If  this  could  be  excusable  in  any 
writer,  it  would  be  in  Ovid,  where  he  introduces  the  echo  as  a 
nymph,  before  she  was  worn  away  into  nothing  but  a  voice. 
(Met.  iii.  379.)  The  learned  Erasmus,  though  a  man  of  wit 
and  genius,  has  composed  a  dialogue  upon  this  silly  kind  of 
device,  and  made  use  of  an  echo  who  seems  to  have  been  an 
extraordinary  linguist,  for  she  answers  the  person  she  talks 
with  in  Latin,  Greek,  and  Hebrew,  according  as  she  found  the 
syllables  which  she  was  to  repeat  in  any  of  those  learned  lan- 
guages. Hudibras,  in  ridicule  of  this  false  kind  of  wit,  has 
described  Bruin  bewailing  the  loss  of  his  bear  to  a  solitary 
echo,  who  is  of  great  use  to  the  poet  in  several  distichs,  as  she 
does  not  only  repeat  after  him,  but  helps  out  his  verse  and 
furnishes  him  with  rhymes." 

Euripides  in  his  Andromeda — a  tragedy  now  lost — had  a 
similar  scene,  which  Aristophanes  makes  sport  with  in  his  Feast 
of  Ceres.  In  the  Greek  Anthology  (iii.  6)  is  an  epigram  of 
Leonidas,  and*  in  Book  IV.  are  some  lines  by  Guaradas,  com- 
mencing— 

a  AXU  $tXa  fOi  <rayKaraivsa6v  ri. — 0  TI; 
(Echo !  I  love :  advise  me  somewhat. — What  ?) 

The  French  bards  in  the  age  of  Marot  were  very  fond  of 
this  conceit.  Disraeli  gives  an  ingenious  specimen  in  his  Curi- 
osities of  Literature.  The  lines  here  transcribed  are  by  Joa- 
chim de  Bellay : — 

Qui  est  1'auteur  de  ces  maux  avenus  ? — Venus. 
Qu'Stois-je  avant  d'entrer  en  ce  passage? — Sage. 
Qu'est-ce  qu'aimer  et  se  plaindre  souvent? — Vent. 
Dis-moi  quelle  est  celle  pour  qui  j'endure  ? — Dure. 
Sent-elle  bien  la  douleur  qui  me  point? — Point. 
24* 


282  ECHO   VERSE. 

In  The  Progresses  of  Queen  Elizabeth  there  is  detailed  a 
masque,  which  was  enacted  for  her  Majesty's  pleasure,  in  which 
a  dialogue  was  held  with  Echo  "  devised,  penned,  and  pronounced 
by  Master  Gascoigne,  and  that  upon  a  very  great  sudden." 

Here  are  three  of  the  verses : — 

Well,  Echo,  tell  me  yet, 

How  might  I  come  to  see 
This  comely  Queen  of  whom  we  talk? 

Oh,  were  she  now  by  thee ! 

By  thee. 

By  me?  oh,  were  that  true, 

How  might  I  see  her  face? 
How  might  I  know  her  from  the  rest, 

Or  judge  her  by  her  grace  ? 
He 


Well,  then,  if  so  mine  eyes 

Be  such  as  they  have  been, 
Methinks  I  see  among  them  all 

This  same  should  be  the  Queen. 

The  Queen. 

LONDON   BEFORE   THE   RESTORATION. 

What  want'st  thou  that  thou  art  in  this  sad  taking? 

a  king. 
What  made  him  hence  move  his  residing? 

siding. 
Did  any  here  deny  him  satisfaction  ? 

factbn. 
Tell  me  whereon  this  strength  of  faction  lies? 

on  lies. 
What  didst  thou  do  when  King  left  Parliament  ? 

lament. 

What  terms  wouldst  give  to  gain  his  company? 

any. 

But  thou  wouldst  serve  him  with  thy  best  endeavor  ? 

ever. 
What  wouldst  thou  do  if  thou  couldst  here  behold  him? 

hold  him. 
But  if  he  comes  not,  what  becomes  of  London  ? 

undone. 


ECHO   VERSE.  283 

The  following  song  was  written  by  Addison : — 
Echo,  tell  me,  while  I  wander 

O'er  this  fairy  plain  to  prove  him, 
If  my  shepherd  still  grows  fonder, 
Ought  I  in  return  to  love  him  ? 

Echo. — Love  him,  love  him. 

If  he  loves,  as  is  the  fashion, 

Should  I  churlishly  forsake  him? 
Or,  in  pity  to  his  passion, 

Fondly  to  my  bosom  take  him  ? 

Echo. — Take  him,  take  him. 

Thy  advice,  then,  I'll  adhere  to, 

Since  in  Cupid's  chains  I've  led  him, 
And  with  Henry  shall  not  fear  to 

Marry,  if  you  answer,  "  Wed  him." 

Echo. — Wed  him,  wed  him. 

PASQUINADE. 

The  following  squib,  cited  by  Mr.  Motley  in  his  Dutch  Re* 
public,  from  a  MS.  collection  of  pasquils,  shows  Ihe  prevalent 
opinion  in  the  Netherlands  concerning  the  parentage  of  Don 
John  of  Austria  and  the  position  of  Barbara  Bloinberg : — 

— sod  at  Austriacum  nostrum  redeamus — eamus 

Ilunc  Cesaris  filium  esse  satis  est  notum — noturn 

Multi  tamen  de  ejus  patre  dubitavere — vere  > 

Cujus  ergo  filium  eum  dicunt  Itali — Itali 

Verum  mater  satis  est  nota  in  nostra  republica— publica 

Imo  hactenus  egit  in  Brabantia  ter  voere — hoere 

Crimen  est  ne  frui  amplexu  unius  Cesaris  tarn  generosi — osi 

Pluribus  ergo  usa  in  vita  est — ita  est 

Seu  post  Cesaris  congressum  non  vere  ante — ante 

Tace  garrula  ne  tale  quippiam  loquare — quare  ? 

Nescis  qua  poena  amciendum  dixerit  Belgium  insigne — igne,  Ac. 

THE    GOSPEL   ECHO. 

Found  in  a  pew  in  a  church  in  Scotland,  written  in  a  female  hand. 
True  faith  producing  love  to  God  and  man, 
Say,  Echo,  is  not  this  the  gospel  plan  ? 
Echo. — The  gospel  plan  ! 

Must  I  my  faith  in  Jesus  constant  show, 
By  doing  good  to  all,  both  friend  and  foe  ? 
Echo.— Both  friend  and  foe  1 


284  ECHO   VERSE. 

When  men  conspire  to  hate  and  treat  me  ill, 
Must  I  return  them  good,  and  love  them  still  ? 

Echo.— Love  them  still ! 
If  they  my  failings  causelessly  reveal, 
Must  I  their  faults  as  carefully  conceal  ? 

Echo. — As  carefully  conceal ! 
But  if  my  name  and  character  they  tear, 
And  cruel  malice  too,  too  plain  appear; 
And,  when  I  sorrow  and  affliction  know, 
They  smile,  and  add  unto  my  cup  of  woe; 
Say,  Echo,  say,  in  such  peculiar  case, 
Must  I  continue  still  to  love  and  bless? 

Echo.— Still  love  and  bless! 
Why,  Echo,  how  is  this  ?     Thou'rt  sure  a  dove: 
Thy  voice  will  leave  me  nothing  else  but  love  I 

Echo. — Nothing  else  but  love ! 
Amen,  with  all  my  heart,  then  be  it  so; 
And  now  to  practice  I'll  directly  go. 

Echo.— Directly  go! 

This  path  be  mine ;  and,  let  who  will  reject, 
My  gracious  God  me  surely  will  protect 

Echo. — Surely  will  protect ! 
Henceforth  on  him  I'll  cast  my  every  care, 
And  friends  and  foes,  embrace  them  all  in  prayer. 

Echo. — Embrace  them  all  in  prayer. 

ECHO   AND   THE   LOVER. 

LOVER. — Echo  !  mysterious  nymph,  declare 

Of  what  you're  made  and  what  you  are. 
ECHO.—  Air! 

LOVER.— Mid  airy  cliffs  and  places  high, 

Sweet  Echo  !  listening,  love,  you  lie — 
ECHO.—  You  lie ! 

LOVER. — Thou  dost  resuscitate  dead  sounds — 

Hark !  how  my  voice  revives,  resounds ! 
ECHO.—  Zounds ! 

LOVER. — 111  question  thee  before  I  go — 

Come,  answer  me  more  apropos ! 
ECHO.—  Poh!  poh! 

LOVER. — Tell  me,  fair  nymph,  if  e'er  you  saw 

So  sweet  a  girl  as  Phoabe  Shaw? 
ECHO.—  Pshaw ! 


ECHO    VERSE.  285 

LOVER. — Say,  what  will  turn  that  frisking  coney 

Into  the  toils  of  matrimony? 
ECHO.—  Money ! 

LOVER. — Has  Phoebe  not  a  heavenly  brow  ? 
Is  it  not  white  as  pearl — as  snow? 
ECHO. —  Ass!  no! 

LOVER. — Her  eyes !    Was  ever  such  a  pair? 

Are  the  stars  brighter  than  they  are? 
ECHO.—  They  are ! 

LOVER. — Echo,  thou  liest,  but  can't  deceive  me ; 

Her  eyes  eclipse  the  stars,  believe  me— 
ECHO. —  Leave  me ! 

LOVER.— But  come,  thou  saucy,  pert  romancer, 

Who  is  as  fair  as  Phoebe  ?  answer  ! 
ECHO. —  Ann,  sir. 


ECHO   ON   WOMAN. 
In  the  Doric  manner. 

These  verses  of  Dean  Swift  were  supposed,  bylhe  late  Mr. 
Reed,  to  have  been  written  either  in  imitation  of  Lord  Stir- 
ling's Aurora,  or  of  a  scene  of  Robert  Taylor's  old  play,  en- 
titled The  Hog  has  lost  his  Pearl 

SHEPHERD. — Echo,  I  ween,  will  in  the  woods  reply, 

And  quaintly  answer  questions.     Shall  I  try  ? 
ECHO. —  Try. 

SHEP.— What  must  we  do  our  passion  to  express? 
ECHO. —  Press. 

SHEP. — How  shall  I  please  her  who  ne'er  loved  before  ? 
ECHO. —  Be  fore. 

SHEP. — What  most  moves  women  when  we  them  address  ? 
ECHO. — i  A  dress. 

SHEP. — Say,  what  can  keep  her  chaste  whom  I  adore? 
ECHO. —  A  door. 

SHEP. — If  music  softens  rocks,  love  tunes  my  lyre. 
ECHO.—  Liar. 

SHEP. — Then  teach  me,  Echo,  how  shall  I  come  by  her  ? 
ECHO. —  Buy  her. 

SHEP. — When  bought,  no  question  I  shall  be  her  dear. 
ECHO. —  Her  deer. 

SHEP. — But  deer  have  horns  :  how  must  I  keep  her  under? 
ECHO. —  Keep  her  under. 


286  ECHO    VERSE. 

SHEP. — But  what  can  glad  me  when  she's  laid  on  bier? 
ECHO. —  Beer. 

SHEP. — What  must  I  do  when  women  will  be  kind  ? 
ECHO.—  Be  kind. 

SHEP. — What  must  I  do  when  women  will  be  cross  ? 
ECHO. —  Be  cross. 

SHEP. — Lord  !  what  is  she  that  can  so  turn  and  wind? 
ECHO.—  Wind. 

SHEP. — If  she  be  wind,  what  stills  her  when  she  blows  ? 
ECHO. —  Blows. 

SHEP. — But  if  she  bang  again,  still  should  I  bang  her  ? 
ECHO. —  Bang  her. 

SHEP. — Is  there  no  way  to  moderate  her  anger? 
ECHO. —  Hang  her. 

SHEP. — Thanks,  gentle  Echo  !  right  thy  answers  tell 
What  woman  is,  and  how  to  guard  her  well. 
ECHO. —  Guard  her  well. 

BONAPARTE   AND   THE   ECHO. 

The  original  publication  of  the  following  exposed  the  pub- 
lisher, Palm,  of  Nuremberg,  to  trial  by  court-martial.  He  was 
sentenced  to  be  shot  at  Braunau  in  1807, — a  severe  retribution 
for  a  few  lines  of  poetry. 

BONA. — Alone  I  am  in  this  sequestered  spot,  not  overheard. 

ECHO. — Heard. 

BONA.— 'Sdeath  !  Who  answers  me  ?  What  being  is  there  nigh  ? 

ECHO.— I. 

BONA. — Now  I  guess !     To  report  my  accents  Echo  has  made  her  task. 

ECHO.— Ask. 

BONA. — Knowest  thou  whether  London  will  henceforth  continue  to  resist? 

ECHO. — Resist. 

BONA. — Whether  Vienna  and  other  courts  will  oppose  me  always  ? 

ECHO. — Always. 

BONA. — Oh,  Heaven !  what  must  I  expect  after  so  many  reverses  ? 

ECHO. — Reverses. 

BONA. — What!  should  I,  like  coward  vile,  to  compound  be  reduced? 

ECHO.— Reduced. 

BONA. — After  so  many  bright  exploits  be  forced  to  restitution  ? 

ECHO. — Restitution. 

BONA. — Restitution  of  what  I've  got  by  true  heroic  feats  and  martial 

address  ? 
ECHO. — Yes. 

BONA. — What  will  be  the  end  of  so  much  toil  and  trouble  ? 
ECHO. — Trouble. 


ECHO   VERSE.  287 

BONA. — What  will  become  of  my  people,  already  too  unhappy? 

ECHO. — Happy. 

BONA. — What  should  I  then  be  that  I  think  mysolf  immortal  ? 

ECHO. — Mortal. 

BONA. — The  whole  world  is  filled  with  the  glory  of  my  name,  you  know. 

ECHO.— No. 

BONA. — Formerly  its  fame  struck  the  vast  globe  with  terror. 

ECHO.— Error. 

BONA. — Sad  Echo,  begone!  I  grow  infuriate!  I  die! 

ECHO. — Die!* 

EPIGRAM   ON   THE   SYNOD   OP   DORT. 

Dordrechti  synodus,  nodus;  chorus  integer,  aeger; 
Conventus,  ventus ;  sessio  stramen.     Amen  ! 

.Referring  to  the  extravagant  price  demanded  in  London,  in 
1831,  to  see  and  hear  the  Orpheus  .of  violinists,  the  Sunday 
Times  asked, — 

What  are  they  who  pay  three  guineas 
To  hear  a  tune  of  Paganini's? 

ECHO. — Pack  o'  njnnies. 

THE   CRITIC'S   EPIGRAMMATIC   EXCUSE. 

I'd  fain  praise  your  poem,  but  tell  me,  how  is  it, 
When  I  cry  out,  "  Exquisite,"  Echo  cries,  "  Quiz  it  1" 

ECHO   ANSWERING. 

What  must  be  done  to  conduct  a  newspaper  right? — Write. 
What  is  necessary  for  a  farmer  to  assist  him  ? — System. 
What  would  give  a  blind  man  the  greatest  delight  ?— Light. 
What  is  the  best  counsel  given  by  a  justice  of  the  peace  ? — Peace. 
Who  commit  the  greatest  abominations  ? — Nations. 
What  cry  is  the  greatest  terrifier? — Fire. 
What  are  some  women's  chief  exercise? — Sighs. 


*  Napoleon  himself,  (  Voice  from  St.  Helena,)  when  asked  about  the  exe- 
cution of  Palm,  said,  "All  that  I  recollect  is,  that  Palm  was  arrested  by 
order  of  Davoust,  and,  I  believe,  tried,  condemned,  and  shot,  for  having, 
while  the  country  was  in  possession  of  the  French  and  under  military 
occupation,  not  only  excited  rebellion  among  the  inhabitants  and  urged 
them  to  rise  and  massacre  the  soldiers,  but  also  attempted  to  instigate  the 
soldiers  themselves  to  refuse  obedience  to  their  orders  and  to  mutiny  against 
their  generals.  I  believe  that  he  met  with  a  fair  trial." 


288  ECHOES. 

REMARKABLE  ECHOES. 

An  echo  in  Woodstock  Park,  Oxfordshire,  repeats  seventeen 
syllables  by  day,  and  twenty  by  night.  One  on  the  banks  of 
the  Lago  del  Lupo,  above  the  fall  of  Terni,  repeats  fifteen. 
But  the  most  remarkable  echo  known  is  one  on  the  north  side 
of  Shipley  Church,  in  Sussex,  which  distinctly  repeats  twenty- 
one  syllables. 

'  In  the  Abbey  church  at  St.  Alban's  is  a  curious  echo.  The 
tick  of  a  watch  may  be  heard  from  one  end  of  the  church  to 
the  other.  In  Gloucester  Cathedral,  a  gallery  of  an  octagonal 
form  conveys  a  whisper  seventy-five  feet  across  the  nave. 

The  following  inscription  is  copied  from  this  gallery  : — 

Doubt  not  but  God,  who  sits  on  high, 

Thy  inmost  secret  prayers  can  hear ; 
When  a  dead  wall  thus  cunningly 
Conveys  soft  whispers  to  the  ear. 

In  the  Cathedral  of  Grirgenti,  in  Sicily,  the  slightest  whisper 
is  borne  with  perfect  distinctness  from  the  great  western  door  to 
the  cornice  behind  the  high  altar, — a  distance  of  two  hundred 
and  fifty  feet.  By  a  most  unlucky  coincidence,  the  precise 
focus  of  divergence  at  the  former  station  was  chosen  for  the 
place  of  the  confessional.  Secrets  never  intended  for  the  pub- 
lic ear  thus  became  known,  to  the  dismay  of  the  confessors, 
and  the  scandal  of  the  people,  by  the  resort  of  the  curious  to 
the  opposite  point,  (which  seems  to  have  been  discovered  acci- 
dentally,) till  at  length,  one  listener  having  had  his  curiosity 
somewhat  over-gratified  by  hearing  his  wife's  avowal  of  her 
own  infidelity,  this  tell-tale  peculiarity  became  generally  known, 
and  the  confessional  was  removed. 

In  the  whispering-gallery  of  St.  Paul's,  London,  the  faintest 
sound  is  faithfully  conveyed  from  one  side  to  the  other  of  the 
dome,  but  is  not  heard  at  any  intermediate  point. 

In  the  Manfroni  Palace  at  Venice  is  a  square  room  about 
twenty-five  feet  high,  with  a  concave  roof,  in  which  a  person 
standing  in  the  centre,  and  stamping  gently  with  his  foot  on  the 
floor,  hears  the  sound  repeated  a  great  many  times ;  but  as  his 
position  deviates  from  the  centre,  the  reflected  sounds  grow 


ECHOES.  289 

fainter,  and  at  a  short  distance  wholly  cease.  The  same  phe- 
nomenon occurs  in  the  large  room  of  the  Library  of  the 
Museum  at  Naples. 

EXTRAORDINARY   PACTS   IN   ACOUSTICS. 

An  intelligent  and  very  respectable  gentleman,  named  Ebene- 
zer  Snell,  who  is  still  living,  at  the  age  of  eighty  and  upwards, 
was  in  a  corn-field  with  a  negro  on  the  17th  of  June,  1776,  in 
the  township  of  Cummington,  Mass.,  one  hundred  and  twenty- 
nine  miles  west  of  Bunker  Hill  by  the  course  of  the  road,  and 
at  least  one  hundred  by  an  air-line.  Some  time  during  the 
day,  the  negro  was  lying  on  the  ground,  and  remarked  to 
Ebenezer  that  there  was  war  somewhere,  for  he  could  distinctly 
hear  the  cannonading.  Ebenezer  put  his  ear  to  the  ground, 
and  also  heard  the  firing  distinctly,  and  for  a  considerable  time. 
He  remembers  the  fact,  which  made  a  deep  impression  on  his 
mind,  as  plainly  as  though  it  was  yesterday. 

Over  water,  or  a  surface  of  ice,  sound  is  propagated  with  re- 
markable clearness  and  strength.  Dr.  Hutton  relates  that,  on 
a  quiet  part  of  the  Thames  near  Chelsea,  he  could  hear  a  per- 
son read  distinctly  at  the  distance  of  one  hundred  and  forty  feet, 
while  on  the  land  the  same  could  only  be  heard  at  seventy-six. 
Lieut.  Foster,  in  the  third  Polar  expedition  of  Capt.  Parry,  found 
that  he  could  hold  conversation  with  ajnan  across  the  harbor  of 
Port  Bowen,  a  distance  of  six  thousand  six  hundred  and  ninety<- 
eix  feet,  or  about  a  mile  and  a  quarter.  This,  however,  falls  short: 
of  what  is  asserted  by  Derham  and  Dr.  Young, — viz.,  that  at 
Gibraltar  the  human  voice  has  been  heard  at  the  distance  of 
ten  miles,  the  distance  across  the  strait. 

Dr.  Hearn,  a  Swedish  physician,  relates  that  he  heard  guns 
fired  at  Stockholm,  on  the  occasion  of  the  death  of  one  of.  the 
royal  family,  in  1685,  at  the  distance  of  thirty  Swedish  or  one 
hundred  and  eighty  British  miles. 

The  cannonade   of   a   sea-fight    between    the    English'  and 
Dutch,  in  1672,   was  heard  across  England  as  far  as  Shrews- 
bury, and  even  in  Wales,  a  distance  of  upwards  of  two  hundred 
miles  from  the  scene  of  action. 
T  25 


290  PUZZLES. 


THE  fastidiousness  of  mere  book-learning,  or  the  overween- 
ing importance  of  politicians  and  men  of  business,  may  be  em- 
ployed to  cast  contempt,  or  even  odium,  on  the  labor  which  is 
spent  in  the  solution  of  puzzles  which  produce  no  useful  know- 
ledge when  disclosed;  but  that  which  agreeably  amuses  both 
young  and  old  should,  if. not  entitled  to  regard,  be  at  least 
exempt  from  censure.  Nor  have  the  greatest  wits  of  this  and 
other  countries  disdained  to  show  their  skill  in  these  trifles. 
Homer,  it  is  said,  died  of  chagrin  at  not  being  able  to  expound  a 
riddle  propounded  by  a  simple  fisherman, — "  Leaving  what's 
taken,  what  we  took  not  we  bring."  Aristotle  was  amazingly 
perplexed,  and  Philetas,  the  celebrated  grammarian  and  poet  of 
Cos,  puzzled  himself  to  death  in  fruitless  endeavors  to  solve  the 
sophism  called  by  the  ancients  The  Liar : — "  If  you  say  of  your- 
self, '  I  lie,'  and  in  so  saying  tell  the  truth,  you  lie.  If  you 
say,  '  I  lie/  and  in  so  saying  tell  a  lie,  you  tell  the  truth." 
Dean  Swift,  who  could  so  agreeably  descend  to  the  slightest 
badinage,  was  very  fond  of  puzzles.  Many  of  the  best  riddles 
in  circulation  may  be  traced  to  the  sportive  moments  of  men 
of  the  greatest  celebrity,  who  gladly  seek  occasional  relaxation 
from  the  graver  pursuits  of  life,  in  comparative  trifles. 

Mrs.  Barbauld  says,  Finding  out  riddles  is  the  same  kind  of 
exercise  for  the  mind  as  running,  leaping,  and  wrestling  are  for 
the  body.  They  are  of  no  use  in  themselves ;  they  are  not 
work,  but  play ;  but  they  prepare  the  body,  and  make  it  alert 
and  active  for  any  thing  it  may  be  called  upon  to  perform.  So 
does  the  finding  out  good  riddles  give  quickness  of  thought, 
and  facility  for  turning  about  a  problem  every  way,  and  viewing 
it  in  every  possible  light. 

The  French  have  excelled  all  other  people  in  this  species  of 
literary  amusement.  Their  language  is  favorable  to  it,  and 
their  writers  have  always  indulged  a  fondness  for  it.  As  a 


PUZZLES.  .  291 

specimen  of  the  ingenuity  of  the  earlier  literati,  we  transcribe 
a  rebus  of  Jean  Marot,  a  favorite  old  priest,  and  valet-de- 
chambre  to  Francis  I.  It  would  be  inexplicable  to  most  readers 
without  the  version  in  common  French,  which  is  subjoined : — 

riant  fus  n'agueres 

En  pris 

t      D'une    o  affettee 

u     tile         s 

espoir  haite"e 

Quo  vent 

ai 
d 
Mais    fus     quand    pr    s'arnour    is 

ris 
Car     j'apper  ses    mignards 

que 
traits 

Etoient  d'amonr    mal    as 
6e 

riant 
En 
L'oeil 
Ecus    de    elle    a    pris 

moi 

maniere  rus6e  » 

te    me    nant 
Et  quand  je  veux  chez  elle  e  faire  e 

que 
Me  dit  to  y  us  mal  appris 

riant 
En 

RONDEAU. 

En  souriant  fus  n'agueres  surpris 
D'une  subtile  entree  tous  aSett6e, 
Que  sous  espoir  ai  souvent  souhaite"e, 
Mais  fus  decue,  quand  s'amour  entrepris ; 
Car  j'apperfus  que  ses  mignards  souris 
Etoient  soustraits  d'amour  mal  assured 

En  souriant. 

Ecus  soleil  dessus  moi  elle  a  pris, 
M'entretenant  sous  inanie're  ruse"e; 
Et  quand  je  veux  chez  elle  faire  entree, 
Me  dit  que  suis  entree  tous  mal  appris 
En  souriant 


292 


PUZZLES. 


BONAVAKTEAN   CYPHER. 

The  following  is  a  key   to  the  cypher  in  which   Napoleon 
Bonaparte  carried  on  his  private  correspondence  : — 


A 
B 

a 

b 

c 

d 

e 

f 

g 

h 

u 

i 
w 

k 

X 

1 
y 

m 
z 

C 
D 

a 

z 

b 

n 

c 
0 

d 

P 

e 

q 

f 

g 

h 

•i 

k 

i 

m 

y 

E 

F 

a 

y 

b 

/. 

e 

D 

d 

0 

e 
P 

f 

q 

g 

r 

h 

a 

i 

t 

k 

11 

i 

W 

m 

X 

G 
II 

h 

i 

k 

i 

m 

I 
K 

a 

b 

c 

d 

e 

f 

g 

h 

i 

k 

i 

m 

L 
M 

a 
u 

b 
w 

c 

X 

d 

y 

e 

z 

f 

n 

g 

0 

h 
P 

i 

q 

k 

r 

i 

s 

m 

t 

N 
0 

a 

b 

c 

d 

e 

f 

g 

h 

i 

k 

1 

m 

*       P 

5 

a 

8 

b 

t 

c 
u 

d 
w 

e 

X 

f 

y 

g 
z 

h 
n 

i 
o 

k 
P 

1 
q 

m 
r 

R 

S 

a 

b 

c* 

d 

e 

f 

g 
y 

h 
z 

i 
n 

k 

0 

i 
p 

m 

q 

T 
U 

q 

r 

S 

t 

u 

f 

w 

g 

X 

h 

y 

i 
z 

k 
n 

i 

0 

m 
P 

W 
X 

a 
P 

b 

q 

c 

r 

d 

s 

e 
t 

f 

u 

g 

w 

h 

X 

i 

y 

k 
z 

1 

n 

m 
o 

m 
n 

naparte 
of  one 

Y 
Z 

The 
to  the 
or  mor 

a 
o 

sub 
Fret 
e  pe 

b 
p 

oine 
ch  a 
rsons 

c 

q 

a  is 

rmy 
in  a 

d 

e 

f 

g 

h 

i 

k 

y 

fron 
he  h 
e  ser 

1 
z 

i  Bo 

ands 
vice 

a  proclamation,  in  cypher, 
;  a  copy  of  which  was  in  t 
Imost  every  regiment  in  th 

PROCLAMATION. 

Neyiptwhklmopenclziuwicetttklmeprtgzkp 

Achwhrdpkdabkfntzimepunggwyingftgq 

Efdesronwxqfkzxbchqnfmysnqangopolfa 

PmmfampabJarwccqznauruvzskqdknh 

Hihydghbailxdfqkngtxyogwrlnlwtoy 

Pbcizopbgairfgkpzawrwlqipdgacrkff 

mwzfcrgpech. 


PUZZLES.  293 

The  same  deciphered  by  means  of  the  table  and  key : — 

"  Francais !  votre  pays  e"toit  trahi ;  votre  Empereur  seul  peut  vous  ro- 
mcttre  dans  la  position  splendide  que  convient  a  la  France.  Donnez  toute 
votre  confiance  a,  celui  qui  vous  a  toujours  conduit  a  la  gloire.  Ses  aigles 
pleniront  encore  en  1'air  et  dtonneront  les  nations." 

Frenchmen  !  your  country  was  betrayed ;  your  Emperor  alone  can  replace 
you  in  the  splendid  state  suitable  to  France.  Give  your  entire  confidence 
to  him  who  has  always  led  you  to  glory.  His  eagles  will  again  soar  on 
high  and  strike  the  nations  with  astonishment. 

The  key  (which,  it  will  be  seen,  may  be  changed  at  pleasure) 
was  in  this  instance  "  La  France  et  ma  famille,"  France  and 
my  family.  It  is  thus  used  : — 

L  being  the  first  letter  of  the  key,  refer  to  that  letter  in  the 
first  column  of  the  cypher  in  capitals ;  then  look  for  the  letter  f, 
which  is  the  first  letter  of  the  proclamation,  and  that  letter 
which  corresponds  with/  being  placed  underneath,  viz.,  n,  is 
that  which  is  to  be  noted  down.  To  decipher  the  proclama- 
tion, of  course  the  order  of  reference  must  be  inverted,  by 
looking  for  the  corresponding  letter  to  n  in  the  division  oppo- 
site that  letter  L  which  stands  in  the  column. 

CASE   FOR   THE   LAWYERS. 

X.  Y.  applies  to  A.  B.  to  become  a  law  pupil,  offering  to  pay 
him  the  customary  fee  as  soon  as  he  shall  have  gained  his  first 
suit  in  law.  To  this  A.  B.  formally  agrees,  and  admits  X.  Y. 
to  the  privileges  of  a  student.  Before  the  termination  of  X. 
Y.'s  pupilage,  however,  A.  B.  gets  tired  of  waiting  for  his 
money,  and  determines  to  sue  X.  Y.  for  the  amount.  He  rea- 
sons thus : — If  I  gain  this  case,  X.  Y.  will  be  compelled  to  pay 
me  by  the  decision  of  the  court;  if  I  lose  it,  he  will  have  to 
pay  me  by  the  condition  of  our  contract,  he  having  won  his 
first  law-suit.  But  X.  Y.  need  not  be  alarmed  when  he  learns 
A.  B.'s  intention,  for  he  may  reason  similarly.  He  may  say, — 
If  I  succeed,  and  the  award  of  the  court  is  in  my  favor,  of 
course  I  shall  not  have  to  pay  the  money  ;  if  the  court  decides 
against  me,  I  shall  not  have  to  pay  it,  according  to  the  terms  of 
our  contract,  as  I  shall  not  yet  have  gained  my  first  suit  in  law. 
Vive  la  logique. 

25* 


294  PUZZLES. 

SIR  ISAAC  NEWTON'S  RIDDLE. 

Four  persons  sat  down  at  a  table  to  play, 

They  played  all  that  night  and  part  of  next  day. 

It  must  be  observed  that  when  they  were  seated, 

Nobody  played  with  them,  and  nobody  betted; 

When  they  rose  from  the  place,  each  was  winner  a  guinea. 

Now  tell  me  this  riddle,  and  prove  you're  no  ninny. 

COWPER'S  RIDDLE. 

I  am  just  two  and  two,  I  am  warm,  I  am  cold, 
And  the  parent  of  numbers  that  cannot  be  told  j 
I  am  lawful,  unlawful, — a  duty,  a  fault, 
I  am  often  sold  dear,  good  for  nothing  when  bought, 
An  extraordinary  boon,  and  a  matter  of  course, 
And  yielded  with  pleasure — when  taken  by  force. 

CANNING'S  RIDDLE. 

There  is  a  word  of  plural  number, 
A  foe  to  peace  and  human  slumber : 
Now,  any  word  you  chance  to  take, 
By  adding  S,  you  plural  make  ; 
But  if  you  add  an  S  to  this, 
How  strange  the  metamorphosis ! 
Plural  is  plural  then  no  more, 
And  sweet,  what  bitter  was  before. 

THE   PRIZE   ENIGMA. 

The  following  enigma  was  found  in  the  will  of  Miss  Anna 
Seward  (the  Swan  of  Lichfield),  with  directions  to  pay  £50  to 
the  person  who  should  discover  the  solution.  When  competi- 
tion for  the  prize  was  exhausted,  it  was  discovered  to  be  a  cur- 
tailed copy  of  a  rebus  published  in  the  Gentleman's  Magazine, 
March,  1757,  and  at  that  time  attributed  to  Lord  Chesterfield. 

The  noblest  object  in  the  works  of  art, 

The  brightest  scenes  which  nature  can  impart ; 

The  well-known  signal  in  the  time  of  peace, 

The  point  essential  in  a  tenant's  lease ; 

The  farmer's  comfort  as  he  drives  the  plough, 

A  soldier's  duty,  and  a  lover's  vow ; 

A  contract  made  before  the  nuptial  tie, 

A  blessing  riches  never  can  supply ; 


PUZZLES.  295 

A  spot  that  adds  new  charms  to  pretty  faces, 
An  engine  used  in  fundamental  cases  ; 
A  planet  seen  between  the  earth  and  sun, 
A  prize  that  merit  never  yet  has  won; 
A  loss  which  prudence  seldom  can  retrieve, 
The  death  of  Judas,  and  the  fall  of  Eve; 
A  part  between  the  ankle  and  the  knee, 
A  papist's  toast,  and  a  physician's  fee  ; 
A  wife's  ambition,  and  a  parson's  dues, 
A  miser's  idol,  and  the  badge  of  Jews. 
If  now  your  happy  genius  can  divine 
The  correspondent  words  in  every  line, 
By  the  first  letter  plainly  may  be  found 
An  ancient  city  that  is  much  renowned. 

QUINCY'S   COMPARISON. 

Josiah  Quincy,  in  the  course  of  a  speech  in  Congress  in 
1806,  on  the  embargo,  used  the  following  language  : — 

They  who  introduced  it  abjured  it.  They  who  advocated  it 
did  not  wish,  and  scarcely  knew,  its  use.  And  ngw  that  it  is 
said  to  be  extended  over  us,  no  man  in  this  nation,  who  values 
his  reputation,  will  take  his  Bible  oath  that  it  is  in  effectual 
and  legal  operation.  There  is  an  old  riddle  on  a  coffin,  which 
I  presume  we  all  learned  when  we  were  boys,  that  is  as  perfect 
a  representation  of  the  origin,  progress,  and  present  state  of 
this  thing  called  non-intercourse,  as  it  is  possible  to  be  con- 
ceived : — 

There  was  a  man  bespoke  a  thing, 

Which  when  the  maker  home  did  bring, 

That  same  maker  did  refuse  it, — 

The  man  that  spoke  for  it  did  not  use  it, — 

And  he  who  had  it  did  not  know 

Whether  he  had  it,  yea  or  no. 

True  it  is,  that  if  this  non-intercourse  shall  ever  be,  in 
reality,  subtended  over  us,  the  similitude  will  fail  in  a  material 
point.  The  poor  tenant  of  the  coffin  is  ignorant  of  his  state. 
But  the  people  of  the  United  States  will  be  literally  buried 
alive  in  non-intercourse,  and  realize  the  grave  closing  on  them- 
selves and  on  their  hopes,  with  a  full  and  cruel  consciousness 
of  all  the  horrors  of  their  condition. 


296  PUZZLES. 

SINGULAR  INTERMARRIAGES. 

There  were  married  at  Durham,  Canada  East,  an  old  lady  and 
gentleman,  involving  the  following  interesting  connections: — 

The  old  gentleman  is  married  to  his  daughter's  husband's 
mother-in-law,  and  his  daughter's  husband's  wife's  mother. 
And  yet  she  is  not  his  daughter's  mother ;  but  she  is  his  grand- 
children's grandmother,  and  his  wife's  grandchildren  are  his 
daughter's  step-children.  Consequently  the  old  lady  is  united 
in  the  bonds  of  holy  matrimony  and  conjugal  affection  to  her 
daughter's  brother-in-law's  father-in-law,  and  her  great-grand- 
children's grandmother's  step-father;  so  that  her  son-in-law 
may  say  to  his  children,  Your  grandmother  is  married  to  my 
father-in-law,  and  yet  he  is  not  your  grandfather;  but  he  is 
your  grandmother's  son-in-law's  wife's  father.  This  gentle- 
man married  his  son-in-law's  father-in-law's  wife,  and  lie  is 
bound  to  support  and  protect  her  for  life.  His  wife  is  his 
son-in-law's  children's  grandmother,  and  his  son-in-law's  grand 
children's  great-grandmother. 

A  Mr.  Harwood  had  two  daughters  by  his  first  wife,  the 
eldest  of  whom  was  married  to  John  Coshick ;  this  Coshick 
had  a  daughter  by  his  first  wife,  whom  old  Harwood  married, 
and  by  her  he  had  a  son ;  therefore,  John  Coshick's  second 
wife  could  say  as  follows  : — 

My  father  is  my  son,  and  I'm  my  mother's  mother ; 

My  sister  is  my  daughter,  and  I'm  grandmother  to  my  brother. 

PROPHETIC   DISTICH. 

In  the  year  1531,  the  following  couplet  was  found  written  on 
the  wall  behind  the  altar  of  the  Augustinian  monastery  at 
Gotha,  when  the  building  was  taken  down  : — 

MC  quadratum,  LX  quoque  duplicatum, 

ORAPS  peribit  et  Hiiss  Wiclefque  redibit. 

MC  quadratum  is  MCCCC,  i.e.  1400.  LX  duplicatum  is 
LLXX,  i.e.  120  =  1520.  ORAPS  is  an  abbreviation  for  ora 
pro  nobis  (pray  for  us).  The  meaning  is,  that  in  the  sixteenth 
century  praying  to  the  saints  will  cease,  and  Huss  and  Wickliffe 
will  again  be  recognized. 


PUZZLES.  297 


THE    NUMBER   OP   THE   BEAST. 
VICABIVS  FILII  DEI. 


=  666. 

Among  the  curious  things  extant  in  relation  to  Luther  is  the 
covert  attempt  of  an  ingenious  theological  opponent  to  make 
him  the  apocalyptic  beast  or  antichrist  described  in  Revelation 
eh.  xiii.  The  mysterious  number  of  the  beast,  "  six  hundred 
threescore  and  six,"  excited  the  curiosity  of  mankind  at  a  very 
early  period,  particularly  that  of  Irengeus,  in  the  second  cen- 
tury, who  indulged  in  a  variety  of  shrewd  conjectures  on  the 
subject.  But  after  discovering  the  number  in  several  names, 
he  modestly  says,  "  Yet  I  venture  not  to  pronounce  positively 
concerning  the  name  of  antichrist,  for,  had  it  been  intended  to 
be  openly  proclaimed  to  the  present  generation,  it  would  have 
been  uttered  by  the  same  person  who  saw  the  revelation."  A 
later  expositor,  Fevardent,  in  his  Notes  on  Irenaeus,  adds  to 
the  list  the  name  of  Martin  Luther,  which,  he  says,  was  origi- 
nally written  Martin  Lauter.  "In  itio  vocabatur  Martin  Lauter," 
says  Fevardent  ;  "  cujus  nominis  literas  si  Pythagorice  et  ratione 
subducas  et  more  Hebrseorum  et  Graecorum  alphabet!  crescat 
numerus,  primo  monadum,  deinde  decadum,  hinc  centuriarum, 
numerus  nominis  Bestiaa,  id  est,  666,  tandem  perfectum  com- 
peries.  hoc  pacto." 

M  30  L  20 

A  1  A  1 

R  80  IT  200 

T  100  T  100 

I  9  E  5 

N  40  R  80 

Total,  666. 

It  is  but  just  to  Fevardent,  however,  to  observe  that  he  sub- 
sequently gave  the  preference  to  Maometis. 

GALILEO'S  LOGOGRAPH. 

Galileo  was  the  first  to  observe  a  peculiarity  in  the  planet 
Saturn,  but  his  telescope  had  not  sufficient  refractive  power  to 
separate  the  rings.  It  appeared  to  him  like  three  bodies  ar- 


298  PUZZLES. 

ranged  in  the  same  straight  line,  of  which  the  middle  was  the 
largest,  thus,  <O°  .  He  announced  his  discovery  to  Kepler 
under  the  veil  of  a  logograph,  which  sorely  puzzled  his  illustrious 
cotemporary.  This  is  not  to  be  wondered  at,  for  it  ran — 

Smasmrmiluiepoetalevmibvnienvgttaviras. 
Restoring  the  transposed  letters  to  their  proper  places,  we 
have  the  following  sentence  : — 

Altissimum  planetam  tergeminum  observavi. 
(I  have  observed  the  most  distant  planet  to  be  threefold.) 

PERSIAN   RIDDLES. 
Between  a  thick-set  hedge  of  bones, 
A  small  red  dog  now  barks,  now  moans. 

„;  anSaoj  auamq  y  » 

—'Sana  jaAtsuu  aqj 

A  soul  above  it, 
And  a  soul  below, 
With  leather  between, 
And  swift  it  doth  go. 
•8[ppu.qs-B  uura  qjtM.  'es-ioq  UQ 
92ppm  u  si  aaiisuu  eq^ 

CHINESE  TEA   SONG. 

Punch  has  favored  the  world  with  the  following  song,  sung 
before  her  Britannic  Majesty  by  a  Chinese  lady.  It  looks  rather 
difficult  at  first ;  but  if  the  reader  studies  it  attentively,  he  will 
see  how  easy  it  is  to  read  Chinese  : — 

Ohc  ometo  th  ete  asho  pwit  hme, 

Andb  uya  po  undo  f  thebe  st, 
'Twillpr  oveam  ostex  cellentt  ea, 

Itsq  ua  lit  yal  Iwi  lla  tte  st 
'Tiso  nlyf  oursh  illi  ngs  apo  und, 

Soc  omet  othet  eama  rtan  dtry, 
Nob  etterc  anel  sewh  erebefou  nd, 

Ort  hata  nyoth  er  needb  uy. 

DEATH   AND   LIFE. 

cur          f  w  d  dis        and  p 

A        sed        lend        rought        eath        ease        ain. 

bles         fr  b  br  and          ag 


PUZZLES.  299 

THE  REBUS. 

Ben  Jonson,  in-  his  play  The  Alchemist,  takes  an  opportunity 
oF  ridiculing  the  Rebus,  among  the  other  follies  of  his  day 
which  he  so  trenchantly  satirizes.  When  Abel  Drugger,  the 
simple  tobacconist,  applies  to  the  impostor  Subtle  to  invent  for 
him  a  sign-board  that  will  magically  attract  customers  to  his 
shop,  the  cheat  says  to  his  confederate,  in  presence  of  their 
admiring  dupe, — 

I  will  have  his  name 

Formed  in  some  mystic  character,  whose  radii, 

Striking  the  senses  of  the  passers-by, 

Shall,  by  a  virtual  influence,  breed  affections 

That  may  result  upon  the  party  owns  it. 

As  thus :     He  first  shall  have  a  bell — that's  Abel; 

And  by  it  standing  one  whose  name  is  Dee, 

In  a  rug  gown  ;  there's  D  and  rug — that's  Drug ; 

And  right  anenst  him  a  dog  snarling  er — 

There's  Drugger.     ABEL  DRUGGER,  that's  his  sign, 

And  here's  now  mystery  and  hieroglyphic. 

A  motto  of  the  Bacon  family  in  Somersetshire  has  an  inge- 
nious rebus, — 

PROB  A-CONSCIENTIA  ; 

the  capitals,  thus  placed,  giving  it  the  double  reading,  Proba 
conscientia,  and  Pro  Bacon  Scientia. 

*  WHAT   IS    IT? 

A  Headless  man  had  a  letter  to  write  j 
'Twas  read  by  one  who  lost  his  Sight  j 
The  Dumb  repeated  it  word  for  word, 
And  he  was  Deaf  who  listened  and  heard. 

THE   BOOK   OF   RIDDLES. 

The  Book  of  Riddles  alluded  to  by  Shakspeare  in  the  Merry 
Wives  of  Windsor  (Act  I.  sc.  1)  is  mentioned  by  Laneham, 
1575,  and  in  the  English  Courtier,  1586;  but  the  earliest  edi- 
tion of  this  popular  collection  now  preserved  is  dated  1629.  It 
is  entitled  The  Booke  of  Merry  Riddles,  together  with  proper 
Questions  and  witty  Proverbs  to  make  pleasant  pastime;  no 
less  usefull  then  lehovefull  for  any  yong  man  or  child,  to  know 


300  PUZZLES. 

if  lie  1e  quick-witted  or  no.     The  following  extract  from  this 
very  rare  work  will  be  found  interesting.         * 

Here  beginneth  the  first  Riddle. 

Two  legs  sat  upon  three  legs,  and  had  one  leg  in  her  hand ; 
then  in  came  foure  legs,  and  bare  away  one  leg ;  then  up  start 
two  legs,  and  threw  three  legs  at  foure  legs,  and  brought  again 
one  leg. 

Solution. — That  is,  a  woman  with  two  legs  sate  on  a  stoole 
with  three  legs,  and  had  a  leg  of  mutton  in  her  hand ;  then 
came  a  dog  that  hath  foure  legs,  and  bare  away  the  leg  of  mut- 
ton ;  then  up  start  the  woman,  and  threw  the  stoole  with  three 
legs  at  the  dog  with  foure  legs,  and  brought  again  the  leg  of 
mutton. 

The  Second  Riddle. 
He  went  to  the  wood  and  caught  it, 
He  sate  him  down  and  sought  it ; 
Because  he  could  not  finde  it, 
Home  with  him  he  brought  it. 

Solution. — That  is  a  thorne :  for  a  man  went  to  the  wood 
and  caught  a  thorne  in  his  foote,  and  then  he  sate  him  downe, 
and  sought  to  have  it  pulled  out,  and  because  he  could  not  find 
it  out,  he  must  needs  bring  it  home. 

The  iii.  Riddle. 

What  work  is  that,  the  faster  ye  worke,  the  longer  it  is  ere  ye 

have  done,  and  the  slower  ye  worke,  the  sooner  ye  make  an  end  ? 

Solution. — That  is  turning  of  a  spit ;  for  if  ye  turne  fast,  it 

will  be  long  ere  the  meat  be  rested,  but  if  ye  turne  slowly,  the 

sooner  it  is  rested. 

The  iv.  Riddle. 

What  is  that  that  shineth  bright  all  day,  and  at  night  is 
raked  up  in  its  own  dirt  ? 

Solution. — That  is  the  fire,  that  burneth  bright  all  the  day, 
and  at  night  is  raked  up  in  his  ashes. 
The  v.  Riddle. 

I  have  a  tree  of  great  honour, 

Which  tree  beareth  both  fruit  and  flower; 


PUZZLES.  301 

Twelve  branches  this  tree  hath  nake, 
Fifty  [«tc]  nests  therein  he  make, 
And  every  nest  hath  birds  seaven; 
Thanked  be  the  King  of  Heaven  ; 
And  every  bird  hath  a  divers  name : 
How  may  all  this  together  frame  ? 

Solution. — The  tree  is  the  yeare  ;  the  twelve  branches  be  the 
twelve  months;  the  fifty-two  nests  be  the  fifty-two  weekes;  the 
seven  birds  be  the  seven  days  in  the  weeke,  whereof  every  one 
hath  a  divers  name. 

BISHOP  WILBERFORCE'S  PUZZLE. 

All  pronounce  me  a  wonderful  piece  of  mechanism,  and  yet 
few  people  have  numbered  the  strange  medley  of  which  I  am 
composed.  I  have  a  large  box  and  two  lids,  two  caps,  two 
musical  instruments,  a  number  of  weathercocks,  three  established 
measures,  some  weapons  of  warfare,  and  a  great  many  little 
articles  that  carpenters  cannot  do  without;  then  I  have  about 
me  a  couple  of  esteemed  fishes,  and  a  great  many  of  a  smaller 
kind ;  two  lofty  trees,  and  the  fruit  of  an  indigenous  plant ;  a 
handsome  stag,  and  a  great  number  of  a  smaller  kind  of  game ; 
two  halls  or  places  of  worship,  two  students  or  rather  scholars, 
the  stairs  of  a  hotel,  and  half  a  score  of  Spanish  gentlemen 
to  attend  on  me.  I  have  what  is  the  terror  of  the  slave,  also 
two  domestic  animals,  and  a  number  of  negatives." 

REPLY.— "Chest— eye-lids— kneecaps— drum  of  the  ear— veins— hand,  foot,  nail- 
arms— nails— soles  of  the  feet— muscles— palms— apple— heart  (hart)— hairs  (hares) 
temples— pupils— insteps— tendons  (ten  Dons)— lashes— calves— nose  (no's.)" 

CURIOSITIES   OP   CIPHER. 

IN  1680,  when  M.de  Louvoiswas  French  Minister  of  War, 
he  summoned  before  him  one  day,  a  gentleman  named  Cha- 
milly,  and  gave  him  the  following  instructions : — 

"  Start  this  evening  for  Basle,  in  Switzerland,  which  you  will 
reach  in  three  days ;  on  the  fourth,  punctually  at  two  o'clock, 
station  yourself  on  the  bridge  over  the  Rhine,  with  a  portfolio, 


302  PUZZLES. 

ink,  and  a  pen.  Watch  all  that  takes  place,  and  make  a  memoran- 
dum of  every  particular.  Continue  doing  so  for  two  hours ;  have 
a  carriage  and  post-horses  await  you;  and  at  four  precisely, 
mount  and  travel  night  and  day  till  you  reach  Paris.  On  the 
instant  of  your  arrival,  hasten  to  me  with  your  notes." 

De  Chamilly  obeyed;  he  reaches  Basle,  and  on  the  day,  and 
at  the  hour  appointed,  stations  himself,  pen  in  hand,  on  the 
bridge.  Presently  a  market^cart  drives  by,  then  an  old  woman 
with  a  basket  of  fruit  passes;  anon,  a  little  urchin  trundles 
his  hoop  by;  next  an  old  gentlemen  in  blue  top-coat  jogs  past 
on  his  gray  mare.  Three  o'clock  chimes  from  the  cathedral- 
tower.  Just  at  the  last  stroke,  a  tall  fellow  in  yellow  waistcoat 
and  breeches  saunters  up,  goes  to  the  middle  of  the  bridge, 
lounges  over,  and  looks  at  the  water;  then  he  takes  a  step  back 
and  strikes  three  hearty  blows  on  the  footway  with  his  staff. 
Down  goes  every  detail  in  De  Chamilly's  book.  At  last  the 
hour  of  release  sounds,  and  he  jumps  into  his  carriage.  Shortly 
before  midnight,  after  two  days  of  ceaseless  traveling,  De 
Chamilly  presented  himself  before  the  Minister,  feeling  rather 
ashamed  at  having  such  trifles  to  record.  M.  de  Louvois  took 
the  portfolio  with  eagerness,  and  glanced  over  the  notes.  As 
his  eye  caught  the  mention  of  the  yellow-breeched  man,  a  gleam 
of  joy  flashed  across  his  countenance.  He  rushed  to  the  king, 
roused  him  from  sleep,  spoke  in  private  with  him  for  a  few 
moments,  and  then  four  couriers,  who  had  been  held  in  readiness 
since  five  on  the  preceding  evening,  were  dispatched  with  haste. 
Eight  days  after  the  town  of  Strasbourg  was  entirely  surrounded 
by  French  troops,  and  summoned  to  surrender ;  it  capitulated 
and  threw  open  its  gates  on  the  30th  September,  1681.  Evi- 
dently the  three  strokes  of  the  stick  given  by  the  fellow  in 
yellow  costume,  at  an  appointed  hour,  were  the  signal  of  the 
success  of  an  intrigue  concerted  between  M.  de  Louvois  and 
the  magistrates  of  Strasbourg,  and  the  man  who  executed  this 
mission  was  as  ignorant  of  the  motive  as  was  M.  de  Chamilly 
of  the  motive  of  his  errand. 


PUZZLES.  303 

Now  this  is  a  specimen  of  the  safest  of  all  secret  communi- 
cations; but  it  can  only  be  resorted  to  on  certain  rare  occasions. 
When  a  lengthy  dispatch  is  required  to  be  forwarded,  and  when 
such  means  as  those  given  above  are  out  of  the  question,  some 
other  method  must  be  employed.  Herodotus  gives  us  a  story 
to  the  point;  it  is  found  also,  with  variations,  in  Aulus 
Gellius:— 

"  Histiaeus,  when  he  was  anxious  to  give  Aristagoras  orders 
to  revolt,  could  find  but  one  safe  way,  as  the  roads  were  guarded, 
of  making  his  wishes  known ;  which  was  by  taking  the  trustiest 
of  his  slaves,  shaving  all  the  hair  from  off  his  head,  and  then 
pricking  letters  upon  the  skin,  and  waiting  till  the  hair  grew 
again.  This  accordingly  he  did ;  and  as  soon  as  ever  the  hair 
was  grown,  he  dispatched  the  man  to  Miletus,  giving  him  no 
other  message  than  this :  '  When  thou  art  come  to  Miletus,  bid 
Aristagoras  shave  thy  head,  and  look  thereon.'  Now  the  marks 
on  the  head  were  a  command  to  revolt." — (Bk.  V.  35.) 

Is  this  case  no  cipher  was  employed.  We  shall  come  now  to 
the  use  of  ciphers. 

When  a  dispatch  or  communication  runs  great  risk  of  falling 
into  the  hands  of  the  enemy,  it  is  necessary  that  its  contents 
should  be  so  veiled  that  the  possession  of  the  document  may 
afford  him  no  information  whatever.  Julius  Caesar  and  Augustus 
used  ciphers,  but  they  were  of  the  utmost  simplicity,  as  they 
consisted  merely  in  placing  D  in  the  place  of  A ;  E  in  that  of 
B  and  so  on ;  or  else  in  writing  B  for  A,  and  C  for  B,  &c. 

Secret  characters  were  used  at  the  Council  of  Nicaea;  and 
Rabanus  Maurus,  Abbot  of  Fulda  and  Archbishop  of  Mayence, 
in  the  Ninth  Century,  has  left  us  an  example  of  two  ciphers,  the 
key  to  which  was  discovered  by  the  Benedictines.  It  is  only  a 
wonder  that  any  one  could  have  failed  to  unravel  them  at  the 
first  glance.  This  is  a  specimen  of  the  first: — 

.Nc.p.tv:rs:.:sB::nf:c..:rch.gl::r::s.q:.::m: 
rt.r.s 


304  PUZZLES. 

The  clue  to  this  is  the  suppression  of  the  vowels  and  the 
filling  of  their  places  by  dots — one  for  i,  two  for  a,  three  for  e, 
four  for  o,  and  five  for  u.  In  the  second  example,  the  same 
sentence  would  run — Knckpkt  vfrsxs  Bpnkf  bckk,  &c.,  the  vowel 
places  being  filled  by  the  consonants — b,  f,  k,  p,  x.  By  chang- 
ing every  letter  in  the  alphabet,  we  make  a  vast  improvement 
on  this  last ;  thus,  for  instance,  supplying  the  place  of  a  with  z, 
b  with  x,  c  with  v,  and  so  on.  This  is  the  very  system  employed 
by  an  advertiser  in  a  provincial  paper,  which  we  took  up  the 
other  day  in  the  waiting-room  of  a  station,  where  it  had  been 
left  by  a  farmer.  As  we  had  some  minutes  to  spare,  before  the 
train  was  due,  we  spent  them  in  deciphering  the  following: — 

Jp  Sjddjzbrza  rzdd  ci  sijmr.  Bziw  rzdd  xrndzt,  and  in  ten 
minutes  we  read:  "If  William  can  call  or  write,  Mary  will  be 
glad." 

When  the  Chevalier  de  Rohan  was  in  the  Bastile  his  friends 
wanted  to  convey  to  him  the  intelligence  that  his  accomplice 
was  dead  without  having  confessed.  They  did  so  by  passing 
the  following  words  into  his  dungeon  written  on  a  shirt:  "Mg 
dulhxecclgu  ghj  yxuj  ;  1m  ct  ulge  alj."  In  vain  did  he  puzzle 
over  the  cipher,  to  which  he  had  not  the  clue.  It  was  too 
short;  for  the  shorter  a  cipher  letter,  the  more  difficult  it  is  to 
make  out.  The  light  faded,  and  he  tossed  on  his  hard  bed, 
sleeplessly  revolving  the  mystic  letters  in  his  brain;  but  he 
could  make  nothing  out  of  them.  Day  dawned,  and  with  its 
first  gleam  he  was  poring  over  them ;  still  in  vain.  He  pleaded 
guilty,  for  he  could  not  decipher  "  Le  prisonnier  est  mort;  il 
n'a  rien  dit." 

A  curious  instance  of  cipher  occured  at  the  close  of  the 
sixteenth  century,  when  the  Spaniards  were  endeavoring  to 
establish  relations  between  the  scattered  branches  of  their  vast 
monarchy,  which  at  that  period  embraced  a  large  portion  of 
Italy,  the  Low  Countries,  the  Philippines,  and  enormous  districts 
in  the  New  World.  They  accordingly  invented  a  cipher,  which 
they  varied  from  time  to  time,  in  order  to  disconcert  those  who 


PUZZLES.  305 

might  attempt  to  pry  into  the  mysteries  of  their  correspondence. 
The  cipher,  composed  of  fifty  signs,  was  of  great  value  to  them 
through  all  the  troubles  of  the  "  Ligue,"  and  the  wars  then 
desolating  Europe.  Some  of  their  dispatches  having  been  in- 
tercepted, Henry  IV.  handed  them  over  to  a  clever  mathe- 
matician, Viete,  with  the  request  that  he  would  find  the  clue. 
He  did  so,  and  was  able  also  to  follow  it  as  it  varied,  and 
France  profited  for  two  years  by  his  discovery.  The  Court  of 
Spain,  disconcerted  at  this,  accused  Viete  before  the  Roman 
Court  as  a  sorcerer  and  in  league  with  the  devil.  This  proceed- 
ing only  gave  rise  to  laughter  and  ridicule. 

A  still  more  remarkable  instance  is  that  of  a  German  profes- 
sor, Herman,  who  boasted,  in  1752,  that  he  had  discovered  a 
cryptograph  absolutely  incapable  of  being  deciphered  without 
the  clue  being  given  by  him;  and  he  defied  all  the  savants  and 
learned  societies  of  Europe  to  discover  the  key.  However,  a 
French  refugee,  named  Beguelin,  managed  after  eight  daya* 
study  to  read  it.  The  cipher — though  we  have  the  rules  upon 
which  it  is  formed  before  us — is  to  us  perfectly  unintelligible-- 
It is  grounded  on  some  changes  of  numbers  and  symbols; 
the  numbers  vary,  being  at  one  time  multiplied,  at  another 
added,  and  become  so  complicated  that  the  letter  e,  which 
occurs  nine  times  in  the  paragraph,  is  represented  in  eight 
different  ways;  n  is  used  eight  times,  and  has  seven  various, 
signs.  Indeed,  the  same  letter  is  scarcely  ever  represented 
by  the  same  figure.  But  this  is  not  all ;  the  character  which 
appears  in  the  place  of  i  takes  that  of  n  shortly  after;  another 
symbol  for  n  stands  also  for  t.  How  any  man  eould^  have: 
solved  the  mystery  of  this  cipher  is  astonishing. 

All  these  cryptographs  consist  in  the  exchange  of  numbers 
of  characters  for  the  real  letters ;  but  there  are  other  methods 
quite  as  intricate,  which  dispense  with  them. 

The  mysterious  cards   of  the   Count   de  Vergennes   are   an 
instance.      De  Vergennes   was   Minister   of    Foreign   Affairs  ' 
U  26* 


306  PUZZLES. 

under  Louis  XVI.,  and  he  made  use  of  cards  of  a  peculiar 
nature  in  his  relations  with  the  diplomatic  agents  of  France. 
These  cards  were  used  in  letters  of  recommendation  or  pass- 
ports, which  were  given  to  strangers  about  to  enter  France; 
they  were  intended  to  furnish  information  without  the 
knowledge  of  the  bearers.  This  was  the  system.  The  card 
given  to  a  man  contained  only  a  few  words,  such  as : — 

ALPHONSE  D'ANGEHA, 
Recommande  a  Monsieur 

le  Comte  de  Vergennes,  par  le  Marquis  de  Puysegur,  Ambassadeur 
de  France  a  la  Cour  de  Lisbonne. 

The  card  told  more  tales  than  the  words  written  on  it.  Its 
color  indicated  the  nation  of  the  stranger.  Yellow  showed 
him  to  be  English;  red,  Spanish;  white,  Portuguese;  green, 
Dutch ;  red  and  white,  Italian ;  red  and  green,  Swiss ;  green 
and  white,  Russian;  &c.  The  person's  age  was  expressed  by 
the  shape  of  the  card.  If  it  were  circular,  he  was  under 
25 ;  oval,  between  25  and  30 ;  octagonal,  between  30  and  45  ; 
hexagonal,  between  45  and  50 ;  square,  between  50  and  60 ; 
an  oblong  showed  that  he  was  over  60.  Two  lines  placed 
below  the  name  of  the  bearer  indicated  his  build.  If  he  were 
tall  and  lean,  the  lines  were  waving  and  parallel ;  tall  and  stout, 
they  converged;  and  so  on.  The  expression  of  his  face  was 
shown  by  a  flower  in  the  border.  A  rose  designated  an  open 
and  amiable  countenance,  whilst  a  tulip  marked  a  pensive  and 
aristocratic  appearance.  A  fillet  round  the  border,  according 
to  its  length,  told  whether  he  were  bachelor,  married,  or 
widower.  Dots  gave  information  as  to  his  position  and  fortune. 
A  full  stop  after  his  name  showed  that  he  was  a  Catholic ;  a 
semicolon;  that  he  was  a  Lutheran ;  a  comma,  that  he  was  a 
Calvinist ;  a  dash,  that  he  was  a  Jew ;  no  stop  indicated  him  an 
Atheist.  So  also  his  morals  and  character  were  pointed  out  by 
a  pattern  in  the  card.  So,  at  one  glance  the  Minister  could 
tell  all  about  his  man,  whether  he  were  a  gamester  or  a  duelist ; 
"what  was  his  purpose  in  visiting  France;  whether  in  search 


PUZZLES.  307 


of  a  wife  or  to  claim  a  legacy;  what  was  his  professic 
that  of  physician,  lawyer,  or  man  of  letters;  whether  he 
were  to  be  put  under  surveillance  or  allowed  to  go  his  way 
unmolested. 

We  come  now  to  a  class  of  cipher  which  requires  a  certain 
amount  of  literary  dexterity  to  conceal  the  clue. 

During  the  Great  Rebellion,  Sir  John  Trevanion,  a  dis- 
tinguished cavalier,  was  made  prisoner,  and  locked  up  in 
Colchester  Castle.  Sir  Charles  Lucas  and  Sir  Greorge  Lisle  had 
just  been  made  examples  of,  as  a  warning  to  "malignants:" 
and  Trevanion  had  every  reason  for  expecting  a  similar  bloody 
end.  As  he  awaits  his  doom,  indulging  in  a  hearty  curse 
in  round  cavalier  terms  at  the  canting,  crop-eared  scoundrels 
who  hold  him  in  durance  vile,  and  muttering  a  wish  that  he 
had  fallen,  sword  in  hand,  facing  the  foe,  he  is  startled  by  the 
entrance  of  the  jailor,  who  hands  him  a  letter  : 

"May't  do  thee  good,"  growls  the  fellow;  "it  has  been  well 
looked  to  before  it  was  permitted  to  come  to  thee." 

Sir  John  takes  the  letter,  and  the  jailor  leaves  him  his  lamp 
by  which  to  read  it:  — 

WORTHIE  SIR  JOHN  :  —  Hope,  that  is  ye  best  comport  of  ye  afflictyd, 
cannot  much,  I  fear  me,  help  you  now.  That  I  wolde  saye  to  you,  is  this 
only  :  if  ever  I  may  be  able  to  requite  that  I  do  owe  you,  stand  not  upon 
asking  of  me.  "Tis  not  much  I  can  do;  but  what  I  can  do,  bee  verie  sure 
I  wille.  I  knowe  that,  if  dethe  comes,  if  ordinary  men  fear  it.  it  fuights 
not  you,  accounting  it  for  a  high  honour,  to  have  such  a  rewarde  of  your 
loyalty.  Pray  yet  that  you  may  be  spared  this  soe  bitter,  cup.  I  fear 
not  that  you  will  grudge  any  sufferings;  only  if  it  bie  submission  you 
can  turn  them  away,  'tis  the  part  of  a  wise  man.  Tell  me,  an  if  you 
to  do  for  you  any  thinge  that  you  would  have  done.  The  general 
back  on  Wednesday.  Restinge  your  servant  to  command.  R.  T. 

Now  this  letter  was  written  according  to  a  preconcerted 
cipher.  Every  third  letter  after  a  stop  was  to  tell.  In  this 
way  Sir  John  made  out  —  "  Panel  at  east  end  of  chapel  slides." 
On  the  following  even,  the  prisoner  begged  to  be  allowed  to 
pass  an  hour  of  private  devotion  in  the  chapel.  By  means  of 


can, 
goes 


308  PUZZLES. 

a  bribe,  this  was  accomplished.  Before  the  hour  had  expired, 
the  chapel  was  empty — the  bird  had  flown. 

An  excellent  plan  of  indicating  the  telling  letter  or  words  is 
through  the  heading  of  the  letter.  "  Sir,"  would  signify  that 
every  third  letter  was  to  be  taken;  "Dear  Sir,"  that  every 
seventh;  "My  dear  sir,"  that  every  ninth  was  to  be  selected. 
A  system,  very  early  adopted,  was  that  of  having  pierced  cards, 
through  the  holes  of  which  the  communication  was  written. 
The  card  was  then  removed,  and  the  blank  spaces  filled  up.  As 
for  example : — 

Mr  DEAR  X. — [The]  lines  I  now  send  you  are  forwarded  by  the  kind- 
ness of  the  [Bearer],  who  is  a  friend.  [Is  not]  the  message  delivered  yet 
[to]  iny  brother?  [Be]  quick  about  it,  for  I  have  all  along  [trusted]  that 
you  would  act  with  discretion  and  dispatch.  Yours  ever,  Z. 

Put  your  card  over  the  note,  and  through  the  piercings  you 
will  read:  " The  Bearer  is  not  to  be  trusted." 

Poe,  in  his  story  of  "  The  Gold  Bug,"  gives  some  valuable 
hints  on  the  interpretation  of  the  most  common  cryptographs. 
He  contends  that  the  ingenuity  of  man  can  construct  no  enigma 
which  the  ingenuity  of  man  cannot  unravel.  And  he  actually 
read  several  very  difficult  ciphers  which  were  sent  to  him  after 
the  publication  of  "The  G-old  Bug." 

But  we  saw,  several  years  ago,  a  method  which  makes  the 
message  absolutely  safe  from  detection.  We  will  try  to  de- 
scribe it. 

Take  a  square  sheet  of  paper  of  convenient  size,  say  a  foot 
square.  Divide  it  by  lines  drawn  at  right  angles  into  five 
hundred  and  seventy-six  squares,  twenty-six  each  way;  in  the 
upper  horizontal  row  write  the  alphabet  in  its  natural  order,  one 
letter  in  each  square ;  in  the  second  horizontal  row  write  the 
alphabet,  beginning  with  B.  There  will  then  be  one  square 
left  at  the  end  of  this  row;  into  this  put  A.  Fill  the  third  row 
by  beginning  with  C,  and  writing  A  and  B  after  Z  at  the  end. 
So  on  until  the  whole  sheet  is  filled.  When  completed,  the 
table,  if  correct,  will  present  this  appearance.  In  the  upper 


PUZZLES.  309 

horizontal  row,  the  alphabet  in  its  natural  order  from  left  to 
right ;  in  the  left-hand  vertical  row,  the  same  from  top  to  bottom ; 
and  the  diagonal,  from  upper  right  to  lower  left-hand  corner, 
will  be  a  line  of  Z's. 

Each  party  must  have  one  of  the  tables.  A  keyword  must  be 
agreed  upon,  which  may  be  any  word  in  the  English  language, 
or  from  any  other  language  if  it  can  be  represented  by  English 
letters,  or,  indeed,  it  may  even  be  a  combination  of  letters 
which  spells  nothing. 

Now,  to  send  a  message,  first  write  the  message  in  plain 
English.  Over  it  write  the  key-word,  letter  over  letter,  repeat- 
ing it  as  many  times  as  it  is  necessary  to  cover  the  message.  Take 
a  simple  case  as  an  illustration.  Suppose  the  key-word  to  be 
Grant,  and  the  message  We  have  Jive  days'  provisions.  It 
should  be  placed  thus : — 

Grantgran  tgrantgrantgran 
Wehavefivedaysprovisi  ons 

Now  find,  in  the  upper  horizontal  row  of  the  table,  the  first 
letter  of  the  key-word,  G,  and  in  the  left-hand  vertical  column, 
the  first  letter  of  the  message,  W.  Kun  a  line  straight  down 
from  G,  and  one  to  the  right  from  W,  and  in  the  angle  where 
the  two  lines  meet  will  be  found  the  letter  which  must  be 
written  as  the  first  letter  of  the  cipher.  With  the  second  letter 
of  the  key-word,  K,  and  the  second  letter  of  the  message,  E, 
find  in  the  same  way  the  second  letter  of  the  cipher. 

The  correspondent  who  receives  the  cipher  goes  to  work  to 
translate  it  thus : — He  first  writes  over  it  the  key-word,  letter 
over  letter,  repeating  it  as  often  as  necessary.  Then  finding  in 
the  upper  row  of  his  table  the  first  letter  of  the  key-word,  he 
passes  his  pencil  directly  down  until  he  comes  to  the  first  letter 
or  the  cipher;  the  letter  opposite  to  it  in  the  left  vertical  column 
is  the  first  letter  of  the  translation.  Each  of  the  succeeding 
letters  is  found  in  a  similar  way. 

A  third  party,  into  whose  hands  such  a  cipher  might  fall, 


310  THE   REASON    WHY. 

could  not  read  it,  though  he  possessed  a  copy  of  the  table  and 
knew  how  to  use  it,  unless  he  knew  the  key-word.  The  chance 
of  his  guessing  this  is  only  one  in  millions.  And  there  is  no 
such  thing  as  interpreting  it  by  any  other  method,  because  there 
are  no  repetitions,  and  hence  all  comparison  is  at  fault.  That  is 
to  say,  in  the  same  cipher,  in  one  place  a  letter,  as  for  instance 
C  may  stand  for  one  letter  in  the  translation,  and  in  another 
place  C  may  stand  for  quite  a  different  letter.  This  is  the  only 
kind  of  cryptograph  we  have  ever  seen  which  is  absolutely  safe. 


Reason 

WHY    THE    GERMANS    EAT    SAUER-KRAUT. 

THE  reason  why  the  most  learned  people  on  earth  eat  sauer- 
kraut may  be  found  in  the  following  extract  from  a  work  entitled 
Petri  Andrace,  Mattliioli  Senensis  medici  commentarii  in  sex 
libros  Pedacii  Dioscoridis  de  Materid  Mcdica.  Venetiis.  ex 
offidna  Valgrisiana  MDLXV.  Traduit  de  Latin  en  Francais, 
par  M.  Antoine  du  Pinet.  Lyon,  MDCLV.  Preface,  p.  13. 
ligne  30:  "Finally,  in  order  to  omit  nothing  which  can  add  to 
the  knowledge  of  simples,  it  must  be  noted  that  Nature,  mother 
and  producer  of  all  things,  has  created  various  simples,  which 
have  a  sympathy  or  natural  antipathy  to  each  other;  which  is 
a  very  considerable  point  in  this  matter,  and  has  no  like  as  a 
mystery  and  secret.  And  thus  it  has  seemed  to  me  good  to 
hint  a  word  about  it,  and  principally  of  those  which  are  used  in 
medicine.  To  commence,  then,  with  the  oak  and  the  olive; 
these  two  trees  hate  each  other  in  such  sort  that,  if  you  plant 
one  in  the  hole  from  which  the  other  was  dug,  it  will  die  there ; 
and,  even  if  you  plant  one  near  the  other,  they  will  work  each 
other's  death.  The  cabbage  and  the  vine  do  the  like;  for  it 
has  been  seen  that,  if  you  plant  a  cabbage  at  the  foot  of  a  vine, 


THE   REASON   WHY.  311 

the  vine  will  recoil  and  draw  itself  away.  And  thus  it  is  no 
marvel  that  the  cabbage  is  very  useful  to  sober  topers,  and  that 
the  Germans  eat  it  commonly  in  a  compost  to  safeguard  them- 
selves from  their  wine." 

WHY   PENNSYLVANIA   WAS   SETTLED. 

Penn  refused  to  pull  his  hat  off 
Before  the  king,  and  therefore  sat  off, 
Another  country  to  light  pat  on, 
Where  he  might  worship  with  his  hat  on. 

HUGUENOTS. 

They  were  so  called  because  their  first  places  of  meeting  in 
the  city  of  Tours  (where  Calvin's  opinions  first  prevailed)  were 
cellars  under-ground,  near  Hugo's  Gate  [Heb.  XI.  38],  whence 
the  vulgar  applied  this  name  to  them. 


EOYAL   DEMISE. 

How  monarchs  die  is  easily  explained, 

And  thus  upon  the  tomb  it  might  be  chisel'd  ; 

As  long  as  George  the  Fourth  could  reign,  he  reigned, 
And  then  he  mizzled. 


BOSTON. 

In  the  seventh  century  a  Roman  Catholic  monk  by  the  name 
of  Botolph,  or  Bot-holp,  viz.,  Boat-help,  founded  a  church  in 
what  is  now  Lincolnshire,  England.  Gradually  a  town  grew 
up  around  the  church,  and  was  called  Botolphstown,  which  was 
afterward  contracted  into  Botolphston,  and  then  shortened  to 
Botoston,  and  finally  to  Boston.  From  that  town  of  Boston  in 
Lincolnshire  came  to  America  the  Rev.  John  Cotton,  who  gave 
the  name  to  the  New  England  Capital.  So  that  the  metropolis 
of  good  old  Puritan  Massachusetts  was,  it  seems,  named  in 
honor  of  a  Roman  Catholic  saint  and  monk ! 


312  THE   REASON   WHY. 

WEATHERCOCKS. 

The  vane  or  weathercock  must  have  been  of  very  early  origin. 
Vitruvius  calls  it  triton,  evidently  from  an  ancient  form.  The 
usual  form  on  towers  and  castles  was  that  of  a  banner ;  but  on 
ecclesiastical  edifices,  it  generally  was  a  weathercock.  There 
was  a  symbolical  reason  for  the  adoption  of  the  figure  of  a  cock. 
The  cross  was  surmounted  by  a  ball,  to  symbolize  the  redemp- 
tion of  the  world  by  the  cross  of  Christ;  and  the  cock  was 
placed  upon  the  cross  in  allusion  to  the  repentance  of  St.  Peter, 
and  to  remind  us  of  the  important  duties  of  repentance  and 
Christian  vigilance.  Apart  from  symbolism,  the  large  tail  of 
the  cock  is  well  adapted  to  turn  with  the  wind,  just  as  is  the  ar- 
row which  is  so  frequently  chosen. 

CUTTING  OFF   WITH   A   SHILLING. 

According  to  Blackstone  (ii.  32),  the  Romans  were  wont  to 
set  aside  testaments  as  being  inofficiosa,  deficient  in  natural  duty, 
if  they  disinherited  or  totally  passed  by  (without  assigning  a 
true  and  sufficient  reason)  any  of  the  children  of  the  testator. 
But  if  the  child  had  any  legacy,  though  ever  so  small,  it  was  a 
proof  that  the  testator  had  not  lost  his  memory  or  his  reason, 
which  otherwise  the  law  presumed ;  but  was  then  supposed  to 
have  acted  thus  for  some  substantial  cause,  and  in  such  case  no 
quenda  inoffidod  tcstamenti  was  allowed.  Hence,  probably,  has 
arisen  that  groundless  error  of  the  necessity  of  leaving  the  heir 
a  shilling,  or  some  such  express  legacy,  in  order  to  disinherit 
him  effectually.  Whereas  the  law  of  England  makes  no  such 
constrained  suppositions  of  forgetfulness  or  insanity;  and,  there- 
fore, though  the  heir  or  next  of  kin  be  totally  omitted,  it  admits 
no  querula  inofficiosi  to  set  aside  such  a  testament. 

CARDINAL'S  RED  HAT. 

The  red  hat  was  given  to  cardinals  by  Pope  Innocent  IV.,  in 
the  first  Council  of  Lyons,  held  in  1245,  to  signify  that  by  that 
color  they  should  be  always  ready  to  shed  their  blood  in  defence 
of  the  church. 


THE   REASON   WHY  313 


THE  ROAST   BEEP  OP   ENGLAND. 

Brave  Betty  was  a  maiden  Queen, 

Bold  and  clever !  bold  and  clever  ! 
King  Philip,  then  a  Spaniard  King, 

To  court  her  did  endeavor. 
Queen  Bess  she  frowned  and  stroked  her  ruff, 
And  gave  the  mighty  Don  a  huff: 
For  which  he  swore  her  ears  he'd  cuff, 

All  with  his  grand  Armada. 
Says  Royal  Bess,  "  I'll  vengeance  take !" 

Blessings  on  her  !•  blessings  on  her  ! 
"But  first  I'll  eat  a  nice  beefsteak, 

All  with  my  maids  of  honor." 
Then  to  her  admirals  she  went, 
Drake,  Effingham,  and  Howard  sent, 
Who  soon  dished  Philip's  armament, 

And  banged  his  grand  Armada. 

A   SENSIBLE   QUACK. 

An  empiric  was  asked  by  a  regular  physician  how  it  was 
that,  without  education  or  skill,  he  contrived  to  live  in  con- 
siderable style,  while  he  could  hardly  subsist.  "Why"  said 
the  other,  "how  many  people  do  you  think  have  passed  us 
lately?"  "Perhaps  a  hundred.  "  "And  how  many  of  them  do 
you  think  possess  common  sense?"  "Possibly  one."  "Why, 
then,"  said  the  quack,  "  that  one  goes  to  you,  and  I  get  the 
other  ninety-nine." 

GENEALOGY. 

The  doggerel  couplet  repeated  in  varied  forms  but  usually 
presented  in  this  shape — 

When  Adam  delved  and  Eve  span, 
Who  was  then  the  gentleman  ? 

is  a  translation  of  the  German 

Da  Adam  hackt  und  Eva  spann, 
Wer  war  damals  der  Edelmann? 

which  is  further  referred  to  a  wag  who  had  written  the  couplet 
on  a  wall  near  to  which  the  Emperor  Maximilian  was  tracing 

27 


31  i  THE   REASON   WHY. 

his  pedigree;  upon  which  the  Emperor  _ wrote  the  following 
impromptu : — 

Ich  bin  ein  Mann  wie  ein  ander  Mann, 
Nur  dass  mir  Gott  die  Ehre  gann, 
(I  am  a  man  like  another  man,  only  that  God  gave  honor  to  me.) 

A  JUGGLER'S  MYSTERY. 

The  French  Government,  which  formerly  sent  dancing-girls 
and  comic  actors  to  cheer  up  its  soldiers  when  they  were 
ordered  away  from  the  dancing-saloons  and  theatres,  so  common 
throughout  France,  engaged  Mr.  Robert  Houdin  to  go  to 
Algeria  and  exhibit  his  best  feats  of  legerdemain  before  the 
natives,  to  shake  the  excessive  influence  exerted  by  the  mara- 
bouts or  priests,  whose  power  seems  to  be  established  solely  on 
their  adroit  jugglery.  The  marabouts  were  not  disposed  to 
yield  to  the  new-comer's  powers  without  a  struggle,  and  pressed 
him  as  hard  as  they  could.  M.  Houdin  was  successful,  but  his 
victory  was  not  altogether  easy,  as  he  tells  in  the  following 
narrative : — 

The  marabout  said  to  me:  "I  believe  now  in  your  super- 
natural power.  You  are  really  a  sorcerer.  I  hope,  therefore, 
you  will  not  refuse  to  repeat  here  an  exhibition  of  your  powers 
made  on  your  stage."  He  gave  me  two  pistols,  which  he  had 
concealed  under  his  bournous,  and  said :  "  Choose  one  of  those 
pistols;  we  are  going  to  load  it,  and  I  shall  fire  it  at  you.  You 
have  nothing  to  fear,  since  you  know  how  to  parry  any  bullet." 
I  confess  I  was  for  a  moment  dumb  with  embarrassment.  I 
tried  my  best  to  think  of  some  subterfuge,  but  I  could  think 
of  nothing.  Every  eye  was  fixed  on  me,  in  expectation  of  my 
reply.  The  marabout  was  triumphant. 

Bou  Allem,  who  knew  that  my  tricks  were  due  solely  to  my 
adroitness,  became  angry  that  his  guests  should  be  annoyed  in 
this  barbarous  way,  and  he  scolded  the  marabout.  I  stopped 
him.  An  idea  had  struck  me  which  would  at  least  extricate 
me  for  the  moment  from  my  embarrassment.  So  I  said  to  the 
marabout,  speaking  with  all  the  assurance  I  could  summon: 


THE   REASON   WHY.  315 

"  You  know  that  I  am  not  invulnerable  unless  I  have  a  talisman 
on  me.  Unfortunately,  I  have  left  it  at  Algiers."  The  mara- 
bout began  to  laugh  incredulously.  "Nevertheless,"  I  went  on 
to  say,  "  if  I  remain  in  prayer  for  six  hours,  I  shall  be  able  to 
make  myself  invulnerable  to  your  pistol,  even  though  I  have 
no  talisman.  To-morrow  morning,  at  eleven  o'clock,  I  shall  let 
you  fire  at  me  before  all  these  Arabs,  who  are  witnesses  of  your 
challenge."  Bou  Allem,  astonished  to  hear  me  make  such 
a  promise,  came  up  and  asked  me  in  a  low  tone  if  I  was 
speaking  seriously,  and  if  he  should  invite  the  Arabs  to  come 
the  next  day.  I  told  him  I  was.  I  need  not  say  I  did  not 
spend  the  night  in  prayers,  but  I  worked  for  two  hours  to  make 
myself  invulnerable,  and  then  satisfied  with  my  success,  I  went 
to  sleep  with  a  great  deal  of  pleasure,  for  I  was  horribly  tired. 
We  breakfasted  before  eight  o'clock,  the  next  morning;  our 
horses  were  saddled,  and  our  escort  was  waiting  the  signal  of 
departure,  which  was  to  take  place  immediately  after  the  famous 
experiment.  The  same  persons  who  were  present  at  the  chal- 
lenge the  day  before,  were  at  the  rendezvous,  and  a  great  many 
other  Arabs  who  had  heard  of  what  was  to  take  place,  had  come 
to  witness  it. 

The  pistols  were  brought.  I  made  them  observe  the  touch- 
hole  was  clear.  The  marabout  put  a  good  load  of  powder  in 
the  pistol  and  rammed  it  down  well.  I  chose  a  ball  from  among 
the  balls  brought,  I  ostensibly  put  it  in  the  pistol  and  rammed 
it  thoroughly.  The  marabout  kept  a  good  eye  on  me :  his  honor 
was  at  stake.  The  second  pistol  was  loaded  as  the  first  had 
been,  and  now  came  the  trying  moment.  Trying  indeed  it  was 
for  everybody.  For  the  Arabs  around,  uncertain  how  the  ex- 
periment would  end ;  for  my  wife,  who  had  in  vain  begged  me 
not  to  try  the  experiment  which  she  was  afraid. of — and  I 
confess  it,  trying  for  me,  as  my  new  trick  was  based  on  none  of 
the  expedients  I  had  hitherto  used,  and  I  was  afraid  of  some 
mistake,  some  treachery,  some  accident.  Nevertheless,  I  stood 
fifteen  paces  in  front  of  the  marabout,  without  exhibiting  the 


316  THE   REASON   WHY. 

least  emotion.  The  marabout  instantly  took  up  one  of  the 
pistols,  and  at  the  given  signal  he  aimed  deliberately  at  me. 
He  fired.  I  caught  the  ball  in  my  teeth.  More  irritated  than 
ever,  the  marabout  ran  to  snatch  up  the  other  pistol;  I  was 
quickest  and  I  seized  it.  "  You  failed  to  draw  blood  from  me," 
said  I  to  him;  "now  look,  I  am  going  to  draw  blood  from  that 
wall  yonder."  I  fired  at  a  wall  which  had  just  been  white- 
washed ;  instantly  a  large  clot  of  blood  was  seen  on  it.  The 
marabout  went  up  to  it,  put  a  finger  on  it,  tasted  it,  and  satisfied 
himself  it  was  really  blood.  His  arms  fell  down  at  his  side,  he 
hung  his  head,  he  was  overcome.  It  was  evident  he  doubted 
now  of  everything,  even  of  the  Prophet.  The  Arabs  raised  their 
hands  to  Heaven,  muttered  prayers,  and  looked  at  me  with 
dread. 

This  trick,  however  curious  it  may  seem,  is  managed  easily 
enough.  I  shall  describe  it.  As  soon  as  I  was  alone  in  my 
chamber,  I  took  out  of  my  pistol-case  (which  I  carry  with  me 
wherever  I  go)  a  ball-mould.  I  took  a  card,  turned  up  its 
corners  and  made  a  sort  of  recipient  of  it,  in  which  I  placed 
a  lump  of  stearine,  taken  from  one  of  the  candles  in  the  room. 
As  soon  as  the  stearine  was  melted,  I  mixed  a  little  lamp-black 
with  it — which  I  obtained  by  holding  a  knife  over  a  lighted 
candle — and  then  I  poured  this  composition  into  my  ball-mould. 
If  I  had  allowed  the  liquid  stearine  to  become  entirely  cold, 
the  ball  would  have  been  solid;  but  after  ten  or  twelve  seconds 
I  reversed  the  mould,  and  the  portion  of  the  stearine  which  was 
not  yet  solid  flowed  out  and  left  a  hollow  ball  in  the  mould. 
This,  by  the  way,  is  the  mode  in  which  the  hollow  candles  used 
in  the  churches  are  made;  the  thickness  of  the  sides  depends 
on  the  time  the  melted  stearine  or  wax  is  left  in  the  mould.  I 
wanted  a  second  ball.  I  made  it  a  little  thicker  than  the  first. 
I  filled  it  with  blood,  and  I  closed  the  aperture  with  a  drop  of 
stearine.  An  Irishman  had  showed  me  years  before,  how  to 
extract  blood  from  the  thumb  without  pain:  I  adopted  his  trick 
to  fill  my  ball  with  blood.  It  is  hard  to  believe  how  nearly  these 


WEATHER-WISDOM.  317 

projectiles  of  stearine,  colored  with  lamp-black,  look  like  lead: 
they  will  deceive  anybody,  even  when  examined  quite  closely. 
The  reader  now  clearly  sees  through  the  trick.  While  exhibiting 
the  lead  bullet  to  the  spectators,  I  changed  it  for  my  hollow  ball, 
and  this  last  I  ostensibly  placed  in  the  pistol.  I  rammed  it 
down,  to  break  the  stearine  into  small  pieces,  which  could  not 
reach  me  at  fifteen  paces.  As  soon  as  the  pistol  was  discharged, 
I  opened  my  mouth  and  exhibited  the  lead  ball  between  my 
teeth.  The  second  pistol  contained  the  ball  filled  with  blood, 
which  was  broken  to  pieces  on  the  wall,  where  it  left  the  spot 
of  blood,  while  the  pieces  of  stearine  could  no  where  be  found. 
This  is  the  whole  mystery. 


SHERIDAN'S  RHYMING  CALENDAR. 

January  snowy,  July  moppy, 

February  flowy,  August  croppy, 

March  blowy,  September  poppy, 

April  showery,  October  breezy, 

May  flowery,  November  wheezy, 

June  bowery,  December  freezy. 

SIR   HUMPHRY   DAVY   ON   WEATHER-OMENS. 

In  his  shepherd's  calling  he  was  prompt, 
And  watchful  more  than  ordinary  men. 
Hence  had  he  learned  the  meaning  of  all  winds, 
Of  blasts  of  every  tone ;  and  oftentimes, 
When  others  heeded  not,  he  heard  the  South 
Make  subterraneous  music,  like  the  noise 
Of  bagpipes  upon  distant  Highland  hills. 

THE  late  Sir  Humphry  Davy,  one  of  the  most  successful 
modern  explorers  of  the  secrets  of  nature,  was  not  above  at- 
tending to,  and  explaining,  the  "weather-omens"  which  are 
derived  from  popular  observation. 

In  his  Salmonia  he  has  the  following  dialogue  between 
Haliens,  (a  fly-fisher,)  Poietes,  (a  poet,)  Physicus,  (a  man  of 
science,)  and  Ornither,  (a  sportsman)  : — 
27* 


318  WEATHER-  WISDOM. 

Poiet. — I  hope  we  shall  have  another  good  day  to-morrow, 
for  the  clouds  are  red  in  the  west. 

Phys. — I  have  no  doubt  of  it,  for  the  red  has  a  tint  of  purple. 

Hal. — Do  you  know  why  this  tint  portends  fine  weather  ? 

Phys. — The  air,  when  dry,  I  believe,  refracts  more  red,  or 
heat-making  rays ;  and  as  dry  air  is  not  perfectly  transparent, 
they  are  again  refracted  in  the  horizon.  I  have  generally  ob- 
served a  coppery  or  yellow  sunset  to  foretell  rain  ;  but  as  an  in- 
dication of  wet  weather  approaching,  nothing  is  more  certain 
than  a  halo  round  the  moon,  which  is  produced  by  precipitated 
water;  and  the  larger  the  circle,  the  nearer  the  clouds,  and 
consequently  the  more  ready  to  fall. 

Hal. — I  have  often  observed  that  the  old  proverb  is  correct, — 

A  rainbow  in  the  morning  is  the  shepherd's  warning ; 
A  rainbow  at  night  is  the  shepherd's  delight. 

Can  you  explain  this  omen  ? 

Phys. — A  rainbow  can  only  occur  when  the  clouds  contain- 
ing or  depositing  the  rain  are  opposite  the  sun, — and  in  the 
evening  the  rainbow  is  in  the  east,  and  in  the  morning  in  the 
west ;  and  as  our  heavy  rains,  in  this  climate,  are  usually 
brought  by  the  westerly  wind,  a  rainbow  in  the  west  indicates 
that  the  bad  weather  is  on  the  road,  by  the  wind,  to  us; 
whereas  the  rainbow  in  the  east  proves  that  the  rain  in  these 
clouds  is  passing  from  us. 

Poiet. — I  have  often  observed  that  when  the  swallows  fly 
high,  fine  weather  is  to  be  expected  or  continued ;  but  when 
they  fly  low,  and  close  to  the  ground,  rain  is  almost  surely  ap- 
proaching. Can  you  account  for  this  ? 

Hal. — Swallows  follow  the  flies  and  gnats,  and  flies  and  gnats 
usually  delight  in  warm  strata  of  air;  and  as  warm  air  is  lighter, 
and  usually  moister,  than  cold  air,  when  the  warm  strata  of  air 
are  high,  there  is  less  chance  of  moisture  being  thrown  down 
from  them  by  the  mixture  with  cold  air;  but  when  the  warm 
and  moist  air  is  close  to  the  surface,  it  is  almost  certain  that,  as 
the  cold  air  flows  down  into  it,  a  deposition  of  water  will  take 
place. 


WEATHER-WISDOM.  319 

Poiet. — I  have  often  seen  sea-gulls  assemble  on  the  land,  and 
have  almost  always  observed  that  very  stormy  and  rainy  wea- 
ther was  approaching.  I  conclude  that  these  animals,  sensible 
of  a  current  of  air  approaching  from  the  ocean,  retire  to  the 
land  to  shelter  themselves  from  the  storm. 

Orn. — No  such  thing.  The  storm  is  their  element,  and  the 
little  petrel  enjoys  the  heaviest  gale,  because,  living  on  the 
smaller  sea-insects,  he  is  sure  to  find  his  food  in  the  spray  of  a 
heavy  wave;  and  you  may  see  him  flitting  above  the  edge  of  the 
highest  surge.  I  believe  that  the  reason  of  this  migration  of 
sea-gulls,  and  other  sea-birds,  to  the  land,  is  their  security  of 
finding  food ;  and  they  may  be  observed  at  this  time  feeding 
greedily  on  the  earth-worms  and  larvae  driven  out  of  the 
ground  by  severe  floods;  and  the  fish,  on  which  they  prey  in 
fine  weather  in  the  sea,  leave  the  surface,  and  go  deeper,  in 
storms.  The  search  after  food,  as  we  have  agreed  on  a  former 
occasion,  is  the  principal  cause  why  animals  change  their  places. 
The  different  tribes  of  the  wading  birds  always  migrate  when 
rain  is  about  to  take  place ;  and  I  remember  once,  in  Italy, 
having  been  long  waiting,  in  the  end  of  March,  for  the  arrival 
of  the  double  snipe  in  the  Campagna  of  Rome,  a  great  flight 
appeared  on  the  3d  of  April,  and  the  day  after  heavy  rain  set 
in,  which  greatly  interfered  with  my  sport.  The  vulture,  upon 
the  same  principle,  follows  armies;  and  I  have  no  doubt  that 
the  augury  of  the  ancients  was  a  good  deal  founded  upon  the 
observation  of  the  instincts  of  birds.  There  are  many  super- 
stitions of  the  vulgar  owing  to  the  same  source.  For  anglers, 
in  spring,  it  is  always  unlucky  to  see  single  magpies  ;  but  two 
may  be  always  regarded  as  a  favorable  omen;  and  the  reason 
is,  that  in  cold  and  stormy  weather  one  magpie  alone  leaves  the 
nest  in  search  of  food,  the  other  remaining  sitting  upon  the 
eggs  or  the  young  ones ;  but  when  two  go  out  together  it  is 
only  when  the  weather  is  warm  and  mild,  and  favorable  for 
fishing. 

Poiet, — The  singular  connections  of  causes  and  effects  to 
which  you  have  just  referred,  make  superstition  less  to  be 


320  WEATHER-WISDOM. 

wondered  at,  particularly  amongst  the  vulgar ;  and  when  two 
facts,  naturally  unconnected,  have  been  accidentally  coincident, 
it  is  not  singular  that  this  coincidence  should  have  been  ob- 
served and  registered,  and  that  omens  of  the  most  absurd  kind 
should  be  trusted  in.  In  the  west  of  England,  half  a  century 
ago,  a  particular  hollow  noise  on  the  sea-coast  was  referred  to  a 
spirit  or  goblin  called  Bucca,  and  was  supposed  to  foretell  a 
shipwreck  :  the  philosopher  knows  that  sound  travels  much 
faster  than  currents  in  the  air,  and  the  sound  always  foretold 
the  approach  of  a  very  heavy  storm,  which  seldom  takes  place 
on  that  wild  and  rocky  coast  without  a  shipwreck  on  some  part 
of  its  extensive  shores,  surrounded  by  the  Atlantic. 

SIGNS   OP   THE   WEATHER. 

The  following  signs  of  rain  were  given  by  Dr.  Jenner,*  in 
1810,  to  a  lady,  in  reply  to  her  inquiry  whether  it  would  rain 
on  the  morrow  : — 

The  hollow  winds  begin  to  blow, 
The  clouds  look  black,  the  glass  is  low ; 
The  soot  falls  down,  the  spaniels  sleep, 
And  spiders  from  their  cobwebs  creep ; 
Last  night  the  sun  went  pale  to  bed, 
The  moon  in  halos  hid  her  head ; 
The  boding  shepherd  heaves  a  sigh, 
For  see,  a  rainbow  spans  the  sky ; 
The  walls  are  damp,  the  ditches  smell, 
Closed  is  the  pink-eyed  pimpernel ; 
The  squalid  toads  at  dusk  were  seen 
Slowly  crawling  o'er  the  green  ; 
Loud  quack  the  ducks,  the  peacocks  cry, 
The  distant  hills  are  looking  nigh; 
Hark,  how  the  chairs  and  tables  crack ! 
Old  Betty's  joints  are  on  the  rack  ; 
And  see  yon  rooks,  how  odd  their  flight, 
They  imitate  the  gliding  kite, 
Or  seem  precipitate  to  fall 
As  if  they  felt  the  piercing  ball; 
How  restless  are  the  snorting  swine ! 
The  busy  flies  disturb  the  kine ; 


*  Versified  by  Darwin. 


WEATHER- WISDOM  321 

Low  o'er  the  grass  the  swallow  wings ; 
The  cricket  too,  how  loud  she  sings  ! 
Puss  on  the  hearth,  with  velvet  paws, 
Sits  wiping  o'er  her  whiskered  jaws : — 
'Twill  surely  rain,  I  see,  with  sorrow : 
Our  jaunt  must  be  put  off  to-morrow. 

The  following  is  taken  from  The  Shepherd's  Calendar,  1683 : 

Signs  of  Rain,  from  Birds. — Sea  and  fresh- water  fowls,  such 
as  cormorants,  sea-gulls,  moor-he'ns,  &c.  flying  from  sea  or  the 
fresh  waters  to  land,  show  bad  weather  at  hand ;  land  fowls 
flying  to  waters,  and  those  shaking,  washing,  and  noisy,  especi- 
ally in  the  evening,  denote  the  same ;  geese,  ducks,  coots,  &c. 
picking,  shaking,  washing,  and  noisy;  rooks  and  crows  in 
flocks  and  suddenly  disappearing;  pyes  and  jays  in  flocks  and 
very  noisy;  the  raven  or  hooded-crow  crying  in  the  morniug, 
with  an  interruption  in  its  notes,  or  crows  being  very  clamor- 
ous at  evening;  the  heron,  bittern,  and  swallow  flying  low; 
birds  forsaking  their  food  and  flying  to  their  nests;  poultry 
going  to  rest  or  pigeons  to  their  dove-house ;  tame  fowls  grub- 
bing in  the  dust  and  clapping  their  wings ;  small  birds  seem- 
ing to  duck  and  wash  in  the  sand ;  the  late  and  early  crowing 
of  the  cock,  and  clapping  his  wings ;  the  early  singing  of  wood- 
larks;  the  early  chirping  of  sparrows;  the  early  note  of  the 
chaflinch  near  houses;  the  dull  appearance  of  robin-redbreast 
near  houses ;  peacocks  and  owls  unusually  clamorous. 

Of  Wind,  from  Birds. — Sea  and  fresh-water  fowls  gathering 
in  flocks  to  the  banks,  and  there  sporting,  especially  in  the 
morning;  wild  geese  flying  high  and  in  flocks,  and  directing 
their  course  eastward ;  coots  restless  and  clamorous ;  the  hoo- 
poe loud  in  his  note;  the  king's  fisher  taking  to  land;  rooks 
darting  or  shooting  in  the  air,  or  sporting  on  the  banks  of  fresh 
waters;  and  lastly,  the  appearance  of  the  malefigie  at  sea,  is  a 
certain  forerunner  of  violent  winds,  and  (early  in  the  morning) 
denotes  horrible  tempests  at  hand. 

Of  Fair  Weather,  from  Birds. — Halcyons,  sea-ducks,  &c. 
leaving  the  land,  and  flocking  to  the  sea ;  kites,  herons,  bitterns, 
an.'!  swallows  flying  high,  and  loud  in  their  notes ;  lapwings 
V 


322  WEATHER-WISDOM. 

restless  and  clamorous;  sparrows  after  sunrise  restless  and 
noisy;  ravens,  hawks,  and  kestrils  (in  the  morning)  loud  in 
their  notes;  robin-redbreast  mounted  high,  and  loud  in  his 
song;  larks  soaring  high,  and  loud  in  their  songs;'  owls  hoot- 
ing with  an  easy  and  clear  note;  bats  appearing  early  in  the 
evening. 

Of  Rain,  from  Beasts. — Asses  braying  more  frequently  than 
usual;  hogs  playing,  scattering  their  food,  or  carrying  straw  in 
their  mouths;  oxen  snuffing  the  air,  looking  to  the  south, 
while  lying  on  their  right  sides,  or  licking  their  hoofs;  cattle 
gasping  for  air  at  noon ;  calves  running  violently  and  gambol- 
ing; deer,  sheep,  or  goats  leaping,  fighting,  or  pushing;  cats 
washing  their  face  and  ears ;  dogs  eagerly  scraping  up  earth ; 
foxes  barking ;  rats  and  mice  more  restless  than  usual ;  a 
grumbling  noise  in  the  belly  of  hounds. 

Of  Rain,  from  Insects. — Worms  crawling  out  of  the  earth  in 
great  abundance ;  spiders  falling  from  their  webs ;  flies  dull 
and  restless ;  ants  hastening  to  their  nests ;  bees  hastening 
home,  and  keeping  close  in  their  hives ;  frogs  drawing  nigh  to 
houses,  and  croaking  from  ditches;  gnats  singing  more  than 
usual ;  but  if  gnats  play  in  the  open  air,  or  if  hornets,  wasps, 
and  glow-worms  appear  plentifully  in  the  evening,  or  if  spiders' 
webs  are  seen  in  the  air  or  on  the  grass,  these  do  all  denote 
fair  and  warm  weather  at  hand. 

Of  Rain,  from  the  Sun. — Sun  rising  dim  or  waterish ; 
rising  red  with  blackish  beams  mixed  along  with  his  rays; 
rising  in  a  musty  or  muddy  color;  rising  red  and  turning 
blackish ;  setting  under  a  thick  cloud ;  setting  with  a  red  sky 
in  the  east. 

Sudden  rains  never  last  long ;  but  when  the  air  grows  thick 
by  degrees,  and  the  sun,  moon,  and  stars  shine  dimmer  and 
dimmer,  then  it  is  like  to  rain  six  hours  usually. 

Of  Wind,  from  the  Sun. — Sun  rising  pale  and  setting  red, 
with  an  iris ;  rising  large  in  surface ;  rising  with  a  red  sky  in 
the  north  ;  setting  of  a  blood  color ;  setting  pale,  with  one  or 
more  dark  circles,  or  accompanied  with  red  streaks,  seeming 


WEATHER-WISDOM  323 

concave  or  hollow ;  seeming  divided,  great  storms ;  parhelia,  or 
muck  suns,  never  appear  but  are  followed  by  tempest. 

Of  Fair  Weather,  from  the  Sun. — Sun  rising  clear,  having 
set  clear  the  night  before;  rising  while  the  clouds  about  him 
are  driving  to  the  west ;  rising  with  an  iris  around  him,  and 
that  iris  wearing  away  equally  on  all  sides,  then  expect  fair  and 
settled  weather;  rising  clear  and  not  hot;  setting  in  red  clouds, 
according  to  the  old  observation, — 

The  evening  red  and  morning  gray, 
Is  the  sure  sign  of  a  fair  day. 

To  the  above  may  be  added  the  following  from  a  more  recent 
source : — 

As  a  rule,  a  circle  around  the  moon  indicates  rain  and  wind. 
When  seen  with  a  north  or  northeast  wind,  we  may  look  for 
stormy  weather,  especially  if  the  circle  be  large ;  with  the  wind 
in  any  other  quarter,  we  may  expect  rain ;  so  also  when  the 
ring  is  small  and  the  moon  seems  covered  with  mist.  If,  how- 
ever, the  moon  rise  after  sunset,  and  a  circle  be  soon  after 
formed  around  it,  no  rain  is  foreboded.  In  the  Netherlands 
they  have  this  proverb  : — 

Een  kring  om  de  maan  (A  ring  round  the  moon 

Die  kan  vcrgaan  :  May  pass  away  soon ; 

Maar  een  kring  om  de  zon  But  a  ring  round  the  sun 

Geeft  water  in  de  ton.  Gives  water  in  the  tun.) 

An  old  astrologer,  referring  to  St.  Paul's  day,  Jan.  25,  says  : — 

If  St.  Paul  be  fair  and  clear, 
It  promises  then  a  happy  year ; 
But  if  it  chance  to  snow  or  rain, 
Then  will  be  dear  all  sorts  of  grain ; 
Or  if  the  wind  do  blow  aloft, 
Great  stirs  will  vex  the  world  full  oft ; 
And  if  dark  clouds  do  muff  the  sky, 
Then  fowl  and  cattle  oft  will  die. 

Another,  alluding  to  the  Ember-day  in  December,  says  : — 
When  Ember-day  is  cold  and  clear 
There  '11  be  two  winters  in  that  year. 

The  following  is  from  a  manuscript  in  the  British  Museum  :— 


324  WEATHER-WISDOM. 

If  Christmas  day  on  Thursday  be, 
A  windy  winter  you  shall  see ; 
Windy  weather  in  each  week, 
And  hard  tempests,  strong  and  thick; 
The  summer  shall  be  good  and  dry, 
Corn  and  beasts  shall  multiply  : 
That  year  is  good  for  lands  to  till ; 
Kings  and  princes  shall  die  by  skill  ; 
If  a  child  born  that  day  shall  be, 
It  shall  happen  right  well  for  thee : 
Of  deeds  he  shall  be  good  and  stable, 
Wise  of  speech,  and  reasonable. 
Whoso  that  day  goes  thieving  about, 
He  shall  be  punished,  without  doubt  ; 
And  if  sickness  that  day  betide, 
It  shall  quickly  from  thee  glide. 

UNLUCKY   DAYS. 

The  following  list  of  the  "evil  days  in  each  month"  ia 
translated  from  the  original  Latin  verses  in  the  old  Sarum 
Missal:— 

January.      Of  this  first  month,  the  opening  day 

And  seventh  like  a  sword  will  slay. 
February.    The  fourth  day  bringeth  down  to  death  ; 

The  third  will  stop  a  strong  man's  breath. 
March.        The  first  the  greedy  glutton  slays; 

The  fourth  cuts  short  the  drunkard's  days. 
April.          The  tenth  and  the  eleventh,  too, 

Are  ready  death's  fell  work  to  do. 
May.  The  third  to  slay  poor  man  hath  power; 

The  seventh  destroyeth  in  an  hour. 
June.  The  tenth  a  pallid  visage  shows ; 

No  faith  nor  truth  the  fifteenth  knows. 
July.  The  thirteenth  is  a  fatal  day; 

The  tenth  alike  will  mortals  slay. 
August,        The  first  kills  strong  ones  at  a  blow; 

The  second  lays  a  cohort  low. 
Septeniber.  The  third  day  of  the  month  September, 

And  tenth,  bring  evil  to  each  member. 
October.       The  third  and  tenth,  with  poisoned  breath, 

To  man  are  foes  as  foul  as  death. 
November.   The  fifth  bears  scorpion-sting  of  deadly  pain ; 

The  third  is  tinctured  with  destruction's  train. 
December.    The  seventh's  a  fatal  day  to  human  life ; 

The  tenth  is  with  a  serpent's  venom  rife. 


O.  S.  AND  N.  S.  325 


©.  S>.  an*  &.  £. 

THE  GREGORIAN  CALENDAR. 

The  Julian  calendar  was  framed  about  46  years  before  Christ. 
Caesar  made  the  year  consist  of  365  days ;  and  the  annual 
excess  of  six  hours,  which  amounted  to  one  day  in  four  years, 
was  taken  into  account  by  making  every  fourth  year  (leap- 
year)  consist  of  366  days.  But  Caesar's  correction  of  the 
calendar  was  imperfect,  being  founded  on  the  supposition  that 
the  solar  year  consisted  of  365  days,  6  hours,  whereas  the  true 
solar  year  consists  of  365  days,  5  hours,  48  minutes,  45 £  seconds. 
Thus  the  Julian  year  exceeded  the  solar  11  minutes  14J 
seconds, — which  amounted  to  a  whole  day  in  130  years.  In 
consequence  of  this  inaccuracy,  the  vernal  equinox,  which 
happened  on  the  25th  of  March  in  the  time  of  Julius  Caesar, 
had  receded  to  the  21st  of  March  in  the  year  325,  and  was 
fixed  to  that  day  by  the  Council  of  Nice.  Attempts  were 
afterwards  made  to  effect  some  change  in  the  calendar ;  but  a 
complete  reformation  was  not  made  until  1582.  Pope  Gregory 
XIII.  invited  to  Rome  the  most  learned  astronomers  of  the 
age;  and,  after  the  subject  had  been  discussed  ten  years,  it  was 
decreed  that  the  vernal  equinox,  which  had  receded  ten  days 
since  the  Council  of  Nice,  and  consequently  happened  on  the 
llth  of  March,  should  be  brought  back  to  the  21st  of  March, 
and  that  for  this  purpose  ten  days  should  be  taken  from  the 
month  of  October,  1582.  To  avoid  future  deviation,  it  was 
determined  that  instead  of  every  100th  year  being  leap-year, 
every  400th  year  only  should  be  leap-year.  By  this  plan — a 
diminution  of  three  days  in  400  years — the  error  in  the  present 
calendar  will  not  exceed  a  day  and  a  half  in  five  thousand  years. 

The  calendar  thus  reformed  by  Pope  Gregory  was  imme- 
diately introduced  into  Catholic  countries,  but  was  not  finally 
28 


326  0.  S.    AND    N.  S. 

adopted  in  Great  Britain  until  1752,  when,  by  act  of  Parlia- 
ment, eleven  days  were  struck  out  of  the  calendar,  the  3d  of 
September  being  reckoned  the  14th.  The  Greek  Church  still 
obstinately  adheres  to  the  old  style. 

RESULTS   OF   THE   CHANGE   IN   THE    STYLE. 

The  following  happily-conceived  address  to  the  patron?  of 
"Poor  Job's  Almanac"  was  occasioned  by  the  change  of  the 
style  in  1752.  The  number  of  that  year  bears  the  title — 

Poor  Job,  1752.  By  Job  Shepherd,  philom.  Newport. 
Printed  by  James  Franklin,*  at  the  Printing-office  under  the 
Town  School-house.  In  this  almanac  the  month  of  September 
has,  in  the  margin,  the  figures  of  the  successive  days,  com- 
mencing 1,  2 ;  and,  after  leaving  blank  a  space  for  eleven 
days,  recommencing  with  14,  and  continuing  to  the  30th. 

KIND  READER  : — You  have  now  such  a  year  as  you  never 
saw  before,  nor  will  see  hereafter,  the  King  and  Parliament 
of  Great  Britain  having  thought  proper  to  enact  that  the 
month  of  September,  1752,  shall  contain  but  nineteen  days, 
which  will  shorten  this  year  eleven  days,  and  have  extended 
the  same  throughout  the  British  dominions ;  so  that  we  are  not 
to  have  two  beginnings  to  our  years,  but  the  first  of  January  is 
to  be  the  first  day  and  the  first  month  of  the  year  1752 ;  eleven 
days  are  taken  from  September,  and  begin  1,  2, 14,  15,  &c.  Be 
not  astonished,  nor  look  with  concern,  dear  reader,  at  such  a 
deduction  of  days,  nor  regret  as  for  the  loss  of  so  much  time ; 
but  take  this  for  your  consolation,  that  your  expenses  will  per- 
haps appear  lighter,  and  your  mind  be  more  at  ease.  And 
what  an  indulgence  is  here  for  those  who  love  their  pillows,  to 
lie  down  in  peace  on  the  second  of  this  month,  and  not  perhaps 
awake  or  be  disturbed  till  the  fourteenth,  in  the  morning  ! 
And,  reader,  this  is  not  to  hasten  the  payment  of  debts,  free- 
dom of  apprentices  or  servants,  or  the  coming  to  age  of  minors ; 
but  the  number  of  natural  days  in  all  agreements  are  to  be  ful- 

*  Brother  of  Dr.  Franklin. 


MEMORIA   TECHNICA.  327 

filled.  All  Church  holidays  and  Courts  are  to  be  on  the  same 
nominal  days  they  were  before ;  but  fairs,  after  the  second  of 
September,  alter  the  nominal  days,  and  so  seemed  to  be  held 
eleven  days  later.  Now,  reader,  since  'tis  likely  you  may  never 
have  such  another  year  nor  such  another  almanac,  I  would  ad- 
vise you  to  improve  the  one  for  your  own  sake,  and  I  recom- 
mend the  other  for  the  sake  of  your  friend,  POOR  JOB. 


JEnmma v 

NAMES  AND   ORDER   OP  THE   BOOKS   OP  THE   OLD  TESTAMENT. 
THE  Great  Jehovah  speaks  to  us 
In  Genesis  and  Exodus  ; 
Leviticus  and  Numbers  see 
Followed  by  Deuteronomy. 
Joshua  and  Judges  sway  the  land, 
Ruth  gleans  a  sheaf  with  trembling  hand  ; 
Samuel  and  numerous  Kings  appear 
Whose  Chronicles  we  wondering  hear. 
Ezra  and  Nehemiah,  now, 
Esther  the  beauteous  mourner  show. 
Job  speaks  in  sighs,  David  in  Psalms, 
The  Proverbs  teach  to  scatter  alms ; 
Ecclesiastes  then  comes  on, 
And  the  sweet  Song  of  Solomon. 
Isaiah,  Jeremiah  then 
With  Lamentations  takes  his  pen, 
Ezekiel,  Daniel,  Hosea's  lyres 
Swell  Joel,  A-os,  Obadiah's. 
Next  Jonas,  Micah,  Nahum  come, 
And  lofty  Habakkuk  finds  room — 
While  Zephaniah,  Haggai  calls, 
Wrapt  Zachariah  builds  his  walls ; 
And  Malachi,  with  garments  rent, 
Concludes  the  ancient  Testament. 

NAMES   AND  ORDER  OF  THE   BOOKS   OP  THE   NEW  TESTAMENT. 
Matthew,  Mark,  Luke,  and  John,  wrote  the  life  of  their  Lord; 
The  Acts,  what  Apostles  accomplished,  record  j 
Rome,  Corinth,  Galatus,  Ephesus,  hear 
What  Philippians,  Colossians,  Thessalonians  revere : 


328  MEMORIA  TECHNICA. 

Timotheus,  Titus,  Philemon,  precede 
The  Epistle  which  Hebrews  most  gratefully  read ; 
James,  Peter,  and  John,  with  the  short  letter  Jude, 
The  rounds  of  Divine  Revelation  conclude. 

NAMES  OF  SHAKSPEARE'S  PLAYS. 

Omitting  the  Historical  English  Dramas,  "  quos  versu  dieere  non  i 
Cymbeline,  Tempest,  Much  Ado,  Verona, 
Merry  Wives,  Twelfth  Night,  As  you  Like  it,  Errors, 
Shrew  Taming,  Night's  Dream,  Measure,  Andronicus, 

Timon  of  Athens. 

Winter's  Tale,  Merchant,  Troilus,  Lear,  Hamlet, 
Love's  Labor,  All's  Well,  Pericles,  Othello, 
Romeo,  Macbeth,  Cleopatra,  Caesar, 

Coriolanus. 

ENGLISH   SOVEREIGNS. 
First  William  the  Norman, 

Then  William  his  son ; 
Henry,  Stephen,  and  Henry, 

Then  Richard  and  John. 
Next  Henry  the  Third, 

Edwards  one,  two,  and  three ; 
And  again,  after  Richard, 

Three  Henrya  we  see. 
Two  Edwards,  third  Richard, 

If  rightly  I  guess ; 
Two  Henrys,  sixth  Edward, 

Queen  Mary,  Queen  Bess. 
Then  Jamie,  the  Scotchman, 

Then  Charles  whom  they  slew, 
Yet  received  after  Cromwell 

Another  Charles  too. 
.  Next  James  the  Second 

Ascended  the  throne; 
Then  good  William  and  Mary 

Together  came  on. 
Till,  Anne,  Georges  four, 

And  fourth  William  all  past, 
God  sent  Queen  Victoria: 

May  she  long  be  the  last ! 

PRESIDENTS   OF   THE   UNITED  STATES. 
First  stands  the  lofty  WASHINGTON, 
That  nobly  great,  immortal  one  j 
The  elder  ADAMS  next  we  see, 
And  JEFFEUSOD  comes  number  three; 


MEMORIA  TECHNICA.  329 

The  fourth  is  MADISON,  you  know, 
The  fifth  one  on  the  list,  MONROE  ; 
The  sixth  an  ADAMS  comes  again, 
And  JACKSON  seventh  in  the  train ; 
VAN  BUREN  eighth  upon  the  line, 
And  HARRISON  counts  number  nine ; 
The  tenth  is  TYLER  in  his  turn, 
And  POLK  eleventh,  as  we  learn ; 
The  twelfth  is  TAYLOR  that  appears  ; 
The  thirteenth,  FILLMORE  fills  his  years; 
Then  PIERCE  conies  fourteenth  into  view ; 
BUCHANAN  is  the  fifteenth  due  ; 
The  sixteenth  LINCOLN,  foully  slain  ; 
The  seventeenth  was  JOHNSON'S  reign} 
Then  GRANT  was  by  the  people  sent 
To  be  their  eighteenth  President. 


THE    DECALOGUE. 

1.  Have  thou  no  Gods  but  me;  2.  Nor  graven  type  adore; 

3.  Take  not  my  name  in  vain;  'twere  guilt  most  sore: 

4.  Hallow  the  seventh  day  ;  5.  Thy  parents'  honor  love  : 
6.  No  murder  do  ;  7.  Nor  thou  adulterer  prove  : 

8.  From  theft  be  pure  thy  hands;  9.  No  witness  false,  thy  word: 
10.  Covet  of  none  his  house,  wife,  maid,  or  herd. 


Worship  to  God  —  but  not  God  graven  —  pay; 

Blaspheme  not;  sanctify  the  Sabbath  day; 
Be  honored  parents:  brother's  blood  unshed; 

And  unpolluted  hold  the  marriage  bed; 
From  theft  thy  hand  —  thy  tongue  from  lying  —  keep; 

Nor  covet  neighbor's  home,  spouse,  serf,  ox,  sheep. 

Thou  no  God  shalt  have  but  me; 
Before  no  idol  bow  the  knee; 
Take  not  the  name  of  God  in  vain  ; 
Nor  dare  the  Sabbath  day  profane  ; 
Give  both  thy  parents  honor  due; 
Take  heed  that  thou  no  murder  do; 
Abstain  from  words  and  deeds  unclean; 
Nor  steal,  though  thou  art  poor  and  mean  ; 
Nor  make  a  willful  lie,  nor  love  it; 
What  is  thy  neighbor's,  do  not  covet. 
28* 


330  MEMORIA   TECHNICA. 

METRICAL    GRAMMAR. 

Three  little  words  we  often  see 

Are  Articles,  a,  an,  and  the. 

A  Noun's  the  name  of  any  thing, 

As  school,  or  garden,  hoop,  or  swing. 

Adjectives  tell  the  kind  of  Noun, 

As  great,  small,  pretty,  white,  or  brown. 

Instead  of  Nouns  the  Pronouns  stand — 

Her  fan,  his  face,  my  arm,  your  hand. 

Verbs  tell  of  something  being  done — 

To  read,  write,  count,  sing,  jump,  or  run. 

How  things  are  done  the  Adverbs  tell, 

As  slowly,  quickly,  ill,  or  well. 

Conjunctions  join  the  words  together, 

As   men  and  children,  wind  or  weather. 

The  Preposition  stands  before 

A  Noun — as,  I'M  or  through  a  door. 

The  Interjection  shows  surprise, 

As    Oh!  how  pretty,  Ah!  how  wise. 

The  whole  are  called  nine  parts  of  Speech, 

Which  Beading,    Writing,  Speaking,  teach. 

NUMBER  OF  DAYS  IN  EACH  MONTH. 

One  of  the  most  useful  lessons  taught  us  in  early  life  by 
arithmetical  treatises,  is  that  of  Grafton's  well-known  lines  in 
his  Chronicles  of  England,  1590.  Sir  Walter  Scott,  in  con- 
versation with  a  friend,  adverted  jocularly  to  that  ancient  and 
respectable  but  unknown  poet,  who  had  given  us  this  for- 
mula : — 

Thirty  days  hath  September, 

April,  June,  and  November; 

And  all  the  rest  have  thirty-one, 

Excepting  February  alone, 

Which  has  but  twenty-eight,  in  fine, 

Till  Leap  -Year  gives  it  twenty-nine.          » 

The  form  used  by  the  Quakers  runs  thus: — 

The  fourth,  eleventh,  ninth  and  sixth 
Have  thirty  days  to  each  affixed  ; 
Every  other,  thirty-one, 
Except  the  second  month  alone. 


ORIGIN   OP   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  331 

igtu  of  &f)inp  ^Familiar. 

MIND   YOUR   P'S   AND  Q'S. 

IT  would  be  a  curious  thing,  if  they  could  be  traced  out,  to 
ascertain  the  origin  of  half  the  quaint  old  sayings  and  maxima 
that  have  come  down  to  the  present  time  from  unknown  gene- 
rations. Who,  for  example,  was  "DlCK,"  who  had  the  odd- 
looking  "  hat-band,"  and  who  has  so  long  been  the  synonym 
or  representative  of  oddly-acting  people?  Who  knows  any 
thing  authentic  of  the  leanness  of  "  Job's  turkey,"  who  has 
so  many  followers  in  the  ranks  of  humanity  ?  Scores  of 
other  sayings  there  are,  concerning  which  similar  questions 
might  be  asked.  Who  ever  knew,  until  comparatively  late 
years,  what  was  the  origin  of  the  cautionary  saying,  "  Mind 
your  P's  and  Q's"  ?  A  modern  antiquarian,  however,  has  put 
the  world  right  in  relation  to  that  saying.  In  ale-houses,  in  the 
olden  time,  when  chalk  "  scores"  were  marked  upon  the  wall, 
or  behind  the  door  of  the  tap-room,  it  was  customary  to  put  the 
initials  "P"  and  "Q"  at  the  head  of  every  man's  account,  to 
show  the  number  of  "  pints"  and  "  quarts"  for  which  he  was 
in  arrears;  and  we  may  presume  many  a  friendly  rustic  to  have 
tapped  his  neighbor  on  the  shoulder,  when  he  was  indulging 
too  freely  in  his  potations,  and  to  have  exclaimed,  as  he  pointed 
to  the  chalk-score,  "  Mind  your  P's  and  Q's;  man  !  mind  your 
P's  and  Q's  !"  The  writer  from  whom  we  glean  this  informa- 
tion mentions  an  amusing  anecdote  in  connection  with  it, 
which  had  its  origin  in  London,  at  the  time  a  "  Learned  Pig" 
was  attracting  the  attention  of  half  the  town.  A  theatrical 
wag,  who  attended  the  porcine  performances,  maliciously  set 
before  the  four-legged  actor  some  peas, — a  temptation  which  the 
animal  could  not  resist,  and  which  immediately  occasioned  him 
to  lose  the  "cue"  given  him  by  the  showman.  The  pig-exhib- 
itor remonstrated  with  the  author  of  the  mischief  on  the  unfair- 
ness of  what  he  had  done ;  to  which  he  replied,  "  I  only 
wanted  to  ascertain  whether  the  pig  knew  his  <  peas'  from  his 


832  ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

ALL   FOOLS*    DAT. 

April  the  First  stands  marked  by  custom's  rules, 
A  day  of  being,  and  of  making,  fools. 

The  First  of  April,  as  is  well  known,  is  distinguished  in  the 
calendar  by  the  singular  appellation  of  "  All  Fools'  Day."  It 
would  be  a  curious  exception  to  common  experience,  if,  on  the 
recurrence  of  this  memorable  epoch  in  the  division  of  time, 
multitudes  were  not  betrayed  into  a  due  observance  of  its 
peculiarities.  Many  grave  and  unsuspecting  people  have 
been  sent  upon  the  most  frivolous  and  nonsensical  errands. 
Many  a  passer-by  has  been  told  that  there  was  something 
out  of  his  pocket,  which  was  his  hand;  or  something  on  his 
face,  which  was  his  nose.  Many  a  school-boy  has  been  sent  to 
the  shoemaker's  for  stirrup-oil,  which  he  would  get  from  a  strap, 
across  his  shoulders;  or  to  ask  a  schoolmistress  for  the  biography 
of  Eve's  mother ;  or  to  an  old  bachelor  to  purchase  pigeon's 
milk.  Many  a  printer's  "  devil"  has  been  sent  to  a  neighbor- 
ing editor  for  a  quart  of  editorial,  and  received  in  return  a  pic- 
ture of  a  jackass;  and  many  a  pretty  girl  despatched  to  the 
handsome  druggist  round  the  corner  for  the  essence  of  tulips 
(two-lips,)  which  she  would  sometimes  box  the  pharmaceutic  ears 
for  offering  to  give  her.  Some  would  be  summoned,  upon  the 
most  unfounded  pretexts,  out  of  their  warm  beds,  an  hour  01 
more  before  the  accustomed  time.  Others  were  enticed  to  open 
packages,  promising  ample  remuneration,  but  full  of  disappoint- 
ment; and  others  again,  as  they  passed  along  the  streets,  were 
captivated  by  the  sight  of  pieces  of  spurious  coin,  which,  when 
they  essayed  to  lift,  they  found  securely  fastened  to  the  pavement, 
— together  with  various  other  whimsicalities,  which  under  other 
circumstances  would  have  been  deemed  highly  offensive,  but, 
happening  on  the  First  of  April,  were  considered,  if  not  agree- 
able, at  least  comparatively  harmless.  The  origin  of  this 
strange  custom  is  shrouded  in  mystery.  It  has  been  traced  by 
some  to  the  scene  in  the  life  of  Jesus  when  he  was  sent  from 
Pilate  to  Herod,  and  back  from  Herod  to  Pilate,  which  occurred 
about  this  period. 


ORIGIN   OP   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  333 

Brady's  Clavis  Calendaria,  published  in  1812,  mentions 
that  more  than  a  century  previous  the  almanacs  designated  the 
First  of  April  as  "  All  Fools'  Day."  In  the  northern  counties 
of  England  and  Scotland,  the  jokes  on  that  day  were  practised 
to  a  great  extent,  and  it  scarcely  required  an  apology  to  experi- 
ment upon  the  gravest  and  most  respectable  of  city  or  country 
gentlemen  and  women.  The  person  whose  good  nature  or  sim- 
plicity put  him  momentarily  in  the  power  of  his  facetious  neigh- 
bor was  called  a  "gowk" — and  the  sending  upon  ridiculous 
errands,  "hunting  the  gowk."  The  term  "gowk"  was  a  com- 
mon  expression  for  a  cuckoo,  which  was  reckoned  among  the 
silliest  and  simplest  of  all  the  feathered  tribes. 

In  France,  the  person  made  the  butt  upon  these  occasions 
was  styled  "  un  poisson  d'Avril" — that  is,  an  April  fish — by 
implication,  an  April  fool — "poisson  d'Avril,"  the  familiar 
name  of  the  mackerel,  a  fish  easily  caught  by  deception,  singly 
and  in  shoals,  at  this  season  of  the  year.  The  term  "  April 
fool"  was  therefore,  probably,  nothing  more  than  an  easy  substi- 
tution of  that  opprobrious  epithet  for  fish,  and  it  is  quite  likely 
that  our  ancestors  borrowed  the  custom  from  France,  with  this 
change  in  the  phrase  peculiar  to  the  occasion.  It  is  possible, 
however,  that  it  may  have  been  derived  from  poison,  mischief. 
Among  the  French,  ridicule  is  the  most  successful  weapon  for 
correcting  folly  and  holding  vice  in  terrorem.  A  Frenchman 
is  more  afraid  of  a  successful  bon  mot  at  his  expense  than  of  a 
sword,  and  the  First  of  April  is  a  day,  therefor^,  of  which  he 
can  make  a  double  application  :  he  may  gratify  his  love  of 
pleasantry  among  his  friends,  or  inflict  a  severe  wound  on  his 
enemies,  if  he  possess  the  art  and  wit  to  invent  and  perpetrate 
a  worthy  piece  of  foolery  upon  them.  One  of  the  best  tricks 
that  ever  occurred  in  France  was  that  of  Kabelais,  who  fooled 
the  officers  of  justice,  when  he  had  no  money,  into  conveying 
him  from  Marseilles  to  Paris  on  a  charge  of  treason  got  up  for 
the  purpose,  and,  when  arrived  there,  showing  them  how  they 
were  hoaxed.  For  this  purpose  he  made  up  some  brick-dust 
and  ashes  in  different  packets,  labelled  as  poisons  for  the  royal 


Oo4  ORIGIN   OP   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

family  of  France.  The  bait  took,  and  he  was  conveyed  to  the 
capital  as  a  traitor,  seven  hundred  miles,  only  to  explain  the 
joke. 

There  is  a  very  common  practical  joke  on  fools'  day  in  the 
British  metropolis :  it  consists  in  despatching  a  letter  by  an 
unlucky  dupe,  who  is  to  wait  for  an  answer.  The  answer  is  a 
second  note,  to  a  third  person,  "to  send  the  fool  farther."  A 
young  surgeon,  a  greenhorn  in  practice,  fresh  from  St.  Bar- 
tholomew's, his  instruments  unfleshed  on  his  own  account,  and 
his  surgery  bottles  full  to  repletion,  was  called  a  few  years  ago 
from  the  Strand  to  a  patient  in  Newgate  Street,  very  rich, 
named  Dobbs.  It  was  the  First  of  April,  and  it  was  his  first 
patient.  The  young  Esculapius  was  ushered  into  the  presence 
of  the  supposed  patient,  who  was  busy  writing  in  his  counting- 
house.  The  surgeon  explained  his  errand,  and  Mr.  Dobbs, 
having  an  excellent  mercantile  discernment,  soon  saw  through 
the  affair.  He  bowed  and  said,  "  It  is  a  mistake,  sir :  my  name 
is  Dobbs,  but  I  am,  thank  God,  hale  and  hearty.  It  is  my 
brother,  the  sugar-baker,  on  Fish  Street  Hill,  that  has  sent  for 
you,  [carriage  or  horse  he  had  none,]  three-fourths  of  a  mile 
farther."  He  entered  among  the  pyramids  of  snowy  sweets,  and 
found  Mr.  Dobbs,  the  sugar-baker,  of  Fish  Street  Hill,  as  hale 
as  his  brother  of  Newgate  Street.  The  refiner  of  saccharine 
juice  understood  his  brother's  note,  stammered  out  a  pretended 
apology  for  the  mistake,  and  said  he  supposed,  as  the  young 
man's  directions  were  to  Mr.  J.  Dobbs,  and  not  Mr.  Jeffry 
Dobbs,  that  was  intended ;  that  his  name  was  Jeffry,  but  his 
brother  John,  a  third  member  of  the  family,  and  in  his  busi- 
ness, lived  at  Limehouse,  whither  he  thought,  if  our  surgeon 
proceeded,  he  would  find  the  person  he  sought.  An  address 
was  handed  the  young  tourniquet  at  the  extreme  end  of  Lime- 
house,  which  address,  it  is  needless  to  say,  was  false.  What 
will  not  a  surgeon  do  to  obtain  his  first  patient,  and  a  rich  one 
too?  Away  he  posted  to  Limehouse,  and  soon  found  how  far 
he  had  travelled  for  nothing.  Tired  and  disappointed,  and 
scheming  vengeance  on  the  authors  of  the  hoax,  he  set  off  on 


ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  335 

his  return  home,  cursing  the  Dobbs  family  every  step  he  went. 
As  he  passed  along  Upper  Shadwell,  he  saw  a  horse  gallop  furi- 
ously down  Charnomile  Street  and  fling  its  rider  a  heavy  fall 
on  the  pavement.  He  ran  and  lifted  the  fallen  man,  whom  he 
found  insensible.  He  conveyed  him  to  a  shop  hard  by,  bled 
him,  and  had  the  satisfaction  of  seeing  him  open  his  eyes.  Suf- 
fice it  to  say  that,  on  being  conveyed  home,  our  young  sur- 
geon attended  him  until  he  was  restored  to  health  •  and  so 
gratefully  were  his  exertions  received  by  the  stranger,  who  was  a 
rich  East  India  merchant,  far  advanced  in  life,  that  he  took 
him  into  his  house  as  a  medical  attendant  and  friend,  and  ulti- 
mately left  him  the  bulk  of  his  property.'  Thus,  out  of  an  in- 
tended Fools'  Day  hoax,  by  the  inscrutable  caprice  of  fortune,  a 
frolic  led  its  dupe  to  wealth.  This  anecdote,  according  to  the 
London  Athenaeum,  may  be  depended  on  as  true,  nothing  in 
the  story  but  the  name  adopted,  to  conceal  the  real  actors  in 
the  drama,  being  fictitious. 

A  day  of  fooleries,  the  Huli  Fest,  is  observed,  also,  among 
the  Hindoos,  attended  with  the  like  silly  species  of  witticism. 

By  many  it  is  believed  that  the  term  "  all"  is  a  corruption 
of  auld  or  old,  thereby  making  it  originally  "  Old  Fools'  Day," 
in  confirmation  of  which  opinion  the  following  observation  is 
quoted  from  an  ancient  Roman  calendar  respecting  the  1st  of 
November  : — "  The  feast  of  old  fools  is  removed  to  this  day." 
The  oldest  almanacs  extant,  however,  have  it  all  (and  not  old) 
fools'  day.  Besides  the  Roman  "  Saturnalia"  and  the  Druid- 
ical  rites,  superstitions  which  the  early  Christians  found  in 
existence  when  they  commenced  their  labors  in  England,  was 
the  Festum  Fatuorum,  or  Fools'  Holiday,  which  was  doubtless 
our  present  First  of  April.  In  some  of  the  German  classics 
frequent  mention  is  made  of  the  Aprilen  Narr,  so  that  even 
the  Germans  of  the  olden  time  understood  how  to  practise  their 
cunning  April  arts  upon  their  neighbors  quite  as  well  as  we  of 
the  present  day. 

Enough  has  been  here  quoted  to  prove  that  the  custom  is  of 
very  ancient  existence;  but  the  precise  origin  thereof  remains 


336  ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

undiscovered,  and  will  have  to  be  dug  from  some  of  the  musty 
chronicles  of  gray  antiquity.  But,  be  the  origin  of  the  custom 
what  it  may,  we  cannot  avoid  the  conclusion  that  it  is  one 
"  more  honored  in  the  breach  than  in  the  observance." 

CARDS. 

About  the  year  1390,  cards  were  invented  to  divert  Charles 
IV.,  then  King  of  France,  who  was  fallen  into  a  melancholy 
disposition.  That  they  were  not  in  use  before  appears  highly 
probable.  1st,  Because  no  cards  are  to  be  seen  in  any  paint- 
ings, sculpture,  tapestry,  &c.  more  ancient  than  the  preceding 
period,  but  are  represented  in  many  works  of  ingenuity  since 
that  age.  2dly,  No  prohibitions  relative  to  cards,  by  the  king's 
edicts,  are  mentioned;  although  some  few  years  before,  a  most 
severe  one  was  published,  forbidding  by  name  all  manner  of 
sports  and  pastimes,  in  order  that  the  subjects  might  exercise 
themselves  in  shooting  with  bows  and  arrows  and  be  in  a  con- 
dition to  oppose  the  English.  Now,  it  is  not  to  be  presumed 
that  so  luring  a  game  as  cards  would  have  been  omitted  in  the 
enumeration  had  they  been  in  use.  3dly,  In  all  the  ecclesi- 
astical canons  prior  to  the  same  time,  there  occurs  no  mention 
of  cards  ;  although,  twenty  years  after  that  date,  card-playing 
was  interdicted  the  clergy  by  a  Gallican  Synod.  About  the 
same  time  is  found  in  the  account-book  of  the  king's  cofferer 
the  following  charge : — "  Paid  for  a  pack  of  painted  leaves 
bought  for  the  king's  amusement,  three  livres."  Printing  and 
stamping  being  not  then  discovered,  the  cards  were  painted, 
which  made  them  dear.  Thence,  in  the  above  synodical  canons, 
they  are  called  pagillse,  pictse,  painted  little  leaves.  4thly, 
About  thirty  years  after  this  came  a  severe  edict  against  cards 
in  France,  and  another  by  Emanuel,  Duke  of  Savoy,  only 
permitting  the  ladies  this  pastime,  pro  spinilis,  for  pins  and 
needles. 

Of  their  designs. — The  inventor  proposed  by  the  figures  of 
the  four  suits,  or  colors,  as  the  French  call  them,  to  represent 
the  four  states  or  classes  of  men  in  the  kingdom.  By  the 


ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  337 

Caesars  (hearts)  are  meant  the  Gens  de  Chaeur,  choir-men,  or 
ecclesiastics;  and  therefore  the  Spaniards,  who  certainly  re- 
ceived the  use  of  cards  from  the  French,  have  copas  or  chalices 
instead  of  hearts.  The  nobility,  or  prime  military  part  of  the 
kingdom,  are  represented  by  the  ends  or  points  of  lances,  or 
pikes;  and  our  ignorance  of  the  meaning  or  resemblance  of  the 
figure  induced  us  to  call  them  spades.  The  Spaniards  have 
enpadas  (swords)  in  lieu  of  pikes,  which  is  of  similar  import. 
By  diamonds  are  designated  the  order  of  citizens,  merchants, 
and  tradesmen,  carreaux,  (square  stone  tiles,  or  the  like.)  The 
Spaniards  have  a  coin  dineros,  which  answers  to  it;  and  the 
Dutch  call  the  French  word  carreaux,  sti'encen,  stones  and  dia- 
monds, from  the  form.  Treste,  the  trefoil  leaf,  or  clover  grass, 
(corruptly  called  clubs,)  alludes  to  husbandmen  and  peasants. 
How  this  suit  came  to  be  called  clubs  is  not  explained,  unless, 
borrowing  the  game  from  the  Spaniards,  who  have  bastos  (staves 
or  clubs)  instead  of  the  trefoil,  we  gave  the  Spanish  significa- 
tion to  the  French  figure. 

The  "  history  of  the  four  kings,"  which  the  French  in  droll- 
ery sometimes  call  "  the  cards,"  is  that  of  David,  Alexander, 
Csesar,  and  Charles,  names  which  were,  and  still  are,  on  the- 
French  cards.  These  respective  names  represent  the  four  cele- 
brated monarchies  of  the  Jews,  Greeks,  Romans,  and  Franks 
under  Charlemagne. 

By  the  queens  are  intended  Argine,  Esther,  Judith,  and 
Pallas,  (names  retained  in  the  French  cards,)  typical  of  birth, 
piety,  fortitude,  and  wisdom,  the  qualifications  residing  in  each 
person.  "  Argine"  is  an  anagram  for  "  Regina,"  queen  by 
descent 

By  the  knaves  were  designed  the  servants  to  knights,  (for 
knave  originally  meant  only  servant ;  and  in  an  old  translation 
of  the  Bible,  St.  Paul  is  called  the  knave  of  Christ,)  but  French 
pages  and  valets,  now  indiscriminately  used  by  various  orders 
of  persons,  were  formerly  only  allowed  to  persons  of  quality, 
esquires,  (escuiers,)  shield  or  armor  bearers.  Others  fancy 
that  the  knights  themselves  were  designed  by.  those  cards,  be- 
W  29 


338  ORIGIN   OP   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

cause  Hogier  and  Lahire,  two  names  on  the  French  cards, 
were  famous  knights  at  the  time  cards  were  supposed  to  be 
invented. 

SUB   ROSA. 

But  when  we  with  caution  a  secret  disclose, 

We  cry,  "  Be  it  spoken,  sir,  under  the  rose." 

Since  'tis  known  that  the  rose  was  an  emblem  of  old, 

Whose  leaves  by  their  closeness  taught  secrets  to  hold ; 

And  'twas  thence  it  was  painted  on  tables  so  oft 

As  a  warning,  lest,  when  with  a  frankness  men  scoft 

At  their  neighbor,  their  lord,  their  fat  priest,  or  their  nation, 

Some  among  'em  next  day  should  betray  conversation. 

British  Apollo,  1708. 

The  origin  of  the  phrase  under  the  rose  implies  secrecy,  and 
had  its  origin  during  the  year  B.C.  477,  at  which  time  Pausa- 
nias,  the  commander  of  the  confederate  fleet  of  the  Spartans 
and  Athenians,  was  engaged  in  an  intrigue  with  Xerxes  for  the 
subjugation  of  Greece  to  the  Persian  rule,  and  for  the  hand  of 
the  monarch's  daughter  in  marriage.  Their  negotiations  were 
carried  on  in  a  building  attached  to  the  temple  of  Minerva, 
called  the  Brazen  House,  the  roof  of  which  was  a  garden  form- 
ing a  bower  of  roses ;  so  that  the  plot,  which  was  conducted 
with  the  utmost  secrecy,  was  literally  matured  under  the  rose 
Pausanias,  however,  was  betrayed  by  one  of  his  emissaries, 
who,  by  a  preconcerted  plan  with  the  ephori,  (the  overseers 
and  counsellors  of  state,  five  in  number,)  gave  them  a  secret 
opportunity  to  hear  from  the  lips  of  Pausanias  himself  the  ac- 
knowledgment of  his  treason.  To  escape  arrest,  he  fled  to  the 
temple  of  Minerva,  and,  as  the  sanctity  of  the  place  forbade  in- 
trusion for  violence  or  harm  of  any  kind,  the  people  walled  up 
the  edifice  with  stones  and  left  him  to  die  of  starvation.  His 
own  mother  laid  the  first  stone. 

It  afterward  became  a  custom  among  the  Athenians  to  wear 
roses  in  their  hair  whenever  they  wished  to  communicate  to 
another  a  secret  which  they  wished  to  be  kept  inviolate.  Hence 
the  saying  sub  rosa  among  them,  and,  since,  among  Christian 
nations. 


ORIGIN    OP    THINGS   FAMILIAR.  339 

OVER   THE   LEFT. 

The  earliest  trace  of  the  use  and  peculiar  significance  of  this 
phrase  may  be  found  in  the  Records  of  the  Hartford  County 
Courts,  in  the  (then)  Colony  of  Connecticut,  as  follows  : — 

At  a  County  Court  held  at  Hartford, 

September  4,  1705. 
Whereas  James  Steel  did  commence  an  action  against  Bevell 
Waters  (both  of  Hartford)  in  this  Court,  upon  hearing  and 
tryall  whereof  the  Court  gave  judgment  against  the  said  Wa- 
ters, (as  in  justice  they  think  they  ought,)  upon  the  declaring 
the  said  judgment,  the  said  Waters  did  review  to  the  Court  in 
March  next,  that,  being  granted  and  entered,  the  said  Waters, 
as  he  departed  from  the  table,  he  said,  "  God  bless  you  over  the 
left  shoulder.1" 

The  Court  order  a  record  to  be  made  thereof  forthwith. 
A  true  copie  :  Test. 

CALEB  STANLEY,  Clerk. 

At  the  next  court,  Waters  was  tried  for  contempt,  for  saying 
the  words  recited,  aso  cursing  the  Court,"  and  on  verdict 
fined  £5.  He  asked  a  review  of  the  Court  following,  which 
was  granted ;  and  pending  trial,  the  Court  asked  counsel  of  the 
Rev.  Messrs.  Woodbridge  and  Buckingham,  the  ministers  of 
the  Hartford  churches,  as  to  the  "  common  acceptation"  of  the 
offensive  phrase.  Their  reply  constitutes  a  part  of  the  Record, 
and  is  as  follows  : — 

We  are  of  opinion  that  those  words,  said  on  the  other  side  to 
\)e  spoken  by  Bevell  Waters,  include  (1)  prophaneness,  by 
using  the  name  of  God,  that  is  holy,  with  such  ill  words  whereto 
it  was  joyned;  (2)  that  they  carry  great  contempt  in  them, 
arising  to  the  degree  of  an  imprecation  or  curse,  the  words  of  a 
curse  being  the  most  contemptible  that  can  ordinarily  be  used. 

T.  WOODBRIDGE. 
T.  BUCKINGHAM. 

March  7th,  1705-6. 
The  former  judgment  was  affirmed  on  review. 


340  ORIGIN   OP    THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

KICKING   THE    BUCKET. 

The  tradition  among  the  slang  fraternity  as  to  the  origin  of 
this  phrase  is  that  "  One  Bolsover,  having  hung  himself  to  a 
beam  while  standing  on  the  bottom  of  a  pail,  or  bucket,  kicked 
the  vessel  away  in  order  to  pry  into  futurity,  and  it  was  all  UP 
with  him  from  that  moment — Finis  !" 

BTTMPER. 

When  the  Roman  Catholic  religion  was  in  the  ascendant  in 
England,  the  health  of  the  Pope  was  usually  drunk  in  a  full 
glass  immediately  after  dinner — au  ban  ptre :  hence  the  word 
"  Bumper." 

ROYAL    SAYING. 

It  was  Alphonsus,  surnamed  the  Wise,  King  of  Aragon,  who 
used  to  say,  "  That  among  so  many  things  as  are  by  men  pos- 
sessed or  pursued  in  the  course  of  their  lives,  all  the  rest  are 
baubles,  besides  old  wood  to  burn,  old  wine  to  drink,  old  friends 
to  converse  with,  and  old  books  to  read." 

DUN. 

This  word,  generally  supposed  to  be  derived  from  the  French 
donnez,  owes  its  origin,  according  to  the  British  Apollo  of  Sep- 
tember, 1708,  to  one  Joe  Dun,  a  famous  bailiff  of  Lincoln  in 
the  time  of  Henry  VII.  He  is  said  to  have  been  so  ex- 
tremely shrewd  in  the  management  of  his  rough  business,  and 
so  dexterous  in  the  collection  of  dues,  that  his  name  became 
proverbial ;  and  whenever  a  man  refused  to  pay  his  debts,  it 
grew  into  a  prevalent  custom  to  say,  "  Why  don't  vou  DUN 
him?" 

HUMBUG. 

Among  the  many  issues  of  base  coin  which  from  time  to  time 
were  made  in  Ireland,  there  was  none  to  be  compared  in  worth- 
lessness  to  that  made  by  James  II.  at  the  Dublin  Mint.  It  was 
composed  of  any  thing  on  which  he  could  lay  his  hands,  such  as 
lead,  pewter,  copper,  and  brass,  and  so  low  was  its  intrinsic 
value  that  twenty  shillings  of  it  was  only  worth  twopence 


ORIGIN    Off   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  341 

sterling.  William  III.,  a  few  days  after  the  battle  of  the  Boyne, 
ordered  that  the  crown-piece  and  half-crown  should  be  taken 
as  one  penny  and  one  half-penny  respectively.  The  soft  mixed 
metal  of  which  that  worthless  coin  was  composed  was  known 
among  the  Irish  as  Uim  bog,  pronounced  Oom-bug,  i.e.  soft 
copper,  i.e.  worthless  money ;  and  in  the  course  of  their  deal- 
ings the  modern  use  of  the  word  humbug  took  its  rise,  as  in  the 
phrases,  "That's  apiece  ofuimbog,"  "Don't  think  to  pass  off 
your  uimbog  on  me."  Hence  the  word  humbug  came  to  be 
applied  to  any  thing  that  had  a  specious  appearance  but  which 
was  in  reality  spurious.  It  is  curious  to  note  that  the  very 
opposite  of  humbug,  i.e.  false  metal,  is  the  word  sterling,  which 
is  also  taken  from  a  term  applied  to  the  true  coinage  of  Great 
Britain,  as  sterling  coin,  sterling  worth,  &c. 

PASQUINADES. 

At  one  corner  of  the  Palazzo  Braschi,  the  last  monument  of 
Papal  nepotism,  near  the  Piazza  Navona,  in  Rome,  stands  the 
famous  mutilated  torso  known  as  the  statue  of  Pasquin.  It  is 
the  remains  of  a  work  of  art  of  considerable  merit,  found  at  this 
spot,  in  the  sixteenth  century,  and  supposed  to  represent  Ajax 
supporting  Menelaus.  It  derives  its  modern  name  from  the 
tailor  Pasquin,  who  kept  a  shop  opposite,  which  was  the  ren- 
dezvous of  all  the  gossips  in  the  city,  and  from  which  their 
satirical  witticisms  on  the  manners  and  follies  of  the  day  ob- 
tained a  ready  circulation. 

Misson  says  in  his  Travels  in  Italy, — The  tailor  had  precisely 
the  talent  to  head  a  regiment  of  satirical  wits,  and  had  he  had 
time  to  publish,  he  would  have  been  the  Peter  Pindar  of  his 
day;  but  his  genius  seems  to  have  been  satisfied  to  rest  cross- 
legged  on  his  shop-board.  When  any  lampoons  or  amusing 
bon-mots  were  current  in  Rome,  they  were  usually  called,  from 
his  shop,  Pasquinades.  After  his  death,  this  statue  of  an  an- 
cient gladiator  was  found  under  the  pavement  of  his  shop.  It 
was  soon  set  up,  and  by  universal  consent  was  inscribed  with 
his  name;  and  they  still  attempt  to  raise  him  from  the  dead, 
29* 


342  ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  « 

and  keep  the  caustic  tailor  alive,  in  the  marble  gladiator  of 
wit. 

The  statue  of  Marforio,  which  stood  near  the  arch  of  Septi- 
mus Severus,  in  the  Forum,  was  made  the  vehicle  for  replying 
to  the  attacks  of  Pasquin ;  and  for  many  years  they  kept  up  an 
incessant  fire  of  wit  and  repartee.  When  Marforio  was  removed 
to  the  museum  in  the  capitol,  the  Pope  wished  to  remove 
Pasquin  also ;  but  the  Duke  di  Braschi,  to  whom  he  belongs, 
would  not  permit  it.  Adrian  VI.  attempted  to  arrest  his  career 
by  ordering  the  statue  to  be  burnt  and  thrown  into  the  Tiber  j 
but  one  of  the  Pope's  friends,  Ludovico  Sussano,  saved  him,  by 
suggesting  that  his  ashes  would  turn  into  frogs,  and  croak  more 
terribly  than  before.  It  is  said  that  his  owner  is  compelled  to 
pay  a  fine  whenever  he  is  found  guilty  of  exhibiting  any  scan- 
d-alous  placards.  The  modern  Romans  seem  to  regard  Pasquin 
as  part  of  their  social  system :  in  the  absence  of  a  free  press, 
he  has  become  in  some  measure  the  organ  of  public  opinion, 
and  there  is  scarcely  an  event  upon  which  he  does  not  pronounce 
judgment.  Some  of  his  sayings  are  extremely  broad  for  the 
atmosphere  of  Rome,  but  many  of  them  are  very  witty,  and 
fully  maintain  the  character  of  his  fellow-citizens  for  satirical 
epigrams  and  repartee.  When  Mezzofanti,  the  great  linguist, 
was  made  a  cardinal,  Pasquin  declared  that  it  was  a  very  pro- 
per appointment,  for  there  could  be  no  doubt  that  the  "  Tower 
of  Babel,"  "  11  torre  di  Babel,"  required  an  interpreter.  At 
the  time  of  the  first  French  occupation  of  Italy,  Pasquin  gave 
out  the  following  satirical  dialogue  : — 

I  Francesi  son  tutti  ladri. 
Non  tutti — ma  Bonaparte. 

The  French  are  all  robbers. 
Not  all,  but  a  good  part ;  (or 
Not  all — but  Bonaparte.) 

Another  remarkable  saying  is  recorded  in  connection  with 
the  celebrated  bull  of  Urban  VIII.,  excommunicating  all  per- 
sons who  took  snuff  in  the  Cathedral  of  Seville.  On  the  pub- 
lication of  this  decree,  Pasquin  appropriately  quoted  the  beauti- 


ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR.  343 

ful  passage  in  Job, — "Wilt  thou  break  a  leaf  driven  to  and  fro? 
and  wilt  thou  pursue  the  dry  stubble  ?" 

BOTTLED   ALE. 

The  hop  for  his  profit  I  thus  do  exalt; 
It  strengtheneth  drink  and  it  flavoreth  malt ; 
And  being  well  brewed,  long  kept  it  will  last, 
And  drawing  abide,  if  ye  draw  not  too  fast. 

Turner,  1557. 

Alexander  Newell,-  Doaa  of  St.  Paul's  and  Master  of  West- 
minster School  in  the  reign  of  Queen  Mary,  was  an  excellent 
angler.  But,  (says  Fuller,)  while  Newell  was  catching  of  fishes, 
Bishop  Bonner  was  catching  of  Newell,  and  would  certainly 
have  sent  him  to  the  shambles  had  not  a  good  London  mer- 
chant conveyed  him  away  upon  the  seas.  Newell  was  fishing 
upon  the  banks  of  the  Thames  when  he  received  the  first  inti- 
luation  of  his  danger,  which  was  so  pressing  that  he  dared  not 
go  back  to  his  own  house  to  make  any  preparation  for  his 
flight.  Like  an  honest  angler,  he  had  taken  with  him  provi- 
sion for  the  day,  and  when,  in  the  first  year  of  England's  deli- 
verance, he  returned  to  his  country  and  his  old  haunts,  he  re- 
membered that  on  the  day  of  his  flight  he  had  left  a  bottle 
of  beer  in  a  safe  place  on  the  bank :  there  he  looked  for  it,  and 
"  found  it  no  bottle,  but  a  gun — such  the  sound  at  the  opening 
thereof;  and  this  (adds  Fuller,)  is  believed  (casualty  is  mo- 
ther of  more  invention  than  industry)  the  origin  of  Bottled 
Ale  in  England." 

THE   POTATO. 

Although  Sir  Walter  Raleigh  was  unexpectedly  prevented 
from  accompanying  Sir  Humphrey  Gilbert  to  Newfoundland, 
he  eventually  proved  one  of  the  greatest  benefactors  to  his  own 
country,  by  the  introduction  of  the  potato  on  his  return  from 
America,  in  the  year  1584.  This  root  was  first  planted  on  Sir 
Walter's  estate  at  Youghall,  which  he  afterward  sold  to  the 
Earl  of  Cork ;  but  not  having  given  sufficient  directions  to  the 
person  who  had  the  management  of  the  land,  the  latter  mistook 
the  flowers  for  the  fruit  and  most  valuable  part  of  the  plant, 


344  ORIGIN    OF    THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

and,  on  tasting  them,  rejected  them  as  a  pernicious  exotic. 
Some  time  afterwards,  turning  up  the  earth,  he  found  the  roo.s 
spread  to  a  great  distance,  and  in  considerable  quantities ;  and 
from  this  stock  the  whole  kingdom  was  soon  after  supplied  with 
this  valuable  plant,  which  gradually  spread  throughout  Europe 
and  North  America.  Its  name,  potato,  in  Irish  paitey,  and  in 
French  palate,  is  said  to  be  derived  from  the  original  language 
of  Mexico,  of  which  it  is  supposed  to  be  a  native. 

Anspach's  History  of  Newfoundland. 

TARRING    AND    FEATHERING. 

Anquetil,  in  his  Histoire  de  France,  1805,  has  the  following 
passage  in  reference  to  this  mode  of  chastisement : — 

They  (the  two  crusading  kings,  Richard  Coeur  de  Lion  and 
Philip  Augustus)  afterwards  made  in  concert  the  laws  of  police 
which  should  be  observed  in  both  their  armies.  No  women, 
except  washerwomen,  were  to  be  permitted  to  accompany  the 
troops.  Whoever  killed  another  was,  according  to  the  place 
where  the  crime  should  be  committed,  to  be  cast  into  the  sea, 
or  buried  alive,  bound  to  the  corpse  of  the  murdered  person. 
Whoever  wounded  another  was  to  have  his  hand  cut  off;  who- 
ever struck  another  should  be  plunged  three  times  into  the 
sea;  and  whoever  committed  theft  should  have  warm  pitch 
poured  over  his  head,  which  should  then  be  powdered  with 
feathers,  and  the  offender  should  afterwards  be  left  aban- 
doned on  the  first  shore. 

STOCKINGS. 

It  is  stated  that  Henry  the  Second,  of  France,  was  the  first 
who  wore  silk  stockings,  and  this  was  on  the  occasion  of  his 
sister's  wedding  to  the  Duke  of  Savoy,  in  1509.  Howell,  in 
his  History  of  the  World,  says  that,  in  1550,  Queen  Elizabeth 
was  presented  with  a  pair  of  black  silk  knit  stockings  by  her 
silk-woman,  Mrs.  Montague,  and  that  she  never  wore  cloth  ones 
afterward.  He  also  adds,  that  Henry  the  Eighth  wore  ordi- 
narily cloth  hose,  unless  there  came  from  Spain,  by  great 
chance,  a  pair  of  silk  stockings.  His  son,  Edward  the  Sixth, 


ORIGIN    OF   THINGS    FAMILIAR.  345 

was  presented  with  a  pair  of  long  Spanish  silk  stoekings  by 
Sir  Thomas  Greshain.  Hence  it  would  seem  that  knit 
stockings  originally  came  from  Spain.  It  is  stated  that  one 
William  Rider,  an  apprentice  on  London  Bridge,  seeing,  at 
the  house  of  an  Italian  merchant,  a  pair  of  knit  stockings, 
from  Mantua,  took  the  hint,  and  made  a  pair  exactly  like  them, 
which  he  presented  to  the  Earl  of  Pembroke,  and  that  they 
were  the  first  of  that  kind  worn  in  England.  There  have  been 
various  opinions  with  respect  to  the  original  invention  of  the 
stocking-frame ;  but  it  is  now  generally  conceded  that  it  was 
invented  during  the  reign  of  Queen  Elizabeth,  in  the  year  1589, 
by  William  Lee,  M.A.,  of  St.  John's  College,  Cambridge. 
In  the  London  Magazine,  it  is  related  that  Mr.  Lee  was  ex- 
pelled from  the  University  for  marrying,  contrary  to  the  statutes 
of  the  college.  Being  thus  rejected,  and  ignorant  of  any  other 
means  of  subsistence,  he  was  reduced  to  the  necessity  of  living 
upon  what  his  wife  could  earn  by  knitting  stockings,  which 
gave  a  spur  to  his  invention  ;  and,  by  curiously  observing  the 
working  of  the  needles  in  knitting,  he  formed  in  his  mind  the 
model  of  the  frame.  Mr.  Lee  went  to  France,  and,  for  want 
of  patronage  there  and  in  England,  died  of  a  broken  heart,  at 
Paris.  In  the  hall  of  Framework  Knitters'  Company,  incor- 
porated by  Charles  the  Second,  in  1663,  is  a  portrait  of  Lee, 
pointing  to  one  of  the  iron  frames,  and  discoursing  with  a 
woman,  who  is  knitting  with  needles  and  her  fingers. 


THE    ORDER   OF    THE   GARTER. 

When  Salisbury's  famed  countess  was  dancing  with  glee, 
Her  stocking's  security  fell  from  her  knee. 
Allusions  and  hints,  sneers  and  whispers,  went  round; 
The  trifle  was  scouted,  and  left  on  the  ground. 
When  Edward  the  Brave,  with  true  soldier-like  spirit, 
Cried,  "  The  garter  is  mine ;  'tis  the  order  of  merit  : 
The  first  knights  in  my  court  shall  be  happy  to  wear- 
Proud  distinction !— the  garter  that  fell  from  the  fair; 
While  in  letters  of  gold — 'tis  your  monarch's  high  will — 
Shall  there  be  inscribed,  'III  to  him  that  thinks  ill!'" 


346  .      ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

DRINKING   HEALTHS. 

The  drinking  of  healths  originated  during  the  Danish  occtt 
pation  of  Britain.  The  Danes  frequently  stabbed  Englishmen 
while  in  the  act  of  drinking,  and  it  finally  became  necessary 
for  the  English,  in  view  of  the  constant  repetition  of  this 
dastardly  mode  of  assassination,  to  enter  into  a  compact  to  be 
mutual  pledges  of  security  for  each  other's  health  and  pre- 
servation. Hence  the  custom  of  pledging  and  drinking 
healths. 

A   FEATHER  IN   ONE'S   CAP. 

In  the  Lansdowne  MS.,  British  Museum,  is  a  Description  of 
Hungary  in  1599,  in  which  the  writer  says  of  the  inhabitants, 
"  It  hath  been  an  antient  custom  among  them  that  none  should 
wear  a  fether  but  he  who  had  killed  a  Turk,  to  whom  onlie  y' 
was  lawful  to  shew  the  number  of  his  slaine  enemys  by  the 
number  of  fethers  in  his  cappe." 

THE   WORD   BOOK. 

Before  paper  came  into  general  use,  our  Teutonic  forefathers 
wrote  their  letters,  calendars,  and  accounts  on  wood.  The  JBoc, 
or  beech,  being  close-grained  aud  plentiful  in  Northern  Europe, 
was  generally  employed  for  the  purpose,  and  hence  the  word 
book. 

.NINE   TAILORS    MAKE   A    MAN. 

The  following  humorous  account  of  the  origin  of  this  saying 
is  from  The  British  Apollo.  "It  happened  ('tis  no  great  mat- 
ter in  what  year)  that  eight  tailors,  having  finished  considera- 
ble pieces  of  work  at  the  house  of  a  certain  person  of  quality, 
(whose  name  authors  have  thought  fit  to  conceal,)  and  received 
all  the  money  due  for  the  same,  a  virago  servant-maid  of  the 
house,  observing  them  to  be  but  slender-built  animals,  and  in 
their  mathematical  postures  on  their  shop-board  appearing  but  so 
many  pieces  of  men,  resolved  to  encounter  and  pillage  them  on 
the  road.  The  better  to  compass  her  design,  she  procured  a 


ORIGIN    QF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  347 

very  terrible  great  black  pudding,  which,  having  waylaid  them, 
she  presented  at  the  breast  of  the  foremost.  They,  mistaking 
this  prop  of  life  for  an  instrument  of  death,  at  least  a  blunder- 
buss, readily  yielded  up  their  money;  but  she,  not  contented 
with  that,  severely  disciplined  them  with  a  cudgel  she  carried 
in  the  other  hand,  all  which  they  bore  with  a  philosophical  re- 
signation. Thus,  eight,  not  being  able  to  deal  with  one  woman, 
by  consequence  could  not  make  a  man ;  on  which  account  a 
ninth  is  added.  'Tis  the  opinion  of  our  curious  virtuosos,  that 
their  want  of  courage  ariseth  from  their  immoderate  eating  of 
cucumbers,  which  too  much  refrigerates  their  blood.  However, 
to  their  eternal  honor  be  it  spoken,  they  have  often  been  known 
to  encounter  a  sort  of  cannibals,  to  whose  assaults  they  are  often 
subject,  not  fictitious,  but  real  man-eaters,  and  that  with  a 
lance  but  two  inches  long;  nay,  and  although  they  go  armed 
no  further  than  their  middle  finger." 

An  earlier  authority  than  the  preceding  may  be  found  in  a 
note  in  Democritus  in  London,  with  the  Mad  Pranks  and 
Comical  Conceits  of  Motley  and  Robin  Goodfellow,  in  which 
the  following  version  of  the  origin  of  the  saying  is  given.  It 
is  dated  1682  :— 

There  is  a  proverb  which  has  been  of  old, 
.And  many  men  have  likewise  been  so  told, 
To  the  discredit  of  the  Taylor's  Trade : 
Nine  Taylors  go  to  make  up  a  man,  they  said  j 
But  for  their  credit  I'll  unriddle  it  t'  ye: 
A  draper  once  fell  into  povertie, 
Nine  Taylors  joined  their  purses  together  then, 
To  set  him  up,  and  make  him  a  man  again. 

VIZ. 

The  contraction  viz.  affords  a  curious  instance  of  the  univer- 
sality of  arbitrary  signs.  There  are  few  people  now  who  do  not 
readily  comprehend  the  meaning  of  that  useful  particle, — a  cer- 
tain publican  excepted,  who,  being  furnished  with  a  list  of  the 
requirements  of  a  festival  in  which  the  word  appeared,  apolo- 
gized for  the  omission  of  one  of  the  items  enumerated  :  he  in- 
formed the  company  that  he  had  inquired  throughout  the  town 


348  ORIGIN    OF   THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

for  some  viz.,  but  he  had  not  been  able  to  procure  it.  He  was, 
however,  readily  excused  for  his  inability  to  do  so.  Vis?. 
being  a  contraction  of  videlicet,  the  terminal  sign  3  was  never 
intended  to  represent  the  letter  "  z,"  but  was  simply  a  mark  or 
sign  of  abbreviation.  It  is  now  always  written  and  expressed 
as  a  "  z"  and  will  doubtless  continue  to  be  so. 

SIGNATURE    OF    THE    CROSS. 

The  mark  which  persons  who  are  unable  to  write  are  required  to 
make  instead  of  their  signatures,  is  in  the  form  of  a  cross ;  and  this 
practice,  having  formerly  been  followed  by  kings  and  nobles,  is 
constantly  referred  to  as  an  instance  of  the  deplorable  ignorance 
of  ancient  times.  This  signature  is  not,  however,  invariably  a 
proof  of  such  ignorance.  Anciently  the  use  of  the  mark  was  not 
confined  to  illiterate  persons ;  for  among  the  Saxons  the  mark 
of  the  cross,  as  an  attestation  of  the  good  faith  of  the  persons 
signing,  was  required  to  be  attached  to  the  signature  of  those 
who  could  write,  as  well  as  to  stand  in  the  place  of  the  signa- 
ture of  those  who  could  not  write.  In  those  times,  if  a  man 
could  write,  or  even  read,  his  knowledge  was  considered  proof 
presumptive  that  he  was  in  holy  orders.  The  clericus,  or  clerk, 
was  synonymous  with  penman ;  and  the  laity,  or  people  who 
were  not  clerks,  did  not  feel  any  urgent  necessity  for  the  use 
of  letters.  The  ancient  use  of  the  cross  was  therefore  uni- 
versal, alike  by  those  who  could  and  those  who  could  not  write : 
it  was,  indeed,  the  symbol  of  an  oath,  from  its  sacred  associa- 
tions, as  well  as  the  mark  generally  adopted.  Hence  the  origin 
of  the  expression  "God  save  the  mark,"  as  a  form  of  ejacula- 
tion approaching  the  character  of  an  oath. 

THE    TURKISH   CRESCENT. 

When  Philip  of  Macedon  approached  by  night  with  his 
troops  to  scale  the  walls  of  Byzantium,  the  moon  shone  out  and 
discovered  his  design  to  the  besieged,  who  repulsed  him.  The 
crescent  was  afterwards  adopted  as  the  favorite  badge  of  the 
city.  When  the  Turks  took  Byzantium,  they  found  the  cres- 


OKIGIN   OF   THINGS    FAMILIAR.  349 

cent  in  every  public  place,  and,  believing  it  to  possess  some 
magical  power,  adopted  it  themselves. 

The  origin  of  the  crescent  as  a  religious  emblem  is  anterior 
to  the  time  of  Philip  of  Macedon,  dating,  in  fact,  from  the  very 
beginning  of  history. 

POSTPAID   ENVELOPES. 

M.  Piron  tells  us  that  the  idea  of  a  postpaid  envelope  ori- 
ginated early  in  the  reign  of  Louis  XIV.,  with  M.  de  Valfyer, 
who,  in  1653,  established  (with  royal  approbation)  a  private 
penny-post,  placing  boxes  at  the  corners  of  the  streets  for 
the  reception  of  letters  wrapped  up  in  envelopes,  which  were 
to  be  bought  at  offices  established  for  that  purpose.  M.  de 
Valfyer  also  had  printed  certain  forms  of  billets,  or  notes, 
applicable  to  the  ordinary  business  among  the  inhabitants  of 
great  towns,  with  blanks,  which  were  to  be  filled  up  by  the  pen 
with  such  special  matter  as  might  complete  the  writer's  object. 
One  of  these  billets  has  been  preserved  to  our  times  by  a  plea- 
sant misapplication  of  it.  Pelisson  (Mdme.  de  Sevigne's  friend, 
and  the  object  of  the  bon  mot  that  "he  abused  the  privilege 
which  men  have  of  being  ugly")  was  amused  at  this  kind  of 
skeleton  correspondence ;  and  under  the  affected  name  of  Pi- 
sandre,  (according  to  the  pedantic  fashion  of  the  day,)  he  filled 
up  and  addressed  one  of  these  forms  to  the  celebrated  Made- 
moiselle de  Scuderie,  in  her  pseudonyme  of  Sappho.  This 
strange  billet-doux  has  happened,  from  the  celebrity  of  the  par- 
ties, to  be  preserved,  and  it  is  still  extant, — one  of  the  oldest, 
it  is  presumed,  of  penny-post  letters,  and  a  curious  example  of 
a  prepaying  envelope,  a  new  proof  of  the  adage  that  "  there 
is  nothing  new  under  the  sun." 

OLD   HUNDRED. 

The  history  of  this  old  psalm-tune,  which  almost  every  one 
has  been  accustomed  to  hear  ever  since  he  can  remember,  is 
the  subject  of  a  work  recently  written  by  an  English  clergy- 
man     Luther  has  generally  been  considered  the  author  of 
30 


350  ORIGIN   OP   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

''Old  Hundred,"  but  it  has  been  pretty  satisfactorily  ascertained 
that  it  was  composed  in  the  sixteenth  century,  and  certainly 
previous  to  1546,  by  William  Franc,  a  German.  In  the  course 
of  time  its  arrangement  has  undergone  repeated  alterations; 
and  it  is  said  that,  as  it  originally  appeared,  it  was  of  a  more 
lively  character  than  at  present.  Many  of  these  alterations 
have  been  carefully  preserved  and  may  be  seen  by  reference  to 
Moore's  Encyclopsedia  of  Music.  The  oldest  copy  of  it  that 
has  been  preserved  was  published  in  France,  in  Marot  and 
Beza's  Psalms,  1550.  Subjoined  is  a  faithful  transcript  of  its 
original  adaptation  to  the  134th  Psalm.  It  contrasts  as  broadly 
with  the  present  style  of  musical  notation  as  does  the  English 
of  Chaucer  with  that  of  Noah  Webster. 


Orsus  serviteurs  du  Seigneur, Vous  qui  de  nuiten  son  honneur 


De-dans  sa  maison    le  servez,  Louez-le,  et    son  Nom  elevez. 


LA   MARSEILLAISE. 

Rouget  de  Lisle  was  a  young  officer  of  engineers  at  Stras- 
bourg. He  was  born  aiLons-le-Saulnier,  in  the  Jura  a  country 
of  reverie  and  energy,  as  mountains  commonly  are.  He  re- 
lieved the  tediousness  of  a  garrison-life  by  writing  verses  and 
indulging  a  love  of  music.  He  was  a  frequent  visitor  at  the 
house  of  the  Baron  de  Diedrich,  a  noble  Alsacian  of  the  consti- 
tutional party,  the  Mayor  of  Strasbourg.  The  family  loved  the 
young  officer,  and  gave  new  inspiration  to  his  heart  in  its  at- 
tachment to  music  and  poetry,  and  the  ladies  were  in  the  habit 
of  assisting,  by  their  performances,  the  early  conceptions  of  his 
genius.  A  famine  prevailed  at  Strasbourg  in  the  winter  of 
1792.  The  house  of  Diedrich  was  rich  at  the  beginning  of  the 


ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR.  351 

revolution,  but  had  now  become  poor  under  the  calamities  and 
sacrifices  of  the  time.  Its  frugal  table  had  always  a  hospitable 
place  for  Rouget  de  Lisle.  He  was  there  morning  and  even- 
ing as  a  son  and  brother.  One  day,  when  only  some  slices  of 
ham  smoked  upon  the  table,  with  a  supply  of  camp-bread,  Die- 
drich  said  to  De  Lisle,  in  sad  serenity,  "  Plenty  is  not  found 
at  our  meals.  But  no  matter :  enthusiasm  is  not  wanting  at 
our  civic  festivals,  and  our  soldiers'  hearts  are  full  of  courage. 
We  have  one  more  bottle  of  Rhine  wine  in  the  cellar.  Let  us 
have  it,  and  we'll  drink  to  liberty  and. the  country.  Strasbourg 
will  soon  have  a  patriotic  fete,  and  De  Lisle  must  draw  from 
these  last  drops  one  of  his  hymns  that  will  carry  his  own  ardent 
feelings  to  the  soul  of  the  people."  The  young  ladies  applauded 
the  proposal.  They  brought  the  wine,  and  continued  to  fill  the 
glasses  of  Diedrich  and  the  young  officer  until  the  bottle  was 
empty.  The  night  was  cold.  De  Lisle's  head  and  heart  were 
warm.  He  found  his  way  to  his  lodgings,  entered  his  solitary 
chamber,  and  sought  for  inspiration  at  one  moment  in  the  pal- 
pitations of  his  citizen's  heart,  and  at  another  by  touching,  as 
an  artist,  the  keys  of  his  instrument,  and  striking  out  alter- 
nately portions  of  an  air  and  giving  utterance  to  poetic 
thoughts.  He  did  not  himself  know  which  came  first ;  it  was 
impossible  for  him  to  separate  the  poetry  from  the  music,  or  the 
sentiment  from  the  words  in  which  it  was  clothed.  He  sang 
altogether,  and  wrote  nothing.  In  this  state  of  lofty  inspira- 
tion, he  went  to  sleep  with  his  head  upon  the  instrument.  The 
chants  of  the  night  came  upon  him  in  the  morning  like  the 
faint  impressions  of  a  dream.  He  wrote  down  the  words,  made 
the  notes  of  the  music,  and  ran  to  Diedrich's.  He  found  him 
in  the  garden  digging  winter  lettuces.  The  wife  of  the  patriot 
mayor  was  not  yet  up.  Diedrich  awoke  her.  They  called  to- 
gether some  friends,  who  were,  like  themselves,  passionately 
fond  of  music,  and  able  to  execute  the  compositions  of  De  Lisle 
One  of  the  young  ladies  played,  and  Rouget  sang.  At  the  first 
stanza,  the  countenances  of  the  company  grew  pale ;  at  the 
second,  tears  flowed  abundantly;  at  the  last,  a  delirium  of  en- 


352  ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

thusiasra  broke  forth.  Diedrich,  his  wife,  and  the  young  offi- 
cer cast  themselves  into  each  others'  arms.  The  hymn  of  the 
nation  was  found.  Alas  !  it  was  destined  to  become  a  hymn  of 
terror.  The  unhappy  Diedrich  a  few  months  afterwards  marched 
to  the  scaffold  at  the  sound  of  the  notes  first  uttered  at  his  hearth, 
from  the  heart  of  his  friend  and  the  voice  of  his  wife. 

The  new  song,  executed  some  days  afterwards  publicly  at 
Strasbourg,  flew  from  town  to  town  through  all  the  orchestras. 
Marseilles  adopted  it  to  be  sung  at  the  opening  and  adjourn- 
ment of  the  clubs.  Hence  it  took  the  name  of  the  Marseillaise 
Hymn.  The  old  mother  of  De  Lisle,  a  loyalist  and  a  religious 
person,  alarmed  at  the  reverberation  of  her  son's  name,  wrote 
to  him,  "  What  is  the  meaning  of  this  revolutionary  hymn, 
sung  by  hordes  of  robbers  who  pass  all  over  France,  with  which 
our  name  is  mixed  up?"  De  Lisle  himself,  proscribed  as  a 
Federalist,  heard  its  re-echo  upon  his  ears  as  a  threat  of  death 
as  he  fled  among  the  paths  of  Jura.  "What  is  this  song 
called?"  he  inquired  of  his  guide.  "The  Marseillaise"  re- 
plied the  peasant.  It  was  with  difficulty  that  he  escaped. 

The  "  Marseillaise"  was  the  liquid  fire  of  the  revolution.  It 
distilled  into  the  senses  and  the  soul  of  the  people  the  frenzy 
of  battle.  Its  notes  floated  like  an  ensign,  dipped  in  warm 
blood  over  a  field  of  combat.  Glory  and  crime,  victory  and 
death,  seemed  interwoven  in  its  strains.  It  was  the  song  of 
patriotism  ;  but  it  was  the  signal  of  fury.  It  accompanied  war- 
riors to  the  field  and  victims  to  the  scaffold ! 

There  is  no  national  air  that  will  compare  with  the  Marseil- 
.laise  in  sublimity  and  power  :  it  embraces  the  soft  cadences  full 
of  the  peasant's  home,  and  the  stormy  clangor  of  silver  and 
steel  when  an  empire  is  overthrown ;  it  endears  the  memory 
of  the  vine-dresser's  cottage,  and  makes  the  Frenchman,  in  his 
exile,  cry,  "  La  belle  France !"  forgetful  of  the  sword,  and  torch, 
and  guillotine,  which  have  made  his  country  a  spectre  of  blood 
in  the  eyes  of  nations.  Nor  can  the  foreigner  listen  to  it,  sung 
by  a  company  of  exiles,  or  executed  by  a  band  of  musicians, 
without  feeling  that  it  is  the  pibroch  of  battle  and  war. 


ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  353 

YANKEE   DOODLE. 

The  good  the  Rhine-song  does  to  German  hearts, 
Or  thine,  Marseilles!  to  France's  fiery  blood; 

The  good  thy  anthemed  harmony  imparts, 

"  God  save  the  Queen !"  to  England's  field  and  flood, 

A  home-born  blessing,  Nature's  boon,  not  Art's, 
The  same  heart-cheering,  spirit-warming  good, 

To  us  and  ours,  where'er  we  war  or  woo, 

Thy  words  and  music,  YANKEE  DOODLE  ! — do. — HALLECK. 

The  origiu  of  Yankee  Doodle  is  by  no  means  so  clear  as 
American  antiquaries  desire.  The  statement  that  the  air  was 
composed  by  Dr.  Shackburg,  in  1755,  when  the  colonial  troops 
united  with  the  British  regulars  near  Albany,  preparatory  to 
the  attack  on  the  French  posts  of  Niagara  and  Frontenac,  and 
that  it  was  produced  in  derision  of  the  old-fashioned  equipments 
of  the  provincial  soldiers  as  contrasted  with  the  neat  and  or- 
derly appointments  of  the  regulars,  was  published  some  years 
ago  in  a  musical  magazine  printed  in  Boston.  The  account 
there  given  as  to  the  origin  of  the  song  is  this : — During  the 
attacks  upon  the  French  outposts  in  1755,  in  America,  Governor 
Shirley  and  General  Jackson  led  the  force  directed  against  the 
enemy  lying  at  Niagara  and  Frontenac.  In  the  early  part  of 
June,  whilst  these  troops  were  stationed  on  the  banks  of  the 
Hudson,  near  Albany,  the  descendants  of  the  "Pilgrim  fathers" 
flocked  in  from  the  Eastern  provinces.  Never  was  seen  such  a. 
motley  regiment  as  took  up  it&  position  on  the  left  wing  of 
the  British  army.  The  band  played  music  as  antiquated  and 
outri  as  their  uniforms;  officers  and  privates  had  adopted  regi- 
mentals each  man  after  his  -own  fashion;  one  wore  a  flowing 
wig,  while  his  neighbor  rejoiced  in  hair  cropped  closely  to  the 
head  ^  this  one  had  a  coat  with  wonderful  long  skirts,  his  fel- 
low marched  without  his  upper  garment;  various  as  the  colors 
of  the  rainbow  were  the  clothes  worn  by  the  gallant  band.  It 
so  happened  that  there  was  a  certain  Dr.  Shackburg,  wit,  musi- 
cian, and  surgeon,  and  one  evening  after  mess  he  produced  a 
tune,  which  he  earnestly  commended,  as  a  well-known  piece  of 
military  music,  to  the  officers  of  the  militia.  The  joke  suc- 
X  30* 


354  ORIGIN    OF   THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

eeeded,  and  Yankee  Doodle  was  hailed  by  acclamation  "  their 
own  march." 

This  account  is  somewhat  apocryphal,  as  there  is  no  song : 
the  tune  in  the  United  States  is  a  march ;  there  are  no  words 
to  it  of  a  national  character.  The  only  words  ever  affixed  to 
the  air  in  this  country  is  the  following  doggerel  quatrain : — 

Yankee  Doodle  came  to  town 

Upon  a  little  pony  ; 
He  stuck  a  feather  in  his  hat 

And  called  it  macaroni. 

It  has  been  asserted  by  English  writers  that  the  air  and  words 
of  these  lines  are  as  old  as  Cromwell's  time.  The  only  altera- 
tion is  in  making  Yankee  Doodle  of  what  was  NanTf.ee  Doodle. 
It  is  asserted  that  the  tune  will  be  found  in  the  Musical  Anti- 
quities of  England,  and  that  Nankee  Doodle  was  intended  to 
apply  to  Cromwell,  and  the  other  lines  were  designed  to  "allude 
to  his  going  into  Oxford  with  a  single  plume,  fastened  in  a  knot 
called  a  macaroni."  The  tune  was  known  in  New  England  be- 
fore the  Revolution  as  Lydia  Fisher's  Jig,  a  name  derived 
from  a  famous  lady  of  easy  virtue  in  the  reign  of  Charles  II., 
and  which  has  been  perpetuated  in  the  following  nursery- 
rhyme  : — 

Lucy  Locket  lost  her  pocket, 
Kitty  Fisher  found  it; 

Not  a  bit  of  money  in  it, 

Only  binding  found  it.    .  ..;•;• 

The  regulars  in  Boston  in  1775  and  1776  are  said  to  have 
sung  verses  to  the  same  air : — 

Yankee  Doodle  came  to  town, 

For  to  buy  a  firelock; 
We  will  tar  and  feather  him, 

And  so  we  will  John  Hancock,  Ac. 

The  manner  in  which  the  tune  came  to  be  adopted  by  the 
Americans,  is  shown  in  the  following  letter  of  the  Rev.  W.  Gor- 
don. Describing  the  battles  of  Lexington  and  Concord,  before 
alluded  to,  he  says  : — 

The  brigade  under  Lord  Percy  marched  out  (of  Boston) 


ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR.  355 

playing,  by  way  of  contempt,  Yankee,  Doodle :  they  were  after- 
wards told  that  they  had  been  made  to  dance  to  it. 

It  is  most  likely  that  Yankee  Doodle  was  originally  derived 
from  Holland.  A  song  with  the  following  burden  has  long 
been  in  use  among  the  laborers  who,  in  the  time  of  harvest, 
migrate  from  Germany  to  the  Low  Countries,  where  they  re- 
ceive for  their  work  as  much  buttermilk  as  they  can  drink,  and 
a  tenth  of  the  grain  secured  by  their  exertions : — 

Tanker  didel,  doodel  down, 

Didel,  dudel  lanter, 
Yanke  viver,  voover  vown, 

Botermilk  and  Tanther. 

That  is,  buttermilk  and  a  tenth. 

THE   AMERICAN    FLAG. 

• 

A  resolution  was  introduced  in  the  American  Congress,  June 
13,  1777,  "  That  the  flag  of  the  thirteen  United  States  be 
thirteen  stripes,  alternately  red  and  white ;  that  the  union  be 
thirteen  stars,  white  in  a  blue  field,  representing  a  new  constel- 
lation." There  is  a  striking  coincidence  between  the  design 
of  our  flag  and  the  arms  of  General  Washington,  which  con- 
sisted of  three  stars  in  the  upper  portion,  and  three  bars  run- 
ning across  the  escutcheon.  It  is  thought  by  some  that  the 
flag  was  derived  from  this  heraldic  design.  History  informs  us 
that  several  flags  were  used  by  the  Yankees  before  the  present 
national  one  was  adopted.  In  March,  1775,  a  Union  flag  with 
a  red  field  was  hoisted  in  New  York,  bearing  the  inscription  on 
one  side  of  "  George  Rex  and  the  liberties  of  America,"  and 
upon  the  reverse,  "No  Popery."  General  Israel  Putnam  raised 
on  Prospect  Hill,  July  18,  1775,  a  flag  bearing  on  one  side 
the  motto  of  the  commonwealth  of  Massachusetts,  "Qui  trans- 
tulit  sustinet,"  on  the  other,  "An  appeal  to  Heaven," — an  ap- 
peal well  taken  and  amply  sustained.  In  October,  1775,  the 
floating  batteries  of  Boston  bore  a  flag  with  the  latter  motto, 
and  a  pine-tree  upon  a  white  field,  with  the  Massachusetts 
emblem.  Some  of  the  colonies  used  in  1775  a  flag  with  a 


356  ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

rattlesnake  coiled  as  if  about  to  strike,  and  the  motto  "  Don't 
tread  on  me."  On  January  18,  1776,  the  grand  Union  flag 
of  the  stars  and  stripes  was  raised  on  the  heights  near  Boston; 
and  it  is  said  that  some  of  the  regulars  made  the  great  mistake 
of  supposing  ^it  was  a  token  of  submission  to  the  king,  whose 
speech  had  just  been  sent  to  the  Americans.  The  British  Re- 
gister of  1776  says,  "  They  [the  rebels]  burnt  the  king's 
speech,  and  changed  their  colors  from  a  plain  red  ground  to  a 
flag  with  thirteen  stripes,  as  a  symbol  of  the  number  and  union 
of  the  colonies."  A  letter  from  Boston,  published  in  the  Penn- 
sylvania Gazette,  in  1776,  says,  "  The  Union  flag  wad  raised 
on  the  2d,  a  compliment  to  the  United  Colonies."  These  vari- 
ous flags,  the  Pine-Tree,  the  Rattlesnake,  and  the  Stripes,  were 
used,  according  to  the  tastes  of  the  patriots,  until  July,  1777, 
when  $e  blue  union  of  the  stars  was  added  to  the  stripes,  and 
the  flag  established  by  law.  At  first  a  stripe  was  added  for 
each  new  State ;  but  the  flag  became  too  large,  and  Congress 
reduced  the  stripes  to  the  original  thirteen,  and  now  the  stars 
are  made  to  correspond  in  number  with  the  States.  No  one, 
who  lives  under  the  protection  of  the  Stars  and  Stripes,  will 
deny  that  "  the  American  flag  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful 
that  floats  upon  any  land  or  sea."  Its  proportions  are  per- 
fect when  it  is  properly  made, — one-half  as  broad  as  it  is  long. 
The  first  stripe  at  the  top  is  red,  the  next  white,  and  these 
colors  alternate,  making  the  last  stripe  red.  The  blue  field  for 
the  stars  is  the  width  and  square  of  the  first  seven  stripes,  viz., 
four  red  and  three  white.  The  colors  of  the  American  flag  are 
in  beautiful  relief,  and  it  is  altogether  a  splendid  national  em- 
blem. Long  may  it  wave  untarnished  ! 

BROTHER   JONATHAN. 

The  origin  of  this  term,  as  applied  to  the  United  States,  is  as 
follows.  When  General  Washington,  after  being  appointed 
commander  of  the  army  of  the  Revolutionary  War,  went  to 
Massachusetts  to  organize  it,  he  found  a  great  want  of  ammu- 
nition and  other  means  of  defence;  and  on  one  occasion  it 


ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR.  357 

seemed  that  no  means  could  be  devised  for  the  necessary  safety. 
Jonathan  Trumbull,  the  elder,  was  then  Governor  of  the  State 
of  Connecticut ;  and  the  general,  placing  the  greatest  reliance 
on  his  excellency's  judgment,  remarked,  "We  must  consult 
Brother  Jonathan  on  the  subject."  The  general  did  so,  and 
the  governor  was  successful  in  supplying  many  of  the  wants 
of  the  army;  and  thenceforward,  when  difficulties  arose,  and  the 
army  was  spread  over  the  country,  it  became  a  by-phrase,  "We 
must  consult  Brother  Jonathan;"  and  the  name  has  now  become 
a  designation  for  the  whole  country,  as  John  Bull  has  for 
England. 

UNCLE    SAM. 

Immediately  after  the  declaration  of  war  with  England,  in  1812, 
Elbert  Anderson,  of  New  York,  then  a  contractor,  visited  Troy, 
where  he  purchased  a  large  quantity  of  provisions.  The  in- 
spectors of  the  articles  at  that  place  were  Ebenezer  and  Samuel 
Wilson.  The  latter  gentleman  (universally  known  as  "Uncle 
Sam")  generally  superintended  in  person  a  large  number  of 
workmen,  who,  on  this  occasion,  were  employed  in  overhauling 
the  provisions  purchased  by  the  contractor.  The  casks  were 
marked  "E.  A. — U.  S."  Their  inspection  fell  to  the  lot  of  a 
facetious  fellow,  who,  on  being  asked  the  meaning  of  the  mark, 
said  he  did  not  know,  unless  it  meant  Elbert  Anderson  and 
Uncle  Sam,  alluding  to  Uncle  Sam  Wilson.  The  joke  took 
among  the  workmen,  and  passed  currently;  and  "Uncle  Sam," 
when  present,  was  often  rallied  by  them  on  the  increasing  ex- 
tent of  his  possessions. 

THE    DOLLAR    MARK,  $. 

Writers  are  not  agreed  as  to  the  derivation  of  this  sign  to 
represent  dollars.  Some  say  that  it  comes  from  the  letters  U. 
S.,  which,  after  the  adoption  of  the  Federal  Constitution,  were 
prefixed  to  the  Federal  currency,  and  which  afterwards,  in  the 
hurry  of  writing,  were  run  into  one  another,  the  U  being  made 
first  and  the  S  over  it.  Others  say  that  it  is  derived  from  the 
contraction  of  the  Spanish  word  pesos,  dollars ;  others,  from  the 


358  ORIGIN    OF   THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

Spanish  fuertes,  hard, — to  distinguish  silver  from  paper  money. 
The  more  plausible  explanation  is,  that  it  is  a  modification  of 
the  figure  8,  and  denotes  a  piece  of  eight  reals,  or,  as  the  dol- 
lar was  formerly  called,  apiece  of  eight.  It  was  then  desig- 
nated by  the  figures  |. 

ORIGIN    OF   VARIOUS    INVENTIONS    AND    CUSTOMS. 

The  Saxons  first  introduced  archery  in  the  time  of  Vortigern 
It  was  dropped  immediately  after  the  conquest,  but  was  revived 
by  the  Crusaders,  they  having  felt  the  effects  of  it  in  their  com- 
bats  with  the  Saracens,  who  probably  derived  it  from  the  Par- 
thians.  The  Normans  brought  with  them  the  cross-bow,  but 
after  the  time  of  Edward  II.  its  use  was  supplanted  by  that  of 
the  long-bow,  which  became  the  favorite  national  weapon.  Bows 
and  arrows,  as  weapons  of  war,  were  in  use  with  stone  cannon- 
balls  as  late  as  1640.  All  the  statutes  for  the  encouragement 
of  archery  were  framed  after  the  invention  of  gunpowder  and 
firearms,  the  object  being  to  prevent  this  ancient  weapon  be- 
coming obsolete.  Yew-trees  were  encouraged  in  churchyards, 
for  the  making  of  bows,  in  1642.  Hence  their  generality  in 
churchyards  in  England. 

Coats  of  arms,  or  armorial  bearings,  came  into  vogue  in  the 
reign  of  Richard  I.  of  England,  and  became  hereditary  in 
families  about  the  year  1192.  They  took  their  rise  from  the 
knights  painting  their  banners  with  different  figures  to  dis- 
tinguish them  in  the  Crusades. 

The  first  standing  army  of  modern  times  was  established  by 
Charles  VII.  of  France,  in  1445.  Previous  to  that  time  the 
king  had  depended  upon  his  nobles  for  contingents  in  time  of 
wai\  A  standing  army  was  first  established  in  England  in 
1638,  by  Charles  I.,  but  it  was  declared  illegal,  as  well  as  the 
organization  of  the  royal  guards,  in  1769.  The  first  permanent 
military  band  instituted  in  England  was  the  yeomen  of  the 
guards,  established  in  1486. 

Guns  were  invented  by  Swartz,  a  German,  about  1378,  and 
brought  into  use  by  the  Venetians,  in  1382.  Cannon  were  in- 


ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  359 

vented  at  an  anterior  date  :  at  Aiuberg  may  still  be  seen  a  piece 
of  ordnance  inscribed  1303.  They  were  first  used  at  the  battle 
of  Cressy  in  1346.  In  England,  they  were  first  used  at  the 
siege  of  Berwick,  in  1405.  It  was  not  until  1544,  however, 
that  they  were  cast  in  England.  They  were  employed  on  ship- 
board by  the  Venetians  in  1539,  and  were  in  use  among  the 
Turks  about  the  same  time.  An  artillery  company  was  insti- 
tuted in  England  for  weekly  military  exercises  in  1610. 

Dating  from  the  Christian  Era  was  commenced  in  Italy  in 
525,  and  in  England  in  816. 

Pliny  gives  the  origin  of  glass-making  thus.  As  some  mer- 
chants were  carrying  nitre,  they  stopped  near  a  river  issuing 
from  Mount  Carmel.  Not  readily  finding  stones  to  rest  their 
kettles  on,  they  used  some  pieces  of  nitre  for  that  purpose  :  the 
fire  gradually  dissolving  the  nitre,  it  mixed  with  the  sand,  and 
a  transparent  matter  flowed,  which,  in  fact,  was  glass. 

Insurance  of  ships  was  first  practised  in  the  reign  of  Caesar, 
in  45.  It  was  a  general  custom  in  Europe  in  1494.  Insurance- 
offices  were  first  established  in  London  in  1667. 

Astronomy  was  first  studied  by  the  Moors,  and  was  intro- 
duced by  tbem  into  Europe  in  1201.  The  rapid  progress  of 
modern  astronomy  dates  from  the  time  of  Copernicus.  Books 
of  astronomy  and  geometry  were  destroyed,  as  infected  with 
magic,  in  England,  under  the  reign  of  Edward  VI.,  in  1552. 

Banks  were  first  established  by.  the  Lombard  Jews,  in  Italy. 
The  name  is  derived  from  banco,  a  term  applied  to  the  benches 
erected  in  the  market-places  for  the  exchanges  of  money,  &c. 
The  first  public  bank  was  at  Venice,  in  1550.  The  Bank  of 
England  was  established  in  1693.  In  1696  its  notes  were  at 
twenty  per  cent,  discount. 

The  invention  of  bells  is  attributed  to  Paulinus,  Bishop  of 
Nola.  in  Campania,  about  the  year  400.  Thftyjarerftoriginally-iiu 
troduced  into_  churches  as  a  defence  against  thunder-and  light- 
"ning.  They  were  first  hung  up  in  England,  at  Croyland  A.bbey, 
Lincolnshire,  in  945.  In  the  eleventh  century  and  later,  it 
was  the  custom  to  baptize  them  in  churches  before  they  were 


360  ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

used.  The  curfew-bell  was  established  in  1068.  It  was  rung 
at  eight  o'clock  in  the  evening,  when  people  were  obliged  to 
put  out  their  fire  and  candle.  The  custom  was  abolished  in 
1100.  Chimes,  or  musical  bells,  were  invented  at  Alost,  in 
Belgium,  1487.  Bellmen  were  appointed  in  London,  in  1556, 
to  ring  the  bells  at  night,  and  cry,  "Take  care  of  your  fire  and 
candle,  be  charitable  to  the  poor,  and  pray  for  the  dead." 

How  many  are  aware  of  the  origin  of  the  word  "  boo  !"  used 
to  frighten  children  ?  It  is  a  corruption  of  Boh,  the  name  of 
a  fierce  Gothic  general,  the  son  of  Odin,  the  mention  of  whose 
name  spread  a  panic  among  his  enemies. 

Book-keeping  was  first  introduced  into  England  from  Italy 
by  Peele,  in  1569.  It  was  derived  from  a  system  of  algebra 
published  by  Burgo,  at  Venice. 

Notaries  public  were  first  appointed  by  the  Fathers  of  the 
Christian  Church  to  make  a  collection  of  the  acts  or  memoirs 
of  martyrs  in  the  first  century. 

The  administration  of  the  oath  in  civil  cases  is  of  high  anti- 
quity. See  Exodus  xxii.  11.  Swearing  on  the  Gospels  was 
first  used  in  528.  The  oath  was  first  administered  in  judicial 
proceedings  in  England  by  the  Saxons,  in  600.  The  words 
"  So  help  me  God,  and  all  saints,"  concluded  an  oath,  till 
1550. 

Signals  to  be  used  at  sea  were  first  contrived  by  James  II., 
when  he  was  Duke  of  York,  in  1665.  They  were  afterwards 
improved  by  the  French  commander  Tourville,  and  by  Admiral 
Balchen. 

Raw  silk  is  said  to  have  first  been  made  by  a  people  of  China 
called  Ceres,  150  B.  C.  It  was  first  brought  from  India,  in  274, 
and  a  pound  of  it  at  that  time  was  worth  a  pound  of  gold.  The 
manufacture  of  raw  silk  was  introduced  into  Europe  from 
India  by  some  monks  in  550.  Silk  dresses  were  first  worn  in 
1455.  The  eggs  of  the  silk-worm  were  first  brought  into 
Europe  in  527. 

Paulus  Jovius  was  the  first  person  who  introduced  mottoes  \ 
Dorat,  the  first  who  brought  anagrams  into  fashion.  Rabelais 


ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  361 

was  the  first  who  wrote  satires  in  French  prose;  Etienne  Jodellc, 
the  first  who  introduced  tragedies  into  France.  The  Cardinal 
of  Ferrara,  Archbishop  of  Lyons,  was  the  first  who  had  a  tragi- 
comedy performed  on  the  stage  of  Italian  comedians.  The  first 
sonnet  that  appeared  in  French  is  attributed  to  Jodelle. 

Guido  Aretino,  a  Benedictine  monk  of  Arezzo,  Tuscany,  in 
1204  designated  the  notes  used  in  the  musical  scale  by  syllables 
derived  from  the  following  verses  of  a  Latin  hymn  dedicated  to 
St.  John : — 

UT  queant  laxis      REsonare  fibris, 

MIra  gestorum        FAmuli  tuorum, 

SOLve  pollutis        LAbii  reatum. 
0  Pater  Alme. 

By  this  means  he  converted  the  old  tetrachord  into  hexachords. 
He  also  invented  lines  and  spaces  in  musical  notation. 

The  invention  of  clocks  is  by  some  ascribed  to  Pacificus, 
Archdeacon  of  Verona,  in  the  ninth  century ;  and  by  others,  to 
Boethius,  in  the  early  part  of  the  sixth.  The  Saracens  are  sup- 
posed to  have  had  clocks  which  were  moved  by  weights,  as 
early  as  the  eleventh  century ;  and,  as  the  term  is  applied  by 
Dante  to  a  machine  which  struck  the  hours,  clocks  must  have 
been  known  in  Italy  about  the  end  of  the  thirteenth  or  begin- 
ning of  the  fourteenth  century.  The  most  ancient  clock  of 
which  we  have  any  certain  account  was  erected  in  a  tower  of 
the  palace  of  Charles  V.,  King  of  France,  in  1364,  by  Henry 
de  Wyck  or  de  Vick,  a  German  artist.  A  clock  was  erected 
at  Strasbourg  in  1370,  at  Courtray  about  the  same  period,  and 
at  Speyer  in  1395. 

Watches  are  said  to  have  been  made  at  Nuremberg  as  early 
as  1477 ;  but  it  is  uncertain  how  far  the  watches  then  con- 
structed resembled  those  now  in  use.  Some  of  the  early  ones 
were  very  small,  in  the  shape  of  a  pear,  and  sometimes  fitted 
into  the  top  of  a  walking-stick.  As  time-keepers,  watches 
could  have  had  very  little  value  before  the  application  of  the 
spiral  spring  as  a  regulator  to  the  balance.  This  was  invented 

by  Hooke,  in  1658. 

31 


362  ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

The  use  of  the  pendulum  was  suggested  by  a  circumstance 
similar  to  that  which  started  in  Newton's  mind  the  train  of 
thought  that  led  to  the  theory  of  gravitation.  Galileo,  when 
under  twenty  years  of  age,  standing  one  day  in  the  metro- 
politan church  of  Pisa,  observed  a  lamp,  which  was  sus- 
pended from  the  "ceiling,  and  which  had  been  disturbed  by 
accident,  swing  backwards  and  forwards.  This  was  a  thing 
so  common  that  thousands,  no  doubt,  had  observed  it  before ; 
but  Galileo,  struck  with  the  regularity  with  which  it  moved 
backwards  and  forwards,  reflected  upon  it,  and  perfected  the 
method  now  in  use  of  measuring  time  by  means  of  a  pendulum. 

A  monk  named  Bivalto  mentions,  in  a  sermon  preached  in 
Florence  in  1305,  that  spectacles  had  then  been  known  about 
twenty  years.  This  would  place  the  invention  about  the  year 
1285. 

Quills  are  supposed  to  have  been  used  for  writing-pens  in  the 
fifth  century,  though  the  conjecture  rests  mainly  on  an  anecdote 
of  Theodoric,  King  of  the  Ostrogoths,  who,  being  so  illiterate 
that  he  could  not  write  even  the  initials  of  his  own  name,  was 
provided  with  a  plate  of  gold  through  which  the  letters  were 
cut,  and,  this  being  placed  on  the  paper  when  his  signature  was 
required,  he  traced  the  letters  with  a  quill.  The  date  of  the 
earliest  certain  account  of  the  modern  writing-pen  is  636.  The 
next  notice  occurs  in  the  latter  part  of  the  same  century, 
in  a  Latin  sonnet  to  a  pen  by  Aldhelm,  a  Saxon  author.  The 
reeds  formerly  employed  are  still  used  in  some  Eastern  nations. 
Steel  pens  were  first  made  by  Wise,  in  England,  in  1803. 

The  first  known  treatise  on  stenography  is  the  curious  and 
scarce  little  work  entitled  "  Arte  of  Shorte,  Swifte,  and  Secrete 
Writing  by  Character,  invented  by  Timothe  Bright,  Doctor  of 
Phisike." 

The  art  of  printing,  according  to  Du  Halde  and  the  mission- 
aries, was  practised  in  China  nearly  fifty  years  before  the  Chris- 
tian Era,  In  the  time  of  Confucius,  B.C.  500,  books  were 
formed  of  slips  of  bamboo;  and  about  150  years  after  Christ, 
paper  was  first  made;  A.D.  745,  books  were  bound  into  leaves j 


ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR.  363 

A.D.  900,  printing  was  in  general  use.  The  process  of  printing 
is  simple.  The  materials  consist  of  a  graver,  blocks  of  wood, 
and  a  brush,  which  the  printers  carry  with  them  from  place 
to  place.  Without  wheel,  or  wedge,  or  screw,  a  printer  will 
throw  off  more  than  two  thousand  five  hundred  impressions  in 
one  day.  The  paper  (thin)  can  be  bought  for  one-fourth  the 
price  in  China  that  it  can  in  any  other  country.  The  works 
of  Confucius,  six  volumes,  four  hundred  leaves,  octavo,  can  be 
bought  for  twelve  cents. 

Stamps  for  marking  wares,  packages,  &c.  were  in  use  among 
the  Roman  tradesmen  j  and  it  is  highly  probable  that  had  the 
modern  art  of  making  paper  been  known  to  the  ancients,  they 
would  have  diffused  among  themselves,  and  transmitted  to  pos- 
terity, printed  books. 

From  the  early  commercial  intercourse  of  the  Venetians  with 
China,  there  is  reason  to  believe  that  the  knowledge  of  the  art 
and  of  its  application  to  the  multiplying  of  books  was  derived 
from  thence;  for  Venice  is  the  first  place  in  Europe,  of  which 
we  have  any  account,  in  which  it  was  practised,  a  G-overnment 
decree  respecting  it  having  been  issued  October  11, 1441.  Pre- 
vious to  the  year  1450,  all  printing  had  been  executed  by  means 
of  engraved  blocks  of  wood ;  but  about  this  period,  the  great 
and  accumulating  expense  of  engraving  blocks  for  each  separate 
work  led  to  the  substitution  of  movable  metal  types.  The 
credit  of  this  great  improvement  is  given  to  Peter  Schoeffer,  the 
assistant  and  son-in-law  of  John  Faust,  of  Mentz,  (commonly 
called  Dr.  Faustus.)  The  first  book  printed  with  the  cast  metal 
types  was  the  "  Mentz  Bible,"  which  was  executed  by  Faust 
and  Guttemberg,  between  the  years  1450  and  1455. 

The  Dutch  claim  to  have  originated  stereotyping.  They 
have,  as  they  say,  a  prayer-book  stereotyped  in  1701.  The  first 
attempt  at  stereotyping  in  America  was  made  in  1775,  by  Benja- 
min Mecom,  a  printer  of  Philadelphia.  He  cast  plates  for  a  num- 
ber of  pages  of  the  New  Testament,  but  never  completed  them. 

The  first  printing-press  in  America  was  established  at  Cam.' 
bridge,  Mass.,  in  1639. 


364  ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

COCK-FIGHTING. 

Themistocles,  marching  against  the  Persians,  beheld  two  game- 
cocks in  the  heat  of  battle,  and  thereupon  pointed  out  to  his 
Athenian  soldiery  their  indomitable  courage.  The  Athenians 
were  victorious;  and  Themistocles  gave  order  that  an  annual 
cock-fight  should  be  held  in  commemoration  of  the  encounter 
they  had  witnessed  No  record  of  this  sport  occurs  in  England 
before  the  year  1191. 

TURNCOAT. 

The  opprobious  epithet,  turncoat,  took  its  rise  from  one  of 
the  first  dukes  of  Savoy,  whose  dominions  lying  open  to  the 
incursions  of  the  two  contending  houses  of  Spain  and  France, 
he  was  obliged  to  temporize  and  fall  in  with  that  power  that 
was  most  likely  to  distress  him,  according  to  the  success  of  their 
arms  against  one  another.  So  being  frequently  obliged  to 
change  sides,  he  humorously  got  a  coat  made  that  was  blue  on  one 
side,  and  white  on  the  other,  and  might  be  indifferently  worn 
either  side  out.  While  in  the  Spanish  interest,  he  wore  the 
blue  side  out,  and  the  white  side  was  the  badge  for  the  French. 
Hence  he  was  called  Emmanuel,  surnamed  the  Turncoat,  by 
way  of  distinguishing  him  from  other  princes  of  the  same 
name  of  that  house. 

INDIA-RUBBER. 

Caoutchouc  was  long  known  before  its  most  valuable  qualities 
were  appreciated.  One  of  the  earliest  notices  of  its  practical 
use  occurs  in  Dr.  Priestly's  Theory  and  Practice  of  Perspective, 
printed  in  1770.  "I  have  seen"  says  he,  "a  substance  excel- 
lently adapted  to  the  purpose  of  wiping  from  paper  the  marks 
of  a  black  lead-pencil.  It  must,  therefore,  be  of  singular  use 
to  those  who  practice  drawing.  It  is  sold  by  Mr.  Nairne, 
mathematical  instrument-maker,  opposite  the  Koyal  Exchange. 
He  sells  a  cubical  piece,  of  about  half  an  inch,  for  three  shillings; 
and,  he  says,  it  will  last  several  years." 


ORIGIN   OP   THINGS  FAMILIAR.  365 


FRICTION    MATCHES. 

In  1836  the  subject  of  friction  matches  attracted  the  atten- 
tion of  Mr.  L.  C.  Allin,  of  Springfield,  Massachusetts.  At  that 
time  a  clumsy  phosphoric  match,  imported  from  France,  had 
come  into  limited  use  in  the  United  States.  It  was  made  by 
dipping  the  match-stick  first  into  sulphur,  and  then  into  a 
paste  composed  of  chloride  of  potash,  red  lead,  and  loaf  sugar. 
Each  box  of  matches  was  accompanied  by  a  bottle  of  sulphur- 
ic acid,  into  which  every  match  had  to  be  dipped  in  order  to 
light  it.  To  abolish  this  inconvenience,  and  make  a  match 
which  would  light  from  the  friction  caused  by  any  rough  sur- 
face, was  the  task  to  which  young  Allin  applied  himself.  He 
succeeded,  but  took  out  no  patent.  On  being  urged  to  do  so, 
he  found  that  a  patent  had  already  been  obtained  by  one.  Phil- 
lips of  Chicopee,  a  peddler,  who  had  probably  picked  up 
through  a  third  party  the  result  of  Mr.  Allin's  study.  Mr. 
Allin's  legal  adviser  thought  that  he  (Allin)  would  do  better 
to  have  the  right  to  manufacture  under  Phillips'  patent  (which 
Phillips  gave  him  without  charge,  in  consideration  of  the 
waiving  of  his  claim,)  than  to  bear  the  expense  of  the  litigation 
which  was  feared  to  be  necessary  to  establish  his  claim.  So  the 
inventor  of  friction  matches  became  simply  a  manufacturer 
under  another  man's  patent. 

THE   FLAG  OF   ENGLAND. 

On  the  12th  of  April,  1606,  the  Union  Jack — that  famous 
ensign — first  made  its  appearance.  From  Rymer's  Fcedera,  and 
the  Scottish  Annals  of  Sir  James  Balfour,  we  learn  that  some 
differences  having  arisen  between  ships  of  the  two  countries  at  sea, 
the  king  ordained  that  a  new  flag  be  adopted  with  the  crosses 
of  St.  Andrew  and  St.  George  interlaced,  by  placing  the  latter 
fimbriated  on  the  blue  flag  of  Scotland  as  the  ground  thereof. 
This  flag  all  ships  were  to  carry  at  their  main  top ;  but  English 
ships  were  to  display  St.  George's  red  cross  at  their  stern,  and 
the  Scottish  the  white  saltire  of  St.  Andrew. 
31* 


3G6  ORIGIN    OP   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

BLUE-STOCKING. 

It  was  the  fashion  in  London,  in  1781,  for  ladies  to  have 
evening  assemblies,  where  they  might  participate  in  conversa- 
tion with  literary  men.  These  societies  acquired  the  name  of 
Blue-Stocking  Clubs, — an  appellation  which  has  been  applied 
to  pedantic  females  ever  since.  It  arose  from  the  custom  of 
Mr.  Stillingfleet,  one  of  the  most  eminent  members,  wearing 
blue  stockings.  Such  was  the  excellence  of  his  conversation, 
and  his  absence  was  so  great  a  loss,  that  it  used  -to  be  said, 
"  We  can  do  nothing  without  the  Blue  Stockings;"  and  thus  the 
title  was  gradually  established.  In  Hannah  More's  poem,  Bas 
bleu,  many  of  the  most  conspicuous  members  are  mentioned. 

SKEDADDLE. 

This  word  may  be  easily  traced  to  a  Greek  origin.  The  verb 
ffxsdawu/j-i,  of  which  the  root  is  ffxsda,  is  used  freely  by  Thucy- 
dides,  Herodotus,  and  other  Greek  writers,  in  describing  the 
dispersion  of  a  routed  army.  From  the  root  ffxsda  the  word 
skedaddle  is  formed  by  simply  adding  the  euphonious  termina- 
tion die  and  doubling  the  d,  as  required  by  the  analogy  of  our 
language  in  such  words.  In  many  words  of  undoubted  Greek 
extraction  much  greater  changes  are  made. 

The  Swedes  have  a  similar  word,  slcuddadahl,  and  the  Danes 
another,  skyededehl,  both  of  which  have  the  same  signification. 

An  old  version  of  the  Irish  New  Testament  contains  the 
passage,  "  For  it  is  written,  I  will  smite  the  shepherd,  and  the 
sheep  of  the  flock  shall  be  sgedad  ol."  This  compound  Irish 
word  sgedad  ol  (all  scattered  or  utterly  routed)  was  probably 
used  by  some  Irishman  at  Bull  Run,  and,  being  regarded  as 
felicitous,  was  at  once  adopted. 

FOOLSCAP    PAPER. 

The  term  of  "  foolscap,"  to  designate  a  certain  size  of  paper, 
no  doubt  has  puzzled  many  an  anxious  inquirer.  It  appears 
that  Charles  I.,  of  England,  granted  numerous  monopolies 
for  the  support  of  the  Government,  among  others  the  manu- 
facture of  paper.  The  water-mark  of  the  finest  sort  was  the 


ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  367 

royal  arms  of  England.  The  consumption  of  this  article  was 
great,  and  large  fortunes  were  made  by  those  who  purchased 
the  exclusive  right  to  vend  it.  This,  among  other  monopolies, 
was  set  aside  by  the  Parliament  that  brought  Charles  I.  to  the 
scaffold;  and,  by  way  of  showing  contempt  for  the  King, 
they  ordered  the  royal  arms  to  be  taken  from  the  paper,  and  a 
fool  with  his  cap  and  bells  to  be  substituted.  It  is  now  over 
two  hundred  years  since  the  fool's  cap  was  taken  from  the 
paper,  but  still  the  paper  of  the  size  which  the  Rump 
Parliament  ordered  for  their  journals  bears  the  name  of  the 
water-mark  placed  there  as  an  indignity  to  King  Charles. 

THE    FIRST    FORGED    BANK-NOTE. 

Sixty-four  years  after  the  establishment  of  the  Bank  of 
England,  the  first  forged  note  was  presented  for  payment, 
and  to  Richard  William  Vaughn,  a  Stafford  linen-draper, 
belongs  the  melancholy  celebrity  of  having  led  the  van  in  this 
new  phase  of  crime,  in  the  year  1758.  The  records  of  his  life 
do  not  show  want,  beggary  or  starvation  urging  him,  but  a 
simple  desire  to  seem  greater  than  he  was.  By  one  of  the 
artists  employed  (and  there  were  several  engaged  on  different 
parts  of  the  notes)  the  discovery  was  made.  The  criminal  had 
filled  up  to  the  number  of  twenty  and  deposited  them  in  the 
hands  of  a  young  lady  to  whom  he  was  attached,  as  a  proof  of 
his  wealth.  There  is  no  calculating  how  much  longer  bank-notes 
might  have  been  free  from  imitation  had  this  man  not  shown 
with  what  ease  they  could  be  counterfeited.  From  this  period 
forged  notes  became  common.  His  execution  did  not  deter  others 
from  the  offence,  and  many  a  neck  was  forfeited  to  the  halter 
before  the  late  abolition  of  capital  punishment  for  that  crime. 

THE    FIRST   PIANO-FORTE. 

A  play-bill  of  the  Covent  Garden  Theatre,  dated  May  16, 
1767,  after  setting  forth  the  performance  of  The  Beggar's 
Opera,  contains  the  following  notification: — "End  of  Act 
First,  Miss  Brickler  will  sing  a  favorite  song  from  Judith, 
accompanied  by  Mr.  Dibdin  on  a  new  instrument  called  Piano- 


368  ORIGIN    OF    THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

Forte."  The  first  manufacturer  is  believed  to  be  a  German 
named  Backers,  as  there  is  still  in  existence  the  name-board 
of  a  piano  inscribed  "Americus  Backers,  Factor  et  Inventor, 
Jermyn  Street,  London,  1776." 

.     THE    FIRST   DOCTORS. 

The  title  of  DOCTOR  was  invented  in  the  twelfth  century, 
at  the  first  establishment  of  the  universities.  The  first  person 
upon  whom  it  was  conferred  was  IRNERIUS,  a  learned  Professor 
of  Law,  at  the  University  of  Bologna.  He  induced  the 
Emperor  Lothaire  II.,  whose  Chancellor  he  was,  to  create  the 
title;  and  he  himself  was  the  first  recipient  of  it.  He  was 
made  Doctor  of  Laws  by  that  university.  Subsequently  the 
title  was  borrowed  by  the  faculty  of  Theology,  and  first  con- 
ferred by  the  University  of  Paris,  on  PETER  LOMBARD,  the 
celebrated  scholastic  theologian.  WILLIAM  GORDENIO  was 
the  first  person  upon  whom  the  title  of  Doctor  of  Medicine 
was  bestowed.  He  received  it  from  the  college  at  Asti,  in 
1329. 

THE  FIRST  THANKSGIVING  PROCLAMATION. 
The  first  proclamation  of  Thanksgiving  Day  that  is  to  be 
found  in  a  printed  form  is  the  one  issued  by  his  Excellency 
FRANCIS  BERNARD,  Captain-General  and  Governor-in-Chief 
in  and  over  His  Majesty's  province  of  the  Massachusetts  Bay, 
in  New  England,  and  Vice-Admiral  of  the  same,  in  1767.  It 
is  as  follows  : — 

A  PROCLAHATION  FOR  A  PUBLIC  THANKSGIVING. 
As  the  Business  of  the  Year  is  now  drawing  towards  a  Con- 
clusion, we  are  reminded,  according  to  the  laudable  Usage  of 
this  Province,  to  join  together  in  a  grateful  Acknowledgement 
of  the  manifold  Mercies  of  the  Divine  Providence  conferred 
upon  Us  in  the  passing  Year:  Wherefore,  I  have  thought  fit 
to  appoint,  and  I  do  with  the  advice  of  His  Majesty's  Council 
appoint,  Thursday,  the  Third  Day  of  December  next,  to  be  a 
day  of  public  Thanksgiving,  that  we  may  thereupon  with  one 
Heart  and  Yoice  return  our  most  humble  Thanks  to  Almighty 


ORIGIN    OF   THINGS    FAMILIAR.  369 

God  for  the  gracious  Dispensations  of  His  Providence  since 
the  last  religious  Anniversary  of  this  kind :  and  especially  for 
— that  he  has  been  pleased  to  preserve  and  maintain  our  most 
gracious  Sovereign  King  GEORGE  in  Health  and  Wealth,  in 
Peace  and  Honour ;  and  to  extend  the  Blessings  of  his  Govern- 
ment to  the  remotest  Part  of  his  Dominions ; — that  He  hath 
been  pleased  to  bless  and  preserve  our  gracious  Queen  CHAR- 
LOTTE, their  Koyal  Highnesses  the  Prince  of  WALES,  the 
Princess  Dowager  of  WALES,  and  all  the  Royal  family,  and  by 
the  frequent  Encrease  of  the  Royal  Issue  to  assure  to  us  the 
Continuation  of  the  Blessings  which  we  derive  from  that  illus- 
trious House ; — that  He  hath  been  pleased  to  prosper  the  whole 
British  Empire  by  the  Preservation  of  Peace,  the  Encrease  of 
Trade,  and  the  opening  of  new  Sources  of  National  Wealth ; — 
and  now  particularly  that  he  hath  been  pleased  to  favor  the 
people  of  this  province  with  healthy  and  kindly  Seasons,  and 
to  bless  the  Labour  of  their  Hands  with  a  Sufficiency  of  the 
Produce  of  the  Earth  and  of  the  Sea. 

And  I  do  exhort  all  Ministers  of  the  Gospel,  with  their 
several  Congregations,  within  this  Province,  that  they  assemble 
on  the  said  Day  in  a  Solemn  manner  to  return  their  most 
humble  thanks  to  Almighty  GOD  for  these  and  all  other  His 
Mercies  vouchsafed  unto  us,  and  to  beseech  Him,  notwith- 
standing our  Unworthiness,  to  continue  his  gracious  Provir 
dence  over  us.  And  I  command  and  enjoin  all  Magistrates 
and  Civil  Officers  to  see  that  the  said  Day  be  observed  as  a  Day 
set  apart  for  religious  worship,  and  that  no  servile  Labour  be 
permitted  thereon. 

GIVEN  at  the  Council  Chamber  in  Boston,  the  Fourth  Day 
of  November,  1767,  in  the  Eighth  Year  of  the  Reign  of  our 
Sovereign  Lord  GEORGE  the  Third,  by  the  Grace  of  God,  of 
Great  Britain,  France  and  Ireland,  King,  Defender  of  the 
Faith,  &c.  FRA  BERNARD. 

By  his  Excellency's  Command. 

A.  OLIVER,  Sec'ry 
GOD  SAVE  THE  KING. 


370  ORIGIN    OP   THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

THE    FIRST   PRAYER   IN    CONGRESS. 

In  Thatcher's  Military  Journal,  under  date  of  December, 
1777,  is  a  note  containing  the  first  prayer  in  Congress,  made 
by  the  Rev.  Jacob  Duche,  rector  of  Christ  Church,  a  gentle- 
man of  learning  and  eloquence,  who  subsequently  proved 
traitorous  to  the  cause  of  Independence  : — 

O  Lord  our  heavenly  Father,  high  and  mighty  King  of 
kings  and  Lord  of  lords,  who  dost  from  thy  throne  behold  all 
the  dwellers  on  earth,  and  reignest  with  power  supreme  and 
uncontrolled  over  all  the  kingdoms,  empires,  and  governments ; 
look  down  in  mercy,  we  beseech  thee,  on  these  American 
states,  who  have  fled  to  thee  from  the  rod  of  the  oppressor, 
and  thrown  themselves  on  thy  gracious  protection,  desiring  to 
be  henceforth  dependent  only  on  thee ;  to  thee  they  have 
appealed  for  the  righteousness  of  their  cause ;  to  thee  do  they 
now  look  up  for  that  countenance  and  support  which  thou 
alone  canst  give;  take  them,  therefore,  heavenly  Father, 
under  thy  nurturing  care ;  give  them  wisdom  in  council,  and 
valor  in  the  field;  defeat  the  malicious  designs  of  our  cruel 
adversaries ;  convince  them  of  the  unrighteousness  of  their 
cause;  and  if  they  still  persist  in  their  sanguinary  purposes, 
0  let  the  voice  of  thine  own  unerring  justice,  sounding  in 
their  hearts,  constrain  them  to  drop  the  weapons  of  war  from 
their  unnerved  hands  in  the  day  of  battle.  Be  thou  present, 
0  God  of  Wisdom,  and  direct  the  counsels  of  this  honorable 
assembly ;  enable  them  to  settle  things  on  the  best  and  surest 
foundation,  that  the  scene  of  blood  may  be  speedily  closed, 
that  order,  harmony,  and  peace  may  be  effectually  restored, 
and  truth  and  justice,  religion  and  piety,  prevail  and  flourish 
amongst  thy  people.  Preserve  the  health  of  their  bodies  and 
the  vigor  of  their  minds ;  shower  down  on  them  and  the  mil- 
lions they  here  represent,  such  temporal  blessings  as  thou 
seest  expedient  for  them  in  this  world,  and  crown  them  with 
everlasting  glory  in  the  world  to  come.  All  this  we  ask  in  the 
name  and  through  the  merits  of  Jesus  Christ,  thy  Son,  our 
Saviour.  Amen  ! 


ORIGIN   OP   THINGS  FAMILIAR.  371 

THE  FIRST  REPORTERS. 

In  Sylvester  O'Halloran's  History  and  Antiqriities  of  Ireland, 
published  in  Dublin  in  1772,  is  the  curious  entry  subjoined. 
Bille,  a  Milesian  king  of  a  portion  of  Spain,  had  a  son  named 
Gollamh,  who  "  solicited  his  father's  permission  to  assist  their 
Phoenician  ancestors,  then  greatly  distressed  by  continual  wars," 
and  having  gained  his  consent,  the  passage  describing  the  result 
proceeds  thus : — 

With  a  well-appointed  fleet  of  thirty  ships  and  a  select  num- 
ber of  intrepid  warriors,  he  weighed  anchor  from  the  harbor  of 
Corunna  for  Syria.  It  appears  that  war  was  not  the  sole  busi- 
ness of  this  equipment;  for  in  this  fleet  were  embarked  twelve 
youths  of  uncommon  learning  and  abilities;  who  were  directed 
to  make  remarks  on  whatever  they  found  new,  either  in  as- 
tronomy, navigation,  arts,  sciences,  or  manufactures.  They 
were  to  communicate  their  remarks  and  discoveries  to  each 
other,  and  keep  an  exact  account  of  whatever  was  worthy  of 
notice.  This  took  place  in  the  year  of  the  world,  2650. 

These  twelve  youths  were  reporters,  and  if  this  story  be  true, 
the  profession  constituting  "  the  fourth  estate"  may  boast  of  an 
ancient  lineage. 

THE   FIRST  EPIGRAM. 

Among  "  first  things,"  the  following  is  worth  preserving,  as  it 
is  believed  to  be  the  first  epigram  extant  in  the  English  lan- 
guage. It  was  written  by  Sir  Thomas  Wyat,  who  in  some  of 
his  sonnets  did  not  hesitate  to  intimate  his  secret  passion  for 
Anne  Boleyn. 

Of  anew  married  student  that  plaid  fast  or  lose. 
A  studient  at  his  bok  so  plast, 
That  wealth  he  might  have  wonne, 
From  bok  to  wife  did  flete  in  hast, 
From  welth  to  wo  to  runne. 
Now  who  hath  plaid  a  feater  cast, 
Since  jugling  first  begonne? 
In  knitting  of  himself  so  fast, 
Himself  he  hath  undone. 


372  ORIGIN    OP   THINGS    FAMILIAR. 

NEWS. 

The  word  news  is  commonly  supposed  to  be  derived  from  the 
adjective  new.  It  is  asserted,  however,  that  its  origin  is  trace- 
able to  a  custom  in  former  times  of  placing  on  the  newspapers 
of  the  day  the  initial  letters  of  the  cardinal  points  of  the  com- 
pass, thus : — 

1ST 


These  letters  were  intended  to  indicate  that  the  paper  contained 
intelligence  from  the  four  quarters  of  the  globe,  but  they  finally 
came  to  assume  the  form  of  the  word  news,  from  which  the 
term  newspaper  is  derived. 

THE    EARLIEST    NEWSPAPERS. 

The  Englishe  Mercuric,  now  in  MS.  in  the  British  Museum, 
has  been  proved  to  be  a  forgery.  The  oldest  regular  newspaper 
published  in  England  was  established  by  Nathaniel  Butter,  in 
1662. 

The  oldest  paper  in  France  was  commenced  by  Theophrastus 
Renaudot,  in  1632,  during  the  reign  of  Louis  XIII.  It  was 
called  the  Gazette  de  Prance. 

The  first  Dutch  newspaper,  which  is  still  continued  under 
the  name  of  the  Haarlem  Courant,  is  dated  January  8,  1656. 
It  was  then  called  De  Weeckelycke  Courante  van  Europa,  and 
contained  two  small  folio  pages  of  news. 

The  first  Russian  newspaper  was  published  in  1703.  Peter 
the  Great  not  only  took  part  personally  in  its  editorial  compo- 
sition, but  in  correcting  proofs,  as  appears  from  sheets  still  in 
existence  in  which  are  marks  and  alterations  in  his  own 
hand.  There  are  two  complete  copies  of  the  first  year's  edition 
of  this  paper  in  the  Imperial  Library  at  St.  Petersburg. 

The  first  newspaper  established  in  North  America  was  the 
Boston  News-Letter,  commenced  April  24,  1704.  It  was  half 


ORIGIN    OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR.  373 

a  sheet  of  paper,  twelve  inches  by  eight,  two  columns  on  a 
page.  B.  Green  was  the  printer.  It  survived  till  1776, — 
seventy-two  years.  It  advocated  the  policy  of  the  British 
Government  at  the  commencement  of  the  Revolution. 

From  a  copy  of  this  paper  printed  in  1769  is  obtained  the 
following  announcement : — 

"  The  bell-cart  will  go  through  Boston,  before  the  end  of  next 
month,  to  collect  rags  for  the  paper-mill  at  Milton,  when  all 
people  that  will  encourage  the  paper-manufactory  may  dispose 
of  their  rags : 

Rags  are  as  beauties,  which  concealed  lie, 
But  when  in  paper,  how  it  charms  the  eye ! 
Pray  save  your  rags,  new  beauties  it  discover ; 
For  paper  truly,  every  one's  a  lover : 
By  the  pen  and  press  such  knowledge  is  displayed 
As  wouldn't  exist  if  paper  was  not  made. 
Wisdom  of  things  mysterious,  divine, 
Illustriously  doth  on  paper  shine." 

THE   FIRST   PRINTING   BY   STEAM. 

The  first  printing  by  steam  was  executed  in  the  year  1817, 
by  Bensley  &  Son,  London.  The  first  book  thus  printed  was 
Dr.  Elliotson's  second  edition  of  Blumenbach's  Physiology. 

THE   FIRST   TELEGRAPHIC   MESSAGE. 

Professor  Morse,  having  returned  to  his  native  land  from 
Europe,  proceeded  immediately  to  Washington,  where  he  re- 
newed his  endeavors  to  procure  the  passage  of  the  bill  grant- 
ing the  appropriation  of  thirty  thousand  dollars.  Towards  the 
close  of  the  session  of  1844,  the  House  of  Representatives  took 
it  up  and  passed  it  by  a  large  majority,  and  it  only  remained 
for  the  action  of  the  Senate.  Its  progress  through  this  house, 
as  might  be  supposed,  was  watched  with  the  most  intense  anxi- 
ety by  Professor  Morse.  There  were  only  two  days  before  the 
close  of  the  session,  and  it  was  found,  on  examination  of  the 
calendar,  that  no  less  than  one  hundred  and  forty-three  bills 
had  precedence  to  it.  Professor  Morse  had  nearly  reached  the 
bottom  of  his  purse  :  his  hard-earned  savings  were  almost  spent; 
32 


374  ORIGIN   OF   THINGS   FAMILIAR. 

and,  although  he  had  struggled  on  with  undying  hope  for  many 
years,  it  is  hardly  to  be  wondered  at  that  he  felt  disheartened 
now.  On  the  last  night  of  the  session  he  remained  till  nine 
o'clock,  and  then  left  without  the  slightest  hope  that  the  bill 
would  be  passed.  He  returned  to  his  hotel,  counted  his  money, 
and  found  that  after  paying  his  expenses  to  New  York  he 
would  have  seventy-five  cents  left.  That  night  he  went  to  bed 
sad,  but  not  without  hope  for  the  future ;  for,  through  all  his 
difficulties  and  trials,  that  never  forsook  him.  The  next  morn- 
ing, as  he  was  going  to  breakfast,  one  of  the  waiters  informed 
him  that  a  young  lady  was  in  the  parlor  waiting  to  see  him. 
He  went  in  immediately,  and  found  that  the  young  lady  was 
Miss  Ellsworth,  daughter  of  the  Commissioner  of  Patents,  who 
had  been  his  most  steadfast  friend  while  in  Washington. 

"  I  come,"  said  she,  "  to  congratulate  you." 

"  For  what  ?"  said  Professor  Morse. 

"  On  the  passage  of  your  bill,"  she  replied. 

"  Oh,  no  :  you  must  be  mistaken,"  said  he.  "  I  remained  in 
the  Senate  till  a  late  hour  last  night,  and  there  was  no  prospect 
of  its  being  reached." 

"Am  I  the  first,  then,"  she  exclaimed,  joyfully,  "to  tell 
you?" 

"  Yes,  if  it  is  really  so." 

"Well,"  she  continued,  "father  remained  till  the  adjourn- 
ment, and  heard  it  passed;  and  I  asked  him  if  I  might  not  run 
over  and  tell  you." 

"  Annie,"  said  the  Professor,  his  emotion  almost  choking  his 
utterance,  "  the  first  message  that  is  sent  from  Washington  to 
Baltimore  shall  be  sent  from  you." 

"Well,"  she  replied,   "  I  will  keep  you  to  your  word." 

While  the  line  was  in  process  of  completion,  Prof.  Morse  was  in 
New  York,  and  upon  receiving  intelligence  that  it  was  in  work- 
ing order,  he  wrote  to  those  in  charge,  telling  them  not  to 
transmit  any  messages  over  it  till  his  arrival.  He  then  set  out 
immediately  for  Washington,  and  on  reaching  that  city  sent  a 
rote  to  Miss  Ellsworth,  informing  her  that  he  was  now  ready 


NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN.  375 

to  fulfill  his  promise,  and  asking  her  what  message  he  should 
send. 

To  this  he  received  the  following  reply  : — 

WHAT  HATH  GOD  WROUGHT  ! 

Words  that  ought  to  be  written  in  characters  of  living  light. 
The  message  was  twice  repeated,  and  each  time  with  the  great- 
est success.  As  soon  as  the  result  of  the  experiment  was  made 
known,  Governor  Seymour,  of  Connecticut,  afterwards  United 
States  minister  at  St.  Petersburg,  called  upon  Professor  Morse 
and  claimed  the  first  message  for  his  State,  on  the  ground  that 
Miss  Ellsworth  was  a  native  of  Hartford.  We  need  scarcely 
add  that  his  claim  was  admitted ;  and  now,  engraved  in  letters 
of  gold,  it  is  displayed  conspicuously  in  the  archives  of  the 
Historical  Society  of  Connecticut. 


Notijing  Neto  Sintier  tije 

FORESHADOWIN6S   OP   THE   MAGNETIC   TELEGRAPH. 

0  utinam  haec  ratio  scribendi  prodeat  usu, 
Cautior  et  citior  properaret  epistola,  nullas 
Latronum  verita  insidias  fluviosve  morantes  : 
Ipse  suis  Princeps  manibus  sibi  conficeret  rem ! 
Noa  sobolea  scribarum,  emersi  ex  sequore  nigro, 
Consecraremwi  calamum  Magnetis  ad  aras  ! 

THE  Prolusiones  Academicx  of  Famianus  Strada,  first 
printed  in  1617,  consist  of  a  series  of  essays  upon  Oratory, 
Philosophy,  and  Poetry,  with  some  admirable  imitations  of 
sundry  Roman  authors,  in  the  style  of  Father  Prouts 
Reliques.  In  the  imitation  of  Lucretius,  ii.  6,  is  a  descrip- 
tion of  the  loadstone  and  its  power  of  communicating  intelli- 
gence, remarkable  as  foreshadowing  the  modern  method  of 
telegraphic  communication.  The  following  is  a  literal  transla- 
tion of  the  curious  passage  : — 


376  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE   SUN. 

The  Loadstone  is  a  wonderful  sort  of  mineral.  Any  articles 
made  of  iron,  like  needles,  if  touched  by  it,  derive  by  contact 
not  only  peculiar  power,  but  a  certain  property  of  motion  by 
which  they  turn  ever  towards  the  Constellation  of  the  Bear, 
near  the  North  Pole.  By  some  peculiar  correspondency  of  im- 
pulse, any  number  of  needles,  which  may  have  touched  the 
loadstone,  preserve  at  all  times  a  precisely  corresponding  posi- 
tion and  motion.  Thus  it  happens  that  if  one  needle  be  moved 
at  Rome,  any  other,  however  far  apart,  is  bound  by  some  secret 
natural  condition  to  follow  the  same  motion. 

If  you  desire,  therefore,  to  communicate  intelligence  to  a 
distant  friend,  who  cannot  be  reached  by  letter,  take  a  plain, 
round,  flat  disc,  and  upon  its  outer  rim  mark  down  the  letters 
of  the  alphabet,  A,  B,  C,  &c.,  and,  traversing  upon  the  middle 
of  your  disc,  have  a  needle  (which  has  touched  loadstone)  so 
arranged  that  it  may  be  made  to  touch  upon  any  particular  let- 
ter ad  libitum.  Make  a  similar  disc,  the  exact  duplicate  of 
this  first  one,  with  corresponding  letters  on  its  margin,  and 
with  a  revolving  magnetized  needle.  Let  the  friend  you  pro- 
pose corresponding  with  take,  at  his  departure,  one  disc  along 
with  him,  and  let  him  agree  with  you  beforehand  on  what 
particular  days  and  at  what  particular  hours  he  will  take  obser- 
vation of  the  needle,  to  see  if  it  be  vibrating  and  to  learn  what 
it  marks  on  the  index.  With  this  arrangement  understood  be- 
tween you  both,  if  you  wish  to  hold  a  private  conversation 
with  this  friend,  whom  the  shores  of  some  distant  land  have 
separated  from  you,  turn  your  finger  to  the  disc  and  touch  the 
easy-moving  needle.  Before  you  lie,  marked  upon  the  outer 
edge,  all  the  various  letters :  direct  the  needle  to  such  letters 
as  are  necessary  to  form  the  words  you  want,  touching  a  little 
letter  here  and  there  with  the  needle's  point,  as  it  goes  travers- 
ing round  and  round  the  board,  until  you  throw  together,  one 
by  one,  your  various  ideas.  Lo !  the  wonderful  fidelity  of  cor- 
respondence !  Your  distant  friend  notes  the  revolving  needle 
vibrate  without  apparent  impulse  and  fly  hither  and  thither 
round  the  rim.  He  notes  its  movements,  and  reading,  as  he 


NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN.  377 

follows  its  motion,  the  various  letters  which  make  up  the  words, 
he  perceives  all  that  is  necessary,  and  learns  your  meaning  from 
the  interpreting  needle.  When  he  sees  the  needle  pause,  he, 
in  turn,  in  like  manner  touches  the  various  letters,  and 
sends  back  his  answer  to  his  friend.  Oh  that  this  style  of 
writing  were  brought  into  use,  that  a  friendly  message  might 
travel  quicker  and  safer,  defying  snares  of  robbers  or  delaying 
rivers  !  Would  that  the  prince  himself  would  finish  the  great 
work  with  his  own  hands  !  Then  we  race  of  scribblers,  emer- 
ging from  our  sea  of  ink,  would  lay  the  quill  au  offering  on  the 
altars  of  the  loadstone. 

This  idea  of  Strada  is  based  upon  the  erroneous  impression 
entertained  generally  at  the  time  when  he  wrote,  that  magnetic 
power,  when  imparted  by  the  loadstone  to  metallic  articles  like 
needles,  communicated  to  them  a  kind  of  homogeneous  impulse, 
which  of  necessity  caused  between  them  a  sympathetic  corre- 
spondence of  motion. 

The  curious  reader  will  be  further  interested  to  learn  from 
the  following  passage,  extracted  from  the  "  Tour"  of  ARTHUR 
YOUNG,  the  distinguished  agriculturist,  who  travelled  through 
Ireland  in  1775-78,  that  the  theory  of  electrical  correspondence 
by  means  of  a  wire  was  practically  illustrated  before  Mr.  Morse 
was  born : — 

In  electricity,  Mons.  Losinond  has  made  a  remarkable  dis- 
covery. You  write  two  or  three  words  on  a  paper;  he  takes  it 
with  him  into  a  room,  and  turns  a  machine  enclosed  in  a  cylin- 
drical case,  at  the  top  of  which  is  an  electrometer,  in  the  shape 
of  a  small  fine  pith  ball.  A  wire  connects  with  a  similar  cylinder 
and  electrometer  in  a  distant  apartment,  and  his  wife,  by  remark- 
ing the  corresponding  motions  of  the  ball,  writes  down  the  words 
they  indicate,  from  which  it  appears  that  he  has  formed  an 
alphabet  of  motions.  As  the  length  of  wire  makes  no  difference 
in  the  effect,  a  correspondence  might  be  carried  on  at  any  dis- 
tance, within  and  without  a  besieged  town,  for  instance,  or 
for  a  purpose  much  more  worthy  and  a  thousand  times  more 
32* 


378  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN. 

harmless,  between  two  lovers,  prohibited  or  prevented  from  any 
better  epistolary  intercourse. 

A  second  edition  of  Mr.  Young's  Tour  was  published  in 
quarto  in  1794,  and  the  above  extract  may  be  found  on  page 
79,  volume  i. 

THE   FIRST   DISCOVERIES    OF    STEAM-POWER. 

The  following  extracts  from  an  address  by  Edward  Everett, 
at  an  agricultural  fair,  embody  facts  the  more  interesting  from 
their  limited  notoriety  : — 

I  never  contemplate  the  history  of  navigation  of  the  ocean 
by  steam,  but  it  seems  to  illustrate  to  me  in  the  most  striking 
manner  the  slow  steps  by  which  a  great  movement  advances 
for  generations,  for  ages,  from  the  first  germ, — then,  when 
the  hour  is  come,  the  rapidity  with  which  it  rushes  to  a  final 
consummation.  Providence  offered  this  great  problem  of  navi- 
gating the  ocean  by  steam  to  every  civilized  nation  almost  on 
the  globe.  As  long  ago  as  the  year  1543,  there  was  a  captain 
in  Spain,  who  constructed  a  vessel  of  two  hundred  tons,  and 
propelled  it,  at  Barcelona,  in  the  presence  of  the  Emperor 
Charles  V.  and  his  court,  by  an  engine,  the  construction  of 
which  he  kept  a  secret.  But  old  documents  tell  us  it  was  a 
monster  caldron  boiler  of  water,  and  that  there  were  two  mo- 
vable wheels  on  the  outside  of  the  vessel.  The  Emperor  was 
satisfied  with  its  operation,  but  the  treasurer  of  the  kingdom  in- 
terposed objections  to  its  introduction.  The  engine  itself  seems 
to  have  sprung  to  a  point  of  perfection  hardly  surpassed  at 
the  present  day,  but  no  encouragement  was  given  to  the  enter- 
prise. Spain  was  not  ripe  for  it ;  the  age  was  not  ripe  for  it ; 
and  the  poor  inventor,  whose  name  was  Blasco  de  Guerere, 
wearied  and  disgusted  at  the  want  of  patronage,  took  the  en- 
gine out  of  the  vessel  and  allowed  the  ship  to  rot  in  the  arsenal, 
and  the  secret  of  his  machine  was  buried  in  his  grave. 

This  was  in  1543.  A  century  passed  away,  and  Providence 
offered  the  same  problem  to  be  solved  by.  France.  In  reference 
to  this,  we  have  an  extraordinary  account,  and  from  a  source 


NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN.  379 

equally  extraordinary, — from  the  writings  of  a  celebrated  female, 
in  the  middle  of  that  century,  equally  renowned  for  her  beauty, 
for  her  immoralities,  and  for  her  longevity, — for  she  lived  to  be 
one  hundred  and  thirty-four  years  of  age, — the  famous  Marian  de 
1'Orme.  There  is  a  letter  from  this  lady,  written  to  one  of  her 
admirers  in  1641,  containing  an  account  of  a  visit  she  made  to  a 
mad-house  in  Paris  in  company  with  the  Marquis  of  Worcester. 
She  goes  on  to  relate,  that  in  company  with  the  marquis,  while 
crossing  the  courtyard  of  that  dismal  establishment,  almost  petri- 
fied with  terror,  and  clinging  to  her  companion,  she  saw  a 
frightful  face  through  the  bars  of  the  building,  and  heard  this 
voice : — "  I  am  not  mad — I  am  not  mad  :  I  have  made  a  disco- 
very which  will  enrich  the  kingdom  that  shall  adopt  it."  She 
asked  the  guide  what  it  meant :  he  shrugged  his  shoulders  and 
said,  laughingly,  "Not  much;  something  about  the  powers  of 
steam."  Upon  this,  the  lady  laughed  also,  to  think  that  a  man 
should  go  mad  on  such  a  frivolous  subject.  The  guide  went 
on  to  say  that  the  man's  name  was  Solomon  de  Coste;  that 
he  came  from  Normandy  four  years  before,  and  exhibited  to 
the  king  an  invention  by  which,  by  the  power  of  steam, 
you  could  move  a  carriage,  navigate  the  ocean  :  "  in  short, 
if  you  believed  him,"  said  the  guide,  "  there  was  nothing 
you  could  not  do  by  the  power  of  steam."  Cardinal  Richelieu, 
who  at  that  time  was  France  itself,  and  who  wielded  the  whole 
power  of  government, — and,  in  truth,  an  enlightened  man,  as 
worldly  wisdom  goes, — was  appealed  to  by  Solomon  de  Coste. 
De  Coste  was  a  persevering  man,  and  he  followed  Cardinal 
Richelieu  from  place  to  place,  exhibiting  his  invention,  until 
the  cardinal,  getting  tired  of  his  importunities,  sent  him  to  the 
mad-house.  The  guide  stated  further  that  he  had  written  a 
book  entitled  Motive  Power,  and  handed  the  visitors  a  copy  of 
it.  The  Marquis  of  Worcester,  who  was  an  inventor,  was  much 
interested  in  the  book,  and  incorporated  a  considerable  portion 
of  it  in  his  well-known  work  called  The  Century  of  Invention. 

It  will  be  seen  from  this  anecdote  how  France  proved  in 
1641,  as  Spain  had  proved  in  1543,  that  she  was  unable  to  take 


380  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN. 

up  and  wield  this  mortal  thunderbolt.  And  so  the  problem  of 
navigating  the  ocean  by  steam  was  reserved  for  the  Anglo-Saxon 
race.  Soon  after  this  period,  the  best  mechanical  skill  of  Eng- 
land was  directed  towards  this  invention.  Experiments  were 
often  made,  with  no  success,  and  sometimes  with  only  partial 
success,  until  the  middle  of  the  last  century,  when  the  seeds 
implanted  in  the  minds  of  ingenious  men  for  two  hundred 
years  germinated,  and  the  steam-engine — that  scarcely  inani- 
mate Titan,  that  living,  burning  mechanism — was  brought 
nearly  to  a  state  of  perfection  by  James  Watt,  who  took  out  a 
patent  in  1769, — the  great  year  in  which  Wellington  and  Na- 
poleon were  born;  and  ages  after  the  names  of  Austerlitz  and 
Waterloo  shall  perish  from  the  memory  of  man,  the  myriad 
hosts  of  intelligent  labor,  marshalled  by  the  fiery  champions 
that  James  Watt  has  placed  in  the  field,  shall  gain  their  blood- 
less triumph,  not  for  the  destruction  but  for  the  service  of  man- 
kind. All  hail,  then,  to  the  mute,  indefatigable  giant,  in  the 
depths  of  the  darksome  mines,  along  the  pathway  of  travel  and 
trade,  and  on  the  mountain  wave,  that  is  destined  to  drag,  urge, 
heave,  haul,  for  the  service  of  man !  No  fatigue  shall  palsy  its 
herculean, arm,  no  trampled  hosts  shall  writhe  beneath  its  iron 
feet,  no  widow's  heart  shall  bleed  at  its  beneficent  victories. 
England  invented  the  steam-engine ;  but  it  seems  as  if  by  the 
will  of  Providence  she  could  not  go  farther.  Queen  of  the 
seas,  as  she  deemed  herself,  she  could  not  apply  the  invention 
she  had  brought  almost  to  perfection,  and  that  part  of  the  great 
problem,  the  navigation  of  the  ocean  by  steam,  was  reserved  for 
the  other  branch  of  the  Anglo-Saxon  race, — the  branch  situated 
in  a  region  in  this  Western  hemisphere  whose  territory  is  tra- 
versed by  some  of  the  noblest  rivers  that  belt  the  surface  of  the 
globe,  and  separated  by  the  world-wide  ocean  from  the  Eastern 
hemisphere.  It  is  amazing  to  consider  how,  with  the  dawn  of 
the  Revolution,  the  thoughts  of  men  turned  to  the  application 
of  steam-navigation.  Rumsey,  Pitch,  and  Evans  made  experi- 
ments, and  those  experiments  attracted  the  notice  of  one  whon? 
nothing  escaped  pertaining  to  the  welfare  of  his  country :  I 


NOTHING  NEW  UNDER  THE  SUN.          381 

mean  Washington.  And  we  have  a  certificate  from  him,  ex- 
pressing the  satisfaction  with  which  he  had  witnessed  the  ex- 
periment of  Rumsey.  The  attempt  proved  rather  unsuccessful. 
I  think  it  a  providential  appointment  that  the  ocean  was  not 
navigated  by  steam  in  the  Revolutionary  age.  The  enormous 
preponderance  of  British  capital  and  skill,  if  the  ocean  had 
been  navigated  by  steam,  would  have  put  in  her  possession  faci- 
lities for  blockading  our  ports  and  transporting  armies  to  our 
coasts,  which  might  have  had  a  disastrous  effect  on  the  result 
of  the  whole  contest.  But  the  Revolution  passed  and  inde- 
pendence was  established :  the  hour  had  come,  and  the  man 
was  there. 

In  the  year  1799  this  system  of  steam-navigation  became 
matured  in  the  mind  of  Fulton,  who  found  a  liberal  and  active 
coadjutor  in  Chancellor  Livingston,  who,  in  the  same  year, 
applied  to  the  Legislature  of  New  York  for  an  act  of  incorpora- 
tion. I  am  sorry  to  say  that  America  at  that  moment  could  not 
boast  of  much  keener  perception  of  the  nature  of  this  discovery 
than  France  or  Spain  had  done  before.  Chancellor  Livingston 
at  last  had  a  petition  drawn  up  of  the  act  he  desired  passed.  It 
was  drafted  by  the  young  men  of  the  Legislature,  who,  when 
tired  of  the  graver  matters  of  law,  used  to  call  up  the  "  steam 
bill"  that  they  might  have  a  little  fun.  Young  America,  on  that 
occasion,  did  not  show  himself  much  wiser  than  his  senior. 
Nothing  daunted  at  the  coldness  he  received,  nothing  discour- 
aged by  the  partial  success  of  the  first  experiment,  Chan- 
cellor Livingston  persevered.  Twenty  years  elapsed  before 
steamers  were  found  upon  our  lakes  and  rivers,  and  at  that  time 
such  a  system  of  steam-navigation  was  wholly  unknown,  except 
by  hearsay,  in  Europe.  This  application  of  steam  soon  became 
a  pressing  necessity  in  this  country,  but  twenty  years  more 
passed  away  before  it  was  adopted  in  England.  I  could  not 
but  think,  when  the  news  of  the  Atlantic  Telegraph  came, 
what  must  have  been  the  emotions  of  Fulton  and  Franklin 
could  they  have  stood  upon  the  quarter-deck  of  the  Niagara 
and  witnessed  the  successful  termination  of  that  electric  com- 
munication which  is  the  result  of  their  united  discoveries  I 


382  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN. 


NAVIGATION. 

When  air-balloons  were  first  discovered,  some  one  flippantly 
asked  Dr.  Franklin  what  was  the  use  of  it.  The  philosopher 
answered  the  question  by  asking  another  :  —  u  What  is  the  use 
of  a  new-born  infant  ?  It  may  become  a  man." 

The  first  balloon-ascension  was  made  by  Pilatre  de  Rozier 
and  the  Marquis  d'Arlandes,  November  21,  1783,  in  a  rnont- 
golfiere. 

A  century  and  a  half  before  this,  John  Gregorie  wrote, 
"  The  air  itself  is  not  so  unlike  to  water,  but  that  it  may  be 
demonstrated  to  be  navigable,  and  that  a  ship  may  sail  upon 
the  convexity  thereof  by  the  same  reasons  that  it  is  carried 
upon  the  ocean." 

In  the  first  number  of  the  Philosophical  Collections,  1679,  is 
<fa  demonstration  how  it  is  practically  possible  to  make  a  ship, 
which  shall  be  sustained  by  the  air,  and  may  be  moved  either 
by  sails  or  oars,"  from  a  work  entitled  Prodroma,  published  in 
Italian  by  P.  Francesco  Lana.  The  scheme  was  that  of  making 
a  brazen  vessel  which  should  weigh  less  than  the  air  it  con- 
tained, and  consequently  float  in  the  air  when  that  which  was 
within  it  was  pumped  out.  He  calculated  every  thing  —  except 
the  pressure  of  the  atmosphere,  in  consequence  of  which  slight 
oversight  he  realized  no  practical  result. 

THE   CIRCULATION    OF   THE   BLOOD. 

Harvey  discovered  the  circulation  of  the  blood  in  1619  ;  but 
we  learn  from  a  passage  in  Longinus  (ch.  xxii.)  that  the  fact 
was  known  two  thousand  years  before.  The  father  of  critics, 
to  exemplify  and  illustrate  the  use  and  value  of  trope  in  writing, 
has  garbled  from  the  Timseus  of  Plato  a  number  of  sentences 
descriptive  of  the  anatomy  of  the  human  body,  where  the  circu- 
lation of  the  blood  is  pointed  at  in  terms  singularly  graphic. 
The  exact  extent  of  professional  knowledge  attained  in  the 
time  of  the  great  philosopher  is  by  no  means  clearly  defined. 
He  speaks  of  the  fact,  however,  not  with  a  view  to  prove  what 
was  contested  or  chimerical,  but  avails  himself  of  it  to  figure 


NOTHING   NEW   UNDER   THE   SUN.  383 

the  surpassing  wisdom  of  the  gods   in   constructing  the  hu- 
man frame. 

ANAESTHESIA. 

The  use  of  the  vapor  of  sulphuric  ether  for  the  purpose  of 
inducing  insensibility  to  surgical  operations  was  first  practically 
adopted  by  Dr.  Morton,  of  Boston,  in  1846;  that  of  chloro- 
form, by  Dr.  Simpson,  of  Edinburgh,  in  1847.  To  this  period 
we  must  assign  the  most  important  epoch  in  the  annals  of  sur- 
gery, and  the  date  of  one  of  the  grandest  discoveries  of 
science  and  one  of  the  greatest  blessings  ever  conferred  upon 
humanity. 

The  idea,  however,  of  saving  the  human  body,  by  artificial 
means,  from  the  pains  and  tortures  inflicted  by  the  knife 
of  the  surgeon,  has  been  by  no  means  either  first  broached  or 
first  acted  upon  in  recent  ^imes.  Intense  pain  is  regarded  by 
mankind  generally  as  so  serious  an  evil  that  it  would  have  been 
strange  indeed  if  efforts  had  not  been  early  made  to  diminish  this 
species  of  suffering.  The  use  of  the  juice  of  the  poppy,  hen- 
bane, mandragora,  and  other  narcotic  preparations,  to  effect 
this  object  by  their  deadening  influence,  may  be  traced  back 
till  it  disappears  in  the  darkness  of  a  remote  antiquity. 

Intoxicating  vapors  were  also  employed,  by  way  of  inhalation, 
to  produce  the  same  effects  as  drugs  of  this  nature  introduced 
into  the  stomach.  This  appears  from  the  account  given  by 
Herodotus  of  the  practice  of  the  Scythians,  several  centuries 
before  Christ,  of  using  the  vapor  of  hemp-seed  as  a  means  of 
drunkenness.  The  known  means  of  stupefaction  were  very 
early  resorted  to  in  order  to  counteract  pain  produced  by  arti- 
ficial causes.  In  executions  under  the  horrible  form  of  cruci- 
fixion, soporific  mixtures  were  administered  to  alleviate  the 
pangs  of  the  victim.  The  draught  of  vinegar  and  gall,  or 
myrrh,  offered  to  the  Saviour  in  his  agony,  was  the  ordinary 
tribute  of  human  sympathy  extorted  from  the  bystander  by 
the  spectacle  of  intolerable  anguish. 

That  some  lethean  anodyne  might  be  found  to  assuage  the 
torment  of  surgical  operations  as  they  were  anciently  performed, 


384  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE   SUN. 

[cauterizing  the  cut  surfaces,  instead  of  tying  the  arteries,]  was 
not  only  a  favorite  notion,  but  it  had  been  in  some  degree,  how- 
ever imperfect,  reduced  to  practice.  Pliny  the  Naturalist,  who 
perished  in  the  eruption  of  Vesuvius  which  entombed  the  city 
of  Herculaneum  in  the  year  79,  bears  distinct  and  decided 
testimony  to  this  fact. 

In  his  description  of  the  plant  known  as  the  mandragora  or 
circeius,  he  says,  "  It  has  a  soporific  power  on  the  faculties  of 
those  who  drink  it.  The  ordinary  potion  is  half  a  cup.  It  is 
drunk  against  serpents,  and  before  cuttings  and  puncturings, 
lest  they  should  be  felt."  (Bibitur  et  contra  serpentes,  et  ante 
sectiones,  punctionesque,  ne  sentiantur.} 

When  he  comes  to  speak  of  the  plant  eruca,  called  by  us  the 
rocket,  he  informs  us  that  its  seeds,  when  drunk,  infused  in 
wine,  by  criminals  about  to  undergo  the  lash,  produce  a  certain 
callousness  or  induration  of  feeling  (duaitiam,  quandam  con- 
tra sensum  induere). 

Pliny  also  asserts  that  the  stone  Memphitis,  powdered  and 
applied  in  a  liniment  with  vinegar,  will  stupefy  parts  to  be  cut 
or  cauterized,  "  for  it  so  paralyzes  the  part  that  it  feels  no 
pain"  (nee  sentit  cruciaturn). 

Dioscorides,  a  Greek  physician  of  Cilicia,  in  Asia,  who  was 
born  about  the  time  of  Pliny's  death,  and  who  wrote  an  exten- 
sive work  on  the  materia  medica,  observes,  in  his  chapter  on 
mandragora, — 

1.  "  Some  boil  down  the  roots  in  wine  to  a  third  part,  and 
preserve  the  juice  thus  procured,  and  give  one  cyathus  of  it  in 
sleeplessness  and  severe  pains,  of  whatever  part ;  also  to  cause 
the  insensibility — to  produce  the  anaesthesia  [  novxv  watff&yfftav~] 
— of  those  who  are  to  be  cut  or  cauterized." 

2.  "  There  is  prepared,  also,  besides  the  decoction,  a  wine 
from  the  bark  of  the  root,  three  minse  being  thrown  into  a 
cask  of  sweet  wine,  and  of  this  three  cyathi  are  given  to  those 
who  are  to  be  cut  or  cauterized ,  as  aforesaid  ;  for,  being  thrown 
into  a  deep  sleep,  they  do  not  perceive  pain." 

3.  Speaking  of  another  variety  of  mandragora,  called  morion, 


NOTHING  NEW  UNDER  THE  SUN.          385 

he  observes,  "  Medical  men  use  it  also  for  those  who  are  to  be 
cut  or  cauterized." 

Dioscorides  also  describes  the  stone  Memphitis,  mentioned  by 
Pliny,  and  says  that  when  it  is  powdered  and  applied  to  parts 
to  be  cut  or  cauterized,  they  are  rendered,  without  the  slightest 
danger,  wholly  insensible  to  pain.  Matthiolus,  the  commen- 
tator on  Dioscorides,  confirms  his  statement  of  the  virtues  of 
mandragora,  which  is  repeated  by  Dodoneus.  "Wine  in  which 
the  roots  of  mandragora  have  been  steeped,"  says  this  latter 
writer,  "  brings  on  sleep,  and  appeases  all  pains,  so  that  it  is 
given  to  those  who  are  to  be  cut,  sawed,  or  burned  in  any 
parts  of  their  body,  that  they  may  not  perceive  pain/' 

The  expressions  used  by  Apuleius  of  Madaura,  who  flour- 
ished about  a  century  after  Pliny,  are  still  more  remarkable 
than  those  already  quoted  from  the  older  authors.  He  says, 
when  treating  of  mandragora,  "  If  any  one  is  to  have  a  mem- 
ber mutilated,  burned,  or  sawed,  [mutilandum,  comburendum, 
vel  serrandum}~\  let  him  drink  half  an  ounce  with  wine,  and 
let  him  sleep  till  the  member  is  cut  away  without  any  pain  or 
sensation  [et  tantum  dormiet,  quosque  abscindatur  membvum^ 
aliquo  sine  dolor e  et  sensu]." 

It  was  not  in  Europe  and  in  Western  Asia  alone  that  these 
early  efforts  to  discover  some  lethean  were  made,  and  attended, 
with  partial  success.  On  the  opposite  side  of  the  continent, 
the  Chinese — who  have  anticipated  the  Eui'opeans  in,  so  many 
important  inventions,  as  in  gunpowder,  the  mariner's  compass,, 
printing,  lithography,  paper  money,  and  the  use  of  coal — seem, 
to  have  been  quite  as  far  in  advance  of  the  Occidental  world  in 
medical  science.  They  understood,  ages  before  they  were  in- 
troduced into  Christendom,  the  use  of  substances  containing, 
iodine  for  the  cure  of  the  goitre,  and  employed  spurred  rye 
(ergot)  to  shorten  dangerously- prolonged  labor  in  difficult  ac- 
couchements.  Among  the  therapeutic  methods  confirmed  by 
the  experience  of  thousands  of  years,  the  records  of  which  they 
have  preserved  with  religious  veneration,  the  employment  of  an 
anaesthetic  a^ent  to  paralyze  the  nervous  sensibility  before  per- 
Z  33 


386  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE   SUN. 

forming  surgical  operations,  is  distinctly  set  forth.  Among  a 
considerable  number  of  Chinese  works  on  the  pharmacopoeia, 
medicine,  and  surgery,  in  the  National  Library  at  Paris,  is  one 
entitled  Kou-kin-i-tong,  or  general  collection  of  ancient  and 
modern  medicine,  in  fifty  volumes  quarto.  Several  hundred 
biographical  notices  of  the  most  distinguished  physicians  in 
China  are  prefixed  to  this  work.  The  following  curious  pass- 
ages occur  in  the  sketches  of  the  biography  of  Hoa-tho,  who 
flourished  under  the  dynasty  of  Wei,  between  the  years  220 
and  230  of  our  era.  "  When  he  determined  that  it  was  neces- 
sary to  employ  acupuncture,  he  employed  it  in  two  or  three 
places;  and  so  with  the  moxa  if  that  was  indicated  by  the 
nature  of  the  affection  to  be  treated.  But  if  the  disease  re- 
sided in  parts  upon  which  the  needle,  moxa,  or  liquid  medica- 
ments could  not  operate, — for  exj.n--]9  in  the  bones,  or  the  mar- 
row of  the  bones,  in  the  stomach  or  the  intestines, — he  gave  the 
patient  a  preparation  of  hemp,  (in  the  Chinese  language  mayo,") 
and  after  a  few  moments  he  became  as  insensible  as  if  he  had 
been  drunk  or  dead.  Then,  as  the  case  required,  he  performed 
operations,  incisions,  or  amputations,  and  removed  the  cause  of 
the  malady ;  then  he  brought  together  and  secured  the  tissues, 
and  applied  liniments.  After  a  certain  number  of  days,  the 
patient  recovered,  without  having  experienced  the  slightest  pain 
during  the  operation." 

Almost  a  thousand  years  after  the  date  of  the  unmistakable 
phrases  quoted  from  Apuleius,  according  to  the  testimony  of 
William  of  Tyre,  and  other  chroniclers  of  the  wars  for  the 
rescue  of  the  holy  sepulchre,  and  the  fascinating  narrative  of 
Marco  Polo,  a  state  of  anaesthesia  was  induced  for  very  different 
purposes.  It  became  an  instrument  in  the  hands  of  bold  and 
crafty  impostors  to  perpetuate  and  extend  the  most  terrible 
fanaticism  that  the  world  has  ever  seen. 

The  employment  of  anaesthetic  agents  in  surgical  operations 
was  not  forgotten  or  abandoned  during  the  period  when  they 
were  pressed  into  the  appalling  service  just  described.  In  the 
thirteenth  century,  anaesthesia  was  produced  by  inhalation  of 


NOTHING  NEW  UNDER  THE  SUN.          387 

an  anodyne  vapor,  in  a  mode  oddly  forestalling  the  practices 
of  the  present  day,  which  is  described  as  follows  in  the  surgical 
treatise  of  Theodoric,  who  died  in  1298.  It  is  the  receipt  for 
the  "  spongia  somnifera,"  as  it  is  called  in  the  rubric  : — 

"  The  preparation  of  a  scent  for  performing  surgical  opera- 
tions, according  to  Master  Hugo.  It  is  made  thus  : — Take  of 
opium  and  the  juice  of  unripe  mulberry,  of  hyoscyamus,  of  the 
juice  of  the  hemlock,  of  the  juice  of  the  leaves  of  the  inandra- 
gora,  of  the  juice  of  the  woody  ivy,  of  the  juice  of  the  forest 
mulberry,  of  the  seeds  of  lettuce,  of  the  seed  of  the  burdock, 
which  has  large  and  round  apples,  and  of  the  water-hemlock, 
each  one  ounce ;  mix  the  whole  of  these  together  in  a  brazen 
vessel,  and  then  place  a  new  sponge  in  it,  and  let  the  whole 
boil,  and  as  long  as  the  sun  on  the  dog-days,  till  it  (the  sponge) 
consumes  it  all,  and  let  it  be  boiled  away  in  it.  As  often  as 
there  is  need  of  it,  place  this  same  sponge  in  warm  water  for  one 
hour,  and  let  it  be  applied  to  the  nostrils  till  he  who  is  to  be 
operated  on  (gui  incidentus  est)  has  fallen  asleep  j  and  in  this 
state  let  the  operation  be  performed  (et  sic  fiat  chirurgia). 
When  this  is  finished,  in  order  to  rouse  him,  place  another, 
dipped  in  vinegar,  frequently  to  his  nose,  or  let  the  juice  of  the 
roots  of  fenigreek  be  squirted  into  his  nostrils.  Presently  he 
awakens." 

Subsequent  to  Theodoric's  time,  we  find  many  interesting 
and  suggestive  observations  in  the  writings  of  Baptista  Porta, 
Chamappe,  Meissner,  Dauriol,  Haller,  and  Blandin.  About 
half  a  century  ago,  Sir  Humphry  Davy  thus  hinted  at  the 
possibility  that  a  pain-subduing  gas  might  be  inhaled  : — "  As 
nitrous  oxide,  in  its  extensive  operation,  appears  capable  of 
destroying  physical  pain,  it  may  probably  be  used  with  advan- 
tage during  surgical  operations  in  which  no  great  effusion  of 
blood  takes  place."  Baron  Larrey,  Napoleon's  surgeon,  after 
the  battle  of  Eylau,  found  a  remarkable  insensibility  in  the 
wounded  who  suffered  amputations,  owing  to  the  intense  cold. 
This  fact  afterwards  led  to  the  application  of  ice  as  a  local  an- 
aesthetic. 


388  NOTHING    NEW  UNDER   THE   SUN. 

The  former  general  belief  that  a  degree  of  anaesthetic  and 
prolonged  sleep  could  be  induced  artificially  by  certain  medi- 
cated potions  and  preparations  is  also  shown  by  the  frequency 
with  which  the  idea  is  alluded  to  by  the  older  poets  and  story- 
tellers, and  made  part  of  the  machinery  in  the  popular  romance 
and  drama.  '  In  the  history  of  Taliesin,  (one  of  the  antique 
Welsh  tales  contained  in  the  Mabinogion,)  Rhun  is  described  as 
having  put  the  maid  of  the  wife  of  Elphin  into  a  deep  sleep 
with  a  powder  put  into  her  drink,  and  as  having  cut  off  one  of 
her  fingers  when  she  was  in  this  case  of  artificial  anaesthesia. 
Shakspeare,  besides  alluding  more  than  once  to  the  soporific  pro- 
perty of  mandragora,  describes  with  graphic  power  in  Romeo 
and  Juliet,  and  in  Cymbeline,  the  imagined  effects  of  subtle 
distilled  potions  supposed  capable  of  inducing,  without  danger, 
a  prolonged  state  of  death-like  sleep  or  lethargy.  And  Thomas 
Middleton,  in  his  tragedy  of  Women  beware  Women,  published 
in  1657,  pointedly  and  directly  alludes  in  the  following  lines,  to 
the  practice  of  anaesthesia  in  ancient  surgery  : — 

Hippolito.     Yes,  my  lord, 
I  make  no  doubt,  as  I  shall  take  the  course, 
Which  she  shall  never  know  till  it  be  acted  ; 
And  when  she  wakes  to  honor,  then  she'll  thank  me  for't. 
I'll  imitate  the  pities  of  old  surgeons 
To  this  lost  limb;  who,  ere  they  show  their  aft, 
Cast  one  asleep,  then  cut  the  diseased  part; 
So  out  of  love  to  her  I  pity  most, 
She  shall  not  feel  him  going  till  he's  lost ; 
Then  she'll  commend  the  cure. — Act  iv.  Sc.  1. 

The  following  curious  lines  from  Du  Bartas,  translated  by 
Joshua  Sylvester  (?)  are  also  well  worth  transcribing  in  this 
connection. 

Du  Bartas  died  about  the  year  1590 : — 

Even  as  a  Surgeon  minding  off-to-cut 
Som  cureless  limb ;  before  in  use  he  put 
His  violent  Engins  on  the  vicious  member, 
Bringeth  his  Patient  in  a  senseless  slumber: 
And  griefless  then  (guided  by  Use  and  Art) 
To  save  the  whole  saws  off  th'  infested  part. 


NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE   SUN.  389 

f 

So  God  empal'd  our  Grandsire's  (Adain)  lively  look, 
Through  all  his  bones  a  deadly  chilness  strook, 
Siel'd-up  his  sparkling  eyes  with  Iron  bands, 
Led  down  his  feet  (almost)  to  Lethe's  sands  ; 
In  briefe,  so  numm'd  his  Soule's  and  Bodie's  sense, 
That  (without  pain)  opening  his  side,  from  thence 
He  took  a  rib,  which  rarely  He  refin'd, 
And  thereof  made  the  Mother  of  Mankind. 

The  history  of  anaesthetics  is  a  remarkable  illustration  of  the 
acknowledged  fact  that  science  has  sometimes,  for  a  long  season, 
altogether  lost  sight  of  great  practical  thoughts,  from  being 
unprovided  with  proper  means  and  instruments  for  carrying  out 
those  thoughts  into  practical  execution ;  and  hence  it  ever  and 
anon  occurs  that  a  supposed  modern  discovery  is  only  the  re- 
discovery of  a  principle  already  sufficiently  known  to  other 
ages,  or  to  remote  nations. 

THE   BOOMERANG. 

The  following  paragraph  in  Pliny's  Natural  History,  xxiv.  72, 
apparently  refers  to  the  Boomerang,  with  which,  according  to 
recent  discoveries,  the  early  people  of  the  East  were  acquainted. 
See  Bonomi's  Nineveh,  p.  136.  Pliny,  speaking  of  the  account 
given  by  Pythagoras  of  the  Aquifolia,  either  the  holm-oak  or 
the  holly,  says: — 

Baculum  ex  ea  factum,  in  quodvis  animal  emissum,  etiamsi  citra 
ceciderit  defectu  mittentis,  ipsum  per  sese  cubitu  proprius  adlabi;  tarn 
praecipuam  naturam  inesse  arbori. 

(If  a  staff  made  of  this  wood,  when  thrown  at  any  animal,  from  want 
of  strength  in  the  party  throwing  it,  happens  to  fall  short  of  the  mark,  it 
will  fall  back  again  towards  the  thrower  of  its  own  accord— so  remarkable 
are  the  properties  of  this  tree.) 

The  readings  of  the  passage  vary,  cubitu  being  given  in  some 
MSS.  for  recubitu.  Pythagoras  probably  heard  of  the  baculum 
during  his  travels  eastward,  and  being  unable  to  understand  how 
its  formation  could  endow  it  with  the  singular  property  referred 
to,  was  induced  to  believe  that  this  peculiarity  was  owing  to 
the  nature  of  the  tree. 

33* 


390  NOTHING   NEW   UNDER   THE   SUN. 

THE   ATTRACTION    OF    GRAVITATION. 

Both  Dante  and  Shakspeare  preceded  Newton  in  knowledge 
of  the  principle,  if  not  the  law,  of  gravitation.  In  their  an- 
ticipation of  its  discovery,  the  poets  may  not  have  deemed  it- 
other  than  a  philosophic  or  poetic  speculation.  But  the  follow- 
ing passages  attest  earlier  observations  of  a  physical  law  than 
those  of  Pascal  or  Newton. 

Shakspeare  says  in  Troilus  and  Cressida: — 

But  the  strong  base  and  building  of  my  love 
Is  as  the  very  centre  of  the  earth 
Drawing  all  things  to  it. —  iv.  2. 

and 

True  as  earth  to  its  centre. — iii.  2. 

Three  centuries  before  Shakspeare,  Dante  said  in  the  Infer- 
no:— 

Thou  dost  imagine  we  are  still 

On  the  other  side  the  central  point,  where  I 

Clasped  the  earth-piercing  worm,  fell  cause  of  ill. 

So  far  as  I  continued  to  descend, 

That  side  we  kept;  but  when  I  turned,  then  we 

Had  passed  the  point  to  which  all  bodies  tend. 

Canto  xxxiv.  106-111. 

EARLY   INVENTION   OF   RIFLING. 

In  Sir  Hugh  Plat's  Jewel-House  of  Art  and  Nature,  1653, 
(1st  edition  1594)  the  17th  article  runs  thus: — 

How  to  make  a  Pistol,  whose  Barrel  is  2  Foot  in  Length,  to 
deliver  a  Bullet  point  blank  at  Eightscore. 

A  pistol  of  the  aforesaid  length,  and  being  of  the  petronel 
bore,  or  a  bore  higher,  having  eight  gutters  somewhat  deep  in 
the  inside  of  the  barrel,  and  the  bullet  a  thought  bigger  than 
the  bore,  and  so  rammed  in  at  the  first  three  or  four  inches  at 
the  least,  and  after  driven  down  with  the  scouring  stick,  will 
deliver  his  bullet  at  such  distance.  This  I  had  of  an  English 
gentleman  of  good  note  for  an  approved  experiment. 


NOTHING   NEW    UNDER   THE    SUN.  391 

TABLE-MOVING   AND   ALPHABET-RAPPING    IN  -THE   FOURTH 
CENTURY. 

The  following  remarkable  narration  is  the  confession  of  a 
conspirator  named  Hilarius,  who  was  accused  of  resorting  to 
unlawful  arts  for  the  purpose  of  discovering  who  should  be  the 
successor  to  the  Roman  Emperor  Valens,  who  died  A.D.  878. 
We  are  told  by  Amrnianus  Marcellinus,  a  contemporary  histo- 
rian, that,  while  under  torture,  he  thus  addressed  his  judges: — 

With  direful  rites,  0  august  judges,  we  prepared  this  un- 
fortunate little  table,  which  you  see,  of  laurel  branches,  in  imi- 
tation of  the  Delphic  cortina,  (or  tripod,)  and  when  it  had  been 
duly  consecrated  by  imprecation  of  secret  charms  and  many 
long  and  choric  ceremonies,  we  at  length  moved  it.  The 
method  of  moving  it,  when  it  was  consulted  on  secret  matters, 
was  as  follows  :  It  was  placed  in  the  midst  of  a  house  purified 
with  Arabian  odors  j  upon  it  was  placed  a  round  dish,  made  of 
various  metallic  substances,  which  had  the  twenty-four  letters 
of  the  alphabet  curiously  engraved  round  the  rim,  at  accurately- 
measured  distances  from  each  other.  One  clothed  with  linen 
garments,  carrying  branches  of  a  sacred  tree,  and  having,  by 
charms  framed  for  the  purpose,  propitiated  the  deity  who  is  the 
giver  of  prescience,  places  other  lesser  cortinae  on  this  larger 
one,  with  ceremonial  skill.  He  holds  over  them  a  ring  which 
has  been  subjected  to  some  mysterious  preparation,  and  which 
is  suspended  by  a  very  fine  Carpathian  thread.  This  ring, 
passing  over  the  intervals,  and  falling  on  one  letter  after  the 
other,  spells  out  heroic  verses  pertinent  to  the  questions  asked. 
We  then  thus  inquired  who  should  succeed  to  the  government 
of  the  empire.  The  leaping  ring  had  indicated  two  syllables, 
(THE-OD ;)  and  on  the  addition  of  the  last  letter  one  of  the  per- 
sons present  cried  out,  "  Theodoras." 

Theodoras,  and  many  others,  were  executed  for  their  share 
in  this  dark  transaction,  (see  Gibbon;)  but  Theodosius  the 
Great  finally  succeeded  to  the  empire,  and  was,  of  course,  sup- 
posed to  be  the  person  indicated  by  the  magic  rites.  The 
above  literal  translation  is  given  by  the  learned  Dr.  Maitland 


392  NOTHING   NEW    UNDER   THE    SUN. 

in  a  little  book,  lately  published,  Essay  on  False  Worship, 
London,  1856.  The  original  was  hardly  intelligible,  till  light 
had  been  thrown  on  it  by  recent  practices,  of  which  we  have  all 
heard  so  much.  The  coincidence  is,  to  say  the  least,  extraordi- 
nary, and  opens  views  which  are  briefly  considered  in  the 
above-mentioned  work. 

AUSCULTATION   AND  PERCUSSION. 

Laennec  invented  the  stethoscope  and  perfected  his  dis- 
coveries in  the  physical  diagnosis  of  the  diseases  of  the  heart 
and  lungs,  in  1816. 

Avenbrugger  published  his  work  on  Percussion  in  1761. 

One  hundred  and  fifty  years  before  Laennec's  suddenly  con- 
ceived act  of  applying  a  roll  of  paper  to  the  breast  of  a  female 
patient  gave  birth  to  thoracic  acoustics,  that  ingenious  and 
philosophic  man,  Robert  Hooke,  said  in  his  writings  : — 

"There  may  be  a  possibility  of  discovering  the  internal 
motions  and  actions  of  bodies  by  the  sound  they  make.  Who 
knows,  but  that  as  in  a  watch  we  may  hear  the  beating  of  the 
balance,  and  the  running  of  the  wheels,  and  the  striking  of 
the  hammers,  and  the  grating  of  the  teeth,  and  a  multitude  of 
other  noises, — who  knows,  I  say,  but  that  it  may  be  possible  to 
discover  the  motions  of  internal  parts  of  bodies,  whether  ani- 
mal, vegetable,  or  mineral,  by  the  sounds  they  make  ? — that  one 
may  discover  the  works  performed  in  the  several  offices  and 
shops  of  a  man's  body,  and  thereby  discover  what  engine  is  out 
of  order,  what  works  are  going  on  at  several  times  and  lie  still 
at  others,  and  the  like?  I  have  this  encouragement  not  to 
think  all  these  things  impossible,  though  never  so  much  de- 
rided by  the  generality  of  men,  and  never  so  seemingly  mad, 
foolish,  and  fantastic,  that  as  the  thinking  them  impossible 
cannot  much  improve  my  knowledge,  so  the  believing  them 
possible  may  perhaps  be  an  occasion  for  taking  notice  of  such 
things  as  another  would  pass  by  without  regard  as  useless,  and 
somewhat  more  of  encouragement  I  have  from  experience  that 
I  have  been  able  to  hear  very  plainly  the  beating  of  a  man's 


NOTHING    NEW    UNDER    THE    SUN.  393 

heart;  and  it  is  common  to  hear  the  motion  of  the  wind  to  and 
fro  in  the  intestines ;  the  stopping  of  the  lungs  is  easily  dis- 
covered by  the  wheezing.  As  to  the  motion  of  the  parts  one 
among  the  other,  to  their  becoming  sensible  they  require 
either  that  their  motions  be  increased  or  that  the  organ  (the 
ear)  be  made  more  nice  and  powerful,  to  sensate  and  distin- 
guish them  as  they  are ;  for  the  doing  of  both  which  I  think 
it  is  not  impossible  but  that  in  many  cases  there  may  be  HELPS 
found." 

THE    STEREOSCOPE. 

Sir  David  Brewster,  inquiring  into  the  history  of  the  ste- 
reoscope, finds  that  its  fundamental  principle  was  well  known 
even  to  Euclid ;  that  it  was  distinctly  described  by  Galen  fifteen 
hundred  years  ago;  and  that  Giambattista  Porta  had,  in  1599, 
given  such  a  complete  drawing  of  the  two  separate  pictures  as 
seen  by  each  eye,  and  of  the  combined  picture  placed  between 
them,  that  we  recognize  in  it  not  only  the  principle,  but  the 
construction,  of  the  stereoscope. 

PREDICTIONS   OF   THE    DISCOVERY    OF   AMERICA. 

Seneca,  in  his  Medea,  Act  ii,  thus  shadowed  forth  this  event 
fifteen  centuries  before  its  occurrence  : — 

Venient  annis  Ssecula  seris, 
Quibus  Oceanus  vincula  rerum 
Laxet,  et  ingens  pateat  Tellus, 
Tiphysque  novos  detegat  orbes; 
Nee  sit  terris  Ultima  Thule. 

(After  the  lapse  of  years,  ages  will  come  in  which  Ocean  shall  relax  his 
chains  around  the  world,  and  a  vast  continent  shall  appear,  and  Tiphys — 
the  pilot — shall  explore  new  regions,  and  Thule  shall  be  no  longer  the 
utmost  verge  of  the  earth.) 

"A  prediction,"  says  the  commentator,  "of  the  Spanish 
discovery  of  America." 

Before  Seneca's  lines  were  written,  Plato  had  narrated  the 
Egyptian  legend  that,  engulfed  in  the  ocean,  but  sometimes 
visible,  was  the  island  of  Atalantis,  supposed  to  mean  the 
Western  world. 


394  NOTHING    NEW   UNDER   THE    SUN. 

Pulci,  the  friend  of  Lorenzo  de  Medici,  in  his  Morgante 
Maggiore,  written  before  the  voyage  of  Columbus  and  before 
the  physical  discoveries  of  Galileo  and  Copernicus,  introduces 
this  remarkable  prophecy ;  (alluding  to  the  vulgar  belief  that 
the  Columns  of  Hercules  were  the  limits  of  the  earth.) 

Know  that  this  theory  is  false :  his  bark 

The  daring  mariner  shall  urge  far  o'er 

The  western  wave,  a  smooth  and  level  plain, 

Albeit  the  earth  is  fashioned  like  a  wheel. 

Man  was  in  ancient  days  of  grosser  mould, 

And  Hercules  might  blush  to  learn  how  far 

Beyond  the  limits  he  had  vainly  set, 

The  dullest  sea-boat  soon  shall  wing  her  way. 

Men  shall  descry  another  hemisphere ; 

Since  to  one  common  centre  all  things  tend, 

So  earth,  by  curious  mystery  divine, 

Well  balanced  hangs  amid  the  starry  spheres. 

At  our  antipodes  are  cities,  states, 

And  thronged  empires,  ne'er  divined  of  yore. 

But  see,  the  sun  speeds  on  his  western  path 

To  glad  the  nations  with  expected  light. 

Dante,  two  centuries  before,  put  this  language  into  the 
inouth  of  Ulysses : — 

The  broad  Atlantic  first  my  keel  impressed, 

I  saw  the  sinking  barriers  of  the  west, 

And  boldly  thus  addressed  my  hardy  crew  :— 

While  yet  your  blood  is  warm,  my  gallant  train, 

Explore  with  me  the  perils  of  the  main 

And  find  new  worlds  unknown  to  mortal  view. 

Inferno,  Canto  26. 

He  then  proceeds  to  mention  the  discovery  of  a  mountainous 
island,  after  five  months'  sailing. 

The  probability  of  a  short  western  passage  to  India  is  men- 
tioned by  Aristotle,  De  Ccelo,  ii.,  a  view  confirmed  in  stronger 
terms  afterwards  by  Edrisi,  the  Arabian  geographer,  Strabo, 
Francis  Bacon,  Cardinal  de  Alliaco  (Imago  Mundi"),  and  Tos- 
canelli. 


TRIUMPHS    OF   INGENUITY.  895 


of  Engenuitg. 

Though  there  were  many  giants  of  old  in  physic  and  philosophy,  yet  I  say, 
with  Didacus  Stella,  "  A  dwarf  standing  on  the  shoulders  of  a  giant  may  see 
farther  than  a  giant  himself." — BURTON,  Anat.  of  Melancholy. 

THE   DISCOVERY   OF   THE   PLANET   NEPTUNE. 

In  his  solitary  study  sat' a  young  man,  pale  and  thoughtful. 
His  eyes  were  fixed  upon  myriads  of  numerals,  through  whose 
complexity  his  far-reaching  mind  saw  into  the  untold  mysteries 
of  the  solar  universe.  His  glass  was  not  pointed  to  the  hea- 
vens, his  eyes  looked  not  out  upon  the  stars,  but  his  soul,  in 
deep  abstraction,  pondered  over  the  perturbations  of  Uranus,  as 
noted  for  many  a  year  before  by  many  a  casual  observer.  He 
measured  the  intensity  and  the  direction  of  the  disturbing 
forces,  questioned  the  planet  that  was  seen  and  known  con- 
cerning the  unknown  cause  of  its  irregularities,  and  compelled 
a  star,  itself  beyond  the  reach  of  the  common  eye,  to  tell  of  the 
whereabouts,  the  volume,  the  orbit,  of  its  fellow,  which  no  eye, 
even  through  an  optic-glass,  had  ever  yet  seen,  and  whose  very 
existence  then  came  for  the  first  time  upon  the  mental  vision 
of  the  youthful  sage  through  the  power  of  numerical  calcula- 
tion. His  was  a  faith.  It  was  the  evidence  of  things  not  seeu. 
But  it  was  like  that  higher  and  better  faith  of  which  spake  the 
great  Apostle  of  the  Gentiles, — fast  and  sure.  Full  of  his  dis- 
covery, Le  Verrier  offered  his  conclusions  to  the  Academy ;  but 
learned  men,  when  assembled  in  bodies,  give  to  enthusiasts  but 
a  cold  reception.  Le  Verrier,  sure  of  his  position,  then  wrote  to 
Dr.  Galle,  the  Astronomer-Koyal  in  Berlin,  asking  him  to  point 
his  powerful  glass  to  a  certain  quarter  of  the  heavens,  where  must 
be  found  at  that  time  the  last  of  the  planets.  And  there  it  was; 
and  thence  it  was  traced  upon  its  mighty  way,  bending,  like 


396  TRIUMPHS    OF    INGENUITY. 

its  fellows,  to  the  distant  influence  of  its  great  centre,  the  sun. 
There  is  something  almost  affecting  in  the  thought  that  Le 
Verrier  should  have  been  denied  the  first  direct  sight  of  the 
sublime  star  towards  which  his  soul  had  been  so  long  leaning 
and  which  had  so  long  been  within  his  mental  vision.  It  was, 
however,  a  fortunate  loss,  since  his  adversaries  would  have 
charged  him  with  having  found  by  chance  what  he  detected 
by  reason,  and  thus  have  placed  in  a  common  category  one  of 
the  most  magnificent  discoveries  of  modern  times,  a  beautiful 
illustration  of  the  gigantic  power  of  calculation. 

The  distance  of  Neptune  from  the  sun  is  2,810,000,000 
miles,  and  the  time  required  for  its  orbital  revolution,  164 
vears.  Its  diameter  is  41,500  miles. 

THE    DISCOVERY    OF    THE    PLANET    VULCAN. 

Leverrier,  encouraged  and  made  illustrious  by  his  success  in 
exploring  those  infinite  spaces  beyond  the  orbit  of  Herschel, 
turned  his  attention  to  the  innermost  circles — the  central  region 
of  our  solar  system.  By  theoretical  demonstrations,  based  on 
irregularities  in  the  movements  of  Mercury,  he  proved  the 
existence  of  some  planet  or  planets  lying  still  more  closely 
within  the  light  and  heat  of  the  sun.  While  proceeding  with 
his  calculations,  he  received  a  letter  from  Lescarbault — a  poor 
physician  of  Orgeres,  a  village  in  the  department  of  Eure 
and  Loire,  in  France — announcing  the  discovery  of  an  intra- 
Mercurial  body,  making  its  transit,  in  appearance  like  a  small 
black  spot,  across  the  disk  of  the  sun.  Possessed  of  a  sensitive 
and  modest  soul, — as  all  true  lovers  of  science  are, — the  doctor 
at  first  doubted  the  reality  of  his  discovery,  and  hesitated  to 
make  it  known.  It  was  only  after  vainly  waiting  nine  months, 
to  verify  his  observation  by  another  view  of  the  object,  that  he 
prepared  a  letter,  narrating  what  he  thought  he  had  seen,  and 
sent  it  to  the  great  Leverrier.  The  latter  had  just  published 
an  article  on  Mercury's  perturbations  in  the  Kosmos  of 
Paris.  Astonished  at  this  coincident  proof  of  the  correctness 
of  his  theory,  he  lost  no  time  in  starting  for  the  village  of 


TRIUMPHS    OF   INGENUITY.  397 

Orgeres,  to  obtain  a  personal  interview  with  the  humble  dis- 
coverer of  the  new  orb.  The  following  account  of  the  meeting 
was  reported  in  the  Kosmos  by  the  Abbe  Moigne,  who  took 
it  from  the  lips  of  Leverrier  himself: — 

Leverrier  left  Paris  for  Orgeres,  in  company  with  Vallee, 
four  days  after  the  date  of  Lescarbault's  letter.  Orgeres  was 
twelve  miles  from  the  nearest  railroad-station,  and  the  party 
had  to  foot  it  across  the  country.  On  their  arrival,  Leverrier 
knocked  loudly  at  the  door,  which  was  opened  by  the  doctor 
himself;  but  his  visitor  declined  to  give  his  name.  The  simple, 
modest,  timid  Lescarbault,  small  in  stature,  stood  abashed 
before  the  tall  Leverrier,  who,  in  blunt  intonation,  addressed 
him  thus  :  "  It  is  you,  then,  sir,  who  pretend  to  have  discovered 
the  intra- Mercurial  planet,  and  who  have  committed  the  grave 
offence  of  keeping  your  discovery  secret  for  nine  months !  I 
come  to  do  justice  to  your  pretensions,  to  warn  you  that  you 
have  either  been  dishonest  or  deceived.  Tell  me  unequivocally 
what  you  have  seen."  The  lamb-like  doctor,  trembling  at  this 
rude  summons,  stammered  out  the  following  reply : — • 

"On  the  26th  of  March  (1859),  about  four  o'clock,  I  turned 
my  telescope  to  the  sun,  when,  to  my  surprise,  I  saw,  at  a  small 
distance  from  its  margin,  a  black  spot,  well  defined,  and  per- 
fectly round,  advancing  upon  the  disk  of  the  sun.  A  customer 
called  me  away,  and,  hurrying  him  off  as  fast  as  I  could,  I 
came  back  to  my  glass,  when  I  found  the  round  spot  had  con- 
tinued its  transit,  and  I  saw  it  disappear  from  the  opposite 
margin  of  the  sun,  after  a  projection  upon  it  of  an  hour  and  a 
half.  I  did  not  seize  the  precise  moment  of  contact.  The 
spot  was  on  the  disk  when  I  first  saw  it.  I  measured  its  dis- 
tance from  the  margin,  and  counted  the  time  it  took  to  make 
the  same  distance,  and  so  approximated  the  instant  of  its 
entry."  "  To  count  time  is  easy  to  say,"  said  Leverrier;  "but 
where  is  your  chronometer  ?"  "  My  chronometer  is  this 
watch,  that  beats  only  minutes, — the  faithful  companion  of  my 
professional  labors."  "  What !  with  that  old  watch  ?  How  dare 
you  talk  of  counting  seconds  ?  My  suspicions  are  too  well 


398  TRIUMPHS  OF  INGENUITY. 

founded."  "  Pardon  me,  sir,  but  I  have  a  pendulum  that 
nearly  beats  seconds,  and  I  will  bring  it  down  to  show  you." 
He  goes  above-stairs  and  brings  down  a  silken  thread,  tho 
upper  end  of  which  he  fastens  to  a  nail,  and  brings  to  rest  the 
ivory  ball  at  the  lower  end.  He  then  starts  it  from  the  verti- 
cal, and  its  oscillations  beat  seconds  very  nearly.  "  This  is 
not  enough,  sir  :  how  do  you  count  these  seconds  while  in  the 
act  of  observing  ?"  "  My  profession  is  to  feel  pulses  and 
count  their  pulsations,  and  my  pendulum  puts  my  seconds  into 
my  ears,  and  I  have  no  difficulty  in  counting  them." 

"  But  where  is  your  telescope  ?"  The  doctor  showed  Lever- 
rier  his  glass,  which  was  one  of  Cauchoix's  best.  It  was  four 
inches  in  diameter,  and  mounted  on  a  rude  stand.  He  took  the 
wondering  astronomer-imperial  to  his  roof,  where  he  was  build- 
ing a  rude  revolving  platform  and  dome.  "  This  is  all  very  well ; 
but  where  is  your  original  memorandum?"  The  doctor  ran  and 
got  his  almanac,  or  Connaissance  des  Temps,  and  in  it  he  finds 
a  square  piece  of  paper,  used  as  a  marker,  and  on  it,  all  covered 
with  grease  and  laudanum,  is  the  original  memorandum!  "But 
you  have  falsified  the  time  of  emergence.  It  is  four  minutes 
too  late  by  this  memorandum."  "  It  is ;  but  the  four  minutes 
are  the  error  of  my  watch,  which  I  corrected  by  sidereal  time, 
by  the  aid  of  this  little  telescope." 

"  But  how  did  you  determine  the  two  angular  co-ordinates 
of  the  point  of  contact,  of  the  entry  and  emergence  of  the 
planet,  and  how  did  you  measure  the  chord  of  the  arc  between 
them?"  Having  explained  the  simple  method  which  he 
pursued  in  the  premises  to  the  satisfaction  of  the  astronomer, 
the  latter  next  inquired  after  his  rough  drafts  of  calculation 
for  determining  the  distance  of  the  planet  from  the  sun.  "  My 
rough  draughts  !  Paper  is  scarce  with  us.  I  am  a  joiner  as 
well  as  an  astronomer.  I  write  on  my  boards,  and  when  I  am 
done,  I  plane  them  off  and  begin  again ;  but  I  think  I  have 
preserved  them."  On  visiting  the  shop,  they  found  the  board, 
with  all  its  lines  and  numbers  still  unobliterated  ! 

The  Parisian  savant  was  now  convinced  that  Lescarbault 


TRIUMPHS    OP   INGENUITY.  399 

had  really  seen  the  planet  whose  existence  he  had  himself 
foretold.  Turning  to  the  amateur  astronomer,  he  revealed  hig 
personality,  and  congratulated  his  humble  brother  on  the  mag- 
nificent discovery  thus  confirmed.  It  was  the  event  in  the 
Orgeres  physician's  life.  Honors  poured  in  upon  him.  The 
cross  of  the  Legion  of  Honor  was  sent  to  him  from  Paris,  and 
his  name  was  at  once  enrolled  in  the  lists  of  the  leading 
scientific  academies  of  Europe. 

The  new  orb,  whose  revolution  is  performed  in  19  days,  17 
hours,  has  been  felicitously  named  Vulcan.  If  objection  be 
offered  to  the  selection  of  names  for  the  planets  from  "  Olympus' 
dread  hierarchy,"  it  must  at  least  be  acknowledged  that  there 
is  a  peculiar  fitness  in  their  distribution. 

INGENIOUS    STRATAGEM   OF   COLUMBUS. 

Thou  Luther  of  the  darkened  deep  ! 

Nor  less  intrepid,  too,  than  he 
Whose  courage  broke  earth's  bigot  sleep, 

While  thine  unbarred  the  sea ! 

During  the  fourth  voyage  of  Columbus,  while  prosecuting 
his  discoveries  among  the  West  India  Islands  and  along  the 
coast  of  the  continent,  his  vessels,  from  continual  subjection  to 
tempestuous  weather,  and  being,  to  use  his  own  expression, 
"  bored  by  the  worms  as  full  of  holes  as  a  honey-comb,"  were 
reduced  to  mere  wrecks,  unable  any  longer  to  keep  the  sea,  and 
were  finally  stranded  on  the  shore  of  Jamaica.  Being  beyond 
the  possibility  of  repair,  they  were  fitted  up  for  the  temporary 
use  of  Columbus,  who  was  in  feeble  health,  and  of  such  of  his 
crew  as  were  disabled  by  sickness,  those  who  were  well  being 
sent  abroad  for  assistance  and  supplies.  Their  immediate 
wants  were  amply  provided  for,  Diego  Mendez  having  made 
arrangements  with  the  natives  for  a  daily  exchange  of  knives, 
combs,  beads,  fish-hooks,  &c.,  for  cassava  bread,  fish,  and  other 
provisions.  In  the  course  of  a  short  time,  however,  provisions 
on  the  island  became  scarce,  and  the  supplies  began  gradually 
to  fall  off.  The  arrangements  for  the  daily  delivery  of  certain 
quantities  were  irregularly  attended  to,  and  finally  ceased  en- 


400  TRIUMPHS    OF   INGENUITY. 

tirely.  The  Indians  no  longer  thronged  to  the  harbor  with 
provisions,  and  often  refused  them  when  applied  for.  The 
Spaniards  were  obliged  to  forage  about  the  neighborhood  for 
their  daily  food,  but  found  more  and  more  difficulty  in  pro- 
curing it ;  and  now,  in  addition  to  their  other  causes  of  despond- 
ency, they  began  to  entertain  horrible  apprehensions  of 
famine. 

The  admiral  heard  the  melancholy  forebodings  of  his  men, 
and  beheld  the  growing  evil,  but  was  at  a  loss  for  a  remedy. 
To  resort  to  force  was  an  alternative  full  of  danger,  and  of  but 
temporary  efficacy.  It  would  require  all  those  who  were  well 
enough  to  bear  arms  to  sally  forth,  while  he  and  the  rest  of  the 
infirm  would  be  left  defenceless  on  board  the  wreck,  exposed  to 
the  vengeance  of  the  natives. 

In  the  mean  time,  the  scarcity  daily  increased.  The  Indians 
perceived  the  wants  of  the  white  m,en,  and  had  learned  from 
them  the  art  of  making  bargains.  They  asked  ten  times  the 
former  quantity  of  European  articles  for  a  given  amount  of 
provisions,  and  brought  their  supplies  in  scanty  quantities,  to 
enhance  the  eagerness  of  the  Spaniards.  At  length  even  this 
relief  ceased,  and  there  was  an  absolute  distress  for  want  of 
food,  the  natives  withholding  all  provisions,  in  hopes  either  of 
starving  the  admiral  and  his  people,  or  of  driving  them  from 
the  island. 

In  this  extremity,  a  fortunate  idea  suddenly  presented  itself 
to  Columbus.  From  his  knowledge  of  astronomy,  he  ascertained 
that  within  three  days  there  would  be  a  total  eclipse  of  the  moon, 
in  the  early  part  of  the  night.  He  sent,  therefore,  an  Indian  of 
the  island  of  Hispaniola,  who  served  as  his  interpreter,  to  sum- 
mon the  principal  caciques  to  a  grand  conference,  appointing  for 
it  the  day  of  the  eclipse.  When  all  were  assembled,  he  told 
them,  by  his  interpreter,  that  he  and  his  followers  were  worship- 
pers of  a  deity  who  lived  in  the  skies;  that  this  deity  favored  such 
as  did  well,  but  punished  all  transgressors ;  that,  as  they  must 
all  have  noticed,  he  had  protected  Diego  Mendez  and  his  com- 
panions in  their  voyage,  they  having  gone  in  obedience  to  the 


TRIUMPHS   OF   INGENUITY.  401 

orders  of  their  commander,  but  that,  on  the  other  hand,  he 
had  visited  Francisco  de  Porras  and  his  companions  with  all 
kinds  of  crosses  and  afflictions,  in  consequence  of  their  rebel- 
lion j  that  this  great  deity  was  incensed  against  the  Indiana 
who  had  refused  or  neglected  to  furnish  his  faithful  worship- 
pers with  provisions,  and  intended  to  chastise  them  with  pesti- 
lence and  famine.  Lest  they  should  disbelieve  this  warning,  a 
signal  would  be  given  that  very  night,  in  the  heavens.  They 
would  behold  the  moon  change  its  color,  and  gradually  lose  its 
light, — a  token  of  the  fearful  punishment  which  awaited  them. 

Many  of  the  Indians  were  alarmed  at  the  solemnity  of  this 
prediction ;  others  treated  it  with  scoffing :  all,  however,  awaited 
with  solicitude  the  coming  of  the  night,  and  none  with  more 
than  Columbus  himself,  who  was  distracted  with  anxiety  lest 
the  weather  should  prove  cloudy  or  rainy.  Imagine  his  grati- 
tude when  the  evening  sky  appeared  undimmed  by  a  cloud  ! 
When  the  time  arrived,  and  the  natives  beheld  a  dark  shadow 
stealing  over  the  moon,  they  began  to  tremble.  Their  fears 
increased  with  the  progress  of  the  eclipse;  and  when  they  saw 
mysterious  darkness  covering  the  whole  face  of  nature,  there, 
were  no  bounds  to  their  terror.  Seizing  upon  whatever  provi- 
sions they  could  procure,  they  hurried  to  the  ships,  uttering; 
cries  and  lamentations.  They  threw  themselves  at  the  feet  of 
Columbus,  implored  him  to  intercede  with  his  God  to  avert 
the  threatened  calamities,  and  assured  him  that  thenceforth: 
they  would  bring  him  whatever  he  required.  Columbus  told 
them  that  he  would  retire  and  commune  with  the  deity.  Shut- 
ing  himself  up  in  his  cabin,  he  remained  there  during  the  in- 
crease of  the  eclipse,  the  forests  and  shores  all  the  while  re- 
sounding with  the  howlings  and  supplications  of  the  savages. 
When  the  eclipse  was  about  to  diminish,  he  came  forth  and 
informed  the  natives  that  he  had  interceded  for  them  with  his 
God,  who,  on  condition  of  their  fulfilling  their  promises,  had 
deigned  to  pardon  them ;  in  sign  of  which  he  would  withdraw 
the  darkness  from  the  moon. 

When  the  Indians  saw  that  planet  restored  presently  to  its 
2  A  34* 


402  TRIUMPHS  OF  INGENUITY. 

brightness  and  rolling  in  all  its  beauty  through  the  firmament, 
they  overwhelmed  the  admiral  with  thanks  for  his  intercession, 
and  repaired  to  their  homes,  joyful  at  having  escaped  such 
great  disasters.  They  now  regarded  Columbus  with  awe  and 
reverence,  as  a  man  in  the  peculiar  favor  and  confidence  of  the 
Deity,  since  he  knew  upon  earth  what  was  passing  in  the  hea- 
vens. They  hastened  to  propitiate  him  with  gifts,  supplies 
again  arrived  daily  at  the  harbor,  and  from  that  time  forward 
there  was  no  want  of  provisions. 

A  LESSON   WORTH   LEARNING. 

The  possibility  of  a  great  change  being  introduced  by  very 
slight  beginnings  may  be  illustrated  by  a  tale  which  Lockman 
tells  of  a  vizier,  who,  having  offended  his  master,  was  con- 
demned to  perpetual  captivity  in  a  lofty  tower.  At  night  his 
wife  came  to  weep  below  his  window.  "  Cease  your  grief," 
said  the  sage  :  "  go  home  for  the  present,  and  return  hither 
when  you  have  procured  a  live  black  beetle,  together  with  a 
little  ghee,  [or  buffalo's  butter,]  three  clews, — one  of  the  finest 
silk,  another  of  stout  pack-thread,  and  another  of  whip-cord  ; 
finally,  a  stout  coil  of  rope."  When  she  again  came  to  the  foot 
of  the  tower,  provided  according  to  her  husband's  demands, 
he  directed  her  to  touch  the  head  of  the  insect  with  a  little  of 
the  ghee,  to  tie  one  end  of  the  silk  thread  around  him,  and 
to  place  him  on  the  wall  of  the  tower.  Attracted  by  the 
smell  of  the  butter,  which  he  conceived  to  be  in  store  some- 
where above  him,  the  beetle  continued  to  ascend  till  he  reached 
the  top,  and  thus  put  the  vizier  in  possession  of  the  end  of  the 
silk  thread,  who  drew  up  the  pack-thread  by  means  of  the  silk, 
the  small  cord  by  means  of  the  pack-thread,  and,  by  means  of 
the  cord,  a  stout  rope  capable  of  sustaining  his  own  weight, — 
and  so  at  last  escaped  from  the  place  of  his  duress. 

CHOOSING   A   KING. 

The  Tyrians  having  been  much  weakened  by  long  wars  with 
the  Persians,  their  slaves  rose  in  a  body,  slew  their  masters  and 


TRIUMPHS   OF   INGENUITY.  4Q3 

their  children,  took  possession  of  their  property,  and  married 
their  wives.  The  slaves,  having  thus  obtained  everything, 
consulted  about  the  choice  of  a  king,  and  agreed  that  he  who 
should  first  discern  the  sun  rise  should  be  king.  One  of  them, 
being  more  merciful  than  the  rest,  had  in  the  general  massacre 
spared  his  master,  Straton,  and  his  son,  whom  he  hid  in  a  cave ; 
and  to  his  old  master  he  now  resorted  for  advice  as  to  this  com- 
petition. 

Straton  advised  his  slave  that  when  others  looked  to  the 
east  he  should  look  toward  the  west.  Accordingly,  when  the 
rebel  tribe  had  all  assembled  in  the  fields,  and  every  man's 
eyes  were  fixed  upon  the  east,  Straton's  slave,  turning  his  back 
upon  the  rest,  looked  only  westward.  He  was  scoffed  at  by 
every  one  for  his  absurdity,  but  immediately  he  espied  the  sun- 
beams upon  the  high  towers  and  chimneys  in  the  city,  and,  an- 
nouncing the  discovery,  claimed  the  crown  as  his  reward. 

KINO  JOHN   AND    THE   ABBOT. 

An  old  and  formerly  very  popular  ballad. — Percy  Heliques. 

An  ancient  story  He  tell  you  anon 

Of  a  notable  prince,  that  was  called  King  John ; 

And  he  ruled  England  with  maiiie  and  with  might, 

For  he  did  great  wrong,  and  mainteined  little  right. 

And  He  tell  you  a  story,  a  story  so  merrye, 
Concerning  the  Abbot  of  Canterburye  ; 
How  for  his  house-keeping,  and  high  renowne, 
They  rode  poste  for  him  to  fair  London  towne. 

An  hundred  men,  the  king  did  heare  say, 
The  abbot  kept  in  his  house  every  day ; 
And  fifty  gold  ehaynes,  without  any  doubt, 
In  velvet  eoates  waited  the  abbot  about. 

How  now,  father  abbot,  I  heare  it  of  thee, 
Thou  keepest  a  farre  better  house  than  mee, 
And  for  thy  house-keeping  and  high  renowne, 
I  fear  thou  work'st  treason  against  my  crown. 

My  liege,  quo'  the  abbot,  I  would  it  were  knowne, 
I  never  spend  nothing  but  what  is  my  owne  ; 
And  I  trust  your  grace  will  doe  me  no  deere 
For  spending  of  my  owne  true-gotten  geere. 


404  TRIUMPHS   OF   INGENUITY. 

Yes,  yes,  father  abbot,  your  fault  it  is  highe, 
And  now  for  the  same  thou  needest  must  dye ; 
For  except  thou  canst  answer  me  questions  three, 
Thy  head  shall  be  smitten  from  thy  bodie. 

And  first,  quo'  the  king,  when  I'm  in  this  stead, 
With  my  crowne  of  golde  so  faire  on  my  head, 
Among  all  my  liege-men  so  noble  of  birthe, 
Thou  must  tell  me  to  one  penny  what  I  am  worthe. 

Secondlye,  tell  me,  without  any  doubt, 
How  soone  I  may  ride  the  whole  world  about; 
And  at  the  third  question  thou  must  not  shrink, 
But  tell  me  here  truly  what  I  do  think. 

0,  these  are  hard  questions  for  my  shallow  witt, 
Nor  I  cannot  answer  your  grace  as  yet  ; 
But  if  you  will  give  me  but  three  weeks  space, 
lie  do  my  endeavour  to  answer  your  grace. 

Now  three  weeks  space  to  thee  will  I  give, 
And  that  is  the  longest  time  thou  hast  to  live ; 
For  if  thou  dost  not  answer  my  questions  three, 
Thy  lands  and  thy  livings  are  forfeit  to  mee. 

Away  rode  the  abbot,  all  sad  at  that  word, 
And  he  rode  to  Cambridge  and  Oxenford ; 
But  never  a  doctor  there  was  so  wise 
That  could  with  his  learning  an  answer  devise. 

Then  home  rode  the  abbot,  of  comfort  so  cold, 
And  he  mett  his  shepheard  agoing  to  fold : 
How  now,  my  lord  abbot,  you  are  welcome  home  : 
What  newes  do  you  bring  us  from  good  King  John  ? 

Sad  newes,  sad  newes,  shepheard,  I  must  give : 
That  I  have  but  three  days  more  to  live ; 
For  if  I  do  not  answer  him  questions  three, 
My  head  will  be  smitten  from  my  bodie. 

The  first  is  to  tell  him  there  in  that  stead, 
With  his  crowne  of  golde  so  fair  on  his  head, 
Among  all  his  liege-men  so  noble  of  birthe, 
To  within  one  penny  of  what  he  is  worthe. 

The  second,  to  tell  him,  without  any  doubt, 
How  soone  he  may  ride  this  whole  world  about ; 
And  at  the  third  question  I  must  not  shrinke, 
But  tell  him  there  truly  what  he  does  thinke. 


TRIUMPHS   OF   INGENUITY. 

Now  cheare  up,  sire  abbot:  did  you  never  hear  yet, 
That  a  fool  he  may  learne  a  wise  man  witt  ? 
Lend  me  horse,  and  serving-men,  and  your  apparel, 
And  He  ride  to  London  to  answere  your  quarrel. 

Nay,  frowne  not,  if  it  hath  bin  told  unto  mee, 

I  am  like  your  lordship,  as  ever  may  bee; 

And  if  you  will  but  lend  me  your  gowne, 

There  is  none  shall  knowe  us  in  fair  London  towne. 

Now  horses  and  serving-men  thou  shalt  have, 
With  sumptuous  array  most  gallant  and  brave; 
With  crozier,  and  mitre,  and  rochet,  and  cope, 
Fit  to  appeare  'fore  our  fader  the  Pope. 

Now  welcome,  sire  abbot,  the  king  he  did  say, 
'Tis  well  thou'rt  come  back  to  keepe  thy  day; 
For  and  if  thou  canst  answer  my  questions  three, 
Thy  life  and  thy  living  both  saved  shall  bee. 

And  first,  when  thou  seest  me  here  in  this  stead, 
With  my  crowne  of  golde  so  fair  on  my  head, 
Among  all  my  liege-men  so  noble  of  birthe, 
Tell  me  to  one  penny  what  I  am  worthe. 

For  thirty  pence  our  Saviour  was  sold 
Among  the  false  Jewes,  as  I  have  bin  told; 
And  twenty-nine  is  the  worth  of  thee, 
For  I  think  thou  art  one  penny  worser  than  hee. 

The  king  he  laughed,  and  swore  by  St.  Bittel, 
I  did  not  think  I  had  been  worth  so  littel ! 
Now,  secondly,  tell  me,  without  any  doubt, 
How  Eoone  I  may  ride  this  whole  world  about. 

You  must  rise  with  the  sun,  and  ride  with  the  same, 
Until  the  next  morning  he  riseth  againe  ; 
And  then  your  grace  need  not  make  any  doubt 
But  in  twenty-four  hours  you'll  ride  it  about. 

The  king  he  laughed,  and  swore  by  St.  Jone, 

I  did  not  think  it  could  be  gone  so  soone ! 

Now,  from  the  third  question  thou  must  not  shrinke, 

But  tell  me  here  truly  what  I  do  thinke. 

Yea,  that  shall  I  do,  and  make  your  grace  merry; 
You  thinke  I'm  the  abbot  of  Canterbury; 
But  I'm  his  poor  shepheard,  as  plain  you  may  see, 
That  am  come  to  beg  pardon  for  him  and  for  mee. 


406  THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT. 

The  king  he  laughed,  and  swore  by  the  masse, 
lie  make  thee  lord  abbot  this  day  in  his  place ! 
Naye  naye,  my  liege,  be  not  in  such  speede, 
For  alacke,  I  can  neither  write  nor  reade. 

Four  nobles  a  week,  then,  I  will  give  thee, 

For  this  merry  jest  thou  hast  showne  unto  mee; 

And  tell  the  old  abbot,  when  thou  comest  home, 

Thou  hast  brought  him  a  pardon  from  good  King  John. 


^Fancies  of  Jf  act. 

THE   WOUNDS   OF  JULIUS   CAESAR. 

"  Look  !  in  this  place  ran  Cassius'  dagger  through : 
See  what  a  rent  the  envious  Casca  made  : 
Through  this  the  well-beloved  Brutus  stabbed." 

AT  a  meeting  of  the  French  Academy  of  Medicine,  a  few 
years  ago,  a  curious  paper  was  read,  on  behalf  of  M.  Dubois,  of 
Amiens,  entitled  "Investigations  into  the  death  of  Julius 
Caesar."  M.  Dubois  having  looked  up  the  various  passages  re- 
ferring to  this  famous  historic  incident  to  be  found  in  Dion 
Cassius,  Plutarch,  Suetonius,  Appian,  &c.,  and  compared  them 
with  one  another,  has  fixed  the  spots  where  the  four,  first 
wounds  were  inflicted,  and  the  names  of  the  conspirators  who 
inflicted  them.  The  first  blow,  struck  by  one  of  the  brothers 
Casca,  produced  a  slight  wound  underneath  the  left  clavicle; 
the  second,  struck  by  the  other  Casca,  penetrated  the  walls 
of  the  thorax  toward  the  right;  Cassius  inflicted  the  third 
wound  in  the  face.  Decimus  Brutus  gave  the  fourth  stab  in 
the  region  of  the  groin.  Contrary  to  the  general  opinion, 
Marcus  Brutus,  though  one  of  the  conspirators,  did  not  strike 
the  dictator.  After  the  first  blows  Caesar  fainted,  and  then  all 
the  conspirators  hacked  his  body.  He  was  carried  by  three 
slaves  in  a  litter  to  his  house.  Anstistius,  the  physician,  was 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  ,      407 

called  in  and  found  thirty-five  wounds,  only  one  of  which  was 
in  his  opinion  fatal,  that  of  the  second  Casqa. 

BILLS   FOR   STRANGE    SERVICES. 

The  bill  of  the  Cirencester  painter,  mentioned  by  Bishop 
Home,  (Essays  and  Thoughts,")  is  as  follows: — 

Mr.  Charles  Terrebee 

To  Joseph  Cook,  Dr. 
To  mending  the  Commandments,  altering  the  Belief,  and 

making  a  new  Lord's  Prayer     .....        £1 — 1 — 0 

Here  is  a  Carpenter's  bill  of  the  Fifteenth  Century,  copied 
from  the  records  of  an  old  London  Church: — 

Item.      To  screwynge  a  home  on  y  s.        d. 

Divil,  and  glueinge  a  bitt 
on  hys  tayle     ........  vij 

Item.      To  repayring  y  Vyrginne 

Marye  before  and  behynde, 

&  makynge  a  new  Chylde          .         .         .         .         ij  .  viij 

LAW   LOGIC. 

Judge  Blackstone  says,  in  his  Commentaries  (Vol.  i.  ch. 
xviii.),  that  every  Bishop,  Parson  or  Vicar  is  a  Corporation. 
Lord  Coke  asserts,  in  his  Reports  (10.  Rep.  32,)  that  "a  Cor- 
poration has  no  soul."  Upon  these  premises,  the  logical  in- 
ference would  be  that  neither  Bishops,  Parsons  nor  Vicars  have 
souls. 

RECIPROCAL    CONVERSION. 

A  curious  case  of  mixed  process  of  conversation  was  that  of 
the  two  brothers,  Dr.  John  Reynold's,  King's  Professor  at  Ox- 
ford,  in  1630,  a  zealous  Roman  Catholic,  and  Dr.  Wm.  Reynolds, 
an  eminent  Protestant.  They  were  both  learned  men,  and  as 
brothers  held  such  affectionate  relations,  that  the  deadly  here- 
sies of  which  each  regarded  the  other  as  the  victim  were  matters 
of  earnest  and  pleading  remonstrance  between  them  by  discus- 
sion and  correspondence.  The  pains  and  zeal  of  each  were 


408  THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT. 

equally  rewarded.  The  Roman  Catholic  brother  became  an 
ardent  Protestant,  and  the  Protestant  brother  became  a  Roman 
Catholic. 

PITHY   PRAYER. 

We  are  indebted  to  Hume  for  the  preservation  of  a  short 
prayer,  which  he  says  was  that  of  Lord  Astley,  before  he  charged 
at  Edge-hill.  It  ran  thus:  "O  Lord,  thou  knowest  how  busy  I 
must  be  this  day;  if  I  forget  thee,  do  not  thou  forget  me."  And 
Hume  adds,  "  There  were  certainly  much  longer  prayers  in  the 
Parliamentary  army,  but  I  doubt  if  there  was  as  good  a  one." 

MELROSE   BY   SUNLIGHT. 

The  beautiful  description  of  the  appearance  of  the  ruins  of 
Melrose  Abbey  by  moonlight,  in  the  Lay  of  the  Last  Minstrel, 
has  led  thousands  to  visit  the  scene  "when  silver  edges  the 
imagery,"  yet  it  is  worth  noting  that  the  author  never  saw  the 
ruined  pile  by  "the  pale  moonlight."  Bernard  Barton  once 
wrote  to  Scott  to  request  him  to  favor  a  young  lady  with  a  copy 
of  the  lines  in  his  own  handwriting.  Sir  Walter  complied, 
but  substituted  for  the  concluding  lines  of  the  original  the 
following: — 

"  Then  go — and  muse  with  deepest  awe 

On  what  the  writer  never  saw  ; 

Who  would  not  wander  'neath  the  moon 

To  see  what  he  could  see  at  noon." 

BACK   ACTION. 

Alphonse  Karr,  in  his  Guepcs,  speaking  of  the  dexterities 
of  the  legal  profession,  relates  a  pleasant  anecdote  of  the  dis- 
tinguished lawyer,  afterward  deputy,  M.  Chaix  d'Est-Ange.  He 
was  employed  in  a  case  where  both  the  parties  were  old  men. 
Referring  to  his  client,  he  said :  "  He  has  attained  that  age, 
when  the  mind,  freed  from  the  passions,  and  tyranny  of  the 
body,  takes  a  higher  flight,  and  soars  in  a  purer  and  serener 
air."  Later  in  his  speech,  he  found  occasion  to  allude  to  the 


THE    FANCIES   OF    FACT.  409 

opposite  party,  of  whom  he  remarked:  "I  do  not  deny  his 
natural  intelligence;  but  he  has  reached  an  age  in  which  the 
mind  participates  in  the  enfeeblement,  the  decrepitude,  and  the 
degradation  of  the  body." 

THE    AUDITORIUMS    OF   THE    LAST   CENTURY. 

When  we  read  of  Patrick  Henry's  wonderful  displays  of 
eloquence,  we  naturally  figure  to  ourselves  a  spacious  interior 
and  a  great  crowd  of  rapt  listeners.  But,  in  truth,  those  of  his 
orations  which  quickened  or  changed  the  march  of  events,  and 
the  thrill  of  which  has  been  felt  in  the  nerves  of  four  generations, 
were  all  delivered  in  small  rooms  and  to  few  hearers,  never  more 
than  one  hundred  and  fifty.  The  first  thought  of  the  visitor  to 
St.  John's  Church  in  Richmond,  is :  Could  it  have  been  here,  in 
this  oaken  chapel  of  fifty  or  sixty  pews,  that  Patrick  Henry 
delivered  the  greatest  and  best  known  of  all  his  speeches?  Was 
it  here  that  he  uttered  those  words  of  doom,  so  unexpected,  so 
unwelcome,  "  We  must  fight"?  Even  here.  And  the  words 
were  spoken  in  a  tone  and  manner  worthy  of  the  men  to  whom 
they  were  addressed — with  quiet  and  profound  solemnity. 

TRUE   FORM    OF   THE    CROSS. 

The  ancient  and  ignominious  punishment  of  crucifixion  was 
abolished  by  the  Roman  Emperor  Constantinfe  the  Great,  who 
thought  it  indecent  and  irreligious  that  the  Cross,  should  be 
used  for  the  putting  to  death  of  the  vilest  offenders,  while  he 
himself  erected  it  as  a  trophy,  and  esteemed  it  the  noblest 
ornament  of  his  diadem  and  military  standards.  In  conse- 
quence of  his  decree,  crucifixion  has  scarcely  been  witnessed  in 
Europe  for  the  last  1500  years.  Those  painters,  sculptors, 
poets  and  writers  who  have  attempted  to  describe  it  have, 
therefore,  followed  their  own  imagination  or  vague  tradition 
rather  than  the  evidence  of  history.  But  they  could  hardly 
do  otherwise,  because  the  writings  of  the  early  fathers  of  the 
Church  and  of  pagan  historians  were  not  generally  accessible 
35 


410  THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT. 

to  them  until  after  the  revival  of  learning  in  the  Fifteenth 
Century,  and  because  the  example  of  depicting  the  cross  once 
given  had  been  religiously  followed  by  the  earliest  painters  and 
sculptors,  and  universally  accepted  without  question;  and  to 
object  to  the  generally  received  form  would  have  been  deemed 
sacrilegious.  These  two  reasons  may  have  been  sufficient  to 
deter  the  great  artists  of  the  Sixteenth  and  Seventeenth 
Centuries  from  making  any  change;  there  may,  however,  have 
been  a  third,  quite  as  potent  (if  not  more  so),  and  that  is  that 
the  introduction  of  the  lower  projecting  beam,  astride  of  which 
the  crucified  person  was  seated,  would  have  been  both  inartistic 
and  indecent,  yet  this  third  piece  was  invariably  used  when  the 
punishment  was  inflicted,  except  in  the  case  where  the  sufferer 
was  crucified  with  the  head  downward.  The  researches  of  two 
eminent  scholars  of  the  Seventeenth  Century — Salmasius  and 
Lipsius — have  put  it  beyond  a  doubt  that  the  cross  consisted  of 
a  strong  upright  post,  not  much  taller  than  a  man  of  lofty 
stature,  which  was  sharpened  at  the  lower  end,  by  which  it 
was  fixed  into  the  ground,  having  a  short  bar  or  stake  pro- 
jecting from  its  middle,  and  a  longer  transverse  beam  firmly 
joined  to  the  upright  post  near  the  top.  The  condemned  per- 
son was  made  to  carry  his  cross  to  the  place  of  execution,  after 
having  been  first  whipped;  he  was  then  stripped  of  his 
clothing,  and  offered  a  cup  of  medicated  wine,  to  impart  firm- 
ness or  alleviate  pain.  He  was  then  made  to  sit  astride  the 
middle  bar,  and  his  limbs,  having  been  bound  with  -cords,  the 
legs  to  the  upright  beam,  the  arms  to  the  transverse,  were 
finally  secured  by  driving  large  iron  spikes  through  the  hands 
and  feet.  The  cross  was  then  fixed  in  its  proper  position,  and 
the  sufferer  was  left  to  die,  not  so  much  from  pain  (as  is 
generally  supposed)  as  from  exhaustion,  or  heat,  or  cold,  or 
hunger,  or  wild  beasts,  unless  (as  was  usually  the  case)  his 
sufferings  were  put  an  end  to  by  burning,  stoning,  suffocation, 
breaking  the  bones,  or  piercing  the  vital  organs.  If  left  alone 
he  generally  survived  two  days  or  three,  and  there  are  cases 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  41 1 

recorded  where  the  sufferer  lingered  till  the  fifth  day  before 
dying. 

Referring  to  the  earliest  Christian  writers,  who  witnessed  the 
crucifixion  of  hundreds  of  their  martyred  brethren,  it  will  be 
seen  that  the  foregoing  statement  of  Salmasius  respecting  the 
true  form  of  the  cross  is  well  founded.  Irenaeus,  Bishop  of 
Lyons,  in  the  second  century,  says:  "The  structure  of  the 
cross  has  five  ends  or  summits,  two  in  length,  two  in  breadth, 
and  one  in  the  middle,  on  which  the  crucified  person  rests." 
Justin,  another  Christian  writer  of  the  same  period,  who 
acquired  the  surname  of  Martyr  from  the  cruel  death  he 
suffered  for  his  faith,  also  speaks  of  "that  end  projecting  from 
the  middle  of  the  upright  post  like  a  horn,  on  which  crucified 
persons  are  seated."  Tertullian,  another  Christian  writer,  who 
lived  a  little  later,  says:  "A  part,  and,  indeed,  a  principal  part, 
of  the  cross  is  any  post  which  is  fixed  in  an  upright  position ; 
but  to  us  the  entire  cross  is  imputed,  including  its  transverse 
beam,  and  the  projecting  bar  which  serves  as  a  seat." 

This  fact  (of  the  sufferer  being  seated)  will  account  for  the 
long  duration  of  the  punishment;  the  wounds  in  the  hands 
and  feet  did  not  lacerate  any  large  vessel,  and  were  nearly  closed 
by  the  nails  which  produced  them.  The  Rev.  Alban  Butler,  in 
his  Lives  of  the  Saints,  gives  numerous  instances  of  the  linger- 
ing nature  of  this  mode  of  execution,  and  of  the  wonderful 
heroism  displayed  by  the  Christians  who  underwent  it.  The 
Pagan  historians  also  narrate  instances  of  similar  heroism  on 
the  part  of  political  offenders,  who  were  put  to  death  on  the 
Cross.  Bomilcar,  the  commander  of  the  Carthaginian  army 
in  Sicily,  having  shown  a  disposition  to  desert  to  the  enemy, 
was  nailed  to  a  gibbet  in  the  middle  of  the  forum ;  but  "  from 
the  height  of  the  Cross,  as  from  a  tribunal,  he  declaimed 
against  the  crimes  of  the  citizens;  and  having  spoken  thus 
with  a  loud  voice  amid  an  immense  concourse  of  the  people, 
he  expired."  Crucifixion  has  been  practised  from  the  remotest 
ages  in  the  East,  and  is  still  occasionally  resorted  to  in  Turkey, 


412 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT. 


Madagascar,  and  Northern  Africa.  The  Jewish  historian,  Jose- 
phus,  states  that  the  chief  baker  of  Pharaoh,  whose  dream  had 
been  interpreted  by  Joseph,  was  crucified,  though  Scripture 
says  he  was  hanged;  but  this  may  mean  hanged  on  a  cross,  for 
the  expression  seems  to  be  almost  equivalent  to  crucified,  as 
appears  from  Galatians,  chap.  III.  v.  13.  "  Christ  hath  redeemed 
us  from  the  curse  of  the  law,  being  made  a  curse  for  us;  for 
it  is  written,  '  Cursed  is  every  one  that  hangeth  on  a  tree.' "  As 
regards  art,  it  is  not  now  to  be  expected  that  the  example  set 
by  the  great  masters  will  be  discarded.  In  this,  as  in  other 
matters,  custom  is  law,  whose  arbitrary  sway  will  be  exercised 
in  spite  of  facts. 

SINGULAR  COINCIDENCES. 

A.  was  walking  with  a  friend  .near  Oxford,  when  a  snipe  rose 
within  shot.  They  both  "presented"  their  walking-sticks  at 
the  bird,  remarking  what  a  "pretty  shot"  it  would  have  been 
for  a  gun.  The  snipe  flew  on  a  short  distance,  then  towered, 
and  fell  dead.  When  examined,  the  bird  was  found  to  be 
apparently  uninjured;  but  a  close  examination  discovered  the 
trace  of  a  former  injury,  which  had  led  to  the  rupture  of  a 
blood-vessel.  If,  instead  of  a  walking-stick  a  gun  had  been 
presented  and  discharged  at  the  bird,  no  one  would  have 
ventured  to  doubt  that  the  death  of  the  bird  was  due  to  the 
gun. 

A  young  officer  in  the  army  of  the  famous  Wolfe,  was 
apparently  dying  of  an  abscess  in  the  lungs.  He  was  absent 
from  his  regiment  on  sick-leave;  but  resolved  to  rejoin  it,  when 
a  battle  was  expected.  "For,"  said  he,  "since  I  am  given 
over,  I  had  better  be  doing  my  duty;  and  my  life's  being 
shortened  a  few  days,  matters  not."  He  received  a  shot  which 
pierced  the  abscess,  and  made  an  opening  for  the  discharge. 
He  recovered,  and  lived  to  the  age  of  eighty. 

In  the  United  Service  Museum,  (Whitehall  Yard,  London,) 


THE    FANCIES   OP   FACT.  413 

are  exhibited  the  "jaws  of  a  shark,"  wide  open,  and  enclosing 
a  tin  box.  The  history  of  this  strange  exhibition  is  as  follows : — 
A  ship,  on  her  way  to  the  West  Indies,  "fell  in  with"  and 
chased  a  suspicious-looking  craft,  which  had  all  the  appearance 
of  a  slaver.  During  the  pursuit,  the  chase  threw  something 
overboard.  She  was  subsequently  captured,  and  taken  into 
Port  Royal  to  be  tried  as  a  slaver.  In  absence  of  the  ship's 
papers  and  other  proofs,  the  slaver  was  not  only  in  a  fair  way 
to  escape  condemnation,  but  her  captain  was  anticipating  the 
recovery  of  pecuniary  damages  against  his  captor  for  illegal 
detention.  While  the  subject  was  under  discussion,  a  vessel 
came  into  port,  which  had  followed  closely  in  the  track  of  the 
chase  above  described.  She  had  caught  a  shark;  and  in  its 
stomach  was  found  a  tin  box,  which  contained  the  slaver's 
papers.  Upon  the  strength  of  this  evidence  the  slaver  was 
condemned.  The  written  account  is  attached  to  the  box. 

A.  B.  was  present  while  some  "tricks  in  cards"  were  being 
exhibited  by  a  professional  juggler.  He  took  a  fresh  pack  of 
cards,  and  directed  the  company  to  take  out  a  card  from  the 
pack,  to  replace  it,  and  shuffle  the  pack.  This  being  done, 
A.  B.  took  the  pack  in  his  hand  and  carelessly  tossed  on  the 
table  a  card,  which  proved  to  be  the  correct  one.  The  pro- 
fessor, in  the  utmost  surprise  and  admiration,  offered  to  give 
A.  B.  three  of  his  best  tricks  if  he  would  give  him  the  secret 
of  the  trick  which  he  had  just  exhibited.  A.  B.  coolly 
declined  the  offer,  and  concealed  the  fact  that  it  was  all  chance, 
in  the  purest  sense  of  the  word,  that  led  to  the  selection  of  the 
proper  card  from  the  pack. 

Upon  the  death  of  a  seaman,  some  money  became  payable 
to  his  widow,  Elizabeth  Smith,  No.  20  (of  a  certain,  say 
"King")  Street,  Wapping.  The  government  agent  called  at 
No.  20  King  Street,  and  finding  that  Elizabeth  Smith  lived 
there,  paid  the  money  without  further  inquiry.  Subsequently 
the  true  widow,  Elizabeth  Smith,  turned  up;  and  it  was  then 
35* 


414  THE   FANCIES   OF   PACT. 

discovered  that,  at  the  very  time  the  money  was  paid,  the 
street  was  being  re-numbered,  and  there  were  two  houses 
numbered  20;  and  what  was  most  remarkable,  there  was  an 
Elizabeth  Smith  living  in  each  of  them. 

Some  time  in  the  last  century,  a  Mrs.  Stephens  professed  to 
have  received  from  her  husband  a  medicine  for  dissolving 
"the  stone  in  the  bladder,"  and  offered  to  sell  it  to  government. 
In  order  to  test  the  virtue  of  this  medicine,  a  patient  was 
selected  who  had  undeniably  the  complaint  in  question.  He 
took  the  medicine,  and  was  soon  quite  well.  The  doctors 
watched  him  anxiously,  and  when  he  died,  many  years  after, 
he  was  seized  by  them,  and  the  body  examined.  It  was  then 
discovered  that  the  stone  had  made  for  itself  a  little  sac  in  the 
bladder,  and  was  so  tightly  secured  that  it  had  never  caused 
any  inconvenience. 

Government,  however,  (somewhat  prematurely,)  rewarded 
Mrs.  Stephens  with  a  sum  of  £10,000.  The  cure  appeared  to 
have  been  purely  accidental,  as  the  remedy  was  nothing  but 
potash,  which  has  little  or  no  virtue  in  such  cases. 

A  gentleman  of  fortune,  named  Angerstein,  lost  a  large 
quantity  of  valuable  plate.  His  butler  was  soon  on  the  track 
of  the  thieves,  (who  had  brought  a  coach  to  carry  the  plate), 
and  enquired  at  the  first  turnpike  gate  whether  any  vehicle 
had  lately  passed.  The  gate-keeper  stated  that  a  hackney- 
coach  had  shortly  before  gone  through;  and  though  he  was 
surprised  at  its  passing  by  so  early  in  the  morning,  he  had  not 
noticed  the  "  number"  on  the  coach.  A  servant  girl,  hearing 
the  conversation,  volunteered  her  statement,  that  she  saw  the 
coach  pass  by,  and  its  number  was  "45."  As  the  girl  could 
not  read,  they  were  surprised  at  her  knowing  the  "number." 
She  stated  that  she  knew  it  well,  as  being  the  same  number 
she  had  long  seen  about  the  walls  everywhere,  which  she  knew 
was  "45,"  as  every  one  was  speaking  of  it.  This  allusion  of 
the  girl's  was  in  reference  to  the  "  Wilkes"  disturbances,  when 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  415 

the  45th  number  of  the  True  Briton  was  prosecuted,  and  caused 
a  great  deal  of  public  excitement.  Mr.  Angerstein's  butler 
went  at  once  to  London  and  found  out  the  driver  of  the 
hackney-coach  No.  45,  who  at  once  drove  him  to  the  place 
where  the  plate  was  deposited,  and  it  was  ah1  recovered. 

Some  years  since,  in  the  "  Temple,"  was  a  vertical  sun-dial, 
with  the  motto,  "Be  gone  about  your  business."  It  is  stated 
that  this  very  appropriate  motto  was  the  result  of  the  following 
blunder: — When  the  dial  was  erected,  the  benchers  were  applied 
to  for  a  motto.  They  desired  the  "  builder's  man"  to  call  at  the 
library  at  a  certain  hour  on  a  certain  day,  when  he  should 
receive  instructions.  But  they  forgot  the  whole  matter.  On 
the  appointed  day  and  hour  the  "builder's  man"  called  at  the 
library,  and  found  only  a  lawyer  in  close  study  over  a  law  book. 
The  man  stated  the  cause  of  his  intrusion,  which  suited  so 
badly  the  lawyer's  time  and  leisure  that  he  bid  the  man  sharply 
"Be  gone  about  your  business."  The  lawyer's  testy  reply  was 
duly  painted  in  big  letters  upon  the  dial,  and  was  considered  so 
apposite  that  it  was  not  only  allowed  to  remain,  but  was  con- 
sidered to  be  as  appropriate  a  motto  as  could  be  chosen. 

Two  men  in  France  took  shelter  in  a  barn  for  the  night.  In 
the  morning  one  of  them  was  found  dead,  with  severe  injury 
to  the  head.  The  comrade  was  at  once  arrested,  and  told  some 
"cock-and-bull"  story  about  the  terrible  storm  of  the  night  in 
question,  and  attributed  his  companion's  death  to  the  effect  of 
a  thunder-bolt.  He  was  not  credited :  and  was  in  a  fair  way  to 
be  executed  for  the  supposed  crime.  A  scientific  gentleman, 
hearing  of  the  circumstance,  examined  the  place,  and  found  a 
hole  in  the  roof  of  the  barn,  and  an  aerolite  close  to  the  spot 
where  the  deceased  had  slept  on  the  night  in  question.  The 
innocence  of  the  accused  was  at  once  considered  as  established, 
and  he  was  released. 

Now,  even  in  these  cases,  there  is  nothing  supernatural,  or 
even  wwnatural ;  i.  e.,  there  is  nothing  to  prevent  the  occurrence. 


416  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

The  improbability  is  only  from  the  enormous  number  of  chances 
against  each.  But  when  any  German  theologian,  or  other,  pre- 
tends to  explain  a  series  of  alleged  miracles  as  mere  accidents, 
he  should  be  reminded  that  the  chances  are  multiplied  against 
each  repeated  occurrence.  If,  e.  g.,  the  chances  against  a  person's 
bagging  a  snipe,  which  died  accidentally  just  as  he  pointed  a 
stick  or  a  gun  at  it,  be  only  T^DI)>then,  against  his  thus  ob- 
taining two,  the  chances  would  be  J^-Q^^Q,  and  so  on.  No 
one  familiar  with  what  is  sometimes  called  the  Doctrine  of 
Chances  but  more  correctly  called  the  Theory  of  Probabilities, 
would  believe  that  a  sportsman  could  bring  home  a  bag  full  of 
game,  every  bird  having  died  accidentally  j  ust  when  shot  at. 

CHICK   IN   THE   EGO. 

The  hen  has  scarcely  sat  on  the  egg  twelve  hours,  when  we 
begin  already  to  discover  in  it  some  lineaments  of  the  head  and 
body  of  the  chicken  that  is  to  be  born.  The  heart  appears  to 
beat  at  the  end  of  the  day,  at  the  end  of  forty-eight  hours, 
two  vesicles  of  blood  can  be  distinguished,  the  pulsation  of 
which  is  very  visible.  At  the  fiftieth  hour,  an  auricle  of  the 
heart  appears,  and  resembles  a  lace,  or  noose  folded  down 
upon  itself.  At  the  end  of  seventy  hours,  we  distinguish 
wings,  and  on  the  head  two  bubbles  for  the  brain;  one  for 
the  bill,  and  two  others  for  the  forepart  and  hindpart  of 
the  head;  the  liver  appears  towards  the  fifth  day.  At  the 
end  of  one  hundred  and  thirty-one  hours,  the  first  voluntary 
motion  is  observed.  At  the  end  of  one  hundred  and  thirty- 
eight  hours  the  lungs  and  stomach  become  visible  ;  at  the 
end  of  one  hundred  and  forty-two,  the  intestines,  the  loins, 
and  the  upper  jaw.  The  seventh  day,  the  brain,  which 
was  slimy,  begins  to  have  some  consistence.  At  the  190th 
hour  of  incubation,  the  bill  opens,  and  the  flesh  appears  in 
the  breast.  At  the  194th,  the  sternum  is  seen,  that  is  to 
say,  the  breastbone.  At  the  210th,  the  ribs  come  out  of 
the  back,  the  bill  is  very  visible,  as  well  as  the  gall-bladder, 


THE    FANCIES    Qf   PACT.  417 

The  bill  becomes  green  at  the  end  of  two  hundred  and  thirty 
six  hours;  and  if  the  chick  is  taken  out  of  its  covering,  it  evi- 
dently moves  itself.  The  feathers  begin  to  shoot  out  towards 
the  240th  hour,  and  the  skull  becomes  gristly.  At  the  264th, 
the  eyes  appear.  At  the  288th,  the  ribs  are  perfect.  At  the 
331st,  the  spleen  draws  near  to  the  stomach,  and  the  lungs  to 
the  chest.  At  the  end  of  three  hundred  and  fifty-five  hours, 
the  bill  frequently  opens  and  shuts;  and  at  the  end  of  four 
hundred  and  fifty-one  hours,  or  the  eighteenth  day,  the  first  cry 
of  the  chick  is  already  heard  :  it  afterwards  gets  more  strength, 
and  grows  continually,  till  at  last  it  sets  itself  at  liberty,  by 
opening  the  prison  in  which  it  was  shut  up.  Thus  is  it  by  so 
many  different  degrees  that  these  creatures  are  brought  into  life. 
All  these  progressions  are  made  by  rule,  and  there  is  not  one 
of  them  without  sufficient  reason.  No  part  of  its  body  could 
appear  sooner  or  later  without  the  whole  embryo  suffering ;  and 
each  of  its  limbs  appears  at  the  proper  moment.  How  mani- 
festly is  this  ordination — so  wise,  and  so  invariable  in  the  pro- 
duction of  the  animal — the  work  of  a  Supreme  Being ! 

INNATE   APPETITE. 

McKenzie,  in  his  Phrenological  Essays,  mentions  the  follow- 
ing curious  fac.t,  witnessed  by  Sir  James  Hall.  He  had  been 
engaged  in  making  some  experiments  on  hatching  eggs  by  arti- 
ficial heat,  and  on  one  occasion  observed  in  one  of  his  boxes  a 
chicken  in  the  act  of  breaking  from  its  confinement.  It  hap- 
pened that  just  as  the  creature  was  getting  out  of  the  shell,  a 
spider  began  to  run  along  the  box,  when  the  chicken  darted 
forward,  seized  and  swallowed  it. 

THE   INDIAN   AND    HIS   TAMED    SNAKE. 

An  Indian  had  tamed  a  blacksnake,  which  he  kept  about 
him  during  the  summer  months.  In  autumn  he  let  the  crea- 
ture go  whither  it  chose  to  crawl,  but  told  it  to  come  to  him 
again  upon  a  certain  day,  which  he  named,  in  the  spring.  A 
white  man  who  was  present,  and  saw  what  was  done,  and  heard 
2B 


418  THE    FANCIES    OF   FACT. 

the  Indian  affirm  that  the  serpent  would  return  to  him  the  very 
day  he  had  appointed,  had  no  faith  in  the  truth  of  his  predic- 
tion. The  next  spring,  however,  retaining  the  day  in  his  me- 
mory, curiosity  led  him  to  the  place,  where  he  found  the  Indian 
in  waiting;  and,  after  remaining  with  him  about  two  hours,  the 
serpent  came  crawling  back,  and  put  himself  under  the  care  of 
his  old  master. 

In  this  case,  the  Indian  had  probably  observed  that  black- 
snakes  usually  return  to  their  old  haunts  at  the  same  vernal 
season ;  and  as  he  had  tamed,  fed,  and  kept  this  snake  in  a  par- 
ticular place,  experience  taught  him  that  it  would  return  on  a 
certain  day. 

ALLIGATORS    SWALLOWING   STONES. 

The  Indians  on  the  banks  of  the  Oronoko  assert  that  pre- 
viously to  an  alligator  going  in  search  of  prey  it  always  swallows 
a  large  stone,  that  it  may  acquire  additional  weight  to  aid  it  in 
diving  and  dragging  its  victims  under  water.  A  traveller  being 
somewhat  incredulous  on  this  point,  Bolivar,  to  convince  him, 
shot  several  with  his  rifle,  and  in  all  of  them  were  found  stones 
varying  in  weight  according  to  the  size  of  the  animal.  The 
largest  killed  was  about  seventeen  feet  in  length,  and  had  within 
him  a  stone  weighing  about  sixty  or  seventy  pounds. 

HABITS    OP   SHEEP. 

Never  jumps  a  sheep  that's  frightened 
Over  any  fence  whatever, 
Over  wall,  or  fence,  or  timber, 
But  a  second  follows  after, 
And  a  third  upon  the  second, 
And  a  fourth,  and  fifth,  and  so  on, 
When  they  see  the  tail  uplifted,— 
First  a  sheep,  and  then  a  dozen, 
Till  they  all,  in  quick  succession, 
One  by  one,  have  got  clear  over. 

Dr.  Anderson,  of  Liverpool,  relates  the  following  amusing 
illustration  of  the  singularly  persevering  disposition  of  sheep 
to  follow  their  leader  wherever  he  goes  : — 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  419 

A  butcher's  boy  was  driving  about  twenty  fat  wethers 
through  the  town,  but  they  ran  down  a  street  where  he  did  not 
want  them  to  go.  He  observed  a  scavenger  at  work,  and  called 
out  loudly  for  him  to  stop  the  sheep.  The  man  accordingly  did 
what  he  could  to  turn  them  back,  running  from  side  to  side, 
always  opposing  himself  to  their  passage,  and  brandishing  his 
broom  with  great  dexterity ;  but  the  sheep,  much  agitated, 
pressed  forward,  and  at  last  one  of  them  came  right  up  to  the 
man,  who,  fearing  it  was  going  to  jump  over  his  head,  whilst 
he  was  stooping,  grasped  the  broom  with  both  hands  and  held 
it  over  his  head.  He  stood  for  a  few  seconds  in  this  position, 
when  the  sheep  made  a  spring  and  jumped  fairly  over  him, 
without  touching  the  broom.  The  first  had  no  sooner  cleared 
this  impediment  than  another  followed,  and  another,  in  quick 
succession,  so  that  the  man,  perfectly  confounded,  seemed  to 
lose  all  recollection,  and  stood  in  the  same  attitude  till  the 
whole  of  them  had  jumped  over  him,  and  not  one  attempted 
to  pass  on  either  side,  although  the  street  was  quite  clear. 

REMARKABLE   EQUESTRIAN   EXPEDITIONS. 

Mr.  Cooper  Thornhill,  an  innkeeper  at  Stilton,  in  Hunting- 
donshire, rode  from  that  place  to  London  and  back  again,  and 
also  a  second  time  to  London,  in  one  day, — which  made  a  jour- 
ney in  all  of  two  hundred  and  thirteen  miles.  He  undertook 
to  ride  this  journey  with  several  horses  in  fifteen  hours,  but 
performed  it  in  twelve  hours  and  a  quarter.  This  remarkable 
feat  gave  rise  to  a  poem  called  the  Stilton  Hero,  which  was 
published  in  the  year  1745. 

Some  years  ago,  Lord  James  Cavendish  rode  from  Hyde 
Park  Corner  to  Windsor  Lodge,  which  is  upwards  of  twenty 
miles,  in  less  than  an  hour. 

Sir  Robert  Gary  rode  nearly  three  hundred  miles  in  less  than 
three  days,  when  he  went  from  London  to  Edinburgh  to  inform 
King  James  of  the  death  of  Queen  Elizabeth.  He  had  several 
falls  and  sore  bruises  on  the  road,  which  occasioned  his  going 
battered  and  bloody  into  the  royal  presence. 


420  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

On  the  29th  of  August,  1750,  was  decided  at  Newmarket  a 
remarkable  wager  for  one  thousand  guineas,  laid  by  Theobald 
Taaf,  Esq.,  against  the  Earl  of  March  and  Lord  Eglinton,  who 
were  to  provide  a  four-wheel  carriage  with  a  man  in  it,  to  be 
drawn  by  four  horses  nineteen  miles  in  an  hour.  The  match 
was  performed  in  fifty-three  minutes  and  twenty-four  seconds. 
An  engraved  model  of  the  carriage  was  formerly  sold  in  the 
print-shops, 

The  Marquis  de  la  Fayette  rode  in  August,  1778,  from 
Rhode  Island  to  Boston,  nearly  seventy  miles  distant,  in  seven 
hours,  and  returned  in  six  and  a  half. 

Mr.  Fozard,  of  Park  Lane,  London,  for  a  wager  of  one  hun- 
dred and  fifty  pounds  against  one  hundred  pounds,  undertook  to 
ride  forty  miles  in  two  hours,  over  Epsom  course.  He  rode 
two  miles  more  than  had  been  agreed  on,  and  performed  it  in 
five  minutes  under  time,  in  October,  1789. 

Mr.  Wilde,  an  Irish  gentleman,  lately  rode  one  hundred  and 
twenty-seven  miles  on  the  course  of  Kildare,  in  Ireland,  in  six 
hours  and  twenty  minutes,  for  a  wager  of  one  thousand  guineas. 

The  famous  Count  de  Montgomery  escaped  from  the  massa- 
cre of  Paris  in  1572,  through  the  swiftness  of  his  horse,  which, 
according  to  a  manuscript  of  that  time,  carried  him  ninety  miles 
without  halting. 

WONDERFUL   HORSE. 

In  the  year  1609,  an  Englishman  named  Banks  had  a  horse 
which  he  had  trained  to  follow  him  wherever  he  went,  even 
over  fences  and  to  the  roofs  of  buildings.  He  and  his  horse 
went  to  the  top  of  that  immensely  high  structure,  St.  Paul's 
Church.  After  many  extraordinary  performances  at  home,  the 
horse  and  his  master  went  to  Rome,  where  they  performed  feats 
equally  astonishing.  But  the  result  was  that  both  Banks  and 
his  horse  were  burned,  by  order  of  the  Pope,  as  enchanters. 
Sir  Walter  Raleigh  observes,  that  had  Banks  lived  in  olden 
times,  he  would  have  shamed  all  the  enchanters  of  the  world, 
for  no  beast  ever  performed  such  wonders  as  his. 


THE    FANCIES   OF   PACT.  421 

Fortunately  for  men  like  Thome,  and  Rice,  and  Franconi, 
who  have  been  so  successful  in  training  the  noblest  animal  in 
creation  for  the  stage-representations  of  Mazeppa,  Putnam's 
Leap,  &c.,  and  for  the  various  and  fantastic  tricks  which  have 
won  so  much  admiration  and  applause,  the  present  age  is  not 
disgraced  by  such  besotted  ignorance  and  superstition. 

WONDERFUL   LOCK. 

Among  the  wonderful  products  of  art  in  the  French  Crystal 
Palace  was  shown  a  lock  which  admits  of  3,674,385  combina- 
tions. Heuret  passed  a  hundred  and  twenty  nights  in  locking 
it,  and  Fichet  was  four  months  in  unlocking  it;  now  they  can 
neither  shut  nor  open  it. 

CELERITY   OF   CLOTH-MANUFACTURE. 

Many  accounts  have  been  published  of  the  celerity  with 
which  manufacturers  of  cloth,  both  English  and  American,  have 
completed  the  various  parts  of  the  process,  from  the  fleece 
to  the  garment.  In  England  the  fleece  was  taken  from  the 
sheep,  manufactured  into  cloth,  and  the  cloth  made  into  a  coat, 
in  the  short  space  of  thirteen  hours  and  twenty  minutes. 
Messrs.  Buck,  Brewster  &  Co.,  proprietors  of  the  Ontario  manu- 
factory at  Manchester,  Vermont,  on  perusing  an  account  of  this 
English  achievement,  conceived,  from  the  perfection  of  their 
machinery  and  the  dexterity  of  their  workmen,  that  the  same 
operations  might  be  accomplished  even  in  a  shorter  time.  A 
wager  of  five  hundred  dollars  was  offered,  and  accepted,  that 
they  would  perform  the  same  operations  in  twelve  hours.  The 
wool  was  taken  from  the  sack  in  its  natural  state,  and  in  nine 
hours  and  fifteen  minutes  precisely,  the  coat  was  completed, 
and  worn  in  triumph  by  one  of  the  party  concerned.  The  wool 
was  picked,  greased,  carded,  roped,  and  spun, — the  yarn  was 
worked,  put  into  the  loom  and  woven, — the  cloth  was  fulled, 
colored,  and  four  times  shorn,  pressed,  and  carried  to  the 
tailor's,  and  the  coat  completed, — all  within  the  time  above  stated. 
The  cloth  was  not  of  the  finest  texture,  but  was  very  hand- 
36 


422  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

somely  dressed,  and  fitted  the  person  who  wore  it  remarkably 
well.  The  only  difference  between  this  and  the  English  experi- 
ment was  the  time  occupied  in  shearing  the  fleece ;  and  any 
wool-grower  knows  that  this  part  of  the  operation  may  be  per- 
formed in  ten  minutes. 

CRUDE   VALUE   versus  INDUSTRIAL   VALUE. 

Algarotti,  in  his  Opuscula,  gives  the  following  example  to 
show  the  prodigious  addition  of  value  that  may  be  given  to  an 
object  by  skill  and  industry.  A  pound  weight  of  pig-iron  costs 
the  operative  manufacturer  about  five  cents.  This  is  worked 
up  into  steel,  of  which  is  made  the  little  spiral  spring  that 
moves  the  balance-wheel  of  a  watch.  Each  of  these  springs 
weighs  but  the  tenth  part  of  a  grain,  and,  when  completed,  may 
be  sold  as  high  as  $3.00,  so  that  out  of  a  pound  of  iron,  allow- 
ing something  for  the  loss  of  metal,  eighty  thousand  of  these 
springs  may  be  made,  and  a  substance  worth  but  five  cents  be 
wrought  into  a  value  of  $240,000. 

An  American  gentleman  says,  that  during  a  recent  visit  to 
Manchester,  England,  a  pound  of  cotton,  which  in  its  crude 
state  may  have  been  worth  eight  cents,  was  pointed  out  to  him 
as  worth  a  pound  of  gold.  It  had  been  spun  into  a  thread 
that  would  go  round  the  globe  at  the  equator  and  tie  in  a  good 
large  knot  of  many  hundred  miles  in  length. 

QUANTITY   AND   VAI>UE. 

For  what  is  worth  in  any  thing 

But  so  much  money  as  'twill  bring? — BUTLER. 

When  emeralds  were  first  discovered  in  America,  a  Spaniard 
carried  one  to  a  lapidary  in  Italy,  and  asked  him  what  it  was 
worth ;  he  was  told  a  hundred  escudos.  He  produced  a  second, 
which  was  larger;  and  that  was  valued  at  three  hundred.  Over- 
joyed at  this,  he  took  the  lapidary  to  his  lodging  and  showed 
him  a  chest  full ;  but  the  Italian,  seeing  so  many,  damped  his 
joy  by  saying,  "  Ah  ha,  Senor  !  so  many  ! — these  are  worth 
one  escudo." 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  423 

Montenegro  presented  to  the  elder  Almagro  the  first  cat 
which  was  brought  to  South  America,  and  was  rewarded  for  it 
with  six  hundred  pesos.  The  first  couple  of  cats  which  were 
carried  to  Cuyaba  sold  for  a  pound  of  gold.  There  was  a 
plague  of  rats  in  the  settlement,  and  they  were  purchased  as  a 
speculation,  which  proved  an  excellent  one.  Their  first  kittens 
produced  thirty  oitavas  each ;  the  next  generation  were  worth 
twenty ;  and  the  price  gradually  fell  as  the  inhabitants  were 
stocked  with  these  beautiful  and  useful  creatures. 

Could  every  hailstone  to  a  pearl  be  turned, 
Pearls  in  the  mart  like  oyster-shells  were  spurned ! 

AMOUNT   OF    GOLD   IN   THE    WORLD. 

Estimate  the  yard  of  gold  at  £2,000,000,  (which  it  is  in  round 
numbers,)  and  all  the  gold  in  the  world  might,  if  melted  into 
ingots,  be  contained  in  a  cellar  twenty-four  feet  square  and  six- 
teen feet  high.  All  the  boasted  wealth  already  obtained  from 
California  and  Australia  would  go  into  a  safe  nine  feet  square 
and  nine  feet  high ;  so  small  is  the  cube  of  yellow  metal  that 
has  set  populations  on  the  march  and  occasioned  such  wondrous 
revolutions  in  the  affairs  of  the  world. 

The  contributions  of  the  people,  in  the  time  of  David,  for 
the  sanctuary,  exceeded  £6,800,000.  The  immense  treasure 
David  is  said  to  have  collected  for  the  sanctuary  amounted  to 
£889,000,000  sterling,  (Onto  says  £798,000,000,)— a  sum 
greater  than  the  British  national  debt.  The  gold  with  which 
Solomon  overlaid  the  "  most  holy  place,"  a  room  only  thir- 
teen feet  square,  amounted  to  more  than  thirty-eight  millions 
sterling. 

The  products  of  the  California  mines  from  1853  to  1858  are 
put  down  at  $443,091,000;  those  of  Australia,  since  their  dis- 
covery, at  8296,813,000;  or  $739,904,000  in  all,— an  increase  of 
about  one-third,  according  to  the  best  statistical  writers,  on  the 
value  of  this  precious  metal  known  in  1850.  The  total  value 
of  gold  in  the  world  at  the  present  time,  then,  is  but  little 
more  than  $3,000,000,000.  * 


424 


THE    FANCIES    OP   FACT. 


IMMENSE    WEALTH   OF   THE   ROMANS. 

Crassus'  landed  estate  was  valued  at 

His  house  was  valued  at 

Caecilius  Isidorus,  after  having  lost  much,  left 

Demetrius,  a  freedman  of  Pompey,  was  worth  - 

Lentulus,  the  augur,  no  less  than 

Clodius,  who  was  slain  by  Milo,  paid  for  his  house 

He  once  swallowed  a  pearl  worth         ... 

Apicius  was  worth  more  than 

And  after  he  had  spent  in  his  kitchen,  and  other- 
wise squandered,  immense  sums,  to  the  amount  of 

He  poisoned  himself,  leaving      -         ... 

The  establishment  belonging  to  M.  Scarus,  and 
burned  at  Tusculum,  was  valued  at 

Gifts  and  bribes  may  be  considered  signs  of  great 
riches:  Caesar  presented  Servilia,  the  mother  of 
Brutus,  with  a  pearl  worth  .... 

Paulus,  the  consul,  was  bribed  by  Caesar  with  the 
sum  of  ------- 

Curio  contracted  debts  to  the  amount  of     - 

Milo  contracted  a  debt  of     - 

Antony  owed  at  the  Ides  of  March,  which  he  paid 
before  the  Calends  of  April  .... 

He  had  squandered  altogether       ... 

Seneca  had  a  fortune  of     - 

Tiberius  left  at  his  death,  and  Caligula  spent  in 
less  than  twelve  months,  ... 

Caligula  spent  for  one  supper 

Heliogabalus  in  the  same  manner 

The  suppers  of  Lucullus  at  the  Apollo  cost 

Horace  says  that  Pegellus,  a  singer,  could  in  five 


$8,333,330 

400,000 

5,235,800 

3,875,000 

16,666,666 

616,66b 

40,000 

4,583,350 

4,166,666 
416,666 

4,150,000 


Herrius'  fish-ponds  sold  for  ... 

Calvinus  Labinus  purchased  many  learned  slaves, 

none  of  them  at  a  price  less  than  - 
Stage-players  sold  much  higher. 


200,000 

292,000 
2,500,000 
2,915,666 

1,666,666 
735,000,000 
17,500,000 

118,120,000 
150,000 
100,000 
8,330 

40.000 
166,000 

4,165 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  425 

WINE    AT    TWO    MILLIONS    A   BOTTLE. 

Wine  at  two  millions  of  dollars  a  bottle  is  a  drink  that  in 
expense  would  rival  the  luxurious  taste  of  barbaric  splendor, 
when  priceless  pearls  were  thrown  into  the  wine-cup  to  give  a 
rich  flavor  to  its  contents ;  yet  that  there  is  such  a  costly 
beverage,  is  a  fixed  fact.  In  the  Rose  apartment  (so  called 
from  a  bronze  bas-relief)  of  the  ancient  cellar  under  the 
Hotel  de  Ville  in  the  city  of  Bremen  is  the  famous  Rosenwein, 
deposited  there  nearly  two  centuries  and  a  half  ago.  There 
were  twelve  large  cases,  each  bearing  the  name  of  one  of  the 
apostles;  and  the  wine  of  Judas,  despite  the  reprobation 
attached  to  his  name,  is  to  this  day  more  highly  esteemed 
than  the  others.  One  case  of  the  wine,  containing  five  oxhoft 
of  two  hundred  and  four  bottles,  cost  five  hundred  rix-dollars 
in  1624.  Including  the  expenses  of  keeping  up  the  cellar, 
and  of  the  contributions,  interests  of  the  amounts,  and  in- 
terests upon  interests,  an  oxhoft  costs  at  the  present  time 
555,657,640  rix-dollars,  and  consequently  a  bottle  is  worth 
2,723,812  rix-dollars;  a  glass,  or  the  eighth  part  of  a  bottle,  is 
worth  340,476  rix-dollars,  or  $272,380 ;  or  at  the  rate  of  540 
rix-dollars,  or  $272,  per  drop.  A  burgomaster  of  Bremen  is 
privileged  to  have  one  bottle  whenever  he  entertains  a  distin- 
guished guest  who  enjoys  a  German  or  European  reputation. 
The  fact  illustrates  the  operation  of  interest,  if  it  does  not 
show  the  cost  of  luxury. 

CAPACIOUS   BEER-CASKS. 

A  few  years  before  Mr.  Thrale's  death,  which  happened  in 
1781,  an  emulation  arose  among  the  brewers  to  exceed  each 
other  in  the  size  of  their  casks  for  keeping  beer  to  a  certain 
age, — probably,  says  Sir  John  Hawkins,  taking  the  hint  from 
the  tun  at  Heidelberg,  of  which  the  following  is  a  description  : 

At  Heidelberg,  on  the  river  Neckar,  near  its  junction  with 
the  Rhine,  in  G-ennany,  there  was  a  tun  or  wine-vessel  con- 
structed in  1343,  which  contained  twenty-one  pipes.  Another 
36® 


426 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 


was  made,  or  the  one  now  mentioned  rebuilt,  in  1664,  which 
held  six  hundred  hogsheads,  English  measure.  This  was  emp- 
tied, and  knocked  to  pieces  by  the  French,  in  1688.  But  a  new 
and  larger  one  was  afterwards  fabricated,  which  held  eight  hun- 
dred hogsheads.  It  was  formerly  kept  full  of  the  best  Rhenish 
wine,  and  the  Electors  have  given  many  entertainments  on  its 
platform  ;  but  this  convivial  monument  of  ancient  hospitality  ia 
now,  says  Mr.  Walker,  but  a  melancholy,  unsocial,  solitary  in- 
stance of  the  extinction  of  hospitality :  it  moulders  in  a  damp 
vault,  quite  empty. 

The  celebrated  tun  at  Konigstein  is  said  to  be  the  most  ca- 
pacious cask  in  the  world, — holding  1,869,236  pints.  The  top 
is  railed  in,  and  it  affords  room  for  twenty  people  to  regale 
themselves.  There  are  also  several  kinds  of  welcome-cups, 
which  are  offered  to  strangers,  who  are  invited  by  a  Latin  in- 
scription to  drink  to  the  prosperity  of  the  whole  universe 
This  enormous  tun  was  built  in  1725,  by  Frederick  Augustus, 
King  of  Poland  and  Elector  of  Saxony,  who,  in  the  inscrip- 
tion just  mentioned,  is  styled  "  the  father  of  his  country,  the 
Titus  of  his  age,  and  the  delight  of  mankind." 

Dr.  Johnson  once  mentioned  that  his  friend  Thrale  had  four 
casks  so  large  that  each  of  them  held  one  thousand  hogsheads. 
But  Mr.  Meux,  of  Liquorpond  Street,  Gray's  Inn  Lane,  could, 
according  to  Mr.  Pennant,  show  twenty-four  vessels  containing 
in  all  thirty-five  thousand  barrels :  one  alone  held  four  thou- 
sand five  hundred  barrels;  and  in  the  year  1790  this  enterpris- 
ing brewer  built  another,  containing  nearly  twelve  thousand 
barrels,  valued  at  about  £20,000.  A  dinner  was  given  to 
two  hundred  people  at  the  bottom  of  it,  and  two  hundred  more 
joined  the  company  to  drink  success  to  this  unrivalled  vat. 

DIFFERENCE   BETWEEN   THE   ENGLISH   POETS. 

Chaucer  describes  men  and  things  as  they  are  ;  Shakspeare, 
as  they  would  be  under  the  circumstances  supposed ;  Spenser, 
as  we  would  wish  them  to  be ;  Milton,  as  they  ought  to  be ;  Byron, 
as  they  ought  not  to  be;  and  Shelley,  as  they  never  can  be. 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  427 

PERILS    OF   PRECOCITY. 

Baillet  mentions  one  hundred  and  sixty-three  children 
endowed  with  extraordinary  talents,  among  whom  few  arrived 
at  an  advanced  age.  The  two  sons  of  Quintilian  so  vaunted 
by  their,  father  did  not  reach  their  tenth  year.  Hermogenes, 
who  at  the  age  of  fifteen  taught  rhetoric  to  Marcus  Aurelius, 
who  triumphed  over  the  most  celebrated  rhetoricians  of  Greece, 
did  not  die  at  an  early  age,  but  at  twenty-four  lost  his  faculties 
and  forgot  all  he  had  previously  acquired.  Pico  di  Mirandola 
died  at  thirty-two;  Johannus  Secundus  at  twenty-five,  having 
at  the  age  of  fifteen  composed  admirable  Greek  and  Latin 
verses  and  become  profoundly  versed  in  jurisprudence  and 
letters.  Pascal,  whose  genius  developed  itself  when  ten  years 
old,  did  not  attain  the  third  of  a  century.  In  1791,  a  child 
was  born  at  Lubeck,  named  Henri  Heinneken,  whose  precocity 
was  miraculous.  At  ten  months  of  age  he  spoke  distinctly,  at 
twelve  learned  the  Pentateuch  by  rote,  and  at  fourteen  months 
was  perfectly  acquainted  with  the  Old  and  New  Testament 
At  two  years  he  was  as  familiar  with  geography  and  ancient 
history  as  the  most  erudite  authors  of  antiquity.  In  the 
ancient  and  modern  languages  he  was  a  proficient.  This  won- 
derful child  was  unfortunately  carried  off  in  his  fourth  year. 

THE  BLACK  HOLE  AT  CALCUTTA. 

This  celebrated  place  of  confinement  was  only  eighteen  feet 
by  eighteen,  containing,  therefore,  three  hundred  and  twenty-four 
square  feet.  When  Fort  William  was  taken,  in  1756,  by  Sura- 
jah  Dowla,  Nabob  of  Bengal,  one  hundred  and  forty-six  persons 
were  shut  up  in  the  Black  Hole.  The  room  allowed  to  each 
person  a  space  of  twenty-six  and  a  half  inches  by  twelve  inches, 
which  was  just  sufficient  to  hold  them  without  their  pressing 
violently  on  each  other.  To  this  dungeon  there  was  but  one  small 
grated  window,  and,  the  weather  being  very  sultry,  the  air 
within  could  neither  circulate  nor  be  changed.  In  less  than  an 
hour,  many  of  the  prisoners  were  attacked  with  extreme  diffi- 
culty of  breathing ;  several  were  delirious ;  and  the  place  was 


428  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

filled  with  incoherent  ravings,  in  which  the  cry  for  water  was 
predominant.  This  was  handed  them  by  the  sentinels,  but 
without  the  effect  of  allaying  their  thirst.  In  less  than  four 
hours,  many  were  suffocated,  or  died  in  violent  delirium.  In 
five  hours,  the  survivors,  except  those  at  the  grate,  were  frantic 
and  outrageous.  At  length  most  of  them  became  insensible. 
Eleven  hours  after  they  were  imprisoned,  twenty-three  only,  of 
the  one  hundred  and  forty-six,  came  out  alive,  and  those  were 
in  a  highly-putrid  fever,  from  which,  however,  by  fresh  air  and 
proper  attention,  they  gradually  recovered. 

STONE   BAROMETER. 

A  Finland  newspaper  mentions  a  stone  in  the  northern  part 
of  Finland,  which  serves  the  inhabitants  instead  of  a  barometer. 
This  stone,  which  they  call  Ilmakiur,  turns  black,  or  blackish 
gray,  when  it  is  going  to  rain,  but  on  the  approach  of  fine  wea- 
ther it  is  covered  with  white  spots.  Probably  it  is  a  fossil 
mixed  with  clay,  and  containing  rock-salt,  nitre,  or  ammonia, 
which,  according  to  the  greater  or  less  degree  of  dampness  of 
the  atmosphere,  attracts  it,  or  otherwise.  In  the  latter  case 
the  salt  appears,  forming  the  white  spots. 

BITTERNESS    OF    STRYCHNIA. 

Strychnia,  the  active  principle  of  the  Nux  Vomica  bean, 
which  has  become  so  famous  in  the  annals  of  criminal  poison- 
ing, is  so  intensely  bitter  that  it  will  impart  a  sensibly  bitter 
taste  to  six  hundred  thousand  times  its  weight  of  water. 

SALT,  AS   A   LUXURY. 

Mungo  Park  describes  salt  as  "  the  greatest  of  all  luxuries  in 
Central  Africa."  Says  he,  "It  would  appear  strange  to  a 
European  to  see  a  child  suck  a  piece  of  rock-salt,  as  if  it  were 
sugar.  This,  however,  I  have  frequently  seen ;  although  in 
the  inland  parts  the  poorer  class  of  inhabitants  are  so  very 
rarely  indulged  with  this  precious  article,  that  to  say  a  man 
eats  salt  with  his  victuals  is  the  same  as  saying  that  he  is  a 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  429 

rich  man.  I  have  myself  suffered  great  inconvenience  from 
the  scarcity  of  this  article.  The  long-continued  use  of  vege- 
table food  creates  so  painful  a  longing  for  salt,  that  no  words 
can  sufficiently  describe  it." 

SINGULAR   CHANGE   OF   TASTE. 

The  sense  by  which  we  appreciate  the  sweetness  of  bodies  is 
liable  to  singular  modifications.  Thus,  the  leaves  of  the  Gym- 
nema  sylvestre, — a  plant  of  Northern  India, — when  chewed, 
take  away  the  power  of  tasting  sugar  for  twenty-four  hours, 
without  otherwise  injuring  the  general  sense  of  taste. 

BLUNDERS    OF   PAINTERS. 

Tintoret,  an  Italian  painter,  in  a  picture  of  the  Children  of 
Israel  gathering  manna,  has  taken  the  precaution  to  arm  them 
with  the  modern  invention  of  guns.  Cigoli  painted  the  aged 
Simeon  at  the  circumcision  of  the  infant  Saviour;  and  as  aged 
men  in  these  days  wear  spectacles,  the  artist  has  shown  his 
sagacity  by  placing  them  on  Simeon's  nose.  In  a  picture  by 
Verrio  of  Christ  healing  the  sick,  the  lookers-on  are  represented 
as  standing  with  periwigs  on  their  heads.  To  match,  or  rather 
to  exceed,  this  ludicrous  representation,  Durer  has  painted  the 
expulsion  of  Adam  and  Eve  from  the  Garden  of  Eden  by  an 
angel  in  a  dress  fashionably  trimmed  with  flounces.  The  same 
painter,  in  his  scene  of  Peter  denying  Christ,  represents  a 
Roman  soldier  very  comfortably  smoking  a  pipe  of  tobacco.  A 
Dutch  painter,  in  a  picture  of  the  Wise  Men  worshipping  the 
Holy  Child,  has  drawn  one  of  them  in  a  large  white  surplice, 
and  in  boots  and  spurs,  and  he  is  in  the  act  of  presenting  to 
the  child  a  model  of  a  Dutch  man-of-war.  In  a  Dutch  picture 
of  Abraham  offering  up  his  son,  instead  of  the  patriarch's 
"  stretching  forth  his  hand  and  taking  the  knife,"  as  the  Scrip- 
tures inform  us,  he  is  represented  as  using  a  more  effectual  and 
modern  instrument :  he  is  holding  to  Isaac's  head  a  blunder- 
buss. Berlin  represents  in  a  picture  the  Virgin  and  Child  lis- 
tening to  a  violin;  and  in  another  picture  he  has  drawn  King 


430  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

David  playing  the  harp  at  the  marriage  of  Christ  with  St. 
Catherine.  A  French  artist  has  drawn,  with  true  French 
taste,  the  Lord's  Supper,  with  the  table  ornamented  with  tum- 
blers filled  with  cigar-lighters ;  and,  as  if  to  crown  the  list  of 
these  absurd  and  ludicrous  anachronisms,  the  garden  of  Eden 
has  been  drawn  with  Adam  and  Eve  in  all  their  primeval  sim- 
plicity and  virtue,  while  near  them,  in  full  costume,  is  seen  a 
hunter  with  a  gun,  shooting  ducks. 

MINUTE   MECHANISM. 

There  is  a  cherry-stone  at  the  Salem  (Mass.)  Museum,  which 
contains  one  dozen  silver  spoons.  The  stone  itself  is  of  the 
ordinary  size ;  but  the  spoons  are  so  small  that  their  shape  and 
finish  can  only  be  well  distinguished  by  the  microscope.  Here 
is  the  result  of  immense  labor  for  no  decidedly  useful  purpose; 
and  there  are  thousands  of  other  objects  in  the  world  fashioned 
by  ingenuity,  the  value  of  which,  in  a  utilitarian  sense,  may  be 
said  to  be  quite  as  indifferent.  Dr.  Oliver  gives  an  account  of 
a  cherry-stone  on  which  were  carved  one  hundred  and  twenty- 
four  heads,  so  distinctly  that  the  naked  eye  could  distinguish 
those  belonging  to  popes  and  kings  by  their  mitres  and  crowns. 
It  was  bought  in  Prussia  for  fifteen  thousand  dollars,  and  thence 
conveyed  to  England,  where  it  was  considered  an  object  of  so 
much  value  that  its  possession  was  disputed,  and  it  became  the 
object  of  a  suit  in  chancery.  One  of  the  Nuremberg  toy- 
makers  enclosed  in  a  cherry-stone,  which  was  exhibited  at  the 
French  Crystal  Palace,  a  plan  of  Sevastopol,  a  railway-station, 
and  the  "Messiah"  of  Klopstock.  In  more  remote  times,  an 
account  is  given  of  an  ivory  chariot,  constructed  by  Merme- 
cides,  which  was  so  small  that  a  fly  could  cover  it  with  his 
wing ;  also  a  ship  of  the  same  material,  which  could  be  hidden 
under  the  wing  of  a  bee !  Pliny,  too,  tells  us  that  Homer's 
Iliad,  with  its  fifteen  thousand  verses,  was  written  in  so  small  a 
space  as  to  be  contained  in  a  nutshell;  while  Elian  mentions 
an  artist  who  wrote  a1  distich  in  letters  of  gold,  which  he  en- 
closed in  the  rind  of  a  kernel  of  corn.  But  the  Harleian  MS. 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  431 

mentions  a  greater  curiosity  than  any  of  the  above,  it  being  no- 
thing more  nor  less  than  the  Bible,  written  by  one  Peter  Bales, 
a  chancery  clerk,  in  so  small  a  book  that  it  could  be  enclosed 
within  the  shell  of  an  English  walnut.  Disraeli  gives  an  ac- 
count cf  many  other  exploits  similar  to  the  one  of  Bales. 
There  is  a  drawing  of  the  head  of  Charles  II.  in  the  library  of 
St.  John's  College,  Oxford,  wholly  composed  of  minute  written 
characters,  which  at  a  small  distance  resemble  the  lines  of  an 
engraving.  The  head  and  the  ruff  are  said  to  contain  the  book 
of  Psaluis,  in  Greek,  and  the  Lord's  Prayer.  In  the  British 
Museum  is  a  portrait  of  Queen  Anne,  not  much  larger  than 
the  hand.  On  this  drawing  are  a  number  of  lines  and  scratches, 
which,  it  is  asserted,  comprise  the  entire  contents  of  a  thin 
folio.  The  modern  art  of  Photography  is  capable  of  effecting 
wonders  in  this  way.  We  have  before  us  the  Declaration  of 
Independence,  containing  seven  thousand  eight  hundred  letters, 
on  a  space  not  larger  than  the  head  of  a  pin,  which,  when 
viewed  through  a  microscope,  may  be  read  distinctly. 

THE   RATIO   OF   THE   DIAMETER   TO    THE   CIRCUMFERENCE. 

The  proportion  of  the  diameter  of  a  circle  to  its  circumfer- 
ence has  never  yet  been  exactly  ascertained.  Nor  can  a  square 
or  any  other  right-lined  figure  be  found  that  shall  be  equal  to  a 
given  circle.  This  is  the  celebrated  problem  called  the  squar- 
ing of  the  circle,  which  has  exercised  the  abilities  of  the  great- 
est mathematicians  for  ages  and  been  the  occasion  of  so  many 
disputes.  Several  persons  of  considerable  eminence  have,  at 
different  times,  pretended  that  they  had  discovered  the  exact 
quadrature ;  but  their  errors  have  readily  been  detected ;  and  it 
is  now  generally  looked  upon  as  a  thing  impossible  to  be  done. 

But  though  the  relation  between  the  diameter  and  circum- 
ference cannot  be  accurately  expressed  in  known  numbers,  it 
may  yet  be  approximated  to  any  assigned  degree  of  exactness. 
And  in  this  manner  was  the  problem  solved,  about  two  thou- 
sand years  ago,  by  the  great  Archimedes,  who  discovered  the 
proportion  to  be  nearly  as  seven  to  twenty-two.  The  process 


432  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

by  which  he  effected  this  may  be  seen  in  his  book  De  Dimen- 
sione  Girculi.  The  same  proportion  was  also  discovered  by 
Philo  Gadarensis  and  Apollonius  Pergeus  at  a  still  earlier 
period,  as  we  are  informed  by  Eutocius. 

The  proportion  of  Vieta  and  Metius  is  that  of  one  hundred 
and  thirteen  to  three  hundred  and  fifty-five,  which  is  a  little 
more  exact  than  the  former.  It  was  derived  from  the  pre- 
tended quadrature  of  a  M.  Van  Eick,  which  first  gave  rise  to 
the  discovery. 

But  the  first  who  ascertained  this  ratio  to  any  great  degree 
of  exactness  was  Van  Ceulen,  a  Dutchman,  in  his  book  De 
Circulo  et  Adscriptis.  He  found  that  if  the  diameter  of  a 
circle  was  1,  the  circumference  would  be  3-14159265358979- 
3238462643383279502884  nearly;  which  is  exactly  true  to 
thirty-six  places  of  decimals,  and  was  effected  by  the  continual 
bisection  of  an  arc  of  a  circle,  a  method  so  extremely  trouble- 
some and  laborious  that  it  must  have  cost  him  incredible  pains. 
It  is  said  to  have  been  thought  so  curious  a  performance  that 
the  numbers  were  cut  on  his  tombstone  in  St.  Peter's  church- 
yard, at  Leyden. 

But  since  the  invention  of  fluxions,  and  the  summation  of 
infinite  series,  several  methods  have  been  discovered  for  doing 
the  same  thing  with  much  more  ease  and  expedition.  Euler 
and  other  eminent  mathematicians  have  by  these  means  given 
a  quadrature  of  the  circle  which  is  true  to  more  than  one  hun- 
dred places  of  decimals, — a  proportion  so  extremely  near  the 
truth  that,  unless  the  ratio  could  be  completely  obtained,  we 
need  not  wish  for  a  greater  degree  of  accuracy. 

MATHEMATICAL   PRODIGIES. 

They  with  the  pen  or  pencil  problems  solved ; 
He,  with  no  aid  but  wondrous  memory. 

Prominent  among  the  precocious  mathematicians  of  the  pre- 
sent day  is  a  colored  boy  in  Kentucky,  named  William  Marcy, 
whose  feats  in  mental  arithmetic  are  truly  wonderful.  His 
powers  of  computation  appear  to  be  fully  equal  to  those  of  Bid- 


THE  FANCIES   OF   FACT.  433 

der,  Buxton,  Grandimange,  Colburn,  or  Safford.  He  can  mul- 
tiply or  divide  millions  by  thousands  in  a  few  minutes  from  the 
time  the  figures  are  given  to  him,  and  always  with  the  utmost 
exactness.  Recently,  in  the  presence  of  a  party  of  gentlemen, 
he  added  a  column  of  figures,  eight  in  a  line,  and  one  hundred 
and  eighty  lines,  making  the  sum  total  of  several  millions, 
within  six  minutes.  The  feat  was  so  astounding,  and  appa- 
rently incredible,  that  several  of  the  party  took  off  their  coats, 
and,  dividing  the  sum,  went  to  work,  and  in  two  hours  after 
they  commenced  produced  identically  the  same  answers.  The 
boy  is  not  quite  seventeen  years  of  age ;  he  cannot  read  nor 
write,  and  in  every  other  branch  of  an  English  education  is 
entirely  deficient.  It  is  worthy  of  remark  that  mathematics 
is  the  only  department  of  science  in  which  such  feats  of  im- 
becile minds  can  be  achieved.  The  supposition  would  not,  a 
priori,  be  admissible ;  but  frequent  facts  prove  it.  A  negro, 
a  real  idiot,  was  not  long  since  reported  in  Alabama,  who  could 
beat  this  Kentuckian  in  figures,  but  could  scarcely  do  any  thing 
else  worthy  of  a  human  intellect.  Precocious  mathematicians, 
not  imbecile,  have  usually  turned  out  poorly ;  few  of  them,  like 
Pascal,  have  shown  any  general  capacity.  These  facts  suggest 
inferences  unfortunate  for  mathematical  genius,  if  not  for 
mathematical  studies.  They  have  sublime  relations,  in  their 
"mixed"  form,  with  our  knowledge  of  the  universe;  but  their 
relations  to  genius — to  human  sentiments  and  sensibilities — to 
the  moral  and  ideal  in  humanity, — are,  to  say  the  least,  quite 
equivocal.  The  calculating  power  alone  would  seem  to  be  the 
least  of  human  qualities,  and  to  have  the  smallest  amount  of 
reason  in  it ;  since  a  machine  like  Babbage's  can  be  made  to 
do  the  work  of  three  or  four  calculators,  and  better  than  any 
of  them. 

EXTRAORDINARY   MEMORY. 

Lipsius  made  this  offer  to  a  German  prince  : — Sit  here  with 
a  poniard,  and  if  in  repeating  Tacitus  from  beginning  to  end  I 
miss  a  single  word,  stab  me.  I  will  freely  bare  my  breast  for 
you  to  strike. 

2C  37 


434  THE   FANCIES   OP   PACT. 

Muretus  tells  us  of  a  young  Corsican,  a  law-student  at  Padua, 
who  could,  without  hesitation,  repeat  thirty-six  thousand  Latin, 
Greek,  or  barbarous  words,  significant  or  insignificant,  upon  once 
hearing  them.  Muretus  himself  tested  his  wonderful  memory, 
and  avers  all  alleged  respecting  it  to  be  strictly  true. 

Mr.  Carruthers,  in  the  course  of  a  lecture  on  Scottish  history 
mentioned  an  instance  of  Sir  Walter  Scott's  wonderful  mem- 
ory :  "  I  have  heard  Campbell  relate  how  strongly  Scott  was  im- 
pressed with  his  (Campbell's)  poem  of  LochivVs  Warning.  'I 
read  it  to  him  in  manuscript,'  he  said ;  '  he  then  asked  to  read 
it  over  himself,  which  he  did  slowly  and  distinctly,  after  which 
he  handed  to  me  the  manuscript,  saying,  '  Take  care  of  your 
copyright,  for  I  have  got  your  poem  by  heart,'  and  with  only 
these  two  readings  he  repeated  the  poem  with  scarcely  a  mistake.' 
Certainly  an  extraordinary  instance  of  memory,  for  the  piece  con- 
tains eighty-eight  lines.  The  subject,  however,  was  one  which 
could  not  fail  powerfully  to  arrest  Scott's  attention,  and  versifica- 
tion and  diction  are  such  as  are  easily  caught  up  and  remembered." 

SILENT    COMPLIMENT. 

While  an  eloquent  clergyman  was  addressing  a  religious 
society,  he  intimated,  more  than  once,  that  he  was  admonished  to 
conclude  by  the  lateness  of  the  hour.  His  discourse,  however, 
was  so  attractive  that  some  ladies  in  the  gallery  covered  the 
clock  with  their  shawls. 

SELF-IMMOLATION. 

Comyn,  Bishop  of  Durham,  having  quarrelled  with  his  cler- 
gy, they  mixed  poison  with  the  wine  of  the  Eucharist,  and 
gave  it  to  him.  He  perceived  the  poison,  but  yet,  with  mis- 
guided devotion,  he  drank  it  and  died. 

THE    NEED    OF   PROVIDENCE. 

Cecil  says  in  his  Remains : — We  require  the  same  hand  to  pro- 
tects us  in  apparent  safety  as  in  the  most  imminent  and  palpable 
danger.  One  of  the  most  wicked  men  in  my  neighborhood  was 
riding  near  a  precipice  and  fell  over:  his  horse  was  killed,  but 
he  escaped  without  injury.  Instead  of  thanking  God  for  his 


THE    FANCIES    OF    PACT.  435 

deliverance,  he  refused  to  acknowledge  the  hand  of  God  in  it, 
but  attributed  his  escape  to  chance.  The  same  man  was  after- 
wards riding  on  a  very  smooth  road:  his  horse  suddenly  fell  and 
threw  his  rider  over  his  head,  and  killed  him  on  the  spot,  while 
the  horse  escaped  unhurt. 

DIMENSIONS    OF    HEAVEN. 

And  he  measured  the  city  with  the  reed,  twelve  thousand  furlongs.  The 
length,  and  the  breadth,  and  the  height  of  it  are  equal.— Rev.  xxi.  16. 

Twelve  thousand  furlongs,  7,920,000  feet,  which  being 
cubed,  496,793,088,000,000,000,000  cubic  feet.  Half  of  this 
we  will  reserve  for  the  Throne  of  God  and  the  Court  of  Heaven, 
and  half  the  balance  for  streets,  leaving  a  remainder  of  124,- 
198,272,000,000,000,000  cubic  feet.  Divide  this  by  4,096, 
the  cubical  feet  in  a  room  sixteen  feet  square,  and  there  will 
be  30,321,843,750,000,000  rooms. 

We  will  now  suppose  the  world  always  did  and  always  will 
contain  990,000,000  inhabitants,  and  that  a  generation  lasts  for 
33J  years,  making  in  all  2,970,000,000  every  century,  and  that 
the  world  will  stand  100,000  years,  or  1,000  centuries,  making 
in  all  2,970,000,000,000  inhabitants.  Then  suppose  there  were 
one  hundred  worlds  equal  to  this  in  number  of  inhabitants  and 
duration  of  years,  making  a  total  of  297,000,000,000,000  per- 
sons, and  there  would  be  more  than  a  hundred  rooms  sixteen 
feet  square  for  each  person. 

THE   COST   OF   SOLOMON'S   TEMPLE. 

According  to  the  computation  of  Villalpandus,  the  talents  of 
gold,  silver,  and  brass,  used  in  the  construction  of  the  Temple, 
amounted  to  £6,879,822,500.  The  jewels  are  reckoned  to  have 
exceeded  this  sum ;  but.  for  the  sake  of  an  estimate,  let  their  value 
be  set  down  at  the  same  amount.  The  vessels  of  gold  (vasa 
aurea)  consecrated  to  the  use  of  the  Temple  are  reckoned  by  Jose- 
phus  at  140,000  talents,  which,  according  to  Capel's  reduction, 
are  equal  to  £545,296,203.  The  vessels  of  silver  (vasa  argrntea') 
are  computed  at  1,340,000  talents,  or  £489,344,000.  The  silk 
vestments  of  the  priests  cost  £10,000;  the  purple  vestments 


436  THE  FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

of  the  singers,  £2,000,000.  The  trumpets  amounted  to 
£200,000;  other  musical  instruments  to  £40,000.  To  these 
expenses  must  be  added  those  of  the  other  materials,  the  tim- 
ber and  stone,  and  of  the  labor  employed  upon  them,  the  labor 
being  divided  thus :  there  were  10,000  men  engaged  at  Leba- 
non in  hewing  timber  (silvicidae) ;  there  were  70,000  bearers  of 
burdens  (vectores) ;  20,000  hewers  of  stone  (lapicidinefy j  and 
3,300  overseers  (episcopi) ;  all  of  whom  were  employed  for 
seven  years,  and  upon  whom,  besides  their  wages  and  diet, 
Solomon  bestowed  £6,733,977  (donum  Solomonis).  If  the 
daily  food  and  wages  of  each  man  be  estimated  at  4s.  Gd.,  the 
sum  total  will  be  £93,877,088.  The  costly  stone  and'the  tim- 
ber in  the  rough  may  be  set  down  as  at  least  equal  to  one-third 
of  the  gold,  or- about  £2,545,296,000.  The  several  estimates 
will  then  amount  to  £17,442,442,268,  or  $77,521,965,636. 

THE    NUMBER    SEVEN. 

In  the  year  1502  there  was  printed  at  Leipsic  a  work  en- 
titled Heptalogium  Virgilii  Salsburgensis,  in  honor  of  the 
number  seven.  It  consists  of  seven  parts,  each  consisting  of 
seven  divisions.  In  1624  appeared  in  London  a  curious  work 
on  the  subject  of  numbers,  bearing  the  following  title :  The 
Secrets  of  Numbers,  according  to  Theological,  Arithmetical, 
Geometrical,  and  Harmonical  Computation;  drawn,  for  the 
better  part,  out  of  those  Ancients,  as  well  as  Neotcriques. 
Pleasing  to  read,  profitable  to  understand,  opening  themselves 
to  the  capacities  of  both  learned  and  unlearned;  being  no 
other  than  a  key  to  lead  men  to  any  doctrinal  knowledge  what- 
soever. In  the  ninth  chapter  the  author  has  given  many  nota- 
ble opinions  from  learned  men,  to  prove  the  excellency  of  the 
number  seven.  "  First,  it  neither  begets  nor  is  begotten,  accord- 
ing to  the  saying  of  Philo.  Some  numbers,  indeed,  within  the 
compass  of  ten,  beget,  but  are  not  begotten ;  and  that  is  the 
unarie.  Others  are  begotten,  but  beget  not;  as  the  octonarie. 
Only  the  septenarie,  having  a  prerogative  above  them  all,  nei- 
ther begetteth  nor  is  begotten.  This  is  its  first  divinity  or 


THE    FANCIES   OF   FACT.  437 

perfection.  Secondly,  this  is  a  harmonical  number,  and  the 
well  and  fountain  of  that  fair  and  lovely  Digamma,  because  it 
includeth  within  itself  all  manner  of  harmony.  Thirdly,  it  is 
a  theological  number,  consisting  of  perfection.  Fourthly,  be- 
cause of  its  compositure  j  for  it  is  compounded  of  the  first  two 
perfect  numbers  equal  and  unequal, — three  and  four;  for  the 
number  two,  consisting  of  repeated  unity,  which  is  no  number, 
is  not  perfect.  Now,  every  one  of  these  being  excellent  of 
themselves,  (as  hath  been  demonstrated,)  how  can  this  number 
be  but  far  more  excellent,  consisting  of  them  all,  and  partici- 
pating, as  it  were,  of  all  their  excellent  virtues  ?" 

Hippocrates  says  that  the  septenary  number  by  its  occult 
virtue  tends  to  the  accomplishment  of  all  things,  is  the  dis- 
penser of  life  and  fountain  of  all  its  changes ;  and,  like  Shak- 
speare,  he  divides  the  life  of  man  into  seven  ages.  In  seven 
months  a  child  may  be  born  and  live,  and  not  before.  An- 
ciently a  child  was  not  named  before  seven  days,  not  being  ac- 
counted fully  to  have  life  before  that  periodical  day.  The  teeth 
spring  out  in  the  seventh  month,  and  are  renewed  in  the 
seventh  year,  when  infancy  is  changed  into  childhood.  At 
thrice  seven  years  the  faculties  are  developed,  manhood  com- 
mences, and  we  become  legally  competent  to  all  qivil  acts  ;  at 
four  times  seven  man  is  in  the  full  possession  of  bis  strength ; 
at  five  times  seven  he  is  fit  for  the  business  of  the  world ;  at  sis 
times  seven  he  becomes  grave  and  wise,  or  never;  at  seven 
times  seven  he  is  in  his  apogee,  and  from  that  time  he  decays. 
At  eight  times  seven  he  is  in  his  first  climacteric;  at  nine 
times  seven,  or  sixty-three,  he  is  in  his  grand  climacteric,  or 
year  of  danger;  and  ten  times  seven,  or  threescore  years  and 
ten,  has,  by  the  Royal  Prophet,  been  pronounced  the  natural 
period  of  human  life. 

In  six  days  creation  was  perfected,  and  the  seventh  was  con- 
secrated to  rest.  On  the  seventh  of  the  seventh  month  a  holy 
observance  was  ordained  to  the  children  of  Israel,  who  feasted 
seven  days  and  remained  seven  days  in  rest ;  the  seventh  year 
was  directed  to  be  a  sabbath  of  rest  for  all  things ;  and  at  the 


438  THE   FANCIES   OF    FACT. 

end  of  seven  times  seven  years  commenced  the  grand  Jubilee ; 
every  seventh  year  the  land  lay  fallow;  every  seventh  year 
there  was  a  general  release  from  all  debts,  and  all  bondsmen 
were  set  free.  From  this  law  may  have  originated  the  custom 
of  binding  young  men  to  seven  years'  apprenticeship,  and  of 
punishing  incorrigible  offenders  by  transportation  for  seven, 
twice  seven,  or  three  times  seven  years.  Every  seventh  year 
the  law  was  directed  to  be  read  to  the  people ;  Jacob  served 
seven  years  for  the  possession  of  Rachel,  and  also  another 
seven  years.  Noah  had  seven  days'  warning  of  the  flood,  and 
was  commanded  to  take  the  fowls  of  the  air  into  the  ark  by 
sevens,  and  the  clean  beasts  by  sevens.  The  ark  touched  the 
ground  on  the  seventh  month ;  and  in  seven  days  a  dove  was 
sent,  and  again  in  seven  days  after.  The  seven  years  of  plenty 
and  seven  years  of  famine  were  foretold  in  Pharaoh's  dreams  by 
the  seven  fat  and  the  seven  lean  beasts,  and  the  seven  ears  of 
full  corn  and  the  seven  ears  of  blasted  corn.  The  young  ani- 
mals were  to  remain  with  the  dam  seven  days,  and  at  the  close 
of  the  seventh  taken  away.  By  the  old  law,  man  was  com- 
manded to  forgive  his  offending  brother  seven  times ;  but  the 
meekness  of  the  last  revealed  religion  extended  his  humility 
and  forbearance  to  seventy  times  seven  times.  "  If  Cain  shall 
be  revenged  sevenfold,  truly  Lamech  seventy  times  seven."  In 
the  destruction  of  Jericho,  seven  priests  bore  seven  trumpets 
seven  days,  and  on  the  seventh  day  surrounded  the  walls  seven 
times,  and  after  the  seventh  time  the  walls  fell.  Balaam  pre- 
pared seven  bullocks  and  seven  rams  for  a  sacrifice ;  Laban 
pursued  Jacob  seven  days'  journey;  Job's  friends  sat  with  him 
seven  days  and  seven  nights,  and  offered  seven  bullocks  and 
seven  rams  as  an  atonement  for  their  wickedness;  David,  in 
bringing  up  the  ark,  offered  seven  bullocks  and  seven  rams ; 
Elijah  sent  his  servant  seven  times  to  look  for  the  cloud; 
Hezekiah,  in  cleansing  the  temple,  offered  seven  bullocks  and 
seven  rams  and  seven  he-goats  for  a  sin-offering.  The  children 
of  Israel,  when  Hezekiah  took  away  the  strange  altars,  kept 
the  feast  of  unleavened  bread  seven  days,  and  then  again  an- 


THE   FANCIES    OP   FACT.  439 

other  seven  days.  King  Ahasuerus  had  seven  chamberlains, 
a  seven  days'  feast,  and  sent  for  the  queen  on  the  seventh  day; 
and  in  the  seventh  year  of  his  reign  she  was  taken  to  him. 
Queen  Esther  had  seven  maids  to  attend  her.  Solomon  was 
seven  years  building  the  temple,  at  the  dedication  of  which  he 
feasted  seven  days ;  in  the  tabernacle  were  seven  lamps ;  seven 
days  were  appointed  for  an  atonement  upon  the  altar,  and  the 
priest's  son  was  ordained  to  wear  his  father's  garment  seven 
days ;  the  children  of  Israel  ate  unleavened  bread  seven  days ; 
Abraham  gave  seven  ewe-lambs  to  Abimelech  as  a  memorial 
for  a  well ;  Joseph  mourned  seven  days  for  Jacob.  The  rab- 
bins say  God  employed  the  power  of  answering  this  number  to 
perfect  the  greatness  of  Samuel,  his  name  answering  the  value 
of  the  letters  in  the  Hebrew  word,  which  signifies  seven, — 
whence  Hannah,  his  mother,  in  her  thanks,  says  "  that  the 
barren  had  brought  forth  the  seventh."  In  Scripture  are  enu- 
merated seven  resurrections, — the  widow's  son,  by  Elias  ;  the 
Shunamite's  son,  by  Elisha ;  the  soldier  who  touched  the  bones 
of  the  prophet;  the  daughter  of  the  ruler  of  the  synagogue; 
the  widow's  son  of  Nain ;  Lazarus,  and  our  blessed  Lord.  Out 
of  Mary  Magdalene  were  cast  seven  devils.  The  apostles  chose 
seven  deacons.  Enoch,  who  was  translated,  was  the  seventh 
after  Adam,  and  Jesus  Christ  the  seventy-seventh  in  a  direct 
line.  Our  Saviour  spoke  seven  times'  from  the  cross,  on  which 
he  remained  seven  hours ;  he  appeared  seven  times ;  after  seven 
times  seven  days  he  sent  the  Holy  Ghost.  In  the  Lord's  Prayer 
are  seven  petitions,  expressed  in  seven  times  seven  words,  omit- 
ting those  of  mere  grammatical  connection.  Within  this  num- 
ber are  contained  all  the  mysteries  of  the  Apocalypse  revealed 
to  the  seven  churches  of  Asia ;  there  appeared  seven  golden 
candlesticks  and  seven  stars  that  were  in  the  hand  of  Him  that 
was  in  the  midst ;  seven  lamps,  being  the  seven  spirits  of  God ; 
the  book  with  seven  seals ;  seven  kings ;  seven  thunders ; 
seven  thousand  men  slain;  the  dragon  with  seven  heads,  and 
the  seven  angels  bearing  seven  vials  of  wrath ;  the  vision  of 
Daniel  seventy  weeks.  The  fiery  furnace  was  made  seven  timea 


440  THE   FANCIES    OF    FACT. 

hotter  for  Shadrach,  Meshach,  and  Abednego;  Nebuchadnezzar 
ate  the  grass  of  the  field  seven  years.  The  elders  of  Israel 
were  seventy.  There  are  also  numbered  seven  heavens,  seven 
planets,  seven  stars,  seven  wise  men,  seven  champions  of  Chris- 
tendom, seven  notes  in  music,  seven  primary  colors,  seven 
deadly  sins,  seven  sacraments  in  the  Eoman  Catholic  Church, 
and  seven  wonders  of  the  world.  The  seventh  son  was  con- 
sidered as  endowed  with  pre-eminent  wisdom ;  the  seventh  son 
of  a  seventh  son  is  still  thought  by  some  to  possess  the  power 
of  healing  diseases  spontaneously.  Perfection  is  likened  to 
gold  seven  times  purified  in  the  fire ;  and  we  yet  say,  "  you 
frighten  me  out  of  my  seven  senses."  There  were  seven  chiefs 
before  Thebes.  The  blood  was  to  be  sprinkled  seven  times  be- 
fore the  altar;  Naaman  was  to  be  dipped  seven  times  in  Jor- 
dan ;  Apuleius  speaks  of  the  dipping  of  the  head  seven  times 
in  the  sea  for  purification.  In  all  solemn  rites  of  purgation, 
dedication,  and  consecration,  the  oil  or  water  was  seven  times 
sprinkled.  The  house  of  wisdom,  in  Proverbs,  had  seven 
pillars. 

THE    NUMBER   THREE. 

When  the  world  was  created,  we  find  land,  water,  and  sky ; 
sun,  moon,  and  stars.  Noah  had  but  three  sons;  Jonah  was 
three  days  in  the  whale's  belly ;  our  Saviour  passed  three  days 
in  the  tomb.  Peter  denied  his  Saviour  thrice.  There  were 
three  patriarchs,  Abraham,  Isaac,  and  Jacob.  Abraham  enter- 
tained three  angels.  Samuel  was  called  three  times.  "Simon, 
lovest  thou  me  ?"  was  repeated  three  times.  Daniel  was  thrown 
into  a  den  with  three  lions,  for  praying  three  times  a  day. 
Shadrach,  Meshach,  and  Abednego  were  rescued  from  the 
flames  of  the  oven.  The  Commandments  were  delivered  on  the 
third  day.  Job  had  three  friends.  St.  Paul  speaks  of  faith, 
hope,  and  charity,  these  three.  Those  famous  dreams  of  the 
baker  and  butler  were  to  come  to  pass  in  three  days ;  and 
Elijah  prostrated  himself  three  times  on  the  body  of  the  dead 
child.  Samson  deceived  Delilah  three  times  before  she  dis- 
covered the  source  of  his  strength.  In  mythology  there  were 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  441 

three  graces ;  Cerberus  with  his  three  heads ;  Neptune  holding 
his  three-toothed  staff;  the  Oracle  of  Delphi  cherished  with 
veneration  the  tripod ;  and  the  nine  Muses  sprang  from  three. 
The  witches  in  Macbeth  ask,  "  When  shall  we  three  meet 
again  ?"  The  Pope's  tiara  is  triple.  We  have  morning,  noon, 
and  night;  fish,  flesh,  and  fowl;  water,  ice,  and  snow.  Trees 
group  their  leaves  in  threes ;  there  is  three-leaved  clover. 
What  could  be  done  in  mathematics  without  the  aid  of  the 
triangle  ?  witness  the  power  of  the  wedge ;  and  in  logic  three 
propositions  are  indispensable.  It  is  a  common  phrase  that 
"  three  is  a  lucky  number."  Life  stands  on  a  tripod,  the  feet 
of  which  are  the  circulation,  respiration,  and  innervation ;  death 
is  therefore  the  result  of  a  failure  in  the  heart,  the  lungs,  or  the 
brain.  Finally,  there  is  earth,  'heaven,  and  hell ;  and  above 
all,  the  Holy  Trinity. 

THE   NUMBER   NINE. 

The  singular  properties  of  the  number  nine  are  well  known 
to  arithmeticians.  The  following  is  one  of  the  most  interesting. 
If  the  cardinal  numbers  from  1  to  9  inclusive,  omitting  8,  be 
used  as  a  multiplicand,  and  any  one  of  them  multiplied  by  9  be 
used  as  a  multiplier,  the  result  will  present  a  succession  of 
figures  the  same  as  that  multiplied  by  the  9.  For  example,  if 
we  wish  a  series  of  fives,  we  take  5  times  9,  equal  to  45,  for 
a  multiplier  :— 

12345679 
4  5 

61728395 
49382716 


555555555 

A  similar  result  will  be  obtained  by  using  all  the  other  num- 
bers, including  8  (72) ;  but  the  8  must  in  all  cases  be  omitted 
in  the  multiplicand. 

CHANGES   OF   THE   KALEIDOSCOPE. 

The  following  curious  calculation  has  been  made  of  the  num- 
ber of  changes  which  this  wonderful  instrument  will  admit : — 


442 


THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT. 


Supposing  the  instrument  to  contain  twenty  small  pieces  of 
glass,  &c.,  and  that  you  make  ten  changes  in  each  minute,  it 
will  take  the  inconceivable  space  of  462,880,899,576  years  and 
360  days  to  go  through  the  immense  variety  of  changes  it  is 
capable  of  producing, — amounting  (according  to  our  frail  idea 
of  the  nature  of  things)  to  an  eternity,  Or,  if  you  take  only 
twelve  small  pieces,  and  make  ten  changes  in  each  minute,  it 
will  then  take  33,264  days,  or  91  years  and  49  days,  to  exhaust 
its  variations.  However  exaggerated  this  statement  may  appear 
to  some,  it  is  actually  the  case. 

NOAH'S  ARK  AND  THE  GREAT  EASTERN  STEAMSHIP. 

The  following  comparison  between  the  size  of  Noah's  Ark 
and  the  Leviathan  (Great  Eastern),  both  being  considered  in 
point  of  tonnage,  after  the  old  law  for  calculating  the  tonnage, 
exhibits  a  remarkable  similarity.  The  sacred  cubit,  as  stated 
by  Sir  Isaac  Newton,  is  20-625  English  inches;  by  Bishop 
Wilkins  at  21-88  inches.  According  to  these  authorities,  the 
dimensions  will  be  as  follows  : — 

SIR  I.  NEWTON.  BP.  WILKINS.  GR.  EASTERN. 

Feet.  Feet.                 Feet. 

Length  between  perpendiculars         515-62  547-00               680 

Breadth             ...         84-94  91-16                 83 

Depth           ...               51-56  54-70                 60 

Keel,  or  length  for  tonnage      -       464-08  492-31  •             630 

Tonnage  according  to  old  law    ]  8,231  58-94  21,76150-94  23,09225-94. 

DIVERSITY   OF   COLORS. 

In  a  very  amusing  work  of  the  celebrated  Goethe,  entitled 
Winkelmann  und  sein  Jahrhundert,  it  is  stated  that  about 
fifteen  thousand  varieties  of  color  are  employed  by  the  workers 
of  .mosaic  in  Rome,  and  that  there  are  fifty  shades  of  each  of 
these  varieties,  from  the  deepest  to  the  palest,  thus  affording 
seven  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  tints,  which  the  artist  can 
distinguish  with  the  greatest  facility.  It  might  be  imagined 
that  with  the  command  of  seven  hundred  and  fifty  thousand 
tints  of  colors,  the  most  varied  and  beautiful  painting  could  be 


THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT.  443 

perfectly  imitated;  yet  this  is  not  the  case,  for  the  mosaic- 
workers  find  a  lack  of  tints,  even  amid  this  astonishing 
variety. 

AEROLITES. 

Meteoric  stones,  in  single  masses  and  in  showers,  have  fallen 
from  the  atmosphere  at  various,  and  in  many  cases  uncertain, 
periods,  throughout  the  world.  The  largest  of  these  at  present 
known  is  in  the  province  of  Tucuman,  in  South  America,  in 
the  midst  of  an  extensive  plain.  It  weighs  thirty  thousand 
pounds.  A  mass  in  the  Imperial  Cabinet  in  Vienna  was  brought 
from  Agram,  in  Croatia,  where  it  fell  in  1751.  It  was  seen  by 
the  inhabitants  while  falling  from  the  air,  and  is  said  to  have 
appeared  like  a  globe  of  fire.  Professor  Pallas,  in  his  travels 
in  Siberia,  found  a  mass  on  the  mountains  of  Kemir,  weigh- 
ing sixteen  hundred  and  eighty  pounds,  which  the  inha- 
bitants told  him  fell  from  the  sky.  About  one  hundred  and 
fifty  miles  from  Bahia,  in  Brazil,  is  a  mass  of  a  crystalline  tex- 
ture weighing  fourteen  thousand  pounds.  There  are  also  large 
masses  in  West  Greenland,  Mexico,  Peru,  and  South  Africa. 
The  specimen  in  the  cabinet  at  New  Haven,  weighing  three 
thousand  pounds,  was  brought  from  Red  River  in  Louisiana. 
Showers  of  meteorolites,  weighing  from  a  few  ounces  to  twenty 
pounds,  are  recorded  by  observers  as  having  fallen  at  Ensisheim, 
in  1492 ;  at  Mort,  in  1750 ;  at  Aire,  in  1769 ;  at  Juliac,  in 
1790;  at  Sienna,  in  1794;  at  Benares,  in  1798;  at  L'Aigle, 
in  1803  ;  and  at  St.  Germaine,  in  1808.  One  of  the  most  re- 
markable instances  that  has  occurred  in  this  country  under  the 
direct  observation  of  eye-witnesses  took  place  in  Fairfield 
county,  Connecticut,  in  December,  1807,  an  interesting  account 
of  which  may  be  found  in  vol.  vi.  American  Philosophical 
Transactions  (1809).  A  similar  occurrence  happened  at  Nor- 
wich, in  the  same  State,  in  1836. 

With  regard  to  the  extraordinary  origin  of  these  aerolites,  or 
meteorolites,  it  has  been  incontestably  proved  to  be  atmosphe- 
ric, by  eye-witnesses,  by  the  similarity  of  their  composition  in 
all  cases,  by  the  fact  that  though  the  materials  thus  mingled— 


444  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

being  chiefly  native  iron,  with  small  proportions  of  nickel, 
silex,  aluminium,  magnesium,  and  sulphur — are  well  known,  they 
are  never  united  in  the  same  manner  among  the  productions  of 
the  globe;  and  further,  by  the  fact  that  they  are  never  projected 
from  terrestrial  volcanoes,  and  that  the  situations  in  which 
they  are  found  are  generally  isolated  and  always  on  the  surface 
of  the  earth. 

It  remains,  then,  for  the  philosopher  to  ascertain  the  source  of 
this  interesting  portion  of  nature.  The  great  difficulty  of  this 
task  is  evident  from  the  number  and  variety  of  the  theories 
which  have  been  formed  respecting  it,  and  their  liability  to 
serious  objections.  Those  who  hold  the  opinion  that  aerolites 
are  formed  from  substances  floating  in  the  atmosphere  must 
resort  to  the  hypothesis  that  iron,  nickel,  silex,  sulphur,  &c. 
are  first  rendered  volatile,  and  then  synthetically  formed 
into  the  ponderous  stones  which  fall  from  above.  Professor 
Silliman  remarks  of  this  recourse  to  atmospheric  formation 
from  gaseous  ingredients,  that  it  is  a  crude,  unphilosophi- 
cal  conception,  inconsistent  with  known  chemical  facts,  and 
physically  impossible.  The  theory  which  refers  these  aerolites 
to  lunar  volcanic  origin  seems  to  have  more  to  recommend  it. 
La  Place,  the  illustrious  author  of  the  Mecanique  Celeste, — the 
respect  due  to  whose  opinion  no  one  will  dispute, — maintained 
that  these  meteoric  stones  are  expelled  violently  from  the  active 
volcanoes  which  telescopic  research  has  proved  to  exist  in  great 
numbers  on  the  surface  of  the  moon,  and  that,  passing  beyond 
the  limits  of  the  attraction  of  our  satellite,  they  come  within  the 
Influence  of  the  earth  and  are  drawn  towards  its  surface.  It 
has  been  calculated  that  the  power  req-uired  to  drive  a  body 
beyond  the  moon's  attraction  would  be  only  about  four  times 
that  with  which  a  ball  is  expelled  from  a  cannon  with  the  ordi- 
nary charge  of  gunpowder.  However  rapid  a  velocity  of  seven 
thousand  seven  hundred  and  seventy  feet  per  second  may  seem, 
it  would  not  require  an  improbable  amount  of  mechanical 
force. 

Professor  01  rusted,    the    American  astronomer,  has  offered 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  445 

the  most  satisfactory  explanation.  He  h-as  shown  that  count- 
less bodies,  of  comparatively  small  dimensions,  cluster  together 
in  vast  rings,  and  revolve,  as  do  the  planets,  around  the  sun ; 
that  these  bodies  become  visible  when  the  orbit  of  the  earth 
approaches  their  orbit;  that  sometimes  they  are  entangled  in 
our  atmosphere,  catch  fire  from  their  enormous  velocity,  and 
fall  to  the  earth  as  meteoric  stones.  In  this  way  the  shooting 
stars  and  meteors  are  shown  to  be  diminutive  planets,  which 
in  composition  and  orbital  motion  resemble  our  own  earth,  and 
almost  fill  the  planetary  space  with  their  countless  squadrons. 

FATE  OF  AMERICA'S  DISCOVERERS. 

It  is  remarkable  how  few  of  the  eminent  men  of  the  dis- 
coverers and  conquerors  of  the  New  World  died  in  peace. 
Columbus  died  broken-hearted;  Roldin  and  Bobadilla  were 
drowned ;  Ovando  was  harshly  superseded ;  Las  Casas  sought 
refuge  in  a  cowl;  Ojeda  died  in  extreme  poverty;  Enciso  was 
deposed  by  his  own  men ;  Nicuessa  perished  miserably  by  the 
cruelty  of  his  party ;  Vasco  Nunez  de  Balboa  was  disgracefully 
beheaded;  Narvaez  was  imprisoned  in  a  tropical  dungeon,  and 
afterwards  died  of  hardship ;  Cortez  was  dishonored ;  Alvarado 
was  destroyed  in  ambush ;  Almagro  was  garroted ;  Pizarro  was 
murdered,  and  his  four  brothers  cut  off;  and  there  was  no  end 
to  the  assassinations  and  executions  of  the  secondary  chiefs 
among  the  energetic  and  daring  adventurers. 

FACTS   ABOUT   THE   PRESIDENTS. 

Of  the  first  seven  Presidents  of  the  United  States,  four  were 
from  Virginia,  two  of  the  same  name  from  Massachusetts,  and 
one  from  Tennessee.  All  but  one  were  sixty-six  years  old  on 
leaving  office,  having  served  two  terms,  and  one  of  those  who 
served  but  one  term  would  have  been  sixty-six  years  of  age  at 
the  end  of  another.  Three  of  the  seven  died  on  the  4th  of 
July,  and  two  of  them  on  the  same  day  and  year.  Two  of  them 
were  on  the  sub-committee  of  three  that  drafted  the  Declara- 
tion of  Independence;  and  these  two  died  on  the  same  day  and 
38 


446  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

year,  on  the  anniversary  of  the  Declaration  of  Independence, 
and  just  half  a  century  from  the  day  of  the  Declaration.  The 
names  of  three  of  the  seven  end  in  son,  yet  none  of  them  trans- 
mitted his  name  to  a  son.  The  initials  of  the  names  of  two  of 
the  seven  are  the  same;  the  initials  of  two  others  are  the 
same ;  and  those  of  still  two  others,  the  same.  The  remaining 
one,  who  stands  alone  in  this  particular,  stands  also  alone  in  the 
love  and  admiration  of  his  countrymen  and  of  the  civilized 
world, — Washington.  Of  the  first  five,  only  one  had  a  son,  and 
that  son  was  also  President.  Neither  of  the  Presidents  who 
had  sons  were  elected  for  a  second  term. 

THE   CROWN    OF   ENGLAND. 

The  crown  of  England  is  a  costly  "  bauble,"  bedazzled  with 
jewels  enough  to  found  three  or  four  public  chanties,  or  a  half- 
dozen  ordinary  colleges.  There  are  twenty  diamonds  round 
the  circle,  worth  $7,500  each,  making  $150,000;  two  large 
centre  diamonds,  $10,000  each,  making  $20,000;  fifty-four 
smaller  diamonds,  placed  at  the  angle  of  the  former,  each 
$500;  four  crosses,  each  composed  of  twenty-five  diamonds, 
$60,000;  four  large  diamonds  on  the  top  of  the  crosses, 
$20,000;  twelve  diamonds  contained  in  the  fleur-de-lis,  $50,000  ; 
eighteen  smaller  diamonds  contained  in  the  same,  $10,000; 
pearls,  diamonds,  &c.  upon  the  arches  and  crosses,  $50,000; 
also  one  hundred  and  forty-one  small  diamonds,  $25,000; 
twenty-six  diamonds  in  the  upper  cross,  $15,500 ;  two  circles 
of  pearls  about  the  rim,  $15,000.  The  cost  of  the  stones  in 
the  crown,  exclusive  of  the  metal,  is,  therefore,  nearly  half  a 
million  of  dollars. 

AN   ARMY   OF   WOMEN. 

In  the  army  of  the  Chinese  rebels,  there  were  in  1853,  in 
Nanking  alone,  about  half  a  million  of  women,  collected  from 
various  parts  of  the  country  and  formed  into  brigades  of  thir- 
teen thousand,  under  female  officers.  Of  these,  ten  thousand 
were  picked  women,  drilled  and  garrisoned  in  the  city;  the  rest 
were  compelled  to  undergo  the  drudgery  of  digging  moats, 
making  earth-works,  erecting  batteries,  &c. 


THE    FANCIES   OF   FACT.  447 

THE  STAR  IN  THE  EAST. 

Under  the  influence  of  a  conjunction  of  Jupiter,  Saturn,  and 
Mars,  which  took  place  in  the  year  1604,  Kepler  was  led  to 
think  that  he  had  discovered  means  for  determining  the  true 
year  of  our  Saviour's  birth.  He  made  his  calculations,  and 
found  that  Jupiter  and  Saturn  were  in  conjunction  in  the  con- 
stellation of  the  Fishes  (a  fish  is  the  astrological  symbol  of 
Judaea)  in  the  latter  half  of  the  year  of  Home  747,  and  were 
joined  by  Mars  in  748.  Here  then  he  fixed  the  first  figure  in 
the  date  of  our  era,  and  here  he  found  the  appearance  in  the 
heavens  which  induced  the  magi  to  undertake  their  journey,  and 
conducted  them  successfully  on  their  way.  Others  have  taken 
up  this  view,  freed  it  from  astrological  impurities,  and  shown 
its  trustworthiness  and  applicability  in  the  case  under  consider- 
ation. It  appears  that  Jupiter  and  Saturn  came  together  for 
the  first  time  on  May  20th  in  the  twentieth  degree  of  the  con- 
stellation of  the  Fishes.  They  then  stood  before  sunrise  in  the 
eastern  part  of  the  heavens,  and  so  were  seen  by  the  magi. 
Jupiter  then  passed  by  Saturn  towards  the  north.  About  the 
middle  of  September  they  were  near  midnight  both  in  opposition ' 
to  the  sun,  Saturn  in  the  thirteenth,  Jupiter  in  the  fifteenth  de- 
gree, being  distant  from  each  other  about  a  decree  and  a  half. 
They  then  drew  nearer:  on  October  27th  there  was  a  second  con- 
junction in  the  sixteenth  degree,  and  on  November  12th  there 
took  place  a  third  conjunction  in  the  fifteenth  degree  of  the  same 
constellation.  In  the  last  two  conjunctions  the  interval  between 
the  planets  amounted  to  no  more  than  a  degree,  so  that  to  thev 
unassisted  eye  the  rays  of  the  one  planet  were  obsorbed  jn  those 
of  the  other,  and  the  two  bodies  would  appear  as  one.  The  two 
planets  went  past  each  other  three  times,  came  very  near  together, 
and  showed  themselves  all  night  long  for  months  in  conjunction 
with  each  other,  as  if  they  would  never  separate  again.  Their 
first  union  in  the  east  awoke  the  attention  of  the  magi,  told 
them  the  expected  time  had  come,  and  bade  them  set  off  with- 
out delay  towards  Judaea  (the  fish  land).  When  they  reached 


448  THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT. 

Jerusalem  the  two  planets  were  once  more  blended  together. 
Then,  in  the  evening,  they  stood  in  the  southern  part  of  the  sky, 
pointing  with  their  united  rays  to  Bethlehem,  .where  prophecy 
declared  the  Messiah  was  to  be  born.  The  magi  followed  the 
finger  of  heavenly  light,  and  were  brought  to  the  child  Jesus. 
The  conclusion  in  regard  to  the  time  of  the  advent  is  that  our 
Lord  was  born  in  the  latter  part  of  the  year  of  Rome  747,  or 
six  years  before  the  common  era. 

A  recent  writer  of  considerable  merit,  Wieseler  (  Chronolog. 
Synop.  der  4  Evangelien.}  has  applied  this  theory  of  Kepler  in 
conjunction  with  a  discovery  that  he  has  made  from  some 
Chinese  astronomical  tables,  which  show  that  in  the  year  of 
Rome  750  a  comet  appeared  in  the  heavens,  and  was  visible  for 
seventy  days.  Wieseler's  opinion  is  that  the  conjunction  of 
the  planets  excited  and  fixed  the  attention  of  the  magi,  but  that 
their  guiding-star  was  the  aforesaid  comet. 

DIPLOMATIC   COSTUME. 

Dr.  Franklin,  it  is  well  known,  gained  great  praise  for  wear- 
ing an  ordinary  plain  suit,  instead  of  a  gold  embroidered  Court 
costume,  when  formally  presented  to  King  Louis  XVI.  In 
reference  to  this  anecdote,  Nathaniel  Hawthorne,  in  his  note- 
book states  that  he  was  told  by  an  aged  lady,  in  England,  that 
the  circumstance  above  mentioned  arose  from  the  fact  that 
Franklin's  tailor  disappointed  him  of  his  Court  suit,  and  that  he 
wore  his  plain  one  with  great  reluctance,  because  he  had  no 
other.  Franklin,  it  is  said,  having  by  his  mishap  made  a  suc- 
cessful impression,  continued  to  wear  his  plain  dress  through 
policy.  Thus  we  have  another  dissipation  of  one  of  those 
pleasant  fictions  which  have  been  transmitted  by  the  historian 
and  the  painter.  It  is  like  the  apocryphal  story  of  Franklin 
reading  the  prayer  of  Habakkuk  to  an  assembly  of  French 
infidels,  who  are  said  to  have  pronounced  it  one  of  the  finest 
compositions  they  had  ever  heard,  and  to  have  eagerly  inquired 
where  it  might  be  found. 


THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT.  449 

INSTANCES   OF   REMARKABLE   LONGEVITY. 

The  days  of  our  years  are  threescore  years  and  ten ;  and  if  by  reason  of 
strength  they  be  fourscore  years,  yet  is  their  strength  labor  and  sorrow ; 
for  it  is  soon  cut  off,  and  we  fly  away. — Psalm  xc.  10. 

Haller  has  noted  one  thousand  cases  of  centenarians :  sixty- 
two  of  from  110  to  120  years;  twenty-nine  of  from  120  to  130; 
and  fifteen  who  had  attained  from  130  to  140  years.  Beyond 
this  advanced  age,  well-authenticated  examples  of  longevity  are 
very  rare.  The  case  of  Henry  Jenkins,  the  Yorkshire  fisher- 
man, who  died  in  December,  1670,  at  the  age  of  169,  is  one  of 
the  most  remarkable.  He  is  buried  in  the  church  of  Bolton- 
upon-Swale,  where  may  be  found  a  long  inscription,  chiefly  re- 
ferring to  his  humble  position  in  life  and  his  patriarchal  age. 
That  of  Thomas  Parr  is  also  well  known.  He  was  first  married 
at  the  age  of  80,  and  afterwards  at  122,  and  died  in  1635,  aged 
152.  He  was  a  farmer,  and  up  to  the  age  of  130  was  able  to 
dig,  plough,  and  thrash.  Had  he  continued  his  simple  and  ab- 
stemious habits,  his  life  would  probably  have  been  prolonged  a 
considerable  period ;  but  the  luxurious  living  of  the  court  of 
Charles  I.,  at  which  his  latter  years  were  spent,  occasioned  a 
plethoric  condition  which  hastened  his  end.  The  famous  Har- 
vey dissected  him  after  death,  and  found  no  appearance  of. 
decay  in  any  organ. 

The  following  list  of  instances  of  very  advanced  age  is 
given  on  the  authority  of  Prichard,  Whitehurst,  Bailey,  and 

others : — 

Died.  Age. 

Apollonius  of  Tyana  -            -           A.D.     99  -  130 

St.  Patrick            -            -  -            -            491  -  122 

Attila                          -  -            -            -       500  -  124 

Llywarch  Hgn      -            -  -            -            500  -  150 

St.  Coemgene             -  -            -            -      618  -  120 

St.  Mongah,  or  Kentigern  -                                 781  -  185 

Piastus,  King  of  Poland  -  •*            -            861  -  120 

Countess  of  Desmond  -            -     1612  -  145 

Thomas  Parr         -  -           1635  -  152 

Thomas  Damme         ...  -     1648  -  154 

2D  33® 


450  THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT. 

Died.  Age. 

Dr.  Mead,  Hertfordshire  -  A.D.  1652     -     148 

James  Bowles,  Kenilworth     -  -  -     1656     -     152 

Henry  Jenkins     -  1670     -     169 

William  Edwards*     -  -     1688     -     168 

Petrarch  Czartan  »  -  1724     -     185 

Margaret  Patten         -  '-  -     1739     -     137 

John  Roven        •-  1741     -     172 

Mrs.  John  Roven       -  -    .  -        "        -     164 

John  Effingham,  Cornwall  -  '  -  -     144 

Thomas  Winslow,  a  captain  of  Cromwell          -     1766     -     146 
Draakenburg,  a  Dane        -V  -  1772     -     146 

Jonas  Warren,  Ballydole  -  1787     -     167 

Jonas  Surington,  Bergen,  Norway      -  -     1797     -     159 

Demetrius  Grabowsky^  Poland      -  1830     -     169 

Bridget  Devine  -     1845     -     147 

Czartan's  biographer  says  of  him  : — He  was  born  in  the  year 
1539  and  died  January  5th,  1724,  at  Kofrosch,  a  village  four 
miles  from  Temeswar.  A  few  days  before  his  death,  being 
nearly  185  years  old,  he  had  walked,  with  the  help  of  a  stick, 
to  the  post-house  at  Kofrosch,  to  ask  charity  from  the  travellers. 
His  eyes  were  much  inflamed;  but  he  still  enjoyed  a  little  sight. 
His  hair  and  beard  were  of  a  greenish  white  color,  like  mouldy 
bread ;  and  he  had  a  few  of  his  teeth  remaining.  His  son,  who 
was  97  years  of  age,  declared  that  his  father  had  once  been  a 
head  taller;  that  at  a  great  age  he  married  for  the  third  time, 
and  that  he  was  born  in  this  last  marriage.  He  was  accus- 

*  On  a  long  freestone  slab,  in  Caery  church,  near  Cardiff,  Glamorgan  co., 
Wales,  is  the  following  inscription : — 

Here  lyeth  the  Body  of 

William  Edwds, 

of  the  Cairey  who  departed  this  life 
February  24,  Anno  Domini,  1688, 
Annoque  aetatis  suse  168. 
0,  happy  change ! 
And  ever  blest, 
When  greefe  and  pain  ia 
Changed  to  rest 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  451 

tomed,  agreeably  to  the  rules  of  his  religion,  (Greek  Church,) 
to  observe  fast-days  with  great  strictness,  and  never  to  use  auy 
other  food  than  milk,  and  certain  cakes,  called  by  the  Hun- 
garians collatschen,  together  with  a  good  glass  of  brandy  such 
as  is  made  in  the  country. 

The  Hungarian  family  of  Roven  affords  an  extraordinary  ex- 
ample of  long  life.  The  father  attained  the  age  of  172,  the 
wife,  164 ;  they  had  been  married  142  years,  and  their  youngest 
child  was  115;  and  such  was  the  influence  of  habit  and  filial 
affection  that  this  child  was  treated  with  all  the  severity  of 
parental  rigidity,  and  did  not  dare  to  act  without  his  papa's 
and  mamma's  permission. 

Examples  of  great  longevity  are  frequent  in  Russia.  Accord- 
ing to  an  official  report,  there  were,  in  1828,  in  the  empire,  828 
centenarians,  of  whom  forty  had  exceeded  120  years ;  fifteen, 
130;  nine,  136;  and  three,  138  years.  In  the  government  of 
Moscow  there  died,  in  1830,  a  man  aged  150.  In  the  govern- 
ment of  Kieff,  an  old  soldier  died  in  1844,  at  the  age  of  153. 
There  lately  died  on  an  estate  in  the  government  of  Viatka,  a 
peasant  named  Michael  Kniawelkis,  who  had  attained  the  age 
of  137  years,  10  months,  and  11  days.  He  was  born  in  a  vil- 
lage of  the  same  district,  married  at  the  age  of  19,  and  had  had, 
by  several  wives,  32  children,  one  of  whom,  a  daughter,  is  still 
living,  at  the  age  of  100.  He  never  had  any  serious  illness; 
some  years  before  his  death  he  complained  that  he  could  not 
read  without  glasses,  but  to  the  last  day  he  retained  the  use  of 
all  his  faculties,  and  was  very  cheerful.  He  frequently  said 
that  he  thought  death  had  forgotten  him. 

In  China,  on  the  contrary,  such  instances  are  rare.  From  a 
census  made  a  few  years  ago,  we  learn  that  out  of  a  population 
of  369,000,000  there  were  but  four  centenarians. 

According  to  the  census  of  the  United  States,  taken  in  1830, 
there  were  2,556  persons  a  hundred  years  old,  or  upwards. 
The  census  of  1850  exhibits  nearly  the  same  number.  This 
gives  one  centenarian  to  a  population  of  9,000.  From  this 
census  we  also  learn  that  the  oldest  person  then  living  iu  the 


452  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

United  States  was  140.  This  was  an  Indian  woman  residing 
in  North  Carolina.  In  the  same  State  was  an  Indian  aged  125, 
a  negro  woman  111,  two  black  slaves  110  each,  one  mulatto 
male  120,  and  several  white  males  and  females  from  106  to 
114.  In  the  parish  of  Lafayette,  La.,  was  a  female,  black, 
aged  120.  In  several  of  the  States  there  were  found  persons, 
white  and  black,  aged  from  110  to  115. 

There  is  now  living  in  Murray  county,  Georgia,  on  the  waters 
of  Holy  Creek,  a  Revolutionary  veteran,  who  has  attained  the 
age  of  135.  His  name  is  John  Hames.  He  is  known  through- 
out the  region  in  which  he  lives  by  the  appellative,  "  Gran'sir 
Hames."  He  was  born  in  Mecklenburg  county,  Virginia,  and 
was  a  lad  10  years  old  when  Washington  was  in  his  cradle. 
He  was  32  when  Braddock  met  his  disastrous  defeat  on  the 
Monongahela.  He,  with  a  number  of  his  neighbors,  set  forth 
to  join  the  ill-fated  commander,  but  after  several  days'  march 
were  turned  back  by  the  news  of  his  overthrow.  He  migrated 
to  South  Carolina  nearly  100  years  ago.  He  was  in  thirteen 
considerable  conflicts  during  the  war  of  Independence,  and  in 
skirmishes  and  encounters  with  Indians,  with  tories,  and  with 
British,  times  beyond  memory.  He  was  with  Gates  at  Camden, 
with  Morgan  at  Cowpens,  with  Green  at  Hillsboro'  and  Eutaw, 
and  with  Marion  in  many  a  bold  rush  into  a  tory  camp  or  red- 
coat quarters. 

At  the  time  of  the  Eighth  Census  there  were  about  20.000 
persons  in  the  United  States  who  were  living  when  the  Declara- 
tion of  Independence  was  signed  in  1776.  They  must 
necessarily  have  been  more  than  eighty  years  old,  in  order  to 
have  lived  at  that  time.  The  French  Census  of  1851  shows 
only  102  persons  over  100  years  old, — though  the  total 
population  was  nearly  36,000,000.  Old  age  is  therefore  attained 
among  us  much  more  frequently  than  in  France. 

At  Cordova,  in  South  America,  in  the  year  of  1780,  a  judicial 
inquiry  was  instituted  by  the  authorities  to  determine  the  age 
of  a  negress  by  the  name  of  Louisa  Truxo.  She  testified  that 
she  perfectly  remembered  Fernando  Truxo,  the  bishop,  who  gave 


THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT.  453 

her  as  his  contribution  toward  a  university  fund :  he  died  in 
1614.  Another  negress,  who  was  known  to  be  120,  testified 
that  Louisa  was  an  elderly  woman  when  she  was  a  child.  On 
this  evidence  the  authorities  of  Cordova  concluded  that  Louisa 
was,  as  she  asserted,  175  years  old. 

Two  cases  are  recorded  by  Mr.  Bailey,  in  his  Annals  of  Lon- 
gevity, which  throw  all  these  into  the  shade ;  but  the  evidence 
furnished  is  inadequate  and  unsatisfactory.  One  is  that  of  an 
Englishman,  Thomas  Cam,  whom  the  parish  register  of  Shore- 
ditch  affirms  to  have  died  in  1588,  at  the  age  of  207,  having 
paid  allegiance  to  twelve  monarchs.  The  other  is  that  of  a 
Russian, — name  not  given, — whom  the  St.  Petersburg  Gazette 
mentioned  as  having  died  in  1812,  at  an  age  exceeding  200. 

The  following  in  relation  to  Cam  is  copied  literally  from  the 
register  of  burials  of  St.  Leonard's,  Shoreditch : — 


1588.  BURIALLES.  Fol.  35. 


Januarye,  Aged  207  yeares. 

Holy  well  Street. 
Qeo.  Garrow, 
Copy,  Aug'st  25, 1832.  Parish  Clerk. 


In  connection  with  the  foregoing  facts,  it  will  be  interesting 
to  revert  to  the  ages  of  the  antediluvian  patriarchs  : — 

Years. 

Adam  lived           ••          ...            -            -            .  930 

Seth    -           -  -  -        »  '  -         -            -            -            -  912 

Enos          -            •            •            -            -            -  905 

Canaan             -             -             »                        .   -             -  910 

Mahalaleel           *  *  .         .            -            .            -    '  895 

Jared               -            -            .            -                          .  962 

Enoch        ......  365 

Methuselah     ......  969 

Lamech      ------  777 

Noah,  who  lived  before  and  after  the  Deluge,  in  all       -  950 


454  THE    FANCIES    OF    FACT. 

In  Willet's   Hexapla,   in   Leviticum,  is   the   following  re- 


Ludovicus  Vives  (in  Aug.  de  Civit,  Dei,  lib.  XV.)  writeth 
of  a  town  in  Spain,  consisting  of  about  an  hundred  houses,  all 
of  them  inhabited  by  the  seed  of  one  old  man,  then  living;  so 
that  the  youngest  of  them  knew  not  what  to  call  him:  Quia 
lingua  Hispana  supra  abdvum  non  ascendit,  becaues  the  Span- 
ish tongue  goeth  no  higher  than  the  great-grandfather's  father. 
And  Bas.  Johan.  Heroldus  hath  a  pretty  epigram  of  an  aged 
matron  that  lived  to  see  her  children's  children  to  the  sixth 
degree : — 

JMater  ait  Jnatse  die  quod  *sua  filia  4natam 
Admoneat  5natae  plangere  6filiolain. 

The  i Mother  said,  Go  tell  my  'Child 
That  8  her  Girl  should  her  *  Daughter  tell 
She  must  now  mourn  (that  lately  smiled), 
Her  5  Daughter's  little  6  Babe's  not  well. 


MEANS   OF   RECOGNITION. 

When  the  English  suite  of  Lord  Macartney  was  invited  to  a 
grand  entertainment  in  China,  one  of  them,  understanding  that 
it  was  not  expedient  to  venture  upon  every  dish  which  appeared 
under  the  guise  of  the  native  cookery,  was  desirous  of  ascertain- 
ing how  far  he  might  venture  with  safety ,  and  as  the  Chinese 
waiters  could  understand  a  little  English,  he  pointed  to  a  dish 
before  him,  and  said  to  the  attendant  in  an  interrogative  tone, 
"Quack-quack?"  meaning  to  inquire  if  it  was  a  duck.  The  at- 
tendant perfectly  understood  him,  and  immediately  replied,  with 
great  solemnity  and  sincerity,  "Bow-wow!" 

v  Rossini  once  unexpectedly  met  his  old  friend  Sir  Henry 
Bishop,  but  having  at  the  moment  forgotten  his  name,  after 
puzzling  and  stammering  for  some  time,  he  at  length  took  him 
by  the  hand,  and  sang  a  few  bars  to  prove  he  indentified  him 
through  Bishop's  beautiful  song,  "Blow  gentle  gales." 


THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT.  455 

MARRIAGE   VOW. 

The  matrimonial  ceremony,  like  many  others,  has  undergone 
some  variation  in  the  progress  of  time.  Upwards  of  three 
centuries  ago,  the  husband,  on  taking  his  wife  by  the  right 
hand,  thus  addressed  her;  "I,  A.  B.,  undersygne  thee,  C.  D., 
for  my  wedded  wyfe,  for  beter,  for  worse,  for  richer,  for  porer, 
yn  sekness,  and  in  helthe,  tyl  dethe  us  departe,  [not  "  do 
part,"  as  now  erroneously  rendered,  departe  formerly  meaning 
to  separate,"]  as  holy  churche  hath  ordeyned,  and  thereto  I 
plyght  thee  my  trowthe."  The  wife  replied  in  the  same  form, 
with  an  additional  clause,  "to  be  buxum  to  thee,  tyl  dethe 
us  departe."  So  it  appears  in  the  first  edition  of  the  Missals 
for  the  use  of  the  famous  and  celebrated  Church  of  Hereford, 
1502.  In  the  Salisbury  Missal,  the  lady  promised  "to  be 
bonere  [debonnair]  and  buxum  in  bedde  and  at  the  borde." 

COMPOSITION    IN    DREAMS. 

XJondorcet  is  said  to  have  attained  the  conclusion  of  some 
of  his  most  abstruse  unfinished  calculations  in  his  dreams. 
Franklin  makes  a  similar  admission  concerning  some  of  his 
political  projects,  which  in  his  waking  moments  sorely  puzzled 
him.  Herschel  composed  the  following  lines  in  a  dream : — 
"  Throw  thyself  on  thy  God,  nor  mock  him  with  feeble  denial; 

Sure  of  his  love,  and,  oh !  sure  of  his  mercy  at  last ; 
Bitter  and  deep  though  the  draught,  yet  drain  thou  the  cup  of  thy  trial, 
And,  in  its  healing  effect,  smile  at  the  bitterness  past." 

Goethe  says  in  his  Memoirs,  "The  objects  which  had  occupied 
my  attention  during  the  day  often  reappeared  at  night  in  con- 
nected dreams.  On  awakening,  a  new  composition,  or  a  portion 
of  one  I  had  already  commenced,  presented  itself  to  my  mind." 
Coleridge  composed  his  poem  of  the  Abyssinian  Maid  during 
a  dream.  Cockburn  says  of  Lord  Jeffrey : — "  He  had  a  fancy 
that  though  he  went  to  bed  with  his  head  stuffed  with  the 
names,  dates,  and  other  details  of  various  causes,  they  were  all 
in  order  in  the  morning;  which  he  accounted  for  by  saying  that 
during  sleep  they  all  crystallized  round  their  proper  centres." 


456  THE    FANCIES    OF    FACT. 

FACTS   ABOUT   SLEEP. 
Come  sleep,  0  sleep !  the  certain  knot  of  peace, 

The  baiting-place  of  wit,  the  balm  of  woe ; 
The  poor  man's  wealth,  the  prisoner's  release, 
The  impartial  judge  between  the  high  and  low. 

SIR  PHILIP  SIDNEY. 

While  I  am  asleep  I  have  neither  fear  nor  hope,  neither  trouble  nor  glory , 
and  blessings  on  him  who  invented  sleep,  the  mantle  that  covers  all  human 
thoughts;  the  food  that  appeases  hunger;  the  drink  that  quenches  thirst;  the 
fire  that  warms  cold ;  the  cold  that  moderates  heat ;  and  lastly,  the  general 
coin  that  purchases  all  things ;  the  balance  and  weight  that  makes  the  shep- 
herd equal  to  the  king,  and  the  simple  to  the  wise. — Sancho  Panza. 

Sir  Philip  Sidney  calls  sleep  "  the  poor  man's  wealth,"  and, 
he  might  have  added,  it  is  every  man's  health.  Men  have 
often,  according  to  their  own  notions,  attempted  to  limit  or  ex- 
tend the  hours  of  sleep.  Thus,  the  "  immortal  Alfred"  of  Eng- 
land divided  the  day  into  three  portions  of  eight  hours  each, 
assigning  one  for  refreshment  and  the  health  of  the  body  by 
sleep,  diet,  and  exercise,  another  for  business,  and  the  third /or 
study  and  devotion.  Bishop  Taylor  considered  three  hours',  and 
Richard  Baxter  four  hours',  sleep  sufficient  for  any  man. 
"  Nature  requires  five, 

Custom  gives  seven, 
Laziness  takes  nine, 

And  wickedness  eleven." 

The  error  into  which  these  and  others  have  fallen  arises  not 
only  from  the  fact  that  in  this,  as  well  as  in  other  things,  every 
man  is  a  law  to  himself,  but  from  the  varying  amount  required 
in  each  individual  case  at  different  times,  depending  upon  the 
amount  of  renovation  required  by  the  nervous  and  muscular 
systems.  John  Wesley,  the  distinguished  founder  of  Methodism, 
who  attained  the  age  of  eighty-eight,  and  who  could  command 
sleep  on  horseback,  says  very  properly,  in  some  curious  re- 
marks which  he  has  left  upon  sleep,  that  no  one  measure  will 
do  for  all,  nor  will  the  same  amount  of  sleep  suffice  even  for 
the  same  person  at  all  times.  A  person  debilitated  by  sickness 
requires  more  of  "  tired  nature's  sweet  restorer"  than  one  in 
vigorous  health.  More  sleep  is  also  necessary  when  the  strength 
and  spirits  are  exhausted  by  hard  labor  or  severe  mental  efforts. 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  457 

Whatever  may  be  the  case  with  some  few  persons,  of  a  peculiar 
constitution,  it  is  evident  that  health  and  vigor  can  scarcely  be 
expected  to  continue  long  without  six  hours'  sleep  in  the  four- 
and-twenty.  Wesley  adds  that  during  his  long  life  he  never 
knew  any  individual  who  retained  vigorous  health  for  a  whole 
year,  with  a  less  quantity  of  sleep  than  this. 

It  is  said  that  women,  in  general,  require  more  sleep  than 
men.  This  is  doubtful  t  it  is  certain,  at  least,  that  women  en- 
dure protracted  wakefulness  better  than  men.  The  degree  of 
muscular  and  mental  exertion  to  which  the  male  is  accustomed 
would  seem  to  indicate  that  a  longer  period  of  rest  ought  to  be 
required  by  him  to  admit  of  the  necessary  restoration  of  excita- 
bility. In  infancy  and  youth,  where  the  animal  functions  are 
extremely  active,  the  necessity  for  sleep  is  greatest ;  in  mature 
age,  where  time  is  more  valued  and  cares  are  more  numerous, 
it  is  less  indulged ;  whilst  the  aged  may  be  affected  in  two  op- 
posite ways;  they  may  be  either  in  a  state  of  almost  constant 
somnolency,  or  their  sleep  may  be  short  and  light. 

There  are  some  remarkable  cases  on  record  of  deviations 
from  the  customary  amount  of  sleep,  making  a  "  bed  shorter 
than  for  an  ordinary  man  to  stretch  himself  upon,  and  a  cover- 
ing narrower  than  he  can  wrap  himself  in,"  capacious  enough 
for  persons  of  very  active  habits  in  their  waking  hours.  Many 
persons  have  reached  advanced  age  without  ever  having  had 
more  than  one  or  two  hours'  sleep  out  of  the  twenty-four. 
There  is  one  case  of  a  man  who,  throughout  his  whole  life,  never 
slept  more  than  fifteen  minutes  at  one  time.  General  Pichegru 
informed  Sir  Gilbert  Blane  that,  in  the  course  of  his  active  cam- 
paigns, he  had  for  a  whole  year  not  more  than  one  hour  of  sleep 
in  the  twenty-four  hours.  Frederick  of  Prussia  and  Napoleon, 
as  a  general  thing,  only  devoted  three  or  four  hours  to  sleep. 

One  can  scarcely  conceive  a  more  horrible  mode  of  torture 
than  the  Chinese  plan  of  condemning  criminals  to  death  by  pre- 
venting sleep.  The  victim  is  kept  awake  by  guards  alternately 
stationed  for  the  purpose.  His  sufferings  last  from  twelve  to 
twenty  days,  when  death  comes  to  his  relief.  .  '• 

39 


458  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

The  influence  of  habit  in  promoting  or  preventing  sleep  is 
remarkable.  Those  accustomed  to  the  tranquillity  of  rural  dis- 
tricts are  excessively  annoyed  by  the  din  of  the  carriages  on 
the  paved  thoroughfares  of  a  large  city.  It  is  said,  on  the 
other  hand,  that  those  who  live  near  the  cataracts  of  the  Nile 
cannot  sleep  at  a  distance  from  them,  owing  to  their  having 
become  accustomed  to  the  noise,  the  stimulus  of  which  upon 
the  ear  they  lack.  Some  persons  can  only  sleep  in  the  dark  ; 
we  knew  a  woman  who  slept  habitually  with  a  candle  burning 
in  her  bedroom,  and  who  invariably  awoke  if  the  light  went 
out.  Some  of  the  soldiers  of  Bonaparte's  army  would  sleep, 
after  extreme  fatigue  and  exhaustion,  on  the  ground  by  the 
bide  of  a  twenty-four  pounder  which  was  constantly  firing. 
Some  boys  slept  from  fatigue  on  board  of  Nelson's  ship,  at  the 
battle  of  the  Nile.  We  have  heard  of  a  boiler-maker  who 
could  go  to  sleep  in  a  boiler  while  the  workmen  were  constantly 
hammering  the  rivets. 

Sleep  can  persist  with  the  exercise  of  certain  muscles.  Cou- 
riers on  long  journeys  nap  on  horseback;  and  coachmen,  on 
their  boxes.  Among  the  impressive  incidents  of  Sir  John 
Moore's  disastrous  retreat  to  Corunna,  in  Spain,  not  the  least 
striking  is  the  recorded  fact  that  many  of  his  soldiers  steadily 
pursued  their  march  while  fast  asleep.  Burdach,  however, 
affirms  that  this  is  not  uncommon  among  soldiers.  Franklin 
slept  nearly  an  hour  swimming  on  his  back.  An  acquaintance 
of  Dr.  D.,  travelling  with  a  party  in  North  Carolina,  being 
greatly  fatigued,  was  observed  to  be  sound  asleep  in  his  saddle. 
His  horse,  being  a  better  walker,  went  far  in  advance  of  the 
rest.  On  crossing  a  hill,  they  found  him  on  the  ground, 
snoring  gently.  His  horse  had  fallen,  as  was  evident  from  his 
bruised  knees,  and  had  thrown  his  rider  on  his  head  on  a  hard 
surface,  without  waking  him. 

Animals  of  the  lower  orders  obey  peculiar  laws  in  regard  to 
sleep.  Fish  are  said  to  sleep  soundly;  and  we  are  told  by 
Aristotle  that  the  tench  may  be  taken  in  this  state,  if  ap- 
proached cautiously.  Many  birds  and  beasts  of  prey  take  their 
repose  in  the  daytime.  When  kept  in  captivity,  this  habit  un-- 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  459 

dergoes  a  change, — which  makes  us  doubt  whether  it  was  not 
the  result  of  necessity,  which  demanded  that  they  should  take 
advantage  of  the  darkness,  silence,  and  the  unguarded  state  of 
their  victims.  In  the  menagerie  at  Paris,  even  the  hyena 
sleeps  at  night,  and  is  awake  by  day.  They  all,  however,  seek, 
as  favoring  the  purpose,  a  certain  degree  of  seclusion  and  shade, 
with  the  exception  of  the  lion,  who,  Burdach  informs  us,  sleeps 
at  noonday,  in  the  open  plain ;  and  the  eagle  and  condor  will 
poise  themselves  on  the  most  elevated  pinnacle  of  rock,  in  the 
clear  blue  atmosphere  and  dazzling  sunlight.  Birds,  however,  are 
furnished  with  a  winking  membrane,  generally,  to  shelter  the  eye 
from  light.  Fish  prefer  to  retire  to  sleep  under  the  shadow  of  a 
rock  or  a  woody  bank.  Of  domestic  animals,  the  horse  seems  to 
require  least  sleep;  and  that  he  usually  takes  in  the  erect  posture. 

Birds  that  roost  in  a  sitting  posture  are  furnished  with  a 
well-adapted  mechanism,  which  keeps  them  firmly  supported 
without  voluntary  or  conscious  action.  The  tendon  of  the  claws 
is  so  arranged  as  to  be  tightened  by  their  weight  when  the  thighs 
are  bent,  thus  contracting  closely  and  grasping  the  bough  or 
perch.  In  certain  other  animals  which  sleep  erect,  the  articu- 
lations of  the  foot  and  knee  are  described  by  Dumeril  as  resem- 
bling the  spring  of  a  pocket-knife,  which  opens  the  instrument 
and  serves  to  keep  the  blade  in  a  line  with  the  handle. 

The  following  calculation  is  interesting.  Suppose  one  boy 
aged  ten  years  determines  to  rise  at  five  o'clock  all  the  year 
round.  Another  of  the  same  age,  indolent  and  fond  of  ease, 
rises  at  eight,  or  an  average  of  eight,  every  morning.  If  they 
both  live  to  be  seventy  years  old,  the  one  will  have  gained  over 
the  other,  during  the  intervening  period  of  sixty  years,  sixty- 
five  thousand  seven  hundred  and  forty-five  hours,  which  is  equal 
to  two  thousand  seven  hundred  and  thirty-nine  and  a  third  days, 
or  just  seven  and  a  half  years.  If  a  similar  calculation  were 
applied  to  the  whole  country,  how  many  millions  of  years  of 
individual  usefulness  would  it  prove  to  be  lost  to  society ! 
"  God  bless  the  man  who  first  invented  sleep !" 

So  Sancho  Panza  said,  and  so  say  I ! 

And  bless  him,  also,  that  he  didn't  keep 

His  great  discovery  to  himself,  or  try 


460  THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT. 

To  make  it — as  the  lucky  fellow  might — 
A  close  monopoly  by  "patent  right!" 

Yes — bless  the  man  who  first  invented  sleep, 
(I  really  can't  avoid  the  iteration;) 

But  blast  the  man,  with  curses  loud  and  deep, 
Whate'er  the  rascal's  name,  or  age,  or  station, 

Who  first  invented,  and  went  round  advising, 

That  artificial  cut-off, — early  rising ! 

"  Rise  with  the  lark,  and  with  the  lark  to  bed," 
Observes  some  solemn,  sentimental  owl : 

Maxims  like  these  are  very  cheaply  said  ; 
But  ere  you  make  yourself  a  fool  or  fowl, 

Pray  just  inquire  about  their  rise — and  fall, 

And  whether  larks  have  any  beds  at  all ! 

The  "  time  for  honest  folks  to  be  abed" 
Is  in  the  morning,  if  I  reason  right : 

And  he  who  cannot  keep  his  precious  head 
Upon  his  pillow  till  it's  fairly  light, 

And  so  enjoy  his  forty  morning  winks, 

Is  up — to  knavery ;  or  else — he  drinks ! 

Thomson,  who  sung  about  the  "  Seasons,"  said 
It  was  a  glorious  thing  to  rise  in  season ; 

But  then  he  said  it — lying — in  his  bed 
At  ten  o'clock  A.  M., — the  very  reason 

He  wrote  so  charmingly.     The  simple  fact  is, 

His  preaching  wasn't  sanctioned  by  his  practice. 

'Tis,  doubtless,  well  to  be  sometimes  awake, — 

Awake  to  duty  and  awake  to  truth  ; 
But  when,  alas !  a  nice  review  we  take 

Of  our  best  deeds  and  days,  we  find,  in  sooth, 
The  hours  that  leave  the  slightest  cause  to  weep 
Are  those  we  passed  in  childhood,  or — asleep ! 
'Tis  beautiful  to  leave  the  world  a  while 

For  the  soft  visions  of  the  gentle  night, 
And  free,  at  last,  from  mortal  care  or  guile, 

To  live,  as  only  in  the  angels'  sight, 
En  sleep's  sweet  realms  so  cosily  shut  in, 
Where,  at  the  worst,  we  only  dream  of  sin ! 
So  let  us  sleep,  and  give  the  Maker  praise. 

I  like  the  lad  who,  when  his  father  thought 
To  clip  his  morning  nap  by  hackneyed  phrase 

Of  vagrant  worm  by  early  songster  caught, 
Cried,  "  Served  him  right ! — it's  not  at  all  surprising : 
The  worm  was  punished,  sir,  for  early  rising '" 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  461 

OPIUM   AND   EAST   INDIAN    HEMP. 

Children  of  Night!  from  Lethe's  bourn, 

Ye  come  to  weave  the  oblivious  vei], 
And  on  the  wretched  and  forlorn 

To  bid  your  sweet  illusions  steal. — Fracastoro- 

There  is  nothing  in  nature  more  curious  and  inexplicable 
than  the  influence  on  the  circulating  fluids,  and  through  these  on 
the  brain  and  its  functions,  of  various  narcotic  drugs.  Among 
these,  opium,  and  Cannabis  Indica,  or  East  Indian  hemp, 
occupy  the  most  prominent  place.  No  reflective  person  can 
look  into  the  writings  of  Coleridge,  De  Quincey,  or  Bayard 
Taylor,  each  of  whom  has  experienced  the  effects  of  these 
drugs  in  his  own  person,  and  graphically  described  his  sensa- 
tions, thoughts,  feelings,  and  dreams  while  under  their  influ- 
ence, without  being  struck  with  awe  and  astonishment  at  the 
modifying  and  disturbing  influences  which  these  substances 
exert  upon  that  mysterious  connection  which  exists  between 
the  mind  and  the  material  medium  through  which  it  manifests 
itself.  Take  the  following,  for  example,  from  the  Confessions 
of  an  English  Opium-Eater,  which,  not  only  for  grandeur  of 
description,  but  for  psychological  interest,  is  unsurpassed  by 
any  thing  in  the  English  language. 

"  The  dream  commenced  with  a  music  which  now  I  often  heard 
in  dreams, — a  music  of  preparation  and  of  awakening  suspense ; 
a  music  like  the  opening  of  the  Coronation  Anthem,  and  which, 
like  that,  gave  the  feeling  of  a  vast  march — of  infinite  caval- 
cades filing  off",  and  the  tread  of  innumerable  armies.  The 
morning  was  come  of  a  mighty  day — a  day  of  crisis  and  of 
final  hope  for  human  nature,  then  suffering  some  mysterious 
eclipse  and  laboring  in  some  dread  extremity.  Somewhere,  I 
knew  not  where — somehow,  I  knew  not  how — by  some  beings, 
I  knew  not  whom — a  battle,  a  strife,  an  agony,  was  conducting, 
— was  evolving  like  a  great  drama,  or  piece  of  music;  with 
which  my  sympathy  was  the  more  insupportable  from  my  con- 
fusion as  to  its  place,  its  cause,  its  nature,  and  its  possible 
issue.  I,  as  is  usual  in  dreams,  (where,  of  necessity,  we  make 


462  THE   FANCIES   OP   PACT. 

ourselves  central  to  every  movement,)  had  the  power,  and  yet 
had  not  the  power,  to  decide  it.  I  had  the  power,  if  I  could 
raise  myself,  to  will  it;  and  yet  again  had  not  the  power,  for 
the  weight  of  twenty  Atlantics  was  upon  me,  or  the  oppression 
of  inexpiable  guilt. 

"  'Deeper  than  ever  plummet  sounded,'  I  lay  inactive.  Then, 
like  a  chorus,  the  passion  deepened.  Some  greater  interest  was  at 
stake, — some  mightier  cause  than  ever  yet  the  sword  had 
pleaded  or  trumpet  had  proclaimed.  Then  came  sudden 
alarms;  hurryings  to  and  fro;  trepidations  of  innumerable 
fugitives — I  knew  not  whether  from  the  good  cause  or  the  bad ; 
darkness  and  lights;  tempest  and  human  faces;  and,  at  last, 
with  the  sense  that  all  was  lost,  female  forms,  and  the  features 
that  were  worth  all  the  world  to  me,  and  but  a  moment  allowed 
— and  clasped  hands,  and  heart-breaking  partings,  and  then 
everlasting  farewells  !  and,  with  a  sigh  such  as  the  caves  of  hell 
sighed  when  the  incestuous  mother  uttered  the  abhorred  name 
of  death,  the  sound  was  reverberated, — everlasting  farewells ! 
and  again,  and  yet  again,  reverberated, — everlasting  farewells  ! 
And  I  awoke  in  struggles,  and  cried  aloud,  '  I  will  sleep  no 
more !'  " 

De  Quincey  took  laudanum  for  the  first  time  to  dispel  pain, 
and  he  thus  describes  the  effect  it  had  upon  him: — "But  I 
took  it,  and  in  an  hour,  oh,  heavens !  what  a  revulsion !  what 
an  upheaving,  from  its  lowest  depths,  of  the  inner  spirit !  what 
an  apocalypse  of  the  world  within  me!  That  my  pains  had 
vanished  was  now  a  trifle  in  my  eyes.  This  negative  effect  was 
swallowed  up  in  the  immensity  of  those  positive  effects  which 
had  opened  before  me, — in  the  abyss  of  divine  enjoyment  thus 
suddenly  revealed.  Here  was  a  panacea, — a  <papfj.axov  vsnevdss 
for  all  human  woes.  Here  was  the  secret  of  happiness,  about 
which  philosophers  had  disputed  for  so  many  ages,  at  once  dis- 
covered! Happiness  might  now  be  bought  for  a  penny  and 
carried  in  the  waistcoat-pocket;  portable  ecstasies  might  be 
had  corked  up  in  a  pint  bottle ;  and  peace  of  mind  could  be 
sent  down  in  gallons  by  the  mail-coach." 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  463 

Dr.  Madden  describes  more  soberly  his  sensations  when  un 
der  the  influence  of  the  drag  in  one  of  the  coffee-houses  at  Con- 
stantinople. "I  commenced  with  one  grain.  In  the  course  of 
an  hour  and  a  half  it  produced  no  perceptible  effect.  The 
coffee-house  keeper  was  very  anxious  to  give  me  an  additional 
pill  of  two  grains,  but  I  was  contented  with  half  a  one ;  and  in 
another  half-hour,  feeling  nothing  of  the  expected  revery,  I 
took  half  a  grain  more,  making  in  all  two  grains  in  the  course 
of  two  hours.  After  two  hours  and  a  half  from  the  first  dose, 
my  spirits  became  sensibly  excited :  the  pleasure  of  the  sensa- 
tion seemed  to  depend  on  a  universal  expansion  of  mind  and 
matter.  My  faculties  appeared  enlarged ;  every  thing  I  looked 
at  seemed  increased  in  volume;  I  had  no  longer  the  same 
pleasure  when  I  closed  my  eyes  which  I  had  when  they  were 
open  ;  it  appeared  to  me  as  if  it  was  only  external  objects 
which  were  acted  on  by  the  imagination  and  magnified  into 
images  of  pleasure :  in  short,  it  was  the  'faint,  exquisite  music 
of  a  dream'  in  a  waking  moment.  I  made  my  way  home 
as  fast  as  possible,  dreading  at  every  step  that  I  should  com- 
mit some  extravagance.  In  walking,  I  was  hardly  sensible  of 
my  feet  touching  the  ground  :  it  seemed  as  if  I  slid  along  the 
street  impelled  by  some  invisible  agent,  and  that  my  blood  was 
composed  of  some  ethereal  fluid,  which  rendered  my  body 
lighter  than  air.  I  got  to  bed  the  moment  I  reached  home. 
The  most  extraordinary  visions  of  delight  filled  my  brain  all 
night.  In  the  morning  I  rose  pale  and  dispirited ;  my  head 
ached ;  my  body  was  so  debilitated  that  I  was  obliged  to  re- 
main on  the  sofa  all  day,  dearly  paying  for  my  first  essay  at 
opium-eating." 

These  after-effects  are  the  source  of  the  misery  of  the  opium- 
eater.  The  exciting  influence  of  the  drug  is  almost  invariably 
followed  by  a  corresponding  depression.  The  susceptibility  to 
external  impressions  and  the  muscular  energy  are  both  lessened. 
A  desire  for  repose  ensues,  and  a  tendency  to  sleep.  The  mouth 
and  throat  also  become  dry;,  the  thirst  is  increased;  hunger 
diminishes;  and  the  bowels  usually  become  torpid. 


464  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

When  large  doses  are  taken,  all  the  above  effects  are  has- 
tened and  heightened  in  proportion.  The  period  of  depression 
comes  on  sooner;  the  prostration  of  energy  increases  to  actual 
stupor,  with  or  without  dreams;  the  pulse  becomes  feeble,  the 
muscles  exceedingly  relaxed ;  and,  if  enough  has  been  taken, 
death  ensues. 

Of  course,  all  these  effects  are  modified  by  the  constitution  of 
the  individual,  by  the  length  of  time  he  has  accustomed  him- 
self to  take  it,  and  by  the  circumstances  in  which  he  is  placed. 
But  upon  all  persons,  and  in  all  circumstances,  its  final  effects, 
like  those  of  ardent  spirits  taken  in  large  and  repeated  doses, 
are  equally  melancholy  and  degrading.  "A  total  attenuation 
of  body,"  says  Dr.  Oppenheim,  "  a  withered,  yellow  counte- 
nance, a  lame  gait,  a  bending  of  the  spine,  frequently  to  such 
a  degree  as  to  assume  a  circular  form,  and  glassy,  deep-sunken 
eyes,  betray  the  opium-eater  at  the  first  glance.  The  digestive 
organs  are  in  the  highest  degree  disturbed  :  the  sufferer  eats 
scarcely  any  thing,  and  has  hardly  one  evacuation  in  a  week. 
His  mental  and  bodily  powers  are  destroyed  :  he  is  impotent." 

The  influence  upon  the  mental  faculties  of  Haschisch,  or 
East  Indian  hemp,  when  taken  in  large  doses,  is  no  less  extra- 
ordinary than  that  of  opium. 

That  accomplished  traveller,  Bayard  Taylor,  when  in  Damas- 
cus, "  prompted,"  as  he  says,  "  by  that  insatiable  curiosity 
which  led  him  to  prefer  the  acquisition  of  all  lawful  knowledge 
through  the  channel  of  his  own  experience,"  was  induced  to 
make  a  trial  of  this  drug.  Not  knowing  the  strength  of  the 
preparation  he  employed,  he  found  himself,  shortly  after  taking 
the  second  dose,  more  thoroughly  and  completely  under  the 
influence  of  the  drug  than  was  either  pleasant  or  safe. 

Speaking  of  the  effects  of  the  stronger  dose,  he  says,  "  The 
same  fine  nervous  thrill  of  which  I  have  spoken  suddenly  shot 
through  me.  But  this  time  it  was  accompanied  with  a  burning 
sensation  at  the  pit  of  the  stomach ;  and,  instead  of  growing 
upon  me  with  the  gradual  pace  of  healthy  slumber,  and  re- 
solving me,  as  before,  into  air,  it  came  with  the  intensity  of  a 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  465 

fang,  and  shot  throbbing  along  the  nerves  to  the  extremities 
of  iny  body.  Tlie  sense  of  limitation — the  confinement  of  our 
senses  within  the  bounds  of  our  own  flesh  and  blood — instantly 
fell  away.  The  walls  of  my  frame  were  burst  outward,  and 
tumbled  into  ruin;  and,  without  thinking  what  form  I  wore; — 
losing  sight  even  of  all  idea  of  form, — I  felt  that  I  existed 
throughout  a  vast  extent  of  space.  The  blood  pulsed  from  my 
heart,  sped  through  uncounted  leagues  before  it  reached  my 
extremities ;  the  air  drawn  into  my  lungs  expanded  into  seas 
of  limpid  ether;  and  the  arch  of  my  skull  was  broader  than  the 
vault  of  heaven.  Within  the  concave  that  held  my  brain  were 
the  fathomless  deeps  of  blue ;  clouds  floated  there,  and  the 
winds  of  heaven  rolled  them  together;  and  there  shone  the  orb 
of  the  sun.  It  was — though  I  thought  not  of  that  at  the  time 
— like  a  revelation  of  the  mystery  of  Omnipresence," 

EFFECTS    OF    FEAR. 

It  is  a  common  practice,  in  many  parts  of  India,  to  oblige 
persons  suspected  of  crimes  to  chew  dry  rice  in  presence  of 
the  officers  of  the  law.  'Curious  as  it  may  appear,  such  is- 
the  intense  influence  of  fear  on  the  salivary  glands,  that,  if  they 
are  actually  guilty,  there  is  no  secretion  of  saliva  in  the  mouth,, 
and  chewing  is  impossible.  Such  culprits  generally  confess 
without  any  further  efforts.  On  the  contrary,  a  consciousness 
of  innocence  allows  of  a  proper  flow  of  fluid  for  softening  the 
rice. 

Many  of  our  readers  are  familiar  with  the  case  of -the  thief  to 
whom,  in  common  with  other  suspected  persons,  a  stick  of  a 
certain  length  was  given,  with  the  assurance  that  the  stick  of 
the  thief  would  grow  by  supernatural  power.  The  culprit,  ima- 
gining that  his  stick  had  actually  increased  in  length,  broke  a  • 
piece  off,  and  was  thus  detected.  A  similar  anecdote  is  told  of 
a  farmer  who  detected  depredations  on  his  corn-bin  by  calling 
his  men  together  and  making  them  mix  up  a  quantity  of 
feathers  in  a  sieve,  assuring  them,  at  the  same  time,  that  the 
feathers  would  infallibly  stick  to  the  hair  of  the  thief.  After 


466  THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT. 

a  short  time,  one  of  the  men  raised  his  hand  repeatedly  to  his 
head,  and  thus  betrayed  himself. 

A  Parisian  physician,  during  his  visits  made  in  a  hired  fly, 
had  received  a  bottle  of  real  Jamaica  rum  as  a  sample,  but 
found,  after  returning  home,  that  he  had  left  it  in  the  carriage. 
He  went  to  the  office,  and  informed  the  manager  that  he  had 
left  a  virulent  poison  in  one  of  the  carriages,  and  desired  him 
to  prevent  any  of  the  coachmen  from  drinking  it.  Hardly  had 
he  got  back  when  he  was  summoned  in  great  haste  to  three  of 
these  worthies,  who  were  suffering  from  the  most  horrible  colic ; 
and  great  was  his  difficulty  in  persuading  them  that  they  had 
only  stolen  some  most  excellent  rum. 

One  of  the  most  singular  examples  on  record  of  the  effect  of 
fear  acting  through  the  imagination  is  given  by  Breschet,  a 
French  author  of  the  sixteenth  century,  who  informs  us  that 
the  physicians  at  Montpellier,  which  was  then  a  great  school  of 
medicine,  had  every  year  two  criminals,  the  one  living,  the  other 
dead,  delivered  to  them  for  dissection.  On  one  occasion  they  de- 
termined to  try  what  effect  the  mere  expectation  of  death  would 
produce  upon  a  subject  in  perfect  health ;  and  in  order  to  carry 
out  the  experiment  they  told  the  gentleman  (for  such  was  his 
rank)  who  was  placed  at  their  discretion,  that,  as  the  easiest 
mode  of  taking  away  his  life,  they  would  employ  the  means 
which  Seneca  had  chosen  for  himself,  and  would  therefore  open 
his  veins  in  warm  water.  Accordingly  they  covered  his  face, 
pinched  his  feet,  without  lancing  them,  and  set  them  in  a  foot- 
bath, and  then  spoke  to  each  other  as  if  they  saw  that  the 
blood  was  flowing  freely,  and  life  departing  with  it.  The  man 
remained  motionless^  and  when,  after  a  while,  they  uncovered 
his  face,  they  found  him  dead. 

FACIAL   EXPRESSION. 

The  facial  nerve,  which  presides  over  the  movements  of  the 
face,  gives  to  the  physiognomy  its  different  expressions  so  as  to  re- 
flect the  passions  and  emotions  of  the  soul.  To  prove  this  experi- 
mentally, Charles  Bell  took  the  most  cunning  and  impressionable 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT.  467 

monkey  he  could  find  in  the  menagerie  of  Exeter  Change,  and 
divided  its  facial  nerve  on  one  side.  Excited  by  pain,  the  poor 
monkey  made  faces  with  tenfold  energy,  but  exactly  and  solely 
with  one  side  of  his  face,  while  the  other  remained  perfectly 


Of  course,  no  one  would  repeat  this  experiment  on  man ;  but 
nature  sometimes  takes  the  whim  to  make  such  a  curiosity. 
All  who  saw  the  unfortunate  monkey  were  struck  with  the 
strange  analogy  which  its  features  presented  with  those  of  a 
comic  actor  then  much  in  vogue  in  London,  who  could  repro- 
duce all  sorts  of  expressions  and  mirror  every  passion  with  one 
side  of  his  face,  while  he  kept  the  other  side  in  a  state  of  per- 
fect immobility.  The  experiment  of  Charles  Bell  gave  the  key 
to  the  enigma.  The  mimic  was  the  victim  of  a  facial  hemi- 
plegia,  from  some  accident  to  the  facial  nerve;  and  he  had  the 
shrewdness  to  make  people  believe  that  voluntary  which  he 
could  not  prevent,  and  thus  to  profit  by  an  otherwise  mortify- 
ing affliction. 

A   BROKEN    HEART. 

The  following  interesting  case  of  a  literally  broken  heart  was 
related  by  a  late  distinguished  medical  professor  of  Philadel- 
phia, to  his  class,  while  lecturing  upon  the  diseases  of  the 
heart.  It  will  be  seen,  on  perusing  it,  that  the  expression 
"  broken-hearted"  is  not  merely  figurative. 

In  the  early  part  of  his  career,  Dr.  Mitchell  accompanied,  as 
surgeon,  a  packet  that  sailed  between  Liverpool  and  one  of  our 
Southern  ports.  On  the  return-voyage,  soon  after  leaving 
Liverpool,  while  the  doctor  and  the  captain  of  the  vessel,  a 
weather-beaten  sou  of  Neptune,  but  possessed  of  uncommonly 
fine  feelings  and  strong  impulses,  were  conversing  in  the 
latter's  state-room,  the  captain  opened  a  large  chest,  and  care- 
fully took  out  a  number  of  articles  of  various  descriptions, 
which  he  arranged  upon  a  table.  Dr.  M.,  surprised  at  the  dis- 
play of  costly  jewels,  ornaments,  dresses,  and  all  the  varied 
paraphernalia  of  which  ladies  are  naturally  fond,  inquired  of 


468 


THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 


the  captain  his  object  iu  having  made  so  many  valuable  pur- 
chases. The  sailor,  in  reply,  said,  that  for  seven  or  eight  years 
he  had  been  devotedly  attached  to  a  lady,  to  whom  he  had 
several  times  made  proposals  of  marriage,  but  was  as  often  re- 
jected; that  her  refusal  to  wed  him,  however,  had  only  stimu- 
lated his  love  to  greater  exertion ;  and  that  finally,  upon  re- 
newing his  offer,  declaring  in  the  ardency  of  his  pas.<ion  that, 
without  her  society,  life  was  not  worth  living  for,  she  consented 
to  become  his  bride  upon  his  return  from  his  next  voyage.  He 
was  so  overjoyed  at  the  prospect  of  a  marriage  from  which,  in 
the  warmth  of  his  feelings,  he  probably  anticipated  more  happi- 
ness than  is  usually  allotted  to  mortals,  that  he  spent  all  his 
ready  money,  while  iu  London,  for  bridal  gifts.  After  gazing 
at  them  fondly  for  some  time,  and  remarking  on  them  iu  turn, 
"I  think  this  will  please  Annie,"  and  "I  am  sure  she  will  like 
that,"  he  replaced  them  with  the  utmost  care.  This  ceremony 
he  repeated  every  day  during  the  voyage;  and  the  doctor  often 
observed  a  tear  glisten  in  his  eye  as  he  spoke  of  the  pleasure 
he  would  have  in  presenting  them  to  his  affianced  bride.  On 
reaching  his  destination,  the  captain  arrnyed  himself  with  more 
than  his  usual  precision,  and  disembarked  as  soon  as  possible, 
to  hasten  to  his  love.  As  he  was  about  to  step  into  the  car- 
riage awaiting  him,  he  was  called  aside  by  two  gentlemen  who 
desired  to  make  a  communication,  the  purport  of  which  was 
that  the  lady  had  proved  unfaithful  to  the  trust  reposed  in 
her,  and  had  married  another,  with  whom  she  had  decamped 
shortly  before.  Instantly  the  captain  was  observed  to  clap  his 
hand  to  his  breast  and  fall  heavily  to  the  ground.  He  was 
taken  up,  and  conveyed  to  his  room  on  the  vessel.  Dr.  M.  was 
immediately  summoned ;  but,  before  he  reached  the  poor  cap- 
tain, he  was  dead.  A  post-mortem  examination  revealed  the 
cause  of  his  unfortunate  decease.  His  heart  was  found  literally 
torn  iu  twain  !  The  tremendous  propulsion  of  the  blood,  con- 
sequent upon  such  a  violent  nervous  shock,  forced  the  powerful 
muscular  tissues  asunder,  and  life  was  at  an  cud.  The  heart 
was  broken. 


TOE  FJLSCTES  OF  FACT.  4G9 

UHSATTOX   ASD   T3TTELLK5EXCE  AFTER  DECAHTATIOX. 

While  some  physiologists  are  of  opinion  that  death  bj  be- 
hen&g  is  attended  with  less  aetnal  pain  than  an y  other  Baa- 
Mr  of  death,  and  is,  therefore,  the  mo*  tnmame  wide  of  dis- 


in  both  the  head  ami  the 
body,  and  that  death  bj  the  gnfflotine,  so  fa  horn  being  eaainr 
than  hanging,  is  one  of  the  Most  painfid  known.  Whatever 
•a j  really  be  the  nrmatioM  attendant  npon  the  separation  of 
the  head  front  the  bodj, 
which  throw  a  little  light  on  the 

It  is  related  that  a 
has  node  this  interesting  sdbjeet  his  pattienlar  study,  states 
that,  having  exposed  two  heads,  a  qnaiter  of  an  honr  after  de- 
to  a  strong  fight,  the  ejefids  dosed  suddenly.  Tne 
whieh  pratnded  Croni  the  lips,  being  pricked  with  a 
needle,  was  drawn  back  into  the  Month,  and 
expressed  sndJen  pain.  Theheadof 


';-. .-.  _•  j_:  _.:-.-.  :    : . 

Ini  n>d  in  eweiy  direetion  fimni  whence  he  was  caiirn  by 

-   ::..  L 

.we  their  Bps,  as  if  they 
their  emel  treataM^.     If  this  be  so, 


-_   ;i     _:-.—.  LI::-::.:  i  .     :-  :-:•  ::. 

that  when  the  exeentioner  gave  a  blow  on  the  £« 
of  Chadotfe  Carfaj  after  the  head  was  severed  fern  the  body, 


•ente  were  once  tried  on  the  bodj  of  a  habitual 
after  he  had  nndagone  the  of  1  1  •!••  rf  being  gnfflodm^L  On 
fist  shoek,  the  headless  truk  joined  its  thumb 
d  its  right  a»,  as  if  in 


the  act  of  taking  its  cnstontuj  pimck,  and 

and  popkxed  at  finding  no  JMIK  to  reeeiwe  its 

,  i 


470  THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT. 

But  the  most  marvellous  tale  is  told  of  Sir  Everard  Digby, 
who  was  beheaded  in  1606  for  being  concerned  in  the  famous 
Gunpowder  Plot.  After  the  head  was  struck  off,  the  execu- 
tioner proceeded,  according  to  the  barbarous  usages  of  the  day, 
to  pluck  the  heart  from  his  body ;  and  when  he  had  done  so,  he 
held  it  up  in  full  view  of  the  numerous  assemblage  gathered 
round  the  scaffold  to  witness  the  exhibition,  and  shouted,  with 
a  loud  voice,  This  is  the  heart  of  a  traitor!  Upon  which,  the 
head,  which  was  quietly  resting  on  the  scaffold,  at  the  distance 
of  a  few  feet,  showed  sundry  signs  of  indignation,  and,  opening 
its  mouth,  audibly  exclaimed,  "That  is  a  lie!" 

The  reader  will  be  reminded,  by  this  case  of  the  English 
knight,  of  the  conjurer  in  the  Arabian  Nights,  who,  in  conse- 
quence of  a  failure  in  his  necromancy,  was  decapitated  by  the 
order  and  in  the  presence  of  the  Sultan.  The  head  of  the  sor- 
cerer, after  separation  from  his  body,  sat  erect  upon  the  floor, 
and,  with  a  mysterious  expression  of  countenance,  informed  his 
highness  that  as  he  rather  thought  he  should  have  no  further 
occasion  for  his  books  of  magic,  he  would  make  a  present  of 
them  to  him ;  and  since  he  could  not  very  well  go  to  fetch  them 
himself,  if  his  highness  would  take  the  trouble  to  send  for 
them,  he  would  instruct  him  in  their  use.  On  being  brought, 
he  told  the  Sultan  it  was  first  necessary  for  him  to  turn  over 
every  leaf  in  the  books  from  the  beginning  to  the  end.  But 
he  found  it  was  impossible  to  do  this,  as  they  stuck  together, 
without  often  wetting  his  fingers  at  his  mouth.  This  infused 
into  the  monarch's  veins  a  subtle  and  virulent  venom,  as  the 
books  were  poisoned,  in  consequence  of  which  he'  died  very 
soon  in  torture,  overwhelmed  with  the  taunts  and  curses  of  the 
decapitated  head. 

A  case  occurred  some  years  ago  at  Ticonderoga,  N.  Y.,  which 
settles  the  question  of  pain,  so  far  as  the  body  is  concerned, 
and  proves  that  no  sensations*  whatever  can  exist  in  the  body 
after  its  connection  with  the  brain  is  dissolved.  It  ,was  re- 
ported at  the  time  in  the  Boston  Medical  and  Surgical  Journal, 
as  follows : — 


THE   FANCIES   OP   FACT.  471 

E.  D.,  aged  fifty,  a  man  of  hale  constitution  and  robust,  in 
making  an  effort  to  scale  a  board  fence,  was  suddenly  precipi- 
tated backwards  to  the  ground,  striking  first  upon  the  supe- 
rior and  anterior  portion  of  the  head,  which  luxated  the 
dentatus  anteriorly  on  the  third  cervical  vertebra.  He  was  at 
length  discovered,  and  taken  in  (as  the  patient  said)  after  he 
had  lain  nearly  an  hour,  in  a  condition  perfectly  bereft  of  volun- 
tary motion ;  but,  being  present,  I  did  not  suspect  that  the 
power  of  sensation  was  also  gone,  until  the  patient  (whose 
speech  remained  almost,  or  quite,  perfect,  and  who  was  uncom- 
monly loquacious  at  that  time)  said,  did  he  not  know  to  the 
contrary,  he  should  think  that  he  had  no  body.  His  flesh  was 
then  punctured,  and  sometimes  deeply,  even  from  the  feet  to 
the  neck ;  but  the  patient  gave  no  evidence  of  feeling,  and, 
when  interrogated,  answered  that  he  felt  nothing;  and,  added 
he,  "I  never  was  more  perfectly  free  from  pain  in  my  life;" 
but  he  remarked  that  he  could  not  live,  and  accordingly  sent 
for  his  family,  twelve  miles  distant,  and  arranged  all  his  various 
concerns  in  a  perfectly  sane  manner. 

The  head  was  thrown  back  in  such  a  position  as  to  prevent 
his  seeing  his  body.  The  pulse  was  much  more  sluggish  than 
natural.  Respiration  and  speech,  but  slightly  affected,  were 
gradually  failing;  but  he  could  articulate  distinctly  until 
within  a  few  minutes  of  his  death.  All  the  senses  of  the  head 
remained  quite  perfect  to  the  last.  He  died  forty-eight  hours 
after  the  fall. 

Repeated  attempts  were  made  to  reduce  the  dislocation,  but 
the  transverse  processes  had  become  so  interlocked  that  every 
effort  proved  abortive.  There  was  undoubtedly  in  this  case  a 
perfect  compression  of  the  spinal  marrow,  which  prevented  the 
egress  of  nervous  influence  from  the  brain,  while  the  pneumo- 
gastric  nerve  remained  unembarrassed. 

ANTIPATHIES. 

Antipathies  are  as  various  as  they  are  unaccountable,  and 
often  in  appearance  ridiculous.  Yet  who  can  control  them,  or 


472  THE   FANCIES    OF   FACT.. 

reason  himself  into  a  conviction  that  they  are  absurd  ?  They 
are,  in  truth,  natural  infirmities  or  peculiarities,  and  not  fantas- 
tical imaginings.  In  the  French  "Ana"  we  find  mention  of 
a  lady  who  would  faint  on  seeing  boiled  lobsters ;  and  several 
persons  are  mentioned,  among  them  Mary  de  Medicis,  who 
experienced  the  same  inconvenience  from  the  smell  of  roses, 
though  particularly  partial  to  the  odor  of  jonquils  and  hya- 
cinths. Another  is  recorded  who  invariably  fell  into  convul- 
Bions  at  the  sight  of  a  carp.  Erasmus,  although  a  native  of 
Rotterdam,  had  such  an  aversion  to  fish  of  any  kind  that  the 
smell  alone  threw  him  into  a  fever.  Ambrose  Pare  mentions 
a  patient  of  his  who  could  never  look  at  an  eel  without  falling 
into  a  fit.  Joseph  Scaliger  and  Peter  Abono  could  neither  of 
them  drink  inilk.  Cardan  was  particularly  disgusted  at  the  sight 
of  eggs.  Ladislaus,  King  of  Poland,  fell  sick  if  he  saw  an  apple ; 
and  if  that  fruit  was  exhibited  to  Chesne,  secretary  to  Francis  I., 
a  prodigious  quantity  of  blood  would  issue,  from  his  nose.  Henry 
III.  of  France  could  not  endure  to  sit  in  a  room  with  a  cat, 
and  the  Duke  of  Schomberg  ran  out  of  any  chamber  into  which 
one  entered.  A  gentleman  in  the  court  of  the  Emperor  Fer- 
dinand would  bleed  at  the  nose  even  if  he  heard  the  mewing 
of  the  obnoxious  animal,  no  matter  at  how  great  a  distance. 
M.  de  1'Ancre,  in  his  Tableau  de-  I'lnconstance  de  Toutes 
C/toscs,  gives  an  account  of  a  very  sensible  man,  who  was  so 
terrified  on  seeing  a  hedgehog  that  for  two  years  he  imagined 
his  bowels  were  gnawed  by  such  an  animal.  In  the  same  book 
we  find  an  account  of  an  officer  of  distinguished  bravery  who 
never  dared  to  face  a  mouse,  it  would  so  terrify  him,  unless  he 
had  his  sword  in  his  hand.  M.  de  1'Ancre  says  he  knew  the 
individual  perfectly  well.  There  are  some  persons  who  cannot 
bear  to  see  spiders,  and  others  who  eat  them  as  a  luxury,  as 
they  do  snails  and  frogs.  M.  Vangheim,  a  celebrated  hunts- 
man in  Hanover,  would  faint  outright,  or,  if  he  had  sufficient 
time,  would  run  away,  at  the  sight  of  a  roast  pig.  The  philo- 
sopher Chrysippus  had  such  an  aversion  to  external  reverence, 
that,  if  any  one  saluted  him,  he  would  involuntarily  fall  down. 


THE    FANCIES    OF    FACT.  473 

Valerius  Maximus  says  that  this  Chrysipp.us  died  of  laughing 
at  seeing  an  ass  eat  figs  out  of  a  silver  plate.  John  Rol,  a  gen- 
tleman of  Alcantara,  would  swoon  on  hearing  the  word  lana 
(wool)  pronounced,  although  his  cloak  was  made  of  wool. 
Lord  B-jK*on  fainted  at  every  eclipse  of  the  moon.  Tycho  Brahe 
shuddered  at  the  sight  of  a  fox ;  Ariosto,  at  the  sight  of  a  bath  j 
and  Caosar  trembled  at  the  crowing  of  a  cock. 

STRANGE   INSTANCE   OF    SYMPATHY. 

The  Duke  de  Saint  Simon  mentions  in  his  Mtmoircs  a  singu- 
lar instance  of  constitutional  sympathy  existing  between  two 
brothers.  These  were  twins, — the  President  de  Banquemore, 
and  the  Governor  de  Bergues,  who  were  surprisingly  alike,  not 
only  in  their  persons,  but  in  their  feelings.  One  morning,  he 
tells  us,  when  the  President  was  at  the  royal  audience  he  was 
suddenly  attacked  by  an  intense  pain  in  the  thigh  :  at  the  same 
instant,  as  it  was  discovered  afterwards,  his  brother,  who  was 
with  the  army,  received  a  severe  wound  from  a  sword  on  the 
same  leg,  and  precisely  the  same  part  of  the  leg! 

WALKING   BLINDFOLDED. 

The  difficulty  of  walking  to  any  given  point  blindfolded  can 
only  be  conceived  by  those  who  have  made  the  experiment. 
After  wandering  about  in  every  possible  direction,  now  east, 
now  west,  at  one  time  forward,  at  another  time  backward, 
working  for  a  while  at  the  zigzag,  then  shooting  out  like  an 
arrow  from  a  bow,  and  not  unfrequently  describing  a  complete 
circle  like  a  miller's  horse,  the  party  is  generally  a  thousand 
times  more  likely  to  end  his  travels  at  the  spot  from  which  he 
set  out,  than  at  the  spot  to  which  he  wished  to  go.  The  follow- 
ing achievement  presents  as  extraordinary  an  exception  to  the 
general  experience  on  this  head,  as  perhaps  ever  occurred : — 

Dennis  Hendrick,  a  stone-lnason,  for  a  wager  of  ten  guineas, 

walked  from  the  Exchange  in  Liverpool,  along  Deal  Street,  to 

the  corner  of  Byrom  Street, — being  a  distance  of  three-quarters 

of  a  mile, — blindfolded,  and  rolling  a  coach-wheel.  On  starting, 

40* 


474  THE   FANCIES   OF   FACT. 

there  were  two  plasters  of  Burgundy  pitch  put  on  his  eyes,  and 
a  handkerchief  tied  over  them,  to  prevent  all  possibility  of  his 
seeing.  -  He  started  precisely  at  half-past  seven  in  the  morn- 
ing, and  completed  his  undertaking  at  twenty  minutes  past 
eight,  being  in  fifty  minutes. 

FELINE   CLOCKS. 

M.  Hue,  in  his  recent  work  on  the  Chinese  Empire,  tells  us 
that  "  one  day,  when  we  went  to  pay  a  visit  to  some  families 
of  Chinese  Christian  peasants,  we  met,  near  a  farm,  a  young 
lad,  who  was  taking  a  buffalo  to  graze  along  our  path.  We 
asked  him  carelessly,  as  we  passed,  whether  it  was  yet  noon. 
The  child  raised  his  head  to  look  at  the  sun;  but  it  was  hidden 
behind  thick  clouds,  and  he  could  read  no  answer  there.  'The 
sky  is  so  cloudy/  said  he;  'but  wait  a  moment;'  and  with 
these  words  he  ran  towards  the  farm,  and  came  back  a  few  mo- 
ments afterward  with  a  cat  in  his  arms.  (  Look  here/  said 
he,  'it  is  not  noon  yet;'  and  he  showed  us  the  cat's  eyes,  by 
pushing  up  the  lids  with  his  hands.  We  looked  at  the  child 
with  surprise,  but  he  was  evidently  in  earnest;  and  the  cat, 
though  astonished,  and  not  much  pleased  at  the  experiment 
made  on  her  eyes,  behaved  with  the  most  exemplary  complai- 
sance. '  Very  well/  said  we  :  '  thank  you ;'  and  he  then  let 
go  the  cat,  who  made  her  escape  pretty  quickly,  and  we  con- 
tinued our  route.  To  say  the  truth,  we  had  not  at  all  under- 
stood the  proceeding;  but  we  did  not  wish  to  question  the  little 
pagan,  lest  he  should  find  out  that  we  were  Europeans  by  our 
ignorance.  As  soon  as  we  reached  the  farm,  however,  we  made 
haste  to  ask  our  Christians  whether  they  could  tell  the  clock  by 
looking  into  a  cat's  eyes.  They  seemed  surprised  at  the  ques- 
tion ;  but,  as  there  was  no  danger  in  confessing  to  them  our 
ignorance  of  the  properties  of  the  cat's  eyes,  we  related  what 
had  just  taken  place.  That  was -all  that  was  necessary.  Our 
complaisant  neophytes  immediately  gave  chase  to  all  the  cats 
in  the  neighborhood.  They  brought  us  three  or  four,  and  ex- 
plained in  what  manner  they  might  be  made  use  of  for  watches. 


THE    FANCIES   OF   FACT.  475 

They  pointed  out  that  the  pupil  of  their  eyes  went  on  constantly 
growing  narrower  until  twelve  o'clock,  when  they  became  like 
a  fine  line,  as  thin  as  a  hair,  drawn  perpendicularly  across  the 
eye,  and  that  after  twelve  the  dilatation  recommenced.  When 
we  had  attentively  examined  the  eyes  of  all  the  cats  at  our  dis- 
posal, we  came  to  the  conclusion  that  it  was  past  noon,  as  all 
the  eyes  perfectly  agreed  upon  the  point." 

DEVONSHIRE   SUPERSTITION. 

The  following  case  of  gross  superstition,  which  occurred 
lately  in  one  of  the  largest  market-towns  in  the  north  of 
Devon,  is  related  by  an  eye-witness  : — 

A  young  woman  living  in  the  neighborhood  of  Holsworthy, 
having  for  some  time  past  been  subject  to  periodical  fits  of  ill- 
ness, endeavored  to  effect  a  cure  by  attending  at  the  afternoun 
service  at  the  parish  church,  accompanied  by  thirty  young  men, 
her  near  neighbors.  Service  over,  she  sat  in  the  porch  of  the 
church,  and  each  of  the  young  men,  as  they  passed  out  in  suc- 
cession, dropped  a  penny  into  her  lap ;  but  the  last,  instead  of 
a  penny,  gave  her  half  a  crown,  taking  from  her  the  twenty- 
nine  pennies  which  she  had  already  received.  With  this  half- 
crown  in  her  hand,  she  walked  three  times  round  the  com- 
munion-table, and  afterwards  had  it  made  into  a  ring,  by  the 
wearing  of  which  she  believes  she  will  recover  her  health. 

A   SKULL  THAT   HAD   A   TONGUE. 

When  Dr.  John  Donne,  the  famous  poet  and  divine  of  the 
reign  of  James  I.,  attained  possession  of  his  first  living,  he  took 
a  walk  into  the  churchyard,  where  the  sexton  was  at  the  time 
digging  a  grave,  and  in  the  course  of  his  labor  threw  up  a 
skull.  This  skull  the  doctor  took  in  his  hands,  and  found  a 
rusty  headless  nail  sticking  in  the  temple  of  it,  which  he  drew 
out  secretly  and  wrapped  in  the  corner  of  his  handkerchief. 
He  then  demanded  of  the  grave-digger  whether  he  knew  whose 
skull  that  was.  He  said  it  was  a  man's  who  kept  a  brandy- 
shop, — an  honest,  drunken  fellow,  who  one  night,  having  taken 


476  THE   FANCIES   OF    FACT.. 

two  quarts,  was  found  dead  in  his  bed  next  morning.  "  Had 
he  a  wife  ?"  "  Yes."  "  What  character  does  she  bear  ?"  "  A 
very  good  one :  only  the  neighbors  reflect  on  her  because  she 
married  the  day  after  her  husband  was  buried."  This  was 
enough  for  the  doctor,  who,  under  the  pretence  of  visiting  his 
parishioners,  called  on  the  woman  :  he  asked  her  several  ques- 
tions, and,  among  others,  what  sickness  her  husband  died  of. 
She  gave  him  the  same  account  he  had  before  received,  where- 
upon he  suddenly  opened  the  handkerchief,  and  cried,  in  an  au- 
thoritative voice,  "  Woman,  do  you  know  this  nail  ?"  She  was 
struck  with  horror  at  the  unexpected  demand,  instantly  owned 
the  fact,  and  was  brought  to  trial  and  executed.  Truly  might 
one  say,  with  even  more  point  than  Hamlet,  that  the  skull  had 
a  tongue  in  it. 

ROMANTIC   HIGHWAYMAN. 

In  a  letter  to  Mr.  Mead,  preserved  among  that  gentleman's 
papers  in  the  British  Museum,  and  dated  February  8,  1625,  is 
the  following  account  of  a  singular  highwayman  : — 

Mr.  Clavell,  a  gentleman,  a  knight's  eldest  son,  a  great  mail 
and  highway  robber,  was,  together  with  a  soldier,  his  com- 
panion, arraigned  and  condemned  on  Monday  last,  at  the 
King's  Bench  bar  :  he  pleaded  for  himself  that  he  never  had 
struck  or  wounded  any  man,  never  taken  any  thing  from  their 
bodies,  as  rings,  &c.,  never  cut  their  girths  or  saddles,  or  done 
them,  when  he  robbed,  any  corporeal  violence.  He  was,  with 
his  companion,  reprieved ;  he  sent  the  following  verses  to  the 
king  for  mercy,  and  hath  obtained  it : — 

I  that  have  robbed  so  oft  am  now  bid  stand ; 

Death  and  the  law  assault  me,  and  demand 

My  life  and  means  :  I  never  used  men  so, 

But,  having  ta'en  their  money,  let  them  go. 

Yet,  must  I  die  ?  and  is  there  no  relief? 

The  King  of  kings  had  mercy  on  a  thief ! 

So  may  our  gracious  king,  too,  if  he  please, 

Without  his  council  grant  me  a  release; 

God  is  his  precedent,  and  men  shall  see 

His  .mercy  go  beyond  severity. 


SINGULAR   CUSTOMS.  477 


Singular 


MEMENTO    MORI. 

THE  ancient  Egyptians,  at  their  grand  festivals  and  parties 
of  pleasure,  always  had  a  coffin  placed  on  the  table  at  meals, 
containing  a  mummy,  or  a  skeleton  of  painted  wood,  which,  He- 
rodotus tells  us,  was  presented  to  each  of  the  guests  with  this 
admonition: — "Look  upon  this,  and  enjoy  yourself ;  for  such 
will  you  become  when  divested  of  your  mortal  garb."  This 
custom  is  frequently  alluded  to  by  Horace  and  Catullus ;  and 
Petronius  tells  us  that  at  the  celebrated  banquet  of  Trimalcion 
a  silver  skeleton  was  placed  on  the  table  to  awaken  in  the 
minds  of  the  guests  the  remembrance  of  death  and  of  de- 
ceased friends. 

BEAUTIFUL   SUPERSTITION. 

Among  the  superstitions  of  the  Seneca  Indians  was  one  re- 
markable for  its  singular  beauty.  When  a  maiden  died,  they 
imprisoned  a  young  bird  until  it  first  began  to  try  its  powers 
of  song,  and  then,  loading  it  with  messages  and  caresses,  they 
loosed  its  bonds  over  her  grave,  in  the  belief  that  it  would  not 
fold  its  wing  nor  close  its  eyes  until  it  had  flown  to  the  spirit- 
land  and  delivered  its  precious  burden  of  affection  to  the  loved 
and  lost. 

STRANGE  FONDNESS  FOR  BEAUTY. 

In  Carazan,  a  province  to  the  northeast  of  Tartary,  the  in- 
habitants have  a  custom,  says  Dr.  Heylin,  when  a  stranger  of 
handsome  shape  and  fine  features  comes  into  their  houses,  of 
killing  him  in  the  night, — not  out  of  desire  of  spoil,  or  to  eat 
his  body,  but  that  the  soul  of  such  a  comely  person  might  re- 
main among  them. 


478  SINGULAR   CUSTOMS. 

THE   FOUNDATIONS   OP   DRUIDICAL   TEMPLES. 

There  is  a  curious  tradition  both  of  St.  Patrick  in  Ireland, 
and  of  St.  Columba  in  lona,  that  when  they  attempted  to  found 
churches  they  were  impeded  by  an  evil  spirit,  who  threw  down 
the  walls  as  fast  as  they  were  built,  until  a  human  victim  was 
sacrificed  and  buried  under  the  foundation,  which  being  done, 
they  stood  firm. 

It  is  to  be  feared  that  there  is  too  much  truth  in  this  story. 
Not,  of  course,  that  such  a  thing  was  done  by  either  a  Christian 
Patrick  or  Columba,  but  by  the  Druids,  from  whom  the  story 
was  fathered  upon  the  former.  Under  each  of  the  twelve  pillars 
of  one  of  the  Druidical  circular  temples  in  lona  a  human  body 
was  found  to  have  been  buried. 

ABYSSINIAN   BEEFSTEAKS. 

Mr.  Bruce,  the  Abyssinian  traveller,  has  frequently  been 
ridiculed  for  asserting  that  it  is  a  practice  in  Abyssinia  to  cut 
slices  from  the  backs  of  their  cattle  while  alive,  and  then  drive 
them  back  to  pasture ;  but  his  statements  have  been  confirmed 
by  more  recent  travellers.  Mr.  Salt  says  that  a  soldier  belong- 
ing to  the  party  to  which  he  was  attached  took  one  of  the  cows 
they  were  driving  before  them,  cut  off  two  pieces  of  flesh  from 
the  glutaei  muscles  of  the  buttock,  near  the  tail,  and  then  sewed 
up  the  wound,  plastering  it  over  with  manure,  after  which  the 
party  proceeded  to  cook  the  steaks. 

OSTIAK  REGARD   FOR   BEARS. 

Tooke,  in  his  work  on  Russia,  tells  us  of  a  strange  custom 
that  prevails  among  the  Ostiaks, — a  Finnish  nation.  The  Os- 
tiaks,  says  he,  believe  that  bears  enjoy  after  death  a  happiness 
at  least  equal  to  that  which  they  expect  for  themselves.  When- 
ever they  kill  one  of  these  animals,  therefore,  they  sing  songs 
over  him,  in  which  they  ask  his  pardon,  and  hang  up  his  skin, 
to  which  they  show  many  civilities  and  pay  many  fine  compli- 
ments, in  order  to  induce  him  not  to  wreak  his  vengeance  upon 
them  in  the  abode  of  spirits. 


SINGULAR   CUSTOMS.  479 

MAKING   NOSES. 

At  Kat  Kangra,  a  place  visited  by  the  traveller  Vigne,  at 
tlie  base  of  the  Himalaya,  there  are  native  surgeons,  celebrated 
for  putting  on  new  noses.  The  maimed  come  a  great  distance 
for  repairs.  When  it  is  recollected  that  the  yajahs  cut  off  ears 
and  noses  without  stint,  it  may  be  readily  supposed  that  these 
surgeons  have  plenty  of  patients.  The  hope  of  a  restoration  of 
the  nasal  organ  brings  them  from  remote  distances.  To  all  in- 
tents and  purposes,  it  is  done  like  the  Taliacotian  operation  in 
our  hospitals, — by  taking  a  flap  of  integument  from  the  fore- 
head. With  very  simple  instruments,  and  a  little  cotton  wool 
besmeared  with  pitch,  to  k^eep  the  parts  together,  the  success  is 
sufficient  to  extend  the  reputation  of  the  rude  operators. 

LION-CATCHING   IN    SOUTH   AFRICA. 

Mr.  Lemue,  who  formerly  resided  at  Motito,  and  is  familiar 
with  the  Kallibari  country,  assures  us  that  the  remarkable  ac- 
counts sometimes  circulated  as  to  the  people  of  that  part  of 
Africa  catching  lions  by  the  tail — of  which,  one  would  naturally 
be  incredulous — were  perfectly  true.  Lions  would  sometimes  be- 
come extremely  dangerous  to  the  inhabitants.  Having  become 
accustomed  to  human  flesh,  they  would  not  willingly  eat  any 
thing  else.  When  a  neighborhood  became  infested,  the  men 
would  determine  on  the  measures  to  be  adopted  to  rid  them- 
selves of  the  nuisance ;  then,  forming  themselves  into  a  band, 
they  woijld  proceed  in  search. of  their  royal  foe,  and  beard  the 
lion  in  his  lair.  Standing  close  by  one  another,  the  lion  would 
make  his  spring  on  some  one  of  the  party, — every  man,  of 
course,  hoping  he  might  escape  the  attack, — when  instantly 
others  would  dash  forward  and  seize  his  tail,  lifting  it  up  close 
to  the  body  with  all  their  might;  thus  not  only  astonishing  the 
animal,  and  absolutely  taking  him  off  his  guard,  but  rendering 
his  efforts  powerless  for  the  moment  j  while  others  closed  in 
with  their  spears,  and  at  once  stabbed  the  monster  through  and 
through. 


480  SINGULAR    CUSTOMS. 

HIGH   LIFE   IN   THE   FIFTEENTH   CENTURY. 

We  gain  the  following  glimpse  of  the  manners  of  the  upper 
classes  in  England,  four  hundred  years  ago,  from  the  Journal 
of  Elizabeth  Woodville,  subsequently  Lady  Grey,  and  finally 
Queen  of  Edward  IV.  Royalty  in  petto  seems  to  have  taken, 
with  a  most  refreshing  cordiality,  to  the  avocations  of  baking 
and  brewing,  pig-tending,  poultry-feeding,  and  pony-catching. 

Monday  morning. — Rose  at  4  o'clock,  and  helped  Catharine  to  milk  the 
cows.  Rachel,  the  dairy-maid,  having  scalded  her  hand  in  so  bad  a  man- 
ner the  night  before,  made  a  poultice,  and  gave  Robin  a  pcnay  to  get  some- 
thing from  the  apothecary. 

6  o'clock. — The  buttock  of  beef  too  much  boiled,  and  beer  a  little  stale ; 
(mem.  to  talk  to  the  cook  about  the  first  fault,  and  to  mend  the  other  myself 
by  tapping  a  fresh  barrel  immediately.) 

7  o'clock. — Went  to  walk  with  the  lady  my  mother  in  the  court-yard  ;  fed 
twenty-five  men  and  women ;  chid  Roger  severely  for  expressing  some  ill 
will  at  attending  us  with  some  broken  meat. 

8  o'clock. — Went  into  the  paddock  behind  the  house  with  my  maid  Doro- 
thy; caught  Thump,  the  little  -pony,  myself;  rode  a  matter  of  ten  miles 
without  saddle  or  bridle. 

10  o'clock. — Went  to  dinner.    John  Grey,  a  most  comely  youth ;  but  what 
is  that  to  me?  a  virtuous  maid  should  be  entirely  under  the  direction  of  her 
parents.     John  ate  but  little,  and  stole  a  great  many  tender  glances  at  me. 
Said  women  could  never  be  handsome  in  his  eyes  who  were  not  good-tem- 
pered.    I  hope  my  temper  is  not  intolerable:  nobody  finds  fault  with  it  but 
Roger,  and  he  is  the  most  disorderly  youth  in  our  house.     John  Grey  likes 
white  teeth  :  my  teeth  are  a  pretty  good  color.     I  think  my  hair  is  as  black 
as  jet, — though  I  say  it;  and  John  Grey,  if  I  mistake  not,  is  of»the  samo 
opinion. 

11  o'clock. — Rose  from  the  table;  the  company  all  desirous  of  Balking  in 
the  field.     John  Grey  lifted  me  over  every  stile,  and  twice  squeezed  my 
hand  with  much  vehemence.     I  cannot  say  I  should  have  much;  objection, 
for  he  plays  at  prison-bar  as  well  as  any  of  the  country  gentlemen,  is  re- 
markably dutiful  to  his  parents,  my  lord  and  lady,  and  never  misses  church 
on  Sunday. 

3  o'clock. — Poor  Farmer  Robinson's  house  burned   down  by  accidental 
fire.     John  Grey  proposed  a  subscription  among  the  company  for  the  relief 
of  the  farmer,  and  gave  no  less  than  four  pounds  with   this  benevolent 
intent.     (Mem.  never  saw  him  look  so  comely  as  at  this  moment.) 

4  o'clock. — Went  to  prayers. 

6  o'clock.— Fed  hogs  and  poultry. 


SINGULAR   CUSTOMS.  481 

HAIR   IN    SEALS. 

Stillingfleet,  referring  to  a  MS.  author  who  wrote  a  chronicle 
of  St.  Augustine,  says : — 

He  observes  one  particular  custom  of  the  Normans,  that  they 
were  wont  to  put  some  of  the  hair  of  their  heads  or  beards 
into  the  wax  of  their  seals :  I  suppose  rather  to  be  kept  as 
monuments,  than  as  adding  any  strength  or  weight  to  their, 
charters.  So  he  observes  that  some  of  the  hair  of  William, 
Earl  of  Warren,  was  in  his  time  kept  in  the  Priory  of  Lewis. 

SCORNING   THE    CHURCH. 

In  North  Durham,  it  is  customary,  in  case  that  the  banns 
of  marriage  are  thrice  published,  and  the  marriage  does  not 
take  place,  for  the  refusing  party,  whether  male  or  female,  to 
pay  forty  shillings  to  the  vicar  as  a  penalty  for  scorning  the 
church. 

MATRIMONIAL   ADVERTISEMENT. 

The  following  strange  advertisement  from  an  old  newspaper 
exhibits  one  of  the  customs  of  rural  life  in  England  more  than 
a  century  ago  : — 

May  no  miscarriage 
Prevent  my  marriage ! 

Matthew  Dowson,  in  Bothell,  Cumberland,  intends  to  be  married  at 
Holm  Church,  on  the  Thursday  before  Whitsuntide  next,  whenever  that 
may  happen — and  to  return  to  Bothell  to  dine. 

Mr.  Reed  gives  a  turkey  to  be  roasted ;  William  Elliot  gives  a  hen  to  be 
roasted ;  Edward  Clement  gives  a  fat  lamb  to  be  roasted ;  Joseph  Gibson 
gives  a  fat  pig  to  be  roasted ;  William  Hughes  gives  a  fat  calf  to  be  roasted. 

And  in  order  that  all  this  roast  may  be  well  basted — do  you  see  ? — Mary 
Pearson,  Betty  Hughes,  Mary  Bushby,  Molly  Fisher,  Sarah  Briscoe,  and 
Betty  Porthoust,  give,  each  of  them,  a  pound  of  butter.  The  advertiser  will 
provide  every  thing  else  suitable  for  so  festive  an  occasion :  and  he  hereby 
gives  notice  to  all  young  women  desirous  of  changing  their  condition,  that 
he  is  at  present  disengaged,  and  he  advises  them  to  consider  that  although 
there  may  be  luck  in  leisure,  yet,  in  this  case,  delays  are  dangerous;  for 
with  him,  he  is  determined  that  it  shall  be — first  come,  first  served. 

So  come  along,  lasses  who  wish  to  be  married — 
Mattie  Dowson  is  vexed  that  so  long  he  has  tarried. 
2F  41 


482 


TITLES   FOR   THE   LIBRARY   DOOR,  CHATSWORTH. 

The  Duke  of  Devonshire  found  it  necessary  to  construct  a 
door  of  sham  books  for  an  entrance  to  the  library  of  Chats- 
worth.  He  was  tired  of  the  hackneyed  Plain  Dealings,  Essays 
on  Wood,  Perpetual  Motion,  etc.,  on  such  doors,  and  asked 
Thomas  Hood  to  give  him  some  new  titles.  The  following  are 
selections  from  his  amusing  list  :  — 


McAdam's  Views  in  Rhodes. 
Pygmalion.  By  Lord  Bacon. 
Dante's  Inferno  ;  or,  Descriptions  of 

Van  Demon's  Land. 
Tadpoles;  or,  Tales  out  of  my  Own 

Head. 
Designs   for  Friezes.     By  Sir  John 

Franklin. 
Recollections  of  Bannister.  By  Lord 

Stair. 

Yo  Devill  on  Two-Styx  (Black  Let- 
Malthas'  Attack  of  Infantry,  [ter). 
The  Life  of  Zimmerman.  By  Him- 
Boyle  on  Steam.  [self. 

Book-Keeping  by  Single  Entry. 
Rules   for   Punctuation.    By  ,a  tho- 

rough-bred  Pointer. 
On  the  Site  of  Tully's  Offices. 
Cornaro  on  Longevity  and  the  Con- 

struction  of  74's. 


Cursory  Remarks  on  Swearing. 

Shelley's  Conchologist. 

On  Sore  Throat  and  the  Migration  of 

the  Swallow.  By  Abernethy. 
The  Scottish  Boccaccio.   By  D.  Ca- 

meron. 

Chronological  Account  of  the  Date 
Percy  Vere.     In  40  vols.  [Tree. 

In-i-go  on  Secret  Entrances. 
Cook's  Specimens  of  the   Sandwich 
Peel  on  Bell's  System.          [Tongue. 
Lamb's  Recollections  of  Suett. 
Elaine  on  Equestrian  Burglary;  or 

The  Breaking-in  of  Horses. 
The  Rape   of  the  Lock,  with   Bra- 

mah's  Notes. 
Koseiusko  on  the  Right  of  the  Poles 

to  stick  up  for  themselves. 
Haughty-cultural  Remarks  on  Lon- 

don  Pride. 


THE   JESTS   OF   HIEROCLES. 

A  YOUNG  man,  meeting  an  acquaintance,  said,  "  I  heard  that 
you  were  dead."  "  But/'  says  the  other,  "you  see  me  alive." 
"  I  do  not  know  how  that  may  be,"  replied  he:  "  you  are  a  no- 
torious liar  ;  but  my  informant  was  a  person  of  credit." 

A  man  wrote  to  a  friend  in  Greece,  begging  him  to  purchase 
books.  From  negligence  or  avarice,  he  neglected  to  execute 


FACETIAE.  483 

the  commission ;  but,  fearing  that  his  correspondent  might  be 
offended,  he  exclaimed,  when  next  they  met,  "  My  dear  friend, 
I  never  got  the  letter  you  wrote  to  me  about  the  books." 

An  irritable  man  went  to  visit  a  sick  friend,  and  asked  him 
concerning  his  health.  The  patient  was  so  ill  that  he  could  not 
reply ;  whereupon  the  other,  in  a  rage,  said,  "  I  hope  that  I 
may  soon  fall  sick,  and  then  I  will  not  answer  you  when  you 
visit  me." 

A  speculative  gentleman,  wishing  to  teach  his  horse  to  live 
without  food,  starved  him  to  death.  "  I  suffered  a  great  loss," 
said  he,  "  for  just  as  he  learned  to  live  without  eating,  he 
died." 

A  robust  countryman,  meeting  a  physician,  ran  to  hide  behind 
a  wall :  being  asked  the  cause,  he  replied,  "  It  is  so  long  since 
I  have  been  sick,  that  I  am  ashamed  to  look  a  physician  in  the 
face." 

A  curious  inquirer,  desirous  to  know  how  he  looked  when 
asleep,  sat  with  closed  eyes  before  a  mirror. 

A  man,  hearing  that  a  raven  would  live  two  hundred  years, 
bought  one  to  try. 

One  of  twin  brothers  died  :  a  fellow,  meeting  the  survivor, 
asked,  "  Which  is  it  that's  dead,  you  or  your  brother  ?" 

A  man  who  had  to  cross  a  river  entered  a  boat  on  horse- 
back :  being  asked  why,  he  replied,  "  I  must  ride,  because  I 
am  in  a  hurry." 

A  foolish  fellow,  having  a  house  to  sell,  took  a  brick  from  the 
wall  to  exhibit  as  a  sample. 

A  man,  meeting  a  friend,  said,  "  I  spoke  to  you  last  night  in 
a  dream."  "Pardon  me,"  replied  the  other;  "  I  did  not  hear 
you." 

A  man  that  had  nearly  been  drowned  while  bathing,  declared 
that  he  would  never  enter  the  water  again  till  he  had  learned 
to  swim. 

A  student  in  want  of  money  sold  his  books,  and  wrote 
home,  "  Father,  rejoice ;  for  I  now  derive  my  support  from 
literature." 


484  FACETIAE. 

During  a  storm,  the  passengers  on  board  a  vessel  that  ap- 
peared in  danger '  seized  different  implements  to  aid  them  in 
swimming;  and  one  of  the  number  selected  for  this  purpose  the 
anchor. 

A  wittol,  a  barber,  and  a  bald-headed  man  travelled  together. 
Losing  their  way,  they  were  forced  to  sleep  in  the  open  air; 
and,  to  avert  danger,  it  was  agreed  to  keep  watch  by  turns.  The 
lot  fell  first  on  the  barber,  who,  for  amusement,  shaved  the 
fool's  head  while  he  slept;  he  then  woke  him,  and  the  fool, 
raising  his  hand  to  scratch  his  head,  exclaimed,  "Here's  a 
pretty  mistake !  Rascal,  you  have  waked  the  bald-headed  man 
instead  of  me." 

A  gentleman  had  a  cask  of  fine  wine,  from  which  his  servant 
stole  a  large  quantity.  When  the  master  perceived  the  defi- 
ciency, he  diligently  inspected  the  top  of  the  cask,  but  could 
find  no  traces  of  an  opening.  "  Look  if  there  be  not  a  hole  in 
the  bottom,"  said  a  bystander.  " Blockhead,"  he  replied,  "do 
you  not  see  that  the  deficiency  is  at  the  top,  and  not  at  the 
bottom  ?" 

BREVITY. 

The  London  member  of  the  house  of  Rothschild  once  wrote 
to  his  Paris  correspondent  to  ascertain  if  any  alteration  had 
occurred  in  the  price  of  certain  stocks.  The  inquiry  was  only 
a  simple 

• 
The  reply  was  equally  brief : — 

o 

Mr.  McNair,  a  man  of  few  words,  wrote  to  his  nephew  at 
Pittsburg  the  following  laconic  letter : — 
DEAR  NEPHEW, 

5 

To  which  the  nephew  replied,  by  return  of  mail, — 
DEAR  UNCLE, 

: 

The  long  of  this  short   was,   that   the  uncle   wrote  to  his 


FACETIAE.  485 

nephew,  See  my  coal  on,  which  a  se-mi-col-on  expressed ;  and 
the  youngster  informed  his  uncle  _that  the  coal  was  shipped,  by 
simply  saying,  Col-on. 

When  Lord  Buckley  married  a  rich  and  beautiful  lady,  whose 
hand  had  been  solicited  at  the  same  time  by  Lord  Powis,  in  the 
height  of  his  felicity  he  wrote  thus  to  the  Duke  of  Dorset : — 

Dear  Dorset : — I  am  the  happiest  dog  alive  !      BUCKLEY. 
ANSWER  : 

Dear  Buckley : — Every  dog  has  his  day.  DORSET. 

Louis  XIV.,  who  loved  a  concise  style,  one  day  met  a  priest 
on  the  road,  whom  he  asked,  hastily, — 

"  Whence  came  you — where  are  you  going — what  do  you 
want  ?" 

The  priest  instantly  replied, — 

"  From  Bruges — to  Paris — a  benefice." 

"  You  shall  have  it,"  replied  the  king. 

A  lady  having  occasion  to  call  upon  Abernethy,  the  great 
surgeon,  and  knowing  his  repugnance  to  any  thing  like  verbo- 
sity, forbore  speaking  except  simply  in  reply  to  his  laconic  in- 
quiries. The  consultation,  during  three  visits,  was  conducted 
in  the  following  manner  : — 

First  Day. — (Lady  enters  and  holds  out  her  finger.)  Aber- 
ne%.— "Cut?"  Lady.— "  Bite."  A.— "  Dog  ?"  L.— 
"  Parrot."  A. — "  Go  home  and  poultice  it." 

Second  Day. — (Finger  held  out  again,)  A. — "Better?" 
L. — "Worse."  A. —  "Go  home  and  poultice  it  again." 

Third  Day. — (Finger  held  out  as  before.)  A. — "  Better  ?" 
L. — "Well."  A. — "You're  the  most  sensible  woman  I  ever 
met  with.  Good-bye.  Get  out." 

Since  Caesar's  famous  "  veni,  vidi,  vici,"  (I  came,  I  saw,  I 
conquered,)  many  military  commanders  have  rendered  their 
despatches  memorable  for  pith  and  conciseness ;  but  Sir  Sid- 
ney Smith  bears  the  palm  for  both  wit  and  brevity  in  his  an- 
nouncement of  the  capture  of  Scinde: — "Peccavi"  (I  have 
sinned).  Gen.  Havelock's  "We  are  in  Lucknow"  has  already 
become  a  matter  of  history. 

41* 


486  FACETIAE. 

The  following  jeu  d'esprit,  written  in  1793,  was  occasioned 
by  the  circumstance  of  Lord  Howe  returning  from  his  pursuit 
of  the  French  fleet,  after  an  absence  of  six  weeks,  during  which 
he  had  only  seen  the  enemy,  without  having  been  able  to  over- 
take and  bring  them  to  action  : — 

When  Caesar  triumphed  o'er  his  Gallic  foes, 

Three  words  concise  his  gallant  acts  disclose ; 

But  Howe,  more  brief,  comprises  his  in  one, 

And  vidi  tells  us  all  that  he  has  done. 

If  brevity  is  the  soul  of  wit,  Talleyrand  was  the  greatest  of 
wits.  A  single  word  was  often  sufficient  for  his  keenest  retort. 
When  a  hypochondriac,  who  had  notoriously  led  a  profligate  life, 
complained  to  the  diplomatist  that  he  was  enduring  the  tor- 
ments of  hell, — "Je  sens  les  tourmens  de  1'enfer," — the  answer 
was,  "Dejh  f"  (Already  ?)  To  a  lady  who  had  lost  her  hus- 
band Talleyrand  once  addressed  a  letter  of  condolence  in  two 
words : — "  0,  Madame  I"  In  less  than  a  year  the  lady  had  mar- 
ried again;  and  then  his  letter  of  congratulation  was,  "Ah, 
Madame  !"  Could  any  thing  be  more  wittily  significant  than 
the  "  0"  and  the  "  Ah"  of  this  sententious  correspondence  ? 

SAME   JOKE    DIVERSIFIED. 

Prince  Metternich  once  requested  the  autograph  of  Jules 
Janin.  The  witty  journalist  sent  him  the  following  : — 

"  I  acknowledge  the  receipt  from  M.  de  Metternich  of  twenty 
bottles  of  Johannisberg,  for  which  I  return  infinite  thanks. 

"  JULES  JANIN." 

The  prince,  in  return,  doubled  the  quantity,  and  sent  him 
forty  bottles. 

This  is  equal  to  the  joke  of  Rochester  on  the  occasion  of 
Charles  II.'s  crew  of  rakes  writing  pieces  of  poetry  and  hand- 
ing them  to  Dryden,  so  that  he  might  decide  which  was  the 
prettiest  poet.  Rochester  finished  his  piece  in  a  few  minutes; 
and  Dryden  decided  that  it  was  the  best.  On  reading  it,  the 
lines  were  found  to  be  the  following : — 

"  I  promise  to  pay,  to  the  order  of  John  Dryden,  twenty 
pounds. — ROCHESTER." 


FACETIAE.  487 

The  following  hyperbolical  compliment  paid  to  Louis  XIV., 
after  his  numerous  victories,  is  almost  literally  translated  from 
the  French  of  a  Gascon  author  of  those  days,  and,  extraordi- 
nary as  it  may  seem,  is  said  to  have  obtained  for  the  writer  of 
it  the  premium  alluded  to  in  his  gasconade  : — 

To  him  whose  muse  in  lofty  strains 
Shall  blazon  Louis'  famed  campaigns 

And  every  great  exploit, 
Belongs  the  prize  of  twenty  pounds : — 
What !  only  twenty  !     Blood  and  wounds ! 

For  each  'tis  scarce  a  doit.« 

The  Emperor  Nicholas  of  Kussia  was  thus  "sold,"  a  few 
years  ago.  During  an  interview  which  Martineff,  the  come- 
dian and  mimic,  had  succeeded  in  obtaining  with  the  Prince, 
(Volkhonsky,  high  steward,)  the  emperor  walked  into  the  room 
unexpectedly,  yet  with  a  design,  as  was  soon  made  evident. 
Telling  the  actor  that  he  had  heard  of  his  talents  and  should 
like  to  see  a  specimen  of  them,  he  bade  him  mimic  the  old 
minister.  This  feat  was  performed  with  so  much  gusto  that 
the  emperor  laughed  immoderately,  and  then,  to  the  great  hor- 
ror of  the  poor  actor,  desired  to  have  himself  "  taken  off." 
"  'Tis  physically  impossible,"  pleaded  Martineff.  "  Non- 
sense!" said  Nicholas  :  "  I  insist  on  its  being  done."  Finding 
himself  on  the  horns  of  a  dilemma,  the  mimic  took  heart  of 
grace,  and,  with  a  promptitude  and  presence  of  mind  that  pro- 
bably saved  him,  buttoned  his  coat  over  his  breast,  expanded 
his  chest,  threw  up  his  head,  and,  assuming  the  imperial  port  to 
the  best  of  his  power,  strode  across  the  room  and  back ;  then, 
stopping  opposite  the  minister,  he  cried,  in  the  exact  tone  and 
manner  of  the  Czar,  "Volkhonsky !  pay  Monsieur  Martineff 
one  thousand  silver  roubles."  The  emperor  for  a  moment  was 
disconcerted  j  but,  recovering  himself  with  a  faint  smile,  he 
ordered  the  money  to  be  paid. 

*  The  following  inscription  on  a  medal  of  Louis  XIV.  illustrates  the  ser- 
vile adulation  of  that  period  : — 

See  in  profile  great  Louis  here  designed  ! 

Both  eyes  portrayed  would  strike  the  gazer  blind. 


488  FACETIAE. 

OLD   NICK. 

When  Nicholas  Biddle  was  President  of  the  United  States 
Bank,  there  was  an  old  negro  hanger-on  about  the  premises 
named  Harry.  One  day,  in  a  social  mood,  Biddle  said  to  the 
darkey,  "  Well  what  is  your  name,  my  old  friend?"  "Harry,  sir 
— ole  Harry,  sir,"  said  the  other,  touching  his  shabby  hat. 
"  Old  Harry!"  said  Biddle,  "why  that  is  the  name  that  they 
give  to  the  devil,  is  it  not?"  "  Yes,  sir,"  said  the  colored  gentle- 
man, "sometimes  ole  Harry  and  sometimes  ole  Nick." 

SYLLOGISM. 

The  famous  sorites  or  syllogism  of  Themistocles  was:  That 
his  infant  son  commanded  the  whole  world,  proved  thus : — 
My  infant  son  rules  his  mother. 
His  mother  rules  me. 
I  rule  the  Athenians. 
The  Athenians  rule  the  Greeks. 
The  Greeks  rule  Europe. 
And  Europe  rules  the  world. 

A   FALSE    FRIEND. 

"  You  may  say  what  you  please,"  said  Bill  Muggins,  speaking 
of  a  deceased  comrade,  "Jake  was  a  good  boy,  he  was,  and  a  great 
hunter;  but  he  was  the  meanest  man  that  ever  breathed  in  Old 
Kentuck ;  and  he  played  one  of  the  sharpest  tricks  you  ever 
heard  of,  and  I'll  tell  you  how  it  was.  I  was  out  shootin'  with 
him  one  mornin'.  I  tell  you  the  duck  was  plenty;  and  other 
game  we  despised  as  long  as  we  could  see  duck.  Jake  he  was 
too  mean  to  blaze  away  unless  he  could  shoot  two  or  three  at  a 
shot.  He  used  to  blow  me  up  for  wastin'  shot  and  powder  so, 
but  I  didn't  care — I  banged  away.  Well,  somehow  or  other, 
while  fussiu'  around  the  boat,  my  powder-flask  fell  overboard  in 
about  sixteen  feet  of  water,  which  was  as  clear  as  good  gin,  and 
I  could  see  the  flask  lay  at  the  bottom.  Jake  was  a  good 
swimmer,  and  a  good  diver,  and  he  said  he'd  fetch  her  up ;  so  in 
a  minit  he  was  in.  Well,  I  waited  quite  a  considerable  time 
for  him  to  come  up ;  then  I  looked  over  the  side  for  him.  Great 
Jerusalem !  there  sot  old  Jake  on  a  pile  of  oyster-shells  pourin' 
the  powder  out  of  my  flask  into  his'n.  Wasn't  that  mean?" 


FACETIJE.  489 

GASCONADE   AND    HOAXING. 

A  Gascon,  in  proof  of  his  nobility,  asserted  that  in  his 
father's  castle  they  used  no  other  firewood  than  the  batons  of 
the  different  marshals  of  France  of  his  family. 

A  Gascon  officer,  on  hearing  of  the  boastful  exploits  of  a  cer- 
tain prince,  who,  among  other  things,  had  killed  six  men  with 
his  own  hands  in  the  course  of  an  assault  upon  a  city,  said,  dis- 
dainfully, "  Poh,  that's  nothing :  the  mattress  I  sleep  on  is 
stuffed  with  nothing  but  the  whiskers  of  those  I  have  sent  to 
the  other  world." 

Vernon's  skill  in  the  invention  of  marvellous  stories  has 
never  been  surpassed,  even  by  the  peddlers  of  wooden  nutmegs. 
Talking  one  day  about  the  intense  heat  of  the  sun  in  India,  he 
remarked  that  it  was  a  common  thing  there  for  people  to  be 
charred  to  powder  by  a  coup  de  soleil,  and  that  upon  one  occa- 
sion, while  dining  with  a  Hindoo,  one  of  his  host's  wives  was 
suddenly  reduced  to  ashes,  whereupon  the  Hindoo  rang  the  bell, 
and  said  to  the  attendant  who  answered  it,  "  Bring  fresh 
glasses,  and  sweep  up  your  mistress." 

Another  of  his  stories  was  this.  He  happened  to  be  shoot- 
ing hyenas  near  Carthage,  when  he  stumbled,  and  fell  down  an 
abyss  of  many  fathoms'  depth.  He  was  surprised,  however,  to 
find  himself  unhurt;  for  he  lighted  as  if  on  a  feather  bed. 
Presently  he  perceived  that  he  was  gently  moved  upward ;  and, 
having  by  degrees  reached  the  mouth  of  the  abyss,  he  again 
stood  safe  on  terra  firma.  He  had  fallen  upon  an  immense 
mass  of  bats,  which,  disturbed  from  their  slumbers,  had  risen 
out  of  the  abyss  and  brought  him  up  with  them. 

CHAELES    MATHEWS    AND    THE    SILVER    SPOON. 

Soon  after  Mathews  went  from  York  to  the  Haymarket  Thea- 
tre, he  was  invited  with  other  performers  to  dine  with  Mr. 

A ,  afterwards   an  eminent  silversmith,  but  who  at  that 

period  followed  the  business  of  a  pawnbroker.     It  so  happened 

that  A was  called  out  of  the  parlor,  at  the  back  of  the 

shop,  during  dinner.     Mathews,  with  wonderful  celerity,  alter 


490  FACETLS. 

ing  his  hair,  countenance,  hat,  &c.,  took  a  large  gravy-spoon 
off  the  dinner-table,  ran  instantly  into  the  street,  entered  one 
of  the  little  dark  doors  leading  to  the  pawnbroker's  counter, 
and  actually  pledged  to  the  unconscious  A his  own  gravy- 
spoon.  Mathews  contrived  with  equal  rapidity  to  return  and 

seat  himself  (having  left  the  street-door  open)  before  A 

reappeared  at  the  dinner-table.  As  a  matter  of  course,  this 
was  made  the  subject  of  a  wager.  An  tclaircissement  took 
place  before  the  party  broke  up,  to  the  infinite  astonishment 
of  A . 

A   ROYAL    QUANDARY. 

On  the  first  consignment  of  Seidlitz  Powders  to  the  capital 
of  Delhi,  the  monarch  was  deeply  interested  in  the  accounts  of 
the  refreshing  beverage.  A  box  was  brought  to  the  king  in 
full  court,  and  the  interpreter  explained  to  his  majesty  how  it 
was  to  be  used.  Into  a  goblet  he  put  the  contents  of  the 
twelve  blue  papers ;  and,  having  added  water,  the  king  drank 
it  off.  This  was  the  alkali,  and  the  royal  countenance  exhibited 
no  sign  of  satisfaction.  It  was  then  explained  that  in  the 
combination  of  the  two  powders  lay  the  luxury;  and  the 
twelve  white  powders  were  quickly  dissolved  in  water,  and  as 
eagerly  swallowed  by  his  majesty.  With  a  shriek  that  will 
never  be  forgotten,  the  monarch  rose,  staggered,  exploded,  and, 
in  his  agony,  screamed,  "  Hold  me  down  !"  Then,  rushing  from 
the  throne,  he  fell  pi'ostrate  on  the  floor.  There  he  lay  during 
the  long-continued  effervescence  of  the  compound,  spirting  like 
ten  thousand  pennyworths  of  imperial  pop,  and  believing 
himself  in  the  agonies  of  death,  a  melancholy  and  convincing 
proof  that  kings  are  mortal. 

RELICS. 

"  What  is  this  ?"  said  a  traveller,  who  entertained  reason- 
able doubts  as  to  the  genuineness  of  certain  so-called  relics  of 
antiquity,  while  visiting  an  old  cathedral  in  the  Netherlands : 
"  what  is  contained  in  this  phial  ?" 


FACETIAE.  491 

"  Sir,"  replied  the  sacristan,  "  that  fhial  contains  one  of  the 
frogs  picked  up  when  Pharaoh  was  visited  with  the  plague  of 
frogs." 

"I  am  sure,  then,"  rejoined  the  traveller,  "there  could  have 
been  no  epicures  in  those  days." 

"Why  so  "  said  the  sacristan. 

"  Because  they  would  have  eaten  him,  he  is  so  large  and  fat." 

The  traveller  took  up  another  phial  which  was  near.  "  This 
contains?"  said  he, — 

"  That  is  a  most  precious  relic  of  the  church,  which  we  value 
very  highly." 

"  It  looks  very  dark." 

"There  is  good  reason  for  that." 

"  I  am  somewhat  curious.     Tell  me  why." 

"You  perceive  it  is  very  dark." 

"I  own  it." 

"That,  sir,  is  some  of  the  darkness  which  Moses  spread  over 
the  land  of  Egypt." 

"  Indeed !  I  presume,  what  the  moderns  call  darkness  made 
visible." 

ASSOCIATION    OF   IDEAS. 

"  Mother,"  asked  a  little  girl,  while  listening  to  the  reading 
of  Uncle  Tom's  Cabin,  "why  don't  the  book  never  mention 
Topsy's  last  name?  I  have  tried  to  hear  it  whenever  it  speaks 
of  her,  but  it  has  not  once  said  it." 

"Why,  she  had  no  other  name,  my  child." 

"Yes  she  had,  mother,  and  I  know  it." 

"Well,  what  was  it?" 

"  Why  Turvy — Topsy  Turvy." 

"You  had  better  go  to  bed,  my  dear,"  said  the  mother. 
"  You  are  as  bad  as  your  old  grandmother,  for  she  can't  say 
pork  without  beans,  for  the  life  of  her." 

P.  AND    Q. 

When  it  was  fully  expected  that  Mr.  W ,  whose  unmanage- 
able voice  had  obtained  for  him  the  title  of  "Bubble  and 


492  FACETIAE. 

Squeak,"  would  be  elected  Speaker  of  the  House  of  Commons, 
and  Mr.  Canning  was  so  informed,  he  observed  that  if  the 
report  were  true,  the  members  must  mind  their  P's  and  Q's; 
or  else,  instead  of  saying  "Mr.  Speaker/'  they  would  say  "Mr. 
Squeaker!" 

"JACK  ROBINSON." 

Lord  Eldon  relates  that  during  the  parliamentary  debates  on 
the  India  Bill,  when  Mr.  John  Robinson  was  Secretary  to  the 
Treasury,  Sheridan,  on  one  evening  when  Fox's  majorities  were 
decreasing,  said,  "  Mr.  Speaker,  this  is  not  at  all  to  be  wondered 
at,  when  a  member  is  employed  to  corrupt  everybody  in  order 
to  obtain  votes."  Upon  this  there'  was  a  great  outcry  by 
almost  everybody  in  the  house.  "Who  is  it?"  "Name  him  ! 
Name  him!"  "Sir,"  said  Sheridan  to  the  Speaker,  "I  shall 
not  name  the  person.  It  is  an  unpleasant  and  invidious  thing 
to  do  so ;  and,  therefore,  I  shall  not  name  him.  But  don't  suppose, 
Sir,  that  I  abstain  because  there  is  any  difficulty  in  naming 
him;  I  could  do  that,  Sir,  as  soon  as  you  could  say  'Jack 
Robinson.'" 

A   RUSSIAN  JESTER   AND    HIS   JOKES. 

Popular  traditions  in  Russia  unite  in  representing  the  jester 
Balakireff  as  the  constant  attendant  of  Peter  the  Great,  who 
figures  largely  in  all  the  stories  attached  to  the  name  of  his 
buffoon. 

On  one  occasion  Balakireff  begged  permission  of  his  imperial 
master  to  attach  himself  to  the  guard  stationed  at  the  palace, 
and  Peter,  for  the  sake  of  the  joke,  consented — warning  him  at 
the  same  time  that  any  officer  of  the  guard  who  happened  to 
lose  his  sword,  or  to  be  absent  from  his  post  when  summoned, 
was  punished  with  death.  The  newly-made  officer  promised  to 
do  his  best;  but  the  temptation  of  some  good  wine  sent  to  his 
quarters  that  evening  by  the  Czar,  "to  moisten  his  commission," 
proved  too  strong  for  him;  and  he  partook  so  freely  as  to 
become  completely  "screwed."  While  he  was  sleeping  off  his 


FACETIAE.  493 

debauch,  Peter  stole  softly  into  the  room,  and  carried  off  his 
sword.  Balakireff  missing  it  on  awakening,  and  frightened 
out  of  his  wits  at  the  probable  consequences,  could  devise  no 
better  remedy  than  to  replace  the  weapon  with  his  own  profes- 
sional sword  of  lath, — the  hilt  and  trappings  of  which  were 
exactly  similar  to  those  of  the  guardsmen.  Thus  equipped,  he 
appeared  on  parade  the  next  morning,  confident  in  the  assurance 
of  remaining  undetected,  if  not  forced  to  draw  his  weapon. 
But  Peter,  who  had  doubtless  foreseen  this  contingency, 
instantly  began  storming  at  one  of  the  men  for  his  untidy 
appearance,  and  at  length  faced  round  upon  Balakireff  with  the 
stern  order,  "  Captain  Balakireff,  draw  your  sword  and  cut  that 
sloven  down!" 

The  poor  jester,  thus  brought  fairly  to  bay,  laid  his  hand  on 
his  hilt  as  if  to  obey,  but  at  the  same  time  exclaimed  fervently, 
"  Merciful  Heaven !  let  my  sword  be  turned  into  wood !" 

And  drawing  the  weapon,  he  exhibited  in  very  deed  a  harm- 
less lath.  Even  the  presence  of  the  Emperor  was  powerless  to 
check  the  roar  of  laughter  which  followed,  and  Balakireff  was 
allowed  to  escape. 

The  jester's  ingenuity  occasionally  served  him  in  extricating 
others  from  trouble  as  well  as  himself.  A  cousin  of  his,  having 
fallen  under  the  displeasure  of  the  Czar,  was  about  to  be  exe- 
cuted; and  Balakireff  presented  himself  at  Court  to  petition 
for  a  reprieve.  Peter,  seeing  him  enter,  and  at  once  divining 
his  errand,  shoutsd  to  him:  "It's  no  use  your  coming  here;  I 
swear  that  I  will  not  grant  what  you  are  going  to  ask !" 

Quick  as  thought,  Balakireff  dropped  on  his  knees,  and  ex- 
claimed, "  Peter  Alexejevitch,  I  beseech  you  put  that  scamp  of 
a  cousin  of  mine  to  death !" 

Peter;  thus  caught  in  his  own  trap,  had  no  choice  but  to 
laugh,  and  send  a  pardon  to  the  offender. 

During  one  of  the  Czar's  Livonian  campaigns,  a  thick  fog 
greatly  obstructed  the  movements  of  the  army.     At  length  a 
pale  watery  gleam  began  to  show  itself  through  the  mist,  and 
42 


494  FACETIAE. 

two  of  the  Russian  officers  fell  to  disputing  whether  this  were 
the  sun  or  not.  Balakireff,  happening  to  pass  by  at  that 
moment,  they  appealed  to  him  to  decide.  "  Is  that  light  yonder 
the  sun,  brother?" 

"How  should  I  know,"  answered  the  jester;  "I've  never 
been  here  before !" 

At  the  end  of  the  same  campaign,  several  of  the  officers 
were  relating  their  exploits,  when  Balakireff  stepped  in  among 
them.  "I've  got  a  story  to  tell,  too,"  cried  he,  boastfully;  "a 
better  one  than  any  of  yours !" 

"  Let  us  hear  it,  then,"  answered  the  officers ;  and  Balakireff 
began, — 

"  I  never  liked  this  way  of  fighting,  all  in  a  crowd  together, 
which  they  have  nowadays ;  it  seems  to  me  more  manly  for 
each  to  stand  by  himself;  and  therefore  I  always  went  out 
alone.  Now  it  chanced  that  one  day,  while  re^connoitering 
close  to  the  enemy's  outposts,  I  suddenly  espied  a  Swedish 
soldier  lying  on  the  ground,  just  in  front  of  me.  There  was 
not  a  moment  to  lose ;  he  might  start  up  and  give  the  alarm. 
I  drew  my  sword,  rushed  upon  him,  and  at  one  blow  cut  off 
his  right  foot !" 

"  You  fool !"  cried  one  of  the  listeners,  "  you  should  rather 
have  cut  off  his  head !" 

"  So  I  would,"  answered  Balakireff,  with  a  grin,  "  but  some- 
body else  had  done  that  already !" 

At  tunes  Balakireff  pushed  his  waggeries  too  far,  and  gave 
serious  offense  to  his  formidable  patron.  On  one  of  these 
occasions  the  enraged  Emperor  summarily  banished  him  from 
the  Court,  bidding  him  "  never  appear  on  Russian  soil  again." 
The  jester  disappeared  accordingly;  but  a  week  had  hardly 
elapsed  when  Peter,  standing  at  his  window,  espied  his  dis- 
graced favorite  coolly  driving  a  cart  past  the  very  gates  of  the 
palace.  Foreseeing  some  new  jest,  he  hastened  down,  and 
asked  with  pretended  roughness,  "  How  dare  you  disobey  me, 
when  I  forbade  you  to  show  yourself  on  Russian  ground  ?" 


THE   PLASHES    OF    REPARTEE.  495 

"  I  haven't  disobeyed  you,"  answered  Balakireff,  coolly  j 
"  I'm  not  on  Russian  ground  now  !" 

"  Not  on  Russian  ground  ?" 

"  No ;  this  cart-load  of  earth  that  I'm  sitting  on  is  Swedish 
soil.  I  dug  it  up  in  Finland  only  the  other  day !" 

Peter,  who  had  doubtless  begun  already  to  regret  the  loss  of 
his  jester,  laughed  at  the  evasion,  and  restored  him  to  favor. 
Some  Russian  writers  embellished  this  story  (a  German  version 
of  which  figures  in  the  adventures  of  Tyll  Eulcnspiegel)  with 
the  addition  that  Peter,  on  hearing  the  excuse,  answered,  "If 
Finland  be  Swedish  soil  now,  it  shall  be  Russian  before  long" — 
a  threat  which  he  was  not  slow  to  fulfill. 


Jflasftes  of 

CURRAN,  being  angry  in  a  debate  one  day,  put  his  hand  on 
his  heart,  saying:  "  I  am  the  trusty  guardian  of  my  own  honor." 
"Then,"  replied  Sir  Boyle  Roche,  "I  congratulate  my  honor- 
able friend  on  the  snug  sinecure  to  which  he  has  appointed 
himself." 

On  one  occasion  as  the  Rev.  Matthew  Wilkes,  a  celebrated 
London  preacher,  was  on  his  way  to  a  meeting  of  ministers,  he 
got  caught  in  a  shower  in  the  place  called  Billingsgate,  where 
there  were  a  large  number  of  women  dealing  in  fish,  who  were 
using  most  profane  and  vulgar  language.  As  he  stopped  under 
a  shed  in  the  midst  of  them,  he  felt  called  upon  to  give  at  least 
his  testimony  against  their  wickedness. 

"Don't  you  think,"  said  he,  speaking  with  the  greatest 
deliberation  and  solemnity,  "  I  shall  appear  as  a  swift  witness 
against  you  in  the  day  of  judgment?" 

"I  presume  so,"  said  one,  "for  the  biggest  rogue  always  turns 
State's  evidence." 


496  THE  FLASHES  OP  REPARTEE. 

Matthew,  when  he  got  to  the  meeting,  related  the  incident. 
"And  what  did  you  say  in  reply,  Mr.  Wilkes?"  said  one  of 
the  ministers  present. 

"  What  could  I  ?"  was  the  characteristic  reply. 

The  late  Mr.  Cobden  used  to  tell  the  following  anecdote : — 
"  When  in  America,"  said  he,  "  I  asked  an  enthusiastic 
American  lady  why  her  country  could  not  rest  satisfied  with 
the  immense  unoccupied  territories  it  already  possessed,  but 
must  ever  be  hankering  after  the  lands  of  its  neighbors,  when 
her  somewhat  remarkable  reply  was,  "  Oh,  the  propensity  is  a 
very  bad  one,  I  admit;  but  we  came  honestly  by  it,  for  we 
inherited  it  from  England." 

When  Napoleon  was  only  an  officer  of  artillery,  a  Prussian 
officer  said  in  his  presence  with  much  pride,  "  My  countrymen 
fight  only  for  glory,  but  Frenchmen  for  money."  "  You  are 
right,"  replied  Napoleon ;  "  each  of  them  fight  for  what  they 
are  most  in  want  of." 

A  gentleman  complimented  a  lady  on  her  improved  appear- 
ance. "  You  are  guilty  of  flattery,"  said  the  lady.  "  Not  so," 
replied  he,  "  for  I  vow  you  are  as  plump  as  a  partridge."  "At 
first,"  responded  she,  "  I  thought  you  guilty  of  flattery  only, 
but  you  are  now  actually  making  game  of  me." 

A  pedlar  asked  an  old  lady,  to  whom  he  was  trying  to  sell 
some  articles,  if  she  could  tell  him  of  any  road  that  no  pedlar 
had  ever  travelled.  "  I  know  of  but  one,"  said  she,  "  and  that 
is  the  road  to  Heaven." 

"  What  is  that  dog  barking  at  ?"  asked  a  fop,  whose  boots 
were  more  polished  than  his  ideas.  "  Why,"  said  the  bystander, 
"  he  sees  another  puppy  in  your  boots." 

A  Quaker  gentleman,  riding  in  a  carriage  with  a  fashionable 
lady  decked  with  a  profusion  of  jewelry,  heard  her  complaining 
of  the  cold.  Shivering  in  her  lace  bonnet  and  shawl,  as  light 


THE  PLASHES  OP  REPARTEE.  497 

as  a  cobweb,  she  exclaimed :  "  What  shall  I  do  to  get  warm  ?" 
"  I  really  don't  know/'  replied  the  Quaker  solemnly,  "  unless 
thee  puts  on  another  breastpin." 

I  dined  once  with  Curran,  said  one  of  his  friends,  in  the 
public  room  of  the  chief  inn  at  Greenwich,  when  he  talked  a 
great  deal,  and,  as  usual,  with  considerable  exaggeration.  Speak- 
ing of  something  which  he  would  not  do  on  any  inducement, 
he  exclaimed  :  "I  had  rather  be  hanged  upon  twenty  gibbets." 
"  Don't  you  think,  sir,  that  one  would  be  enough  for  you  ?" 
said  a  girl,  a  stranger,  who  was  sitting  at  the  table  next  to  us. 
You  ought  to  have  seen  Curran's  face  just  then. 

A  tourist  being  exceedingly  thirsty,  stopped  at  a  house  by 
the  roadside,  and  asked  for  a  drink  of  milk.  He  emptied 
several  cups,  and  asked  for  more.  The  woman  of  the  house  at 
length  brought  out  a  large  bowl  filled  with  milk,  and  setting  it 
down  on  the  table,  remarked,  "  A  person  would  think,  sir,  that 
you  had  never  been  weaned." 

Theodore  Hook  was  walking,  in  the  days  of  Warren's  black- 
ing, where  one  of  the  emissaries  of  that  shining  character  had 

written  on  the  wall,  "  Try  Warren's  B ,"  but  had  been 

frightened  by  the  approach  of  the  owner  of  the  property,  and 
had  fled.  "  The  rest  is  lacking,"  said  the  wit. 

The  famous  Kochester  one  day  met  Dr.  Barrow  in  the  Park,, 
and  being  determined,  as  he  said,  to  put  down  the  rusty  piece 
of  divinity,  accosted  him  by  taking  off  his  hat,  and  with  a 
profound  bow,  exclaimed:  "Doctor,  I  am  yours  to  my  shoe- 
tie."  The  Doctor,  perceiving  his  aim,  returned  the  salute  with 
equal  ceremony:  " My  Lord,  I  am  yours  to  the  ground."  His 
lordship  then  made  a  deeper  salam,  and  said:  "Doctor,  I  am 
yours  to  the  centre."  Barrow  replied,  "My  Lord,  I  am  yours 
to  the  antipodes,"  on  which  Rochester  made  another  attempt 
by  exclaiming.  "  I  am  yours  to  the  lowest  pit."  "  There,  my 
Lord,  I  leave  you,"  replied  Barrow. 
2G  42* 


498  THE  FLASHES  OF  REPARTEE. 

A  windy  M.  P.,  in  the  midst  of  a  tedious  speech,  stopped  to 
imbibe  a  glass  of  water. 

"I  rise,"  said  Sheridan,  "to  a  point  of  order." 

^Everybody  started,  wondering  what  the  point  of  order  was. 

"What  is  it?"  said  the  speaker. 

"I  think,  sir,"  said  Sheridan,  "  it  is  out  of  order  for  a  wind- 
mill to  go  by  water." 

At  Oxford,  some  twenty  years  ago,  a  tutor  in  one  of  the 
colleges  limped  in  his  walk.  Stopping  one  day  last  summer  at 
a  railroad  station,  he  was  accosted  by  a  well-known  politician, 
who  recognized  him,  and  asked  him  if  he  was  not  the  chaplain 
at  the  college  at  such  a  time,  naming  the  year.  The  doctor 
replied  that  he  was.  "I  was  there,"  said  the  interrogator,  "and 
I  know  you  by  your  limp."  "  Well,"  said  the  doctor,  "  it  seems 
that  my  limping  made  a  deeper,  impression  on  you  than  my 
preaching."  "Ah,  doctor,"  was  the  ready  reply,  "it  is  the 
highest  compliment  we  can  pay  a  minister  to  say  that  he  is 
known  by  his  walk,  rather  than  by  his  conversation." 

When  Onslow  was  speaker  of  the  British  House  of  Com- 
mons, a  member,  who  was  very  fond  of  hearing  himself  speak — 
though  nobody  would  listen  to  him — on  one  occasion  made  a 
direct  appeal  to  the  chair,  in  consequence  of  the  accustomed 
noise  that  was  going  on :  "  Mr.  Speaker,  I  desire  to  know  if  I 
have  not  a  right  to  be  heard  ?  "  The  speaker  hoped,  at  first,  to 
escape  the  necessity  of  a  reply,  by  calling  "Order!  Order!"  but 
this  proving,  as  usual,  of  no  avail,  the  honorable  member  in- 
quired, in  a  louder  tone  than  before, "  Sir,  have  not  I  a  right  to  be 
heard?"  "Sir,"  replied  Onslow,  "you  have  a  right  to  speak." 

Penn,  the  founder  of  Pennsylvania,  abhorred  smoking.  His 
Quaker  Council  one  day  observing  him  approach,  laid  down  their 
pipes.  "I  am  glad  to  see,"  said  Penn,  "that  you  are  ashamed 
of  that  vile  habit."  "Not  at  all,"  said  a  principal  Friend,  "we 
only  lay  down  our  pipes  lest  we  should  offend  a  weak  brother" 


THE  PLASHES  OF  REPARTEE.  499 

A  saloon-keeper  having  started  business  in  a  building  where 
trunks  had  been  made,  asked  a  friend  what  he  had  better  do 
with  the  old  sign,  "  Trunk  Factory."  "  0,"  said  the  friend, 
"just  change  the  T  to  D,  and  it  will  suit  you  exactly." 

Years  ago,  when  Henry  Ward  Beecher's  reputation  was  not 
world- wide,  a  Western  Young  Men's  Christian  Association 
tried  to  persuade  the  divine  to  go  out  and  lecture  to  them  with- 
out charge,  saying  it  would  increase  his  fame.  He  telegraphed  in 
reply:  "I  will  lecture  for  F.  A.  M.  E. — fifty  and  my  expenses." 

Admiral  Keppel  was  sent  to  the  Dey  of  Algiers  to  negotiate 
the  restoration  of  some  English  vessels  which  had  been  captured 
by  Algerine  pirates.  He  advocated  the  cause  entrusted  to  him 
with  a  warmth  and  spirit  which  completely  confounded  the 
Dey's  ideas  of  what  was  due  to  absolute  power.  "  I  wonder," 
said  the  offended  dignitary,  "at  the  King  of  England's  insolence 
in  sending  me  such  a  foolish,  beardless  boy." 

"Had  my  master,"  retorted  Keppel,  "considered  that  wisdom 
was  to  be  measured  by  the  length  of  the  beard,  he  would  have 
sent  you  a  he-goat." 

Thackeray  tells  us  of  a  woman  begging  alms  from  him, 
who,  when  she  saw  him  put  his  hand  in  his  pocket,  cried  out: 
"  May  the  blessing  of  God  follow  you  all  your  life !"  •  But,  when 
he  only  pulled  out  his  snuff-box,  she  immediately  added :  "  And 
never  overtake  ye." 

Dr.  Reid,  the  celebrated  medical  writer,  was  requested  by  a 
lady  of  literary  eminence  to  call  at  her  house.  "  Be  sure  you 
recollect  the  address,"  she  said  as  she  quitted  the  room — "  No. 
1  Chesterfield  street."  "Madam,"  said  the  doctor,  "I  am  too 
great  an  admirer  of  politeness  not  to  remember  Chesterfield,  and, 
I  fear,  too  selfish  ever  to  forget  Number  One." 

Two  men  disputing  about  the  pronunciation  of  the  word 
"either" — one  saying  it  was  ee-ther,  the  other  i-ther — agreed  to 
refer  it  to  the  first  person  they  met,  who  happened  to  be  an 
Irishman,  who  confounded  both  by  declaring,  "it's  nayther, 
for  it's  ayther." 


500  THE  FLASHES  OF  REPARTEE. 

A  Parisian  millionaire  once  wrote  to  the  celebrated  comic  au- 
thor, Scribe: — "Honored  Sir — I  wish  very  much  to  ally  my 
name  with  yours  in  the  creation  of  a  dramatic  work.  Will  you 
be  so  kind  as  to  write  a  comedy  of  which  I  shall  compose  one  or 
two  lines,  so  that  I  may  be  mentioned  in  the  title;  I  will  bear 
the  entire  pecimiary  expense,  so  that  I  may  divide  the  glory." 
Scribe,  who  was  vain  even  to  conceit,  replied  : — "  Sir — I  regret 
that  I  cannot  comply  with  your  modest  request.  It  is  not  in 
accordance  with  my  ideas  of  religion  or  propriety  that  a  horse 
and  an  ass  should  be  yoked  together."  To  which  the  million- 
aire quickly  responded : — "  Sir — I  have  received  your  imperti- 
nent letter.  How  dare  you  call  me  a  horse ! " 

Voltaire  was  warmly  panegyrizing  Haller  one  day,  when  a 
person  present  remarked  that  his  eulogy  was  very  disinterested, 
for  Haller  did  not  speak  well  of  him.  "  Ah,  well,  "  said  Vol- 
taire, "perhaps  we  are  both  of  us  mistaken." 

An  Irishman,  abusing  Erin,  declared  that  it  contained  noth- 
ing good  but  the  whiskey.  Whereupon  a  wag  observed,  "  You 
mean  to  say,  then,  that  with  all  her  faults  you  love  her  still." 

Bacon  relates  that  a  fellow  named  Hogg  importuned  Sir 
Nicholas  to  save  his  life  on  account  of  the  kindred  between 
Hog  and  Bacon.  "Aye,"  replied  the  judge,  "but  you  and  I 
cannot  be  kindred  except  you  be  hanged,  for  Hog  is  not  Bacon 
until  it  be  well  hanged." 

Lord  Eldon,  struck  by  the  appearance  of  a  beautiful  woman 
passing  Westminster  Hall,  expressed  his  admiration  freely. 
The  lady  overhearing,  returned  the  compliment  by  pronouncing 
him  to  a  friend  near  by  a  most  excellent  judge. 

Thackeray,  while  in  Charleston,  S.  C.,  was  introduced  to  Mrs. 
C.,  one  of  the  leaders  of  its  society.  In  his  pert  way  he  £aid, 
"I  am  happy  to  meet  you,  madam;  I  have  heard  that  you  are 
a  fast  woman."  "Oh,  Mr.  Thackeray,"  she  replied  with  a  fas- 
cinating smile,  "we  must  not  believe  all  we  hear;  I  had  heard, 
sir,  that  you  were  a  gentleman." 


THE   SEXES.  501 

Mr.  Spurgeon  rebuked  certain  of  his  followers  who  refused  to 
interfere  in  politics  on  the  ground  that  they  were  "not  of  this 
world."  This,  he  argued,  was  mere  metaphor.  "  You  might  as 
well,"  said  he,  "  being  sheep  of  the  Lord,  decline  to  eat  mutton- 
chop  on  the  plea  that  it  would  be  cannibalism." 

A  young  barrister,  intending  to  be  very  eloquent,  observed, 
"  such  principles  as  these,  my  Lord,  are  written  in  the  Book  of 
Nature."  "What  page,  sir?"  said  Lord  Chief  Justice  Ellen- 
borough  ;  and  the  orator  was  silenced  for  life. 


As  unto  the  bow  the  cord  is, 

So  unto  the  man  is  woman  : 

Though  she  bends  him,  she  obeys  him; 

Though  she  draws  him,  yet  she  follows  ; 

Useless  each  without  the  other. — Hiawatha*. 

MRS.  JAMESON,  speaking  of  the  mistaken  belief  that  there 
are  essential  masculine  and  feminine  virtues  and  vices,  says  it 
is  not  the  quality  itself,  but  the  modification  of  the  quality, 
which  is  masculine  or  feminine;  and  on  the  manner  or  degree 
in  which  these  are  balanced  or  combined  in  the  individual,  de- 
pends the  perfection  of  that  individual  character.  As  the  in- 
fluences of  religion  are  extended  and  as  civilization  advances, 
those  qualities  which  are  now  admired  as  essentially  feminine 
will  be  considered  as  essentially  human, — such  as  gentleness, 
purity,  the  more  unselfish  and  spiritual  sense  of  duty,  and  the 
dominance  of  the  affections  over  the  passions.  This  is,  perhaps, 
what  Buffon,  speaking  as  a  naturalist,  meant  when  he  said  that 
with  the  progress  of  humanity  Les  races  se  ftminisent.  The 
axiom  of  the  Greek  philosopher  Antisthenes,  the  disciple  of 
Socrates,  The  virtue  of  the  man  and  the  woman  is  the  same, 


502  THE    SEXES. 

shows  a  perception  of  this  moral  truth,  a  sort  of  anticipation  of 
the  Christian  doctrine,  even  in  the  pagan  times. 

Every  reader  of  Wordsworth  will  recollect  the  poem  entitled 
The  Happy  Warrior.  It  has  been  quoted  as  an  epitome  of 
every  manly,  soldierly,  and  elevated  quality.  Those  who  make 
the  experiment  of  merely  substituting  the  word  WOMAN  for  the 
word  WARRIOR,  and  changing  the  feminine  for  the  masculine 
pronoun,  will  find  that  it  reads  equally  well,  and  from  begin- 
ning to  end  is  literally  as  applicable  to  the  one  sex  as  to  the 
other.  As  thus  : — 

CHARACTER   OF   THE   HAPPY   WOMAN. 
Who  is  the  happy  woman  .*     Who  is  she 
That  every  woman  born  should  wish  to  be  ? 
It  is  the  generous  spirit  who,  when  brought 
Among  the  tasks  of  real  life,  hath  wrought 
Upon  the  plan  that  pleased  her  childish  thought  ; 
Whose  high  endeavors  are  an  inward  light, 
That  makes  the  path  before  her  always  bright; 
Who,  with  a  natural  instinct  to  discern 
What  knowledge  can  perform,  is  diligent  to  learn; 
Abides  by  this  resolve,  and  stops  not  there, 
But  makes  her  moral  being  her  prime  care  ; 
Who,  doomed  to  go  in  company  with  pain, 
And  fear,  and  sorrow,  miserable  train  ! 
Turns  that  necessity  to  glorious  gain  ; 
In  face  of  these  doth  exercise  a  power 
Which  is  our  human  nature's  highest  dower; 
Controls  them  .and  subdues,  transmutes,  bereaves 
Of  their  bad  influence,  and  their  good  receives; 
By  objects,  which  might  force  the  soul  to  abate 
Her  feeling,  rendered  more  compassionate ; 
Is  placable, — because  occasions  rise 
So  often  that  demand  such  sacrifice; 
More  skilful  in  self-knowledge,  even  more  pure 
As  tempted  more ;  more  able  to  endure 
As  more  exposed  to  suffering  and  distress ; 
Thence,  also,  more  alive  to  tenderness. 
'Tis  she  whose  law  is  reason ;  who  depends 
Upon  that  law  as  on  the  best  <3f  friends ; 
Whence,  in  a  state  where  men  are  tempted  still 
To  evil  for  a  gu'ard  against  worse  ill, 
And  what  in  quality  or  act  is  best 
Doth  seldom  on  a  right  foundation  rest, 


THE    SEXES.  503 

She  fixes  good  on  good  alone,  and  owes 

To  virtue  every  triumph  that  she  knows; 

Who,  if  she  rise  to  station  or  command, 

Rises  by  open  means,  and  there  will  stand 

On  honorable  terms,  or  else  retire — 

***** 

Who  comprehends  her  trust,  and  to  the  same 

Keeps  faithful  with  a  singleness  of  aim ; 

And  therefore  does  not  stoop,  nor  lie  in  wait 

For  wealth,  or  honors,  or  for  worldly  state ; 

Whom  they  must  follow;  on  whose  head  must  fall 

Like  showers  of  manna,  if  they  come  at  all; 

Whose  power  shed  round  her,  in  the  common  strife 

Or  mild  concerns  of  ordinary  life, 

A  constant  influence,  a  peculiar  grace ; 

But  who,  if  she  be  called  upon  to  face 

Some  awful  moment  to  which  Heaven  has  joined 

Great  issues,  good  or  bad  for  human  kind, 

Is  happy  as  a  lover ;  and,  attired 

With  sudden  brightness,  like  to  one  inspired; 

And  through  the  heat  of  conflict  keeps  the  law 

In  calmness  made,  and  sees  what  she  foresaw; 

Or  if  an  unexpected  call  succeed, 

Come  when  it  will,  is  equal  to  the  need ! 

Mrs.  Jameson  adds  that  in  all  these  fifty-six  lines  there  is 
only  one  line  which  cannot  be  feminized  in  its  significance, — 
that  filled  up  with  asterisks,  and  which  is  totally  at  variance 
with  the  ideal  of  a  happy  woman.  It  is  the  line — 

And  in  himself  possess  his  own  desire. 

No  woman  could 'exist  happily  or  virtuously  in  such  complete 
independence  of  all  external  affections  as  these  words  express. 
"  Her  desire  is  to  her  husband  :"  this  is  the  sort  of  subjection 
prophesied  for  the  daughters  of  Eve.  A  woman  doomed  to 
exist  without  this  earthly  rest  for  her  affections  does  not  "in 
herself  possess  her  own  desire  ;"  she  turns  towards  God ;  and, 
if  she  does  not  make  her  life  a  life  of  worship,  she  makes  it  a 
life  of  charity,  or  she  dies  a  spiritual  and  a  moral  death.  Is  it 
much  better  with  the  man  who  concentrates  his  aspirations  in 
himself? 


504  THE    SEXES. 

THE   PEAISE    OF   WOMEN. 

An  Old  English  Ballad. 

Both  sexes,  give  ear  to  my  fancy, 

While  the  praise  of  a  woman  I  sing 
Confined  not  to  Polly  nor  Nancy, 

But  alike  from  the  beggar  to  king. 
When  Adam  at  first  was  created, 

And  lord  of  the  universe  crowned, 
His  happiness  was  not  completed, 

Because  a  help-meet  was  not  found. 
He  had  all  things  that  were  wanting, 

Which  yield  us  contentment  in  life ; 
Both  horses  and  foxes  for  hunting, 

Which  many  love  more  than  a  wife. 
A  garden,  so  planted  by  nature, 

Man  could  not  produce  in  his  life; 
And  yet  the  all-wise  Creator 

Saw  that  he  wanted  a  wife. 
Old  Adam  was  cast  into  slumber, 

A  rib  taken  out  of  his  side; 
And  when  he  awoke  in  a  wonder, 

He  beheld  his  most  beautiful  bride. 
With  transport  he  gaz6d  upon  her, — 

His  happiness  now  was  complete: 
He  praised  the  all-bountiful  Donor, 

Who  thus  had  provided  a  mate. 
She  was  not  taken  out  of  his  head, 

To  rule  and  triumph  over  man ; 
Nor  was  she  taken  out  of  his  heel,. 

To  be  ruled  and  trampled  upon. 
But  she  was  taken  out  of  his  side, 

His  equal  companion  to  be ; 
And  thus  they  both  were  united, 

And  man  is  the  top  of  the  tree. 
Then  let  not  the  fair  be  despised 

By  man,  for  she's  part  of  himself; 
Since  woman  by  Adam  was  prized 

More  than  the  whole  world  full  of  wealth. 
For  man  without  woman's  a  beggar, 

Although  the  whole  world  he  possessed ; 
And  the  beggar  who  has  a  good  wife, 

With  more  than  this  world  he  is  blest 


THE  SEXES.  505 

PARALLEL  OP  THE  SEXES. 

There  is  an  admirable  partition  of  qualities  between  the 
sexes,  which  the  great  Author  of  being  has  distributed  to  each 
with  a  wisdom  which  calls  for  our  admiration.  Man  is  strong, 
— woman  is  beautiful.  Man  is  daring  and  confident, — woman 
is  diffident  and  unassuming.  Man  is  great  in  action, — woman, 
in  suffering.  Man  shines  abroad, — woman,  at  home.  Man 
talks  to  convince, — woman,  to  persuade  and  please.  Man  has 
a  rugged  heart, — woman,  a  soft  and  tender  one.  Man  prevents 
misery, — woman  relieves  it.  Man  has  science, — woman,  taste. 
Man  has  judgment, — woman,  sensibility.  Man  is  a  being  of 
justice, — woman,  of  mercy. 

FEMALE   SOCIETY. 

The  following  remarks  come  with  peculiar  force  from  one  of 
such  querulous  and  unconnubial  habits  as  John  Randolph  : — 

You  know  my  opinion  of  female  society  :  without  it  we  should 
degenerate  into  brutes.  This  observation  applies  with  tenfold 
force  to  young  men,  and  those  who  are  in  the  prime  of  man- 
hood. For,  after  a  certain  time  of  life,  the  literary  man  makes 
a  shift  (a  poor  one,  I  grant)  to  do  without  the  society  of  ladies. 
To  a  young  man  nothing  is  so  important  as  a  spirit  of  devotion 
(next  to  his  Creator)  to  some  amiable  woman,  whose  image 
may  occupy  his  heart  and  guard  it  from  the  pollution  that  be- 
sets it  on  all  sides.  A  man  ought  to  choose  his  wife  as  Mr? 
Primrose  did  her  wedding-gown, — for  qualities  that  will  "wear 
well."  One  thing  at  least  is  true,  that,  if  matrimony  has  its 
cares,  celibacy  has  no  pleasures.  A  Newton,  or  a  mere  scholar, 
may  find  enjoyment  in  study;  a  man  of  literary  taste  can  re- 
ceive in  books  a  powerful  auxiliary ;  but  a  man  must  have  a 
bosom  friend,  and  children  around  him,  to  cherish  and  support 
the  dreariness  of  old  age. 

WIFE — MISTRESS — LADY. 

Who  marries  for  love  takes  a  wife ;  who  marries  for  conve- 
nience takes  a  mistress ;  who  marries  from  consideration  takes 
a  lady.  You  are  loved  by  your  wife,  regarded  by  your  mis- 


506  THE    SEXES. 

tress,  tolerated  by  your  lady.  You  have  a  wife  for  yourself,  a 
mistress  for  your  house  and  its  friends,  a  lady  for  the  world. 
Your  wife  will  agree  with  you,  your  mistress  will  accommodate 
you,  your  lady  will  manage  you.  Your  wife  will  take  care  of 
your  household,  your  mistress  of  your  house,  your  lady  of  ap- 
pearances. If  you  are  sick,  your  wife  will  nurse  you,  your 
mistress  will  visit  you,  your  lady  will  inquire  after  your  health. 
You  take  a  walk  with  your  wife,  a  ride  with  your  mistress,  and 
join  parties  with  your  lady.  Your  wife  will  share  your  grief, 
your  mistress  your  money,  and  your  lady  your  debts.  If  you 
are  dead,  your  wife  will  shed  tears,  your  mistress  lament,  and 
your  lady  wear  mourning. — From  the  German. 

MY    MOTHER. 

That  was  a  thrilling  scene  in  the  old  chivalric  time — the 
wine  circling  around  the  board,  and  the  banquet-hall  ringing 
with  sentiment  and  song — when,  the  lady,  of  each  knightly 
heart  having  been  pledged  by  name,  St.  Leon  aiose  in  his 
turn,  and,  lifting  the  sparkling  cup  on  high,  said, — 

"I  drink  to  one 

Whose  image  never  may  depart, 
Deep  graven  on  this  grateful  heart, 

Till  memory  is  dead; 
To  one  whose  love  for  me  shall  last 
When  lighter  passions  long  have  passed, 

So  holy  'tis,  and  true ; 
To  one  whose  love  hath  longer  dwelt, 
More  deeply  fixed,  more  keenly  felt, 

Than  any  pledge  to  you." 
Each  guest  upstarted  at  the  word, 
And  laid  his  hand  upon  his  sword, 

With  fury-flashing  eye  ; 
And  Stanley  said,  "  We  crave  the  name, 
Proud  knight,  of  this  most  peerless  clauie, 

Whose  love  you  count  so  high." 
St.  Leon  paused,  as  if  he  would 
Not  breathe  her  name  in  careless  mood 

Thus  lightly  to  another, — 
Then  bent  his  noble  head,  as  though 
To  give  that  word  the  reverence  due, 

And  gently  said,  "  MY  MOTHER  !" 


THE    SEXES.  507 

LETTER   TO   A   BRIDE. 

The  following  letter  was  written  by  an  old  friend  to  a  young 
lady  on  the  eve  of  her  wedding  day  : — 

I  have  sent  you  a  few  flowers  to  adorn  the  dying  moments 
of  your  single  life.  They  are  the  gentlest  types  of  delicate 
and  durable  friendship.  They  spring  up  by  our  side  when 
others  have  deserted  it;  and  they  will  be  found  watching  over 
our  graves  when  those  who  should  cherish  have  forgotten  'us. 
It  seems  that  a  past,  so  calm  and  pure  as  yours,  should  expire 
with  a  kindred  sweetness  about  it, — that  flowers  and  music, 
kind  friends  and  earnest  words,  should  consecrate  the  hour 
when  a  sentiment  is  passing  into  a  sacrament. 

The  three  great  stages  of  our  being  are  the  birth,  the  bridal, 
and  the  burial.  To  the  first  we  bring  only  weakness — for  the 
last  we  have  nothing  but  dust !  But  here  at  the  altar,  when 
life  joins  life,  the  pair  come  throbbing  up  to  the  holy  man, 
whispering  the  deep  promise  that  arms  each  other's  heart,  to 
help  on  in  the  life-struggle  of  care  and  duty.  The  beautiful 
will  be  there,  borrowing  new  beauty  from  the  scene.  The  gay 
and  thoughtless,  with  their  flounces  and  frivolities,  will  look 
solemn  for  once.  Youth  will  come  to  gaze  upon  the  object 
of  its  secret  yearnings;  and  age  will  totter  up  to  hear  the 
words  repeated  that  to  their  own  lives  had  given  the  charm. 
Some  will  weep  over  it  as  if  it  were  a  tomb,  and  some  laugh 
over  it  as  if  it  were  a  joke;  but  two  must  stand  by  it,  for  it  is 
fate,  not  fun,  this  everlasting  locking  of  their  lives. 

And  now,  can  you,  who  have  queened  it  over  so  many  bend- 
ing forms,  can  you  come  down  at  last  to  the  frugal  diet  of  a 
single  heart?  Hitherto  you  have  been  a  clock,  giving  your 
time  to  all  the  world.  Now  you  are  a  watch,  buried  in  one 
particular  bosom,  warming  only  his  breast,  marking  only  his 
hours,  and  ticking  only  to  the  beat  of  his  heart — where  time 
and  feeling  shall  be  in  unison,  until  those  lower  ties  are  lost  in 
that  higher  wedlock,  where  all  hearts  are  united. 

Hoping  that  calm  and  sunshine  may  hallow  your  clasped 
hands,  I  sink  silently  into  a  signature.  *  *  * 


508  MOSLEM    WISDOM. 


Jftoslem  SSJtstrom. 

SHREWD   DECISION    OP   ALI,    CALIPH   OF   BAGDAD. 

IN  the  Preliminary  Dissertation  to  Dr.  Richardson's  Arabic 
Dictionary  the  following  curious  anecdote  is  recorded  : — 

Two  Arabians  sat  down  to  dinner :  one  had  five  loaves,  the 
other  three.  A  stranger  passing  by  desired  permission  to  eat 
with  them,  which  they  agreed  to.  The  stranger  dined,  laid 
down  eight  pieces  of  money,  and  departed.  The  proprietor  of 
the  five  loaves  took  up  five  pieces  and  left  three  for  the  other, 
who  objected,  and  insisted  on  having  one-half.  The  cause  came 
before  Ali,  who  gave  the  following  judgment : — "  Let  the  owner 
of  the  five  loaves  have  seven  pieces  of  money,  and  the  owner  of 
the  three  loaves  one;  for,  if  we  divide  the  eight  loaves  by  three, 
they  make  twenty-four  parts  j  of  which  he  who  laid  down  the 
five  loaves  had  fifteen,  while  he  who  laid  down  three  had  only 
nine.  As  all  fared  alike,  and  eight  shares  was  each  man's  pro- 
portion, the  stranger  ate  seven  parts  of  the  first  man's  property, 
and  only  one  belonging  to  the  other.  The  money,  in  justice, 
must  be  divided  accordingly." 

THE   WISDOM   OP   ALI. 

The  Prophet  once,  sitting  in  calm  debate, 
Said,  "  I  am  Wisdom's  fortress ;  but  the  gate 
Thereof  is  Ali."    Wherefore,  some  who  heard, 
With  unbelieving  jealousy  were  stirred  ; 
And,  that  they  might  on  him  confusion  bring, 
Ten  of  the  boldest  joined  to  prove  the  thing. 
"  Let  us  in  turn  to  Ali  go,"  they  said, 
"  And  ask  if  Wisdom  should  be  sought  instead 
Of  earthly  riches ;  then,  if  he  reply 
To  each  of  us,  in  thought,  accordantly, 
And  yet  to  none  in  speech  or  phrase  the  same, 
His  shall  the  honor  be,  and  ours  the  shame." 
Now,  when  the  first  his  bold  demand  did  make, 
These  were  the  words  which  Ali  straightway  spake      • 


MOSLEM   WISDOM.  509 

"Wisdom  is  the  inheritance  of  those 
Whom  Allah  favors ;  riches,  of  his  foes." 
Unto  the  second  he  said : — "  Thyself  must  be 
Guard  to  thy  riches ;  but  Wisdom  guardeth  thee." 
Unto  the  third  : — "  By  Wisdom  wealth  is  won ; 
But  riches  purchased  Wisdom  yet  for  none." 
Unto  the  fourth  : — "  Thy  goods  the  thief  may  take  ; 
But  into  Wisdom's  house  he  cannot  break." 
Unto  the  fifth : — "  Thy  goods  decrease  the  more 
Thou  givest;  but  woe  enlarges  Wisdom's  store." 
Unto  the  sixth : — "  Wealth  tempts  to  evil  ways ; 
But  the  desire  of  Wisdom  is  God's  praise." 
Unto  the  seventh  : — "  Divide  thy  wealth,  each  part 
Becomes  a  pittance.     Give  with  open  heart 
Thy  wisdom,  and  each  separate  gift  shall  be 
All  that  thou  hast,  yet  not  impoverish  thee." 
Unto  the  eighth  : — "Wealth  cannot  keep  itself; 
But  Wisdom  is  the  steward  even  of  pelf." 
Unto  the  ninth  : — "  The  camels  slowly  bring 
Thy  goods ;  but  Wisdom  has  the  swallow's  wing." 
And  lastly,  when  the  tenth  did  question  make, 
These  were  the  ready  words  which  Ali  spake : — 
"  Wealth  is  a  darkness  which  the  soul  should  fear ; 
But  Wisdom  is  the  lamp  that  makes  it  clear." 
Crimson  with  shame,  the  questioners  withdrew, 
And  they  declared,  "  The  Prophet's  words  were  true : 
The  mouth  of  Ali  is  the  golden  door 
Of  Wisdom." 

When  his  friends  to  Ali  bore 

These  words,  he  smiled,  and  said,  "And  should  they  ask 
The  same  until  my  dying  day,  the  task 
Were  easy ;  for  the  stream  from  Wisdom's  well, 
Which  God  supplies,  is  inexhaustible." 

MOHAMMEDAN   LOGIC. 

The  laws  of  Cos  discountenance  in  a  very  singular  manner 
any  cruelty  on  the  part  of  females  towards  their  admirers.  An 
instance  occurred  while  Dr.  Clarke  and  his  companions  were  on 
the  island,  in  which  the  unhappy  termination  of  a  love-affair 
occasioned  a  trial  for  what  the  Mohammedan  lawyers  casuisti- 
cally  describe  as  "  homicide  by  an  intermediate  cause."  The 
following  was  the  case  :  a  young  man  desperately  in  love  with 
a  girl  of  Stanchis  eagerly  sought  to  marry  her,  but  his  propo- 
43* 


510  MOSLEM    WISDOM. 

sals  were  rejected.  In  consequence,  he  destroyed  himself  by 
poison.  The  Turkish  police  arrested  the  father  of  the  obdu- 
rate fair,  and  tried  him  for  culpable  homicide.  "If  the  ac- 
cused," argued  they,  with  much  gravity,  "  had  not  had  a 
daughter,  the  deceased  would  not  have  fallen  in  love;  conse- 
quently he  would  not  have  been  disappointed ;  consequently  he 
would  not  have  swallowed  poison ;  consequently  he  would  not 
have  died  ; — but  the  accused  had  a  daughter,  the  deceased  had 
fallen  in  love,"  &c.  Upon  all  these  counts  he  was  called  upon 
to  pay  the  price  of  the  young  man's  life ;  and  this,  being  fixed 
at  the  sum  of  eighty  piastres,  was  accordingly  exacted. 

THE   ALEXANDRIAN   LIBRARY. 

Said  Omar,  "Either  these  books  are  in  conformity  with  the 
Koran,  or  they  are  not.  If  they  are,  they  are  useless,  and  if 
not,  they  are  evil :  in  either  event,  therefore,  let  them  be 
destroyed." 

Such  was  the  logic  that  led  to  the  destruction  of  seven  hun- 
dred thousand  manuscript  volumes. 

TURKISH  EXPEDIENTS. 

A  Turkish  testator  left  to  his  eldest  son  one-half  of  his 
seventeen  horses,  to  his  second  son  one-third,  to  his  third  son 
one-ninth  of  his  horses.  The  executor  did  not  know  what  to 
do,  as  seventeen  will  neither  divide  by  two,  nor  by  three,  nor 
by  nine.  A  dervise  came  up  on  horseback,  and  the  executor 
consulted  him.  The  dervise  said,  "  Take  my  horse,  and  add 
him  to  the  others."  There  were  then  eighteen  horses.  The 
executor  then  gave  to  the  eldest  son  one-half, — nine;  to  the 
second  sou  one-third, — six ;  to  the  third  son  one-ninth, — two  : 
total,  seventeen.  The  dervise  then  said,  "  You  don't  want 
my  horse  now  ;  I  will  take  him  back  again." 


EXCERPTA   FROM  PERSIAN   POETR7  511 


from  ^eman 


EARTH  AN,  ILLUSION. 

FROM  the  mists  of  the  Ocean  of  Truth  in  the  skies 

A  Mirage  in  deluding  reflections  doth  rise, 

There  is  naught  but  reality  there  to  be  seen  ; 

We  have  here  but  the  lie  of  its  vapory  sheen.  —  HAFIZ. 

HEAVEN   AN   ECHO    OF   EARTH. 
'Tis  but  a  shadow  of  the  earth's  familiar  bliss, 

Bright  mirrored  on  the  sky's  ethereal  fonts, 
That  fills  our  breasts  with  longings  nothing  can  dismiss, 

In  tremulous  and  glimmering  response. 

A   MORAL   ATMOSPHERE. 
It  is  as  hard  for  one  whom  sinners  still  prevent 

From  prayer,  to  keep  his  virtue,  yet  with  them  to  dwell, 
As  it  would  be  for  a  lotus  of  sweetest  scent 

To  blossom  forth  in  beauty  'mid  the  flames  of  hell. 

FORTUNE   AND   WORTH. 
That  haughty  rich  man  see,  a  merely  gilded  clod; 

This  poor  man  see,  pure  gold  with  common  dust  besmeared. 
Start  not:  in  needy  garb  was  Moses  girt  and  shod, 

When  waved  and  shone  before  him  Pharaoh's  golden  beard  ! 

BROKEN    HEARTS. 
When  other  things  are  broken  they  are  nothing  worth, 

Unless  it  be  to  some  old  Jew  or  some  repairer  ; 
But  hearts,  the  more  they  're  bruised  and  broken  here  on  earth, 

In  heaven  are  so  much  the  costlier  and  the  fairer. 

TO   A   GENEROUS    MAN. 
To  cloud  of  rain  refreshing  all  the  land, 
It  is  not  fit  to  liken  thy  free  hand; 
For  as  that  gives  it  weeps  meanwhile, 
But  thou  still  givest  with'  a  smile. 

BEAUTY'S  PREROGATIVE. 

Thy  beauty  pales  all  sublunary  things, 
And  man  to  vassalage  eternal  dooms: 
The  road  before  thee  should  be  swept  with  brooms 

Made  of  the  eye-lashes  of  peerless  kings, 


512  EXCERPTA   FROM   PERSIAN   POETRY. 


PROUD    HUMILITY. 

In  proud  humility  a  pious  man  went  through  the  field  ; 
The  ears  of  corn  were  bowing  in  the  wind,  as  if  they  kneeled  j 
He  struck  them  on  the  head,  and  modestly  began  to  say, 
"  Unto  the  Lord,  not  unto  me,  such  honors  should  you  pay." 

FOLLY  FOR  ONE'S   SELF. 

He  who  is  only  for  his  neighbors  wise, 
While  his  own  soul  in  sad  confusion  lies, 
Is  like  thtfse  men  who  builded  Noah's  ark, 
But  sank,  themselves,  beneath  the  waters  dark. 

THE   IMPOSSIBILITY. 

When  I  shall  see,  though  clad  in  gold  or  silk, 

In  peace  and  joy  a  wicked  man  or  maid, 
I  then  shall  drink  a  bowl  of  pigeon's  milk, 

And  eat  the  yellow  eggs  the  ox  has  laid. 

THE    SOBER   DRUNKENNESS. 

Beware  the  deadly  fumes  of  that  insane  elation 

Which  rises  from  the  cup  of  mad  impiety, 
And  go  get  drunk  with  that  divine  intoxication 

Which  is  more  sober  far  than  all  sobriety. 

A  WINE-DRINKER'S  METAPHORS. 

As  the  nightingale  oft  from  a  rose's  dew  sips, 
So  I  wet  with  fresh  wine  my  belanguishing  lips. 

As  the  soul  of  perfume  through  a  flower's  petals  slips, 
So  pure  wine  passes  through  the  rose-door  of  my  lips. 

As  to  port  from  afar  float  the  full-loaded  ships, 
So  this  wine-beaker  drifts  to  the  strand  of  my  lips. 

As  the  white-driven  sea  o'er  a  cliff's  edges  drips, 
So  the  red-tinted  wine  breaks  in  foam  on  my  lips. 

FROM   MIRTSA   SCHAFFY. 

Better  stars  without  shine, 
Than  the  shine  without  stars. 
Better  wine  without  jars, 
Than  the  jars  without  wine. 
Better  honey  without  bees, 
Than  the  bees  without  honey. 
Better  please  without  money, 
Than  have  money  but  not  please. 


EXCERPTA   FROM   PERSIAN   POETRY.  513 

THE   DOUBLE   PLOT. 

Three  hungry  travellers  found  a  bag  of  gold ; 
One  ran  into  the  town  where  bread  was  sold. 
He  thought,  I  will  poison  the  bread  I  buy, 
And  seize  the  treasure  when  my  comrades  die. 

But  they  too  thought,  When  back  his  feet  hare  hied, 

We  will  destroy  him  and  the  gold  divide. 

They  killed  him ;  and,  partaking  of  the  bread, 

In  a  few  moments  all  were  lying  dead. 

0  world !  behold  what  ill  thy  goods  have  done ; 

Thy  gold  thus  poisoned  two,  and  murdered  one. 

THE  WORLD'S  UNAPPRECIATION. 

The  lyrical  poems  of  the  East  called  Ghazels,  of  which  the 
following,  from  Trench,  is  a  brief  specimen,  have  this  pecu- 
liarity,— that  the  first  two  lines  rhyme,  and  for  this  rhyme  re- 
curs a  new  one  in  the  second  line  of  each  succeeding  couplet, 
the  alternate  lines  being  free  :— 

What  is  the  good  man  and  the  wise  ? 
Ofttimes  a  pearl  which  none  doth  prize ; 
Or  jewel  rare,  which  men  account 
A  common  pebble,  and  despise. 
Set  forth  upon  the  world's  bazaar, 
It  mildly  gleams,  but  no  one  buys, 
Till  it  in  anger  Heaven  withdraws 
From  the  world's  undiscerning  eyes, 
And  in  its  shell  the  pearl  again, 
And  in  its  mine  the  jewel,  lies. 

THE   CALIPH   AND   SATAN. 

In  heavy  sleep  the  Caliph  lay, 
When  some  one  called,  "  Arise  and  pray  1" 
The  angry  Caliph  cried,  "  Who  dare 
Rebuke  his  king  for  slighted  prayer  ?" 
Then,  from  the  corner  of  the  room, 
A  voice  cut  sharply  through  the  gloom  :— 
"  My  name  is  Satan.     Rise !  obey 
Mohammed's  law :  Awake  and  pray." 
"  Thy  words  are  good,"  the  Caliph  said, 
"But  their  intent  I  somewhat  dread; 
2H 


514  EXCERPTA   FROM   PERSIAN   POETRY. 

For  matters  cannot  well  be  worse 

Than  when  the  thief  says,  '  Guard  jour  purse. 

I  cannot  trust  your  connsel,  friend  : 

It  surely  hides  some  wicked  end." 

Said  Satan,  "  Near  the  throne  of  God, 

In  ages  past,  we  devils  trod ; 

Angels  of  light,  to  us  'twas  given 

To  guide  each  wandering  foot  to  Heaven; 

Not  wholly  lost  is  that  first  love, 

Nor  those  pure  tastes  we  knew  above. 

Roaming  across  a  continent, 

The  Tartar  moves  his  shifting  tent, 

But  never  quite  forgets  the  day 

When  in  his  father's  arms  he  lay; 

So  we,  once  bathed  in  love  divine, 

Recall  the  taste  of  that  rich  wine. 

God's  finger  rested  on  my  brow, — 

That  magic  touch,  I  feel  it  now! 

I  fell,  'tis  true,— Oh,  ask  not  why ! 

For  still  to  God  I  turn  my  eye ; 

It  was  a  chance  by  which  I  fell : 

Another  takes  me  back  to  hell. 

'Twas  but  my  envy  of  mankind, 

The  envy  of  a  loving  mind. 

Jealous  of  men,  I  could  not  bear 

God's  love  with  this  new  race  to  share. 

But  yet  God's  tables  open  stand, 

His  guests  flock  in  from  every  land. 

Some  kind  act  toward  the  race  of  men 

May  toss  us  into  heaven  again. 

A  game  of  chess  is  all  we  see, — 

And  God  the  player,  pieces  we. 

White,  black, — queen,  pawn, — 'tis  all  the  same ; 

For  on  both  sides  he  plays  the  game. 

Moved  to  and  fro,  from  good  to  ill, 

We  rise  and  fall  as  suits  his  will." 

The  Caliph  said,  "  If  this  be  so 

I  know  not ;   but  thy  guile  I  know; 

For  how  can  I  thy  words  believe, 

When  even  GOD  thou  didst  deceive  ? 


EPIGRAMS.  515 

A  sea  of  lies  art  thou, — our  sin, 

Only  a  drop  that  sea  within." 

"  Not  so,"  said  Satan :  "  I  serve  God, 

His  angel  now,  and  now  his  rod. 

In  tempting,  I  both  bless  and  curse, 

Make  good  men  better,  bad  men  worse. 

Good  coin  is  mixed  with  bad,  my  brother, 

I  but  distinguish  one  from  th'  other." 

"  Granted,"  the  Caliph  said ;  "  but  still 

You  never  tempt  to  good,  but  ill. 

Tell,  then,  the  truth  ;  for  well  I  know 

You  come  as  my  most  deadly  foe." 

Loud  laughed  the  fiend.     "  You  know  me  well; 

Therefore  my  purpose  will  I  tell : 

If  you  had  missed  your  prayer,  I  knew 

A  swift  repentance  would  ensue; 

And  such  repentance  would  have  been 

A  good,  outweighing  far  the  sin. 

I  chose  this  humbleness  divine, 

Born  out  of  fault,  should  not  be  thine ; 

Preferring  prayers  elate  with  pride, 

To  sin  with  penitence  allied." 


IBptgrams. 

MARTIAL'S  EPIGRAM  ON  EPIGRAMS. 

Omnis  epigramma,  sit  instar  apis ;  sit  aculeus  illi, 
Sint  sua  mella,  sit  et  corporis  exigui. 
[Three  things  must  epigrams,  like  bees,  have  all, — 
A  sting,  and  honey,  and  a  body  small.] 

MIDAS   AND    MODERN   STATESMEN. 
Midas,  they  say,  possessed  the  art,  of  old, 
Of  turning  whatsoe'er  he  touched  to  gold. 
This,  modern  statesmen  can  reverse  with  ease ; 
Touch  them  with  gold,  they'll  turn  to  what  you  please. 


516  EPIGRAMS. 

INSCRIBED   ON   A   STATUE   TO   SLEEP. 
Somne  levis,  quanquam  certissima  mortis  imago, 

Consortem  cupio  te  tamen  ease  tori, 
Alma  quies,  optata,  veni,  nam  sic  sine  vita 

Vivere  quani  suave  est,  sic  sine  morte  mori. — WARTON. 
[Light  sleep,  though  death's  strong  image,  prythee  give. 

Thy  fellowship  while  in  my  couch  I  lie; 
0  gentle,  wished-for  rest,  how  sweet  to  live 

Thus  without  life,  and  without  death  to  die  /]* 

TO   DR.    ROBERT  FREIND,   WHO   WROTE   LONG   EPITAPHS. 
Freind,  for  your  epitaphs  I'm  grieved, 

Where  still  so  much  is  said  : 
One  half  will  never  be  believed, 

The  other  never  read. — POPE. 

THE   FOOL  AND   THE   POET. 
Sir,  I  admit  your  general  rule, 
That  every  poet  is  a  fool ; 
But  you  yourself  may  serve  to  show  it 
That  every  fool  is  not  a  poet. — POPE. 

DUM   VIVIMUS  VIVAMUS. 
Live  while  you  live,  the  epicure  would  say, 
And  seize  the  pleasures  of  the  present  day. 
Live  while  you  live,  the  sacred  preacher  cries, 
And  give  to  God  each  moment  as  it  flies. 
Lord,  in  my  view  let  both  united  be ; 
I  live  in  pleasure  while  I  live  to  thee. — DODDRIDGE. 

TO    "MOLLY   ASTON," 

A  celebrated  "  beauty,  scholar,  and  wit,"  who  spoke  in  praise  of  liberty. 
Liber  ut  esse  velim,  suasisti,  pulchra  Maria: 
Ut  maneam  liber,  pulchra  Maria,  vale ! — DR.  JOHNSON. 
[  Freedom  you  teach,  fair  Mary.     To  be  free, 
Farewell,  lest  I  should  be  enslaved  by  thee  !] 

ON   ONE  IGNORANT  AND   ARROGANT. 
Thou  mayst  of  double  ignorance  boast, 
Who  knowst  not  that  thou  nothing  knowst.— OWEN,  Tram,  by  Cowper. 

*  Come,  gentle  sleep  !  attend  thy  votary's  prayer, 
And,  though  death's  image,  to  my  couch  repair  j 
How  sweet,  though  lifeless,  yet  with  life  to  lie, 
And,  without  dying,  oh,  how  sweet  to  die  ! —  Wolcot's  Trans. 


517 


TO   OUR   BED. 

In  bed  we  laugh,  in  bed  we  cry  ; 

And  born  in  bed,  in  bed  we  die  : 

The  near  approach  the  bed  may  show 

Of  human  bliss  to  human  woe.  —  BENSERADE. 


LATE   REPENTANCE. 

Pravns,  that  aged  debauchee, 
Proclaimed  a  vow  his  sins  to  quit; 

But  is  he  yet  from  any  free, 

Except  what  now  he  can't  commit  ? 

ON   A   PALE   LADY   WITH   A   RED-NOSED   HUSBAND. 

Whence  comes  it  that  in  Clara's  face 

The  lily  only  has  its  place  ? 

Is  it  because  the  absent  rose 

Has  gone  to  paint  her  husband's  nose  ? 

ON   SOME   SNOW  'THAT   MELTED   ON   A   LADY'S   BREAST. 

Those  envious  flakes  came  down  in  haste, 

To  prove  her  breast  less  fair, 
But,  grieved  to  find  themselves  surpassed,* 

Dissolved  into  a  tear. 

SELVAGGI'S   DISTICH   ADDRESSED   TO   JOHN    MILTON. 

While  at  Rome. 

Graeeia  Moeonidem,  jactet  sibi  Roma  Maronem, 
Anglia  Miltonum  jactat  utrique  parem. 

DRYDEN'S  AMPLIFICATION. 

Three  poets  in  three  distant  ages  born, 
Greece,  Italy,  and  England  did  adorn. 
The  first  in  loftiness  of  thought  surpassed  ; 
The  next,  in  majesty;  in  both,  the  last 
The  force  of  nature  could  no  further  go  : 
To  make  a  third,  she  joined  the  former  two. 


*  The  following  madrigal  was  addressed  to  a  Lancastrian  lady,  and  accom- 
panied with  a  white  rose,  during  the  opposition  of  the  "White  Rose"  and 
"  Red  Rose"  adherents  of  the  houses  of  York  and  Lancaster  :— 
If  this  fair  rose  offend  thy  sight, 

It  in  thy  bosom  wear ; 
'Twill  blush  to  find  itself  less  white, 
And  turn  Lancastrian  there. 
44 


518 


EPIGRAMS. 


ON   BUTLER  8    MONUMENT. 

While  Butler,  needy  wretch,  was  yet  alive, 

No  generous  patron  would  a  dinner  give. 

See  him,  when  starved  to  death  and  turned  to  dust, 

Presented  with  a  monumental  bust. 

The  poet's  fate  is  here  in  emblem  shown : 

He  asked  for  bread,  and  he  received  a  stone. — S.  WESLEY. 

OVERDRAWN   COMPLIMENT. 

So  much,  dear  Pope,  thy  English  Homer  charms, 
As  pity  melts  us,  or  as  passion  warms, 
That  after-ages  will  with  wonder  seek 
Who  'twas  translated  Homer  into  Greek. 

SUGGESTED   BY  A  GERMAN   TOURIST. 

Who  accompanied  Prince  Albert  into  Scotland. 
Oharmed  with  the  drink  which  Highlanders  compose, 

A  German  traveller  exclaimed,  with  glee, 
'  Potztausend  !  sare,  if  this  be  Athol  Brose* 

How  good  the  Athol  Boeti-y  must  be !" — TOM  HOOD. 

ETERNITY. 
Reason  does  but  one  quaint  solution  lend 

To  nature's  deepest  yet  divinest  riddle  ; 
Time  is  a  beginning  and  an  end, 

Eternity  is  nothing  but  a  middle. 

OCCASIONED  BY  THE  LOSS  OF  A  CLERGYMAN'S  PORTMANTEAU, 

Containing  his  Sermons. 
I've  lost  my  portmanteau. 

"I  pity  your  grief." 
It  contained  all  my  sermons. 

"I  pity  the  thief!" 

TO  A  LIVING  AUTHOR. 
Your  comedy  I've  read,  my  friend, 

And  like  the  half  you  pilfered,  best; 
But  sure  the  piece  you  yet  may  mend : 

Take  courage,  man !  and  steal  the  rest. 

•  *  Athol  brose  is  a  favorite  Highland  drink,  composed  of  honey,  whiskey, 
and  water,  although  the  proportion  of  the  latter  is  usually  so  homoeopathi- 
cally  minute  as  to  be  difficult  of  detection  except  by  chemical  or  microscopical 
analysis.  Possibly  the  Scotch  aversion  to  injuring  the  flavor  of  their  whiskey 
by  dilution  arises  from  a  fact  noted  by  N.  P.  Willis,  that  the  water  has  tasted 
so  strongly  of  sinners  ever  since  the  Flood. 


EPIGRAMS.  519 

THE   FRUGAL   QUEEN. 

One  Queen  Artemisia,  as  old  stories  tell, 

When  deprived  of  her  husband  she  love'd  so  well, 

In  respect  for  the  love  and  affection  he  showed  her, 

She  reduced  him  to  dust,  and  she  drank  off  the  powder. 

But  Queen  Netherplace,  of  a  different  complexion, 

When  called  on  to  order  the  funeral  direction, 

Would  have  ate  her  dead  lord,  on  a  slender  pretence, 

Not  to  show  her  respect,  but — to  save  the  expense ! — BURNS. 

ON   COMMISSARY   GOLDIE's   BRAINS. 
Lord,  to  account  who  dares  thee  call, 

Or  e'er  dispute  thy  pleasure  ? 
Else  why  within  so  thick  a  wall 

Enclose  so  poor  a  treasure? — BURNS. 

GIVING   AND   TAKING. 
"  I  never  give  a  kiss,"  says  Prue, 

"  To  naughty  man,  for  I  abhor  it." 
She  will  not  give  a  kiss,  'tis  true : 

She'll  take  one,  though,  and  thank  you  for  it. — MOORE. 

TO . 

"  Moria  pur  quando  vuol  non  &  bisogna  mutar  ni  faccia  ni  voce  per  esser 
un  Angelo." 

Die  when  you  will,  you  need  not  wear. 
At  Heaven's  court  a  form  more  fair 

Than  beauty  here  on  earth  has  given ; 
Keep  but  the  lovely  looks  we  see, — 
The  voice  we  hear, — and  you  will  be 

An  angel  ready-made  for  heaven  ! — MOORE. 

THE  LOVER  TO  HIS  MISTRESS,  WITH  A  PRESENT  OP  A  MIRROR. 
This  mirror  my  object  of  love  will  unfold 

Whensoe'er  your  regard  it  allures  : 
Oh,  would,  when  I'm  gazing,  that  I  might  behold 

On  its  surface  the  object  of  yours  !     ^ 

TO   A   CAPRICIOUS   FRIEND. 
Difficilis,  facilis,  jucundus,  acerbus  es  idem, 
Nee  tecum  possum  vivere,  nee  sine  te. — MARTIAL. 
[In  all  thy  humors,  whether  grave  or  mellow, 
Thou'rt  such  a  touchy,  testy,  pleasant  fellow, 
Hast  so  much  wit,  and  mirth,  and  spleen  about  thee, 
There  is  no  living  with  thee,  nor  without  thee. — ADDISON.] 


520  EPIGRAMS. 

MENDAX. 

See  !  yonder  goes  old  Mendax,  telling  lies 

To  that  good,  easy  man  with  whom  he's  walking. 

How  know  I  that?  you  ask,  with  some  surprise; 

Why,  don't  you  see,  my  friend,  the  fellow's  talking ! — LESSINQ 

ON   FELL. 

While  Fell  was  reposing  himself  on  the  hay, 

A  reptile,  concealed,  bit  his  leg  as  he  lay; 

But,  all  venom  himself,  of  the  wound  he  made  light, 

And  got  well,  while  the  scorpion  died  of  the  bite. — LESSING. 

ON   AN   ILL-READ   LAWYER. 
An  idle  attorney  besought  a  brother 
For  "  something  to  read, — some  novel  or  other, 

That  was  really  fresh  and  new." 
"  Take  Chitty !"  replies  his  legal  friend  : 
"  There  isn't  a  book  that  I  could  lend, 

That  would  prove  more  '  noveF  to  you !" — S AXE. 

WOMAN'S  WILL. 

Men  dying  make  their  wills  ;  but  wives 

Escape  a  work  so  sad : 
Why  should  they  make  what  all  their  lives 

The  gentle  dames  have  had  ? — SAXE. 

WELLINGTON'S  NOSE. 

"  Pray,  why  does  the  great  Captain's  nose 

Resemble  Venice  ?"  Duncomb  cries. 
"  Why,"  quoth  Sam  Rogers,  "  I  suppose 

Because  it  has  a  bridge  of  size  (sighs)." 

ONE   GOOD   TURN   DESERVES   ANOTHER. 

A  poor  man  went  to  hang  himself, 

But  treasure  chanced  to  find  : 
He  pocketed  the  miser's  pelf, 

And  left  the  rope  behind. 
His  money  gone,  the  miser  hung 

Himself  in  sheer  despair : 
Thus  each  the  other's  wants  supplied, 

And  that  was  surely  fair. 

BAD   SONGSTERS. 

Swans  sing  before  they  die  :  'twere  no  bad  thing 
Did  certain  persons  die  before  they  sing. — COLERIDGE. 


EPIGRAMS.  521 

ON  A  BAD  FIDDLER. 

Old  Orpheus  played  so  well,  he  moved  Old  Nick; 
But  thou  mov'st  nothing  but  thy  fiddle-stick. 

ON   A   CERTAIN   D.D. 

Who,  from  a  peculiarity  in  Ms  walk,  had  acquired  the  sobriquet  of  Dr.  Toe, 
being  jilted  by  Miss  H.,  who  eloped  with  her  father's  footman. 
'Twixt  footman  Sam  and  Doctor  Toe 

A  controversy  fell, 
Which  should  prevail  against  his  foe, 

And  bear  away  the  belle. 
The  lady  chose  the  footman's  heart. 

Say,  who  can  wonder  ?  no  man  : 
The  whole  prevailed  above  the  part : 

'Twas  .Foot-man  versus  Toe-man. 

ON   AN   OLD   LADY   WHO   MARRIED    HER   FOOTMAN. 
Old  Lady  Lovejoy,  aged  just  threescore, 
Whose  lusty  footboy  rode  behind,  before, 
Is,  in  a  fit  of  fondness,  grown  so  kind, 
He  rides  within,  who  rode  before,  behind. 

"HOT  CORN." 

"How  much  corn  may  a  gentleman  eat?"  whispered  P, 

While  the  cobs  on  his  plate  lay  in  tiers. 
"  As  to  that,"  answered  Q,  as  he  glanced  at  the  heap, 

"'Twill  depend  on  the  length  of  his  ears." 

BONNETS. 
In  1817,  when  straw  bonnets  first  came  into  general  use,  it 

was  common  to  trim  them  with  artificial  wheat  or  barley,  in 

ears ;  whence  the  following  : — 

Who  now  of  threatening  famine  dare  complain, 
When  every  female  forehead  teems  with  grain  ? 
See  how  the  wheat-sheaves  nod  amid  the  plumes : 
Our  barns  are  now  transferred  to  drawing-rooms, 
And  husbands  who  indulge  in  active  lives, 
To  fill  their  granaries,  may  thresh  their  wives ! 

Campbell,  the  poet,  was  asked  by  a  lady  to  write  something 
original  in  her  album.     He  wrote, — 

An  original  something,  dear  maid,  you  would  win  me 

To  write;  but  how  shall  I  begin? 
For  I'm  sure  I  have  nothing  original  in  me, 
Excepting  original  sin. 

44* 


522  EPIGRAMS. 

"  How  very  easy  'tis,"  cries  Tom,  "  to  write ! 
I  find 't  no  hardship  verses  to  indite." 
"  To  credit  that,"  quoth  Dick,  "  no  oaths  we  need : 
The  hardship  is  for  those  who  have  to  read." 

Thy  verses  are  eternal,  0  my  friend  ! 

For  he  who  reads  them,  reads  them  to  no  end. 

Unfortunate  lady,  how  sad  is  your  lot! 

Your  ringlets  are  red,  and  your  poems  are  not. 

PRUDENT   SIMPLICITY. 
That  thou'  mayst  injure  no  man,  dove-like  be; 
And  serpent-like,  that  none  may  injure  thee  ! — COWPER. 

TO  A  FRIEND  IN  DISTRESS. 
I  wish  thy  lot,  now  bad,  still  worse,  my  friend ; 
For  when  at  worst,  they  say,  things  always  mend. — COWPER. 

HOG   VS.  BACON. 

Judge  Bacon  once  trying  a  man,  Hog  by  name, 
Who  made  with  his  lordship  of  kindred  a  claim ; 
"  Hold,"  said  the  judge, — "  you're  a  little  mistaken 
Hog  must  be  hung  first  before  'tis  good  Bacon." 

A   WARM   RECEPTION. 
Rusticus  wrote  a  letter  to  his  love, 

And  filled  it  full  of  warm  and  keen  desire; 
He  hoped  to  raise  a  flame,  and  so  he  did : 

The  lady  put  his  nonsense  in  the  fire. 

MEDICAL  ADVICE. 

"I'm  very  ill,"  said  Skinflint,  once  essaying 
To  get  a  doctor's  counsel  without  paying. 
"  I  see  it,"  quoth  the  wily  old  physician  ; 
"  You're  in  a  most  deplorable  condition." 
"But  tell  me,"  cried  the  miser,  "for  God's  sake, 
Tell  me,  dear  doctor,  what  I  ought  to  take." 
"  Take !  as  to  that — why,  take,  at  any  price," 
Replied  the  leech,  "  take  medical  advice .'" 

DEFINITION   OF   A   DENTIST. 

A  dentist  fashions  teeth  of  bone 

For  those  whom  fate  has  left  without, 

And  finds  provision  for  his  own 
By  pulling  other  people's  out. 


EPIGRAMS.  523 

Dr.  Samuel  Goodenough,  Bishop  of  Carlisle,  preached  on  one 
occasion  before  the  House  of  Commons.  The  event  gave  rise 
to  the  following : — 

'Tis  well-enough  that  Goodenough 

Before  the  House  should  preach; 
For  sure-enough  full  had-enough 

Are  those  he  has  to  teach. 

t 
WHAT  MIGHT  HAVE  BEEN. 

As  two  divines  their  ambling  steeds  bestriding, 
In  merry  mood  o'er  Boston  Neck  were  riding, 
Sudden  a  simple  structure  met  their  sight, 
From  which  the  convict  takes  his  hempen  flight; 
When  sailor-like  he  bids  adieu  to  hope, 
His  all  depending  on  a  single  rope. 
"  Say,  brother,"  cried  the  one,  "  pray  where  were  you 
Had  yonder  gallows  been  allowed  its  due  ?" 
"Where?"  cried  the  other,  in  sarcastic  tone, 
"Why,  where  but  riding  into  town  alone." 

A  REFLECTION. 

Says  the  Earth  to  the  Moon  "You're  a  pilfering  jade; 
What  you  steal  from  the  Sun  is  beyond  all  belief." 
Fair  Cynthia  replies,  "Madam  Earth,  hold  your  prate; 
The  receiver  is  always  as  bad  as  the  thief." 

"  THE  WOMAN  GAVE  ME  OP  THE  TREE." 

When  Eve  upon  the  first  of  men 
The  apple  pressed  with  specious  cant, 
Oh,  what  a  thousand  pities,  then, 
That  Adam  was  not  Adamant. 

THE  BLADES  OF  THE  SHEARS. 

Two  lawyers  when  a  knotty  case  was  o'er, 

Shook  hands,  and  were  as  friendly  as  before; 

"  Zounds  !"  said  the  client,    "  I  would  fain  know  how 

You  can  be  friends,  who  were  such  foes  just  now  ?" 

"Thou  fool!"  said  one,  "We  lawyers,  though  so  keen, 

Like  shears,  ne'er  cut  ou-rselves,  but  what's  between." 


524  EPIGRAMS. 

The  following  was  written  by  Soutliey  on  Queen  Elizabeth's 
dining  on  board  Sir  Francis  Drake's  ship,  on  his  return  from 
circumnavigating  the  globe : — 

Oh,  Nature!  to  old  England  still 

Continue  these  mistakes; 
Give  us  for  all  our  Kings  such  Queens, 

And  for  our  Dux  such  Drake». 

INVISIBLE. 

I  cannot  praise  your  parson's  eyes; 

I  never  see  his  eyes  divine, 
For  when  he  prays  he  shuts  hit  eyes, 

And  when  he  preaches  he  shuts  mine. 

IMPERSONAL. 

Quoth  Madam  Bas  Bleu,  "  I  hear  you  have  said, 
Intellectual  women  are  always  your  dread; 

Now  tell  me,  dear  sir,  is  it  true  ?" 
"  Why,  yes,"  said  the  wag,  "  Very  likely  I  may 
Have  made  the  remark  in  a  jocular  way; 

But  then,  on  my  honor,  I  didn't  mean  you." 

AFFINITIES, 

"  A  lady,  once,  whose  love  was  sold, 

Asked  if  a  reason  could  be  told, 

Why  wedding  rings  were  made  of  gold : 

I  ventured  thus  to  instruct  her : — 
Love  and  lightning  are  the  same; 
On  earth  they  glance,  from  Heaven  they  came : 
Love  is  the  soul's  electric  flame — 

And  gold  its  best  conductor." 

THE  CRIER  WHO  COULD  NOT  CRY. 

I  heard  a  judge  his  tipstaff  call 

And  say,  "  Sir,  I  desire 
You  go  forthwith  and  search  the  Hall, 

And  send  to  me  the  crier." 
"  And  search,  my  Lord,  in  vain,  I  may" — 

The  tipstaff  gravely  said — 
"  The  Crier  cannot  cry  to-day, 

Because  his  wife  is  dead." 


EPIGRAMS.  525 

THE  PARSON   AND   BUTCHER. 

A  parson  and  a  butcher  chanced,  they  say, 

To  meet  and  moralize  one  Sabbath  day. 

"  Ah !"  cries  the  parson,  "  all  things  good  and  fair, 

All  that  is  virtuous,  wise,  beloved,  rare, 

Is  sure  the  first  to  feel  the  stroke  of  fate  j 

While  vice  and  folly  have  a  longer  date." 

"  True,"  cries  the  butcher,  "  for  it  is  decreed, 

The  fattest  pig,  alas !  must  soonest  bleed." 

THE   CLOCK. 
A  mechanic  his  labor  will  often  discard, 

If  the  rate  of  his  pay  he  dislikes ; 
But  a  clock — and  its  case  is  uncommonly  hard — 

Will  continue  to  work  though  it  strikes. — HOOD. 

MASCULINE. 
"  What  pity  'tis,"  said  John,  the  sage, 

"  That  women  should,  for  hire, 
Expose  themselves  upon  the  stage, 

By  wearing  men's  attire  !" 
"Expose-!"  cries  Ned,  who  loves  a  jeer; 

"  In  sense  you  surely  fail : 
What  do  the  darlings  have  to  fear 

When  clad  in  coats-of-maZe  /" 

IN    RETURN   FOR   A   LADY'S    SKETCH   OF   THE   AJPOLLO. 

If  fair  Apollo  drew  his  bow 

As  well  as  you  have  drawn  it  here, 
No  wonder  that  he  carries  woe 

To  many  a  maiden  far  and  near. 
One  difference,  though,  I  understand, 

Between  this  picture  and  the  giver  : 
Apollo  keeps  his  bow  in  hand — 

Tou  keep  your  beaux  upon  the  quiver. 

WIDOWS. 
As  in  India,  one  day,  an  Englishman  sat 

With  a  smart  native  lass  at  the  window, 
"  Do  your  widows  burn  themselves  ?  pray  tell  mo  that  ?" 

Said  the  pretty,  inquisitive  Hindoo. 
"Do  they  burn?  ah,  yes,"  the  gentleman  said, 

"  With  a  flame  not  so  easy  to  smother : 
Our  widows,  the  moment  one  husband  is  dead, 

Immediately  burn  for  another  !" — CANNING. 


526 


EPIGRAMS. 


The  following  epigram  by  Samuel  Rogers,  on  Lord  Dudley's 
studied  speeches  in  Parliament,  was  pronounced  by  Byron,  in 
conversation  with  Lady  Blessington,  "  one  of  the  best  in  the 
English  language,  with  the  true  Greek  talent  of  expressing,  by 
implication,  what  is  wished  to  be  conveyed :" — 

Ward  has  no  heart,  they  say,  but  I  deny  it : 
He  has  a  heart,  and  gets  his  speeches  by  it. 

On  the  marriage  of  Dr.  Webb  with  Miss  Gould,  a  classical 
friend  sent  him  the  following : — 

Tela  fuit  simplex  statuens  decus  addere  telce, 
Fecit  hymen  geminam  puroque  intexuit  auro. 
[Single  no  more,  a  double  Webb  behold; 
Hymen  embroidered  it  with  virgin  Gould.] 

AFTER  GOING   TO   LAW. 
This  law,  they  say,  great  nature's  chain  connects, 
That  causes  ever  must  produce  effects. 
In  me  behold  reversed  great  nature's  laws, — 
All  my  e/ectt  lost  by  a  single  cause. 

SAME   JAWBONE. 

Jack  eating  rotten  cheese  did  say, 
"  Like  Samson  I  my  thousands  slay." 
"  I  vow,"  says  Roger,  "  so  you  do, 
And  with  the  selfsame  weapon  too." 

A   FUNNY   DETERMINATION. 
Queenly  Miss  Quaint,  the  aim  of  whose  life 
Is  to  die  an  old  maid  or  a  minister's  wife, 
Grotesquely  averred,  after  hearing  young  Spread, 
"I'll  hear  him  all  day,  if  I  walk  on  my  head  !" 
"  Good !"  said  old  Hunx,  with  a  comical  smile  ; 
"  But  please,  if  you're  late,  don't  come  up  the  broad  aisle !" 

MARRIAGE   A  LA  MODE. 

"  Tom,  you  should  take  a  wife."     "  Nay,  God  forbid !" 
"I  found  you  one  last  night"     "  The  deuce  you  did !" 
"Softly  !  perhaps  she'll  please  you."     "  Oh,  of  course  !" 
"  Eighteen."     "  Alarming !"     "  Witty."     "  Nay,  that's  worse !" 
"Discreet"     "All  show!"     "Handsome."     " To  lure  the  fellows !" 
"High-born."     " Ay,  haughty !"     "Tender-hearted."     "Jealous!" 
"Talents  o'erflowing."     "Ay,  enough  to  sluice  me!" 
"  And  then,  Tom,  such  a  fortune !"     "  Introduce  me !" 


EPIGRAMS.  527 

QUID   PRO   QUO. 

"Marriage,  not  mirage,  Jane,  here  in  your  letter: 
"With  your  education,  you  surely  know  better." 
Quickly  spoke  my  young  wife,  while  I  sat  in  confusion, 
"  'Tis  quite  correct,  Thomas :  they're  each  an  illusion." 

WOMAN— CONTRA. 
When  Adam,  waking,  first  his  lids  unfolds 
In  Eden's  groves,  beside  him  he  beholds 
Bone  of  his  bone,  flesh  of  his  flesh,  and  knows 
His  earliest  sleep  has  proved  his  last  repose. 

WOMAN — PRO. 

Not  she  with  traitorous  kiss  her  Saviour  stung, 

Not  she  denied  him  with  unholy  tongue  : 

She,  when  apostles  shrunk,  could  danger  brave; 

Last  at  the  cross,  and  earliest  at  the  grave. — BARRETT. 

ABUNDANCE  OF  FOOLS. 
The  world  of  fools  has  such  a  store, 

That  he  who  would  not  see  an  ass 
Must  bide  at  home,  and  bolt  his  door, 

And  break  his  looking-glass. — LA  MONNOTB. 

THE   WORLD. 

'Tis  an  excellent  world  that  we  live  in 
To  lend,  to  spend,  or  to  give  in ; 
But  to  borrow,  or  beg,  or  get  a  man's  own, 
'Tis  just  the  worst  world  that  ever  was  known. 

TERMINER   SANS   OYER. 
"  Call  silence !"  the  judge  to  the  officer  cries; 

'<  This  hubbub  and  talk,  will  it  never  be  done? 
Those  people  this  morning  have  made  such  a  noise, 

We've  decided  ten  causes  without  hearing  one." 

DOUBLE   VISION    UTILIZED. 
An  incipient  toper  was  checked  t'other  day, 
In  his  downward  career,  in  a  very  strange  way. 
The  effect  of  indulgence,  he  found  to-  his  trouble, 
Was  that  after  two  bottles  he  came  to  see  double; 
When  with  staggering  steps  to  his  home  he  betook  him, 
He  saw  always  two  wives,  sitting  up  to  rebuke  him. 
One  wife  in  her  wrath  makes  a  pretty  strong  case; 
But  a  couple  thus  scolding,  what  courage  could  face? 


528  IMPROMPTUS. 


ONE  day,  as  Dr.  Young  was  walking  in  his  garden  at  Welwyn 
in  company  with  two  ladies,  (one  of  whom  he  afterwards  mar- 
ried,) the  servant  caine  to  acquaint  him  that  a  gentleman  wished 
to  speak  with  him.  "  Tell  him,"  said  the  doctor,  "  I  am  too 
happily  engaged  to  change  my  situation."  The  ladies  in- 
sisted that  he  should  go,  as  his  visitor  was  a  man  of  rank,  his 
patron,  and  his  friend.  But,  as  persuasion  had  no  effect,  one 
took  him  by  the  right  arm,  the  other  by  the  left,  and  led  him 
to  the  garden-gate  j  when,  finding  resistance  in  vain,  he  bowed, 
laid  his  hand  upon  his  heart,  and,  in  that  expressive  manner 
for  which  he  was  so  remarkable,  spoke  the  following  lines : — 

Thus  Adam  looked  when  from  the  garden  driven, 
And  thus  disputed  orders  sent  from  heaven. 
Like  him  I  go,  but  yet  to  go  I'm  loath ; 
Like  him  I  go,  for  angels  drove  us  both. 
Hard  was  his  fate,  but  mine  still  more  unkind  : 
His  Eve  went  with  him,  but  mine  stays  behind. 

Ben  Jonson  having  been  invited  to  dine  at  the  Falcon 
Tavern,  where  he  was  already  deeply  in  debt,  the  landlord  pro- 
mised to  wipe  out  the  score  if  he  would  tell  him  what  God, 
and  the  devil,  and  the  world,  and  the  landlord  himself,  would 
be  best  pleased  with.  To  which  the  ready  poet  promptly  re- 
plied :— 

God  is  best  pleased  when  men  forsake  their  sin ; 
The  devil  is  best  pleased  when  they  persist  therein ; 
The  world's  best  pleased  when  thou  dost  sell  good  wine  ; 
And  you're  best  pleased  when  I  do  pay  for  mine. 

A  well-known  instance  of  self-extrication  from  a  dilemma  ia 
thus  rendered  in  rhyme  : — 

When  Queen  Elizabeth  desired 

That  Melville  would  acknowledge  fairly 
Whether  herself  he  most  admired, 

Or  his  own  sovereign,  Lady  Mary  ? 
The  puzzled  knight  his  answer  thus  expressed: — 
"  In  her  own  country  each  is  handsomest." 


IMPROMPTUS.  529 

Burns,  going  into  church  one  Sunday  and  finding  it  difficult 
to  procure  a  seat,  was  kindly  invited  by  a  young  lady  into  her 
pew.  The  sermon  being  upon  the  terrors  of  the  law,  and  the 
preacher  being  particularly  severe  in  his  denunciation  of  sin- 
ners, the  lady,  who  was  very  attentive,  became  much  agitated. 
Burns,  on  perceiving  it,  wrote  with  his  pencil,  on  a  blank  leaf 
of  her  Bible,  the  following : — 

Fair  maid,  you  need  not  take  the  hint, 

Nor  idle  texts  pursue  : 
'Twas  only  sinners  that  he  meant, 

Not  angels  such  as  you. 

One  evening  at  the  King's  Arms,  Dumfries,  Burns  was  called 
from  a  party  of  friends  to  see  an  impertinent  coxcomb  in  the 
form  of  an  English  commercial  traveller,  who  patronizingly  in- 
vited the  Ayrshire  Ploughman  to  a  glass  of  wine  at  his  table. 
Entering  into  conversation  with  the  condescending  stranger, 
Burns  soon  saw  what  sort  of  person  he  had  to  deal  with. 
About  to  leave  the  room,  the  poet  was  urged  to  give  a  specimen 
of  his  facility  in  impromptu  versifying,  when,  having  asked  the 
name  and  age  of  the  conceited  traveller,  he  instantly  penned 
and  handed  him  the  following  stanza, — after  which  he  abruptly 
departed  : — 

In  seventeen  hundred  forty-nine, 
Satan  took  stuff  to  make  a  swine, 

And  cuist  it  in  a  corner ; 
But  wilily  he  changed  his  plan, 
Shaped  it  to  something  like  a  man, 
And  ca'd  it  Andrew  Horner. 

After  Burke  had  finished  his  extraordinary  speech  against 
Warren  Hastings,  the  latter  (according  to  the  testimony  of  his 
private  secretary,  Mr.  Evans)  wrote  the  following  sarcastic 
impromptu : — 

Oft  have  we  wondered  that  on  Irish  ground 

No  poisonous  reptile  ever  yet  was  found ; 

The  secret  stands  revealed  in  Nature's  work.: 

She  saved  her  venom  to  create  a  Burke  ! 

Dr.  Johnson's  definition  of  a  note  of  admiration  (!),  made  on 

the  moment,  is  very  neat : — 

21  45 


530  IMPROMPTUS. 

I  see — I  see — I  know  not  what : 
I  see  a  dash  above  a  dot, 
Presenting  to  my  contemplation 
A  perfect  point  of  admiration  '. 

An  old  gentleman  named  Gould,  having  married  a  young 
lady  of  nineteen,  thus  addressed  his  friend  Dr.  Gr.  at  the  wed- 
ding festival  : — 

So  you  see,  my  dear  sir,  though  eighty  years  old, 
A  girl  of  nineteen  falls  in  love  with  old  Gould. 

To  which  tha  doctor  replied, — 

A  girl  of  nineteen  may  love  Gould,  it  is  true, 
But  believe  me,  dear  sir,  it  is  Gold  without  K 

When  Percy  first  published  his  collection  of  Ancient  English 
Ballads,  he  was  rather  lavish  in  commendation  of  their  beautiful 
simplicity.  This  provoked  Dr.  Johnson  to  say  one  evening,  at 
the  tea-table  of  Miss  Reynolds,  that  he  could  rhyme  as  well 
and  as  elegantly  in  common  narrative  and  conversation.  "  For 
instance,"  said  he, — 

"  As,  with  my  hat  upon  my  head, 

I  walked  along  the  strand, 

I  there  did  meet  another  man 

With  his  hat  in  his  hand. 

Or,  to  render  such  poetry  subservient  to  my  own  immediate 

I  therefore  pray  thee,  Renny  dear 

That  thou  wilt  give  to  me, 
With  cream  and  sugar  softened  well, 

Another  cup  of  tea. 
Nor  fear  that  I,  my  gentle  maid, 

Shall  long  detain  the  cup, 
When  once  unto  the  bottom  I 

Have  drank  the  liquor  up. 
Yet  hear,  alas !  this  mournful  truth, 

Nor  hear  it  with  a  frown.; 
Thou  canst  not  make  the  tea  as  fast 

As  I  can  gulp  it  down." 

Mr.  Fox,  the  great  orator,  was  on  one  occasion  told  by  a  lady 
that  she  "did  not  care  three  skips  of  a  louse  for  him."  He 
immediately  took  out  his  pencil  and  wrote  the  following : — 


IMPROMPTUS.  531 

A  lady  has  told  me,  and  in  her  own  house, 
That  she  cares  not  for  me  "  three  skips  of  a  louse." 
I  forgive  tbe  dear  creature  fur  what  she  has  said, 
Since  womcu  will  talk  of  what  runs  in  their  head. 

Barty  Willard,  who  formerly  lived  in  the  northern  part  of 
Vermont,  was  noted  for  his  careless,  vagabond  habits,  ready 
wit,  and  remarkable  facility  at  extempore  rhyming.  Sitting 
one  day  in  a  village  store,  among  a  crowd  of  idlers  who  always 
gathered  about  him  on  his  arrival,  the  merchant  asked  Barty 
"  why  he  always  wore  that  shocking  bad  hat."  Barty  replied 
that  it  was  simply  because  he  was  unable  to  purchase  a  new 
one. 

"Come,"  said  the  merchant;  "make  me  a  good  rhyme  on 
the  old  hat  immediately,  without  stopping  to  think,  and  I'll 
give  you  the  best  castor  in  the  store."  Whereupon  Barty 
threw  his  old  tile  on  the  floor,  and  began : — 

Here  lies  my  old  hat, 

And,  pray,  what  of  that? 
'Tis  as  good  as  the  rest  of  my  raiment : 

If  I  buy  me  a  better, 

You'll  make  me  your  debtor 
And  send  me  to  jail  for  the  payment. 

The  new  hat  was  adjudged,  by  the  "unanimous  vote  of  the 
house,"  to  belong  to  Barty,  who  wore  it  off  in  triumph,  saying, 
"  it  was  a  poor  head  that  couldn't  take  care  of  itself." 

An  Oxford  and  Cambridge  man,  who  had  had  frequent  dis- 
putes concerning  the  divinity  of  Christ,  chancing  to  meet  in 
company,  the  former,  with  a  serio-comical  air,  wrote  the  follow- 
ing lines  and  handed  them  to  the  latter : — 

Tu  Juclte  similis  Dominumque  Deumque  negasti; 
Dissimilis  Judas  est  tibi — poenituit. 
[You,  Judas  like,  your  Lord  and  God  denied; 
Judas,  unlike  to  you,  repentant  sighed.] 

Whereupon  the  "  heretic"  retorted, — 

Tu  simul  et  similis  Juda;,  tu  dissimilisque;  - 

Judae  iterutn  similis  sis,  laqueumque  petas. 
[You  are  like  Judas,  yet  unlike  that  elf; 
Once  more  like  Judas  be,  and  hang  yourself.] 


532  IMPROMPTUS. 

The  common  phrase  Give  the  Devil  his  due,  was  turned  very 
wittily  by  a  member  of  the  bar  in  North  Carolina,  some  years 
ago,  on  three  of  his  legal  brethren.  During  the  trial  of  a  case, 
Hillman,  Pews,  and  Swain  (all  distinguished  lawyers,  and  the 
last-named  President  of  the  State  University)  handed  James 
Dodge,  the  Clerk  of  the  Supreme  Court,  the  following  epitaph : — 

Here  lies  James  Dodge,  who  dodged  all  good, 

And  never  dodged  an  evil : 
And,  after  dodging  all  he  could, 

He  could  not  dodge  the  Devil ! 

Mr.  Dodge  sent  back  to  the  gentlemen  the  annexed  im- 
promptu reply?  which  may  be  considered  equal  to  any  thing 
ever  expressed  in  the  best  days  of  Queens  Anne  or  Bess  : — 

Here  lies  a  Hillman  and  a  Swain ; 

Their  lot  let  no  man  choose  : 
They  lived  in  sin,  and  died  in  pain, 

And  the  Devil  got  his  dues !  (Dews.) 

A  lady  wrote  with  a  diamond  on  a  pane  of  glass, — 

God  did  at  first  make  man  upright;  but  he — 

To  which  a  gentleman  added, — 

Most  surely  had  continued  so  ;  but  site — 

A  lady  wrote  upon  a  window  some  verses,  intimating  her  de- 
sign of  never  marrying.  A  gentleman  wrote  the  following 
lines  underneath : — 

The  lady  whose  resolve  these  words  betoken, 
Wrote  them  on  glass,  to  show  it  may  be  broken. 

Sir  Walter  Raleigh  having  written  on  a  window, — 

Fain  would  I  climb,  yet  fear  I  to  fall, — 

Queen  Elizabeth,  the  instant  she  saw  it,  wrote  under  it, — 

If  thy  heart  fail  thee,  climb  not  at  all. 

Perhaps  the  most  delicate  flattery  ever  uttered  was  that  of 
the  ambassador,  who,  being  asked  by  a  beautiful  queen,  upon 
his  introduction  to  her  court,  whether  a  celebrated  beauty  in 
his  own  country  was  the  handsomest  woman  he  had  ever  seen, 
replied,  "  I  thought  so  yesterday." 


IMPROMPTUS.  533 

A  party  of  gentlemen  at  Lord  Macclesfield's,  one  evening, 
agreed  to  amuse  themselves  by  drawing  tickets  on  which  various 
uncomplimentary  devices  were  written.  These  were  extempora- 
neously turned  into  compliments  by  Cowper  as  follows : — 

Vanity.— Drawn  by  Lord  Macclesfield. 

Be  vain,  my  lord,  you  have  a  right ; 

For  who,  like  you,  can  boast  this  night, 

A  group  assembled  in  one  place 

Fraught  with  such  beauty,  wit  and  grace  ? 
Insensibility. — Mr.  Marsham. 

Insensible  can  Marsham  be  ? 

Yes  and  no  fault  you  must  agree ; 

His  heart  his  virtue  only  warms, 

Insensible  to  vice's  charms. 
Inconstancy. — Mr.  Adams. 

Inconstancy  there  is  no  harm  in, 

In  Adams  where  it  looks  so  charming : 

Who  wavers  as,  he  well  may  boast, 

Which  virtue  he  shall  follow  most. 
Impudence. — Mr.  St.  John. 

St.  John,  your  vice  you  can't  disown : 

For  in  this  age  'tis  too  well  known, 

That  impudent  that  man  must  be 

Who  dares  from  folly  to  be  free. 

Intemperance. — Mr.  Gerard. 

Intemperance  implies  excess : 
Changed  though  the  name,  the  fault's  not  less ; 
Yet,  blush  not,  Gerard,  there's  no  need, — 
In  all  that's  worthy  you  exceed. 

A  Blank  was  drawn  by  Mr.  Legge. 

If  she  a  blank  for  Ljegge  designed, 
Sure  Fortune  is  no  longer  blind ; 
For  we  shall  fill  the  paper  given 
With  every  virtue  under  heaven. 

Cowardice. — Gen.  Caillard. 

Most  soldiers  cowardice  disclaim, 
But  Caillard  owns  it  without  shame; 
Bold  in  whate'er  to  arras  belong, 
He  wants  the  courage  to  do  wrong. 

4:* 


534  REFRACTORY   RHYMING. 

A  traveller,  upon  reading  the  inscription  affixed  to  the  gates 
of  Bandon,  (a  town  in  Ireland  originally  peopled  by  English 
Protestants,)— 

Jew,  Turk  or  Atheist  enter  here ; 
But  let  no  Papist  dare  appear, — 

wrote  the  following  smart  reply  underneath : — 

He  who  wrote  this  wrote  it  well ; 

The  same  is  written  on  the  gates  of  hell. 

At  one  of  Burns'  convivial  dinners  he  was  requested  to  say 
grace;  whereupon  he  gave  the  following  impromptu: — 

Lord,  we  do  thee  humbly  thank 

For  that  we  little  merit. — 
Now  Jean  may  take  the  flesh  away, 

And  Will  bring  in  the  spirit. 


l&efractorg  i&ljgming. 

WHEN  Canning  was  challenged  to  find  a  rhyme  for  Julianna, 
he  immediately  wrote, — 

Walking  in  the  shady  grove 

With  my  Julianna, 
For  lozenges  I  gave  my  love 

Ipecacuanha. 

Ipecacuanha  lozenges,  though    a  myth  when  the  stanza  was 
written,  are  now  commonly  sold  by  apothecaries. 

Three  or  four  wits,  while  dining  together,  discussed  the 
difficulty  of  finding  rhymes  for  certain  names.  General  Morris 
challenged  any  of  the  party  to  find  a  happy  rhyme  for  his  name ; 
and  the  challenge  was  instantly  taken  up  by  John  Brougham, 
facility  at  extempore  rhyming  is  proverbial : — 

All  hail  to  thee,  thou  gifted  son ! 

The  warrior-poet  Morris ! 
'Tis  seldom  that  we  see  in  one 

A  Caesar  and  a  Horace. 


REFRACTORY   RHYMING.  535 

Some  years  ago  a  French  speculator  found  himself  ruined  by 
a  sudden  collapse  in  the  stock-market.  He  resolved  to  commit 
suicide,  but,  as  he  was  a  connoisseur  in  monumental  literature, 
he  decided  first  to  compose  his  own  epitaph.  The  first  line — a 
very  fine  one — terminated  with  the  word  triomphe.  To  this, 
search  as  he  might,  he  could  find  no  rhyme,  and  he  could  not 
bring  himself  to  sacrifice  his  beloved  line.  Time  passed,  finding 
him  still  in  search  of  his  rhyme,  assisted  by  a  number  of 
benevolent  friends,  but  all  in  vain.  One  day  a  promising  specu- 
lation presented  itself:  he  seized  the  opportunity  and  regained 
his  fortune. 

The  rhyme  so  zealously  sought  has  at  length  been  found,  and 
the  epitaph  completed.  Here  it  is : — 

Attendre  que  de  soi  la  vetuste"  triomphe, 
C'est  absurde !   Je  vais  au  devant  de  la  mort. 
Mourir  a  plus  d'attraits  quand  on  est  jeune  encore: 
A  quoi  bon  devenir  un  vieillard  monogomphe  ? 

MonogompJie;  a  brilliant  Hellenism  signifying  "who  has  but 
a  single  tooth." 

To  get  a  rhyme  in  English  for  the  word  month  was  quite  a 
matter  of  interest  with  curious  people  years  ago,  and  somebody 
made  it  out  or  forced  it  by  making  a  quatrain,  in  which  a  lisp- 
ing little  girl  is  described  as  saying: — 

1  can  get  a  rhyme  for  a  month. 

I  can  tbay  it  now,  I  thed  it  wunth ! 

Another  plan  was  to  twist  the  numeral  one  into  an  ordinal. 
For  instance: — 

Search  through  the  works  of  Thackeray— you'll  find  a  rhyme  to  month; 
He  tells  us  of  Phil  Fogarty,  of  the  fighting  onety-oneth! 

A  parallel  lisp  is  as  follows:— 

"You  can't,"  says  Tom  to  lisping  Bill, 

"Find  any  rhyme  for  month." 
"A  great  mithtuke,"  was  Bill's  reply; 

"I'll  find  a  rhyme  at  onth." 


536  REFRACTORY   RHYMING. 

And 

Among  our  numerous  English  rhymes, 

They  say  there's  none  to  month; 
I  tried  and  failed  a  hundred  times, 

But  succeeded  the  hundred  and  onth. 

But  these  are  hardly  fair.  The  rhyme  is  good,  but  the  English 
is  bad.  Christina  Rosetti  has  done  better  in  the  admirable 
book  of  nursery  rhymes  which  she  has  published  under  the 
title  of  Sing- Song: — 

How  many  weeks  in  a  month  ? 
Four,  as  the  swift  moon  runn'th — 

In  both  of  these  instances,  however,  the  rhymes  are  evasions 
of  the  real  issue.  The  problem  is  not  to  make  a  word  by  com- 
pounding two,  or  distorting  one,  but  to  find  a  word  ready-made, 
in  our  unabridged  dictionaries  that  will  rhyme  properly  to 
month.  We  believe  there  is  none.  Nor  is  there  a  fair  rhyme 
to  the  word  silver,  nor  to  spirit,  nor  to  chimney.  Horace  Smith, 
one  of  the  authors  of  the  Rejected  Addresses,  once  attempted 
to  make  one  for  chimney  on  a  bet,  and  he  did  it  in  this  way : — 

Standing  on  roof  and  by  chimney 

Are  master  and  'prentice  with  slim  knee. 

Another  dissyllabic  poser  is  liquid.  Mr.  C.  A.  Bristed  at- 
tempts to  meet  it  as  follows : — 

After  imbibing  liquid, 

A  man  in  the  South 
Duly  proceeds  to  stick  quid 
(Very  likely  a  thick  quid) 

Into  his  mouth. 

And  "Mickey  Rooney"  contributes  this: — 

Shure  Quicquid  is  a  thick  wit, 
If  he  can  not  rhyme  to  liquid, 
A  thing  that  any  Mick  wid 
The  greatest  aise  can  do: 


REFRACTORY   RHYMING.  53J 

Just  take  the  herb  called  chick-weed, 
Which  they  often  cure  the  sick  wid, 
That's  a  dacent  rhyme  for  liquid, 
And  from  a  Mickey,  too. 

Some  one  having  challenged  a  rhyme  for  carpet,  the  follow- 
ing "lines  to  a  pretty  barmaid"  were  elicited  in  response:— 

Sweet  maid  of  the  inn, 

'Tis  surely  no  sin 
To  toast  such  a  beautiful  bar  pet; 

Believe  me,  my  dear, 

Your  feet  would  appear 
At  home  on  a  nobleman's  carpet 

Rhymes  were  thus  found  for  window: — 

A  cruel  man  a  beetle  caught, 

And  to  the  wall  him  pinned,  oh  ! 

Then  said  the  beetle  to  the  crowd, 

"  Though  I'm  stuck  up  I  am  not  proud," 

And  his  soul  went  out  of  the  window. 

Bold  Robin  Hood,  that  archer  good, 

Shot  down  fat  buck  and  thin  doe; 
Rough  storms  withstood  in  thick  greenwood, 

Nor  care  for  door  or  window. 

This  for  garden : — 

Though  Afric's  lion  be  not  here 
In  showman's  stoutly  barred  den, 

An  "Irish  Lion"  you  may  see 
At  large  in  Winter  Garden. 

The  difficulty  with  porringer  has  thus  been  overcome: — 

The  second  James  a  daughter  had, 

Too  fine  to  lick  a  porringer; 
He  sought  her  out  a  noble  lad, 

And  gave  the  Prince  of  Orange  her. 

And  in  this  stanza: — 

When  nations  doubt  our  power  to  fight, 

We  smile  at  every  foreign  jeer ; 
And  with  untroubled  appetite, 

Still  empty  plate  and  porringer. 


538  REFRACTORY  RHYMING. 

These  for  orange  and  l^mon : — 

I  gave  my  darling  child  a  lemon, 

That  lately  grew  its  fragrant  stem  on ; 

And  next,  to  give  her  pleasure  more  range 

I  offered  her  a  juicy  orange, 

And  nuts— she  cracked  them  in  the  door-hinge. 

And  many  an  i'W,  grim, 
And  travel-worn  pilgrim, 

has  traveled  far  out  of  his  way  before  succeeding  with  widow: — 

Who  would  not  always  as  he's  bid  do, 
Should  never  think  to  wed  a  widow. 

The  jury  found  that  Pickwick  did  owe 
Damages  to  Bardeli's  widow. 

Pickwick  loquitur:— 

Since  of  this  suit  I  now  am  rid,  0, 
Ne'er  again  I'll  lodge  with  a  widow! 

Among  the  stubborn  proper  names  are  Tipperary  and 
Timbuctoo.  The  most  successful  effort  to  match  the  latter  was 
an  impromptu  by  a  gentleman  who  had  accompanied  a  lady 
home  from  church  one  Sunday  evening,  and  who  found  her 
hymn-book  is  his  pocket  next  morning.  He  returned  it  with 
these  lines : — 

My  dear  and  much  respected  Jenny, 
Yon  must  have  thought  me  quite  a  ninny 

For  carrying  off  your  hymn-book  to 
My  house.    Had  you  thoughts  visionary, 
And  did  you  dream  some  missionary 

Had  flown  with  it  to  Timbuctoo? 

Another  attempt  runs  thus; — 

I  went  a  hunting  on  the  plains, 

The  plains  of  Timbnctoo ; 
I  shot  one  buck  fur  all  my  pains, 

And  he  was  a  slim  buck  too. 

An  unattainable  rhyme  might  be  sought  for  Evxine,  had 
not  Byron  said — 

Enxine, 

The  dirtiest  little  sea  that  mortal  ever  pokes  in. 


REFRACTORY   RHYMING.  539 

The  following  is  from  Tom  Moore's  Fudgs  Family  in 
Paris : — 

Take  instead  of  rope,  pistol,  or  dagger,  a 
Desperate  dash  down  the  Falls  of  Niagara. 

A  request  for  a  rhyme  for  Mackonochie  elicited  numerous 
replies,  one  of  which,  in  reference  to  a  charitable  occasion, 
begins  thus: — 

Who,  folk  bestowing 

Their  alms,  when  o'erflowing, 

The  coffer  unlocks? 
Fingers  upon  a  key 
Placing,  Mackonochie 
Opens  the  box. 

Canning's  amusing  little  extravaganza,  with  which  everybody 
is  familiar,  beginning: — 

Whene'er  with  haggard  eyes  I  view 
The  dungeon  that  I'm  rotting  in, 
I  think  of  the  companions  true 
Who  studied  with  me  at  the  U- 

niversity  of  Gottingen, 

has  been  parodied  a  hundred  times;  but  it  is  itself  a  parody  of 
Pindar,  whose  fashion  of  dividing  words  in  his  odes  all  students 
of  the  classics  have  abundant  occasion  to  remember.  The  last 
stanza  was  appended  by  William  Pitt, — a  fact  not  generally 
known : — 

Sun,  moon,  and  thou,  rain  world,  adieu, 
That  kings  and  priests  are  plotting  in 
Here  doomed  to  starve  on  water  gru- 
el, never  shall  I  see  the  U- 

niversity  of  Gottingen. 

Of  these  fantastic  rhymes,  Richard  Harris  Barham,  has  given 
us  the  finest  examples  in  the  language,  in  his  celebrated  "  In- 
goldsby  Legends."  In  the  legend  "Look  at  the  Clock,"  we 
have  this : — 

"  Having  once  gained  the  summit,  and  managed  to  cross  it,  he 
Bolls  down  the  side  with  uncommon  velocity." 


540  REFRACTORY   RHYMING. 

This  from  "The  Ghost": — 

"And,  being  of  a  temper  somewhat  warm, 

Would  now  and  then  seize  upon  small  occasion, 
A  stick  or.  stool,  or  anything  that  round  did  lie, 
And  baste  her  lord  and  master  most  confoundedly." 

In  the  "Tragedy"  we  have  one  even  more  whimsical  and 
comical : — 

"  The  poor  little  Page,  too,  himself  got  no  quarter,  but 

Was  served  the  same  way, 

And  was  found  the  next  day 
With  his  heels  in  the  air,  and  his  head  in  the  water-butt." 

Byron  has  more  than  matched  any  of  these  in  completeness 
of  rhyme  and  extent,  if  we  may  call  it  so,  of  rhyming  surface, 
and  matched  even  himself  in  acidity  of  cynicism,  in  his 
couplet : — 

" Ye  lords  of  ladies  intellectual, 

Come  tell  me,  have  they  not  hen-pecked  you  all." 

Punch  has  some  very  funny  samples  of  eccentric  rhymes,  of 
which  the  best  is  one  that  spells  out  the  final  word  of  a  couplet, 
the  last  letter  or  two,  making  so  many  syllables  rhyme  with  the 
ending  word  of  the  preceding  line.  Thus : — 

"  Me  drunk  !  the  cobbler  cried,  the  devil  trouble  you, 

You  want  to  kick  up  a  blest  r-o-w, 

I've  just  returned  from  a  teetotal  party, 

Twelve  on  us  jammed  in  a  spring  c-a-r-t, 

The  man  as  lectured  now,  was  drunk;  why  bless  ye, 

He's  sent  home  in  a  c-h-a-i-s-e." 

Twenty-five  years  or  more  ago,  in  Boston,  Monday  was  the 
gathering  time  for  Universalist  clergymen,  Tompkins'  book 
store  being  the  place  of  rendezvous.  At  these  unions,  King, 
Chapin,  Hosea  Ballou,  Whittemore,  and  other  notabilities,  were 
pretty  sure  to  be  present;  and  as  it  was  immediately  after  the 
graver  labors  of  the  Sabbath,  the  parsons  were  apt  to  be  in  an 
unusually  frisky  condition. 


REFRACTORY   RHYMING.  541 

Chapin,  ordinarily,  is  of  reticent  habit ;  but  when  the  company 
is  congenial,  and  he  is  in  exhilarant  mood,  his  wonderful  flow 
of  language  and  quick  perception  make  him  a  companion  rarely 
equalled  for  wit  and  repartee.  On  one  occasion,  when  King  and 
Chapin,  and  a  dozen  other  clergymen  were  at  Tompkins's,  as  was 
their  wont,  Chapin  began  to  rhyme  upon  the  names  of  those 
present.  Without  a  moment's  hesitation,  he  ran  off  the  name 
of  each,  rhyming  it  in  verse,  to  the  huge  delight  of  the  com- 
pany. Finally,  after  exhausting  that  list,  the  names  of  absent 
clergymen  were  given  to  the  ready  poet,  and  there  was  not  a 
single  failure.  At  last  a  clergyman  said : — 

"I  can  give  you  a  name,  Brother  Chapin,  to  which  you 
cannot  make  a  rhyme." 

"Well,  what- is  it?" 

"  Brother  Brimblecomb." 

Without  a  moment's  pause,  Chapin  said  :— 

"  There  was  a  man  in  our  town, 

His  name — they  called  it  Brimblecomb ; 

He  stole  the  tailor's  needle  and  shears, 
But  couldn't  make  the  thimble  come." 

Butler's  facility  in  overcoming  stubborn  words  is  amusing. 
For  instance: — 

There  was  an  ancient  sage  philosopher, 
Who  had  read  Alexander  Ross  over. 

Coleridge,  on  the  eve  of  his  departure  from  Gb'ttingen,  being 
requested  by  a  student  of  the  same  class  in  the  university  to 
write  in  his  StammbiLch,  or  album,  complied  as  follows: — 

We  both  attended  the  same  college, 

Where  sheets  of  paper  we  did  blur  many ; 

And  now  we're  going  to  sport  our  knowledge, 
In  England  I,  and  you  in  Germany. 

Father  Prout,  in  his  polyglot  praise  of  rum  punch,  says:— 

Doth  love,  young  chiel,  one's  bosom  ruffle  ? 
Would  any  feel  ripe  for  a  scuffle  ? 
The  simplest  plan  is  just  to  take  a 
Well  stiffened  can  of  old  Jamaica. 
46 


542  REFRACTORY   RHYMING. 

We  parted  by  the  gate  in  June, 

That  soft  and  baliny  month, 
Beneath  the  sweetly  beaming  moon, 

And  (wonth — hunth — sunth — bunth— I  can't  find  a  rhyme  to  month) 

Years  were  to  pass  ere  we  should  meet; 

A  wide  and  yawning  gulf 
Divides  me  from  my  love  so  sweet, 

While  (ulf— sulf— dulf— niulf—  stuck  again;  I  can't  get  any  rhyme  to 
gulf.  I'm  in  a  gulf  myself). 

Oh,  how  I  dreaded  in  my  soul 

To  part  from  my  sweet  nymph, 
While  years  should  their  long  seasons  roll 

Before  (nymph — dymph — yuaph — I  guess  I'll  have  to  let  it  go  at  that). 

Beneath  my  fortune's  stern  decree 

My  lonely  spirit  sunk, 
For  a  weary  soul  was  mine  to  be 

And  (hunk — dunk — runk — sk — that  will  never  do  in  the  world). 

She  buried  her  dear,  lovely  face 

Within  her  azure  scarf, 
She  knew  I'd  take  the  wretchedness 

As  well  as  (parf— sarf—  darf — half-and-half;  that  won't  answer  either). 

0, 1  had  loved  her  many  years, 

I  loved  her  for  herself; 
I  loved  her  for  her  tender  fears, 

And  also  for  her  (welf — nelf— helf— pelf ;  no,  no ;  not  for  her  pelf). 

I  took  between  my  hands  her  head, 

How  sweet  her  lips  did  pouch  ! 
I  kissed  her  lovingly  and  said: 

(Bouch— mauche— louche— ouch;  not  a  bit  of  it  did  I  say  ouch!) 

I  sorrowfully  wrung  her  hand. 

My  tears  they  did  escape, 
My  sorrow  I  could  not  command, 

And  I  was  but  a  (sape  — dape— fape— ape ;  well,  perhaps  I  did  feel  like 
an  ape). 

I  gave  to  her  a  fond  adien, 

Sweet  pupil  of  love's  school ; 
I  told  her  I  would  e'er  be  true, 

And  always  be  a  (dool — sool — mool — fool ;  since  I  come  to  think  of  it,  I 
was  a  fool,  for  she  fell  in  love  with  another  fellow  before  I  was 
gone  a  month). 


REFRACTORY   RHYMING.  543 

Hood's  Nocturnal  Sketch  presents  a  remarkable  example  of 
la  dijficulte  vaincue.  Most  bards  find  it  sufficiently  difficult  tc 
obtain  one  rhyming  word  at  the  end  of  a  line;  but  Hood 
secures  three,  with  an  ease  which  is  as  graceful  as  it  is  sur- 
prising : — 

Even  has  come ;  and  from  the  dark  park,  hark 

The  signal  of  the  setting  sun — one  gun  ! 

And  six  is  sounding  from  the  chime — prime  time 

To  go  and  see  the  Drury  Lane  Dane  slain, 

Or  hear  Othello's  jealous  doubt  spout  out, 

Or  Macbeth  raving  at  that  shade-made  blade, 

Denying  to  his  frantic  clutch  much  such; 

Or  else  to  see  Ducrow,  with  wide  tide,  stride 

Four  horses  as  no  other  man  can  span; 

Or  in  the  small  Olympic  pit,  sit  split, 

Laughing  at  Liston,  while  you  quiz  his  phiz. 

Anon  night  comes,  and  with  her  wings  brings  things 
Such  as,  with  his  poetic  tongue,  Young  sung  : 
The  gas  up  blazes  with  its  bright  white  light, 
And  paralytic  watchmen  prowl,  howl,  growl, 
About  the  streets,  and  take  up  Pall-Mall  Sal, 
Who,  trusting  to  her  nightly  jobs,  robs  fobs. 
Now  thieves  do  enter  for  your  cash,  smash,  crash, 
Past  drowsy  Charley,  in  a  deep  sleep,  creep, 
But,  frightened  by  policeman  B  3,  flee, 
And  while  they're  going,  whisper  low,  "No  go!" 

Now  puss,  while  folks  are  in  their  beds,  treads  leads, 
And  sleepers  grumble,  Drat  that  cat! 
Who  in  the  gutter  caterwauls,  squalls,  mauls 
Some  feline  foe,  and  screams  in  shrill  ill  wilL 

Now  bulls  of  Bashan,  of  a  prize  size,  rise 

In  childish  dreams,  and  with  a  roar  gore  poor 

Oeorgy,  or  Charles,  or  Billy,  willy  nillyj 

But  nurse-maid,  in  a  night-mare  rest,  chest-pressed, 

Dreameth  of  one  of  her  old  flames,  James  Grocmes, 

And  that  she  hears — what  faith  is  man's — Ann's  banns 

And  his,  from  Reverend  Mr.  Rice,  twice,  thrice; 

White  ribbons  flourish,  and  a  stout  shout  out, 

That  upward  goes,  shows  Rose  knows  those  beaux'  woes. 


544  VALENTINES. 


ITalentines. 


A   STRATEGIC   LOVE-LETTER. 

THE  following  love-letter,  dated  in  1661,  was  sent  by  Philip, 
second  Earl  of  Chesterfield,  to  Lady  Russell: — 

Madam: —  The  dullness  of  this  last  cold  season  doth  afford  nothing  that 
is  new  to  divert  you;  only  here  is  a  report  that  I  fain  would  know  the 
truth  of,  which  is,  that  I  am  extremely  in  love  with  you.  Pray  let  me 
know  if  it  be  true  or  no,  since  I  ana  certain  that  nothing  but  yourself  can 
rightly  inform  me;  for  if  you  intend  to  use  me  favorably,  and  do  think  I 
am  in  love  with  you,  I  most  certainly  am  so ;  but  if  you  intend  to  receive 
me  coldly,  and  do  not  believe  that  I  am  in  love,  I  also  am  sure  that  I  am 
not;  therefore  let  me  entreat  you  to  put  me  out  of  a  doubt  which  makes 
the  greatest  concern  of, 

Dear  Madam,  your  most  obedient  faithful  servant, 

CHESTERFIELD. 

(It  is  the  part  of  a.  skillful  general  to  secure  a  good  retreat.) 

WRITTEN   IN   SYMPATHETIC   INK. 

Dear  girl,  if  thou  hadst  been  less  fair, 

Or  I  had  been  more  bold, 
The  burning  words  I  now  would  write, 

Ere  this,  my  tongue  had  told. 

True  to  its  bashful  instinct  still, 

My  love  erects  this  screen, 
And  writes  the  words  it  dare  not  speak 

In  ink  that  can't  be  seen. 


CYPTOGRAPHIC   CORRESPONDENCE. 

A  lady  wrote  to  a  gentleman  thus : — 

"  I  shall  be  much  obliged  to  you,  as  reading  alone  engages  my  attention 
at  present,  if  you  will  lend  me  any  one  of  the  Eight  volumes  of  the  Spec- 
tator. I  hope  you  will  excuse  this  freedom,  but  for  a  winter's  evening  I 
don't  know  a  better  entertainment.  If  \fail  to  return  it  soon,  never  trust 
me  for  the  time  to  come." 

The  words  successively  italicized  convey  the  secret  invitation. 


VALENTINES.  545 

MACAULAY'S  VALENTINE. 

The  following  valentine  from  Lord  Macaulay  to  the  Hon. 
Mary  C.  Stanhope,  daughter  of  Lord  and  Lady  Mahon,  1851, 
is  worthy  of  being  preserved  for  the  sake  as  much  of  its  author 
as  of  its  own  merits: — 

Hail,  day  of  music,  day  of  love  ! 

On  earth  below,  and  air  above. 

In  air  the  turtle  fondly  moans, 

The  linnet  pipes  in  joyous  tones : 

On  earth  the  postman  toils  along, 

Bent  double  by  huge  bales  of  song. 

Where,  rich  with  many  a  gorgeous  dye, 

Blazes  all  Cupid's  heraldry — 

Myrtles  and  roses,  doves  and  sparrows, 

Love-knots  and  altars,  lamps  and  arrows. 

What  nymph  without  wild  hopes  and  fears 

The  double-rap  this  morning  hears  ? 

Unnumbered  lasses,  young  and  fair, 

From  Bethnel  Green  to  Belgrave  Square, 

With  cheeks  high  flushed,  and  hearts  loud  beating, 

Await  the  tender  annual  greeting. 

The  loveliest  lass  of  all  is  mine — 

Good  morrow  to  my  Valentine  ! 

Good  morrow,  gentle  child :  and  then, 
Again  good  morrow,  and  again, 
Good  morrow  following  still  good  morrow,. 
Without  one  cloud  of  strife  or  sorrow. 
And  when  the  god  to  whom  we  pay 
In  jest  our  homages  to-day 
Shall  come  to  claim  no  more  in  jest, 
His  rightful  empire  o'er  thy  breast, 
Benignant  may  his  aspect  be, 
His  yoke  the  truest  liberty: 
And  if  a  tear  his  power  confess, 
Be  it  a  tear  of  happiness. 
It  shall  be  so.     The  Muse  displays 
The  future  to  her  votary's  gaze: 
Prophetic  range  my  bosom  swells — 
I  taste  the  cake — I  hear  the  bells ! 
From  Conduit  street  the  close  array 
Of  chariots  barricades  the  way 
2K  46* 


546  VALENTINES. 

To  where  I  see,  with  outstretched  hand, 
Majestic  thy  great  kinsman  stand,* 
And  half  unbend  his  brow  of  pride, 

As  welcoming  so  fair  a  bride ;  . 

Gay  favors,  thick  as  flakes  of  snow, 
Brighten  St.  George's  portico : 
Within  I  see  the  chancel's  pale, 
The  orange  flowers,  the  Brussels  veil, 
The  page  on  which  those  fingers  white, 
Still  trembling  from  the  awful  rite, 
For  the  last  time  shall  faintly  trace 
The  name  of  Stanhope's  noble  race. 
I  see  kind  faces  round  thee  pressing, 
I  hear  kind  voices  whisper  blessing: 
And  with  those  voices  mingles  mine — 
All  good  attend  my  Valentine ! 
St.  Valentine's  Day,  1851.  T.  B.  MACAULAY. 

Very  tender  are    Burns'   verses  to  his    ladie  loves.     For 

Oh !  were  I  in  the  wildest  waste, 

Sae  black  and  bare,  sae  black  and  bare, 
The  desert  were  a  paradise 

If  thou  wert  there,  if  thou  wert  there ; 
Or,  were  I  monarch  of  the  globe, 

Wi'  thee  to  reign,  wi'  thee  to  reign, 
The  brightest  jewel  in  my  crown 

Wad  be  my  queen,  wad  be  my  queen. 


TEUTONIC   ALLITERATION. 

0  du  Dido,  die  du  da  den,  der  den,  den  du  liebst  liebt,  lieb  'o  liebste  des 
Freundes,  den  Freund  des  Freundes,  des  Freundes  wegen.f 

[0  you  Dido,  you  who,  him,  who  him  you  love,  loves,  love  0  dearest  of 
the  friend,  the  friend's  friend,  for  the  friend's  sake.] 

*  Statue  of  Mr.  Pitt,  in  Hanover  Square. 

f  This  will  remind  some  of  our  German  readers  of  the  following  inscription : — 
Der,  der  den,  der  den,  den  15ten  Marz  hier  gesetzten  Warnungspfahl,  das  niemand 

etwas  in  das  Wasser  werfen  sollte,  selbst  in  das  Wasser  geworfen  hat,  auzeigt,  erhalt 

zehn  Thaler  Belohnung. 
(Whoever,  him,  who,  on  the  15th  of  March  the  here  placed  warning-post,  that 

nobody  should  throw  any  thing  into  the  water,  has  thrown  the  post  itself  into  the 

water,  denounces,  receives  a  reward  of  Ten  Dollars.) 


VALENTINES. 


547 


A  LOVER   TO    HIS    SWEETHEART. 


Your  face, 

So  fair, 
First  bent, 

Mine  eye, 

Mine  eye, 

To  like, 
Your  face, 

Doth  lead, 

Your  face, 

With  beams, 
Doth  bind, 

Mine  eye, 

Mine  eye, 
With  life, 

Your  face, 
Doth  feed, 

0  face ! 

With  frowns, 
Wrong  not, 

Mine  eye, 

This  eye, 
Shall  joy, 

Your  face, 
To  serve, 


your  tongue, 
so  sweet, 
then  drew, 
mine  ear, 

mine  ear, 
to  learn, 
your  tongue, 
doth  teach, 

your  tongue, 
with  sound, 
doth  charm, 
mine  ear, 

mine  ear, 
with  hope, 
your  tongue, 
doth  feast, 

0  tongue! 
with  check, 
vex  not, 
mine  ear, 

this  ear, 
shall  bend, 
your  tongue, 
to  trust, 


your  wit, 
so  sharp, 
then  hit, 
my  heart. 

my  heart, 
to  love, 
your  wit, 
doth  move. 

your  wit,    ' 
with  art, 
doth  rule, 
my  hearts. 

my  heart, 
with  skill, 
your  wit, 
doth  fill. 

0  wit! 
with  smart, 
wound  not, 
my  heart. 

this  heart, 
shall  swear, 
your  wit, 
to  fear. 


The  lines  may  be  read  either  from  left  to  right,  or  from  above 
downwards.     They  may  also  be  read  in  various  directions. 


CARDIAC   EFFUSION. 

Somebody  named  John  Birchall  wrote  the  following  lines  in 
1684  with  his  "heart's  blood":— 

These  loving  lines  which  I  to  you  have  sent, 
In  secrecy  in  my  heart's  blood  are  pent, 
Ye  pen  I  slipt  as  I  y«  pen  did  make, 
And  freely  bleeds,  and  will  do  for  your  sake. 


548  VALENTINES. 


MACARONIC   VALENTINE. 

Geist  und  sinn  mich  beiigen  iiber 
Vous  zu  dire  das  ich  Sie  liebe ! 
Das  herz  quo  vous  so  lightly  spurn 
To  you  und  sie  allein  will  turn 
Unbarmherzig — pourquoi  scorn 
Mon  coeur  with  love  and  anguish  torn? 
Croyez  vous  das  my  despair 
Votre  bonheur  can  swell  or  faire? 
Schonheit  kann  nicht  cruel  sein 
Mepris  1st  keine  macht  divine, 
Then,  oh  then,  it  can't  be  thine. 
Glaubc  das  mine  love  is  true, 
Changeless,  deep  wie  Hiinmers  blue— 
Que  1'ainour  that  now  I  swear 
Zu  Dir  Ewigkeit  I'll  bear. 
Glaube  das  the  gentle  rays 
Born  and  nourished  in  thy  gaze 
Sur  mon  coeur  will  ever  dwell 
Comme  a  1'instant  when  they  fell— 
Mechante !  that  you  know  full  well. 

George  Digby,  Earl  of  Bristol,  one  of  the  most  graceful 
writers  of  the  Seventeenth  Century,  is  credited  with  this : — 

Fair  Archabella,  to  thy  eyes, 
That  flame  just  blushes  in  the  skies, 
Each  noble  heart  doth  sacrifice. 
Yet  be  not  cruel,  since  you  may, 
Whene'er  you  please,  to  save  or  slay, 
Or  with  a  frown  benight  the  day. 
I  do  not  wish  that  you  should  rest 
In  any  unknown  highway  breast, 
The  lodging  of  each  common  guest, 
But  I  present  a  bleeding  heart, 
Wounded  by  love,  not  pricked  by  art, 
That  never  knew  a  former  smart. 
Be  pleased  to  smile,  and  then  I  live; 
But  if  a  frown,  a  death  you  give, 
For  which  it  were  a  sin  to  grieve. 
Yet  if  it  be  decreed  I  fall, 
Grant  but  one  boon,  one  boon  is  all : — 
That  you  would  me  your  martyr  call. 


VALENTINE^.  549 

A  COLORED    MAN'S   LOVE-LETTER. 

A  colored  man  living  in  Detroit  had  long  admired  a  colored 
widow  in  a  neighboring  street,  but  being  afraid  to  reveal  his 
passion,  went  to  a  white  man  and  asked  him  to  write  the  lady 
a  letter  asking  her  hand  in  marriage.  The  friend  wrote,  telling 
the  woman  in  a  few  brief  lines  that  the  size  of  her  feet  was  the 
talk  of  the  neighborhood,  and  asking  her  if  she  couldn't  pare 
them  down  a  little.  The  name  of  the  colored  man  was  signed, 
and  he  was  to  call  on  her  for  an  answer.  Subsequently  the  wri- 
ter of  the  letter  met  the  negro  limping  along  the  street,  and  asked 
him  what  the  widow  said.  The  man  showed  him  a  bloodshot 
eye,  a  scratched  nose,  a  lame  leg,  and  a  spot  on  the  scalp  where  a 
handful  of  wool  had  been  violently  jerked  out;  and  he  answered 
in  solemn  tones:  "She  didn't  say  nuffin,  an'  I  didn't  stay  dar 
inor'n  a  minute ! " 

UNPUBLISHED    VERSES    OF    THOMAS    MOORE. 

Bright  leaf,  when  storms  thy  bloom  shall  wither, 

Oh,  fly  for  calm  and  shelter  hither  j 

And  I  will  prize  thy  tints  as  truly 

As  when   in  Spring  they  blossom  newly. 

Bright  leaf,  when  storms  thy  blooms  shall  wither, 

Oh,  fly  for  calm  and  shelter  hither. 

Sweet  maid,  while  hope  and  rapture  cheer  thee, 

'Tis  not  for  me  to  linger  near  thee; 

But  when  joys  fade  and  hope  deceives  thee, 

When  all  that  soothes  and  flatters  leaves  thee — 

Oh,  then,  how  sweet  in  one  forsaken, 

Fresh  hopes  and  joys  again  to  waken  ! 

EGYPTIAN    SERENADE. 

Sing  again  the  song  you  sung 
When  we  were  together  young — 
When  there  were  but  you  and  I 
Underneath  the  summer  sky. 
Sing  the  song,  and  sing  it  o'er, 
Though  I  know  that  nevermore 
Will  it  seem  the  song  you  sung 
When  we  were  together  young. 


550  VALENTINES. 

PETITIONS. 

THE    MAIDS    AND    WIDOWS. 

The  following  petition,  signed  by  sixteen  maids  of  Charles- 
ton, South  Carolina,  was  presented  to  the  Governor  of  that 
province  in  March,  1*733,  "the  day  of  the  feast": — 

To  His  EXCELLENCY  GOVERNOR  JOHNSON. 

The  humble  petition  of  all  the  Maids  whose  names  are  under- 
written : —  Whereas,  We  the  humble  petitioners  are  at  present  in 
a  very  melancholy  disposition  of  mind,  considering  how  all  the 
bachelors  are  blindly  captivated  by  widows,  and  our  more  youth- 
ful charms  thereby  neglected :  the  consequence  of  this  our  re- 
quest is,  that  your  Excellency  will  for  the  future  order  that  no 
widow  shall  presume  to  marry  any  young  man  till  the  maids  are 
provided  for;  or  else  to  pay  each  of  them  a  fine  for  satisfaction, 
for  invading  our  liberties;  and  likewise  a  fine  to  be  laid  on  all 
such  bachelors  as  shall  be  married  to  widows.  The  great  dis- 
advantage  it  is  to  us  maids,  is,  that  the  widows,  by  their  forward 
carriages,  do  snap  up  the  young  men;  and  have  the  vanity  to 
think  their  merits  beyond  ours,  which  is  a  great  imposition 
upon  us  who  ought  to  have  the  preference. 

This  is  humbly  recommended  to  your  Excellency's  con- 
sideration, and  hope  you  will  prevent  any  farther  insults. 

And  we  poor  Maids  as  in  duty  bound  will  ever  pray. 

P.  S. — I,  being  the  oldest  maid',  and  therefore  most  con- 
cerned, do  think  it  proper  to  be  the  messenger  to  your  Ex- 
cellency in  behalf  of  my  fellow  subscribers. 

A    MALADROIT   PETITION. 

An  autograph  of  Madame  de  Maintenon  has  recently  been 
discovered  at  Chateau-Guinon,  the  history  of  which  is  curious. 
A  worthy  priest  of  Cuiseaux,  a  small  Commune  of  La  Brasse, 
desiring  to  repair  his  church,  which  was  becoming  dilapidated, 
had  the  happy  idea  of  addressing  himself  to  Madame  de  Mainte- 
non,  whose  charitable  bounty  was  upon  every  tongue.  Not 


SONNETS.  551 

being  in  the  habit  of  corresponding  with  the  great,  the  style  of 
his  supplication  cost  him  much  thought,  but  at  last  he  produced 
a  memorial  commencing  as  follows:  — 

"  Madame  :  —  You  enjoy  the  reputation,  which  I  doubt  not  is 
well  founded,  of  according  your  favors  to  all  who  solicit  them. 
I  therefore  venture  to  appeal  to  your  bounty  in  behalf  of  the 
church  of  Cuiseaux,"  etc. 

The  exalted  lady  had  no  sooner  cast  her  eyes  upon  the  poor 
priest's  unlucky  exordium,  than  she  flew  into  a  rage,  and  had 
him  thrown  into  prison,  whence  it  was  with  great  difficulty  that 
his  friends  procured  a  release.  The  story  seems  apocryphal, 
but  the  memorial  bears  the  following  indorsement  hi  the  hand- 
writing of  Madame  de  Maintenon  :  —  The  lieutenant  of  police 
is  ordered  to  issue  a  lettre-de-cachet  against  the  signer  of  this 
petition. 


WRITING   A   SONNET. 

Doris,  the  fair,  a  sonnet  needs  must  have  ; 

I  ne'er  was  so  put  to  't  before;  —  a  Sonnet  ! 

Why  fourteen  verses  must  be  spent  upon  it  ; 
'Tis  good  howe'er  to  have  conquered  the  first  stave, 
Yet  I  shall  ne'er  find  rhymes  enough  by  half, 

Said  I,  and  found  myself  i'  th'  midst  o'  the  second. 

If  twice  four  verses  were  but  fairly  reckoned 
I  should  turn  back  on  th'  hardest  part  and  laugh. 

Thus  far  with  good  success  I  think  I've  scribbled, 

And  of  the  twice  seven  lines  have  clean  got  o'er  ten. 
Courage!  another  '11  finish  the  first  triplet, 

Thanks  to  thee,  Muse,  my  work  begins  to  shorten, 
There's  thirteen  lines  got  through  driblet  by  driblet: 

'Tis  done  !  count  how  yon  will  I  warrant  there's  fourteen. 

IN   A   FASHIONABLE   CHURCH. 

The  air  is  faint,  yet  still  the  crowds  press  in; 
With  stir  of  silks  and  under-flow  of  talk 
That  falls  from  lips  of  ladies  as  they  walk, 
Ere  yet  the  dainty  service  doth  begin  : 
Ah  me  !  the  very  organ's  glorious  din 


552  SONNETS. 

Is  tuned  to  pliant  trimness  in  its  place. 
And  over  all  a  sweet  melodious  grace 
Floats  with  the  incense-stream  good  souls  to  win ! 
0  God,  that  spak'st  of  old  from  Sinai's  brow ! 
And  Thou  that  laid'st  the  tempest  with  a  word ! 
Is  this  Thy  worship?     Come  amongst  us  now 
With  all  Thy  thunders,  if  Thou  wouldst  be  heard. 
So  tyrannous  is  this  weight  of  pageantry, 
Almost,  we  cry,  "  Give  back  Gethsemane ! " 

THE   PROXY   SAINT. 
Each  for  himself  must  do  his  Master's  work, 

Or  at  his  peril  leave  it  all  undone;] 
Witness  the  fate  of  one  who  sought  to  shirk 

The  Sanctuary  service  yet  would  shun 
The  penalty.     A  man  of  earthly  aims 

(So  runs  the  apologue,)  whose  pious  spouse 
Would  oft  remind  him  of  the  Church's  claims, 

Still  answered  thus,  "  Go,  thou,  and  pay  our  vows 
For  thee  and  me ! "     Now,  when  at  Peter's  gate 

The  twain  together  had  arrived  at  last, 
He  let  the  woman  in  ;  then  to  her  mate, 

Shutting  the  door,  "Thou  bast  already  passed 
"By  proxy,"  said  the  Saint — "just  in  the  way 

That  thou  on  earth  was  wont  to  fast  and  pray." 

ABOUT   A   NOSE. 

'Tis  very  odd  that  poets  should  suppose 
There  is  no  poetry  about  a  nose, 
When  plain  as  is  the  nose  upon  your  face, 
A  noseless  face  would  lack  poetic  grace. 
Noses  have  sympathy :  a  lover  knows 
Noses  are  always  touched  when  lips  are  kissing : 
And  who  would  care  to  kiss  where  nose  was  missing? 
Why,  what  would  be  the  fragrance  of  a  rose, 
And  where  would  be  our  mortal  means  of  telling 
Whether  a  vile  or  wholesome  odour  flows 
Around  us,  if  we  owned  no  sense  of  smelling? 
I  know  a  nose,  a  nose  no  other  knows, 
'Neath  starry  eyes,  o'er  ruby  lips  it  grows  ; 
Beauty  is  in  its  form  and  music  in  its  blows. 

DYSPEPSIA. 

Ah,  me  !  what  mischiefs  from  the  stomach  rise  ! 
What  fatal  ills,  beyond  all  doubt  or  question! 


SONNETS.  553 

How  many  a  deed  of  high  and  bold  emprise 

Has  been  prevented  by  a  bad  digestion ! 
I  ween  the  savory  crust  of  filthy  pies 

Hath  made  full  many  a  man  to  quake  and  tremble, 
Filling  his  stomach  with  dyspeptic  sighs, 

Until  a  huge  balloon  it  doth  resemble. 
Thus  do  our  lower  parts  impede  the  upper, 

And  much  the  brain's  good  works  molest  and  hinder. 
We  gorge  our  cerebellum  with  hot  supper, 

And  burn,  with  drams,  our  viscera  to  a  cinder, 
Choosing  our  arrows  from  Disease's  quiver, 

Till  man  in  misery  lives  to  loathe  his  liver. 

HUMILITY. 

Pair,  soft  Humility,  so  seldom  seen, 
So  oft  despised  upon  this  little  earth, 
Counted  by  men  as  dross  of  nothing  worth, 
Though  in  the  sight  of  Mightiness  supreme 
'Tis  hailed  and  welcomed  as  a  glorious  birth, 
Offspring  of  greatness,  beauty  perfected, 
And  yet  of  such  fragility  extreme, 
That  if  we  call  it  ours,  'tis  forfeited  ; 
Named,  it  escapes  us,  thus  we  need  beware, 
When  with  the  Publican  we  plead  the  prayer, 
"A  sinner,  Lord,  be  merciful  to  me !" 
Our  hearts  do  not  say  softly,  "  I  thank  Thee, 
0  Lord,  for  this  sweet  grace,  Humility, 
Which  I  possess,  unlike  the  Pharisee." 

AVE    MARIA. 

Ave  Maria  !  'tis  the  evening  hymn 

Of  many  pilgrims  on  the  land  and  sea. 

Soon  as  the  day  withdraws,  and  two  or  three 
Faint  stars  are  burning,  all  whose  eyes  are  dim 
With  tears  or  watching,  all  of  weary  limb 

Or  troubled  spirit,  yield  the  bended  knee, 

And  find,  0  Virgin !  life's  repose  in  thee. 
I,  too,  at  nightfall,  when  the  new-born  rim 

Of  the  young  moon  is  first  beheld  above, 
Tune  my  fond  thoughts  to  their  devoutest  key, 
And  from  all  bondage — save  remembrance — free 

Glad  of  my  liberty  as  Noah's  dove, 
Seek  the  Madonna  most  adored  by  me, 

And  say  mine  "Ave  Marias"  to  my  love. 
47 


554         CONFORMITY  OF  SENSE  TO  SOUND. 


&onformiti>  of  genjse  to 

In  the  hexameter  rises  the  fountain's  silvery  column  ; 

In  the  pentameter  aye  falling  in  melody  back. — COLERIDGE  :  trans,  Schiller 

ARTICULATE   IMITATION    OF   INARTICULATE   SOUNDS. 

Soft  is  the  strain  when  zephyr  gently  blows, 

And  the  smooth  stream  in  smoother  numbers  flows; 

But  when  loud  surges  lash  the  sounding  shore, 

The  hoarse,  rough  verse  should  like  the  torrent  roar. 

POPE  :  Essay  on  Criticism. 

On  a  sudden  open  fly, 
With  impetuous  recoil  and  jarring  sound, 
Th'  infernal  doors,  and  on  their  hinges  grate 
Harsh  thunder. — MILTON:  Paradise  Lost,  ii. 
Grate  on  their  scrannel  pipes  of  wretched  straw. — MILTON  :  Lycidat. 

His  bloody  hand 

Snatched  two  unhappy  of  my  martial  band, 
And  dashed  like  dogs  against  the  stony  floor. — POPE  :  Horn.  Odys. 

The  Pilgrim  oft 

At  dead  of  night,  'mid  his  orison,  hears 
Aghast  the  voice  of  time,  disparting  towers, 
Tumbling  all  precipitous  down-dashed, 
Rattling  around,  loud  thundering  to  the  moon. 

DYEB  :  Ruins  of  Rome, 

What!  like  Sir  Richard,  rumbling,  rough,  and  fierce, 
With  arms,  and  George,  and  Brunswick,  crowd  the  verse, 
Rend  with  tremendous  sounds  your  ears  asunder, 
With  drum,  gun,  trumpet,  blunderbuss,  and  thunder? 
Then  all  your  muse's  softer  art  display : 
Let  Carolina  smooth  the  tuneful  lay, 
Lull  with  Amelia's  liquid  name  the  nine, 
And  sweetly  flow  through  all  the  royal  line. — POPE  :  Sat.  I. 

Remarkable  examples  are  afforded  by  Dryden's  Alexander's 
Feast,  and  The  Bells  of  Edgar  A.  Poe. 

IMITATION   OF   TIME   AND   MOTION. 
When  the  merry  bells  ring  round, 
And  the  jocund  rebecs  sound 


CONFORMITY  OF  SENSE  TO  SOUND.       '  555 

To  many  a  youth  and  many  a  maid 
Dancing  in  the  checkered  shade. — MILTON  :  L' Allegro, 
Up  the  high  hill  he  heaves  a  huge  round  stone ; 
The  huge  round  stone,  resulting  with  a  bound, 
Thunders  impetuous  down,  and  smokes  along  the  ground. 

POPE  :  Horn.  Odya. 

Which  urged,  and  labored,  and  forced  up  with  pain, 
Recoils  and  rolls  impetuous  down,  and  smokes  along  the  plain. 

DRTDEN  :  Lucretius. 
A  needless  Alexandrine  ends  the  song, 
That,  like  a  wounded  snake,  drags  its  slow  length  along. 

POPE  :  Essay  on  Criticism. 
Not  so  when  swift  Camilla  scours  the  plain, 
Flies  o'er  th'  unbending  corn,  and  skims  along  the  main. 

POPE  :  Essay  on  Criticism. 
Oft  on  a  plat  of  rising  ground 
I  hear  the  far-off  curfew  sound, 
Over  some  wide- watered  shore, 
Swinging  slow  with  sullen  roar. — MILTON  :  H  Penseroso. 

The  well-known  hexameters  of  Virgil,  descriptive  respectively 
of  the  galloping  of  horses  over  a  resounding  plain,  and  of  the 
heavy  blows  in  alternately  hammering  the  metal  on  the  anvil, 
afford  good  examples, — the  dactylic,  of  rapidity,  the  spondaic, 
of  slowness. 

Quadrupe-  j  dante  pu-  |  trem  soni-  |  tu  quatit  |  ungula  |  campum, 

^Eneid,  viii.  596. 
Illi  in-  |  ter  se-  |  se  mag-  |  na  vi  |  brachia  |  tollunt. — ^SSneid,  viii.  452. 

IMITATION   OF   DIFFICULTY   AND   EASE. 
When  Ajax  strives  some  rock's  vast  weight  to  throw, 

The  line,  too,  labors,  and  the  words  move  slow,  <fcc. — POPE  :  Ess.  on  Criticism. 
He  through  the  thickest  of  the  throng  gan  threke. — CHAUCER:  Knight's  Tale. 
And  strains  from  hard-bound  brains  six  lines  a  year. — POPE  :  Sat.  Frag. 

Part  huge  of  bulk, 

Wallowing,  unwieldy,  enormous  in  their  gait, 
Tempest  the  ocean. — MILTON  :  Paradise  Lost,  vii. 
He  came,  and  with  him  Eve,  more  loath,  though  first 
To  offend,  discountenanced  both,  and  discomposed. 

MILTON:    Paradise  Lost,  x. 
So  he  with  difficulty  and  labor  hard 
Moved  on,  with  difficulty  and  labor  he. — MILTON  :  Pa'  adise  Lost,  ii. 


556   FAMILIAR  QUOTATIONS  FROM  UNFAMILIAR  SOURCES. 


^familiar  <®uotations  from  ^Unfamiliar 


JVb  Cross,  no  Crown. 

Tolle  crucem,  qui  vis  auferro  coronam. 

ST.  PAULIN  us,  Bishop  of  Nola. 

The  way  to  bliss  lies  not  on  beds  of  down, 

And  he  that  had  no  cross  deserves  no  crown.  —  QUARLES  :  Esther. 

Corporations  have  no  souls. 

A  corporation  aggregate  of  many  is  invisible,  immortal,  and  vests  only 
in  intendment  and  consideration  of  the  law.  They  cannot  commit  treason, 
nor  be  outlawed,  nor  excommunicate,  for  they  have  no  souls,  neither  can 
they  appear  in  person,  but  by  attorney.  —  Coke's  Se2)orts,  vol.  x.  p.  32. 

Quern  Deus  vult  perdere  prius  dementat. 

EURIPIDES  :  Fragments. 
For  those  whom  God  to  ruin  has  designed, 
He  fits  for  fate  and  first  destroys  their  mind. 

DRYDEN  :  Hind  and  Panther. 

Men  are  but  children  of  a  larger  growth; 

Our  appetites  as  apt  to  change  as  theirs, 
And  full  as  craving  too,  and  full  as  vain. 

DRYDEN  :  All  for  Love,  iv.  1. 

Welcome  the  coming,  speed  the  parting  guest. 

True  friendship's  laws  are  by  this  rule  expressed, 
Welcome,  etc.  —  POPE  :  Odyssey,  B.  xv. 

More  worship  the  rising  than  the  setting  sun. 

POMPEY  TO  SYLLA  :  Plutarch's  Lives. 

Incidis  in  Scillam  cupiens  vitare  Cliarybdim. 

PHILIPPE  GAITLTIER:  Alexandreii. 

History  is  philosophy  teaching  ly  example. 

DIONYSIUS  OP  HALICARNASSUS. 


FAMILIAR   QUOTATIONS   FROM   UNFAMILIAR   SOURCES.    557 


Jewel. 

In  the  search  for  the  source  of  familiar  quotations,  none 
appears  to  have  so  completely  baffled  patient  seekers  as  the 
phrase  "  Consistency  is  a  jewel."  Several  years  ago  a  per- 
plexed scholar  offered  a'  handsome  reward  for  the  discovery 
of  its  origin.  Not  till  quite  recently,  however,  has  the  claim 
been  set  up  that  the  original  was  found  in  the  "  Ballad  of 
Jolly  Robyn  Roughhead,"  which  is  preserved  in  "Murtagh's 
Collection  of  Ancient  English  and  Scottish  Ballads."  The 
stanza  in  which  it  occurs  is  the  following : — 

Tush,  tush,  my  lassie,  such  thoughts  resign, 

Comparisons  are  cruelj 
Fine  pictures  suit  in  frames  as  fine, 

Consistency's  a  jewel: 
For  thee  and  me  coarse  clothes  are  best, 
Rude  folks  in  homely  raiment  drest — 
Wife  Joan  and  goodman  Robyn. 

Cleanliness  next  to  Godliness. 

The  origin  of  the  proverb,  "  Cleanliness  is  next  to  godli- 
ness," has  been  the  subject  of  extended  investigation.  Bart- 
lett's  "  Familiar  Quotations"  attributes  the  phrase  to  Rev. 
John  Wesley ;  but  as  this  prominent  Methodist  clergyman  uses 
this  sentence  in  his  sermons  as  a  quotation  from  some  other 
work,  it  has  been  suggested  that  further  search  is  requisite. 
Rev.  Dr.  A.  S.  Bettelheimer,  of  Richmond,  Va.,  asserts  that 
he  has  discovered  this  maxim  in  an  abstract  of  religious  prin- 
ciples contained  in  an  old  commentary  on  the  Book  of  Isaiah. 
Thus  the  practical  doctrines  of  religion  are  resolved  into  careful- 
ness, vigorousness,  guiltlessness,  abstemiousness  and  cleanliness. 
And  cleanliness  is  next  to  godliness,  which  is  next  to  holiness. 

He's  a  brick. 

An  Eastern  prince  visited  the  ruler  of  a  neighboring  country, 

and  after  viewing  various  objects  worthy  of  attention,  asked  to 

see   the   fortifications.     He  was   shown   the  troops  with  this 

remark — "These  are  my  fortifications;  every  man  is  a  brick." 

47* 


558    FAMILIAR   QUOTATIONS   PROM   UNFAMILIAR   SOURCES. 

When  you  are  at  Rome  do  as  the  Romans  do. 
This  proverb  has  been  traced  to  a  saying  of  St.  Ambrose. 
St.  Augustine  mentions  in  one  of  his  letters  (Ep.  Ixxxvj  ad 
Casulan,*)  that  when  his  mother  was  living  with  him  at  Milan, 
she  was  much  scandalized  because  Saturday  was  kept  there  as 
a  festival;  whilst  at  Rome,  where  she  had  resided  a  long  time, 
it  was  kept  as  a  fast.  To  ease  her  mind  he  consulted  the 
bishop  on  this  question,  who  told  him  he  could  give  him  no 
better  advice  in  the  case  than  to  do  as  he  himself  did.  "  For 
when  I  go  to  Rome,"  said  Ambrose,  "I  fast  on  the  Saturday, 
as  they  do  at  Rome;  when  I  am  here,  I  do  not  fast."  With 
this  answer,  he  says  that  "  he  satisfied  his  mother,  and  ever  after 
looked  upon  it  as  an  oracle  sent  from  heaven." 

A  Nation  of  Shopkeepers. 

To  found  a  great  empire  for  the  sole  purpose  x>f  raising  up  a  people  of 
customers  may  at  first  sight  appear  a  project  fit  only  for  a  nation  of  shop- 
keepers.— ADAM  SMITH,  Wealth  of  Nations. 

On  May  31,  1817,  Napoleon  is  reported  to  have  said  to 
Barry  O'Meara, — 

You  were  greatly  offended  with  me  for  having  called  you  a  nation  of 
shopkeepers.  Had  I  meant  by  this  that  you  were  a  nation  of  cowards, 

you  would  have  had  reason  to  be  displeased I  meant  that  you  were 

a  nation  of  merchants,  and  that  all  your  great  riches  arose  from  commerce. 
....  Moreover,  no  man  of  sense  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  being  called  a 
shopkeeper. —  Voice  from  St.  Helena. 

Only  a  pauper. 
The  lines- 
Rattle  his  bones 
Over  the  stones, 
He's  only  a  pauper  whom  nobody  owns, 

are  from  the  Pauper's  Drive,  by  Tliomas  Noel. 
Taking  time  by  the  forelock. 
Spenser  says,  Sonnet  Ixx. : — 

Go  to  my  love,  where  she  is  careless  laid, 

Yet  in  her  winter's  bower  not  well  awake; 
Tell  her  the  joyous  time  will  not  be  staid, 
Unless  she  do  him  by  the  forelock  take. 


FAMILIAR   QUOTATIONS   FROM   UNFAMILIAR   SOURCES.  559 

What  will  Mrs.  Grundy  say? 

In  Morton's  clever  comedy,  Speed  the  Plough,  the  first 
scene  of  the  first  act  opens  with  a  view  of  a  farm-house,  where 
Farmer  Ashfield  is  discovered  at  a  table  with  his  jug  and  pipe, 
holding  the  following  colloquy  with  his  wife,  Dame  Ashfield, 
who  figures  in  a  riding-dress,  with  a  basket  under  her  arm : — 

Ashfield — Well,  Dame,  welcome  whoam.  What  news  does  thee  bring 
yrom  market  ? 

Dame. — What  news  husband  ?  What  I  always  told  you ;  that  Farmer 
Grundy's  wheat  brought  five  shillings  a  quarter  more  than  ours  did. 

Ash. — All  the  better  yor  he. 

Dame. — Ah !  the  sun  seems  to  shine  on  purpose  for  him. 

Ash. — Come,  come,  missus,  as  thee  has  not  the  grace  to  thank  God  for 
prosperous  times,  dan't  thee  grumble  when  they  be  unkindly  a  bit. 

Dame. — And  I  assure  you  Dame  Grundy's  butter  was  quite  the  crack  of 
the  market. 

Ash. — Be  quiet  woolye?  always  ding,  dinging  Dame  Grundy  into  my 
ears—  What  will  Mrs.  Grundy  zayf  What  will  Mrs.  Grundy  think?  Canst 
thee  be  quiet,  let  ur  alone,  and  behave  thyself  pratty. 

Though  lost  to  sight,  to  memory  dear. 

This  oft-quoted  line  is  traced  by  a  modern  wag,  of  an  inven- 
tive turn,  to  Ruthven  Jenkyns,  who  wrote  the  following  verses, 
published  in  the  Greenwich  Magazine  for  Marines,  in  1701 : — 

Sweetheart,  good-bye !  the  fluttering  saU 

Is  spread  to  waft  me  far  from  thee ; 
And  soon,  before  the  fav'ring  gale, 

My  ship  shall  bound  upon  the  sea. 
Perchance,  all  desolate  and  forlorn 

These  eyes  shall  miss  thee  many  a  year; 
But  unforgotten  every  charm, 

Though  lost  to  sight,  to  mem'ry  dear. 

Sweetheart,  good-bye!  one  last  embrace! 

0,  cruel  fate!  true  souls  to  sever; 
Yet  in  this  heart's  most  sacred  place 

Thou,  thou  alone  shalt  dwell  forever! 
And  still  shall  recollection  trace 

In  Fancy's  mirror,  ever  near, 
Each  smile,  each  tear — that  form,  that  ft 

Though  lost  to  sight,  to  mem'ry  dear 


560  FAMILIAR  QUOTATIONS   FROM   UNFAMILIAR   SOURCES. 

Too  low  they  build  who  build  beneath  the  stars. 
Builders  who  adopt  this  motto  are  indebted  for  it  to  Young, 
The  Complaint,  viii.  215. 

Patriotism  is  the  last  refuge  of  a  scoundrel. 
Dr.  Johnson,  according  to  Boswell,  is  credited  with  this  phrase. 

So  much  the  icorse  for  the  facts. 

M.  Royer  Collard  disapproved  of  the  opinions  of  the  Fathers 
of  Port  Royal  on  the  doctrine  of  grace :  "lls  ont  les  textes  pour 
eux,  disait  il,  fen  suis  faclit  pour  les  textes."  So  much  the 
worse  for  the  texts, — a  very  different  and  much  more  reason- 
able saying  than  the  paradoxical  expression  commonly  ascribed 
to  Voltaire. 

Conspicuous  by  its  absence. 

Earl  Russell,  in  an  address  to  the  electors  of  the  city  of 
London,  alluding  to  Lord  Derby's  Reform  Bill,  which  had  just 
been  defeated,  said: — 

Among  the  defects  of  the  Bill,  which  were  numerous,  one  provision  was 
conspicuous  by  its  presence,  and  one  by  its  absence. 

In  the  course  of  a  speech  subsequently  delivered  at  a  meeting 
of  Liberal  electors  at  the  London  Tavern,  he  justified  his  use 
of  these  words  thus : — 

It  has  been  thought  that  by  a  misnomer  or  a  bull  on  my  part  I  alluded 
to  it  as  "  a  provision  conspicuous  by  its  absence,"  a  turn  of  phraseology 
which  is  not  an  original  expression  of  mine,  but  is  taken  from  one  of  the 
greatest  historians  of  antiquity. 

The  historian  referred  to  is  Tacitus,  who,  (Annals,  iii.  761) 
speaking  of  the  images  carried  in  procession  at  the  funeral  of 
Junia,  says:  Scd  prsefulgebant  Cassius  atque  Brutus  eo  ipso 
quod  effigies  eorum  non  videbantur.  Russell's  adaptation  re- 
calls the  "brilliant  flashes  of  silence"  which  Sydney  Smith 
attributed  to  Macaulay.  Since  the  Jesuits  succeeded  in  causing 
the  lives  of  Arnauld  and  Pascal  to  be  excluded  from  L'Histoire 
des  Hommes  1/lustrcs,  by  Perrault,  the  epigrammatic  expression 
Briller  par  son  absence  has  been  popular  among  the  French. 


FAMILIAR   QUOTATIONS    FROM    UNFAMILIAR   SOURCES.    561 

Do  as  I  say,  not  as  I  do. 

This  proverbial  expression  was  in  common  use  among  the 
Italian  monks  in  the  Middle  Ages.  It  occurs  in  the  Decameron 
of  Boccacio  thus :  "  Us  croient  avoir  bien  repondu  et  e~tre  absous 
de  tout  crime  quand  ils  ont  dit,  Faitcs  ce  que  nous  disons  et  ne 
faites  pas  ce  que  nous  faisons"  The  germ  of  the  words  thus 
put  into  the  mouths  of  the  friars  of  his  day,  Boccacio  no  doubt 
found  in  the  language  of  our  Saviour  recorded  in  Matthew 
xxiii.  2,  3: — "The  scribes  and  Pharisees  sit  in  Moses'  seat;  all 
therefore  whatsoever  they  bid  you  observe,  that  observe  and  do; 
but  do  not  ye  after  their  works:  for  they  say  and  do  not" 

Mr.  Longfellow,  in  his  New  England  Tragedies,  puts  into  the 
mouth  of  Captain  Kempthorne,  back  in  the  times  of  Quaker 
persecution,  a  now  familiar  phrase.  He  speaks  of 

A  solid  man  of  Boston; 
A  comfortable  man,  with  dividends, 
And  the  first  salmon,  and  the  first  green  peas. 

Aubrey  in  his  Letters,  speaking  of  the  handwriting  of  the 
poet  Waller,  says : — "He  writes  a  lamentable  hand,  as  bad  as 
the  scratching  of  a  hen."  Probably  suggested  by  the  "gallina 
scripsit"  of  Plautus. 

The  phrase  masterly  inactivity,  first  used  by  Sir  James  Mack- 
intosh in  his  Vindicise  Gallicse,  finds  a  prototype  in  the  Horatian 
expression,  " strenua  nos  exercet  inertia,"  (Epist.  lib.  L,  xi.  28,) 
and  in  the  words  of  Isaiah,  "  their  strength  is  to  sit  still  "(xxx.  7). 

From  Don  Quixote  we  have  Honesty  is  the  best  policy.     From: 
Gil  Bias,  (Smollet's  trans.,)  comes  Facts  are  stubborn  things. 
From    Burton's  Anatomy  of  Melancholy,  (P.  iii.  Sec.  3,  Mem 
i.  Subs.  2,)  Comparisons  are  odious.     From  Bunyan's  Pilgrim's 
Progress,   Dark  as  pitch,  and  Every  tub  must  stand  on  its  own 
bottom.     From  Shakspeare,  Fast  and  loose  {Love's  Labor  Lost, 
iii.  1.);  Main  chance  (2  Henry  IV.  iii.  1);  Let  the  world  slide. 
(  Taming  of  the  Shrew,  Indue.  i.~).     From  Burns,  {Epistle  from 
Esopus  to  Maria,')  Durance  vile. 
2L 


562      FAMILIAR  QUOTATIONS  THOM  UNFAMILIAR  SOURCES. 

CHRISTMAS  comes  but  once  a  year. — THOMAS  TUSSEU,  1580> 
It's  an  ill  wind  that  blows  nobody  any  good. 
Originally  written, — 

It  is  an  ill  wind  turns  none  to  good. — THOMAS  TUSSER. 
Look  ere  thou  leap. — TUSSER. 
And 

Look  before  you  ere  you  leap. — BUTLER:  Hudibras,  c.  2. 
Bid  the  devil  take  the  hindmost. — Hudibras,  c.  2. 
Count  the  chickens  ere  they're  hatched. — Hudibras,  c.  3. 
Necessity,  the  tyrant's  plea. — MILTON. — Paradise  Lost,  B.  iv. 
Peace  hath  her  victories,  Ac. — IBID  :  Sonnet  xvi. 
The  old  man  eloquent. — IBID  :  Tenth  Sonnet. 
On  the  light  fantastic  toe. — IBID:  L' Allegro. 
The  devil  may  cite  Scripture  for  his  purpose. 

SHAKSPEARE  :  Merchant  of  Venice. 
Assume  a  virtue  though  you  have  it  not. — Hamlet. 
Brevity  is  the  soul  of  wit. — Hamlet. 
The  sere,  the  yellow  leaf. — Macbeth. 
Curses  not  loud,  but  deep. — Macbeth. 
Make  assurance  doubly  sure. — Macbeth. 
Thereby  hangs  a  tale. — As  You  Like  It. 
Good  wine  needs  no  bush.—  At  You  Like  It. 
Though  last,  not  least,  in  love. — Julius  Cstsar. 
Food  for  powder. — First  Part  Henry  IV. 

One  touch  of  nature  makes  the  whole  world  kin. — Troilus  and  Cresaida. 
And  made  a  sunshine  in  a  shady  place. — SPENSER  :  Fairy  Queen. 
Exhausted  worlds,  and  then  imagined  new. 

DR.  JOHNSON  :  Prologue  at  the  opening  of  the  Drury  Lane  Theatre,  1747. 
To  point  a  moral  or  adorn  a  tale. — IBID  :  Vanity  of  Human  Wishes. 
Slow  rises  worth  by  poverty  depressed. — IBID  :  London. 
Ask  me  no  questions  and  I'll  tell  you  no  fibs. 

GOLDSMITH  :  She  Stoops  to  Conquer. 

And  to  party  gave  up  what  was  meant  for  mankind. — IBID  :  Retaliation, 
"Winter  lingering  chills  the  lap  of  May.— IBID  :  The  Traveller. 
Of  two  evils  I  have  chose  the  least. — PRIOR. 
His  (God's)  image  cut  in  ebony. — THOMAS  FULLER. 
Richard's  himself  again.— COLLEY  GIBBER. 
Building  castles  in  the  air. 
Originally  written,— 

Building  castles  in  Spain. — SCARRON. 
Hope,  the  dream  of  a  waking  man. — BASIL. 
Music  has  charms  to  soothe  a  savage  breast 

CONCRETE  :  The  Mourning  Bride. 

Earth  has  no  rage  like  love  to  hatred  turned. — IBID. 
Let  who  may  make  the  laws  of  a  people,  allow  me  to  write  their  bal- 
lads, and  I'll  guide  them  at  my  will.— SIR  PHILIP  SIDNEY. 


FAMILIAR  QUOTATIONS  FROM  UNFAMILIAR  SOURCES.    563 

When  Greek  meets  Greek,  then  conies  the  tug  of  war. 
Originally, 

When  Greeks  joined  Greeks,  then  was  the  tug  ot  war. 

NAT  LEE  :  Play  of  Alexander  the  Great,  1692. 

Westward  the  course  of  empire  takes  its  way. — BISHOP  BERKELEY. 

No  pent-up  Utica  contracts  your  powers, 

But  the  whole  boundless  continent  is  yours. 

J.  M.  SEWALL  :  Epilogue  to  Cato,  1778. 

Out  of  sight,  out  of  mind. 
Originally, 

Out  of  minde  as  soon  as  out  of  sight. — LORD  BROOKE. 

Through  thick  and  thin. — DRYDEN:  Abinlom  and  Achitophel. 

He  whistled  as  he  went  for  want  of  thought. — IB.  :  Cymon  and  Tphigenia. 

Great  wits  are  sure  to  mailness  near  allied. — IB.  :  Abnulum  &  Achitophtl. 

None  but  the  brave  deserve  the  fair. — IBID  :  Alexander's  Feast. 

To  err  is  human;  to  forgive,  divine. — POPE:  Essay  on  Criticism. 

In  wit  a  man;  simplicity,  a  child. — IBID  :  Epitaph  on  Gay. 

I  lisped  in  numbers,  for  the  numbers  came. — IB.  :  Prologue  to  the  Satires. 

Damns  with  faint  praise. — IBID  :  Prologue  to  the  Satires. 

Order  is  Heaven's  first  law. — IBID  :  Evany  on  Man. 

An  honest  man's  the  noblest  work  of  God. — IBID  :  Essay  on  Nan. 

Looks  through  nature  up  to  nature's  God. — IBID:  Essay  on  Man. 

Pleased  with  a  rattle,  tickled  with  a  straw. — IBID  :  Essay  on  Man. 

Who  never  mentions  hell  to  ears  polite. — IBID  :   The  Epistles. 

From  seeming  evil  still  educing  good. — THOMSON:  Hymn. 

To  teach  the  young  idea  how  to  shoot :  IBID  :  The  Seasons,  Spring. 

'Tis  distance  lends  enchantment  to  the  view. 

CAMPBELL:  Pleasures  of  Hope. 

And  man  the  hermit  sighed  till  woman  smiled. — IBID. 

Where  ignorance  is  bliss 

'Tis  folly  to  be  wise. — GRAY:  Ode  on  Eton  College. 

Thoughts  that  breathe  and  words  that  burn.— IB.  :  The  Progress  of  Poesy. 

Nursing  her  wrath  to  keep  it  warm.— BURNS  :  Tarn  O'Shanter. 

As  clear  as  a  whistle. — BYIIOM  :   The  Astrologer. 

She  walks  the  waters  like  a  thing  of  life.— BYRON:   The  Mand. 

The  cups  that  cheer  but  not  inebriate. — COWPER  :   Task. 

Not  much  the  worse  for  wear. — IBID. 

Masterly  inactivity. — MACKINTOSH  :  1791. 

The  Almighty  Dollar.— WASHINGTON  IRVING:  Creole  Village. 

Entangling  alliances.— GEORGE  WASHINGTON. 

Where  liberty  dwells,  there  is  my  country.— BENJAMIN  FRANKLIH. 

The  post  of  honor  is  the  private  station.— THOS.  JEFFERSON. 

Straws  show  which  way  the  wind  blows. — JAMES  CHEATHAM. 

A  good  time  coming. — AVALTER  SCOTT:  Rob  Roy. 

Face  the  music. — J.  FENIMORE  COOPER. 


564  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 


Ettrrature. 

HIC   JACET.  SACRUM    MEMORISE. 

EARTH'S  highest  station  ends  in  HERE  HE  LIES  ! 

And  DUST  TO  DUST  concludes  her  noblest  song. 

EMIGRAVIT  is  the  inscription  on  the  tombstone  where  he  lies  : 

Dead  he  is  not,  but  departed,  for  the  Christian  never  dies. 
A  hieroglyph  formed  by  the  two  first  letters  of  the  Greek  word  Chnstos,  in- 
tersecting the  Chi  longitudinally  by  the  Iiho,—a.  palm-leaf,  or  a  wreath  of 
palm-leaves,  indicating  victory, — a  crown,  which  speaks  of  the  reward  of  the 
saints, — an  immortelle,  or  a  vessel  supporting  a  column  of  flame,  indicating 
continued  life, — an  anchor,  which  indicates  hope, — a  ship  under  sail,  which 
says,  "Heavenward  bound," — the  letters  Alpha  and  Omega,  the  Apocalyptic 
title  of  Christ, — the  dove,  the  emblem  of  innocence  and  holiness, — the 
winged  insect  escaping  from  the  chrysalis,  typical  of  the  resurrection, — the 
cross,  the  Christian's  true  and  only  glory  in  life  and  death,  by  which  he  is 
crucified  to  the  world,  and  the  world  to  him, — these  are  the  emblems  that 
speak  to  the  Christian's  heart  of  faith,  and  hope,  and  love,  and  humility. 

EPITAPHS   OF   EMINENT    MEN. 

CHRISTOPHER  COLUMBUS  died  at  Valladolid,  May  20, 1506, 
set.  70.  In  1513  his  body  was  taken  to  Seville,  on  the  Gua- 
dalquivir, and  there  deposited  in  the  family  vault  of  the  Dukes 
of  Alcala,  in  the  Cathedral.  Upon  a  tablet  was  inscribed,  in 
Castilian,  this  meagre  couplet,  which  is  still  legible : — 

'      A  Castilla  y  Arrngon 

Otro  inondo  dio  Colon.* 
[To  Castile  and  Aragon 
Columbus  gave  another  world.] 

In  1536,  the  remains  of  the  great  navigator  were  conveyed 
to  St.  Domingo  and  deposited  in  the  Cathedral,  where  they 
continued  until  a  recent  period,  when  they  were  finally  disin- 
terred, and  removed  to  Havana.  The  inscription  on  the  tablet 
in  the  Cathedral  of  St.  Domingo,  now  obliterated,  was  as  fol- 
lows : — 

*  Irving  gives  the  inscription  thus : — 

Por  Castilla  y  por  Leon 
Nuevo  mundo  hallo  Colon. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  565 

Hie  locus  abscondit  praeclari  membra  COLUIIBI 

Cujus  nomen  ad  astra  volat. 
Non  satis  unus  erat  sibi  munJus  notus,  at  orbem 

Ignotum  priscis  omnibus  ipse  dedit; 
Divitias  summas  terras  dispersit  in  omnes, 
Atque  animas  ccelo  tradidit  innumeras; 
Invenit  campus  divinis  legibus  aptos, 
Regibus  et  nostris  prospera  regna  dedit* 

WILLIAM-  SHAKSPEARE  died  April  23,  1616,  set.  52,  and 
was  buried  in  the  chancel  of  the  church  of  Stratford.  The 
monument  erected  to  his  memory  represents  the  poet  with  a 
thoughtful  countenance,  resting  on  a  cushion  and  in  the  act  of 
writing. 
tich  : — 

Judicio  Pylium ;  genio  Socratem  ;  arte  Maronem  : 
Terra  tegitj  populus  moeret ;  Olympus  habet.f 

On  a  tablet  underneath  are  inscribed  these  lines  :— 

Stay,  passenger :  why  dost  thou  go  so  fast  ? 
Read,  if  thou  canst,  whom  envious  death  hath  placed 
Within  this  monument, — Shakspeare ;  with  whom 
Quick  Nature  died ;  whose  name  doth  deck  the  tomb 
Far  more  than  cost ;  since  all  that  he  hath  writ 
Leaves  living  Art  but  page  to  serve  his  wit : 

and  on  the  flat  stone  covering  the  grave  is  inscribed,  in  very 
irregular  characters,  the  following  quaint  supplication,  bless- 
ing, and  menace : — 

Good  Friend,  for  JESVS  sake  forbeare 
To  digg  T-E  dvst  EncloAsed  HERE  ; 
Blest  be  T-E  Man  -~  spares  T-hs  stones, 
And  cvrst  be  He  -j-  moves  my  bones. 

*  This  spot  conceals  the  body  of  the  renowned  Columbus,  whose  name 
towers  to  the  stars.  Not  satisfied  with  the  known  globe,  he  added  to  all  the 
old  an  unknown  world.  Throughout  all  countries  he  distributed  untold  wealth, 
and  gave  to  heaven  unnumbered  souls.  He  found  an  extended  field  for  gospel 
missions,  and  conferred  prosperity  upon  the  reign  of  our  monarch?. 

f  A  Nestor  in  discrimination,  a  Socrates  in  talent,  a  Virgil  in  poetic  art: 
the  earth  covers  him,  the  people  mourn  for  him,  Heaven  possesses  him. 


566  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

SIR  ISAAC   NEWTON,  OB.  1727,  JET.  85. 

Here  lies  interred  Isaac  Newton,  knight,  who,  with  an  energy  of  mind  al- 
most divine,  guided  by  the  light  of  mathematics  purely  his  own,  first  demon- 
strated the  motions  and  figures  of  the  planets,  the  paths  of  comets,  and  the 
causes  of  the  tides;  who  discovered,  what  before  his  time  no  one  had  ever 
suspected,  that  the  rays  of  light  are  differently  refrangible,  and  that  this  is 
the  cause  of  colors ;  and  who  was  a  diligent,  penetrating,  and  faithful  inter- 
preter of  nature,  antiquity,  and  the  sacred  writings.  In  his  philosophy,  he 
maintained  the  majesty  of  the  Supreme  Being;  in  his  manners,  he  expressed 
the  simplicity  of  the  Gospel.  Let  mortals  congratulate  themselves  that  the 
world  has  seen  so  great  and  excellent  a  man,  the  glory  of  human  nature. 

Pope's  inscription  is  as  follows : — 

Isaacus  Newtonus : 
Quern  Immortalem 
Testantur  Tempus,  Nalura,  Ccelum: 

Mortalem 

Hoc  marmor  fatetur. 

Nature  and  nature's  laws  lay  hid  in  night: 
GOD  said,  Let  Newton  be  !  and  all  was  light. 

JOHNSON'S  EPITAPH  ON  GOLDSMITH.* 

Thou  seest  the  tomb  of  Oliver ;  retire, 

Unholy  feet,  nor  o'er  his  ashes  tread. 
Fe  whom  the  deeds  of  old,  verse,  nature,  fire, 

Mourn  nature's  priest,  the  bard,  historian,  dead. 

COWPER'S   EPITAPH   ON   DR.  JOHNSON. 

Here  Johnson  lies, — a  sage  by  all  allowed, 

Whom  to  have  bred  may  well  make  England  proud; 

Whose  prose  was  eloquence,  by  wisdom  taught, 

The  graceful  vehicle  of  virtuous  thought  ; 

Whose  verse  may  claim — grave,  masculine  and  strong — 

Superior  praise  to  the  mere  poet's  song ; 

Who  many  a  noblo  gift  from  heaven  possessed, 

And  faith  at  last,  alone  worth  all  the  rest. 

0  man  immortal  by  a  double  prize, 

By  fame  on  earth, — by  glory  in  the  skies ! 

*  The  original  is  in  Greek,  as  follows : — 

Tov  Tatjtov  tiaopaag  rov  O\i0apioto,  KOVITIV 
'AQpoai  fai  atp.vr\v,  \tivt,  rolcaai  -narei. 
Ouri  itepri\e  (pvoi;,  ptTpcav  xapi;,  cpya  ra\aujiv 
KXaten  noirirriv,  wropiKOv,  ipvaiicov. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  567 

GEORGE   WASHINGTON,  OB.  DEC.  14,  1799,  JET.  67. 

When,  in  1838,  the  remains  of  Washington  were  removed 
from  the  old  vault  into  the  new,  at  Mount  Vernon,  the  coffin 
was  placed  in  a  beautiful  sarcophagus  of  white  marble,  from  a 
quarry  in  Chester  county,  Pennsylvania,  and  prepared  in  Phi- 
ladelphia by  the  gentleman  who  presented  it.  The  lid  is 
wrought  with  the  arms  of  the  country  and  the  inscription  here 
appended.  Independently  of  other  considerations,  it  is  desir- 
able, for  the  honor  of  the  nation  so  largely  indebted  to  Wash- 
ington, that  his  grave  should  be  something  more  than  an  adver- 
tising medium  for  a  marble-mason.  But  the  faithful  chroni- 
cler must  take  things  as  he  finds  them,  not  always  as  they 
should  be : — 

WASHINGTON. 
By  the  permission  of 

Lawrence  Lewis, 

The  surviving  executor  of 

George  Washington, 

this  sarcophagus 

was  presented  by 

John  Struthers, 

of  Philadelphia,  Marble  Mason, 
A.D.  1S37. 

'  The  stone  and  the  inscription  over  the  grave  of  Franklin 
and  his  wife,  at  the  corner  of  Fifth  and  Arch  Streets,  Phila- 
delphia, and  recently  opened  to  public  view  by  substituting  for 
the  old  brick  wall  a  neat  iron  railing,  are  according  to  his  own 
direction  in  his  will.  The  exceeding  plainness  of  both  are 
strikingly  characteristic  of  the  man.  The  stone  is  a  simple 
marble  slab,  six  feet  by  four,  lying  horizontally,  and  raised 
about  a  foot  above  the  ground.  It  bears  the  following : — 

BENJAMIN  "| 

AND       V   FRANKLIN. 
DEBORAH  J 

1790. 

The  following  is  a  copy  of  the  epitaph  written  by  Franklin 
upon  himself,  at  the  age  of  twenty-three,  while  a  journeyman 
printer : — 


568  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

The  Body 

of 

BENJAMIN  FRANKLIN,  Printer, 
(Like  the  cover  of  an  old  book, 

Its  contents  torn  out, 
And  stript  of  its  lettering  and  gilding,) 

Lies  food  for  worms  : 

Yet  the  work  itself  shall  not  be  lost, 

For  it  will  [as  he  believed]  appear  once  more, 

In  a  new 

And  more  beautiful  edition, 
Corrected  and  amended 

by 

The  Author. 

That  this  well-known  typographical  inscription  was  plagia- 
rized from  Mather's  Magnolia  Cliristi  Americana,  is  evident 
from  Franklin's  own  admission  of  his  familiarity  with  the 
works  of  "the  great  Cotton."  To  the  perusal  in  early  life  of 
Mather's  excellent  volume,  Essays  to  do  Good,  published  in 
1710,  Franklin  ascribed  all  his  "  usefulness  in  the  world." 
The  lines  alluded  to  in  the  famous  Ecclesiastical  History  are 
by  Benjamin  Woodbridgc,  a  member  of  the  first  graduating 
class  of  Harvard  University,  1642  : — 

A  living,  breathing  Bible  j.  tables  where 

Both  Covenants  at  large  engraven  were. 

Gospel  and  law,  in  's  heart,  had  each  its  column ; 

His  head  an  index  to  the  sacred  volume; 

His  very  name  a  title-page  ;  and,  next, 

His  life  a  commentary  on  the  text. 

0  what  a  monument  of  glorious  worth, 

AVhen,  in  a  new  edition,  he  comes  forth ! 

Without  errata  may  we  think  he'll  be, 

In  leaves  and  covers  of  eternity ! 

Old  Joseph  Capen,  minister  of  Topsfield,  had  also,  in  1681, 
given  John  Foster,  who  set  up  the  first  printing-press  in  Bos- 
ton, the  benefit  of  the  idea,  in  memoriam  : — 

Thy  body,  which  no  activeness  did  lack, 

Now's  laid  aside  like  an  old  almanac, 

But  for  the  present  only's  out  of  date  ; 

'Twill  have  at  length  a  far  more  active  state. 

Yea,  though  with  dust  thy  body  soile'd  be, 

Yet  at  the  resurrection  we  shall  see 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  569 

A  fair  edition,  and  of  matchless  worth, 
Free  from  erratn,  new  in  Heaven  set  forth ; 
'Tis  but  a  word  from  God,  the  great  Creator — 
It  shall  be  done  when  he  saith  Imprimatur. 

Davis,  in  his  Travels  in  America,  finds  another  source  in  a 
Latin  epitaph  on  the  London  bookseller  Jacob  Tonson,  pub- 
lished with  an  English  translation  in  the  Gentleman's  Magazine 
for  Feb.,  1736.  This  is  its  conclusion  : — 

When  Heaven  reviewed  th'  original  text. 

'Twas  with  erratas  few  perplexed  : 

Pleased  with  the  copy  't  was  collated, 

And  to  a  better  life  translated. 

But  let  to  life  this  supplement 

Be  printed  on  thy  monument, 

Lest  the  first  pmje  of  death  should  be, 

Great  editor,  a  Hunk  to  thee; 

And  thou  who  many  titles  gave 

Should  want  one  title  for  this  grave. 

Stay,  passenger,  and  drop  a  tear; 

Here  lies  a  noted  Bookseller; 

This  marble  index  here  is  placed 

To  tell,  that  when  he  found  defaced 

His  look  of  life,  he  died  with  grief: 

Yet  he,  by  true  and  genuine  belief, 

A  new  edition  may  expect, 

Far  more  enlarged  and  more  correct. 

AT   MONTICELLO,  VA. 

Here  lies  buried 
THOMAS  JEFFERSON, 

Author  of  the  Declaration  of  American  Independence, 

Of  the  Statute  of  Virginia  for  Religious  Freedom, 

And  Father  of  the  University  of  Virginia. 

WILLIAM   HOGARTH. 

Garrick's  epitaph  on  Hogarth  at  Chiswick  is  well  known 
That  written  by  Dr.  Johnson  is  shorter  and  superior : — 

The  hand  of  him  here  torpid  lies, 

That  drew  the  essential  form  of  grace; 
Here  closed  in  death  the  attentive  eyes 

That  saw  the  manners  in  the  face. 
48* 


570  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

LORD  BROUGHAM'S  EPITAPH  ON  WATT,  WESTMINSTER  ABBKV. 

Not  to  perpetuate  a  name 
Which  must  endure  while  the  peaceful  arts  flourish, 

But  to  show 
That  mankind  have  learned  to  honor  those 

Who  best  deserve  their  gratitude, 

The  King,  his  Ministers,  and  many  of  the  Nobles 

And  Commoners  of  the  Realm 

Raised  this  Monument  to 

JAMES  WATT, 

Who,  directing  the  force  of  an  original  genius, 

Early  exercised  in  philosophic  research, 

To  the  improvement  of 

The  Steam  Engine, 
Enlarged  the  resources  of  his  Country, 

Increased  the  power  of  man, 

And  rose  to  an  eminent  place 

Among  the  most  illustrious  followers  of  Science 

And  the  real  benefactors  of  the  World. 

EULOGISTIC,   APT,   APPROPRIATE. 
BEN  JONSON'S  ON  THE  COUNTESS  OF  PEMBBOK*. 

Underneath  this  marble  hearse 
Lies  the  subject  of  all  verse, 
Sydney's  sister, — Pembroke's  mother. 
Death,  ere  thou  hast  slain  another 
Fair,  and  wise,  and  good  as  she, 
Time  shall  throw  a  dart  at  thee ! 
Marble  piles  let  no  man  raise 
To  her  name  for  after  days ; 
Some  kind  woman  born  as  she, 
Reading  this,  like  Niobe, 
Shall  turn  marble,  and  become 
Both  her  mourner  and  her  tomb. 

ON  ANOTHER  LADY  FRIEND. 

Underneath  this  stono  doth  lie 
As  much  beauty  as  could  die. 
Which  in  life  did  harbor  give 
To  more  virtue  than  doth  live. 

ANDREW  JACKSON'S  EPITAPH  ON  HIS  WIFE. 

Here  lie  the  remains  of  MRS.  RACHEL  JACKSON,  wife  of  President  JacK- 
son,  who  died  December  22d,  1828,  aged  61.     Her  face  was  fair,  her  person 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  571 

pleasing,  her  temper  amiable,  and  her  heart  kind.  She  delighted  in  relieving 
he  wants  of  her  fellow-creatures,  and  cultivated  that  divine  pleasure  by  the 
most  liberal  and  unpretending  methods.  To  the  poor  she  was  a  benefactress; 
to  the  rich  she  was  an  example;  to  the  wretched  a  comforter;  to  the  pros- 
perous an  ornament.  Her  pity  went  hand  in  hand  with  her  benevolence ;  and 
she  thanked  her  Creator  for  being  permitted  to  do  good.  A  being  so  gentle 
and  yet  so  virtuous,  slander  might  wound,  but  could  not  dishonor.  Even 
death,  when  he  tore  her  from  the  arms  of  her  husband,  could  but  transplant 
her  to  the  bosom  of  her  God. 

BISHOP  LOWTH'S  EPITAPH  ON  HIS  DAUGHTER. 
Cara,  vale,  ingenio  praestans,  pietate,  pudore, 

Et  plus  quam  natae  nomine  cara,  vale. 
Cara  Maria,  vale :  ab  veniet  felicius  sevum, 

Quando  iterum  tecum,  sim  modo  dignus,  ero. 
Cara  redi,  laeta  turn  dicam  voce,  paternos 

Eja  age  in  amplexus,  cara  Maria,  redi ! 

[Dearer  than  daughter, — paralleled  by  few 
In  genius,  goodness,  modesty, — adieu ! 
Adieu !  Maria, — till  that  day  more  blest, 
When,  if  deserving,  I  with  thee  shall  rest. 
Come,  then,  thy  sire  will  cry  in  joyful  strain, 
Oh,  come  to  my  paternal  arms  again.] 

IN  THE  CHURCHYARD  OP  OLD  ST.  PANCRAS. 

Miss  Baanett,  1756,  set.  23. 

Go,  spotless  honor  and  unsullied  truth ; 

Go,  smiling  innocence,  and  blooming  youth; 

Go,  female  sweetness  joined  with  manly  sense j 

Go,  winning  wit,  that  never  gave  offence; 

Go,  soft  humanity,  that  blest  the  poor; 

Go,  saint-eyed  patience,  from  affliction's  door 

Go,  modesty  that  never  wore  a  frown  ; 

Go,  virtue,  and  receive  thy  heavenly  crown. 
Not  from  a  stranger  caine  this  heartfelt  verse : 
The  friend  inscribed  thy  tomb,  whose  tear  bedewed  thy  hearse. 

MALHERBE'S  EPITAPH  ON  A  YOUNG  LADY. 
Elle  6tait  de  ce  monde,  ou  les  plus  belles  choses 

Ont  le  pire  destin  ; 
Et,  rose,  elle  a  vlcu  ce  que  vivent  les  roses, 

L'espace  d'un  matin. 

[  She  was  of  this  world,  where  all  things  the  rarest 

Have  still  the  shortest  race ; 
A  rose  she  lived  (so  lives  of  flowers  the  fairest) 
A  little  morning's  space !] 


572  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

TX  ST.  MARY'S  CHURCH,  NOTTINGHAM. 

LUKE  xx.  36. 

Sleep  on  in  peace  ;  await  (by  Maker's  will  j 
Then  rise  unchanged,  and  be  an  angel  still ! 

In  the  church  of  Iglitham,  near  Sevenoaks,  Kent,  is  a  mural 
monument  with  the  bust  of  a  lady,  who  was  famous  for  her 
needlework  and  was  traditionally  reported  to  have  written  the 
letter  to  Lord  Monteagle  which  resulted  in  the  discovery  of 
the  Gunpowder  Plot.  The  following  is  the  inscription  : — 
D.  D.  D. 

To  the  pretious  name  and  honour  of  Dame  Dorothy  Selby,  Relict  of 

Sir  William  Selby,  KL  the  only  daughter  and  heire  of  Charles  Bonham,  Esq. 

She  was  a  Dorcas, 

Whose  curious  needle  wound  the  abused  stage 
Of  this  leud  world  into  the  golden  age  ; 
Whose  pen  of  steel  and  silken  inck  enrolled 
The  acts  of  Jonah  in  records  of  gold  ; 
Whose  arte  disclosed  that  plot,  which,  had  it  taken, 
Rome  had  triumphed,  and  Britain's  walls  had  shaken. 

She  was 

In  heart  a  Lydia,  and  in  tongue  a  Ilanna; 
In  zeale  a  Ruth,  in  wedlock  a  Susanna; 
Prudently  simple,  providently  wary, 
To  the  world  a  Martha,  and  to  heaven  a  Mary. 

Who  put  on  |     in  the  year      J  Pilgrimage,  69. 
immortality  \         of  her          J  Redeemer,  1641. 

AT    WESTFIELD,   N.  J. 

Mrs.  Jennet  Woodruff,  1750,  tut.  43. 
The  dame,  that  rests  within  this  tomb, 
Had  Rachel's  beauty,  Leah's  fruitful  womb, 
Abigail's  wisdom,  Lydia's  faithful  heart, 
Martha's  just  care,  and  Mary's  better  part. 

AT   QUINCY.  MASS. 

1708. 

Braintree,  thy  prophet's  gone  ;  this  tomb  inters 
The  Rev.  Moses  Fiske  his  sacred  herse. 
Adore  heaven's  praiseful  art,  that  formed  the  man, 
Who  souls,  not  to  himself,  but  Christ  oft  won ; 
Sailed  through  the  straits  with  Peter's  family 
Renowned,  and  Gaius'  hospitality, 
Paul's  patience,  James's  prudence,  John's  sweet  love, 
Is  landed,  entered,  cleared,  and  crowned  above. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  573 

IN    CRANSTON,  B.I. 

Here  lies  the  Body  of 

JOSEPH  WILLIAMS,  ESQ. 

Son  of  Ilogcr  Williams,  Esq. 

(The  first  white  man  that  came  to  Providence.) 

Born  1644.     Died  1725. 

In  King  Philip's  war,  he  courageously  went  through, 
And  the  native  Indians  he  bravely  did  subdue; 
And  now  he's  gone  down  into  the  grave,  and  he  will  be  no  more 
Until  it  please  Almighty  God  his  body  to  restore 
Into  some  proper  shape,  as  he  thinks  fit  to  be, 
Perhaps  like  a  grain  of  wheat,  as  Paul  set  forth,  you  see, 
Corinthians  1  Book,»15  chap.  37  verso. 


ON   THE    TOMB 


The  meed  of  merit  ne'er  shall  die, 
Nor  modest  worth  neglected  lie, 
The  fame  that  pious  virtue  gives, 
The  Mcrnphian  monuments  outlives. 
Reader,  wouldst  thou  secure  such  praise, 
Go,  learn  Religion's  pleasant  ways. 

POPE'S   EPITAPH    ON   HARCOURT. 

To  this  sad  shrine,  whoe'er  thou  art!  draw  near; 
Here  lies  the  friend  most  loved,  the  son  most  dear: 
Who  ne'er  knew  joy  but  friendship  might  divide, 
Or  gave  his  father  grief  but  when  ho  died. 

The  idea  in  the  last  line  appears  to  be  derived  from  an 
epitaph  on  an  excellent  wife,  in  the  Roman  catacombs : — 

CONJUGI   PIISSIMjE 

DE    QUA   NIHIL   ALIUD    DOLITUS    EST 
NISI  MORTEM. 

ON   A   SPANISH    GIRL   TVHO   DIED    BROKEN-HEARTED. 

She  who  lies  beneath  this  stone 
Died  of  constancy  alone: 
Fear  not  to  approach,  oh,  passer-by—- 
Of naught  contagious  did  she  die. 

One  of  the  simplest,  truest,  and  most  dignified  epitaphs  ever 
written  may  be  found  in  the  Spectator,  No.  518  : — 

Hie   JACET   B.  C.  IN   EXPECTATION    DIEI    STJPRESn. 
QUALIS    ERAT   DIES   ISTB   INDICABIT, 


574  CHURCHYARD    LITERATURE. 

AT    BARNSTABLE,  MASS. 

Rev.  Joseph  Green,  1770,  set.  70. 
Think  what  the  Christian  minister  should  be, 
You've  then  his  character,  for  such  was  he. 

A  similar  epitaph  may  be  found  in  Torrington  churchyard, 
Devon : — 

She  was — but  words  are  wanting  to  say  what. 
Think  what  a  woman  should  be — she  was  that. 

Which  provoked  the  following  reply  : — 

A  woman  should  be  both  a  wife  and  mother, 
But  Jenny  Jones  was  neither  one  rtor  t'other. 

AT   GRIJfSTEAD,  ESSEX. 

A  wife  so  true,  there  are  but  few, 

And  difficult  to  find; 
A  wife  more  just,  and  true  to  trust, 

There  is  not  left  behind. 

AT   BATON   ROOGE,  LA. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  David  Jones.    His  last  words  were,  "  I  die  a  Chris- 
tian and  a  Democrat." 

AT   ELIZABETH   CITY,    N.  J. 

Elian  Boudinot,  1770,  set.  63. 
This  modest  stone,  what  few  vain  marbles  can, 
May  truly  say,  Here  lies  an  honest  man.* 

ON   SIB  THOMAS   VERB. 

When  Vero  sought  death,  armed  with  his  sword  and  shield" 
Death  was  afraid  to  meet  him  in  the  field ; 
But  when  his  weapons  he  had  laid  aside, 
Death,  like  a  coward,  struck  him,  and  he  died. 


BEN  JONSON  S   EPITAPH    ON   MICHAEL   DRAYTON. 

(One  of  (he  Elizabethan  Poets,  ob.  1631.) 
Do,  pious  Marble,  let  thy  readers  know 
What  they  and  what  their  children  owe 
To  DRAYTON'S  name,  whose  sacred  dust 
We  recommend  unto  thy  TRUST  : 
Protect  his  memory  and  preserve  his  story, 
Remain  a  lasting  monument  of  his  glory ; 

*  From  Pope's  Epitaph  on  Fenton. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  575 

And  when  thy  ruins  shall  disclaim 
To  be  the  treasurer  of  his  name, 
His  name,  that  cannot  fade,  shall  be 
An  everlasting  monument  to  thee  ! 

The  epigrammatic  turn  in  the  concluding  stanza  was  evi- 
dently plagiarized  from  Ion's  inscription  upon  the  tomb   ' e 
Euripides,  which  is  thus  faithfully  translated : — 
Divine  Euripides,  this  tomb  we  see 
So  fair,  is  not  a  monument  for  thee, 
So  much  as  thou  for  it;  since  all  will  own 
Thy  name  and  lasting  praise  adorn  the  stone. 

IX   TICHFIELD    CHURCH,   HANTS. 

The  Husband,  speakinge  trewly  of  his  wife, 

Read  his  losse  in  hir  death,  Mr  praise  in  life : 
Heare  Lucie  Quinsie  Bromfield  buried  lies, 
With  neighbors  sad  deepe,  weepinge,  hartes,  sighes,  eyes. 
Children  eleaven,  tennc  livinge,  me  she  brought. 
More  kind,  trewe,  chaste  was  noane,  in  deed,  word,  thought. 
Howse,  children,  state,  by  hir  was  ruld,  bred,  thrives. 
One  of  the  best  of  maides,  of  women,  wives, 
Now  gone  to  God,  her  heart  sent  long  before ; 
In  fasting,  prayer,  faith,  hope,  and  alms'  deedes  stoare. 
If  anie  faulte,  she  Iov6d  me  too  much. 
Ah,  pardon  that,  for  ther  are  too  fewe  such ! 
Then,  reader,  if  thou  not  hard-hearted  be, 
Praise  God  for  hir,  but  sigh  and  praie  for  me. 

Ileare,  by  hir  dead,  I  dead  desire  to  lie, 

Till,  raised  to  life,  wee  meet  no  more  to  die. 
1618. 

ON   INFANTS   AND    CHILDREN. 

The  following  epitaph  on  an  infant  is  by  Samuel  Wesley, 
the  author  of  the  caustic  lines  on  the  custom  of  perpetuating 
lies  on  monumental  marble,  by  commemorating  virtues  which 
never  had  an  existence, — ending  thus  : — 

If  on  his  specious  marble  we  rely, 
Pity  such  worth  as  his  should  ever  die ! 
If  credit  to  his  real  life  we  give, 
Pity  a  wretch  like  him  should  ever  live ! 

ON   AN  INFANT. 

Beneath,  a  sleeping  infant  lies. 
To  earth  whose  ashes  lent 


576 


CHURCHYARD    LITERATURE. 


More  glorious  shall  hereafter  rise, 
But  not  more  innocent. 

When  the  archangel's  trump  shall  blow, 

And  souls  and  bodies  join, 
What  crowds  will  wish  their  lives  below 

Had  been  as  short  as  thine ! 


ON   FOUR   INFANTS   BURIED    IX   THE    SAME    T01CB, 

Bold  infidelity,  turn  pale  and  die  ! 
Beneath  this  stone  four  infants'  ashes  lie  : 

Say,  are  they  lost  or  saved  ? 

If  death's  by  sin,  they  sinned  ;  for  they  are  here; 
If  heaven's  by  works,  in  heaven  they  can't  appear. 

Reason,  ah,  how  depraved  ! 

Revere  the  Bible's  sacred  page ;  the  knot's  untied : 
They  died,  for  Adam  sinned ;  they  live,  for  Jesus  died. 

IN   MOUNT   AUBURN   CEMETERY. 

On  the  base  of  a  beautiful  recumbent  statuette  in  Yarrow 
Path  is  inscribed  : — 

EMILY. 
Shed  not  for  her  the  bitter  tear, 

Nor  give  the  heart  to  vain  regret; 
Tis  but  the  casket  that  lies  here : 
The  gem  that  filled  it  sparkles  yet 

ON  A    LITTLE    BOY  IN    GREENWOOD    CEMETEEY. 

Our  GOD,  to  call  us  homeward, 

His  only  SON  sent  down  ; 
And  now,  still  more  to  tempt  our  hearts, 

Has  taken  up  our  own. 

ON  THE  TOMBSTONE  OF  A  CHILD  BLIND  FROM  BIRTH. 

There  shall  be  no  night  there. 


ON  A  CHILD  FOUR  YEARS  OLD,  WHO  WAS  BURNED  TO  DEATH. 
"  0  !" 

Says  the  gardener,  as  he  passes  down  the  walk, 
"Who  destroyed  that  flower?    Who  plucked  that  plant?" 
His  fellow-servant  said, 

"  The  Master." 
And  the  gardener  held  his  peace. 


CHURCHYARD    LITERATURE.  577 

AT  LITIZ,  LANCASTER  COUNTY,  PA. 

Oh,  blest  departed  one! 
Whose  all  of  life — a  rosy  ray — 
Blushed  into  dawn  and  passed  away. 

Uhland's  beautiful   epitaph  on   an   infant*  has  been   thus 

Thou  art  come  and  gone  with  footfall  low, 

A  wanderer  hastening  to  depart; 
Whither,  and  whence?  we  only  know 

From  God  thou  wast,  with  God  thou  art. 

Better  than  this  in  spirit,  by  all  that  makes  Christian  faith 
and  hope  better  than  vague  questioning,  and  fully  equal  to  it 
in  poetic  merit,  is  the  following  by  F.  T.  Palgrave: — 

Pare,  sweet,  and  fair,  ere  thou  could'st  taste  of  ill, 

God  willed  it  and  thy  baby  breath  was  still ; 

Now  'mong  his  lambs  thou  livest  thy  Saviour's  care, 

Forever  as  thou  wast,  pure,  sweet  and  fair. 

COPIED  FROM  VARIOUS  SOURCES. 

Just  with  her  lips  the  cup  of  life  she  pressed, 
Found  the  taste  bitter  and  declined  the  rest; 
Averse  then  turning  from  the  light  of  day, 
She  softly  sighed  her  little  soul  away. 

The  child  that  sleeps  within  this  silent  tomb 
Departed  at  the  end  of  two  short  years: 

Many  will  wish  when  the  great  Judge  shall  come, 
They'd  lived  no  longer  in  this  vale  of  tears. 

This  lovely  bud,  so  young,  so  fair, 

Called  hence  by  early  doom, 
Just  came  to  show  how  sweet  a  flower 

In  Paradise  would  bloom. 

This  by  Burton,  author  of  The  Anatomy  of  Melancholy: — 
Can  nurse  choose  in  her  sweet  babe  more  to  find 
Than  goods  of  Fortune,  Body,  and  of  Miad? 
Lo  here  at  once  all  this;  what  greater  bliss 
Canst  hope  or  wish?     Heaven.     Why  there  he  is. . 

*Du  kamst,  Du  gingst  mit  leiaer  Spur,. 

Bin  flucht'ger  Gast  in  Erdenland: 
Woher?  wohin?— Wer  wissen  nur 
Aus  Gottes  hand  in  Gottes  hand. . 
2M  49 


578 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 


ON   A   TOMBSTONE    IN   AUVERGNE. 

Marie  was  the  only  child  of  her  mother, 

"  And  she  was  a  widow." 
Marie  sleeps  in  this  grave  — 

And  the  widow  has  now  no  child. 


HISTORICAL  EPITAPH. 

A  person  of  the  name  of  Mary  Scott  was  buried  near  the 
church  of  Dalkeith,  in  1728,  for  whom  the  following  singular 
epitaph  was  composed,  but  never  engraved  on  her  tombstone, 
though  it  has  been  frequently  mentioned  as  copied  from  it  :  —  • 

Stop,  passenger,  until  my  life  you  read  : 
The  living  may  get  knowledge  from  the  dead. 
Five  times  five  years  unwedded  was  my  life  ; 
Five  times  five  years  I  was  a  virtuous  wife  ; 
Ten  times  five  years  I  wept  a  widow's  woes  ; 
Now,  tired  of  human  scenes,  I  here  repose. 
Betwixt  my  cradle  and  my  grave  were  seen 
Seven  mighty  Kings  of  Scotland  and  a  Queen. 
Full  twice  five  years  the  Commonwealth  I  saw, 
Ten  times  the  subjects  rise  against  the  law; 
And,  which  is  worse  than  any  civil  war, 
A  king  arraigned  before  the  subjects'  bar; 
Swarms  of  sectarians,  hot  with  hellish  rage, 
Cut  off  his  royal  head  upon  the  stage. 
Twice  did  I  see  old  Prelacy  pulled  down, 
And  twice  the  cloak  did  sink  beneath  the  gown. 
I  saw  the  Stuart  race  thrust  out,  —  nay,  more, 
I  saw  our  country  sold  for  English  ore  ; 
Our  numerous  nobles,  who  have  famous  been, 
Sunk  to  the  lowly  number  of  sixteen  ; 
Such  desolation  in  my  days  have  been, 
I  have  an  end  of  all  perfection  seen. 


BIOGRAPHICAL. 

ON  THE  MONUMENT  OF  A  DROPSICAL  LADY. 

Here  lies  Dame  Mary  Page, 
Relict  of  Sir  Gregory  Page,  Bart. 
She  departed  this  life,  March  4th,  1728, 

In  the  56th  year  of  her  age. 
In  67  months  she  was  tapped  66  times,  and 
Had  taken  away  240  gallons  of  water. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  579 

AT  THK  OLD  MEN'S  HOSPITAL,  NORWICH,  KNO. 

In  Memory  of  Mrs.  Phebe  Crewe,  who  died  May  28, 1817,  aged  77  years ; 
who,  during  forty  years'  practice  as  a  midwife  in  this  city,  brought  into  the 
world  nine  thousand  seven  hundred  and  thirty  children. 

IN   THE    ABBEY    CHURCH    OF    CONWAY. 

Here  lyeth  the  body  of  Nichla»  Hooker,  who  was  the  one  and  fortieth 
child  of  his  father  by  Alice  his  only  wife,  and  the  father  of  seven  and 
twenty  children  by  one  wife.  He  died  March  20th,  1637. 

AT   WOLSTANTON. 

Mrs.  Ann  Jennings. 
Some  have  children,  some  have  none : 
Here  lies  the  mother  of  twenty-one. 

IN  THE  CHURCHYARD  OP  HEYDON. 

Here  lieth  the  body  of  William  Strutton,  of  Paddington,  buried  May  18th, 
1734,  who  had  by  his  first  wife,  28  children,  and  by  a  second  wife,  17;  own 
father  to  45,  grandfather  to  86,  great-grandfather  to  97,  and  great-great- 
grandfather to  23;  in  all,  251. 

IN   THE    CHURCHYARD   OF   PEWSEY,  WILTSHIRE. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  Lady  O'Looney,  great-niece  of  Burke,  commonly 
called  the  sublime.  She  was  bland,  passionate,  and  deeply  religious ;  also, 
she  painted  in  water-colors,  and  sent  several  pictures  to  the  exhibition.  She 
was  first  cousin  to  Lady  Jones;  and  of  such  is  the  kingdom  of  heaven. 

IN  CRAYFORD  CHURCHYARD,  KENT. 

Here  lieth  the  body  of  Peter  Snell,  thirty-five  years  clerk  of  the  parish. 
He  lived  respected  as  a  pious  and  faithful  man,  and  died  on  his  way  to  church 
to  assist  at  a  wedding,  on  the  31st  day  of  March,  1811.  Aged  70  years. 
The  inhabitants  of  Crayford  have  raised  this  stone  to  his  cheerful  memory, 
and  as  a  tribute  to  his  long  and  faithful  services. 

The  life  of  this  clerk  was  just  threescore  and  ten, 

Nearly  half  of  which  time  he  had  sung  out  Amen. 

In  his  youth  he  was  married,  like  other  young  men, 

But  his  wife  died  one  day,  so  he  chanted  Amen. 

A  second  he  took ;  she  departed :  what  then  ? 

He  married  and  buried  a  third  with  Amen. 

Thus  his  joys  and  his  sorrows  were  treble  ;  but  then 

His  voice  was  deep  bass,  as  he  sang  out  Amen. 

On  the  horn  he  could  blow  as  well  as  most  men, 

So  "his  horn  was  exalted"  in  blowing  Amen. 

But  he  lost  all  his  wind  after  threescore  and  ten, 

And  here  with  his  wives  he  waits  till  again 

The  trumpet  shall  rouse  him  to  sing  out  Amen. 


580  •  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

AT   WREXHAM,  WALES. 

Elihu  Yale,  (founder  of  Yale  College,)  ob.  1721,  set.  73. 
Born  in  America,  in  Europe  bred, 
In  Afric  travelled,  and  in  Asm  wed  ; 
Where  long  he  lived  and  thrived,  in  London  dead.  , 
Much  good,  some  ill,  he  did ;  so  hope  all's  even, 
And  that  his  soul  through  mercy's  gone  to  Heaven. 
You  that  survive,  and  read  this  tale,  take  care, 
For  this  most  certain  exit  to  prepare, 
Where,  blest  in  peace,  the  actions  of  the  just 
Smell  sweet,  and  blossom  in  the  silent  dust 

SELF-WRITTEN. 
HATTHEW  PRICK'S. 
Painters  and  heralds,  by  your  leave, 

Here  lie  the  bones  of  Matthew  Prior, 
The  son  of  Adam  and  of  Eve : — 
Let  Bourbon  or  Nassau  go  higher ! 

It  is  said  (and  the  statement  appears  highly  probable)  that 
Prior  borrowed  his  lines  from  the  following  very  ancient  epi- 
taph upon  a  tombstone  in  Scotland  : — 

John  Carnagie  lies  here, 

Descended  from  Adam  and  Eve; 
If  any  can  boast  of  a  pedigree  higher, 

He  will  willingly  give  them  leave. 

COLERIDGE'S. 

Stop,  Christian  passer-by !  stop,  child  of  God, 
And  read  with  gentle  heart.     Beneath  this  .sod 
A  poet  lies,  or  that  which  once  seemed  he  : — 
0  lift  a  thought  in  prayer  for  S.  T.  C., 
That  he,  who  many  a  year  with  toil  of  breath 
Found  death  in  life,  may  here  find  life  in  death; 
Mercy  for  praise,  to  be  forgiven  for  fame, 
He  asked,  and  hoped  through  Christ.     Do  thou  the  same ! 

JOHN  BACON'S,  TOTTENHAM  COURT  CHAPEL. 

What  I  was  as  an  Artist 
Seemed  to  me  of  some  importance 

while  I  lived; 
But  what  I  really  was  as  a  believer 

in  Christ  Jesus, 

ia  the  only  thing  of  importance 
to  me  now. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  581 

DR.  COOPER'S,  EDINBURGH. 

Here  lies  a  priest  of  English  blood, 
•  Who,  living,  liked  whate'er  was  good,— 
Good  company,  good  wine,  good  name, 
Yet  never  hunted  after  fame  ; 
But  as  the  first  he  still  preferred, 
So  here  he  chose  to  be  interred,  - 
And,  unobscured,  from  crowds  withdrew 
To  rest  among  a  chosen  few, 
In  humble  hopes  that  sovereign  love 
Will  raise  him  to  be  blest  above. 

POPE  ADRIAN'S. 

Adrianus,  Papa  VI.,  hie  situs  est,  que  nihil  sibi 
Infelicius  in  vita,  quain  quod  impcraret  duxit, 

SHEIL'S,  (THE  IRISH  ORATOR). 
Here  lie  I.     There's  an  end  to  my  woes. 

And  my  spirit  at  length  at  aiae  is, 
With  the  tip  of  my  nose,  and  the  ends  of  my  toes, 

Turned  up  'gainst  the  roots  of  the  daisies. 

The  eccentric  Sternhold  Oakes  offered  a  reward  for  the  best 
epitaph  for  his  grave.  Several  tried  for  the  prize,  but  they 
flattered  him  too  much,  he  thought.  At  last  he  undertook  it 
himself;  and  the  following  was  the  result : — 

Here  lies  the  body  of  Sternhold  Oakes, 

Who  lived  and  died  like  other  folks. 

That  was  satisfactory,  and  the  old  gentleman  claimed  the  prize, 
which,  as  he  had  the  paying  of  it,  was  of  course  allowed. 

MORALIZING   AND   ADMONITORY. 

AT   KENNEBUNK,  MAINE. 

Rev.  Daniel  Little,  1801. 
Memento  mori !  preached  his  ardent  youth, 
Memento  mori !  spoke  maturer  years  ; 
Memento  mori !  sighed  his  latest  breath, 
Memento  mori !  now  this  stone  declares. 

AT   ANDOVER,    MASS. 

John  Abbot,  1793,  ask  90. 
Grass,  smoke,  a  flower,  a  vapor,  shade,  a  span, 
Serve  to  illustrate  the  frail  life  of  man; 
And  they,  who  longest  live,  survive  to  see 
The  certainty  of  death,  of  life  the  vanity. 
49* 


582  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

IN   LLANGOWEN    CHURCHYARD,   WALES. 

Our  life  is  but  a  summer's  day: 
Some  only  breakfast,  and  away; 
Others  to  dinner  stay,  and  are  full  fed; 
The  oldest  man  but  sups,  and  goes  to  bed. 
Large  his  account,  who  lingers  out  the  day  ; 
Who  goes  the  soonest,  has  the  least  to  pay. 

IN  ST.  SAVIOUR'S  CHURCHYARD,  SOUTHWARK. 

Like  to  the  damask  rose  you  see, 

Or  like  the  blossom  on  the  tree, 

Or  like  the  dainty  flower  of  May, 

Or  like  the  morning  of  the  day, 

Or  like  the  sun,  or  like  the  shade, 

Or  like  the  gourd  which  Jonas  had  ; 

Even  so  is  man,  whose  thread  is  spun, 

Drawn  out,  and  cut,  and  so  is  done. 

The  rose  withers,  the  blossom  blasteth, 

The  flower  fades,  the  morning  hasteth  : 

The  sun  sets,  the  shadow  flies, 

The  gourd  consumes,  and  man  he  dies. 

IN  GILLINGHAH  CHURCHYARD,  ENG. 

Take  time  in  time  while  time  doth  last, 
For  time  is  not  time  when  time  is  past. 

GARRICK'S  EPITAPH  ON  QDINN,  ABBEY  CHURCH,  BATH. 
Here  lies  James  Quinn !    Deign  reader,  to  be  taught, 
Whate'er  thy  strength  of  body,  force  of  thought, 
In  nature's  happiest  mould  however  cast, 
To  this  complexion  thou  must  come  at  last. 

IN  NEWINGTON  CHURCHYARD. 

Through  Christ,  I  am  not  inferior 
To  William  the  Conqueror. 

IN  LINCOLNSHIRE,  ENGLAND. 

.    Under  this  solitary  sod 

There  lies  a  man 
Whose  ways  were  very  odd  : 
Whatever  his.  faults  were, 

Let  them  alone. 
Let  thy  utmost  care  be 

To  mend  thine  own : 
Let  him  without  a  sin 

First  cast  a  stone. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  583 

.  ADVERTISING    INSCRIPTIONS   AND    NOTICES. 

IN  WILTSHIRE,  ENGLAND. 

Beneath  this  stone  in  hopes  of  Zion, 
Is  laid  the  landlord  of  the  Lion. 
Resigned  unto  the  heavenly  will, 
His  son  keeps  on  the  business  still. 

In  the  cemetery  of  Montmartre,  a  memorial  to  a  Parisian 
tradesman,  killed  in  an  emeute  in  the  earlier  part  of  the  reign 
of  Louis  Phillippe,  concludes  with  this  advertisement: — 

This  tomb  was  executed  by  his  bereaved  widow  (veuve  desolSe,)  who 
still  carries  on  his  business  at  No.  —  Rue  St.  Martin. 

This  announcement  is  from  a  Spanish  journal: — 

This  morning  our  Saviour  summoned  away  the  jeweller  Siebald  Illmaga 
from  his  shop  to  another  and  better  world.  The  undersigned,  his  widow, 
will  weep  upon  his  tomb,  as  will  also  his  two  daughters,  Hilda  and  Emma, 
the  former  of  whom  is  married,  and  the  latter  is  open  to  an  offer.  The 
funeral  will  take  place  to-morrow.  His  disconsolate  widow,  Veronique 
Illmaga.  P.  S. — This  bereavement  will  not  interrupt  our  business,  which 
will  be  carried  on  as  usual,  only  our  place  of  business  will  be  removed  from 
No.  3,  Tessi  de  Teinturiers,  to  No.  4  Rue  de  Missionaire,  as  our  grasping 
landlord  has  raised  our  rent. 

UNIQUE  AND  LUDICROUS  EPITAPHS. 


ON  A  CONNECTICUT  MAN  WITH  A  REMARKABLE  TUMOR. 

Our  father  lies  beneath  the  sod, 
His  spirit's  gone  unto  his  God  ; 
We  never  more  shall  hear  his  tread, 
Nor  see  the  wen  upon  his  head. 

ON  THE  BELOVED  PARTNER  OF  ROBERT  KEMP. 

She  once  was  mine 

But  now,  oh,  Lord, 

I  her  to  Thee  resign, 

and  remain  your  obedient,  humble  servant,  Robert  Kemp. 

ON  A  MISER. 

Here  lies  old  Father  Gripe,  who  never  cried  Jam  tatis; 
'Twould  wake  him  did  he  know  you  read  his  tombstone  gratis. 


584  CHURCHYARD    LITERATURE. 

REQUIESCAT    IN    PACE. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  Obadiah  Wilkinson, 

and  Ruth,  his  wife: 
Their  warfare  is  accomplished. 

ON  MISS  GWIN. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  Nancy  Gwin, 
Who  was  so  very  pure  within, 
She  burst  her  outward  shell  of  sin, 
And  hatched  herself  a  cherubim. 

Whether  this,  from  a  village  churchyard,  is  an  improvement 
on  Young,  is  a  question : — 

Death  loves  a  shining  mark, 

and 
In  this  case  he  had  it. 

EPITAPH    FOR    A    GREAT   TALKER. 

Hie  tacet — instead  of  hie  jacet. 

IN  OTSEGO  COUNTY,  N.  Y. 

John  burns. 

(On  this  a  commentator  remarks,  "  Most  men  suffer  enough  above  ground 
without  being  bunglingly  abused,  post  mortem,  in  ill-written  inscriptions 
which  were  at  least  intended  to  be  civil.  We  suppose  the  words  were 
simply  intended  to  record  the  mnn's  name;  but  they  look  marvellously 
like  a  noun  substantive  coupled  with  a  verb  in  the  indicative  mood,  and 
affording  a  sad  indication  that  John  burns.  There  is  no  hint  that  John 
deserved  the  fate  to  which  he  appears  to  have  been  consigned  since  his 
decease,  and  we  can  only  say  as  we  read  the  startling  declaration,  we  should 
be  very  sorry  to  believe  it.") 

In  the  church  of  Stoke  Holy  Cross,  near  Norwich,  Eng.,  is 
the  following  epitaph:— 

In  the  womb  of  this  tomb  twins  in  expectation  lay, 
To  be  born  in  the  morn  of  the  Resurrection  day. 

IN   A   CHURCHYARD    IN    CORNWALL. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  Gabriel  John, 

Who  died  in  the  year  one  thousand  and  one; 

Pray  for  the  soul  of  Gabriel  John, 

You  may,  if  you  please,  or  let  it  alone, 

For  it's  all  one 

To  Gabriel  John, 
Who  died  in  the  year  one  thousand  and  one. 


CHURCHYARD  LITERATURE.  58 

IN  MORETON  CHURCHYARD. 

Here  lies  the  bones  of  Roger  Norton, 
Whose  sudden  death  was  oddly  brought  on: 
Trying  one  day  his  corns  to  mow  off, 
The  razor  slipt  and  cut  his  toe  off! 
The  toe — or,  rather,  what  it  grew  to — 
An  inflammation  quickly  flew  to; 
The  part  then  took  to  mortifying, 
Which  was  the  cause  of  Roger's  dying. 

ON  A  WOOD-CUTTER,  OCKHAM,  SURREY,  1736. 

The  Lord  saw  good,  I  was  lopping  off  wood, 

And  down  fell  from  the  tree ; 
I  met  with  a  check,  and  I  broke  my  neck, 

And  so  death  lopped  off  me. 

A  stone-cutter  received  the  following  epitaph  from  a  German, 
to  be  cut  upon  the  tombstone  of  his  wife : — 

Mine  vife  Susan  is  dead,  if  she  had  life  till  nex  friday  she'd  bin  dead 
shust  two  veeks.  As  a  tree  falls  so  must  it  stan,  all  tings  is  impossible 
mit  God. 

IN  CHILDWALL  PARISH,  ENGLAND. 

Here  lies  me,  and  my  three  daughters, 

Brought  here  by  using  Cheltenham  waters. 

If  we  had  stuck  to  Epsom  salts 

We  wouldn't  be  in  these  here  vaults. 

AT  OXFORD,  NEW  HAMPSHIRE. 

To  all  my  friends  I  bid  adieu, 

A  more  sudden  death  you  never  knew, 

As  I  was  leading  the  old  mare  to  drink, 

She  kicked,  and  killed  me  quicker'n  a  wink. 

A  SOUTH  CAROLINA  TRIBUTE  TO  DEPARTED  WORTH. 

Here  lies  the  boddy  of  Robert  Gordin, 
Mouth  almighty  and  teeth  ackordin, 

Stranger  tread  lightly  over  this  wonder, 

If  he  opens  his  mouth,  you  are  gone  by  thunder. 


She  lived  a  life  of  virtue,  and  died  of  the  cholera  morbus,  caused  by 
eating  green  fruit,  in  hope  of  a  blessed  immortality,  at  the  early  age  of 
21  years,  7  months  and  16  days !  Reader,  '  Go  thou  and  do  likewise.' 


586  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

FROM   SOLTHULL   CHURCHYARD,    WARWICKSHIRE. 

The  following  epitaph  was  written  by  a  certain  Rev.  Dr. 
Greenwood  on  his  wife,  who  died  in  childbirth.  One  hardly 
knows  which  to  admire  most, — the  merit  of  the  couplet  wherein 
he  celebrates  her  courage  and  magnanimity  in  preferring  him 
to  a  lord  or  judge,  or  the  sound  advice  with  which  he  closes. 

Go,  cruel  Death,  thou  hast  cut  down 

The  fairest  Greenwood  in  all  this  kingdom ! 

Her  virtues  and  good  qualities  were  such 

That  surely  she  deserved  a  lord  or  judge; 

•But  her  piety  and  humility 

Made  her  prefer  me,  a  Doctor  in  Divinity; 

Which  heroic  action,  joined  to  all  the  rest, 

Made  her  to  be  esteemed  the  Phoenix  of  her  sex } 

And  like  that  bird,  a  young  she  did  create 

To  comfort  those  her  loss  had  made  disconsolate. 

My  grief  for  her  was  so  sore 

That  I  can  only  utter  two  lines  more  : 

For  this  and  all  other  good  women's  sake, 

Never  let  blisters  be  applied  to  a  lying-in  woman's  back. 

Robert  Baxter  of  Farhouse,  who  died  in  1796,  was  believed 
to  have  been  poisoned  by  a  neighbor  with  whom  he  had  a 
violent  quarrel.  Baxter  was  well  known  to  be  a  man  of  vora- 
cious appetite ;  and  it  seems  that  one  morning,  on  going  out  to 
the  fell,  he  found  a  piece  of  bread  and  butter  wrapped  in 
white  paper.  This  he  incautiously  devoured,  and  died  a  few 
hours  after  in  great  agony.  The  following  is  inscribed  on  his 
tombstone,  Knaresdale,  Northumberland : — 

All  you  that  please  these  lines  to  read, 
It  will  cause  a  tender  heart  to  bleed. 
I  murdered  was  upon  the  fell> 
And  by  the  man  I  knew  full  well ; 
By  bread  and  butter  which  he'd  laid, 
I,  being  harmless,  was  betrayed. 
/  hope  he  will  rewarded  be 
That  laid  the  poison  there  for  me. 

IN  DONCASTER   CHURCHYARD,  1816. 

Here  lies  2  Brothers  by  misfortin  serounded, 

One  dy'd  of  his  wounds  &  the  other  was  drownded. 


CHURCHYARD    LITERATURE.  587 

AT   SARAGOSSA,    SPAIN. 

Here  lies  John  Quebecca,  precentor  to  My  Lord  the  King.  When  he  is 
admitted  to  the  choir  of  angels,  whose  society  he  will  embellish,  and  where 
he  will  distinguish  himself  by  his  powers  of  song,  God  shall  say  to  the  angels, 
"  Cease,  ye  calves !  and  let  me  hear  John  Quebecca,  the  precentor  of  My 
Lord  the  King !" 

ROCHESTER'S  EPITAPH  ON  CHARLES  n. 
Here  lies  our  sovereign  lord  the  king, 

Whose  word  no  man  relied  on ; 
Who  never  said  a  foolish  thing, 

And  never  did  a  wise  one. 

FROM   A    GRAVESTONE   IN  ESSEX,    ENGLAND. 

Here  lies  the  man  Richard, 

And  Mary  his  wife, 
Whose  surname  was  Pritchard: 

They  lived  without  strife ; 
And  the  reason  was  plain, — 

They  abounded  in  riches, 
They  had  no  care  nor  pain, 

And  his  wife  wore  the  breeches. 

In  All  Saints'  Churchyard,  Leicester,  may  be  found  the  fol- 
lowing on  two  children  of  John  Bracebridge,  who  were  both 
named  John  and  both  died  in  infancy  : — 

Both  John  and  John  soon  lost  their  lives, 

And  yet,  by  God,  John  still  survives. 

Bishop  Thurlow,  at  one  of  his  visitations,  had  the  words  by 
God  altered  to  through  God. 

FROM  THETFORD   CHURCHYARD. 

My  grandfather  was  buried  here, 

My  cousin  Jane,  and  two  uncles  dear; 

My  father  perished  with  inflammation  in  the  thighs, 

And  my  sister  dropped  down  dead  in  the  Minories : 

But  the  reason  why  I'm  here  interred,  according  to  my  thinking, 

Is  owing  to  my  good  living  and  hard  drinking. 

If,  therefore,  good  Christians,  you  wish  to  live  long, 

Don't  drink  too  much  wine,  brandy,  gin,  or  any  thing  strong. 

IN   A   CHURCHYARD   IN  ABERDEEN,    SCOTLAND. 

Here  lies  I,  Martin  Elmrod; 

Have  mercy  on  my  soul,  gude  God, 

As  I  would  have  on  thine  gin  I  were  God, 

And  thou  wert  Martin  Elmrod. 


588  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 


The  body  underneath  this  stone  is 
Of  ray  late  husband,  Jacob  Jonas, 
Who,  when  alive,  was  an  Adonis. 

Ah!  wcll-a-day! 

0  death!  thou  spoiler  of  fair  faces, 
Why  tookst  thou  him  from  my  embraces? 
How  couldst  thou  uiar  so  many  graces? 
Say,  tyrant,  say. 

AT   NORTHALLERTON. 

Hie  jacct  Walter  Gun, 

Sometime  landlord  of  the  Sun  f 
Sic  transit  yluria  mundl  ! 

He  drank  hard  upon  Friday, 

That  being  a  high  day, 
Then  took  to  his  bed,  and  died  upon  Sunday. 

ALL    SAINTS,  NEWCASTLE. 

Here  lies  poor  Wallace, 

The  prince  of  good  fellows, 
Clerk  of  Allhallows, 

And  maker  of  bellows. 

He  bellows  did  make  till  the  day  of  his  death; 
But  he  that  made  bellows  could  never  make  breath. 

IN   CALSTOCK  CHURCHYARD,  CORNWALL. 

'Twas  by  a  fall  I  caught  my  death ; 
No  man  can  tell  his  time  or  breath  j 
I  might  have  died  as  soon  as  then, 
If  I  had  had  physician  men. 

ON    GENERAL   WOLFE. 

On  the  death  of  General  Wolfe,  a  premium  was  offered  for 
the  best  epitaph  on  that  officer.  One  of  the  candidates  for 
the  prize  sent  a  poem,  of  which  the  following  stanza  is  a 
specimen : — 

He  marched  without  dread  or  fears, 
At  the  head  of  his  bold  grenadiers ; 
And  what  was  more  remarkable — nay,  very  particular— 
He  climbed  up  rocks  that  were  perpendicular. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  589 

REBECCA   ROGERS,    FOLKESTONE,  1688. 

A  house  she  bath,  'tis  made  of  such  good  fashion, 
The  tenant  ne'er  shall  pay  for  reparation; 
Nor  will  her  landlord  ever  raise  her  rent, 
Or  turn  her  out  of  doors  for  non-payment : 
From  chimney-tax  this  cell's  forever  free,— 
To  such  a  house,  who  would  not  tenant  he  ? 

IN   DORCHESTER,  MASS. 

1661. 

Heare  lyes  our  captaine,  and  major  of  Suffolk  was  withall, 
A  godly  magistrate  was  he,  and  major  generall. 

Two  troops  of  hors  with  him  here  came,  such  worth  his  love  did  crave, 
Ten  companyes  of  foot  also  mourning  inarcht  to  his  grave. 
Let  all  that  read  be  sure  to  keep  the  faith  as  he  hath  don  ; 
With  Christ  he  lives  now  crownd.     His  name  was  Humphry  Atherton. 

IN   KNIGHTSBRIDGE    CHURCHYARD. 

On  a  man  who  was  too  poor  to  be  buried  with  relations  in 
the  church : — 

Here  I  lie  at  the  chancel  door, 
And  I  lie  here  because  I  am  poor;' 
For  the  further  in,  the  more  you  pay,— 
But  here  I  lie  as  warm  as  they. 

IS   BIDEFORD    CHURCHYARD,    KENT. 

The  wedding-day  appointed  was, 

And  wedding-clothes  provided, 
But  ere  the  day  did  come,  alas ! 

He  sickened,  and  he  die  did. 

IN  WHITTLEBURY    CHURCHYARD,    NORTHAMPTONSHIRE. 

John  Heath,  1767,  ast.  27. 
While  Time  doth  run,  from  sin  depart; 
Let  none  e'er  shun  Death's  piercing  dart; 
For  read  and  look,  and  you  will  see 
A  wondrous  change  was  wrought  on  me. 
For  while  I  lived  in  joy  and  mirth, 
Grim  Death  came  in  and  stopped  my  breath ; 
For  I  was  single  in  the  morning  light, 
By  noon  was  married,  and  was  dead  at  night. 

IN   LOXGNOR   CHURCHYARD,    STAFFORD. 

William  Billings,  a  soldier  in  the  British  army  75  years, 

Died  1793,  aged  114  years. 
Billeted  by  death,  I  quartered  here  remain, 
And  when  the  trumpet  sounds,  I'll  rise  and  march  again. 
t>0 


590  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

Df   ROCHESTER   CHURCHYARD,    ENG. 

Though  young  she  was, 

Her  youth  could  not  withstand, 
Nor  her  protect 

From  Death's  impartial  hand. 
Life  is  a  cobweb,  be  we  e'er  so  gay, 
And  death  a  broom  that  sweeps  us  all  away. 

HUMPHREY   COLE. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  good  Humphrey  Cole ; 
Though  black  his  name,  yet  spotless  is  his  soul; 
But  yet  not  black,  though  Carbo  is  the  name, 
Thy  chalk  is  scarcely  whiter  than  his  fame. 
A  priest  of  priests,  inferior  was  to  none, 
Took  heaven  by  storm  when  here  his  race  was  run. 
Thus  ends  the  record  of  this  pious  man : 
Go  and  do  likewise,  reader,  if  you  can. 

IS   EAST   HARTFORD,   CONN. 

Now  she  is  dead  and  cannot  stirj 
Her  cheeks  are  like  the  faded  rose; 

Which  of  us  next  shall  follow  her, 
The  Lord  Almighty  only  knows. 

Hark,  she  bids  all  her  friends  adieu ; 

An  angel  calls  her  to  the  spheres ; 
Our  eyes  the  radiant  saint  pursue 

Through  liquid  telescopes  of  tears. 

ON  A   TOMBSTONE   IN  NEW  JERSEY. 

Reader,  pass  on  ! — don't  waste  your  time 
On  bad  biography  and  bitter  rhyme ; 
For  what  7  am,  this  crumbling  clay  insures, 
And  what  /  was,  is  no  affair  of  yours ! 

IN   A   NEW  ENGLAND    GRAVEYARD. 

Here  lies  John  Auricular, 

Who  in  the  ways  of  the  Lord  walked  perpendicular 

Many  a  cold  wind  o'er  my  body  shall  roll, 

While  in  Abraham's  bosom  I'm  a  feasting  my  soul. 

AT   AUGUSTA,   MAINE. 

— After  Life's  Scarlet  Fever, 
I  sleep  well. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  591 

The  following  illustrated  epitaph  is  copied  from  a  tombstone 
near  Williamsport,  Pa. 


Sacred  to  the  memory  of 

HENRY  HARRIS, 
Born  June  27th,  1821,  of  Henry  Harris 

and  Jane  his  wife. 
Died  on  the  4th  of  May,  1337,  by  the  kick  of  a  colt 

in  his  bowels. 

Peaceable  and  quiet,  a  friend  to 

his  father  and  mother,  and  respected 

by  all  who  knew  him,  and  went 

to  the  world  where  horses 

don't  kick,  where  sorrows  and  weeping 

is  no  more. 

In  Dorchester,  Mass,  may  be  seen  the  following  queer  epi- 
taph on  a  young  .woman  : — 

On  the  21st  of  March 

God's  angels  made  a  sarche. 

Around  the  door  they  stood; 

They  took  a  maid, 

It  is  said, 

And  cut  her  down  like  wood. 

A  Dutchman's  epitaph  on  his  twin  babes  : — 

Here  lies  two  babes,  dead  as  two  nits, 
"Who  shook  to  death  mit  aguey  fits. 
They  was  too  good  to  live  mit  me, 
So  God  he  took  'em  to  live  mit  he. 
MORTUARY   PUNS. 

Peter  Comestor,  whom  the  following  epitaph  represents  as 
Bpeaking,  was  the  author  of  a  Commentary  on  the  Scriptures. 
He  died  in  1198  :— 


592  CHURCHYARD    LITERATURE. 

I  who  was  once  called  Peter  [a  stone],  am  now  covered  by  a  stone  [petra] ; 
and  I  who  was  once  named  Cumextor  [devourer],  am  now  devoured.  I  taught 
when  alive,  nor  do  I  cease  to  teach,  though  dead ;  for  he  who  beholds  me  re- 
duced to  ashes  may  say, — "This  man  was  once  what  we  are  now;  and  what 
he  is  now,  we  soon  shall  be." 

ON   A    YOUTH   WHO   DIED    FOR   LOVE    OF   MOLLY   STONE. 

Molle  fuit  saxum,  saxum,  0  !  si  Molle  fuisset, 
Non  foret  hie  subter,  sed  super  essct  ei. 

Luttrell  wrote  the  following  on  a  man  who  was  run  over  by 
an  omnibus : — 

Killed  by  an  omnibus !    "Why  not? 

So  quick  a  death  a  boon  is : 
Let  not  his  friends  lament  his  lot — 

JUoi's  omnibus  coinmunis. 
WILLIAM   MORE,    STEPNEY    CHURCHYARD. 

Here  lies  one  More,  and  no  more  than  he; 
One  More,  and  no  more  !  how  cnn  that  be? 
Why  one  More  and  no  more,  may  lie  here  alone; 
But  here  lies  one  More,  and  that's  more  than  one ! 

On  the  tombstone  of  John  Fell,  superintendent  of  the  turn- 
pike-roads from  Kirby  Kendal  to  Kirby  Irleth,  are  the  follow- 
ing lines  : — 

Reader,  doth  he  not  merit  well  thy  praise, 

Whose  practice  was  through  life  to  mead  his  ways  f 

IN   SELBY   CHURCHYARD,  YORK. 

This  tombstone  is  a  Milestone;  ha.  how  so? 
Because,  beneath  lies  Miles,  who's  Miles  bqlow. 

ON  DU   BOIS,  BORN  IN   A  BAGGAGE-WAGON,  AND    KILLED   IN  A   DUEL. 

Begot  in  a  cart,  in  a  cart  first  drew  breath, 

Carte  tierce  was  his  life,  and  a  carte  was  his  death, 

ON   LILL. 

Here  lies  the  tongue  of  Godfrey  Lill, 
Which  always  lied,  and  lies  here  fit  ill. 

On  the  tombstone  of  Dr.  Walker,  who  wrote  a  work  on 
"English  Particles,"  is  inscribed, — 

Here  lies  Walker's  Particles. 

Dr.  Fuller's  reads, — 

Here  lies  Fuller's  Earth. 

And  Archbishop  Potter's, — 

Alack  and  well-a-day, 

Potter  himself  is  turned  to  clay. 


CHURCHYARD  LITERATURE.  593 

Proposed  by  Jerrold  for  Charles  Knight,  the  Shakspearian 
critic : — 

Good  Knight. 

On  a  well-known  Shakspearian  actor : — 
Exit  Burbage. 

On  the  tomb  of  an  auctioneer  at  Greenwood  : — 

Going, — going, — GONE  ! 

Miss  Long  was  a  beautiful  actress  of  the  last  century,  so 
short  in  stature  that  she  was  called  the  Pocket  Venus.  Her 
epitaph  concludes, — 

Though  Long,  yet  short;' 
Though  short,  yet  Pretty  Long. 

On  the  eminent  barrister,  Sir  John  Strange  : — 

Here  lies  an  honest  lawyer — that  is  Strange. 
On  William  Button,  in  a  churchyard  near  Salisbury : — 

0  sun,  moon,  stars,  and  ye  celestial  poles ! 

Are  graves,  then,  dwindled  into  Button-holes  ? 

On  Foote,  the  comedian  : — 

Foote  from  his  earthly  stage,  alas!  is  hurled; 
Death  took  him  off,  who  took  off  all  the  world. 

In  the  chancel  of  the  church  of  Barrow-on-Soar,  Leicester- 
shire, is  the  following  on  Theophilus  Cave  : — 

Here  in  this  Grave  there  lies  a  Cave. 

We  call  a  Grave  a  Cave  ; 

If  Cave  be  Grave,  and  Grave  be  Cave, 

Then,  reader,  judge,  I  crave, 

Whether  doth  Cave  here  lye  in  Grave, 

Or  Grave  here  lye  in  Cave : 

If  Grave  in  Cave  here  bury'd  lye, 

Then  Grave,  where  is  thy  victory  ? 

Goe,  reader,  and  report  here  lyes  a  Cave, 

Who  conquers  Death  and  buries  his  own  Grave. 

The  following,  in  Harrow  Churchyard,  is  ascribed'  to  Lord 
Byron  : — 

Beneath  these  green  trees  rising  to  the  skies, 
The  planter  of  them,  Isaac  Greentree,  lies; 
A  time  shall  come  when  these  green  trees  shall  fall, 
And  Isaac  Greentree  rise  above  them  all. 
2N  50* 


594 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 


OH  THOMAS    GREENHILL,    OXFORDSHIRE,   1624.  ' 

He  once  a  Hill  was  fresh  and  Green, 
Now  withered  is  not  to  be  seen  ; 
Earth  in  earth  shovelled  up  is  shut, 
A  Hill  into  a  Hole  is  put  ; 
But  darksome  earth  by  Power  Divine, 
Bright  at  last  as  the  sun  may  shine. 

ON   A   CORONER   WHO  HANGED    HIMSELF. 

He  lived  and  died 
By  suicide. 

ON  A    CELEBRATED    COOK. 

Peace  to  his  hashes. 

ON   MR.    FISH. 

Worms  bait  for  fish  ;  but  here's  a  sudden  change; 
Fish  is  bait  for  worms  —  is  not  that  passing  strange? 

ON   TWO    CHILDREN. 

To  the  memory  of  Emma  and  Maria  Littleboy, 

the  twin-children  of 

George  and  Emma  Littleboy  of  Hornsey, 
who  died  July  16,  1783. 

Two  little  boys  lie  here, 

Yet  strange  to  say, 
These  little  boys  are  girls. 


ON   MISS    NOTT. 

Nottborn,  Nott  dead,  Nott  christened,  Nott  begot; 
So  here  she  lies  that  was  and  that  was  Nott. 
Reader  behold  a  wonder  rarely  wrought, 
Which  while  thou  seem'st  to  read  thou  readest  Nott. 

ON   MARY  ANGEL,    STEPNEY,  1693. 

To  say  an  angel  here  interred  doth  lie, 
May  be  thought  strange,  for  angels  never  die  ; 
Indeed  some  fell  from  heaven  to  hell, 

Are  lost  to  rise  no  more  ; 
This  only  fell  from  death  to  earth, 

Not  lost  but  gone  before  ; 

Her  dust  lodged  here,  her  soul  perfect  in  grace, 
Among  saints  and  angels  now  hath  took  its  place. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  595 

Eeloe,  in  his  Anecdotes,  gives  the  following  on  William  Lawes, 
the  musical  composer,  who  was  killed  by  the  Roundheads : — 

Concord  is  conquered !     In  his  turn  there  lies 

The  master  of  great  Music's  mysteries ; 

And  in  it  is  a  riddle,  like  the  cause, 

Will  Lawes  was  slain  by  men  whose  Wills  were  Laws. 

ON   MR.   JOSEPH    KINCt. 

Here  lies  a  man  than  whom  no  better's  wal-king, 
Who  was  when  sleeping  even  always  tal-king ; 
A  king  by  birth  was  he,  and  yet  was  no  king, 
In  life  was  thin-king,  and  in  death  was  Jo-KiNO. 

On  John  Adamf,  of  Southwell,  a  carrier,  who  died  of  drunkenness, — BYRON. 
John  Adams  lies  here,  of  the  parish  of  Southwell, 
A  carrier  who  carried  the  can  to  his  mouth  well; 
He  carried  so  much,  and  he  carried  so  fast, 
He  could  carry  no  more, — so  was  carried  at  last; 
For  the  liquor  he  drank  being  too  much  for  one, 
He  could  not  carry  off,  so  he's  now  carri-on. 

OX   A   LINEN-DRAPER. 

Cottons  and  cambrics,  all  adieu, 

And  muslins  too,  farewell, 
Plain,  striped,  and  figured,  old  and  new, 

Three  quarters,  yard,  or  ell ; 
By  nail  and  yard  I've  measured  ye, 

As  customers  inclined, 
The  churchyard  now  has  measured  me, 

And  nails  my  coffin  bind. 

ON   A   WOMAN   WHO    HAD    AN   ISSUE    IN   HER    LEO. 

Here  lieth  Margaret,  otherwise  Meg, 
Who  died  without  iss'ue,  save  one  in  her  leg. 
Strange  woman  was  she,  and  exceedingly  cunning, 
For  while  one  leg  stood  still,  the  other  kept  running. 

PROM   LLANFLANTWYTHYL   CHURCHYARD,   WALES. 

Under  this  stone  lies  Meredith  Morgan, 

Who  blew  the  bellows  of  our  church-organ  ; 

Tobacco  he  hated,  to  smoke  most  unwilling, 

Yet  never  so  pleased  as  when  pipes  he  was  filling; 

No  reflection  on  him  for  rude  speech  could  be  cast, 

Though  he  made  our  old  organ  give  many  a  blast. 

No  puffer  was  he,  though  a  capital  blower, 

He  could  fill  double  G,  and  now  lies  a  note  lower. 


596  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

ON  A   LAST-MAKKR. 

Stop,  stranger,  stop,  and  wipe  a  tear, 
For  the  last  man  at  last  lies  here. 
Though  ever-/cw<-ing  he  has  been, 
He  has  at  last  passed  life's  last  scene. 
Famed  for  good  works,  much  time  he  passed 
In  doing  good, — he  has  done  his  last. 

FROM  ST.  ANNE'S  CHURCHYARD,  ISLE  OP  MAW. 
Daniel  Tear,  ob.  Dec.  7,  1787,  set.  110  years. 
Here,  friend,  is  little  Daniel's  tomb ; 

To  Joseph's  age  he  did  arrive, 
Sloth  killing  thousands  in  their  bloom, 

While  labor  kept  poor  Dan  alive. 
Though  strange,  yet  true,  full  seventy  years 
His  wife  was  happy  in  her  Tears. 

In  the  Greek  Anthology  is  a  punning  epitaph  on  a  physician, 
by  Empedocles,  who  lived  in  the  fifth  century  before  Christ. 
The  pun  consists  in  the  derivation  of  the  name  Pausanias, — 
causing  a  cessation  of  pain  or  affliction, — and  therefore  only 
a  portion  of  the  double  meaning  can  be  preserved  in  a  transla- 
tion : — 

Pcmaanias, — not  so  named  without  a  cause, 
As  one  who  oft  has  given  to  pain  a  pausef— 
Blest  son  of  Esculapius,  good  and  wise, 
Here  in  his  native  Gela  buried  lies; 
Who  many  a  wretch  once  rescued  by  his  charms 
From  dark  Persephone's  constraining  arms, 

CURIOUS   AND   PUZZLING   EPITAPHS. 

On  the  monument  of  Sardanapalus  was  inscribed,  in  Assyrian 
characters, — 
EZ91E,  IllNE,  IIA1ZE.     QS  T'AAAA  TOYTOY  OYK  ASIA. 

EAT,   DRINK,    BE    MERRY.      THE   REST   IS   NOT   WORTH   THAT  ! 

meaning  a  snap  of  the  fingers,  which  is  represented  by  a  hand 
engraved  on  the  stone,  with  the  thumb  and  middle  finger  meet- 
ing at  the  top.  Casaubon  translates  nageiv,  to  love  (jrat^ecv 
nihil  aliud  significat  nisi  £pav).  Solomon  said,  all  is  vanity, 
but  not  till  he  had  eaten,  drunk,  and  loved  to  a  surfeit;  and 
Swift  left  the  well-known  lines, — 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  597 

Life's  a  farce,  and  all  things  show  it, 
I  thought  so  once,  but  now  I  know  it,— 

but  this  information  was  for  the  tomb,  when  the  capacity  to  eat, 
drink,  and  love  was  gone. 

At  the  entrance  of  the  church  of  San  Salvador,  in  the  city 
of  Oviedo,  in  Spain,  is  a  remarkable  tomb,  erected  by  a  prince 
named  Silo,  with  a  very  curious  Latin  inscription,  which  may 
be  read  two  hundred  and  seventy  ways,  by  beginning  with  the 
capital  S  in  the  centre  : — 

SILO  PRINCEPS  FECIT. 
T  I  C  E  PS  PECNCEPSFECIT 

CEFSPECNIRINCEPCFEC 
EFSPECNIRPRINCEPSFE 
FSPECNIRPOPRINCEPSF 


PECNIRPOLILOPRINCEP 
ECNIRPOLI  SlLOPRINCE 


8PECNIRPOLOPRINCEP8 


CEFSPECNIR  INCEPSFEC 
TICEFSPECNCEPSFEOIT 

On  the  tomb  are  inscribed  these  letters : — 

H.    S.   E.    S.    S.    T.   T.   L. 

Which  are  the  initials  of  the  following  Latin  words : — 

Hie  situs  est  Silo,  sit  tibi  terra  levis. 
[  Here  lies  Silo.     May  the  earth  lie  lightly  upon  him  J 

FROM  ST.  AGNES',  LONDON. 
Qu        an  tris        di         c          vul          stra 

os        guis  ti         ro       um        nere         vit. 

H       san          chris      mi        t          mu  la 

The  middle  line  furnishes  the  terminal  letters  or  syllables  of 
the  words  in  the  upper  and  lower  lines,  and  when  added  they 
read  thus : — 

Quos  anguis  tristi  diro  cum  rulnere  stravit 
Hos  sanguis  Christi  miro  turn  munere  lavit 
[  Those  who  have  felt  the  serpent's  venomed  wound 
In  Christ's  miraculous  blood  have  healing  found.] 


598  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

FROM  A  CHURCHYARD  IN  GERMANY. 

0    quid    tua       te 

be      bis     bia    abit 

ra      ra       ra 

es 

et        in 
ram     tarn     ram 

i    i 
Mox    eris    quod    ego    nunc. 

Taking  the  position  of  the  words  in  the  first  line,  which  are 
placed  above  or  over  (super)  those  in  the  second,  and  noting 
the  repetition  of  the  syllables  ra  and  ram  thrice  (ter),  and  the 
letter  i  twice  (bis),  the  reading  is  easy. 

O  superloe  quid  sv/perlois  ?  tua  swperbia  te  swperabit.  Tern 
es  et  in  terram  ibis.  Mox  eris  quod  ego  nunc. 


FROM    CUNWALLOW   CHURCHYARD,    CORNWALL. 

(May  be  read  backwards  or  forwards,  up  or  down.) 
Shall  we  all  die? 
We  shall  die  all, 
All  die  shall  we,— 
Die  all  we  shall. 

FROM  LAVENH AM  CHURCH,  NORFOLK,  ENG. 

John  Weles,  ob.  1694. 
Quod  fuit  esse,  quod  est ; 
Quod  non  fuit  esse,  quod  essej 
Esse  quod  est,  non  est ; 
Quod  non  est,  hoc  erit  esse. 

[What  was  existence,  is  that  which  lies  here ;  that  which  was  not  existence, 
is  that  which  is  existence;  to  be  what  is  now  is  not  to  be;  that  which  is  now, 
is  not  existence,  but  will  be  hereafter.] 

Or  thus  :— 

That  which  a  being  was,  what  is  it  ?  show ; 
That  being  which  it  was,  it  is  not  now; 
To  be  what  is,  is  not  to  be,  you  see ; 
That  which  now  is  not  shall  a  being  be. 

ON   THE    MONUMENT   OF   JOHN   OF   DONCASTER,  1579. 

Habeo,  dedi  quod  alteri ; 
Habuique  quod,  dedi  mihi; 
Sed  quod  reliqui,  perdidi. 
[What  I  gave,  I  have ; 
What  I  spent,  I  had  ; 
What  I  saved,  I  lost] 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  509 


IN  THE  CHDRCHTARD  OF  LLANGERRIG,  HONTGOMERYSH1RE, 

0  ]  f  0       "I                f  observe  this  well,— 

That  I   ,,    .,  j   to        I  v    n,  J  shall  come  to  dwell; 

Then  f  Earth  1  in  Earth  1  shall  close  remain, 

Till  J  [  from  J                 [  shall  rise  again. 


E    UtftUttUMXAJvU    <JJ!     iiliAJiwBHK] 

1  f°      1  f 

Earth       £  Earth 

J  I  from  J  [ 

IN   HADLET   CHnRCHYARD,    SUFFOLK. 

The  charnel  mounted  on  the  w 
Sets  to  be  seen  in  funer    ' 
A  matron  plain  domestic 
In  care  and  pain  continu 
Not  slow,  not  gay,  not  prodig 
Yet  neighborly  and  hospit 
Her  children  seven,  yet  living 
Her  sixty-seventh  year  hence  did  c 
To  rest  her  body  natur 
In  hopes  to  rise  spiritu 

WRITTEN  IN  1748. 

Ye  witty  mortals,  as  you're  passing  by, 
Remark  that  near  this  monument  doth  lie, 

Centered  in  dust, 
Two  husbands,  two  wives, 

Two  sisters,  two  brothers, 
Two  fathers,  a  son, 

Two  daughters,  two  mothers, 

A  grandfather,  grandmother,  and  a  granddaughter, 
An  uncle,  an  aunt,  and  their  niece  followed  after. 
This  catalogue  of  persons  mentioned  here 
Was  only  Jive,  and  all  from  incest  clear. 

IN  ST.  PAUL'S,    DEPTFORD. 

Rev.  Dr.  Conyers  expired  immediately  after  the  delivery  of 
a  sermon  from  the  text,  "  Ye  shall  see  my  face  no  more,"  set. 
02,  1786. 

Sent  by  their  Lord  on  purposes  of  grace, 

Thus  angels  do  his  will,  and  see  his  face; 

With  outspread  wings  they  stand,  prepared  to  soar, 

Declare  their  message,  and  are  seen  no  more. 

Underneath  is  a  Latin  inscription,  of  which  the  following  is 
a  translation : — 

I  have  sinned, 

I  repented,  I  believed, 

I  have  loved,  I  rest, 

I  shall  rise  again, 

And  by  the  grace  of  Christ, 

However  unworthy, 

I  shall  reign. 


600  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

PARALLELS   WITHOUT   A  PARALLEL. 

AT   WINCHESTER,  ENG. 

On  the  north  side  of  this  church  is  the  monument  of  two  brothers  of  the 
surname  Clarke,  wherewith  I  was  so  taken  as  take  them  I  must;  and  as  I 
found  them  I  pray  accept  them. 

Thus  an  union  of  two  brothers  from  Avington,  the  Clarkes'  family,  were 
grandfather,  father,  and  son,  succeSsivelie  clerkes  of  the  Privy  Seale  in  Court. 

The  grandfather  had  but  two  sons,  both  Thomas. 

Their  wives  both  Amys, 

Their  heyres  both  Henry, 

And  the  heyres  of  Henries  both  Thomas. 

Both  their  wives  were  inheritrixes, 

And  both  had  two  sons  and  one  daughter. 

And  both  their  daughters  issuelesse. 

Both  of  Oxford ;  both  of  the  Temple ; 

Both  omcers  to  Queen  Elizabeth  and  or  noble  King  James. 

And  both  Justices  of  the  Peace. 

Togeather  both  agree  in  armes,  one  a  knight,  ye  other  a  captain. 

Si  quaeras  plura;  both — ;  and  so  I  leave  ym. 

BATHOS. 

HOWELL'S  EPITAPH  ON  CHARLES  i. 
So  fell  the  royal  oak  by  a  wild  crew 
Of  mongrel  shrubs,  that  underneath  him  grew; 
So  fell  the  lion  by  a  pack  of  curs ; 
So  the  rose  withered  'twixt  a  knot  of  burs ; 
So  fell  the  eagle  by  a  swarm  of  gnats ; 
So  the  whale  perished  by  a  shoal  of  sprats! 

TRANSCENDENTAL. 

FROM  THE   CHURCHYARD    OP    ST.  EDMUND'S,    SALISBURY. 

Written  by  a  Swedenborgian  named  Maton,  on  his  children. 
Innocence  embellishes  divinely  complete 
To  prescience  co-egent  now  sublimely  great 
In  the  benign,  perfecting,  vivifying  state. 
So  heavenly  guardian  occupy  the  skies 
The  pre-existent  God,  omnipotent,  all-wise; 
He  shall  surpassingly  immortalize  thy  theme 
And  permanent  thy  bliss,  celestial,  supreme. 
When  gracious  refulgence  bids  the  grave  resign, 
The  Creator's  nursing  protection  be  thine; 
Then  each  perspiring  ether  shall  joyfully  rise 
Transcendentlygood,  supereminently  wise. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  601 

CENTO. 

AT   NORTHBOROUGH,  MASS. 

On  the  tombstone  of  Rabbi  Judah  Monis,  40  years  Hebrew 
Instructor  in  Harvard  University,  who  was  converted  to 
Christianity  in  1722,  and  died  in  1764. 

A  native  branch  of  Jacob  see, 

Which  once  from  off  its  olive  broke; 
Regrafted  from  the  living  tree,  Rom.  xi.  17,  24. 

Of  the  reviving  sap  partook. 
From  teeming  Zion's  fertile  womb,  Isa.  Ixvi.  8. 

As  dewy  drops  in  early  morn,  Ps.  ex.  3. 

Or  rising  bodies  from  the  tomb,  John  v.  28,  29. 

At  once  be  Israel's  nation  born.  Isa.  Ixvi.  8. 

ACROSTICAL. 

AT  DORCHESTER,    MASS. 

James  Humphrey,  1686. 
I    nclosed  within  this  shrine  is  precious  dust, 
A  nd  only  waits  the  rising  of  the  just; 
M  ost  useful  while  he  lived,  adorned  his  station, 
E  ven  to  old  age  served  his  generation,  ' 
S  ince  his  decease  thought  of  with  veneration. 
H  ow  great  a  blessing  this  ruling  elder  he 
U  nto  this  church  and  town  and  pastors  three !       i 
M  ather,  the  first,  did  by  him  help  receive ; 
F   lint  he  did  next  his  burden  much  relieve; 
R  enowned  Danforth  did  he  assist  with  skill, 
E    steemed  high  by  all,  bear  fruit  until, 
Y   ielding  to  death,  his  glorious  seat  did  fill. 

m  ASH   CHURCH,  KENT. 

^  John  Brooke  of  the  Parish  of  Ashe,     ' 

O  Only  he  is  nowe  gone, 

W  His  days  are  past;  his  corps  is  layd 

!2j  Now  under  this  marble  stone. 

W  Brookstrete  he  was  the  honor  of, 

W  Robd  now  it  is  of  name, 

O  Only  because  he  had  no  sede 

O  Or  children  to  have  the  same; 

W  Knowing  that  all  must  pass  away, 

tel  Even  when  God  will,  none  can  dena.y. 
He  passed  to  God  in  the  yere  of  Grace 
One  thousand  fyve  hundredth  fower  score  and  two  it  was, 
The  sixteenth  daye  of  January,  I  tell  now  playne, 
The  fyve  and  twentieth  yere  of  Elizabeth  rayite. 
51 


602  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

ABORIGINAL. 

IN   THE   MOHEAGAN   BURIAL-GROUND,  CONN. 

Here  lies  t.ho  body  of  SUXSEETO, 

Own  son  to  Uncas,  grandson  to  Oneeko, 

Who  were  the  famous  sachems  of  Moheagan, 

But  now  they  are  all  dead,  I  think  it  is  werheegen.* 


ORONO,  CHIEF    OP   THE    PENOBSCOTS,  OLDTOWN,  MAINE,  1801,  JET.  113 

Safe  lodged  within  his  blanket,  here  below, 
Lie  the  last  relies  of  old  OROXO  ; 
Worn  down  with  toil  and  care,  he  in  a  trice 
Exchanged  his  wigwam  for  a  paradise. 

AFRICAN. 

AT   CONCORD,    MASS. 

God  wills  us  free ;  man  wills  us  slaves.  I  will  as  God  wills :  God's  will  be 
done.  Here  lies  the  body  of  JOHN  JACK,  a  native  of  Africa,  who  died,  March, 
1773,  aged  about  60  years.  Though  born  in  a  land  of  slavery,  he  was  born 
free;  though  he  lived  in  a  land  of  liberty,  ho  lived' a  slave,  till,  by  his  honest 
though  stolen  labors,  he  acquired  the  source  of  slavery,  which  gave  him  his 
freedom,  though  not  long  before  death,  the  grand  tyrant,  gave  him  his  final 
emancipation,  and  set  him  on  a  footing  with  kings.  Though  a  slave  to  vice, 
he  practised  those  virtues,  without  which,  kings  are  but  slaves. 

AT   ATTLEBORO,    MASS. 

Here  lies  the  best  of  slaves, 

Now  turning  into  dust. 
Cesar,  the  Ethiopian,  craves 

A  place  among  the  just. 
His  faithful  soul  is  fled 

To  realms  of  heavenly  light; 
And  by  the  blood  that  Jesus  shed, 

Is  changed  from  black  to  white 
January  15,  he  quitted  the  stage, 
In  the  77th  year  of  his  age. 

HIBERNIAN. 

AT   BELTURBET. 

Here  lies  John  Higley,  whose  father  and  mother  were 

drowned  in  their  passage  from  America. 
Had  they  both  lived,  they  would  have  been  buried  here.(!) 

Here  lies  the  body  of  John  Mound, 
Lost  at  sea  and  never  found. 

*  Meaning,  All  is  well,  or  good  news. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  603 

0  cruel  Death !  how  could  you  be  so  unkindr 

To  take  him  before  and  leave  me  behind  ? 

You  should  have  taken  both  of  us  if  either  ; 

Which  would  have  been  more  pleasing  to  the  survivor ! 

Here  lies  father  and  mother,  and  sister  and  I, — 
They  all  died  within  the  short  space  of  one  year. 
They  all  be  buried  at  Wimble  but  I, 
And  I  be  buried  here. 

AT  MONKNEWTON,  NEAR  DROGHEDA. 

Erected  by  Patrick  Kelly, 

Of  the  town  of  Drogheda,  Mariner, 

In  Memory  of  his  Posterity. 

Also  the  above  Patrick  Kelly, 

Who  departed  this  Life  the  12th  August  1844, 

Age  60  years, 
Requiescat  in  pace. 

AT  MONTROSE,  1757. 

Here  lyes  the  Bodeys  of  George  Young  and  Isabel  Guthrie,  and  all  their 
Posterity  for  more  than  fifty  years  backwards. 

AT  ST.  ANDREW'S,  PLYMOUTH. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  James  Vernon,  Esq.,  only  surviving  son  of 
Admiral  Vernon:  died  23rd  July  1753. 

AT  LLANMYNECH,  MONTGOMERYSHIRE. 

Here  lies  John  Thomas 
And  his  children  dear; 
Two  buried  at  Oswestry, 
And  one  here. 

IN  OXFORDSHIRE. 

Here  lies  the  body  of  John  Eldred, 
At  least  he  will  be  here  when  he  is  dead; 
But  now  at  this  time  he  is  alive, 
The  14th  of  August  'sixty -five. 

GREEK   EPITAPHS. 

Christopher  North,  speaking  of  the  celebrated  epitaph  writ- 
ten by  Simonides  and  graved  on  the  monument  erected  in 
commemoration  of  the  battle  of  Thermopylae,  says : — The  oldest 
and  best  inscription  is  that  on  the  altar-tomb  of  the  Three 


604  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

Hundred,  Here  it  is, — the  Greek, — with  three  Latin  and 
eighteen  English  versions.  Start  not :  it  is  but  two  lines ;  and 
all  Greece,  for  centuries,  had  them  by  heart.  .  She  forgot  them, 
and  "Greece  was  living  Greece  no  more!" 

Of  the  various  English  translations  of  this  celebrated  epitaph, 
the  following  are  the  best : — 

0  stranger,  tell  it  to  the  Lacedaemonians, 
That  we  lie  here  in  obedience  to  their  precepts. 
Go  tell  the  Spartans,  thou  who  passest  by, 
That  here,  obedient  to  their  laws,  we  lie. 

ON   MILTIADES. 

Miltiades !  thy  valor  best 
(Although  in  every  region  known) 

The  men  of  Persia  can  attest, 
Taught  by  thyself  at  Marathon. 

OH   THE    TOMB    OF    THEMISTOCLES. 

By  the  sea's  margin,  on  the  watery  strand, 
Thy  monument,  Themistocles,  shall  stand. 
By  this  directed  to  thy  native  shore, 
The  merchant  shall  convey  his  freighted  store; 
And  when  our  fleets  are  summoned  to  the  fight, 
Athens  shall  conquer  with  this  tomb  in  sight. 

ON   uESIGENES. 

Hail,  universal  mother!  lightly  rest 

On  that  dead  form 
Which  when  with  life  invested  ne'er  opprest 

Its  fellow-worm. 

ON    TIMOCRITUS. 

Timoeritus  adorns  this  humble  grave  ; 

Mars  spares  the  coward,  and  destroys  the  brave. 

ON   TWO    NEIGHBORING    TOMBS. 

This  is  a  sailor's — that  a  ploughman's  tomb ; — 
Thus  sea  and  land  abide  one  common  doom. 

My  lot  was  meagre  fare,  disease  and  shame. 
At  length  I  died — you  all  must  do  the  same. 

Fortune  and  Hope,  farewell!    I've  found  the  port: 
You've  done  with  me — go  now,  with  others  sport. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

OK  HELIODORA. 

Tears,  Heliodora !  on  thy  tomb  I  shed, 

Love's  last  libation  to  the  shades  below ; 
Tears,  bitter  tears,  by  fond  remembrance  fed, 

Are  all  that  Fate  now  leaves. me  to  bestow. 
Vain  sorrows !  vain  regrets !  yet,  loveliest,  thee, 

Thee  still  they  follow  in  the  silent  urn, 
Retracing  hours  of  social  converse  free, 

And  soft  endearments  never  to  return. 
How  thou  art  torn,  sweet  flower,  that  smiled  so  fair! 

Torn,  and  thy  honored  bloom  with  dust  defiledj 
Yet,  holy  earth,  accept  my  suppliant  prayer, 

And  in  a  mother's  arms  enfold  thy  child. 

FROM   THE    ALCESTIS    OP   EURIPIDES. 

We  will  not  look  on  her  burial  sod 

As  the  cell  of  sepulchral  sleep: 
It  shall  be  as  the  shrine  of  a  radiant  god, 
And  the  pilgrim  shall  visit  this  blest  abode 

To  worship,  and  not  to  weep. 
And  as  he  turns  his  steps  aside, 

Thus  shall  he  breathe  his  vow  : — 
Here  slept  a  self-devoted  bride  ; 
Of  old,  to  save  her  lord  she  died, 

She  is  an  angel  now. 

ON   A   YOUNG   BRIDE. 

Not  Hymen, — it  was  Ades'  self  alone 

That  loosened  Clearista's  virgin  zone : 

The  morning  'spousal  song  was  raised, — but  oh ! 

At  once  'twas  silenced  into  threnes  of  woe; 

And  the  same  torches  which  the  bridal  bed 

Had  lit,  now  showed  the  pathway  to  the  dead. 

ON   A   BACHELOR. 

At  threescore  winters'  end  I  died, 
A  cheerless  being,  sole  and  sad; 

The  nuptial  knot  I  never  tied, 
And  wish  my  father  never  had. 

My  name,  my  country,  what  are  they  to  thee  ? 
What,  whether  base  or  proud  my  pedigree? 
Perhaps  I  far  surpassed  all  other  men ; 
Perhaps  I  fell  below  them  all, — what  then  ? 
SuflSce  it,  stranger,  that  thou  seest  a  tomb; 
Thou  know'st  its  use, — it  hides, — no  matter  whom. 
51* 


COG  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

ANTITHESIS   EXTRAORDINARY. 

The  following  singular  inscription  may  be  seen  on  a  monu- 
ment in  Horsley  Down  Church,  Cumberland,  England : — 

Here  lie  the  bodies  of 

Thomas  Bond  and  Mary  his  wife. 

She  was  temperate,  chaste,  and  charitable. 

But 

She  was  proud,  peevish,  and  passionate. 

She  was  an  affectionate  wife  and  a  tender 

mother, 

But 

Her  husband  and  child,  whom  she  loved,  seldom 
saw  her  countenance  without  a 

disgusting  frown ; 
Whilst  she  received  visitors  whom  she  despised 

with  an  endearing  smile. 
Her  behaviour  was  discreet  towards  strangers, 

But 

Imprudent  in  her  family. 

Abroad  her  conduct  was  influenced  by  good 

breeding, 

But 

At  home  by  ill  temper. 

She  was  a  professed  enemy  to  flattery,  and  was 
seldom  known  to  praise  or  commend j 

But 

The  talents  in  which  she  principally  excelled 
Were  difference  of  opinion  and  discovering 

flaws  and 

Imperfections. 

She  was  an  admirable  economist, 

And,  without  prodigality, 
Dispensed  plenty  to  every  person  in  her  family, 

•      But 

Would  sacrifice  their  eyes  to  a  farthing  candle. 
She  sometimes  made  her  husband 
Happy  with  her  good  qualities, 

But 
Much  more  frequently  miserable  with  her 

Many  failings. 

Insomuch  that  in  thirty  years'  cohabitation, 

He  often  lamented  that, 

Maugre  all  her  virtues, 

He  had  not  on  the  whole  enjoyed  two  years 

Of  matrimonial  comfort. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  607 

At  length, 

Finding  she  had  lost  the  affection  of  her  hus- 
hand,  as  well  as  the  regard  of  her  neigh-    - 
bors,  family  disputes  having  been 

divulged  by  servants, 
She  died  of  vexation,  July  20,  1768, 

Aged  48  years. 

Her  worn-out  husband  survived  her  four  months 
and  two  days,  and  departed  this  life 

November  22,  17C8, 

In  the  54th  year  of  his  age. 

William  Bond,  brother  to  the  deceased, 

Erected  this  stone  as  a 

Weekly  monitor  to  the  wives  of  this  parish, 

That  they  may  avoid  the  infamy  of  having 

Their  memories  handed  down  to  posterity 

With  a  patchwork  character. 

THE  PRINTER'S  EPITAPH. 

Here  lies  his  form  in  pi, 

Beneath  this  lank  with  briers  overgrown; 
How  many  cases  far  unworthier  lie 

'Neath  some  imposing  stone  I 

No  column  points  our  loss, 

No  sculptured  caps  his  history  declare; 
Although  he  lived  a  follower  of  the  crost, 

And  member  of  the  bar, 

The  golden  rule  he  prized, 

And  left  it  as  a  token  of  his  love; 
And  all  his  deeds,  corrected  and  revised, 

Are  registered  above. 

The  copy  of  his  wrongs, 

The  proofs  of  all  his  ^i-ety  are  there, 
And  the  fair  title,  which  to  truth  belongs, 

Will  prove  his  title  fair. 

Though  now,  in  death's  em-lrace, 
A  mould-ering  heap  our  luckless  brother  lies, 

Ho'll  re-appear  on  Gabriel's  royal-chase, 
And  frisk-it  to  the  skies. 

BREVITY. 

Thorpe's 
Corpse. 


608  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

The  epitaph  on  Dr.  Caius,  the  founder  of  the  college  which 
bears  his  name,  cannot  be  blamed  for  prolixity.  Dr.  Fuller 
remarks,  "few  men  might  have  had  a  longer,  none  ever  had  a 
shorter  epitaph." 

Fui  Caius 
(I  was  Caius) 

ON    MR.    MAGINNIS. 

Finis 
Maginnis. 

Camden,  in  his  Remaines, — a  collection  of  fragments  illus- 
trative of  the  habits,  manners  and  customs  of  the  ancient  Britons 
and  Saxons, — gives  examples  of  great  men  who  had  little 
epitaphs.  For  himself  it  has  been  suggested  that  the  name  of 
the  work  in  question  would  be  the  most  fitting : — 

Camden's  Remains. 
LAUDATORY. 

Following  the  inscription  to  the  memory  of  Albert,  Prince 
Consort,  on  the  Cairn  at  Balmoral,  is  the  following  quotation 
from  the  Wisdom  of  Solomon,  iv.  13,  14. 

He  being  made  perfect  in  a  short  time, 

Fulfilled  a  long  time : 

For  his  soul  pleased  the  Lord; 

Therefore  hasted  He  to  take 

Him  away  from  among  the  wicked. 

Could  he  disclose  who  rests  below, 
The  things  beyond  the  grave  that  lie, 
We  more  should  learn  than  now  we  know, 
But  know  no  better  how  to  die. 

Dust  to  its  narrow  house  beneath, 

Soul  to  its  place  on  high ; 
They  that  have  seen  thy  look  in  death, 

No  more  may  fear  to  die. 

His  youth  was  innocent — his  riper  age 

Marked  with  some  act  of  goodness  every  day  ; 

And  watched  by  eyes  that  loved  him,  calm  and  sage, 
Faded  his  late  declining  years  away ; 

Cheerful  he  gave  his  being  up,  and  went 

To  share  the  holy  rest  that  waits  a  life  well  spent. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  609 

EPITAPHIUM   CHEMICUM. 

1791. 
Here  lieth  to  digest,  macerate,  and  amalgamate  with  clay, 

In  balneo  arenas, 

stratum  super  stratum, 

The  residuum,  terra  damnata,  and  caput  mortuum 

OF  A  CHEMIST. 

A  man  who  in  his  earthly  Laboratory 

Pursued  various  processes  to  obtain 

The  AUCANUJI  VITJE, 

Or  the  secret  to  Live ; 

Also  the  AURUM  VIT^E,  or 

The  Art  of  getting,  not  making,  Gold. 

Alchemist-like,  he  saw  all  his  labor  and  projection, 

As  mercury  in  the  fire,  evaporated  in  fume. 

When  he  dissolved  to  his  first  principles, 

He  departed  as  poor 

As  the  last  drops  of  an  alembic. 

Though  fond  of  novelty,  he  carefully  avoided 

The  fermentation,  effervescence,  and 

Decrepitation  of  this  life. 

Full  seventy  years 

His  exalted  essence 

Was  hermetically  sealed  in  its  terrene  matrass ; 
But  the  radical  moisture  being  exhausted, 

The  Elixir  Vitse  spent, 

And  exsiccated  to  a  cuticle, 

He  could  not  suspend  longer  in  his  vehicle : 

But  precipitated  gradatim, 

Per  campanam, 

To  his  original  dust. 

May  the  light  above, 

More  resplendent  than  Bolognian  phosphorus, 

Preserve  him 

From  the  athanor,  empyreuma,  and 

Reverberatory  furnace  of  the  other  world; 

Depurate  him  from  the  faeces  and  scoria  of  this; 

Highly  rectify  and  volatilize 

His  ethereal  spirit; 
Bring  it  safely  out  of  the  crucible  of  earthly  trial; 

Place  it  in  a  proper  recipient 

Among  the  elect  of  the-  Flowers  of  Benjamin  ; 

Never  to  be  saturated  till  the  general  resuscitation, 

Deflagration,  calcination, 
And  sublimation  of  all  things. 
20 


610 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 


MISCELLANEOUS. 

ON   SIR   JOHN   VANBRUGH,    THE    ARCHITECT. 

Lie  heavy  on  him,  earth ;  for  he 

Laid  many  heavy  loads  on  thee. — EVANS. 

THE  ORATOR'S  EPITAPH. 
Here,  reader,  turn  your  weeping  eyes, 

My  fate  a  useful  moral  teaches  j 
The  hole  in  which  my  body  lies 

Would  not  contain  one-half  my  speeches. —  BROUGHAM. 


IN  LYDFORD  CHURCHYARD,  NEAR  DARTMOOR. 

Here  lies,  in  horizontal  position, 

the  outside  Caso  of 

GEORGE  ROUTLEIGH,  Watchmaker ; 

Integrity  was  the  Mainspring,  and  prudence  the 

Regulator, 

of  all  the  actions  of  his  life. 
Humane,  generous,  and  liberal, 

his  Hand  never  slopped, 

till  he  had  relieved  distress. 

So  nicely  regulated  were  all  his  Motions, 

that  he  never  went  wrong, 

except  when  set  a-going 

by  people 

who  did  not  know  his  Key : 
Even  then  he  was  easily 

set  right  again. 

He  had  the  art  of  disposing  his  time  so  well, 

that  his  Hours  kept  running  on 

in  a  continual  round  of  pleasure, 

till  an  unlucky  Minute  pat  a  stop  to 

his  existence. 

He  departed  this  life  Nov.  14,  1802,  set.  57, 
in  hopes  of  being  taken  in  hand 

by  his  Maker; 

and  of  being  thoroughly  Cleaned,  Repaired, 

Wound  up,  and  Set  a-going 

in  the  world  to  come. 

AT    KITTERY,  MAINE. 

I  was  drowned,  alas !  in  the  deep,  deep  seases. 
The  blessed  Lord  does  as  he  pleases. 
But  my  Kittery  friends  did  soon  appear, 
And  laid  my  body  right  down  here. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  611 

ON   A   SAN  FRANCISCO   MONEY-LENDER. 

Here  lies  old  thirty-five  per  cent. : 
The  more  he  made,  the  more  he  lent ; 
The  more  he  got,  the  more  he  craved ; 
The  more  he  made,  the  more  he  shaved ; 
Great  God !  can  such  a  soul  be  saved  ? 

ON   AN   IMPORTUNATE   TAILOR. 

Here  lies  W.  W., 

Who  never  more  will  trouble  you,  trouble  you. 

IN    SOHAM    CHURCHYARD,   CAMBRIDGESHIRE. 

A.D.  1643,  J3tatis  susa  125. 
Here  lies  Dr.  Ward,  whom  you  knew  well  before  5 
He  was  kind  to  his  neighbors,  good  to  the  poor. 

1  2345  6 

To  God,  to  Prince,  Wife,  kindred,  friend,  the  poor, 

1  2345  6 

Religious,  loyal,  true,  kind,  stedfast,  dear, 

12345  6 

In  zeal,  faith,  love,  blood,  amity,  and  store, 
He  hath  so  lived,  and  so  deceased,  lies  here. 

IS   THE    CHURCH    OP    ST.   GREGORY,    StTDBURT. 

Viator,  mirum  referam. 

Quo  die  efflavit  animarn  Thos.  Carter,  praedictus, 

Acus  foramen  transivit  Camelus  Sudburiensis. 

Vade,  et  si  dives  sis,  tu  fac  similiter. 

Vale. 

(Traveller,  I  will  relate  a  prodigy.  On  the  day  whereon  the  aforesaid 
Thos.  Carter  breathed  out  his  soul,  a  Sudbury  camel  passed  through  the 
eye  of  a  needle.  Go,  and  if  thou  art  wealthy,  do  thou  likewise.  Fare- 
well.'' 

IN   LLANBEBLIG,    CARNARVONSHIRE. 

Of  such  is  the  Kingdom  of  Heaven. 
Here  lie  the  remains  of  Thomas  Chambers, 

Dancing  Master; 
Whose  genteel  address  and  assiduity 

in  Teaching 

Recommended  him  to  all  that  had  the 
Pleasure  of  his  acquaintance. 

ON   AN   INFIDEL. 

From  the  Latin. 
Beneath  this  stone  the  mouldering  relics  lie 

Of  one  to  whom  Religion  spoke  in  vain  j 
He  lived  as  though  he  never  were  to  die, 

And  died  as  though  he  ne'er  should  live  again. 


(pi 2  CHURCHYARD  LITERATURE 

PROPOSED  BY  A  FRENCH  THEOLOGIAN  FOB  VOLTAIRE. 

In  poesi  magnus, 
In  historia  parvus, 
In  philosophia  minimus, 
In  religione  nullus. 

Hume,  the  classic  historian  of  England,  denied  the  existence 
of  matter,  and  held  that  the  whole  congeries  of  material  things 
are  but  impressions  and  ideas  in  the  mind,  distinguishing  an 
impression  from  an  idea  by  its  stronger  effect  on  the  thinking 
faculty.  Dr.  Beattie  sufficiently  exposed  the  absurdity;  but 
his  famous  essay  has  nothing  more  pointed  than  the  witty  epi- 
taph that  somebody  wrote  on  the  marble  shaft  that  stands  over 
the  infidel's  grave  : — 

Beneath  this  circular  idea,  vulgarly  called  tomb, 
Impressions  and  ideas  rest,  which  constituted  Hume. 

ON   TOM   PAINE. 

Tom  Paine  for  the  Devil  is  surely  a  match. 

In  leaving  old  England  he  cheated  Jack  Ketch  ; 

In  France  (the  first  time  such  a  thing  had  been  seen) 

He  cheated  the  watchful  and  sharp  guillotine; 

And  at  last,  to  the  sorrow  of  all  the  beholders, 

He  marched  out  of  life  with  his  head  on  his  shoulders. 


EARTH   TO   EARTH. 

Few  persons  have  met  with  the  following  poem,  now  nearly 
four  centuries  old ;  but  many  will  recognise  in  some  of  the 
stanzas,  particularly  the  first  four  and  the  last  four,  the  source 
of  familiar  monumental  inscriptions.  The  antiquary  can  refer 
to  many  a  dilapidated  stone  on  which  these  quaint  old  lines 
can  yet  be  traced. 

Vado  mori  Rex  sum,  quid  honor  quid  gloria  mundi, 

Est  vita  mors  hominum  regia — vado  mori. 
Vado  mori  miles  victo  certamine  belli, 

Mortem  non  didici  vincere  vado  mori. 
Vado  mori  medicus,  medicamine  non  relevandus, 

Quicquid  agunt  medici  respuo  vado  mori, 
Vado  mori  logicus,  aliis  concludere  novi, 

Concludit  breviter  mors  in  vado  mori. 


CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE.  613 

Earth  out  of  earth  is  worldly  wrought; 

Earth  hath  gotten  upon  earth  a  dignity  of  nought; 

Earth  upon  earth  has  set  all  his  thought, 

How  that  earth  upon  earth  might  be  high  brought. 

Earth  upon  earth  would  be  a  king, 
But  how  that  earth  shall  to  earth  he  thinketh  no  thii 
When  earth  biddeth  earth  his  rents  home  bring, 
Then  shall  earth  from  earth'  have  a  hard  parting. 

Earth  upon  earth  winneth  castles  and  towers, 
Then  saith  earth  unto  earth  this  is  all  ours; 
But  when  earth  upon  earth  has  builded  his  bowers, 
Then  shall  earth  upon  earth  suffer  hard  showers. 

Earth  upon  earth  hath  wealth  upon  mould  ; 
Earth  goeth  upon  earth  glittering  all  in  gold, 
Like  as  he  unto  earth  never  turn  should ; 
And  yet  shall  earth  unto  earth  sooner  than  he  would. 

Why  that  earth  loveth  earth  wonder  I  think, 
Or  why  that  earth  will  for  earth  sweat  and  swink. 
For  when  earth  upon  earth  is  brought  within  the  brink, 
Then  shall  earth  for  earth  suffer  a  foul  stink. 

As  earth  upon  earth  were  the  worthies  nine, 

And  as  earth  upon  earth  in  honor  did  shine  ; 

But  earth  list  not  to  know  how  they  should  incline, 

And  their  gowns  laid  in  the  earth  when  death  hath  made  his  fine. 

As  earth  upon  earth  full  worthy  was  Joshua, 

David,  and  worthy  King  Judas  Maccabee, 

They  were  but  earth  none  of  them  three  ; 

And  so  from  earth  unto  earth  they  left  their  dignity. 

Alisander  was  but  earth  that  all  the  world  wan, 
And  Hector  upon  earth  was  held  a  worthy  man, 
And  Julius  Caesar,  that  the  Empire  first  began  ; 
And  now  as  earth  within  earth  they  lie  pale  and  wan. 

Arthur  was  but  earth  for  all  his  renown, 
No  more  was  King  Charles  nor  Godfrey  of  Boulogne  ; 
But  now  earth  hath  turned  their  nobleness  upside  down, 
And  thus  earth  goeth  to  earth  by  short  conclusion. 

Whoso  reckons  also  of  William  Conqueror, 
King  Henry  the  First  that  was  of  knighthood  flower, 
Earth  hath  closed  them  full  straitly  in  his  bower, — 
So  the  end  of  worthiness, — here  is  no  more  succor. 
52 


614  CHURCHYARD   LITERATURE. 

Now  ye  that  live  upon  earth,  both  young  and  old, 
Think  how  ye  shall  to  earth,  be  ye  never  so  bold; 
Ye  be  unsiker,  whether  it  be  in  heat  or  cold, 
Like  as  your  brethren  did  before,  as  I  have  told. 

Now  ye  folks  that  be  here  ye  may  not  long  endure, 
But  that  ye  shall  turn  to  earth  I  do  you  ensure ; 
And  if  ye  list  of  the  truth  to  see  a  plain  figure, 
Go  to  St.  Paul's  and  see  the  portraiture. 

All  is  earth  and  shall  to  earth  as  it  sheweth  there, 
Therefore  ere  dreadful  death  with  his  dart  you  dare, 
And  for  to  turn  into  earth  no  man  shall  it  forbear, 
Wisely  purvey  you  before,  and  thereof  have  no  fear. 

Now  sith  by  death  we  shall  all  pass,  it  is  to  us  certain, 
For  of  earth  we  come  all,  and  to  the  earth  shall  turn  again; 
Therefore  to  strive  or  grudge  it  were  but  vain, 
For  all  is  earth  and  shall  be  earth, — nothing  more  certain. 

Now  earth  upon  earth  consider  thou  may 
How  earth  cometh  to  earth  naked  alway, 
Why  should  earth  upon  earth  go  stout  alway, 
Since  earth  out  of  earth  shall  pass  in  poor  array? 

I  counsel  you  upon  earth  that  wickedly  have  wrought, 
That  earth  out  of  earth  to  bliss  may  be  brought 

BYRON'S  INSCRIPTION  ON  THE  MONUMENT  OP  H?n  DOG. 

Near  this  spot 

Are  deposited  the  remains  of  one 

Who  possessed  beauty  without  vanity, 

Strength  without  insolence, 

Courage  without  ferocity, 

And  all  the  virtues  of  man  without  his  vices. 

This  praise,  which  would  be  unmeaning  flattery 

If  inscribed  over  human  ashes, 
Is  but  a  just  tribute  .to  the  memory  of 

Boatswain,  a  dog, 

Who  was  born  at  Newfoundland,  May,  1803, 
And  died  at  Newstead  Abbey,  Nov.  18,  1808. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  (515 


TAVERN-SIGNS. 

I'M  amazed  at  the  signs 

As  I  pass  through  the  town, 

To  see  the  odd  mixture,— 

A  magpye  and  crovm, 

The  whale  and  the  crow, 

The  razor  and  hen, 

The  leg  and  seven  stars, 

The  axe  and  the  bottle, 

The  <«n  and  the  lute, 

The  ea<7?e  and  child, 

The  s7toi;eZ  and  loot. — British  Apollo,  1710. 

THE  absurdities  which  tavern-signs  present  are  often  curious 
enough,  but  may  in  general  be  traced  to  that  inveterate  propen- 
sity which  the  vulgar  of  all  countries  have,  to  make  havoc  with 
every  thing  in  the  shape  of  a  proper  name.  What  a  magpie 
could  have  to  do  with  a  crown,  or  a  whale  with  a  crow,  or  a 
hen  with  a  razor,  it  is  as  difficult  to  conjecture  as  to  trace  the 
corruption  of  language  in  which  the  connection  more  probably 
originated.  The  sign  of  the  leg  and  the  seven  stars  was  merely 
an  orthographical  deviation  from  the  league  and  seven  stars,  or 
seven  united  provinces ;  and  the  axe  and  bottle  was,  doubtless, 
a  transposition  of  the  battle-axe,  a  most  appropriate  sign  for 
warlike  times.  The  tun  and  lute  formed  suitable  emblems 
enough  of  the  pleasures  of  wine  and  music.  The  eagle  and 
child,  too,  had  meaning,  though  no  application ;  but  when  we 
come  to  the  shovel  and  boot,  nonsense  again  triumphs,  and  it  is 
in  vain  that  we  look  for  any  rational  explanation  of  the  affinity. 

The  Swan-with-two-necks  has  long  been  an  obj  ect  of  mystery 
to  the  curious.  This  mystery  is  solved  by  the  alteration  of  a 
single  letter.  The  sign,  as  it  originally  stood,  was  the  swan 
with  two  nicks;  the  meaning  of  which  we  find  thus  explained 
in  a  communication  made  by  the  late  Sir  Joseph  Banks  to  the 


616  INSCRIPTIONS. 

Antiquarian  Society.  Sir  Joseph  presented  to  the  Society  a 
curious  parchment  roll,  exhibiting  the  marks,  or  nicks,  made 
on  the  beaks  of  swans  and  cygnets  in  all  the  rivers  and  lakes 
in  Lincolnshire,  accompanied  with  an  account  of  the  privileges 
of  certain  persons  keeping  swans  in  these  waters,  and  the  duties 
of  the  king's  swanherd  in  guarding  these  fowls  from  depreda- 
tion and  preventing  any  two  persons  from  adopting  the  same 
figures  or  marks  on  the  bills  of  their  swans.  The  number  of 
marks  contained  in  the  parchment  roll  amounted  to  two  hun- 
dred and  nineteen,  all  of  which  were  different  and  confined  to 
the  small  extent  of  the  bill  of  the  swan.  The  outlines  were  an 
oblong  square,  circular  at  one  end,  and  containing  dots,  notches, 
arrows,  or  suchlike  figures,  to  constitute  the  difference  in  each 
man's  swans.  Laws  were  enacted  so  late  as  the  12th  of  Eliza- 
beth, for  the  preservation  of  the  swans  in  Lincolnshire. 

The  goat  and  compasses  has  been  supposed  to  have  its  ori- 
gin in  the  resemblance  between  the  bounding  of  a  goat  and  the 
expansion  of  a  pair  of  compasses ;  but  nothing  can  be  more 
fanciful.  The  sign  is  of  the  days  of  the  Commonwealth,  when 
it  was  fashionable  to  give  scriptural  names  to  every  thing  and 
everybody,  and  when  God-be-praised  Barebones  preferred 
drinking  his  tankard  of  ale  at  the  God-encompasseth-us  to  any- 
where else.  The  corruption  from  God-encompasseth-us  to  goal 
and  compasses  is  obvious  and  natural  enough. 

In  Richard  Flecknoe's  Enigmatical  Characters,  published 
1665,  speaking  of  the  "  fanatic  reformers,"  (the  Puritans,)  he 
observes,  "  As  for  the  SIGNS,  they  have  pretty  well  begun  their 
reformation  already,  changing  the  sign  of  the  salutation  of  the 
angel  and  our  lady  into  the  soldier  and  citizen,  and  the  Kathe- 
rine  Wheel  into  the  cat  and  wheel;  so  as  there  only  wants  their 
making  the  dragon  to  kill  St.  George,  and  the  devil  to  tweak 
St.  Dunstan  by  the  nose,  to  make  the  reformation  complete. 
Such  ridiculous  work  they  make  of  their  reformation,  and  so 
zealous  are  they  against  all  mirth  and  jollity,  as  they  would 
pluck  down  the  sign  of  the  cat  and  fiddle  too,  if  it  durst  but 
play  s)  loud  as  they  might  hear  it." 


INSCRIPTIONS.  617 

The  cat  and  fiddle  is  a  a  corruption  of  Caton  fidele. 

The  bag  of  nails,  at  Chelsea,  is  claimed  by  the  smiths 
and  carpenters  of  the  neighborhood  as  a  house  designed  for 
their  peculiar  accommodation ;  but,  had  it  not  been  for  the  cor- 
ruption of  the  times,  it  would  still  have  belonged  to  the  bac- 
chanals, who,  in  the  time  of  Ben  Jonson,  used  to  take  a 
holiday  stroll  to  this  delightful  village.  But  the  old  inscrip- 
tion satyr  and  bacchanals  is  now  converted  into  Satan  and  bag 
o'nails. 

The  origin  of  the  chequers,  which  is  so  common  an  emblem 
of  public  houses,  has  been  the  subject  of  much  learned  conjec- 
ture. One  writer  supposes  that  they  were  meant  to  represent 
that  the  game  of  draughts  might  be  played  there ;  another  has 
been  credibly  informed  that  in  the  reign  of  Philip  and  Mary 
the  then  Earl  of  Arundel  had  a  grant  to  license  public-houses, 
and,  part  of  the  armorial  bearings  of  that  noble  family  being  a 
chequer-board,  the  publican,  to  show  that  he  had  a  license,  put 
out  that  mark  as  part  of  his  sign.  But,  unfortunately  for  both 
solutions,  unfortunately  for  the  honors  of  Arundel,  Sir  W. 
Hamilton  presented,  some  time  ago,  to  the  Society  of  Anti- 
quaries, a  view  of  a  street  in  Pompeii,  in  which  we  find  that 
shops  with  the  sign  of  the  chequers  were  common  among  the 
Romans !  The  real  origin  of  this  emblem  is  still  involved  in 
obscurity.  The  wittiest,  though  certainly  not  the  most  genu- 
ine, explanation  of  it  was  that  of  the  late  George  Selwyn,  who 
used  to  wonder  that  antiquaries  should  be  at  any  loss  to  dis- 
cover why  draughts  were  an  appropriate  emblem  for  drinking- 
houses. 

An  annotator  on  Beloe's  Anecdotes  of  Literature  says,  "I 
remember,  many  years  ago,  passing  through  a  court  in  Rose- 
mary Lane,  where  I  observed  an  ancient  sign  over  the  door  of 
an  ale-house,  which  was  called  The  Four  Alls.  There  was  the 
figure  of  a  king,  and  on  a  label,  '  I  rule  all ;'  the  figure  of  a 
priest,  motto,  '  I  pray  for  all ;'  a  soldier,  '  I  fight  for  all ;'  and 
a  yeoman,  'I  pay  all.'  About  two  years  ago  I  passed 
through  the  same  thoroughfare,  and,  looking  up  for  my  curious 


618 


INSCRIPTIONS. 


sign,  I  was  amazed  to  see  a -painted  board  occupy  its  place, 
with  these  words  inscribed  : — '  The  Four  Awls.'  In  White- 
chapel  Road  is  a  public  house  which  has  a  written  sign,  '  The 
Grave  Morris.'  A  painter  was  commissioned  to  embody  the 
inscription  j  but  this  painter  had  not  a  poet's  eye ;  he  could 
not  body  forth  the  form  of  things  unknown.  In  his  distress 
he  applied  to  a  friend,  who  presently  relieved  him,  and  the 
painter  delineated,  as  well  as  he  could,  '  The  Graafe  Maurice,' 
often  mentioned  in  the  '  Epistolce  Hoelinse.'  " 

The  Queer  Door  is  corrupted  from  Coeur  Dore"  (Golden 
Heart) ;  the  Pig  and  Whistle,  from  Peg  and  Wassail-Bowl ;  the 
Goat  in  the  Golden  Boots,  from  the  Dutch  Goed  in  der  Gooden 
Boote  (the  god — Mercury — in  the  golden  boots). 

Many  signs  are  heraldic  and  represent  armorial  bearings. 
The  White  Heart  was  peculiar  to  Richard  II. ;  the  White 
Swan  to  Henry  IV.  and  Edward  III. ;  the  Blue  Boar  to  Rich- 
ard III.  j  the  Red  Dragon  to  the  Tudors  j  the  Bull,  the  Falcon, 
and  the  Plume  of  Feathers  to  Edward  IV. ;  the  Swan  and 
Antelope  to  Henry  V. ;  the  Greyhound  and  Green  Dragon  to 
Henry  VII. ;  the  Castle,  the  Spread  Eagle,  and  the  Globe 
were  probably  adopted  from  the  arms  of  Spain,  Germany,  and 
Portugal,  by  inns  which  were  the  resort  of  merchants  from 
those  countries.  Many  commemorate  historical  events ;  others 
derive  their  names  from  some  eminent  and  popular  man. 
The  Coach  and  Horses  indicated  post-houses ;  the  Fox  and 
Goose  denoted  the  games  played  within  ;  the  Hare  and  Hounds, 
the  vicinity  of  hunting-grounds.  In  the  Middle  Ages,  a  bush 
was  always  suspended  in  front  of  the  door  of  a  wine-shop, 
— whence  the  saying,  "  Good  wine  needs  no  bush."  Some  of 
the  mediaeval  signs  are  still  retained,  as  the  Pilgrim,  Cross- 
Keys,  Seven  Stars,  &c. 

The  following  is  a  literal  copy  of  the  sign  of  a  small  public 
house  in  the  village  of  Folkesworth,  near  Stilton,  Hants.  It 
contains  as  much  poetry  as  perhaps  the  rustic  Folkesworth  folks 
are  worth ;  and  doubtless  they  think  it  (in  the  Stilton  vernacu 
lar)  "  quite  the  cheese." 


INSCRIPTIONS.  619 

[A  rude  figure  of  a  Fox.] 

I .  HAM  .  A  .  CUNEN  .  FOX 

You  .  see  .  ther  .  his 
No  .  harme  .  atched 
To  .  me  .  it .  is  .  my  .  Mrs. 
Wish  .  to  .  place  .  me 
here  .  to  .  let .  you  .  no 
he  .  sels  .  good  .  beere. 

The  Kawlinson  of  the  district  has  deciphered  this  inscrip. 
tion,  and  conjectures  its  meaning  to  be  as  follows  : — 

I  am  a  cunning  fox,  you  see; 

There  is  no  harm  attached  to  me : 

It  is  my  master's  wish  to  place  me  here, 

To  let  you  know  he  sells  good  beer. 

In  King  Street,  Norwich,  at  the  sign  of  "  The  Waterman," 
kept  by  a  man  who  is  a  barber  and  over  whose  door  is  the 
pole,  are  these  lines  : — 

Roam  not  from  pole  to  pole, 

But  step  in  here ; 
Where  nought  exceeds  the  shaving, 

But — the  beer. 

This  was  originally  an  impromptu  of  Dean  Swift,  written  at 
the  request  of  his  favorite  barber. 

Over  the  door  of  a  tippling-house  in  Frankford,  Pa.,  is  this : — 

In  this  Hive  we're  all  alive ; 

Good  liquor  makes  us  funny ; 
If  you're  dry,  step  in  and  try 

The  flavor  of  our  honey. 

ON  A  TAVERN-SIGN  NEAR  CAMBRIDGE,  ENGLAND. 

Best,  traveller,  rest ;  lo  !  Cooper's  ready  hand 
Obedient  brings  "  zwei  glass"  at  thy  command. 
Rest,  traveller,  rest,  and  banish  thoughts  of  care. 
Drink  to  thy  friends,  and  recommend  them  here. 


PUNISHMENT   FOR   TREASON. 

Tell  them  how  Edward  put  to  death  a  citizen, 

Only  for  saying  he  would  make  his  son 

Heir  to  the  Crown  ;  meaning  indeed  his  house, 

Which,  by  the  sign  thereof,  was  termed  so. — Rich.  III.,  Act  iii.  so.  5. 


620  INSCRIPTIONS. 

On  the  sign  of  "  The  Baker  and  the  Brewer,"  in  Birmingham, 
is  the  following  quatrain : — 

The  Baker  says,  "  I've  the  staff  of  life, 

And  you're  a  silly  elf." 
The  Brewer  replied,  with  artful  pride, 

"Why  this  is  life  itself." 

At  the  King's  Head  Inn,  Stutton,  near  Ipswich,  is  this  ad- 
dress to  wayworn  travelers : — 

Good  people,  stop,  and  pray  walk  in ; 
Here's  wine  and  brandy,  ruin  and  gin; 
And  what  is  more,  good  purl  and  ale 
Are  both  sold  here  by  old  Nat  Dale. 

This  tap-room  inscription  is  in  a  wayside  tavern  in  Northum- 
berland, England  : — 

Here  stop  and  spend  a  social  hour 

In  harmless  mirth  and  fun ; 
Let  friendship  reign,  be  just  and  kind, 
And  evil  speak  of  none. 

At  the  Red  Lion  Inn,  Hollins  Green,  an  English  village,  is 
this: — 

Call  freely, 

Drink  merrily, 

Pay  honestly, 

Part  quietly. 

These  rules,  my  friends,  will  bring  no  sorrow ; 
You  pay  to-day,  I'll  trust  to-morrow. 

In  the  county  of  Norfolk,  Eng.,  is  this  singular  inscription: — 

More  beer  score  clerk 

•         For  my  my  his 

Do  trust  pay  sent 

I  I  must  has 

Shall  if  I  brewer 

What  and  and  my* 

On  the  sign-board  of  the  Bull  Inn  at  Buckland,  near  Dover : — 

The  bull  is  tame,  so  fear  him  not, 
All  the  while  you  pay  your  shot ; 
When  money's  gone,  and  credit's  bad, 
It's  that  which  makes  the  bull  run  mad. 

*Eead  from  the  bottom  of  the  columns  upward,  commencing  with  the  right 


INSCRIPTIONS.  621 

At  Swainsthorpe,  near  Norwich,  England,  is  a  public-house 
known  as  the  Dun  Cow.  Under  the  portrait  of  the  cow  is  this 
couplet: — 

Walk  in,  gentlemen ;  I  trust  you'll  find 
The  dun  cow's  milk  is  to  your  mind. 

On  the  Basingstoke  road,  near  Reading,  England: — 

This  is  the  Whitley  Grenadier, 
A  noted  house  for  famous  beer. 
My  friend,  if  you  should  chance  to  call, 
Beware  and  get  not  drunk  withal ; 
Let  moderation  be  your  guide, 
It  answers  well  whene'er  'tis  tried. 
Then  use  but  not  abuse  strong  beer, 
And  don't  forget  the  Grenadier. 

The  author  of  Tavern  Anecdotes  records  the  following: — 

Rhyming  Host  at  Stratford. 
At  the  Swan  Tavern,  kept  by  Lound 
The  best  accommodation's  found — 
Wine,  spirits,  porter,  bottled  beer, 
You'll  find  in  high  perfection  here. 
If,  in  the  garden  with  your  lass, 
You  feel  inclined  to  take  a  glass, 
There  tea  and  coffee,  of  the  best, 
Provided  is  for  every  guest ; 
Or,  if  disposed  a  pipe  to  smoke, 
To  sing  a  song,  or  crack  a  joke, 
You  may  repair  across  the  green, 
Where  nought  is  heard,  though  much  is  seen; 
Then  laugh,  and  drink,  and  smoke  away, 
And  but  a  moderate  reckoning  pay. 

BEER-JUG   INSCRIPTION. 
Come,  my  old  friend,  and  take  a  pot, 

But  mark  me  what  I  say: 
Whilst  thou  drink'st  thy  neighbor's  health, 

Drink  not  thy  own  away. 

For  it  too  often  is  the  case, 

Whilst  we  sit  o'er  a  pot, 
And  while  we  drink  our  neighbor's  health, 

Our  own  is  quite  forgot. 


622  INSCRIPTIONS. 

INSCRIPTIONS   ON   INN   WINDOW-PANES. 

SHENSTONE'S,  AT  HENLEY. 
Whoe'er  has  travelled  life's  dull  round, 

Where'er  his  journeys  may  have  been, 
May  sigh  to  think  he  still  has  found 

His  warmest  welcome  at  an  inn. 

A  gentleman  who  stopped  at  an  inn  at  Stockport,  in  1634, 
left  this  record  of  his  bad  reception  on  a  window  of  the  inn : — 

If,  traveller,  good  treatment  be  thy  care, 

A  comfortable  b«d,  and  wholesome  fare, 

A  modest  bill,  and  a  diverting  host, 

Neat  maid,  and  ready  waiter, — quit  this  coast. 

If  dirty  doings  please,  at  Stockport  lie : 

The  girls,  0  frowsy  frights,  here  with  their  mistress  vie. 

Yet  Fynes  Moryson,  in  his  Itinerary,  thus  speaks  of  English 
inns  in  the  olden  time  : — 

As  soon  as  a  passenger  comes  to  an  inne,  the  servants  run  to  him,  and 
one  takes  his  horse  and  walkes  him  about  till  he  be  cool,  then  rubs  him 
down,  and  gives  him  meat;  another  servant  gives  the  passenger  his  pri- 
vate chamber  and  kindles  his  fire;  the  third  pulls  off  his  bootes  and  makes 
them  cleane ;  then  the  host  and  hostess  visit  him,  and  if  he  will  eate  with 
the  hoste  or  at  a  common  table  with  the  others,  his  meale  will  cost  him 
sixpence,  or  in  some  places  fourpence ;  but  if  he  will  eate  in  his  chamber, 
he  commands  what  meat  he  will,  according  to  his  appetite ;  yea,  the 
kitchen  is  open  to  him  to  order  the  meat  to  be  dressed  as  he  likes  beste. 
After  having  eaten  what  he  pleases,  he  may  with  credit  set  by  a  part  for 
next  day's  breakfast.  His  bill  will  then  be  written  for  him,  and  should  he 
object  to  any  charge,  the  host  is  ready  to  alter  it. 

"  Tempera  mutantur,  et  nos  mutamur  in  illis !" 

ON   A   WINDOW-PANE    OP   THE    HOTEL    SANS    SOUCI,  BADEN-BADEW. 

Venez  ici,  sans  souci.    Vous 
Partirez  d'ici  sans  six  sous. 

THREE   TRANSLATIONS   WHICH    FOLLOW. 

You  come  to  this  city  plumed  with  felicity, 
You'll  nutter  from  this  city  plucked  to  mendicity. 

With  plenty  of  tin,  purse-proud  you  come  in. 
You'll  go  a  sad  ninkum  from  outgo  of  income ! 
Not  a  bit  pensive,  you  come  here  expensive. 
Soon  you'll  go  hence  with  a  curse  the  expense. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  (323 

INSCRIPTIONS   ON   BELLS. 

Vivos  voeo — Mortuos  plango — Fulgura  frango. 

I  call  the  living — I  mourn  the  dead — I  break  the  lightning. 

This  brief  and  impressive  announcement — the  motto  of 
Schiller's  ever-memorable  Song  of  the  Bell — was  common  to 
the  church-bells  of  the  Middle  Ages,  and  may  still  be  found  on 
the  bell  of  the  great  Minster  of  Schaffhausen,  and  on  that  of 
the  church  near  Lucerne.  Another  and  a  usual  one,  which 
is,  in  fact,  but  an  amplification  of  the  first,  is  this  : — 

Funera  plango — Fulgura  frango— Sabbato  pango. 

Excito  lentos — Dissipo  ventos — Paco  cruentos. 

I  mourn  at  funerals — I  break  the  lightning — I  proclaim  the  Sabbath. 
I  urge  the  tardy — I  disperse  the  winds — I  calm  the  turbulent. 

The  following  motto  may  still  be  seen  on  some  of  the  bells 
that  have  swung  in  their  steeples  for  centuries.  It  will  be  ob- 
served to  entitle  them  to  a  sixfold  efficacy. 

Men's  death  I  tell  by  doleful  knell, 
Lightning  and  thunder  I  break  asunder, 
On  Sabbath  all  to  church  I  call, 
The  sleepy  head  I  raise  from  bed, 
The  winds  so  fierce  I  do  disperse, 
Men's  cruel  rago  I  do  assuage. 

On  the  famous  alarm-bell  called  Roland,  in  the  belfry-tower 
of  the  once  powerful  city  of  Ghent,  is  engraved  the  subjoined 
inscription,  in  the  old  Walloon  or  Flemish  dialect : — 
Mynen  naem  is  Roland;  als  ik  klep  is  er  brand, 

and  als  ik  luy  is  er  victorie  in  bet  land. 
AnglicS.     My  name  is  Roland;  when  I  toll  there  is  fire, 
and  when  I  ring  there  is  victory  in  the  land. 

On  others  may  be  found  these  inscriptions : — 

Dcuru  verum  laudo,  plebem  voco,  clerum  congrego, 

Defuncto  ploro,  pestum  fugo,  festa  decoro. 

I  praise  the  true  God,  call  the  people,  convene  the  clergy, 

I  mourn  for  the  dead,  drive  away  pestilence,  and  grace  festivals. 

Gaudemus  gaudentibus, 
Dolemus  dolentibus. 

Let  us  rejoice  with  the  joyful,  and  grieve  with  the  sorrowful. 


624  INSCRIPTIONS. 

INSCRIPTIONS    ON   THE    BELLS    OF    ST.  MICHAEL'S,    COVENTRY,    CAST  IN   1774. 
I. 

Although  I  am  hoth  light  and  small, 
I  will  be  heard  above  you  all. 

n. 

If  you  have  a  judicious  ear, 
You'll  own  my  voice  is  sweet  and  clear. 

in. 

Such  wondrous  power  to  music's  given, 
It  elevates  the  soul  to  heaven. 

IV. 

While  thus  we  join  in  cheerful  sound, 
May  love  and  loyalty  abound. 

v. 

To  honour  both  of  God  and  king, 
Our  voices  shall  in  concert  sing. 

VI. 

Music  is  a  medicine  to  the  mind. 

VII. 

Ye  ringers  all,  that  prize  your  health  and  happiness, 
Be  sober,  merry,  wise,  and  you'll  the  same  possess. 

VIII. 

Ye  people  all  that  hear  me  ring, 
Be  faithful  to  your  God  and  king. 

IX. 
In  wedlock's  bands  all  ye  who  join, 

With  hands  your  hearts  unite; 
So  shall  our  tuneful  tongues  combine 

To  laud  the  nuptial  rite. 

x. 

I  am  and  have  been  called  the  common  bell, 
To  ring,  when  fire  breaks  out,  to  tell. 

There  is  in  the  abbey  church  at  Sherborne,  in  Dorsetshire,  a 
fire-bell  confined  exclusively  to  alarms  in  case  of  conflagrations.. 
The  motto  around  the  rim  or  carrel  runs  thus : — 

1652. 

Lord,  quench  this  furious  flame; 
Arise,  run,  help,  put  out  the  same. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  625 

The  books  of  the  Roman  Catholic  faith  contain  a  ritual  for 
the  baptism  of  bells,  which  decrees  that  they  be  named  and 
anointed, — a  ceremonial  which  was  supposed  to  insure  them 
against  the  machinations  of  evil  spirits. 

On  the  largest  of  three  bells  placed  by  Edward  III.  in  the 
Little  Sanctuary,  Westminster,  are  these  words : — 

King  Edward  made  me  thirtie  thousand  weight  and  three ; 
Take  me  down  and  wey  me,  and  more  you  shall  find  me. 

The  Great  Tom  of  Oxford  was  cast  after  two  failures,  April 
8,  1680,  from  the  metal  of  an  old  bell,  on  which  was  the  fol- 
lowing curious  inscription,  whence  its  name  : — 

In  Thomaj  laude  resono  bim  bom  sine  fraude. 

On  a  bell  in  Durham  Cathedral  is  inscribed, — 

To  call  the  folk  to  church  in  time, 

I  chime. 
When  mirth  and  pleasure's  on  the  wing, 

I  ring. 
And  when  the  body  leaves  the  soul, 

I  toll. 

On  a  bell  at  Lapley,  in  Staffordshire  : — 

I  will  sound  and  resound  to  thee,  0  Lord, 
To  call  thy  people  to  thy  word. 

On  a  bell  in  Meivod  Church.  Montgomeryshire : — 
I  to  the  church  the  living  call, 
And  to  the  grave  do  summon  all. 

On  Independence  bell,  Philadelphia,  from  Lev.  xxv.  10  • — 

Proclaim  liberty  throughout  all  the  land  unto  all  the  inhabitants  thereof. 
In  St.  Helen's  Church,  Worcester,  England,  is  a  chime  of 
bells  cast  in  the  time  of  Queen  Anne,  with  names  and  inscrip- 
tions commemorative  of  victories  gained  during  her  reign  :- — 

1.  BLENHEIM. 

First  is  my  note,  and  Blenheim  is  my  name ; 
For  Blenheim's  story  will  be  first  in  fame. 

2.  BARCELONA. 

Let  me  relate  how  Louis  did  bemoan 
His  grandson  Philip's  flight  from  Barcelon, 
2P  53 


g9g  INSCRIPTIONS. 

3.  RAMILHES. 

Deluged  in  blood,  I,  Ramillies,  advance 
Britannia's  glory  on  the  fall  of  France. 

4.  MENIN. 

Let  Menin  on  my  sides  engraven  be; 
And  Flanders  freed  from  Gallic  slavery. 

5.  TUBIW. 

When  in  harmonious  peal  I  roundly  go, 
Think  on  Turin,  and  triumphs  on  the  Po. 

6.  EUGENE. 

With  joy  I  hear  illustrious  Eugene's  name; 
Fav*rite  of  fortune  and  the  boast  of  fame. 

7.  MARLBOROTTGH. 

But  I,  for  pride,  the  greater  Marlborough  bear; 
Terror  of  tyrants,  and  the  soul  of  war. 

8.  QUEEN  ANNE. 

Th'  immortal  praises  of  Queen  Anne  I  sound, 
With  union  blest,  and  all  these  glories  crowned. 

The  inscriptions  are  all   dated   1706,  except  that  on  the 
seventh,  which  is  dated  1712. 

On  one  of  eight  bells  in  the  church  tower  of  Pilton,  Devon, 
is  a  modern  achievement  in  this  kind  of  literature : — 

Recast  by  John  Taylor  and  Son, 
Who  the  best  prize  for  church  bells  won 
At  the  Great  Ex-hi-bi-ti-on 
In  London,  1 — 8 — 5  and  1. 

In  St.  John's  Cathedral,  Hong  Kong  : — 

I  will  send  thee  far  hence  unto  the  Gentiles.  (Acts  xxii.  21.) 
At  Fotheringay,  Northamptonshire : — 

Domini  laudem,  non  verbo  sed  voce  resonabo. 

At  Hornby  :— 

When  I  do  ring, 
God's  praises  sing ; 
When  I  do  toll, 
Pray  heart  and  soul. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  627 


At  Nottingham  :— 


I  toll  the  funeral  knell  ; 

I  hail  the  festal  day  ; 
The  fleeting  hour  I  tell; 

I  summon  all  to  pray. 

At  Bolton :— 

My  roaring  sound  doth  warning  give 
That  men  cannot  here  always  live. 

Distich  inscribed  on  a  bell  at  Bergamoz,  by  Cardinal  Or- 
sini,  Benedict  XIII.  :— 

Convoco,  signo,  noto,  compello,  concino,  ploro, 
Anna,  Dies,  Horas,  Fulgura,  Festa,  Rogos. 
Similar  in  form  is  an  inscription  on  Lindsey  Court-house : — 

Hseo  domus 
Odit         amat    punit  conservat    honorat 

!          I        I         I  I 

Nequitiam,  pacem,  crimina,    jura,        bonos. 

On  the  clock  of  the  town  hall  of  Bala,  North  Wales,  is  the 
following  inscription : — 

Here  I  stand  both  day  and  night, 
To  tell  the  hours  with  all  my  might ; 
Do  thou  example  take  by  me, 
And  serve  thy  God  as  I  serve  thee. 

FLY-LEAF   INSCRIPTIONS   IN   BOOKS. 

The   following   lines,   formerly    popular    among    youthful 
scholars,  may  still  be  found  in  school-books  : — 

This  book  is  mine 

By  right  divine ; 
And  if  it  go  astray, 

I'll  call  you  kind 

My  desk  to  find 
And  put  it  safe  away. 

This  book  is  mine, — that  you  may  know, 
By  letters  two  I  will  you  show : 
The  first  is  J,  a  letter  bright ; 
The  next  is  S  in  all  men's  sight. 
But  if  you  still  my  name  should  miss, 
Look  underneath,  and  here  it  is  :— 
JOHN  SMITH. 


628  INSCRIPTIONS. 

Whoe'er  this  book,  if  lost,  doth  find, 
I  hope  will  have  a  generous  mind, 
And  bring  it  to  the  owner, — me, 
Whose  name  they'll  see  page  fifty-three. 

The  curious  warning  subjoined — paradoxical  in  view  of  the 
improbability  of  any  honest  friend  pilfering — has  descended 
to  our  times  from  the  days  of  black-letter  printing  : — 

Steal  not  this  book,  my  honest  friend, 
For  fear  the  gallows  be  your  end  ; 
For  if  you  do,  the  Lord  will  say, 
Where  is  that  book  you  stole  away  ? 

Another  often  met  with  is  this  : — • 

Hie  liber  est  meus, 
Testis  et  est  Deus  j 
Si  quis  mo  quaerit, 
Hie  nomen  erit. 

The  two  following  admonitions  are  full  of  salutary  advice  to 
book-borrowers : — 

Neither  blemish  this  book,  or  the  leaves  double  down, 
Nor  lend  it  to  each  idle  friend  in  the  town ; 
Return  it  when  read ;  or,  if  lost,  please  supply 
Another  as  good  to  the  mind  and  the  eye. 
With  right  and  with  reason  you  need  but  be  friends, 
And  each  book  in  my  study  your  pleasure  attends. 

If  thou  art  borrowed  by  a  friend, 

Right  welcome  shall  he  be, 
To  read,  to  study,  not  to  lend, 

But  to  return  to  me. 

Not  that  imparted  knowledge  doth 

Diminish  learning's  store; 
But  books,  I  find,  if  often  lent, 

Return  to  me  no  more. 

^S^-Read  slowly,  pause  frequently,  think  seriously,  keep  clean,  RETURN 
DULY,  with  the  corners  of  the  leaves  not  turned  down. 

Of  the  warning  and  menacing  kind  are  the  following  :— 

This  book  is  one  thing, 

My  fist  is  another; 
Touch  this  one  thing, 

You'll  sure  feel  the  other. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  629 

Si  quiaquia  furetur 

This  little  liuellum, 
Per  Bacchum  per  Jovem  ! 

I'll  kill  him,  I'll  fell  him, 
In  ventum  illius 

I'll  stick  my  scalpellum, 
And  teach  him  to  steal 

My  little  libellum. 

Xc  me  prend  pas ; 
On  te  pendra. 

Gideon  Snooks, 

Ejus  liber. 
Si  quis  furetur; 
Per  eollum  pendetur, 
Similis  huic  pauperi  animali. 

Here  follows  a  figure  of  an  unfortunate  individual  suspended 
"  in  malam  crucem." 

Small  is  the  wren, 
Black  is  the  rook; 

Great  is  the  sinner 

That  steals  this  book. 
This  is  Thomas  Jones's  book — 
You  may  just  within  it  look; 
But  you'd  better  not  do  more, 
For  the  Devil's  at  the  door, 
And  will  snatch  at  fingering  hands  ; 
Look  behind  you — there  he  stands  ! 

The  following  macaronic  is  taken  from  a  copy  of  the  Com- 
panion to  the  Festivals  and  Fasts,  1717  : — 

To  the  Borrower  of  this  Book. 
Hie  Liber  est  meus, 
Deny  it  who  can, 
Samuel  Showell,  Jr., 
An  honest  man. 

In  vieo  corvino  [locale  appended] 
I  am  to  be  found, 
Si  non  mortuus  sum, 
And  laid  in  the  ground. 
At  si  non  vivens, 
You  will  find  an  heir 
Quilibrum  reeipiet; 
•  You  need  not  to  fear. 

53* 


630  INSCRIPTIONS. 

Ergo  cum  lectus  est 

Restore  it,  and  then 

tit  quando  mutuaris 

I  may  lend  again. 

At  si  detineas, 

So  let  it  be  lost, 

Expectabo  Argentum, 

As  much  as  it  cost  (viz.:  5s.) 

To  the  Finder. 

If  I  this  lose,  and  you  it  find, 
Restore  it  me,  be  not  unkind ; 
For  if  not  so,  you're  much  to  blame, 
While  as  below  you  see  my  name. — [Name  appended.] 
Taken  from  an  old  copy-book : 

All  you,  my  friends,  who  now  expect  to  see 
A  piece  of  writing,  here  performed  by  me, 
Cast  but  a  smile  on  this  my  mean  endeavor, 
I'll  strive  to  mend,  and  be  obedient  ever. 

On  the  fly-leaf  of  a  Bible  may  sometimes  be  seen : 

Could  we  with  ink  the  ocean  fill, 
Were  every  stalk  on  earth  a  quill, 
And  were  the  skies  of  parchment  made, 
And  every  man  a  scribe  by  trade, 
To  tell  the  love  of  God  alone 

Would  drain  the  ocean  dry ; 
Nor  could  the  scroll  contain  the  whole, 

Though  stretched  from  sky  to  sky. 

The  two  following  are  very  common  in  village  schools : — 

This  is  Giles  Wilkinson,  his  book; 

God  give  him  grace  therein  to  look  ; 

Nor  yet  to  look,  but  understand 

That  learning's  better  than  house  and  land; 

For  when  both  house  and  land  are  spent, 

Then  learning  is  most  excellent. 

John  Smith  is  my  name, 

England  is  my  nation, 
London  is  my  dwelling-place, 

And  Christ  is  my  salvation, 
jid  when  I'm  dead  and  in  the  grave, 

And  all  my  bones  are  rotten, 
When  this  you  see,  remember  me, 

Though  I  am  long  forgotten. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  631 

This  pretty  presentation-verse  is  sometimes  met  with  : — 

Take  it,— 'tis  a  gift  of  love 

That  seeks  thy  good  alone ; 
Keep  it  for  the  giver's  sake, 

And  read  it  for  thy  own. 

The  early  conductors  of  the  press  were  in  the  habit  of  affix- 
ing to  the  end  of  the  volumes  they  printed  some  device  or 
couplet  concerning  the  book,  with  the  names  of  the  printer  and 
proof-reader  added.  The  following  example  is  from  Andrew 
Bocard's  edition  of  The  Pragmatic  Sanction,  Paris,  1507  : — 

Stet  liber,  hie  donee  fluctus  formica  marines 
Ebibat;  et  to  turn  testudo  perambulet  orbem 
(May  this  volume  continue  in  motion, 

And  its  pages  each  day  be  unfurled  > 
Till  an  ant  to  the  dregs  drink  the  ocean, 

Or  a  tortoise  has  crawled  round  the  world.) 

On  the  title-page  of  a  book  called  Gentlemen,  Look  about  You, 
is  the  following  curious  request : — 

Read  this  over  if  you're  wise, 
If  you're  not,  then  read  it  twice : 
If  a  fool,  and  in  the  gall 
Of  bitterness,  read  not  at  alL 

MOTTO  ON  A  CLOCK. 

Quaa  lenta  accedit,  quam  velox  prseterit  bora! 
Ut  capias,  patiens  esto,  sed  esto  vigil ! 
Slow  comes  the  hour :  its  passing  speed  how  great : 
Waiting  to  seize  it, — vigilantly  wait ! 

WATCH-PAPER  INSCRIPTION. 

Onward  perpetually  moving, 

These  faithful  hands  are  ever  proving 

How  quick  the  hours  fly  by  ; 
This  monitory,  pulse-like  beating 
Seems  constantly,  methinks,  repeating, 

Swift !  swift !  the  moments  fly. 
Reader,  be  ready,— for  perhaps  before 
These  hands  have  made  one  revolution  more, 

Life's  spring  is  snapt, — you  die  1 


632  INSCRIPTIONS. 

Here,  reader,  see  in  youth,  in  age,  or  prime, 
The  stealing  steps  of  never-standing  Time: 
With  wisdom  mark  the  moment  as  it  flies  ; 
Think  what  a  moment  is  to  him  who  dies. 

Little  monitor,  impart 

Some  instruction  to  the  heart; 

Show  the  busy  and  the  gay 

Life  is  hasting  swift  away. 

Follies  cannot  long  endure, 

Life  is  short  and  death  is  sure. 

Happy  those  who  wisely  learn 

Truth  from  error  to  discern. 

Could  but  our  tempers  more  like  this  machine, 
Not  urged  by  passion,  nor  delayed  by  spleen, 
And  true  to  Nature's  regulating  power, 
By  virtuous  acts  distinguish  every  hour ; 
Then  health  and  joy  would  follow  as  they  ought 
The  laws  of  motion,  and  the  laws  of  thought; 
Sweet  health  to  pass  the  present  moment  o'er, 
And  everlasting  joy  when  time  shall  be  no  more. 

SUN-DIAL   INSCRIPTIONS. 

Sine  sole  sileo. 
(Without  sunlight  I  give  no  information.) 

Scis  boras ;  neseis  horam. 
(You  know  the  hours;  you  know  not  the  hour  [of  death].) 

Afflictis  lentae,  celeres  gaudentibus  horse. 
(The  hours  pass  slowly  for  the  afflicted,  rapidly  for  the  joyous.) 

Vado  e  vegno  giorno ; 

Ma  tu  andrai  senza  ritorno. 

(I  go  and  come  every  day; 

But  thou  shalt  go  without  return.) 

May  the  dread  book  at  our  last  trial, 
When  open  spread,  be  like  this  dial  ; 
May  Heaven  forbear  to  mark  therein 
The  hours  made  dark  by  deeds  of  sin; 
Those  only  in  that  record  write 
Which  virtue  like  the  sun  makes  bright. 

If  o'er  the  dial  glides  a  shade,  redeem 
The  time,  for  lo !  it  passes  like  a  dream ; 
But  if  'tis  all  a  blank,  then  mark  the  loss 
Of  hours  unblest  by  shadows  from  the  cross. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  633 

INSCRIPTION  OVER  A  SPRING. 

Whoe'er  thou  art  that  stays'st  to  quaff 

The  streams  that  here  from  waters  dim 
Arise  to  fill  thy  cup  and  laugh 

In  sparkling  beads  about  the  brim, 
In  all  thy  thoughts  and  words  as  pure 

As  these  sweet  waters  mayst  thou  be ; 
To  all  thy  friends  as  firm  and  sure, 

As  prompt  in  all  thy  charity. 

INSCRIPTIONS  ON  AN  AEOLIAN  HARP. 

AT   THE    ENDS. 

Fingent  JEo]io  carmine  nobilem.     (Hor.  iv.  3.) 
Pattern  aliquam,  oh  venti,  divum  referatis  ad  aures.     (Virg.  Buc.  3.) 

ON  THE  SIDE. 

Hail,  heavenly  harp,  where  Memnon's  skill  is  shown, 

That  charm'st  the  ear   with  music  all  thy  own ! 

Which,  though  untouched,  canst  rapturous  strains  impart, 

Oh,  rich  of  genuine  nature,  free  from  art! 

Such  the  wild  warblings  of  the  chirping  throng, 

So  simply  sweet  the  untaught  virgin's  song. 

Mr.  Longfellow's  admirers  will  remember  his  beautiful  lit- 
tle poem  commencing : — 

I  like  that  ancient  Saxon  phrase  which  calls 
The  burial-ground  God's  acre. 

This  "  Saxon  phrase  "  is  not  obsolete.  It  may  be  seen,  for 
instance,  inscribed  over  the  entrance  to  a  modern  cemetery  at 
Basle—  ©otteS  Sfcfet, 

Over  a  gateway  near  the  church  of  San  Eusebio,  Home : — 

Tria  sunt  mirabilia ; 
Trinus  et  unus, 
Deus  et  homo, 
Virgo  et  mater. 

Over  the  door  of  the  house  in  which  Selden  was  born,  Sal- 
vington,  Sussex: — 

Gratus,  honesti,  mihi;  non  claudar,  inito  sedeq'. 
Fur,  abeas ;  non  su'  facta  soluta  tibi. 

Thus  paraphrased : — 

Thou'rt  welcome,  honest  friend;  walk  in,  make  free; 
Thief,  get  thee  gone ;  my  doors  are  closed  to  thee. 


634  INSCRIPTIONS. 

HOUSE     INSCRIPTIONS. 

On  the  Town-house  Wittenberg : — 

Ist's  Gottes  Werk,  so  wird's  bestehen; 
Ist's  Menschens,  so  wird's  untergehen. 
(If  God's  work,  it  will  aye  endure; 
If  man's,  'tis  not  a  moment  sure.) 

Over  the  gate  of  a  Casino,  near  Maddaloni: — 

AMICIS — 

Et  ne  paucis  pateat, 

Etiam  fictis. 
(My  gate  stands  open  for  my  friends  ; 

But  lest  of  these  too  few  appear, 
Let  him  who  to  the  name  pretends 
Approach  and  find  a  welcome  here.) 

On  a  west-of-England  mansion : — 

Welcome  to  all  through  this  wide-opening  gate; 
None  come  too  early,  none  depart  too  late. 

Fuller  (Holy  and  Profane  State)  and  Walton  {Life  of 
George  Herbert)  notice  a  verse  engraved  upon  a  mantel-piece 
in  the  Parsonage  House  built  by  George  Herbert  at  his  own 
expense.  The  faithful  minister  thus  counsels  his  successor : — - 

If  thou  dost  find 

A  house  built  to  thy  mind, 

Without  thy  cost, 
Serve  thou  the  more 
GOD  and  the  poor  : 

My  labor  is  not  lost. 

The  following  is  emblazoned  around  the  banqueting  hall  of 
Bulwer's  ancestral  home,  Knebworth : — 

Read  the  Rede  of  the  Old  Roof  Tree. 
Here  be  trust  fast.     Opinion  free. 
Knightly  Right  Hand.     Christian  knee. 
Worth  in  all.     Wit  in  some. 
Laughter  open.     Slander  dumb. 
Hearth  where  rooted  Friendships  grow, 
Safe  as  Altar  even  to  Foe. 
And  the  sparks  that  upwards  go 
When  the  hearth  flame  dies  below, 
If  thy  sap  in  them  may  be, 
Fear  no  winter,  Old  Roof  Tree. 


INSCRIPTIONS.  635 

On  a  pane  of  glass  in  an  old  window  in  the  coffee-room  of 
the  White  Lion,  Chester,  England : — 

Right  fit  a  place  is  window  glass 
To  write  the  name  of  bonny  lass  j 
And  if  the  reason  you  should  speir, 
Why  both  alike  are  brittle  geir, 
A  wee  thing  dings  a  lozen  lame — 
A  wee  thing  spoils  a  maiden's  fame. 

Tourist's  wit  on  a  window  pane  at  Lodore: — 

When  I  see  a  man's  name 

Scratched  upon  the  glass, 
I  know  he  owns  a  diamond, 
.  And  his  father  owns  an  ass. 

On  a  pane  of  the  Hotel  des  Pays-Bas,  Spa,  Belgium: — 

1793. 
I  love  but  one,  and  only  one ;] 

Oh,  Damon,  thou  art  he. 
Love  thou  but  one  and  only  one, 

And  let  that  one  be  me. 

MEMORIALS. 

An  English  gentleman,  who,  in  1715,  spent  some  time  in 
prison,  left  the  following  memorial  on  the  windows  of  his  cell. 
On  one  pane  of  glass  he  wrote: — 

That  which  the  world  miscalls  a  jail, 

A  private  closet  is  to  me; 
Whilst  a  good  conscience  is  my  bail, 

And  innocence  my  liberty. 

On  another  square  he  wrote,  Mutare  vel  timere  sperno,  and 
on  a  third  pane,  sed  victa  Catoni* 

A  Mr.  Barton,  on  retiring  with  a  fortune  made  in  the  wool- 
trade,  built  a  fair  stone  house  at  Holme,  in  Nottinghamshire, 
in  the  window  of  which  was  the  following  couplet, — an  humble 
acknowledgment  of  the  means  whereby  he  had  acquired  his 

I  thank  God,  and  ever  shall  ; 
It  is  the  sheep  hath  paid  for  all. 

*  Lucan's  Pharsalia.  (Lib.  1.) 


636  INSCRIPTIONS. 

FRANCKE'S  ENCOURAGING  DISCOVERY. 
It  is  said  that  when  Francke  was  engaged  in  the  great  work 
of  erecting  his  world-known  Orphan-House  at  Halle,  for  the 
means  of  which  he  looked  to  the  Lord  in  importunate  prayer 
from  day  to  day,  an  apparently  accidental  circumstance  made 
an  abiding  impression  on  him  and  those  about  him.  A  work- 
man, in  digging  a  part  of  the  foundation,  found  a  small  silver 
coin,  with  the  following  inscription  : — 

"  Jehova,  Conditor,  Condita  Coronide  Coronet." 
(May  Jehovah,  the  builder,  finish  the  building.) 

GOLDEN  MOTTOES. 

A  vain  man's  motto, —  Win  gold  and  wear  it. 
A  generous  man's  motto, — Win  gold  and  share  it. 
A  miser's  motto, —  Win  gold  and  spare  it. 

A  profligate's  motto, —        Win  gold  and  spend  it. 
A  broker's  motto, —  Win  gold  and  lend  it 

A  fool's  motto, —  Win  gold  and  end  it. 

A  gambler's  motto, —          Win  gold  and  lose  it. 
A  sailor's  motto, —  Win  gold  and  cruise  it. 

A  wise  man's  motto,—       Win  gold  and  use  it. 

POSIES   FROM   WEDDING-RINGS. 
Portia.     A  quarrel,  ho,  already!     What's  the  matter? 
Graliano.     About  a  hoop  of  gold,  a  paltry  ring 
That  she  did  give  me :  whose  posy  was 
For  all  the  world  like  cutler's  poetry 
Upon  a  knife:*  Love  me,  and  leave  me  not. — 

Merchant  of  Venice,  Act  V. 

Hamlet.     Is  this  a  prologue,  or  the  posy  of  a  ring  ? — 
Hamlet,  Act  III.  sc.  2. 

Jacques.    You  are  full  of  pretty  answers :  have  you  not  been 
acquainted  with  goldsmiths'  wives,  and  conned  them  out  of  rings?— 
As  You  Like  It,  Act  III.  sc.  2. 

The  following  posies  were  transcribed  by  an  indefatigablo 
collector,  from  old  wedding-rings,  chiefly  of  the  seventeenth 
and  eighteenth  centuries.  Tho  orthography  is,  in  most  cases, 
altered : — 

*  Knives  were  formerly  inscribed,  by  means  of  aqua-fortis,  with  short  sen- 
tences in  distich. 


INSCRIPTIONS. 


637 


Death  never  parts 

Joy  day  and  night 

Such  loving  hearts. 

Be  our  delight. 

Love  and  respect 

Divinely  knit  by  Grace  are  we  ; 

I  do  expect. 

Late  two,  now  one  ;  the  pledge  hi 

see.    1657. 

No  gift  can  show 

Endless  my  love 

The  love  I  owe. 

As  this  shall  prove. 

Let  him  never  take  a  wife 

Avoid  all  strife 

That  will  not  love  her  as  his  life. 

'Twixt  man  and  wife. 

In  loving  thee 

Joyful  love  * 

I  love  myself. 

This  ring  doth  prove. 

A  heart  content 

In  thee,  dear  wife, 

Can  ne'er  repent 

I  find  new  life. 

In  God  and  thee 

Of  rapturous  joy 

Shall  my  joy  be. 

I  am  the  toy. 

Love  thy  chaste  wife 

In  thee  I  prove 

Beyond  thy  life.    1681. 

The  joy  of  love. 

Love  and  pray 

In  loving  wife 

Night  and  day. 

Spend  all  thy  life.   1697 

Great  joy  in  thee 

In  love  abide 

Continually. 

Till  death  divide. 

My  fond  delight 

In  unity 

By  day  and  night. 

Let's  live  and  die. 

Pray  to  love  ; 

Happy  in  thee 

Love  to  pray.    1647. 

Hath  God  made  me. 

In  thee,  my  choice, 

Silence  ends  strife 

I  do  rejoice.    1677. 

With  man  and  wife. 

Body  and  mind 

None  can  prevent 

In  thee  I  find. 

The  Lord's  intent. 

Dear  wife,  thy  rod 

God  did  decree 

Doth  lead  to  God. 

Our  unity. 

God  alone 

I  kiss  the  rod 

Made  us  two  one. 

From  thee  and  God. 

Eternally 

In  love  and  joy 

My  love  shall  be. 

Be  our  employ. 

All  I  refuse, 

Live  and  love  ; 

And  thee  I  choose. 

Love  and  live. 

Worship  is  due 

God  above 

To  God  and  you. 

Continue  our  love. 

Love  and  live  happy.    1689. 

True  love  will  ne'er  forget 

638 


INSCRIPTIONS. 


Faithful  ever, 

I  will  be  yonrs 

Deceitful  never. 

While  breath  endures. 

As  gold  is  pure, 

Love  is  sure 

So  love  is  sure. 

Where  faith  is  pure. 

Lov«,  I  like  thee, 

Thy  friend  am  I, 

Sweet,  requite  me. 

An  so  will  die. 

God  sent  her  me, 

God's  appointment 

My  wife  to  be. 

Is  my  contentment. 

Live  and  die 

Knit  in  one 

In  constancy. 

By  Christ  alone. 

My  beloved  is  mine, 

My  dearest  Betty 

And  I  am  hers. 

Is  good  and  pretty. 

Within  my  breast 

Sweetheart,  I  pray 

Thy  heart  doth  rest. 

Do  not  say  nay. 

God  above 

Parting  is  pain 

Increase  our  love. 

While  love  doth  remain. 

Be  true  to  me 

Hurt  not  that  heart 

That  gives  it  thee. 

Whose  joy  thou  art. 

Both  heart  and  hand    * 

Thine  eyes  so  bright 

At  your  command. 

Are  my  delight. 

My  heart  you  have, 

Take  hand  and  heart, 

And  yours  I  crave. 

I'll  ne'er  depart. 

Christ  and  thee 

If  you  consent, 

My  comfort  be. 

You'll  not  repent. 

As  God  decreed, 

'Tis  in  your  will 

So  we  agreed. 

To  save  or  kill. 

No  force  can  move 

As  long  as  life, 

Affixed  love. 

Your  loving  wife. 

For  a  kiss 

If  you  deny, 

Take  this. 

Then  sure  I  die. 

The  want  of  thee 

Thy  friend  am  I, 

Is  grief  to  me. 

And  so  will  die. 

I  fancy  none 

Let  me  in  thee 

But  thee  alone. 

Most  happy  be. 

One  word  for  all, 

God  hath  sent 

I  love  and  shall. 

My  heart's  content. 

Your  sight, 

You  and  I 

My  delight. 

Will  lovers  die. 

God's  blessing  be 

Thy  consent 

On  thee  and  me. 

Is  my  content. 

INSCRIPTIONS.  639 

I  wish  to  thee  This  ring  doth  bind 

All  joy  may  be.  Body  and  mind. 

In  thee  my  love  Endless  as  this 

All  joy  I  prove.  Shall  be  our  bliss.— THOS.  BLISS.  1710. 

Beyond  this  life  I  do  rejoice 

Lcve  me,  dear  wife.  In  thee  my  choice. 

Love  and  joy  Love  him  in  heart, 

Can  never  cloy.  Whose  joy  thou  art. 

The  pledge  I  prove  I  change  the  life 

Of  mutual  love.  Of  maid  to  wife. 

I  love  the  rod  Endless  my  love 

And  thee  and  God.  For  thee  shall  prove. 

Desire,  like  fire,  Not  Two,  but  One. 

Doth  still  inspire.  Till  life  be  gone. 

My  heart  and  I,  Numbers,  vi.  24,  25,  26. 

Until  I  die. 

In  its  circular  continuity,  the  ring  was  accepted  as  a  type  of 
eternity,  and,  hence,  the  stability  of  affection. 

Constancy  and  Heaven  are  round,       This  is  love,  and  worth  commending, 
And  in  this  the  Emblem's  found.         Still  beginning,  never  ending. 

Or,  as  Herrick  says, — 

And  as  this  round 
Is  nowhere  found 

To  flaw  or  else  to  sever, 
So  let  our  love 
As  endless  prove, 

And  pure  as  gold  forever. 

LADY  KATHERINE  GREY's   WEDDING-RING. 

The  ring  received  by  this  excellent  woman,  who  was  a  sister 
of  Lady  Jane  G-rey,  from  her  husband,  the  Earl  of  Hertford, 
at  their  marriage,  consisted  of  five  golden  links,  the  four  inner 
onea  bearing  the  following  lines,  of  the  earl's  composition : — 

As  circles  five  by  art  compact  shewe  but  one  ring  in  sight, 
So  trust  uniteth  faithfull  mindes  with  knott  of  secret  might, 
Whose  force  to  breake  but  greedie  Death  noe  wight  possesseth  power, 
As  time  and  sequels  well  shall  prove.    My  ringe  can  say  no  more. 


640  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 


parallel 


INCLUDING   IMITATIONS,   PLAGIARISMS,   AND    ACCIDENTAL 
COINCIDENCES. 

Pretensions  to  originality  are  ludicrous. — BYHON'S  Letters, 

An  apple  cleft  in  two  is  not  more  twin 

Than  these  two  creatures. — Twelfth  Night,  V.  1. 

Milton  "borrowed"  other  poets' thoughts,  but  he  did  not  borrow  as  gipsies 
borrow  children,  spoiling  their  features  that  they  may  not  be  recognized.  No, 
he  returned  them  improved.  Had  he  "  borrowed"  your  coat,  he  would  have 
restored  it  with  a  new  nap  upon  it ! — LEIGH  HUNT. 


Man  wants  but  little  here  below, 

Nor  wants  that  little  long. — GOLDSMITH:  Hermit. 

Evidently  stolen  from  DR.  YOUNG  : — 

Man  wants  but  little,  nor  that  little  long. — Night  Thoughts. 
Be  wise  to-day :  'tis  madness  to  defer. — Night  Thoughts. 

But  CONGREVE  had  said,  not  long  before, — 

Defer  not  till  to-morrow  to  be  wise ; 

To-morrow's  sun  to  thee  may  never  rise. — Letter  to  Cobham. 

Like  angels'  Visits,  few  and  far  between. — CAMPBELL  :  Pleasures  of  Hope. 

Copied  from  BLAIR  : — 

like  an  ill-used  ghost, 

Not  to  return ; — or  if  it  did,  its  visits, 

Like  those  of  angels,  short  and  far  between. — Grave. 

But  this  pretty  conceit  originated  with  NORRIS,  of  Bemer- 
ton,  (died  1711,)  in  a  religious  poem  : — 

But  those  who  soonest  take  their  flight 
Are  the  most  exquisite  and  strong  : 

Like  angels'  visits,  short  and  bright, 
Mortality's  too  weak  to  bear  them  long. — The  Parting. 

Dear  as  the  light  that  visits  these  sad  eyes, 

Dear  as  the  ruddy  drops  thai  warm  my  heart. — GRAY'S  Bard. 

GRAY  himself  points  out  the  imitation  in  SHAKSPEARE  : — 

You  are  my  true  and  honorable  wife ; 
As  dear  to  me  as  are  the  ruddy  drops 
That  visit  my  sad  heart. — Julius  Csesar,  Act  II.  Sc.  1. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  641 

OTWAY  also  makes  Priuli  exclaim  to  his  daughter,— 

Dear  as  the  vital  warmth  that  feeds  my  life, 

Dear  as  these  eyes  that  weep  in  fondness  o'er  thee. —  Venice  Presen ed. 

And  leave  us  leisure  to  be  good. — GRAY  :  Ode  to  Adversity. 
And  know,  I  have  not  yet  the  leisure  to  be  good. — OLDHAM. 

Thou  tamer  of  the  human  breast, 

Whose  iron  scourge  and  torturing  hour 

The  bad  affright,  afflict  the  best. — GRAY  :  Ode  to  Adversity. 

When  the  scourge 
Inexorably,  and  the  torturing  hour, 
Calls  us  to  penance. — MILTON  :  Paradise  Lost. 

Lo,  where  the  rosy-bosomed  hours, 

Fair  Venus'  train,  appear  ! — GRAY  :  Ode  to  Spring. 

The  graces  and  the  rosy-bosomed  hours 

Thither  all  their  bounties  bring. — MILTON  :  Comw. 

En  hie  in  roseis  latet  papillis. — CATULLUS. 

Full  many  a  gem,  of  purest  ray  serene, 

The  dark,  unfathomed  caves  of  ocean  bear; 
Full  many  a  flower  is  born  to  blush  unseen, 

And  waste  its  sweetness  on  the  desert  air. — GRAY  :  Elegy. 
There  kept  my  charms  concealed  from  mortal  eye, 
Like  roses  that  in  deserts  bloom  and  die. — POPE  :  Rape  of  the  Lock. 
In  distant  wilds,  by  human  eye  unseen, 
She  rears  her  flowers  and  spreads  her  velvet  green  j 
Pure  gurgling  rills  the  lonely  desert  trace, 
And  waste  their  music  on  the  savage  race. — YOUNG. 
And,  like  the  desert's  lily,  bloom  to  fade.— SHENSTONE  :  Elegy  IV. 

Nor  waste  their  sweetness  on  the  desert  air. — CHURCHILL,  Gotham. 
Which  else  had  wasted  in  the  desert  air. 

LLOYD  :  Ode  at  Westminster  School 

And  leaves  the  world  to  darkness  and  to  me. — GRAY  :  Elegy. 

And  left  the  world  to  wretchedness  and  me. — M^ss :  Beggar's  Petition. 

The  swallow  oft  beneath  my  thatch 

Shall  twitter  from  her  clay-built  nest,  Ac. — The  Wish. 

Doubtless  suggested  to  ROGERS  by  the   lines  in  GRAY'S 

Elegy  :— 

The  breezy  call  of  incense-breathing  morn, 

The  swallow  twittering  from  her  straw-built  shed,  Ac. 

The  bloom  of  young  desire  and  purple  light  of  love. — GRAY. 
Lumenque  juventse  purpureum. — VIRGIL.  ^En.  I.  590, 
2Q  54* 


642  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

And  quaff  the  pendent  vintage  as  it  grows. 

GRAY:  Alliance  of  Education  and  Government. 

For  this  expression  GRAY  was  indebted  to  VIRGIL  : — 

Non  eadcm  arboribus  pendet  vindemia  nostri.s,  <fcc. — Georg.  ii.  89. 

The  attic  warbler  pours  her  throat. — GHAT  :   Ode  to  Spring. 

Is  it  for  thee  the  linnet  pours  her  throat  ? — POPE  :  Essay  on  Man. 

GRAY  says  concerning  the  blindness  of  Milton, — 

He  passed  the  flaming  bounds  of  space  and  time : 
The  living  throne,  the  sapphire  blaze, 
Where  angels  tremble  while  they  gaze, 
He  saw;  but,  blasted  with  excess  of  light, 
Closed  his  eyes  in  endless  night. 

(DR.  JOHNSON  remarks  that  if  we  suppose  the  blindness 
caused  by  study  in  the  formation  of  his  poem,  this  account  is 
poetically  true  and  happily  imagined.) 

HERMIAS,  a  Galatian  writer  of  the  second  century,  says  of 
Homer's  blindness, — 

When  Homer  resolved  to  write  of  Achilles,  he  had  an  exceeding  desire  to 
fill  his  mind  with  a  just  idea  of  so  glorious  a  hero :  wherefore,  having  paid 
all  due  honors  at  his  tomb,  he  entreats  that  he  may  obtain  a  sight  of  him. 
The  hero  grants  his  poet's  petition,  and  rises  in  a  glorious  suit  of  armor, 
which  cast  so  insufferable  a  splendor  that  Homer  lost  his  eyes  while  he 
gazed  for  the  enlargement  of  his  notions. 

(POPE  says  if  this  be  any  thing  more  than  mere  fable,  one 
would  be  apt  to  imagine  it  insinuated  his  contracting  a  blind- 
ness by  too  intense  application  while  he  wrote  the  Iliad.) 

HUME'S  sarcastic  fling  at  the  clergy  in  a  note  to  the  first 
volume  of  his  history  is  not  original.  He  says, — 

The  ambition  of  the  clergy  can  often  be  satisfied  only  by  promoting  igno- 
rance, and  superstition,  and  implicit  faith,  and  pious  frauds;  and  having  got 
what  Archimedes  only  wanted, — another  world  on  which  he  could  fix  his  en- 
gine,— no  wonder  they  move  this  world  at  their  pleasure. 

In  DRYDEN'S  Don  Sebastian,  Dorax  thus  addressns  the 
Mufti  :— 

Content  you  with  monopolizing  Heaven, 
And  let  this  little  hanging  ball  alone  ; 
For,  give  you  but  a  foot  of  conscience  there, 
And  you,  like  Archimedes,  toss  the  globe. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  643 

DBYDEN  says  of  the  Earl  of  Shaftesbury,— 

David  for  him  his  tuneful  harp  had  strung, 

And  Heaven  had  wanted  one  immortal  song. — Absalom  and  Achitaphel. 

POPE  adopts  similar  language  in  addressing  his  friend  Dr. 
Arbuthnot : — 

Friend  of  my  life !  which  did  not  you  prolong, 
The  world  had  wanted  many  an  idle  song. 

For  truth  has  such  a  face  and  such  a  mien, 
As  to  he  loved  needs  only  to  be  seen. — DRYDEN. 
Vice  is  a  monster  of  such  hideous  mien, 
As  to  be  hated  needs  but  to  be  seen. — POPE. 

Great  wits  to  madness  nearly  are  allied. — DRYDEN  :  Abs.  and  Achit. 

SENECA  said,  eighteen  centuries  ago, — 

Nullum  magnum  ingenium  absque  mistura  dementise  est : — De  Tranquil. ; 
and  Aristotle  had  said  it  before  him  (Problemata). 

Praise  undeserved  is  satire  in  disguise. — POPE  :  Imit.  Horace. 

SIR  WALTER  SCOTT  says  in  his  Woodstock, — in  the  scene 
where  Alice  Lee,  in  the  presence  of  Charles  IT.  under  the  as- 
sumed name  of  Louis  Kerneguy,  describes  the  character  she 
supposes  the  king  to  have  : — 

Kerneguy  and  his  supposed  patron  felt  embarrassed,  perhaps  from  a  con- 
sciousness that  the  real  Charles  fell  far  short  of  his  ideal  character  as  de- 
.  signed  in  such  glowing  colors.  In  some  cases  exaggerated  or  inappropriate 
praise  becomes  the  most  severe  satire. 

Ye  little  stars,  hide  your  diminished  rays. — POPE  :  Epistle  to  BatJiurtt. 

At  whose  sight  all  the  stars 
Hide  their  diminished  heads. — MILTON. 

Laugh  where  we  must,  be  candid  where  we  can, 

But  vindicate  the  ways  of  God  to  man. — POPE  :  Essay  on  Man. 

And  justify  the  ways  of  God  to  man. — MILTON  :  Paradise  Lost. 

On  Butler  who  can  think  without  just  rage, 

The  glory  and  the  scandal  of  the  age? — OLDHAM:  Satire  against  Poetry. 

Probably  borrowed  by  POPE  in  the  following  lines  : — 

At  length  Erasmus,  that  great  injured  name, 

The  glory  of  the  priesthood  and  the  shame. — Essay  on  Criticism. 


644  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

And  more  true  joy  Marcellus,  exiled,  feels, 

Than  Caesar  with  a  senate  at  his  heels. — POPE  :  Essay  on  Jfan. 

Drawn  from  BOLINGBROKE,  who  plagiarized  the  idea  from 
SENECA,  who  says, — 

0  Marcellus,  happier  when  Brutus  approved  thy  exile  than  when  the  com- 
monwealth approved  thy  consulship. 

For  modes  of  faith  let  graceless  zealots  fight : 

He  can't  be  wrong  whose  life  is  in  the  right. — POPE  :  Essay  on  Man. 
Taken  from  COWLEY  : — 

His  faith  perhaps  in  some  nice  tenets  might 
Be  wrong:  his  life,  I'm  sure,  was  in  the  right. 

Is  it,  in  heaven,  a  crime  to  love  too  well  ? — POPE  :  Elegy. 

Imitated  from  CRASHAWE'S  couplet: — 

And  I, — what  is  my  crime?     I  cannot  tell, 
Unless  it  be  a  crime  to  have  loved  too  well. 

LAMARTINE,  in  his  Joceli/n,  has  the  same  expression : — 

Est-ce  un  crime,  0  mon  Dieu,  de  trop  aimer  le  beau  ? 
A  wit  with  dunces,  and  a  dunce  with  wits. — Dunciad. 

This  smart  piece  of  antithesis  POPE  borrowed  from  QUINO- 
TILIAN,  who  says, — 

Qui  stultis  eruditi  videri  volunt ;  eruditi  stulti  videntur. 

DR.  JOHNSON  also  hurled  this  missile  at  Lord  Chesterfield, 
calling  him  "  A  lord  among  wits,  and  a  wit  among  lords." 
The  earl  had  offended  the  rugged  lexicographer,  whose  barba- 
rous manners  in  company  Chesterfield  holds  up,  in  his  Letters 
to  his  son,  as  things  to  be  avoided. 

Fair  tresses  man's  imperial  race  ensnare, 

And  beauty  draws  us  with  a  single  hair. — POPE  :  Rape  of  the  Lock. 

This  has  a  strong  affinity  with  a  passage  in  Ho  WELL'S 
Letters : — 

'Tis  a  powerful  sex :  they  were  too  strong  for  the  first,  for  the  strongest, 
and  for  the  wisest  man  that  was  :  they  must  needs  be  strong,  when  one  hair 
of  a  woman  can  draw  more  than  a  hundred  pair  of  oxen. 

Princes  and  lords  may  flourish  or  may  fade ; 

A  breath  can  make  them,  as  a  breath  has  made. — GOLDSMITH:  Deserted  Vil. 

Probably  from  DE  CAUX,  an  old  French  poet,  who  says, — 

C'est  un  verre  qui  luit, 

Qu'un  souffle  peut  de'truire,  et  qu'un  souffle  a  produit 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  645 

Kings  arc  like  stars, — they  rise  and  set, — they  have 

The  worship  of  the  world,  but  no  repose. — SHELLEY  :  Hello*. 

Stolen  from  LORD  BACON  : — 

Princes  are  like  to  heavenly  bodies,  which  cause  good  or  evil  times, 
and  which  have  much  veneration,  but  no  rest. — Of  Empire. 

BURKE,  in  speaking  of  the  morals  of  France  prior  to  the 
Revolution,  says, — 

Vice  itself  lost  half  its  evil  by  losing  all  its  grossness. 

This  statement — the  falsity  of  which  is  apparent — is  dis- 
proved by  a  score  of  contradictions.  Let  Lord  Bacon  suffice : — 

Another  [of  the  Rabbins]  hoteth  a  position  in  moral  philosophy,  that 
men  abandoned  to  vice  do  not  so  much  corrupt  manners  as  those  that  are 
half  good  and  half  evil. — Advancement  of  Learning. 

Things  not  to  be  trusted  : — 

A  bright  sky, 

A  smiling  master, 

The  cry  of  a  dog, 

A  harlot's  sorrow. 

Howitt's  Literature  and  Romance  of  Northern  Europe. 
Grant  I  may  never  be  so  fond 
To  trust  man  in  his  oath  or  bond, 
Or  a  harlot  for  her  weeping, 
Or  a  dog  that  seems  a-sleeping. 

Apemantus'  Grace. — Timon  of  Athens. 

The  collocation  of  dogs  and  harlots  in  both  passages  is  very 
remarkable. 

All  human  race,  from  China  to  Peru, 
Pleasure,  howe'er  disguised  by  art,  pursue. 

WARTON:   Universal  Love  of  Pleasure,  1748. 
Let  observation,  with  extensive  view, 
Survey  mankind,  from  China  to  Peru. 

DR.  JOHNSON:    Vanity  of  Human  Wishes,  1749. 

SHAKSPEARE'S  dreamy  Dane  says, — 

Man  delights  not  me,  nor  woman  neither. 

A  sentiment  very  nearly  expressed  in  HORACE'S  Ode  to 
Venus : — 

Me  nee  femina,  nee  puer, 

Jam  nee  spes  animi  credula  mutui. 
Nee  certare  juvat  mero,  <fcc. — Lib.  IV. 
(As  for  me,  neither  woman,  nor  youth,  nor  the  fond  hope 
of  mutual  inclination,  Ac.  delight  me.) 


646  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

The  world's  a  theatre,  the  earth  a  stage, 

Which  God  and  nature  do  with  actors,  fill  ; 
Kings  have  their  entrance  with  due  equipage, 
And  some  their  parts  play  well,  and  others  ill. 

THOMAS  HEYWOOD:  Apology  for  Acton,  1612. 
All  the  world's  a  stage, 

And  all  the  men  and  women  merely  players  : 
They  have  their  exits  and  their  entrances; 
And  one  man  in  his  life  plays  many  parts. 

SHAKSPBAKE  :  As  You  Like  It. 

PALLADAS,  a  Greek  poet  of  the  third  century,  has  the  fol- 
lowing, translated  by  Merivale  :  — 

This  life  a  theatre  we  well  may  call, 

Where  every  actor  must  perform  with  art, 

Or  laugh  it  through  and  make  a  farce  of  all, 
Or  learn  to  bear  with  grace  his  tragic  part. 

PYTHAGORAS,  who  lived  nearly  two  centuries  later,  also 
said,  — 

This  world  is  like  a  stage  whereon  many  play  their  parts. 

Among  the  epigrams  of  PALLADAS  may  be  found  the  ori- 
ginal of  a  modern  saw,  the  purport  of  which  is  that  an  igno- 
ramus, by  maintaining  a  prudent  silence,  may  pass  for  a  wise 
man:  — 


SHAKSPEARE  uses  it  in  the  Merchant  of  Venice  :  — 

0  my  Antonio,  I  do  know  of  these 
That  therefore  only  are  reputed  wise 
For  saying  nothing.  —  Act  I.  Sc.  1. 

We  come  crying  hither  : 

Thou  knowest  the  first  time  that  we  smell  the  air 
We  wawl  and  cry.  - 
When  we  are  born,  we  cry  that  we  are  come 
To  this  great  stage  of  fools.  —  King  Lear,  IV.  6. 
Turn  porro  puer,  - 

Vagituque  locum  lugubri  complet,  ut  aequum  est 
Cui  tantum  in  vita  restet  transire  malorum. 

LUCRETIUS  :  De  Rer.  Nat. 

The  undiscovered  country,  from  whose  bourn 

No  traveller  returns.—  Hamlet,  Act  III. 

Qui  nunc  it  per  iter  tenebricosum 

Illuc  unde  negant  redire  quemquam.—  CATULLUS. 


PARALLEL  PASSAGES.  647 

A  similar  form  of  expression  occurs  in  the  Book  of  Job,  x. 
21,  and  xvi.  22;  but  it  is  probable,  from  this  and  other  passages, 
that  Shakspeare's  acquaintance  with  the  Latin  writers  was 
greater  than  has  been  generally  supposed.  One  of  the  com- 
mentators on  Hamlet,  in  pointing  out  the  similarity  of  ideas 
in  the  lines  commencing,  "  The  cock,  that  is  the  trumpet  to 
the  morn,"  &c.  (Act  /.)  and  the  hymn  of  St.  Ambrose  in  the 
Salisbury  collection, — 

Preco  dioi  jam  sonat, 

Noctis  profundaj  pervigilj 

Nocturna  lux  viantibus, 

A  nocte  noetem  segregans. 

Hoc  excitatus  Lucifer, 

Solvit  polum  caligine ; 

Hoc  omnis  errorum  chorus 

Viam  nocendi  deserit. 

Gallo  canente  spes  redit,  <fec., 

has  the  following  remark.  "  Some  future  Dr.  Farmer  may,  per- 
haps, show  how  Shakspeare  became  acquainted  with  this  pass- 
age, without  being  able  to  read  the  original ;  for  the  resem- 
blance is  too  close  to  be  accidental.  But  this,  with  many  other 
passages,  and  especially  his  original  Latinisms  of  phrase,  give 
evidence  enough  of  a  certain  degree  of  acquaintance  with 
Latin, — doubtless  not  familiar  nor  scholar-like,  but  sufficient  to 
give  a  coloring  to  his  style,  and  to  open  to  him  many  treasures 
of  poetical  thought  and  diction  not  accessible  to  the  merely 
English  reader.  Such  a  degree  of  acquirement  might  well 
appear  low  to  an  accomplished  Latinist  like  Ben  Jonson,  and 
authorize  him  to  say  of  his  friend, — 

Though  thou  hadst  small  Latin  and  less  Greek ; — 

yet  the  very  mention  of  his  '  small  Latin'  indicates  that  Ben 
knew  that  he  had  some." 

Mr.  Fox,  the  orator,  remarked  on  one  occasion  that  Shak- 
speare must  have  had  some  acquaintance  with  Euripides,  for  he 
could  trace  resemblances  between  passages  of  their  dramas : 
e.g.  what  Alcestis  in  her  last  moments  says  about  her  servants 
is  like  what  the  dying  Queen  Katharine  (in  Henry  the  Eighth) 
says  about  hers,  &c 


648  r       PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

That  Shakspeare  "  may  often  be  tracked  in  the  snow"  of 
TERENCE,  as  Dryden  remarks  of  Ben  Jonson,  is  evident  from 
the  following : — 

Master,  it  is  no  time  to  chide  you  now : 

Affection  is  not  rated  from  the  heart. 

If  love  hath  touched  you,  naught  remains  but  so, — 

lledime  te  captum  quam  queas  minimo. — Taming  of  the  Shrew,  I.  1. 

The  last  line  is  manifestly  an  alteration  of  the  words  of  Par- 
meno  in  The  Eunuch  of  TERENCE  : — 

Quid  agas,  nisi  ut  te  redimas  captum  quam  queas  minimo  f — Act  I.  Sc.  1. 

In  another  play  TERENCE  says, — 

Facile  omnes,  cum  valemus,  recta  consilia,  tcgrotis  damus; 
Tu  si  hie  sis,  aliter  censeas. — Andrian  XI.  1. 

SHAKSPEARE  has  it, — 

Men 

Can  counsel  and  give  comfort  to  that  grief 
Which  they  themselves  not  feel ;  but,  tasting  it, 
Their  counsel  turns  to  passion. 

*  *  *  *  * 

"Tis  all  men's  office  to  speak  patience 
To  those  that  wring  under  the  load  of  sorrow; 
But  no  man's  virtue,  nor  sufficiency, 
To  be  so  moral  when  he  shall  endure 
The  like  himself. — Much  Ado  about  Nothing,  V.  1. 

Apropos  of  this  sentiment,  SWIFT  says, — 

I  never  knew  a  man  who  could  not  bear  the  misfortunes  of  others  with  th« 
most  Christian  resignation. — Thoughts  on  Various  Subjects. 

And  LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD, — 

We  have  all  of  us  sufficient  fortitude  to  bear  the  misfortunes  of  others. — 
Max.  20. 

Falstaff  says,  in  1  Henry  IV.  ii.  4, — 

For  though  the  camomile,  the  more  it  is  trodden  on,  the  faster  it  grows,  yet 
youth,  the  more  it  is  wasted,  the  sooner  it  wears. 

SHAKSPEARE  evidently  here  parodied  an  expression  in  SIR 
JOHN  LYLY'S  Eupliues  : — 

Though  the  camomile,  the  more  it  is  trodden  and  pressed  downe,  the  more 
it  spreadeth ;  yet  the  violet,  the  oftener  it  is  handled  and  touched,  the  sooner 
it  withereth  and  decaieth. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  649 

Two  verses  in  Titus  Andronicus  appear  to  have  pleased 
Shakspeare  so  well  that  he  twice  subsequently  closely  copied 
them : — 

She  is  a  woman,  therefore  may  be  wooed, 

She  is  a  woman,  therefore  may  be  won. — Titu»  Andron.  II.  1. 

She's  beautiful,  and  therefore  to  be  wooed; 

She  is  a  woman,  therefore  to  be  won. — First  Part  Henry  VI.,  V.  3. 

Was  ever  woman  in  this  humor  wooed? 

"Was  ever  woman  in  this  humor  won  ? — Richard  III.,  I.  2. 

Though  Shakspeare  has  drawn  freely  from  others,  he  is  him- 
self a  mine  from  which  many  builders  have  quarried  their  ma- 
terials.— a  Coliseum 

"from  whose  mass 
Walls,  palaces,  half  cities,  have  been  reared." 

Honor  and  shame  from  no  condition  rise : 

Act  well  your  part,  there  all  the  honor  lies. — POPE  :  Essay  on  Man. 

This  is  only  a  new  rendering  of  the  thought  thus  expressed 
by  Shakspeare : — 

From  lowest  place  when  virtuous  things  proceed, 

The  place  is  dignified  by  the  doer's  deed.— All's  Well  that  Ends  Well,  II.  3. 

Let  rusty  steel  a  while  be  sheathed, 

And  all  those  harsh  and  rugged  sounds 

Of  bastinadoes,  cuts,  and  wounds, 

Exchanged  to  love's  more  gentle  style. — Hudibras,  P.  II.  c.  1. 

Our  stern  alarums  changed  to  merry  meetings, 

Our  dreadful  marches  to  delightful  measures. — Richard  III.,  I.  1. 

The  military  figure  of  Shakspeare's  musical  lines, — 

Beauty's  ensign  yet 

Is  crimson  in  thy  lips  and  on  thy  cheeks, 
And  Death's  pale  flag  is  not  advanced  there. — Romeo  and  Juliet,  V.  3, 

is  closely  imitated  by  CHAMBERLAIN  : — 

The  rose  had  lost 

His  ensign  in  her  cheeks ;  and  tho'  it  cost 
Pains  nigh  to  death,  the  lily  had  alone 
Set  his  pale  banners  up. — Pharonidas. 

A  dream 

Dreamed  by  a  happy  man,  while  the  dark  east 
Is  slowly  brightening  to  his  bridal  morn. — TENXYSOIC. 
Copied  from  the  Merchant  of  Venice : — 
55 


650  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

Then  music  is 

As  those  dulcet  sounds  in  break  of  day, 
That  creep  into  the  dreaming  bridegroom's  ear 
And  summon  him  to  marriage. — IIL  2. 

How  can  we  expect  another  to  keep  our  secret  if  we  cannot  keep  it  our. 
selves  ? — LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD,  Max.  90. 

Toute  reflation  d'un  secret  est  la  faute  de  celui  qui  1'a  conned — LA  BRU- 
YBRE  :  De  la  Societe. 

I  have  played  the  fool,  the  gross  fool,  to  believe 

The  bosom  of  a  friend  would  hold  a  secret 

Mine  own  could  not  contain. — MASSINGER  :  Unnatural  Combat,  V.  2. 

Ham. — Do  not  believe  it. 

Ros.— Believe  what? 

Ham. — That  I  can  keep  your  counsel,  and  not  mine  own. 

SHAKSPEARE:  Hamlet,  IV.  2. 

Anger  is  like 

A  full-hot  horse,  who  being  allowed  his  way, 
Self  mettle  tires  him.— Henry  VIII.  I.  1. 
Let  passion  work,  and,  like  a  hot-reined  horse, 
'Twill  quickly  tire  itself. — MASSINGER  :   Unnatural  Combat. 

Is  this  the  Talbot  so  much  feared  abroad 

That  with  his  name  the  mothers  still  their  babes  ? — Henry  VI.  II.  3. 

Nor  shall  Sebastian's  formidable  name 

Be  longer  used  to  lull  the  crying  babe. — DRYDEN  :  Don  Sebastian. 

Chili's  dark  matrons  long  shall  tame 

The  froward  child  with  Bertram's  name. — SCOTT  :  Bokely. 

It  were  better  to  be  eaten  to  death  with  rust  than  to  be   scoured  to 
nothing  by  perpetual  motion. — Henry  IV.,  Second  Part,  I.  2. 

Keversed  by  BYRON  : — 

Better  to  sink  beneath  the  shock 

Than  moulder  piecemeal  on  the  rock. — Giaour. 

'Tis  her  breathing  that 
Perfumes  the  chamber  thus. — Cymbeline. 

No  lips  did  seem  so  fair 

In  his  conceit — through  which  he  thinks  doth  fly 
So  sweet  a  breath  that  doth  perfume  the  air. 

MARSTOK  :  Pygmalion's  Image; 

Thrice  is  he  armed  that  hath  his  quarrel  just  ; 
And  he  but  naked,  though  locked  up  in  steel, 
Whose  conscience  with  injustice  is  corrupted.— 2  Henry  VI.  III.  2. 


PARALLEL  PASSAGES.  651 

I'm  armed  with  more  than  complete  steel — 
The  justice  of  my  quarrel.  —MARLOWE  :  Lmfa  Dominion. 

AU  that  glisters  is  not  gold. — Merchant  of  Venice,  II. 
Tet  gold  all  is  not  that  doth  golden  seeme. 

SPENSER  :  Faerie  Queene,  II. 

Double,  double,  toil  and  trouble. — Macbeth. 
H6voi,  jrovy,  itovov  <j>iptt. — SOPHOCLES  :  Ajax. 

We  shall  not  look  upon  his  like  again.— Hamlet,  I. 
Quando  ullum  inveniet  parem  ? — HORACE. 

None  but  himself  can  be  his  parallel. — THEOBALD. 

Quseris  Alcidae  parem  ? 
Nemo  est  nisi  ipse. — SENECA  :  Hercules  Furena. 

The  following  song  from  SHAKSPEARE'S  Measure  for  Mea- 
sure, commencing  as  follows,  is  copied  verbatim  in  BEAUMONT 
and  FLETCHER'S  Bloody  Brother: — 

Take,  0 !  take  those  lips  away, 

That  so  sweetly  were  forsworn ; 
And  those  eyes,  the  break  of  day, 

Lights  that  do  mislead  the  morn. 
But  my  kisses  bring  again, 
Seals  of  love,  but  sealed  in  vain. 

The  following  line  occurs  both  in  POPE'S  Dunciad  and 
ADDISON'S  Campaign: — 

Rides  on  the  whirlwind,  and  directs  the  storm. 

BEN  JONSON  borrowed  his  celebrated  ballad  To  Celia, — 

Drink  to  me  only  with  thine  eyes,  Ac., 

from  PHILOSTRATUS,  a  Greek  poet,  who  flourished  at  the  court 
of  the  Emperor  Severus. 

In  MILTON'S  description  of  the  lazar-house  occurs  the  fol- 
lowing confused  metaphor  : — 

Sight  so  deform  what  heart  of  rock  could  long 
Dry-eyed  behold? 

Derived  from  a  similar  combination  in  TIBULLUS  : — 

Flebis  ;  non  tua  sunt  duro  prascordia  ferro 

Vincta,  nee  in  tenero  stat  tibi  corde  silex. — El.  /.  63. 


652  PARALLEL  PASSAGES. 

When  Christ,  at  Cana's  feast,  by  power  divine, 

Inspired  cold  water  with  the  warmth  of  wine, 

See !  cried  they,  while  in  redd'ning  tide  it  gushed, 

The  bashful  water  saw  its  God  and  blushed. — AARON  HILL 

Lympha  pudica  Deum  vidit  et  erubuit.* — RICHARD  CRASHAWB. 

Fond  fool !  six  feet  shall  serve  for  all  thy  store, 

And  he  that  cares  for  most  shall  find  no  more. — HALL. 

His  wealth  is  summed,  and  this  is  all  his  store : 
This  poor  men  get,  and  great  men  get  no  more. 

G.  WEBSTER  :    Vittoria  Corombona. 

God  made  the  country,  and  man  made  the  town. — COWPER  :  Task. 
God  the  first  garden  made,  and  the  first  city  Cain. — COWLEY. 

Hypocrisy,  detest  her  as  we  may, 

May  claim  this  merit  still, — that  she  admits 

The  worth  of  what  she  mimics  with  such  care, 

And  thus  gives  virtue  indirect  applause. — COWPER  :  Task. 

Le  vice  rend  hommage  a  la  vertu  en  s'honorant  de  ses  apparences. — 

MASSILLOK. 

Love  is  sweet 

Given  or  returned.     Common  as  light  is  love, 
And  its  familiar  voice  wearies  not  ever; 
They  who  inspire  it  most  are  fortunate, 
As  I  am  now ;  but  those  who  feel  it  most 
Are  happier  still. — SHELLEY  :  Prometheus  Unbound. 

It  is  better  to  desire  than  to  enjoy,  to  love  than  to  be  loved. — 

It  makes  us  proud  when  our  love  of  a  mistress  is  returned :  it  ought  to 
make  us  prouder  still  when  we  can  love  her  for  herself  alone,  without  the  aid 
of  any  such  selfish  reflection.  This  is  the  religion  of  love. — HAZLITT  :  Cha- 
racteristics. 

People  who  are  always  taking  care  of  their  health  are  like  misers,  who  are 
hoarding  up  a  treasure  which  they  have  never  spirit  enough  to  enjoy. — 

STERNE:  Koran. 

Preserving  the  health  by  too  strict  a  regimen  is  a  wearisome  malady. — LA 
ROCHEFOUCAULD  :  Max.  285. 


*  It  is  not  a  little  singular  that  Mr.  Arvine,  in  his  excellent  Cyclopxdta, 
gives  Milton  and  Dryden,  while  boys  at  school,  equal  credit  for  originating, 
in  the  same  way,  this  beautiful  idea. 


PARALLEL  PASSAGES.  653 

The  king  can  make  a  belted  knight, 
A  marquis,  duke,  and  a'  that, — 

*  *  * 

The  rank  is  but  the  guinea  stamp,  . 

The  man's  the  gowd  for  a'  that. — BURNS. 

I  weigh  the  man,  not  his  title;  'tis  not  the  king's  stamp  can  make  the  me- 
tal better  or  heavier.  Your  lord  is  a  leaden  shilling,  which  you  bend  every 
way,  and  debases  the  stamp  he  bears.  WYCHEKLY  :  Plain  Dealer. 

Titles  of  honor  are  like  the  impressions  on  coin,  which  add  no  value  to  gold 
and  silver,  but  only  render  brass  current. — STERNE  :  Koran. 

Kings  do  with  men  as  with  pieces  of  money  :  they  give  them  what  value 
they  please,  and  we  are  obliged  to  receive  them  at  their  current,  and  not  at 
their  real,  value. — LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD  :  Max.  160. 

KOSSTJTH'S  "  To  him  that  wills,  nothing  is  impossible/'*  is 
thus  expressed  by  LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD  : — 

Nothing  is  impossible :  there  are  ways  which  lead  to  every  thing;  and  if  we 
had  sufficient  will,  we  should  always  have  sufficient  means. — Max.  255. 

SHELLEY  gives  the  idea  as  follows : — 

It  is  our  will 

That  thus  enchains  us  to  permitted  ill. 
We  might  be  otherwise :  we  might  be  all 
We  dream  of,  happy,  high,  majestical. 
Where  is  the  beauty,  love,  and  truth  we  seek 
But  in  our  minds  ?  and  if  we  were  not  weak, 
Should  we  be  less  in  deed  than  in  desire  ? 

Julian  and  Maddolo. 

To  most  men,  experience  is  like  the  stern-lights  of  a  ship,  which  illumine 
only  the  track  it  has  passed. — COLERIDGE. 

We  arrive  complete  novices  at  the  different  ages  of  life,  and  we  often  want 
experience  in  spite  of  the  number  of  our  years. — 

LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD  :  Max.  430. 

The  same  idea  may  be  found  in  the  Adelphi  of  TERENCE, 
Act  V.  Sc.  2,  v.  1-4. 

For  those  that  fly  may  fight  again, 

Which  he  can  never  do  that's  slain. — Hudibrat. 

He  who  fights  and  runs  away 

May  live  to  fight  another  day. — SIR  JOHN  MINNES. 

*  Mirabeau's  hasty  temper  is  well  known.  "Monsieur  le  Compte,"  said  his 
secretary  to  him  one  day,  "the  thing  you  require  is  impossible."  "Impossi- 
ble!" exclaimed  Mirabeau,  starting  from  his  chair :  "never  again  use  that 
foolish  word  in  my  presence." 


654  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

But  DEMOSTHENES,  the  famous  Grecian  orator,  had  said, 
long  before,  — 

'Avijp  6  yevfuiv  xai  xdhv  iJ.a%rjff£Tat. 


She  could  love  none  but  only  such 

As  scorned  and  hated  her  as  much.  —  Hudibras. 

HORACE,  in  describing  such  a  capricious  kind  of  love,  uses 
the  following  language  :  — 

-  Leporem  venator  ut  alta 
In  nive  sectatur,  positum  sic  tangere  nolit  ; 
Cantat  et  apponit  :  meus  est  amor  huic  similis  ;  nam 
Transvolat  in  medio  posita,  et  fugientia  captat.  —  Satires,  Book  I.  ii., 

which  is  nearly   a  translation  of  the   eleventh   epigram  of 
CALLIMACHUS. 

"What  woful  stuff  this  madrigal  would  be 
In  some  starved  hackney  sonneteer,  or  me  ! 
But  let  a  lord  once  own  the  happy  lines, 
How  the  wit  brightens!  how  the  style  refines! 

POPE  :  Essay  on  Criticism, 

MOLIERE  has  the  same  sentiment  :  — 

Tous  les  discours  sont  des  sottises 

Partant  d'un  homme  sans  6clat; 
Ce  seraient  paroles  exquises, 

Si  c'etait  un  grand  qui  parlat. 

It  may  also  be  found  in  ENNIUS,  EURIPIDES,  and  other 
writers.  The  last  notability  who  has  expressed  the  idea  is 
EMERSON,  who  says,  — 

It  adds  a  great  deal  to  the  force  ot  an  opinion  to  know  that  there  is  a  man 
of  mark  and  likelihood  behind  it 

Others  may  use  the  ocean  as  their  road, 
Only  the  English  make  it  their  abode  :  — 
We  tread  the  billows  with  a  steady  foot.  —  WALLER. 

CAMPBELL  adopts  the  thoughts  of  these  italicized  words  in 
the  Mariners  of  England  :  — 

Britannia  needs  no  bulwark, 

No  towers  along  the  steep  : 
Her  march  is  on  the  mountain-waves, 

Her  home  is  on  the  deep. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  655 

Now  folds  the  lily  all  her  sweetness  up, 

And  slips  into  the  bosom  of  the  lake ; 

So  fold  thyself,  my  dearest,  thou,  and  slip 

Into  my  bosom,  and  be  lost  in  me. — TENNYSON  :  Princess. 

And  like  a  lily  on  a  river  floating, 

She  floats  upon  the  river  of  his  thoughts. 

LONGFELLOW  :  Spanish  Student. 

You  must  either  soar  or  stoop, 
Fall  or  triumph,  stand  or  droop; 
You  must  either  serve  or  govern, 
Must  be  slave  or  must  be  sovereign; 
Must,  in  fine,  be  block  or  wedge, 
Must  be  anvil  or  be  sledge. — GOETHE. 
In  this  world  a  man  must  be  either  anvil  or  hammer. 

LONGFELLOW:  Hyperion. 

Lockhart  says,  in  his  Life  of  Sir  Walter  Scott,  "  It  was  on 
this  occasion,  I  believe,  that  Scott  first  saw  his  friend's  brother 
Reginald  (HEBER),  in  after-days  the  Apostolic  Bishop  of  Cal- 
cutta. He  had  just  been  declared  the  successful  competitor 
for  that  year's  poetical  prize,  and  read  to  Scott  at  breakfast,  in 
Brazennose  College,  the  MS.  of  his  Palestine.  Scott  observed 
that  in  the  verses  on  Solomon's  Temple  one  striking  circum- 
stance had  escaped  him,  namely,  that  no  tools  were  used  in  its 
erection.  Reginald  retired  for  a  few  minutes  to  the  corner  of 
the  room,  and  returned  with  the  beautiful  lines, — 

No  hammer  fell,  no  ponderous  axes  rung: 

Like  some  tall  palm  the  mystic  fabric  sprung. 

Majestic  silence !"  &o. 

COWPER  had  previously  expressed  the  same  idea : — 

Silently  as  a  dream  the  fabric  rose : 

No  sound  of  hammer  nor  of  saw  was  there : 

Ice  upon  ice,  <fcc. — Palace  of  Ice. 

MILTON  had  also  said, — 

Anon  out  of  the  earth  a  fabric  huge 
Hose  like  an  exhalation. — Paradise  Lost. 

Speech  is  the  light,  the  morning  of  the  mind : 

It  spreads  the  beauteous  images  abroad 

"Which  else  lie  furled  and  shrouded  in  the  soul. — 

DRYDEN  evidently  had  in  mind  the  language  of  THEMTSTO- 
CLES  to  the  King  of  Persia : — 


656         •  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

Speech  is  like  cloth  of  arras  opened  and  put  abroad,  whereby  the  imagery 
doth  appear  in  figure,  whereas  in  thoughts  they  lie  but  in  packs  (f.  e.  rolled 
up,  or  packed  up). 

Silence  that  spoke,  and  eloquence  of  eyes. — POPE  :  Homer's  Iliad,  Book  XIV. 

VOLTAIEE,  in  his  (Edipus,  makes  Jocasta  say, — 

Tout  parle  centre  nous,  jusqu'a  notre  silence. 

In  MILTON'S  Samson  Agonistes  we  find, — 

The  deeds  themselves,  though  mute,  spoke  loud  the  doer. 

"A.  SORROW'S  CROWN  OP  SORROW." 
A  similar  thought  may  be  found  in  DANTE  : — 

nessuu  maggior  dolore, 

Che  ricordarsi  del  tempo  felice 
Nella  miseria.— Inferno,  Canto  v.  121. 
( There  is  no  greater  pain  than  to  recall  a  happy  time  in  wretchedness.) 

Also  CHAUCER  : — 

For  of  Fortune's  sharpe  adversite 
The  worst  kind  of  infortune  is  this : 
A  man  to  have  been  in  prosperite 
And  it  remember  when  it  passid  is. 

Ti'oilus  and  Cresside,  B.  III. 

The  same  thought  occurs  in  the  writings  of  other  Italian 
poets.  See  MARINO,  Adone,  c.  xiv. ;  FORTINGUERRA,  Ricci- 
ardetto,  c.  xi. ;  and  PETRARCH,  canzone  46.  The  original  was 
probably  in  BOETIUS,  de  Consol.  Philosoph. : — 

In  omni  adversitate  fortunae  infelicissimum  genus  est  infortunii  fuisse  feli- 
cem  et  non  esse. — L.  ii.  pr.  4. 

The  famous  pun  in  the  imitation  of  CRABBE  in  the  Rejected 
Addresses : — 

The  youth,  with  joy  unfeigned, 
Regained  the  felt,  and  felt  what  he  regained, 

and  of  HOLMES  in  his  Urania : — 

Mount  the  new  Castor  : — ice  itself  will  melt  ; 
Boots,  gloves,  may  fail  j  the  hat  is  always  felt, 

had  been  anticipated  by  THOMAS  HEYWOOD  in  a  song : — 

But  of  all  felts  that  may  be  felt, 
Give  me  your  English  beaver. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  .       657 

\ 

FALSTAFF'S  pun : — 

Indeed  I  am  in  the  waist  two  yards  about;  but  I  am  now  about  no  waste; 
I  am  about  thrift, — (Merry  Wives  of  Windsor.) 

had  also  been  anticipated,  and  may  be  found  in  HEYWQOD'S 
"  Epigrammes,"  1562  :— 

"  Where  am  I  least,  husband  ?"    Quoth  he,  "  In  the  waist ; 

Which  cometh  of  this,  thou  art  vengeance  strait-laced. 

Where  am  I  biggest,  wife  ?"    "  In  the  waste,"  quoth  she, 

"  For  all  is  waste  in  you,  as  far  as  I  see." 

The  same  play  on  the  word   occurs  subsequently  in  SHIR- 
LEY'S comedy  of  The  Wedding,  1629  : — 

He  is  a  great  man  indeed ;  something  given  to  the  waist,  for  he  lives  within 
no  reasonable  compass. 

MOORE,  in  his  song  Dear  Harp  of  my  Country,  sings, — 

If  the  pulse  of  the  patriot,  soldier,  or  lover 

Have  throbbed  at  our  lay,  'tis  thy  glory  alone; 

I  was  but  as  the  wind  passing  heedlessly  over, 
And  all  the  wild  sweetness  I  waked  was  thy  own ; — 

an  idea  probably  caught  from  HORACE'S  Ode  to  Melpomene : — 

Totum  muneris  hoc  tui  est, 

Quod  monstror  digito  praetereuntium 
Romanse  fidieen  lyraa  : 

Quod  spiro,  et  plaeeo,  si  placeo,  tuum  est. 

(  That  I  am  pointed  out  by  the  fingers  of  passers-by  as  the  stringer 
of  the  Roman  lyre,  is  entirely  thy  gift:  that  I  breathe  and  give 
pleasure,  if  I  do  give  pleasure,  is  thine.) 

Now,  by  those  stars  that  glance 

O'er  Heaven's  still  expanse, 

Weave  we  our  mirthful  dance, 

Daughters  of  Zea!— MOOBE  :  Evenings  in  Greece. 

Beneath  the  moonlight  sky 

The  festal  warblings  flowed 
Where  maidens  to  the  Queen  of  Heaven 
Wove  the  gay  dance. — KEBLB  :  Christian  Tear. 

Her  'prentice  han'  she  tried  on  man, 
,  An'  then  she  made  the  lassies,  0. 

BURNS  :  Green  Grow,  &c. 

Man  was  made  when  Nature  was  but  an  apprentice,  but  woman  when  she 
was  a  skilful  mistress  of  her  art.— Cupid's  Whirligig  (1607). 
2R 


658          -  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

A  book,  upon  whose  leaves  some  chosen  plants 

By  his  own  hand  disposed  with  nicest  care, 

In  undecaying  beauty  were  preserved  ; — 

Mute  register,  to  him,  of  time  and  place 

And  various  fluctuations  in  the  breast ; 

To  her  a  monument  of  faithful  love 

Conquered,  and  in  tranquillity  retained. 

WORDSWORTH  :  Excursion. 
Like  flower-leaves  in  a  precious  volume  stored, 

To  solace  and  relieve 
Some  heart  too  weary  of  the  restless  world. — KEBLB  :  Christian  Year. 

Her  pretty  feet, 

Like  smiles,  did  creep 

A  little  out,  and  then, 

As  if  they  started  at  bo-peep, 

Did  soon  draw  in  again. — HERRICK. 

Imitated  by  SIR  JOHN  SUCKLING  in  his  ballad  of  The  Wed- 
iing : — 

Her  feet  beneath  her  petticoat 
Like  little  mice  stole  in  and  out, 

As  if  they  feared  the  light; 
But,  oh,  she  dances  such  a  way, 
No  sun  upon  an  Easter  day 
Is  half  so  fine  a  sight ! 

So  the  struck  eagle,  stretched  upon  the  plain, 
No  more  through  rolling  clouds  to  soar  again. 
Viewed  his  own  feather  on  the  fatal  dart, 
And  winged  the  shaft  that  quivered  in  his  heart: 
Keen  were  his  pangs,  but  keener  far  to  feel 
He  nursed  the  pinion  which  impelled  the  steel, 
While  the  same  plumage  that  had  warmed  his  nest 
Drank  the  last  life-drop  of  his  bleeding  breast. 

BrROX  :  On  the  Death  of  Kirke  White. 

WALLER  says,  in  his  Lines  to  a  Lady  singing  a  song  of  his 
own  composing, — 

That  eagle's  fate  and  mine  are  one, 

Which,  on  the  shaft  that  made  him  die, 
Espied  a  feather  of  his  own 
Wherewith  he'd  wont  to  soar  so  high. 

MOORE  uses  the  same  figure  : — 

Like  a  young  eagle,  who  has  lent  his  plume 
To  fledge  the  shaft  by  which  he  meets  his  doom, 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  659 

See  their  own  feathers  plucked  to  wing  the  dart 
Which  rank  corruption  destines  for  their  heart. — Corruption. 
The  original  in  The  Myrmidons  of  ESCHYLUS  has  been  thus 
translated : — 

An  eagle  once, — so  Libyan  legends  say, — 
Struck  to  the  heart,  on  earth  expiring  lay, 
And,  gazing  on  the  shaft  that  winged  the  blow, 
Thus  spoke : — "  Whilst  others'  ills  from  others  flow, 
To  my  own  plumes,  alas  !  my  fate  I  owe." 

Even  as  a  broken  mirror,  which  the  glass 

In  every  fragment  multiplies,  and  makes 
A  thousand  images  of  one  that  was, 

The  same,  and  still  the  more,  the  more  it  breaks. 

BYRON:   Ghilde  Harold. 

Suggested  by  the  following  passage  : — 

And  as  Praxiteles  did  by  his  glass  when  he  saw  a  scurvy  face  in  it,  brake 
it  to  pieces,  but  for  that  one  he  saw  many  more  as  bad  in  a  moment. 

BURTON  :  Anatomy  of  Melancholy,  Part  II.,  Sect.  3,  (mem.  7.) 

In  her  first  passion  woman  loves  her  lover, 

In  all  the  others,  all  she  loves  is  love,  &c. — BYRON  :  Don  Juan. 

Borrowed  from  LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD  : — 

Dans  les  premieres  passions  les  femmes  aiment  1'amant;  dans  les  autres 
elles  aiment  1'amour. — Max.  494. 

In  the  same  place  BYRON  adds :— - 

Although,  no  doubt,  her  first  of  love-affairs 
Is  that  to  which  her  heart  is  wholly  granted, 
Yet  there  are  some,  they  say,  who  have  had  none  ; 
But  those  who  have  ne'er  end  with  only  one. 

And  in  some  observations  upon  an  article  in  Blackwood's 
Magazine,  he  says, — 

Writing  grows  a  habit,  like  a  woman's  gallantry.  There  are  women  who 
have  had  no  intrigue,  but  few  who  have  had  but  one  only  :  so  there  are  mil- 
lions of  men  who  have  never  written  a  book,  but  few  who  have  written  only 
one. 

This  idea  is  also  borrowed  from  LA  ROCHEFOUCAULD  : — 

On  peut  trouver  des  femmes  qui  n'ont  jamais  eu  de  galanterie;  mais  il  est 
rare  d'en  trouver  qui  n'en  aient  jamais  eu  qu'une. — Max.  73. 

A  thousand  years  scarce  serve  to  form  a  state, 
An  hour  may  lay  it  in  the  dust.— BYRON:  Ghilde  Harold. 
Cento  si  richieggono  ad  edificare ;  un  solo  basta  per  distruggere  tutto.— 

MURATORI'S  Annals. 


660  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

Even  from  out  thy  slime 
The  monsters  of  the  deep  are  formed. — Ghilde  Harold. 

Yet  monsters  from  thy  large  increase  we  find, 

Engendered  in  the  slime  thou  leav'st  behind. — DRYDEN:  The  Medal. 
I  am  not  altogether  of  such  clay 

As  rots  into  the  souls  of  those  whom  I  survey. — Childe  Harold. 
The  gods,  a  kindness  T  with  thanks  repay, 
Had  formed  me  of  another  sort  of  clay. — CHURCHILL. 

What  exile  from  himself  can  flee? 

To  zones  though  more  and  more  remote, 
Still,  still  pursues,  where'er  I  be, 

The  blight  of  life,— the  demon  Thought.— Childe  Harold. 
Patriae  quis  exul  se  quoque  fugit? — HORACE  :  Ode  to  Grosphua. 

Vide  also  Epist.  XI.  28. 

To-morrow  for  the  Mooa  we  depart, 

But  not  to-night,— to-night  is  for  the  heart.— BYRON:  The  Island. 
Nunc  vino  pellite  curas ; 

Cras  ingens  iterabimus  fequor.— HORACE:  Ode  to  Munatius  Plancua. 
(Now  drown  your  cares  in  wine ; 
To-morrow  we  shall  traverse  the  great  brine.) 

DRYDEN,  alluding  to  his  work,  says, — 

When  it  was  only  a  confused  mass  of  thoughts  tumbling  over  one  another 
in  the  dark ;  when  the  fancy  was  yet  in  its  firs{  work,  moving  the  sleeping 
images  of  things  towards  the  light,  there  to  be  distinguished,  and  there  either 
to  be  chosen  or  rejected  by  the  judgment. — Rival  Ladies  (1664). 

BYRON  thus  appropriates  the  idea :— 

As  yet  'tis  but  a  chaos 

Of  darkly  brooding  thoughts ;  my  fancy  is 
,         In  her  first  work,  more  nearly  to  the  light 
Holding  the  sleeping  images  of  things 
For  the  selection  of  the  pausing  judgment. — Doge  of  Venice,  I.  2. 

And  if  I  laugh  at  any  mortal  thing, 

'Tis  that  I  may  not  weep. — BYRON  :  Don  Juan. 

RICHARDSON  had  said,  long  before, — 

Indeed,  it  is  to  this  deep  concern  that  my  levity  is  owing;  for  I  struggle 
and  struggle,  and  try  to  buffet  down  my  cruel  reflections  as  they  rise;  and 
when  I  cannot,  /  am  forced  to  try  to  make  myself  laugh  that  I  may  not  cry ; 
for  one  or  other  I  must  do :  and  is  it  not  philosophy  carried  to  the  highest 
pitch  for  a  man  to  conquer  such  tumults  of  soul  as  I  am  sometimes  agitated 
by,  and  in  the  very  height  of  the  storm  to  quaver  out  a  horse-laugh? 

Clarissa  Harlowe,  Let.  84, 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  661 

In  the  Antiquary  of  Sir  WALTER  SCOTT,  Maggie  says  to 
Oldbuck  of  Monkbarns  (ch.  xi.): — 

It's  no  fish  ye're  buying,  its  men's  lives. 

TOM  HOOD,  appears  to  have  borrowed  this  idea  in  the  Song 
of  the  Shirt : — 

It  is  not  linen  you're  wearing  out, 
But  human  creatures'  lives. 

In  ROGERS'  poem,  Human  Life  is  this  couplet  describing  a 
good  wife: — 

A  guardian  angel  o'er  his  hearth  presiding, 
Doubling  his  pleasures,  and  his  cares  dividing. 

In  the  Taller,  No.  49,  it  is  said  of  a  model  couple,  Amanda 
and  Florio,  that  "  their  satisfactions  are  doubled,  their  sorrows 
lessened,  by  participation." 

Of  the  buccaneering  adventurer  described  in  JRokeby,  Sir 
WALTER  SCOTT  says: — 

Inured  to  danger's  direst  form, 
Tornade  and  earthquake,  flood  and  storm, 
Death  had  he  seen  by  sudden  blow, 
By  wasting  plague,  by  torture  slow, 
By  mine  or  breach,  by  steel  or  ball, 
Knew  all  his  shapes  and  scorned  them  all. 

Sir  WALTER  RALEIGH,  in  a  letter  to  his  wife  on  the  eve,  as 
he  supposed,  of  his  execution,  speaks  of  himself  as  "one  who, 
in  his  own  respect,  despiseth  death  in  all  his  misshapen  and 
ugly  forms." 

Speaking  of  Burke,  GOLDSMITH  says  in  his  Retaliation : — 

Who,  born  for  universe,  narrowed  his  mind, 

And  to  party  gave  up  what  was  meant  for  mankind. 

POPE,  in  his  Last  Letter  to  the  Bishop  of  Rochester,  (At- 
terbury,)  said: — 

At  this  time,  when  you  are  cut  off  from  a  little  society  and  made  a  citizen 
of  the  world  at  large,  you  should  bend  your  talents,  not  to  serve  a  party  or 
a  few,  but  all  mankind. 

56 


662  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

Hope  springs  eternal  in  the  human  breast : 
Man  never  is,  but  always  to  be,  blest. — POPE. 

Nous  ne  jouissons  jamais;  nous  esperons  toujours. — MASSILLON,  Sermon 
pour  le  Jour  de  St.  Benoit. 

The  jocular  saying  of  DOUGLAS  JERROLD,  that  a  wife  of  forty 
should,  like  a  bank-note,  be  exchangeable  for  two  of  twenty, 
was  anticipated  by  BYRON  : — 

Wedded  she  was  some  years,  and  to  a  man 
Of  fifty,  and  such  husbands  are  in  plenty ; 

And  yet,  I  think,  instead  of  such  a  one 

'Twere  better  to  have  two  of  five-and-twenty. 

Don  Juan,  Ixii. 

And  still  earlier  by  GAY  in  Equivocation.  In  the  colloquy 
between  a  bishop  and  an  abbot,  the  bishop  advises : — 

These  indiscretions  lend  a  handle 
To  lewd  lay  tongues  to  give  us  scandal 
For  your  vow's  sake,  this  rule  I  give  t'ye, 
Let  all  your  maids  be  tw-ned  offfty. 

The  priest  replied,  I  have  not  swerved, 

But  your  chaste  precept  well  observed ; 

That  lass  full  twenty-five  has  told ; 

I've  yet  another  who's  as  old ; 

Into  one  sum  their  ages  cast, 

So  both  my  maids  have  fifty  past. 

Many  readers  will  remember  the  lines  by  BURNS,  com- 
mencing : — 

The  day  returns,  my  bosom  burns, 

The  blissful  day  we  twa  did  meet; 
Though  winter  wild  in  tempest  toiled, 

Ne'er  summer  morn  was  half  sae  sweet. 

The  turn  of  thought  in  this  stanza  bears  a  striking  resem- 
blance to  the  concluding  lines  of  Ode  cxi.,  of  M.  A.  FLA- 
MINIUS.  The  following  translation  is  close  enough  to  point  the 
resemblance : — 

When,  borne  on  Zephyr's  balmy  wing 
Again  returns  the  purple  spring 
Instant  the  mead  is  gay  with  flowers 
The  forest  smiles,  and  through  its  bowers 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  663 

Once  more  the  song-bird's  tuneful  voice 

Bids  nature  everywhere  rejoice. 

Yet  fairer  far  and  far  more  gay 

To  me  were  winter's  darkest  day, 

So,  blessed  thenceforth,  it  should  restore 

My  loved  one  to  my  arms  once  more. 

MOORE  says: — 

Let  conquerors  boast 

Their  fields  of  fame — he  who  in  virtue's  arms 
A  young  warm  spirit  against  beauty's  charms 
Who  feels  her  brightness,  yet  defies  her  thrall 
Is  the  best,  bravest  conqueror  of  all. 

HOWELL  in  the  Epistolae  Ho-Elianae  says : — 

Alexander  subdued  the  world — Csesar  his  enemies — Hercules  monsters — 
but  he  that  overcomes  himself  is  the  true  valiant  captain. 

Brutus  says,  in  SHAKSPEARE'S  Julius  Csesar,  iv.,  3 : — 

There  is  a  tide  in  the  affairs  of  men, 
Which,  taken  at  the  flood,  leads  on  to  fortune ; 
Omitted,  all  the  voyage  of  their  life 
Is  bound  in  shallows,  and  in  miseries. 

In  BACON'S  Advancement  of  Learning,  B.  2,  occurs  this 


In  the  third  place,  I  set  down  reputation,  because  of  the  peremptory  tides 
and  currents  it  hath,  which,  if  they  be. not  taken  in  due  time,  are  seldom 
recovered,  it  being  extreme  hard  to  play  an  after  game  of  reputation. 

King  Henry  says,  in  SHAKSPEARE'S  2  Hen.  VI.,  i.  1 : — 

0  Lord,  that  lends  me  life, 
Lend  me  a  heart  replete  with  thankfulness. 

GEORGE  HERBERT  says: — 

Thou  that  hast  given  so  much  to  me, 
Give  one  thing  more,  a  grateful  heart. 

VITRUVIUS  says: — There  are  various  kinds  of  timber,  as 
there  are  various  kinds  of  flesh;  one  of  men,  one  of  fishes,  one 
of  beasts,  and  another  of  birds. 

ST.  PAUL  says: — All  flesh  is  not  the  same  flesh,  &c.,  1  Cor. 
xv.  39. 


664  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

In  COVENTRY  PATMORE'S  delicately  beautiful  poem,  The 
Angel  in  the  House,  twice  occurs  the  line, — 

Her  pleasure  in  her  power  to  charm. 

"An  exquisite  line,"  says  The  Critic:  "who  could  have  be- 
lieved that  the  ugly  and  often  unjust  word  vanity  could  ever 
be  melted  down  into  so  true  and  pretty  and  flattering  a  peri- 
phrasis?" THACKERAY  uses  the  same  idea: — 

A  fair  young  creature,  bright  and   blooming  yesterday,   distributing 
smiles,  levying  homage,  inspiring  desire,  conscious  of  her  power  to  charm, 
and  gay  with  the  natural  enjoyments  of  her  conquests — who,  in  his  walk 
through  the  world,  has  not  looked  on  many  such  a  one  ?   The  Netccomes. 
E'en  the  slight  hare-bell  raised  its  head, 
Elastic  from  its  airy  tread.     SCOTT,  Lady  of  the  Lake. 
For  other  print  her  airy  steps  ne'er  left ; 
Her  treading  would  not  bend  a  blade  of  grass. 

BEN  JONSON,  The  Sad  Shepherd. 
Not  so  when  swift  Camilla  scours  the  plain, 
Flies  o'er  th'  unbending  corn,  and  skims  along  the  main. 

POPE,  Essay  on  Criticism. 
I  hold  it  true,  whate'er  befall; 
I  feel  it,  when  I  sorrow  most; 
'Tis  better  to  have  loved  and  lost 
Than  never  to  have  loved  at  all. 

TENNYSON,  In  Memoriam,  xxvii. 
Magis  gauderes  quod  habueras  [amicum],  quam  moereres  quod  amiseras. 

SENECA,  Epiat.  cxix. 
The  familiar  epitaphic  line, 

Think  what  a  woman  should  be — she  was  that, 
finds  a  parallel  in  Shakspeare's  Venus  and  Adonis : — 
Look  what  a  horse  should  have,  he  did  not  lack, 
Save  a  proud  rider  on  so  proud  a  back. 
And  homeless,  near  a  thousand  homes,  I  stood, 
And,  near  a  thousand  tables,  pined  and  wanted  food. 

WORDSWORTH,  Guilt  and  Sorrow. 
Alas  for  the  rarity 
Of  Christian  charity 

Under  the  sun ! 
Oh,  it  was  pitiful, 
Near  a  whole  city  full 
Home  she  had  none.    HOOD,  Bridge  of  Sight. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  665 

So  that  a  doubt  almost  within  me  springs 

Of  Providence.     WORDSWORTH,  Powers  of  Imagination. 

Even  God's  Providence  seeming  estranged. 

HOOD,  Bridge  of  Sighs. 
Not  that  man  may  not  here 

Taste  of  the  cheer : 

But  as  birds  drink,  and  straight  lift  up  their  head; 
So  must  he  sip  and  think 

Of  better  drink 
He  may  attain  to  after  he  is  dead. 

GEORGE  HERBERT,  Han's  Medley. 

Look  at  the  chicken  by  the  side  of  yonder  pond,  and  let  it  rebuke  your 
ingratitude.  It  drinks,  and  every  sip  it  takes  it  lifts  its  head  to  heaven 
and  thanks  the  giver  of  the  rain  for  the  drink  afforded  to  it ;  while  thou 
eatest  and  drinkest,  and  there  is  no  blessing  pronounced  at  thy  meals  and 
no  thanksgiving  bestowed  upon  thy  Father  for  his  bounty. 

SPURGEON,  Everybody's  Sermon. 

TOPLADY  Las  bequeathed  to  us  the  beautiful  hymn: — 
Rock  of  ages,  cleft  for  me, 
Let  me  hide  myself  in  thee  ! 
Let  the  water  and  the  blood, 
From  thy  riven  side  which  flowed, 
Be  of  sin  the  double  cure, 
Cleanse  me  from  its  guilt  and  power. 

But  DANIEL  BREVINT  in  The  Christian  Sacrament  and 
Sacrifice,  (1G73)  had  made  this  devout  and  solemn  aspiration: — 

0  Rock  of  Israel,  Rock  of  Salvation,  Rock  struck  and  cleft  for  me,  let 
those  two  streams  of  blood  and  water,  which  once  gushed  out  of  thy  side 
. . .  bring  down  with  them  salvation  and  holiness  into  my  soul. 

She  (the  Roman  Catholic  Church)  may  still  exist  in  undiminished 
vigor  when  some  traveler  from  New  Zealand  shall,  in  the  midst  of  a  vast 
solitude,  take  his  stand  on  a  broken  arch  of  London  Bridge  to  sketch  the 
ruins  of  St.  Paul's.  MACAULAY,  Banke's  History  of  the  Popes. 

The  next  Augustan  age  will  dawn  on  the  other  side  of  the  Atlantic. 
There  will  perhaps  be  a  Thucydides  at  Boston,  a  Xenophon  at  New  York, 
and,  in  time,  a  Virgil  at  Mexico,  and  a  Newton  at  Peru.  At  last  some 
curious  traveler  from  Lima  will  visit  England,  and  give  a  description  of 
the  ruins  of  St.  Paul's,  like  the  editions  of  Baalbec  and  Palmyra : — but  am 
I  not  prophesying  contrary  to  my  consummate  prudence,  and  casting 
horoscopes  of  empires  like  Rousseau  ? 

HORACE  WALPOLE,  Letter  to  Mason. 
56* 


666  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

Readers  of  Don  Juan  sometimes  descant  with  rapture  on  the 
beauty  of  the  lines  (c.  i.  v.  123), — 

'Tis  sweet  to  hear  the  watch-dog's  honest  bark 

Bay  deep-mouthed  welcome  as  we  draw  near  home, — 

The  epithet  deep-mouthed,  as  applied  to  the  bark,  being  es- 
pecially designated  as  "fine."  And  fine  it  is,  but  BYRON  found 
it  in  SHAKSPEARE  and  in  GOLDSMITH  : — 

And  couple  Clowdei;with  the  deep-mouthed  brach. 

Taming  of  the  Shrew,  Indue.  Sc.  1. 

The  laborers  of  the  day  were  all  retired  to  rest;  the  lights  were  out  in 
every  cottage ;  no  sounds  were  heard  but  of  the  shrilling  cock,  and  the 
deep-mouthed  watch-dog  at  hollow  distance. 

Vicar  of  Wakefield,  ch.  xxii. 

"Your  sermon,"  said  a  great  critic  to  a  great  preacher,  "was 
very  fine;  but  had  it  been  only  half  the  length,  it  would  have 
produced  twice  the  impression."  "You  are  quite  right,"  was 
the  reply;  "but  the  fact  is,  I  received  but  sudden  notice  to 
preach,  and  therefore  1  had  not  the  time  to  make  my  sermon 
short." 

VOLTAIRE  apologized  for  writing  a  long  letter  on  the  ground 
that  he  had  not  time  to  condense.  In  these  cases  the  idea  is 
borrowed  from  classical  literature.  PLINY  says  in  his  Letters 
( lib.  i.  ep.  xx.  ) : — 

Ex  his  apparet  ilium  permulta  dixisse ;  quum  ederet,  omisisse;  . . .  ne 
dubitare  possimus,  quse  per  plures  dies,  ut  necesse  erat,  latius  dixerit, 
postea  recisa  ac  purgata  in  unum  librum,  grandem  quidem,  unum  tamen, 
coarctasse. 

(From  this  it  is  evident  that  he  said  very  much ;  but,  when  he  was  pub- 
lishing, he  omitted  much ;  ...  so  that  we  may  not  doubt  that,  what  he 
said  more  diffusely,  as  he  was  at  the  time  forced  to  do,  having  afterwards 
retrenched  and  corrected,  he  condensed  into  one  single  book.) 

The  condensation  and  revision  required  more  time  and  thought 
than  the  first  production. 


PARALLEL  PASSAGES.  667 

CAMPBELL  says  in  O1  Connor's  Child, 

For  man's  neglect  we  loved  it  more. 
And  again,  Lines  on  leaving  a  Scene  in  Bavaria, — 
For  man's  neglect  I  love  thee  more. 

And  WALTER  SCOTT  likewise  imitates  himself  thus : — 

His  grasp,  as  hard  as  glove  of  mail, 
Forced  the  red  blood  drop  from  the  nail. 

fiokeby.     Canto  i. 

He  wrung  the  Earl's  hand  with  such  frantic  earnestness,  that  his  grasp 
forced  the  blood  to  start  under  the  nail. — Legend  of  Montrose. 

In  Rob  Roy,  Sir  Walter  makes  Frank  Osbaldistone  say  in 
his  elegy  on  Edward  the  Black  Prince, — 

0  for  the  voice  of  that  wild  horn, 
On  Fontarabian  echoes  borne, 

The  dying  hero's  call, 
That  told  imperial  Charlemagne, 
How  Paynim  sons  of  swarthy  Spain 

Had  wrought  his  champion's  fall. 

And  in  Marmion,  toward  the  close  of  Canto  Sixth,  he  says: — 

0  for  a  Wast  of  that  dread  horn, 
On  Fontarabian  echoes  borne, 

That  to  King  Charles  did  come, 
When  Rowland  brave,  and  Oliver, 
And  every  paladin  and  peer, 

On  Eoncesvalles  died. 

When  this  inadvertent  or  unconscious  coincidence  in  the 
poem  and  the  novel  was  pointed  out  to  Sir  Walter,  he  replied, 
with  his  natural  expression-  of  comic  gravity,  "Ah!  that  was 
very  careless  of  me.  I  did  not  think  I  should  have  committed 
such  a  blunder." 

"  I  tread  on  the  pride  of  Plato,"  said  Diogenes,  as  he  walked  over  Plato's 
carpet.  "Yes,  and  with  more  pride,"  said  Plato. — CECIL,  Remains. 
Trampling  on  Plato's  pride,  with  greater  pride, 
As  did  the  Cynic  on  some  like  occasion,  Ac. 

BYRON,  Don  Juan,  xvi.  43. 

Diogenes  I  hold  to  be  the  most  vainglorious  man  of  his  time,  and  more 
ambitious  in  refusing  all  honors  than  Alexander  in  rejecting  none. 

BROWNE,  Religio  Medici. 

i 


668  PARALLEL  PASSAGES. 

There  is  an  Italian  proverb  used,  in  the  extravagance  of 
flattery,  to  compliment  a  handsome  lady,  expressive  of  this 
idea: — "When  nature  made  thee,  she  broke  the  mould." 
BYRON  uses  it  in  the  closing  lines  of  his  monody  on  the 
death  of  Sheridan  : — 

Sighing  that  Nature  formed  but  one  such  man, 
And  broke  the  die,— in  moulding  Sheridan. 

SHAKSPEARE  also  says,  in  the  second  stanza  of  Venus  and 
Adonis, — 

Nature  that  made  thee,  with  herself  at  strife, 
Saith  that  the  world  hath  ending  with  thy  life. 

Du  sublime  au  ridicule  il  n'y  a  qu'un  pas. 

(From  the  sublime  to  the  ridiculous  there  is  but  a  step.) 

This  saying,  commonly  ascribed  to  NAPOLEON,  was  borrowed 
by  him  from  TOM  PAINE,  whose  works  were  translated  into 
French  in  1791,  and  who  says, — 

The  sublime  and  the  ridiculous  are  often  so  nearly  related  that  it  is  diffi- 
cult to  class  them  separately.  One  step  above  the  sublime  makes  the  ridicu- 
lous, and  one  step  above  the  ridiculous  makes  the  sublime  again. 

Tom  Paine,  in  turn,  adopted  the  idea  from  HUGH  BLAIR, 

who  says,  in  one  place, — • 

It  is  indeed  extremely  difficult  to  hit  the  precise  point  where  true  wit  ends 
and  buffoonery  begins. 

In  another, — 

It  frequently  happens  that  where  the  second  line  is  sublime,  the  third,  in 
which  he  meant  to  rise  still  higher,  is  perfect  bombast. 

Finally,  BLAIR  borrowed  the  saying  from  LONGINUS,  a  cele- 
brated Greek  critic  and  rhetorical  writer,  who,  in  a  Treatise 
On  the  Sublime,  uses  the  same  expression,  with  this  slight  mo- 
dification, that  he  makes  the  transition  a  gradual  one,  while 
Blair,  Paine,  and  Napoleon  make  it  but  a  step.* 


*  A  curious  instance  of  bathos  occurs  in  Dr.  Mavor's  account  of  Cook's 
voyages : — "  The  wild  rocks  raised  their  lofty  summits  till  they  were  lost  in  the 
clouds,  and  the  valleys  lay  covered  with  everlasting  snow.  Not  a  tree  was  to 
be  seen,  nor  even  a  shrub  big  enough  to  make  a  tooth-pick" 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  669 

Evil  communications  corrupt  good  manners. — 1  Cor.  xv.  33. 

tteipovoiv  ?i§n  xpn°$'  bptMai  Kaxai. — MENANDER. 

Bonos  corrumpunt  mores  congressus  mali. — TERTULLIAN  :  Ad  Uxorem. 

He  that  increaseth  knowledge  increaseth  sorrow. — Eccl.  i.  18. 
From  ignorance  our  comfort  flows, 
The  only  wretched  are  the  wise. — PRIOR. 

Where  ignorance  is  bliss,  'tis  folly  to  be  wise. — GRAY  :  Ode  to  Eton. 
A  little  learning  is  a  dangerous  thing; 

Drink  deep,  or  taste  not  the  Pierian  spring. — POPE  :  On  Criticism. 
A  little  philosophy  inclineth  man's  mind  to  atheism,  but  depth  in  phi- 
losophy bringeth  men's  minds  about  to  religion. — BACON  :  On  Atheism. 

In  Paradise  Lost,  Book  V.  601,  we  find  the  expression — 

Thrones,  dominations,  princedoms,  virtues,  powers; 

and  in  Book  I.  261,  this  powerful  passage  put  in  the  mouth  of 
Satan  :— 

Here  we  may  reign  secure,  and  in  my  choice 
To  reign  is  worth  ambition,  though  in  Hell; 
Better  to  reign  in  Hell  than  serve  in  Heaven. 

In  STAFFORD'S  Niole,  printed  when  Milton  was  in  his 
cradle,  (1611,)  is  the  following: — 

True  it  is,  sir,  (said  the  Devil,)  that  I,  storming  at  the  name  of  supremacy, 
sought  to  depose  my  Creator ;  which  the  watchful,  all-seeing  eye  of  Pro- 
vidence finding,  degraded  me  of  my  angelic  dignities — dispossessed  me  of 
all  pleasures ;  and  the  seraphs  and  cherubs,  the  Throne,  Dominations,  Virtues, 
Powers,  Princedoms,  Arch  Angels,  and  all  the  Celestial  Hierarchy,  with  a 
shout  of  applause,  sung  my  departure  out  of  Heaven.  My  alleluia  was 
turned  into  an  eheu.  Now,  forasmuch  as  I  was  an  Angel  of  Light,  it  was 
the  will  of  Wisdom  to  confine  me  to  Darkness  and  make  me  Prince  thereof. 
So  that  I,  that  could  not  obey  in  Heaven,  might  command  in  Hell ;  and, 
believe  me,  I  had  rather  rule  within  my  dark  domain  than  to  re-inhabit  Ccelum 
empyream,  and  there  live  in  subjection  under  check,  a  slave  of  the  Most  High. 

Csesar  said  he  would  rather  be  the  first  man  in  a  village 
than  the  second  man  in  Home. 

A  fellow-feeling  makes  one  wondrous  kind. — GARRICK. 

I  would  help  others  out  of  a  fellow-feeling. — BURTOJT  :  Anat.  of  MeL 

Non  ignara  mali,  miseris  succurrere  disco. — VIRGIL  :  JEn.  I. 

And  learn  the  luxury  of  doing  good. — GOLDSMITH  :  Traveller. 
For  all  their  luxury  was  doing  good. — GARTH  :  Olaremont. 
He  tried  the  luxury  of  doing  good. — CRABBE  :  Tales. 


670  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

The  cups  that  cheer  but  not  inebriate.— COWPER  :  Winter  Evening. 
Tar  water  is  of  a  nature  so  mild  and  benign,  and  proportioned  to  the 
human  constitution,  as  to  warm  without  heating,  to  cheer  but  not  inebriate. 
— BISHOP  BERKELEY:  Sins. 

The  dome  of  thought,  the  palace  of  the  soul. — BYRON:  CJiilde  Harold. 

Tea  does  our  fancy  aid, 

Repress  those  vapors  which  the  head  invade, 
And  keeps  the  palace  of  the  soul. — WALLER  :  On  Tea. 

None  knew  thee  but  to  love  thee. — HALLECK  :  On  Drake. 
To  know  her  was  to  love  her. — ROGERS  :  Jacqueline. 

Sullen,  like  lamps  in  sepulchres,  your  shine  . 
Enlightens  but  yourselves. — BLAIR  :  Grave. 
Dim  lights  of  life,  that  burn  a  length  of  years, 
Useless,  unseen,  as  lamps  in  sepulchres. 

POPE  :  Elegy  on  an  Unfortunate  Lady, 

The  curfew  tolls  the  knell  of  parting  day. — GRAY  :  Elegy. 

And  pilgrim,  newly  on  his  road,  with  love 

Thrills,  if  he  hear  the  vesper  bell  from  far, 

That  seems  to  mourn  for  the  expiring  day. — DANTE,  Gary's  Trane. 

Even  in  our  ashes  live  their  wonted  fires. — ;G«AY  :  Elegy. 
Yet  in  our  ashen  cold  is  fire  yrecken. — CHAUCER. 

"Eaaar  n&7  yj  Ka\v<t>8nvai  vtxp6^, 
SOcv  S  SKOOTOV  ei;  rd  $yv  dipixCTO 
ivravQ'  a*t\8w-  HNKTMA  itlv  rrpdj  'AIOEPA 
rd  (T'S/ia  S  e!$  FHN. — EURIPIDES  :  Supplices. 
(Let  the  dead  be  concealed  in  the  earth,  whence  each  one  came  forth  into 

being,  to  return  thence  again— the  spirit  to  the  SPIRIT'S  SOURCE,  but  the 

body  to  the  EARTH.) 

The  resemblance  between  the  above  and  the  beautiful  ex- 
pression in  the  "Preacher's"  homily  is  very  remarkable: — 

Then  shall  the  dust  return  to  the  earth  as  it  was,  and  the  spirit  shall 
return  unto  God  who  gave  it. — Eccles.  xii.  7. 

'Evd/tepot,  ri  ic  rif  j  ri  S  ov  nj ; 
Sway -oi/ap  avBpomot. — PINDAR. 

(Things  of  a  day!  What  is  any  one?  What  is  he  not?  Men  are  the 
dream  of  a  shadow.) 

Man's  life  is  but  a  dream — nay,  less  than  so, 
A  shadow  of  a  dream. — SIR  JOHN  DAVIES. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  671 

Where  highest  woods,  impenetrable 
To  sun  or  starlight,  spread  their  umbrage  broad 
And  brown  as  evening. — MILTON. 

The  shades  of  eve  come  slowly  down, 

The  woods  are  wrapped  in  deeper  brown. — SUOTT:  Lady  of  the  Lake. 

The  term  brown,  applied  to  the  evening  shade,  is  derived 
from  the  Italian,  the  expression  "fa  I'imbruno"  being  com- 
monly used  in  Italy  to  denote  the  approach  of  evening. 

'Tis  the  sunset  of  life  gives  me  mystical  lore  ; 
And  coming  events  cast  their  shadows  before. 

CAMPBELL:  Lochiel'a  Warning. 

Poets  are  the  hierophants  of  an  unapprehended  inspiration ;  the  mirrors  of 
the  gigantic  shadows  which  futurity  casts  upon  the  present. — SHELLEY  :  Defence 
of  Poetry. 

A  similar  form  of  expression  occurs  in  PAUL'S  Epistle  to  the 
Hebrews,  x.  1. 

The  wolfs  long  howl  by  Oonalaska's  shore. 

CAMPBELL:  Pleasures  of  Hope. 

Stolen  from  a  line  in  an  obscure  poem  called  the  Sentimental 
Sailor : — 

The  soreaming  eagle's  shriek  that  echoes  wild, 
The  wolfs  long  howl  in  dismal  concert  joined,  Ac. 

Perhaps  in  some  lone,  dreary,  desert  tower 

That  Time  had  spared,  forth  from  the  window  looks, 

J^alf  hid  in  grass,  the  solitary  fox  ; 

While  from  above,  the  owl,  musician  dire, 

Screams  hideous,  harsh,  and  grating  to  the  ear. 

BRUCE  :  Loch  Lcven. 

In  the  Fragments  attributed  to  OSSIAN  by  Baron  de  Harold, 
Fingal  paints  the  following  beautiful  word-picture  : — 

I  have  seen  the  walls  of  Balclutha,  but  they  are  desolate :  the  flames  had 
resounded  in  the  halls,  and  the  voice  of  the  people  is  heard  no  more  ,•  the 
stream  of  Cutha  was  removed  from  its  place  by  the  fall  of  the  walls ;  the 
thistle  shoots  there  its  lowly  head;  the  moss  whistled  to  the  winds;  the  fox 
looked  out  of  the  windows,  and  the  rank  grass  of  the  walls  waved  round  hit 
head;  desolate  is  the  dwelling  of  Morna :  silence  is  in  the  house  of  her  fathers. 

And  again : — 

The  dreary  night  owl  screams  in  the  solitary  retreat  of  his  mouldering  ivy- 
covered  tower. — Larnul,  the  Sony  of  Despair. 


672  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

The  Persian  poet  quoted  by  Gibbon  also  says, — 

The  spider  hath  hung  with  tapestry  the  palace  of  the  Cassars;  the  owl 
singeth  her  sentinel-song  in  the  watch-towers  of  Afrasiab. — FIRDOUSI. 

Tell  us,  ye  dead ;  will  none  of  you  in  pity 
Disclose  the  secret 

What  'tis  you  are,  and  we  must  shortly  be  ? — BLAIR  :  Gravt. 
The  dead  !  the  much-loved  dead ! 

Who  doth  not  yearn  to  know 
The  secret  of  their  dwelling-place, 

And  to  what  land  they  go  ? 
What  heart  but  asks,  with  ceaseless  tone, 
For  some  sure  knowledge  of  its  own  ? — MART  E.  LEE. 

Drawing  near  her  death,  she  sent  most  pious  thoughts  as  harbingers  to 
heaven;  and  her  soul  saw  a  glimpse  of  happiness  through  the  chinks  of  her 
sickness-broken  body. — FULLER. 

The  soul's  dark  cottage,  battered  and  decayed, 

Lets  in  new  light  through  chinks  that  time  has  made. 

Stronger  by  weakness,  wiser,  men  become, 

As  they  draw  near  to  their  eternal  home. — WALLER  :  Divine  Poew/% 

Oh !  let  no  mass  be  sung, 

No  ritual  read ; 
In  silence  lay  me  down  . 

Among  the  dead. — HEINE  :  Memento  Mori. 

The  great  German  poet  was  evidently  familiar  with  Horace  : — 

Absint  inani  funere  nsenise, 
Luctusque  turpes  et  querimonise ; 
Compesce  clamorem,  ac  sepulchri 
Mitte  supervacuos  honores. — Lib.  II.  Carmen  20. 

I  am  old  and  blind ; 

Men  point  at  me  as  smitten  by  God's  frown  j 
Afflicted  and  deserted  of  my  kind : — 

Yet  am  I  not  cast  down. 

I  am  weak,  yet  strong ; 
I  murmur  not  that  I  no  longer  see  ; 
Poor,  old,  and  helpless,  I  the  more  belong, 

Father  Supreme,  to  Thee ! 

0  merciful  One ! 

When  men  are  farthest,  then  art  Thou  most  near; 
When  friends  pass  by — my  weaknesses  to   shun — 

Thy  chariot  I  hear. 


PARALLEL  PASSAGES  673 

Thy  glorious  face 

Is  leaning  toward  me,  and  its  holy  light 
Shines  in  upon  my  lonely  dwelling-place, 

And  there  is  no  more  night. 

On  my  bended  knee 

I  recognize  Thy  purpose  clearly  shown; 
My  vision  Thou  hast  dimmed  that  I  may  see 

Thyself,  Thyself  alone. 

I  have  naught  to  fear! 
This  darkness  is  the  shadow  of  Thy  wing : 
Beneath  it  I  am  almost  sacred, — here 

Can  come  no  evil  thing,  <tc. — ELIZABETH  LLOYD. 

The  resemblance  of  these  lines  to  the  following  passage  from 
MILTON'S  Second  Defence,  of  the  People  of  England  is  so 
striking  that  we  are  inclined  to  regard  them  as  a  paraphrase : — 

Let  me  then  be  the  most  feeble -creature  alive,  so  long  as  that  feebleness 
serves  to  invigorate  the  energies  of  my  rational  and  immortal  spirit,  so  long; 
as  in  that  obscurity  in  which  I  am  enveloped  the  light  of  Divine  Presence 
more  clearly  shines.  Then  in  proportion  as  I  am  weak,  I  shall  be  invincibly 
strong;  and  in  proportion  as  I  am  blind,  I  shall  more  clearly  see.  Oh  that  I 
may  thus  be  perfected  by  feebleness,  and  irradiated  by  obscurity !  And  in- 
deed in  my  blindness  I  enjoy  in  no  inconsiderable  degree  the  favor  of  the- 
Deity,  who  regards  me  with  more  tenderness  and  compassion  in  proportion, 
as  I  am  able  to  behold  nothing  but  himself.  Alas  for  him  who  insults  me, 
who  maligns  and  merits  public  execration  !  For  the  divine  law  not  only 
shields  me  from  injury,  but  almost  renders  me  too  sacred  to  attack, — not 
indeed  so  much  from  the  privation  of  my  sight,  as  from  the  overshadowing 
of  those  heavenly  wings  which  seem  to  have  occasioned  this  obscurity,  and' 
which,  when  occasioned,  he  is  wont  to  illuminate  with  an  interior  light 
more  precious  and  more  pure. 

In  KEBLE'S  lines  for  "St.  John's  Day"  occurs- this  stanza: — 

Sick  or  healthful,  slave  or  free, 

Wealthy  or  despised  and  poor, 
What  is  that  to  him  or  thee, 
.      So  his  love  to  CHRIST  endure  ? 
When  the  shore  is  wpn  at  last, 
Who  will  count  the  billows  past? 

The  first  four  lines  resemble  a  stanza  of  WITHER,  one  of  the 
Koundhead  poets  (1632): — 

2S  57 


674  PARALLEL  PASSAGES. 


Whether  thralled  or  exiled, 

Whether  poor  or  rich  thou  be, 
Whether  praised  or  reviled, 

Not  a  rush  it  is  to  thee  : 
This  nor  that  thy  rest  doth  win  thee. 
But  the  mind  that  is  within  thee. 

And  the  last  two  lines  recall  EGBERT  BURNS,  who  had  said  in 
his  song  commencing  Contented  wi  little,  and  cantie  wimair: — 

When  at  the  blithe  end  of  our  journey  at  last, 
Wha  the  deil  ever  thinks  o'  the  road  he  has  passed  ? 

Two  centuries  before  Burns,  TASSO  said  in  his  Gerusalemme 
Liberata  (iii.  4) : —  , 

Cosi  di  naviganti,  etc. 

. . .  e  1'uno  all  'altro  il  mostra  e  intanto  oblia 

La  noja  e  il  mal  della  passata  via. 

Or  as  Fairfax  renders  it : — 

As  when  a  troop  of  jolly  sailors  row,  etc. 
And  each  to  other  show  the  land  in  haste, 
Forgetting  quite  their  pains  and  perils  past. 

And  before  dismissing  "  the  billows  past,"  it  is  worth  while 
to  quote  the  following  passage  from  SPENSER'S  Faery  Queene 
(I.  9.  40):— 

What  if  some  little  pain  the  passage  have 

That  makes  frail  flesh  to  fear  the  bitter  wave  ? 

Is  not  short  pain  well  borne  that  brings  long  ease, 

And  lays  the  soul  to  sleep  in  quiet  grave  ? 

Sleep  after  toil,  port  after  stormy  seas, 

Ease  after  war,  death  after  life,  does  greatly  please. 

LUCRETIUS  says : — 

At  jam  non  domus  accipiet  te  laeta;  neqne  uxor 
Optima,  nee  dulces  occurrent  oscula  nati  . 
Prseripere,  et  tacita  pectus  dulcedine  tangent. 

(No  longer  shall  thy  joyous  home  receive  thee,  nor  yet  thy  best  of  wives, 
or  shall  thy  sweet  children  run  to  be  tho  first  to  snatch  thy  kisses  and 

ii-ill   *hv  Kronsf  \vitli    ailont  rlolitrVif  \ 


thrill  thy  breast  with  silent  delight.) 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  675 

Compare  GRAY'S  Elegy: — 

For  them  no  more  the  blazing  hearth  shall  burn, 

Or  busy  housewife  ply  her  evening  care: 
No  children  run  to  lisp  their  sire's  return, 

Or  climb  his  knees  the  envied  kiss  to  share. 

And  THOMSON'S  Seasons  (Winter): — 

In  vain  for  him  th'  officious  wife  prepares 
The  fire  fair-blazing,  and  the  vestment  warm; 
In  vain  his  little  children,  peeping  out 
Into  the  mingled  storm,  demand  their  sire, 
With  tears  of  artless  innocence.     Alas  ! 
Nor  wife,  nor  children,  more  shall  he  behold, 
Nor  friends,  nor  sacred  home. 

The  famous  speech  of  WOLSEY  after  his  fall 

Had  I  but  served  my  God  with  half  the  zeal 
I  served  my  king,  he  would  not  in  mine  age 
Have  left  me  naked  to  mine  enemies. — 

Henry  VIII.,  iii.  2. 

finds  a  counterpart  in  a  satire  of  the  Persian  poet  FERDOUSI  on 
the  Arabian  impostor: — 

Had  I  but  written  as  many  verses  in  praise  of  Mahomet  and  Allah,  they 
would  have  showered  a  hundred  blessings  on  me. 

It  also  finds  a  parallel   in  a  passage  from  Ockley's  History 
of  the  Saracens — AN.  Hegira  54,  A.  D.  673— 

/  This  year  Moawiyah  deposed  Samrah,  deputy  over  Basorah.  As  soon  as 
Samrah  heard  this  news,  he  said — "  God  curse  Moawiyah.  If  I  had  served 
God  so  well  as  I  have  served  him,  he  would  never  have  damned  me  to  all 
eternity." 

Our  hearts 

are  beating. — 

Funeral  marches  to  the  grave. — 

LONGFELLOW,  Psalm  of  Life. 

Our  lives  are  but  our  marches  to  our  graves. — 

BEAUMONT  AND  FLETCHER,  Humorous  Lieutenant. 

Next  these  learned  Johnson  in  this  list  I  bring, 

Who  had  drunk  deep  of  the  Pierian  spring. —  DRAYTON. 


676  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

A  little  learning  is  a  dangerous  thing, 

Drink  deep  or  taste  not  the  Pierian  spring. —  POPE. 

Socrates  said  to  some  Sophists,  who  pretended  to  know  every- 
thing, "As  for  me,  all  I  know  is  that  I  know  nothing." 

OWEN  FELTHAM,  in  his  Resolves  (Curiosity  in  Knowledge^) 
remarks : — 

Our  knowledge  doth  but  show  us  our  ignorance.  Our  most  studious 
scrutiny  is  but  a  discovery  of  what  we  cannot  know. 

VOLTAIRE,  in  the  Histoire  dun  bon  Braynin  says : — 

Le  Bramin  me  dit  un  jour:  Je  voudrais  n'Stre  jamais  ne\  Je  lui  de- 
mandai  pourquoi.  II  me  repondit :  J'etudie  depuis  quarante  ans ;  ce  sont 
quarante  annees  de  perdues;  j'enseigne  les  autres,  et  j'ignore  tout. 

These  lines  will  remind  the  reader  of  the  opening  soliloquy 
of  Faust  in  GOETHE'S  immortal  tragedy.  Bayard  Taylor's  trans- 
lation commences  as  follows : — 

I've  studied  now  Philosophy 

And  Jurisprudence,  Medicine, — 

And  even,  alas!  Theology, — 

From  end  to  end,  with  labor  keen; 

And  here,  poor  fool !  with  all  my  lore 

I  stand,  no  wiser  than  before: 

I'm  Magister — yea,  Doctor — hight, 

And  straight  or  cross-wise,  wrong  or  right, 

These  ten  years  long,  with  many  woes, 

I've  led  my  scholars  by  the  nose, — 

Ajid  see,  that  nothing  can  be  known ! 

In  The  Last  Days  of  Pompeii  (ch.  v.)  Glaucus,  the  Athe- 
nian, is  made  to  say: — 

"I  am  as  one  who  is  left  alone  at  a  banquet,  the  lights  dead,  and  the 
flowers  faded." 

Of  course,  BULWER  LYTTON  was  familiar  with  Oft  in  the 
Stilly  Night,  which  Moore  had  written  twenty  years  before : — 

I  feel  like  one  who  treads  alone 

Some  banquet  hall  deserted, 
Whose  lights  are  fled,  whose  garlands  dead, 

And  all  but  he  departed. 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  677 

Dr.  Johnson  said  that  "  no  one  does  anything  for  the  last  time 
(knowingly)  but  with  regret." 

In  Bishop  HALL'S  Holy  Observations  (xxvij)  is  this  passage : — 

'•Nothing  is  more  absurd  than  that  Epicurean  resolution,  'Let  us  eat 
and  drink,  to-morrow  we  die';  as  if  we  were  made  only  for  the  paunch,  and 
lived  that  we  might  live.  Yet  has  there  never  any  natural  man  found  savour 
in  that  meat  which  he  knew  should  be  his  last ;  whereas  they  should  say: 
Let  us  fast  and  pray,  for  to-morrow  we  shall  die." 

SHAKSPEREAN   RESEMBLANCES. 

Ah !  that  deceit  should  steal  such  gentle  shapes, 
And,  with  a  virtuous  vizor,  hide  deep  vice. 

RZCHAED  III.,  ii.  2. 

Oh !  what  authority  and  show  of  truth 
Can  cunning  sin  cover  itself  withal. 

MUCH  ADO  ABOUT  NOTHING,  iv.  1. 
There  is  no  vice  so  simple  but  assumes 
Some  mark  of  virtue  on  his  outward  parts. 

MERCHANT  OP  VENICE,  iii.  2. 
Seems  he  a  dove?  his  feathers  are  but  borrowed; 
Is  hfe  a  lamb  ?  his  skin  is  surely  lent  him, 
Who  cannot  steal  a  shape  that  means  deceit? 

HENRY  VI.,  P.  II.,  iii.  1. 

BOLD   PLAGIARISM. 

Charles  Reade,  in  The  Wandering  Heir  reproduces  Swift's 
Journal  of  a  Modern  Lady  in  a  singular  manner.  Compare 
them.  Reade  says  : — 

"  Mistress  Anne  Gregory  held  bad  cards ;  she  had  to  pawn  ring  after 
ring — for  these  ladies,  being  well  acquainted  with  each  other,  never  played 
on  parole — and  she  kept  bemoaning  h^r  bad  luck.  '  Betty,  I  knew  how 
'twould  be.  The  parson  called  to-day.  This  odious  chair,  why  will  you 
stick  me  in  it?  Stand  farther,  girl,  I  always  lose  when  you  look  on.' 
Mrs.  Betty  tossed  her  head,  and  went  behind  another  lady.  Miss  Gregory 
still  lost,  and  had  to  pawn  her  snuff  box  to  Lady  Dace.  She  consoled 
herself  by  an  insinuation:  'My  Lady  you  touched  your  wedding-ring. 
That  was  a  sign  to  your  partner  here.' 

"'Nay  Madam,  'twas  but  a  sign  my  finger  itched.  But,  if  you  go  to 
that,  you  spoke  a  word  began  with  H.  Then  she  knew  you  had  the  king 
of  hearts.' 

57* 


678  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

1  "'That  is  like  Miss  here,'  said  another  matron;  'she  rubs  her  chair  when 
she  hath  matadore  in  hand.' 

" '  Set  a  thief  to  catch  a  thief,  Madam,'  was  Miss's  ingenious  and  polished 
reply. 

"'Heyday!'  cries  one,  'Here  spadillo  got  a  mark  on  the  back;  a  child" 
might  know  it  in  the  dark.  Mistress  Pigot,  I  wish  you'd  be  pleased  to  pare 
your  nails.' 

"In  short,  they  said  things  to  each  other  all  night,  the  slightest  of  which, 
among  men,  would  have  filled  Phoenix  Park  next  morning  with  drawn 
swords;  but  it  went  for  little  here;  they  were  all  cheats,  and  knew  it,  and 
knew  the  others  knew  it,  and  didn't  care. 

"  It  was  four  o'clock  before  they  broke  up,  huddled  on  their  cloaks  and 
hoods,  and  their  chairs  took  them  home  with  cold  feet  and  aching  heads." 


Swift  says: — 


'  This  morning  when  the  parson  came, 
I  said  I  should  not  win  a  game, 
This  odious  chair,  how  came  I  stuck  in't  ? 
I  think  I  never  had  good  luck  in't. 
I'm  so  uneasy  in  my  stays; 
Your  fan  a  moment,  if  you  please. 
Stand  further,  girl,  or  get  you  gone; 
I  always  lose  when  you  look  on.' 


'  I  saw  you  touch  your  wedding-ring 
Before  my  lady  called  a  king; 
You  spoke  a  word  began  with  H, 
And  I  know  whom  you  mean  to  teach. 
Because  you  held  the  king  of  hearts, 
Fie,  Madam,  leave  these  little  arts.' 
'  That's  not  so  bad  as  one  that  rubs 
Her  chair  to  call  the  king  of  clubs, 
And  makes  her  partner  understand 
A  matador  is  in  her  hand.' 
'And  truly,  madam,  I  know  when, 
Instead  of  five,  you  scored  me  ten. 
Spadillo  here  has  got  a  mark, 
A  child  may  know  it  in  the  dark. 
I  guessed  the  hand :    It  seldom  fails. 
I  wish  some  folks  would  pare  their  nails.' 


'At  last  they  hear  the  watchman's  knock: 
'A  frosty  morn — past  four  o'clock.' 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  679 

The  chairmen  are  not  to  be  found — 

'  Come  let  us  play  the  other  round.' 

Now  all  in  haste  they  huddle  on 

Their  hoods,  their  cloaks  and  get  them  gone." 


HISTORICAL  SIMILITUDES. 

In  Motley's  Rise  of  the  Dutch  Republic  is  narrated  the  fol- 
lowing incident: — 

A  bishop's  indiscretion,  however,  neutralized  the  apostolic 
blows  of  the  major  (Charles  the  Hammer).  The  pagan  Radbod 
had  already  immersed  one  of  his  royal  legs  in  the  baptismal 
font  when  a  thought  struck  him.  "  Where  are  my  dead  fore- 
fathers at  present?"  he  said,  turning  suddenly  upon  Bishop 
Wolfrau.  "In  hell,  with  all  other  unbelievers,"  was  the  im- 
prudent answer.  "  Mighty  well,"  replied  Radbod,  removing  his 
leg ;  "  then  will  I  rather  feast  with  my  ancestors  in  the  halls 
of  Woden  than  dwell  with  your  little  starveling  band  of 
Christians  in  heaven."  Entreaties  and  threats  were  unavailing. 
The  Frisian  declined  positively  a  rite  which  was  to  cause  an 
eternal  separation  from  his  .  buried  kindred,  and  he  died  as  he 
had  lived>  a  heathen. 

Kingsley,  in  his  Hypatia,  in  completing  the  history  of  the 
Goth  Wulf,  after  his  settlement  in  Spain,  writes  as  follows : — 

Wulf  died  as  he  had  lived,  a  heathen.  Placidia,  who  loved 
him  well — as  she  loved  all  righteous  and  noble  souls — had  suc- 
ceeded once  in  persuading  him  to  accept  baptism.  Adolf  him- 
self acted  as  one  of  his  sponsors;  and  the  old  warrior  was  in 
the  act  of  stepping  into  the  font,  when  he  turned  suddenly  to 
the  bishop  and  asked,  "Where  were  the  souls  of  his  heathen 
ancestors?"  " In  hell,"  replied  the  worthy  prelate.  Wulf  drew 
back  from  the  font,  and  threw  his  bear-skin  cloak  around  him. 
...  He  would  prefer,  if  Adolf  had  no  objection,  to  go  to  his 
own  people.  And  so  he  died  unbaptized,  and  went  to  his  own. 


680  PARALLEL    PASSAGES. 

This  has  suggested  the  query  whether  Mr.  Kingsley  uses  his 
privilege  as  a  novelist  to  make  a  distant  historical  event  sub- 
serve the  purposes  of  fiction,  or  whether  this  curious  incident 
occurred. 

But  Francis  Parkman  in  his  Jesuits  in  North  America  in 
the  Seventeenth  Century,  notes  a  corresponding  unwillingness 
on  the  part  of  the  Indians  to  separate  from  their  own  kindred 
and  people: — 

The  body  cared  for,  he  next  addressed  himself  to  the  soul. 
"This  life  is  short  and  very  miserable.  It  matters  little  whether 
we  live  or  die."  The  patient  remaine^  silent,  or  grumbled  his 
dissent.  The  Jesuit,  after  enlarging  for  a  time  in  broken  Huron 
on  the  brevity  and  nothingness  of  mortal  weal  or  woe,  passed 
next  to  the  joys  of  heaven  and  the  pains  of  hell,  which  he  set 
forth  with  his  best  rhetoric.  His  pictures  of  infernal  fires  and 
torturing  devils  were  readily  comprehended,  if  the  listener  had 
consciousness  enough  to  comprehend  anything;  but  with  respect 
to  the  advantages  of  the  French  paradise  he  was  slow  of  con- 
viction. "  I  wish  to  go  where  my  relations  and  ancestors  have 
gone,"  was  a  common  reply.  "Heaven  is  a  good  place  for 
Frenchmen,"  said  another;  "but  I  wish  to  be  among  Indians, 
for  the  French  will  give  me  nothing  to  eat  when  I  get  there." 
Often  the  patient  was  stolidly  silent ;  sometimes  he  was  hope- 
lessly perverse  and  contradictory.  Again  nature  triumphed  over 
grace.  "Which  will  you  choose,"  demanded  the  priest  "of  a 
dying  woman,  "heaven  or  hell?"  "Hell,  if  my  children  are 
there,  as  you  say,"  returned  the  mother.  "Do  they  hunt  in 
heaven,  or  make  war,  or  go  to  feasts?"  asked  an  anxious  in- 
quirer. "Oh,  no!"  replied  the  father.  "Then,"  returned  the 
querist,  "I  will  not  go.  It  is  not  good  to  be  lazy."  But  above 
all  other  obstacles  was  the  dread  of  starvation  in  the  regions 
of  the  blest.  Nor  when  the  dying  Indian  had  been  induced  at 
last  to  express  a  desire  for  Paradise  was  it  an  easy  matter  to 
bring  him  to  a  due  contrition  for  his  sins ;  for  he  would  deny 
with  indignation  that  he  had  ever  committed  any.  When  at 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  681 

length,  as  sometimes  happened,  all  these  difficulties  gave  way, 
and  the  patient  had  heen  brought  to  what  seemed  to  his  in- 
structor a  fitting  frame  for  baptism,  the  priest,  with  contentment 
at  his  heart,  brought  water  in  a  cup  or  in  the  hollow  of  his  hand, 
touched  his  forehead  with  the  mystic  drop,  and  snatched  him 
from  an  eternity  of  woe.  But  the  convert,  even  after  his  baptism, 
did  not  always  manifest  a  satisfactory  spiritual  condition.  "  Why 
did  you  baptize  that  Iroquois  ? "  asked  one  of  the  dying  neo- 
phytes, speaking  of  the  prisoner  recently  tortured ;  "  he  will 
get  to  heaven  before  us,  and,  when  he  sees  us  coming,  he  will 
drive  us  out." 

HISTORY    REPEATING    ITSELF. 

Herodotus  tells  us  (Book  III.  118)  that  after  the  conspirator 
Intaphernes  and  his  family  had  been  imprisoned  and  held  for 
execution  by  order  of  Darius,  the  wife  of  the  condemned  man 
constantly  presented  herself  before  the  royal  palace  exhibiting 
every  demonstration  of  grief.  As  she  regularly  continued  this 
conduct,  her  frequent  appearance  at  length  excited  the  com- 
passion of  Darius,  who  thus  addressed  her  by  a  messenger: 
"  Woman,  King  Darius  offers  you  the  liberty  of  any  individual  of 
your  family  whom  you  may  most  desire  to  preserve."  After  some 
deliberation  with  herself  she  made  this  reply:  "If  the  king 
will  grant  me  the  life  of  any  one  of  my  family,  I  choose  my 
brother  in  preference  to  the  rest."  Her  determination  greatly 
astonished  the  king ;  he  sent  to  her  therefore  a  second  message 
to  this  effect:  "  The  king  desires  to  know  why  you  have  thought 
proper  to  pass  over  your  children  and  your  husband,  and  to 
preserve  your  brother,  who  is  certainly  a  more  remote  connection 
than  your  children,  and  cannot  be  so  dear  to  you  as  your  hus- 
band." She  answered:  "  0  king!  if  it  please  the  deity,  I  may 
have  another  husband ;  and  if  I  be  deprived  of  these  I  may  have 
other  children;  but  as  my  parents  are  both  dead,  it  is  certain 
that  I  can  have  no  other  brother."  The  answer  appeared  to 
Darius  very  judicious;  indeed  he  was  so  well  pleased  with  it 


682  PARALLEL  PASSAGES. 

that  he  not  only  gave  the  woman  the  life  of  her  brother,  but 
also  pardoned  her  eldest  son. 

A  passage  in  the  Antigone  of  Sophocles  embodies  the  same 
singular  sentiment.  Creon  forbade  the  rites  of  sepulture  to 
Polynices,  after  the  duel  with  his  brother  Eteocles,  in  which 
they  were  mutually  slain,  and  decreed  immediate  death  to  any 
one  who  should  dare  to  bury  him.  Antigone,  their  sister,  was 
detected  in  the  act  of  burial,  and  was  condemned  to  be  buried 
alive  for  her  pious  care.  In  her  dangerous  situation  she  goes 
on  to  say : — 

And  thus,  my  Polynices,  for  my  care 
Of  thee,  I  am  rewarded,  and  the  good 
Alone  shall  praise  me ;  for  a  husband  dead, 
Nor,  had  I  been  a  mother,  for  my  children 
Would  I  have  dared  to  violate  the  laws — 
Another  husband  and  another  child 
Might  sooth  affliction ;  but,  my  parents  dead, 
A  brother's  loss  could  never  be  repaired. 

A  story  of  analogous  character  told  by  an  oriental  to  Miss 
Kogers,  is  related  in  her  book  Domestic  Life  in  Palestine,  as 
follows: — 

When  Ibrahim  Pasha,  the  son  of  Mahomet  Aii,  ruled  in 
Palestine,  he  sent  men  into  all  the  towns  and  villages  to  gather 
together  a  large  army.  Then  a  certain  woman  of  Serfurich  sought 
Ibrahim  Pasha  at  Akka,  and  came  into  his  presence  bowing 
herself  before  him,  and  said-:  "0  my  lord,  look  with  pity  on 
thy  servant,  and  hear  my  prayer.  A  little  while  ago  there  were 
three  men  in  my  house,  my  husband,  my  brother,  and  my  eldest 
son.  But  now  behold,  they  have  been  carried  away  to  serve  in 
your  army,  and  I  am  left  with  my  little  ones  without  a  protector. 
I  pray  you  grant  liberty  to  one  of  these  men,  that  he  may  remain 
at  home."  And  Ibrahim  had  pity  on  her  and  said :  "  0  woman, 
do  you  ask  for  your  husband,  for  your  son,  or  for  your  brother?" 
And  she  said:  "Oh,  my  lord,  give  me  my  brother."  And  he 
answered:  "How  is  this,  O  woman,  do  you  prefer  a  brother 
to  a  husband  or  a  son?"  The  woman,  who  was  renowned  for 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  683 

her  wit  and   readiness  of  speech,  replied   in  a  blank   verse 
impromptu : — 

"If  it  be  God's  will  that  my  husband  perish  in  your  service, 
I  am  still  a  woman,  and  God  may  lead  me  to  another  husband  : 
If  on  the  battle-field  my  first-born  son  should  fall, 
I  have  still  my  younger  ones,  who  will  in  God's  time  be  like  unto  him. 
But  oh !  my  lord,  if  my  only  brother  should  be  slain, 
I  am  without  remedy — for  my  father  is  dead  and  my  mother  is  old, 
And  where  should  I  look  for  another  brother?" 

And  Ibrahim  was  much  pleased  with  the  words  of  the  woman, 
and  said:  "0,  woman,  happy  above  many  is  thy  brother;  he 
shall  be  free  for  thy  word's  sake,  and  thy  husband  and  thy  son 
shall  be  free  also."  Then  the  woman  could  not  speak  for  joy 
and  gladness.  And  Ibrahim  said:  "Go  in  peace ;  let  it  not  be 
known  that  I  have  spoken  with  you  this  day."  Then  she  rose, 
and  went  her  way  to  her  village,  trusting  in  the  promise  of  the 
Pasha.  After  three  days,  her  husband,  and  son,  and  brother 
returned  unto  her,  saying:  "We  are  free  from  service  by  order 
of  the  Pasha,  but  this  matter  is  a  mystery  to  us."  And  all 
the  neighbors  marvelled  greatly.  But  the  woman  held  her 
peace,  and  this  story  did  not  become  known  until  Ibrahim's 
departure  from  Akka,  after  the  overthrow  of  the  Egyptian 
goverment  in  Syria,  in  1840. 

What  the  husband  and  the  son  thought  of  wifely  and 
motherly  affection  when  the  mystery  of  their  deliverance  was 
cleared  up,  is  not  reported. 


THE   TWO   STATESMEN. 

Hume  says  {History  of  England}  : — 

A  little  before  he  (Wolsey)  expired  (28th  November,  1530) 
he  addressed  himself  in  the  following  words  to  Sir  William 
Kingston,  Constable  of  the  Tower,  who  had  him  in  custody: 

Spray  you  have  me   heartily   recommended  unto  his  royal 
jesty  (Henry  VIII.),  and  beseech  him  on  my  behalf  to  call 
to  his  remembrance  all  matters  that  have  passed  between  us 


684  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

especially  with  regard  to  his  business  with  the  queen,  and  then 
will  he  know  in  his  conscience  whether  I  have  offended  him. 
He  is  a  prince  of  a  most  royal  carriage,  and  hath  a  princely 
heart ;  and  rather  than  he  will  miss  or  want  any  part  of  his 
will,  he  will  endanger  the  one  half  of  his  kingdom.  I  do  assure 
you  that  I  have  often  kneeled  before  him,  sometimes  three 
hours  together,  to  persuade  him  from  his  will  and  appetite,  but 
could  not  prevail :  had  I  but  served  God  as  diligently  as  I  have 
served  the  king,  he  would  not  have  given  me  over  in  my  grey 
hairs.  But  this  is  the  just  reward  I  must  receive  for  my  in- 
dulgent pains  and  study,  not  regarding  my  service  to  God  but 
only  to  my  prince." 

Holinshead  says  in  his  famous  old  Chronicles: — 
This  year  (1540),  in  the  month  of  August,  Sir  James 
Hamilton  of  Finbert,  Knight,  Controller  to  the  King  (James  V- 
of  Scotland),  who  charged  hinj  in  the  king's  name  to  go 
toward  within  the  castel  of  Edinburgh,  which  commandment 
he  willingly  obeyed,  thinking  himself  sure  enough,  as  well  by 
reason  of  the  good  service  he  had  done  tq.  the  king,  specially 
in  repairing  the  palaces  of  Striciling  and  Linlithgow,  as  ali-o 
that  the  king  had  him  in  so  high  favour,  that  he  stood  in  no 
fear  of  himself  at  all.  Nevertheless,  shortlie  after  he  was 
brought  forth  to  judgement,  and  convicted  in  the  Tolboth  of 
Edinburgh,  of  certain  points  of  treason,  laid  against  him, 
which  he  would  never  confesse;  but  that  notwithstanding,  he 
was  beheaded  in  the  month  of  September  next  insuing,  after 
that  he  had  liberallie  confessed  at  the  place  of  execution,  that 
he  had  never  in  any  jot  offended  the  king's  majesty;  and  that 
his  death  was  yet  worthilie  inflicted  upon  him  by  the  Divine 
justice,  because  he  had  often  offended  the  law  of  God  to  please 
the  prince,  thereby  to  obtain  greater  countenance  with  him. 
Wherefore  he  admonished  all  persons,  that  moved  by  his  ex- 
ample, they  should  rather  follow  the  Divine  pleasure 
unjustlie  seek  the  king's  favour,  since  it  is  better  to  please  G 
than  man. 


HISTORICAL   SIMILITUDES.  685 

THE  JUDGMENT  OP  SOLOMON. 

Several  parallels  to  Solomon's  judgment,  I.  Kings  iii.  16-28, 
are  recorded.  One  occurs  in  Gesta  Romanorum.  Three  youths, 
to  decide  a  question,  are  desired  by  their  referee,  the  King  of 
Jerusalem,  to  shoot  at  their  father's  dead  body.  One  only 
refuses ;  and  to  him,  as  the  rightful  heir,  the  legacy  is  awarded. 

In  the  Harleian  MS.,  4523,  we  are  told  of  a  woman  of  Pegu, 
a  province  of  Burmah,  whose  child  was  carried  away  by  an 
alligator.  Upon  its  restoration  another  woman  claimed  the  child. 
The  judge  ordered  them  to  pull  for  it;  the  infant  cried,  and  one 
instantly  quit  her  hold,  to  whom  the  child  was  awarded. 

The  same  story,  substantially,  is  told  in  the  Pali  commentary 
on  the  discourses  of  Buddha,  translated  by  Rev.  R.  S.  Hardy, 
as  follows : — 

A  woman  who  was  going  to  bathe,  left  her  child  to  play  on  the  banks 
of  a  tank,  when  a  female  who  was  passing  that  way  carried  it  off.  They 
both  appeared  before  Buddha,  and  each  declared  the  child  was  her  own. 
The  command  was  therefore  given  that  each  claimant  should  seize  the 
infant  by  a  leg  and  an  arm,  and  pull  with  all  her  might  in  opposite  directions. 
No  sooner  had  they  commenced  than  the  child  began  to  scream ;  when  the 
real  mother,  from  pity,  left  off  pulling,  and  resigned  her  claim  to  the  other. 
The  judge  therefore  decided  that,  as  she  only  had  shown  true  affection, 
the  child  must  be  hers. 

Suetonius  tell  us  that  the  Emperor  Claudius,  when  a  woman 
refused  to  acknowledge  her  son,  ordered  them  to  be  married. 
The  mother  confessed  her  child  at  once. 

PRECEDENCY. 

The  Emperor  Charles  V.  was  appealed  to,  by  two  women  of 
fashion  at  Brussels,  to  settle  the  point  of  precedency  between 
them,  the  dispute  respecting  which  had  been  carried  to  the  great- 
est height.  Charles,  after  affecting  to  consider  what  each  lady 
had  to  say,  decided  that  the  greater  simpleton  of  the  two  should 
have  the  pas;  in  consequence  of  which  judgment  the  ladies 
became  equally  ready  to  concede  the  privilege  each  had  claimed. 
Napoleon,  on  the  occurrence  of  a  similar  difficulty  at  a  Court 
ball  supper,  based  his  decision  on  the  question  of  age.  Mr.  Hey, 
of  Leeds,  at  a  dinner-party  of  gentlemen,  made  merit  the  test. 
58 


686  HISTORICAL   SIMILITUDES. 

THE   LEGEND    OP   BETH   GELERT. 

In  F.  Johnson's  translation  from  the  Sanscrit,  occurs  the 
following  passage : — 

In  Ougein  lived  a  Brahman  named  Madhava.  His  wife,  of  the 
Brahmanical  tribe,  who  had  recently  brought  forth,  went  to  per- 
form her  ablutions,  leaving  him  to  take  charge  of  her  infant  off- 
spring. Presently  a  person  from  the  Raja  came  for  the  Brahman 
to  perform  for  him  a  Parrana  s'raddha  (a  religious  rite  to  all  his 
ancestors.)  When  the  Brahman  saw  him,  being  impelled  by 
his  natural  poverty,  he  thought  within  himself:  If  I  go  not 
directly,  then  some  one  else  will  take  the  s'raddha.  It  is  said: — 

"  In  respect  of  a  thing  which  ought  to  be  taken,  or  to  be  given,  or  of 
a  work  which  ought  to  be  done,  and  not  being  done  quickly,  time  drinks  up 
the  spirit  thereof." 

But  there  is  no  one  here  to  take  care  of  the  child:  what  can 
I  do  then  ?  Well :  I  will  go,  having  set  to  guard  the  infant 
this  weasel,  cherished  a  long  time,  and  in  no  respect  distin- 
guished from  a  child  of  my  own.  This  he  did  and  went. 
Shortly  afterwards,  a  black  serpent,  whilst  silently  coming  near 
the  child,  was  killed  there,  and  rent  into  pieces  by  the  weasel ; 
who,  seeing  the  Brahman  coming  home,  ran  towards  him  with 
haste,  his  mouth  and  paws  all  smeared  with  blood,  and  rolled  him- 
self at  his  feet.  The  Brahman  seeing  him  in  that  state,  without 
reflecting,  said,  "  My  son  has  been  eaten  by  this  weasel,"  and 
killed  him :  but  as  soon  as  he  drew  near  and  looked,  behold  the 
child  was  comfortably  sleeping,  and  the  serpent  lay  killed! 
Thereupon  the  Brahman  was  overwhelmed  with  grief. 

This  fable  was  introduced  to  give  point  to  the  moral : — The 
fool  who,  without  knowing  the  true  state  of  the  case,  becomes 
subject  to  anger,  will  find  cause  for  regret.  Its  similarity  to  the 
well-known  Welsh  legend  is  so  remarkable  that  we  append 
Spencer's  touching  ballad. 

The  spearman  heard  the  bugle  sound, 

And  cheerily  smiled  the  inorn ; 
And  many  a  brach,  and  many  a  hound 

Attend  Llewellyn's  horn : 


HISTORICAL   SIMILITUDES.  687 

And  still  he  blew  a  louder  blast, 

And  gave  a  louder  cheer: 
"  Come,  Gelert !  why  art  thou  the  last 

Llewellyn's  horn  to  hear  ? 
"Oh!  where  does  faithful  Gelert  roam? 

The  flower  of  all  his  race ! 
So  true,  so  brave ;  a  lamb  at  home, 

A  lion  in  the  chase !" 

In  sooth  he  was  a  peerless  hound, 

The  gift  of  royal  John; 
But  now  no  Gelert  could  be  found 

And  all  the  chase  rode  on. 

And  now,  as  over  rocks  and  dells 

The  gallant  chidings  rise, 
All  Snowdon's  craggy  chaos  yella 

With  many  mingled  cries. 

That  day  Llewellyn  little  loved 

The  chase  of  hart  or  hare  ; 
And  small  and  scant  the  booty  proved, 

For  .Gelert  was  not  there. 
Unpleased,  Llewellyn  homeward  hied, 

When,  near  the  portal-seat, 
His  truant  Gelert  he  espied, 

Bounding  his  lord  to  greet. 
But  when  he  gain'd  the  castle  door, 

Aghast  the  chieftain  stood  ; 
The  hound  was  smear'd  with  gouts  of  gore, 

His  lips  and  fangs  ran  blood  ! 

'Llewellyn  gazed  with  wild  surprise, 

Unused  such  looks  to  meet : 
His  favorite  checked  his  joyful  guise. 

And  crouch'd  and  lick'd  his  feet. 
Onward  in  haste  Llewellyn  passed — • 

And  on  went  Gelert  too — 
And-  still,  where'er  his  eyes  were  cast, 

Fresh  blood-gouts  shock'd  his  view ! 
O'erturn'd  his  infant's  bed,  he  found 

The  blood-stain'd  covert  rent ; 
And  all  around,  the  walls  and  ground 

With  recent  blood  besprent. 

He  called  his  child — no  voice  replied ; 
He  search'd — with  terror  wild,- 


688  HISTORICAL    SIMILITUDES. 

Blood !  blood !  he  found  on  every  side, 

But  nowhere  found  the  child ! 
"Hell-hound!  by  thee  my  child's  devoured!" 

The  frantic  father  cried; 
And  to  the  hilt  the  vengeful  sword 

He  plunged  in  Gelert's  side ! 
His  suppliant,  as  to  earth  he  fell, 

No  pity  could  impart; 
But  still  hia  Gelert's  dying  yell 

Pass'd  heavy  o'er  his  heart. 
Aroused  by  Gelert's  dying  yell, 

Some  slumberer  waken'd  nigh : 
What  words  the  parent's  joy  can  tell, 

To  hear  his  infant  cry  ! 
Conceal'd  beneath  a  mangled  heap, 

His  hurried  search  had  miss'd, 
All  glowing  from  his  rosy  sleep, 

His  cherub-boy  he  kiss'd. 
Nor  scratch  had  he,  nor  harm,  nor  dread—- 
But, the  same  couch  beneath, . 
Lay  a  great  wolf,  all  torn  and  dead 

Tremendous  still  in  death  ! 
Oh  !  what  was  then  Llewellyn's  woe ; 

For  now  the  truth  was  clear : 
The  gallant  hound  the  wolf  had  slain, 

To  save  Llewellyn's  heir. 

Vain,  vain  was  all  Llewellyn's  woe ; 

"Best  of  thy  kind  adieu  ! 
The  frantic  deed  which  laid  thee  low,    ' 

This  heart  shall  ever  rue !" 
And  now  a  gallant  tomb  they  raise, 

With  costly  sculpture  deck'd ; 
And  marbles  storied  with  his  praise, 

Poor  Gelert's  bones  protect. 
Here  never  could  the  spearman  pass, 

Or  forester  unmoved ; 
Here  oft  the  tear-besprinkled  grass, 

Llewellyn's  sorrow  proved. 
And  here  he  hung  his  horn  and  spear  j 

And,  oft  as  evening  fell, 
In  fancy's  piercing  sounds  would  hear 

Poor  Gelert's  dying  yell ! 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  689 

ART    STORIES. 

Art  has  parallel  stories  of  a  tragic  nature.     In  the 

Chapel  proud 

Where  Roslin's  chiefs  uncoffined  lie, 
Each  baron,  for  a  sable  shroud, 
Sheathed  in  his  iron  panoply, 

stands  an  exquisite  example  of  Gothic  tracery-work,  known  as 
the  Apprentice's  Pillar,  neighbored  by  corbels  carved  with  grim, 
grotesque  human  faces.  How  it  came  by  its  name  may  best  be 
told  as  the  old  dame  who  acted  as  cicerone  at  the  beginning  of 
the  present  century  used  to  tell  it. 

"  There  ye  see  it,  gentlemen,  with  the  lace-bands  winding  sae 
beautifully  roond  aboot  it.  The  maister  had  gane  awa  to  Rome 
to  get  a  plan  for  it,  and  while  he  was  awa,  his  'prentice  made  a 
plan  himsel,  and  finished  it.  And  when  the  maister  cam  back 
and  fand  the  pillar  finished,  he  was  sae  enraged  that  he  took  a 
hammer  and  killed  the  'prentice.  There  you  see  the  'prentice's 
face — up  there  in  ae  corner  wi'  a  red  gash  in  the  brow,  and  his 
mother  greetin'  for  him  in  the  corner  opposite.  And  there,  in 
another  corner,  is  the  maister,  as  he  lookit  just  before  he  was 
hanged;  it's  him  wi'  a  kind  o'  ruff  roond  his  face." 

In  the  same  century  that  the  Prince  of  Orkney  founded  the 
chapel  at  Roslin,  the  good  people  of  Stendal  employed  an  archi- 
tect of  repute  to  build  them  one  new  gate,  and  entrusted  the 
erection  of  a  second  to  his  principal  pupil.  In  this  case,,  too, 
the  atspiring  youth  proved  the  better  craftsman,  and  paid  the 
same  penalty;  the  spot  whereon  he  fell  beneath  his  master's 
hammer  being  marked  to  this  day  by  a  stone  commemorating  the 
event;  and  the  story  goes  that  yet,  upon  moonlight  nights,  the 
ghost  of  the  murdered  youth  may  be  seen  contemplating  the 
work  that  brought  him  to  an  untimely  end,  while  a  weird  skeleton 
beats  with  a  hammer  at  the  stone  he  wrought  into  beauty. 

Another  stone,  at  GrossmOringen,  close  by  Stendal,  tells  where 
an  assistant  bell-caster  was  stabbed  by  his  master  because  he  suc- 
ceeded in  casting  a  bell,  after  the  latter  had  failed  in  the  attempt. 
It  is  a  tradition  of  Rouen  that  the  two  rose.-windows  of  its 
2T  58* 


690 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 


cathedral  were  the  work  of  the  master-architect  and  his  pupil, 
who  strove  which  of  the  two  should  produce  the  finer  window. 
Again  the  man  beat  the  master,  and  again  the  master  murdered 
the  man  in  revenge  for  his  triumph.  The  transept  window  of 
Lincoln  Cathedral  was  the  product  of  a  similar  contest,  but  in 
this  instance  the  defeated  artist  killed  himself  instead  of  his 
successful  rival. 

BALLADS   AND   LEGENDS. 

Scott's  ballad  of  "  Wild  Darrell "  was  founded  upon  a  story, 
first  told  by  Aubrey,  but  for  which  the  poet  was  indebted  to 
Lord  Webb  Seymour.  An  old  midwife  sitting  over  her  fire  one 
dark  November  night  was  roused  by  a  loud  knocking  at  the 
door.  Upon  opening  it  she  saw  a  horseman,  who  told  her  her 
services  were  required  by  a  lady  of  rank,  and  would  be  paid  for 
handsomely ;  but  as  there  were  family  reasons  why  the  affair 
should  be  kept  secret,  she  must  submit  to  be  conducted  to  her 
patient  blindfolded.  She  agreed,  allowed  her  eyes  to  be  bandaged, 
and  took  her  place  on  the  pillion.  After  a  journey  of  many 
miles,  her  conductor  stopped,  led  her  into  a  house,  and  removed 
the  bandage.  The  midwife  found  herself  in  a  handsome  bed- 
chamber, and  in  presence  of  a  lady  and  a  ferocious-looking  man. 
A  boy  was  born.  Snatching  it  from  the  woman's  arms,  the  man 
threw  the  babe  on  the  blazing  fire  ;  it  rolled  upon  the  hearth. 
Spite  of  the  entreaties  of  the  horrified  midwife,  and  the  piteous 
prayers  of  the  poor  mother,  the  ruffian  thrust  the  child  under 
the  grate,  and  raked  the  hot  coals  over  it.  The  innocent  ac- 
complice was  then  ordered  to  return  whence  she  came,  as  she 
came;  the  man  who  had  brought  her  seeing  her  home  again, 
and  paying  her  for  her  pains. 

The  woman  lost  no  time  in  letting  a  magistrate  know  what 
she  had  seen  that  November  night.  She  had  been  sharp  en'ough 
to  cut  a  piece  out  of  the  bedcurtain,  and  sew  it  in  again,  and  to 
count  the  steps  of  the  long  staircase  she  had  ascended  and 
descended.  By  these  means  the  scene  of  the  infanticide  was 
identified,  and  the  murderer  Darrell,  Lord  of  Littlecote  House, 


PARALLEL     PASSAGES.  691 

Berkshire  was  tried  at  Salisbury.  He  escaped  the  gallows  by 
bribing  the  judge,  only  to  break  his  neck  in  the  hunting-field  a 
few  months  afterwards,  at  a  place  still  known  as  Darrell's  Stile. 
Aubrey  places  Littlecote  in  Wiltshire,  makes  the  unhappy  mother 
the  waiting-maid  of  Darrell's  wife,  and  concludes  his  narration 
thus :  "  This  horrid  action  did  much  run  in  her  (the  midwife's). 
mind,  and  she  had  a  desire  to  discover  it,  but  knew  not  where 
'twas.  She  considered  with  herself  the  time  that  she  was  riding, 
and  how  many  miles  she  might  have  ridden  at  that  rate  in  that 
time,  and  that  it  must  be  some  great  person's  house,  for  the  room 
was  twelve  feet  high.  She  went  to  a  justice  of  the  peace,  and 
search  was  made — the  very  chamber  found.  The  knight  was 
brought  to  his  trial;  and,  to  be  short,  this  judge  had  this  noble 
house,  park,  and  manor,  and  (I  think)  more,  for  a  bribe  to  save 
his  life.  Sir  John  Popham  gave  sentence  according  to  law,  but 
being  a  great  person  and  a  favorite,  he  procured  a  nolle  prosequi." 
In  Sir  Walter's  ballad  the  midwife  becomes  a  friar  of  orders 
gray,  compelled  to  shrive  a  dying  woman, 

A  lady  as  a  lily  bright, 

With  an  infant  on  her  arm  ; 

and  when 

The  shrift  is  done,  the  friar  is  gone, 

Blindfolded  as  he  came — 
Next  morning,  all  in  Littlecote  Hall 

Were  weeping  for  their  dame. 

It  was  hardly  fair  to  make  Darrell  worse  than  he  was,  by  laying 
a  second  murder  at  his  door,  merely  to  give  a  local  habitation 
and  a  name  to  a  Scotch  tale  of  murder  that  might  have  been  an 
adaptation  of  the  Berkshire  tragedy. 

Somewhere  about  the  beginning  of  the  last  century,  an 
Edinburgh  clergyman  was  called  out  of  his  bed  at  midnight  on 
the  pretext  that  he  was  wanted  to  pray  with  a  person  at  the 
point  of  death.  The  good  man  obeyed  the  summons  without 
hesitation,  but  wished  he  had  not  done  so,  when,  upon  his 
sedan-chair  reaching  an  out-of-the-way  part  of  the  city,  its 
bearers  insisted  upon  his  being  blindfolded,  and  cut  his  protes- 


692  PARALLEL    PASSAGES. 

tations  short  by  threatening  to  blow  out  his  brains  if  he  refused 
to  do  their  bidding.  Like  the  sensible  man  he  was,  he  sub- 
mitted without  further  parley,  and  the  sedan  moved  on  again. 
By  and  by,  he  felt  he  was  being  carried  up-stairs :  the  chair 
stopped,  the  clergyman  was  handed  out,  his  eyes  uncovered, 
and  his  attention  directed  to  a  young  and  beautiful  lady  lying 
in  bed  with  an  infant  by  her  side.  Not  seeing  any  signs  of 
dying  about  her,  he  ventured  to  say  so,  but  was  commanded  to 
lose  no  time  in  offering^  up  such  prayers  as  were  fitting  for  a 
person  at  the  last  extremity.  Having  done  his  office,  he  was 
put  into  the  chair  and  taken  down-stairs,  a  pistol-shot  startling 
his  ears  on  the  way.  He  soon  found  himself  safe  at  home,  a 
purse  of -gold  in  his 'hand,  and  his  ears  still  ringing  with  the 
warning  he  had  received,  that  if  he  said  one  word  about  the 
transaction,  his  life  would  pay  for  the  indiscretion.  At  last  he 
fell  off  to  sleep,  to  be  awakened  by  a  servant  with  the  news, 
that  a  certain  great  house  in  the  Canongate  had  been  burned 
down,  and  the  daughter  of  its  owner  perished  in  the  flames. 
The  clergyman  had  been  long  dead,  when  a  fire  broke  out  on 
the  very  same  spot,  and  there,  amid  the  flames,  was  seen  a 
beautiful  woman,  in  an  extraordinarily  rich  night-dress  of  the 
fashion  of  half  a  century  before.  While  the  awe-struck  spec- 
tators gazed  in  wonder,  the  apparition  cried,  "Anes  burned, 
twice  burned ;  the  third  time  I'll  scare  you  all ! "  The  midwife 
of  the  Littlecote  legend  and  the  divine  of  the  Edinburgh  one 
were  mdre  fortunate  than  the  Irish  doctor  living  at  Rome  in  1743 ; 
this  gentleman,  according  to  Lady  Hamilton,  being  taken  blind- 
folded to  a  house  and  compelled  to  open  the  veins  of  a  young 
lady  who  had  loved  not  wisely,  but  too  well. 

BURIAL   ALIVE. 

In  the  year  1400,  Ginevra  de  Amiera,  a  Florentine  beauty, 
married,  under  parental  pressure,  a  man  who  had  failed  to  win 
her  heart,  that  she  had  given  to  Antonio  Rondinelli.  Soon  after- 
wards the  plague  broke  out  in  Florence ;  Ginevra  fell  ill,  appar- 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  693 

ently  succumbed  to  the  malady,  and  being  pronounced  dead,  was 
the  same  day  consigned  to  the  family  tomb.  Some  one,  however, 
had  blundered  in  the  matter,  for  in  the  middle  of  the  night, 
the  entombed  bride  woke  out  of  her  trance,  and  badly  as  her 
living  relatives  had  behaved,  found  her  dead  ones  still  less  to 
her  liking,  and  lost  no  time  in  quitting  the  silent  company,  upon 
whose  quietude  she  had  unwittingly  intruded.  Speeding 
through  the  sleep-wrapped  streets  as  swiftly  as  her  clinging 
cerements  allowed,  Ginevra  sought  the  home  from  which  she  had 
so  lately  been  borne.  Roused  from  his  slumbers  by  a  knocking 
at  the  door,  the  disconsolate  widower  of  a  day  cautiously  opened 
an  upper  window,  and  seeing  a  shrouded  figure  waiting-below,  in 
whose  upturned  face  he  recognized  the  lineaments  of  the  dear 
departed,  he  cried,  "  Go  in  peace,  blessed  spirit,"  and  shut  the 
window  precipitately.  With  sinking  heart  and  slackened  step, 
the  repulsed  wife  made  her  way  to  her  father's  door,  to  receive 
the  like  benison  from  her  dismayed  parent.  Then  she  crawled 
on  to  an  uncle's,  where  the  door  was  indeed  opened,  but  only 
to  be  slammed  in  her  face  by  the  frightened  man,  who,  in  his 
hurry,  forgot  even  to  bless  his  ghostly  caller.  The  cool  night 
air,  penetrating  the  undress  of  the  hapless  wanderer,  made  her 
tremble  and  shiver,  as  she  thought  she  had  waked  to  life  only 
to  die  again  in  the  cruel  streets.  "Ah"  she  sighed,  "  Antonio 
would  not  have  proved  so  unkind."  This  thought  naturally 
suggested  it  was  her  duty  to  test  his  love  and  courage :  it  would 
be  time  enough  to  die  if  he  proved  like  the  rest.  The  way 
was  long,  but  hope  renerved  her  limbs,  and  soon  Ginevra  was 
knocking  timidly  at  Rondinelli's  door.  He  opened  it  himself, 
and  although  startled  by  the  ghastly  vision,  calmly  inquired  what 
the  spirit  wanted  with  him.  Throwing  her  shroud  away  from 
her  face,  Ginevra  exclaimed,  ."I  am  no  spirit,  Antonio;  I  am 
that  Ginevra  you  once  loved,  who  was  buried  yesterday — buried 
alive!"  and  fell  senseless  into  the  welcoming  arms  of  her  aston- 
ished lover,  whose  cries  for  help  soon  brought  down  his  sympa- 
thizing family  to  hear  the  wondrous  story,  and  bear  its  heroine 


694  PARALLEL    PASSAGES. 

to  bed,  to  be  tenderly  tended  until  she  had  recovered  from  the 
shock,  and  was  as  beautiful  as  ever  again.  Then  came  the  diffi- 
culty. Was  Ginevra  to  return  to  the  man  who  had  buried  her, 
and  shut  his  doors  against  her,  or  give  herself  to  the  man  who 
had  saved  her  from  a  second  death  ?  With  such  powerful  special 
pleaders  as  love  and  gratitude  on  his  side,  of  course  Rondinelli 
won  the  day,  and  a  private  marriage  made  the  lovers  amends 
for  previous  disappointment.  They,  however,  had  no  intention 
of  keeping  in  hiding,  but  the  very  first  Sunday  after  they  be- 
came man  and  wife,  appeared  in  public  together  at  the  cathedral, 
to  the  confusion  and  wonder  of  Grinevra's  friends.  An  explana- 
tion ensued,  which  satisfied  everybody  except  the  lady's  first  hus- 
band, who  insisted  that  nothing  but  her  dying  in  genuine  earnest 
could  dissolve  the  original  matrimonial  bond.  The  case  was  re- 
ferred to  the  bishop,  who,  having  no  precedent  to  curb  his  deci- 
sion, rose  superior  to  technicalities,  and  declared  that  the  first  hus- 
band had  forfeited  all  right  to  Ginevra,  and  must  pay  over  to  Ron- 
dinelli  the  dowry  he  had  received  with  her :  a  decree  at  which 
we  may  be  sure  all  true  lovers  in  fair  Florence  heartily  rejoiced. 
This  Italian  romance  of  real  life  has  its  counterpart  in  a 
French  cause  ctfebre,  but  the  Gallic  version  unfortunately  lacks 
names  and  dates ;  it  differs,  too,  considerably  in  matters  of  detail ; 
instead  of  the  lady  being  a  supposed  victim  of  the  plague,  which 
in  the  older  story  secured  her  hasty  interment,  she  was  supposed 
to  have  died  of  grief  at  being  wedded  against  her  inclination ; 
instead  of  coming  to  life  of  her  own  accord,  and  seeking  her  lover 
as  a  last  resource,  the  French  heroine  was  taken  out  of  her  grave 
by  her  lover,  who  suspected  she  was  not  really  dead,  and  resusci- 
tated by  his  exertions,  to  flee  with  him  to  England.  After  living 
happily  together  there  for  ten  years,  the  strangely  united  couple 
ventured  to  visit  Paris,  where  the  first  husband  accidentally 
meeting  the  lady,  was  struck  by  her  resemblance  to  his  dead 
wife,  found  out  her  abode,  and  finally  claimed  her  for  his  own. 
When  the  case  came  for  trial,  the  second  husband  did  not  dispute 
the  fact  of  identity,  but  pleaded  that  his  rival  had  renounced 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  695 

all  claim  to  the  lady  by  ordering  her  to  be  buried,  without  first 
making  sure  she  was  dead,  and  that  she  would  have  been  dead 
and  rotting  in  her  grave  if  he  had  not  rescued  her.  The  court 
was  saved  the  trouble  of  deciding  the  knotty  point,  for,  seeing 
that  it  was  likely  to  pronounce  against  them,  the  fond  pair 
quietly  slipped  out  of  France,  and  found  refuge  in  "a  foreign 
clime,  where  their  love  continued  sacred  and  entire,  till  death 
conveyed  them  to  those  happy  regions  where  love  knows  no  end, 
and  is  confined  within  no  limits." 

RING   STORIES. 

Of  dead-alive  ladies  brought  to  consciousness  by  sacrilegious 
robbers,  covetous  of  the  rings  upon  their  cold  fingers,  no  less 
than  seven  stories,  differing  but  slightly  from  each  other,  have 
been  preserved ;  in  one,  the  scene  is  laid  in  Halifax ;  in  another, 
in  Gloucestershire ;  in  a  third,  in  Somersetshire  ;  in  the  fourth, 
in  Drogheda  ;•  the  remaining  three  being  appropriated  by  as 
many  towns  in  Germany. 

Ring-stories  have  a  knack  of  running  in  one  groove.  Hero- 
dotus tells  us  how  Amasis  advised  Polycrates,  as  a  charm  against 
misfortune,  to  throw  away  some  gem  he  especially  valued;  how, 
taking  the  advice,  Polycrates  went  seaward  in  a  boat,  and 
cast  his  favorite  ring  into  the  ocean  ;  and  how,  a  few  days  after- 
ward, a  fisherman  caught  a  large  fish  so  extraordinarily  fine, 
that  he  thought  it  fit  only  for  the  royal  table,  and  accordingly 
presented  it  to  the  fortunate  monarch,  who  ordered  it  to  be 
dressed  for  supper;  and  lo!  when  the  fish  was  opened,  the  sur- 
prised cook's  astonished  eye  beheld  his  master's  cast-away  ring; 
much  to  that  master's  delight,  but  his  adviser's  dismay;  for 
when  Amasis  heard  of  the  wonderful  event,  he  immediately  dis- 
patched a  herald  to  break  his  contract  of  friendship  with  Poly- 
crates, feeling  confident  the  latter  would  come  to  an  ill  end, 
"  as  he  prospered  in  everything,  even  finding  what  he  had  thrown 
away."  The  city  of  Glasgow  owes  the  ring-holding  salmon 
figuring  in  its  armorial  bearings  to  a  legend  concerning  its  patron 


696  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

saint,  Kentigern,  thus  told  in  the  Acta  Sanctorum :  A  queen 
who  formed  an  improper  attachment  to  a  handsome  soldier,  put 
upon  his  finger  a  precious  ring  which  her  own  lord  had  con- 
ferred upon  her.  The  king,  made  aware  of  the  fact,  but  dis- 
sembling his  anger,  took  an  opportunity,  in  hunting,  while  the 
soldier  lay  asleep  beside  the  Clyde,  to  snatch  off  the  ring,  and 
throw  it  into  the  river.  Then  returning  home  along  with  the 
soldier,  he  demanded  of  the  queen  the  ring  he  had  given  her. 
She  sent  secretly  to  the  soldier  for  the  ring,  which  could  not  be 
restored.  In  great  terror,  she  then  despatched  a  messenger  to  ask 
the  assistance  of  the  holy  Kentigern.  He,  who  knew  of  the 
affair  before  being  informed  of  it,  went  to  the  river  Clyde,  and 
having  caught  a  salmon,  took  from  the  stomach  the  missing 
ring,  which  he  sent  to  the  queen.  She  joyfully  went  with  it  to 
the  king,  who,  thinking  he  had  wronged  her,  swore  he  would  be 
revenged  upon  her  accusers ;  but  she,  affecting  a  forgiving  tem- 
per, besought  him  to  pardon  them  as  she  had  done.  At  the 
same  time,  she  confessed  her  error  to  Kentigern,  and  solemnly 
vowed  to  be  more  careful  of  her  conduct  in  future."  In 
1559,  a  merchant  and  alderman  of  Newcastle,  named  Anderson, 
handling  his  ring  as  he  leaned  over  the  bridge,  dropped  it  into 
the  Tyne.  Some  time  after,  his  servant  bought  a  salmon  in  the 
market,  in  whose  stomach  the  lost  ring  was  found :  its  value 
enhanced  by  the  strange  recovery,  the  ring  became  an  heirloom 
and  was  in  the  possession  of  one  of  the  Alderman's  decendants 
some  forty  years  ago.  A  similar  accident,  ending  in  a  similar  way, 
is  recorded  to  have  happened  to  one  of  the  dukes  of  Lorraine. 

DEATH   PROPHECIES. 

Monk  Grerbert,  who  wore  the  tiara  as  Sylvester  II.,  a  man 
of  whom  it  was  said  that — thanks  to  the  devil's  assistance — he 
never  left  anything  unexecuted  which  he  ever  conceived,  anti- 
cipating Roger  Bacon,  made  a  brazen  head  capable  of  answering 
like  an  oracle.  From  this  creature  of  his  own,  Gerbert  learned 


PARALLEL   PASSAGES.  697 

he  would  not  die  until  he  had  performed  mass  in  Jerusalem. 
He  thereupon  determined  to  live  forever  by  taking  good  care 
never  to  go  near  the  holy  city.  Like  all  dealers  with  the  Evil 
One,  he  was  destined  to  be  cheated.  Performing  mass  one  day 
in  Rome,  Sylv'ester  was  seized  with  sudden  illness,  and  upon 
inquiring  the  name  of  the  church  in  which  he  had  officiated, 
heard,  to  his  dismay,  that  it  was  popularly  called  Jerusalem; 
then  he  knew  his  end  was  at  hand;  and  it  was  not  long  before 
it  came.  Nearly  five  hundred  years  after  this  event  happened, 
Master  Robert  Fabian,  who  must  not  be  suspected  of  inventing 
history,  seeing,  as  sheriff  and  alderman,  he  was  wont  to  pillory 
public  liars,  wrote  of  Henry  IV.,  "After  the  feast  of  Christ- 
mas, while  he  was  making  his  prayers  at  St.  Edward's  shrine, 
he  became  so  sick,  that  such  as  were  about  him  feared  that  he 
would  have  died  right  there ;  wherefore  they,  for  his  comfort, 
bare  him  into  the  abbot's  place,  and  lodged  him  in  a  chamber; 
and  there,  upon  a  pallet,  laid  him  before  the  fire,  where  he  lay 
in  great  agony  a  certain  time.  At  length,  when  he  was  come 
to  himself,  not  knowing  where  he  was,  he  freyned  [asked]  of 
such  as  were  there  about  him  what  place  that  was ;  the  which 
shewed  to  him  that  it  belonged  unto  the  Abbot  of  Westmin- 
ster; and  for  he  felt  himself  so  sick,  he  commanded  to  ask  if 
that  chamber  had  any  special  name.  Whereunto  it  was  answer- 
ed, that  it  was  named  Jerusalem.  Then  said  the  king,  <  Laud 
be  to  the  Father  of  Heaven,  for  now  I  know  I  shall  die  in  this 
chamber,  according  to  the  prophecy  of  me  beforesaid,  that  I 
should  die  in  Jerusalem ;'  and  so  after,  he  made  himself  ready, 
and  died  shortly  after,  upon  the  Day  of  St.  Cuthbert,  on  the 
20th  day  of  March,  1413." 


Three  of  the  most  famous  battles  recorded  in  English  history 
were  marked  by  a  strange  contrast  between  the  behavior  of  the 
opposing  armies  on  the  eve  of  the  fight.  At  Hastings,  the 
Saxons  spent  the  night  in  singing,  feasting,  and  drinking;  while 

59 


693  PARALLEL   PASSAGES. 

the  Normans  were  confessing  themselves  and  receiving  the  sac- 
rament. At  Agincourt,  "  the  poor  condemned  English  "  said 
their  prayers,  and  sat  patiently  by  their  watch-fires,  to  "inly 
ruminate  the  morrow's  danger ;"  while  the  over-confident  French 
revelled  the  night  through,  and  played  for  the  prisoners  they 
were  never  to  take.  "  On  the  eve  of  Bannockburu,"  says  Paston, 
who  fought  there  on  the  beaten  side,  "  ye  might  have  seen  the 
Englishmen  bathing  themselves  in  wine,  and  casting  their  gor- 
gets; there  was  crying,  shouting,  wassailing,  and  drinking,  with 
other  rioting  far  above  measure.  On  the  other  side  we  might 
have  seen  the  Scots,  quiet,  still,  and  close,  fasting  the  eve  of 
St.  John  the  Baptist,  laboring  in  love  of  the  liberties  of  their 
country."  Our  readers  need  not  be  told  that  in  each  case  the 
orderly,  prayerful  army  proved  victorious,  and  so  made  the 
treble  parallel  perfect. 

BISHOP    HATTO. 

The  legend  of  Hatto,  bishop  of  Mayence,  has  been  preserved 
in  stanzas  which  are  well  remembered  by  school  children.  To 
avoid  the  importunity  of  the  starving  during  a  period  of  famine, 
the  wicked  prelate  collected  them  into  a  barn, 

"  And  while  for  mercy  on  Christ  they  call, 

He  set  fire  to  the  barn,  and  burnt  them  all." 

Thereupon  he  was  attacked  by  an  army  of  mice,  and  escaped 
to  his  tower  (the  Mauseschloss)  on  a  rock  in  the  Rhine.  But 
they  quickly  followed  him  and  poured  in  by  thousands,  "in  at 
the  windows  and  in  at  the  door,"  until  he  was  overpowered  and 
destroyed. 

"They  gnawed  the  flesh  from  every  limb, 
For  they  were  sent  to  do  judgment  on  him." 

The  same  story  is  told  of  the  Swiss  baron,  von  Griittingen, 
who  was  pursued  and  devoured  by  mice  in  his  castle  in  Lake 
Constance.  It  is  also  told,  with  a  variation,  of  the  Polish  King 
Popiel.  When  the  Poles  murmured  at  his  bad  government, 
and  sought  redress,  he  summoned  the  chief  remonstrants  to  his 
palace,  poisoned  them,  and  had  their  bodies  thrown  into  the 
lake  Gropolo.  He  sought  refuge  from  the  mice  within  a  circle 
of  fire,  but  was  overrun  and  eaten  by  them. 


PROTOTYPES.  699 


THE    OLDEST    PROVERB. 

IT  appears  from  I  Samuel  xxiv.  13,  that  the  oldest  proverb 
on  record,  is,  "Wickedness  proceedeth  from  the  wicked;"  since 
David,  in  his  time,  declared  it  to  be  "a  proverb  of  the  ancients;" 
consequently  older  than  any  proverb  of  his  son  Solomon. 

SHAKSPEARE   SAID    IT    FIRST. 

In  one  of  Clough's  letters  he  tells  an  amusing  story  of  a 
Calvin  istic  old  lady,  who,  on  being  asked  about  the  Universal- 
ists,  observed, — "Yes,  they  expect  that  everybody  will  be  saved, 
but  we  look  for  better  things."  How  like  this  is  to  the 
admirable  confusion  of  Sir  Andrew  Aguecheek,  who,  in  his 
letter  of  challenge,  (  Twelfth  Niyht,  iii.  4,)  concludes  thus : — 
"  Fare  thee  well,  and  God  have  mercy  upon  one  of  our  souls ! 
He  may  have  mercy  upon  mine;  but  my  hope  is  better!" 

CINDERELLA'S  SLIPPER. 

A  story  somewhat  similar  to  that  of  Cinderella  has  been 
handed  down  from  the  Greek.  It  is  reported  of  Rhodopis, — 
a  Thracian  slave,  who  was  purchased  and  manumitted  by  Char- 
axus  of  Mytilene,  and  afterward  settled  in  Egypt, — that  one 
day,  while  she  was  in  the  bath,  an  eagle,  having  flown  down, 
snatched  one  of  her  slippers  from  an  attendant,  and  carried  it 
to  Memphis.  Psammitichus,  the  king,  at  the  time,  was  sitting 
on  his  tribunal,  and  while  engaged  in  dispensing  justice,  the 
eagle,  settling  above  his  head,  dropped  the  sandal  into  his 
bosom.  Astonished  by  the  singularity  of  the  event,  and  struck 
by  the  diminutive  size  and  elegant  shape  of  the  sandal,  the  king 
ordered  search  to  be  made  for  the  owner  throughout  the  land 
of  Egypt.  Having  found  her  at  Naucratis,  she  was  presented 
to  the  king,  who  made  her  his  queen. 


700  PROTOTYPES. 

CURTAIN  LECTURES. 

Jerrold,  in  his  preface  to  the  later  editions  of  Mrs.  Caudle's 
Curtain  Lectures,  makes  this  curious  statement: — 

It  has  happened  to  the  writer  that  two,  or  three,  or  ten,  or  twenty 
gentlewomen  have  asked  him...  What  could  have  made  you  think  of 
Mrs.  Caudle?  How  could  such  a  thing  hare  entered  ant/  man's  mind'? 
There  are  subjects  that  seem  like  rain-drops  to  fall  upon  a  man's  head,  the 
head  itself  having  nothing  to  do  with  the  matter  .  .  .  And  this  was,  no  doubt, 
the  accidental  cause  of  the  literary  sowing  and  expansion — unfolding  like 
a  night-flower — of  MBS.  CAUDLE  . .  .  The  writer,  still  dreaming  and  musing, 
and  still  following  no  distinct  line  of  thought,  there  struck  upon  him,  like 
notes  of  sudden  household  music,  these  words — CURTAIN  LECTURES. 

Nevertheless,  this  phrase  may  be  traced  back  more  than  two 
centuries,  while  the  idea  will  be  found  in  the  Sixth  Satire  of 
Juvenal,  who  says: — 

Semper  habet  lites,  alternaque  jurgia  lectus,- 

In  quo  nupta  jacet:  minimum  dormitur  in  illo,  <fec. 

Stapylton's  translation  of  this  passage  was  published  in 
1647 :— 

Debates,  alternate  brawlings,  ever  were 

F  th'  marriage  bed :  there  is  no  sleeping  there. 

In  the  margin  of  the  translation  are  the  words  Curtain' 
Lectures. 

Dryden  in  his  translation  of  the  same  passage  (published 
1693)  introduces  the  phrase  into  the  text: — 

Besides,  what  endless  brawls  by  wives  are  bred; 
The  Curtain-Lecture  makes  a  mournful  bed. 

And  Addison,  in  the  Tatler,  describing  a  luckless  wight 
undergoing  the  penalty  of  a  nocturnal  oratiqn,  says : — 

I  could  not  but  admire  his  exemplary  patience,  and  discovered,  by  his 
whole  behavior,  that  he  was  then  lying  under  the  discipline  of  a  curtain 
lecture. 

THE   CHARGE    OP   THE   LIGHT   BRIGADE. 

The  metre,  movement,  and  idea  of  Tennyson's  Charge  of  the 
Six  Hundred  at  Balaklava,  are  evidently  derived  from  Michael 
Drayton's  Battle  of  Agincourt,  published  in  1627.  The  first, 
middle  and  last  stanzas  of  Drayton's  poem  run  thus : — 


PROTOTYPES.  701 

1. 

Faire  stood  the  Wind  for  France 
When  we  our  Sayles  advance, 
Nor  now  to  prove  our  chance 

Longer  will  tarry ; 
But  putting  to  the  Mayne, 
At  Kaux,  the  Mouth  of  Seyne, 
With  all  his  Martiall  Trayne, 

Landed  King  Harry. 

8. 

They  now  to  fight  are  gone, 
Armour  on  armour  shone, 
Drumme  now  to  Drumme  did  grone, 

To  heare  was  wonder: 
That  with  the  Cryes  they  make, 
The  very  earth  did  shake, 
Trumpet  to  Trumpet  spake, 

Thunder  to  Thunder. 

15. 

Upon  Saint  Crispin's  day 
Fought  was  this  Noble  Fray, 
Which  Fame  did  not  delay 

To  England  to  carry; 
0  when  shall  English  Men 
With  such  Acts  fill  a  Pen, 
Or  England  breed  againe 

Such  a  King  HARRY  ! 

THE   FAUST   LEGENDS. 

About  the  middle  of  the  thirteenth  century  began  to  spread 
the  notion  of  formal  written  agreements  between  the  Fiend  and 
men  who  were  to  be  his  exclusive  property  after  a  certain  time, 
during  which  he  was  to  help  them  to  all  earthly  good.  This, 
curious  to  say,  came  with  Christianity  from  the  East.  The  first 
instance  was  that  of  Theophilus,  vicedomintis  of  the  Bishop  of 
Adana,  a  city  of  Cilicia,  in  the  sixth  century,  whose  fall  and 
conversion  form  the  original  of  all  the  Faust  legends.  The  story 
of  Theophilus  may  be  found  in  various  works,  among  them 
Ennemoser's  Universal  History  of  Magic,  which  was  translated 
by  William  Howitt. 

59* 


702  PROTOTYPES. 

AIR   CUSHIONS. 

Ben  Jonson,  in  the  Alchemist,  makes  Sir  Epicure  Mammon, 
in  his  expectation  of  acquiring  the  secret  of  the  philosopher's 
stone,  enumerate  to  Surly  a  list  of  anticipated  luxuries.  Among 
these  indulgences  is  this  prophetic  forecast  of  modern  inflated 
India-rubber  beds  and  cushions: — 

"I  will  have  all  my  beds  blown  up,  not  atvffed; 
Down  is  too  hard." 


THE   CAT  IN   THE   ADAGE. 

Lady  Macbeth  thus  taunts  her  husband: — 

Wouldst  thou  have  that 
Which  thou  esteem'st  the  ornament  of  life, 
And  live  a  coward  in  thine  own  esteem; 
Letting  I  dare  not  wait  upon  I  would, 
Like  the  poor  cat  i'  the  adage? 

The  adage  is  thus  given  in  Heywood's  Proverbs,  1566: — 

"  The  cat  would  eate  fishe,  and  would  not  wet  her  feete." 

The  proverb  is  found  among  all  nations.     The  Latin  form  of 
mediaeval  times  was  as  follows : — 

"  Catus  amat  pisces,  sed  non  vult  tingere  plantas." 

The  Germans  say : — 

"Die  Eatz'e  h'att'  die  Fische  gern;    aber  sie  will   die  Fiisse  nit  nass 
machen." 

And  the  Scotch  have  it: — 

"  The  cat  would  fain  fish  eat, 
But  she  has  no  will  to  wet  her  feet." 


CORK   LEGS. 

A  gentleman  in  Charleston  conceived  a  very  decided  liking 
to  a  young  lady  from  Ireland,  and  was  on  the  eve  of  popping 
the  question,  when  he  was  told  by  a  friend  that  his  dulcinea 
had  a  cork  leg.  It  is  difficult  to  imagine  the  distress  of  the 
young  Carolinian.  He  went  to  her  father's  house,  knocked 


PROTOTYPES.  703 

impatiently  at  the  door,  and  when  admitted  to  the  fair  one's 
presence,  asked  her  if  what  he  had  heard  respecting  her  were 
true.  "  Yes,  indeed,  my  dear  Sir,  it  is  true  enough,  but  you 
have  heard  only  half  of  my  misfortune.  I  have  got  two  cork 
legs,  having  had  the  ill-luck  to  be  born  in  Cork."  This  is 
the  incident  on  which  is  founded  Hart's  afterpiece  called 
Perfection. 

THE   POPE'S   BULL    AGAINST    THE    COMET. 

When  President  Lincoln  was  first  asked  to  issue  a  proclama- 
tion abolishing  slavery  in  the  Southern  States,  he  replied  that 
such  an  act  would  be  as  absurd  as  the  Pope's  bull  against  the 
comet. 

The  comet  referred  to  is  Halley's.  Concerning  its  first 
authenticated  appearance,  Admiral  Smyth,  in  his  Cycle,  of 
Celestial  Objects,  says: — 

In  1456  it  came  with  a  tail  60°  in  length,  and  of  a  vivid  brightness; 
which  splendid  train  affrighted  all  Europe,  and  spread  consternation  in 
every  quarter.  To  its  malign  influences  were  imputed  the  rapid  successes 
of  Mahomet  II.,  which  then  threatened  all  Christendom.  The  general 
alarm  was  greatly  aggravated  by  the  conduct  of  Pope  Calixtus  III.,  who, 
though  otherwise  a  man  of  abilities,  was  but  a  poor  astronomer;  for  that 
pontiff  daily  ordered  the  church  bells  to  be  rung  at  noontide,  extra  Ave 
Marias  to  te  repeated,  and  a  special  protest  and  excommunication  was 
composed,  exorcising  equally  the  devil,  the  Turks,  and  the  comet. 

SWAPPING   HORSES. 

The  celebrated  maxim  of  President  Lincoln,  "not  to  swap 
horses  while  fording  the  stream,"  was  anticipated  centuries  ago 
by  Cyrus  the  Elder,  King  of  Persia,  in  directing  his  troops  to 
take  up  their  several  stations,  when  he  said,  "  When  the  contest 
is  about  to  begin,  there  is  no  longer  time  for  any  chariot  to 
unyoke  the  horses  for  a  change." 

WOODEN    NUTMEGS- 

Judge  Haliburton,  in  that  amusing  book  The  ClockmaJccr, 
puts  the  following  in  the  mouth  of  Sam  Slick : — 


704  PROTOTYPES. 

That  remark  seemed  to  grig  him  a  little;  he  felt  oneasy  like,  and  walked 
twice  across  the  room,  fifty  fathoms  deep  in  thought;  at  last  he  said, 
"Which  way  are  you  from,  Mr.  Slick,  this  hitch  ?"  "  Why,"  says  I,  "  I've 
been  away  up  South  a  speculating  in  nutmegs."  "I  hope,"  says  the  Pro- 
fessor, "  they  were  a  good  article, — the  real  right  down  genuine  thing  ?" 
"  No,  mistake,"  says  I,  "  no  mistake,  Professor ;  they  were  all  prime,  first 
chop ;  but  why  did  you  ax  that  'ere  question  ?"  "  Why,"  says  he,  "  that 
eternal  scoundrel,  that  Captain  John  Allspice  of  Nabant,  he  used  to  trade 
to  Charleston,  and  he  carried  a  cargo  once  there  of  fifty  barrels  of  nut- 
megs. Well,  he  put  half  a  bushel  of  good  ones  into  each  end  of  the 
barrel,  and  the  rest  he  filled  up  with  wooden  ones,  so  like  the  real  thing, 
no  soul  could  tell  the  difference  until  he  bit  one  with  his  teeth,  and  that  he 
never  thought  of  doing  until  he  was  first  bit  himself.  Well,  it's  been  a 
standing  joke  with  them  Southerners  agin  us  ever  since." 

TRADE   UNIONS. 

Trade  unions  are  not  of  such  recent  origin  as  many  people 
suppose.  "I  am  credibly  informed,"  wrote  Mandeville,  the 
philosophic  author  of  the  Fables  of  the  £ees,  one  hundred  and 
fifty  years  ago,  in  his  Essay  on  Charity  and  Charity  Schools, 
"that  a  parcel  of  footmen  are  arrived  to  that  height  of  inso- 
lence as  to  have  entered  into  a  society  together,  and  made  laws 
by  which  they  oblige  themselves  not  to  serve  for  less  than  such 
a  sum,  nor  carry  burdens,  or  any  bundle  or  parcel  above  a 
certain  weight,  not  exceeding  two  or  three  pounds,  with  other 
regulations  directly  opposite  to  the  interest  of  those  they  serve, 
and  altogether  destructive  to  the  use  they  were  designed  for. 
If. any  of  them  be  turned  away  for  strictly  adhering  to  the  orders 
of  this  honorable  corporation,  he  is  taken  care  of  till  another 
service  is  provided  for  him  ;  but  there  is  no  money  wanting  at 
any  time  to  commence  and  maintain  a  lawsuit  against  any 
that  shall  pretend  to  strike  or  offer  any  other  injury  to  his 
gentleman  footman,  contrary  to  the  statutes  of  their  society. 
If  this  be  true,  as  I  believe  it  is,  and  they  are  suffered  to  go 
on  in  consulting  and  providing  for  their  own  ease  and  con- 
veniency  any  further,  we  may  expect  quickly  to  see  the  French 
comedy  'Le  Maitre  le  Valet'  acted  in  good  earnest  in  most 
families ;  while,  if  not  redressed  in  a  little  time,  and  these  foot- 


PROTOTYPES.  705 

men  increase  their  company  to  the  number  it  is  possible  they 
may,  as  well  as  assemble  when  they  please  with  impunity,  it 
will  be  in  their  power  to  make  a  tragedy  of  it  whenever  they 
have  a  mind  to." 

CONSEQUENTIAL    DAMAGES. 

On  page  454  of  Senator  Wilson's  Rise  and  Fall  of  the 
Slave  Power  in  America,  he  says  (of  a  speech  of  the  late  Mr. 
Giddings) :  "He  referred  to  the  Treaty  of  Indian  Springs,  by 
which,  after  paying  the  slaveholders  of  Georgia  the  sum  of 
$109,000  for  slaves  who  had  escaped  to  Florida,  it  added  the 
sum  of  $141,000  as  compensation  demanded  for  the  offspring 
which  the  females  would  have  borne  to  their  masters  had  they 
remained  in  bondage;  and  Congress  actually  paid  that  sum  for 
children  who  were  never  born,  but  who  might  have  been  if 
their  parents  had  remained  faithful  slaves." 

There  is  no  clearer  case  of  the  payment  of  "consequential 
damages"  in  English  or  American  history  than  this. 


THE   ORIGINAL   SHYLOCK. 

Gregory  Leti,  in  his  biography  of  Sextus  V.,  tells  us  that 
Paul  Secchi,  a  Venetian  merchant,  having  learned  by  private 
advices  that  Admiral  Francis  Blake  had  conquered  St.  Domingo, 
communicated  the  news  to  a  Jewish  merchant  named  Sampson: 
Ceneda.  The  latter  was  so  confident  that  the  information  was 
false,  that,  after  repeated  protestations,  he  said,  "I  bet  a  pound 
of  my  flesh  that  the  report  is  untrue."  "And  I  lay  a  thousand 
scudi  against  it,"  rejoined  the  Christian,  who  caused  a  bond  to 
be  drawn  to  the  effect  that  in  case  the  report  should  prove 
untrue,  then  the  Christian  merchant,  Signer  Paul  Secchi,  is 
bound  to  pay  the  Jewish  merchant  the  sum  of  1000  scudi,  and 
on  the  other  hand,  if  the  truth  of  the  news  be  confirmed,  the 
Christian  merchant,  Signor  Paul  Secchi,  is  justified  and  em- 
powered to  cut  with  his  own  hand,  with  a  well-sharpened  knife, 
2U 


706  PROTOTYPES. 

a  pound  of  the  Jew's  fair  flesh,  of  that  part  of  the  body  it 
might  please  him.  When  the  news  proved  true,  the  Christian 
insisted  on  his  bond,  but  the  governor,  having  got  wind  of  the 
affair,  reported  it  to  the  Pope,  who  condemned  both  Jew  and 
Christian  to  the  galleys,  from  which  they  could  only  be  ran- 
somed by  paying  a  fine  of  double  the  amount  of  the  wager. 

Shakspeare  reverses  the  order,  and  makes  the  Jew  usurer 
demand  the  pound  of  flesh  from  the  Christian  merchant. 

EXCOMMUNICATION. 

The  excommunication  of  the  Roman  Catholic  Church,  exactly 
described  by  anticipation  in  Caesar's  account  of  their  predeces- 
sors, the  Heathen  Druids,  will  be  found  in  Caesar,  de  Bella 
Gallico,  Book  VI.  Chap,  iii.,  the  passage  beginning  "Si  quis 
aut  privatus  aut  publicus,"  and  ending  "Neque  honos  ullus 
coinmunicatur." 

s  They  decree  rewards  and  punishments,  and  if  any  one  refuses  to  submit 
to  their  sentence,  whether  magistrate  or  private  man,  they  interdict  him 
the  sacrifices.  This  is  the  greatest  punishment  that  can  be  inflicted  among 
the  Gauls;  because  such  as  are  under  this  prohibition  are  considered  as 
impious  and  wicked ;  all  men  shun  them,  and  decline  their  conversation 
and  fellowship,  lest  they  should  suffer  from  the  contagion  of  their  misfor- 
tunes. They  can  neither  have  recourse  to  the  law  for  justice,  nor  are 
capable  of  any  public  office. 

NAPOLEON    I. 

Compare  the  character  and  fall  of  Bonaparte  with  that  of 
the  king  of  Babylon  as  described  in  the  remarkable  language 
of  the  prophet  Isaiah,  chapter  xiv.,  verses  4 — 22. 

THE   PALLS   OF   LANARK. 

The  following  lines  in  an  album  formerly  kept  at  the  inn  at 
Lanark  evidently  suggested  to  Southey  his  playful  verses  on 
The  Cataract  of  Lodore : — 

What  fools  are  mankind, 
And  how  strangely  inclined 


PROTOTYPES.  707 

To  come  from  all  places 
With  horses  and  chaises, 
By  day  and  by  dark, 
To  the  Falls  of  Lanark ! 
.For,  good  people,  after  all, 
What  is  a  waterfall  ? 
It  comes  roaring  and  grumbling, 
And  leaping  and  tumbling, 
And  hopping  and  skipping, 
And  foaming  and  dripping, 
And  struggling  and  toiling, 
And  bubbling  and  boiling, 
And  beating  and  jumping, 
And  bellowing  and  thumping. 
I  have  much  more  to  say  upon 
Both  Linn  and  Bonniton  ; 
But  the  trunks  are  tied  on, 
And  I  must  be  gone. 

In  the  varied  music  of  Schiller's  Song  of  the  Bell  may  be 
found  the  same  style  : — 

£>cr  SPtonn  tmt§  BtnauS  The  man  must  be  out 

3rt3  fcinblirfje  Seben,  In  hostile  life  toiling, 

2Wu§  Wirfen  Unb  flre&en  Be  struggling  and  moiling, 

Unb  pflattjett  Unb  fcfyaffen,  And  planting,  obtaining, 

Srtiflen,  erraffen,  Devising  and  gaining, 

SWu§  Wettert  Itnb  Wflgett,  And  daring,  enduring, 

2)a3  ®lU(J  jit  erjagert.  So  fortune  securing. 

TURGOT'S  EPIGRAPH  ON  FRANKLIN. 

Eripuit  coelo  fulmen,  soeptrumque  tyrannis. 

This  inscription,  the  highest  compliment  ever  paid  to  the 
American  philosopher  and  statesman,  and  originally  ascribed  to 
Condorcet  and  Mirabeau,  was  written  by  Turgot,  Louis  XVI.'s 
minister  and  controller-general  of  finance,  and  first  appeared 
in  the  correspondence  of  Grimm  and  Diderot,  April,  1778.  It 
is,  however,  merely  a  modification  of  a  line  in  the  Anti-Lucre- 
tius of  Cardinal  de  Polignac,  lib.  i.,  v.  37  : — 

Eripuitque  Jovi  fulmen,  Phosboque  sagittas, 

which  is  in  turn  traced  to  the  Astronomicon  of  Marcus  Mani- 
lius,  a  poet  of  the  Augustan  age,  who  says  of  Epicurus,  lib.  i. 
v.  104,— 


708  PROTOTYPES. 

Eripuitque  Jovi  fulinen,  viresque  Tonanti. 

Taking  the  laurel  from  the  brow  of  Epicurus  to  place  it  upon 
the  head  of  Franklin  is  not  so  inappropriate,  when  we  recall 
the  sketch  of  the  former  by  Lucretius  illustrans  commoda  vitse. 

THE   MECKLENBURG   DECLARATION   OF   INDEPENDENCE. 

Among  those  who  sympathized  most  deeply  with  the  op- 
pressed inhabitants  of  New  England,  and  who  were  earliest  to 
express  indignation  at  the  outrages  of  British  tyranny,  were 
the  militia-officers  of  North  Carolina,  most  of  whom  were  Pres- 
byterians of  Scotch-Irish  nativity.  On  the  20th  of  May,  1775, 
the  delegates  of  the  Mecklenburg  convention,  "  after  sitting  in 
the  court-house  all  night,  neither  sleepy,  hungry,  nor  fatigued, 
and  after  discussing  every  paragraph,"  unanimously  passed  the 
following  resolutions.  It  will  be  observed  that  this  memorable 
Declaration  of  Independence  contains  many  of  the  ideas,  and 
some  of  the  very  phrases  and  forms  of  expression,  afterwards 
employed  by  Mr.  Jefferson,  and  incorporated  in  his  draft  of 
that  great  national  document  whose  adoption,  on  the  4th  of 
July,  1776,  gave  birth  to  a  nation  of  freemen.  The  more 
striking  similarities  are  here  shown  in  Italics  : — 

RESOLVED,  That  whosoever  directly  or  indirectly  abetted,  or 
in  any  way,  form,  or  manner  countenanced,  the  unchartered 
and  dangerous  invasion  of  our  rights,  as  claimed  by  Great  Bri- 
tain, is  an  enemy  to  this  country,  to  America,  and  to  the  inhe- 
rent and  inalienable  rights*  of  Man. 

RESOLVED,  That  we,  the  citizens  of  Mecklenburg  county,  do 
hereby  dissolve  the  political  bands  which  have  connected  us  to 
the  mother  country,  and  hereby  absolve  ourselves  from  all  alle- 
giance to  the  British  Crown,  and  abjure  all  political  connection, 
contract,  or  association  with  that  Nation,  who  have  wantonly 
trampled  on  our  rights  and  liberties,  and  inhumanly  shed  the 
blood  of  American  patriots  at  Lexington. 

*  The  same  expression  will  be  found  in  the  original  draft  of  Mr.  Jefferson 
Congress  changed  the  words  "inherent  and  inalienable"  to  "certain  in- 
alienable." 


PROTOTYPES.  709 

RESOLVED,  That  we  do  hereby  declare  ourselves  a  free  and 
independent  people  ;  are,  and  of  right  ought  to  be,  a  sovereign 
and  self-governing  association,  under  the  control  of  no  power 
other  than  that  of  OUR  GOD,  and  the  general  Government  of 
the  Congress;  to  the  maintenance  of  which  independence  we 
solemnly  pledge  to  each  other  our  mutual  co-operation,  our  lives, 
our  fortunes,  and  our  most  sacred  honor. 

RESOLVED,  That  as  we  now  acknowledge  the  existence  and 
control  of  no  law  or  legal  officer,  civil  or  military,  within  this 
country,  we  do  hereby  ordain  and  adopt  as  a  rule  of  life  all, 
each,  and  every  of  our  former  laws ;  wherein,  nevertheless,  the 
Crown  of  Great  Britain  never  can  be  considered  as  holding 
rights,  privileges,  immunities,  or  authorities  therein. 

RESOLVED,  That  it  is  further  decreed  that  all,  each,  and 
every  military  officer  in  this  county  is  hereby  reinstated  in  his 
former  command  and  authority,  he  acting  conformably  to  these 
regulations ;  and  that  every  member  present  of  this  delegation 
shall  henceforth  be  a  civil  officer,  viz. :  a  Justice  of  the  Peace 
in  the  character  of  a  "  Committee-man,"  to  issue  process,  hear 
and  determine  all  matters  of  controversy,  according  to  said 
adopted  laws,  and  to  preserve  peace,  union,  and  harmony  in  said 
county ;  and  to  use  every  exertion  to  spread  the  love  of  country 
and  fire  of  freedom  throughout  America,  until  a  more  general 
and  organized  government  be  established  in  the  Province. 

After  discussing  the  foregoing  resolves,  and  arranging  by- 
laws and  regulations  for  the  government  of  a  Standing  Com- 
mittee of  Public  Safety,  who  were  selected  from  their  dele- 
gates, the  whole  proceedings  were  unanimously  adopted  and 
signed.  A  select  committee  was  then  appointed  to  draw  up  a 
more  full  and  definite  statement  of  grievances,  and  a  more 
formal  Declaration  of  Independence.  The  delegation  then  ad- 
journed about  two  o'clock  A.M. 

THE   KNOW-NOTHINGS. 

The  recent  political  organization  under  this  odd  title,  which 
presented  one  of  the  most  singular  features  that  has  yet  diversi 
60 


710  PROTOTYPES. 

fied  American  history,  has  its  archetype  in  the  Church  whose 
progress  in  this  country  it  was  designed  to  oppose.  In  Italy 
there  was  formerly  a  strange  order  of  monks  calling  themselves 
Fratres  Ignorantiae,  "  Brothers  of  Ignorance."  They  used  to 
bind  themselves  by  oath  not  to  understand  nor  to  learn  any 
thing,  and  answered  all  questions  by  saying,  Nescio,  "  I  do  not 
know."  Their  first  proposition  was,  "Though  you  do  not  un- 
derstand the  words  you  speak,  yet  the  Holy  Ghost  understands 
them,  and  the  devil  flees."  In  opposing  mental  acquirements, 
they  argued  thus  : — "  Suppose  this  friar  studies  and  becomes  a 
learned  man,  the  consequence  will  be  that  he  will  want  to  be- 
come our  superior :  therefore,  put  the  sack  around  his  neck, 
and  let  him  go  begging  from  house  to  house,  in  town  and 
country." 

THE    ORIGINAL   OF   BUNYAN's    PILGRIM'S   PROGRESS. 

The  Isle  of  Man,  or  the  Legal  Proceedings  in  Manshire 
against  Sin,  wherein,  by  way  of  a  continual  Allegory,  the  chief 
malefactors  disturbing  both  Church  and  Commonwealth  are 
detected  and  attached,  with  their  arraignment  and  judicial 
trial,  according  to  the  laws  of  England  ;  the  spiritual  use 
thereof,  with  an  apology  for  the  manner  of  handling  most 
necessary  to  be  first  read,  for  direction  in  the  right  use  of  the 
allegory.  By  the  Rev.  Richard  Bernard. 

An  allegory  with  the  above  title,  originally  published  more 
than  two  hundred  years  ago,  was  reprinted  in  Bristol,  England, 
in  1803.  In  a  note  to  this  edition,  addressed  to  the  reader, 
the  editor  states  that  the  work  is  prized  as  well  on  account  of 
the  ingenuity  of  the  performance  as  the  probability  of  its 
having  suggested  to  Mr.  John  Bunyan  the  first  idea  of  his  Pil- 
grim's Progress,  and  of  his  Holy  War,  which  was  intimated  on 
a  leaf  facing  the  title-page,  by  the  late  Rev.  Mr.  Toplady. 

The  editor  says,  "  That  Bunyan  had  seen  the  book  may  be 
inferred  from  its  extensive  circulation,  for  in  one  year  only 
after  its  first  publication  it  ran  through  seven  editions."  He 
then  proceeds  to  the  internal  evidence,  and  points  out  a  sup- 


PROTOTYPES.  711 

posed  similarity  between  the  characters  in  the  two  worfcs,  as 
between  Wilful  Will  of  the  one  and  Will-be-Will  of  the  other; 
Mr.  Worldly  Wiseman  of  Bunyan  and  Sir  Worldly  Wise  of 
Bernard ;  Soul's  Town  of  Bernard  and  Bunyan's  Town  of 
Man's  Soul,  &c. 

That  the  book  has  no  very  high  order  of  genius  to  commend 
it  is  evident  from  the  fact  that  it  has  passed  into  comparative 
obscurity.  The  world  does  not  suffer  the  works  of  true  pro- 
phets to  die.  Still,  there  is  enough  in  it  to  render  it  worthy  of 
being  held  in  remembrance ;  and,  antedating  Bunyan  as  it  does, 
passing  through  seven  editions  immediately  after  its  first  publi- 
cation, presenting  some  striking  analogies  with  the  great  master 
of  allegory,  and  sinking  into  obscurity  before  the  brighter  and 
more  enduring  light  of  the  Bedford  tinker,  its  author  deserves 
honorable  mention  for  his  attempt  to  present  religious  truth  in 
a  striking  and  impressive  form  at  a  period  when  such  attempts 
were  rare. 

Southey,  in  his  Commonplace  Boole,  gives  a  long  quotation 
from  Lucian's  Hcrmotimus,  to  show  how  Bunyan  was  antici- 
pated, in  the  main  idea  of  his  allegory,  by  a"  Greek  writer,  as 
far  back  as  the  second  century. 

Another  claimant  for  this  Telemachus  of  Protestant  religious 
literature  has  recently  been  brought  to  light  by  Catherine 
Isabella  Curt,  who  has  just  published  in  London  a  translation 
of  an  old  French  manuscript  in  the  British  Museum,  which  is 
almost  word  for  word  the  Pilgrim's  Progress.  The  manuscript 
is  the  work  of  a  clergyman,  Gr.  de  Grideville,  who  lived  in  the 
fifteenth  century.  Its  title,  in  Norman  English,  is  Pylgrem- 
age  of  the  Sowle.  The  printer,  Caxton,  who  occupied  the 
same  position  in  London  as  the  Etiennes  of  Paris,  published  in 
1483  a  translation  of  this  manuscript,  of  which  the  authen- 
ticity appears  incontestable.  It  would  seem,  therefore,  that 
the  credit  of  this  celebrated  book  belongs  to  France,  although 
France  hitherto  has  shown  less  appreciation  of  the  original  than 
England  has  bestowed  on  the  copy. 


712  PROTOTYPES. 

ROBINSON    CRUSOE  :   WHO    WROTE   IT  ? 

Disraeli,  in  his  ever-charming  Curiosities  of  Literature,  ex- 
presses boldly  the  opinion  that  "  no  one  had,  or  perhaps  could 
have,  converted  the  history  of  Selkirk  into  the  wonderful  story 
we  possess  but  De  Foe  himself."  So  have  we  all  been  accus- 
tomed to  believe,  from  those  careless,  happy  days  of  boyhood 
when  we  pored  intently  over  the  entrancing  pages  of  "  Robin- 
son Crusoe"  and  wished  that  we  also  could  have  a  desert 
island,  a  summer  bower,  and  a  winter-cave  retreat,  as  well  as  he. 
But  there  is,  alas !  some  slight  ground  at  least  for  believing 
that  De  Foe  did  not  write  that  immortal  tale,  or,  at  all  events, 
the  better  portion  of  it,  viz.,  the  first  part  or  volume  of  the 
work.  In  Sir  H.  Ellis's  Letters  of  Eminent  Literary  Men 
(Camden  Soc.  Pub.  1843,  vol.  23),  p.  420,  Letter  137  is  from 
"  Daniel  De  Foe  to  the  Earl  of  Halifax,  engaging  himself  to 
his  lordship  as  a  political  writer."  In  a  note  by  the  editor  a 
curious  anecdote  is  given,  quoted  from  "  a  volume  of  Memo- 
randa in  the  handwriting  of  Thomas  Warton,  poet-laureate, 
preserved  in  the  British  Museum,"  in  relation  to  the  actual 
authorship  of  the  "  Life  and  Adventures  of  Robinson  Crusoe." 
The  extract  is  as  follows : — 

"Mem.  July  10,  1774.— In  the  year  1759,  I  was  told  by  the 
Rev.  Mr.  Hollaway,  rector  of  Middleton  Stoney,  in  Oxford- 
shire, then  about  seventy  years  old,  and  in  the  early  part  of  his 
life  chaplain  to  Lord  Sunderland,  that  he  had  often  heard  Lord 
Sunderland  say  that  Lord  Oxford,  while  prisoner  in  the  Tower 
of  London,  wrote  the  first  volume  of  the  History  of  Robinson 
Crusoe,  merely  as  an  amusement  under  confinement,  and  gave 
it  to  Daniel  De  Foe,  who  frequently  visited  Lord  Oxford  in 
the  Tower  and  was  one  of  his  pamphlet-writers ;  that  De  Foe, 
by  Lord  Oxford's  permission,  printed  it  as  his  own,  and,  en- 
couraged by  its  extraordinary  success,  added  himself  the  second 
volume,  the  inferiority  of  which  is  generally  acknowledged. 
Mr.  Holloway  also  told  me,  from  Lord  Sunderland,  that  Lord 
Oxford  dictated  some  parts  of  the  manuscript  to  De  Foe.  Mr 
Hollaway," — Warton  adds, — t(  was  a  grave,  conscientious  clergy- 


PROTOTYPES.  713 

man,  not  vain  of  telling  anecdotes,  very  learned,  particularly  a 
good  Orientalist,  author  of  some  theological  tracts,  bred  at  Eton 
School,  and  a  Master  of  Arts  of  St.  John's  College,  Cambridge. 
He  used  to  say  that  '  Robinson  Crusoe  at  its  first  publication, 
and  for  some  time  afterward,  was  universally  received  and 
credited  as  a  genuine  history.  A  fictitious  narrative  of  this 
sort  was  then  a  new  thing.' " 

Besides,  it  may  be  added,  the  real  and  somewhat  similar  cir- 
cumstances of  Alexander  Selkirk's  solitary  abode  of  four  years 
and  four  months  on  the  island  of  Juan  Fernandez,  had,  only  a 
few  years  previously,  been  the  subject  of  general  conversation, 
and  had  therefore  prepared  the  public  mind  for  the  possibility, 
if  not  the  probability,  of  such  adventures. 


PROVERB    MISASCRIBED   TO   DEFOE. 

In  an  article  on  the  writings  of  Daniel  Defoe,  in  a  late 
number  of  the  Edinburgh  Review,  the  critic  refers  to  the  True- 
Born  Englishman^  the  opening  quatrain  of  which  is  quoted  as 
being  "  all  that  will  ever  be  remembered  of  the  poem." 

"Wherever  God  erects  a  house  of  prayer, 
The  devil  is  sure  to  build  a  chapel  there; 
And  'twill  be  found,  upon  examination, 
The  latter  has  the  largest  congregation.    . 

A  recent  number  of  Chambers's  Papers  for  the  People  also 
contains  an  article  on  Defoe,  in  which  the  same  lines  are  quoted 
as  having  since  grown  into  a  proverb.  It  is  evident  that  the 
two  critics  believed  the  idea  to  be  original  with  Defoe.  But 
they  were  both  in  error  j  for  in  an  old  tract,  entitled  The  Vine- 
yarde  of  Vertue,  printed  in  1591,  seventy-seven  years  before 
Defoe  was  born,  may  be  found  the  following  sentence  : — 

It  is  oftentimes  scene,  that  as  God  hath  his  Churche,  so  will  the  Deuill 
have  a  Chappell. 

It  was  also  used  before  Defoe's  time  by  George  Herbert  and 
Robert  Burton.     The  former  says,  in  his  Jacula  Prudentum, 
"  No  sooner  is  a  temple  built  to  God.  but  the  Devil  builds  a 
60* 


714  PROTOTYPES. 

chapel  hard  by;"  and  the  latter,  in  his  Anatomy  of  Melancholy, 
thus  expresses  it :  "  Where  God  hath  a  Temple  the  Devil  will 
have  a  Chapel."  It  is  evident  that  Defoe  only  versified  a  well- 
known  proverb  of  his  day. 

THE   USE   OP   LANGUAGE. 

To  Talleyrand  has  generally  been  attributed  the  authorship 
of  the  maxim  that  "  the  use  of  language  is  to  conceal  our 
thoughts."  (La  parole  a  £te  donne"e  a.  1'homme  pour  aider  a- 
cacher  sa  pensde.) 

In  Pycroft's  Ways  and  Words  of  Men  of  Letters,  a  quotation 
is  made  from  an  article  on  The  Use  of  Language,  published  in 
a  periodical  called  the  Bee,  under  date  of  October  20,  1759, 
which  reads  as  follows  :  "He  who  best  knows  how  to  conceal 
his  necessity  and  desires  is  the  most  likely  person  to  find 
redress ;  and  the  true  use  of  speech  is  not  so  much  to  express 
our  wants  as  to  conceal  them." 

Nearly  a  century  before  this,  Dr.  South  preached  a  sermon 
in  Westminster  Abbey,  on  The  Wisdom  of  the  World,  in  which 
he  said,  "  Men  speak  with  designs  of  mischief,  and  therefore 
they  speak  in  the  dark.  In  short,  this  seems  to  be  the  true 
inward  judgment  of  all  our  politic  sages,  that  speech  was 
given  to  the  ordinary  sort  of  men  whereby  to  communicate 
their  mind,  but  to  wise  men  whereby  to  conceal  it." 

SCANDINAVIAN    SKULL   CUPS. 

What  a  pretty  tale  was  slaughtered  when  Grenville  Piggot 
pointed  out,  in  his  Manual  of  Scandinavian  Mythology,  the 
blundering  translation  of  the  passage  in  an  old  Scandinavian 
poem  relating  to  the  occupation  of  the  blest  in  the  halls  of 
Valhalla,  the  Northern  paradise !  "  Soon  shall  we  drink  out  of 
the  curved  horns  of  the  head,"  are  the  words  in  the  death- 
song  of  Regner  Lodbrog;  meaning  by  this  violent  figure  to 
say  that  they  would  imbibe  their  liquor  out  of  cups  formed 
from  the  crooked  horns  of  animals.  The  first  translators, 
however,  not  seeing  their  way  clearly,  rendered  the  passage, 


PROTOTYPES.  715 

"Soon  shall  we  drink  out  of  the  skulls  of  our  enemies;"  and 
to  this  strange  banqueting  there  are  allusions  without  end  to 
be  met  with  in  our  literature.  Peter  Pindar,  for  example,  once 
said  that  the  booksellers,  like  the  heroes  of  Valhalla,  drank 
their  wine  out  of  the  skulls  of  authors. 

GREAT   LITERARY   PLAGIARISM. 

The  London  Athenseum  asserts  that  Paley's  Natural  Theology 
is  copied  from  a  series  of  papers  which  appeared  about  the 
end  of  the  seventeenth  century,  in  the  Leipsic  Transactions, 
written  by  a  Dutch  philosopher  named  Nieuwentyt.  '  It  is  ex- 
traordinary that  this  discovery  was  not  made  before,  inasmuch 
as  the  papers,  after  having  been  published  at  Amsterdam  about 
the  year  1700,  were  afterwards  translated  into  English  by  Mr. 
Chamberlayne,  and  published  by  Longman  &  Co.,  in  1818, 
about  fifteen  years  after  Paley's  Natural  Theology  appeared. 
As  Paley  quotes  Dr.  Nieuwentyt  from  the  Leipsic  Transactions, 
he,  of  course,  must  have  known  and  perused  them.  Parallel 
passages  are  printed  side  by  side  in  the  Athenseum,  for  the 
purpose  of  proving  the  assertion. 

OLD   BALLADS. 

It  was  not  the  more  polished  author  of  Ivanhoe  who  gave  us 
the  unfading  picture  of  the  Black  Knight,  but  he  who  sang  of 

— a  stranger  knight  whom  no  man  knewe, 
He  wan  the  prize  eche  daye. 
His  acton  it  was  all  of  blacke, 

His  hewberke,  and  his  sheelde, 
Ne  no  man  wist  whence  he  did  come, 
Ne  no  man  knewe  where  he  did  gone, 

When  they  came  from  the  feelde. 

It  was  not  the  "  thousand-souled  Shakspeare"  who  gave 
birth  to  the  story  of  the  pound  of  flesh ;  for  Shylock  is  no 
other  than  Gernutus  the  Jew  of  Venice.  We  subjoin  two  stan- 
zas from  Percy's  Reliques  : — 

But  we  will  have  a  merry  jest 

For  to  he  talked  long : 
You  shall  make  me  a  bond  (quoth  he) 
That  shall  be  large  and  strong. 
*  *  *  • 


716  PROTOTYPES. 

The  bloody  Jew  now  ready  is, 

With  whetted  blade  in  hand ; 
To  spoil  the  blood  of  innocent 

By  forfeit  of  his  bond. 

Even  the  tragedy  of  Lear  was  set  to  the  tune  of  "  When 
flying  Fame"  before  it  was  known  to  the  stage.  Nor  will  it 
be  unjust  to  the  memory  of  the  good  and  gifted  Goldsmith  to 
say  that  the  Old  Harper  sang : — 

Thus  every  day  I  fast  and  pray, 

And  ever  will  doe  till  I  dye; 
And  gett  me  to  some  secrett  place, 

For  soe  did  hee,  and  soe  will  I, — 

before  the  gentle  Angelina  thought  of  saying: — 

And  there  forlorn,  despairing  hid, 

I'll  lay  me  down  and  die: 
'Twas  so  for  me  that  Edwin  did, 

And  so  for  him  will  I. 

THE   WANDERING  JEW. 

The  success  of  Le  Juif  Errant  of  M.  Sue,  when  first  pub- 
lished, arose  doubtless  from  two  causes:  the  deep  hold  upon  the 
popular  heart  which  the  legend  of  the  lonely  wanderer  natur- 
ally acquired,  and  the  reaction  against  papacy  at  that  period. 
The  efforts  of  the  church,  and  particularly  of  the  Society  of 
Jesus,  against  which  it  was  specially  directed,  to  either  suppress 
it  or  neutralize  its  effects,  tended  the  more  to  extend  its  influence. 
The  legend  of  a  wanderer,  pursued  by  some  fate  or  power 
above,  suffering,  solitary  and  deathless,  is  as  old  as  the  human 
race.  It  takes  a  new  form  with  every  step  in  human  progress, 
adapting  itself  to  the  character  of  the  period  and  place  where  it 
reappears.  It  belongs  to  the  early  East,  notably  the  Hindoo 
legendary  literature,  to  Greece  and  Rome,  and  to  Christendom, 
taking  shape  rather  from  the  religious  than  the  ethical  elements 
of  character.  The  Wandering  Jew  of  Christendom  varies  with 
times  and  places,  as  his  name  also  varies.  He  is  Salathiel, 
Ahasuerus,  Cartaphilus,  Theudas,  Zerib  Bar  Elia,  Isbal,  Michob- 
Ader,  Bultadoeus,  Isaac  Laquedon  or  something  else,  as  circum- 


PROTOTYPES.  717 

stances  determine.  The  German  designation — the  Everlasting 
Jew,  der  ewige  Jude — is  more  specifically  significant  really  than 
that  of  other  languages,  in  most  of  which  it  is  "wandering." 

The  weird  figure,  wandering  in  fulfillment  of  his  doom  in  the 
Carpathians,  or  halting  at  Niirnberg  or  Bamberg,  or  going  in 
and  out  among  the  peasantry  of  Brittany  or  Wales,  is  an 
attractive  subject:  a  vague,  shadowy  form;  mortal  and  yet  im- 
mortal ;  typical  at  once  of  man's  liability  to  death,  and  of  his 
everlasting  existence.  He  has  the  passions  and  anxieties  and 
sorrows  of  manhood,  and  is  endowed  with  a  function  which 
places  him  beyond  the  operations  of  Providence.  From  the 
earliest  notice  of  this  hero,  which  occurs  in  the  Chronicles  of 
the  Abbey  of  St.  Albans,  he  appears  in  numerous  and  manifold 
literary  forms — drama,  lyric,  ballad,  historical  poem,  legend, 
novel,  study,  essay,  chronicle,  biography,  myth  and  paragraph, 
to  the  extent  of  perhaps  a  hundred  volumes.  The  legends  of 
most  of  these  agree  in  representing  the  Jew  as  a  wanderer  since 
the  day  of  the  crucifixion,  sometimes  repentant  and  sometimes 
defiant,  but  always  going.  From  this  general  voice  Dr.  Croly, 
in  his  Salathiel,  upon  a  true  artistic  principle,  departs,  and  makes 
his  doomed  one  live  only  the  usual  period  of  man's  life.  His 
Jew  is  repentant  and  anxious  to  die,  and  dies  in  due  season.  The 
Jew  of  M.  Eubule-Evans,  in  the  Curse  of  Immortality,  also  is 
repentant,  but,  pursued  by  implacable  vengeance  of  the 
Almighty,  he  refuses,  in  his  morbid  pride,  to  purchase  the  repose 
of  death  at  the  price  of  self-abasement;  but  at  last  reaches  con- 
trition through  the  softening  influence  of  human  love,  repents 
and  dies. 

With  similar  general  characteristics  the  wanderer  of  M.  Sue's 
powerful  melodramatic  story  seeks  death  in  every  clime  and 
form;  but  lives  on,  wanders  on,  and  toils  to  achieve  human  ends, 
until  the  close  of  the  romance,  when  the  hero  sets  out  anew. 
Our  readers  are  doubtless  familiar  with  the  story — the  scattered 
heirs  of  a  fortune  of  two  million  francs  to  be  divided  among 
them  upon  condition  of  their  assembling  at  a  given  hour  in  a 


718  PROTOTYPES. 

given  room  in  Paris ;  and  the  machinations  of  the  wily  Jesuit 
llodin,  whose  end  was  to  secure  the  money  for  his  own  society. 

The  Chronicles  of  the  Abbey  of  St.  Albans,  already  referred 
to,  report  the  following  circumstantial  details: — 

In  the  year  1228,  a  certain  archbishop  of  Armenia  came  on 
a  pilgrimage  to  England  to  see  the  relics  of  the  saints,  and  visit 
the  sacred  places  in  this  kingdom,  as  he  had  done  in  others;  he 
also  produced  letters  of  recommendation  from  his  Holiness  the 
Pope  to  the  religious  men  and  prelates  of  the  churches,  in 
which  they  were  enjoined  to  receive  and  entertain  him  with  due 
reverence  and  honor.  On  his  arrival,  he  came  to  St.  Albans, 
where  he  was  received  with  all  respect  by  the  abbot  and  monks ; 
and  at  this  place,  being  fatigued  with  his  journey,  he  remained 
some  days  to  rest  himself  and  his  followers.  In  the  course  of 
conversation  by  means  of  their  interpreters,  he  made  many 
inquiries  relating  to  the  religion  and  religious  observances  of 
this  country,  and  told  many  strange  things  concerning  the 
countries  of  the  East.  In  the  course  of  conversation  he  was 
asked  whether  he  had  ever  seen  or  heard  anything  of  Joseph, 
a  man  of  whom  there  was  much  talk  in  the  world,  who,  when 
our  Lord  suffered,  was  present  and  spoke  to  him,  and  who  is  still 
alive,  in  evidence  to  the  Christian  faith ;  in  reply  to  which  a 
knight  in  his  retinue,  who  was  his  interpreter,  replied,  speaking 
in  French,  "My  Lord  well  knows  that  man,  and  a  little  before 
he  took  his  way  to  the  western  countries,  the  said  Joseph  ate  at 
the  table  of  my  lord  the  archbishop  in  Armenia,  and  he  has 
often  seen 'and  held  converse  with  him."  He  was  then  asked 
about  what  had  passed  between  Christ  and  the  said  Joseph,  to 
which  he  replied,  "At  the  time  of  the  suffering  of  Jesus  Christ, 
he  was  seized  by  the  Jews  and  led  into  the  hall  of  judgment, 
before  Pilate,  the  governor,  that  he  might  be  judged  by  him  on 
the  accusation  of  the  Jews;  and  Pilate  finding  no  cause  for 
adjudging  him  to  death,  said  to  them,  'Take  him  and  judge 
him  according  to  your  law;'  the  shouts  of  the  Jews,  however, 
increasing,  he,  at  their  request,  released  unto  them  Barabbas,  and 


PROTOTYPES.  719 

delivered  Jesus  to  them  to  be  crucified.  When,  therefore,  the 
Jews  were  dragging  Jesus  forth,  and  had  reached  the  door, 
Cartaphilus,  a  porter  of  the  hall,  in  Pilate's  service,  as  Jesus 
was  going  out  of  the  door,  impiously  struck  him  on  the  back 
with  his  hand,  and  said  in  mockery,  '  Go  quicker,  Jesus,  go 
quicker;  why  do  you  loiter?'  and  Jesus  looking  back  on  him 
with  a  severe  countenance,  said  to  him, '  I  am  going  and  you  will 
wait  till  I  return.'  And  according  as  our  Lord  said,  this  Car- 
taphilus is  still  awaiting  his  return.  At  the  time  of  our  Lord's 
suffering  he  was  thirty  years  old,  and  when  he  attains  the  age 
of  a  hundred  years,  he  always  returns  to  the  same  age  as  he 
was  when  our  Lord  suffered.  After  Christ's  death,  when  the 
Catholic  faith  gained  ground,  this  Cartaphilus  was  baptized 
by  Ananias  (who  also  baptized  the  apostle  Paul),  and  was  called 
Joseph.  He  dwells  in  one  or  other  division  of  Armenia,  and  in 
divers  Eastern  countries,  passing  his  time  amongst  the  bishops 
and  other  prelates  of  the  church ;  he  is  a  man  of  holy  conver- 
sation, and  religious;  a  man  of  few  words,  and  circumspect  in 
his  behavior,  for  he  does  not  speak  at  all  unless  when  questioned 
by  the  bishops  and  religious  men,  and  then  he  tells  of  the  events 
of  old  times,  and  of  those  which  occurred  at  the  suffering  and 
resurrection  of  our  Lord,  and  of  the  witnesses  of  the  resurrection, 
namely,  those  who  rose  with  Christ,  and  went  into  the  holy  city, 
and  appeared  unto  men.  He  also  tells  'of  the  creed  of  the 
apostles,  and  of  their  separation  and  preaching.  And  all  this  he 
relates  without  smiling  or  levity  of  conversation,  as  one  who  is 
well  practised  in  sorrow  and  the  fear  of  God;  always  looking 
forward  with  fear  to  the  coming  of  Jesus  Christ,  lest  at  the  last 
judgment  he  should  find  him  in  anger,  whom,  when  on  his  way 
to  death,  he  had  provoked  to  just  vengeance.  Numbers  come  to 
him  from  different  parts  of  the  world,  enjoying  his  society  and 
conversation ;  and  to  them,  if  they  are  men  of  authority,  he 
explains  all  doubts  on  the  matters  on  which  he  is  questioned. 
He  refuses  all  gifts  that  are  offered  to  him,  being  content  with 
slight  food  and  clothing." 


720  CURIOUS  BOOKS. 

Of  the  myths  of  the  Middle  Ages,  none  is  more  striking 
than  that  of  the  Wandering  Jew ;  indeed  it  is  so  well  calculated 
to  arrest  the  attention  and  to  excite  the  imagination,  that  it  is 
remarkable  that  we  should  find  an  interval  of  three  centuries 
between  its  first  introduction  into  Europe  by  Matthew  Paris 
and  Philip  Mouskes,  and  its  general  acceptance  in  the  sixteenth 
century.  Of  the  romances  of  Eugene  Sue  and  Dr.  Croly,  foun- 
ded upon  the  legend,  the  less  said  the  better.  The  original  le- 
gend is  so  noble  in  its  severe  simplicity  that  none  but  a  master 
mind  could  develop  it  with  any  chance  of  success.  Nor  have 
the  poetical  attempts  upon  the  story  fared  better.  It  was 
reserved  for  the  pencil  of  Gustave  Dore  to  treat  it  with  the 
originality  it  merited,  and  in  a  series  of  wood-cuts  to  produce 
at  once  a  poem,  a  romance,  and  a  chef-d'oeuvre  of  art. 


furious 


ODD   TITLES   OF   OLD   BOOKS, 

Mostly  Published  in  the  time  of  Cromwell. 

A  Fan  to  drive  away  Flies  :  a  theological  treatise  on  Purgatory. 

A  most  Delectable  Sweet  Perfumed  Nosegay  for.  God's 
Saints  to  Smell  at. 

A  Pair  of  Bellows  to  blow  off  the  Dust  cast  upon  John  Fry. 

A  Proper  Project  to  Startle  Fools:  Printed  in  a  Land 
where  Self's  cry  d  up  and  Zeal's  cry'd  down. 

A  Reaping-ffook,  well  tempered,  for  the  Stubborn  Ears  of  the 
coming  Crop;  or,  Biscuit  baked  in  the  Oven  of  Charity,  care- 
fully conserved  for  the  Chickens  of  the  Church,  the  Sparrows 
of  the  Spirit,  and  the  sweet  Swalloivs  of  Salvation. 

A  Sigh  of  Sorrow  for  the  Sinners  of  Zion,  breathed  out  of 
a  Hole  in  the  Wall  of  an  Earthly  Vessel,  known  among  Men  by 
the  Name  of  Samuel  Fish  (a  Quaker  who  had  been  imprisoned). 


CURIOUS    BOOKS.  721 

A  Shot  aimed  at  the  Devil's  Head- Quarters  through  the 
Tube  of  the  Cannon  of  the  Covenant. 

Crumbs  of  Comfort  for  the  Chickens  of  the  Covenant. 

Eggs  of  Charity,  layed  by  the  Chickens  of  the  Covenant,  and 
boiled  with  the  Water  of  Divine  Love.  Take  Ye  and  eat. 

High-heeled  Shoes  for  Dwarfs  in  Holiness. 

Hooks  and  Eyes  for  Believers'  Breeches. 

Matches  lighted  by  the  Divine  Fire. 

Seven  Sobs  of  a  Sorrowful  Soul  for  Sin,  or  the  Seven 
Penitential  Psalms  of  the  Princely  Prophet  David;  ivhereunto 
are  also  added,  William  Humius'  Handful  of  Honeysuckles, 
and  Divers  Godly  and  Pithy  Ditties,  now  newly  augmented. 

Spiritual  Milk  for  Babes,  drawn  out  of  the  Breasts  of  both 
Testaments  for  their  Souls'  Nourishment :  a  catechism. 

The  Bank  of  Faith. 

The  Christian  Sodality;  or,  Catholic  Hive  of  Bees,  sucking 
the  Honey  of  the  Churches'  Prayer  from  the  Blossoms  of  the 
Word  of  God,  blowne  out  of  the  Epistles  and  Gospels  of  the 
Divine  Service  throughout  the  yeare.  Collected  by  the  Puny 
Bee  of  all  the  Hive  not  worthy  to  be  named  otherwise  than  by 
these  Elements  of  his  .Name,  F.  P. 

The  Gun  of  Penitence. 

The  Innocent  Love;  or,  the  Holy  Knight :  a  description  of 
the  ardors  of  a  saint  for  the  Virgin. 

The  Shop  of  the  Spiritual  Apothecary;  or  a  collection  of 
passages  from  the  fathers. 

The  Sixpenny  worth  of  Divine  Spirit. 

The  Snuffers  of  Divine  Love. 

The  Sound  of  the  Trumpet :  a  work  on  the  day  of  judgment. 

The  Spiritual  Mustard  Pot,  to  mak^e  the  Soul  Sneeze  with 
Devotion. 

The  Three  Daughters  of  Job :  a  treatise  on  patience,  forti- 
tude, and  pain. 

Tobacco  battered,  and  the  Pipes  shattered  about  their  Ears 
that  idly  idolize  so  loathsome  a  Vanity,  by  a  Volley  of  holy 
shot  thundered  from  Mount  Helicon  :  a  poem  against  the  use 
of  tobacco,  by  Joshua  Sylvester. 
2V  61 


722  CURIOUS    BOOKS. 

Vox  Coelis;  or,  Newes  from  Heaven:  being  imaginary  con 
versations  there  between  Henry  VIII.,  Edward  VI.,  Prince 
ffenrie,  and  others. 

THE    MOST   CURIOUS   BOOK   IN   THE   WORLD. 

The  most  singular  bibliographic  curiosity  is  that  which  be- 
longed to  the  family  of  the  Prince  de  Ligne,  and  is  now  in 
France.  It  is  entitled  Liber  Passionis  Domini  Nostri  Jcsu 
Christi,  cum  Characteribus  Nulla  Materia  Compositis.  This 
book  is  neither  written  nor  printed  !  The  whole  letters  of  the 
text  are  cut  out  of  each  folio  upon  the  finest  vellum ;  and,  being 
interleaved  with  blue  paper,  it  is  read  as  easily  as  the  best  print. 
The  labor  and  patience  bestowed  in  its  completion  must  have 
been  excessive,  especially  when  the  precision  and  minuteness 
of  the  letters  are  considered.  The  general  execution,  in  every 
respect,  is  indeed  admirable ;  and  the  vellum  is  of  the  most 
delicate  and  costly  kind.  Rodolphus  II.  of  Germany  offered 
for  it,  in  1640,  eleven  thousand  ducats,  which  was  probably 
equal  to  sixty  thousand  at  this  day.  The  most  remarkable  cir- 
cumstance connected  with  this  literary  treasure  is,  that  it  bears 
the  royal  arms  of  England,  but  it  cannot  be  traced  to  have 
ever  been  in  that  country. 

SILVER   BOOK. 

In  the  Library  of  Upsal,  in  Sweden,  there  is  preserved  a 
translation  of  the  Four  Gospels,  printed  with  metal  types  upon 
violet-colored  vellum.  The  letters  are  silver,  and  hence  it  has 
received  the  name  of  Codex  Argenteus.  The  initial  letters  are 
in  gold.  It  is  supposed  that  the  whole  was  printed  in  the  same 
manner  as  bookbinders  letter  the  titles  of  books  on  the  back. 
It  was  a  very  near  approach  to  the  discovery  of  the  art  of 
printing ;  but  it  is  not  known  how  old  it  is. 

BOOK   AMATEURS. 

It  was  the  Abbe"  Rive,  librarian  to  the  Duke  de  la  Valliere, 
•who  made  the  following  classification  : — 

A  Bibliognoste  is  one  knowing  in  title-pages  and  colophons. 


LITERARIANA.  723 

and  in  editions;  when  and  where  printed;  the  presses  whence 
issued  ;  and  all  the  minutiae  of  a  book. 

A  Bibliorjraphe  is  a  describer  of  books  and  other  literary 
arrangements. 

A  Bibliomane  is  an  indiscriminate  accumulator,  who  blun- 
ders faster  than  he  buys,  cock-brained  and  purse-heavy. 

A  Bibliophile,  the  lover  of  books,  is  the  only  one  in  the 
class  who  appears  to  read  them  for  his  own  pleasure. 

A  Bibliotaphe  buries  his  books,  by  keeping  them  under 
lock,  or  framing  them  in  glass  cases. 


Hiterarianau 

THE   LETTERS    OP   JUNIUS. 

"JuNlUs"  was  the  name  or  signature  of  a  writer  who  pub- 
lished, at  intervals  between  1769  and  1772,  a  series  of  political 
papers  on  the  leading  questions  and  men  of  that  day.  They 
appeared  in  the  newspaper  called  the  Public  Advertiser,  and 
attracted  immense  attention,  partly  from  the  high  position  of 
the  characters  assailed,  (among  whom  was  George  III.  himself,) 
and  still  more  from  their  brilliancy  of  style,  their  boldness  of 
tone,  and  the  tremendous  severity  of  the  invectives  employed  in 
them.  The  letters  are  still  models  of  that  species  of  writing, 
— though  it  has  since  risen  to  such  a  point  of  excellence  gene- 
rally as  would  greatly  weaken  the  force  of  any  similar  pheno- 
mena if  appearing  in  our  day.  However,  from  the  monarch 
to  the  meanest  of  his  subjects,  all  men  were  impressed  deeply 
at  the  time  by  the  letters  of  Junius,  the  mystery  attending 
their  authorship  adding  largely  to  their  influence.  It  was  a 
mystery  at  the  moment,  and  remains  a  puzzle  still.  Not  even 
the  publisher,  Woodfall,  knew  who  his  correspondent  was,  or, 
at  least,  not  certainly.  Yet  all  the  world  felt  the  letters  to  be 
the  work  of  no  common  man.  Their  most  remarkable  feature, 


724  .  LITERARIANA. 

indeed,  was  the  intimate  familiarity  with  high  people  and  offi- 
cial life  which  they  so  clearly  evinced.  "  A  traitor  in  the 
camp !"  was  the  cry  of  the  leading  statesmen  of  the  period. 
Hence  it  occurred  that  almost  every  person  of  talent  and  emi- 
nence then  living  fell,  or  has  since  fallen,  more  or  less  under 
the  suspicion  of  being  Junius.  But  his  own  words  to  Wood- 
fall  have  as  yet  proved  true : — "  It  is  not  in  the  nature  of  things 
that  you  or  anybody  else  should  know  me,  unless  I  make  my- 
self known."  He  adds  that  he  never  will  do  so.  "  I  am  the 
sole  depository  of  my  secret,  and  it  shall  die  with  me."  If  it 
has  not  died  with  him,  he  at  least  has  gone  to  the  grave  with- 
out its  divulgement  by  himself.  But  there  may  still  be  cir- 
cumstantial evidence  sufficient  to  betray  him,  in  despite  of  all 
his  secretive  care. 

In  Rush's  Residence  at  the  Court  of  London  is  preserved 
an  anecdote  relating  to  the  authorship  of  Junius,  of  interest 
and  apparent  importance  to  the  investigators  of  this  vexed 
question.  It  is  as  follows  : — 

Mr.  Canning  related  an  anecdote  pertinent  to  the  topic,  de- 
rived from  the  present  king  when  Prince  of  Wales.  It  was  to 
the  following  effect.  The  late  king  was  in  the  habit  of  going 
to  the  theatre  once  a  week  at  the  time  Junius's  Letters  were 
appearing,  and  had  a  page  in  his  service  of  the  name  of  Ramus. 
This  page  always  brought  the  play-bill  in  to  the  king  at  tea- 
time,  on  the  evenings  when  he  went.  On  the  evening  before 
Sir  Philip  Francis  sailed  for  India,  Ramus  handed  to  the  king, 
at  the  same  time  when  delivering  the  play-bill,  a  note  from 
Garrick  to  Ramus,  in  which  the  former  stated  that  there  would 
be  no  more  letters  from  Junius.  This  was  found  to  be  the  very 
night  on  which  Junius  addressed  his  laconic  note  to  Garrick, 
threatening  him  with  vengeance.  Sir  Philip  did  embark  for 
India  next  morning,  and  in  point  of  fact  the  letters  ceased  to 
appear  from  that  very  day.  The  anecdote  added  that  there 
lived  with  Sir  Philip  at  the  time  a  relation  of  Ramus,  who 
sailed  in  the  morning  with  him.  The  whole  narrative  excited 
much  attention,  and  was  new  to  most  of  the  company.  The  first 


LITER  AEI  ANA.  725 

impression  it  made  was,  not  only  that  it  went  far  towards  show- 
ing, by  proof  almost  direct,  that  Sir  Philip  Francis  was  the 
author,  but  that  Garrick  must  have  been  in  the  secret. 

The  Bengal  Hurkaru,  a  Calcutta  paper,  dated  Feb.  19, 1855, 
contains  the  following  paragraph,  which  is  the  more  interesting 
when  taken  in  conjunction  with  several  facts  connected  with 
Francis's  residence  there,  as  a  member  of  the  council,  for 
several  years  (1774-80). 

"  The  Englishman  (a  military  newspaper  published  in  Cal- 
cutta) states  that  there  is  a  gentleman  in  Calcutta  who  pos- 
sesses '  an  original  document,  the  publication  of  which  would 
forever  set  at  rest  the  vexata  qusestio  as  to  the  authorship  of  the 
Letters  of  Junius.'  The  document  which  we  have  seen  is 
what  our  cotemporary  describes  it  to  be,  and  bears  three  signa- 
tures :  that  of  '  Chatham/  on  the  right-hand  side  of  the  paper; 
and  on  the  left,  those  of  Dr.  Wilmot,  and  J.  Dunning,  after- 
wards Lord  Ashburton.  The  paper,  the  ink,  and  the  writing 
all  induce  us  to  believe  that  the  document  is  genuine  >  and  we 
understand  that  the  gentleman  in  whose  possession  it  is  has 
other  documentary  evidence  corroborative  of  this,  which  still 
further  tends  to  clear  up  the  riddle  which  so  many  have  at- 
tempted to  read  with  small  success/' 

The  incident  related  by  Mr.  Canning  acquires  additional 
value  and  significance  when  considered  in  connection  with  the 
evidence  in  favor  of  Francis,  so  concisely  drawn  up  by  Ma- 
caulay  in  his  Essay  on  the  impeachment  of  Warren  Hastings. 
After  an  introductory  allusion  to  the  disputed  authorship,  Ma- 
caulay  goes  on  to  say  : — 

The  external  evidence  is,  we  think,  such  as  would  support  a 
verdict  in  a  civil,  nay,  in  a  criminal,  proceeding.  The  hand- 
writing of  Junius  is  the  very  peculiar  handwriting  of  Francis, 
slightly  disguised.  As  to  the  position,  pursuits,  and  connec- 
tions of  Junius,  the  following  are  the  most  important  facts 
which  can  be  considered  as  clearly  proved :  first,  that  he  was 
acquainted  with  the  technical  forms  of  the  Secretary  of  State's 
office :  secondly,  that  he  was  intimately  acquainted  with  the 
61* 


726  LITERARIANA. 

business  of  the  War  Office ;  thirdly,  that  he,  during  the  year 
1770,  attended  debates  in  the  House  of  Lords,  and  took  notes 
of  speeches,  particularly  of  the  speeches  of  Lord  Chatham ; 
fourthly,  that  he  bitterly  resented  the  appointment  of  Mr. 
Chamier  to  the  place  of  Deputy  Secretary  at  War ;  fifthly,  that, 
he  was  bound  by  some  strong  tie  to  the  first  Lord  Holland. 
Now,  Francis  passed  some  years  in  the  Secretary  of  State's 
office.  He  was  subsequently  chief  clerk  of  the  War  Office.  He 
repeatedly  mentioned  that  he  had  himself,  in  1770,  heard 
speeches  of  Lord  Chatham ;  and  some  of  those  speeches  were 
actually  printed  from  his  notes.  He  resigned  his  clerkship  at 
the  War  Office  from  resentment  at  the  appointment  of  Mr.  Cha- 
mier. It  was  by  Lord  Holland  that  he  was  first  introduced 
into  the  public  service.  Now,  here  are  five  marks,  all  of  which 
ought  to  be  found  in  Junius.  They  are  all  five  found  in  Fran- 
cis. We  do  not  believe  that  more  than  two  of  them  can  be 
found  in  any  other  person  whatever.  If  this  argument  does 
not  settle  the  question,  there  is  an  end  of  all  reasoning  on  cir- 
cumstantial evidence. 

The  internal  evidence  seems  to  us  to  point  the  same  way. 
The  style  of  Francis  bears  a  strong  resemblance  to  that  of  Ju- 
nius ;  nor  are  we  disposed  to  admit,  what  is  generally  taken  for 
granted,  that  the  acknowledged  compositions  of  Francis  are 
very  decidedly  inferior  to  the  anonymous  letters.  The  argu- 
ment from  inferiority,  af  all  events,  is  one  which  may  be  urged 
with  at  least  equal  force  against  every  claimant  that  has  ever 
been  mentioned,  with  the  single  exception  of  Burke,  who  cer- 
tainly was  not  Junius.  And  what  conclusion,  after  all,  can  be 
drawn  from  mere  inferiority  ?  Every  writer  must  produce  his 
best  work ;  and  the  interval  between  his  best  and  his  second- 
best  work  may  be  very  wide  indeed.  Nobody  will  say  that  the 
best  letters  of  Junius  are  more  decidedly  superior  to  the  ac- 
knowledged works  of  Francis  than  three  or  four  of  Corneille's 
tragedies  to  the  rest;  than  three  or  four  of  Ben  Jonson's 
comedies  to  the  rest;  than  the  Pilgrim's  Progress  to  the  other 
works  of  Bunyan ;  than  Don  Quixote  to  the  other  works  of 


LITERABJANA.  727 

Cervantes.  Nay,  it  is  certain  that  the  Man  in  the  Mask,  who- 
ever he  may  have  been,  was  a  most  unequal  writer.  To  go  no 
further  than  the  letters  which  bear  the  signature  of  Junius, — 
the  letter  to  the  king  and  the  letters  to  Home  Tooke  have  little 
in  common  except  the  asperity ;  and  asperity  was  an  ingredient 
seldom  wanting  either  in  the  writings  or  in  the  speeches  of 
Francis. 

Indeed,  one  of  the  strongest  reasons  for  believing  that  Francis 
was  Junius  is  the  moral  resemblance  between  the  two  men.  It 
is  not  difficult  from  the  letters  which,  under  various  signatures, 
are  known  to  have  been  written  by  Junius,  and  from  his  deal- 
ings with  Woodfall  and  others,  to  form  a  tolerably  correct  no- 
tion of  his  character.  He  was  clearly  a  man  not  destitute  of 
real  patriotism  and  magnanimity, — a  man  whose  vices  were  not 
of  a  sordid  kind.  But  he  must  also  have  been  a  man  in  the 
highest  degree  arrogant  and  insolent,  a  man  prone  to  malevo- 
lence, and  prone  to  the  error  of  mistaking  his  malevolence  for 
public  virtue.  "  Doest  thou  well  to  be  angry  ?"  was  the  ques- 
tion asked  in  old  time  of  the  Hebrew  prophet.  And  he  an- 
swered, "I  do  well."  This  was  evidently  the  temper  of  Ju- 
nius ;  and  to  this  cause  we  attribute  the  savage  cruelty  which 
disgraces  several  of  his  letters.  No  man  is  so  merciless  as  he 
who,  under  a  strong  self-delusion,  confounds  his  antipathies 
with  his  duties.  It  may  be  added,  that  Junius,  though  allied 
with  the  democratic  party  by  common  enmities,  was  the  very 
opposite  of  a  democratic  politician.  While  attacking  indivi- 
duals with  a  ferocity  which  perpetually  violated  all  the  laws  of 
literary  warfare,  he  regarded  the  most  defective  parts  of  old 
institutions  with  a  respect  amounting  to  pedantry,  pleaded 
the  cause  of  Old  Sarum  with  fervor,  and  contemptuously  told 
the  capitalists  of  Manchester  and  Leeds  that,  if  they  wanted 
votes,  they  might  buy  land  and  become  freeholders  of  Lanca- 
shire and  Yorkshire.  All  this,  we  believe,  might  stand,  with 
scarcely  any  change,  for  a  character  of  Philip  Francis. 

It  is  not  strange  that  the  great  anonymous  writer  should 
have  been  -willing  at  that  time  to  leave  the  country  which  had 


728  LITERARIANA. 

been  so  powerfully  stirred  by  his  eloquence.  Every  thing  had 
gone  against  him.  That  party  which  he  clearly  preferred  to 
every  other,  the  party  of  George  Grenville,  had  been  scattered 
by  the  death  of  its  chief,  and  Lord  Suffolk  had  led  the  greater 
part  of  it  over  to  the  ministerial  benches.  The  ferment  pro- 
duced by  the  Middlesex  election  had  gone  down.  Every  fac- 
tion must  have  been  an  object  of  aversion  to  Junius.  His 
opinions  on  domestic  affairs  separated  him  from  the  Ministry, 
his  opinions  on  colonial  affairs  from  the  Opposition.  Under 
such  circumstances,  he  had  thrown  down  his  pen  in  misanthro- 
pic despair.  His  farewell  letter  to  Woodfall  bears  date  Janu- 
ary 19,  1773.  In  that  letter  he  declared  that  he  must  be  an 
idiot  to  write  again ;  that  he  had  meant  well  by  the  cause  and 
the  public;  that  both  were  given  up;  that  there  were  not  ten 
men  who  would  act  steadily  together  on  any  question.  "  But 
it  is  all  alike,"  he  added,  "  vile  and  contemptible.  You  have 
never  flinched,  that  I  know  of;  and  I  shall  always  rejoice  to 
hear  of  your  prosperity."  These  were  the  last  words  of  Ju- 
nius. Soon  afterwards  Sir  Philip  Francis  started  on  his  voyage 
to  Bengal. 

One  of  the  ablest  articles  in  favor  of  Lord  Chatham  may  be 
found  in  Hogg's  Instructor,  already  quoted  from.  The  writer 
sums  up  his  evidence  in  a  masterly  manner,  and  almost  conclu- 
sively, were  it  not  that  he  still  leaves,  like  others  who  have  pre- 
ceded him,  a  large  space  for  an  entering  wedge.  Nay,  more : 
he  even  divides  the  palm,  and,  though  he  gives  the  great  Wil- 
liam Pitt  the  chief  glory,  he  intimates  that  Francis  not  only 
wrote  some  of  the  epistles,  but  originated  "  the  idea  of  so  ope- 
rating on  the  public  mind."  He  says  in  his  closing  remarks, 
in  answer  to  the  question,  "  Had  Sir  Philip  Francis  no  share 
in  the  Junian  Letters  ?"  "  He  certainly  was  privy,  we  imagine, 
to  the  whole  business,  and,  indeed,  very  probably  wrote  some 
of  the  earlier  and  less  important  epistles.  He  had  been  private 
secretary  to  Chatham  at  one  time,  and  was  his  friend,  or  rather 
idolizing  follower,  through  life.  But  he  was  met  Junius.  He 
may  even  have  begun  the  epistolary  series,  and  may  deserve 


LITERARIANA.  729 

the  credit,  perhaps,  of  having  suggested  the  idea  of  so  opera- 
ting on  the  public  niind.  But  still  he  was  not  Nominis  Umbra 
himself.  In  answering  the  queries  of  Lord  Campbell,  Lady 
Francis,  while  owning  that  Sir  Philip  never  called  himself 
Junius  to  her,  assumes  nevertheless  that  he  was  that  mystic 
being,  but  adds  that  after  he  had  begun  the  letters  a  '  new 
and  powerful  ally'  came  to  his  assistance.  The  whole  mystery 
is  here  laid  bare.  Lord  Chatham  is  clearly  the  ally  meant;  and 
the  testimony  of  Lady  Francis,  therefore,  founded  on  the  reve- 
lations of  her  husband,  may  be  held  as  fully  establishing  our 
present  hypothesis." 

Yet  Francis  and  Chatham  both  "  died  and  left  no  sign  :"  the 
question  is  therefore  still  open  to  discussion,  and,  as  a  late 
writer  has  remarked,  it  is  not  a  mere  question  of  curiosity. 
He  recommends  it  to  the  study  of  every  barrister  who  wishes 
to  make  himself  acquainted  with  the  Theory  of  Evidence. 
There  is  scarcely  a  claim  that  has  been  put  forward  as  yet,  which 
he  will  not  find  worthy  of  his  attention,  especially  when  he  con- 
siders the  remarkable  coincidences  which  have  generally  been 
the  occasion  of  their  being  brought  forward.  He  adds  that  he 
has  during  the  last  thirty  years  successively  admitted  the 
claims  of  five  or  six  of  the  candidates,  but  that  now  he  does 
not  believe  in  ene  of  them. 

GRAY'S  ELEGY. 

Never  the  verse  approve  and  hold  as  good 
Till  many  a  day  and  many  a  blot  has  wrought 
The  polished  work,  and  chastened  every  thought 
By  tenfold  labor  to  perfection  brought. — HORACE. 
The  original  MS.  of  this  immortal  poem  was  lately  sold  at 
auction  in  London.    At  a  former  sale  (1845)  it  was  purchased, 
'  together  with  the  "  Odes,"  by  a  Mr.  Penn.     He  gave  $500  for 
the  Elegy  alone.     He  was  proud,  says  the  London  Athensevm, 
of  his  purchase, — so  proud,  .indeed,  that  binders  were  employed 
to  inlay  them  on  fine  paper,  bind  them  up  in  volumes  of  richly- 
tooled  olive  morocco  with  silk  linings,  and  finally  enclose  each 
volume  in  a  case  of  plain  purple  morocco.    The  order  was  care- 


730  LITERARTANA. 

fully  carried  out,  and  the  volumes  were  deposited  at  Stoke 
Pogis,  in  the  great  house  adjoining  the  grave  of  Grray.  The 
MS.  of  the  Elegy  is  full  of  verbal  alterations :  it  is  the  only 
copy  known  to  exist,  and  is  evidently  Gray's  first  grouping 
together  of  the  stanzas  as  a  whole.  As  the  Elegy  is  known 
and  admired  by  almost  every  one  conversant  with  the  English 
language,  we  select  some  of  the  verses,  to  show  the  alterations 
made  by  the  author.  The  established  text  is  printed  in  Ro- 
man type,  the  MS.  readings  as  originally  written,  in  Italics: — 

Of  such  as  wandering  near  her  secret  bower 

stray  too 
The  rude  forefathers  of  the  hainlet  sleep 

village 

The  breezy  call  of  incense-breathing  morn, 
Forever  sleep  ;  the  breezy  call  of 
The  cock's  shrill  clarion,  or  the  echoing  horn 
Or  Chanticleer  so  shrill, 
Or  climb  his  knees  the  envied  kiss  to  share 
coming 
doubtful 
Let  not  ambition  mock  their  useful  toil, 

homely 
Their  homely  joys 

rustic 

Nor  you,  ye  proud,  impute  to  these  the  fault 
forgive,  ye  proud,  th'  involuntary  fault 
Can  honor's  voice  provoke  the  silent  dust 

awake 
Chill  penury  repress'd  their  noble  rage 

had  damp'd 
Some  mute  inglorious  Milton  here  may  rest, 

Tally 
Some  Cromwell 

Csuar 
Their  growing  virtues,  but  their  crimes  confined 

struggling 
They  kept  the  noiseless  tenor  of  their  way 

silent 

Even  in  our  ashes  live  their  wonted  fires 
And  buried  ashes  glow  with  social 
Brushing  with  hasty  steps  the  dews  away 
With  hasty  footsteps  brush 


LITERARIANA.  731 

There,  at  the  foot  of  yonder  nodding  beech 
Oft  hoary 

spreading 

Hard  by  yon  wood,  now  smiling  as  in  scorn 
With  gestures  quaint 
Muttering  his  wayward  fancies,  he  wonld  rove  . 

fond  conceits,  he  wont  to 
Along  the  heath,  and  near  his  favorite  tree 
By  the  heath  side 
The  next,  with  dirges  due,  in  sad  array 

meet 

Graved  on  the  stone  beneath  yon  aged  thorn 
Wrote  that 

Carved 
Large  was  his  bounty,  and  his  soul  sincere 

heart 

Or  draw  his  frailties  from  their  dread  abode 
Nor  seek  to  draw  them 
There  they  alike  in  trembling  hope  repose 
His  frailties  there 

In  the  original  manuscript  copy,  after  the  eighteenth  stanza, 
are  the  four  following  verses,  which  were  evidently  intended  to 
complete  the  poem,  but  the  idea  of  the  hoary-headed  swain 
occurring  to  the  author,  he  rejected  them: — 

The  thoughtless  world  to  majesty  may  bow, 

Exalt  the  brave  and  idolize  success  ; 
But  more  to  innocence  their  safety  owe, 
•          Than  power  or  genius  ere  conspired  to  bless. 
And  thou  who,  mindful  of  the  unhonored  dead, 

Dost  in  these  notes  their  artless  tale  relate  ; 
By  night  and  lonely  contemplation  led 

To  wander  in  the  gloomy  walks  of  fate  : 
Hark !  how  the  sacred  calm  that  breathes  around 

Bids  every  fierce,  tumultuous  passion  cease, 
In  still,  small  accents  breathing  from  the  ground 

A  grateful  earnest  of  eternal  peace. 
No  more  with  reason  and  thyself  at  strife, 

Give  anxious  cares  and  endless  wishes  room; 
But  through  the  cool  sequestered  vale  of  life 

Pursue  the  silent  tenor  of  thy  doom. 
After  the  twenty-fifth  stanza  was  the  following : — 
Him  have  we  seen  the  greenwood  side  along, 

While  o'er  the  heath  we  hied,  our  labor  done, 


732  LITERARIANA. 

Oft  as  the  woodlark  piped  her  farewell  song, 
With  wistful  eyes  pursue  the  setting  sun. 

Preceding  the  epitaph,  was  the  following  beautiful  allusion 
to  the  rustic  tomb  of  the  village  scholar : — 
There  scattered  oft,  the  earliest  of  the  year, 

By  hands  unseen,  are  showers  of  violets  found ; 
The  redbreast  loves  to  build  and  warble  there, 
And  little  footsteps  lightly  print  the  ground. 

Gray  began  the  composition  of  this  exquisite  poem  in  1742 ; 
but  so  carefully  did  he  proceed,  that  it  remained  on  his  hands 
for  seven  years.  It  is  believed  to  have  been  mostly  written 
within  the  precincts  of  the  church  at  Granchester,  about  two 
miles  from  Cambridge;  and  the  curfew  in  the  poet's  mind  was 
accordingly  the  great  bell  of  St.  Mary's,  tolled  regularly  every 
evening  at  nine  o'clock  in  Gray's  time  and  since. 

As  a  piece  of  finished  composition,  possessing  all  the  ele- 
ments of  true  poetry,  in  conception,  in  illustration,  in  the  me- 
chanical structure  of  the  verse,  in  the  simplicity  of  the  style, 
in  the  touching  nature  of  the  ideas,  the  Elegy  won  from  the 
outset  a  fame  which,  as  a  century  of  time  has  but  served  to 
make  it  more  certain  and  more  illustrious,  is  likely  to  last  as 
long  as  mankind  have  the  feelings  of  mortality. 

As  illustrations  of  the  popularity  of  this  poem,  we  may  cite 
two  historical  incidents  that  will  be  interesting  and  acceptable 
to  the  reader. 

On  the  night  of  September  13,  1759, — the  night  before  the 
capture  of  Quebec  by  the  English, — -as  the  boats  were  floating 
down  the  river  to  the  appointed  landing,  under  cover  of  the 
night,  and  in  the  stillness  of  a  silence  constrained  on  pain  of 
death,  Gen.  Wolfe,  just  arisen  from  a  bed  of  sickness,  harassed 
with  the  anxieties  of  a  protracted  yet  fruitless  campaign,  and  his 
mind  filled  with  the  present  hazard,  slowly  and  softly  repeated 
its  soothing  lines;  and  he  added  to  the  officers  around  him, 
"  Now,  gentlemen,  I  would  prefer  being  the  author  of  that 
poem  to  the  glory  of  beating  the  French  to-morrow." 

On  the  night  of  October  23,  1852, — the  night  before  Daniel 
Web?ter's  death, — the  great  statesman,  having  already  been 


LITERARIANA.  733 

informed  by  his  medical  attendant  that  nothing  further  could 
be  done,  except  to  render  his  last  hours  more  quiet,  said,  some- 
what indistinctly,  the  words,  "Poetry,  poetry, — Gray,  Gray  !" 
His  son  repeated  the  opening  line  of  the  Elegy,  and  Mr.  Web- 
ster said,  "  That  is  it !  that  is  it  I"  The  volume  was  brought, 
and  several  stanzas  of  the  poem  were  read  to  him,  which  gave 
him  evident  pleasure. 

Among  the  many  who  have  sought  notoriety  by  pinning 
themselves  to  the  skirts  of  Gray  is  a  Mr.  Edwards,  author  of 
The  Canons  of  Criticism.  This  gentleman,  though  a  bachelor, 
was  more  attentive  to  the  fair  sex  than  the  pindaric  Elegist, 
and,  thinking  there  was  a  defect  in  the  immortal  poem  that 
should  be  supplied,  wrote  the  following  creditable  stanzas, 
which  remind  one  of  Maud  Mutter,  to  be  introduced  imme- 
diately after  "  some  Cromwell  guiltless/'  &c. 

Some  lovely  fair,  whose  unaffected  charms 

Shone  forth,  attraction  in  herself  unknown, 
Whose  beauty  might  have  blest  a  monarch's  arms, 

And  virtue  cast  a  lustre  on  a  throne. 
That  humble  beauty  warmed  an  honest  heart 

And  cheered  the  labors  of  a  faithful  spouse; 
That  virtue  formed  for  every  decent  part 

The  healthful  offspring  that  adorned  their  house. 

The  following  beautiful  imitation,  by  an  American  poet,  is  the 
best  that  has  ever  been  offered  to  supply  another  remarkable 
deficiency, — the  absence  of  such  reflections  on  the  sublime 
truths  and  inspiring  hopes  of  Christianity  as  the  scene  would 
naturally  awaken  in  a  pious  mind.  With  the  exception  of 
two  or  three  somewhat  equivocal  expressions,  Gray  says 
scarcely  a  word  which  might  not  have  been  said  by  any  one 
who  believed  that  death  is  an  eternal  sleep,  and  who  was 
disposed  to  regard  the  humble  tenants  of  those  tombs  as 
indeed  "  each  in  his  narrow  cell  forever  laid."  A  supplement 
according  so  well  with  the  Elegy,  both  in  elevation  of  senti- 
ment and  force  of  diction,  as  the  following,  might  appropriately 
have  followed  the  stanza, — 

"  Far  from  the  madding  crowd's  ignoble  strife." 
62 


734  LITERARIANA. 

No  airy  dreams  their  simple  fancies  fired, 

No  thirst  for  wealth,  nor  panting  after  fame ; 
But  truth  divine  sublimer  hopes  inspired, 

And  urged  them  onward  to  a  nobler  aim. 

From  every  cottage,  with  the  day,  arose 
The  hallowed  voice  cf  spirit-breathing  prayer; 

And  artless  anthems,  at  its  peaceful  close, 
Like  holy  incense,  charmed  the  evening  air. 

Though  they,  each  tome  of  human  lore  unknown, 

The  brilliant  path  of  science  never  trod, 
The  sacred  volume  claimed  their  hearts  alone, 

Which  taught  the  way  to  glory  and  to  God. 

Here  they  from  truth's  eternal  fountain  drew 
The  pure  and  gladdening  waters,  day  by  day; 

Learned,  since  our  days  are  evil,  fleet,  and  few, 
To  walk  in  Wisdom's  bright  and  peaceful  way. 

In  yon  lone  pile  o'er  which  hath  sternly  passed 

The  heavy  hand  of  all-destroying  Time, 
Through  whose  low  mouldering  aisles  now  sigh  the  blast, 

And  round  whose  altars  grass  and  ivy  climb, 

They  gladly  thronged,  their  grateful  hymns  to  raise, 

Oft  as  the  calm  and  holy  Sabbath  shone; 
The  mingled  tribute  of  their  prayers  and  praise 

In  sweet  communion  rose  before  the  throne. 

Here,  from  those  honored  lips  which  sacred  fire 

From  Heaven's  high  chancery  hath  touched,  they  hear 

Truths  which  their  zeal  inflame,  their  hopes  inspire, 
Give  wings  to  faith,  and  check  affliction's  tear. 

When  life  flowed  by,  and,  like  an  angel,  Death 

Came  to  release  thein  to  the  world  on  high, 
Praise  trembled  still  on  each  expiring  breath, 

And  holy  triumph  beamed  from  every  eye. 

Then  gentle  hands  their  "  dust  to  dust"  consign  ; 

With  quiet  tears,  the  simple  rites  are  said, 
And  here  they  sleep,  till  at  the  trump  divine 

The  earth  and  ocean  render  up  their  dead. 

SCENE   FROM   THE   PARTING  INTERVIEW  OF   HECTOR  AND 
ANDROMACHE. 

From  the  manuscript  of  Pope's  translation  of  Homer's  Iliad 
we  select  a  passage,  with  its  alterations  and  emendations,  cha- 


LITERARIANA.  735 

racteristic,  like  those  of  the  foregoing,  of  the  taste  and  preci- 
sion of  the  author.  It  is  interesting  to  note  the  variety  of 
epithets,  the  imperfect  idea,  the  gradual  embellishment,  and  the 
critical  erasures.  But  in  their  contemplation,  rather  than  say, 
with  Waller,— 

Poets  lose  half  the  praise  they  should  have  got, 
Could  it  be  known  what  they  discreetly  blot, 

we  should  feel  with  Dr.  Johnson,  who  remarked,  upon  examin- 
ing the  MSS.  of  Milton,  that  "such  relics  show  how  excellence 
is  acquired  :  what  we  hope  ever  to  do  with  ease  we  must  learn 
first  to  do  with  diligence."  Johnson  himself  employed  the 
limse  laLorem  on  The  Rambler  to  an  extent  almost  incredible, 
and,  according  to  Boswell,  unknown  in  the  annals  of  literature. 
Dr.  Nash  remarks  that  it  is  more  difficult,  and  requires  a 
greater  mastery  of  art,  in  painting  to  foreshorten  a  figure  ex- 
actly than  to  draw  three  at  their  just  length ;  so  it  is  more 
difficult  in  writing,  to  express  any  thing  naturally  and  briefly 
than  to  enlarge  and  dilate. 

And  therefore  a  judicious  author's  blots 

Are  more  ingenious  than  his  first  free  thoughts. 

Thus  having  spoke,  the  illustrious  chief  of  Troy 
Extends  his  eager  arms  to  embrace  his  boy, 

lovely 
Stretched  his  fond  arms  to  seize  the  beauteous  boy; 

babe 

The  boy  clung  crying  to  his  nurse's  breast, 
Scared  at  the  dazzling  helm  and  nodding  crest 

each  kind 

With  silent  pleasure  the  fond  parent  smiled, 
And  Hector  hasted  to  relieve  his  child. 
The  glittering  terrors  unbound, 

His  radiant  helmet  from  his  brows  unbraced, 

on  the  ground  he 
And  on  the  ground  the  glittering  terror  placed, 

beamy 

And  placed  the  radiant  helmet  on  the  ground ; 
Then  seized  the  boy,  and  raising  him  in  air, 

lifting 
Then,  fondling  in  his  arms  his  infant  heir, 

dancing 
Thus  to  the  gods  addressed  a  father's  prayer: 


736  LITERARIANA. 

glory  fills 
0  thou,  -whose  thunder  shakes  th'  ethereal  throne, 

deathless 

And  all  ye  other  powers,  protect  my  son  I 
Like  mine,  this  war,  blooming  youth  with  every  virtue  blest  / 

grace 

The  shield  and  glory  of  the  Trojan  race  ; 
Like  mine,  his  valor  and  his  just  renown, 
Like  mine,  his  labors  to  defend  the  crown. 
Grant  him,  like  me,  to  purchase  just  renown, 

the  Trojans, 

To  guard  my  country,  to  defend  the  crown ; 
In  arms  like  me,  his  country's  war  to  wage, 
Against  his  country's  foes  the  war  to  wage, 
And  rise  the  Hector  of  the  future  age ! 
successful 

So  when,  triumphant  from  the  glorious  toils, 
Of  heroes  slain  he  bears  the  reeking  spoils, 
Whole  hosts  may 
All  Troy  shall  hail  him,  with  deserved  acclaim, 

own  the  son 

And  cry,  This  chief  transcends  his  father's  fame ; 
While,  pleased,  amidst  the  general  shouts  of  Troy, 
His  mother's  conscious  heart  o'erflows  with  joy. 

fondly    on  her 

He  said,  and,  gazing  o'er  his  consort's  charms, 
Restored  his  infant  to  her  longing  arms  : 

on 

Soft  f»  her  fragrant  breast  the  babe  she  laid, 
Pressed  to  her  heart,  and  with  a  smile  surveyed; 

to  repose 
Hushed  him  to  rest,  and  with  a  smile  surveyed ; 

passion 
But  soon  the  troubled  pleasure  mixed  toith  rising  feart 

dashed  with  fear, 

The  tender  pleasure  soon  chastised  by  fear, 
She  mingled  with  the  smile  a  tender  tear. 

In  the  established  text  will  be  found  still  further  variations. 
These  are  marked  below  in  Italics  : — 

Thus  having  spoke,  the  illustrious  chief  of  Troy 
Stretched  his  fond  arms  to  clasp  the  lovely  boy. 
The  babe  clung  crying  to  his  nurse's  breast, 
Scared  at  the  dazzling  helm  and  nodding  crest. 
With  secret  pleasure  each  fond  parent  smiled, 
And  Hector  hasted  to  relieve  his  child. 


LITERARIANA.  737 

The  glittering  terrors  from  hia  brows  unbound, 
And  placed  the  beaming  helmet  on  the  ground; 
Then  kissed  the  child,  and  lifting  high  in  air, 
Thus  to  the  gods  preferred  a  father's  prayer : — 

0  thou,  whose  glory  fills  th'  ethereal  throne, 
And  all  ye  deathless  powers,  protect  my  son ! 
Grant  him,  like  me,  to  purchase  just  renown, 
To  guard  the  Trojans,  to  defend  the  crown; 
Against  his  country's  foes  the  war  to  wage, 
And  rise  the  Hector  of  the  future  age ! 
So  when,  triumphant  from  successful  toils, 
Of  heroes  slain,  he  bears  the  reeking  spoils, 
Whole  hosts  may  hail  him,  with  deserved  acclaim, 
And  say,  This  chief  transcends  his  father's  fame; 
While,  pleased,  amidst  the  general  shouts  of  Troy, 
His  mother's  conscious  heart  o'erflows  with  joy. 

He  spoke,  and,  fondly  gazing  on  her  charms, 
Restored  the  pleasing  burden  to  her  arms: 
Soft  on  her  fragrant  breast  the  babe  she  laid, 
Hushed  to  repose,  and  with  a  smile  surveyed. 
The  troubled  pleasure  soon  chastised  by  fear, 
She  mingled  with  the  smile  a  tender  tear. 

POPE'S   VERSIFICATION. 

The  mechanical  structure  of  Pope's  verses  may  be  shown  by 
omitting  dissyllabic  qualifying  words,  which  are  comparatively 
unimportant,  and  converting  a  ten-syllable  into  an  eight-syllable 
metre,  as  in  the  following  examples.  First  read  the  full  text 
as  in  the  original,  and  then  read  with  the  words  in  brackets , 
omitted: — 

Achilles'  wrath,  to  Greece  the  [direful]  spring 
Of  woes  unnumbered,  [Heavenly]  Goddess,  sing! 
That  wrath  which  hurled  to  Pluto's  [gloomy]  reign 
The  souls  of  [mighty]  chiefs  untimely  slain; 
Whose  limbs  unburied  on  the  [naked]  shore, 
Devouring  dogs  and  [hungry]  vultures  tore — 

Now  turn  from  the  Iliad  to  the  Rape  of  the  Lock : 

And  now  [unveiled]  the  toilet  stands  displayed, 
Each  silver  vase  in  [mystic]  order  laid. 
A  [heavenly]  image  in  the  glass  appears, 
To  that  she  bends,  [to  that]  her  eyes  she  rears  ; 
2W  62* 


738  LITERARIANA. 

The  [inferior]  priestess  at  her  altar's  side, 
[Trembling]  begins  the  sacred  rights  of  pride. 
Unnumbered  treasures  ope  [at  once],  and  here 
The  [varied]  offerings  of  the  world  appear. 
From  each  she  nicely  culls  with  [curious]  toil, 
And  decks  the  goddess  with  the  [glittering]  spoil. 

IMPORTANCE  OP  PUNCTUATION. 

The  following  passage  occurs  in  Marlowe's  Edward  II. : — 

Mortimer  Jan. — This  letter  written  by  a  friend  of  ours, 
Contains  hia  death,  yet  bids  them  save  his  life. 
Edwardum  occidere  nolite  timere,  bonnm  est. 
Fear  not  to  kill  the  king,  'tis  good  he  die. 
But  read  it  thus,  and  that's  another  sense : 
Edwardum  occidere  nolite,  timere  bonum  est. 
Kill  not  the  king,  'tis  good  to  fear  the  worst. 
Unpointed  as  it  is,  thus  shall  it  go,  Ac. 

Mr.  Collier  appends  the  following  note: — 

Sir  J.  Harington  has  an  Epigram  [L.  i.,  E.33]  "Of  writing  with  double 
pointing, "  which  is  thus  introduced: — "It  is  said  that  King  Edward,  of 
Carnarvon,  lying  at  Berkely  Castle,  prisoner,  a  cardinal  wrote  to  his 
keeper,  Edwardum  occidere  noli,  timere  bonum  eat,  which  being  read  with 
the  point  at  timere,  it  cost  the  king  his  life." 

The  French  have  a  proverb,  Faute  (Cun  point,  Martin  per- 
dit  son  ane,  (through  want  of  a  point  [or  stop]  Martin  lost 
his  ass,)  equivalent  to  the  English  saying,  A  miss  is  as  good  as 
a  mile.  This  proverb  originated  from  the  following  circum- 
stance:— A  priest  named  Martin,  being  appointed  abbot  of  a 
religious  house  called  Asello,  directed  this  inscription  to  be 
placed  over  his  gate  : — 

PORTA  PATENS  ESTO,  NULLI  CLAUDATUR  HONESTO. 

(Gate,  be  thou  open, — to  no  honest  man  be  shut.) 

But  the  ignorant  painter,  by  placing  the  stop  after  the  word 
nulli,  entirely  altered  the  sense  of  the  verse,  which  then  stood 
thus: — 

Gate,  be  open  to  none; — be  shut  against  every  honest  man. 

The  Pope  being  informed  of  this  uncharitable  inscription,  took 
up  the  matter  in  a  very  serious  light,  and  deposed  the  abbot. 
His  successor  was  careful  to  correct  the  punctuation  of  the 


LITERARIANA.  739 

verse,  to  which  the  following  line  was  added  : — • 

Pro  solo  puneto  caruit  Martinus  Asello. 
(For  a  single  stop  Martin  lost  Asello.) 

The  word  Asello  having  an  equivocal  sense,  signifying  an 
ass  as  well  as  the  name  of  the  abbey,  its  former  signification 
has  be'en  adopted  in  the  proverb. 

A  nice  point  has  recently  occupied  the  attention  of  the 
French  courts  of  law.  Mons.  de  M.  died  on  the  27th  of 
February,  leaving  a  will,  entirely  in  his  own  handwriting, 
which  he  concludes  thus  : — 

"  And  to  testify  my  affection  for  my  nephews  Charles  and 
Henri  de  M.,  I  bequeath  to  each  d'eux  [i.e.  of  theni]  [or 
deux,  i.e.  two]  hundred  thousand  francs." 

The  paper  was  folded  before  the  ink  was  dry,  and  the 
writing  is  blotted  in  many  places.  The  legatees  assert  that 
the  apostrophe  is  one  of  those  blots ;  but  the  son  and  heir-at- 
law  maintains,  on  the  contrary,  that  the  apostrophe  is  inten- 
tional. This  apostrophe  is  worth  to  him  two  hundred  thou- 
sand francs ;  and  the  difficulty  is  increased  by  the  fact  that 
there  is  nothing  in  the  context  that  affords  any  clew  to  the 
real  intention  of  the  testator. 

Properly  punctuated,  the  following  nonsense  becomes  sensible 
rhyme,  and  is  doubtless  as  true  as  it  is  curious,  though  as  it 
now  stands  it  is  very  curious  if  true  : — 

I  saw  a  pigeon  making  bread ; 

I  saw  a  girl  composed  of  thread ; 

I  saw  a  towel  one  mile  square ; 

I  saw  a  meadow  in  the  air ; 

I  saw  a  rocket  walk  a  mile  ; 

I  saw  a  pony  make  a  file ; 

I  saw  a  blacksmith  in  a  box ; 

I  saw  an  orange  kill  an  ox; 

I  saw  a  butcher  made  of  steel ; 

I  saw  a  penknife  dance  a  reel; 

I  saw  a  sailor  twelve  feet  high ; 

I  saw  a  ladder  in  a  pie ; 

T  saw  an  apple  fly  away ; 


740  LITERARIANA. 

I  saw  a  sparrow  making  hay ; 

I  saw  a  farmer  like  a  dog; 

I  saw  a  puppy  mixing  grog  ; 

I  saw  three  men  who  saw  these  too, 

And  will  confirm  what  I  tell  you. 

The  following  is  a  good  example  of  the  unintelligible,  pro- 
duced by  the  want  of  pauses  in  their  right  places  : — 

Every  lady  in  this  land 
Hath  twenty  nails  upon  each  hand ; 
Five  and  twenty  on  hands  and  feet, 
And  this  is  true  without  deceit. 

Punctuated  thus,  the  true  meaning  will  at  once  appear  : — 

Every  lady  in  this  land 
Hath  twenty  nails :  upon  each  hand 
Five;  and  twenty  on  hands  and  feet; 
And  this  is  true  without  deceit 

The  wife  of  a  mariner  about  to  sail  on  a  distant  voyage  sent 
a  note  to  the  clergyman  of  the  parish,  expressing  the  following 
meaning : — 

A  husband  going  to  sea,  his  wife  desires  the  prayers  of  the 
congregation. 

Unfortunately,  the  good  matron  was  not  skilled  in  punctua- 
tion, nor  had  the  minister  quick  vision.  He  read  the  note  as 
it  was  written  : — 

A  husband  going  to  see  his  wife,  desires  the  prayers  of  tho 
congregation. 

Horace  Smith,  speaking  of  the  ancient  Oracles,  says,  "  If 
the  presiding  deities  had  not  been  shrewd  punsters,  or  able  to 
inspire  the  Pythoness  with  ready  equivoques,  the  whole  esta- 
blishment must  speedily  have  been  declared  bankrupt.  Some- 
times they  only  dabbled  in  accentuation,  and  accomplished 
their  prophecies  by  the  transposition  of  a  stop,  as  in  the  well- 
known  answer  to  a  soldier  inquiring  his  fate  in  the  war  for 
which  he  was  about  to  embark.  IBIS,  REDIBIS.  NUNQUAM 
IN  BELLO  PERIBIS.  (You  will  go,  you  will  return.  Never  in 
war  will  you  perish.)  The  warrior  set  off  in  high  spirits  upon 
the  faith  of  this  prediction,  and  fell  in  the  first  engagement, 


LITERARIANA.  741 

when  his  widow  had  the  satisfaction  of  being  informed  that 
he  should  have  put  the  full  stop  after  the  word  nunquam, 
which  would  probably  have  put  a  full  stop  to  his  enterprise 
and  saved  his  life." 

INDIAN    HERALDRY. 

A  sanguine  Frenchman  had  so  high  an  opinion  of  the  plea- 
sure to  be  enjoyed  in  the  study  of  heraldry,  that  he  used  to 
lament,  as  we  are  informed  by  Menage,  the  hard  case  of  our 
forefather  Adam,  who  could  not  possibly  amuse  himself  by  in- 
vestigating that  science  or  that  of  genealogy. 

A  similar  instance  of  egregious  preference  for  a  favorite 
study  occurs  in  a  curious  work  on  Heraldry,  published  in  Lon- 
don, in  1682,  the  author  of  which  adduces,  as  an  argument  of 
the  science  of  heraldry  being  founded  on  the  universal  propen- 
sities of  human  nature,  the  fact  of  having  seen  some  American 
Indians  with  their  skins  tattooed  in  stripes  parallel  and  crossed 
(barries).  The  book  bears  the  following  title  : — Introductio  ad 
Latinam  Blasoniam.  Authore  Jbhanne  Gibbono  Armorum- 
servulo  quern  a  mantilio  dicunt  Cseruleo.  The  singular  and 
amusing  extract  appended  is  copied  from  page  156  : — 

The  book  entitled  Jews  in  America  tells  you  that  the 
sachem  and  chief  princes  of  the  Nunkyganses,  in  New  Eng- 
land, submitted  to  King  Charles  I.,  subscribing  their  names, 
and  setting  their  seals,  which  were  a  BOW  BENT,  CHARGED 

WITH  AN  ARROW,  A  T  REVERSED,  A  TOMAHAWK  OR  HATCHET 

ERECTED,  such  a  one  borne  BARRYWISE,  edge  downward,  and  a 
PAWN.  A  great  part  of  Anno  1659,  till  February  the  year 
following,  I  lived  in  Virginia,  being  most  hospitably  enter- 
tained by  the  honorable  Col.  R.  Lee,  sometime  secretary  of  state 
there,  and  who  after  the  king's  martyrdom  hired  a  Dutch 
vessel,  freighted  her  himself,  and  went  to  Brussels,  surrendered 
up  Sir  William  Barclaie's  old  commission  (for  the  govern- 
ment of  that  Province),  and  received  a  new  one  from  his  pre- 
sent majesty  (a  loyal  action,  and  deserving  my  commemora- 
tion) :  neither  will  I  omit  his  arms,  being  UUL.  A  FES.  CHEQUY, 


742  LITERARIAXA. 

OR,  BL  BETWEEN  EIGHT  BILLETS  ARC.  being  descended  from 
the  Lees  of  Shropshire,  who  sometimes  bore  eight  billets,  some- 
times ten,  and  sometimes  the  Fesse  Contercompone  (as  I  have 
seen  by  our  office-records).  I  will  blason  it  thus  :  In  Clypeo  ru- 
tilo  f  Fasciam  pluribus  quadratis  aurietcyani,  alternis  sequis- 
que  spaciis  (ducter  tripllci  positis)  confectam  et  inter  octo 
Plinthides  argenteas  collocatam.  I  say,  while  I  lived  in  Vir- 
ginia, I  saw  once  a  war-dance  acted  by  the  natives.  The  dancers 
were  painted  some  PARTY  PER  PALE  GUL.  ET  SAB.  from  fore- 
head to  foot  (some  PARTY  PER  FESSE,  of  the  same  colors),  and 
carried  little  ill-made  shields  of  bark,  also  painted  of  those 
colors  (for  I  saw  no  other),  some  PARTY  PER  FESSE,  some  PER 
PALE  (and  some  BARRY),  at  which  I  exceedingly  wondered, 
and  concluded  that  heraldry  was  engrafted  naturally  into  the 
sense  of  the  human  race.  If  so,  it  deserves  a  greater  esteem 
than  is  now-a-days  put  upon  it. 

THE   ANACHRONISMS   OF   SHAKSPEARE. 

Poets,  in  the  proper  exercise  of  their  art,  may  claim  greater 
license  of  invention  and  speech,  and  far  greater  liberty  of  illus- 
tration and  embellishment,  than  is  allowed  to  the  sober  writer 
of  history ;  but  historical  truth  or  chronological  accuracy  should 
not  be  entirely  sacrificed  to  dramatic  effect,  especially  when  the 
poem  is  founded  upon  history,  or  designed  generally  to  repre- 
sent historical  truth.  In  the  matchless  works  of  Shakspeare 
we  look  instinctively  for  exactness  in  the  details  of  time,  place, 
and  circumstance ;  and  it  is  therefore  with  no  little  surprise 
that  we  find  he  has  misplaced,  in  such  instances  as  the  follow- 
ing, the  chronological  order  of  events,  of  the  true  state  of 
which  it  can  hardly  be  supposed  he  was  ignorant. 

In  the  play  of  Coriolanus,  Titus  Lartius  is  made  to  say, 
addressing  C.  Marcius, — 

Thou  wast  a  soldier  even  to  Cato't  wish. 

It  is  a  little  curious  how  Marcius  could  have  been  a  soldier 
to  "  Cato's  wish,"  for  Marcius,  surnamed  Coriolanus,  was  ban- 
ished from  Rome  and  died  more  than  two  hundred  years  be- 
fore Cato's  eyes  first  saw  the  light.  In  the  same  play  Mene- 


LITERARIANA.  743 

nms  says  of  Marcius,  "  He  sits  in  his  state  as  a  thing  made  for 
Alexander,"  or  like  Alexander.  The  anachronism  made  in 
this  case  is  almost  as  bad  as  that  just  given,  for  Coriolanus  was 
banished  from  Home  and  died  not  far  from  B.C.  490,  and 
Alexander  was  not  born  until  almost  one  hundred  and  fifty 
years  after.  And  the  poet  in  the  same  play  makes  still  an- 
other error  in  the  words  which  he  puts  in  the  mouth  of  Mene- 
nius  : — "  The  most  sovereign  prescription  in  Galen  is  but  enipi- 
ricutic."  Now,  as  the  renowned  "  father  of  medicine"  was  not 
born  until  A.D.  130,  of  which  fact  it  seems  hardly  probable 
that  Shakspeare  could  have  been  ignorant,  he  has  overleaped 
more  than  six  hundred  years  to  introduce  Galen  to  his  readers. 
In  the  tragedy  of  Julius  Csesar  occurs  a  historical  inac- 
curacy which  cannot  be  excused  on  the  ground  of  dramatic 
effect.  It  must  be  imputed  to  downright  carelessness.  It  is 
in  the  following  lines  : — 

Brutu*.     Peace  !  count  the  clock. 
Cassius.    The  clock  has  stricken  three. 

Cassius  and  Brutus  both  must  have  been  endowed  with  the 
vision  of  a  prophet,  for  the  first  striking  clock  was  not  intro- 
duced into  Europe  until  more  than  eight  hundred  years  after 
they  had  been  laid  in  their  graves.  And  in  the  tragedy  of 
King  Lear  there  is  an  inaccuracy,  in  regard  to  spectacles,  as 
great  as  that  in  Julius  Ccesar  respecting  clocks.  King  Lear 
was  king  of  Britain  in  the  early  Anglo-Saxon  period  of 
English  history;  yet  Gloster,  commanding  his  son  to  show  him 
a  letter  which  he  holds  in  his  hands,  says,  "  Come,  let's  see  : 
if  it  be  nothing,  I  shall  not  want  spectacles."  It  is  generally 
admitted  that  spectacles  were  not  worn  in  Europe  until  the 
end  of  the  thirteenth  or  the  commencement  of  the  fourteenth 
century. 

Shakspeare  also  anticipates  in  at  least  two  plays,  and  by 
many  years,  the  important  event  of  the  first  use  of  cannon  in 
battle  or  siege.  In  his  great  tragedy  of  Macbeth,  he  speaks 
of  cannon  ••  overcharged  with  double  cracks  •"  and  King  John 
says,— 


744  LITERARIANA. 

Be  thou  as  lightning  in  the  eyes  of  France, 
For  ere  thou  canst  report,  I  will  be  there; 
The  thunder  of  my  cannon  shall  be  heard. 

Cannon,  it  will  be  recollected,  were  first  used  at  Cressy,  in 
1346,  whereas  Macbeth  was  killed  in  1054,  and  ^ohn  did  not 
begin  to  reign  until  1199.  In  the  Comedy  of  Errors,  the 
scene  of  which  is  laid  in  the  ancient  city  of  Ephesus,  mention 
is  made  of  modern  denominations  of  money,  as  guilders  and 
ducats;  also  of  a  striking  clock,  and  a  nunnery. 

SHAKSPEARE'S  HEROINES. 

Ruskin  says: — Shakspeare  has  no  heroes — he  has  only  hero- 
ines. There  is  not  one  entirely  heroic  figure  in  all  his  plays,  except 
the  slight  sketch  of  Henry  the  Fifth,  exaggerated  for  the  pur- 
poses of  the  stage,  and  the  still  slighter  Valentine  in  the  Two 
Gentlemen  of  Verona.  In  his  labored  and  perfect  plays  you 
have  no  hero.  Othello  would  have  been  one,  if  his  simplicity 
had  not  been  so  great  as  to  leave  him  the  prey  of  every  base  prac- 
tice around  him;  but  he  is  the  only  example  even  approxima- 
ting the  heroic  type.  Hamlet  is  indolent  and  drowsily  specula- 
tive; Romeo  an  impatient  boy.  Whereas  there  is  hardly  a 
play  that  has  not  a  perfect  woman  in  it,  steadfast  in  grave  hope 
and  errorless  purpose.  Cordelia,  Desdemona,  Isabella,  Hermione, 
Imogen  e,  Queen  Katherine,  Perdita,  Silvia,  Viola,  Rosalind, 
Helena,  and  last,  and  perhaps  loveliest,  Virgilia,  are  all  faultless. 

SHAKSPEARE   AND   TYPOGRAPHY. 

The  great  Caxton  authority  in  England — Mr.  William  Blades 
— has  turned  his  attention  to  Shakspeare,  and  applies  his  know- 
ledge as  a  practical  printer  to  the  poet's  works,  in  order  to  see 
what  acquaintance  they  show  with  the  compositor's  art.  The 
result  is  strikingly  set  forth  in  a  volume  entitled  "  Shakspeare 
and  Typography."  Many  instances  of  the  use  of  technical  terms 
by  Shakspeare  are  cited  by  Mr.  Blades,  such  as  the  following : — 

1.  "  Come  we  to  full  points  here  ?  And  are  et  cetera*  nothing  ? — 2  Henry 
IV.,  ii.  4." 


LITERARIANA.  745 

2.  "  If  a  book  is  folio,  and  two  pages  of  type  have  been  composed,  they 
are  placed  in  proper  position  upon  the  imposing  stone,  and  enclosed  within 
an  iron  or  steel  frame,  called  a  'chase,'  small  wedges  of  hard  wood,  termed 
'coigns'  or  'quoins,'  being  driven  in  at  opposite  sides  to  make  all  tight. 

By  the  four  opposing  coigns 

Which  the  world  together  joins.— Pericles,  iii.  1. 

This  is  just  the  description  of  a  form  in  folio,  where  two  quoins 
on  one  side  are  always  opposite  to  two  quoins  on  the  other,  thus 
together  joining  and  tightening  all  the  separate  stamps." 

SHAKSPEARE'S  SONNETS. 

Schlegel  says  that  sufficient  use  has  not  been  made  of 
Shakspeare's  Sonnets  as  important  materials  for  his  biography. 
Let  us  see  to  what  conclusions  they  may  lead  us.  In  Sonnet 
xxxvii.,  for  example,  he  says : — 

As  a  decrepit  father  takes  delight 

To  see  his  active  child  do  deeds  of  youth, 

So  I,  made  lame  by  fortune's  dearest  spite, 
Take  all  my  comfort  of  thy  worth  and  truth; 

And  again,  in  Sonnet  LXXXIX., — 

Say  that  thou  didst  forsake  me  for  some  fault, 
And  I  will  comment  upon  that  offence; 

Speak  of  my  lameness,  and  I  straight  will  halt, 
Against  thy  reasons  making  no  defence. 

Was  Shakspeare  lame?  "A  question  to  be  asked; "and 
there  is  nothing  in  the  inquiry  repugnant  to  poetic  justice,  for 
he  has  made  Julius  Caesar  deaf  in  his  left  ear.  Where  did  he 
get  his  authority  ? 

HAMLET'S  AGE. 

Shakspeare's  Hamlet  was  thirty  years  old,  as  is  indicated  by 
the  text  in  Act.  V.  Sc.  1 : — 

HAM.  How  long  hast  thou  been  a  grave-maker? 

1  CLO.  Of  all  the  days  i'  the  year,  I  came  to't  that  day  that  our  last  King 
Hamlet  o'ercame  Fortinbras. 

HAM.  How  long  is  that  since  ? 

1  CtO.  Cannot  you  tell  that?  Every  fool  can  tell  that:  it  was  the  very 
day  that  young  Hamlet  was  born :  he  that  is  mad  and  sent  into  England. 
«  *  *  *  *  *  *  '  * 


746  LITERARIANA. 

HAM.  Upon  what  ground  ? 

1  CLO.  Why,  here  in  Denmark.  I  have  been  sexton  he:e,  man  and  boy 
thirty  years. 

HAMLET'S  INSANITY. 

It  is  strange  that  there  should  be  any  doubts  whether  Ham- 
let was  really  or  feignedly  insane.  His  assertion  to  the  Queen, 
after  putting  off  his  assumed  tricks  (iii.  4.), 

That  I  essentially  am  not  in  madness, 
But  mad  in  craft, 

is  surely  admissible  testimony.  But  he  gives  us  other  evidence 
based  upon  the  difficulty  of  recalling  a  train  of  thought,  an  in- 
variable accompaniment  of  insanity,  inasmuch  as  it  is  an  act  in 
which  both  brains  are  concerned.  He  says, — 

Bring  me  to  the  test, 

And  I  the  matter  will  re-word;  which  madness 
Would  gambol  from. 

There  are  no  instances  of  insanity  on  record,  however  slight 
and  uncognizable  by  any  but  an  experienced  medical  man, 
where  the  patient,  after  relating  a  short  history  of  his  com- 
plaints, physical,  moral,  or  social,  could,  on  being  requested  to 
reiterate  the  narrative,  follow  the  same  series,  and  repeat  the 
same  words,  even  with  the  limited  correctness  of  a  sane  person.* 

ADDITIONAL   VERSES    TO    HOME,  SWEET   HOME. 

In  the  winter  of  1833,  John  Howard  Payne,  the  author  of 
Home,  Sweet  Home,  called  upon  an  American  lady,  the  wife 
of  an  eminent  banker  living  in  London,  and  presented  to  her  a 
copy  of  the  original,  set  to  music,  with  the  two  following  addi- 
tional verses  addressed  to  her  : — 

To  us,  in  despite  of  the  absence  of  years, 

How  sweet  the  remembrance  of  home  still  appears ! 

*  "  There  was  disorder  in  the  mind — a  disturbance  of  the  intellect,  some- 
thing more  than  that  which  he  was  feigning ;  but  if  the  question  of  in- 
sanity involve  the  question  whether  his  mind  ceased  to  be  under  the  mas- 
tery of  his  will,  assuredly  there  was  no  such  aberration."  (Reed's  Lectures.) 

Dr.  Johnson  goes  further,  declaring  that  Hamlet  "  does  nothing  which 
he  might  not  have  done  with  the  reputation  of  sanity." 


LITERARIAXA.  747 

From  allurements  abroad,  which  but  flatter  the  eye, 
The  unsatisfied  heart  turns,  and  says,  with  a  sigh, 
Home,  home,  sweet,  sweet  home ! 

There's  no  place  like  home  ! 

There's  no  place  like  home  ! 

Your  exile  is  blest  with  all  fate  can  bestow, 
But  mine  has  been  checkered  with  many  a  woe ! 
Yet,  though  different  our  fortunes,  our  thoughts  are  the  same, 
And  both,  as  we  think  of  Columbia,  exclaim, 
Home/home,  sweet,  sweet  home  !  etc. 

THE    STEREOTYPED   FALSITIES   OP   HISTORY. 

Thinking  to  amuse  my  father  once,  after  his  retirement  from  the  ministry, 
I  offered  to  read  a  book  of  history.  "Any  thing  but  history,"  said  he;  "for 
history  must  be  false." —  Walpoliana. 

What  massive  volumes  would  the  reiterated  errors  and  falsi- 
ties of  history  fill,  could  they  be  collected  in  one  grand  omni- 
ana  !  Historians  in  every  period  of  the  world,  narrowed  and 
biassed  by  surrounding  circumstances,  each  in  his  pent-up  Utica 
confined,  have  lacked  the  fairness  and  impartiality  necessary  to 
insure  a  full  conviction  of  their  truthfulness.  Men  not  only 
suffer  their  opinions  and  their  prejudices  to  mislead  themselves 
and  others,  but  frequently,  in  the  absence  of  material,  draw 
upon  their  imaginations  for  facts.  Often,  too,  when  sincerely 
desirous  of  presenting  the  truth  so  as  to  "  nothing  extenuate, 
nor  set  down  aught  in  malice,"  the  sources  of  their  information 
are  lamentably  deficient. 

The  discrepancies  of  historical  writers  are  very  remarkable. 
If  one  who  had  never  heard  of  Napoleon  were  to  read  Scott's 
Life  of  the  great  military  chieftain,  and  then  read  Abbott's 
work,  in  what  a  maze  of  perplexity  would  he  be  involved  be- 
tween the  disparagement  of  the  one  and  the  deification  of  the 
other !  If  one  writer  asserts  that  the  Duke  of  Clarence  was 
drowned  in  a  butt  of  malmsey  in  the  Tower  of  London,  and 
another  derisively  treats  it  as  a  "  childish  improbability,"  and 
if  one  expresses  the  belief  that  Richard  of  Gloucester  exerted 
himself  to  save  Clarence,  and  another  that  he  was  the  actual 
murderer,  who,  or  what,  are  we  to  believe  ? 


748  LITERARIANA. 

Knowing,  as  we  do,  that  modern  history  abounds  with  errors, 
what  are  we  to  think  of  ancient  history  ?  If  fraudulent  and 
erroneous  statements  can  be  distinctly  pointed  out  in  Hume, 
and  Lingard,  and  Alison,  how  far  can  we  place  any  reliance 
upon  Caesar,  and  Herodotus,  and  Xenophon  ? 

The  monstrous  absurdities  and  incongruities  related  of  Xer- 
xes, which  have  descended  to  our  day  under  the  name  of  his- 
tory, are  too  stupendous  for  any  credulity.  The  imposture,  like 
vaulting  ambition,  "o'erleaps  itself."  Such  extravagant  de- 
mands upon  our  faith  serve  to  deepen  our  doubt  of  alleged  oc- 
currences that  lie  more  nearly  within  the  range  of  possibility. 
If  it  be  true  that  Hannibal  cut  his  way  across  the  Alps  with 
"fire,  iron,  and  vinegar,"  how  did  he  apply  the  vinegar  ? 

If  falsities  in  our  American  history  can  creep  upon  us  whilst 
our  eyes  are  open  to  surrounding  evidence,  is  it  to  be  wondered 
at  that  there  are  so  many  contradictions  and  so  many  myths  in 
the  history  of  Rome  ?  The  very  name  America  is  a  deception, 
a  fraud,  and  a  perpetuation  of  as  rank  injustice  as  ever  stained 
the  annals  of  human  events.  It  is  to  be  hoped  that  the  time 
will  yet  come  when  Columbus  shall  receive  his  due.  When  that 
millennial  day  arrives  which  will  insist  on  calling  things  by 
their  right  names,  the  battle  of  Bunker's  Hill  will  be  called 
the  battle  of  Breed's  Hill.  , 

It  seems  incredible,  and  it  certainly  is  singular,  that  so  many 
errors  in  our  history  should  continue  to  prevail  in  utter  defiance 
of  what  is  known  to  be  fact.  Historians,  for  instance,  persist 
in  saying,  and  people  consequently  persist  in  believing,  that  the 
breast-works  of  General  Jackson  at  the  battle  of  New  Orleans 
were  made  of  cotton-bales  covered  with  earth,  whilst  intelligent 
survivors  strenuously  deny  that  there  was  a  pound  of  that  com- 
bustible material  on  the  ground.*  A  well-known  painting  fre- 

*  General  W.  H.  Palfrey,  of  New  Orleans,  who  served  in  Major  Planche'9 
battalion,  which  was  stationed  from  Dec.  23,  1814,  to  Jan.  15,  1815,  in  the 
centre  of  General  Jackson's  line,  makes  the  following  statement,  (dated  April 
5,  1859,)  which  is  confirmed  by  Major  Chotard,  General  Jackson's  Assistant 
Adjutant-General : — 


IITERARIANA.  749 

quently  copied  by  line-engravers  represents  Lord  Cornwallis 
handing  his  sword  to  General  Washington,  at  the  surrender  of 
Yorktown,  and  this  in  spite  of  the  glaring  fact  that,  to  spare 
Cornwallis  that  humiliation,  General  O'Hara  gave  his  sword  to 
General  Lincoln. 

The  blood  shed  at  the  battle  of  Lexington  is  commonly  be- 
lieved and  said  to  have  been  the  first  drawn  in  the  contest  of 
the  Colonists  with  the  oppressive  authorities  of  the  British 
Government.  Aside  from  the  Boston  massacre,  which  occurred 
March  5,  17TO,  it  will  be  found,  by  reference  to  the  records 
of  Orange  county,  North  Carolina,  that  a  body  of  men  was 
formed,  called  the  "  Regulators,"  with  the  view  of  resisting 
the  extortion  of  Colonel  Fanning,  clerk  of  the  court,  and  other 
officers,  who  demanded  illegal  fees,  issued  false  deeds,  levied 
unauthorized  taxes,  &c. ;  that  these  men  went  to  the  court- 
house at  Hillsboro',  appointed  a  schoolmaster  named  York  as 
clerk,  set  up  a  mock  judge,  and  pronounced  judgment  in 
mock  gravity  and  ridicule  of  the  court,  law,  and  officers,  by 
whom  they  felt  themselves  aggrieved ;  that  soon  after,  the 
house,  barn,  and  out-buildings  of  the  judge  were  burned  to 
the  ground ;  and  that  Governor  Tryon  subsequently,  with  a 
small  force,  went  to  suppress  the  Regulators,  with  whom  an 
engagement  took  place  near  Alamance  Creek,  on  the  road  from 
Hillsboro'  to  Salisbury,  on  the  16th  of  May,  1771, — nearly 
four  years  before  the  affair  of  Lexington, — in  which  nine 
Regulators  and  twenty-seven  militia  were  killed,  and  many 
wounded, — fourteen  of  the  former  being  killed  by  one  man, 
James  Pugh,  from  behind  a  rock. 

"About  twenty  or  twenty-five  bales  of  cotton  were  used  in  forming  the  em- 
brasures of  five  or  six  batteries.  There  were  four  batteries  of  one  piece  of 
artillery,  or  howitzer,  and  four  of  two  pieces,  established  at  different  points 
of  the  lines.  Four  bales  were  used  at  some  of  the  batteries  and  six  at  others. 
None  were  used  in  any  other  portions  of  the  works,  which  consisted  of  breast- 
works formed  of  earth  thrown  up  from  the  inside,  branches  of  trees,  and  rub- 
bish. Each  company  threw  up  its  own  breastwork ;  and  the  more  it  wa« 
affected  by  the  enemy's  artillery  and  Congreve  rockets,  the  more  indus- 
triously the  soldiers  toiled  to  strengthen  it" 
*  63* 


750  LITERARIANA. 

The  progress  of  the  natural  and  physical  sciences,  to- 
gether with  the  increased  facilities  of  intercommunication  by 
steam,  have  done  much  towards  disproving  and  exposing  the 
fabulous  stories  of  travelers.  The  extravagant  character,  for 
example,  of  the  assertions  of  Foersch  and  Darwin  in  regard  to 
the  noxious  emanations  of  the  Bohun  Upas  is  now  shown  by 
the  fact  that  a  specimen  of  it  growing  at  Chiswick,  England, 
may  be  approached  with  safety,  and  even  handled,  with  a  little 
precaution.  It  is  equally  well  established  that  the  famous  Poi- 
son Valley  in  the  island  of  Java  affords  the  most  remarkable 
natural  example  yet  known  of  an  atmosphere  overloaded  with 
carbonic  acid  gas,  to  which  must  be  referred  the  destructive  in- 
fluence upon  animal  life  heretofore  attributed  to  the  Upas-tree. 

CONFLICTING  TESTIMONY   OP   EYE-WITNESSES. 

Sir  Walter  Raleigh,  in  his  prison,  was  composing  the  second 
volume  of  his  History  of  the  World.  Leaning  on  the  sill  of  his 
window,  he  meditated  on  the  duties  of  the  historian  to  mankind, 
when  suddenly  his  attention  was  attracted  by  a  disturbance  in 
the  court-yard  before  his  cell.  He  saw  one  man  strike  another, 
whom  he  supposed  by  his  dress  to  be  an  officer ;  the  latter  at  once 
drew  his  sword  and  ran  the  former  through  the  body.  The 
wounded  man  felled  his  adversary  with  a  stick,  and  then  sank 
upon  the  pavement.  At  this  juncture  the  guard  came  up  and 
carried  off  the  officer  insensible,  and  then  the  corpse  of  the 
man  who  had  been  run  through. 

Next  day  Raleigh  was  visited  by  an  intimate  friend,  to  whom 
he  related  the  circumstances  of  the  quarrel  and  its  issue.  To 
his  astonishment,  his  friend  unhesitatingly  declared  that  the 
prisoner  had  mistaken  the  whole  series  of  incidents  which  had 
passed  before  his  eyes.  The  supposed  officer  was  not  an  officer 
at  all,  but  the  servant  of  a  foreign  ambassador;  it  was  he  who 
had  dealt  the  first  blow;  he  had  not  drawn  his  sword,  but  the 
other  had  snatched  it  from  his  side,  and  had  run  him  through 
the  body  before  any  one  could  interfere ;  whereupon  a  stranger 


LITERARIANA.  751 

from  among  the  crowd  knocked  the  murderer  down  with  his 
stick,  and  some  of  the  foreigners  belonging  to  the  ambassador's 
retinue  carried  off  the  corpse.  The  friend  of  Raleigh  added  that 
government  had  ordered  the  arrest  and  immediate  trial  of  the 
murderer,  as  the  man  assassinated  was  one  of  the  principal 
servants  of  the  Spanish  ambassador. 

"Excuse  me,"  said  Raleigh,  "but  I  cannot  have  been  deceived 
as  you  suppose,  for  I  was  eye-witness  to  the  events  which  took 
place  under  my  own  window,  and  the  man  fell  there  on  that  spot 
where  you  see  a  paving-stone  standing  up  above  the  rest." 
"  My  dear  Raleigh,"  replied  his  friend,  "  I  was  sitting  on  that 
stone  when  the  fray  took  place,  and  I  received  this  slight  scratch 
on  my  cheek  in  snatching  the  sword  from  the  murderer,  and 
upon  my  word  of  honor,  you  have  been  deceived  upon  every 
particular." 

Sir  Walter,  when  alone,  took  up  the  second  volume  of  his 
History,  which  was  in  MS.,  and  contemplating  it,  thought — 
"  If  I  cannot  believe  my  own  eyes,  how  can  I  be  assured  of  the 
truth  of  a  tithe  of  the  events  which  happened  ages  before  I 
was  born  ?"  and  he  flung  the  manuscript  into  the  fire. 

WIT   AND   HUMOR. 

The  distinction  between  wit  and  humor  may  be  said  to  consist 
in  this, — that  the  characteristic  of  the  latter  is  Nature,  and  of 
the  former  Art.  Wit  is  more  allied  to  intellect,  and  humor  to 
imagination.  Humor  is  a  higher,  finer,  and  more  genial  thing 
than  wit.  It  is  a  combination  of  the  laughable  with  tenderness, 
sympathy,  and  warm-heartedness.  Pure  wit  is  often  ill-natured, 
and  has  a  sting ;  but  wit,  sweetened  by  a  kind,  loving  expression, 
becomes  humor.  Wit  is  usually  brief,  sharp,  epigrammatic,  and 
incisive,  the  fewer  words  the  better;  but  humor,  consisting  more 
in  the  manner,  is  diffuse,  and  words  are  not  spared  in  it.  Carlyle 
says,  "  The  essence  of  humor  is  sensibility,  warm,  tender  fellow- 
feeling  with  all  forms  of  existence ; "  and  adds,  of  Jean  Paul's 
humor,  that  "  in  Richter's  smile  itself  a  touching  pathos  may 


752  LITERARIANA. 

lie  hid  too  deep  for  tears."  Wit  may  be  considered  as  the  dis- 
tinctive feature  of  the  French  genius,  and  humor  of  the  English ; 
but  to  show  how  difficult  it  is  to  carry  these  distinctions  out 
fairly,  we  may  note  that  England  has  produced  a  Butler,  one  of 
the  greatest  of  wits,  and  France  a  Moliere,  one  of  the  greatest 
of  humorists.  Fun  includes  all  those  things  that  occasion  laugh- 
ter which  are  not  included  in  the  two  former  divisions.  Buffoon- 
ery and  mimicry  come  under  this  heading,  and  it  has  been  ob- 
served that  the  author  of  a  comedy  is  a  wit,  the  comic  actor  a 
humorist,  and  the  clown  a  buffoon.  Old  jests  were  usually  tricks, 
and  in  coarse  times  we  find  that  little  distinction  is  made  between 
joyousness  and  a  malicious  delight  in  the  misfortunes  of  others. 
Civilization  discountenances  practical  jokes,  and  refinement  is 
required  to  keep  laughter  within  bounds.  As  the  world  grows 
older,  fun  becomes  less  boisterous,  and  wit  gains  in  point,  so  that 
we  cannot  agree  with  Cornelius  O'Dowd  when  he  says,  "  The 
day  of  witty  people  is  gone  by.  If  there  be  men  clever  enough 
nowadays  to  say  smart  things,  they  are  too  clever  to  say  them. 
The  world  we  live  in  prefers  placidity  to  brilliancy,  and  a  man 
like  Curran  in  our  present-day  society  would  be  as  unwelcome 
as  a  pyrotechnist  with  a  pocket  full  of  squibs."  This  is  only  a 
repetition  of  an  old  complaint,  and  its  incorrectness  is  proved 
when  we  find  the  same  thing  said  one  hundred  years  ago.  In 
a  manuscript  comedy,  "  In  Foro,"  by  Lady  Houstone,  who  died 
near  the  end  of  the  last  century,  one  of  the  characters  observes : 
"Wit  is  nowadays  out  of  fashion;  people  are  well-bred,  and 
talk  upon  a  level;  one  does  not  at  present  find  wit  but  in  some 
old  comedy."  In  spite  of  Mr.  Lever  and  Lady  Houstone,  we 
believe  that  civilized  society  is  specially  suited  for  the  display 
of  refined  wit.  Under  such  conditions  satire  is  sure  to  flourish, 
for  the  pen  takes  the  place  of  the  sword,  and  we  know  it  can 
slay  an  enemy  as  surely  as  steel.  This  notion  owes  its  origin 
in  part  to  an  error  in  our  mental  perspective,  by  which  we  bring 
the  wit  of  all  ages  to  one  focus,  fancying  what  was  really  far 
apart  to  have  been  close  together,  and  thus  comparing  things 


LITERARIANA.  753 

which  possess  no  proper  elements  of  comparison,  and  placing 
as  it  were  in  opposition  to  each  other  the  accumulated,  broad, 
and  well-storied  tapestry  of  the  past  with  the  fleeting  moments 
of  our  day,  which  are  but  its  still  accumulating  fringe.  Charles 
Lamb  will  not  allow  any  great  antiquity  for  wit,  and  apostro- 
phizing candle-light  says:  "This  is  our  peculiar  and  household 
planet;  wanting  it,  what  savage,  unsocial  nights  must  our  an- 
cestors have  spent,  wintering  in  caves  and  unillumined  fastnesses! 
They  must  have  laid  about  and  grumbled  at  one  another  in 
the  dark.  What  repartees  could  have  passed,  when  you  must 
have  felt  about  for  a  smile,  and  handled  a  neighbor's  cheek 
to  be  sure  he  understood  it!  Jokes  came  in  with  candles." 

AN    OLD    PAPER. 

The  most  amusing  and  remarkable  paper  ever  printed  was" 
the  Muse  Historique,  or  Rhyming  Gazette  of  Jacques  Loret, 
which,  for  fifteen  years,  from  1650  to  1665,  was  issued  weekly 
in  Paris.  It  consisted  of  550  verses  summarizing  the  week's 
news  in  rhyme,  and  treated  of  every  class  of  subjects,  grave 
and  gay.  Loret  computed,  in  1663,  the  thirteenth  year  of  his 
enterprise,  that  he  had  written  over  300,000  verses,  and  found 
more  than  700  different  exordiums,  for  he  never  twice  began 
his  Gazette  with  the  same  entire  in  matter.  He  ran  about  the 
city  for  his  own  news,  never  failed  to  write  good  verses  upon  it, 
and  never  had  anybody  to  help  him,  and  his  prolonged  and  al- 
ways equal  performance  has  been  pronounced  unique  in.  the  \ 
history  of  journalism. 

COMFORT   FOR   BOOK   LOVERS. 

Mr.  Ruskin  vigorously  defends  the  bibliomaniac,  in  his  Se- 
same and  Lilies.  We  have  despised  literature.  What  do  we, 
as  a  nation,  care  about  books  ?  How  much  do  you  think  we 
spend  altogether  on  our  libraries,  public  or  private,  as  compared 
with  what  we  spend  on  our  horses  ?  If  a  man  spends  lavishly 
on  his  library  you  call  him  mad — a  bibliomaniac.  But  you 
never  call  one  a  horse-maniac,  though  men.  ruin  themselves 


754  LITERARIANA. 

every  day  by  their  horses;  and  you  do  not  hear  of  people  ruin- 
ing themselves  by  their  books.  Or,  to  go  lower  still,  how  much 
do  you  think  the  contents  of  the  book-shelves  of  the  United 
Kingdom,  public  and  private,  would  fetch  as  compared  with 
the  contents  of  its  wine-cellars?  What  position  would  its  ex- 
penditure on  literature  take  as  compared  with  its  expenditure 
on  luxurious  eating  ?  We  talk  of  food  for  the  mind  as  of  food 
for  the  body;  now,  a  good  book  contains  such  food  inexhaustibly 
— it  is  a  provision  for  life,  and  for  the  best  part  of  us;  yet  how 
long  most  people  would  look  at  the  best  book  before  they  would 
give  the  price  of  a  large  turbot  for  it!  Though  there  have 
been  men  who  have  pinched  their  stomachs  and  bared  their 
backs  to  buy  a  book,  whose  libraries  were  cheaper  to  them,  I 
think,  in  the  end,  than  most  men's  dinners  are.  We  are  few 
of  us  put  to  such  trial,  and  more  the  pity ;  for,  indeed,  a  pre- 
.cious  thing  is  all  the  more  precious  to  us  if  it  has  been  won  by 
work  or  economy;  and  if  public  libraries  were  half  as  costly  as 
public  dinners,  or  books  cost  the  tenth  part  of  what  bracelets 
do,  even  foolish  men  and  women  might  sometimes  suspect  there 
was  good  in  reading,  as  well  as  in  munching  and  sparkling; 
whereas  the  very  cheapness  of  literature  is  making  even  wiser 
people  forget  that  if  a  book  is  worth  reading  it  is  worth 
buying. 

LETTERS    AND    THEIR    ENDINGS. 

There  is  a  large  gamut  of  choice  for  endings,  from  the  official 
"Your  obedient  servant,"  and  high  and  mighty  "Your  humble 
servant,"  to  the  friendly  "Yours  truly,"  "Yours  sincerely,"  and 
"  Yours  affectionately."  Some  persons  vary  the  form,  and  slight- 
ly jntensify  the  expression  by  placing  the  word  "yours"  last,  as 
"  Faithfully  yours."  James  Howell  used  a  great  variety  of  end- 
ings, such  as  "  Yours  inviolably,"  "  Yours  entirely,"  "  Your  en- 
tire friend,"  "Yours  verily  and  invariably,"  "Yours  really," 
"  Yours  in  no  vulgar  way  of  friendship,"  "  Yours  to  dispose  of," 
"Yours  while  J.  H.,"  "Yours!  Yours!  Yours!"  Walpole 
writes:  "Yours  very  much,"  "Yours  most  cordially,"  and  to 


LITERARIANA.  755 

Hannah  More,  in  1789,  "Yours  more  and  more."  Mr.  Bright, 
some  years  ago  ended  a  controversial  letter  in  the  following 
biting  terms :  "I  am,  sir,  with  whatever  respect  is  due  to  you." 
The  old  Board  of  Commissioners  of  the  British  Navy  used  a 
form  of  subscription  very  different  from  the  ordinary  official  one, 
It  was  their  habit  to  subscribe  their  letters  (even  letters  of  re- 
proof) to  such  officers  as  were  not  of  noble  families  or  bore  titles, 
"Your  affectionate  friends."  It  is  said  that  this  practice  was 
discontinued  in  consequence  of  a  distinguished  captain  adding 
to  his  letter  to  the  Board,  "  Your  affectionate  friend."  He  was 
thereupon  desired  to  discontinue  the  expression,  when  he  re- 
plied, "  I  am,  gentlemen,  no  longer  your  affectionate  friend.' 

STUDIES    AND    BOOKS. 

Studies  serve  for  delight,  for  ornament,  and  for  ability.  Their 
chief  use  for  delight  is  in  privateness  and  retiring;  for  orna- 
ment, is  in  discourse;  and  for  ability,  is  in  the  judgment  and 
disposition  of  business,  for  expert  men  can  execute  and  per- 
haps judge  of  business  one  by  one;  but  the  general  counsels, 
and  the  plots  and  marshalling  of  affairs,  come  best  from  those 
that  are  learned.  To  spend  too  much  time  in  studies  is  sloth; 
to  use  them  too  much  for  ornament  is  affectation ;  to  make 
judgment  wholly  by  their  rules  is  the  humor  of  a  scholar: 
they  perfect  nature  and  are  perfected  by  experience, — for  natu- 
ral abilities  are  like  natural  plants,  that  need  pruning  by  study; 
and  studies  themselves  do  give  forth  directions  too  much  at 
large,  except  they  be  bounded  in  by  experience.  Crafty  wise 
men  contemn  studies,  simple  men  admire  them,  and  wise  men 
use  them ;  for  they  teach  not  their  own  use ;  but  that  is  a  wis- 
dom without  them,  and  above  them,  won  by  observation.  B&ad 
not  to  contradict  and  confute,  nor  to  believe  and  take  for 
granted,  nor  to  find  talk  and  discourse,  but  to  weigh  and  con- 
sider. Some  books  are  to  be  tasted,  others  to  be  swallowed, 
and  some  few  to  be  chewed  and  digested;  t.e.,some  books  are 
to  be  read  only  in  parts,  others  to  be  read,  but  not  curiously, 


756  LITERATI. 

and  some  few  to  be  read  wholly  and  with  diligence  and  atten- 
tion. Reading  maketh  a  full  man,  conference  a  ready  man, 
and  writing  an  exact  man;  and  therefore,  if  a  man  write  little, 
he  had  need  have  a  great  memory;  if  he  confer  little,  he  had 
need  have  a  present  wit ;  and  if  he  read  little,  he  had  need 
have  much  cunning  to  seem  to  know  that  he  doth  not. — LORD 
BACON. 


Utterati. 

ATTAINMENTS    OP   LINGUISTS. 

TAKING  the  very  highest  estimate  which  has  been  offered 
of  their  attainments,  the  list  of  those  who  have  been  reputed 
to  have  possessed  more  than  ten  languages  is  a  very  short  one. 
Only  four,  in  addition  to  a  case  that  will  be  presently  mentioned, 
— Mithridates,  Pico  of  Mirandola,  Jonadab  Almanor,  and  Sir 
William  Jones, — are  said  in  the  loosest  sense  to  have  passed 
the  limit  of  twenty.  To  the  first  two  fame  ascribes  twenty- 
two,  to  the  last  t\vo  twenty- eight,  languages.  Miiller,  Niebuhr, 
Fulgence,  Fresnel,  and  perhaps  Sir  John  Bowring,  are  usually 
set  down  as  knowing  twenty  languages.  For  Elihu  Burritt  and 
Csoma  de  Koros  their  admirers  claim  eighteen.  Renaudot  the 
controversialist  is  said  to  have  known  seventeen;  Professor 
Lee,  sixteen ;  and  the  attainments  of  the  older  linguists,  as 
Arius  Montanus,  Martin  del  Rio,  the  converted  Rabbi  Libettas 
Couiinetus,  and  the  Admirable  Crichton,  are  said  to  have  ranged 
from  this  down  to  ten  or  twelve, — most  of  them  the  ordinary 
languages  of  learned  and  polite  society. 

The  extraordinary  case  above  alluded  to  is  that  of  the  Car- 
dinal Mezzofanti,  the  son  of  a  carpenter  of  Bologna,  whose 
knowledge  of  languages  seems  almost  miraculous.  Von  Zach, 
who  made  an  occasional  visit  to  Bologna  in  1820,  was  accosted 
by  the  learned  priest,  as  he  then  was,  in  Hungarian,  then  in 
good  Saxon,  and  afterwards  in  the  Austrian  and  Swabian  dia- 
lects. With  other  members  o'f  the  scientific  corns  the  priest 


LITERATI.  757 

conversed  in  English,  Russian,  Polish,  French,  and  Hungarian. 
Von  Zach  mentions  that  his  German  was  so  natural  that  a  cul- 
tivated Hanoverian  lady  in  the  company  expressed  her  surprise 
that  a  German  should  be  a  professor  and  librarian  in  an  Italian 
university. 

Professor  Jacobs,  of  Gotha,  was  struck  not  only  with  the 
number  of  languages  acquired  by  the  "  interpreter  for  Babel," 
but  at  the  facility  with  which  he  passed  from  one  to  the  other, 
however  opposite  or  cognate  their  structure. 

Dr.  Tholuck  heard  him  converse  in  German,  Arabic,  Spanish, 
Flemish,  English,  and  Swedish,  received  from  him  an  original 
distich  in  Persian,  and  found  him  studying  Cornish.  He  heard 
him  say  that  he  had  studied  to  some  extent  the  Quichus,  or 
old  Peruvian,  and  that  he  was  employed  upon  the  Bimbarra. 
Dr.  Wiseman  met  him  on  his  way  to  receive  lessons  in  California 
Indian  from  natives  of  that  country.  He  heard  "Nigger 
Dutch"  from  a  Curayoa  mulatto,  and  in  less  than  two  weeks 
wrote  a  short  piece  of  poetry  for  the  mulatto  to  recite  in  his 
rude  tongue.  He  knew  something  of  Chippewa  and  Delaware, 
and  learned  the  language  of  the  Algonquin  Indians.  A  Ceylon 
student  remembers  many  of  the  strangers  with  whom  Mezzofanti 
was  in  the  habit  of  conversing  in  the  Propaganda, — those  whose 
vernaculars  were  Peguan,  Abyssinian,  Amharic,  Syriac,  Ara- 
bico,  Maltese,  Tamulic,  Bulgarian,  Albanian,  besides  others 
already  named.  His  facility  in  accommodating  himself  to  each 
new  colloquist  justifies  the  expression  applied  to  him,  as  the 
"  cliamelion  of  languages." 

.  Dr.  Russell,  Mezzofanti's  biographer,  adopting  as  his  defini- 
tion of  a  thorough  knowledge  of  language  an  ability  to  read  it 
fluently  and  with  ease,  to  write  it  correctly,  and  to  speak  it 
idiomatically,  sums  up  the  following  estimate  of  the  Cardinal's 
acquisitions  : — 

1 .  Languages  frequently  tested  and  spoken  by  the  Cardinal 
with  rare  excellence, — thirty. 

2.  Stated  to  have  been  spoken  fluently,  but  hardly  sufficiently 
tested, — nine. 

3.  Spoken  rarely  and  less  perfectly, — eleven 

64 


758  LITERATI. 

4.  Spoken  imperfectly;  a  few  sentences  and  conversational 
forms, — eight. 

5.  Studied  from  books,  but  not  known  to  have  been  spoken, 
— fourteen. 

6.  Dialects  spoken,  or  their  peculiarities  understood, — thirty- 
nine  dialects  of  ten  languages,  many  of  which  might  justly  be 
described  as  different  languages. 

This  list  adds  up  one  hundred  and  eleven,  exceeding  by  all 
comparison  every  thing  related  in  history.  The  Cardinal  said 
he  made  it  a  rule  to  learn  every  new  grammar  and  apply  him- 
self to  every  strange  dictionary  that  came  within  his  reach. 
He  did  not  appear  to  consider  his  prodigious  talent  so  extraor- 
dinary as  others  did.  "  In  addition  to  an  excellent  memory," 
said  he,  "  God  has  blessed  me  with  an  incredible  flexibility  of 
the  organs  of  speech."  Another  remark  of  his  was,  "  that 
when  one  has  learned  ten  or  a  dozen  languages  essentially  dif- 
ferent from  one  another,  one  may  with  a  little  study  and  atten- 
tion learn  any  number  of  them."  Again  he  remarked,  "  If 
you  wish  to  know  how  I  preserve  these  languages,  I  can  only 
say  that  when  I  once  hear  the  meaning  of  a  word  in  any  Ian 
guage  I  never  forget  it." 

And  yet  it  is  not  claimed  for  this  man  of  many  words  that 
his  ideas  at  all  corresponded.  He  had  twenty  words  for  one  idea, 
as  he  said  of  himself;  but  he  seemed  to  agree  with  Catharine 
de  Medicis  in  preferring  to  have  twenty  ideas  for  one  word. 
He  was  remarkable  for  the  number  of  languages  which  he  had 
made  his  own,  but  was  not  distinguished  as  a  grammarian,  a 
lexicographer,  a  philologist,  a  philosopher,  or  ethnologist,  and 
contributed  nothing  to  any  department  of  the  study  of  words, 
much  less  that  of  science. 

LITERARY   ODDITIES. 

Racine  composed  his  verses  while  walking  about,  reciting 
them  in  a  loud  voice.  One  day,  while  thus  working  at  his  play 
of  Mithridates,  in  the  Tuileries  gardens,  a  crowd  of  workmen 
gathered  around  him,  attracted  by  his  gestures :  they  took  him 
to  be  a  madman  about  to  throw  himself  into  the  basin.  On  hia 


LITERATI.  759 

return  home  from  such  walks  he  would  write  down  scene  by 
scene,  at  first  in  prose,  and  when  he  had  written  it  out,  he 
would  exclaim,  "  My  tragedy  is  done  !"  considering  the  dress- 
ing of  the  acts  up  in  verse  as  a  very  small  affair.  Magliabec- 
chi;  the  learned  librarian  to  the  Duke  of  Tuscany,  on  the  con- 
trary, never  stirred  abroad,  but  lived  amid  books  and  upon 
books.  They  were  his  bed,  board,  and  washing.  He  passed 
eight-and-forty  years  in  their  midst,  only  twice  in  the  course 
of  his  life  venturing  beyond  the  walls  of  Florence, — once  to  go 
two  leagues  off,  and  the  other  time  three  and  a  half  leagues,  by 
order  of  the  Grand  Duke.  He  was  an  extremely  frugal  man, 
living  upon  eggs,  bread,  and  water,  in  great  moderation.  Lu- 
ther, when  studying,  always  had  his  dog  lying  at  his  feet, — a 
dog  he  had  brought  from  Wartburg  and  of  which  he  was  very 
fond.  An  ivory  crucifix  stood  on  the  table  before  him,  and 
the  walls  of  his  study  were  stuck  round  with  caricatures  of  the 
Pope.  He  worked  at  his  desk  for  days  together  without 
going  out;  but  when  fatigued,  and  the  ideas  began  to  stag- 
nate in  his  brain,  he  would  take  his  flute  or  his  guitar  with 
him  into  the  porch,  and  there  execute  some  musical  fantasy, 
(for  he  was  a  skilful  musician,)  when  the  ideas  would  flow 
upon  him  as  fresh  as  flowers  after  summer's  rain.  Music  was 
his  invariable  solace  at  such  times.  Indeed,  Luther  did  not 
hesitate  to  say  that,  after  theology,  music  was  the  first  of  arts. 
"  Music,"  said  he,  "  is  the  art  of  the  prophets  :  it  is  the  only 
art  which,  like  theology,  can  calm  the  agitation  of  the  soul  and 
put  the  devil  to  flight."  Next  to  music,  if  not  before  it,  Lu- 
ther loved  children  and  flowers.  The  great,  gnarled  man  had 
a  heart  as  tender  as  a  woman's.  Calvin  studied  in  his  bed. 
Every  morning,  at  five  or  six  o'clock,  he  had  books,  manu- 
gcripts,  and  papers  carried  to  him  there,  and  he  worked  on  for 
hours  together.  If  he  had  occasion  to  go  out,  on  his  return  he 
undressed  and  went  to  bed  "again  to  continue  his  studies.  In 
his  later  years  he  dictated  his  writings  to  secretaries.  He 
rarely  corrected  any  thing.  The  sentences  issued  complete  from 
his  moutn.  If  he  felt  his  facility  of  composition  leaving  him, 
he  forthwith  quitted  his  bed,  gave  up  writing  and  composing, 


760  LITERATI. 

and  went  about  his  out-door  duties  for  days,  weeks,  and  months 
together.  But  as  soon  as  he  felt  the  inspiration  fall  upon  him 
again,  he  went  back  to  his  bed,  and  his  secretary  set  to  work 
forthwith.  Rousseau  wrote  his  works  early  in  the  morning ; 
Le  Sage  at  mid-day  ;  Byron  at  midnight.  Villehardouin  rose 
at  four  in  the  morning,  and  wrote  till  late  at  night.  Aristotle 
was  a  tremendous  worker :  he  took  little  sleep,  and  was  con- 
stantly retrenching  it.  He  had  a  contrivance  by  which  he 
awoke  early,  and  to  awake  was  with  him  to  commence  work. 
Demosthenes  passed  three  months  in  a  cavern  by  the  sea-side, 
laboring  to  overcome  the  defects  of  his  voice.  There  he 
read,  studied,  and  declaimed.  Rabelais  composed  his  Life  of 
Gargantua  at  Bellay,  in  the  company  of  Roman  cardinals,  and 
under  the  eyes  of  the  Bishop  of  Paris.  La  Fontaine  wrote  his 
fables  chiefly  under  the  shade  of  a  tree,  and  sometimes  by  the 
side  of  Racine  and  Boileau.  Pascal  wrote  most  of  his  Thoughts 
on  little  scraps  of  paper,  at  his  by-moments,  Fenelon  wrote 
his  Telemachus  in  the  Palace  of  Versailles,  at  the  court  of  the 
Grand  Mouarque,  when  discharging  the  duties  of  tutor  to  the 
Dauphin.  That  a  book  so  thoroughly  democratic  should  have 
issued  from  such  a  source  and  been  written  by  a  priest  may 
seem  surprising.  De  Quiucey  first  promulgated  his  notion  of 
universal  freedom  of  person  and  trade,  and  of  throwing  all 
taxes  on  the  land, — the  germ,  perhaps,  of  the  French  Revolu- 
tion,— in  the  boudoir  of  Madame  de  Pompadour !  Bacon  knelt 
down  before  composing  his  great  work,  and  prayed  for  light 
from  Heaven.  Pope  never  could  compose  well  without  first 
declaiming  for  some  time  at  the  top  of  his  voice,  and  thus 
rousing  his  nervous  system  to  its  fullest  activity.  The  life  of 
Leibnitz  was  one  of  reading,  writing,  and  meditation.  That 
was  the  secret  of  his  prodigious  knowledge.  After  an  attack 
of  gout,  he  confined  himself  to  a  diet  of  bread  and  milk.  Often 
he  slept  in  a  chair,  and  rarely  went  to  bed  till  after  midnight. 
Sometimes  he  spent  months  without  quitting  his  seat,  where 
he  slept  by  night  and  wrote  by  day.  He  had  an  ulcer  in  his 
right  leg,  which  prevented  his  walking  about  even  had  he 
wished  to  do  so. 


761 


CULTURE    AND    SACRIFICE. 


The  instruction  of  the  world  has  been  carried  on  by  perpetual 
sacrifice.  A  grand  army  of  teachers,  authors,  artists,  school- 
masters, professors,  heads  of  colleges  —  have  been  through  ages 
carrying  on  war  against  ignorance  ;  but  no  triumphal  procession 
has  been  decreed  to  it,  nor  spoils  of  conquered  provinces  have 
come  to  its  coffers  ;  no  crown  imperial  has  invested  it  with  pomp 
and  power.  In  lonely  watch-towers  the  fires  of  genius  have 
burned,  but  to  waste  and  consume  the  lamp  of  life,  while  they 
gave  light  to  the  world.  It  is  no  answer  to  say  that  the  victims 
of  intellectual  toil,  broken  down  in  health  and  fortune,  have 
counted  their  work  a  privilege  and  joy.'  As  well  deny  the 
martyr's  sacrifice  because  he  has  joyed  in  his  integrity.  And 
many  of  the  world's  intellectual  benefactors  have  been  martyrs. 
Socrates  died  in  prison  as  a  public  malefactor;  for  the  healing 
wisdom  he  offered  his  people,  deadly  poison  was  the  reward. 
Homer  had  a  lot,  so  obscure  at  least,  that  nobody  knew  his 
birthplace;  and,  indeed,  some  modern  critics  are  denying  that 
there  ever  was  any  Homer. 

Plato  traveled  back  and  forth  from  his  home  in  Athens  to  the 
court  of  the  Syracuse  tyrant,  regarded  indeed  and  feared,  but 
persecuted  and  in  peril  of  life  ;  nay,  and  once  sold  for  a  slave. 
Cicero  shared  a  worse  fate.  Dante  all  his  life  knew,  as  he 
expressed  it, 

"  How  salt  was  a  stranger's  bread, 
How  hard  the  path  still  up  and  down  to  tread, 
A  stranger's  stairs." 

Copernicus  and  Galilep  found  science  no  more  profitable  than 
Dante  found  poetry.  Shakspeare  had  a  home,  but  too  poorly 
endowed  to  stand  long  in  his  name  after  he  left  it  ;  the  income 
upon  which  he  retired  was  barely  two  or  three  hundred  pounds 
a  year,  and  so  little  did  his  contemporaries  know  or  think  of 
him  that  the  critics  hunt  in  vain  for  the  details  of  his  private 
life.  The  mighty  span  of  his  large  honors  shrinks  to  an  obscure 
myth  of  life  in  theatres  in  London  or  on  the  banks  of  the  Avon. 


LITERATI. 


A   LITERARY    SCREW. 


An  English  paper  says  that  Sharon  Turner,  author  of  the 
History  of  the  Anglo-Saxons,  who  received  three  hundred 
pounds  a  year  from  Government  as  a  literary  pension,  wrote 
his  third  volume  of  his  Sacred  History  of  the  World  upon 
paper  which  did  not  cost  him  a  farthing.  The  copy  consisted 
of  torn  and  angular  fragments  of  letters  and  notes,  of  covers  of 
periodicals,  gray,  drab,  or  green,  written  in  thick  round  hand 
•>ver  a  small  print ;  of  shreds  of  curling-paper,  unctuous  with 
pomatum  of  bear's  grease,  and  of  white  wrappers  in  which  his 
proofs  had  been  sent  from  the  printers.  The  paper,  sometimes 
as  thin  as.  a  bank-note,  was  written  on  both  sides,  and  was  so 
sodden  with  ink,  plastered  on  with  a  pen  worn  to  a  stump,  that 
hours  were  frequently  wasted  in  discovering  on  which  side  of 
it  certain  sentences  were  written.  Men  condemned  to  work  on 
it  saw  their  dinner  vanish  in  illimitable  perspective,  and  first- 
rate  hands  groaned  over  it  a  whole  day  for  tenpence.  One  poor 
fellow  assured  the  writer  of  that  paper  that  he  could  not  earn 
enough  upon  it  to  pay.  his  rent,  and  that  he  had  seven  mouths 
to  fill  besides  his  own.  In  the  hope  of  mending  matters  in 
some  degree,  slips  of  stout  white  paper  were  sent  frequently 
with  the  proofs;  but  the  good  gentleman  could  not  afford  to 
use  them,  and  they  never  came  back  as  copy.  What  an  in- 
veterate miser  this  old  scribbler  must  have  been,  notwithstand- 
ing his  pension  and  his  copyrights  ! 

DRYDEN   AND    HIS   PUBLISHER. 

When  Dryden  had  finished  his  translation  of  Virgil,  after 
some  self-deliberation,  he  sent  the  MS.  to  Jacob  Tonson,  re- 
quiring for  it  a  certain  sum,  which  he  mentioned  in  a  note. 
Tonson  was  desirous  of  possessing  the  work,  but  meanly  wished 
to  avail  himself  of  Dryden's  necessities,  which  at  that  time 
were  particularly  urgent.  He  therefore  informed  the  poet  that 
he  could  not  afford  to  give  the  sum  demanded.  Dryden;  in 
reply,  sent  the  following  lines  descriptive  of  Tonson  : — 


PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  763 

With  leering  look,  bull-faced,  and  freckled  fair, 
With  two  left  legs,  with  Judas-colored  hair, 
And  frowsy  pores  that  taint  the  ambient  air. 

When  they  were  delivered  to  Tonson,  he  asked  if  Mr.  Dryden 
had  said  any  thing  more.  "  Yes/'  answered  the  bearer  :  "  he 
said,  '  Tell  the  dog  that  he  who  wrote  these  lines  can  write 
more  like  them.5  "  Jacob  immediately  sent  the  money. 


g^tcfjes  ant 

ANECDOTE   OP   WASHINGTON. 

DURING  General  Washington's  administration,  he  almost 
daily  attended  his  room,  adjoining  the  Senate-chamber,  and 
often  arrived  before  the  Senate  organized.  On  one  occasion,  but 
before  his  arrival,  Gouverneur  Morris  and  some  other  senators 
were  standing  together,  conversing  on  various  topics,  and, 
among  them,  the  natural  but  majestic  air  of  General  Washing- 
ton, when  some  one  observed  there  was  no  man  living  who 
could  take  a  liberty  with  him.  The  sprightly  and  bold  Morris 
remarked,  "  I  will  bet  a  dozen  of  wine  I  can  do  that  with  im- 
punity." The  bet  was  accepted. 

Soon  after,  Washington  appeared,  and  commenced  an  easy 
and  pleasant  conversation  with  one  of  the  gentlemen,  at  a  little 
distance  from  the  others.  While  thus  engaged,  Morris,  stepping 
up,  in  a  jocund  manner,  familiarly  tapped  Washington  on  the 
shoulder,  and  said, — 

"  Good  morning,  old  fellow  !" 

The  General  turned,  and  merely  looked  him  in  the  face, 
without  a  word,  when  Morris,  with  all  his  assumed  effrontery, 
stepped  hastily  back,  in  evident  discomposure,  and  said  : — 

"  Gentlemen,  you  have  won  the  bet.  I  will  never  take  such 
a  liberty  again  I" 

The  writer  obtained  this  fact  from  a  member  of  the  Senate, 
who  witnessed  the  occurrence. 


764  PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES. 

ANECDOTE   OF   LAFAYETTE. 

Shortly  after  Lafayette's  second  return  from  America,  he  was 
at  Versailles  when  the  king  was  about  to  review  a  division  of 
troops.  Lafayette  was  invited  to  join  in  the  review.  He  was 
dressed  in  the  American  uniform,  and  was  standing  by  the  side 
of  the  Due  de  Conde,  when  the  king,  in  his  tour  of  .conversa- 
tion with  the  officers,  came  to  him,  and,  after  speaking  on  seve- 
ral topics,  asked  him  questions  about  his  uniform  and  the  mili- 
tary costume  in  the  United  States.  The  king's  attention  was 
attracted  by  a  little  medal,  which  was  attached  to  his  coat  in 
the  manner  in  which  the  insignia  of  orders  are  usually  worn  in 
Europe ;  and  he  asked  what  it  was.  Lafayette  replied  that  it 
was  a  symbol  which  it  was  the  custom  of  the  foreign  officers  in 
the  Amei'ican  service  to  wear,  and  that  it  bore  a  device.  The 
king  asked  what  was  the  device  :  to  which  Lafayette  answered 
that  there  was  no  device  common  to  all,  but  that  each  officer 
chose  such  as  pleased  his  fancy.  "And  what  has  pleased  your 
fancy  ?"  inquired  the  king.  "  My  device,"  said  the  young 
general,  pointing  to  his  medal,  "  is  a  liberty-pole  standing  on  a 
broken  crown  and  sceptre."  The  king  smiled,  and,  with  some 
pleasantry  about  the  republican  propensities  of  a  French  mar- 
quis in  American  uniform,  turned  the  conversation  to  another 
topic.  Conde  looked  grave,  but  said  nothing. 

NAPOLEON   BONAPARTE. 

The  name  Napoleon,  being  written  in  Greek  characters,  will 
form  seven  different  words,  by  dropping  the  first  letter  of  each 
in  succession : — 

Na-oteutv,  'A-oMatv,  Ilohwv,  'O^swv,  Alwv,  'E(ov}  *Qy. 
These  words  make  a  complete  sentence,  meaning,  Napoleon, 
the  destroyer  of  whole  cities,  was  the  lion  of  his  people. 

MILTON   AND    NAPOLEON. 

Napoleon  Bonaparte  declared  to  Sir  Colin  Campbell,  who 
had  charge  of  his  person  at  the  Isle  of  Elba,  that  he  was  a 
great  admirer  of  Milton's  Paradise  Lost,  and  that  he  had  read 


PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  765 

it  to  some  purpose,  for  that  the  plan  of  the  battle  of  Austerlitz 
he  borrowed  from  the  sixth  book  of  that  work,  where  Satan 
brings  his  artillery  to  bear  upon  Michael  and  his  angelic  host 
with  such  direful  effect : — • 

"  Training  his  dev'lish  enginery  impaled 
On  every  side  with  shadowing  squadrons  deep 
To  hide  the  fraud." 

This  new  mode  of  warfare  appeared  to  Bonaparte  so  likely  to 
succeed,  if  applied  to  actual  use,  that  he  determined  upon  its 
a'doption,  and  succeeded  beyond  expectation.  By  reference  to 
the  details  of  that  battle,  it  will  be  found  to  assimilate  so  com- 
pletely with  Milton's  imaginary  fight  as  to  leave  no  doubt  of 
the  assertion. 

PERSONAL   APPEARANCE    OP   NAPOLEON. 

Captain  Maitland  gives  the  following  description  of  the  per- 
son of  Napoleon,  as  he  appeared  on  board  the  Betterophon,  in 
1815:— 

He  was  then  a  remarkably  strong,  well-built  man,  about  five 
feet  seven  inches  high,  his  limbs  particularly  well  formed,  with 
a  fine  ankle  and  a  very  small  foot,  of  which  he  seemed  very 
vain,  as  he  always  wore,  while  on  board  the  ship,  silk  stockings 
and  shoes.  His  hands  were  also  small,  and  had  the  plumpness 
of  a  woman's  rather  than  the  robustness  of  a  man's.  His  eyes 
were  light  gray,  his  teeth  good ;  and  when  he  smiled,  the  ex- 
pression of  his  countenance  was  highly  pleasing ;  when  under 
the  influence  of  disappointment,  however,  it  assumed  a  dark 
and  gloomy  cast.  His  hair  was  a  very  dark  brown,  nearly  ap- 
proaching to  black,  and,  though  a  little  thin  on  the  top  and 
front,  had  not  a  gray  hair  amongst  it.  His  complexion  was  a 
very  uncommon  one,  being  of  a  light  sallow  color,  different 
from  any  other  I  ever  met  with.  From  his  being  corpulent, 
he  had  lost  much  of  his  activity. 

HIS   OPINION.  OP    SUICIDE. 

In  the  Journal  of  Dr.  Warden,  Surgeon  of  the  Northumber- 
land, the  British  frigate  that  conveyed  Napoleon  to  St.  Helena, 


766  PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES. 

are  recorded  the  following  remarkable  sentiments  of  the  impe- 
rial prisoner,  as  expressed  to  Warden  : — 

In  one  paper,  I  am  called  a  liar ;  in  another,  a  tyrant ;  in  a 
third,  a  monster ;  and  in  one  of  them,  which  I  really  did  not 
expect,  I  am  described  as  a  coward;  but  it  turned  out,  after  all, 
that  the  writer  did  not  accuse  me  of  avoiding  danger  in  the 
field  of  battle,  or  flying  from  an  enemy,  or  fearing  to  face  the 
menaces  of  fate  and  fortune ;  he  did  not  charge  me  with  want- 
ing presence  of  mind  in  the  hurry  of  battle,  and  in  the  sus- 
pense of  conflicting  armies. '  No  such  thing.  I  wanted  courage, 
it  seems,  because  I  did  not  coolly  take  a  dose  of  poison,  or  throw 
myself  into  the  sea,  or  blow  out  my  brains.  The  editor  most 
certainly  misunderstands  me :  I  have,  at  least,  too  much  courage 
for  that. 

On  another  occasion  he  expressed  himself  in  the  following 
terms : — 

Suicide  is  a  crime  the  most  revolting  to  my  feelings,  nor  does 
any  reason  suggest  itself  to  my  understanding  by  which  it  can 
be  justified.  It  certainly  originates  in  that  species  of  fear 
which  we  denominate  poltroonery.  For  what  claim  can  that 
man  have  to  courage  who  trembles  at  the  frowns  of  fortune  ? 
True  heroism  consists  in  being  superior  to  the  ills  of  life,  in 
whatever  shape  they  may  challenge  him  to  the  combat. 

DR.  FRANKLIN'S  WIFE. 

Franklin,  in  a  sketch  of  his  life  and  habits,  relates  the  fol- 
lowing anecdote  of  his  frugal  and  affectionate  wife.  A  wife 
could  scarcely  make  a  prettier  apology  for  purchasing  her  first 
piece  of  luxury. 

We  have  an  English  proverb,  that  says, — 

"  He  that  would  thrive 
Must  ask  his  wife." 

It  was  lucky  for  me  that  I  have  one  as  much  disposed  to  in- 
dustry and  frugality  as  myself.  .  She  assisted  me  cheerfully  in 
my  business,  and  in  stitching  pamphlets,  tending  shop,  purchas- 
ing old  linen  rags  for  the  paper-makers,  &c.  We  kept  no  idle 


PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  767 

servant ;  our  table  was  plain  and  simple ;  our  furniture  of  the 
cheapest.  For  instance,  my  breakfast  was  for  a  long  time 
bread  and  milk  (no  tea),  and  I  ate  it  out  of  a  two-penny  earthen 
porringer,  with  a  pewter  spoon.  But  mark  how  luxury  will 
enter  families,  and  make  a  progress  in  spite  of  principle :  being 
called  one  morning  to  breakfast,  I  found  it  in  a  china  bowl, 
with  a  spoon  of  silver.  They  had  been  bought  for  me  without 
my  knowledge,  by  my  wife,  and  had  cost  her  the  enormous 
sum  of  three-and-twenty  shillings,  for  which  she  had  no  other 
excuse  or  apology  to  make  but  that  she  thought  her  husband 
deserved  a  silver  spoon  and  china  bowl  as  well  as  any  of  his 
neighbors.  This  was  the  first  appearance  of  plate  or  china  in 
our  house,  which  afterwards,  in  the  course  of  years,  as  our 
wealth  increased,  augmented  gradually  to  several  hundred 
pounds  in  value. 

MAJOR   ANDRE. 

In  a  satirical  poem  written  by  Major  Andre"  some  time  prior 
to  his  arrest  as  a  spy,  he,  curiously  enough,  alludes  to  the 
means  of  his  own  death.  A  newspaper  published  soon  after 
the  Revolutionary  War  gives  some  extracts  from  the  poem,  and 
calls  it  a  "remarkable  prophecy."  Could  the  ill-starred  poet 
and  soldier  have  looked  into  futurity  and  seen  his  own  sad 
end,  he  would  hardly  have  indulged  in  the  humor  which  is  in- 
dicated in  his  poem.  The  piece  was  entitled  "  The  Cow-Chase," 
and  was  suggested  by  the  failure  of  an  expedition  undertaken 
by  Wayne  for  the  purpose  of  collecting  cattle.  Great  liberties 
were  taken  with  the  names  of  the  American  officers  employed 
on  the  occasion, — 

Harry  Lee  and  his  dragoons, 
And  Proctor  with  his  cannon. 

But  the  point  of  his  irony  seemed  particularly  aimed  at 
Wayne,  whose  entire  baggage,  he  asserts,  was  taken  along, 

comprising 

His  Congress  dollars  and  his  prog, 

His  military  speeches, 
His  corn-stalk  whiskey  for  his  grog, 

Black  stockings  and  blue  breeches. 


768  PERSONAL   SKETCHES    AND   ANECDOTES. 

The  satirist  brings  his  doggerel  to  a  close  by  observing  that 
it  is  necessary  to  check  the  current  of  his  satire, — 

Lest  the  same  warrior-drover  Wayne 
Should  catch  and  hany  the  poet ! 

AN   ENGLISH   VIEW   OF   ANDRE   AND   ARNOLD. 

Many  historians  have  been  inclined  to  blame  Washington  for 
unnecessary  severity  in  not  acceding  to  the  request  of  the  pri- 
soner (Andre"),  that  he  might  be  shot  instead  of  hanged.  We 
cannot  agree  with  them :  the  ignominious  death  was  decided 
upon  by  Washington — after  much  and  anxious  deliberation, 
and  against  his  own  feelings,  which  inclined  to  grant  the 
prayer — as  a  strictly  preventive  punishment;  and  it  had  its 
effect.  The  social  qualities  and  the  letters  of  Andre,  although 
they  are  always  brought  forward  in  his  favor,  do  not  extenuate 
but  rather  aggravate  his  crime,  as  they  show  that,  whatever  his 
moral  principles  may  have  been,  he  had  the  education  of  an 
English  gentleman.  If  any  thing,  his  memory  has  been  treated 
with  too  great  leniency.  If  monuments  are  to  be  erected  in 
Westminster  Abbey  to  men  of  such  lax  morality,  it  is  time  for 
honesty  to  hide  its  head. 

The  conduct  of  Sir  Henry  Clinton,  in  receiving  Arnold  when 
he  fled  to  the  English  ranks,-  and  giving  him  a  high  command, 
is  only  in  keeping  with  his  countenance  of  the  plot  that  cost 
Andre"  his  life.  Arnold,  who  seems  to  have  been  a  miserable 
scoundrel,  born  to  serve  as  a  foil  to  the  virtuous  brightness  of 
George  Washington,  might  have  redeemed  his  character  by 
giving  himself  up  in  place  of  Andre",  who  was  entrapped  by 
Arnold's  cowardice  and  over-caution ;  but  such  a  piece  of  self- 
sacrifice  never  entered  his  head.  A  villain  himself,  he  never 
believed  in  the  success  of  the  struggle  of  honest  men,  and  his 
conduct  after  obtaining  the  protection  of  Sir  Henry  Clinton 
proves  this  beyond  a  doubt.  Let  him  rest  with  all  his  British 
honors  thick  upon  him. — English  Neicspape>: 


PERSONAL  SKETCHES  AND  ANECDOTES.  769 

FLAMSTEED,  THE  ASTRONOMER  ROYAL. 

In  the  London  Chronicle  for  Dec.  3,  1771,  is  the  following 
anecdote  of  Dr.  Flamsteed : — 

He  was  many  years  Astronomer  Royal  at  Greenwich  Obser- 
vatory; a  humorist,  and  of  warm  passions.  Persons  of  his 
profession  are  often  supposed,  by  the  common  people,  to  be 
capable  of  foretelling  events.  In  this  persuasion  a  poor  washer- 
woman at  Greenwich,  who  had  been  robbed  at  night  of  a 
large  parcel  of  linen,  to  her  almost  ruin,  if  forced  to  pay  for  it, 
came  to  him,  and  with  great  anxiety  earnestly  requested  him  to 
use  his  art,  to  let  her  know  where  her  things  were,  and  who  had 
robbed  her.  The  Doctor  happened  to  be  in  the  humor  to  joke: 
he  bid  her  stay :  he  would  see  what  he  could  do ;  perhaps  he 
might  let  her  know  where  she  could  find  them;  but  who  the 
persons  were,  he  would  not  undertake;  as  she  could  have  no 
positive  proof  to  convict  them,  it  would  be  useless.  He  then  set 
about  drawing  circles,  squares,  &c.,  to  amuse  her;  and  after 
some  time  told  her  if  she  would  go  into  a  particular  field,  that 
in  such  a  part  of  it,  in  a  dry  ditch,  she  would  find  them  all 
tumbled  up  in  a  sheet.  The  woman  went,  and  found  them; 
came  with  great  haste  and  joy  to  thank  the  Doctor,  and  offered 
him  half-a-crown  as  a  token  of  gratitude,  being  as  much  as  she 
could  afford.  The  Doctor,  surprised  himself,  told  her:  "Good 
woman,  I  am  heartily  glad  you  have  found  your  linen ;  but  I 
assure  you  I  knew  nothing  of  it,  and  intended  only  to  joke 
with  you,  and  then  to  have  read  you  a  lecture  on  the  folly 
of  applying  to  any  person  to  know  events  not  in  human  power 
to  tell.  But  I  see  the  devil  has  a  mind  that  I  should  deal 
with  him :  I  am  determined  I  will  not.  Never  come  or  send 
any  one  to  me  any  more,  on  such  occasions ;  for  I  will  never 
attempt  such  an  affair  again  whilst  I  live." 

LORD  NELSON'S  SANG-FROID. 

Jack  was  what  they  called  loblolly  boy  on  board  the  Victory. 
It  was  his  duty  to  do  anything  and  everything  that  was  required 
2Y  65 


770  PERSONAL  SKETCHES  AND  ANECDOTES. 

— from  sweeping  aud  washing  the  deck,  and  saying  amen  to 
the  chaplain,  down  to  cleaning  the  guns,  and  helping  the  doc- 
tor to  make  pills  and  plasters,  and  mix  medicines.  Four  days 
before  the  battle  that  was  so  glorious  to  England,  but  so  fatal 
to  its  greatest  hero,  Jack  was  ordered  by  the  doctor  to  fetch  a 
bottle  that  was  standing  in  a  particular  place.  Jack  ran  off, 
post-haste,  to  the  spot,  where  he  found  what  appeared  to  be  an 
empty  bottle.  Curiosity  was  uppermost;  ''What,"  thought 
Jack,  "  can  there  be  about  this  empty  bottle  ?  "  He  examined  it 
carefully,  but  could  not  comprehend  the  mystery,  so  he  thought 
that  he  would  call  in  the  aid  of  a  candle  to  throw  light  on  the 
subject.  The  bottle  contained  ether,  and  the  result  of  the 
examination  was  that  the  vapor  ignited,  and  the  flames  extended 
to  some  of  the  sails,  and  also  to  a  part  of  the  ship.  There  was 
a  general  confusion — running  with  buckets  and  what-not — and, 
to  make  matters  worse,  the  fire  was  rapidly  extending  to  the 
powder-magazine.  During  the  hubbub,  Lord  Nelson  was  in  the 
chief  cabin  writing  dispatches.  His  lordship  heard  the  noise 
— he  couldn't  do  otherwise — and  so,  in  a  loud  voice,  he  called 
out,  "What's  all  that  infernal  noise  about?"  The  boatswain 
answered,  "  My  Lord,  the  loblolly  boy's  set  fire  to  an  empty 
bottle,  and  it's  set  fire  to  the  ship."  "  Oh  !"  said  Nelson,  "that's 
all,  is  it?  I  thought  the  enemy  had  boarded  us  and  taken  us  all 
prisoners — you  and  loblolly  must  put  it  out,  and  take  care 
we're  not  blown  up !  but  pray  make  as  little  noise  about  it  as 
you  can,  or  I  can't  go  on  with  my  dispatches,"  and  with  these 
words  Nelson  went  to  his  desk,  and  continued  his  writing  with 
the  greatest  coolness. 

Crabb  Kobinson,  in  his  Diary,  speaking  of  Goathe  as  the 
mightiest  intellect  that  has  shone  on  the  earth  for  centuries, 
says:  "It  has  been  my  rare  good  fortune  to  have  seen  a  large 
proportion  of  the  greatest  minds  of  our  age,  in  the  fields  of  poetry 
and  speculative  philosophy,  such  as  Wordsworth,  Coleridge, 
Schiller,  Tieck,  but  none  that  I  have  ever  known  came  near 
him." 


PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  771 

MARTIN   LUTHER 
Roma  orbein  domuit,  Romam  sibi  Papa  subegit; 

Viribus  ilia  suit,  fraudibus  iste  suis, 
Quauto  isto  major  Lutherus,  major  et  ilia, 

Is  turn  illamque  uno  qui  domuit  calamo. — BEZA. 
(Rome  won  the  world,  the  Pope  o'er  Rome  prevailed, 
And  one  by  force  and  one  by  fraud  availed  : 
Greater  than  each  was  Luther's  prowess  shown, 
Who  conquered  both  by  one  poor  pen  alone.) 

Luther,  in  the'  lion-hearted  daring  of  his  conduct  and  in  the  robust  and 
rugged  grandeur  of  his  faith,  may  well  be  considered  as  the  Elijah  of  the 
Reformation ;  while  his  life,  by  the  stern  and  solemn  realities  of  his  experi- 
ences, and  the  almost  ideal  evolutions  of  events  by  which  it  was  accompanied, 
constitutes  indeed  the  entbodied  Poem  of  European  Protestantism. 

R.  MONTGOMERY. 

Heine  sketches  the  following  unique  portrait  of  Luther : — 
He  was  at  once  a  mystic  dreamer  and  a  man  of  action.  His 
thoughts  had  not  only  wings,  they  had  hands  likewise.  He 
spoke,  and,  rare  thing,  he  also  acted ;  he  was  at  once  the 
tongue  and  the  sword  of  his  age.  At  the  same  time  he  was  a 
cold  scholastic,  a  chopper  of  words,  and  an  exalted  prophet 
drunk  with  the  word  of  God.  When  he  had  passed  painfully 
through  the  day,  wearing  out  his  soul  in  dogmatical  instruc- 
tions, night  come,  he  would  take  his  flute,  and,  contemplating 
the  stars,  melt  in  melodies  and  pious  thoughts.  The  same  man 
who  could  abuse  his  adversaries  like  a  fish-fag  knew  also  how 
to-  use  soft  and  tender  language,  like  an  amorous  virgin.  He 
was  sometimes  savage  and  impetuous  as  the  hurricane  that 
roots  up  oaks,  then  gentle  and  murmuring  as  the  zephyr  that 
lightly  caresses  the  violets.  He  was  full  of  the  holy  fear  of 
God,  ready  for  every  sacrifice  in  honor  of  the  Holy  Spirit;  he 
knew  how  to  vault  into  the  purest  regions  of  the  celestial 
kingdom  ;  and  yet  he  perfectly  knew  the  magnificence  of  this 
earth :  he  could  appreciate  it,  and  from  his  mouth  fell  the 
famous  proverb  : — 

Wer  nicht  liebt  Wein,  Weiber,  und  Gesang, 
Der  bleibt  ein  Narr  sein  Lebenlang. 
("Who  loves  not  woman,  wine,  and  song, 
Remains  a  fool  his  whole  life  long.) 


772  PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES. 

In  short,  he  was  a  complete  man.  To  call  him  a  spiritualist 
would  be  to  commit  as  great  a  mistake  as  it  would  be  to  call 
him  a  sensualist.  What  shall  I  say  more  ?  He  had  something 
about  him  clever,  original,  miraculous,  inconceivable. 

In  an  article  on  John  de  Wycliffe,  in  the  North  British  Re- 
view, is  the  following  paragraph  : — 

Abundant  as  is  our  historical  literature,  and  fond  as  our  ablest 
writers  have  recently  become  of  attempting  careful  and  vivid 
renderings  of  the  physiognomies  of  important  historical  per- 
sonages, we  are  still  without  a  set  of  thoroughly  good  portraits 
of  the  modern  religious  reformers  of  different  nations,  painted, 
as  they  might  be,  in  series,  so  that  the  features  of  each  may  be 
compared  with  those  of  all  the  rest.  Wycliffe,  Huss,  Savona- 
rola, Luther,  Zwingle,  Calvin,  Knox,  and  Cranmer, — all  men 
coming  under  the  same  general  designation, — all  heroes  of  the 
same  general  movement;  and  yet  what  a  contrast  of  physi- 
ognomies !  Pre-eminent  in  the  series  will  ever  be  Luther, 
the  man  of  biggest  frame  and  largest  heart ;  the  man  of  rich- 
est and  most  original  genius ;  the  great,  soft,  furious,  musical, 
pliant,  sociable,  kiss-you,  knock-you-down  German.  None  of 
them  all  had  such  a  face ;  none  of  them  all  said  such  things ; 
of  none  of  them  all  can  you  have  such  anecdotes,  such  a  col- 
lection of  ana. 

Luther,  says  another  writer,  speaking  of  his  fondness  for 
music,  was  not  solely  nor  chiefly  a  theologian,  or  he  had  been 
no  true  reformer.  As  the  cloister  had  not  been  able  to  bound 
his  sympathies,  so  the  controversial  theatre  could  not  circum- 
scribe his  honest  ambition.  He  in  whom  "  the  Italian  head 
was  joined  to  the  German  body"  would  not  only  free  the  souls 
of  men,  but  win  the  hearts  of  women  and  little  children. 
Much  had  he  to  feel  proud  of  during  his  busy  life.  It  was  no 
light  thing  to  have  waged  successful  combat  with  the  most 
powerful  hierarchy  that  the  world  had  ever  seen,  or  to  have 
held  in  his  hands  the  destinies  of  Europe.  But  dearer  to  his 
kind  heart  was  the  sound  of  his  own  verses  sung  to  his  own 
melodies,  which  rose  from  street  and  market-place,  from  high- 


PERSONAL    SKETCHES    AND    ANECDOTES.  773 

way  and  byway,  chanted  by  laborers  going  to  their  daily  work, 
during  their  hours  of  toil,  and  as  they  returned  home  at  even- 
tide. How  would  it  have  gladdened  his  heart  to  have  heard 
these  same  hymns,  two  hundred  years  later,  sung  by  the  miners 
of  Cornwall  and  Gloucestershire  ! 

-  "I  always  loved  music,"  said  he  :  "  whoso  has  skill  in  this 
art  is  of  a  good  temperament,  fitted  for  all  things."  Many 
times  he  exemplified  this  power  in  his  own  person.  When  sore 
perplexed  and  in  danger  of  life,  he  would  drive  away  all  gloomy 
thoughts  by  the  magic  of  his  own  melodies.  On  that  sad 
journey  to  Worms,  when  friends  crowded  round  him  and 
sought  to  change  his  purpose,  warning  him,  with  many  tears, 
of  the  certain  death  that  awaited  him, — on  the  morning  of 
that  memorable  16th  of  April,  when  the  towers  of  the  ancient 
city  appeared  in  sight, — the  true-hearted  man,  rising  in  his 
chariot,  broke  forth  with  the  words  and  music  of  that  Marseil- 
laise of  the  Reformation,  Ein'  feste  Burg  ist  unser  Gott,  which 
he  had  improvised  two  days  before  at  Oppenheim, — the  same 
stirring  hymn  that  Gustavus  Adolphus  and  the  whole  Swedish 
army  sang  a  century  later,  on  the  morning  of  the  battle  of 
Lutzen  : — 

A  safe  stronghold  our  God  is  still, 

A  trusty  shield  and  weapon ; 
He'll  help  us  clear  from  all  the  ill 

That  hath  us  now  o'ertaken. 
The  ancient  Prince  of  hell 
Hath  risen  with  purpose  fell. 
Strong  mail  of  craft  and  power 
He  weareth  in  this  hour; 
On  earth  is  not  his  fellow. 

With  force  of  arms  we  nothing  can, 

Full  soon  were  we  down-ridden ; 
But  for  us  fights  the  proper  man, 

Whom  God  himself  hath  bidden. 
Ask  ye,  Who  is  this  same  ? 
CHRIST  JESUS  is  his  name, 
The  Lord  Sabaoth's  son : 
He,  and  no  other  one, 
Shall  conquer  in  the  battle. 
65* 


774  PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES. 

And  were  the  world  all  devils  o'er, 

And  watching  to  devour  us, 
We  lay  it  not  to  heart  so  sore, 

Not  they  can  overpower  us. 
Then  let  the  Prince  of  ill 
Look  grim  as  e'er  he  will, 
He  harms  us  not  a  whit : 
-    For  why  ?    His  doom  is  writ : — 
A  word  shall  quickly  slay  him. 

God's  word  for  all  their  craft  and  force 

One  moment  will  not  linger, 
But  spite  of  hell  shall  have  its  course : 

'Tis  written  by  his  finger. 
And  though  they  take  our  life, 
Goods,  honor,  children,  wife, 
Yet  is  their  profit  small : 
These  things  shall  vanish  all ; 
The  Church  of  God  remaineth.* 

QUEEN   ELIZABETH. 

Queen  Bess  is  thus  described  in  Sir  John  Hayward's 
Annals : —  .  .  ; 

Shee  was  a  lady  upon  whom  nature  had  bestowed,  and  well 
placed,  many  of  her  fay  rest  favours ;  of  stature  meane,  slender, 
straight,  and  amiably  composed  j  of  such  state  in  her  carriage, 
as  every  motion  of  her  seemed  to  beare  majesty;  her  haire  was 
inclined  to  pale  yellow,  her  foreheade  large  and  faire,  and 
seeming  seat  for  princely  grace ;  her  eyes  lively  and  sweete, 
but  short-sighted ;  her  nose  somewhat  rising  in  the  middest. 
The  whole  compasse  of  her  countenance  somewhat  long,  but 
yet  of  admirable  beauty ;  not  so  much  in  that  which  is  termed 
the  flower  of  youth,  as  in  a  most  delightful  compositione  of 

majesty  and  modesty  in  equall  mixture Her  vertues 

were  such  as  might  suffice  to  make  an  Ethiopian  beautifull ; 
which,  the  more  man  knows  and  understands,  the  more  he 
shall  love  and  admire.  Shee  was  of  divine  witt,  as  well  for 
depth  of  judgment,  as  for  quick  conceite  and  speedy  expedi- 
tione  j  of  eloquence  as  sweete  in  the  utterance,  as  ready  and 

*  Carlyle's  translation. 


PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  775 

easy  to  come  to  the  utterance ;  of  wonderful  knowledge,  both 
in  learning  and  affayres;  skilfull  not  only  in  Latine  and 
Greeke,  but  alsoe  in  divers  foraigne  languages. 

In  Paul  Heintzner's  Travels,  1598,  is  the  following  descrip- 
tion : — 

She  was  said  to  be  fifty-five  years  old.  Her  face  was  rather 
long,  white,  and  somewhat  wrinkled;  her  eyes  small,  black, 
and  gracious ;  her  nose  somewhat  bent ;  her  lips  compressed ; 
her  teeth  black  (from  eating  too  much  sugar).  She  had  ear- 
rings of  pearls,  red  hair  (but  artificial),  and  wore  a  small  crown. 
Her  breast  was  uncovered  (as  is  the  case  with  all  unmarried 
ladies  in  England),  and  round  her  neck  was  a  chain  with  pre- 
cious gems.  Her  hands  were  graceful,  her  fingers  long. .  She 
was  of  middle  size,  but  stepped  on  majestically.  She  was  gra- 
cious and  kind  in  her  address.  The  dress  she  wore  was  of 
white  silk,  with  pearls  as  large  as  beans.  Her  cloak  was  of 
black  silk,  with  silver  lace,  and  a  long  train  was  carried  by  a 
marchioness.  She  spoke  English,  French,  and  Italian ;  but  she 
knew  also  Greek  and  Latin,  and  understood  Spanish,  Scotch, 
and  Dutch.  Wherever  she  turned  her  eyes,  people  fell  on  their 
knees.  When  she  came  to  the  door  of  the  chapel,  books  were 
handed  to  her,  and  the  people  called  out,  "  God  save  the  Queen 
Elizabeth !"  whereupon  the  Queen  answered,  "  I  thanke  you, 
myn  good  peuple." 

Among  the  spirited  repartees  and  impromptus  of  the  queen 
which  have  descended  to  our  time  is  her  ingenious  evasion  of 
a  direct  answer  to  a  theological  question  respecting  the  sacra- 
ment of  the  Lord's  Supper.     On  being  asked  by  a  Popish 
priest  whether  she  allowed  the  real  presence,  she  replied, — 
Christ  was  the  word  that  spake  it : 
He  took  the  bread  and  brake 'it;   . 
And  what  that  word  did  make  it, 
That  I  believe  and  take  it. 

In  an  old  folio  copy  of  the  Arcadia,  preserved  at  Wilton, 
have  been  found  two  interesting  relics, — a  lock  of  Queen 
Elizabeth's  hair,  and  some  lines  in  the  handwriting  of  Sir 
Philip  Sidney.  The  hair  was  given  by  the  queen  to  her  young 


776  PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES. 

hero,  who  complimented  her  in  return  as  follows : — 

Her  inward  worth  all  outward  worth  transcends; 

Envy  her  merits  with  regret  commends  ; 

Like  sparkling  gems  her  virtues  draw  the  light, 

And  in  her  conduct  she  is  always  bright. 

When  she  imparts  her  thoughts,  her  words  have  force, 

And  sense  and  wisdom  flow  in  sweet  discourse. 

The  date  of  this  exchange  was  1583,  when  the  queen  was 
forty  and  the  knight  twenty-nine.  Elizabeth's  hair  is  very 
fine,  soft,  and  silky,  with  the  undulation  of  water ;  its  color,  a 
fair  auburn  or  golden  brown,  without  a  tinge  of  red,  as  her 
detractors  assert.  In  every  country  under  the  sun,  such  hair 
would  be  pronounced  beautiful. 

SHAKSPEARE'S  ORTHODOXY. 

The  numerous  biographers  of  the  immortal  bard  have  said 
little  or  nothing  of  his  religious  character,  leaving  the  in- 
ference that  he  was  indifferent  to  religion  and  careless  as  to 
the  future.  They  seem  to  forget  such  passages  as  his  beau- 
tiful reference  to  Palestine  in  Henry  IV. : — 

Those  holy  fields, 

Over  whose  acres  walked  those  blessed  feet 
Which,  fourteen  hundred  years  ago,  were  nailed, 
For  our  advantage,  on  the  bitter  cross. 

Shakspeare's  will,  written  two  months  before  his  death,  (April, 
]  616,)  is  remarkable  for  its  evangelical  character.  He  says  : — 

"  First,  I  commend  my  soul  into  the  hands  of  God,  my 
Creator,  hoping,  and  assuredly  believing,  through  the  merits 
of  Jesus  Christ,  my  Saviour,  to  be  made  partaker  of  life  ever- 
lasting; and  my  body  to  the  earth  whereof  it  is  made." 

Nor  should  we  overlook  the  bond  of  Christian  sympathy 
with  his  parish  minister,  Rev.  Richard  Byfield,  whose  church 
he  constantly  attended  during  his  retirement  at  Stratford. 

OLIVER   CROMWELL. 

The  subjoined  sketch  of  the  person  and  character  of  the 
great  Protector  is  from  a  letter  of  John  Maidstone  to  Gover 


PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  777 

nor  Winthrop,  of  Connecticut,  written  soon  after  Cromwell's 
death : — 

Before  I  pass  further,  pardon  me  in  troubling  you  with  the 
character  of  his  person,  which,  by  reason  of  my  nearness  to 
him,  I  had  opportunity  well  to  observe.  His  body  was  well 
compact  and  strong;  his  stature  under  six  feet  (I  believe 
about  two  inches) ;  his  head  so  shaped  as  you  might  see  it  a 
storehouse  and  shop,  both  a  vast  treasury  of  natural  parts. 
His  temper  exceeding  fiery,  as  I  have  known ;  but  the  flame  of 
it  kept  down  for  the  most  part,  or  soon  allayed  with  those  moral 
endowments  he  had.  He  was  naturally  compassionate  towards 
objects  in  distress,  even  to  an  effeminate  measure,  though 
Grod  had  made  him  a  heart  wherein  was  left  little  room  for 
any  fear  but  what  was  due  to  himself,  of  which  there  was  a 
large  proportion ;  yet  did  he  excel  in  tenderness  towards  suf- 
ferers. A  larger  soul,  I  think,  hath  seldom  dwelt  in  a  house 
of  clay  than  his  was.  I  do  believe,  if  his  story  were  impar- 
tially transmitted  and  the  unprejudiced  world  well  possessed 
with  it,  it  would  add  him  to  her  nine  worthies  and  make  that 
number  a  decemviri.  He  lived  and  died  in  comfortable  commu- 
nion with  his  seed,  as  judicious  persons  near  him  well  observed. 
He  was  that  Mordecai  that  sought  the  welfare  of  his  people, 
and  spake  peace  to  his  seed ;  yet  were  his  temptations  such  as 
it  appeared  frequently  that  he  that  hath  grace  enough  for 
many  men  may  have  too  little  for  himself;  the  treasure  he  had 
being  but  in  an  earthen  vessel,  and  that  equally  defiled  with 
original  sin  as  any  other  man's  nature  is. 

The  following  newspaper  notices  in  relation  to  Cromwell's 
head  are  interesting : — 

The  curious  head  of  Cromwell,  which  Sir  Joshua  Reynolds 
has  had  the  good  fortune  to  procure,  is  to  be  shown"  to  his  ma- 
jesty. How  much  would  Charles  the  First  have  valued  the 
man  that  would  have  brought  him  Cromwell's  head  ! — Septem- 
ber, 1786. 

The  real  embalmed   head  of  the  powerful   and   renowned 


778  PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES. 

usurper,  Oliver  Cromwell,  styled  Protector  of  the  Common 
wealth  of  England,  Scotland,  and  Ireland ;  with  the  original  dyes 
for  the  medals  struck  in  honor  of  his  victory  at  Dunbar,  &c., 
&c.,  are  now  exhibiting  at  No.  5  in  Mead  Court,  Old  Bond 
Street  (where  the  Rattlesnake  was  shown  last  year).  A  genu- 
ine narrative  relating  to  the  acquisition,  concealment,  and  pre- 
servation of  these  articles  to  be  had  at  the  place  of  exhibition . 
— Morning  Chronicle,  March  18,  1799. 

Cromwell  died  at  Hampton  Court  in  1658,  giving  the 
strongest  evidence  of  his  earnest  religious  convictions  and  of 
his  sincerity  as  a  Christian.  After  an  imposing  funeral  pa- 
geant, the  body  having  been  embalmed,  he  was  buried  in 
Westminster.  On  the  restoration  of  the  Stuarts  he  was  taken 
up  and  hung  in  Tyburn.  Afterwards  his  head  was  cut  off,  a 
pike  driven  up  through  the  neck  and  skull,  and  exposed  on 
Westminster  Hall.  It  remained  there  a  long  while,  until,  by 
some  violence,  the  pike  was  broken  and  the  head  thrown  down. 
It  was  picked  up  by  a  soldier  and  concealed,  and  afterwards  con- 
veyed to  some  friend,  who  kept  it  carefully  for  years.  Through 
a  succession  of  families,  which  can  easily  be  traced,  it  has-  come 
into  the  possession  of  the  daughter  of  Hon.  Mr.  Wilkinson, 
ex-member  of  Parliament  from  Buckingham  and  Bromley. 

The  head  is  almost  entire.  The  flesh  is  black  and  sunken, 
but  the  features  are  nearly  perfect,  and  the  hair  still  remains. 
Even  the  large  wart  over  one  of  the  eyes — a  distinctive  mark 
on  his  face — is  yet  perfectly  visible.  The  pike  which  was 
thrust  through  the  neck  may  still  be  seen,  the  upper  part  of  iron, 
nearly  rusted  off,  and  the  lower  or  wooden  portion  in  splinters, 
showing  that  it  was  broken  by  some  act  of  violence.  It  is 
known  historically  that  Cromwell  was  embalmed ;  and  no  per- 
son thus  cared  for  was  ever  publicly  gibbeted  except  this  illus- 
trious man.  It  is  a  curious  keepsake  for  a  lady;  but  it  is  care- 
fully preserved  under  lock  and  key  in  a  box  of  great  antiquity, 
wrapped  in  a  number  of  costly  envelopes.  And  when  it  is  raised 
from  its  hiding-place  and  held  in  one's  hand,  what  a  world  of 
thought  is  suggested ! 


PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND   ANECDOTES.  779 

POPE'S  SKULL. 

William  Howitt  says  that,  by  one  of  those  acts  which  neithet 
science  nor  curiosity  can  excuse,  the  skull  of  Pope  is  now  in 
the  private  collection  of  a  phrenologist.  The  manner  in  which 
it  was  obtained  is  said  to  have  been  this  : — On  some  occasion 
of  alteration  in  the  church,  or  burial  of  some  one  in  the  same 
spot,  the  coffin  of  Pope  was  disinterred,  and  opened  to  see  the 
state  of  the  remains.  By  a  bribe  to  the  sexton  of  the  time, 
possession  of  the  skull  was  obtained  for  the  night,  and  another 
skull  was  returned  instead  of  it.  Fifty  pounds  were  paid  to 
manage  and  carry  through  this  transaction.  Be  that  as  it  may, 
the  skull  of  Pope  figures  in  a  private  museum. 

WICKLIFFE'S  ASHES. 

The  Council  of  Constance  raised  from  the  grave  the  bones 
of  the  immortal  Wickliffe  forty  years  after  their  interment, 
burned, them  to  ashes,  and  threw  them  into  a  neighboring 
brook.  " This  brook,"  says  Fuller,  "conveyed  his  ashes  into 
Avon,  Avon  into  Severn,  Severn  into  the  narrow  seas,  they  into 
the  main  ocean ;  and  thus  the  ashes  of  Wickliffe  are  the  em- 
blem of  his  doctrine,  which  now  is  dispersed  all  the  world 
over."  "So,"  says  Foxe,  "was  he  resolved  into  three  elements, 
earth,  fire,  and  water,  thinking  thereby  utterly  to  extinguish 
both  the  name  and  doctrine  of  Wickliffe  forever.  But  as  there 
is  no  counsel  against  the  Lord,  so  there  is  no  keeping  down  of 
verity.  It  will  spring  and  come  out  of  dust  and  ashes,  as  ap- 
peared right  well  in  this  man  j  for,  though  they  digged  up  his 
body,  burnt  his  bones,  and  drowned  his  ashes,  yet  the  word  of 
God  and  truth  of  his  doctrines,  with  the  fruit  and  success 
thereof,  they  could  not  burn.  They  to  this  day  remain." 

•  Cardan,  and  Burton,  the  author  of  the.  Anatomy  of  Melan- 
choly, who  were  famous  for  astrological  skill,  both  suffered  a 
voluntary  death  merely  to  verify  their  own  predictions. 


780  PERSONAL    SKETCHES   AND  ANECDOTES. 

TALLEYRANDIANA. 

A  banker,  anxious  about  the  rise  or  fall  of  stocks,  came  once 
to  Talleyrand  for  information  respecting  the  truth  of  a  rumor 
that  George  III.  had  suddenly  died,  when  the  statesman 
replied  in  a  confidential  tone:  "I  shall  be  delighted,  if  the 
information  I  have  to  give  be  of  any  use  to  you."  The  banker 
was  enchanted  at  the  prospect  of  obtaining  authentic  intel- 
ligence from  so  high  a  source ;  and  Talleyrand,  with  a  mysterious 
air,  continued:  "Some  say  the  King  of  England  is  dead; 
others,  that  he  is  not  dead :  for  my  own  part,  I  believe  neither 
the  one  nor  the  other.  I  tell  you  this  in  confidence,  but  do  not 
commit  me." 

During  Talleyrand's  administration,  when  the  seals  of  private 
letters  were  not  very  safe,  the  Spanish  Ambassador  complained, 
with  an  expressive  look,  to  that  Minister,  that  one  of  his  des- 
patches had  been  opened.  "Oh!"  returned  the  statesman,  after 
listening  with  profound  attention,  "  I  shall  wager  I  can  guess  how 
the  thing  happened.  I  am  convinced  your  despatch  was  opened 
by  some  one  who  desired  to  know  what  was  inside." 

When  Louis-  XVIII.,  at  the  Restoration,  praised  the  subtile 
diplomatist  for  his  talents  and  influence,  he  disclaimed  the  com- 
pliment, but  added,  what  might  serve  both  .as  a  hint  and  a 
threat:  "There  is,  however,  some  inexplicable  thing  about. me, 
that  prevents  any  government?  from  prospering  that  attempts  to 
set  me  aside." 

After  the  Pope  excommunicated  his  apostate  Abbe,  that  un- 
worthy son  of  the  church  wrote  to  a  friend,  saying:  "Come 
and  comfort  me :  come  and  sup  with  me.  Everybody  is  going 
to  refuse  me  fire  and  water;  we  shall  therefore  have  nothing 
this  evening  but  iced  meats,  and  drink  nothing  but  wine." 

When  the  Abbe  Dupanloup  told  him,  during  his  last  hour,' 
that  the  Archbishop  of  Paris  had  said  he  would  willingly  die 
for  him,  the  dying  statesman  said,  with  his  expiring  breath: 
"He  might  make  a  better  use  of  his  life." 


PERSONAL   SKETCHES   AND    ANECDOTES.  781 

He  proposed  that  the  Duchess  de  Berri  should  be  threatened 
for  all  her  strange  conspicuous  freaks,  thus :  "  Madame,  there  is 
no  hope  for  you,  you  will  be  tried,  condemned,  and  pardoned !" 

Speaking  of  a  well-known  lady  on  one  occasion,  he  said  em- 
phatically : — 

"She  is  insufferable." 

Then,  as  if  relenting,  he  added: 

"  But  that  is  her  only  fault." 

Madame  de  Stael  cordially  hated  him,  and  in  her  story  of 
Delpldne  was  supposed  to  have  painted  herself  in  the  person 
of  her  heroine,  and  Talleyrand  in  that  of  a  garrulous  old 
woman.  On  their  first  meeting,  the  wit  pleasantly  remarked, 
"  They  tell  me  that  we  are  both  of  us  in  your  novel,  in  the  dis- 
guise of  women." 

While  making  a  few  days'  tour  in  England,  he  wrote  this 
note  to  a  gentleman  connected  with  the  Treasury : — 

"  My  dear  Sir, 

"  Would  you  give  a  short  quarter  of  an  hour  to  explain  to  me  the  financial 
system  of  your  country  ?  "  Always  yours, 

"TALLEYRAND." 

PORSON. 

•  A  favorite  diversion  of  Person,  when  among  a  party  of  literary 
men,  was  to  quote  a  few  lines  of  poetry,  and  ask  if  any  of  the 
company  could  tell  where  they  came  from.  He  frequently 
quoted  the  following  lines  without  finding  any  one  able  to  name 
the  author: — 

For  laws  that  are  inanimate, 

And  feel  no  sense  of  love  or  hate, 

That  have  no  passion  of  their  own, 

Or  pity  to  be  wrought  upon, 

Are  only  proper  to  inflict 

Revenge  on  criminals  as  strict : 

But  to  have  power  to  forgive 

Is  empire  and  prerogative; 

And  'tis  in  crowns  a  nobler  gem 

To  grant  a  pardon  than  condemn. 


782  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

The  lines  remind  the  Shakspeare  student  of  a  similar  verse  in 
Measure  for  Measure,  (Act  III,  Sc.  2.): — 

He  that  the  sword  of  state  would  bear, 
Should  be  holy  as  severe; 
Pattern  in  himself  to  know, 
Grace  to  stand,  and  virtue  go,  Ac. 

The  company  generally  guessed  every  likely  author  but  the 
right  one.  When  conjecture  was  exhausted,  Porson  would 
satisfy  curiosity  by  telling  them  the  lines  were  in  Butler's 
JFludibras,  and  would  be  found  in  The  Heroic  JEpistk  of 
Hudibras  to  his  Lady,  which  few  people  ever  did  read,  and  no 
one  now  thinks  of  reading. 


J^tetortcal 

THE   FIRST   BLOOD    SHED    IN   OUR   REVOLUTION. 

THE  "  First  Blood  of  the  Revolution"  is  commonly  supposed 
to  have  been  shed  at  Lexington,  April  19,  1775;  but  West- 
minster, Vt.,  files  a  prior  claim  in  favor  of  one  William  French, 
who  it  is  asserted  was  killed  on  the  night  of  March  13,  1775, 
at  the  King's  court-house,  in  what  is  now  Westminster.  At 
that  time  Vermont  was  a  part  of  New  York,  and  the  King's 
court  officers,  together  with  a  body  of  troops,  were  sent  on  to 
Westminster  to  hold  the  usual  session  of  the  court.  The  people, 
however,  were  exasperated,  and  assembled  in  the  court-house 
to  resist.  A  little  before  midnight  the  troops  of  George  the 
Third  advanced  and  fired  indiscriminately  upon  the  crowd,  in- 
stantly killing  William  French,  whose  head  was  pierced  by  a 
musket  bah1.  He  was  buried  in  the  churchyard,  and  a  stone 
erected  to  his  memory,  with  this  quaint  inscription: — 

"  In  Memory  of  William  French,  Who  Was  Shot  at  Westminster  March 
ye  12th,  1775,  by  the  hand  of  the  Cruel  Ministerial  tools  of  Georg  ye  3rd 
at  the  Courthouse  at  11  o'clock  at  Night  in  the  22d  year  of  his  age. 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  733 

"Here  William  French  his  Body  lies, 
For  Murder  his  Blood  for  Vengeance  Cries. 
King  Georg  the  third  his  Tory  crew 
that  with  a  bawl  his  head  Shot  threw, 
For  Liberty  and  his  Countrys  Good 
he  Lost  his  Life  his  Dearest  blood." 

THE  "TEA-PARTY"  AND  THE  "TEA-BURNING." 
The  world  has  rung  with  the  story  of  the  "Boston  tea- 
party,"  how  in  the  darkness  of  night  certain  men  disguised  as 
Indians  threw  overboard  the  cargo  which  bore  the  obnoxious 
duty,  and  kept  their  secret  so  well  that  even  their  own  families 
were  not  trusted  with  it.  It  was  a  resolute  and  patriotic  act, 
and  answered  its  purpose.  But  why  all  the  darkness,  the  dis- 
guise and  mystery?  Because  the  number  of  those  who  opposed 
the  act,  either  from  loyalty  to  Great  Britain,  from  timidity,  or 
from  pecuniary  interest  in  the  cargo,  was  so  great,  that  only  by 
such  means  could  the  deed  be  done  and  the  doers  of  it  escape 
punishment. 

How  does  this  compare  with  the  "tea-burning"  in  Annapolis 
in  the  same  year  ?  Here  the  course  to  be  taken  was  publicly 
and  calmly  discussed  in  open  assembly ;  the  resolution  arrived 
at  was  openly  announced,  and  carried  out  in  the  face  of  day, 
the  owner  of  the  vessel  himself  applying  the  torch.  This  was 
the  Maryland  way  of  doing  the  thing;  and  it  may  well  be 
asked  whether  the  calm  judicial  dignity  of  the  procedure,  the 
unanimity  of  sentiment,  the  absence  alike  of  passion  and  of 
concealment,  are  not  far  worthier  of  commemoration  and  ad- 
miration than  the  act  of  men  who,  even  for  a  patriotic  purpose, 
had  to  assume  the  garb  of  conspirators  and  do  a  deed  of 


The  local  historians  thus  tell  the  story  :- 

On  the  14th  of  October,  the  brig  Peggy  Stewart  arrived  at 
Annapolis,  having  in  its  cargo  a  few  packages  of  tea.  The 
duty  was  paid  by  the  owner  of  the  vessel.  The  people  were 
outraged  at  the  attempt  to  fix  upon  them  the  badge  of  servi- 
tude, by  the  payment  of  the  tax. 


784  HISTORICAL'  MEMORANDA. 

A  meeting  was  held,  at  which  it  was  determined  that  the 
tea  should  not  be  landed.  The  owner,  fearing  further  trouble, 
proposed  to  destroy  the  tea.  But  that  was  not  sufficient  pun- 
ishment. The  offence  was  a  grave  one,  for  had  this  attempt 
succeeded,  it  would  have  been  followed  by  others  more  aggres- 
sive, and  thus  the  very  principle  which  was  contended  for 
would  have  been  overthrown  in  the  end.  It  was  the  head  of 
the  ugly  beast  that  was  thrust  in  the  door,  and  it  must  not 
only  be  put  out,  but  driven  out  by  blows,  lest  growing  bold, 
it  should  push  its  whole  body  in. 

After  much  discussion  it  was  proposed  to  burn  the  vessel. 
The  meeting  did  not  consent  to  this,  but  many  expressed  their 
determination  to  raise  a  force  to  accomplish  the  brig's  destruction. 

Acting  under  the  advice  of  Mr.  Carroll  of  Carrollton,  the 
owner,  seeing  that  the  loss  of  his  property  was  certain,  and  wil- 
ling to  repair  his  good  name,  even  by  that  loss,  proposed  to  de- 
stroy the  vessel  with  his  own  hands.  In  the  presence  of  the 
assembled  multitude  he  set  fire  to  it,  with  the  tea  on  board, — 
expiating  his  offence  by  the  destruction  of  his  property. 

The  striking  features  of  this  transaction  were  not  only  the 
boldness  with  which  it  was  executed,  but  the  deliberation  and 
utter  carelessness  of  concealment  in  all  the  measures  leading  to 
its  accomplishment. 

It  was  not  until  the  28th  of  November  that  the  Dartmouth 
arrived  in  Boston  harbor,  and  not  until  the  16th  of  December 
that  protracted  discussion  ended  in  the  overthrow  of  its  cargo. 
The  tea-ship  sent  to  South  Carolina  arrived  December  2d,  and 
the  tea-ship  to  Philadelphia,  December  25th.  The  cargo  of 
the  former  perished  in  storage;  that  of  the  latter  was  sent 
back. 

THE    UNITED    STATES   NAVY. 

A  South  Carolina  correspondent  of  the  American  Historical 
Record  writes  as  follows  concerning  the  inception  of  the 
Navy: — 

A  few  years  ago;  while  looking  over  a  volume  of  manuscript 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  785 

letters  in  the.  Charleston  (South  Carolina)  Library,  I  found  a 
leaf  of  coarse  foolscap,  with  the  following  endorsement: — 

ORIGIN   OP   THE   NAVY. 

At  a  caucus  in  1794,  consisting  of  Izard,  Morris,  and  Ells- 
worth of  the  Senate,  Ames,  Sedgwick,  Smith,  Dayton,  &c.  of 
the  Representatives,  and  of  Secretaries  Hamilton  and  Knox,  to 
form  a  plan  for  a  national  navy,  Smith  began  the  figuring  as 
Secretary  of  the  meeting.  Hamilton  then  took  the  pen,  and 
instead  of  minuting  the  proceedings,  he  amused  himself  by 
making  a  variety  of  flourishes  during  the  discussion.  In  con- 
sequence of  the  plan  adopted  at  this  meeting,  a  bill  was  reported 
for  building  six.  frigates,  which  formed  the  foundation  or  origin 
of  the  American  Navy. 

The  "figuring"  on  the  top  of  the  page  consists  of  five  lines, 
and  is  as  follows : — 

First  cost  of  a  frigate,  44  guns,  of  1,300  tons,  and 

provision  for  six  months $150,000 

350  men 51,000 

Provision  for  six  months 11,000 


Total $212,000 

Then  follows  an  estimate  of  the  annual  cost  of  such  a  vessel. 
The  rest  of  the  page  below  these  estimates  is  occupied  by 
bold  flourishes,  which  seem,  if  they  mean  anything,  to  imitate 
a  drawing  of  a  peacock's  tail  "  in  its  pride."  Similar  scratching, 
but  to  a  less  extent  is  on  the  other  side  of  the  page. 

The  only  letter  addressed  to  Shakspeare,  which  is  un- 
doubtedly genuine,  is  that  now  in  the  museum  at  Stratford,  from 
llichard  Quinn,  the  actor,  asking  for  a  loan  of  £20.  This  letter 
is  endorsed :  "  To  my  lovinge  good  ffriend  and  countreyman, 
Mr.  William  Shackespere  deliver  Thees."  If  the  writer  spelled 
names  no  better  than  other  words,  this  affords  little  aid  to  the 
solution  of  the  perplexing  question,  for  notwithstanding  the 
outrageous  fashion  in  which  our  forefathers  spelled  English,  he 
is  considerably  ahead  of  his  age  in  this  respect. 
2Z  66* 


786  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

QUAKER    "  MALIGNANTS." 

There  has  been  discovered  in  Boston  the  following  letter 
relative  to  William  Penn,  written  "September  ye  15,  1682." 
by  Cotton  Mather,  to  "ye  aged  and  beloved  Mr.  John  Hig- 
ginson": — 

There  bee  now  at  sea  a  shippe  (for  our  friend  Mr.  Esaias  Holcraft,  of 
London,  did  advise  me  by  ye  last  packet  that  it  wolde  sail  some  time  in 
August)  called  ye  Welcome,  R.  Greenaway,  master,  which  has  aboard  an 
hundred  or  more  of  ye  heretics  and  malignants  called  Quakers,  with  W. 
Penne,  who  is  ye  chief  scampe  at  ye  hedde  of  them.  Ye  General  Court 
has  accordingly  given  secret  orders  to  Master  Malachi  Huxett,  of  ye  brig 
Porposse,  to  waylaye  ye  said  Welcome  as  near  the  coast  of  Codde  as  may 
be,  and  make  captive  ye  said  Penne  and  his  ungodlie  crew,  so  that  ye 
Lord  may  be  glorified  and  not  mocked  on  ye  soil  of  this  new  countrie  with 
ye  heathen  worshippe  of  these  people.  Much  spoyl  can  be  made  by  selling 
ye  whole  lotte  to  Barbadoes,  where  slaves  fetch  good  prices  in  rmnme  and 
sugar,  and  we  shall  not  only  do  ye  Lord  great^  service  by  punishing  ye 
wicked,  but  shall  make  great  gayne  for  his  ministers  and  people. 

Master  Huxett  feels  hopeful,  and  I  will  set  down  ye  news  he  brings 
when  his  shippe  comes  back. 

Yours  in  ye  bowels  of  Christ, 

COTTON  MATHER. 

AN    AMERICAN    MONARCHY. 

After  the  downfall  of  Napoleon  I.,  in  1815,  several  young 
Americans  who  subsequently  earned  high  position  as  writers 
and  statesmen,  among  them  Irving,  Everett,  Ticknor,  Legare, 
and  Preston,  (afterward  Senator  from  South  Carolina,)  went  to 
Europe  for  the  benefit  of  foreign  travel.  While  abroad,  they 
took  an  opportunity  to  pay  a  visit  to  Sir  Walter  Scott,  and  Mr. 
Preston  relates  that  during  the  evening,  in  the  course  of  con- 
versation, Sir  Walter  gave  an  account  of  a  curious  discovery  he 
had  made. 

Not  long  after  it  had  been  divulged  who  was  the  author  of 
the  "Waverley  Novels,"  Scott  was  the  Regent's  (afterward 
George  the  Fourth)  guest  in  the  royal  palace,  where,  one  day, 
the  latter  ordered  the  key  of  a  certain  room  to  be  given  to  the 
great  writer,  saying  that  it  opened  the  door  of  the  Stuart 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  737 

Chamber,  where  all  the  papers  concerning  the  Stuarts  and 
their  pretenders  were  kept.  George  gave  Scott  full  permission 
to  rummage  among  all  these  records,  and  to  use  what  he  liked 
for  his  works.  "I  depend  on  your  discretion,"  he  said,  and 
Scott  went.  He  spent  several  days  in  this  curious  chamber,  and, 
so  he  told  Preston,  one  day  stumbled  upon  what  seemed  to  him 
a  remarkable  paper.  It  consisted  of  a  call  and  petition,  by 
Scottish  in  America,  chiefly,  however,  by  the  Gaelic  Scottish 
who  had  a  settlement — "saddle-bagging"  as  it  is  sometimes 
expressed  in  the  West — in  North  Carolina,  addressed  to  the 
Pretender  (Prince  Charles  Edward,  grandson  of  James  the 
Second),  as  he  was  then  called,  to  come  to  America  and  assume 
the  crown  of  this  realm. 

The  question  whether  this  country  had  not  best  be  turned 
into  a  monarchy  was  seriously  and  very  naturally  mooted,  in 
the  earliest  days  of  oilr  national  existence,  but  until  this  sin- 
gular revelation  was  made,  it  was  not  known  that  such  a  positive 
offer,  a  very  strange  one,  to  say  the  least,  had  been  made. 

THE  STAR  SPANGLED  BANNER.  • 

The  following  description  of  the  significance  of  the  different 
parts  of  our  national  flag  was  written  by  a  member  of  the  com- 
mittee appointed  by  the  Continental  Congress  to  design  a  flag 
for  the  young  Republic: — 

The  stars  of  the  new  flag  represent  the  new  constellation  of  States  rising 
in  the  West.  The  idea  was  taken  from  the  constellation  of  Lyra,  which  in 
the  land  of  Orpheus  signifies  harmony.  The  blue  in  the  field  was  taken 
from  the  edges  of  the  Covenanter's  banner,  in  Scotland,  significant  of  the 
league-covenant  of  the  United  Colonies  against  oppression,  incidentally 
involving  the  virtues  of  vigilance,  perseverance  and  justice.  The  stars 
were  disposed  in  a  circle  symbolizing  the  perpetuity  of  the  Union ;  the 
ring,  like  the  serpent  of  the  Egyptians,  signifying  eternity.  The  thirteen 
stripes  showed  with  the  stars,  the  number  of  the  United  Colonies,  and 
denoted  the  subordination  of  the  States  to  the  Union,  as  well  as  equality 
among  themselves.  The  whole  was  the  blending  of  the  various  flags  of 
the  army  and  the  white  ones  of  the  floating  batteries.  The  red  color, 
which  in  Roman  days  was  the  signal  of  defiance,  denoted  daring ;  and  the 
white  purity. 


788  HISTORICAL  MEMORANDA. 

THE 'FRENCH  TRICOLOR. 

The  French  tricolor,  so  far  from  being  a  revolutionary  flag, 
is  more  ancient  than  the  white  flag,  and  was,  in  fact,  the  flag  of 
the  House  of  Bourbon.  Clovis,  wheu  he  marched  through 
Tours  to  fight  the  Visigoths,  adopted  as  his  banner  the  scope 
of  St.  Martin,  which  was  blue,  and  thus  blue  was,  so  to  speak, 
the  first  French  color.  The  oriflamme,  which  was  the  particular 
flag  of  the  Abbey  of  St.  Denis,  and  was  red,  became  to  a  certain 
extent  the  national  flag,  when  St.  Denis  came  under  the  pro- 
tection of  the  kings  of  France,  the  kings  still  preserving  their 
blue  flag  studded  with  golden  flews  de  Us.  The  white  flag 
(which  was  also  the  banner  of  Joan  of  Arc)  has  in  all  countries, 
and  through  all  times,  been  the  sign  of  authority.  And  when 
Louis  XIV.  destroyed  the  functions  of  the  colonels -general  of 
the  different  corps  that  bore  the  white  standard,  the  color 
became  the  emblem  of  Royal  authority.  Nevertheless,  it  is 
useless  to  dispute  the  fact  that  the  tricolor  took  its  rise  as  the 
badge  of  the  National  Guard  at  the  French  Revolution,  and 
that  it  will  be  as  difficult  to  separate  it  from  the  idea  of  revo- 
lution as  to  separate  the  white  flag  from  the  idea  of  legitimacy. 

THE   POLITICAL    GAMUT. 

In  1815  the  French  newspapers  announced  the  departure  of 
Bonaparte  from  Elba,  his  progress  through  France,  and  his  entry 
into  Paris,  in  the  following  manner: — 

March  9.  The  Anthropophagus  has  quitted  his  den. — 
March  10.  The  Corsican  Ogre  has  landed  at  Cape  Juan. — 
March  11.  The  Tiger  has  arrived  at  Gap. — March  12.'  The 
Monster  slept  at  Grenoble.  —  March  13.  The  Tyrant  has  passed 
through  Lyons. — March  14.  The  Usurper  is  directing  his  steps 
towards  Dijon,  but  the  brave  and  loyal  Burgundians  have  risen 
en  masse,  and  surrounded  him  on  all  sides. — March  18.  Bona- 
parte is  only  sixty  leagues  from  the  capital;  he  has  been 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  789 

fortunate  enough  to  escape  the  hands  of  his  pursuers. — March 
19.  Bonaparte  is  advancing  with  rapid  steps,  but  he  will  never 
enter  Paris. — March  20.  Napole6n  will,  to-morrow,  be  under 
our  ramparts. — March  21.  The  Emperor  is  at  Fontainebleau. — 
March  22.  His  Imperial  and  Royal  Majesty  yesterday  evening 
arrived  at  the  Tuileries,  amidst  the  joyful  acclamations  of  his 
devoted  and  faithful  subjects.  • 

The  Journal  des  Debuts,  in  reference  to  the  escape  from  Elba, 
spoke  of  Napoleon  on  the  9th  of  March,  as  "the  Poltroon  of 
1814"  On  the  15th  it  said  to  him,  "Scourge  of  generations 
thou  shalt  reign  no  more!"  On  the  16th  he  is  "a  Robespierre 
on  horseback";  on  the  19th, "  the  adventurer  from  Corsica"  ;  but 
on  the  21st,  we  are  gravely  told  that  "  the  EMPEROR  has  pur- 
sued his  triumphal  course,  having  found  no  other  enemies  than 
the  miserable  libels  which  were  vainly  scattered  on  hts  path  to 
impede  his  progress" 

THE    FLIGHT    OF    EUGENIE. 

The  following  particulars  of  the  flight  of  the  Empress  of 
France  from  Paris,  in  consequence  of  the  subversion  of  the 
Napoleonic  dynasty  by  the  capitulation  of  Sedan,  were  fur- 
nished by  the  late  Bishop  Mcllvaine,  of  Ohio,  who  obtained 
them  from  one  who  aided  the  flight  of  Eugenie,  and  are  there- 
fore stamped  with  the  essentials  of  authenticity. 

The  safety  of  the  Empress  had  been  assured  to  her  by  Gene- 
ral Trochu,  who  had  solemnly  promised  to  inform  her  of  the 
approach  of  danger.  For  some  unexplained  reasons  he  failed 
to  do  so,  and  when  on  Sunday  the  mob  began  to  assemble  about 
the  Tuileries,  three  of  her  friends,  Prince  Metternich,  the  Spanish 
Ambassador  and  M.  Lesseps,  formed  a  plan  for  her  escape,  and 
went  to  her  rescue.  M.  Lesseps  stood  outside  and  harangued 
the  mob  for  the  purpose  of  detaining  them,  while  the  two  other 
gentlemen  went  in  search  of  the  Empress.  They  found  her 
partaking  of  a  very  frugal  lunch  with  one  of  her  ladies,  and 
her  fears  could  not  be  aroused.  Seeing  it  impossible  to  persuade 


790  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

her,  the  two  gentlemen  used  force  to  remove  her.  .  At  this  she 
consented  to  make  a  slight  preparation,  and  without  at  all 
changing  her  dress,  (for  the  mob  had  already  entered  the 
Palace),  catching  up"  a  small  leathern  reticule,  she  put  into  it 
two  pocket-handkerchiefs,  and  two  books,-  the  New  Testament 
and  a  prayer-book.  On  her  head  she  put  a  riding  hat,  and  then 
by  that  time  thoroughly  groused,  she  fled  through  the  Palace, 
through  long  corridors,  up  and  down  flights  of  stairs,  through 
chamber  andsafora,  a  long  distance  before  they  came  down  to  the 
Rue  Rivoli,  on  which  side  of  the  Palace  the  mob  had  not  col- 
lected. Here  a  cab  awaited  her.  She,  with  the  lady  in  attend- 
ance, was  put  into  it.  "Now,"  said  the  friends,  "we  must  leave 
you;  too  well-known,  our  attendance  would  bring  destruction 
upon  you !  Make  good  speed ! "  Yes,  good  speed,  for  she  heard 
the  cries -of  the  furious  mob,  and  as  she  was  entering  the  cab  a 
little  boy  exclaimed,  "There  is  the  Empress,"  and  she  thought 
all  was  lost ;  but  it  proved  that  there  was  no  one  there  to  take 
notice,  and  so  the  two  ladies  drove  off.  Soon  they  came  into 
the  midst  of  the  excited  crowd,  and  the  lady  accompanying  her 
questioned  on  this  side  and  the  other  the  meaning  of  it  all,  and 
appeared  to  be  lost  in  wonder  at  the  proceedings,  while  the 
Empress  sank  back  out  of  sight  in  the  carriage.  They  had  a 
long  ride  out  beyond  the  Champs  Elysees  to  the  quieter  parts 
of  the  city,  when  they  alighted,  dismissed  the  cab,  to  avoid 
giving  any  clew  in  case  of  pursuit,  and  walked  some  distance. 
Where  should  she  go?  To  whom  flee?  What  friend  trust? 
There  was  but  one  to  whom  she  would  venture,  and  that  one 
an  American  gentlemen  of  some  note,  who,  with  his  wife,  had 
long  been  a  friend  of  both  Emperor  and  Empress.  So  they  took 
another  cab  for  the  house  of  this  gentleman  (whom  we  will 

call  Mr.  W ),  arriving  there  to  find  him  away  from  home, 

and  his  wife  absent  for  the  summer  at  a  small  seaport  on  the 
coast.  The  servant  under  these  circumstances  was  extremely 
ungracious,  and  quite  refused  to  admit  these  strange  ladies,  and 
when  at  last,  upon  their  insisting,  they  were  admitted  to  the 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  701 

house,  she  was  unwilling  to  show  them-  into  an  apartment 
suitable  for  them,  and  it  was  not  without  some  difficulty  that 
they  were  allowed  to  wait  in  the  library  for  the  owner's  return. 
When  at  last  he  returned  and  entered  the  room,  judge  of  his 
surprise  at  the  sight  of  the  .Empress.  "  You  must  get  me  im- 
mediately out  of  France, — this  very  night,"  exclaimed  the  Em- 
press the  moment  she  saw  him.  Out  of  France  that  very 
night  ?  He  told  her  it  was  impossible.  He  was  expecting  a 
party  of  friends  to  dinner,  but  would  plead  sudden  business  and 
excuse  himself,  and  make  preparations  as  quickly  as  possible 
for  her  flight;  but,  in  the  meantime,  she  must  be  quiet  and  rest. 
This  she  was  prevailed  upon  to  do,  and,  supplying  herself  from 

Mrs.  W 's  wardrobe,  retired  for  the  night. 

The  dinner  party,  receiving  the  excuses  of  the  host,  and 
overcome  with  a  sense  of  mystery,  soon  withdrew  in  spite  of 
the  cordial  message  and  wishes  of  the  gentleman  that  they  would 
make  themselves  merry  in  his  absence.  At  four  o'clock  in  the 

morning  a  carriage  stood  at  the  door,  into  which  Mr.  W 

put  the  two  ladies,  and,  driving  himself,  they  set  off  on  their 
way  out  of  France,  pursuing  quiet  streets,  confining  their  course 
to  unfrequented  roads  and  lanes  of  the  country,  and  avoiding 
the  more  public  highways,  until  the  horses  were  worn  out.  They 
were  then  near  a  little  village;  and  the  question  arose  how  to 
get  a  carriage  brought  to  them,  and  explain  why  they  could  not 

go  to  it.     Mr.  W went  to  the  inn  and,  having  found  a 

private  carriage  which  was  waiting  over  there,  agreed  with  the 
servant  to  come  out  a  mile  or  so  and  carry  his  party,  Mr. 

W 's  two    sisters — one  of  whom   was  very  lame  indeed. 

and  could  not  walk  a  step — some  miles  on,  till  the}'  should 
come  to  a  railway.  This  done  and  the  lame  lady  with  much 
difficulty  put  into  the  carriage  by  her  "brother"  and  "sister," 
they  proceeded  for  a  distance  until  they  came  to  a  railway, 
where  they  left  the  carriage  to  break  up  the  clew,  and  rode  a 
short  distance  in  the  rail-car  without  attracting  attention.  Then 
they  took  another  carriage,  riding  in  roundabout  ways,  until  at 


792  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

the  end  of  two  days  they  reached  the  little  seaport  where  Mrs. 

W was  spending  the  summer.  How  must  Mr.  W 

conduct  the  ladies  into  the  presence  of  his  wife  without  being 
observed  by  every  one?  After  some  reconnoitring,  this  was 
successfully  accomplished,  and  throwing  her  arms  around  the 

neck  of  Mrs.  W ,  Eugenie  exclaimed:  "You  and  your 

husband  are  the  only  friends  left  to  me  in  the  world."  She, 
with  the  lady  who  accompanied  her,  remained  in  the  room 

of  Mrs.  W ,  lest  some  one  should  see  and  recognize  her. 

No  servant  could  be  allowed  to  enter  the  room.  Mrs.  W 

brought  food  to  the  two  ladies  and  served  the  Empress  in 
everything,  who  expostulated  at  the  inconvenience  she  was 
causing  her  friend,  and  insisted  upon  waiting  upon  herself, 
her  behavior  being  of  such  a  sweet  character  as  still  more  to 
endear  her  to  her  friends,  who  were  risking  nearly  all  they  pos- 
sessed in  her  cause. 

Their  plan  was  now  to  get  her  across  the  Channel  to  the  Isle 
of  Wight,  and  thence  to  England.  There  were  but  two  con- 
veyances in  the  harbor— both  private  yachts — and  only  one  able 
to  get  out  to  sea.  The  owner  of  that  one  flatly  refused  to  take 
the  ladies  over,  but  at  last,  after  the  identity  of  the  ladies  had 
been  made  known  and  much  persuasion  used,  he  consented,  and 

Mr.  W and  the  two  ladies,  with  the  reticule  containing 

two  pocket-handkerchiefs,  set  out  the  day  after  their  arrival 
in  the  little  seaport  town  on  their  voyage  to  England. 

This  is  a  journey  usually  made  in  a  few  hours;  but  a  terrible 
storm  arising,  it  was  prolonged  to  twenty-seven.  The  same 
night  and  in  the  same  waters  the  ever-memorable  vessel  the 
Captain  went  down  But  although  the  gentleman  in  command 
lost  all  control  of  himself  and  ship,  they  weathered  the  storm. 

During  this  time  Eugenie  showed  the  most  remarkable  self- 
possession,  and  evidently  looked  upon  death  as  a  relief  from  her 
woes.  But  this  was  not  to  be,  and  after  a  passage  fraught  with 
the  most  imminent  danger,  she  was  landed  on  the  Isle  of  Wight, 
to  find  on  English  ground  that  asylum  which  had  been  sought 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  793 

by  so  many  fugitives  before  her.  And  to  add  to  her  relief,  her 
son,  of  whose  whereabouts  she  knew  nothing,  was  found  to  be 
in  Hastings,  not  far  from  her. 

Such  is  the  true  story  of  Eugenie's  escape  from  Paris  and 
France.  What  a  sad,  sad  tale  of  fallen  greatness !  How  much 
must  she  have  suffered  in  those  few  days!  the  fury  of  a 
Paris  niob  in  her  ears;  the  fear  of  pursuit  at  her  back;  how 
often  did  she  start,  and  give  herself  up  for  lost!  What 
threatening  meaning  did  many  an  accidental  phrase  assume ! 
No  wonder  her  courage  sustained  the  fearful  storm ;  the  thun- 
der and  lightning,  the  waters,  however  dark  and  cold  and  deep, 
would  be  far  more  merciful  than  that  dreadful  mob  that  called 
out  her  name,  the  mob  that  had  shown  no  pity  to  the  little 
child  or  tender  woman,  and  derided  with  the  bitterest  insults 
the  fond  Marie  Antoinette  at  the  guillotine.  Oh,  France! 
when  we  remember  those  days  of  terror,  can  we  wonder  at  this 
retribution  ? 

NAPOLEON    III. 

The  following  lines,  suggested  by  the  rise  of  Louis  Napoleon, 
were  written  January  6th,  1853.  The  capitulation  of  Sedan 
occurred  September  1,  1870,  and  the  death  of  the  exile  of 
Chiselhurst,  January  9,  1873. 

The  light-house  that  once  crowned  the  pointed  rock 
Of  Eddystone,  its  bold  inventor  deem'd 
A  work  to  last  for  centuries,  nor  dream'd 

It  would  succumb  beneath  the  tempest's  shock : 

And,  therefore,  as  if  Providence  to  mock, 

He  housed  within  it  when  the  lightning  gleam'd 
Mid  storm  and  darkness,  but  when  morning  beam'd, 

Nought  stood  upon  the  bare  and  granite  block! 

Ambition  thus  dares  all,  and  rears  on  high, 
AVith  the  audacity  of  human  pride, 

A  pile  that  may  with  Egypt's  wonders  vie; 

Perceiving  not — presumptuous  homicide  !  — 

The  ministers  of  wrath,  that  lurking  nigh, 

Will  scatter  the  proud  fabric  far  and  wide. 
67 


794  HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA. 

THE   EMPIRE    IS   PEACE. 

This  memorable  utterance  was  originally  made  at  Toulouse 
in  the  autumn  of  1852,  while  Louis  Napoleon  was  feeling  the 
public  pulse  in  the  vineyards  of  Southern  France,  preparatory 
to  re-establishing  the  imperial  regime.  At  the  close  of  a 
splendid  banquet  given  to  him  by  the  Chamber  of  Commerce, 
in  the  Bourse,  the  Prince-President,,  emboldened  by  the  mad 
enthusiasm  of  the  company  present,  suddenly  cast  off  all  reserve, 
and  unequivocally  announced  the  impending  change.  "  There 
is  one  objection,"  he  urged  in  vindication  of  his  purpose,  "  to 
which  I  must  reply.  Certain  minds  seem  to  entertain  a  dread 
of  war;  certain  persons  say,  the  Empire  is  only  war.  But  I 
say,  THE  EMPIRE  is  PEACE  (1'Empire  c'est  la  Paix),  for 
France  desires  it,  and  when  France  is  satisfied  the  world  is 
tranquil." 

JEFFERSON   ON    MARIE  ANTOINETTE. 

Mr.  Jefferson's  estimate  of  Marie  Antoinette  is  not  so  favor- 
able as  that  of  some  writers ;  for  many  years  after  his  return 
from  France  he  wrote  of  her  thus : — 

This  angel,  as  gaudily  painted  in  the  rhapsodies  of  Burke,  with  some 
smartness  of  fancy,  but  no  sound  sense,  was  proud,  disdainful  of  restraint, 
indignant  at  all  obstacles  to  her  will,  eager  in  the  pursuit  of  pleasure,  and 
firm  enough  to  hold  to  her  desires,  or  perish  in  their  wreck.  Her  inordinate 
gambling  and  dissipations,  with  those  of  the  Count  d'Artois  and  others  of 
her  cliqur,  had  been  a  sensible  item  in  the  exhaustion  of  the  treasury,  which 
called  into  action  the  reforming  hand  of  the  nation ;  and  her  opposition  to 
it,  her  inflexible  perverseness  and  dauntless  spirit,  led  herself  to  the  guillo- 
tine, drew  the  king  on  with  her,  and  plunged  the  world  into  crimes  and 
calamities  which  will  forever  stain  the  pages  of  modern  history.  I  have 
ever  believed  that  had*  there  been  no  queen  there  would  have  been  no  Revo- 
lution. No  force  would  have  been  provoked  or  exercised.  [He  adds,  that 
he  would  not  have  voted  for  the  execution  of  the  sovereign.  He  would 
have  shut  the  queen  up  in  a  convent,  and  deprived  the  king  only  of  irre- 
sponsible and  arbitrary  power.] 

GENERAL   BLtiCHER. 

This  "personal"  of  Bliicher  is  from  the  Recollections  of 
Lady  Clementina  Davies : — When  the  special  messengers  arrived 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  795 

to  inform  Bliicher  that  Napoleon  had  escaped  from  Elba,  and 
that  his  services  would  be  immediately  required  in  the  field, 
they  were  astonished  to  find  him  literally  running  round  and 
round  a  large  room,  the  floor  of  which  was  covered  with  saw- 
dust, and  in  which  he  had  immured  himself  under  the  delusion 
that  he  was  an  elephant.  For  the  time  it  was  feared  that 
Bliicher  was  hopelessly  insane,  or  that  he  was  so  far  suffering 
from  delirium  tremens  that  his  active  co-operation  in  the  an- 
ticipated campaign  would  be  impossible;  but  when  the  urgent 
news  was  brought  him  he  at  once  recovered  himself,  and  pro- 
ceeded to  give  his  advice  in  a  perfectly  sound  state  of  mind, 
the  tone  of  which  was  thus,  as  by  a  sudden  shock,  restored  to 
him. 

THE   MOTHER   OP   CHARLES   V. 

An  interesting  historical  discovery  has  been  made  by  a  Prus- 
sian savant,  of  the  name  of  Bergenroth,  who  was  commissioned 
by  the  English  Government  to  investigate  various  collections  of 
Spanish  archives  for  papers  illustrating  the  relations  between 
Spain  and  England  in  the  middle  ages.  Among  other  important 
documents,  M.  Bergenroth  discovered  a  hitherto  unpublished 
mass  of  correspondence  of  Ferdinand  the  Catholic  and  Char- 
les V. 

From  this  correspondence  it  appears  that  Joanna,  daughter 
of  Ferdinand  and  Isabella,  and  mother  of  Charles,  was  not 
really  inad,  as  all  the  world  has  hitherto  believed.  The  story 
was  an  atrocious  fabrication,  under  cover  of  which,  first  her 
father,  and  then  her  son  kept  her  incarcerated,  in  order  to  keep 
possession  themselves  of  the  crown  of  Castile,  which  was  hers 
by  right  of  her  mother  Isabella.  After  long  years  of  rigorous 
and  even  cruel  captivity,  the  unfortunate  lady  did  at  last  lose 
her  senses,  but  not  until  her  old  age. 

We  are  continually  called  upon  to  reconstruct  our  views  of 
history,  which,  the  more  we  study  it,  more  and  more  resembles 
Hamlet's  cloud,  taking  whatever  shape  partisanship  may  deter- 


796  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

mine.  We  must  draw  a  new  likeness  of  Charles,  who  is  no 
longer  the  prince  full  of  Flemish  bonhomie,  good  knight,  and 
boon  companion,  rigorous  and  despotic,  but  not  personally  cruel ; 
and  when  this  is  done,  Philip  II.  will  appear  a  less  surprising 
anomaly. 

THE   TRADITIONAL   MART   MAGDALENE. 

The  injurious  and  probably  unjust  inferences  respecting  Mary 
Magdalene,  as  drawn  by  the  general  assent  of  the  Christian 
Church  from  the  narratives  of  the  Evangelists,  in  which  mention 
is  made  of  her  attendance  on  our  Lord,  want  the  stamp  of 
confirmation.  Such  portraiture  is  more  traditional  than  au- 
thoritative. The  prevailing  conjecture  that  the  infirmity  of 
which  she  had  been  cured  implied  moral  guilt  was  rejected,  or 
mentioned  with  hesitation,  by  the  early  Greek  and  Latin 
Fathers.  It  was  taken  up  by  Gregory  the  Great,  and  stamped 
with  his  authority  in  the  latter  part  of  the  sixth  century.  It 
is  sanctioned  by  the  Roman  Breviary,  and  its  truth  has  been 
assumed  by  most  ecclesiastical  writers,  who  seem  to  think  that 
Mary  loved  much  because  she  had  much  to  be  forgiven.  Paint- 
ers and  poets  have  described  the  supposed  illustrious  penitent, 
in  loose  array,  without  giving  her  costume  the  benefit  of  her 
conversion!  By  these  means  it  became  established  in  the 
popular  mind.  This  was  the  more  easy,  as  it  supplied  an 
agreeable  and  interesting  contrast.  It  made  one  Mary  serve  as 
a  foil  to  set  off  the  excellencies  of  another.  Mary,  the  mother 
of  our  Lord,  became  the  type  of  feminine  purity;  but  the 
leaders  of  opinion  were  not  content  with  giving  her  those 
honors  to  which  all  Christians  consider  her  justly  entitled.  To 
give  it,  however,  the  advantage  of  a  striking  contrast,  and  thus 
make  it  shine  with  greater  splendor,  a  female  character  of  an 
opposite  description  was  wanted — a  type  of  fallen  womanhood, 
penitent  and  restored.  And  as  "  the  woman  which  was  a  sinner," 
mentioned  by  St.  Luke  in  the  seventh  chapter  of  his  Gospel,  is 
left  by  the  historian  strictly  anonymous,  Mary  Magdalene, 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  .  797 

whose  name  occurs  in  the  next  chapter,  was  seized  on  for  this 
purpose,  and  her  character  treated  in  a  way  which,  by  any 
honest  woman,  would  be  deemed  worse  than  martyrdom. 

MOTHER   GOOSE. 

Mother  Goose,  instead  of  being  a  traditional  bard,  or  a  creature 
of  fancy,  as  commonly  supposed,  was  a  veritable  personage.  The 
mother-in-law  of  Thomas  Fleet,  the  editor,  in  1731,  of  the 
Boston  Weekly  Rchersal,  was  the  original  Mother  Goose — the 
"old  woman"  of  the  world-famous  melodies.  Mother  Goose 
belonged  to  a  wealthy  family  in  Boston,  where  her  eldest 
daughter,  Elizabeth  Goose,  was  married  by  Cotton  Mather,  in 
1715,  to  Fleet,  and  in  due  time  gave  birth  to  a  son.  Like  most 
mothers-in-law  in  our  own  day,  the  importance  of  Mrs.  Goose 
increased  with  the  appearance  of  her  grandchild,  and  poor  Mr. 
Fleet,  half  distracted  with  her  endless  nursery  ditties,  finding 
all  other  means  fail,  tried  what  ridicule  could  effect,  and  actually 
printed  a  book  with  the  title:  "Songs  for  the  Nursery,  or 
Mother  Goose's  Melodies  for  Children,  printed  by  T.  Fleet,  at 
his  printing  house,  Pudding  Lane,  Boston.  Price  ten  coppers." 

Mother  Goose  was  the  mother  of  nineteen  children,  and 
hence  we  may  easily  trace  the  origin  of  that  famous  classic: — 

"There  was  an  old  woman  who  lived  in  a  shoe, 
She  had  so  many  children  she  didn't  know  what  to  do." 

HISTORY   AND   FICTION. 

The  archbishop  of  Canterbury  once  put  the  following  ques- 
tion to  Betterton,  the  actor:  "  How  is,  it  that  you  players,  who 
deal  only  with  things  imaginary,  affect  your  auditors  as  if  they 
were  real ;  while  we  preachers,  who  deal  only  with  things  real, 
affect  our  auditors  as  if  they  were  imaginary?"  "It  is,  my 
lord,"  replied  the  player,  "because  we  actors  speak  of  things 
imaginary  as  if  they  were  real,  while  you  preachers  too  often 
speak  of  things  real  as  if  they  were  imaginary."  Whitefield 
used  to  tell  this  anecdote  as  an  explanation  of  his  own  vehement 
67* 


798  HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA. 

and  dramatic  style  of  preaching.  The  remark  may  be  applied 
to  historical  and  fictitious  writing.  The  old  school  historians 
were  so  solid  and  stately  that  they  conveyed  only  feeble  images 
to  the  mind,  while  poets  and  romancers  out  of  airy  nothings 
have  created  living  and  breathing  beings.  How  much  more 
readily  we  remember  romance  than  history,  and  yet  "truth  is 
stranger  than  fiction."  Shakspeare's  Macbeth  and  Richard  are 
not  the  Macbeth  and  Richard  of  history,  yet  we  cling  to  the 
poet's  portraits  of  them,  and  discard  the  sober  truth.  "  Mac- 
beth," Sir  Walter  Scott  tell  us,  "broke  no  law  of  hospitality  in 
his  attempt  on  Duncan's  life.  He  attacked  and  slew  the  king 
at  a  place  called  Bothgowan,  or  the  Smith's  house,  near  -Elgin, 
in  1039,  and  not,  as  has  been  supposed,  in  his  own  castle  of 
Inverness.  The  act  was  bloody,  as  was  the  complexion  of  the 
times;  but  in  very  truth,  the  claim  of  Macbeth  to  the  throne, 
according  to  the  rules  of  Scottish  succession,  was  better  than 
that  of  Duncan.  As  a  king,  the  tyruut  so  much  exclaimed 
against,  was,  in  realty,  a  firm,  just  and  equitable  prince.  Early 
authorities  show  us  no  such  persons  as  Banquo  and  his  son 
Fleance,  nor  have  we  reason  tp  think,  that  the  latter  ever  fled 
further  from  Macbeth  than  across  the  flat  scene  according  to 
the  stage  direction.  Neither  were  Banquo  or  his  son  ancestors 
of  the  house  of  Stuart.  All  these  things  are  now  known,  but 
the  mind  retains  pertinaciously  the  impressions  made  by  the 
imposition  of  genius.  While  the  works  of  Shakspeare  are 
read,  and  the  English  language  exists,  history  may  say  what 
she  will,  but  the  general  reader  will  only  recollect  Macbeth  as 
the  sacrilegious  usurper  and  Richard  as  the  deformed  murderer. 

CONTEMPORARY   CRITICISM. 

Robert  Greene,  the  Elizabethan  dramatist  and  novelist,  in- 
dulged in  the  following  disparaging  criticism  in  reference  to 
Shakspeare : — 

"  There  is  an  upstart  crow  beautified  with  our  feathers  that, 
with  his  tiger's  heart  wrapt  in  a  player's  hide,  supposes  he  is 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  799 

as  Well  able  to  bombast  out  a  blank  verse  as  the  best  of  you, 
and  being  an  absolute  Johannes  factotum,  is  in  his  own  conceit 
the  only  Shake-scene  in  a  country." 

The  line  in  italics  is  a  parody  of  one  in  3  Henry  VI.,  i.  4: — 

"  0 !  tiger's  heart  wrapped  in  a  woman's  hide,"  which  was 
taken  from  an  old  play  called  the  First  Part  of  the,  Contention 
of  the  two  famous  Houses  of  York  and  Lancaster.  Shak- 
speare  is  known  to  have  founded  his  Henry  VI.  upon  this 
piece  and  another  which  are  supposed  to  have  been  written  by 
Greene  or  his  friends,  and  hence,  no  doubt,  Greene's  acrimo- 
nious remark. 

Says  Dugald  Stewart  in  his  Essays : — A  curious  specimen  of 
cotemporary  criticism  is  found  in  the  Letters  of  the  celebrated 
Waller,  who  speaks  thus  of  the  first  appearance  of  Paradise 
Lost: — "The  old  blind  schoolmaster,  John  Milton,  hath  pub- 
lished a  tedious  poem  on  the  Fall  of  Man.  If  its  length  be 
not  considered  as  merit,  it  has  no  other!"  Johnson  also  says, 
in  his  Lives  of  the  Poets :  "  Thompson  has  lately  published  a 
poem,  called  the  Castle  of  Indolence,  in  which  there  are  some 
good  stanzas!" 

Why  do  not  men  of  superior  talents  strive,  for  the  honor  of 
the  arts  which  they  love,  to  conceal  their  ignoble  jealousies  from 
the  malignity  of  those  whom  incapacity  and  mortified  pride 
have  leagued  together  as  the  covenanted  foes  of  worth  and 
genius?  What  a  triumph  has  been  furnished  to  the  writers 
who  delight  in  levelling  all  the  proud  distinctions  of  humanity ! 
and  what  a  stain  has  been  left  on  some  of  the  fairest  pages  of 
our  literary  history  by  the  irritable  passions  and  petty  hostilities 
of  Pope  and  Addison ! 

Michelet,  the  historian,  showed  his  extreme  aversion  to  the 
First  Napoleon  by  describing  him  as  "without  eyelashes  or  eye- 
brows; with  a  small  quantity  of  hair  of  an  uncertain  brown; 
with  eyes  gray,  like  a  pane  of  glass,  wherein  one  sees  nothing; 
in  .short,  an  incomplete  and  obscure  impersonality  which  ap- 
pears phantasmagorical." 


800  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

GREAT  EVENTS   FROM    LITTLE    CAUSES. 

Fortuna  quae  plurimum  potest,  cum  in  aliis  rebus,  turn  pnecipue  in  bello,  in 
parvis  momentis  magnus  rerutn  mutationes  efficit. — CJSSAR,  De  Bello  Civili. 

In  Poor  Richard's  Almanac,  1758,  Franklin  quotes, — "  He 
adviseth  to  circumspection  and  care  even  in  the  smallest  matters, 
because  sometimes  '  A  little  neglect  may  breed  great  mischief,' 
adding,  '  For  want  of  a  nail  the  shoe  was  lost ;  for  want  of  a 
shoe  the  horse  was  lost;  for  want  of  a  horse  the  rider  was  lost' ; 
being  overtaken  and  slain  by  the  enemy,  all  for  want  of  care 
about  a  horse-shoe  nail.  And  St.  James  (ch.  iii.  v.  5)  gives  a 
fine  illustration  in  respect  to  the  government  of  the  tongue, 
"  Behold  how  great  a  matter  a  little  fire  kindleth." 

In  the  relations  of 'cause  and  consequence  there  must,  of 
course,  be  many  greater  causes  in  readiness  to  act.  An  accident- 
al spark  may  blow  up  a  fortress — -provided  there  be  gunpowder 
in  the  magazine.  But  it  is  as  legitimate  as  it  is  curious  to  trace 
the  successive  links  of  a  chain  of  events  back  to  small  accidents. 

"How  momentous,"  says  Campbell,  "are  the  results  of 
apparently  trivial  circumstances!  When  Mahomet  was  flying 
from  his  enemies,  he  took  refuge  in  a  cave ;  which  his  pursuers 
would  have  entered,  if  they  had  not  seen  a  spider's  web  at  the 
entrance.  Not  knowing  that  it  was  freshly  woven,  they  passed 
by,  and  thus  a  spider's  web  changed  the  history  of  the  world. 

When  Louis  VII.,  to  obey  the  injunctions  of  his  bishops, 
cropped  his  hair  and  shaved  his  beard,  Eleanor,  his  consort, 
found  him,  with  this  unusual  appearance,  very  ridiculous,  and 
soon  very  contemptible.  She  revenged  herself  as  she  thought 
proper,  and  the  poor  shaved  king  obtained  a  divorce.  She  then 
married  the  Count  of  Anjou,  afterwards  Henry  II.  of  England. 
She  had  for  her  marriage-dower  the  rich  provinces  of  Poitou  and 
Guienne;  and  this  was  the  origin  of  those  wars  which  for  three 
hundred  years  ravaged  France,  and  cost  the  French  three 
millions  of  men.  All  this  probably  had  never  occurred  had 
Louis  not  been  so  rash  as  to  crop  his  head,  and  shave  his  beard, 
by  which  he  became  so  disgustful  in  the  eyes  of  Queen  Eleanor. 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  §01 

Warton  mentions,  in  his  Notes  on  Pope,  that  the  Treaty  of 
Utrecht  was  occasioned  by  a  quarrel  between  the  Duchess  of 
Marlborough  and  Queen  Anne  about  a  pair  of  gloves. 

The  expedition  to  the  Island  of  He  was  undertaken  to  gratify 
a  foolish  and  romantic  passion  of  the  Duke  of  Buckingham. 

The  coquetry  of  the  daughter  of  Count  Julian  introduced 
the  Saracens  into  Spain. 

What  can  be  imagined  more  trivial,  remarks  Hume,  in  one  of 
his  essays,  than  the  difference  between  one  color  of  livery  and 
another  in  horse  races?  Yet  this  difference  begat  two  most 
inveterate  factions  in  the  Greek  empire,  the  Prasini  and 
Veneti ;  who  never  suspended  their  animosities  till  they  ruined 
that  unhappy  government. 

The  murder  of  Caesar  in  the  capitol  was  chiefly  owing  to  his 
not  rising  from  his  seat  when  the  senate  tendered  him  some 
particular  honors. 

The  negotiations  with  the  Pope  for  dissolving  Henry  VIII.'s 
marriage  (which  brought  on  the  Reformation)  are  said  to  have 
been  interrupted  by  the  Earl  of  Wiltshire's  dog  biting  his  holi- 
ness's  toe,  when  he  put  it  out  to  be  kissed  by  that  ambassador; 
and  the  Duchess  of  Marlborough 's  spilling  a  basin  of  water  on 
Mrs.  Masham's  gown,  in  Queen  Anne's  reign,  brought  in  the 
Tory  Ministry,  and  gave  a  new  turn  to  the  affairs  of  Europe. 

If  the  nose  of  Cleopatra  had  been  shorter,  said  Pascal,  in  his 
epigrammatic  and  brilliant  manner,  the  condition  of  the  world 
would  have  been  different 

Luther  might  have  been  a  lawyer,  had  his  friend  and  com- 
panion escaped  the  thunderstorm;  Scotland  had  wanted  her 
stern  reformer,  if  the  appeal  of  the  preacher  had  not  startled  him 
in  the  chapel  of  St  Andrew's  Castle ;  and  if  Mr.  Grenville  had 
not  carried,  in  1764,  his  memorable  resolution  as  to  the  expedi- 
ency of  charging  certain  stamp  duties  on  the  plantations  in 
America,  the  western  world  might  still  have  bowed  to  the 
British  sceptre. 

Giotto,  one  of  the  early  Florentine  painters,  might  have  con- 
3A 


802  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

tinued  a  rude  shepherd  boy,  if  a  sheep  drawn  by  him  upon  a 
stone  had  not  accidentally  attracted  the  notice  of  Cimabue. 

THE   SIGNING   OF   THE   DECLARATION   OF    INDEPENDENCE. 

Mr.  Jefferson  used  to  relate,  with  much  merriment,  that  the 
final  signing  of  the  Declaration  of  Independence  was  hastened 
by  an  absurdly  trivial  cause.  Near  the  hall  in  which  the 
debates  were  then  held  was  a  livery  stable,  from  which  swarms 
of  flies  came  into  the  open  windows  and  assailed  the  silk-stock- 
inged legs  of  honorable  members.  Handkerchief  in  hand  they 
lashed  the  flies  with  such  vigor  as  they  could  command  on  a 
July  afternoon,  but  the  annoyance  became  at  length  so  extreme 
as  to  render  them  impatient  of  delay,  and  they  made  haste  to 
bring  the  momentous  business  to  a  conclusion. 

After  such  a  long  and  severe  strain  upon  their  minds,  mem- 
bers seem  to  have  indulged  in  many  a  jocular  observation  as 
they  stood  around  the  table.  Tradition  has  it  that  when  John 
Hancock  had  affixed  his  magnificent  signature  to  the  paper,  he 
said,  "There,  John  Bull  may  read  my  name  without  spec- 
tacles!" Tradition,  also,  will  never  relinquish  the  pleasure  of 
repeating  that,  when  Mr.  Hancock  reminded  members  of  the 
necessity  of  hanging  together,  Dr.  Franklin  was  ready  with  his 
"  Yes,  we  must  indeed  all  hang  together,  or  else,  must  assuredly 
we  shall  all  hang  separately."  And  this  may  have  suggested  to 
the  portly  Harrison — a  "  luxurious,  heavy  gentleman,"  as  John 
Adams  describes  him — his  remark  to  slender  Elbridge  Gerry, 
that  when  the  hanging  came  he  should  have  the  advantage,  for 
poor  Gerry  would  be  kicking  in  the  air  long  after  it  was  all 
over  with  himself. 

French  critics  censure  Shakspeare  for  mingling  buffoonery 
with  scenes  of  the  deepest  tragic  interest  But  here  we  find 
one  of  the  most  important  assemblies  ever  convened,  at  the 
supreme  moment  of  its  existence,  while  performing  the  act  that 
gives  it  its  rank  among  deliberate  bodies,  cracking  jokes,  and 
hurrying  up  to  the  table  to  sign,  in  order  to  escape  the  flies.  It 
is  precisely  so  that  Shakspeare  would  have  imagined  the  scene. 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  803 


THE   DISCOVERY   OF    AMERICA. 


According  to  a  Spanish  tradition  the  discovery  of  America 
is  mainly  due  to  the  result  of  a  hard-fought  game  of  chess. 
Columbus  had  for  seven  weary  years  been  dancing  attendance 
upon  the  Court  of  Spain  in  pursuance  of  the  aim  of  his  life. 
The  anxious  petitioner  for  royal  favor  and  assistance  had  failed 
to  arouse  in'  Ferdinand  sufficient  interest,  in  what  was  declared 
by  the  commissioners  appointed  to  report  upon  the  project,  to 
be  a  visionary  and  impracticable  scheme.  True,  he  had  enlisted 
the  sympathy  of  the  good  queen  Isabella,  and  his  hopes  had 
been  encouraged  and  sustained  by  her  in  many  ways.  But  after 
years  of  vain  solicitation,  baffled  by  the  skepticism  which  could 
not  share  his  aspirations,  he  determined  to  lay  his  plans  before 
Charles  VIII.  of  France,  and  accordingly  called  to  take  leave 
of  their  majesties  before  his  departure  from  Cordova.  Arriving 
at  the  palace  at  nightfall,  he  announced  his  purpose  to  the 
queen,  who  instantly  sought  Ferdinand  with  a  determination  to 
make  a  final  effort  on  behalf  of  the  sad  and  discouraged  suitor. 
The  king  was  absorbed  in  a  game  of  chess  with  a  grandee  whose 
skill  taxed  his  powers  to  the  utmost.  Isabella's  interruption  had 
the  effect  of  distracting  the  monarch's  attention,  and  of  causing 
him  to  lose  his  principal  piece,  which  was  followed  by  a  volley 
of  imprecations  on  mariners  in  general,  and  Columbus  in  parti- 
cular. The  game  grew  worse,  and  defeat  seemed  imminent. 
With  the  prospect  of  being  vanquished,  Ferdinand  at  length 
told  the  queen  that  her  protege  should  be  successful  or  other- 
wise accordingly  as  the  game  resulted.  She  immediately  bent 
all  her  energies  upon  the  board,  and  watched  the  long  contest 
with  concentrated  interest.  The  courtiers  clustered  around  the 
table,  amused  at  the  excitement  of  the  king  and  the  quiet 
satisfaction  of  his  antagonist.  And  so  the  game  went  on  which 
was  to  decide  the  discovery  of  a  new  world,  until  Isabella 
leaned  toward  her  husband's  ear  and  whispered,  "you  can 
checkmate  him  in  four  moves."  In  the  utmost  astonishment 
Ferdinand  re-examined  the  game,  found  the  queen's  assertion 


804  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

correct,  and  in  the  course  of  a  few  minutes  announced  that 
Columbus  should  depart  on  his  voyage  with  the  title  of  Ad- 
miral of  the  Elect. 

THE   STORY   OP   TWO   FAVORITE   BALLADS. 

ANNIE    LAURIE. 

The  birth  of  the  heroine  of  the  well-known  ballad  of  Annie 
Laurie  is  quaintly  recorded  by  her  father,  Sir  Robert  Laurie, 
of  Maxwelltown,  in  the  family  register,  in  these  words: — 

"At  the  pleasure  of  the  Almighty  God,  my  daughter,  Annie 
Laurie,  was  born  on  the  16th  day  of  December,  1682  years, 
about  6  o'clock  in  the  morning,  and  was  baptised  by  Mr.  Geo." 
[Hunter,  of  Grlencairn.] 

And  his  own  marriage  is  given  in  the  same  quaint  style: — 

"At  the  pleasure  of  the  Almighty,  I  was  married  to  my 
wife,  Jean  Riddle,  upon  the  27th  day  of  July,  1674,  in  the 
Trom  Kirk  of  Edinb.,  by  Mr.  Annane." 

These  statements  are  derived  from  the  curious  collection  of 
manuscripts  left  by  the  late  Mr.  W.  F.  H.  Arundell,  of  Barjarg 
Tower,  Dumfriesshire.  The  papers  of  this  industrious  collector 
contain  a  vast  fund  of  information  respecting  the  antiquities  and 
county  families  of  Dumfriesshire.  From  them  we  learn  further 
•  that  Annie  was  wooed  by  William  Douglas,  of  Fingland,  in 
Kirkcudbrightshire.  Her  charms  are  thus  spoken  of  in  his 
pathetic  lyric,  "Bonnie  Annie  Laurie"  : — 

Her  brow  is  like  the  snow-drift, 

Her  neck  is  like  the  swan, 
Her  face  it  is  the  fairest 

That  e'er  the  sun  shone  on, 
That  e'er  the  sun  shone  on, 

And  dark  blue  is  her  eye ; 
And  for  bonnie  Annie  Laurie 

I'd  lay  me  down  and  die. 

"She  was,  however,  obdurate  to  his  passionate  appeal,  pre- 
ferring Alexander  Ferguson,  of  Craigdarroch,  to  whom  she  was 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  gQ5 

eventually  married.  This  William  Douglas  was  said  to  have 
been  the  hero  of  the  well-known  song,  "  Willie  was  a  Wanton 
Wag."  Though  he  was  refused  by  Annie,  he  did  not  pine 
away  in  single  blessedness,  but  made  a  runaway  marriage  with 
Miss  Elizabeth  Clark,  of  Grlenboig,  in  Galloway,  by  whom  he 
had  four  sons  and  two  daughters." 

ROBIN   ADAIR. 

Robin  Adair  was  well-known  in  the  London  fashionable  cir- 
cles of  the  last  century  by  the  sobriquet  of  the  "Fortunate 
Irishman;"  but  his  parentage  and  the  exact  place  of  his  birth 
are  unknown.  He  was  brought  up  as  a  surgeon,  but  "  his  detec- 
tion in  an  early  amour  drove  him  precipitately  from  Dublin,"  to 
push  his  fortunes  in  England.  Scarcely  had  he  crossed  the 
Channel  when  the  chain  of  lucky  events  that  ultimately  led  him 
to  fame  and  fortune  commenced. 

Near  Holyhead,  perceiving  a  carriage  overturned,  he  ran  to 
render  assistance.  The  sole  occupant  of  this  vehicle  was  a  "  lady 
of  fashion,  well-known  in  polite  circles,"  who  received  Adair's 
attentions  with  thanks;  and,  being  lightly  hurt,  and  hearing 
that  he  was  a  surgeon,  requested  him  to  travel  with  her  in  her 
carriage  to  London.  On  their  arrival  in  the  metropolis  she 
presented  him  with  a  fee  of  one  hundred -guineas,  and  gave  him 
a  general  invitation  to  her  house.  In  after  life  Adair  used  to 
say  that  it  was  not  so  much  the  amount  of  this  fee,  but  the 
time  it  was  given,  that  was  of  service  to  him,  as  he  was  then 
almost  destitute.  But  the  invitation  to  her  house  was  a  still 
greater  service,  for  there  he  met  the  person  who  decided  his 
fate  in  life.  This  was  Lady  Caroline  Keppel,  daughter  of  the 
second  Earl  of  Albemarle  and  of  Lady  Anne  Lenox,  daughter 
of  the  first  Duke  of  Richmond.  Forgetting  her  high  lineage, 
Lady  Caroline,  at  the  first  sight  of  the  Irish  surgeon,  fell  des- 
perately iq  love  with  him;  and  her  emotions  were  so  sudden  and 
so  violent  as  to  attract  the  general  attention  of  the  company. 

Adair,  perceiving  his  advantage,  lost  no  time  in  pursuing  it; 
while  the  Albemarle  and  Richmond  families  were  dismayed  at 
68 


806  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

the  prospect  of  such  a  terrible  mesalliance.  Every  means 
"were  tried  to  induce  the  young  lady  to  alter  her  mind,  but 
without  effect.  Adair's  biographer  tells  us  that  "amusements, 
a  long  journey,  an  advantageous  offer,  and  other  common  modes 
of  shaking  off  what  was  considered  by  the  family  as  an  im- 
proper match,  were  already  tried,  but  in  vain;  the  health  of 
Lady  Caroline  was  evidently  impaired,  and  the  family  at  last 
confessed,  with  a  good  sense  that  reflects  honor  on  their  under- 
standings as  well  as  their  hearts,  that  it  was  possible  to  prevent, 
but  never  to  dissolve  an  attachment;  and  that  marriage  was 
the  honorable,  and  indeed  the  only  alternative  that  could  secure 
her  happiness  and  life." 

When  Lady  Caroline  was  taken  by  her  friends  from  Lon- 
don to  Bath,  that  she  might  be  separated  from  her  lover,  she 
wrote,  it  is  said,  the  song  of  "  Robin  Adair,"  and  set  it  to  a 
plaintive  Irish  tune  that  she  had  heard  him  sing.  Whether  writ- 
ten by  Lady  Caroline  or  not,  the  song  is  simply  expressive  of  her 
feelings  at  the  time,  and  as  it  completely  corroborates  the  cir- 
cumstances just  related,  which  were  the  town-talk  of  the  period, 
though  now  little  more  than  family  tradition,  there  can  be  no 
doubt  that  they  were  the  origin  of  the  song,  the  words  of 
which,  as  originally  written,  are  the  following: — 

What's  this  dull  town  to  me? 

Robin's  not  near; 
He  whom  I  wish  to  see, 

Wish  for  to  hear. 
Where's  all  the  joy  and  mirth, 
Made  life  a  heaven  on  earth? 
Oh !  they're  all  fled  with  thee, 

Robin  Adair ! 
What  made  the  assembly  shine  ? 

Robin  Adair! 
What  made  the  ball  so  fine? 

Robin  was  there ! 
What,  when  the  play  was  o'er, 
What  made  my  heart  so  sore  ? 
Oh !  it  was  parting  with 

Robin  Adair! 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA,  gQ7 

But  now  thou  art  far  from  me, 

Robin  Adair ! 
But  now  I  never  see 

Robin  Adair! 
Yet  he  I  love  so  well 
Still  in  my  heart  shall  dwell, 
Oh  !  can  I  ne'er  forget 

Robin  Adair! 

Immediately  after  his  marriage  with  Lady  Caroline,  Adair 
was  appointed  Inspector  General  of  Military  Hospitals,  and  sub- 
sequently, becoming  a  favorite  of  George  III.,  he  was  made  Sur- 
geon-General, King's  Sergeant  Surgeon,  and  Surgeon  of  Chelsea 
Hospital.  Very  fortunate  men  have  seldom  many  friends,  but 
Adair,  by  declining  a  baronetcy  that  was  offered  to  him  by  the 
king,  for  surgical  attendance  on  the  Duke  of  Gloucester,  actu- 
ally aquired  considerable  popularity  before  his  death,  which 
took  place  when  he  was  nearly  four-score  years  of  age,  in  1790. 
In  the  "Gentleman's  Magazine"  of  that  year  there  are  verses 
"On  the  Death  of  Robert  Adair,  Esq.,  late  Surgeon-General,  by 
J.  Crane,  M.  D.,"  who,  it  is  to  be  hoped,  was  a  much  better 
physician  than  a  poet. 

Lady  Caroline  Adair's  married  life  was  short  but  happy. 
She  died  of  consumption,  after  giving  birth  to  three  children, 
one  of  them  a  son.  On  her  death-bed  she  requested  Adair 
to  wear  mourning  for  her  as  long  as  he  lived  j  which  he  scrupu- 
lously did,  save  on  the  king's  and  queen's  birthdays,  when  his 
duty  to  his  sovereign  required  him  to  appear  at  Court  in  full 
dress.  If  this  injunction  respecting  mourning  were  to  prevent 
Adair  marrying  again,  it  had  the  desired  effect;  he  did  not  mar- 
ry a  second  time,  though  he  had  many  offers. 

JOAN    OF    ARC. 

The  legend  respecting  the  substitution  of  another  person  at  the 
stake,  and  the  subsequent  marriage  of  the  Maid  to  Robert  des 
Hermoises,  has  been  treated  by  no  less  an  iconoclast  than  M. 
Octave  Delepierre,  the  learned  Belgian  Consul  in  England,  in  a 


808  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

volume  (Doute,  Jfistorfqiis}  ,  privately  printed.  In  the  AtliK- 
nseum  for  September  15,  1855,  there  is  a  complete  analysis  of 
the  story,  from  which  it  appears  that  more  than  two  centuries 
after  the  alleged  execution  of  Joan,  namely  in  1645,  Father 
Vignier  found  documents  among  the  archives  at  Metz,  which 
spoke  of  the  presence  and  recognition  of  Joan  in  that  city,  five 
years  after  her  alleged  execution.  The  Father  was  then  a 
guest  of  a  descendant  of  Robert  des  Hermoises,  in  whose  muni- 
ment chest  he  discovered  the  marriage  contract  of  Robert  and 
Joan.  The  matter  was  forgotten,  when  in  1740,  documents 
were  found  at  Orleans  which  recorded,  among  other  things,  a 
gratuity  made  to  Joan  in  1439,  "  for  services  rendered  by  her 
at  the  siege  of  the  same  city,  210  livres."  The  tradition  has 
many  singular  points,  and  is  full  of  delightful  uncertainty. 

AMY    ROBSART. 

Another  time-honored  illusion  is  gone,  and  Amy  Robsart 
descends  into  the  grave  like  a  respectable  lady,  instead  of  dis- 
appearing through  a  trap-door  into  a  vault  beneath  and  break- 
ing her  neck.  So  one  by  one  the  pleasant  fictions  over  which 
in  youth  we  lingered  with  such  keen  enjoyment,  are  stripped 
of  their  reality^  and  nothing  but  dull  prose  is  left  in  their 
place.  The  pretty  legend  of  Pocahontas,  the  venerable  and 
patriotic  one  ,of  William  Tell,  the  ingenious  mystification 
between  the  island  of  Juan  Fernandez,  Alexander  Selkirk, 
and  Robinson  Crusoe,  all  have  been  cast  down  from  their 
shrines.  Nay,  attempts  have  been  made  to  remove  Shaks- 
peare  himself  into  the  region  of  myth,  by  representing  that 
Lord  Bacon  was  the  veritable  author  of  the  plays  and  poems 
supposed  to  have  been  written  by  the  great  bard  of  Avon. 
No  one  need  now  despair  of  the  disappearance  of  any  time- 
honored  personage  or  romance. 

The  name  of  Amy  Robsart  has  always  possessed  a  peculiar 
interest,  not  merely  on  account  of  the  historical  associations 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  809 

connected  with  her,  but  for  the  halo  with  which  romance  and 
poetry  have  invested  her ;  and  not  the  least  strange  feature  of 
the  case  is  the  fact  that  historians  should  have  so  generally  ig- 
nored the  falsity  of  the  legend.  It  had  lain  wrapped  in  its 
venerable  mantle  for  more  than  three  hundred  years,  until  very 
recently,  when  public  attention  was  forcibly  called  to  the  sub- 
ject by  an  article  published  in  the  Oxford  Undergraduates1 
Journal,  England.  In  a  communication  in  that  periodical, 
from  the  Secretary  to  the  Oxford  Architectural  and  Historical 
Society,  there  is  a  statement  to  the  following  effect:  "The  Rev. 
J.  Burgon,  the  Vicar  of  St.  Mary's  (Oxford),  has  caused  an 
inscription  to  be  cut  on  the  top  step  of  the  three  steps  leading 
to  the  chancel  of  St.  Mary's  Church,  commemorating  the  site 
of  the  interment  of  the  ill-fated  Amy  Robsart.  The  inscrip- 
tion is  as  follows:  'In  a  vault  of  brick,  at  the  upper  end  of 
this  quire,  was  buried  Amy  Robsart,  wife  of  Lord  Robert 
.  Dudley,  K.  G.,  Sunday,  22d  September,  A.  D.  1560.' "  His- 
tory tells  us  that  the  funeral  -was  celebrated  with  great  pomp  : 
but  previously  to  the  ceremony,  a  coroner's  inquest  was  held  on 
the  body,  and  after  a  long  and  minute  investigation  of  the  cir- 
cumstances, a  verdict  of  "  accidental  death,"  was  returned. 
The  character  of  the  Earl  of  Leicester,  (Lord  Robert  Dudley) 
her  husband,  was  such  as  to  raise  grave  doubts  as  to  the  mode 
by  which  she  came  by  her  death,  and  the  popular  belief  that 
Queen  Elizabeth  was  in  love  with  him,  and  was  willing  to 
marry  him,  gave  great  countenance  to  the  prevailing  suspicion 
that  he  had  kept  his  marriage  a  secret,  and  got  rid  of  his  wife 
to  enable  him  to  carry  out  his  ambitious  schemes.  The  histo- 
rian, Hume,  alludes  to  these  reports,  which,  however,  he  de- 
rived from  Camden,  the  antiquary,  and  which  very  probably 
originated  in  the  political  hostility  and  personal  hatred  of  Ce- 
cil, Walsingham,  and  others  of  Leicester's  mortal  enemies. 
Ashmole,  in  his  work,  Ttie  Antiquities  of  Berkshire  gives 
the  popular  legend  from  which  Sir  Walter  Scott  derived  many 
of  the  materials  for  his  beautiful  romance  of  Kenilivorth. 


810  HISTORICAL  MEMORANDA. 

Ashniole  wrote  his  book  about  the  middle  of.  the  seventeenth 
century,  a  hundred  years  after  the  fatal  event  at  Cunmor  Hall; 
he  is,  therefore,  no  authority  on  the  subject;  but  William 
Julias  Mickle,  the  poet,  took  him  for  one  a  century  later,  and 
turned  the  story  into  verse.  And  thus,  between  political  hos- 
tility, personal  dislike,  the  non-authenticated  statement*  of 
historians,  antiquaries,  poets  and  novelists,  it  has  long  been 
accepted  as  an  undoubted  fact  that  Robert  Dudley,  Earl  of 
Leicester,  murdered  his  wife,  or  was  accessory  to  her  murder, 
at  Cumnor  HalL  But  it  has  been  very  generally  overlooked 
that  his  alleged  main  motive  for  the  supposed  murder  could 
have  had  no  existence.  There  is  no  doubt  the  Queen  knew  he 
was  married,  but  she  continued  to  disgrace  herself  by  open 
professions  of  attachment  to  him  not  withstanding;  aud  after 
Amy's  sudden  death,  the  inquest  on  her  body,  and  her  public 
funeral,  •'  Good  Queen  Bess"  was  just  as  fond  of  him  as  ever, 
and  showered  such  favors  upon  him  as  could  have  left  him  but 
little  to  wish  for.  ^e  knew  perfectly  well  that  a  marriage 
between  himself  and  Elizabeth  would  have  convulsed  the 
kingdom,  and  probably  cost  him  his  life.  He  also  knew  that 
she  had  no  real  intention  of  parting  with  one  iota  of  the  royal 
power  or  prerogative,  even  to  him,  and  hence  the  motive  for 
the  so-called  murder  falls  to  the  ground,  and  with  it  the  pa- 
thetic romance 'built  upon  it. 

WILLIAM   TELL. 

William  Tell  is  very  hard  to  kill.  German  writers  in  the  last 
century  demolish  him,  over  and  over  again,  but  to  little  pur- 
pose. He  remained  the  Swiss  hero,  and  what  is  far  worse,  those 
hideous  statues  at  Altorf  continue  to  assert  their  undying  ugli- 
ness, and  pretend  to  prove,  by  their  presence  there,  the  truth 
of  the  story.  The  giant  has  been  recently  slain  once  more  as 
an  impostor.  Once  more  ?  Half  a  dozen  times ;  and  each  slayer 
takes  himself  for  the  sole  and  original  champion.  Swiss 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  gH 

professors  even  have  been  at  the  work  of  demolition.  Three  or 
four  years  ago  Mr.  Baring-Gould,  in  his  "  Curious  Myths  of  the 
Middle  Ages,"  set  up  a  dozen  of  those  myths,  and  bowled  them 
all  down  at  one  bowl;  he  proved,  as  others  had  done,  that  the 
legend  of  William  Tell  was  "as  fabulous  as  any  other  historical 
event."  Mr.  Baring-Gould,  however,  does  more  than  some 
others  have  done.  He  traces  the  story  as  far  back  as  it  can  be 
traced.  This  is  the  order  of  the'tradition : — 

1.  In  the  tenth  century  a  tippling,  boasting  Danish  soldier, 
named  Toki,  swore,  he  could  drive  an  arrow  through  an  apple, 
placed  on  the  point  of  a  stick,  at  a  great  distance.    King  Harald 
Bluetooth  told  the  boaster  that  the  apple  should  be  placed  on  his 
son's  head,  and  if  Toki  did  not  send  an  arrow  through  it  at  the 
first  attempt,  his  own  head  should  pay  the  penalty.     Toki  per- 
formed the  feat  with  perfect  success;  but  Harald  perceiving 
he  had  brought  other  arrows,  demanded  the  reason  thereof,  and 
Toki  replied  that  if  he  had  injured  his  son  he  would  have  driven 
those  other  arrows  into  the  King's  body.    The  story  was  first 
related  by  Saxo  Grammaticus,  in  the  twelfth  century. 

2.  But  in  the  eleventh  century  the  above  prototype  of  Tell 
had  successors  or  imitators.     King  Olaf,  the  Saint  of  Norway, 
challenged  Eindridi,  among  other  things,  to  shoot  with  an  arrow 
at  a  writing  tablet  on  the  head  of  Eindridi's  son.     Each  was  to 
have  one  shot.    Olaf  grazed  the  boy's  head,  whereupon  the  boy's 
mother  interfered,  and  Eindridi  was  withdrawn  from  the  contest. 
Olaf  remarked  that  his  competitor  had  a  second  arrow,  which 
Eindridi  confessed  that  he  intended  for  his  Majesty  if  anything 
very  unpleasant  had  happened  to  the  boy. 

3.  A  year  or  two  later   in   this  eleventh  century,  another 
Norse  archer,  Hemingr,  had  a  match  with  King  Harold.    Harold 
set  a  spear-shaft  for  a  mark  in  the  ground.     He  then  fired  in 
the  air;  the  arrow  turned  in  its  descent  and  pierced  the  spear- 
shaft.      Hemingr  followed  suit,  and   split  the  King's  arrow, 
which  was  perpendicularly  fixed  in  the  spear-shaft.     Then  the 
King  stuck  a  knife  in  an  oak.     His  arrow  went  into  the  haft. 


812  HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA. 

Hemingr  shot,  and  his  arrow  cleft  the  haft  and  went  into  the 
socket  of  the  blade.  The  enraged  King  next  fired  at  a  tender 
twig,  which  his  arrow  pierced,  but  Hemingr's  split  a  hazel-nut 
growing  upon  it.  "You  shall  put  the  nut  on  your  brother 
Bjorn's  head,"  said  Harold,  "and  if  you  do  not  pierce  it  with 
your  spear  at  the  first  attempt,  your  life  shall  be  forfeited."  Of 
course  the  thing  was  done.  Hemingr  is  supposed  to  have  had 
his  revenge  by  sending  an  arrow  through  Harold's  trachea  at 
the  battle  of  Stamford  Bridge,  where  he  fought  on  the  English 
side. 

4.  In  the  Faroe  Isles,  the  above  Harold  is  said  to  have  had 
a  swimming-match  with  a  certain  Geyti,  who  not  only  beat  him, 
but  gave  him  a  ducking.     Harold  condemned  him  to  shoot  a 
hazel-nut  off  his  brother's  head,  under  the  usual  penalty,  and 
with  the  usual  result. 

5.  The  same  story  is  told  of  one  Puncher,  (suggestive  name,) 
with  this  difference,  that  the  object  aimed  at  was  a  coin. 

6.  In  Finland,  it  is  a  son  who  shoots  an  apple  off  his  father's 
head ;  for  which  feat  some  robbers,  who  had  captured  his  sire, 
gave  him  up  to  the  son. 

7.  In  a  Persian   poem  of  the  twelfth  century,  a  King,  in 
sport,  shoots  an  arrow  at  an  apple  on  the  head  of  his  favorite 
page,  who,  though  not  hurt,  died  of  the  fright. 

8.  The  story,  with  a  difference,  is  told  of  Egil,  in  the  Saga  of 
Thidrik,  of  no  particular  date. 

9.  It  is  familiar  to  us,  in  the  English  ballad  of  William  of 
Cloudesley,  chronological  date  of  event  uncertain. 

10.  Enter  William  Tell,  in  the  first  decade  of  the  fourteenth 
century.    We  need  not  tell  his  well-known  tale  again.    It  is  only 
necessary  to  remark,  by  way  of  comment,  that  the  Tell  and 
Gesler  legend  was  not  set  up  till  many  years  afterwards,  and  that 
in  no  contemporary  record  is  any  mention  made  of  either  Tell, 
Gesler,  or  the  apple  incident.     No  Vogt  named  Gesler  ever  ex- 
ercised authority  for   the  Emperor  in  Switzerland;    no  family 
bearing  the  name  of  Tell  can  be  traced  in  any  part  of  that  country. 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  813 

11,  and  lastly.  The  hero's  name  was  not  Tell  at  all,  but 
M'Leod,  and  he  came  from  Braemar.  Mr.  Baring-Gould  has 
quite  overlooked  him.  Therefore  is  the  new  claimant's  story 
here  subjoined  in  order  to  make  the  roll  of  legends  complete. 
It  is  taken  from  The  Braemar  Highlands',  their  Tales,  Tradi- 
tions and  History,  by  Elizabeth  Taylor.  The  King  referred  to 
is  Malcolm  Canmore. 

"A  young  man  named  M'Leod  had  been  hunting  one  day  in 
the  royal  forest.  A  favorite  hound  of  the  King's  having  attacked 
M'Leod,  was  killed  by  him.  The  King  soon  heard  of  the  slaugh- 
ter of  his  favorite,  and  was  exceedingly  angry — so  much  so  that 
M'Leod  was  condemned,  to  death.  The  gibbet  was  erected  on 
Craig  Choinnich,  i.  e.,  Kenneth's  Craig.  As  there  was  less  of 
justice  than  revenge  in  the  sentence,  little  time  was  permitted 
ere  it  was  carried  into  execution.  The  prisoner  was  led  out  by 
the  north  gate  of  the  castle.  The  King,  in  great  state,  surround- 
ed by  a  crowd  of  his  nobles,  followed  in  procession.  Sorrowing 
crowds  of  the  people  came  after,  in  wondering  amazement.  As 
they  moved  slowly  on,  an  incident  occurred  which  arrested 
universal  attention.  A  woman  with  a  child  in,  her  arms  came 
rushing  through  the  crowd,  and  throwing  herself  before  the 
King,  pleaded  with  him.  to  spare  her  husband's  life,  though  it 
should  be  at  the  expense  of  all  they  possessed.  Her  impassion- 
ed entreaties  were  met  with  silence.  Malcolm  was  not  to  be 
moved  from  his  purpose  of  death.  Seeing  that  her  efforts  to 
move  the  King  were  useless,  she  made  her  way  to  her  husband, 
and  throwing  her  arms  around  him  declared  that  she  would  not 
leave  him — she  would  go  and  die  with  him.  Malcolm  was  some- 
what moved  by  the  touching  scene.  Allen  Durward,  noticing  the 
favorable  moment,  ventured  to  put  in  the  suggestion  that  it  was  a 
pity  to  hang  such  a  splendid  archer.  'A  splendid  archer,  is  he  ?  ' 
replied  the  King;  'then  he  shall  have  his  skill  tried.'  So  he 
ordered  that  M'Leod's  wife  and  child  should  be  placed  on  the 
opposite  side  of  the  river;  something  to  serve  as  a  mark  was  to 
be  placed  on  the  child's  head.  If  M'Leod  succeeded  in  hitting 


814  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

the  mark  without  injuring  his  wife  or  child  his  life  would  be 
spared,  otherwise  the  sentence  was  to  be  carried  into  execution. 
Accordingly  (so  the  legend" goes)  the  young  wife  and  child  were 
put  across  the  river,  and  placed  on  Tomghainmheine ;  according 
to  some,  a  little  farther  down  the  river,  near  where  a  boat-house 
once  stood.  The  width  of  the  Dee  was  to  be  the  distance  separa- 
ting M'Leod  from  his  mark.  He  asked  for  a  bow  and  two  ar- 
rows, and  having  examined  each  with  the  greatest  care,  he  took 
his  position.  The  eventful  moment  came,  the  people  gathered 
round  him,  and  stood  in  profound  silence.  On  the  opposite 
side  of  the  river  his  wife  stood,  the  central  figure  of  a  crowd 
of  eager  bystanders,  tears  glistening  on  her  cheeks  as  she  gazed 
alternately  at  her  husband  and  child  in  dumb  emotion.  M'Leod 
took  aim ;  but  his  body  shook  like  an  aspen-leaf  in  the  evening 
breeze.  This  was  a  trial  for  him  far  harder  than  death.  Again 
he  placed  himself  in  position;  but  he  trembled  to  such  a  degree 
that  he  could  not  shoot,  and  turning  to  the  King,  who  stood 
near,  he  said  in  a  voice  scarcely  articulate  in  its  suppressed  agony, 
1  This  is  hard !'  But  the  King  relented  not ;  so  the  third  time 
he  fell  into  the  attitude,  and  as  he  did  so,  almost  roared,  '  This 
is  hard !'  Then  as  if  all  his  nervousness  had  escaped  through  the 
cry,  he  let  the  arrow  fly — it  struck  the  mark !  The  mother  seized 
her  child,  and  in  a  transport  of  joy  seemed  to  devour  it  with 
kisses;  while  the  pent-up  emotion  of  the  crowd  found  vent 
through  a  loud  cry  of  wonder  and  triumph,  which  repeated  itself 
again  and  again  as  the  echoes  rolled  slowly  away  among  the 
neighboring  hills.  The  King  now  approached  M'Leod,  and 
after  confirming  his  pardon,  inquired  why  he,  so  sure  of  hand 
and  keen  of  dght,  had  asked  two  arrows?  'Because,'  replied 
M'Leod, '  had  I  missed  the  mark,  or  hurt  my  wife  and  child,  I  was 
determined  not  to  miss  you.'  The  king  grew  pale,  and  turned 
away  as  if  undecided  what  to  do.  His  better  nature  prevailed; 
so  he  again  approached  M'Leod,  and  with  kindly  voice  and 
manner  told  him  that  he  would  receive  him  into  his  body-guard, 
and  he  would  be  well  provided  for.  '  Never ! '  answered  the 


HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA.  815 

undaunted  Celt.  'After  the  painful  proof  to  which  you  have 
just  put  my  heart,  I  could  never  love  you  enough  to  serve  you 
faithfully.  The  King  in  amazement  cried  out,  'Thou  art  a 
Hardy !  and  as  Hardy  thou  art,  so  Hardy  thou  shalt  be.'  "  From 
that  time  M'Leod  went  .under  the  appellation  of  Hardy,  while 
his  descendants  were  termed  the  M'Hardy's — Mac  being  the 
Gaelic  word  for  son.  The  date  of  the  above  is  the  eleventh 
century,  when  the  legend  burst  forth  in  several  parts  of  the 
world.  Here  we  have  it  in  Scotland.  Like  many  other  legends 
it  probably  came  originally  from  India. 

THE   TIME   OP   LE   GRAND    MON'ARQUE. 

Thackeray  draws  the  following  graphic  picture  of  the  ex- 
tremes of  society  in  Europe  in  the  time  of  Louis  XIV.  Rare- 
ly is  the  contrast  between  "  the  boast  of  heraldry,  the  pomp  of 
power,"  and  "the  short  and  simple  annals  of  the  poor,"  de- 
lineated with  such  masterly  Vigor.  Referring  to  the  influence 
of  French  fashions  upon  the  German  courts,  he  says : — 

It  is  incalculable  how  much  that  royal  bigwig  cost  Germany. 
Every  prince  imitated  the  French  king,  and  had  his  Versailles, 
his  Wilhelmshohe  or  Ludwigslust;  his  court  and  its  splen- 
dors; his  gardens  laid  out  with  statues;  his  fountains,  and 
water-works,  and  Tritons;  his  actors,  and  dancers,  and  singers, 
and  fiddlers;  his  harem,  with  its  inhabitants;  his  diamonds  and 
duchies  for  these  latter ;  his  enormous  festivities,  his  gaming- 
tables, tournaments,  masquerades,  and  banquets  lasting  a  week 
long,  for  which  the  people  paid  with  their  money,  when  the 
poor  wretches  had  it;  with  their  bodies  and  very  blood  when 
they  had  none;  being  sold  in  thousands  by  their  lords  and  mas- 
ters, who  gaily  dealt  in  soldiers, — staked  a  regiment  upon  the 
red  at  the  gambling  table ;  swapped  a  battalion  against  a  dan- 
cing-giii's  diamond  necklace,  and,  as  it  were,  pocketed  their 
people. 

As  one  views  Europe,  through  contemporary  books  of  travel, 
in  the  early  part  of  the  last  century,  the  landscape  is  aw- 


816  HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA. 

ful — wretched  wastes,  beggarly  and  plundered ;  half-burned  cot- 
tages and  trembling  peasants  gathering  piteous  harvests ;  gangs 
of  such  tramping  along  with  bayonets  behind  them,  and  cor- 
porals with  canes  and  cats-of-nine-tails  to  flog  them  to  barracks. 
By  these  passes  my  lord's  gilt  carriage,  floundering  through 
the  ruts,  as  he  swears  at  the  postillions,  and  toils  on  to  the 
Residenz.  Hard  by,  but  away  from  the  noise  and  brawling  of 
the  citizens  and  buyers,  is  Wilhelmslust  or  Ludwigsruhe,  or  Mon- 
bijou,  or  Versailles — it  scarcely  matters  which — near  to  the 
city,  shut  out  by  woods  from  the  beggared  country,  the  enor- 
mous, hideous,  gilded,  monstrous  marble  palace,  where  the 
prince  is,  and  the  Court,  and  the  trim  gardens,  and  huge  foun- 
tains, and  the  forest  where  the  ragged  peasants  are  beating  the 
gaine  in  (it  is  death  to  them  to  touch  a  feather) ;  and  the  jolly 
hunt  sweeps  by  with  its  uniform  of  crimson  and  gold;  and 
the  prince  gallops  ahead  pufling  his  royal  horn;  and  his  lords 
and  mistresses  ride  after  him;  and  the  stag  is  pulled  down;  and 
the  grand  huntsman  gives  the  knife  in  the  midst  of  a  chorus 
of  bugles;  and  'tis  time  the  court  go  home  to  dinner;  and  our 
noble  traveller,  it  may  be  the  Baron  of  Pollnitz,  or  the  Count 
de  Konigsmarck,  or  the  excellent  Chevalier  de  Seingalt,  sees 
the  procession  gleaming  through  the  trim  avenues  of  the  wood, 
and  hastens  to  the  inn,  and  sends  his  noble  name  to  the  mar- 
shal of  the  court.  Then  our  nobleman  arrays  himself  in  green 
and  gold,  or  pink  and  silver,  in  the  richest  Paris  mode,  and  is 
introduced  by  the  chamberlain,  and  makes  his  bow  to  the  jolly 
prince,  and  the  gracious  princess ;  and  is  presented  to  the  chief 
lords  and  ladies,  and  then  comes  supper  and  a  bank  at  Faro, 
where  he  loses  or  wins  a  thousand  pieces  by  daylight.  If  it 
is  a  German  court,  you  may  add  not  a  little  drunkenness  to 
this  picture  of  high  life;  but  German,  or  French,  or  Spanish, 
if  you  can  see  out  of  your  palace-windows  beyond  the  trim-cut 
forest  vistas,  misery  is  lying  outside;  hunger  is  stalking  about 
the  bare  villages,  listlessly  following  precarious  husbandry; 
ploughing  stony  fields  with  starved  cattle;  or  fearfully  taking( 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  gj^ 

in  scanty  harvests.     Augustus  is  fat  and  jolly  on  his  throne ; 
he  can  knock  down  an  ox,  and  eat  one  almost ;  his  mistress, 
Aurora  von  Kb'nigsmarck,  is  the  loveliest,  the  wittiest  creature ; 
his  diamonds  are  the  biggest  and  most  brilliant  in  the  world, 
and  his  feasts  as  splendid  as  those  of  Versailles.     As  for  Louis 
the  Great,  he  is  more  than  mortal.     Lift  up  your  glances  re- 
spectfully, and  mark  him  eyeing    Madame    de    Fontanges  or 
Madame  de  Montespan  from  under  his  sublime  periwig,  as  he 
passes  through  the  great  gallery  where  Villars  and  Vendome, 
and  Berwick,  and  Bossuet,  and  Massillon  are  waiting.     Can 
Court  be  more  splendid;    nobles  and  knights  more  gallant  and 
superb;    ladies  more  lovely?    A  grander  monarch,  or  a  more 
miserable  starved  wretch  than  the  peasant  his  subject,  you  can- 
not look  on.     Let  us  bear  both  these  types  in  mind',  if  we  wish 
to  estimate  the  old  society  properly.     Remember  the  glory  and 
the  chivalry?     Yes!     Remember  the  grace  and  beauty,  the 
splendor  and    lofty  politeness;  the  gallant  courtesy  of  Fonte- 
noy  where  the  French  line  bids  the  gentlemen  of  the  English 
guard  to  fire  first ;  the  noble  constancy  of  the  old  king  and  Vil- 
lars his  general,  who  fits  out  the  last  army  with  the  last  crown- 
piece  from  the  treasury,  and  goes  to  meet  the  enemy  and  die 
or  conquer  for  France  at  Denain.     But  round  all  -that  royal 
splendor  lies  a  nation  enslaved   and  ruined;  there  are  people 
robbed  of  their  rights — communities  laid  waste — faith,  justice, 
commerce  trampled    upon,  and   well-nigh    destroyed — nay,  in 
the  very    centre  of  royalty    itself,    what   horrible   stains  and 
meanness,  crime  and  shame !     It  is  but  to  a  silly  harlot  that 
some  of  the  noblest  gentlemen,  and  some  of  the  proudest  wo- 
men in  the  world  are  bowing  down ;  it  is  the  price  of  a  misera- 
ble province  that  the  king  ties  in  diamonds  round    his  mis- 
tress's white  neck.     In  the  first  half  of  the  last  century  this 
is  going  on  all  Europe  over.     Saxony  is  a  waste  as  well  as  Pi- 
cardy  or  Artois;  and  Versailles  is  only  larger  and  not  worse 
than  Herrenhausen. 

3B  69 


818  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

THE   BITER   BIT. 

Jerry  White,  the  Chaplain  to  Cromwell,  carried  his  ambition 
so  far  as  to  think  of  becoming  son-in-law  to  his  Highness, 
by  marrying  his  daughter,  the  lady  Frances ;  and  as  Jerry  had 
those  requisites  that  generally  please  the  fair  sex,  he  won  the 
affections  of  the  young  lady :  but  as  nothing  of  this  sort  could 
happen  without  the  knowledge  of  the  watchful  father,  who  had 
his  spies  in  every  place,  and  about  every  person,  it  soon  reached 
his  ears.  There  were  as  weighty  reasons  for  rejecting  Jerry  as 
there  had  been  for  dismissing  His  Majesty  Charles  II.,  who  had 
been  proposed  by  the  Earl  of  Orrery  as  a  husband.  Oliver 
therefore,  ordered  the  informer  to  observe  and  watch  them  nar- 
rowly ;  and  promised  that  upon  substantial  proof  of  the  truth  of 
what  he  had  declared,  he  should  be  as  amply  rewarded  as  Jerry 
severely  punished.  It  was  not  long  before  the  informer  ac- 
quainted his  Highness  that  the  Chaplain  was  then  with  the  lady ; 
and  upon  hastening  to  his  daughter's  apartment,  he  discovered 
the  unfortunate  Jerry  upon  his  knees,  kissing  her  Ladyship's 
hand :  seeing  which,  he  hastily  exclaimed,  "  What  is  the  mean- 
ing of  this  posture  before  my  daughter  Frances  ?"  The  Chap- 
lain, with  great  presenpe  of  mind,  replied,  "  May  it  please  your 
Highness,  I  have  a  long  time  courted  that  young  gentlewoman 
there,  my  lady's  woman,  and  cannot  prevail :  I  was  therefore 
humbly  praying"  her  Ladyship  to  intercede  for  me."  Oliver, 
turning  to  the  waiting- woman,  said : — "  What  is  the  meaning  of 
this?  He  is  my  friend,  and  I  expect  you  should  treat  him  as 
such:"  who,  desiring  nothing  more,  replied,  with  a  low  courtesy, 
"  If  Mr.  White  intends  me  that  honor,  I  shall  not  oppose 
him."  Upon  which  Oliver  said,  "We'll  call  Goodwin:  this 
business  shall  be  done  presently,  before  I  go  out  of  the  room." 
Jerry  could  not  retreat.  Goodwin  came,  and  they  were  in- 
stantly married, — the  bride,  at  the  same  time,  receiving  <£500 
from  the  Protector. 

Mr.  Jerry  White  lived  with  this  wife  (not  of  his  choice)  more 
than  fifty  years.  Oldmixon  says  he  knew  both  him  and 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  819 

Mrs.  White,  and  heard  the  story  told  when  they  were  present; 
at  which  time  Mrs.  White  acknowledged  "there  was  something 
in  it." 

THE  LAST  NIGHT  OP  THE  GIRONDISTS. 

Of  all  the  prisons  of  Paris,  the  Conciergerie  is  the  most  inter- 
esting, from  its  antiquity,  associations,  and  mixed  style  of  archi- 
tecture,—uniting  as  it  were  the  horrors  of  the  dungeons  of  the 
Middle  Ages  with  the  more  humane  system  of  confinement  of 
the  present  century.  It  exhibits  in  its  mongrel  outline  the  pro- 
gressive ameliorations  of  humanity  toward  criminals  and  offen- 
ders,— forming  a  connecting  link  between  feudal  barbarity  and 
modern  civilization.  Situated  in  the  heart  of  old  Paris,  upon 
the  He  de  la  Cite",  separated  from  the  Seine  by  the  Quai  de 
1' Horologe,  it  is  one  of  a  cluster  of  edifices  pregnant  with  sou- 
venirs of  tragedy  and  romance.  These  buildings  are  the  Sainte 
Chapelle,  the  Prefecture  de  Police,  and  the  Palais  de  Justice, 
formerly  the  residence  of  the  French  monarchs.  The  Concier- 
gerie, which  derives  its  name  from  concierge,  or  keeper,  was 
anciently  the  prison  of  the  palace.  It  is  now  chiefly  used  as 
a  place  of  detention  for  persons  during  their  trial.  Recent  altera- 
tions have  greatly  diminished  the  gloomy  and  forbidding  effect 
of  its  exterior;  but  sufficient  of  its  old  character  remains  to  per- 
petuate the  associations  connected  with  its  former  uses,  and  to 
preserve  for  it  its  interest  as  a  relic  of  feudalism  The  names 
of  the  two  turrets  flanking  the  gateway,  Tour  de  C£sar,  and 
Tour  Boubec,  smack  of  antiquity.  Compared  with  Caesar,  how- 
ever, its  age  is  quite  juvenile,  being  less  than  nine  hundred  years. 

The  oldest  legible  entry  in  the  archives  of  the  Conciergerie 
is  that  of  the  regicide  Rayaillac,  who  was  incarcerated  May  16, 
1610.  Among  the  memorable  names  on  its  register  are  those  of 
Datniens,  who  attempted  the  life  of  Louis  XV.;  Eleonore 
Galigai,  the  confidante  of  Marie  de  Medicis;  La  Voisine,  the 
famous  female  poisoner,  who  succeeded  Madame  de  Brinvilliers; 
Cartouche  the  noted  robber,  and  high  above  them  all  in  point 


820  .  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA; 

of  tragic  interest,  the  innocent  and  unfortunate  queen,  Marie 
Antoinette. 

The  records  of  this  prison  furnish  extraordinary  illustrations 
of  stoicism  in  the  midst  of  civil  calamity,  and  its  walls  bear  wit- 
ness to  almost  inconceivable  indifference  to  the  mastery  of  vio- 
lence. We  know  that  there  is  no  social  upheaval  to  which  human 
nature,  with  its  versatility  of  powers  for  good  or  evil,  may  not 
become  accustomed,  and  if  the  condition  be  inevitable,  even 
become  reconciled.  But  the  conduct  of  the  prisoners  of  the  Con- 
ciergerie,  in  many  instances,  tinged  as  it  was  with  mingled  sub- 
limity and  folly,  surpasses  comprehension.  During  the  Reign  of 
Terror  they  were  almost  daily  decimated  by. the  guillotine;  yet 
their  constant  amusement  was  to  play  at  charades  and  the — guil- 
lotine. Both  sexes  and  all  ranks  assembled  in  one  of  the  halls. 
They  formed  a  revolutionary  tribunal — choosing  accusers  and 
judges,  and-parodizing  the  gestures  and  voice  of  Fouquier  Tin- 
ville  and  his  coadjutors.  Defenders  were  named ;  the  accused 
were  taken  at  hazard.  The  sentence  of  death  followed  close  on  the 
heels  of  the  accusation.  They  simulated  the  toilet  of  the  con- 
demned, preparing  the  neck  for  the  knife  by  feigning  to  cut  the 
hair  and  collar.  The  sentenced  were  attached  to  a  chair  reversed 
to  represent  the  guillotine.  The  knife  was  of  wood,  and  as  it 
fell,  the  individual,  male  or  female,  thus  sporting  with  their  ap- 
proaching fate,  tumbled  down  as  if  actually  struck  by  the  iron 
blade.  Often  while  engaged  in  this  play,  they  were  interrupted 
by  the  terrible  voice  of  the  public  crier,  calling  over  the  "  names 
of  the  brigands  who  to-day  have  gained  the  lottery  of  the  holy 
guillotine." 

But  among  the  curious  souvenirs  of  this  celebrated  jail,  the 
most  memorable  is  that  of  the  last  night  of  the  Girondists,  that 
unique  festivity  which  was  certainly  the  grandest  triumph  of  phi- 
losophy in  the  annals  of  human  events.  Those  fierce,  theoretical 
deputies,  who  had  so  recently  sent  to  the  scaffold  the  King  and 
Queen  of  France,  were  now  in  turn  on  their  way  thither. 
Christianity  teaches  men  to  live  in  peaceful  humility,  and  to  die 


HISTORICAL   MEMORANDA.  §21 

with  hopeful  resignation.  The  last  hour  of  a  true  believer  is 
calmly  joyous.  Here  was  an  opportunity  for  infidelity  to  assert 
its  superiority  in  death,  as  it  had  claimed  for  itself  the  greatest 
good  in  life.  Let  us  be  just  to  even  these  deluded  men.  They 
had  played  a  terrible  role  in  the  history  of  their  country,  and 
they  resigned  themselves  to  die  with  the  same  intrepidity  with 
which  they  had  staked  their  existence  upon  the  success  of  their 
policy.  They  made  it  a  death  fete,  each  smiling  as  he  awaited 
the  dread  message,  and  devoting  his  latest  moments  to  those 
displays  of  intellectual  rivalry  which  had  so  long  united  them 
in  life.  Mainvielle,  Ducos,  Gensonne,  and  Boyer  Fonfrede 
abandoned  themselves  to  gayety,  wit  and  revelry,  repeating  their 
own  verses  with  friendly  rivalry,  and  stimulating  their  compa- 
nions to  every  species  of  infidel  folly.  Viger  sang  amorous  songs ; 
Duprat  related  a  tale;  Gensonne"  repeated  the  Marseillaise; 
while  Vergniaud  alternately  electrified  them  with  his  eloquence, 
or  discoursed  philosophically  of  their  past  history,  and  the  un- 
known future  upon  which  they  were  about  to  enter.  The  dis- 
cussion on  poetry,  literature,  and  general  topics,  was  animated 
and  brilliant;  on  God,  religion,  the  immortality  of  the  soul, 
grave,  eloquent,  calm  and  poetic.  The  walls  of  the  prison  echoed 
to  a  late  hour  in  the  morning  to  their  patriotic  cries,  and  were 
witnesses  to  their  fraternal  embraces.  The  corpse  of  Yalaze,  the 
only  one  of  their  number  who  by  a  voluntary  death  eluded  the 
scaffold,  remained  with  them. 

The  whole  scene  was  certainly  the  wildest  and  most  dramatic 
ever  born-of  courage  and  reason.  Yet  throughout  their  enthusi- 
asm there  appears  a  chill  of  uncertainty,  and  an  intellectual  cold- 
ness that  appals  the  conscience.  We  feel  that  for  the  Girond- 
ists it  was  a  consistent  sacrifice  to  their  theories  and  their  lives ; 
but  for  a  Christian  and  patriot,  a  sad  and  unedifying  spectacle. 

While  history  cannot  refute  the  tribute  of  admiration  to  high 

qualities,  even  when  misdirected,  it  is  equally  bound  to  record 

the  errors  and  repeat  the  warnings  of  those  who  claim  a  place 

in  its  pages.    The  lives  of  the  Girondists,  as  well  as  their  deaths, 

69* 


822  HISTORICAL    MEMORANDA. 

formed  a  confused  drama  of  lofty  aspirations,  generous  sentiments 
and  noble  sacrifices,  mingled  with  error,  passion  and  folly. 
Their  character  presents  all  the  cold  brilliancy  of  fire-works, 
which  excite  our  admiration  only  to  be  chilled  with  disappoint- 
ment at  their  speedy  eclipse.  Their  death-scene  was  emphatically 
a  spectacle.  It  exhibited  neither  the  simple  grandeur  of  the 
death  of  Socrates,  nor  the  calm  and  trustful  spirit  that  charac- 
terized the  dying  moments  of  Washington ;  the  one  yielding  up 
his  spirit  as  a  heathen  philosopher;  the  other  dying  as  a  Chris- 
tain  statesman. 

QUEEN    ELIZABETH    AND    THE   RING. 

Concerning  the  love-token  which  Queen  Elizabeth  gave  to 
Essex,  with  an  intimation  that  if  he  forfeited  her  favor,  its  return 
would  secure  her  forgiveness,  Miss  Strickland  quotes  the  testi- 
mony of  Lady  Spelrnan,  who  says  that  when  Essex  lay  under 
sentence  of  death,  he  determined  to  try  the  virtue  of  the  ring, 
by  sending  it  to  the  queen,  and  claiming  the  benefit  of  her 
promise ;  but  knoAving  he  was  surrounded  by  the  creatures  of 
those  who  where  bent  on  taking  his  life,  he  was  fearful  of 
trusting  it  to  any  of  his  attendants.  At  length,  looking  out  of 
his  window,  he  saw  early  one  morning  a  boy  whose  countenance 
pleased  him,  and  him  he  induced  by  a  bribe  to  carry  the  ring, 
which  he  threw  down  to  him  from  above,  to  the  Lady  Scrope, 
his  cousin,  who  had  taken  so  friendly  interest  in  his  fate.  The 
boy,  by  mistake,  carried  it  to  the  Countess  of  Nottingham,  the 
cruel  sister  of  the  fair  and  gentle  Scrope,  and,  as  both  these 
ladies  were  of  the  royal  bedchamber,  the  mistake  might  easily 
occur.  The  countess  carried  the  ring  to  her  husband  the  Lord 
Admiral,  who  was  the  deadly  foe  of  Essex,  and  told  him  the 
message,  but  he  bade  her  suppress  both.  The  queen,  unconscious 
of  the  accident,  waited  in  the  painful  suspense  of  an  angry  lover 
for  the  expected  token  to  arrive ;  but  not  receiving  it,  she  con- 
cluded he  was  too  proud  to  make  this  last  appeal  to  her  tender- 
ness, and,  after  having  once  revoked  the  warrant,  she  ordered 
the  execution  to  proceed. 


MULTUM   IN   PARVO. 


Jftultum  in 

PRIOR,  says  Leigh  Hunt,  wrote  one  truly  loving  verse,  if  no 
other.  It  is  in  his  Solomon.  The  monarch  is  speaking  of  a 
female  slave,  who  had  a  real  affection  for  him — 

And  when  I  cal/ed  another,  Abra  came. 


Coleridge  says  that  Noah's  Ark  affords  a  fine  image  of  the 
world  at  large,  as  containing  a  very  few  men,  and  a  great  num- 
ber of  beasts.  

The  boxes  which  govern  the  world  are  the  cartridge-box, 
the  ballot-box,  the  jury-box,  and  the  band-box. 


'There  are  certain  things  upon  which  even  a  wise  man  must  be 
content  to  be  ignorant.  "  I  cannot  fiddle,"  said  Themistocles, 
"  but  I  can  take  a  city."  

Sir  Thomas  Overbury  said  of  a  man  who  boasted  of  his  an- 
cestry, that  he  was  like  a  potato — the  best  thing  belonging 
to  him  was  under  the  ground. 

"Go  and  see  Carlini"  (the  famous  Neapolitan  comedian),  said 
a  physician  to  a  patient,  who  came  to  consult  him  upon  habitual 
depression  of  spirits.  "  I  am  Carlini,"  said  the  man. 


The  words  Abstemiously  and   Facetiously   contain   all    the 
vowels  in  consecutive  order. 


When  Mr.  Pitt's  enemies  objected  to  Greorge  III.  that  he  was 
too  young,  his  Majesty  answered:  "That  is  an  objection  the 
force  of  which  will  be  weakened  every  day  he  lives." 


Prayer  moves  the  hand 
That  mores  the  universe. 


824  MULTUM   IN    PARVO. 

The  clock  that  stands  still,  points  right  twice  in  the  four-and- 
twenty  hours ;  while  others  may  keep  going  continually,  and  be 
continually  going  wrong.  

The  Mexicans  say  to  their  new-born  offspring,  "  Child,  thou 
art  come  into  the  world  to  suffer.  Endure,  and  hold  thy  peace." 


Balzac  makes  mention  of  a  man  who  never  uttered  his  own 
name  without  taking  off  his  hat,  as  a  mark  of  reverence  for  the 
exalted  appellation.  

Gribbon  says:  As  long  as  mankind  shall  continue  to  bestow 
more  liberal  applause  on  their  destroyers  than  on  their  benefactors 
the  thirst  of  military  glory  will  ever  be  the  vice  of  the  most 
exalted  characters.  

In  the  works  of  Prof.  Thomas  Cooper  it  is  said, — Mankind 
pay  best,  1.  Those  who  destroy  them,  heroes  and  warriors. 

2.  Those  "who   cheat  them,   statesmen,   priests   and    quacks. 

3.  Those  who  amuse  them,  as  singers,  actors,  dancers  and  novel 
writers.     But   least   of  all,  those  who  speak   the  truth,  and 
instruct  them.  

Wax -lights,  though  we  are  accustomed  to  overlook  the  fact, 
and  rank  them  with  ordinary  commonplaces,  are  true  fairy 
tapers, — a  white  metamorphosis  from  the  flowers,  crowned 
with  the  most  intangible  of  all  visible  mysteries — fire. 


An  illustration  of  false  emphasis  is  supplied  by  the  verse, 
(I.  Kings'xiii.  27,)  "And  he  spoke  to  his  sons,  saying,  Saddle 
me  the  ass.  And  they  saddled  him." 


Shakspeare,  in  the  compass  of  a  line,  has  described  a  thorough- 
ly charming  girl : — 

Pretty,  and  witty;  wild,  and  yet,  too,  gentle. 


MULTUM   IN   PARVO.  §25 

The  foundation  of  domestic  happiness  is  confidence  in  the 
virtue  of  woman ;  the  foundation  of  political  happiness  is  re- 
liance on  the  integrity  of  man ;  the  foundation  of  all  real  happi- 
ness, temporal  and  spiritual,  present  and  eternal,  is  faith  in  the 
mercy  of  God  through  Jesus  Christ,  and  Him  crucified. 


Buckingham's  Epitaph  on  Thomas  Lord  Fairfax: — • 

He  might  have  been  a  King, 
But  that  he  understood 

How  much  it  is  a  meaner  thing 
To  be  unjustly  great,  than  honorably  good. 


A  favorite  exclamation  of  the  Parisian  mob,  who  must  always 
have  a  l'vive"  something  or  other,  became  during  the  Revolu- 
tion, "vive  la  mart!"  

Alphonso,  King  of  Aragon,  in  his  judgment  of  human 
life,  declared  that  there  were  only  four  things  in  this  world 
worth  living  for :  "  Old  wine  to  drink,  old  wood  to  burn,  old 
books  to  read,  and  old  friends  to  converse  with." 


David  refers  to  a  good  old  form  of  salutation  and  valediction 
in  Psalm  cxxix.  8 : — 

"  The  blessing  of  the  Lord  be  upon  you ;  we  bless  you  in  the 
name  of  the  Lord."  

An  eastern  sage  being  desired  to  inscribe  on  the  ring  of  his 
Sultan  a  motto,  equally  applicable  to  prosperity  or  adversity, 
returned  it  with  these  words  engraved  upon  the  surface :  "  And 
this,  too,  shall  pass  away." 

Oliver  Cromwell's  grace  before  dinner : — 

Some  have  meat,  but  cannot  eat, 
And  some  can  eat,  but  have  not  meat, 
And  so — the  Lord  be  praised. 


826  LIFE   AND   DEATH. 


SLtfe  atrtr 

ALL  death  in  nature  is  birth,  and  in  death  appears  visibly  the  advancement 
of  life.  There  is  no  killing  principle  in  nature,  for  nature  throughout  is  life  : 
it  is  not  death  that  kills,  but  the  higher  life,  which,  concealed  behind  the 
other,  begins  to  develop  itself.  Death  and  birth  are  but  the  struggle  of  life 
with  itself  to  attain  a  higher  form. — FICIITE. 

I  came  in  the  morning, — it  was  spring, 

And  I  smiled ; 
I  walked  out  at  noon, — it  was  summer, 

And  I  was  glad ; 
I  sat  me  down  at  even, — it  was  autumn, 

And  I  was  sad  ; 
I  laid  me  down  at  night, — it  was  winter, 

And  I  slept. 

BEAUTIFUL   ILLUSTRATIONS    OF   LIFE. 

What  a  fine  passage  is  that  of  Bishop  HEBER,  which  is  said 
to  have  suggested  to  COLE  his  justly-famed  series  of  paintings, 
entitled  The  Voyage  of  Life! 

Life  bears  us  on  like  the  stream  of  a  mighty  river.  Our 
boat  tit  first  glides  swiftly  down  the  narrow  channel,  through 
the  playful  murmurings  of  the  little  brook  and  the 'windings 
of  its  grassy  borders  :  the  trees  shed  their  blossoms  over  our 
young  heads,  and  the  flowers  on  the  brink  seem  to  offer  them- 
selves to  our  young  hands;  we  rejoice  in  hope,  and  grasp 
eagerly  at  the  beauties  around  us ;  but  the  stream  hurries  us 
on,  and  still  our  hands  are  empty. 

Our  course  in  youth  and  manhood  is  along  a  wider  and 
deeper  flood,  and  amid  objects  more  striking  and  magnificent. 
We  are  animated  by  the  moving  picture  of  enjoyment  and  indus- 
try that  is  passing  before  us;  we  are  excited  by  some  short-lived 
success,  or  depressed  and  rendered  miserable  by  some  short- 
lived disappointment.  But  our  energy  and  dependence  are 
alike  in  vain.  The  stream  bears  us  on,  and  our  joys  and  griefs 
are  left  behind  us :  we  may  be  shipwrecked,  but  we  cannot 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  §27 

anchor ;  our  voyage  may  be  hastened,  but  cannot  be  delayed ; 
whether  rough  or  smooth,  the  river  hastens  toward  its  home ; 
the  roaring  of  the  waves  is  beneath  our  keel,  the  land  lessens 
from  our  eyes,  the  floods  are  lifted  up  around  us,  and  we  take 
our  last  leave  of  earth  and  its  inhabitants,  and  of  our  future 
voyage  there  is  no  witness  save  the  Infinite  and  the  Eternal ! 

THE   ROUND   OF   LIFE. 

From  the  Aphorisms  of  Dr.  Home,  Bishop  of  Norwich : — 

Some  are  serving, — some  commanding ; 
Some  are  sitting, — some  are  standing; 
Some  rejoicing, — some  are  grieving  ; 
Some  entreating, — some  relieving ; 
Some  are  weeping, — some  are  laughing; 
Some  are  thirsting, — some  are  quaffing; 
Some  accepting, — some  refusing  ; 
Some  are  thrifty, — some  abusing  ; 
Some  compelling, — some  persuading; 
Some  are  flattering, — some  degrading ; 
Some  are  patient, — some  are  fuming ; 
Some  are  modest,— some  presuming ; 
Some  are  leasing, — some  are  farming ; 
Some  are  helping, — some  are  harming ; 
Some  are  running, — some  are  riding; 
Some  departing, — some  abiding; 
Some  are  sending, — some  are  bringing : 
x  Some  are  crying, — some  are  singing  ; 

Some  are  hearing, — some  are  preaching ; 
Some  are  learning, — some  are  teaching ; 
Some  disdaining, — some  affecting; 
Some  assiduovis, — some  neglecting  ; 
Some  are  feasting, — some  are  fasting ; 
Some  are  saving, — some  are  wasting ; 
Some  are  losing, — some  are  winning ; 
Some  repenting, — some  are  sinning; 
Some  professing, — some  adoring  ; 
Some  are  silent, — some  are  roaring; 
Some  are  restive, — some  are  willing; 
Some  preserving, — some  are  killing  ; 
Some  are  bounteous, — some,  are  grinding; 
Some  are  seeking, — some  are  finding; 
Some  are  thieving, — some  receiving  ; 
Some  are  hiding, — some  revealing  j 


828  LIFE   AND   DEATH. 

Some  commending, — some  are  blaming; 
Some  dismembering, — some  new-framing} 
Some  are  quiet, — some  disputing  ; 
Some  confuted  and  confuting; 
Some  are  marching, — some  retiring; 
Some  are  resting, — some  aspiring  ; 
Some  enduring, — some  deriding; 
Some  are  falling, — some  are  rising. 
These  are  sufficient  to  recite, 
Since  all  men's  deeds  are  infinite; 
Some  end  their  parts  when  some  begin ; 
Some  go  out, — and  some  come  in. 

RULES   OP   LIVING. 

From  Rev.  Hugh  Peters'  Legacy  to  his  Daughter. 
London,  A.D.  1660. 

Whosoever  would  live  long  and  blessedly,  let  him  observe 
these  following  rules,  by  which  he  shall  attain  to  that  which 
he  desireth : — 

Let  thy 

Thoughts     be  divine,  awful,  godly. 

Talk  —  little,  honest,  true. 

Works          —  profitable,  holy,  charitable. 

Manners      —  grave,  courteous,  cheerful. 

Diet  —  temperate,  convenient,  frugal. 

Apparel       —  sober,  neat,  comely. 

Will  —  confident,  obedient,  ready. 

Sleep  —  moderate,  quiet,  seasonable. 

Prayers       —  short,  devout,  often,  fervent. 

Recreation  —  lawful,  brief,  seldom. 

Memory       —  of  death,  punishment,  glory. 

DR.  FRANKLIN'S  MORAL  CODE. 

The  great  American  philosopher  and  statesman,  Benjamin 
Franklin,  drew  up  the  following  list  of  moral  virtues,  to  which 
he  paid  constant  and  earnest  attention,  and  thereby  made  him- 
self a  better  and  happier  man  : — 

Temperance. — Eat  not  to  fulness ;  drink  not  to  elevation. 

Silence. — Speak  not  but  what  may  benefit  others  or  your- 
self; avoid  trifling  conversation. 

Order. — Let  all  your  things  have  their  places ;  let  each  part 
of  your  business  have  its  time. 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  829 

Resolution. — Eesolve  to  perform  what  you  ought;  perform 
without  fail  what  you  resolve. 

Frugality. — Make  no  expense,  but  do  good  to  others  as 
yourself;  that  is,  waste  nothing. 

Industry. — Lose  no  time,  be  always  employed  in  something 
useful ;  but  avoid  all  unnecessary  actions. 

Sincerity. — Use  no  hurtful  deceit;  think  innocently  and 
justly ;  and,  if  you  speak,  speak  accordingly. 

Justice. — Wrong  no  one  by  doing  injuries,  or  omitting  the 
benefits  that  are  your  duty. 

Moderation.^— Avoid  extremes ;   forbear  resenting  injuries. 

Cleanliness. — Suffer  no  uncleanliness  in  body,  clothes,  or 
habitation. 

Tranquillity. — Be  not  disturbed  about  trifles,  or  at  accidents 
common  or  unavoidable. 

Humility. — Imitate  Jesus  Christ. 

EMPLOYMENT   OF   TIME. 

The  celebrated   Lord  Coke  wrote   the   subjoined   couplet, 
which  he  religiously  observed  in  the  distribution  of  time  : — 
Six  hours  to  sleep, — to  law's  grave  studies  six, — 
Four  spent  in  prayer, — the  rest  to  nature  fix. 

But  Sir  William  Jones,  a  wiser  economist  of  the  fleeting 
hours  of  life,  amended  the  sentence  in  the  following  lines : — 

Seven  hours  to  law, — to  soothing  slumber  seven, — 
Ten  to  the  world  allot, — and  all  to  heaven. 

LIVING   LIFE   OVER   AGAIN. 

Good  Sir  Thomas  Browne  says,  Though  I  think  no  man  can 
live  well  once  but  he  that  could  live  twice,  yet  for  my  own  part 
I  would  not  live  over  my  hours  past,  nor  begin  again  the  thread 
of  my  days ;  not  upon  Cicero's  ground, — because  I  have  lived 
them  well, — but  for  fear  I  should  live  them  worse.  I  find  my 
growing  judgment  daily  instruct  me  how  to  be  better,  but  my 
untamed  affections  and  confirmed  vitiosity  make  me  daily  do 
worse.  I  find  in  my  confirmed  age  the  same  sins  I  discovered 
in  my  youth;  I  committed  many  then,  because  I  was  a  child, 


830  LIFE    AND   DEATH. 

and  because  I  commit  them  still,  I  am  yet  an  infant.  There- 
fore I  perceive  a  man  may  be  twice  a  child  before  the  days  of 
dotage,  and  stand  in  need  of  ./Eson's  bath  before  threescore. 

RHYMING   DEFINITIONS. 

FAME. — A  meteor  dazzling  with  its  distant  glare. 
WEALTH. — A  source  of  trouble  and  consuming  care. 
PLEASURE. — A  gleam  of  sunshine,  passing  soon  away. 
LOVE. — A  morning  stream  whose  memory  gilds  the  day. 
FAITH. — An  anchor  dropped  beyond  the  vale  of  death. 
HOPE. — A  lone  star  beaming  o'er  the  barren  heath. 
CHARITY. — A  stream  meandering  from  the  fount  of  love. 
BIBLE. — A  guide  to  realms  of  endless  joy  above. 
RELIGION. — A  key  which  opens  wide  the  gates  of  Heaven. 
DEATH.— A  knife  by  which  the  ties  of  earth  are  riven. 
EARTH. — A  desert  through  which  pilgrims  wend  their  way. 
GRAVE. — A  home  of  rest  when  ends  life's  weary  day. 
RESURRECTION. — A  sudden  waking  from  a  quiet  dream. 
HEAVEN. — A  land  of  joy,  of  light  and  love  supreme. 

EARTH. 

What  is  earth,  sexton  ? — A  place  to  dig  graves. 
What  is  earth,  rich  man  ? — A  place  to  work  slaves. 
What  is  earth,  greybeard  ? — A  place  to  grow  old. 
What  is  earth,  miser? — A  place  to  dig  gold. 
What  is  earth,  school-boy  ? — A  place  for  my  play. 
What  is  earth,  maiden  ? — A  place  to  be  gay. 
What  is  earth,  seamstress  ? — A  place  where  I  weep. 
What  is  earth,  sluggard? — A  good  place  to  sleep. 
NWhat  is  earth,  soldier  ? — A  place  for  a  battle. 
What  is  earth,  herdsman  ? — A  place  to  raise  cattle. 
What  is  earth,  widow? — A  place  of  true  sorrow. 
What  is  earth,  tradesman  ? — I'll  tell  you  to-morrow. 
What  is  earth,  sick  man  ? — 'Tis  nothing  to  me.' 
What  is  earth,  sailor  ? — My  home  is  the  sea. 
What  is  earth,  statesman  ? — A  place  to  win  fame. 
What  is  earth,  author  ? — I'll  write  there  my  name. 
What  is  earth,  monarch  ? — For  my  realm  it  is  given. 
What  is  earth,  Christian  ? — The  gateway  of  heaven  ! 

RHYMING   CHARTER. 

The  following  grant  of  William  the  Conquc  ror  may  be  found 
in  Stowe's  Chronicle  and  in  Blount's  Ancient  Tenures  : — 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  831 

HOPTOtf,   IN   THE    COUNTT   OP    SALOP. 
To  the  Heyrs  Male  of  the  Hopton,  lawfully  begotten  : 

From  me  and  from  myne,  to  thee  and  to  thyne, 

While  the  water  runs,  and  the  sun  doth  shine, 

For  lack  of  heyrs  to  the  king  againe, 

I,  William,  king,  the  third  year  of  my  reign, 

Give  to  the  Norman  hunter, 

To  me  that  art  both  line*  and  deare, 

The  Hop  and  the  Hoptoune, 

And  all  the  bounds  up  and  downe. 

Under  the  earth  to  hell, 

Above  the  earth  to  heaven, 
.  From  me  and  from  myne 

To  thee  and  to  thyne  ; 

As  good  and  as  fa  ire 

As  ever  they  myne  were. 

To  witness  that  this  is  sooth,^ 

I  bite  the  wite  wax  with  my  tooth, 

Before  Jugg,  Marode,  and  Margery 

And  my  third  son  Henery, 

For  one  bow,  and  one  broad  arrow, 

When  I  come  to  hunt  upon  Yarrow. 

NICE    QUESTIONS   FOR   LAWYERS. 

A  gentleman,  who  died  in  Paris,  left  a  legacy  of  $6000  to 
his  niece  in  Dubuque,  Iowa,  who  it  appears  also  died  about  the 
same  hour  of  the  same  day.  The  question  which  died  first 
turns  upon  the  relation  of  solar  to  true  time,  and  must  be  de- 
cided by  the  difference  of  longitude.  If  the  niece  died  at  four 
o'clock  A.M.,  and  her  uncle  at  ten  o'clock  A.M.,  the  instants  of 
their  death  would  have  been  identical.  Assuming  that  to  be 
the  hour  of  the  testator's  death,  if  the  niece  died  at  any  hour 
between  four  and  ten,  although  the  legacy  would  apparently 
revert  to  his  estate,  it  would  really  vest  in  her  and  her  heirs, 
since  by  solar  time  she  would  have  actually  survived  her 
uncle. 

Another  case  where  great  importance  depended  upon  the  pre- 
cise time  of  death  was  that  of  the  late  Earl  Fitzhardinge,  who 
died  "about  midnight,"  between  October  10th  and  llth.  His 

*  Related,  or  of  my  lineage.  f  True. 


832  LIFE    AND    DEATH. 

rents,  amounting  to  £40,000  a  year,  were  payable  on  Old  Lady 
day  and  Old  Michaelmas-day.  The  latter  fell  this  year  (1857) 
on  Sunday,  October  11,  and  the  day  began  at  midnight:  so  that 
if  he  died  before  twelve,  the  rents  belonged  to  the  parties  taking 
the  estate ;  but  if  after,  they  belonged  to  and  formed  part  of  his 
personal  estate.  The  difference  of  one  minute  might  therefore 
involve  the  question  as  to  the  title  of  £20,000. 

THE   BONE   NOT   DESCRIBED   BY   MODERN   ANATOMISTS. 
God  formed  them  from  the  dust,  and  He  once  more 
Will  give  them  strength  and  beauty  as  before, 
Though  strewn  as  widely  as  the  desert  air, 
As  winds  can  waft  them,  or  the  waters  bear. 

The  Emperor  Adrian — the  skeptic  whose  epigrammatic  ad- 
dress to  his  soul  in  prospect  of  death, 

Animula,  vagula,  blandula,*  Ac., 

is  well  known — asked  Kabbi  Joshua  Ben  Hananiah,  in  the 
course  of  an  interview  following  the  successful  siege  of  Bitter, 
"  How  doth  a  man  revive  again  in  the  world  to  come  ?"  He 
answered  and  said,  "  From  Luz,  in  the  back-bone."  Saith  he 
to  him,  "  Demonstrate  this  to  me."  Then  he  took  Luz,  a  little 
bone  out  of  the  back-bone,  and  put  it  in  water,  and  it  was  not 
steeped ;  he  put  it  into  the  fire,  and  it  was  not  burned ;  he 
brought  it  to  the  mill,  and  that  could  not  grind  it;  he  laid  it 
on  the  anvil  and  knocked  it  with  a  hammer,  but  the  anvil  was 
cleft,  and  the  hammer  broken. 

The  name  Luz  is  probably  derived  from  Genesis  xlviii.  3, 
where,  however,  it  refers  to  a  place,  not  to  a  bone.  The  bone 
alluded  to  is  the  sacrum,  the  terminal  wedge  of  the  vertebral 
column.  Butler,  in  his  Hudibras,  erroneously  traces  to  the 

*  Byron's  Translation. 
Ah  !  gentle,  fleeting,  wavering  sprite, 
Friend  and  associate  of  this  clay ! 

To  what  unknown  region  borne, 
Wilt  thou  not  wing  thy  distant  flight? 
No  more  with  wonted  humor  gay, 

But  pallid,  cheerless,  and  forlorn. 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  833 

Rabbinic  belief  the  modern  name  os  sacrum,  its  origin  really 
being  due  to  the  custom  of  placing  it  upon  the  altar  in  ancient 
sacrifices. 

The  learned  Rabbins  of  the  Jews 

Write,  there's  a  bone,  which  they  call  Lus 

I'  th'  rump  of  man,  of  such  a  virtue 

No  force  in  nature  can  do  hurt  to  ; 

And  therefore  at  the  last  great  day 

All  th'  other  members  shall,  they  say, 

Spring  out  of  this,  as  from  a  seed 

All  sorts  of  vegetals  proceed ; 

From  whence  the  learned  sons  of  art 

Os  sacrum  justly  style  that  part. — Hudibras. 

DYING    WORDS   OF   DISTINGUISHED   PERSONS. 

There  taught  us  how  to  live :  and — oh,  too  high 

A  price  for  knowledge ! — taught  us  how  to  die. — TICKELL. 

On  parent  knees,  a  naked,  new-born  child, 

Weeping  thou  sat'st,  while  all  around  thee  smiled; 

So  live  that,  sinking  in  thy  last  long  sleep, 

Calm  thou  mayst  smile  while  all  around  thee  weep.* 

SIB  W.  JONES:  Peru.  Trant. 

Napoleon. — Tete  d'  Arme"e ! 

Sir  Walter  Raleigh. — It  matters  little  how  the  head  lieth. 

Goethe. — Let  the  light  enter. 

Tasso. — Into  thy  hands,  0  Lord. 

Alfieri. — Clasp  my  hand,  my  dear  friend :  I  die. 

Martin  Luther. — Father  in  Heaven,  though  this  body  ia 
breaking  away  from  me,  and  I  am  departing  this  life,  yet  I 
know  that  I  shall  forever  be  with  thee,  for  no  one  can  pluck 
me  out  of  thy  hand. 

*  A  German  journal  proposed  that  the  following  lines  should  be  translated 
into  any  other  language,  so  that  the  number  of  lines  and  words  should  not 
exceed  those  in  the  original  (twenty  words). 

Sohn!  Du  weintest  am  Tago  der  Geburt,  es  lachten  die  Freunde; 
Tracht,  dass  am  Todestag,  waehrend  sie  weinen,  du  lachst 
The  English  response  thus  complied  with  the  conditions  (seventeen  words)  :— 
When  I  was  born  I  cried,  while  others  smiled; 
Oh,  may  I  dying  smile,  while  o;hers  weep. 
3C  70* 


834  LIFE    AND    DEATH. 

Mozart. — -You  spoke  of  refreshment,  my  Emilie :  take  my 
hist  notes,  sit  down  at  the  piano,  sing  them  with  the  hymn  of 
your  sainted  mother;  let  me  hear  once  more  those  notes  which 
have  so  long  been  my  solace  and  delight. 

Haydn. — God  preserve  the  Emperor! 

Hatter. — The  artery  ceases  to  beat. 

Grotius. — Be  serious. 

Erasmus. — Lord,  make  an  end. 

Cardinal  Beaufort. — What !  is  there  no  bribing  death  ? 

Hilary,  Bishop  of  Poictiers. — Soul,  thou  hast  served  Christ 
these  seventy  years,  and  art  thou  afraid  to  die?  Go  out,  .pul, 
go  out. 

Queen  Elizabeth. — All  my  possessions  for  a  moment. of  time ! 

Charles  II. — Let  not  poor  Nelly  starve. 

Anne  Boleyn. — It  is  small,  very  small  indeed  (clasping  her 
neck). 

Sir  Thomas  More. — I  pray  you  see  me  safe  up;  and  as  for 
my  coming  down,  let  me  shift  for  myself  (ascending  the  scaf- 
fold). 

John  Hampden. — 0  Lord,  save  my  country  !  0  Lord,  be 
merciful  to 

Chancellor  Thurlow. — I'm  shot  if  I  don't  believe  I'm  dying. 

Addison. — See  with  what  peace  a  Christian  can  die. 

Julius  Caesar. — Et  tu,  Brute. 

Nero. — Is  this  your  fidelity  ? 

Herder. — Refresh  me  with  a  great  thought. 

Frederick  V.}  of  Denmark. — There  is  not  a  drop  of  blood  on 
my  hands. 

Mirabeau. — Let  me  die  amid  the  sound  of  delicious  music 
and  the  fragrance  of  flowers. 

Madame  de  Stael. — I  have  loved  God,  my  father,  and  liberty 

Lord  Nelson. — Kiss  me,  Hardy. 

Lord  Chester  field. — Give  Dayrolles  a  chair. 

Holies. — I  am  taking  a  fearful  leap  in  the  dark. 

Byron. — I  must  sleep  now. 

Sir  Walter  Scott. — I  feel  as  if  I  were  to  be  myself  again 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  830 

Keats. — T  feel  the  daisies  growing  over  me. 

Robert  Burns. — Don't  let  that  awkward  squad  fire  over  my 
grave 

Lawrence. — Don't  give  up  the  ship. 

Washington. — It  is  well. 

Franklin. — A  dying  man  can  do  nothing  easy. 

Wolfe. — Now,  God  be  praised,  I  will  die  in  peace. 

Marion. — Thank  God,  I  can  lay  my  hand  upon  my  heart 
and  say  that  since  I  came  to  man's  estate  I  have -never  inten- 
tionally done  wrong  to  any  one. 

Jjiams. — Independence  forever ! 

Jeffei\  ,. — I  resign  my  soul  to  God,  and  my  daughter  to  my 
country, 

J.  Q.  Adams. — This  is  the  last  of  earth.    I  am  content. 

Harrison. — I  wish  you  to  understand  the  true  principles  of 
the  Government.  I  wish  them  carried  out.  I  ask  nothing 
more. 

Taylor. — I  have  endeavored  to  do  my  duty. 

Daniel  Webster. — I  still  live. 

THE   LAST   PRAYER   OF   MARY,   QUEEN   OP   SCOTS. 
Written  in  her  Prayer-Book  the  morning  before  her  Execution  : 

0  !  Doraine  Dcus,  (0  my  Lord  and  my  God, 

Speravi  in  te, —  I  have  trusted  in  thee ; 

0 !  care  mi  Jesu,  0  Jesus,  my  love, 

Nunc  libera  me.  Now  liberate  me. 

In  dura  catena,  In  my  enemies'  power, 

In  misera  poena,  '  In  affliction's  sad  hour, 

Desidero  te.  I  languish  for  thee. 

Langucndo,  gemendo,  In  sorrowing,  weeping, 

Et  genuflectendo,  And  bending  the  knee, 

Adoro,  imploro,  I  adore  and  implore  thee 

Ut  liberes  me  !  To  liberate  me  !) 

REMARKABLE   TRANCE. 

At  the  siege  of  Kouen,  the  body  of  Francois  de  Civille,  a 
French  captain  who  was  supposed  to  have  been  killed,  was 
thrown  with  others  into  the  ditch,  where  it  remained  from 


836  LIFE   AND   DEATH. 

eleven  o'clock  in  the  morning  to  half-past  six  in  the  evening 
when  his  servant,  observing  some  latent  heat,  carried  the  body 
into  the  house.  During  the  ensuing  five  days  and  nights  not 
the  slightest  sign  of  life  was  exhibited,  although  the  body 
gradually  recovered  its  warmth.  At  the  expiration  of  this 
time  the  town  was  carried  by  assault,  and  the  servants  of  an 
officer  belonging  to  the  besiegers,  having  found  the  supposed 
corpse  of  Civille,  threw  it  out  of  a  window,  with  no  other  cover- 
ing than  his  shirt.  Fortunately  for  the  captain,  he  fell  upon 
a  heap  of  straw,  where  he  remained  senseless  three  days 
longer,  when  he  was  taken  up  by  his  relations  for  sepulture 
and  ultimately  brought  to  life.  What  was  still  more  strange, 
Civille,  like  Macduff,  had  been  "  from  his  mother's  womb 
untimely  ripped,"  having  been  brought  into  the  world  by  a 
Caesarian  operation  which  his  mother  did  not  survive.  After 
his  last  escape  he  used  to  add  to  his  signature,  "  three  times 
born,  three  times  buried,  and  three  times  risen  from  the  dead 
by  the  grace  of  God." 

QUESTIONS    FOR    DISCUSSION. 

Whether, — as  in  the  case  of  the  Abbe  Prevost  in  the  forest 
of  Chantilly, — if  a  supposed  cadaver,  while  subjected  to  the  in- 
vestigating knife  of  the  anatomist,  should  awake  from  a  trance 
only  to  be  conscious  of  his  horrible  condition  and  to  expire 
from  the  immediate  effect  of  the  dissection,  it  is  any  thing  more 
than  homicide  per  infortuniam,  or  not. 

Whether,  in  the  case  of  Lazarus,  who  was  restored  to  life  by 
the  Saviour  after  decomposition  had  commenced,  he  could  have 
reclaimed  property  already  in  the  possession  and  occupancy  of 
the  heirs  to  whom  he  had  willed  it  before  death. 

PRESERVED   BODIES. 

There  is  an  arched  vault,  or  burying-ground,  under  the 
church  at  Kilsyth,  in  Scotland,  which  was  the  bury  ing-place 
of  the  family  of  Kilsyth  until  the  estate  was  forfeited  and 
the  title  became  extinct  in  the  year  1715,  since  which  it  has 


LIFE   AND    DEATH.  §37 

never  been  used  for  that  purpose  except  once.  The  last  earl 
fled  with  his  family  to  Flanders,  and,  according  to  tradition,  was 
smothered  to  death  about  the  year  1717,  along  with  his  lady 
and  an  infant  child,  and  a  number  of  other  unfortunate  Scottish 
exiles,  by  the  falling  in  of  the  roof  of  a  house  in  which  they 
were  assembled.  What  became  of  the  body  of  the  earl  is  not 
known;  but  the  bodies  of  Lady  Kilsyth  and  her  infant  were 
disembowelled  and  embalmed,  and  soon  afterwards  sent  over  to 
Scotland.  They  were  landed,  and  lay  at  Leith  for  some  time, 
whence  they  were  afterwards  carried  to  Kilsyth,  and  buried 
with  great  pomp,  in  the  vault  above  mentioned. 

In  the  spring  of  1796,  some  reckless  young  men,  having  paid 
a  visit  to  this  ancient  cemetery,  tore  open  the  coffin  of  Lady 
Kilsyth  and  her  infant.  With  astonishment  and  consternation 
they  saw  the  bodies  of  Lady  Kilsyth  and  her  child  as  perfect  as 
they  had  been  the  hour  they  were  entombed.  For  some  weeks 
this  circumstance  was  kept  secret  ;  but  at  last  it  began  to  be 
whispered  in  several  companies,  and  soon  excited  great  and 
general  curiosity.  "  On  the  12th  of  June,"  wrote  the  minister 
of  the  parish  of  Kilsyth,  in  a  letter  to  Dr.  Garnet,  "  when  I  was 
from  home,  great  crowds  assembled,  and  would  not  be  denied 
admission.  At  all  hours  of  the  night,  as  well  as  the  day,  they 
afterwards  persisted  in  gratifying  their  curiosity.  I  saw  the 
body  of  Lady  Kilsyth  soon  after  the  coffin  was  opened.  It  was 
quite  entire.  Every  feature  and  every  limb  was  as  full,  nay,  the 
very  shroud  was  as  clear  and  fresh  and  the  colors  of  the  ribands 
as  bright,  as  the  day  they  were  lodged  in  the  tomb.  What  ren- 
dered this  scene  more  striking  and  truly  interesting  was  that  the 
budy  of  her  son  and  only  child,  the  natural  heir  of  the  title  and 
estates  of  Kilsyth,  lay  at  her  knee.  His  features  were  as  com- 
posed as  if  he  had  been  only  asleep.  His  color  was  as  fresh, 
and  his  flesh  as  plump  and  full,  as  in  the  perfect  glow  of 
health;  the  smile  of  infancy  and  innocence  sat  on  his  lips. 
His  shroud  was  not  only  entire,  but  perfectly  clean,  without  a 
particle  of  dust  upon  it.  He  seems  to  have  been  only  a  few 
months  old.  The  body  of  Lady  Kilsyth  was  equally  well  pre- 


838  LIFE   AND    DEATH. 

served ;  and  at  a  little  distance,  from  the  feeble  light  of  a  taper, 
it  would  not  have  been  easy  to  distinguish  whether  she  was 
dead  or  alive.  The  features,  nay,  the  very  expression  of  her 
countenance,  were  marked  and  distinct;  and  it  was  only  in  a 
certain  light  that  you  could  distinguish  any  thing  like  the  ago- 
nizing traits  of  a  violent  death.  Not  a  single  fold  of  her  shroud 
was  decayed,  nor  a  single  member  impaired.  Neither  of  the 
bodies  appear  to  have  undergone  the  slightest  decomposition  or 
disorganization.  Several  medical  gentlemen  made  incisions  into 
the  arm  of  the  infant,  and  found  the  substance  of  the  body 
quite  firm,  and  in  its  original  state." 

The  writer  states,  among  other  interesting  points  that  at- 
tracted his  attention,  that  the  bodies  appeared  to  have  been 
saturated  in  some  aromatic  liquid,  of  the  color  of  dark  brandy, 
with  which  the  coffin  had  been  filled,  but  which  had  nearly  all 
evaporated. 

Other  instances  of  the  artificial  preservation  of  bodies  might 
be  mentioned,  still  more  remai'kable,  though  perhaps  less  in- 
teresting, than  the  preceding.  The  tomb  of  Edward  the  First, 
who  died  on  the  7th  of  July,  1307,  was  opened  on  the  2d  of 
January,  1770,  and  after  the  lapse  of  four  hundred  and  sixty- 
three  years  the  body  was  found  undecayed  :  the  flesh  on  the  face 
was  a  little  wasted,  but  not  decomposed.  The  body  of  Canute 
the  Dane,  who  obtained  possession  of  England  in  the  year 
1017,  was  found  quite  fresh  in  the  year  1766,  by  the  workmen 
repairing  Winchester  Cathedral.  In  the  year  1522,  the  body 
of  William  the  Conqueror  was  found  as  entire  as  when  first 
buried,  in  the  Abbey  Church  of  St.  Stephen  at  Caen ;  and  the 
body  of  Matilda  his  queen  was  found  entire  in  1502,  in  the 
Abbey  Church  of  the  Holy  Trinity  in  the  same  city. 

No  device  of  art,  however,  for  the  preservation  of  the  re- 
mains of  the  dead,  appears  equal  to  the  simple  process  of 
plunging  them  into  peat-moss. 

In  a  manuscript  by  one  Abraham  Grey,  who  lived  about  the 
middle  of  the  sixteenth  century,  now  in  the  possession  of  his 
representative  Mr.  Goodbehere  Grey,  of  Old  Mills,  near  Aber- 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  839 

deen,  it  is  stated  that,  in  1569,  three  Roman  soldiers,  in  the 
dress  of  their  country,  fully  equipped  with  warlike  instrument?, 
were  dug  out  of  a  moss  of  great  extent,  called  Kazey  Moss. 
When  found,  after  the  lapse  of  probably  about  fifteen  hundred 
years,  they  were  still  fresh  and  plump  ! 

Modern  chemistry  teaches  us  that  in  these  cases  there  is  a 
conversion  of  the  tissues  of  the  body  into  adipocere,  a  sub- 
stance closely  resembling  spermaceti,  and  composed,  according 
to  Chevreul,  of  margaric  and  oleic  acids,  with  a  slight  addition 
of  the  alkalies.  It  is  generally  formed  from  bodies  buried  in 
moist  earth,  and  especially  when  they  have  accumulated  in 
great  numbers.  On  the  removal  of  the  Cimetibre  dcs  Innoccns 
in  Paris,  in  1787,  where  thousands  of  bodies  had  been  buried 
annually  for  several  centuries,  it  was  found  that  those  bodies 
which  had  been  placed  in  great  numbers  in  the  trenches 
were,  without  having  lost  their  shapes,  converted  into  this 
substance. 

FOLLY   OF   EMBALMING    CORPSES. 
Full  many  a  jocund  spring  has  passed  away, 
And  many  a  flower  has  blossomed  to  decay, 
And  human  life,  still  hastening  to  a  close, 
Finds  in  the  worthless  dust  its  last  repose. — FIRDOUSI. 

Professor  Johnston,  in  alluding  to  the  custom  of  converting 
the  human  body  into  a  frightful-looking  mummy,  or  of  at- 
tempting by  various  artificial  processes  to  arrest  its  natural 
course  of  decomposition  into  kindred  elements,  remarks,  as 
beautifully  as  truly  : — 

Embalm  the  loved  bodies,  and  swathe  them,  as  the  old 
Egyptians  did,  in  resinous  cerements,  and  you  but  preserve 
them  a  little  longer,  that  some  wretched,  plundering  Arab  may 
desecrate  and  scatter  to  the  winds  the  residual  dust.  Or 
jealously,  in  regal  tombs  and  pyramids,  preserve  the  forms  of 
venerated  emperors  or  beauteous  queens,  still,  some  future  con- 
queror, or  more  humble  Belzoni,  will  rifle  the  most  secure  rest- 
ing-place. Or  bury  them  in  most  sacred  places,  beneath  high 
altars,  a  new  reign  shall  dig  them  up  and  mingle  them  again 


840  LIFE   AND   DEATH. 

with  tlie  common  earth.  Or,  more  careful  still,  conceal  your 
last  resting-place  where  local  history  keeps  no  record  and  even 
tradition  cannot  betray  you :  then  accident  shall  stumble  at 
length  upon  your  unknown  tomb  and  liberate  your  still  re- 
maining ashes. 

How  touching  to  behold  the  vain  result  of  even  the  most 
successful  attempts  at  preserving  apart,  and  in  their  relative 
places,  the  solid  materials  of  the  individual  form !  The  tomb, 
after  a  lapse  of  time,  is  found  and  opened.  The  ghastly  tenant 
reclines,  it  may  be,  in  full  form  and  stature.  The  very  features 
are  preserved, — impressed,  and  impressing  the  spectator,  with 
the  calm  dignity  of  their  long  repose.  But  some  curious  hand 
touches  the  seemingly  solid  form,  or  a  breath  of  air  disturbs 
the  sleeping  air  around  the  full-proportioned  body, — when,  lo ! 
it  crumbles  instantly  away  into  an  almost  insensible  quantity 
of  impalpable  dust ! 

Who  has  not  read  with  mingled  wonder  and  awe  of  the  open- 
ing, in  our  own  day,  of  the  almost  magical  sepulchre  of  an 
ancient  Etruscan  king?  The  antiquarian  dilettanti,  in  their 
under-ground  researches,  unexpectedly -stumbled  upon  the 
unknown  vault.  Undisturbed  through  Roman  and  barbaric 
times,  accident  revealed  it  to  modern  eyes.  A  small  aperture, 
made  by  chance  in  the  outer^wall,  showed  to  the  astonished 
gazers  a  crowned  king  within,  sitting  on  his  chair  of  state, 
with  robes  and  sceptre  all  entire,  and  golden  ornaments  of  an- 
cient device  bestowed  here  and  there  around  his  person. 
Eager  to  secure  the  precious  spoil,  a  way  is  forced  with  ham- 
mer and  mattock  into  the  mysterious  chamber.  But  the  long 
spell  is  now  broken ;  the  magical  image  is  now  gone.  Slowly, 
as  the  vault  first  shook  beneath  the  blows,  the  whole  pageant 
crumbled  away.  A  light,  smoky  dust  filled  the  air ;  and,  where 
the  image  so  lately  sat,  only  the  tinselled  fragments  of  thin 
gold  remained,  to  show  that  the  vision  and  the  ornaments  had 
been  real,  though  the  entire  substance  of  the  once  noble  form 
had  utterly  vanished. 

For  a  few  thousand  years  some  apparently  fortunate  kings 


LIFE   AND    DEATH.  841 

and  princes  may  arrest  the  natural  circulation  of  a  handful  of 
dust.  But  in  what  are  they  better  than  Cromwell,  whose  re- 
mains were  pitilessly  disturbed, — than  Wyckliffe,  whose  ashes 
were  sprinkled  on  the  sea, — than  St.  Genevieve,  whose  remains 
were  burned  in  the  Place  de  Greve  and  her  ashes  scattered  to 
the  wind, — than  Mausolus,  whose  dust  was  swallowed  by  his 
wife  Artemisia, — than  the  King  of  Edom,  whose  bones  were 
burned  for  lime, — or  than  St.  Pepin  and  all  the  royal  line  of 
Bourbon,  whose  tombs  were  emptied  by  a  Parisian  mob? 
Lamartine  tells  us,  in  his  History  of  the  Girondists,  that  a  de- 
cree of  the  Convention  had.  commanded  the  destruction  of  the 
tombs  of  the  kings  at  St.  Denis.  The  Commune  changed  this 
decree  into  an  attack  against  the  dead.  *  *  *  *  The  axe 
broke  the  gates  of  bronze  presented  by  Charlemagne  to  the 
Basilica  of  St.  Denis.  *  *  *  They  raised  the  stones,  ran- 
sacked the  vaults,  violated  the  resting-places  of  the  departed, 
sought  out,  beneath  the  swathings  and  shrouds,  .  embalmed 
corpses,  crumbled  flesh,  calcined  bones,  empty  skulls  of  kings, 
queens,  princes,  ministers,  bishops.  Pepin,  the  founder  of  the 
Carlovingian  dynasty  and  father  of  Charlemagne,  was  now  but 
a  pinch  of  gray  ash,  ivhich  was  in  a  moment  scattered  l>y  the 
wind.  The  mutilated  heads  of  Turenne,  Duguesclin,  Louis 
XII.,  Francis  I.,  were  rolled  on  the  pavement.  *  *  *  * 
Beneath  the. choir  were  buried  the  princes  and  princesses  of 
the  first  race,  and  some  of  the  third, — Hugh  Capet,  Philip 
the  Bold,  Philip  the  Handsome.  They  rent  away  their  rags 
of  silk  and  threw  them  on  a  bed  of  quicklime.  *  *  *  * 
They  threw  the  carcass  of  Henry  IV.  into  the  common  fosse. 
His  son  and  grandson,  Louis  XIII.  and  XIV.,  followed.  Louis 
XIII.  was  but  a  mummy ;  Louis  XIV.  a  black,  indistinguishable 
mass  of  aromatics.  Louis  XV.  came  last  out  of  his  tomb.  The 
vault  of  the  Bourbons  rendered  up  its  dead ;  queens,  dauphin- 
esses,  princesses,  were  carried  away  in  armfuls  by  the  workmen 
and  cast  into  the  trench.  A  brief  interval  of  proud  separa- 
tion, and  they  were  mingled  with  the  common  dust !  Their 
ashes  dissipated;  nothing  but  their  empty  tombs;  remain, — 
71 


842  LIFE   AND    DEATH. 

the  houses  of  the  dead,  like  the  houses  of  the  living,  long  sur- 
viving, as  melancholy  mementos  of  the  tenants  for  "whom  they 
were  erected. 

M.  de  Saulcy,  in  his  Journey  Round  the  Dead  Sea,  remarks 
of  the  rock-tombs  of  the  valley  of  Hinnom,  "  The  immense 
necropolis,  traces  of  which  are  to  he  met  with  at  every  step  in 
the  valley,  dates  from  the  period  when  the  Jebusites  were  mas- 
ters of  the  country.  After  them  the  Israelites  deposited  the 
remains  of  their  fathers  in  the  same  grottoes;,  and  the  same 
tombs,  after  having  become  at  a  still  later  period  those  of  the 
Christians  who  had  obtained  possession  of  the  Holy  City,  have, 
since  the  destruction  of  the  Latin  kingdoms  of  Jerusalem, 
ceased  to  change  both  masters  and  occupants.  Even  the  scat- 
tered bones  are  no  more  found  in  them ;  and  from  the  city 
of  the  dead  the  dead  alone  have  disappeared,  while  the  abodes 
are  still  entire." 

There  is  a  barbaric  philosophy,  therefore,  as  well  as  an  appa- 
rent knowledge  of  the  course  of  nature,  in  the  treatment  of  the 
dead  which  prevails  in  Thibet  and  on  the  slopes  of  the  Hima- 
laya. In  the  former  country  the  dead  body  is  cut  in  pieces, 
and  either  thrown  into  the  lakes  to  feed  the  fishes,  or  exposed 
on  the  hill-tops  to  the  eagles  and  birds  of  prey.  Ou  the  Hima- 
layan slopes  the  Sikkim  burn  the  body  and  scatter  the  ashes 
on  the  ground.  The  end  is  the  same  among  these  tribes  of 
men  as  among  us.  They  briefly  anticipate  the*  usual  course 
of  time, — a  little  sooner  verifying  the  inspired  words,  "  Dust 
thou  art,  and  unto  dust  thou  shalt  return." 

Yet  a  few  days,  and  thee 
The  all-beholding  sun  shall  see  no  more 
In  all  his  course;  nor  yet  in  the.  cold  ground, 
Where  thy  pale  form  was  laid  with  many  tears, 
Nor  in  the  euihrace  of  ocean,  shall  exist 
Thy  image.   Earth,  that  nourished  thee,  shall  claim 
Thy  growth,  to  be  resolved  to  earth  again, 
And,  lost  each  human  trace,  surrendering  up 
Thine  individual  being,  shalt  thou  go 
To  mi^  forever  with  the  elements, 
To  be  a  brother  to  the  insensible  rock 
And  to  the  sluggish  clod. — BIIYA.NT. 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  343 

WHIMSICAL  WILL. 

By  William  Hunnis,  Chapel-master  to  Queen  Elizabeth : — 
To  God  my  soule  I  do  bequeathe,  because  it  is  his  otven, 
My  body  to  be  layd  in  grave,  where  to  my  friends  best  knowen; 
Executors  I  will  none  make,  thereby  great  stryfe  may  grow, 
Because  the  goods  that  I  shall  leave  wyll  not  pay  all  I  owe. 

THE   TRIPOD. 

According  to  the  Babylonian  Talmud,  Beracoth,  p.  8,  and  in 
Jalkud  Schimoni  on  Ps.  Ixviii,  20,  "Nine  hundred  and  three 
are  the  kinds  of  death  made  in  this  world."  Physiologists  drop 
the  nine  hundred,  declare  that  life  stands  on  a  tripod,  aud  assert 
that  we  die  by  the  lungs,  the  heart,  or  the  brain. 

IMPRECATORY   EPITAPH. 

The  Shakspearean  imprecation,  "  Curst  be  he  that  moves  my 
bones,"  is  paralleled  in  an  epitaph  in  Runic  characters  at  Greni- 
adarstad  church,  in  Iceland,  which  according  to  Finn  Magnus- 
sen's  interpretation,  concludes  thus  : — 

"  If  you  willingly  remove  this  monument,  may  you  sink  into  the  ground. " 

THE    FLEUR-DE-LIS. 

Nothing,  says  an  old  writer,  could  be  more  simple  than  the 
lily,  which  was  the  distinctive  badge  of  the  French  monarchy ; 
nor,  at  the  same  time,  could  anything  be  more  symbolic  of  the 
state  of  the  nobility  and  gentry,  exempted  from  the  necessity 
of  working  for  a  livelihood  or  for  dress,  than  lilies,  of  which  it 
is  said :  "  They  toil  not  neither  do  they  spin,"  neque  lalorant 
neque  nent, — which  was  the  motto  of  the  royal  arms  of  France. 

THE   PLAGUES   OF   EGYPT. 

The  waters  change  to  blood;  next,  frogs  arise; 
Dust  turns  to  lice;  and  then  come  swarms  of  flies ; 
Lo  !  murrain  strikes  the  beasts,  but  Goshen  's  free  ! 
Lo !  boils  beset  the  men,  save,  Israel,  thee  ! 
Then  fires  the  thundering  hail;  then  locusts  bite; 
Then  comes  three  days  of  one  unbroken  night; 
The  first-born's  midnight  death,  from  cot  to  throne, 
Winds  up  ten  plagues  that  make  Egyptians  moan. 


844  LIFE    AND   DEATH. 


A   STORY   OF   LONG   AGO. 

The  long  time  ago  of  which  I  mean  to  tell,  says  Jean  In- 
gelow,  was  a  wild  night  in  March,  during  which,  in  a  fisher- 
man's hut  ashore,  sat  a  young  girl  at  her  spinning-wheel,  and 
looked  out  on  the  dark  driving  clouds,  and  listened,  trembling, 
to  the  winds  and  the  seas.  The  morning  light  dawned  at  last. 
One  boat  that  should  have  been  riding  on  the  troubled  waves 
was  missing — her  father's  boat !  and  half  a  mile  from  the  cot- 
tage her  father's  body  was  washed  upon  the  shore. 

This  happened  fifty  years  ago,  and  fifty  years  is  a  long  time 
in  the  life  of  a  human  being ;  fifty  years  is  a  long  time  to  go 
on  in  such  a  course  as  the  woman  did  of  whom  I  am  speaking. 
She  watched  her  father's  body,  according  to  the  custom  of  her 
people,  till  he  was  laid  in  the  grave.  Then  she  laid  down  on 
her  bed  and  slept,  and  by  night  got  up  and  set  a  candle  in  her 
casement,  as  a  beacon  to  the  fishermen  and  a  guide.  She  sat 
by  the  candle  all  night,  and  trimmed  it,  and  spun;  then  when 
the  day  dawned  she  went  to  bed  and  slept  in  the  sunshine. 
So  many  hanks  as  she  spun  before  for  her  daily  bread,  she 
spun  still,  and  one  over,  to  buy,  her  nightly  candle ;  and  from 
that  time  to  this,  for  fifty  years,  through  youth,  maturity,  and 
old  age,  she  turned  night  into  day,  and  in  the  snow-storms 
of  Winter,  through  driving  mists,  deceptive  moonlight,  and 
solemn  darkness,  that  northern  harbor  has  never  once  been 
without  the  light  of  her  candle. 

How  many  lives  she  saved  by  this  candle,  or  how  many 
meals  she  won  for  the  starving  families  of  the  boatmen,  it  is 
impossible  to  say ;  how  many  a  dark  night  the  fishermen,  de- 
pending on  it,  went  fearlessly  forth,  cannot  now  be  told.  There 
it  stood,  regular  as  a  lighthouse,  and  steady  as  constant  care 
could  make  it.  Always  brighter  when  daylight  waned,  they 
had  only  to  keep  it  constantly  in  view  and  they  were  safe;  there 
was  but  one  thing  that  could  intercept  it,  and  that  was  the 
rock.  However  far  they  might  have  stretched  out  to  sea,  they 


LIFE    AND    DEATH.  §45 

had  only  to  bear  down  straight  for  that  lighted  window,  and 
they  were  sure  of  a  safe  entrance  into  the  harbor. 

Fifty  years  of  life  and  labor — fifty  years  of  sleeping  in  the 
sunshine — fifty  years  of  watching  and  self-denial,  and  all  to 
feed  the  flame  and  trim  the  wick  of  that  one  candle !  But  if 
we  look  upon  the  recorded  lives  of  great  men  and  just  men 
and  wise  men,  few  of  them  can  show  fifty  years  of  worthier, 
certainly  not  of  more  successful  labor.  Little,  indeed,  of  the 
"midnight  oil"  consumed  during  the  last  half  century  so  wor- 
thily deserved  trimming.  Happy  woman — and  but  for  the 
dreaded  rock  her  great  charity  might  never  have  been  called 
into  exercise. 

But  what  do  the  boatmen  and  the  boatmen's  wives  think  of 
this?  Do  they  pay  the  woman?  No,  they  are  very  poor;  but 
poor  or  rich  they  know  better  than  that.  Do  they  thank  her? 
No.  Perhaps  they  feel  that  thanks  of  theirs  would  be  inade- 
quate to  express  their  obligations,  or,  perhaps  long  years  have 
made  the  lighted  casement  so  familiar  that  it  is  looked  upon 
as  a  matter  of  course.  Sometimes  the  fishermen  lay  fish  on 
her  threshold,  and  set  a  child  to  watch  it  for  her  till  she 
wakes;  sometimes  their  wives  steal  into  her  cottage,  now  she 
is  getting  old,  and  spin  a  hank  or  two  of  thread  for  her 
while  she  slumbers;  and  they  teach  their  children  to  pass  her 
hut  quietly,  and  not  to  sing  and  shout  before  her  door,  lest 
they  should  disturb  her.  That  is  all.  Their  thanks  are  not 
looked  for — scarcely  supposed  to  be  due.  Their  grateful 
deeds  are  more  than  she  expects  and  much  as  she  desires. 

How  often  in  the  far  distance  of  my  English  home,  I  have 
awoke  in  a  wild  Winter  night,  and  while  the  wind  and  storm 
were  arising,  have  thought  of  that  northern  bay,  with  the 
waves  dashing  against  the  rock,  and  have  pictured  to  myself 
the  Casement,  and  the  candle  nursed  by  that  bending,  aged 
figure!  How  delighted  to  know  that  through  her  untiring 
charity  the  rock  has  long  since  lost  more  than  than  half  its  terror, 
71* 


846  LIFE   AND   DEATH. 

and  to  consider  that,  curse  though  it  may  be  to  all  besides,  it 
has  most  surely  proved  a  blessing  to  her. 

You,  too,  may  perhaps  think  with  advantage  on  the  charac- 
ter of  this  woman,  and  contrast  it  with  the  mission  of  the  rock. 
There  are  many  degrees  between  them.  Few,  like  the  rock, 
stand  up  wholly  to  work  ruin  and  destruction;  few,  like  the 
woman,  "let  their  light  shine"  so  brightly  for  good.  But  to 
one  of  the  many  degrees  between  them  we  must  all  most  cer- 
tainly belong — we  all  lean  towards  the  woman  or  the  rock. 
On  such  characters  you  do  well  to  speculate  with  me,  for  you 
huve  not  been  cheated  into  sympathy  with  ideal  shipwreck  or 
imaginary  kindness.  There  is  many  a  rock  elsewhere  as  peril- 
ous as  the  one  I  told  you  of — perhaps  there  are  many  such 
women ;  but  for  this  one,  whose  story  is  before  you,  pray  that 
her  candle  may  burn  a  little  longer,  since  this  record  of  her 
charity  is  true. 

THIS   IS    NOT   OUR    HOME. 

Among  the  beautiful  thoughts  which  dropped  like  pearls 
from  the  pen  of  that  brilliant  and  talented  journalist,  George  D. 
Prentice,  the  following  sublime  extract  upon  man's  higher  des- 
tiny is  perhaps  the  best  known  and  most  universally  admitted. 
Coming  from  such  a  source  we  can  well  appreciate  it,  for  that 
distinguished  man  had  attained  a  position  among  his  fellows 
which  would  have  satisfied  almost  any  earthly  ambition.  Yet  all 
this  could  not  recompense  him  for  the  toils  and  ills  of  life,  and 
in  the  eloquent  passage  subjoined  he  portrays,  most  beautifully, 
the  restless  longings  of  the  human  heart  for  something  higher 
and  nobler  than  earth  can  afford. 

"It  cannot  be  that  earth  is  man's  only  abiding  place.  It  can- 
not be  that  our  life  is  a  bubble  cast  up  by  the  ocean  of  eternity 
to  float  a  moment  upon  its  waves  and  sink  into  nothingness. 
Else,  why  these  high  and  glorious  aspirations  which  leap  like 
angels  from  the  temple  of  our  hearts,  forever  wandering  un- 
satisfied ?  Why  is  it  that  the  rainbow  and  cloud  come  over  us 
with  a  beauty  that  is  not  of  earth,  and  then  pass  off  to  leave  us 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  847 

to  muse  on  their  loveliness  ?  Why  is  it  the  stars  which  hold  their 
festival  around  the  midnight  throne,  are  set  above  the  grasp  of 
our  limited  faculties,  forever  mocking  us  with  their  unapproach- 
able glory  ?  And,  finally,  why  is  it  that  the  bright  forms  of 
human  beauty  are  presented  to  our  view  and  taken  from  us, 
leaving  the  thousand  streams  of  our  affections  to  flow  back  in 
Alpine  torrents  upon  our  hearts?  We  were  born  for  a  higher 
destiny  than  earth.  There  is  a  realm  where  the  rainbow  never 
fades,  where  the  stars  will  be  spread  out  before  us  like  the 
islands  that  slumber  on  the  ocean,  and  where  the  beautiful 
beings  '  that  pass  before  us  like  shadows,  will  stay  forever 
in  our  presence." 

ILL    SUCCESS    IN    LIFE. 

One  of  our  best  American  writers,  Greo.  S.  Hillard,  forcibly 
and  truly  says : — 

I  confess  that  increasing  years  bring  with  them  an  increasing 
respect  for  men  who  do  not  succeed  in  life,  as  those  words  are 
commonly  used.  Heaven  is  said  to  be  a  place  for  those  who 
have  not  succeeded  on  earth ;  and  it  is  sure  that  celestial  grace 
does  not  thrive  and  bloom  in  the  hot  blaze  of  worldly  pros- 
perity. Ill  success  sometimes  arises  from  a  superabundance  of 
qualities  in  themselves  good — from  a  conscience  too  sensitive, 
a  taste  too  fastidious,  a  self- forgetful  ness  too  romantic,  and 
modesty  too  retiring.  I  will  not  go  so  far  as  to  say,  with  a  living 
poet,  "  that  the  world  knows  nothing  of  its  great  men,"  but 
there  are  forms  of  greatness,  or  at  least  excellence,  which  "  die 
and  make  no  sign  ;"  there  are  martyrs  that  miss  the  palm  but 
not  the  stake,  heroes  without  the  laurel,  and  conquerors  with- 
out the  triumph. 

FUTURITY. 

"  Life  is  sweet,"  said  Sir  Anthony  Kingston  to  Bishop 
Hooper  at  the  stake,  "and  death  bitter."  "True,  friend,"  he 
replied,  "  but  consider  that  the  death  to  come  is  more  bitter, 
and  the  life  to  come  is  more  sweet." 


848  I-WE  AND  DEATH. 

THE  HEART. 

In  his  charming  Hyperion,  Mr.  Longfellow  says : — 
The  little  I  have  seen  of  the  world,  and  know  of  the  history 
of  mankind,  teaches  me  to  look  upon  the  errors  of  others  •  in 
sorrow,  not  in  anger.  When  I  take  the  history  of  one  poor 
heart  that  has  sinned  and  suffered,  and  represent  to  myself  the 
struggles  and  temptations  it  has  passed, — the  brief  pulsations 
of  joy, — the  feverish  inquietude  of  hope  and  fear, — the  tears 
of  regret, — the  feebleness  of  purpose, — the  pressure  of  Want, — 
the  desertion  of  friends, — the  scorn  of  a  world  that  has  little 
charity, — -the  desolation  of  the  soul's  sanctuary, — threatening 
voices  within, — health  gone, — happiness  gone, — even  hope,  that 
remains  the  longest,  gone, — I  would  fain  leave  the  erring 
soul  of  my  fellow-man  with  Him  from  whose  hands  it  came, 

Even  as  a  little  girl, 
Weeping  and  laughing  in  her  childish  sport. 

EVENING   PRATER. 

The  day  is  ended.     Ere  I  sink  to  sleep, 

My  weary  spirit  seeks  repose  in  Thine. 
Father,  forgive  my  trespasses,  and  keep 

This  little  life  of  mine. 
With  loving  kindness  curtain  thou  my  bed, 

And  cool,  in  rest,  my  burning  pilgrim  feet; 
Thy  pardon  be  the  pillow  for  my  head; 

So  shall  my  sleep  be  sweet. 
At  peace  with  all  the  world,  clear  Lord,  and  thee, 

No  fears  my  soul's  unwavering  faith  can  shake; 
All's  well!  whichever  side  the  grave  for  me 

The  morning  light  may  break. 

BEAUTIFUL   THOUGHT. 

On  the  shores  of  the  Adriatic  sea  the  wives  of  the  fisher- 
men, whose  husbands  have  gone  far  off  upon  the  deep,  are  in 
the  habit,  at  even-tide,  of  going  down  to  the  sea-shore,  and 
singing,  as  female  voices  only  can,  the  first  stanza  of  a  beautiful 
hymn;  after  they  have  sung  it  they  will  listen  till  they  hear, 
borne  by  the  wind  across  the  desert  sea,  the  second  stanza  sung 


LIFE   AND   DEATH.  849 

by  their  gallant  husbands,  as  they  are  tossed  by  the  gale  upon 
the  waves,  and  both  are  happy.  Perhaps,  if  we  listen,  we,  too, 
might  hear  on  this  desert  world  of  ours  some  whisper  borne 
from  afar  to  remind  us  that  there  is  a  heaven  and  a  home;  and 
when  we  sing  the  hymn  upon  earth,  perhaps  we  shall  hear  its 
echo  breaking  in  the  music  upon  the  sands  of  time,  and  cheer- 
ing the  hearts  of  those  that  are  pilgrims  and  strangers,  and 
look  for  a  city  that  hath  foundation. 

LIFE'S  PARTING. 

Wordsworth  read  less  and  praised  less  the  writings  of  other 
poets,  than  any  one  of  his  contemporaries.  This  gives  an  es- 
pecial interest  to  the  following  stanza  by  Mrs.  Barbauld,  which 
he  learned  by  heart,  and  which  he  used  to  ask  his  sister  to  re- 
peat to  him.  Once,  while  walking  in  his  sitting-room  at  Ky- 
dal,  with  his  hands  behind  him,  his  friend,  Henry  Crabb  Rob- 
inson heard  him  say:  "I  am  not  in  the  habit  of  grudging  peo- 
ple their  good  things;  but  I  wish  I  had  written  those  lines: — 

Life !  we've  been  long  together,' 
Through  pleasant  and  through  cloudy  weather; 
'Tis  hard  to  part  when  friends  are  dear, 
Perhaps  'twill  cost  a  sigh,  a  tear ; 
Then  steal  away,  give  little  warning, 

Choose  thine  own  time; 
Say  not  good  night,  but  in  some  brighter  clime 

Bid  me  good-morning." 

DESTINY. 

Three  roses,  wan  as  moonlight,  and  weighed  down 
Each  with  its  loveliness  as  with  a  crown, 
Drooped  in  a  florist's  window  in  a  town. 

The  first  a  lover  bought.  It  lay  at  rest, 

Like  snow  on  snow,  that  night,  on  beauty's  breast.. 

The  second  rose,  as  virginal  and  fair, 
Shrunk  in  the  tangles  of  a  harlot's  hair. 

The  third,  a  widow,  with  new  grief  made  wild, 
Shut  in  the  icy  palm  of  her  dead  child. 
3D 


850  MFE   AND   DEATH. 

SYMPATHY. 

Talfourd  says  in  his  Ion : — 

"It  is  little: 

But  in  these  sharp  extremities  of  fortune, 
The  blessings  which  the  weak  and  poor  can  scatter 
Have  their  own  season.     'Tis  a  little  thing 
To  give  a  cup  of  water ;  yet  its  draught 
Of  cool  refreshment,  drain'd  by  fever'd  lips, 
May  give  a   shock  of  pleasure  to  the  frame 
More  exquisite  than  when  nectarean  juice 
Renews  the  life  of  joy  in  happiest  hours. 
It  is  a  little  thing  to  speak  a  phrase  ' 
Of  common  comfort,  which,  by  daily  use, 
Has  almost  lost  its  sense ;  yet,  on  the  ear 
Of  him  who  thought  to  die  unmourn'd,  'twill  fall 
Like  choicest  music ;  fill  the  gazing  eye 
With  gentle  tears;  relax  the  knotted  hand 
To  know  the  btonds  of  fellowship  again ; 
Affd  shed  on  the  departing  soul  a  sense, 
More  precious  than  the  benison  of  friends 
About  the  honored  death-bed  of  the  rich, 
To  him  who  else  were  lonely,  that  another 
Of  the  great,  family  is  near  and  feels." 

.  AFTER. 

After  the  shower,  the  tranquil  sun ; 
After  the  snow,  the  emerald  leaves ; 
Silver  stars  when  the  day  is  done ; 
After  the  harvest,  golden  sheaves. 

After  the  clouds,  the  violet  sky ; 
After  the  tempest,  the  lull  of  waves  ; 
-      Quiet  woods  when  the  winds  go  by ; 
After  the  battle,  peaceful  graves. 

After  the  knell,  the  wedding  bells  ; 
After  the  bud,  the  radiant  rose ; 
Joyful  greetings  from  sad  farewells ; 
After  our  weeping,  sweet  repose. 
After  the  burden,  the  blissful  meed; 
After  the  flight,  the  downy  nest; 
After  the  furrow,  the  waking  seed 
After  the  shadowy  river — rest ! 


LIFE  AND  DEATH.  851 

DEATH'S  FINAL  CONQUEST. 

[Among  the  poetic  legacies  that  will  "  never  grow  old,  nor  change,  nor 
pass  away,"  is  the  noble  dirge  of  Shirley,  in  his  Contention  of  Ajax  and 
Ulysses.  Doubtless  it  was  by  the  fall,  if  not  by  the  death,  of  Charles  I.. 
that  the  mind  of  the  royalist  poet  was  solemnized  to  the  creation  of  these 
imperishable  stanzas.  Oliver  Cromwell  is  said,  on  the  recital  of  them,  to 
have  been  seized  with  great  terror  and  agitation  of  mind.] 

The  glories  of  our  mortal  state 

Are  shadows,  not  substantial  things  ; 
There  is  no  armor  against  fate ; 
Death  lays  his  icy  hand  on  kings : 
Sceptre  and  crown 
Must  tumble  down, 
And  in  the  dust  be  equal  made 
With  the  poor  crooked  scythe  and  spade. 
Some  men  with  swords  may  reap  the  field, 
And  plant  fresh  laurels  where  they  kill; 
But  their  strong  nerves  at  last  must  yield; 
They  tame  but  one  another  still : 
Early  or  late, 
They  stoop  to  fate, 

And  must  give  up  their  murmuring  breath, 
When  they,  pale  captives,  creep  to  death. 
The  garlands  wither  on  your  brow  ; 

Then  boast  no  more  your  mighty  deeds; 
Upon  death's  purple  altar  now, 

See  where,  the  victor-victim  bleeds  : 
Tour  heads  must  come 
To  the  cold  tomb : — 
Only  the  actions  of  the  just 
Smell  sweet,  and  blossom  in  their  dust. 

THE   COMMON   HERITAGE. 

There  is  no  death  :  what  seems  so  is  transition : 

This  life  of  mortal  breath 
Is  but  a  suburb  of  the  life  elysian 

Whose  portal  we  call  Death. — LONGFELLOW. 

There  is — says  the  author  of  Euthanasy — no  universal 
night  in  this  earth,  and  for  us  in  the  universe  there  is  no 
death.  What  to  us  here  is  night  coming  on,  is,  on  the  other 
side  of  the  earth,  night  ending,  and  day  begun.  And  so  what 
we  call  death,  the  angels  may  regard  as  immortal  birth. 


852  LIFE   AND   DEATH. 

We  are  born — says  another  writer — with  the  principles  of 
dissolution  in  our  frame,  which  continue  to  operate  from  our 
birth  to  our  death;  so  that  in  this  sense  we  may  be  said  to 
"die  daily."  Death  is  not  so  much  a  laying  aside  our  old 
bodies  (for  this  we  have  been  doing  all  our  lives)  as  ceasing 
to  assume  new  ones. 

"Say,"  said  one  who  was  about  entering  the  Dark  Valley,  to 
his  amanuensis,  "  that  I  am  still  in  the  land  of  the  living,  but 
expect  soon  to  be  numbered  with  the  dead."  But,  after  a  mo- 
ment's reflection,  he  added,  "  Stop !  say  that  I  am  still  in  the 
land  of  the  dying,  but  expect  to  be  soon  in  the  land  of  the 
living." 

Says  old  Jeremy  Collier,  The  more  we  sink  into  the  in- 
firmities of  age,  the  nearer  we  are  to  immortal  youth.  All 
people  are  young  in  the  other  world.  That  state  is  an  eternal 
spring,  ever  fresh  and  flourishing.  Now,  to  pass  from  midnight 
into  noon  on  the  sudden,  to  be  decrepit  one  minute,  and  all 
spirit  and  activity  the  next,  must  be  an  entertaining  change. 
To  call  this  dying  is  an  abuse  of  language. 

The  day  of  our  decease — says  Mountford — will  be  that  of 
our  coming  of  age;  and  with  our  last  breath  we  shall  become 
free  of  the  universe.  And  in  some  region  of  infinity,  and  from 
among  its  splendors,  this  earth  will  be  looked  back  upon  like 
a  lowly  home,  and  this  life  of  ours  be  remembered  like  a  short 
apprenticeship  to  Duty. 

MORS  MORTIS  MORTI  MORTEM  NISI  MORTB  DEDISSBT, 
ETERN.E  VIT.E  JANUA  CLAUSA  FORET. 


INDEX. 


ALPHABETICAL  WHIMS,  Page  25. 
Alphabetical  advertisement,  29. 
Enigmas,  30. 
Eve's  Legend,  28. 
Jacobite  toast,  30. 
Letter  H,  31. 
Lipogrammata    and  pangram- 

mata,  25. 
Marriage  of  a  lady  to  Mr.  Gee, 

32. 

On  sending  a  pair  of  gloves,  32. 
The  three  initials,  30. 
Univocalic  verses,  32. 
ACROSTICS,  39. 
Alliterative  on  Miss  Stephens, 

.45. 

Brevity  of  human  life,  48; 
Burke,  42. 
Chronogrammatic   pasquinade, 

45. 

Crabbe,  42. 

Death  of  ,Lord  Hatherton,  40. 
Dryden,  42. 
Emblematic  fish,  46. 
Hempe,  47. 
Herbert,  George,  41. 
Huber,  42. 
Irving,  43. 
Longfellow,  43. 
Macaulay,  44. 
Macready,  43. 
Masonic  memento,  47. 
Monastic  verse,  45. 
Napoleon  family,  46. 


ACROSTICS, — 
Oliver's  impromptu  on  Arnold, 

Page  44. 
Rachel,  46. 
Reynolds,  42. 
Scott,  Walter,  42. 
Southey,  44. 
Valentine,  a,  49. 
Wordsworth,  43. 
ALLITERATION,  34. 
Alphabetical,  34. 

Address  to  the  Aurora,  36. 

Belgrade,  siege  of,  34. 

Bunker  Hill  Monument,  34. 

Prince  Charles   protected  by 
Flora  Macdonald,  35. 

Title-page    for  Book  of   Ex- 
tracts, 37. 
Bevy  of  belles,  39. 
Complimentary  of  chess,  37. 
Couplet  on  Cardinal  Wolsey,  35. 
Felicitous  flight  of  fancy,  38. 
Hood's  Ode  to  Perry,  38. 
Motives  to  gratitude,  39 
Pulci's  double  alliterations.,  36. 
Stanza  from  Drury's  Dirge,  36. 
ANAGRAMS,  49. 

Epitaphial  inscriptions,  56. 
Telegram  anagrammatized,  56. 
BIBLE,  THE,  103. 
Accuracy  of  the  Bible,  103. 
Bibliomancy,  126. 
Books  belonging  to,  lost  or  un- 
known, 114. 

853 


854 


INDEX. 


BIBLE,  THE, — 

Dissection    of   Old    and    New 
Testaments,  Page  112. 

Distinctions  in  the  gospels,  113. 

English  Bible  translations,  108. 

Hexameters  in  the  Bible,  115. 

Misquotations   from  Scripture, 
123. 

Old  and  New  Testament,  names, 
125. 

Parallelism     of     the     Hebrew 
poetry,  116. 

Parallel      passages      ^between 
Shakspeareand  the  Bible,  119. 

Scriptural  bull,  124. 

Scriptural  sum,  126. 

Selah,  114. 

Similarity,  of  sound,  118. 

Testimony  of  learned  men,  106. 

True  gentleman,  the,  122. 

Wit  and   humor  in  the  Bible, 

124.    . 
BLUNDERS,  259. 

Blunders  of  translators,  263. 

Mistakes  of  misapprehension, 
262. 

Serial  inconsistency,  262. 

Slips  of  the  press,  259. 

Slips  of  the  telegraph,  261. 
BOUTS  RIMES,  88, 

Bogart's  Impromptu,  89. 

Reversed  rhyming  ends,  90. 
CENTO,  the,  73. 

Biblical  cento,  76. 

Cento  from  Pope,  76. 

Life,  75. 

Mosaic  poetry,  73. 

Return  of  Israel,  the,  77. 
CHRONOGRAMS,  57. 
CHURCHYARD  LITERATURE,  564. 

Advertising  notices,  583. 

Antithesis  extraordinary,  606. 

Bathos,  600. 

Brevity,  607. 


CHURCHYARD  LITERATURE, — 
Cento,  Page  601. 
Earth  to  earth,  612. 
Epitaph,  historical,  578. 

on  a  chemist,  609, 
dog,  Byron's,  614. 
printer,  607. 

transcendental,  600. 
Epitaphs,  aboriginal,  602. 

acrostical,  601. 

African,  602. 

biographical,  578. 

curious  and  puzzling,  596. 

eulogistic,    apt,   appropriate, 
570. 

Greek,  603. 

Hibernian,  602. 

laudatory,  608.      • 

miscellaneous,  610. 

moralizing  and  admonitory, 
581. 

on  eminent  men,  564. 

on  infants  and  children,  575. 

self-written,  580. 

unique  and  ludicrous,  583. 
Mortuary  puns,  591. 
Parallels  without  a  parallel,  600. 

CONCATENATION,  OR   CHAIN  VERSE, 

85. 

Lasphrise's  novelties,  85. 
Ringing  Song,  87. 
To  Death,  86. 
Truth,  86. 
Trying  skying,  87. 
CONFORMITY  OF  SENSE  TO  SOUND,  554. 
^  Articulate  imitation  of  inarticu- 
late sounds,  554. 
Imitation  of  difficulty  and  ease, 

555. 

time  and  motion,  554. 
CURIOUS  BOOKS,  720. 
Book-amateurs,  722. 
Most  curious  book  in  the  world, 
722. 


INDEX. 


855 


CURIOUS  BOOKS, — 

Odd  titles  of  old  books,  Page  720. 

Silver  book,  722. 
CUSTOMS,  SINGULAR,  477. 

Abyssinian  beefsteaks,  478. 

Beautiful  superstition,  477. 

Foundations  of  Druidical  tem- 
ples, 478. 

Hair  in  seals,  481. 

High  life  in  the  15th  century, 
480. 

Lion-catching  in  South  Africa, 
479. 

Making  noses,  479. 

Matrimonial  •      advertisement, 
481. 

Memento  mori,  477. 

Ostiak  regard  for  boars,  478. 

Scorning  the  church,  481. 

Strange  fondness  for  beauty,477. 
ECCLESIASTICS,  143. 

Excessive  civility,  143. 

Bascom,  eloquence  of,  145. 

Clerical  blunders,  148. 

Lord  Bishop,  the,  146. 

Origin  of  texts,  147. 

Preachers  of  Cromwell's  time, 
147. 

Protestant     excommunication, 
149. 

Proving  an  alibi,  148. 

Sermon  on  malt,  144. 

Short  sermons,  143. 

Whitefield  and  the  sailors,  149. 

ECHO  VERSE,  281. 
Acoustics,  extraordinary    facts 

in,  289. 

Bonaparte  and  echo,  286. 
Critic's  excuse,  287. 
Echo  answering,  287. 

and  the  lover,  284. 

on  woman,  285. 
Echoes,  remarkable,  288. 
Gospel  echo,  283. 


ECHO  VERSE, — 
London  before  the  Restoration, 

Page  282. 
Pasquinade,  283. 
Queen  Elizabeth,  282. 
Song  by  Addison,  283. 
Synod  of  Dort,  287. 

EMBLEMATIC  POETRY,  92. 
Altar  inscription,  96. 
Cross,  the,  94. 
Crucifixion,  curious    piece    of 

antiquity  on,  95. 
Cypher,  ingenious,  96. 

ssay  to  Miss  Catharine  Jay,  97. 
Hindu  triplet,  93. 
Oxford  joke,  96. 
Rhomboidal  dirge,  94 
Typographical,  96. 
Wine-glass,  the,   93. 

ENGLISH    WORDS    AND    FORMS   OF 

EXPRESSION,  182.    • 
Compound  epithets,  211. 
Dictionary  English,  182. 
Disraelian  English,  184. 
Eccentric  etymologies,  195. 
Excise,  189. 
Forlorn  hope,  193. 
Influence  of  names,  209. 
I  say,  186. 
Its,  185. 

No  love  lost,  etc.,  193. 
Not  Americanisms,  191. 
Nouns  of  multitude,  184. 
Odd    changes  of   signification, 

205. 
Our  vernacular    in    Chaucer's 

time,  211. 
Path-ology,  186. 
Pontiff,  190. 

Pronunciation  of  ough,  186. 
Quiz,  194. 
Rough,  190. 

Sources  of  the  language,  183. 
Tennyson's  English,  194. 


856 


INDEX. 


ENGLISH    WORDS  AND    FORMS   OP 
EXPRESSION, — 

That,  Page  185. 

That  mine  adversary,  195. 

Ye  for  the,  185. 
EPIGRAMS,  515. 

Affinities,  524. 

Apollo,  in  return  for  a  sketch 
of,  525. 

Author,  to  a  living,  518. 

Bed,  to  our,  517. 

Blades  of  the  shears,  523. 

Bonnets,  521. 

Butler's  monument,  518. 

Campbell's  album  verse,  521. 

Clock,  the,  525. 

Commissary    Goldie's     brains, 
519. 

Compliment,  overdrawn,  518. 

Crier  who  could  not  cry,  524. 

Dentist,  definition  of,  522. 

Determination,  a  funny,  526. 

Double  vision  utilized,  527. 

Dum  vivimus,  vivamus,  516. 

D.D.,  on  a  certain,  521. 

Eternity,  518. 

Eve  and  the  apple,  523. 

Fell,  520. 

Fiddler,  on  a  bad,  521. 

Fool  and  poet,  516. 

Fools,  abundance  of,  527. 

Friend,  to  Dr.  Robert,  516. 

Friend,  to  a  capricious,  519. 

Friend  in  distress,  522. 

German  tourist,  suggested  by  a, 
•      518. 

Giving  and  taking,  519. 

Goodenoughj  523. 

Hog  vs.  Bacon,  52*2. 

Hot  corn,  521. 

Impersonal,  524. 

Invisible,  524. 

Lady  who  married  a  footman, 
521. 

Late  repentance,  517. 


EPIGRAMS, — 

Law,  after  going  to,  Page  520. 
Lawyer,  on  an  ill-read,  520. 
Lover  to   his  mistress,  with  a 

mirror,  519. 

Marriage  a  la  mode,  526. 
Marriage  of  Webb  <fe  Gould,  526. 
Martial's,  on  Epigrams,  515. 
Masculine,  525. 
Medical  advice,  522. 
Mendax,  520. 
Midas  and  modern  statesmen, 

515. 

Molly  Aston,  to,  516. 
One  good  turn  deserves  another, 

520. 
One  ignorant  and  arrogant,  on, 

516. 

Pale  lady  with  red-nosed  hus- 
band, 517. 

Parson  and  butcher,  525. 
Portmanteau,  clergyman's,  loss 

of,  518. 
Queen   Bess  on    Drake's   ship, 

524. 

Queen,  the  frugal,  519. 
Quid  pro  quo,  527. 
Reception,  a  warm,  522. 
Reflection,  a,  523. 
Rogers  on  Ward's  speeches,  526. 
Same  jawbone,  526. 
Selvaggi's    distich    to    Milton, 
517. 

Amplification,    by    Dryden, 

517. 

Simplicity,  prudent,  522. 
Sleep,  inscription  on  a  statue  of, 

516. 
Snow,  that  melted  on  a  lady's 

breast,  517. 
Songsters,  bad,  520. 
Terminer  sans  oyer,  527. 

To ,  519. 

Wellington's  nose,  520. 
What  might  have  been,  523. 


INDEX. 


857 


EPIGRAMS, — 

Widows,  Page  525. 
Woman, — contra,  527. 

pro,  527. 

Woman's  will,  520. 
World,  the,  527. 

EQUIVOQUE,  64. 

Age  of  French  actresses,  71. 
Double-faced  creed,  66. 
Fatal  double  meaning,  68. 
Handwriting  on  the  wall,  71. 
Houses  of  Stuart  and  Hanover, 

68. 

Ingenious  subterfuge,  65. 
Love-letter,  65. 
Loyalty  or  Jacobinism,  69. 
Neat  evasion,  70. 
New  Regime,  68. 
Patriotic  toast,  70. 
Revolutionary  verses,  67. 
Richelieu's  letter  to  the  French 

ambassador,  64. 
Triple  platform,  61. 

FACETIAE,  482. 
Association  of  ideas,  491. 
Brevity,  484. 
False  friend,  a,  488. 
Gasconade  and  hoaxing,  489. 
Jack  Robinson,  492. 
Jests  of  Hierocles,  482.  _ 
Mathews  and  the  silver  spoon, 

489. 

Old  Nick,  488. 
P.  and  Q.,  491. 
Relics,  490. 
Royal  quandary,  490. 
Russian  jester"  and  his  jokes, 

492. 

Same  joke  diversified,  486. 
Syllogism,  488. 
Titles  for  library-door,  482. 

FABRICATIONS,  269. 
Ballad  literature,  274. 


72* 


FABRICATIONS, — 
Description    of   the    Saviour's 

person,  Page  269. 
Franklin's  parable,  275. 
Hoax  on  Walter  Scott,  269. 
Ireland's  forgeries,  276. 
Literary  sell,  271. 
Moon  hoax,  270. 
Mrs.  Hemans's  forgeries,  271. 
Sheridan's  Greek,  273. 

FAMILIAR   QUOTATIONS    PROM   UN- 
FAHILIAU  SOURCES,  556. 

FANCIES  OF  FACT,  THE,  406. 
Aerolites,  443. 
Alligators    swallowing    stones, 

418. 
America's  discoverers,  fate  of, 

445. 
Amount  of  gold  in  the  world, 

423. 

Antipathies,  471. 
Army  of  women,  446. 
Auditoriums   of   last    century, 

409. 

Back  action,  408. 
Beer-casks,  capacious,  425. 
Bills  for  strange  services,  407. 
Black  hole  at  Calcutta,  427. 
Broken  heart,  a,  467. 
Chick  in  the  egg,  416. 
Cloth-manufacture,  celerity  of, 

421. 

Coincidences,  singular,  412. 
Colors,  diversity  of,  442. 
Composition  in  dreams,  455. 
Cross,  true  form  of  the,  409. 
Crown  of  England,  446. 
Crude  value  vs.  industrial  value, 

422. 

Devonshire  superstition,  475. 
Diameter     to      circumference, 

ratio  of,  431. 
Difference     between     English 

poets,  426. 


858 


INDEX. 


FANCIES  OF  FACT  THE, — 

Diplomatic  costume,  Page  448. 

Equestrian     expeditions,      re- 
markable, 419. 

Facial  expression,  466. 

Fear,  effects  of,  465. 

Feline  clocks,  474. 

Heaven,  dimensions  of,  435-. 

Horse,  wonderful,  420. 

Indian  and  his  tamea  snake, 
417. 

Innate  appetite,  417. 

Kaleidoscope,  changes  of,  441. 

Law  logic,  407. 

Lock,  wonderful,  421, 

Longevity,  instances  of  remark- 
able, 449. 

Marriage  vow,  455. 

Mathematical  prodigies,  432. 

Means  of  recognition,  454. 

Melrose  by  sunlight,  408. 

Memory  extraordinary,  433. 

Minute  mechanism,  430. 

Need  of  Providence,  434. 

Noah's  ark  and  the  Great  Eas- 
tern, 442. 

Number  nine,  441. 
seven,  436. 
three,  440, 

Opium  and  East  Indian  hemp, 
461. 

Painters,  blunders  of,  429. 

Perils  of  precocity,  427. 

Presidents,  facts  about  the,  445. 

Pithy  prayer,  408. 

Quantity  and  value,  422, 

Eeciprocal  conversion,  407. 

Eomans,  immense  wealth  of  the, 
424. 

Romantic  highwayman,  476. 

Salt  as  a  luxury,  428. 

Self-immolation,  434. 

Sensation  and  intelligence  after 
decapitation,  469. 

Sheep,  habits  of,  418. 


FANCIES  op  FACT,  TEE, — 

Silent  compliment,  Page  434. 
Skull  that  had  a  tongue,  475. 
Sleep,  facts  about,  456. 
Solomon's  temple,  cost  of,  435. 
Star  in  the  East,  447. 
Stone  barometer,  428. 
Strychnia,  bitterness  of,  428. 
Sympathy,  strange  instance  of, 

473. 

Taste,  singular  change  of,  429. 
Walking  blindfolded,  473. 
Wine  at  two  millions  a  bottle, 

425. 
Wounds  of  Julius  Caesar,  406. 

FLASHES  OF  REPARTEE,  495. 

HlBERNIANA,  252. 

HISTORICAL  MEMORANDA,  782. 

American  monarchy,  786. 

Amy  Robsart,  808. 

Annie  Laurie,  804. 

Biter  bit,  818. 

Blucher,  794. 

Contemporary  criticism,  798. 

Discovery  of  America,  803. 

Empire  (the)  is  peace,  794. 

First  blood  of  the  Revolution, 
782. 

Flight  of  Eugenie,  789.    > 

French  tricolor,  788. 

Great  events  from  little  causes, 
800. 

History  and  fiction,  797.      ^ . 

Jefferson  on  Marie  Antoinette, 
794. 

Joan  of  Arc,  807. 

Last  night  of  the  Girondists, 
819. 

Mary  Magdalene,  the  tra- 
ditional, 796. 

Mother  Goose,  797. 

Mother  of  Charles,  V.,  795. 

Napoleon  III.,  793. 

Political  gamut,  788. 


INDEX. 


859 


HISTORICAL  MEMORANDA, — 

Quaker  malignants,  Page  786. 

Queen  Elizabeth's  ring,  822. 

Robin  Adair,  805. 

Signing   Declaration    of    Inde- 
pendence, 802. 

Star-spangled  banner,  787. 

Tea-party  and  tea-burning,  783. 

Tim  e  of  Le  Grand  Monarque,  815 

United  States  Navy,  784. 

William  Tell,  810. 
HISTORICAL  SIMILITUDES,  679. 

Art  stories,  689. 

Ballads  and  legends,  690. 

Battles,  697. 

Bishop  Hatto,  698. 

Burial  alive,  692. 

Death  prophecies,  696. 

History  repeating  itself,  681. 

Judgment  of  Solomon,  685. 

Legend  of  Beth  Gelert,  686. 

Precedency,  685. 

Refusal  to   separate  from  kin- 
dred, 679. 

Ring  stories,  695. 

Two  statesmen,  the,  683. 
HUMORS  OF  VERSIFICATION,  230. 

Bryant  as  a  humorist,  235. 

Curse  of  O'Kelly,  250. 

Elegy  on  Buckland,  233. 

Human  ear,  the,  238. 

Lovers,  the,  230. 

Ologies,  the,  244. 

Receipt  of  a  rare  pipe,  236. 

Reiterative  vocal  music,  248. 

Reminiscence  of  Troy,  234. 

Sir  Tray,  240. 

Song  with  variations,  231. 

Stammering  wife,  231. 

Thoughts    while    rocking   the 
cradle,  232. 

Variation  humbug,  246. 
I.  H.  S.,  130. 

Anticipatory  use  of  the  cross,135 

Beautiful  legend,  131. 


I.  H.  S.— 

Death-warrant  of  Jesus  Christ, 
Page  134. 

De  nomine  Jesu,  130. 

Description    of    the    Saviour's 
person,  133. 

Double  hexameter,  135. 

Flower  of  Jesse,  the,  131. 

Persian  apologue,  132. 
IMPROMPTUS,  528. 
INSCRIPTIONS,  615. 

Beer-jug,  inscription  on,  621. 

Bells,  inscriptions  on,  623. 

Books,  flyleaf  inscriptions  in,627 

English  inns  in  olden  time,  622. 

^lolian  harp,  inscription  on,  633. 

Francke's  discovery,  636. 

Golden  mottoes,  636. 

House  inscriptions,  634. 

Memorials,  635. 

Motto  on  a  clock,  631. 

Posies  from  wedding-rings,  636. 

Spring,  inscription  over,  633. 

Sun-dial  inscriptions,  632. 

Tavern-signs,  615. 

Watch-paper  inscription,  631. 

Wedding    ring,    Lady    Grey's, 
639. 

Window-pane  inscriptions,  622. 
INTERRUPTED  SENTENCES,  277. 
LIFE  AND  DEATH,  826. 

After,  850. 

Beautiful  thought,  848. 

Bodies,  preserved,  836. 

Bone  not  described  by  modern 
anatomists,  832. 

Charter,  rhyming,  830. 

Common  heritage,  the,  851. 

Corpses,  folly  of  embalming,  839. 

Death's  final  conquest,  851. 

Definitions,  rhyming,  830. 

Destiny,  849. 

Dying  words  of  distinguished 
persons,  833. 


860 


LIFE  AND  DEATH, — 
Earth,  Page  830. 
Evening  prayer,  848. 
Fleur-de-lis," the,  843. 
Futurity,  847. 
Heart,  the,  848. 
Ill  success  in  life,  847. 
Imprecatory  epitaph,  843. 
Lawyers,  nice  questions  for,  831. 
Life,beautiful  illustrations  of  826 
Life's  parting,  849. 
Living  life  over  again,  829. 
Mary,    Queen     of    Scots,  last 

prayer  of,  835. 

Moral  code,  Dr.  Franklin's,  828. 
Plagues  of  Egypt,  843. 
Questions  for  discussion,  836. 
Remarkable  trance,  835. 
Round  of  life,  the,  827. 
Rules  of  living,  828. 
Story  of  long  ago,  844. 
Sympathy,  850. 
This  is  not  our  home,  846. 
Time,  employment  of,  829. 
Tripod,  the,  843. 
Whimsical  will,  843. 

LlTERARIANA,  723. 

Additional  verses  to  Sweet 
Home,  746. 

Anachronisms  of  Shakspeafe, 
742. 

Books  and  studies,  755. 

Comfort  for  book  lovers,  753. 

Conflicting  testimony  of  eye- 
witnesses, 750. 

Gray's  elegy,  729. 

Hamlet's  age,  745. 

Hamlet's  insanity,  746. 

Heraldry,  Indian,  741. 

Letters  and  their  endings,  754. 

Letters  of  Juuius,  723. 

Old  paper,  an,  753. 

Parting  interview  of  Hector 
and  Andromache,  734. 

Pope's  versification,  737. 


LlTERARIANA, — 

Punctuation,    importance     of, 
Page  738. 

Shakspeare  and  typography,  744 

Shakspeare's  heroines,  744. 

Shakspeare's  sonnets,  745. 

Stereotyped  falsehoods  of  his- 
tory, 747. 

Wit  and  humor,  751. 
LITERATI,  756. 

Attainments  of  linguists,  756. 

Culture  and  sacrifice,  761. 

Dryden  and  his  publisher,  762. 

Literary  oddities,  758. 

Literary  screw,  762. 
LORD'S  PRAYER,  THE,  136. 

Acrostical  paraphrase,  139. 

Echoed,  141. 

Gothic  version,  136. 

Illustrated,  138.      - 

In  an  acrostic,  142. 

Metrical  versions,  137. 

Spirit  of  the  prayer,  136. 

Thy  and  us,  136.    . 
MACARONIC  VERSE,  78. 

Am  Rhein,  83. 

Cat  and  rats,  82. 

Content!  abeamus,  81. 

Death  of  the  sea  serpent,  84. 

Fly-leaf  scribbling,  82. 

Maginn's  alternations,  80. 

Parting  address  to  a  friend,  83. 

Polyglot  inscription,  83. 

Suitor  with  nine  tongues,  80. 

reatise  of  wine,  78. 
MEMORIA  TECHNICA,  327. 

Books  of  the  old  Testament,  327. 
New  Testament,  327. 

Days  in  each  month,  330. 

Decalogue,  the,  329. 

English  sovereigns,  328. 

Metrical  Grammar,  330.      [328. 
Presidents  of  the  United  States, 

Shakspeare's  plays,  328 


INDEX. 


861 


METRIC  PROSE,  223. 
Cowper's  letter  to  Newton,  Page 

223. 

Disraeli's  Tale  of  Alvoy,  224. 
Example  in  Irving's  New  York, 

224. 
Involuntary  versification  in  the 

scriptures,  228.  [229. 

Johnson  on  involuntary  metre, 
Kemble  and  Siddons,  229. 
Lincoln's  second  inaugural,  229. 
Nelly's  funeral,  225. 
Niag'ara,  227. 
Night,  227. 
Unintentional  rhymes  of  pro- 

sers,  228. 

MISQUOTATIONS,  266. 

MONOSYLLABLES,  98. 

Power  of  short  words,  102. 

MOSLEM  WISDOM,  508. 

Alexandrian  Library,  the,  510. 
Mohammedan  logic,  509. 
Shrewd  decision  of  Ali,  508. 
Turkish  expedients,  510. 
Wisdom  of  Ali,  508. 

MULTUM  IN  PARVO,  823. 

NAME  OF  GOD,  THE,  127. 
God  in  Shakspeare,  128. 
Jehovah,  128. 
Orthography,  127. 
Parsee,  Jew,  and  Christian,  129. 

NOTHING  NEW  UNDER  THE  SUN,  375. 

Aerial  navigation,  382. 

Anaesthesia,  383. 

Attraction  of  gravitation,  390.1 

Auscultation  and  Percussion, 
392. 

Boomerang,  the,  389. 

Circulation  of  the  blood,  382. 

Discovery  of  America,  predic- 
tions of,  393. 

Early  invention  of  rifling,  390. 


NOTHING  NEW  UNDER  THE  SUN, — 
Magnetictelegraph,foreshadow- 

ings  of,  Page  375. 
Steam-power,  first  discoveries 

of,  378. 

Stereoscope,  the,  393. 
Table-moving    and    alphabet- 
rapping,  391. 

ORIGIN  OF  THINGS  FAMILIAR,  331. 
All  Pools'  day,  332. 
American  flag,  355. 
Bottled  ale,  343. 
Blue  stocking,  366. 
Brother  Jonathan,  356. 
Bumper,  340. 
Cards,  336. 
Cock  fighting,  364. 
Dollar-mark,  357. 
Drinking  healths,  346. 
Dun,  340. 

Earliest  newspapers,  372. 
Feather  in  one's  cap,  346. 
First  doctors,  368. 

epigram,  371. 

forged  bank-note,  367. 

piano-forte,  367. 

prayer  in  Congress,  370. 

printing  by  steam,  373. 

reporters,  371. 

telegraphic  message,  373. 

thanksgiving     proclamation, 

368. 

Flag  of  England,  365. 
Foolscap  paper,  366. 
Friction  matches,  365. 
Humbug,  340. 
India-rubber,  364. 
Kicking  the  bucket,  340. 
La  Marseillaise,  350. 
Mind  your  P's  and  Q's,  331. 
News,  372. 

Nine  tailors  make  a  man,  346. 
Old  Hundred,  349. 
Order  of  the  garter,  345. 
Over  the  left,  339. 


862 


ORIGIN  OF  THINGS  FAMILIAR, — 
Pasquinades,  Page  341. 
Postpaid  envelopes,  349. 
Potato,  the,  343. 
Royal  saying,  340. 
Signature  of  the  cross,  348. 
Skedaddle,  366. 
Stockings,  344. 
Sub  rosa,  338. 

Tarring  and  feathering,  344. 
Turkish  crescent,  348. 
Turncoat,  364. 
Uncle  Sam,  357. 
Various    inventions    and    cus- 
toms, 358.  f 
Viz.,  347. 
Word  Book,  346. 
Yankee  Doodle,  353. 

0.  S.  AND  N.  S.,  325. 

Gregorian  calendar,  325. 
Eesults  of  change  in  style,  326. 

PALINDROMES,  59. 

PARALLEL  PASSAGES,  640. 
Historical  similitudes,  679. 
Shaksperean  Resemblances,  677 
Plagiarismof  Charles  Reade,  677 

PARONOMASIA.  155. 
Ben,  the  sailor,  162. 
Book-larceny,  164. 
Classical  puns  and  mottoes,  172. 
Court-fool's  pun  on  Laud,  181. 
Dr.  Johnson's  pun,  160. 
Epitaph  on  an  old  horse,  165. 
Erskine's  toast,  160. 
Holmes  on  Achilles,  162. 
Grand  scheme  of  emigration,  166 
Marionettes,  168. 
Miss-nomers,  the,  180. 
Mottoes  of  English  peerage,  174. 
Old  joke  versified,  161. 
Perilous  practice  of  punning,  167 
Plaint  of  the  old  pauper,  163. 
Printer's  epitaph,  161. 


PARONOMASIA, — 
Pungent  chapter,  Page  157. 
Russian  double  entendre,  171. 
Sheridan's  compliment,  162. 
Short  road  to  wealth,  159. 
Sonnet,  168. 
Sticky,  162. 

Swift's  Latin  puns,  169. 
Sydney  Smith's  pun,  160. 
Tom  Moore,  161. 
To  my  nose,  163. 
Top  and  bottom,  161. 
Unconscious  puns,  171. 
Vegetable  girl,  the,  164. 
Whiskers  vs.  razor,  162. 
Winter,  160. 
Women,  162. 
Jeux  de  Mots,  175. 
Anagrammatic,  175. 
Iterative,  175. 

Bees  of  the  Bible,  179. 

Catalectic  monody,  177. 

Crooked  Coincidences,  181. 

Fair  letter,  176. 

Franklin's  Re's,  179. 

November,  178. 

On  the  death  of  Kildare,  177. 

Schott  and  Willing,  177. 

Swarm  of  Bees,  179. 

Turn  to  the  left,  177. 

Write  written  right,  177. 
Spiritual,  175. 
PERSIAN  POETRY  EXCERPTA  PROM, 

511. 

Beauty's  prerogative,  511. 
Broken  hearts,  511. 
Caliph  and  Satan,  513. 
•   Double  plot,  512. 
Earth  an  illusion,  511. 
Folly  for  one's  self,  512. 
Fortune  and  worth,  511. 
From  Mirtsa  Schaffy,  512. 
Generous  man,  to  a,  511'  • 

Heaven  an  echo  of  earth,  511. 
Impossibility,  the,  512. 


PERSIANPOETRY,EXCERPTAFROM,— 

Moral  atmosphere,  a,  Page  511. 
Proud  humility,  512. 
Sober  drunkenness,  512. 
Wine-drinker's  metaphors,  512. 
World's  unappreciation,the,  513 
PERSONAL   SKETCHES    AND    ANEC- 
DOTES, 763. 
Andre1  Major,  767. 
Andre  and  Arnold,  768. 
Bonaparte,  name  in  Greek,  764. 

personal  appearance  of,  765. 

Milton  and  Napoleon,  764. 

opinion  of  suicide,  765. 
Cromwell,  Oliver,  776. 
Elizabeth,  Queen,  774. 
Flamsteed,  the  astronomer,  769. 
Franklin's  wife,  766. 
Lafayette's  republicanism,  764. 
Luther,  771. 

Nelson's  sang-froid,  769. 
Pope's  skull,  779. 
Porson,  781. 

flhakspeare's  orthodoxy,  776. 
Talleyrandiana,  780. 
Washington's  dignity,  763. 
Wickliffe's  ashes,  779. 
PROTOTYPES,  699. 
Air  cushions,  702. 
Cat  in  the  adage,  702. 
Charge  of  Light  Brigade,  700. 
Cinderella's  slipper,  699. 
Consequential  damages,  705. 
Cork-legs,  702. 
Curtain  lectures,  700. 
Excommunication,  706. 
Falls  of  Lanark,  706. 
Faust  legends,  701.  [707. 

Franklin,  Turgot's  epigraph  on, 
Know-Nothings,  the,  709. 
Mecklenburg     Declaration    of 

Independence,  708. 
Napoleon  I.,  706. 
Oldest  proverb,  699. 
Old  ballads,  715. 


sx.  863 

PROTOTYPES, — 

Original  Shylock,  Page  705. 

Pilgrim's  Progress,  original  of, 
710. 

Plagiarism,  great  literary,  715. 

Pope's  bull  against  the  comet,703 

Proverb  misascribed  to  Defoe  713 

Robinson  Crusoe :  who  wrote  it, 
712. 

Scandinavian  skull-cups,  714. 

Shakspeare  said  it  first,  699. 

Swapping  horses,  703. 

Trade-unions,  704. 

Use  of  language,  714. 

Wandering  Jew,  716. 

Wooden  nutmegs,  703. 
PURITAN  PECULIARITIES,  150. 

Baptismal  names,  150. 

Connecticut  Blue  Laws,  extracts 
from,  153. 

Punishments,  151. 

Similes,  151.  [152. 

Virginia  penalties  in  old  times, 
PUZZLES,  290. 

Bonapartean  cypher,  292. 

Book  of  riddles,  299. 

Canning's  riddle,  294. 

Case  for  the  lawyers,  293 

Chinese  tea-song,  298. 

Cowper's  riddle,  294. 

Curiosities  of  cipher,  301. 

Death  and  life,  298. 

Galileo's  logograph,  297. 

Newton's  riddle,  294. 

Number  of  the  beast,  297. 

Persian  riddles,  298. 

Prize  enigma,  294. 

Prophetic  distich,  296. 

Quincy's  comparison,  295. 

Eebus,  the,  299. 
Bacon  motto,  299. 
French,  291. 

Singular  intermarriages,  296. 

What  is  it?   299. 

Wilberforce's  puzzle,  301. 


864 


INDEX. 


REASON  WHY,  Page  310. 

Boston,  311. 

Cardinal's  red  hat,  312. 

Cutting  off  with  a  shilling,  312. 

Genealogy,  313. 

Huguenots,  311. 

Juggler's  mystery,  314. 

Boast  beef  of  England,  313. 

Royal  demise,  311. 

Sensible  quack,  313. 

Weathercocks,  312. 

Why  Germans  eat  sauer-kraut, 
310. 

Why  Pennsylvania  settled,  311. 
REFRACTORY  RHYMING,  534. 
SEXES  THE,  501. 

Female  society,  505. 

Happy  woman,  character  of,  502 

Letter  to  a  Bride,  507. 

My  Mother,  506. 

Parallel  of  the  sexes,  505. 

Praise  of  women,  504.    . 

Wife,— mistress,— lady,  505. 

SONNETS,  551. 
Ave  Maria,  553. 
Dyspepsia,  552. 
Humility,  5*3. 

In  a  fashionable  church,  551. 
Nose,  about  a,  552. 
Proxy  saint,  the,  552. 
Writing  a  sonnet,  551. 

TALL  WRITING,  212. 

Anatomist  to  his  dulcinea,  221. 

Borde's  prologue,  215. 

Burlesque  of  Dr.  Johnson's 
style,  217. 

Chemical  valentine,  220. 

Clear  as  mud,  218. 

Domicile  erected  by  John,  212. 

Foote's  farrago,  216. 

From  the  Curiosities  of  Adver- 
tising, 213. 

From  the  Curiosities  of  the 
Post-office,  214. 


TALL  WRITING, — 
Indignant  letter,  Page  219. 
Intramural  aestivation,  220, 
Mad  poet,  the,  216. 
Newspaper  eulogy,  218. 
Ode  to  Spring,  221. 
Pristine  proverbs  for  precocious 

pupils,  222. 
Spanish  play-bill,  215. 
Transcendentalism,    definition 

of,  212. 

TRIUMPHS  OF^NGENUITY,  395. 

Choosing  a  king,  402. 

Discovery  of  the  planet   Nep- 
tune, 395. 

Discovery  of  Vulcan,  396. 

King  John  and  the  abbot,  403. 

Lesson  worth  learning,  402. 

Stratagem  of  Columbus,  399. 
VALENTINES,  544. 

Burns,  verses  of,  546. 

Cardiac  effusion,  547. 

Colored  man's  valentine,  549. 

Cryptographic  correspondence, 
544. 

Digby  to  Archabella,  548. 

Egyptian  serenade,  549. 

Lover  to  his  sweetheart,  547. 

M&tearonic,  548. 

Macaulay's  valentine,  545. 

Moore,  verses  of,  549. 

Strategic  love-letter,  544. 

Teutonic'alliteration,  546.        ' 

Written    in    sympathetic    ink, 

544. 

Petitions,  550. 

Maids  and  widows,  the,  550. 
Maladroit  appeal,  550. 
WEATHER- WISDOM,  317. 

Davy  on  weather-omens,  317. 

Sheridan's  rhyming  calendar, 
317. 

Signs  of  the  weather,  320. 

Unlucky  days,  324. 


: 


I 


3  1158  01314  0230 


